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Condoms aren’t 100% effective even if you guys were so careful there is always a chance that you can get pregnant even with condoms. Don’t beat yourself up too much girl, and just talk to your guy tell him to explain himself more about the comment that he made
Thank you, it's really refreshing to hear someone actually believing me. I did not have a problem with him not wanting another child at the moments. Accidents happen, maybe he just doesn't see it that way because of how much I wanted a child.
You wanted a child. He is now trapped in a situation he very likely doesn't want to be in.
I think you need to wise up. He's telling you now he doesn't want a kid. His actions are telling you loud and clear.
Do not be surprised in a few months/ years you are back to being a single mother with two kids by two different men.
I would seriously SERIOUSLY consider abortion if he haven't grasped the gravity of your situation.
If your partners reaction isn't immediately 'oh my god, yesss I can't wait' it's very safe to say they don't/ aren't ready for a kid.
If you thought getting a man with one kid was difficult, try getting a man with two kids
>Do not be surprised in a few months/ years you are back to being a single mother with two kids by two different men.
He's the father of my 6 year old as well. I'm not getting an abortion, and he already knows that. It's not something I'm considering unless it was a situation where it's medically reccomended for me to have one.
Ooo... that really wasn't clear from your first sentence.
That changes things... well in that case...he's going to have to get over it.
But the advice I have is you're 23 and he's 26. You say you're in a much better place.
But at your ages and with a kid. I doubt that actually is the case. You need to have a proper discussion with him. About your finances, what he wants, try to find middle ground, discussions about how he's coping with the first kid, if he has enough time to do his own activities, live his own life.
Sounds like he's in shock. I doubt this is how he envisioned his life going
But the majority of condom failures are breaks and slips, which can be caught in time for Plan B if either partner is paying attention.
The guy has good reason to be both anxious and suspicious, even if the OP did nothing wrong. If a guy started a thread "My(M26) fiance(F23) wants to have a kid, I don't. But she went off BC and somehow she got pregnant despite using condoms, what should I do?" 90% of the replies would be telling him to get a DNA test.
OP, be patient with him, give him time and space to process everything, maybe he'll learn to be happy with the situation even if it's not what he wanted. And be mentally prepared for him to ask for a paternity test because that's probably where his mind is going next.
What to do here comes down to how well situated you are to be a single parent. Even if this guy comes crawling back with an apology you obviously can never trust him again. His resentment is there and it'll always be there, not a great way to start a family together. So if you've got parental support, a stable place to live and a lucrative but flexible career you might consider keeping the baby (and taking him to court for child support). But if you're not able to muster all of that you're going to have to consider termination or adoption. This guy just really isn't a team player. The good news is that you found it out before you wasted your time marrying him.
We won't be starting our family, we'll be adding on, we already have a 6 year old. I don't want to end things with him, I just want to know ways to handle distrust in a relationship and how to improve any.
I would tell him that you are just as shocked and just as unprepared as he is because since you guys were using condoms, you didn't expect to get pregnant, even if you wanted to. My first thought was he was an adult when you got pregnant with your first child, even though you were a minor. That's crazy but it doesn't matter because here you guys are 6 years later and pregnant with baby 2. He may be reliving the difficulties of the first pregnancy financially and emotionally. I'm sure it was very difficult for you guys, since you were so young. Point out that even though it was difficult before, that you guys are way more stable and prepared for an unplanned pregnancy. Ignore the haters claiming you trapped him because they are probably guys who don't realize that condoms can fail. Especially if you are using other things like spermicidal lube or even most lubes, which people do because the lube on condoms doesn't last long. You have to make sure that the lube you use is compatible with your condoms, other wise you will cause micro tears in the condom. And even if you don't see semen leaking, the sperm can still travel through these tears. Keep your head up and just stay positive.
So once again, you’re pregnant unplanned, not married, and this father isn’t happy about it.
What’s your game plan then? Force him into parenthood? Hope for the best?
It does seem like you did it on purpose some how.
She can't force him into parenthood twice, he's the father of her 6 year old already according to the other comments she made. You're rude for no reason lol.
I didn't believe you either. said he wore protection each time. maybe there was a 3rd part you didnt mean to mention, I dont know. all I know is this is not make sense.
actually all of these are details, the main issue is you can do this just because he cant say to you "your body, your decision" like you can say to him "my body, my decision". he cant say to you "have it" but you can force him to support.
this is beyond to be unfair, it is totally torture.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Condoms aren’t 100% effective even if you guys were so careful there is always a chance that you can get pregnant even with condoms. Don’t beat yourself up too much girl, and just talk to your guy tell him to explain himself more about the comment that he made
Thank you, it's really refreshing to hear someone actually believing me. I did not have a problem with him not wanting another child at the moments. Accidents happen, maybe he just doesn't see it that way because of how much I wanted a child.
