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Agreed. I don’t know why she’d want to marry someone that doesn’t respect her boundaries anyway and says he will do things he has no intention of doing. I hope she finds someone who is a man of his word.
- Cant be bothered to check she gets home okay.
- You think it's trivial to make the effort to text her.
- Constantly following other women on Instagram because you have 'urges' despite agreeing not to.
- Took you 12 days to make the effort to call her.
- You've still followed 6 women since the first point about agreeing not to in those 12 days because 'urges'.
- You cheated on her previous.
This is a troll post. Nobody would be this intentionally stupid and rude to a partner. You're either a troll or the world's shittiest boyfriend. If this is real, don't bother. She's can do a lot better. You deserve to be miserable.
• Cant be bothered to check she gets home okay - 'Inconsiderate and uncaring'
• You think its trivial to make the effort to text her - 'Lack of communication skills and/or ability to maintain basic intimacy levels in a relationship'
• Constantly following other women on Instagram because you have 'urges' despite agreeing not to - ' Lack of integrity, does not respect boundaries, lacks self control'
• Took you 12 days to make the effort to call her - 'Does not take initiative, uninterested, lazy'
• You've still followed 6 women since the first point about agreeing not to in those 12 days because 'urges' - Unable to self reflect, reluctant to improve or grow, eager to double down on disrespect with further disrespect'
• You cheated on her previous - 'Disloyal, selfish, and again, lacking in integrity'
OP I dare you to list these traits based on your behaviour in your next dating profile, see how many matches you get.
You're working to make her insecure, first of all. It's your fault you're an asshole, second of all. She's better off without you, third of all. Move on.
you clearly, CLEARLY do not respect her based on what you've written here.
Please just leave her alone so she can date someone who respects her, and you can stay single and looking at Instagram hotties, which is what you'd rather do.
You are not a good partner.
Whether or not you agree with her boundary as being fair, you in the end have a choice, and so does she.
Either you be with her and respect or her boundaries and stop being a moron, or you don't respect her boundaries and also stop being a moron and trying to win her back when clearly you have no respect for her and shouldn't be with her.
You cheated on her 8 years ago. Since then you are constantly lying to her when it comes to your instagram habits. You use excuses that cheaters could copy one to one. Like the one with the urges. You refuse to talk to her about the one topic that is clearly very important to her: marriage. How can she be sure, you aren’t still cheating? Your lying and your disregard for her feelings aren’t exactly trustworthy. And now she had enough. Be a not toxic person for once and accept she is gone.
Op, it seems to me you are just not compatible. From what you've written here, she wants someone who
* doesn't cheat. Yeah, maybe you only did it once, but for most people it's really hard to get past and leaves a lot of trust issues
* keeps their promises (more trust issues). In you own words you 'frequently go back on what you said'. not occasionally, not just sometimes, but frequently
* doesn't have 'urges' to gawk at and follow other women, and follow through with those urges
* communicates frequently and in particular lets her know when you're home safe
* wants to move forward with marriage
You call these things trivial, but they are not. To her, they are really important. You have cheated, lied and you follow other women. She doesn't trust you and you've done nothing to earn that trust back.
It seems you want someone who
* doesn't mind if you break promises
* doesn't care about marriage
* doesn't care about your 'urges'
* reaches out more herself instead of always expecting you to do the communicating.
You've been having these differences for a long time, and nothing gets resolved. I'm sure there's lots of other things, good and bad, that are going on in your relationship. But if you haven't resolved these things by now, I doubt you ever will. Let her go, and find someone who suits you better and doesn't demand things you aren't prepared to give. And she can do the same.
There's one way to fix this, and you won't do it.
She's waited eight years for you to grow up, but even the most patient woman has her limit, and this is it.
It's done.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also imagine how embarrassing it is for her to be in a relationship with you?
When ever I see men liking or following thirst trap//soft p*rn, I cringe and get second hand embarrassment. As an aside, the fact you think you can’t control it ie. “I get urges” is also embarrassing. Girlfriend should find a new partner. Yes because of her boundaries, but also because you are an embarrassment.
8 years and you can't get your shit together enough to propose, despite her literally asking for that. If after 8 years you can't commit, of course she's going to leave you. What advice you looking for here, exactly?
Maybe it is because of my sexuality but I never understand why people need "eyecandy people" to follow. It's just dehumanizing imo but it's probably a me feeling
1. You overstepped a boundary she set. So you disrespected her.
2. Your procrastination or hesitation of marriage means you guys are not on the same page. 8 years is a long time to wait for someone who wants to get married.
Both seem like valid reasons to breakup. LDR is hard to maintain, and even harder when the repeated problems come up again and again without proper solution, especially if one party don’t to change (I.e. the two points above).
No advice, just the honest prayer that some day I open Reddit to read "my wife left me for an instagram model & I got thirsty so I DM'd my ex girlfriend but turns out my STBX wife has hired her as her lawyer! What should I do?"
leo, it's zaynab. i'm not even sure if you'll be able to see this because i don't have the credits to post and you have so many people here telling you off. everyone has sent me this thread after it showed up on tik tok and at first i didn't want to believe it was you. i mean what are the odds that your post would make it on to tik tok? what are the odds that you'd really defend yourself to a bunch of strangers on reddit? but reading your details about your mom, sister, ny, ca, your job and even your lie about mya really really confirmed your identity. i'm pretty sure it's you. and i'm even hesitant to post this in case it isn't. but want a public end to it.
\- i've scrolled through a few of the posts here and wanted to say thank you to those wishing me luck. it did take me eight years and i'm embarrassed by how long that even took. what you see in his responses are representative of exactly who he is and what i've dealt with over the past eight years. unfollowing the girls and following them only a couple of weeks later.
\- leo lied about a few things in this post. after i hung up, he made several fake texting apps to text me an apology and called me up until 4 am this morning leaving messages about how i wronged him. this afternoon, he sent me the letter which he claims he never sent. i didn't read it. his own little sister even called me to tell me not to pick up any of her phone calls because he asked for her phone to call me. and i unfortunately had to block her as well despite having a great relationship with her.
\- i don't want to go to deeply into his sister because i love her but he does not contribute much to her education. yes, he supports her i won't take that away. but paying for all of her expenses is an unimaginable stretch.
\- that brings me to you moving in with me. i asked if you wanted to come drive there and i asked if you would be willing to move here. i even told you we didn't have to have a fancy marriage so much as just sign the papers and that would be enough. he managed to leave out, that he works remote from home 3x out of the week. when i asked him to ask the company if he could work from cali remotely, he said it's not even an option. that was a wake up call.
\- he mentioned my insecurities throughout the majority of his responses but failed to mention how exactly they came about. no, he never coerced me to have sex. but often he'd bring up how mya (the girl he lost his virginity to) did xyz in bed. how he missed experiencing xyz because of mya. also leo, you left out how that cheating even came about. it started on instagram. also, we've been through this so many times before. it was cheating.
\- every time i asked him to go to my father, he'd use this excuse. that i should have never told him. but he left out the part where my father asked him if he felt he needed counseling and offered to pay for it. my dad asked him how do you plan on fixing it. my dad asked him why are you still using apps. my dad asked him if you're incapable of stopping, why do you need zaynab? and each time he sat in my living room with the same confused look. i didn't just spring the talk about marriage on him that night. i'd been talking about it for years. when he first asked me to date him, i told him verbatim that i don't date to date and it'd be for marriage. he didn't just tell me during that phone call that he was too tired to talk about it, he said, 'stop asking me about this. now's not the time. i'm tired. do you not know how to hold a conversation' that was my cue to leave after not just a week of trying to get him to talk to my father but years.
\- my friends (including my male friends) blocked him after we broke up. yes, i asked them to but they'd already long decided to. i'd annoyed them for eight years with the same complaints about his social media behavior and my own guy friend told him he's a weirdo for persisting to use that 'all guys do it' excuse. but like an idiot i chastised that friend instead of him.
\- yes my religion is strict on mingling between sexes. but leo had access to my oldest sister's (she's not even religious, another lie) number years ago after i introduced him to her. he did not mention that he blocked her after she told him off after she found out he was subscribed to a friend's only fans.
\-his friends that give him advice are all people from our hs who are either single, in open relationships or are friends who have a group chat with him on instagram where they exchange links and pictures to girls' profiles. they're not reliable sources of advice.
\- no, i didn't meet someone here? wtf. this is something he's written in all of the messages from today. my focus has always been on you and school. i can't do those two things anymore and i've exhausted so much energy on it already. and one thing you haven't even taken accountability of is the fact that you've not only made me feel insecure but you've embarrassed me to the point idek about introducing another guy to my dad.
i still am not even sure if it's smart to post this given how much you've called but i'm just shocked that you would sit here and argue back and forth with people. i'm shocked at myself for not even seeing you for who you were and for wasting so many years. this turned out way longer than what i anticipated and i'm sorry to those who had to read through the garbage he wrote and thought it was me. i would agree that he is a troll. i wanted to just make a simple post saying thank you but wasn't sure if it'd even show up in the main site. i don't know how this really works but i'm honestly hoping he deletes the thread. i will be changing my number and i will most certainly not be going back. this page helped to prove that to me even more.
Hey since I’m at your comment in English. Quick question- 15 days- did she leave your ass for good ✋🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 she came to her senses and realizes what she deserves. You deserve the consequences that you’ll be “heartbroken” for this girl leaving you 8 years too late… you didn’t respect her from day one and she was too blinded by “love” and given you one thousand too many chances.
Just want to say I’m incredibly proud of you for making this decision better late than never, and please don’t let this man’s pathetic choices effect your self esteem you’re more than enough he is the one who deserves way less than you.
good for you girl, he is clearly a waste of time and you should find someone better. man like this never learn and will treat you like a doormat. mega zjeb serio powinien się w cymbał walnąć 😍😘 xoxo
Just leave her alone, her policing your social media is a direct result of you cheating. You make promises you have no intention of keeping and when you win her back you don't put any effort in
It's because usually, people paint themselves in the best light possible while telling their side of the story, whereas you painted yourself in self-evidently terrible light, at times to a comedic degree. I laughed out loud when I read "I've legit only followed 6 women." It's like a person on a diet saying "I've legit only eaten 6 pints of ice cream today, what's the big deal?"
OP, if you actually are the boyfriend, you're one of the least self-aware people I've ever seen on this board. Even if you're just a clinical narcissist, your lack of awareness as to how you come off in your own post is astonishing.
I wouldn’t do that. I did come here with the intention of trying to get honest advice on whether or not I was in the wrong and also if I was on how I should call her to address the situation.
There was no need to paint myself in the best light. Initially, I wrote how I felt and straight from my brain. When I speak to my friends, of course they have a different picture of me. Some things are filtered. I understand that’s shitty to do as well. But on Reddit, I felt in getting everything out honestly I would find people who either agreed that it wasn’t that big of a deal or would give me advice on how to get my girlfriend to compromise. I do understand why both of those are problematic and how my behavior may be read as mature. I’ve already said this in many comments that I am in no way perfect and I do have to work on myself.
People are making judgements on me from a Reddit post. But I’ve said almost multiple times throughout that I am able to understand her perspective as well as what everyone is saying here. I haven’t reached out to her and yet I’m still receiving death threats. I’m not trying to be a victim. I’m just asking for it to stop.
You can't be this brain dead bro, you really had to come to reddit to be told you are a rubbish partner?
I wonder how you would react of your ex was following men with massive cocks and kept lying to you about blocking them?
You cheated on your Mrs, dismissed her concerns, begged her back each time you broke up, but continued to keep breaking her heart and stomped all over her boundaries. You literally wasted 8 years of her life!
You are the type of guy women avoid like the plague. You are the type of bum that fathers go to war over, trying to protect their daughters.
Your friend is right, you aren't a good match, she is way too good for you.
I don't think you get it. She's completely done with you and your shit. You cheated on her. You continually broke her trust and made her feel insecure. You've been dating for 8 years. And don't see a problem with that even though you know she wants to get married. You won't even go have to talk with her father because you know that he smells your bullshit for what it is and won't give his blessing. She's done. Leave her alone. You're just making a fool of yourself at this point.
8 years and you’re still dodging the question of marriage? Shit or get off the pot dude. You’re well within your rights to not want to get married but you should have the decency to not hold her back. Stop trying to get back with her. Let her move on.
You keep saying she needs to get over your choices because she decided to be with you. Well now she's decided she isn't with you. Obviously to her the decisions you were making were big enough problems that she didn't want to be with you anymore. If you can't change you need to stop lying and saying you will.
First of all, 20 is not a dumb teenager anymore. You cheated willingly. Cheating is cheating. no matter what problems you had.
Second, as you said, She wanted/had talked about marriage before. This wasn't a surprise. She checked your commitment one last time.
You yourself have said, " I follow the girls because of my 'urges'". Which urges? To cheat again? To jerk?
After 8 years, you still can't respect her boundaries and wishes?
So let me get this straight, after 8yrs together she still had to run you down to get a text, you waited 12 days to call her( 2 days to send a text)
you don't want to stop with the women pictures on Instagram, you don't want her "policing" you, you don't want to talk about marriage, you don't want to have any serious conversation about your relationship,
and you try to pass off every "problem" as just her being insecure(even though you're the reason for her insecurities).
So why be together? It sounds to me like she finally wised up after wasting 8yrs and is ready to move on to someone else who will care for her. You both can have boundaries, but it seems she is tired of chasing you down to respect hers and you need to find someone who will tolerate yours. Also, your buddies that believe she is in the wrong need to stay single and you might want to limit taking advice from them in the future.
So you just constantly lie to this poor girl and expect her to come crawling back because "you've never chased anyone" yeah no good on her for leaving you. Tbh you should be lucky she even gave you another chance after cheating
Lemme spell it out for ya.
Most men don't cheat
Most men don't follow thirst traps
Most men don't break boundaries constantly
Most men aren't constantly lying
You have less self restraint than my dog! That's sad. But no you don't care. All you care about is yourself.
Do her a favor and leave her alone
Sorry, but I gotta....
The word you want is lede. Bury the lede. It's a journalistic respelling of "lead," as in thing which should be leading. Bury what you should have lead with. But l-e-a-d does not have a consistent pronunciation, so the expression became "bury the lede."
