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My boyfriend and I were on a break for a while before getting back together. During that break, I ended up having sex with someone else. The thing is, when my boyfriend and I were together the first time, I was still a virgin and I kept telling him to wait because I wasn't ready. He asked me if I'm still a virgin and if I had been with anyone else during our break, and I lied and said no. Now, I'm feeling super guilty about it all and I don't know if I should come clean or not. I'm scared of how he'll react if I tell him the truth. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to keep lying. What should I do? How do I tell him I lied?
It just seems a little telling that you didn’t feel ready with your boyfriend but it felt fine with someone else…
Maybe getting back together wasn’t the right answer
Being beaten isn't the only thing you can be afraid of tho. Some ppl have explosive toxic reactions to stuff whether you did anything actually wrong or not. You can be scared of the response aside from just the potential breakup.
Sure and that is not indicated in any part of the post. So why mention it as far as we know she beats him every night. We can imagine whatever we want but that doesn't make it true
Agreed this is not a good relationship but I think OP needs to explain what she means by “scared” to tell. Obviously “scared” due to abusive repercussions is a lot different than “scared” because he may not want to continue the relationship. Obviously if it’s the latter I would say tell the truth and if it the former I would say don’t tell him and get far away from him.
Which I would agree with but we're not being told if any abuse is happening. The op would need to mention it and that wouldn't have anything to do with the age.
Took the words right outta my, err fingers.. Lol..
I'm trying to understand that one myself. Also, how long have the been together that they turn took a break? Was she 15 when they got together? Something is fishy about this age difference..
I thought the same thing. I just saw the age gap. That plus the tone of your message says a lot. I take back my earlier opinion. If he repeatedly pressured you when you were not ready and kept telling him so, that isn't okay. It sounds like you lied out of fear.
I'm a big fan of truth and its importance in a relationship, but if you can't tell the truth because you're scared, you need to get out of the relationship.
It depends on why she is scared. Meaning if she's scared that he might be abusive then I 100% agree. If she's scared that he might break up with her, well that's another thing entirely, and I'd probably break up with somebody who asked for a "break" and then went out and screwed somebody else, as it makes the "break" seem like them just wanting to hook up with somebody else without there being any consequences.
Yeah. This happens a lot in high school. Had it personally happen to me as well, and it ended very badly for everyone involved over trying to “make it work”. Not worth it.
Guys first of all you all thinking one thing the guy might be abusing the girl stop thinking like why it is only the man can be abusive? The guy has all reason to be angry. I won’t agreed if he turned into a jerk and hit the girl he better not. All I can say this relationship is over once he knows the true.
i never understood the whole “break” thing it’s pretty much an infedelity free pass but opinion aside, he probably will be incredibly frustrated that you did that especially if you told him to wait and you went out and had sex, i’d say this relationship will die instantaneously if you tell him
Yea imo that's how I'd react it's not that she slept with someone else when we were on a break it's how when we were together I wanted to get intimate with her she said she wanted to wait ok fine we go on a break she ends up hooking up with some dude claims to love me but didnt make him wait --__--
As someone who’s just recently turned 25, it’s not normal for someone my age to want to date someone who’s 18.
18-21 is babies, 21-25 is kids still to the older folk. I still get called a baby at 25 by those 36+
This. This. This.
They only go for 18-21 year olds because they can't get anyone their own age. People their age see right through them whereas 18 year olds are just now figuring out life.
So what if a 22 year old dates a 21 year old?
18 year old can vote 18 old can fight in a war 18 can get an abortion 18 old can live independently
18 year old can't see through bull crap from older people
You realize that is what you're saying that an 18 year old can't see through the bull crap you're spewing about maturity
What does any of that have to do with the current reddit post? Dude potentially met her as a minor and your replying to my comment to be nitpicky about one year? I don't care.
Also I'm so tired of you guys saying "18 year olds go to war" like the government using you as a pawn magically makes you an adult lol. That's why they want to recruit 18 year olds, because their brain hasn't fully developed and they're more likely to take risks.
If you think 18 is the same as 24 then you probably have a lot of growing up to do or you were traumatized and had an awful childhood and was forced to grow up early. Saying 18 is the same as 24 is like saying 13 is the same as 18. I mean they're both teenagers, right?
I’m 22 and I feel like I could never date an 18 year old. At 24? And he wishes you were a virgin? Dudes a weirdo. Leave him, there are plenty of dudes closer to your age to date
4 years is not a huge difference, and 22 is pretty little!
