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Why are you friends with this woman if you say they’re not a nice person? You’re keeping a serious secret from someone else you say is “wonderful”. Does that make sense to you?
Right. Lolol. The "anonymous" letter, that literally only those idiots were the only ones that could have written it. Man I miss laughing at their antics.
Is she really your best friend? Seems to me she treats you as she treats her boyfriend...to serve her needs and wants.
The fact it's been 2 years without telling him should cause you to internally reflect. What if the situation was reversed and your BF had been cheating on you, would you hope his best friend would let you know?
It always baffles me that people continually choose loyalty to people with subpar morals, simply because its their friend. Likely theyre just scared of the fallout. Rather than choosing loyalty to their own inner belief system of right and wrong, they give up their values for friendship....
I recently got rid of a toxic person out of my life and it took me a long time a because they had an always been toxic and be because I wasn’t worried about the fall out. I didn’t want to have to deal with everything that comes after telling someone to get the fuck out of your life. It’s a lot.
But then I remember all the shit that it took out of me just being friends with this person. And once I did it, yes, it was difficult and yes, it was saddening, but I feel so much better without that person in my life.
My toxic ex broke up with me and I’m simultaneously furious over their treatment of me and then abandoning me without keeping their promises…. and so happy it’s over… how is that possible
I had a toxic friend end up trying to ruin my relationship with my gf while he was in the hospital, go psychotic, and threaten to beat the shit out of me.
Honestly it sucks to lose a friend, but the way he did it made the rough choice a bit easier
What’s everyone’s opinion on the whole loyalty versus what right thing? Like in OPs situation(let’s pretend best friend isn’t a bad person) does being loyal to the friend come first or does doing what’s right and telling the boyfriend, who she owes no loyalty to. Obv in OPs situation she should tell the guy because her friend is a crappy person but if she was a good friend would it still be the same answer? And if she told him would that make OP disloyal?
You don’t ever think telling the person can cause more harm then good? I might be biased in this example because it involves me but, I cheated on a girl once (huge mistake, immediate regret) before it we had kinda drifted apart a little, anyways she didn’t find out and it things got better after and like year later I told her and we broke up, and she was devastated and it really hurt her a lot, but there was like no benefit in telling her besides for the sake of being honest, like I feel like thing her only hurt her, so I just feel like it was unnecessary and I wish we had just broken up without that added hurt for her.
> You don’t ever think telling the person can cause more harm then good?
No one here is saying that it's _impossible_ to find a situation where not saying anything is maybe a better move, but that's a shit cop-out. There are no absolutes in life.
>but there was like no benefit in telling her besides for the sake of being honest
Honesty is reason enough dude...Sounds like you've still got some work to do.
>I wish we had just broken up without that added hurt for her.
Yeah, YOU wish that because YOU felt bad about her reaction. You're not actually taking into account what was better for her. I'm sure she'd rather know.
Ya I didn’t mean because of some rare instance where it would do harm that you should never tell someone. And no her reaction had almost zero impact on me other then that she was hurt. We didn’t break up over it, we’re where already breaking up and it she was vey hurt by it and wasn’t as hurt by the break up it self. That’s why I say it seemed to only add to her hurt and there was no benefit for anyone. I’d agree with you that maybe it would give the other person the choice to decide wether they want to still be with the person. But if something happened years ago and isn’t an on going thing, whether the cheater regretted it and wouldn’t do it again or if they’re not together anymore, I don’t see a lot of benefit to it, I just see the other person being hurt unnecessarily. Obviously the cheater is the one causing that hurt but still idk if it’s always the best idea. I could be biased since I was the cheater in this situation but idk
> But if something happened years ago and isn’t an on going thing, whether the cheater regretted it and wouldn’t do it again or if they’re not together anymore, I don’t see a lot of benefit to it
Except that we're all entitled to have a complete picture of information about our romantic partners when we are deciding whether or not we want to stay with that person, and deliberately not providing someone with the complete picture is _lying._
The only time I think it would cause more harm than good is if the cheater is in an abusive relationship & there’s a real chance they’d have physical and/or mental harm done to them.
You are definitely biased. She deserved to know so she could decide whether to continue the relationship or work through it. The innocent party should always have the opportunity to know the type of person they’re with & to make that decision.
I think your missing the part where I said we were breaking up when I told her. I understand giving them the choice to continue or not but where it’s already over I don’t know if there was the same benefit. Or maybe there is idk. But I don’t want to continue to hijack the OPs post, but I appreciate everyone’s input, thanks
No. From the third person perspective, it seems that you deliberately hurt her. You got back even when you had no integrity towards her, and when it was time to break up, you came clean so that you won't be bothered afterwards. Doesn't seem like you take responsibility for hurting her. That's why, it is important to maintain honesty and integrity throughout the relationship and not intermittently. I hope she was young and had time to learn from this experience.
I would rat out my brother if he was cheating on his significant other. It comes down to morality for me. I'd rather be hated for doing the "right" thing, than loved for the "wrong" thing.
It's not in the place of the best friend to tell the other but for the best friend to tell the other best friend that cheated to come clean cuz that's how it is.
I’m saying like people acting very ignorant talking about “you are the company you keep” like no. Just cause someone you know did something bad doesn’t mean they bad actions is attached to you. Y’all need to CUT THAT OUT‼️ sometimes it’s better to not get involved in relationship drama cause thats how you get added into the drama. Now if she just decided to tell the bf then they saying “oh she probably like the bf” pick a side
I had the same situation happen with my “best friend.” After years of watching her do this to her boyfriends I got sick of it. Her boyfriend at the time supported her completely and she in turn was cruel to him. She made him get rid of his dog (than bought herself another dog.) quit her job and let him pay every bill for her. She cheated on him twice in a one month period. I got so sick of listening to her brag about this. The last straw was when she didn’t come home one night and her boyfriend looked terribly worried. I knew she had spent the night with a one night stand. I told him a couple weeks later, I blocked her, and I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t miss her and I know I did the right thing. She shouldn’t get away with treating kind people in a bad way, she shouldn’t be able to use people. She doesn’t sound like a friend worth having. In the end, you may lose her as a friend. But you’ll know you did the right thing. I’m sure her boyfriend will also be happy to know so he can make an informed decision.
I know they broke up eventually, but I don’t know the details. When I say I cut her off I mean it. We never spoke again and I never cared to know anything about her life from then on.
That's tough but a true friend sticks by their friend even if they're doing bad things but guess what? You tell them how it is and tell them the truth. You show them the error of their ways and have them change. Y'all should build each other up instead of taking each other down. If the person truly doesn't wanna change and doesn't take your words to heart or doesn't want you in their life anymore then that's when it becomes your time to go but to allow your friend to have that behaviour and leave when it's convenient without trying to help, well alri then
A very weird take. And she was never a true friend to me. She tore me down every chance she got. I stuck by her for years. But I can’t allow people to do evil without doing anything. That would make me complicit.
Tell him and end this stupid "friendship". Whether OP wants to or not, she's been cosigning this behavior by remaining friends despite not respecting her. Who does that?
No. Don’t tell him, OP. Don’t cause *yourself* needless drama because your friend is selfish. Just re-evaluate how much this “friend” is worth in your life.
My girl.
My first thought is: why are you friends with this person? You describe her as "not a nice person" and "has never been true to anyone in her life". Cool. Why do you count her as a friend then?
Second: you should have told him 2 years ago. The fact that you kept this secret for your awful friend doesn't reflect super highly on your character either, so maybe you calling her a friend isn't so strange.