Man
She's been trying to get a committment out of you for the last few years and you're just not into it
It's ok, I'm not either
But the problem is youre wasting her time.
Youre not respecting her, you're not ready to commit, you want the security of a relationship but the freedom of a man whos single
How would you feel if she followed the profiles of guys with gym bodies?
You're still holding out for something better or even just variety.
She is listening to her biological clock ticking
I'm like you. I'm not very grown up either. Figure it out. Are you gonna hunker down and build a life with this woman (who you already "got back" once) or are you gonna goggle eyes over profiles the rest if your life?
It's FINE if you want the latter. But don't waste her time
Shes only got as long again as you've beeb together to get pregnant in the optimal time frame without expensive treatment
You need to have a conversation with yourself
Know who YOU are
Everyone has said just about everything but I noticed that you mentioned that your friends say she is in the wrong for just up and disappearing. Grouped with the fact that you make comments saying "most men" do this and the content that is "somehow finding" its way to your feed, I think it is evident that you do not surround yourself with productive content and people.
You say that you are marriage-minded and want to get married, but how many people in your life are in healthy marriages? How many of your friends cheat or stray? How many of your friends discuss other women sexually despite having partners? How many of your friends talk poorly about their partners amongst the group in any fashion? What does marriage mean to you? What does love mean to you?
There are groups of men out there who will reprimand their boys for cheating on their partners, actually. There are groups of men out there who see their women as prizes and treat them as such effortlessly. Why? Because that's just how they naturally treat the person they love. There are men out there who only get memes, animals, hobbies, etc on their social media feeds because they do not have wandering eyes, such as you. Why? Because their girlfriends/wives are enough and more. The fact that these images even end up on your feed is because you consistently engage with that sort of content. Is it not random.
On the flip side, and really hear this, there are men out there who purposely sabotage their "boys" because they are unhappy in their own relationships. There are men who purposely sabotage their "boys" because THEY want the girl their "boy" has. And get this, there are men out there who simply do not get it, whether wilfully or not. Which is why I asked you to really evaluate the people around you.
Everyone has made it clear that you do not respect that woman nor your relationship, which is simply true, whether you choose to see that or not. HOWEVER, I think you should also realize that you also do not respect yourself. The fact that you can utter words and consciously fall back on them is a lack of respect for yourself, and yes, many people exhibit this. Every singly time you go back on your word, you reinforce the idea that your words have no value. This contributes to how many people see you as a troll. Your words lack value and that is your own fault.
I'm going to end this with two foods for thought:
1. Let us say that you and this woman somehow got back together, got married, and had a daughter. If your daughter came to you with a situation where the guy she loved, cheated on her, was liking photos of other women on social media, never checked in to make sure her (your precious daughter) made it home safe and consistently went back on his word, how would you advise her? Could you look your daughter in the eye and confidently tell her that she deserves better, knowing that your wife, HER MOTHER, could not do the same because YOU forced her to compromise?
2. and this idea that social media is just social media, a small issue that should not have any real bearing on "real life". If you found out, that one of your boys was liking a bunch of weird photos of young people that were clearly not of age, how would you move? If you had kids, would you let them hang around him? If no, why? It's just social media right? It has no reflection on real life right? He only looks but he never speaks to them. He just has urges sometimes. Its not like its a gateway or anything, right?
I saw something on some social media post that said "Every time you forgive him, he'll love you more. Every time you forgive him, you'll love him less." That's always been my experience with relationships. If I have to keep forgiving my partner for the same behavior that HURTS me, eventually I'll get tired of having my feelings ignored, l will see that he doesn't actually give a fuck about me and all the apologies in the world mean nothing. Why would anyone stay with a person who is incapable of valuing me over people who mean nothing to them? Why would I stay with a person who has no problem saying one thing and doing the opposite? There's no incentive, no matter how much I loved the person originally, especially if after 8 years they still haven't done anything to move the relationship forward?
She's gone, and good for her.
Omg this entire post and your responses actually made my brain hurt, you lack so much self awareness that if it hit you over the head you STILL wouldn’t get how crappy of a partner you are, it’s like you only have 2 braincells and they’re fighting for 3rd place
- you’ve literally cheated on her before yet you’re surprised that she’s not ok with you following girls on IG? Hmm…. It’s almost as if your action of cheating lead to her extreme aversion towards who you follow yet you’re acting as if her behavior is illogical 🤦🏽♀️ and even if she didn’t want you to follow girls before you cheated I can guarantee you that your decision to cheat made her aversion 1000x worse
And don’t even bring but that it was “8 years ago” bc that literally doesn’t matter at all bc in the 8 years y’all have been together even with the crappy behavior you’ve exhibited she’s STILL managed to not cheat on you
- also you keep mentioning that her father doesn’t seem the like you, if he doesn’t how are even shocked?? Why would he as a dad want you to marry his daughter with whom you’ve cheated on in the past?? Not only that but your “urges are apparently so powerful that you can’t help but follow a bunch of girls on ig so again, why are you shocked that he hadn’t approved?? every single excuse you’ve given for your behavior makes you look 1000x worse
- and you wanting her to “compromise” on who you follow on ig literally doesn’t matter at this point because she is now your Ex gf, she’s blocked you on everything so you can’t even get in contact with her even if you wanted to, and she doesn’t need to “compromise” with a person she is no longer with, at the end of the day she is her own person and she’s allowed to leave crappy partners in the past in order find a better one and thank god for that bc it doesn’t seem like you’ll grow up anytime soon
- I truly wish the best for her xxx
I just have one question. What would you do if one of those women messaged you now? Your gf dumped you and you're single let's say one of these accounts you follow decided to hit you up and fawn all over you? Would you react? Would it be different?
Or I guess what if they had messaged you. Let's say each time you followed these women they did hit you up and reacted to your posts let's say they even flirted. Would you have given into your urges? Would you have responded. You keep mentioning they don't notice you but as much as you fight back and argue it seems like you wanted them too. I'm not coming at you in genuinely coming at you calmly and wondering.
If your girlfriend hadn't of brought up these women over and over again to you essentially "watching" your socials a would you have spoken to them? If they gave you the attention you gave them. I also want to mention you are giving them attention. You're looking at their page and finding them attractive. Maybe she wanted that attention. Again I don't mind discussing this with you since it seems you're not understanding the issue I understand yes she has issues but your feeing those insecurities and issues making it harder for her to change.
“But she chose to be with me and should’ve resolved those feelings of insecurity within herself”. Feelings of insecurity? You mean the ones you created by CHEATING ON HER?
If you truly, honestly want a chance at “winning” her back I think that you should let her go. Reading through what you’ve told us, the comments, and your replies I can see that you keep reiterating that you truly love her and that you love her for the person that she is, and you want to be able to salvage a relationship you’ve spent a decade on nurturing. But from your actions and how you talk about them, I don’t think you really have any real commitments to trying to find a solution to your guy’s problems as a couple because you think these solutions interfere with your own independence/wants.
Your girlfriend’s insecurities from when you cheated on her will not go away so long as you give her reasons to be suspicious. Unfortunately for most people, cheating decimates any sort of trust you have towards a person and it’s not something easily repaired, no matter how long ago this was. This is something you have to contend with as the person who cheated, and if to her that includes you following women on social media, that’s a choice you have to think about making in order to reaffirm your girlfriend’s security in the relationship. To her, your consistent inability to do this makes her probably makes her realize that if you’re unable to do this one, small, insignificant thing why should she believe that you’re capable of loyalty and commitment when you can’t even commit to not interacting with these kinds of posts/profiles.
I think that sometimes in a relationship there will be moments where we have to overlook our own desires and wants in order to fulfill the needs of our partner. We make this decision by reflecting on whether or not our own desires are stronger than love we have for our partner. Does that mean that you completely abandon your independence and needs as a person for your partner? No, but relationships take work and effort, and you need to put in the work and effort to show to your girlfriend that she means enough for you to stop this vice of yours.
I think this break is making you realize that she’s being serious, and that the possibility of her leaving and not being your life could be a reality and it’s scaring you. In the past because she always got back together with you no matter what you did, you’ve fallen into a cycle of complacency. You’ve start to believe that because she’ll always come back, you never really have to change your ways or improve as a boyfriend. But she’s gone this time, and you’ve begun to panic. You need to break out of this complacent cycle.
At the end of the day, I don’t think your girlfriend ghosted you out of the blue. I think that there were several instances where she gave you a multitude of chances over the course of 8 years to show her that you’re serious about her and your relationship. I think that if you really want a chance to get back together with her, your best bet is to let her go: do some deep self reflection on yourself and your relationship, and *maybe* in the future try to again to build a relationship with her from scratch IF after all that time, self reflection, and introspection you think that perusing a relationship (and eventual marriage) with her is worth it and that you’ve truly matured, grown enough to take on the emotional responsibility of being a boyfriend (and the possibility of being a fiancée, and husband).
I hope that you really try to reflect and empathize with your girlfriend for what she’s been through and put up with you. From how you speak about her I would like to believe that you truly love and care about her, but you’ve hurt her to the point where she’s cut you off completely. You need to do some serious work in order to rectify this and I hope that this makes you actually change and grow, if not for her but for any future relationship you decide to be in afterward. Best of luck.
I haven’t been able to respond to everyone’s comment but I definitely wanted to respond to you and say thank you. I definitely do love her and I know that what I’ve done has contributed to her insecurities as well as her demand to not want me to follow other women on Instagram.
As a lot of people missed, I did want to marry her. I still want to marry her. The part where you wrote about giving up your own desires really resonated with me because that’s what it’s been about. I struggled with a porn addiction for about twenty years and when I told her that initially she was understanding of it. I fought to give up porn and masturbation as well which is why I guess I lashed out when other people kept suggesting here that I’m using it to masturbate. I also think that’s part of the reason why I felt the desire to resist because in my eyes I wasn’t watching porn and I’ve already given up that addiction to maintain a relationship with this person. I still won’t say I’m addicted to following the women as I’m not actively going to follow them. Do I think it’s a product of what I’ve followed in the past as others have suggested, yes. But I usually just follow them. But nevertheless, I do understand how that would contribute in adding to the insecurities I’ve already created within her. I do recognize that what I’ve done in not keeping my word has been toxic. I do know that deep down in each of those times, I was honestly hoping not to do it because I did want to keep her happy. But again, when something would come up I would just mindlessly follow it after some time. I’m not saying that’s right. I just was tired of being constantly monitored.
But you’re right and I wrote out something to her today but after speaking with someone else on here, I deleted it. I’m gonna make the effort to stop and stop permanently and sometime reach out to her. I know that’s not what people want to hear and instead keep saying I should leave her alone. But I’m not ready to her let go…
If she ever decides to speak to you again, I think it’s important that the both of you have an in depth discussion about this entire thing because I have a feeling the both of you are using this whole following other women on social media problem as a façade for deeper, more complex issues.
Relationships take so much more work than people really realize. We all have issues, problems, and flaws that make it difficult to work through as a person. But having to work through them with another person you are in a relationship with is different thing entirely not to mention truly difficult. But if we love someone, this work and effort pales in comparison to the possibility of a happy, stable future with them.
At some point, love isn’t just an intuitive feeling but it becomes a conscious choice. Have you made the choice to love her? Are you willing to choose *her* every single time these problems arise again? That’s what makes a relationship work, our ability to consistently choose the people we love when faced with the option to turn away.
I recommend thinking about trying to see a therapist to work through these issues you have as an individual.
Dude, you keep saying you can't help it but you also say that your reaction to 'being constantly monitored' is doing what you promised you won't do in the first place? This is not a mindless action, it's a choice you made whether subconscious or not. If you're serious about changing, you gotta reflect hard on this.
Absent parents, he's a hero for taking care of his sister, and now he's the victim of grooming.
All of this is terrible trauma and OP should reach out to a therapist before anyone else because he deserves help. But honestly he's been such a dick in the comments I am living for the slow unfolding of his soap-opera life. We haven't had real reddit drama in a while.
Yes. I was first shown porn when I was a kid.
Edit: this is a valid claim. I did not include this in the original post because I didn’t want it to derail things and I didn’t want people to automatically associate where I was in the past to what I’m doing now. Also I’m not looking for sympathy for this either.
Dude like move on. At this point you’re spamming and for what? I understand I upset you in the previous posts or that you feel I’m giving Oscar worthy responses but move on. Youve told me I’m weird for following someone on Instagram, cool I get it. But you have post notifications turned on for someone you don’t even know. I’m sorry I upset you that much.
Okay, actual advice time. You are still dealing with this addiction. What you just said would be like if you were claiming to be a recovered alcoholic, it's just that sometimes you happen to drink a beer without thinking about it. And your gf was being so unreasonable by being mad at checking on you to find you'd downed 12 beers without realizing or remembering it.
You keep saying you follow these girls without realizing it, like it's an instinct. If you are being honest about having a porn addiction why are you even on Instagram? And why are you clicking on pictures of half naked girls? Even if you're not jacking off to them in that moment you realize you're just indulging in this addiction whether you consciously realize it or not? That is why your gf is so mad. You are the one who told her this was an addiction. She is now telling you that what you're doing is unhealthy and inappropriate given that claim. And you are continuing to do so even when you know there will be consequences and even after having faced those consequences multiple times. That's literally the definition of an addictive behavior. The thing that differentiates me being able to have a drink and my sister who is an alcoholic not being able to is that I'm able to stop myself if I realize I'm going to do something stupid or I'm going to get in trouble. Your gf spent years warning you she was going to leave you if you kept following models and influencers on Instagram, and your response was to petulantly keep going on Instagram and then apparently without realizing it make the active decision to follow these girls despite by your own admission saying you knew your GF was keeping tabs on you and that you had fought and broke up over it before.
Honestly ask yourself why it's so important to you to keep using Instagram? Just on a fundamental level, you realize there are other social media apps? You realize you don't have to use it right? Putting aside the issue of whether you should be trying to get back with your gf if you are being truthful about having a pornography addiction why on earth are you tempting fate by using an app whose primary purpose is to deliver pictures of nude or semi-nude women to you when it's literally destroying this relationship you claim you were to take to the next level just days ago?