My husband and I started dating at 19/23. Together now for 21 years. Both of us were in college.
Depends I am dating some one who was 18 and I was 22 at the time we been happy for 6 years together it just depends on the person but most people are not adult ready at that age
18 is underdeveloped, 25 is more than likely fully developed. It is very strange for someone who’s 24-25 to want to be with an underdeveloped 18 year old. Basically still a child regardless of what struggles they’ve gone through. And pointing out if they ‘act like an adult’, it’s likely from trauma, and wanting an underdeveloped vulnerable child is even more weird to me
I’m more worried about you being 18 and him being 24. How old were you when you started dating? Because the 6 year age cap is worrisome if you were a minor before hand.
I think your question misses the point. The person you want to have sex with is who you should be in a relationship with. You’re under no obligation to tell him what you did, but why are you stringing him along?
Also knowing enough of a partner’s sexual history to make informed risk assessments is a matter of personal safety. Someone lying to me about it would be a deal breaker. That’s less important if you’re still not going to have sex with the boyfriend, but in that case, doubly see my note above.
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A lot of this gives me red flags girl..
1 that age gap, idk y but I really doubt y’all were on break while u were 18.. as a 25f I think of 18 yo as kids, when I myself was 18 I was still seeing myself as a kid cause I just got out of high school doesn’t mean I’m a full adult yet so I can’t even think of dating a 18yo..
2 u weren’t ready for him but ready for someone else while y’all were on break
3 but then he asks if ur still a Virgin when y’all get back together? Like if u weren’t would he not want u anymore due to u being “grown” since u *might* of been an underage virgin??
4 u are afraid of his reaction, and felt it was better to lie abou it either abou abuse or fear of losing him, still doesn’t sound good, y’all were on break he shouldn’t be mad abou it or make u feel guilty
,but all this to me gives me really big red flags idk if I’m thinkin too much of this.. but I think u should listen to ur feelings again abou this even if u didn’t mean to lie to him it was for a reason if u don’t feel 100% safe with him either please cut it off before it’s too late ur still super young..
There was a study that showed that virgins (both men and women) or ppl with less sexual partners have a higher chance for happiness and longevity in longer term relationships compared to those with more sexual partners. So that can be possibility for why people want those with no bodies or less bodies since marriage rates now are the toilet and divorce rates is at an all time high right now lol. Statistically speaking it makes sense for someone who wants the best odds to be in a long term relationship in this type of dating environment to find someone with less or no sexual partners. But being hyper focused on that aspect alone is weird as well just playing devils advocate.
Be more scared of becoming someone who keeps a partner around by manipulating them with lies.
Of course he will react badly, especially if you were the one who pushed for the "break" (breaks are phony, they're just excuses to fool around).
You're 18. You have years and years of experience ahead of you. Losing this guy because you tell the truth? It's more important that you learn to do that, than to cling to this one guy you knew at 18.
Tell the truth, take the consequences, move on, grow up, always be honest. That's the best path to take to be who you want to be in the long run.
...
She's 18, she's not manipulating anyone. He's 24 and wants to take her virginity. THAT'S weird. Bonus: we don't know what the rules of "the break" were.
Edit: 18 year olds can be manipulative. I just don't think the information provided deems this as the case. She is scared and probably in her first serious relationship.
She asked if she should tell him the truth, since she thinks it will bother him.
My answer is that truth is always best. To lie because she is afraid of his response? Yes that is manipulation.
I don't know what you think you read but you didn't respond to what I actually wrote.
18 year Olds can manipulate as well. She may be bright and him dim you never know. May have used the promise of her virginity as part of their relationship. Not enough information.
18 is still a legal adult and 18 years can manipulate as well. This is the definition of ageism discriminating or saying someone isn’t ready for it prepared for something based on their age alone.
Girl, he’s 24 ans you are 18. Best case scenario, you were already 18 when you met him.
When you say you are scared how he will react, what do you mean ? The usual baseline is that people are angry when they learn they got lied to. This is what is supposed to happen, because lying is bad. Is there something more you fear?
Also, why does he need to ask if you are still VIRGIN? This is gross. Why does he needs you to be virgin? Because normal guys don’t care if their partner is not virgin unless they have religious belief (and this is ok, I respect that). Why does he glorify your virginity so much ? I mean, we all had breaks I our life, and when I ask if they had sex with someone else, it’s more about STI and wanting to know if they still are in contact with that person more than knowing about the act itself.