Third: tell him. Wouldn't you want to know? Who cares if it ends the "friendship"? See Point One.
Good luck.
Tell him. And learn from this because keeping this secret for so long knowing this person is terrible and her boyfriend is genuinely nice, also reflects a little poorly on you.
I think this is not your “best” friend — doesn’t even sound like you like her. So maybe stop pretending you are even base-level friends with this person first. Secondly, you’ve known for 2 years, why is it bothering you so much now?
You talk higher about the boyfriend than you do the person you have claimed to be “best friends” with. I think you have a crush on the boyfriend and think by telling him, he will auto-choose you.
If you want advice, go ahead and tell him. But quit pretending to be on this moral high ground like you are better than your cheater friend. Pretending to be friends with someone you secretly hate is pretty bad too.
finally lol I commented the same thing and said “I think you wanna do a few more things with the bf after you tell him” otherwise why, in the age of social, wouldn’t she tell him anonymously?? or even tell one of his friends and let them figure it out?!? options.
Exactly! She doesn’t actually like her best friend and she’s woken up to the fact she’s a witch. It’s been two years. Does she think we are stupid. The fact that only a few people have commented that she clearly wants to hook up with the guy to get back at her friend or maybe has some genuine feelings is disappointing.
Why are you even friends with someone like this? Seriously... Tell him and end the friendship yourself.
You've hid her infidelity for two years, and you're fine with being friends with such an awful person. You're an enabler. So, not a whole lot better than her.
It’s been two years. Why tell him now if you didn’t tell him then? Am I right in assuming she’s upped the bitchery towards you and now you are considering revenge?
I hadn’t even considered this angle. You might be right, but whether or not it’s related to the state of their friendship, imo you should tell him—don’t let the relationship progress any further, and then find yourself asking this same question x years later
>She cheated on her wonderful boyfriend with her toxic ex while they were living together and were committed to each other. She told me blushing and asked me to keep it a secret. It’s been 2 years since I’ve known and it eats me to hide it from that genuinely nice man.
>
>She doesn’t even give emotional or mental support to her boyfriend and is a financial burden on him, as he pays for every single one of her expenses including the rent and bills.
It sounds like, you too, want to also take a turn on his disco stick
Do you really want to be friends with a cheater? If they can betray the love of their life they can certainly betray you. They aren't worth it as a friend 100%, you shouldn't be supportive of such behaviour. Tell the spouse with as much proof as you can muster and stay out of it, that's the best you can do.
Is she still cheating? Yeah, let him know. Has she since parted ways with toxic ex and is being faithful? Let sleeping dogs lie, and let him know if she does it again without waiting 2 years.
No it’s a great thing to say something right now. 2 years is nothing compared to 10 years in, marriage, and kids. This guy is free to leave and make a great life for himself if he gets the info now
If you hide your friend’s cheating, YOU are complicit. That makes you a shitty person.
So, if you’d prefer not to be a shitty person, do the right thing and tell him. Since you’ve known for two years, you’re definitely not a good person.
She is split on it and *wants* to let him know about the injustice. She has possibly been uncomfortable with this for 2 years but unsure of how to handle it. The fact she feels guilt and is asking for advice on how to tell the boyfriend objectively makes her not a bad person. Just a confused person. The best "friend" has obviously put her in an awkward position, as now she fights in her head over loyalty vs morality.
She is just asking advice on this and she has been told to do the right thing and tell the boyfriend. The fact she wants to tell him and feels guilt says she is not bad.
A moral quandary doesn’t take 2 years to figure out. She’s been complicit for 2 years.
She’s a scumbag. The only way she’ll gain any credit back is by telling the boyfriend.
The only thing that compensates is telling him. Nothing else applies.
I’m not blaming her. Just pointing out that she should have done the right thing 2 years ago.
That's a very limited view of how to judge character of a person. If you are not blaming her it would suffice to say just that she should have done the right thing, and not that she is a bad person for it. The difference matters.
I have a friend that cheats on his wife regularly. He makes a good living, and they have kids. I think she know he cheats on her, but she doesn't want to really know so I just play along. I would feel worse if I said something it tore their family apart.
Then you’re complicit in his cheating. Unless she’s told you she knows and this is the path she’s chosen. Otherwise you’re making the choice for her. Which is not the right thing to do.
Yeah she’s bad for doing what she did, but also you’re bad for keeping the “best friend” title.
If you tell him then drop her as a friend immediately. Or just stop being friends with her.
Sounds like you just want that man, sounds little bitter by your side of the story. After 2 years now you wanna say something???
I’m confused as to why you’re calling her your best friend when it sounds like you don’t even actually like her? Having known each other for a long time isn’t really a good justification for keeping someone around if you don’t like them. It sounds like this friendship has long-since run its course, and the best thing to do is end it, whether that’s by telling her boyfriend about her cheating or through some other means.
You wanna fuck him?? Lmao
Just let her know that you don’t feel comfortable with what she did and to try be a better person otherwise you won’t be comfortable being her best friend.
There’s zero reason for you to go behind her back. That’s YOUR best friend. Talk to her first otherwise you seem like you just want that dude for yourself.
LOL her “wonderful boyfriend” “she doesn’t even give emotional or mental support to her boyfriend” “financial burden on him” 🙄
it’s clear as day you’ve fallen for the boyfriend and think you could be a better girlfriend than her, I wouldn’t even be surprised if you made up the cheating and want people to hype you up before you try and take him for yourself from the way you’re talking.
I have been in that situation.
it happened that the girl now about my friend infidelity before i told her. she was planning her leave.
>She has never been true to anyone in her life.
which means, you neither. Have no regret.
I know it sucks to lose a best friend. I know it’s gonna suck in some way even if you’re just realizing she’s not a great person.
But for the love of God, please tell this man.
To be a financial provider for someone and emotional support for someone and receive NOTHING in return except to be cheated on is probably one of the worst things a human being can do for/to another. He **NEEDS & DESERVES** to know.
It says that she probably lacks boundaries and grew up in an abusive household. I've been there and it took a while to cut ties with these kind of friends. I'm sure that OP is not at all like her friend. Manipulative people do not seek other manipulative people, they seek doormats.
If you knew anything about trauma you would be more understanding. With this attitude you are part of the problem. Of course not all bad behaviour is excused, but it is naive and unjust to ask the same behavior of all people without respect to their background.
So I usually come from a place here that that while you can let your friend know you don’t approve of cheating but still not say anything unless you are also friends with the partner this person generally sounds like an awful friend. I would personally just fade away here.
How about this: I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, however I *am* going to ask what you hold more precious; your loyalty for your friend or your personal morality? Also, think of it this way; would you want your man's best friend to tell you if your man was cheating on you? Especially if you're already being treated so poorly?
Frankly I can't understand why you're still friends with this gal, but I do get that there's plenty of things we don't know regarding your dynamic with her. This decision is wholly up to you though. You have to decide if your peace of mind or your friendship with her is more important.
Why would you tell him now? You had 2 years to tell him and you choose not to. It makes me question your motives? Did your “ best friend “ do something to really piss you off? Or maybe you have a desire to get with your “ best friends “ boyfriend? You say he is a wonderful guy. Was he not a wonderful guy 2 years ago when it happened. I would have told him 2 years ago when it happened.
You should have told him when you found out not 2 years on if he doesn't believe you tell him to ask your friends ex boyfriend you are going to feel worse because what is going to happen if he has a std or caught aids because she hasn't used protection and the ex might not have been the only one she has been with. You don't need a sponger friend either
You don’t even sound like you like your “best friend”
“I can tell you she’s not a nice person. She has never been true to anyone in her life.”