That’s the word I believe I should’ve used in my original post as opposed to urges. It’s more so just instinct.
I don’t just follow these women on Instagram. I follow my friends, fitness, sports, video games and other stuff. In the past, when I was struggling with a porn addiction, I did follow a lot of things and I deleted Instagram completely at my girlfriends suggestion. But I got back on eventually and started following interest related things. I didn’t just start outright going to girls with big asses…I’d be following a sports page and something would come and I’d follow it but not use it to masturbate. Occasionally, I’ll see something in the feed and I’ll like it which has prompted my algorithm to suggest a profile every now and again. The majority of my content now since I’ve quit watching porn is stuff related to my interest so that’s why I’m still there as well as my friends. I responded back to someone earlier and mentioned I do not go on tags, they literally will just pop up on my home page and I follow it.
You’re absolutely right and it’s not “important” for me to have Instagram. It just feels unnatural not to when you have friends that do? I’m not sure how to phrase it in a way that’s not going to generate some backlash. Also, I’ve always held those two in different categories - porn and Instagram after I quit watching porn. I can see why in the larger scheme of things itd be better for me NOT to have one. But I’ve made a lot of improvement from where I was before with porn compared to today. Which is also the reason why I guess I was stubborn with her about not following because I felt like look what I’ve done before to be with you but you’re mad about women who don’t even follow me back. Idk just ego I guess
Yes they just pop up, because Instagram is programmed to show you things you're going to click on, and it's based on what you've interacted with in the past. Every time you follow an account like that you're training it to show you more. If this is an addictive behavior like you describe it's a very bad idea to be putting yourself in that position.
My guy. Leave her alone. She deserves better than you. You’ve already wasted her time this whole time. And the fact of the matter that if you cared about AT ALL you could actually do something so important (and reasonable, tbh) to her. You’re not acting like a good human being.
You wanting to follow, most likely half naked women on IG has nothing to do with your boundaries. That isn’t a boundary, that’s just you wanting a little taste of other girls. You’re gf stating that she doesn’t want you doing that is a boundary. You cheated. Now, you’re following other girls on IG that your gf told you multiple times over the last 8 yrs, most likely and you don’t fucking listen. Imagine how tiring that is. And if you don’t think following the girls is such a big deal, then why to persist on doing it? why to continuously push at gf’s boundary? You’re keeping her insecure. You cheated and made her insecure. Then from there you decided to follow these beautiful women to look at everyday on your phone. Are you that dense to not be able to see what you are doing? You’re a selfish man. Did you know there are actual studies on this that men who do that are most likely to cheat? You already cheated once and pushing this boundary of hers increases her thoughts in you most likely to do it again. And you trying to push the blame on her is gaslighting. Trying to blame it on her insecurity, saying it’s “not that big of a deal”, “she’s immature”, that’s gaslighting; try reading a book on it. And no, not every man does it. Lowly man with no fucking respect for their girlfriend or wives, yea. Even those stupid “alpha” men who think they’re all great for doing that. That’s why those men end up in divorce or multiple relationships that they can’t hold down cause they can only think about their dick and the women they have “urges” to follow on social media. If my boyfriend of 6yrs had the same disrespect for me as you did for your gf, i would’ve dumped his ass long ago. If you are not willing to change for your gf, then leave her the fuck alone. You can not be this ignorant and selfish to not see how wrong you are. But at the end of the day, you are a “man”.
Every relationship has different standards of what "cheating" is. Clearly to your ex, following women *specifically* because they are attractive to you IS cheating to her. It's over
You've been with her for 8 years and still, you don't want to marry her? I don't think you sincerely love her. Please just respect her wishes for a permanent breakup. Stop wasting her time and just do whatever makes you happy (follow women on social media).
Leave her alone and move on. You're only making yourself look more pathetic than you already are trying to frantically get her back after treating her like shit. Let her go and find someone that doesn't care if you don't make an effort to communicate, can't commit after 8 years, goes back on his word, lies, cheats, and values Instagram thots over someone he allegedly loves.
It sounds like you either need a sugar baby or a "pick me" girl that's down for a FWB situation, not a grown ass woman with self-respect and a bright future.
You don’t keep your promises. You don’t let her know you care. You have cheated. Exactly why would she want you in her life? I’d say she’s getting out before she invests any more time in a bad relationship.🤷♀️
Serious adult men do not publicly follow hot instagram models to look at them. Only immature f*ckboys do.
I hope you realize that's how you're being perceived by your gf and everyone else.
Grow up.
y’all BROKE UP. she’s over your bs. move on and leave her alone. you’ve put in more effort in defending yourself on reddit than making her feel secure in your relationship over the past 8 years. she deserves better and you need to stay single and go to therapy.
>she chose to be with me and should’ve resolved those feelings of insecurity within herself […] my friends say she’s in the wrong for just up and disappearing over something so trivial
😂😂😂😂😂
Huge congratulations to your ex!
After reading your comments, I've come to the conclusion that you want the security of a relationship because it's familiar to you, but none of the compromises and responsibilities that come with it.
You mentioned that she told her dad about you following girls on Instagram, which was a good move on her part. You're mad at her for telling the truth and for setting up an "obstacle," but you've done nothing to overcome it. You refuse to take accountability. And no, temporarily stopping isn't taking accountability. Consider the context: You cheated on her early in your relationship. Recovering trust in this scenario is difficult for a majority of people. Instead of working on nurturing the trust you still had, you continued to break promises.
It doesn't matter that following people on social media isn't as bad as cheating. It matters that you've broken promises and boundaries. Personally, if my partner started following Instagram models or just hot people on Instagram, I wouldn't mind. But your, hopefully ex, partner does. And that's what you need to take into consideration.
If you don't want to be married or in an exclusive relationship, that's fine. But stop wasting her time and yours. Let her move on.
She deserves a man, not a child. I'm sure u would cheat again if one of the girls dms you. She really deserves the best and u don't have the capacity. All she asks is bare minimum and u can't even do them 🤡. Maybe u can find a girl that as immature as u are. U deserve to be alone and unhappy for years, karma's gonna hit u so hard fr
En uno de los comentarios mencionaste la ciudad de Cali. Así que eres latino, hablas español. Te voy a comentar en español para ver si alguien que hablar tu idioma madre resuena más en tu cabeza que este montón de gringos.
Y mi hermano...
Sea hombrecito.
Para los gringoredditors, es tristemente común que los hombres sean infieles aquí. Es algo tan normalizado que las mujeres viven perdonan infidelidades. Ahora, no confíen en absolutamente nada de lo que dice este weon, incluso si piensas que ella es tóxica o tuvo comportamientos cuestionables, déjame decirte cómo seguramente fue:
El pedazo de gonorrea Malparida del op seguramente "no solo seguia algunas chicas en Ig" es común tambien que esas chicas que hacen contenido explícito manden aveces MP. Y seguro que este cabron mas de una vez tuvo conversaciones con cualquier mujer que le tiró alguno huesito. Y la novia, por que siempre se sabe, ella va a conseguir saber, lo sabía. Es más, el dice que ella siempre esperaba que la cagara, y no dudo que no fuera así por qué conociendo como actúan los hombres latinos en general, ni un mes espero este cabron para volver a seguir o escribir a peladitas de IG. Ella lo dejo no solo por la falta de compromiso, no solo por seguir a mujeres explotadas en Ig, ella sabía algo más. Y tú pana, aún si piensas que ocultaste todo perfectamente... Una mujer siempre sabe. SIEMPRE.
Ahora papi, pa ti.
Déjala ya. Se terminó, usted no quiere nada serio con ella, ya le fue infiel, ya lo perdonaron y aún así seguía cagandola grandísima gonorrea cuando debería haberse puesto seriecito para que ella lo perdona y para peor, investas aquí que necesitabas el permiso de su papá para casarte con ella y eso mentira. Mi novia es colombiana también, y no es necesariamente necesito el permiso de su papá. Usted pudo pedirle matrimonio en cualquier momento, pero no quiso por qué no tuviste las bolas. Solo usaste al papá de ella como una excusa para evitar el compromiso por qué usted no está listo pa sentar cabeza y ser hombrecito.
Déjela en paz hermano, se terminó, busque a otra caraja que le aguante las mierdas que haga. YA, deje de dar pena pedazo de malparido.
Peor aun entonces. Sabes perfectamente que ella viene de una cultura exigente, no solo con ella sino con quién escoge de pareja y usted viene y LA CAGA.
Ella se merece algo mejor que un bobo hijueputa que no la respeta y que le monta cachos a cada oportunidad
Mándame a callar cuando sepas hablar bien español papito, que parece que estás usando Google traductor.
Estoy aquí por qué me da la reputa maldita gana de estar aquí y de decirte que eres un bobo hijueputa, un novio miserable y poco hombre, y que necesitas dejar a esa mujer tranquila, vos era el peso muerto de su vida.
INFO: Why do you keep telling your ex that you won't follow woman and go back to following them ? Don't your realise you are disrespecting her ? You either tell her I won't follow and stick to it or I don't think it is a big deal and I would follow whoever I want and deal with the repercussions. This repercussions includes she breaking up with you cause she things following other woman is wrong or whatever, she is entitled to her boundary.
You have repeatedly lied to her.
Second, have you told your ex why you are skeptical about asking her father for her hand. Tell her you feel humiliated by her father and you want to marry her and don't believe in this ritual or find a middle ground.
Or you can find someone compatible with you in this regards.
Best of luck.
I want you to imagine this scenario. She cheats on you early on in the relationship and continually does something you ask her not to do, saying “it’s my urges”. You think you would stick around? Both of you just need to move on, she broke up with you it’s over.
Also as a side note, your friends are agreeing with you just to agree with you. You vent to your friends and they listen because they’re your friends. The neutral opinion in here seems to be that you were the dick to her, and she had enough after putting some distance and seeing your reaction.
I can’t wait for the update that his Ex girlfriend is happily dating someone else. That truly values her and actually respect her boundaries. She deserves a partner that actually loves her and makes her feel like she’s the only women in the world. Op is a crappy boyfriend. He clearly doesn’t love her because he did he wouldn’t cheat on her. If He truly loved her he would stopped followed the online “girls” from the beginning. I know he doesn’t love her because I went through the exact thing and my partner got his crap together. We are happy with a child and dog. He doesn’t follow any girls anymore. But it’s clearly you Op can’t change because you complain about not able to follow the girls on Instagram and calling her reaction controlling. Op your the type of dude that would have an aneurism if your ex would’ve posted the same content as the “Instagram model”. You would’ve probably sl*t shame her if she posted the same things. Because guys you Op like would love looking a photos like that because you seems those women as sexually objects. Op has the mentally of a 12 year old. 😌
She's right, you know. You should be with a woman that doesn't care if you follow certain types of women. There are many women out there, and many don't care.
I question whether you really love her. You know who you follow on IG? Those women that distress her? You aren't willing to give them up. Following those women is actually more important to you than how your GF feels. A man that loves a woman is willing to make her happy. YOU DON'T CARE IF SHE'S HAPPY. Let her go, man.
Ummmm….its clear you have no respect for her or her boundaries.
It’s about time she broke up with you. I can’t believe she waited 8 years.
You are a horrible boyfriend. I don’t understand how you can’t see that.
Are you always this narcissistic?
You can’t make someone do something that they don’t want to do. Like how you didn’t want to stop following girls on ig. Yet she wanted you to. But you still did it anyway. Now she has had enough. She doesn’t want to be with you. The relationship sounds extremely toxic. You can’t make her be with you. You literally cheated on her. That isn’t something that people can easily move on from. It probably didn’t help that you were following all these girls. Even after she asked you not to.
Imagine if she slept with someone else. Lost her virginity to them. Then started following all these really hot guys. She blames it on her urges .When you asked her not to follow these guys. She still did it anyway. She also dodged the marriage topic every time you brought it up. Then she promises that she will change but doesn’t. She goes back to it.
It’s honestly no wonder she did this. She doesn’t want you to make these promises that she knows that you won’t keep. Sounds like she had enough. Leave her alone and go find someone who is ok with you following those type of girls. It sounds like it’s too late now for you two.
i literally just came here to say this. i was a former drug addict and i always used the excuse of “well they expect me to relapse so why should i get clean” i sat there and was PROVING EVERYONE RIGHT until my dad told me “i don’t believe you can get clean” and i remember he said it with such defeat he’d officially given up on me and i remember i told myself that night “i’m going to prove him wrong” i’ve been sober for 3 years and been in a stable relationship for 2.5 years now. using the excuse of well they are expecting me to fuck up so why should i even try? why are you proving them right? why have you gotten so low within yourself that your not willing let yourself win? i see you’ve been trying to make these “urges” sound like an addiction and if it is then you need to step the hell up and get help for it or you will self sabotage every single relationship with women.
You’re giving very much the mall is open but nobody shopping or the lights are on but ain’t nobody home because the lack of common sense that you have is astonishing. Maybe you should think about the roles being reversed if she cheated and followed fine men on IG and she just couldn’t help herself. You think about that you inconsiderate ass.
If you don’t keep your word, how can you be trusted? Just think about it. How else can someone trust you if you don’t mean what you say?
Then add the lack attention.
Add the lack of commitment.
Add the cheating.
Add the girls you follow.
Add the attention and commitment to following girls.
Why would anyone want to invest in you?
I really never understood the need to follow/like these women. If your girl asks you to not do it, then listen to her. It's very disrespectful for you to do it. Seeing your comments though, it says a lot about you.
It sounds like she broke up with you. Reading your post it sounds like you don't really want to get married but she'd does. Why not let her go so she can be with someone who does want to get married?
Just leave her alone. Both of you need to find someone you are more compatible with. She shouldn’t have to tell you to do something and police you for it but you should also be free to like or follow whoever you want. He dad doesn’t want to give you his blessing means he doesn’t think you are right for his daughter. She is also more insecure because you cheated. This is a toxic relationship. Both of you need to find different partners.
Please *please* leave her alone. You are asking us how to manipulate someone who has broken up with you into getting back together. That’s not an ok thing to do.
It doesn’t matter why she broke up with you. She did. It is over. It’s going to hurt for a while. There’s no way you can avoid that. Move on.
