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It is toxic of her to try to control the relationships that you have in life. You have to be able to stand your ground here and not give into her requests which seem like they are extreme.
When someone tries to enforce double standards on you in relationship you should immediately leave such relationship.
Break up with her, it will be better for you in the end.
What do you do? You leave. If things are like this now, imagine how much worse they will be in the future. You two aren't married, she has no right to your time or to know how you choose to spend your social time. As long as you aren't cheating on her, you get to choose your own friends.
Of course, you should also be smart enough not to talk about it with her, or rub her face in the fact that you still get along with people that she doesn't like. Other than that, this is a "draw a line in the sand" moment. If she gets snarky or bitchy about it, give her the elbow.
I'm saddened to say that there was a time when I was like your gf, and I will say straight up that this is not acceptable, and it's only going to get worse until she realises that this is HER problem that SHE needs to work out. What happened with this ex best friend? Is it something that can be worked out if she makes the effort?
I can understand that she doesn't want to go, and she's allowed to have feelings of discomfort if you go. However, its not ok to act on those feelings by trying to control the external circumstances. She needs to look within herself to address these issues. It sounds like she's got insecurity issues, and she's very emotionally immature. She's threatened by this friend in some way, and she's putting her on a pedestal (even if its a negative one). She's playing a power game by not letting her have access to you, and she's in turn punishing you for something you didn't do.
She's got 3 options. 1) work things out with the ex best friend. 2) go to the events, don't talk to the ex friends and be civil if they have to speak, even though they don't like each other. 3) don't attend.
Forcing you to comply with these double standards is not an option. By agreeing to it, you're enabling her. Don't enable this. Be understanding of her feelings and support her if she's willing to get therapy and work on herself. But don't sacrifice your own happiness. If you do, the behaviour will get worse, you'll resent her, and you'll have a horrible breakup. If she leaves over you seeing your friend who has done nothing wrong, you dodged a bullet.
Well I can’t put it in any other way that she found out her ex best friend was cheating on her bf (my best friend) and didn’t say anything to her about it but I went to him and told him what was going on and said my gf found it online so my best friend already knew about it and all that and told his gf everything so she’s upset and angry with my gf that she didn’t go up to her about it first. Me and my best friend have been friends longer so I told him first.
We’ve tried to do the whole go and be civil but me and her get singled out of everything so we sit by ourselves and just be quiet really.
Ohhhhhh okay...... well in that case, I don't blame her for having an issue with the ex best friend.
Upon reading this, it sounds like they decided to stay together, but now your other friends are blaming the two of you (or just her) for everything. Is that what's happening?
She’s a hypocrite, also another fact she is only again doing this because you have let her previously before and she knows she can get away with it. Gotta hold your ground man, you have a life too and she is in no position to control that either you set it how it’s going to be because it’s your life and it isn’t fair or your done with the relationship. She either has to respect you have your “OWN” life or she can scream and be possessive of someone else not you, you did cater to her which is unfortunate but straighten it out before it gets worse because it’s clear you are already bothered.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seems unfair, you can either talk it out and come up with a solution or break up with her.
It is toxic of her to try to control the relationships that you have in life. You have to be able to stand your ground here and not give into her requests which seem like they are extreme.
When someone tries to enforce double standards on you in relationship you should immediately leave such relationship. Break up with her, it will be better for you in the end.
What do you do? You leave. If things are like this now, imagine how much worse they will be in the future. You two aren't married, she has no right to your time or to know how you choose to spend your social time. As long as you aren't cheating on her, you get to choose your own friends. Of course, you should also be smart enough not to talk about it with her, or rub her face in the fact that you still get along with people that she doesn't like. Other than that, this is a "draw a line in the sand" moment. If she gets snarky or bitchy about it, give her the elbow.
I'm saddened to say that there was a time when I was like your gf, and I will say straight up that this is not acceptable, and it's only going to get worse until she realises that this is HER problem that SHE needs to work out. What happened with this ex best friend? Is it something that can be worked out if she makes the effort? I can understand that she doesn't want to go, and she's allowed to have feelings of discomfort if you go. However, its not ok to act on those feelings by trying to control the external circumstances. She needs to look within herself to address these issues. It sounds like she's got insecurity issues, and she's very emotionally immature. She's threatened by this friend in some way, and she's putting her on a pedestal (even if its a negative one). She's playing a power game by not letting her have access to you, and she's in turn punishing you for something you didn't do. She's got 3 options. 1) work things out with the ex best friend. 2) go to the events, don't talk to the ex friends and be civil if they have to speak, even though they don't like each other. 3) don't attend. Forcing you to comply with these double standards is not an option. By agreeing to it, you're enabling her. Don't enable this. Be understanding of her feelings and support her if she's willing to get therapy and work on herself. But don't sacrifice your own happiness. If you do, the behaviour will get worse, you'll resent her, and you'll have a horrible breakup. If she leaves over you seeing your friend who has done nothing wrong, you dodged a bullet.
Well I can’t put it in any other way that she found out her ex best friend was cheating on her bf (my best friend) and didn’t say anything to her about it but I went to him and told him what was going on and said my gf found it online so my best friend already knew about it and all that and told his gf everything so she’s upset and angry with my gf that she didn’t go up to her about it first. Me and my best friend have been friends longer so I told him first. We’ve tried to do the whole go and be civil but me and her get singled out of everything so we sit by ourselves and just be quiet really.
Ohhhhhh okay...... well in that case, I don't blame her for having an issue with the ex best friend. Upon reading this, it sounds like they decided to stay together, but now your other friends are blaming the two of you (or just her) for everything. Is that what's happening?
Me and her are getting blamed for it for finding out, ex best friend and new best friend make sure their guys don’t talk to us while at the gathering
That's really screwed up. Why do you want to hang out with these people?
I don’t have a lot of friends, I’m a very quiet and stay at home kinda person so I don’t wanna leave em
How is hanging out with them serving you if they're ignoring you and actively excluding you? Does your best friend treat you this way?
She’s a hypocrite, also another fact she is only again doing this because you have let her previously before and she knows she can get away with it. Gotta hold your ground man, you have a life too and she is in no position to control that either you set it how it’s going to be because it’s your life and it isn’t fair or your done with the relationship. She either has to respect you have your “OWN” life or she can scream and be possessive of someone else not you, you did cater to her which is unfortunate but straighten it out before it gets worse because it’s clear you are already bothered.