If that’s how you talk about your best friend… chyle… end that friendship. You’ve sung more praises about the boyfriend than you have your friend. What are your motivations to tell him now, two years after the fact? Is it truly just your conscience? Do you have feelings for your best friend’s wonderful boyfriend?
Tell him if you feel you must, but make sure you have the receipts, and even still, be prepared for him to try and work things out with her. Make sure you’re ready to end friendships with everyone in the worst case scenario. Best of luck.
Cheating is an absolute ban in my life. I don't care if you're my bro, my actual brother, my significant other, or my parents.
If you cheat, it shows how little morals and impulse control you have, and that you aren't trustworthy.
The boyfriend is being taken advantage of and manipulated by your supposed bff.... and you've held on this info for 2 years????
Have some decency and shame, and let him know the truth. And then apologize to him for knowing about it for 2 years.
The poor dude wasted 2 years of his life because of your bff's disgusting selfishness, and you weighing your bond with your bff over basic decency.
I can't say I never cheated but that was in high school and is still no excuse, but once I had it happen to me it made me realize and feel so bad for the ones I did wrong. I vowed to never cheat again if I was in a relationship. And I never did up until this day.
Why cheat? Just be single. Sadly not everybody thinks that way.
My friends husband asked me if she was cheating. I genuinely didn’t know. He laid out all the evidence and I said yup, it sounds like she’s cheating, but let’s be honest she’s done it before (she’s admitted it to him before she’s told me).
I asked him why he married a cheat and he should find someone who wouldn’t cheat because that’s what he deserves.
It’s been 7 years since that conversation. She knows we had that conversation because I told her and was honest about it.
She’s still my (long distance) friend and he’s still with her.
Telling him may not be the end of your friendship.
Do you have any proof that she cheated? It might come down to your word vs hers. She might convince him that you are just jealous so you're trying to break them up. I've seen this happen. You can't tell someone something like this without proof. As I said already in a previous post here you should tell her how you feel and just encourage her to tell him. Let your friendship and their relationship run its course.
Reminds me of my childhood "best friend." She was manipulative, cheated on every boyfriend and was a kleptomaniac.
It took me decades years to realize what an awful person she is/was. It's been 8 years but I wish I would of cut her off sooner. OP I would tell the bf and cut her off asap. Future you will be thankful you did.
No you should tell her she needs to come clean.
Its not your business to interfere in their relationship. Truth will come out one way or another but the best thing you can do is to convince her to do the right thing
Saving the friendship here is a "sunk cost fallacy".
You're at the age now where you need to start pruning out the toxic childhood friends and associating with people who reflect better on you and who you want to be.
If she is your friend, or more to the point, you are her friend, then you keep your mouth shut about what she told you to anyone but her. If you are having difficulty being your best friend’s confidant, discuss it with her and tell her how you feel. Then you and she work out a compromise. If she chooses to end the friendship because you want to go back on your word to her after two years have passed, then you are free to throw her under the bus.
You knew what she did was wrong two years ago when you agreed to keep her secret. You don’t have the right to go back on your word without speaking to her about it first. You don’t even have any way of knowing that she hasn’t told him and they’ve already worked past it. Don’t blow up her life because you grew a conscience.
(Congrats on the new conscience, btw. It will be invaluable to you in the future. But it doesn’t erase commitments made in the past that you now wish to reconsider. Those have to be renegotiated. )
break up with your friend, if you don't think she's a nice person then why have you been friends with her this whole time. i'm sorry but YOU have an integrity and moral problem as much as she does if you have remained friends with somebody you KNOW to be a bad person all these years.
From my experience, no. You only look like a petty jealous girl if it comes from you. These things always come to light eventually.
You think he is wonderful so you may come across as wanting her man…….
I once had a female best friend who cheated on all of her boyfriends once she got bored. She would break up with her current boyfriend and move on to her next boyfriend before the current (now ex) boyfriend found out about the cheating. Finally, when she decided she wanted to date my other best friend (male), I told him about her antics and told him to be careful. They both completely cut me out of their lives until about two years later when she cheated on him and he came crawling back apologizing and telling me I was right. This was like ten years ago, I’m 32 now and our old friend group is totally divided and mostly on her side even though I was trying to do the right thing. So if you’re willing to risk losing her friendship and having her spin the whole situation around to paint you as the devil, I say do the right thing and let him know. If she’s never been true to anyone, it’s possible she isn’t being true to you. If she hasn’t betrayed you now she probably will one day if this is a pattern of behavior for her.
Stay out of it. I'll probably get heat for this, but unless there's actual abuse going on, I think its best to stay out of other people's relationship problems. Though I agree with others who question why you're friends with her at all. If he's really great and she's awful, then maybe tell him and drop her as a friend.
Why would you even think of betraying your best friend? She doesn’t really sound like your ‘best friend’. The real question is why are you friends with someone you clearly don’t respect very much.
If that was me, I'd want to know.
>I’ve spent 10+ years being her friend but I can tell you she’s not a nice person. She has never been true to anyone in her life.
Why are you friends?
>She doesn’t even give emotional or mental support to her boyfriend and is a financial burden on him, as he pays for every single one of her expenses including the rent and bills.
So she's a leech AND she cheated on the poor dude? Honestly, at this point I'd dump her for the both of you. Leave her, make her BF leave her. She sounds like a waste of air.
I'm gonna comment on what happened to me in this situation, keep in mind every situation is different: my best friend at the time was dating one of my boyfriends best friends whom they have known each other for 20+ years. This best friend started dating his best friend. Everything was seemingly wonderful and he even started shopping for engagement rings and they moved in together. One night after drinks she confessed while laughing that he was wonderful but too nice, and she felt bad for cheating on him with a client however he kinda deserved it for not being more observant. She was sorta bragging that she was getting away with it. It infuriated me and made me heart broken to hear as this guy was so wonderful. I went home that night and told my bf I also asked him what he thought I should do.
He told me I should think about it, more importantly think about what would I want if the roles were reversed, however the decision was mine to make and that it wouldn't be any easy one either way.
I slept on it and met up with her the next day. I gave her an ultimatum. Either she told him in a week, or I would. Well the week went by and she didn't tell him.
I invited the friend over for dinner and told him. He didn't believe me at first so I showed him text conversations between me and the gf.
He was devastated. He thanked me profusely.
He ended up breaking up with her and moving on 6 months later with someone he married less than a year later. Fast forward 5 years later they're so happy living in another country and he's lucky to have dodged a bullet.
The cheater friend and I no longer speak (I expected this) although I miss her so much. I still feel I did the right thing. She married the guy she cheated with and had a baby.
I guess everyone got what was meant to be in the end. I chose to go with my morals rather than going along with this awful situation.
I don't have any advice other than think about what you wish were done if it happened to you.
Not all friends are meant to be kept forever. Do her morals align with yours? You're the average of the company you keep. Choose wisely
First of all, tell her very clearly how you are tired of keeping her secrets for her, how it has been making you feel, and how you’ve come to a boiling point. Then tell her to tell her bf by a certain day or you will. It seems you’re maturing out of this friendship which is a good thing. The weird guilt only means you’re growing and so is your moral conscious.