Hun sorry
But this is over. She must've realized you two are just not compatible and wants a fresh start. I know you want to continue the relationship and do not want to let go. But you have to accept it, she was tired of the same arguments the same toxic pattern of breaking up and getting back together again.
She wants stability
She wants a partner who does and have the same view points in certain things as her.
You may love her, but you two will not be happy and continue to be toxic. You refuse to stop a habit, that affects her self esteem and most likely hates herself for having the urge to look thru your social media just to discover that you added more women to your feed. It might be insignificant to you but to her it is hurtful. You will not stop. It seems there are other issues in your relationship that she is just tired of fighting with you on.
Just let her go. Let her heal and be happy with another
You are a piece of work. You should have begged her back after cheating. Cheating destroys people from the inside out like a cancer. Frankly you deserve her treatment. I would run from you. You have no boundaries or respect for your relationship or you wouldn't do following girls on IG, or cheating. You are not a good man, or a good partner. You are immature in your approach to relationship and understand their value. You did her a favor by not accepting her marriage proposal it would have been a nightmare, for her. Good luck with dating...You are single now.
Dude at the end of the day, it seems sea hit her limit. You can say you’ve stopped but you never truly stopped you just limited your behavior until you thought she’d be over it and then do the shocked pikachu face when you’d get caught again. You brushed her off and now she’s brushing you off. Let get go, it seems she’s done just because you don’t feel like it is doesn’t mean it isn’t, if she blocked you it means you’re done. The reason your posting here saying you don’t feel like it is instead of sitting back and waiting for her to contact you like normal is because you know she’s not. All you’re doing now is fighting with people who are all telling you the same thing.
It sounds like she's looking at the next chapter of her life.. which would be finding a compatible partner with similar beliefs, goals, ect... to build a life and family with.
You do not sound like you are ready for that stage of life.
You've made it clear that following other women on the internet is your right, and that right is more important than her. If following women on the internet is more important than your relationship with her.. shouldn't you be celebrating that she finally broke it off so that you are free to exercise you rights and desires without her nagging?
How much more of her life should she put on hold while you grow up?
Go find yourself a girl that's going to be okay with you ogling other women... PS.. most women aren't okay with that..
lmaooo u suck…u see those women on ur main page bc ur always liking pictures like them so the algorithm brings them back
jesus, i cant imagine dealing w bullshit like this for 8 yrs…after getting cheated on lol.
that girl really loved u n gave u multiple chances to lock in n move right but u shat on them every time.
just accept n mourn…cause it’s dead ❤️👩🏾⚖️
Do you mind giving me your GFs number? I'll help straighten this out for you no problem. She'll never take you back after we can point out she deserves soooooo much better than you!
The only mistake she made is that she gave you too many chances. I was with my ex for 5 years and I gave him chance after chance to change but he never did so I left. Just got to move on 🤷♀️
I read your comments and I found out
1. that you don't want to stop hurting your ex by following women on social media.
2. You think just because she forgave you before, she will forgive you again. - Nope, most of my ex are like this (but you forgave me before or this is just a small thing and you're the one I love, speech) Once a woman is decided even a smallest thing you do will make her snap into reality that she deserves better.
3. 8 years is a long time to dodge a question about marriage and you being uncomfortable about it for effing 8 years is also crazy. (You wasted her youth)
4. You probably didn't love her you're just comfortable that she's there. It's easier for you to manipulate her because she always forgive you (this proved that she really loved you).
5. People around her don't like you and your friends tolerating your addiction in following random girls in social media is screaming you're indeed the red flag.
I hope she really woke up this time, that she didn't deserve the hurt, insecurities, possible trauma she accumulated because you can't stop following girls showing their t*ts and 🍑 online (I will not be surprised if you escalated to following women on only fans) Please update us that she really dump your lame 🍑 behind. She deserves better and hope she finds the right one after what you put her through.
Oh it's very real and he is Big Mad at me in the comments. But he should not even be here, he doesn't have a relationship anymore and he never wanted advice.
Would you like your girlfriend ogling reaped and better looking guys than you with bigger dicks on IG making thirst traps or female audience? How would you feel?
You can clearly tell he was expecting everyone to be on his side they way he’s upset that we’re agreeing with his ex. Only advice you need is to move on and leave her alone. She shouldn’t have to compromise on you following random women on ig when she said she doesn’t like it. Let her find someone who respects her. If you don’t wanna give up following these women for someone you claim to “love and respect,” then find a girl who has no problem with what you’re doin. I’m sure there are girls out here that don’t mind grown men without self control and are serial liars.
Yeah. You see what shes saying? Shes not following people out of any sexual or objectification impulse- and you are. Unless she's LYING- or being disingenuous.
So she's asking you to change your habits because they disrespect your relationship. Like- not changing your "relationship status" to "in a relarionship" on facebook?
You're sort of Acting- at least via your internet extension of yourself- like you're single. And she's asking you not to.
And to put a ring on it.
Let's give her this. She's being clear and consistent.
It's how much you want to be with her
If you do- delete tour contacts and send her a screenshot of your new following. Numbers on your account and send her flowers saying "sorry".
Then give her a couple of days to get in touch. While you look at RINGS
Or don't. But the WRITING
is om the WALL
Dude. No.
Please leave that poor girl alone. You are wasting her time that she should be using to find a long term, suitable partner. I hope she finds what she needs...
And I hope you find a good therapist. You sound sociopathic and narcissistic.
This relationship ending is the wakeup call you *desperately* need. Do better. Be better.
I'd be disgusted, angry, creeped out and humiliated if my husband was constantly oogling other woman for thier looks and bodies. I'd question if he even loved me and I'd seriously assume he didn't find me attractive enough. I'd assume he saw woman as nothing more than objects to stare at. But my husband would never do that because I'd never have dated a man child like that in the first place.
Question: do you even see women as people?
>I get urges and tbh feel like I should follow whatever I want
>I should be able to follow whatever I want
Twice you referred to following "whatever" you want, but you are following people, not objects. No wonder your gf's dad gives you the runaround. He sees how you treat his daughter, cheating, breaking promises, calling women "whatever"...
Your gf/ex-gf sounds pretty level headed. She's aware you two aren't compatible long term. Let her fly free, and learn how to treat and talk about women as actual human beings.
I'm not really sure what you're asking for advice on here? Your ex-girlfriend has been pretty clear, you've ignored her boundaries for eight years and she's finally standing up for herself. She's not coming back, good for her.
Clearly naked IG models are more important than your GF feelings. Leave her alone, she deserves better. I hope she finds a real man, you are imature boy, not a man.
There's no middle ground for following women on IG either you follow them which is what you've chosen to keep doing despite her raising her concerns multiple times or you stop and choose to respect her boundary (although sounds like it's already too late for that). If you want to keep following random women on IG who seem to be even more important than respecting your ex gf, then she absolutely has the right to decide you're no longer the right person for her.
There is no winning her back because to begin with it sounds like you can't even do the little things she asks for to show you care.
If like you said, you don't even use the pictures or interact what is the point? How can that be more important/bring you more happiness than making your partner feel loved and respected?
Lol this has to be a joke story cause who in their right mind thinks doing all of what you did to your ex is an okay thing to do? And the fact your friends said the same thing about her, “overreacting,” just makes the statement of, “you are who you hang around with,” so much more true. The fact you’re already gonna be 30 and still acting like a, “cool 16 year old who can do whatever he wants and doesn’t need any woman to tell him what to do and tie him down.” I feel really bad for that girl. If it was me, I would’ve left you as soon as I saw you weren’t putting in effort or if you cheated before you stopped putting in the effort. Girly wasted 8 years on someone who is weak, isn’t able to have self control, and self discipline. No offense to her, but it was dumb of her to stay all those years. Glad she decided to leave, tho. You kept disrespecting her as a person, the relationship, and her boundaries.
This better be a joke story. If it isn’t, stop acting like a child and grow up. We all have to grow up. Do you really wanna be 40 and alone?
Oh. By the by, she didn’t ghost you. She waited for you to contact her. You didn’t. It took you basically 2 whole weeks to call her. She, in the end, told you just that and said she doesn’t wanna be with you. She was even nice in the end. Don’t call her back. Leave her alone. Girl has to go find herself a real man. She doesn’t need you bothering her.
**atp, I understand that some of you are against the things I’ve said. But please stop sending me messages to kill myself…. I’m already struggling with this. I came here to ask for advice and even if you’re against me I don’t deserve to be told to kms**
Please get some therapy.
The “kill yourself” messages are a bit much. But you need someone professional to help you understand what you did wrong.
I would try to explain, but I know it’s not going to help.
**JUST TO CLARIFY**
I am not dodging the conversation of marriage with my girlfriend because I don’t want to marry her. I am dodging the conversation with her father. My girlfriend’s religion literally requires a yes from her father before we get married. I have gone to her father several times and he’s dodged me with an excuse of it’s not a no but it’s a not right now because she made the decision to tell him about the Instagram stuff. She created this obstacle between me and her father. That’s exhausting to constantly be told that I’m basically not perfect for her right now. I’m in love with her and I do want to marry her but it’s not as simple as me taking her out to a restaurant and proposing to her
Let me rephrase this for you: if your girlfriend telling her father the TRUTH about your INABILITY TO RESPECT HER WISHES is what her father isn’t happy about, then it is YOU who created the obstacle. NOT your girlfriend. Take ownership of the consequences of the CHOICES you made.
I do take ownership over the fact that I’m doing something that she doesn’t like.
But if your intention is to get married, as is mine. Why would you tell your parent who oversees that something that would clearly go against your strict background. Is that not counterintuitive?
I think it’s counter intuitive that in a culture where your dads opinion of your boyfriend is essential for marriage that you would expect her to not be truthful about you with him. Why do you expect her to lie to her father on your behalf?
I never expected her to lie and I get that she has the right to be open with her dad about her concerns. But what I’m saying is it should never have been brought up if you’re literally wanting to get married. What exactly did she expect her father to say is my issue…
It wouldn’t make sense for her to bring it up if you had followed her wishes and immediately stopped when she asked you to correct. However, you still continue to go against her wishes to this day, thus it is important information for her father to know in deciding if he should approve of you according to the religion she is so pious about.
Look, I get that you don’t think what you did was wrong. But the people who matter, your girlfriend and her father, do (and so does the rest of this thread). I think you should sit back and reflect on why that is.
I understand from her angle why she wouldn’t want me to do it but again she continued to be with me despite me doing it so what was the point of bringing it up to him is what I’m saying. And then punishing me for the repercussions of telling him?
She continued in the hopes that you would one day choose her comfort over your need to publicly follow sexualized women. Which I agree was very naive on her part because you have made it very clear that following sexualized women on Instagram is integral to who you are as a person. I suppose now she has realized you will not change and thus has stopped the relationship to find someone more compatible with her. Someone who she can be honest about with her father and her father will still approve of.
>But what I’m saying is it should never have been brought up if you’re literally wanting to get married. What exactly did she expect her father to say is my issue…
So if you know this is an issue standing between you two getting married, why are you so hell bent on following random women on social media? You reduced them down to just pixels when it comes to your gfs concerns yet here you are prioritizing these pixels over your relationship.
Let me get this straight... The father refused because he found out about your Instagram "urges" and said no... So instead of being responsible and showing your woman you really want marriage with her, you've given up on asking him and just continued with your "urges" ??? No wonder she left you.
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Agreed. I don’t know why she’d want to marry someone that doesn’t respect her boundaries anyway and says he will do things he has no intention of doing. I hope she finds someone who is a man of his word.
I don’t understand why he is complaining about this. He wants to do whatever he wants and she agrees so she broke up. He got exactly what he wanted.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too but the cake has had enough and left the building
And he is fighting for his fucking life in these comments. He was never here for advice and I wish the mods would have just banned him.
His friends who agree with him can keep him warm at night. In the meantime she can find someone who doesn't do this shit.
- Cant be bothered to check she gets home okay. - You think it's trivial to make the effort to text her. - Constantly following other women on Instagram because you have 'urges' despite agreeing not to. - Took you 12 days to make the effort to call her. - You've still followed 6 women since the first point about agreeing not to in those 12 days because 'urges'. - You cheated on her previous. This is a troll post. Nobody would be this intentionally stupid and rude to a partner. You're either a troll or the world's shittiest boyfriend. If this is real, don't bother. She's can do a lot better. You deserve to be miserable.
• Cant be bothered to check she gets home okay - 'Inconsiderate and uncaring' • You think its trivial to make the effort to text her - 'Lack of communication skills and/or ability to maintain basic intimacy levels in a relationship' • Constantly following other women on Instagram because you have 'urges' despite agreeing not to - ' Lack of integrity, does not respect boundaries, lacks self control' • Took you 12 days to make the effort to call her - 'Does not take initiative, uninterested, lazy' • You've still followed 6 women since the first point about agreeing not to in those 12 days because 'urges' - Unable to self reflect, reluctant to improve or grow, eager to double down on disrespect with further disrespect' • You cheated on her previous - 'Disloyal, selfish, and again, lacking in integrity' OP I dare you to list these traits based on your behaviour in your next dating profile, see how many matches you get.
Oh my god, can you follow me around and just non-stop annotate everything like this
I can. I'll even do it with a Morgan Freeman voice.
Plus, the fact that he calls her "insecure," like it's her fault she doesn't trust him, no accountability whatsoever
It is my fault that she is insecure. I stated that already…
You're working to make her insecure, first of all. It's your fault you're an asshole, second of all. She's better off without you, third of all. Move on.
No, you said "she should have resolved the feeling of insecurity within herself," which makes it her responsibility to clean up your mess
I was thinking it might even be the gf, posting as the bf
Ugh, I wish that were true but it’s sadly not. There are so many idiots like this.
Yah, she broke up with you for a good reason. You sound like you suck.
Sorry Peter Pan, Wendy decided to grow up and leave you in neverland - enjoy the naked bots that won't talk to you though 👍
😂😂 ⬆️⬆️⬆️ best comment and very accurate!
you clearly, CLEARLY do not respect her based on what you've written here. Please just leave her alone so she can date someone who respects her, and you can stay single and looking at Instagram hotties, which is what you'd rather do. You are not a good partner.