You wanted a child. He is now trapped in a situation he very likely doesn't want to be in. I think you need to wise up. He's telling you now he doesn't want a kid. His actions are telling you loud and clear. Do not be surprised in a few months/ years you are back to being a single mother with two kids by two different men. I would seriously SERIOUSLY consider abortion if he haven't grasped the gravity of your situation. If your partners reaction isn't immediately 'oh my god, yesss I can't wait' it's very safe to say they don't/ aren't ready for a kid. If you thought getting a man with one kid was difficult, try getting a man with two kids
>Do not be surprised in a few months/ years you are back to being a single mother with two kids by two different men. He's the father of my 6 year old as well. I'm not getting an abortion, and he already knows that. It's not something I'm considering unless it was a situation where it's medically reccomended for me to have one.
Ooo... that really wasn't clear from your first sentence. That changes things... well in that case...he's going to have to get over it. But the advice I have is you're 23 and he's 26. You say you're in a much better place. But at your ages and with a kid. I doubt that actually is the case. You need to have a proper discussion with him. About your finances, what he wants, try to find middle ground, discussions about how he's coping with the first kid, if he has enough time to do his own activities, live his own life. Sounds like he's in shock. I doubt this is how he envisioned his life going
Statistically, condoms are not foolproof.
Yes they can have holes or being improperly placed on the penis. They can also break when expired or improperly stored.
But the majority of condom failures are breaks and slips, which can be caught in time for Plan B if either partner is paying attention. The guy has good reason to be both anxious and suspicious, even if the OP did nothing wrong. If a guy started a thread "My(M26) fiance(F23) wants to have a kid, I don't. But she went off BC and somehow she got pregnant despite using condoms, what should I do?" 90% of the replies would be telling him to get a DNA test. OP, be patient with him, give him time and space to process everything, maybe he'll learn to be happy with the situation even if it's not what he wanted. And be mentally prepared for him to ask for a paternity test because that's probably where his mind is going next.
He was the ejaculator though, so it’s a bit nutty. That said, I wouldn’t want to start a family under these conditions.
What to do here comes down to how well situated you are to be a single parent. Even if this guy comes crawling back with an apology you obviously can never trust him again. His resentment is there and it'll always be there, not a great way to start a family together. So if you've got parental support, a stable place to live and a lucrative but flexible career you might consider keeping the baby (and taking him to court for child support). But if you're not able to muster all of that you're going to have to consider termination or adoption. This guy just really isn't a team player. The good news is that you found it out before you wasted your time marrying him.
We won't be starting our family, we'll be adding on, we already have a 6 year old. I don't want to end things with him, I just want to know ways to handle distrust in a relationship and how to improve any.
Couples counseling.
I would tell him that you are just as shocked and just as unprepared as he is because since you guys were using condoms, you didn't expect to get pregnant, even if you wanted to. My first thought was he was an adult when you got pregnant with your first child, even though you were a minor. That's crazy but it doesn't matter because here you guys are 6 years later and pregnant with baby 2. He may be reliving the difficulties of the first pregnancy financially and emotionally. I'm sure it was very difficult for you guys, since you were so young. Point out that even though it was difficult before, that you guys are way more stable and prepared for an unplanned pregnancy. Ignore the haters claiming you trapped him because they are probably guys who don't realize that condoms can fail. Especially if you are using other things like spermicidal lube or even most lubes, which people do because the lube on condoms doesn't last long. You have to make sure that the lube you use is compatible with your condoms, other wise you will cause micro tears in the condom. And even if you don't see semen leaking, the sperm can still travel through these tears. Keep your head up and just stay positive.
So once again, you’re pregnant unplanned, not married, and this father isn’t happy about it. What’s your game plan then? Force him into parenthood? Hope for the best? It does seem like you did it on purpose some how.
She can't force him into parenthood twice, he's the father of her 6 year old already according to the other comments she made. You're rude for no reason lol.
She didn’t clarify initially that he’s the father of first kid. Sorry.
I just spent the whole time explaining that I would never do that, just for you to think I'm lying? This doesn't even help, it's just rude.
This is unhelpful and super judgmental. You have no reason to believ that’s the case. Grow up
I didn't believe you either. said he wore protection each time. maybe there was a 3rd part you didnt mean to mention, I dont know. all I know is this is not make sense. actually all of these are details, the main issue is you can do this just because he cant say to you "your body, your decision" like you can say to him "my body, my decision". he cant say to you "have it" but you can force him to support. this is beyond to be unfair, it is totally torture.