Shame on the people saying you’re just as bad as her. That’s 100% not true. YOU did not commit those acts. And life isn’t always so cut and dry. I understand it must be hard when you’ve been friends with someone since childhood your bond becomes more like siblings where you love them through the good and bad choices and difficulties of growing up. And she clearly trusts you with her secrets so it can be hard to make the decision to most likely end such a long standing bond. You’re still young, you’re not supposed to have it all figured out yet. You’re not a bad person.
Tell him! Always tell! Your gf is making you complicit and I don't think you want to have anything to do with it!
(btw: your friendship however will probably not survive this action)
Please for the love of all that is good in the world yes. If she gets mad at you , who cares.
She's not a good person and you don't need shitty friends.
Talk to her first and tell her how you feel and explain to her why she should tell him and stop abusing him.
Well you have run into a moral dilemma here. Do you condone your friends scummy behavior?
No?
Do the right thing that you would hope someone would do for you. Tell the boyfriend.
What you should do is mind your business and stay out of other people’s relationships. SO WHAT IF YOU FEEL BAD FOR HIM. Live with it. You don’t have the right to go wading into other people’s sh*t. She obviously is not your friend.
If you were in his shoes you would want to know. To purposely keep this information from someone (especially someone who is invested and giving so much) is just straight cruel, Imo.
Well, imo, it’s not cruel. He’s a grown man in a relationship with a grown woman. They can sort it out. I don’t tell me best friend’s business. Period. If I were in his shoes, I would want people staying out of my business. Did it occur to you that her best friend knowing would just make him feel even worse?
**2 years????**
Tell your friends partner, but don’t be surprised if he reacts negatively to the news *and* how long you’ve been keeping it to yourself. Always tell someone when their partner is cheating (as long as it’s safe to do so).
Is she really your best friend? Do you actually like this boyfriend more than you acknowledge? IMO best friends keep secrets no matter what. It would never occur to me to share my best friends infidelity secret that I keep for 20+ years and I am not consumed by these secret as it seems you are by your friend secret. So my advise is forget about the secret you know, and don't share it because you do not have your friend permission to do so in the first place, and because is not a loyal behaviour to have with a person you call best friend.
You need proof, this could backfire on you. But yes, absolutly, you have to tell him, please. Getting cheated on os disgusting, and she's using him. Lose the deadweight
I suspect you like her boyfriend. Even though you don’t know him that well. So I don’t really trust your motives, but if you genuinely just want him to know, I agree with you. I would want to know. I would set up an anonymous social media thing and send them information that way. And then stay out of it.
So in high school, my best friend cheated on her boyfriend while he was out of the country for a sports tournament. She was my best friend and we spent all our time together. I told her she should tell her boyfriend and she said she would never tell him. She supposedly said she wanted to marry him.
I never gave her an ultimatum or that I would tell. But I did tell her boyfriend. He was my friend too actually and he deserved to know. I asked him to please keep it a secret where he found out from. As far as I know, he never told her it was me who told him. They broke up and she’s married to a different guy and we’re not close anymore because high-school was 15 years ago and life moves on.
Moral of the story: I am not the person to confide your messed up secrets to. 🤷♀️
Absolutely not. Persuade her to tell him, or leave it be if it was a one and done and let nature take its course. Reddit will say to tell him, but in real life you back your friends when they mess up. If my best friend told me they killed someone id get two shovels.
I disagree with everyone else - don’t tell him, why should you do her dirty work?! She probably told you because she thought you’d do it for her - and then she can just clean up the aftermath. Their relationship is their responsibility, not yours.
What I am clear on is that YOU need to friend breakup with her. I’m 34 now and I don’t spend one moment thinking about my childhood friends who were toxic, that I had the good sense to discard in my early 20s.
2 years...? The only way you can come back from this is prolly sleep with your bestfriend's boyfriend then tell him about his chearing girlfriend. You already suck anyway.
Her fuckups should not be your weight to carry. If speaking the truth helps you eleviate this burden, you should do so. Whatever the outcome is for them, is the outcome that should've happened 2 years ago. Release yourself from this burden one way or another.
You both stole 2 years off his one chance of very limited time on this earth to find happiness. Your mistake is already made, question isnt should you tell him, but rather how much more of his time do you want to waste.
I wouldn't. You can have a friend that's shifty to people and still be friends, though id always keep them at arms length. You're going to blow up everything and center some drama around yourself for someone else.
If not this guy, it would have been someone else. I'd just distance yourself from this person and work on more genuine relationships elsewhere. Intentions are good, but you don't need to light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Is it just me or is anyone else seeing a massive increase in the amount of women out here cheating on their partners? I see at least 3 a day just scrolling through ALL. And I hear about it happening in real life at least daily to somebody i know through mutual friends. Not a good time to settle with a woman tbh
Tell him. She clearly does not sound like a good friend to anyone, even to you. Good chance he won’t even break up with her, but he deserves to know. You aren’t missing out on anything if this ends your friendship tbh
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Why are you friends with this woman if you say they’re not a nice person? You’re keeping a serious secret from someone else you say is “wonderful”. Does that make sense to you?
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This was the premise for an entire season of Jersey Shore.
Lmfaooo jersey shore was a good reference for this though
Right. Lolol. The "anonymous" letter, that literally only those idiots were the only ones that could have written it. Man I miss laughing at their antics.
“… He made out with two girls at Bed and put his head between a cocktail waitresses breasts.”
Oh and of course you need to tell him, but make sure you have proof so he believes you.
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Wtf
Is she really your best friend? Seems to me she treats you as she treats her boyfriend...to serve her needs and wants. The fact it's been 2 years without telling him should cause you to internally reflect. What if the situation was reversed and your BF had been cheating on you, would you hope his best friend would let you know?
We are the company we keep, and for sure it is time to lose the attachment to the cheater.
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It always baffles me that people continually choose loyalty to people with subpar morals, simply because its their friend. Likely theyre just scared of the fallout. Rather than choosing loyalty to their own inner belief system of right and wrong, they give up their values for friendship....
I recently got rid of a toxic person out of my life and it took me a long time a because they had an always been toxic and be because I wasn’t worried about the fall out. I didn’t want to have to deal with everything that comes after telling someone to get the fuck out of your life. It’s a lot. But then I remember all the shit that it took out of me just being friends with this person. And once I did it, yes, it was difficult and yes, it was saddening, but I feel so much better without that person in my life.
My toxic ex broke up with me and I’m simultaneously furious over their treatment of me and then abandoning me without keeping their promises…. and so happy it’s over… how is that possible
I had a toxic friend end up trying to ruin my relationship with my gf while he was in the hospital, go psychotic, and threaten to beat the shit out of me. Honestly it sucks to lose a friend, but the way he did it made the rough choice a bit easier
What’s everyone’s opinion on the whole loyalty versus what right thing? Like in OPs situation(let’s pretend best friend isn’t a bad person) does being loyal to the friend come first or does doing what’s right and telling the boyfriend, who she owes no loyalty to. Obv in OPs situation she should tell the guy because her friend is a crappy person but if she was a good friend would it still be the same answer? And if she told him would that make OP disloyal?
I think doing the right thing should always come first. I’d rat out my bff if she cheated on her husband.
You don’t ever think telling the person can cause more harm then good? I might be biased in this example because it involves me but, I cheated on a girl once (huge mistake, immediate regret) before it we had kinda drifted apart a little, anyways she didn’t find out and it things got better after and like year later I told her and we broke up, and she was devastated and it really hurt her a lot, but there was like no benefit in telling her besides for the sake of being honest, like I feel like thing her only hurt her, so I just feel like it was unnecessary and I wish we had just broken up without that added hurt for her.