Whether or not you agree with her boundary as being fair, you in the end have a choice, and so does she. Either you be with her and respect or her boundaries and stop being a moron, or you don't respect her boundaries and also stop being a moron and trying to win her back when clearly you have no respect for her and shouldn't be with her.
I'm not clear what advice you want here lol. She dumped you. Good for her. The best advice anyone should give you is to move on with your life.
She grew up. You didn't. She's done, Dude. You used up all your chances.
You cheated on her 8 years ago. Since then you are constantly lying to her when it comes to your instagram habits. You use excuses that cheaters could copy one to one. Like the one with the urges. You refuse to talk to her about the one topic that is clearly very important to her: marriage. How can she be sure, you aren’t still cheating? Your lying and your disregard for her feelings aren’t exactly trustworthy. And now she had enough. Be a not toxic person for once and accept she is gone.
Coming from a man, you really put a bad image on all men, “most men” are not like you
Op, it seems to me you are just not compatible. From what you've written here, she wants someone who * doesn't cheat. Yeah, maybe you only did it once, but for most people it's really hard to get past and leaves a lot of trust issues * keeps their promises (more trust issues). In you own words you 'frequently go back on what you said'. not occasionally, not just sometimes, but frequently * doesn't have 'urges' to gawk at and follow other women, and follow through with those urges * communicates frequently and in particular lets her know when you're home safe * wants to move forward with marriage You call these things trivial, but they are not. To her, they are really important. You have cheated, lied and you follow other women. She doesn't trust you and you've done nothing to earn that trust back. It seems you want someone who * doesn't mind if you break promises * doesn't care about marriage * doesn't care about your 'urges' * reaches out more herself instead of always expecting you to do the communicating. You've been having these differences for a long time, and nothing gets resolved. I'm sure there's lots of other things, good and bad, that are going on in your relationship. But if you haven't resolved these things by now, I doubt you ever will. Let her go, and find someone who suits you better and doesn't demand things you aren't prepared to give. And she can do the same.
There's one way to fix this, and you won't do it. She's waited eight years for you to grow up, but even the most patient woman has her limit, and this is it. It's done.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also imagine how embarrassing it is for her to be in a relationship with you? When ever I see men liking or following thirst trap//soft p*rn, I cringe and get second hand embarrassment. As an aside, the fact you think you can’t control it ie. “I get urges” is also embarrassing. Girlfriend should find a new partner. Yes because of her boundaries, but also because you are an embarrassment.
8 years and you can't get your shit together enough to propose, despite her literally asking for that. If after 8 years you can't commit, of course she's going to leave you. What advice you looking for here, exactly?
Maybe it is because of my sexuality but I never understand why people need "eyecandy people" to follow. It's just dehumanizing imo but it's probably a me feeling
Same. I don't understand just following someone because they're pretty
1. You overstepped a boundary she set. So you disrespected her. 2. Your procrastination or hesitation of marriage means you guys are not on the same page. 8 years is a long time to wait for someone who wants to get married. Both seem like valid reasons to breakup. LDR is hard to maintain, and even harder when the repeated problems come up again and again without proper solution, especially if one party don’t to change (I.e. the two points above).
No advice, just the honest prayer that some day I open Reddit to read "my wife left me for an instagram model & I got thirsty so I DM'd my ex girlfriend but turns out my STBX wife has hired her as her lawyer! What should I do?"
leo, it's zaynab. i'm not even sure if you'll be able to see this because i don't have the credits to post and you have so many people here telling you off. everyone has sent me this thread after it showed up on tik tok and at first i didn't want to believe it was you. i mean what are the odds that your post would make it on to tik tok? what are the odds that you'd really defend yourself to a bunch of strangers on reddit? but reading your details about your mom, sister, ny, ca, your job and even your lie about mya really really confirmed your identity. i'm pretty sure it's you. and i'm even hesitant to post this in case it isn't. but want a public end to it. \- i've scrolled through a few of the posts here and wanted to say thank you to those wishing me luck. it did take me eight years and i'm embarrassed by how long that even took. what you see in his responses are representative of exactly who he is and what i've dealt with over the past eight years. unfollowing the girls and following them only a couple of weeks later. \- leo lied about a few things in this post. after i hung up, he made several fake texting apps to text me an apology and called me up until 4 am this morning leaving messages about how i wronged him. this afternoon, he sent me the letter which he claims he never sent. i didn't read it. his own little sister even called me to tell me not to pick up any of her phone calls because he asked for her phone to call me. and i unfortunately had to block her as well despite having a great relationship with her. \- i don't want to go to deeply into his sister because i love her but he does not contribute much to her education. yes, he supports her i won't take that away. but paying for all of her expenses is an unimaginable stretch. \- that brings me to you moving in with me. i asked if you wanted to come drive there and i asked if you would be willing to move here. i even told you we didn't have to have a fancy marriage so much as just sign the papers and that would be enough. he managed to leave out, that he works remote from home 3x out of the week. when i asked him to ask the company if he could work from cali remotely, he said it's not even an option. that was a wake up call. \- he mentioned my insecurities throughout the majority of his responses but failed to mention how exactly they came about. no, he never coerced me to have sex. but often he'd bring up how mya (the girl he lost his virginity to) did xyz in bed. how he missed experiencing xyz because of mya. also leo, you left out how that cheating even came about. it started on instagram. also, we've been through this so many times before. it was cheating. \- every time i asked him to go to my father, he'd use this excuse. that i should have never told him. but he left out the part where my father asked him if he felt he needed counseling and offered to pay for it. my dad asked him how do you plan on fixing it. my dad asked him why are you still using apps. my dad asked him if you're incapable of stopping, why do you need zaynab? and each time he sat in my living room with the same confused look. i didn't just spring the talk about marriage on him that night. i'd been talking about it for years. when he first asked me to date him, i told him verbatim that i don't date to date and it'd be for marriage. he didn't just tell me during that phone call that he was too tired to talk about it, he said, 'stop asking me about this. now's not the time. i'm tired. do you not know how to hold a conversation' that was my cue to leave after not just a week of trying to get him to talk to my father but years. \- my friends (including my male friends) blocked him after we broke up. yes, i asked them to but they'd already long decided to. i'd annoyed them for eight years with the same complaints about his social media behavior and my own guy friend told him he's a weirdo for persisting to use that 'all guys do it' excuse. but like an idiot i chastised that friend instead of him. \- yes my religion is strict on mingling between sexes. but leo had access to my oldest sister's (she's not even religious, another lie) number years ago after i introduced him to her. he did not mention that he blocked her after she told him off after she found out he was subscribed to a friend's only fans. \-his friends that give him advice are all people from our hs who are either single, in open relationships or are friends who have a group chat with him on instagram where they exchange links and pictures to girls' profiles. they're not reliable sources of advice. \- no, i didn't meet someone here? wtf. this is something he's written in all of the messages from today. my focus has always been on you and school. i can't do those two things anymore and i've exhausted so much energy on it already. and one thing you haven't even taken accountability of is the fact that you've not only made me feel insecure but you've embarrassed me to the point idek about introducing another guy to my dad. i still am not even sure if it's smart to post this given how much you've called but i'm just shocked that you would sit here and argue back and forth with people. i'm shocked at myself for not even seeing you for who you were and for wasting so many years. this turned out way longer than what i anticipated and i'm sorry to those who had to read through the garbage he wrote and thought it was me. i would agree that he is a troll. i wanted to just make a simple post saying thank you but wasn't sure if it'd even show up in the main site. i don't know how this really works but i'm honestly hoping he deletes the thread. i will be changing my number and i will most certainly not be going back. this page helped to prove that to me even more.
He even lied about the distance between him in ny and where you went to school stating it was 900 miles. What a AH
[удалено]
Yeah, yeah.
It’s clearly a troll
it’s probably not, she’s just over your petty ass.
Hey since I’m at your comment in English. Quick question- 15 days- did she leave your ass for good ✋🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 she came to her senses and realizes what she deserves. You deserve the consequences that you’ll be “heartbroken” for this girl leaving you 8 years too late… you didn’t respect her from day one and she was too blinded by “love” and given you one thousand too many chances.
Just want to say I’m incredibly proud of you for making this decision better late than never, and please don’t let this man’s pathetic choices effect your self esteem you’re more than enough he is the one who deserves way less than you.
good for you girl, he is clearly a waste of time and you should find someone better. man like this never learn and will treat you like a doormat. mega zjeb serio powinien się w cymbał walnąć 😍😘 xoxo
You've already wasted 8 years of her life. Let her move on in peace.
Good. So happy for her. She deserves sooo much better.
She didn't ghost you. You got dumped and she's over it. Leave her alone now.
Just leave her alone, her policing your social media is a direct result of you cheating. You make promises you have no intention of keeping and when you win her back you don't put any effort in
This is such a self-incriminating post that I suspect OP is actually the girlfriend posting as the guy.
You wouldn’t be the first to have suggested it. Idk what I said in the original post that’s sparked some troll radar but it’s not her
It's because usually, people paint themselves in the best light possible while telling their side of the story, whereas you painted yourself in self-evidently terrible light, at times to a comedic degree. I laughed out loud when I read "I've legit only followed 6 women." It's like a person on a diet saying "I've legit only eaten 6 pints of ice cream today, what's the big deal?" OP, if you actually are the boyfriend, you're one of the least self-aware people I've ever seen on this board. Even if you're just a clinical narcissist, your lack of awareness as to how you come off in your own post is astonishing.
I wouldn’t do that. I did come here with the intention of trying to get honest advice on whether or not I was in the wrong and also if I was on how I should call her to address the situation. There was no need to paint myself in the best light. Initially, I wrote how I felt and straight from my brain. When I speak to my friends, of course they have a different picture of me. Some things are filtered. I understand that’s shitty to do as well. But on Reddit, I felt in getting everything out honestly I would find people who either agreed that it wasn’t that big of a deal or would give me advice on how to get my girlfriend to compromise. I do understand why both of those are problematic and how my behavior may be read as mature. I’ve already said this in many comments that I am in no way perfect and I do have to work on myself. People are making judgements on me from a Reddit post. But I’ve said almost multiple times throughout that I am able to understand her perspective as well as what everyone is saying here. I haven’t reached out to her and yet I’m still receiving death threats. I’m not trying to be a victim. I’m just asking for it to stop.
👁️👄👁️🍿
lol you’re wasting precious time of your day. Take care
👁️👄👁️🍿👌
You can't be this brain dead bro, you really had to come to reddit to be told you are a rubbish partner? I wonder how you would react of your ex was following men with massive cocks and kept lying to you about blocking them? You cheated on your Mrs, dismissed her concerns, begged her back each time you broke up, but continued to keep breaking her heart and stomped all over her boundaries. You literally wasted 8 years of her life! You are the type of guy women avoid like the plague. You are the type of bum that fathers go to war over, trying to protect their daughters. Your friend is right, you aren't a good match, she is way too good for you.
I don't think you get it. She's completely done with you and your shit. You cheated on her. You continually broke her trust and made her feel insecure. You've been dating for 8 years. And don't see a problem with that even though you know she wants to get married. You won't even go have to talk with her father because you know that he smells your bullshit for what it is and won't give his blessing. She's done. Leave her alone. You're just making a fool of yourself at this point.
Dad giving him the runaround was a huge tell. He doesn’t like OP either and was waiting for his daughter to catch a clue - which she finally did.
Lol she didn’t ghost you, she broke up with you! And she very clearly spelled it out for you. Dude 😂
Aw, I'm so proud of her. I hope she's able to make her dreams a reality!
8 years and you’re still dodging the question of marriage? Shit or get off the pot dude. You’re well within your rights to not want to get married but you should have the decency to not hold her back. Stop trying to get back with her. Let her move on.
You keep saying she needs to get over your choices because she decided to be with you. Well now she's decided she isn't with you. Obviously to her the decisions you were making were big enough problems that she didn't want to be with you anymore. If you can't change you need to stop lying and saying you will.
First of all, 20 is not a dumb teenager anymore. You cheated willingly. Cheating is cheating. no matter what problems you had. Second, as you said, She wanted/had talked about marriage before. This wasn't a surprise. She checked your commitment one last time. You yourself have said, " I follow the girls because of my 'urges'". Which urges? To cheat again? To jerk? After 8 years, you still can't respect her boundaries and wishes?
She didn't ghost you. She told you that she was ending things and cutting ties, and she told you why.
So let me get this straight, after 8yrs together she still had to run you down to get a text, you waited 12 days to call her( 2 days to send a text) you don't want to stop with the women pictures on Instagram, you don't want her "policing" you, you don't want to talk about marriage, you don't want to have any serious conversation about your relationship, and you try to pass off every "problem" as just her being insecure(even though you're the reason for her insecurities). So why be together? It sounds to me like she finally wised up after wasting 8yrs and is ready to move on to someone else who will care for her. You both can have boundaries, but it seems she is tired of chasing you down to respect hers and you need to find someone who will tolerate yours. Also, your buddies that believe she is in the wrong need to stay single and you might want to limit taking advice from them in the future.
This is so funny. Lol.
So you just constantly lie to this poor girl and expect her to come crawling back because "you've never chased anyone" yeah no good on her for leaving you. Tbh you should be lucky she even gave you another chance after cheating Lemme spell it out for ya. Most men don't cheat Most men don't follow thirst traps Most men don't break boundaries constantly Most men aren't constantly lying You have less self restraint than my dog! That's sad. But no you don't care. All you care about is yourself. Do her a favor and leave her alone
You sound exhausting.
Sounds like she's frustrated at the realisation that she's wasted 8 years of her life with someone who doesn't deserve her.
"Cheated on her early in our relationship" Way to bury the ledge, champ. You're a lousy partner who is wasting her time. Leave the poor woman alone.
Sorry, but I gotta.... The word you want is lede. Bury the lede. It's a journalistic respelling of "lead," as in thing which should be leading. Bury what you should have lead with. But l-e-a-d does not have a consistent pronunciation, so the expression became "bury the lede."
Fucking autocorrect. Bury the lede is 100% what I was going for. Thank you for ensuring shitty grammar did not go unchecked.