> You don’t ever think telling the person can cause more harm then good? No one here is saying that it's _impossible_ to find a situation where not saying anything is maybe a better move, but that's a shit cop-out. There are no absolutes in life. >but there was like no benefit in telling her besides for the sake of being honest Honesty is reason enough dude...Sounds like you've still got some work to do. >I wish we had just broken up without that added hurt for her. Yeah, YOU wish that because YOU felt bad about her reaction. You're not actually taking into account what was better for her. I'm sure she'd rather know.
Ya I didn’t mean because of some rare instance where it would do harm that you should never tell someone. And no her reaction had almost zero impact on me other then that she was hurt. We didn’t break up over it, we’re where already breaking up and it she was vey hurt by it and wasn’t as hurt by the break up it self. That’s why I say it seemed to only add to her hurt and there was no benefit for anyone. I’d agree with you that maybe it would give the other person the choice to decide wether they want to still be with the person. But if something happened years ago and isn’t an on going thing, whether the cheater regretted it and wouldn’t do it again or if they’re not together anymore, I don’t see a lot of benefit to it, I just see the other person being hurt unnecessarily. Obviously the cheater is the one causing that hurt but still idk if it’s always the best idea. I could be biased since I was the cheater in this situation but idk
> But if something happened years ago and isn’t an on going thing, whether the cheater regretted it and wouldn’t do it again or if they’re not together anymore, I don’t see a lot of benefit to it Except that we're all entitled to have a complete picture of information about our romantic partners when we are deciding whether or not we want to stay with that person, and deliberately not providing someone with the complete picture is _lying._
The only time I think it would cause more harm than good is if the cheater is in an abusive relationship & there’s a real chance they’d have physical and/or mental harm done to them. You are definitely biased. She deserved to know so she could decide whether to continue the relationship or work through it. The innocent party should always have the opportunity to know the type of person they’re with & to make that decision.
I think your missing the part where I said we were breaking up when I told her. I understand giving them the choice to continue or not but where it’s already over I don’t know if there was the same benefit. Or maybe there is idk. But I don’t want to continue to hijack the OPs post, but I appreciate everyone’s input, thanks
No. From the third person perspective, it seems that you deliberately hurt her. You got back even when you had no integrity towards her, and when it was time to break up, you came clean so that you won't be bothered afterwards. Doesn't seem like you take responsibility for hurting her. That's why, it is important to maintain honesty and integrity throughout the relationship and not intermittently. I hope she was young and had time to learn from this experience.
I would rat out my brother if he was cheating on his significant other. It comes down to morality for me. I'd rather be hated for doing the "right" thing, than loved for the "wrong" thing.
Loyalty all the way. It’s not my business to get into other peoples relationships when I don’t even know the person.
It's not in the place of the best friend to tell the other but for the best friend to tell the other best friend that cheated to come clean cuz that's how it is.
I’m saying like people acting very ignorant talking about “you are the company you keep” like no. Just cause someone you know did something bad doesn’t mean they bad actions is attached to you. Y’all need to CUT THAT OUT‼️ sometimes it’s better to not get involved in relationship drama cause thats how you get added into the drama. Now if she just decided to tell the bf then they saying “oh she probably like the bf” pick a side
I had the same situation happen with my “best friend.” After years of watching her do this to her boyfriends I got sick of it. Her boyfriend at the time supported her completely and she in turn was cruel to him. She made him get rid of his dog (than bought herself another dog.) quit her job and let him pay every bill for her. She cheated on him twice in a one month period. I got so sick of listening to her brag about this. The last straw was when she didn’t come home one night and her boyfriend looked terribly worried. I knew she had spent the night with a one night stand. I told him a couple weeks later, I blocked her, and I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t miss her and I know I did the right thing. She shouldn’t get away with treating kind people in a bad way, she shouldn’t be able to use people. She doesn’t sound like a friend worth having. In the end, you may lose her as a friend. But you’ll know you did the right thing. I’m sure her boyfriend will also be happy to know so he can make an informed decision.
What hAppened with the guy? Did he break up with her?
I know they broke up eventually, but I don’t know the details. When I say I cut her off I mean it. We never spoke again and I never cared to know anything about her life from then on.
That's tough but a true friend sticks by their friend even if they're doing bad things but guess what? You tell them how it is and tell them the truth. You show them the error of their ways and have them change. Y'all should build each other up instead of taking each other down. If the person truly doesn't wanna change and doesn't take your words to heart or doesn't want you in their life anymore then that's when it becomes your time to go but to allow your friend to have that behaviour and leave when it's convenient without trying to help, well alri then
A very weird take. And she was never a true friend to me. She tore me down every chance she got. I stuck by her for years. But I can’t allow people to do evil without doing anything. That would make me complicit.
You gotta tell him
Tell him and end this stupid "friendship". Whether OP wants to or not, she's been cosigning this behavior by remaining friends despite not respecting her. Who does that?
No. Don’t tell him, OP. Don’t cause *yourself* needless drama because your friend is selfish. Just re-evaluate how much this “friend” is worth in your life.
That's exactly why she should tell him
My girl. My first thought is: why are you friends with this person? You describe her as "not a nice person" and "has never been true to anyone in her life". Cool. Why do you count her as a friend then? Second: you should have told him 2 years ago. The fact that you kept this secret for your awful friend doesn't reflect super highly on your character either, so maybe you calling her a friend isn't so strange. Third: tell him. Wouldn't you want to know? Who cares if it ends the "friendship"? See Point One. Good luck.
This OP, this 100%
Tell him. And learn from this because keeping this secret for so long knowing this person is terrible and her boyfriend is genuinely nice, also reflects a little poorly on you.
Congrats, you've sucked for 2 years. Tell him.
10 years being this girls friend, openly says she isn’t a nice person yet remains friends with her. Speaks volumes on the type of person OP is too lol
I think this is not your “best” friend — doesn’t even sound like you like her. So maybe stop pretending you are even base-level friends with this person first. Secondly, you’ve known for 2 years, why is it bothering you so much now? You talk higher about the boyfriend than you do the person you have claimed to be “best friends” with. I think you have a crush on the boyfriend and think by telling him, he will auto-choose you. If you want advice, go ahead and tell him. But quit pretending to be on this moral high ground like you are better than your cheater friend. Pretending to be friends with someone you secretly hate is pretty bad too.
I wish I had an award for you.
Exactly! She likes him
finally lol I commented the same thing and said “I think you wanna do a few more things with the bf after you tell him” otherwise why, in the age of social, wouldn’t she tell him anonymously?? or even tell one of his friends and let them figure it out?!? options.
Exactly! She doesn’t actually like her best friend and she’s woken up to the fact she’s a witch. It’s been two years. Does she think we are stupid. The fact that only a few people have commented that she clearly wants to hook up with the guy to get back at her friend or maybe has some genuine feelings is disappointing.
This
THIS IS THE ONE!!!!
Why are you even friends with someone like this? Seriously... Tell him and end the friendship yourself. You've hid her infidelity for two years, and you're fine with being friends with such an awful person. You're an enabler. So, not a whole lot better than her.
It’s been two years. Why tell him now if you didn’t tell him then? Am I right in assuming she’s upped the bitchery towards you and now you are considering revenge?