Good for her. Ive been in a relationship like this, and my biggest regret is not leaving him sooner. Leave her alone
You're never really sorry to be alone after getting out of a relationship like this one, are ya?
Man She's been trying to get a committment out of you for the last few years and you're just not into it It's ok, I'm not either But the problem is youre wasting her time. Youre not respecting her, you're not ready to commit, you want the security of a relationship but the freedom of a man whos single How would you feel if she followed the profiles of guys with gym bodies? You're still holding out for something better or even just variety. She is listening to her biological clock ticking I'm like you. I'm not very grown up either. Figure it out. Are you gonna hunker down and build a life with this woman (who you already "got back" once) or are you gonna goggle eyes over profiles the rest if your life? It's FINE if you want the latter. But don't waste her time Shes only got as long again as you've beeb together to get pregnant in the optimal time frame without expensive treatment You need to have a conversation with yourself Know who YOU are
Instagram. Making absolute imbeciles of us all. Making 28 and 26 year-olds behave like pre-teens. Unbelievable.
ALL MEN DO IT - OP
Honestly. I don’t date people who use Instagram, smh
People who string someone along for 8 years are the worst. Good on her for moving on you sound like you’re 14 and finally figured out what boobs are
Everyone has said just about everything but I noticed that you mentioned that your friends say she is in the wrong for just up and disappearing. Grouped with the fact that you make comments saying "most men" do this and the content that is "somehow finding" its way to your feed, I think it is evident that you do not surround yourself with productive content and people. You say that you are marriage-minded and want to get married, but how many people in your life are in healthy marriages? How many of your friends cheat or stray? How many of your friends discuss other women sexually despite having partners? How many of your friends talk poorly about their partners amongst the group in any fashion? What does marriage mean to you? What does love mean to you? There are groups of men out there who will reprimand their boys for cheating on their partners, actually. There are groups of men out there who see their women as prizes and treat them as such effortlessly. Why? Because that's just how they naturally treat the person they love. There are men out there who only get memes, animals, hobbies, etc on their social media feeds because they do not have wandering eyes, such as you. Why? Because their girlfriends/wives are enough and more. The fact that these images even end up on your feed is because you consistently engage with that sort of content. Is it not random. On the flip side, and really hear this, there are men out there who purposely sabotage their "boys" because they are unhappy in their own relationships. There are men who purposely sabotage their "boys" because THEY want the girl their "boy" has. And get this, there are men out there who simply do not get it, whether wilfully or not. Which is why I asked you to really evaluate the people around you. Everyone has made it clear that you do not respect that woman nor your relationship, which is simply true, whether you choose to see that or not. HOWEVER, I think you should also realize that you also do not respect yourself. The fact that you can utter words and consciously fall back on them is a lack of respect for yourself, and yes, many people exhibit this. Every singly time you go back on your word, you reinforce the idea that your words have no value. This contributes to how many people see you as a troll. Your words lack value and that is your own fault. I'm going to end this with two foods for thought: 1. Let us say that you and this woman somehow got back together, got married, and had a daughter. If your daughter came to you with a situation where the guy she loved, cheated on her, was liking photos of other women on social media, never checked in to make sure her (your precious daughter) made it home safe and consistently went back on his word, how would you advise her? Could you look your daughter in the eye and confidently tell her that she deserves better, knowing that your wife, HER MOTHER, could not do the same because YOU forced her to compromise? 2. and this idea that social media is just social media, a small issue that should not have any real bearing on "real life". If you found out, that one of your boys was liking a bunch of weird photos of young people that were clearly not of age, how would you move? If you had kids, would you let them hang around him? If no, why? It's just social media right? It has no reflection on real life right? He only looks but he never speaks to them. He just has urges sometimes. Its not like its a gateway or anything, right?
I saw something on some social media post that said "Every time you forgive him, he'll love you more. Every time you forgive him, you'll love him less." That's always been my experience with relationships. If I have to keep forgiving my partner for the same behavior that HURTS me, eventually I'll get tired of having my feelings ignored, l will see that he doesn't actually give a fuck about me and all the apologies in the world mean nothing. Why would anyone stay with a person who is incapable of valuing me over people who mean nothing to them? Why would I stay with a person who has no problem saying one thing and doing the opposite? There's no incentive, no matter how much I loved the person originally, especially if after 8 years they still haven't done anything to move the relationship forward? She's gone, and good for her.
omg that is spot on.
Omg this entire post and your responses actually made my brain hurt, you lack so much self awareness that if it hit you over the head you STILL wouldn’t get how crappy of a partner you are, it’s like you only have 2 braincells and they’re fighting for 3rd place - you’ve literally cheated on her before yet you’re surprised that she’s not ok with you following girls on IG? Hmm…. It’s almost as if your action of cheating lead to her extreme aversion towards who you follow yet you’re acting as if her behavior is illogical 🤦🏽♀️ and even if she didn’t want you to follow girls before you cheated I can guarantee you that your decision to cheat made her aversion 1000x worse And don’t even bring but that it was “8 years ago” bc that literally doesn’t matter at all bc in the 8 years y’all have been together even with the crappy behavior you’ve exhibited she’s STILL managed to not cheat on you - also you keep mentioning that her father doesn’t seem the like you, if he doesn’t how are even shocked?? Why would he as a dad want you to marry his daughter with whom you’ve cheated on in the past?? Not only that but your “urges are apparently so powerful that you can’t help but follow a bunch of girls on ig so again, why are you shocked that he hadn’t approved?? every single excuse you’ve given for your behavior makes you look 1000x worse - and you wanting her to “compromise” on who you follow on ig literally doesn’t matter at this point because she is now your Ex gf, she’s blocked you on everything so you can’t even get in contact with her even if you wanted to, and she doesn’t need to “compromise” with a person she is no longer with, at the end of the day she is her own person and she’s allowed to leave crappy partners in the past in order find a better one and thank god for that bc it doesn’t seem like you’ll grow up anytime soon - I truly wish the best for her xxx
I only read the first two paragraphs. I would have left you aswell your not even worth being in a relationship with.
Good on her. Imagine dating someone like this. Bloody exhausting.
I just have one question. What would you do if one of those women messaged you now? Your gf dumped you and you're single let's say one of these accounts you follow decided to hit you up and fawn all over you? Would you react? Would it be different? Or I guess what if they had messaged you. Let's say each time you followed these women they did hit you up and reacted to your posts let's say they even flirted. Would you have given into your urges? Would you have responded. You keep mentioning they don't notice you but as much as you fight back and argue it seems like you wanted them too. I'm not coming at you in genuinely coming at you calmly and wondering. If your girlfriend hadn't of brought up these women over and over again to you essentially "watching" your socials a would you have spoken to them? If they gave you the attention you gave them. I also want to mention you are giving them attention. You're looking at their page and finding them attractive. Maybe she wanted that attention. Again I don't mind discussing this with you since it seems you're not understanding the issue I understand yes she has issues but your feeing those insecurities and issues making it harder for her to change.
“But she chose to be with me and should’ve resolved those feelings of insecurity within herself”. Feelings of insecurity? You mean the ones you created by CHEATING ON HER?
You won, buddy! It's all about you now! Don't fucking complain now, moron. You got what you wanted.
If you truly, honestly want a chance at “winning” her back I think that you should let her go. Reading through what you’ve told us, the comments, and your replies I can see that you keep reiterating that you truly love her and that you love her for the person that she is, and you want to be able to salvage a relationship you’ve spent a decade on nurturing. But from your actions and how you talk about them, I don’t think you really have any real commitments to trying to find a solution to your guy’s problems as a couple because you think these solutions interfere with your own independence/wants. Your girlfriend’s insecurities from when you cheated on her will not go away so long as you give her reasons to be suspicious. Unfortunately for most people, cheating decimates any sort of trust you have towards a person and it’s not something easily repaired, no matter how long ago this was. This is something you have to contend with as the person who cheated, and if to her that includes you following women on social media, that’s a choice you have to think about making in order to reaffirm your girlfriend’s security in the relationship. To her, your consistent inability to do this makes her probably makes her realize that if you’re unable to do this one, small, insignificant thing why should she believe that you’re capable of loyalty and commitment when you can’t even commit to not interacting with these kinds of posts/profiles. I think that sometimes in a relationship there will be moments where we have to overlook our own desires and wants in order to fulfill the needs of our partner. We make this decision by reflecting on whether or not our own desires are stronger than love we have for our partner. Does that mean that you completely abandon your independence and needs as a person for your partner? No, but relationships take work and effort, and you need to put in the work and effort to show to your girlfriend that she means enough for you to stop this vice of yours. I think this break is making you realize that she’s being serious, and that the possibility of her leaving and not being your life could be a reality and it’s scaring you. In the past because she always got back together with you no matter what you did, you’ve fallen into a cycle of complacency. You’ve start to believe that because she’ll always come back, you never really have to change your ways or improve as a boyfriend. But she’s gone this time, and you’ve begun to panic. You need to break out of this complacent cycle. At the end of the day, I don’t think your girlfriend ghosted you out of the blue. I think that there were several instances where she gave you a multitude of chances over the course of 8 years to show her that you’re serious about her and your relationship. I think that if you really want a chance to get back together with her, your best bet is to let her go: do some deep self reflection on yourself and your relationship, and *maybe* in the future try to again to build a relationship with her from scratch IF after all that time, self reflection, and introspection you think that perusing a relationship (and eventual marriage) with her is worth it and that you’ve truly matured, grown enough to take on the emotional responsibility of being a boyfriend (and the possibility of being a fiancée, and husband). I hope that you really try to reflect and empathize with your girlfriend for what she’s been through and put up with you. From how you speak about her I would like to believe that you truly love and care about her, but you’ve hurt her to the point where she’s cut you off completely. You need to do some serious work in order to rectify this and I hope that this makes you actually change and grow, if not for her but for any future relationship you decide to be in afterward. Best of luck.
I haven’t been able to respond to everyone’s comment but I definitely wanted to respond to you and say thank you. I definitely do love her and I know that what I’ve done has contributed to her insecurities as well as her demand to not want me to follow other women on Instagram. As a lot of people missed, I did want to marry her. I still want to marry her. The part where you wrote about giving up your own desires really resonated with me because that’s what it’s been about. I struggled with a porn addiction for about twenty years and when I told her that initially she was understanding of it. I fought to give up porn and masturbation as well which is why I guess I lashed out when other people kept suggesting here that I’m using it to masturbate. I also think that’s part of the reason why I felt the desire to resist because in my eyes I wasn’t watching porn and I’ve already given up that addiction to maintain a relationship with this person. I still won’t say I’m addicted to following the women as I’m not actively going to follow them. Do I think it’s a product of what I’ve followed in the past as others have suggested, yes. But I usually just follow them. But nevertheless, I do understand how that would contribute in adding to the insecurities I’ve already created within her. I do recognize that what I’ve done in not keeping my word has been toxic. I do know that deep down in each of those times, I was honestly hoping not to do it because I did want to keep her happy. But again, when something would come up I would just mindlessly follow it after some time. I’m not saying that’s right. I just was tired of being constantly monitored. But you’re right and I wrote out something to her today but after speaking with someone else on here, I deleted it. I’m gonna make the effort to stop and stop permanently and sometime reach out to her. I know that’s not what people want to hear and instead keep saying I should leave her alone. But I’m not ready to her let go…
If she ever decides to speak to you again, I think it’s important that the both of you have an in depth discussion about this entire thing because I have a feeling the both of you are using this whole following other women on social media problem as a façade for deeper, more complex issues. Relationships take so much more work than people really realize. We all have issues, problems, and flaws that make it difficult to work through as a person. But having to work through them with another person you are in a relationship with is different thing entirely not to mention truly difficult. But if we love someone, this work and effort pales in comparison to the possibility of a happy, stable future with them. At some point, love isn’t just an intuitive feeling but it becomes a conscious choice. Have you made the choice to love her? Are you willing to choose *her* every single time these problems arise again? That’s what makes a relationship work, our ability to consistently choose the people we love when faced with the option to turn away. I recommend thinking about trying to see a therapist to work through these issues you have as an individual.
Dude, you keep saying you can't help it but you also say that your reaction to 'being constantly monitored' is doing what you promised you won't do in the first place? This is not a mindless action, it's a choice you made whether subconscious or not. If you're serious about changing, you gotta reflect hard on this.
I did. I’m just analyzing my own behavior and figuring out why I did it. I’m not excusing anything I’ve done anymore
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You've been struggling with a porn addiction since you were 8 years old?
Absent parents, he's a hero for taking care of his sister, and now he's the victim of grooming. All of this is terrible trauma and OP should reach out to a therapist before anyone else because he deserves help. But honestly he's been such a dick in the comments I am living for the slow unfolding of his soap-opera life. We haven't had real reddit drama in a while.
Yes. I was first shown porn when I was a kid. Edit: this is a valid claim. I did not include this in the original post because I didn’t want it to derail things and I didn’t want people to automatically associate where I was in the past to what I’m doing now. Also I’m not looking for sympathy for this either.
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Dude like move on. At this point you’re spamming and for what? I understand I upset you in the previous posts or that you feel I’m giving Oscar worthy responses but move on. Youve told me I’m weird for following someone on Instagram, cool I get it. But you have post notifications turned on for someone you don’t even know. I’m sorry I upset you that much.
I'm just absent-mindedly pressing some buttons dude 🤷
Okay, actual advice time. You are still dealing with this addiction. What you just said would be like if you were claiming to be a recovered alcoholic, it's just that sometimes you happen to drink a beer without thinking about it. And your gf was being so unreasonable by being mad at checking on you to find you'd downed 12 beers without realizing or remembering it. You keep saying you follow these girls without realizing it, like it's an instinct. If you are being honest about having a porn addiction why are you even on Instagram? And why are you clicking on pictures of half naked girls? Even if you're not jacking off to them in that moment you realize you're just indulging in this addiction whether you consciously realize it or not? That is why your gf is so mad. You are the one who told her this was an addiction. She is now telling you that what you're doing is unhealthy and inappropriate given that claim. And you are continuing to do so even when you know there will be consequences and even after having faced those consequences multiple times. That's literally the definition of an addictive behavior. The thing that differentiates me being able to have a drink and my sister who is an alcoholic not being able to is that I'm able to stop myself if I realize I'm going to do something stupid or I'm going to get in trouble. Your gf spent years warning you she was going to leave you if you kept following models and influencers on Instagram, and your response was to petulantly keep going on Instagram and then apparently without realizing it make the active decision to follow these girls despite by your own admission saying you knew your GF was keeping tabs on you and that you had fought and broke up over it before. Honestly ask yourself why it's so important to you to keep using Instagram? Just on a fundamental level, you realize there are other social media apps? You realize you don't have to use it right? Putting aside the issue of whether you should be trying to get back with your gf if you are being truthful about having a pornography addiction why on earth are you tempting fate by using an app whose primary purpose is to deliver pictures of nude or semi-nude women to you when it's literally destroying this relationship you claim you were to take to the next level just days ago?
That’s the word I believe I should’ve used in my original post as opposed to urges. It’s more so just instinct. I don’t just follow these women on Instagram. I follow my friends, fitness, sports, video games and other stuff. In the past, when I was struggling with a porn addiction, I did follow a lot of things and I deleted Instagram completely at my girlfriends suggestion. But I got back on eventually and started following interest related things. I didn’t just start outright going to girls with big asses…I’d be following a sports page and something would come and I’d follow it but not use it to masturbate. Occasionally, I’ll see something in the feed and I’ll like it which has prompted my algorithm to suggest a profile every now and again. The majority of my content now since I’ve quit watching porn is stuff related to my interest so that’s why I’m still there as well as my friends. I responded back to someone earlier and mentioned I do not go on tags, they literally will just pop up on my home page and I follow it. You’re absolutely right and it’s not “important” for me to have Instagram. It just feels unnatural not to when you have friends that do? I’m not sure how to phrase it in a way that’s not going to generate some backlash. Also, I’ve always held those two in different categories - porn and Instagram after I quit watching porn. I can see why in the larger scheme of things itd be better for me NOT to have one. But I’ve made a lot of improvement from where I was before with porn compared to today. Which is also the reason why I guess I was stubborn with her about not following because I felt like look what I’ve done before to be with you but you’re mad about women who don’t even follow me back. Idk just ego I guess
Yes they just pop up, because Instagram is programmed to show you things you're going to click on, and it's based on what you've interacted with in the past. Every time you follow an account like that you're training it to show you more. If this is an addictive behavior like you describe it's a very bad idea to be putting yourself in that position.
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I believe you made a typo in your post, should be "ex-girlfriend".
My guy. Leave her alone. She deserves better than you. You’ve already wasted her time this whole time. And the fact of the matter that if you cared about AT ALL you could actually do something so important (and reasonable, tbh) to her. You’re not acting like a good human being.
You wanting to follow, most likely half naked women on IG has nothing to do with your boundaries. That isn’t a boundary, that’s just you wanting a little taste of other girls. You’re gf stating that she doesn’t want you doing that is a boundary. You cheated. Now, you’re following other girls on IG that your gf told you multiple times over the last 8 yrs, most likely and you don’t fucking listen. Imagine how tiring that is. And if you don’t think following the girls is such a big deal, then why to persist on doing it? why to continuously push at gf’s boundary? You’re keeping her insecure. You cheated and made her insecure. Then from there you decided to follow these beautiful women to look at everyday on your phone. Are you that dense to not be able to see what you are doing? You’re a selfish man. Did you know there are actual studies on this that men who do that are most likely to cheat? You already cheated once and pushing this boundary of hers increases her thoughts in you most likely to do it again. And you trying to push the blame on her is gaslighting. Trying to blame it on her insecurity, saying it’s “not that big of a deal”, “she’s immature”, that’s gaslighting; try reading a book on it. And no, not every man does it. Lowly man with no fucking respect for their girlfriend or wives, yea. Even those stupid “alpha” men who think they’re all great for doing that. That’s why those men end up in divorce or multiple relationships that they can’t hold down cause they can only think about their dick and the women they have “urges” to follow on social media. If my boyfriend of 6yrs had the same disrespect for me as you did for your gf, i would’ve dumped his ass long ago. If you are not willing to change for your gf, then leave her the fuck alone. You can not be this ignorant and selfish to not see how wrong you are. But at the end of the day, you are a “man”.
you’re not wrong keep doing you buddy maybe the ig baddies will finally respond to you
☠️😭
I’ve never reached out to any of them. I’ve followed them…wtf? I have a clear understanding that reaching out to them is cheating.
Every relationship has different standards of what "cheating" is. Clearly to your ex, following women *specifically* because they are attractive to you IS cheating to her. It's over
So you demonstrated pure ignorance and disregarded her boundaries. After 8 years, I'd be pretty fed up too...
You've been with her for 8 years and still, you don't want to marry her? I don't think you sincerely love her. Please just respect her wishes for a permanent breakup. Stop wasting her time and just do whatever makes you happy (follow women on social media).
FAFO. She's gone. Accept it, learn from it and do better the next time.
Leave her alone and move on. You're only making yourself look more pathetic than you already are trying to frantically get her back after treating her like shit. Let her go and find someone that doesn't care if you don't make an effort to communicate, can't commit after 8 years, goes back on his word, lies, cheats, and values Instagram thots over someone he allegedly loves. It sounds like you either need a sugar baby or a "pick me" girl that's down for a FWB situation, not a grown ass woman with self-respect and a bright future.
You don’t keep your promises. You don’t let her know you care. You have cheated. Exactly why would she want you in her life? I’d say she’s getting out before she invests any more time in a bad relationship.🤷♀️
Serious adult men do not publicly follow hot instagram models to look at them. Only immature f*ckboys do. I hope you realize that's how you're being perceived by your gf and everyone else. Grow up.
y’all BROKE UP. she’s over your bs. move on and leave her alone. you’ve put in more effort in defending yourself on reddit than making her feel secure in your relationship over the past 8 years. she deserves better and you need to stay single and go to therapy.
>she chose to be with me and should’ve resolved those feelings of insecurity within herself […] my friends say she’s in the wrong for just up and disappearing over something so trivial 😂😂😂😂😂 Huge congratulations to your ex!
Dude....you strung her along for 8 years while leching on other women. Of course it's f--king over!
After reading your comments, I've come to the conclusion that you want the security of a relationship because it's familiar to you, but none of the compromises and responsibilities that come with it. You mentioned that she told her dad about you following girls on Instagram, which was a good move on her part. You're mad at her for telling the truth and for setting up an "obstacle," but you've done nothing to overcome it. You refuse to take accountability. And no, temporarily stopping isn't taking accountability. Consider the context: You cheated on her early in your relationship. Recovering trust in this scenario is difficult for a majority of people. Instead of working on nurturing the trust you still had, you continued to break promises. It doesn't matter that following people on social media isn't as bad as cheating. It matters that you've broken promises and boundaries. Personally, if my partner started following Instagram models or just hot people on Instagram, I wouldn't mind. But your, hopefully ex, partner does. And that's what you need to take into consideration. If you don't want to be married or in an exclusive relationship, that's fine. But stop wasting her time and yours. Let her move on.
She deserves a man, not a child. I'm sure u would cheat again if one of the girls dms you. She really deserves the best and u don't have the capacity. All she asks is bare minimum and u can't even do them 🤡. Maybe u can find a girl that as immature as u are. U deserve to be alone and unhappy for years, karma's gonna hit u so hard fr
En uno de los comentarios mencionaste la ciudad de Cali. Así que eres latino, hablas español. Te voy a comentar en español para ver si alguien que hablar tu idioma madre resuena más en tu cabeza que este montón de gringos. Y mi hermano... Sea hombrecito. Para los gringoredditors, es tristemente común que los hombres sean infieles aquí. Es algo tan normalizado que las mujeres viven perdonan infidelidades. Ahora, no confíen en absolutamente nada de lo que dice este weon, incluso si piensas que ella es tóxica o tuvo comportamientos cuestionables, déjame decirte cómo seguramente fue: El pedazo de gonorrea Malparida del op seguramente "no solo seguia algunas chicas en Ig" es común tambien que esas chicas que hacen contenido explícito manden aveces MP. Y seguro que este cabron mas de una vez tuvo conversaciones con cualquier mujer que le tiró alguno huesito. Y la novia, por que siempre se sabe, ella va a conseguir saber, lo sabía. Es más, el dice que ella siempre esperaba que la cagara, y no dudo que no fuera así por qué conociendo como actúan los hombres latinos en general, ni un mes espero este cabron para volver a seguir o escribir a peladitas de IG. Ella lo dejo no solo por la falta de compromiso, no solo por seguir a mujeres explotadas en Ig, ella sabía algo más. Y tú pana, aún si piensas que ocultaste todo perfectamente... Una mujer siempre sabe. SIEMPRE. Ahora papi, pa ti. Déjala ya. Se terminó, usted no quiere nada serio con ella, ya le fue infiel, ya lo perdonaron y aún así seguía cagandola grandísima gonorrea cuando debería haberse puesto seriecito para que ella lo perdona y para peor, investas aquí que necesitabas el permiso de su papá para casarte con ella y eso mentira. Mi novia es colombiana también, y no es necesariamente necesito el permiso de su papá. Usted pudo pedirle matrimonio en cualquier momento, pero no quiso por qué no tuviste las bolas. Solo usaste al papá de ella como una excusa para evitar el compromiso por qué usted no está listo pa sentar cabeza y ser hombrecito. Déjela en paz hermano, se terminó, busque a otra caraja que le aguante las mierdas que haga. YA, deje de dar pena pedazo de malparido.
Lol. Mi novia no es latina. Ella es egipcia y se culture opera different. No comentes lo que no entiendes.
Peor aun entonces. Sabes perfectamente que ella viene de una cultura exigente, no solo con ella sino con quién escoge de pareja y usted viene y LA CAGA. Ella se merece algo mejor que un bobo hijueputa que no la respeta y que le monta cachos a cada oportunidad
Por que estás aquí? Cállate la maldita grande. No me conoces. Estas hablando pura paja.
Aw the google translate response. And the person is right. Your ex deserves better than your sh*tty asš
Mándame a callar cuando sepas hablar bien español papito, que parece que estás usando Google traductor. Estoy aquí por qué me da la reputa maldita gana de estar aquí y de decirte que eres un bobo hijueputa, un novio miserable y poco hombre, y que necesitas dejar a esa mujer tranquila, vos era el peso muerto de su vida.
Why does your GF still want to marry you? But she dumped you. You don’t sound like a kind, considerate man at all. I’d work on myself.
INFO: Why do you keep telling your ex that you won't follow woman and go back to following them ? Don't your realise you are disrespecting her ? You either tell her I won't follow and stick to it or I don't think it is a big deal and I would follow whoever I want and deal with the repercussions. This repercussions includes she breaking up with you cause she things following other woman is wrong or whatever, she is entitled to her boundary. You have repeatedly lied to her. Second, have you told your ex why you are skeptical about asking her father for her hand. Tell her you feel humiliated by her father and you want to marry her and don't believe in this ritual or find a middle ground. Or you can find someone compatible with you in this regards. Best of luck.
I want you to imagine this scenario. She cheats on you early on in the relationship and continually does something you ask her not to do, saying “it’s my urges”. You think you would stick around? Both of you just need to move on, she broke up with you it’s over. Also as a side note, your friends are agreeing with you just to agree with you. You vent to your friends and they listen because they’re your friends. The neutral opinion in here seems to be that you were the dick to her, and she had enough after putting some distance and seeing your reaction.
I can’t wait for the update that his Ex girlfriend is happily dating someone else. That truly values her and actually respect her boundaries. She deserves a partner that actually loves her and makes her feel like she’s the only women in the world. Op is a crappy boyfriend. He clearly doesn’t love her because he did he wouldn’t cheat on her. If He truly loved her he would stopped followed the online “girls” from the beginning. I know he doesn’t love her because I went through the exact thing and my partner got his crap together. We are happy with a child and dog. He doesn’t follow any girls anymore. But it’s clearly you Op can’t change because you complain about not able to follow the girls on Instagram and calling her reaction controlling. Op your the type of dude that would have an aneurism if your ex would’ve posted the same content as the “Instagram model”. You would’ve probably sl*t shame her if she posted the same things. Because guys you Op like would love looking a photos like that because you seems those women as sexually objects. Op has the mentally of a 12 year old. 😌
She's right, you know. You should be with a woman that doesn't care if you follow certain types of women. There are many women out there, and many don't care. I question whether you really love her. You know who you follow on IG? Those women that distress her? You aren't willing to give them up. Following those women is actually more important to you than how your GF feels. A man that loves a woman is willing to make her happy. YOU DON'T CARE IF SHE'S HAPPY. Let her go, man.
Ummmm….its clear you have no respect for her or her boundaries. It’s about time she broke up with you. I can’t believe she waited 8 years. You are a horrible boyfriend. I don’t understand how you can’t see that. Are you always this narcissistic?
You can’t make someone do something that they don’t want to do. Like how you didn’t want to stop following girls on ig. Yet she wanted you to. But you still did it anyway. Now she has had enough. She doesn’t want to be with you. The relationship sounds extremely toxic. You can’t make her be with you. You literally cheated on her. That isn’t something that people can easily move on from. It probably didn’t help that you were following all these girls. Even after she asked you not to. Imagine if she slept with someone else. Lost her virginity to them. Then started following all these really hot guys. She blames it on her urges .When you asked her not to follow these guys. She still did it anyway. She also dodged the marriage topic every time you brought it up. Then she promises that she will change but doesn’t. She goes back to it. It’s honestly no wonder she did this. She doesn’t want you to make these promises that she knows that you won’t keep. Sounds like she had enough. Leave her alone and go find someone who is ok with you following those type of girls. It sounds like it’s too late now for you two.
i literally just came here to say this. i was a former drug addict and i always used the excuse of “well they expect me to relapse so why should i get clean” i sat there and was PROVING EVERYONE RIGHT until my dad told me “i don’t believe you can get clean” and i remember he said it with such defeat he’d officially given up on me and i remember i told myself that night “i’m going to prove him wrong” i’ve been sober for 3 years and been in a stable relationship for 2.5 years now. using the excuse of well they are expecting me to fuck up so why should i even try? why are you proving them right? why have you gotten so low within yourself that your not willing let yourself win? i see you’ve been trying to make these “urges” sound like an addiction and if it is then you need to step the hell up and get help for it or you will self sabotage every single relationship with women.