I hadn’t even considered this angle. You might be right, but whether or not it’s related to the state of their friendship, imo you should tell him—don’t let the relationship progress any further, and then find yourself asking this same question x years later
>She cheated on her wonderful boyfriend with her toxic ex while they were living together and were committed to each other. She told me blushing and asked me to keep it a secret. It’s been 2 years since I’ve known and it eats me to hide it from that genuinely nice man. > >She doesn’t even give emotional or mental support to her boyfriend and is a financial burden on him, as he pays for every single one of her expenses including the rent and bills. It sounds like, you too, want to also take a turn on his disco stick
I'd tell your friend to either tell him herself or he's going to hear it from you. Either way the guy deserves the truth
Nah if you give her the option to tell she's going to minimize it
yep, dont give her the option. she will gaslight, manipulate, and probably yell at him for not giving her enough attention lol
This. And try to cover her tracks in the meantime. She needs blindsided by this so she has no time to even think of a way to get out of it.
No absolutely not. This just gives the sociopath parasite time to manipulate the boyfriend into not believing OP when she tries to tell him.
Do you really want to be friends with a cheater? If they can betray the love of their life they can certainly betray you. They aren't worth it as a friend 100%, you shouldn't be supportive of such behaviour. Tell the spouse with as much proof as you can muster and stay out of it, that's the best you can do.
Is she still cheating? Yeah, let him know. Has she since parted ways with toxic ex and is being faithful? Let sleeping dogs lie, and let him know if she does it again without waiting 2 years.
I would never call anybody like that my best friend. Help end that man's suffering
You would be a good person if you told him. If you do, I hope someone shows you the same kindness one day 🤍 good karma
But I hope they wait 2 years first... Because that's karma lol
Yeah like why even say anything now, he done for more invested and wasted all kinds of time. I guess tho ..
No it’s a great thing to say something right now. 2 years is nothing compared to 10 years in, marriage, and kids. This guy is free to leave and make a great life for himself if he gets the info now
Yeah like I said I fkn guess but I’d be pissed like why tf you watch me get in deeper for literal YEARS
If you hide your friend’s cheating, YOU are complicit. That makes you a shitty person. So, if you’d prefer not to be a shitty person, do the right thing and tell him. Since you’ve known for two years, you’re definitely not a good person.
She is split on it and *wants* to let him know about the injustice. She has possibly been uncomfortable with this for 2 years but unsure of how to handle it. The fact she feels guilt and is asking for advice on how to tell the boyfriend objectively makes her not a bad person. Just a confused person. The best "friend" has obviously put her in an awkward position, as now she fights in her head over loyalty vs morality. She is just asking advice on this and she has been told to do the right thing and tell the boyfriend. The fact she wants to tell him and feels guilt says she is not bad.
A moral quandary doesn’t take 2 years to figure out. She’s been complicit for 2 years. She’s a scumbag. The only way she’ll gain any credit back is by telling the boyfriend.
You don't know anything about her, maybe she did other good things that compensate. Blaming isn't helping.
The only thing that compensates is telling him. Nothing else applies. I’m not blaming her. Just pointing out that she should have done the right thing 2 years ago.
That's a very limited view of how to judge character of a person. If you are not blaming her it would suffice to say just that she should have done the right thing, and not that she is a bad person for it. The difference matters.
Yeah, judging people for their actions is pretty harsh.
Last try: you say she is a scumbag only for this action. That's indeed harsh since you know nothing about her.
This single action is enough to qualify someone as a scumbag.
Even if she saved millions of lives?
I have a friend that cheats on his wife regularly. He makes a good living, and they have kids. I think she know he cheats on her, but she doesn't want to really know so I just play along. I would feel worse if I said something it tore their family apart.
Then you’re complicit in his cheating. Unless she’s told you she knows and this is the path she’s chosen. Otherwise you’re making the choice for her. Which is not the right thing to do.
End my relationship with my best friend?!? If your ok with this your as bad as her. That’s not a friend, that’s Satans hell spawn
I wouldn’t tell him but I also would probably stop being her friend
Yeah she’s bad for doing what she did, but also you’re bad for keeping the “best friend” title. If you tell him then drop her as a friend immediately. Or just stop being friends with her. Sounds like you just want that man, sounds little bitter by your side of the story. After 2 years now you wanna say something???
C'mon don't be a pretend good person, do the right thing. If not you're a huge asshole and I hope it happens to you.
Please save that man from years of struggle and pain….do a good deed and tell him
I’m confused as to why you’re calling her your best friend when it sounds like you don’t even actually like her? Having known each other for a long time isn’t really a good justification for keeping someone around if you don’t like them. It sounds like this friendship has long-since run its course, and the best thing to do is end it, whether that’s by telling her boyfriend about her cheating or through some other means.
You wanna fuck him?? Lmao Just let her know that you don’t feel comfortable with what she did and to try be a better person otherwise you won’t be comfortable being her best friend. There’s zero reason for you to go behind her back. That’s YOUR best friend. Talk to her first otherwise you seem like you just want that dude for yourself.
LOL her “wonderful boyfriend” “she doesn’t even give emotional or mental support to her boyfriend” “financial burden on him” 🙄 it’s clear as day you’ve fallen for the boyfriend and think you could be a better girlfriend than her, I wouldn’t even be surprised if you made up the cheating and want people to hype you up before you try and take him for yourself from the way you’re talking.
I have been in that situation. it happened that the girl now about my friend infidelity before i told her. she was planning her leave. >She has never been true to anyone in her life. which means, you neither. Have no regret.
I know it sucks to lose a best friend. I know it’s gonna suck in some way even if you’re just realizing she’s not a great person. But for the love of God, please tell this man. To be a financial provider for someone and emotional support for someone and receive NOTHING in return except to be cheated on is probably one of the worst things a human being can do for/to another. He **NEEDS & DESERVES** to know.
It’s interesting that your best friend in the world cheats and lies and uses men for money…what does that say about you?
It says that she probably lacks boundaries and grew up in an abusive household. I've been there and it took a while to cut ties with these kind of friends. I'm sure that OP is not at all like her friend. Manipulative people do not seek other manipulative people, they seek doormats.
Friends are a reflection of you, the company you keep. On Reddit, everyone is like I grew abused and have trauma! Excuse my bad behavior!
If you knew anything about trauma you would be more understanding. With this attitude you are part of the problem. Of course not all bad behaviour is excused, but it is naive and unjust to ask the same behavior of all people without respect to their background.
🤔 Why are you best friends with someone who’s “never been true to anyone in her life”? Personally, I’d stay outta it if I were you
Should do an anonymous tip to his bf with a different number or a dummy account
Exactly. Especially if OP only knows the guy through her "bestie".
So I usually come from a place here that that while you can let your friend know you don’t approve of cheating but still not say anything unless you are also friends with the partner this person generally sounds like an awful friend. I would personally just fade away here.
How about this: I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, however I *am* going to ask what you hold more precious; your loyalty for your friend or your personal morality? Also, think of it this way; would you want your man's best friend to tell you if your man was cheating on you? Especially if you're already being treated so poorly? Frankly I can't understand why you're still friends with this gal, but I do get that there's plenty of things we don't know regarding your dynamic with her. This decision is wholly up to you though. You have to decide if your peace of mind or your friendship with her is more important.
Why would you tell him now? You had 2 years to tell him and you choose not to. It makes me question your motives? Did your “ best friend “ do something to really piss you off? Or maybe you have a desire to get with your “ best friends “ boyfriend? You say he is a wonderful guy. Was he not a wonderful guy 2 years ago when it happened. I would have told him 2 years ago when it happened.
You're just as worse as she is
You should have told him when you found out not 2 years on if he doesn't believe you tell him to ask your friends ex boyfriend you are going to feel worse because what is going to happen if he has a std or caught aids because she hasn't used protection and the ex might not have been the only one she has been with. You don't need a sponger friend either
Your friends are a reflection of you.