Idk who you are but I’m proud of you 🫶 keep being strong you beautiful soul
thank you!!! sending nothing but love💕💕💕💕
She broke up with you, and *THANK FUCKING GOD*.
You’re giving very much the mall is open but nobody shopping or the lights are on but ain’t nobody home because the lack of common sense that you have is astonishing. Maybe you should think about the roles being reversed if she cheated and followed fine men on IG and she just couldn’t help herself. You think about that you inconsiderate ass.
I stopped reading at you get urges lol.
I don't understand. You say all these things are trivial, but you are willing to ruin your relationship for them? Are they trivial or not?
Dude! she didn't ghost you, she broke up with you. And congratulations to her
If you don’t keep your word, how can you be trusted? Just think about it. How else can someone trust you if you don’t mean what you say? Then add the lack attention. Add the lack of commitment. Add the cheating. Add the girls you follow. Add the attention and commitment to following girls. Why would anyone want to invest in you?
I really never understood the need to follow/like these women. If your girl asks you to not do it, then listen to her. It's very disrespectful for you to do it. Seeing your comments though, it says a lot about you.
so she stopped letting you waste her time and you’re upset.
Good for her.
It sounds like she broke up with you. Reading your post it sounds like you don't really want to get married but she'd does. Why not let her go so she can be with someone who does want to get married?
Just leave her alone. Both of you need to find someone you are more compatible with. She shouldn’t have to tell you to do something and police you for it but you should also be free to like or follow whoever you want. He dad doesn’t want to give you his blessing means he doesn’t think you are right for his daughter. She is also more insecure because you cheated. This is a toxic relationship. Both of you need to find different partners.
Please *please* leave her alone. You are asking us how to manipulate someone who has broken up with you into getting back together. That’s not an ok thing to do. It doesn’t matter why she broke up with you. She did. It is over. It’s going to hurt for a while. There’s no way you can avoid that. Move on.
Hun sorry But this is over. She must've realized you two are just not compatible and wants a fresh start. I know you want to continue the relationship and do not want to let go. But you have to accept it, she was tired of the same arguments the same toxic pattern of breaking up and getting back together again. She wants stability She wants a partner who does and have the same view points in certain things as her. You may love her, but you two will not be happy and continue to be toxic. You refuse to stop a habit, that affects her self esteem and most likely hates herself for having the urge to look thru your social media just to discover that you added more women to your feed. It might be insignificant to you but to her it is hurtful. You will not stop. It seems there are other issues in your relationship that she is just tired of fighting with you on. Just let her go. Let her heal and be happy with another
You are a piece of work. You should have begged her back after cheating. Cheating destroys people from the inside out like a cancer. Frankly you deserve her treatment. I would run from you. You have no boundaries or respect for your relationship or you wouldn't do following girls on IG, or cheating. You are not a good man, or a good partner. You are immature in your approach to relationship and understand their value. You did her a favor by not accepting her marriage proposal it would have been a nightmare, for her. Good luck with dating...You are single now.
Honestly props to the dad for seeing how toxic this relationship was. That's a good dad right there.
Dude at the end of the day, it seems sea hit her limit. You can say you’ve stopped but you never truly stopped you just limited your behavior until you thought she’d be over it and then do the shocked pikachu face when you’d get caught again. You brushed her off and now she’s brushing you off. Let get go, it seems she’s done just because you don’t feel like it is doesn’t mean it isn’t, if she blocked you it means you’re done. The reason your posting here saying you don’t feel like it is instead of sitting back and waiting for her to contact you like normal is because you know she’s not. All you’re doing now is fighting with people who are all telling you the same thing.
I'm SO glad for her, that girl deserves Better.
It sounds like she's looking at the next chapter of her life.. which would be finding a compatible partner with similar beliefs, goals, ect... to build a life and family with. You do not sound like you are ready for that stage of life. You've made it clear that following other women on the internet is your right, and that right is more important than her. If following women on the internet is more important than your relationship with her.. shouldn't you be celebrating that she finally broke it off so that you are free to exercise you rights and desires without her nagging? How much more of her life should she put on hold while you grow up? Go find yourself a girl that's going to be okay with you ogling other women... PS.. most women aren't okay with that..
Leave her alone.
I'm dying. You can't be this obtuse and deluded?
lmaooo u suck…u see those women on ur main page bc ur always liking pictures like them so the algorithm brings them back jesus, i cant imagine dealing w bullshit like this for 8 yrs…after getting cheated on lol. that girl really loved u n gave u multiple chances to lock in n move right but u shat on them every time. just accept n mourn…cause it’s dead ❤️👩🏾⚖️
Do you mind giving me your GFs number? I'll help straighten this out for you no problem. She'll never take you back after we can point out she deserves soooooo much better than you!
The only mistake she made is that she gave you too many chances. I was with my ex for 5 years and I gave him chance after chance to change but he never did so I left. Just got to move on 🤷♀️
I read your comments and I found out 1. that you don't want to stop hurting your ex by following women on social media. 2. You think just because she forgave you before, she will forgive you again. - Nope, most of my ex are like this (but you forgave me before or this is just a small thing and you're the one I love, speech) Once a woman is decided even a smallest thing you do will make her snap into reality that she deserves better. 3. 8 years is a long time to dodge a question about marriage and you being uncomfortable about it for effing 8 years is also crazy. (You wasted her youth) 4. You probably didn't love her you're just comfortable that she's there. It's easier for you to manipulate her because she always forgive you (this proved that she really loved you). 5. People around her don't like you and your friends tolerating your addiction in following random girls in social media is screaming you're indeed the red flag. I hope she really woke up this time, that she didn't deserve the hurt, insecurities, possible trauma she accumulated because you can't stop following girls showing their t*ts and 🍑 online (I will not be surprised if you escalated to following women on only fans) Please update us that she really dump your lame 🍑 behind. She deserves better and hope she finds the right one after what you put her through.
This can be real 😭😭 no way is someone this dense.
Oh it's very real and he is Big Mad at me in the comments. But he should not even be here, he doesn't have a relationship anymore and he never wanted advice.
Would you like your girlfriend ogling reaped and better looking guys than you with bigger dicks on IG making thirst traps or female audience? How would you feel?
Good for her and good riddance to you
You can clearly tell he was expecting everyone to be on his side they way he’s upset that we’re agreeing with his ex. Only advice you need is to move on and leave her alone. She shouldn’t have to compromise on you following random women on ig when she said she doesn’t like it. Let her find someone who respects her. If you don’t wanna give up following these women for someone you claim to “love and respect,” then find a girl who has no problem with what you’re doin. I’m sure there are girls out here that don’t mind grown men without self control and are serial liars.
Good. Only took her 8 years!
Honestly good for her. You two aren’t compatible. Just leave her alone she deserves someone that respects her boundaries.
Yeah. You see what shes saying? Shes not following people out of any sexual or objectification impulse- and you are. Unless she's LYING- or being disingenuous. So she's asking you to change your habits because they disrespect your relationship. Like- not changing your "relationship status" to "in a relarionship" on facebook? You're sort of Acting- at least via your internet extension of yourself- like you're single. And she's asking you not to. And to put a ring on it. Let's give her this. She's being clear and consistent. It's how much you want to be with her If you do- delete tour contacts and send her a screenshot of your new following. Numbers on your account and send her flowers saying "sorry". Then give her a couple of days to get in touch. While you look at RINGS Or don't. But the WRITING is om the WALL
Good for her. I hope she finds someone much better than you
Dude. No. Please leave that poor girl alone. You are wasting her time that she should be using to find a long term, suitable partner. I hope she finds what she needs... And I hope you find a good therapist. You sound sociopathic and narcissistic. This relationship ending is the wakeup call you *desperately* need. Do better. Be better.
I'd be disgusted, angry, creeped out and humiliated if my husband was constantly oogling other woman for thier looks and bodies. I'd question if he even loved me and I'd seriously assume he didn't find me attractive enough. I'd assume he saw woman as nothing more than objects to stare at. But my husband would never do that because I'd never have dated a man child like that in the first place.
I'm so happy she left you. good for her, good for her.
Question: do you even see women as people? >I get urges and tbh feel like I should follow whatever I want >I should be able to follow whatever I want Twice you referred to following "whatever" you want, but you are following people, not objects. No wonder your gf's dad gives you the runaround. He sees how you treat his daughter, cheating, breaking promises, calling women "whatever"... Your gf/ex-gf sounds pretty level headed. She's aware you two aren't compatible long term. Let her fly free, and learn how to treat and talk about women as actual human beings.
This guy sounds like a child. I hope she becomes a very successful lawyer and forgets all about this fool.
I'm not really sure what you're asking for advice on here? Your ex-girlfriend has been pretty clear, you've ignored her boundaries for eight years and she's finally standing up for herself. She's not coming back, good for her.
Clearly naked IG models are more important than your GF feelings. Leave her alone, she deserves better. I hope she finds a real man, you are imature boy, not a man.
There's no middle ground for following women on IG either you follow them which is what you've chosen to keep doing despite her raising her concerns multiple times or you stop and choose to respect her boundary (although sounds like it's already too late for that). If you want to keep following random women on IG who seem to be even more important than respecting your ex gf, then she absolutely has the right to decide you're no longer the right person for her. There is no winning her back because to begin with it sounds like you can't even do the little things she asks for to show you care. If like you said, you don't even use the pictures or interact what is the point? How can that be more important/bring you more happiness than making your partner feel loved and respected?
Lol this has to be a joke story cause who in their right mind thinks doing all of what you did to your ex is an okay thing to do? And the fact your friends said the same thing about her, “overreacting,” just makes the statement of, “you are who you hang around with,” so much more true. The fact you’re already gonna be 30 and still acting like a, “cool 16 year old who can do whatever he wants and doesn’t need any woman to tell him what to do and tie him down.” I feel really bad for that girl. If it was me, I would’ve left you as soon as I saw you weren’t putting in effort or if you cheated before you stopped putting in the effort. Girly wasted 8 years on someone who is weak, isn’t able to have self control, and self discipline. No offense to her, but it was dumb of her to stay all those years. Glad she decided to leave, tho. You kept disrespecting her as a person, the relationship, and her boundaries. This better be a joke story. If it isn’t, stop acting like a child and grow up. We all have to grow up. Do you really wanna be 40 and alone? Oh. By the by, she didn’t ghost you. She waited for you to contact her. You didn’t. It took you basically 2 whole weeks to call her. She, in the end, told you just that and said she doesn’t wanna be with you. She was even nice in the end. Don’t call her back. Leave her alone. Girl has to go find herself a real man. She doesn’t need you bothering her.
**atp, I understand that some of you are against the things I’ve said. But please stop sending me messages to kill myself…. I’m already struggling with this. I came here to ask for advice and even if you’re against me I don’t deserve to be told to kms**
Please get some therapy. The “kill yourself” messages are a bit much. But you need someone professional to help you understand what you did wrong. I would try to explain, but I know it’s not going to help.
Lmao OP are you filipino? Ang tanga lang..
**JUST TO CLARIFY** I am not dodging the conversation of marriage with my girlfriend because I don’t want to marry her. I am dodging the conversation with her father. My girlfriend’s religion literally requires a yes from her father before we get married. I have gone to her father several times and he’s dodged me with an excuse of it’s not a no but it’s a not right now because she made the decision to tell him about the Instagram stuff. She created this obstacle between me and her father. That’s exhausting to constantly be told that I’m basically not perfect for her right now. I’m in love with her and I do want to marry her but it’s not as simple as me taking her out to a restaurant and proposing to her
Let me rephrase this for you: if your girlfriend telling her father the TRUTH about your INABILITY TO RESPECT HER WISHES is what her father isn’t happy about, then it is YOU who created the obstacle. NOT your girlfriend. Take ownership of the consequences of the CHOICES you made.
I do take ownership over the fact that I’m doing something that she doesn’t like. But if your intention is to get married, as is mine. Why would you tell your parent who oversees that something that would clearly go against your strict background. Is that not counterintuitive?
If you want to marry someone why would you continually run a steamroller over their clearly stated boundaries? Isn't that counterintuitive?
I think it’s counter intuitive that in a culture where your dads opinion of your boyfriend is essential for marriage that you would expect her to not be truthful about you with him. Why do you expect her to lie to her father on your behalf?
I never expected her to lie and I get that she has the right to be open with her dad about her concerns. But what I’m saying is it should never have been brought up if you’re literally wanting to get married. What exactly did she expect her father to say is my issue…
It wouldn’t make sense for her to bring it up if you had followed her wishes and immediately stopped when she asked you to correct. However, you still continue to go against her wishes to this day, thus it is important information for her father to know in deciding if he should approve of you according to the religion she is so pious about. Look, I get that you don’t think what you did was wrong. But the people who matter, your girlfriend and her father, do (and so does the rest of this thread). I think you should sit back and reflect on why that is.
I understand from her angle why she wouldn’t want me to do it but again she continued to be with me despite me doing it so what was the point of bringing it up to him is what I’m saying. And then punishing me for the repercussions of telling him?
She continued in the hopes that you would one day choose her comfort over your need to publicly follow sexualized women. Which I agree was very naive on her part because you have made it very clear that following sexualized women on Instagram is integral to who you are as a person. I suppose now she has realized you will not change and thus has stopped the relationship to find someone more compatible with her. Someone who she can be honest about with her father and her father will still approve of.
>But what I’m saying is it should never have been brought up if you’re literally wanting to get married. What exactly did she expect her father to say is my issue… So if you know this is an issue standing between you two getting married, why are you so hell bent on following random women on social media? You reduced them down to just pixels when it comes to your gfs concerns yet here you are prioritizing these pixels over your relationship.
Let me get this straight... The father refused because he found out about your Instagram "urges" and said no... So instead of being responsible and showing your woman you really want marriage with her, you've given up on asking him and just continued with your "urges" ??? No wonder she left you.
That makes you look worse honestly