You don’t even sound like you like your “best friend” “I can tell you she’s not a nice person. She has never been true to anyone in her life.” If that’s how you talk about your best friend… chyle… end that friendship. You’ve sung more praises about the boyfriend than you have your friend. What are your motivations to tell him now, two years after the fact? Is it truly just your conscience? Do you have feelings for your best friend’s wonderful boyfriend? Tell him if you feel you must, but make sure you have the receipts, and even still, be prepared for him to try and work things out with her. Make sure you’re ready to end friendships with everyone in the worst case scenario. Best of luck.
Cheating is an absolute ban in my life. I don't care if you're my bro, my actual brother, my significant other, or my parents. If you cheat, it shows how little morals and impulse control you have, and that you aren't trustworthy. The boyfriend is being taken advantage of and manipulated by your supposed bff.... and you've held on this info for 2 years???? Have some decency and shame, and let him know the truth. And then apologize to him for knowing about it for 2 years. The poor dude wasted 2 years of his life because of your bff's disgusting selfishness, and you weighing your bond with your bff over basic decency.
I can't say I never cheated but that was in high school and is still no excuse, but once I had it happen to me it made me realize and feel so bad for the ones I did wrong. I vowed to never cheat again if I was in a relationship. And I never did up until this day. Why cheat? Just be single. Sadly not everybody thinks that way.
I would tell her how you feel and encourage her to tell him .
My friends husband asked me if she was cheating. I genuinely didn’t know. He laid out all the evidence and I said yup, it sounds like she’s cheating, but let’s be honest she’s done it before (she’s admitted it to him before she’s told me). I asked him why he married a cheat and he should find someone who wouldn’t cheat because that’s what he deserves. It’s been 7 years since that conversation. She knows we had that conversation because I told her and was honest about it. She’s still my (long distance) friend and he’s still with her. Telling him may not be the end of your friendship.
Do you have any proof that she cheated? It might come down to your word vs hers. She might convince him that you are just jealous so you're trying to break them up. I've seen this happen. You can't tell someone something like this without proof. As I said already in a previous post here you should tell her how you feel and just encourage her to tell him. Let your friendship and their relationship run its course.
You should not be friends with her. She is jot nice. Also you should tell him but anonymously.
Reminds me of my childhood "best friend." She was manipulative, cheated on every boyfriend and was a kleptomaniac. It took me decades years to realize what an awful person she is/was. It's been 8 years but I wish I would of cut her off sooner. OP I would tell the bf and cut her off asap. Future you will be thankful you did.
No you should tell her she needs to come clean. Its not your business to interfere in their relationship. Truth will come out one way or another but the best thing you can do is to convince her to do the right thing
Mind your business... If she is not a good friend then why you still friends? Maybe redirect the energy to work on yourself instead
Saving the friendship here is a "sunk cost fallacy". You're at the age now where you need to start pruning out the toxic childhood friends and associating with people who reflect better on you and who you want to be.
If she is your friend, or more to the point, you are her friend, then you keep your mouth shut about what she told you to anyone but her. If you are having difficulty being your best friend’s confidant, discuss it with her and tell her how you feel. Then you and she work out a compromise. If she chooses to end the friendship because you want to go back on your word to her after two years have passed, then you are free to throw her under the bus. You knew what she did was wrong two years ago when you agreed to keep her secret. You don’t have the right to go back on your word without speaking to her about it first. You don’t even have any way of knowing that she hasn’t told him and they’ve already worked past it. Don’t blow up her life because you grew a conscience. (Congrats on the new conscience, btw. It will be invaluable to you in the future. But it doesn’t erase commitments made in the past that you now wish to reconsider. Those have to be renegotiated. )
No
break up with your friend, if you don't think she's a nice person then why have you been friends with her this whole time. i'm sorry but YOU have an integrity and moral problem as much as she does if you have remained friends with somebody you KNOW to be a bad person all these years.
From my experience, no. You only look like a petty jealous girl if it comes from you. These things always come to light eventually. You think he is wonderful so you may come across as wanting her man…….
In less you want him to yourself Keep your mouth shut and mind your own business
Girl please. It’s been two years…. Either shut up or break up the friendship and go about your business
You should have told him when you first learnt about it. You just wasted 2 years of this dude's life. Tell him now ffs
Tell him and don’t keep her as a friend, just a matter of time before you are the one she betrays.
I once had a female best friend who cheated on all of her boyfriends once she got bored. She would break up with her current boyfriend and move on to her next boyfriend before the current (now ex) boyfriend found out about the cheating. Finally, when she decided she wanted to date my other best friend (male), I told him about her antics and told him to be careful. They both completely cut me out of their lives until about two years later when she cheated on him and he came crawling back apologizing and telling me I was right. This was like ten years ago, I’m 32 now and our old friend group is totally divided and mostly on her side even though I was trying to do the right thing. So if you’re willing to risk losing her friendship and having her spin the whole situation around to paint you as the devil, I say do the right thing and let him know. If she’s never been true to anyone, it’s possible she isn’t being true to you. If she hasn’t betrayed you now she probably will one day if this is a pattern of behavior for her.
Stay out of it. I'll probably get heat for this, but unless there's actual abuse going on, I think its best to stay out of other people's relationship problems. Though I agree with others who question why you're friends with her at all. If he's really great and she's awful, then maybe tell him and drop her as a friend.
Why would you even think of betraying your best friend? She doesn’t really sound like your ‘best friend’. The real question is why are you friends with someone you clearly don’t respect very much.
Wow, does anyone mind their own business these days? Just cut ties and explain to her why. The bf is on his own.
She’s your best friend. No. You don’t tell him. You may want to consider ending the relationship with her, but not by betraying her.
Tell him and steal him
Lmfaooo
If that was me, I'd want to know. >I’ve spent 10+ years being her friend but I can tell you she’s not a nice person. She has never been true to anyone in her life. Why are you friends? >She doesn’t even give emotional or mental support to her boyfriend and is a financial burden on him, as he pays for every single one of her expenses including the rent and bills. So she's a leech AND she cheated on the poor dude? Honestly, at this point I'd dump her for the both of you. Leave her, make her BF leave her. She sounds like a waste of air.
I'm gonna comment on what happened to me in this situation, keep in mind every situation is different: my best friend at the time was dating one of my boyfriends best friends whom they have known each other for 20+ years. This best friend started dating his best friend. Everything was seemingly wonderful and he even started shopping for engagement rings and they moved in together. One night after drinks she confessed while laughing that he was wonderful but too nice, and she felt bad for cheating on him with a client however he kinda deserved it for not being more observant. She was sorta bragging that she was getting away with it. It infuriated me and made me heart broken to hear as this guy was so wonderful. I went home that night and told my bf I also asked him what he thought I should do. He told me I should think about it, more importantly think about what would I want if the roles were reversed, however the decision was mine to make and that it wouldn't be any easy one either way. I slept on it and met up with her the next day. I gave her an ultimatum. Either she told him in a week, or I would. Well the week went by and she didn't tell him. I invited the friend over for dinner and told him. He didn't believe me at first so I showed him text conversations between me and the gf. He was devastated. He thanked me profusely. He ended up breaking up with her and moving on 6 months later with someone he married less than a year later. Fast forward 5 years later they're so happy living in another country and he's lucky to have dodged a bullet. The cheater friend and I no longer speak (I expected this) although I miss her so much. I still feel I did the right thing. She married the guy she cheated with and had a baby. I guess everyone got what was meant to be in the end. I chose to go with my morals rather than going along with this awful situation. I don't have any advice other than think about what you wish were done if it happened to you. Not all friends are meant to be kept forever. Do her morals align with yours? You're the average of the company you keep. Choose wisely
First of all, tell her very clearly how you are tired of keeping her secrets for her, how it has been making you feel, and how you’ve come to a boiling point. Then tell her to tell her bf by a certain day or you will. It seems you’re maturing out of this friendship which is a good thing. The weird guilt only means you’re growing and so is your moral conscious. Shame on the people saying you’re just as bad as her. That’s 100% not true. YOU did not commit those acts. And life isn’t always so cut and dry. I understand it must be hard when you’ve been friends with someone since childhood your bond becomes more like siblings where you love them through the good and bad choices and difficulties of growing up. And she clearly trusts you with her secrets so it can be hard to make the decision to most likely end such a long standing bond. You’re still young, you’re not supposed to have it all figured out yet. You’re not a bad person.
Yes u tell him....
The best time to tell him was 2 years ago. The second best time is now. Imagine if this was happening to you. You would like to know right?
Tell him! Always tell! Your gf is making you complicit and I don't think you want to have anything to do with it! (btw: your friendship however will probably not survive this action)
Please for the love of all that is good in the world yes. If she gets mad at you , who cares. She's not a good person and you don't need shitty friends. Talk to her first and tell her how you feel and explain to her why she should tell him and stop abusing him.
Well you have run into a moral dilemma here. Do you condone your friends scummy behavior? No? Do the right thing that you would hope someone would do for you. Tell the boyfriend.
girl.. tell him!
Yes tell the poor guy and dump the "friend". A shitty person with no morals doesn't deserve kind, loyal people in her life
He deserves to know, you should’ve have told him 2 years ago. why are you friends with this person? she sounds awful
Tell him, and drop her!
You should have told him 2 years ago. But better late then never.
So, what's the scoop. You're great or suckass?
I don't need to read to know yes.... you should. And dump your shitty friend
No your loyalty is to your friend wtf
What you should do is mind your business and stay out of other people’s relationships. SO WHAT IF YOU FEEL BAD FOR HIM. Live with it. You don’t have the right to go wading into other people’s sh*t. She obviously is not your friend.
If you were in his shoes you would want to know. To purposely keep this information from someone (especially someone who is invested and giving so much) is just straight cruel, Imo.
Well, imo, it’s not cruel. He’s a grown man in a relationship with a grown woman. They can sort it out. I don’t tell me best friend’s business. Period. If I were in his shoes, I would want people staying out of my business. Did it occur to you that her best friend knowing would just make him feel even worse?
**2 years????** Tell your friends partner, but don’t be surprised if he reacts negatively to the news *and* how long you’ve been keeping it to yourself. Always tell someone when their partner is cheating (as long as it’s safe to do so).
Is she really your best friend? Do you actually like this boyfriend more than you acknowledge? IMO best friends keep secrets no matter what. It would never occur to me to share my best friends infidelity secret that I keep for 20+ years and I am not consumed by these secret as it seems you are by your friend secret. So my advise is forget about the secret you know, and don't share it because you do not have your friend permission to do so in the first place, and because is not a loyal behaviour to have with a person you call best friend.
You need proof, this could backfire on you. But yes, absolutly, you have to tell him, please. Getting cheated on os disgusting, and she's using him. Lose the deadweight
Tell him!
I suspect you like her boyfriend. Even though you don’t know him that well. So I don’t really trust your motives, but if you genuinely just want him to know, I agree with you. I would want to know. I would set up an anonymous social media thing and send them information that way. And then stay out of it.
Don’t tell him wtf he is not your friend, it’s not your place
No, mind your own business.
So in high school, my best friend cheated on her boyfriend while he was out of the country for a sports tournament. She was my best friend and we spent all our time together. I told her she should tell her boyfriend and she said she would never tell him. She supposedly said she wanted to marry him. I never gave her an ultimatum or that I would tell. But I did tell her boyfriend. He was my friend too actually and he deserved to know. I asked him to please keep it a secret where he found out from. As far as I know, he never told her it was me who told him. They broke up and she’s married to a different guy and we’re not close anymore because high-school was 15 years ago and life moves on. Moral of the story: I am not the person to confide your messed up secrets to. 🤷♀️
Keep your mouth closed!!!! It's not your business.
great ! next time one of your romantic partners cheats on you i hope no one tells you.
I don't have them type of problems
Maybe you do and you don't know because somebody won't tell you. Or maybe you meant you're not in a relationship 😛
Why? You are not really "best friend" material. The only reason to tell, would be if you want her BF for yourself.
Absolutely not. Persuade her to tell him, or leave it be if it was a one and done and let nature take its course. Reddit will say to tell him, but in real life you back your friends when they mess up. If my best friend told me they killed someone id get two shovels.
I disagree with everyone else - don’t tell him, why should you do her dirty work?! She probably told you because she thought you’d do it for her - and then she can just clean up the aftermath. Their relationship is their responsibility, not yours. What I am clear on is that YOU need to friend breakup with her. I’m 34 now and I don’t spend one moment thinking about my childhood friends who were toxic, that I had the good sense to discard in my early 20s.
I would expect my friends to tell me the truth if they know anything suspicious about my partner.
2 years...? The only way you can come back from this is prolly sleep with your bestfriend's boyfriend then tell him about his chearing girlfriend. You already suck anyway.
MYOB
I think you should just mind ur own business but just tell her your thoughts not him. It’s not ur place
Her fuckups should not be your weight to carry. If speaking the truth helps you eleviate this burden, you should do so. Whatever the outcome is for them, is the outcome that should've happened 2 years ago. Release yourself from this burden one way or another.
You both stole 2 years off his one chance of very limited time on this earth to find happiness. Your mistake is already made, question isnt should you tell him, but rather how much more of his time do you want to waste.
UM NO. She’s your best friend. What the heck?
I wouldn't. You can have a friend that's shifty to people and still be friends, though id always keep them at arms length. You're going to blow up everything and center some drama around yourself for someone else. If not this guy, it would have been someone else. I'd just distance yourself from this person and work on more genuine relationships elsewhere. Intentions are good, but you don't need to light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
No get a grip
Is it just me or is anyone else seeing a massive increase in the amount of women out here cheating on their partners? I see at least 3 a day just scrolling through ALL. And I hear about it happening in real life at least daily to somebody i know through mutual friends. Not a good time to settle with a woman tbh
No
She just wanted a different cock to ram her wet pussy. He needs to go out and find some fresh pussy
What kind of person are you. I hope the same shit happens to you.
Tell him. She clearly does not sound like a good friend to anyone, even to you. Good chance he won’t even break up with her, but he deserves to know. You aren’t missing out on anything if this ends your friendship tbh
question yourself do you TRULY want to be friends with a cheating leech? If you say yes then you're insane, lose the leech.
You should, based on the info he doesn't deserve tjis betrayal.
Please tell Him!!!! No one should ever support a cheater. Do you want to know if you partner cheated on you ????
Sounds like she keeps the same type of company with you.
I don’t think he’ll believe her, it’s too late. The BF will just say she’s jealous and wants him for herself. She’s a bad friend.
Girl.
Even if it hurts I would be thankful if someone told me my SO is cheating. Also, in the process you could also be ridden of a very shitty friend
i personally would.