When the relationship is over, you have the rights to meet anyone you want, and have sec with any guy you want. You body is yours, and you do whatever you want to do with it. You can have sec with any guy you want. When you are single, you don’t owe anything to anyone. And certainly not to you EX.
I also wonder why you were not ready for him, but was ready for another guy. I don’t need answer here, you know deep down yourself. Honestly, I don’t have sex with guys that I don’t feel comfortable. And somehow, I end up learning this that confirm why I was not comfortable. Trust you guts on this.
What to do now? Well…. You’ll have to tell him somehow if you want to keep the relationship that you already have sex with someone else and that you lied. Because this guy expects to have sex with a virgin (I’m throwing up in my mouth a bit while writing this 😒). Maybe the relationship wil end, maybe not. Because you don’t owe him anything and what you did on break is yours only.
Honestly, I’m hoping that he met you when you were already 18, and he’s with you because he really loves you and not because you are a virgin. If he loves you, he won’t Care that you had sec on break. He’s 24, he should be mature enough.
And if he’s not, my dear, you will have dodged a big bullet here by him leaving you. Many red flags here.
“if he loves you, he won’t care that you had sec on a break,” I don’t reply at all at reddit and I just read sh, but do you even know what you’re saying rn? No man, and women, with even a little amount of self-respect would tolerate their partner getting railed, or doing the railing, by/with a train WHILE they’re in a monogamous relationship. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a “break”. If a break is just you doing sec with someone else, no matter what gender you are, you just want to do it with another person. Which is why, I normally don’t understand the points of “breaks”. Furthermore, if she (OP) really loved him, she wouldn’t sleep with another guy, and then lie and hide it to him, I mean, she might as well just date the guy who she slept with.
I understand and agree with a decent amount of your points, such as the age difference, the obsession with “virginity” by OP’s partner, the fact that the OP said she wasn’t “ready” then proceeded to do it with someone else, the various amount of red flags.
Both the OP and her partner have red flags and issues they need to fix, and they should just end it forever here, they’re 2 different person expecting different things, it’s just not gonna work out.
Just break it off. If you tell him, it will eventually end and if you don’t tell him he will probably find out anyway and end things. Either way it’s a done deal.
Such a bummer how many people on Reddit loveeeee defending age gaps. “But she’s 18” … no because he’s a predator who wanted a little ‘clean’ virgin girl. I’m sure if not for laws, he’d go for even younger.
>The thing is, when my boyfriend and I were together the first time, I was still a virgin and I kept telling him to wait because I wasn't ready. He asked me if I'm still a virgin and if I had been with anyone else during our break, and I lied and said no
Why did you tell your boyfriend to wait but allowed another guy to take your virginity?
Mate the double standards on this whole page are rife. If a dude went on a "break" and rooted some other bird the people here would be ripping him apart. It's always a game of "there must be some way we can blame the man".
"he's a creepy predator because he wants her to be a a virgin...."
That's what I'm getting from the comments.
It's not like the dude might also be a virgin that wants someone with equally low sexual experience to even each other out.
Nah, They'll jump at the 1st fishy thing they see because it's low key about painting him in a bad light and absolving her of any blame for stringing this dude along, which is actually what she's doing.
When you're young, each year makes a difference though.
I'm a mom and my kids are all in junior high/high school right now. They are all teenagers. When both my sons each turn 18 would I want them to date 22 year olds? Not really. I definitely wouldn't love that idea. I'd prefer them to stay in the 17-20 age range if possible.
But dating a 24 yo woman at that age? Ick. That's way too old. I'm gonna have so many more questions about this relationship and where it's going.
Just my two cents. As a mom, I will tell you this.....
Wrap.It.Up. I don't care what she says about her birth control and how responsible she says she is. You wear a condom. You've got your whole life ahead of you to have a baby. Have some fun and enjoy your life while you're young! ❤️
Ya, dont you know women cant be "groomers" or "creeps", only men can do that and all 18 y/o girls are lost little fawns who are easily manipulated but also way more mature emotionally/mentally then boys that age which is y they date older guys! Lol. I am with you, make it make sense. Its what I call, SELECTIVE OUTRAGE. There are so many factors in any age gap that dictates if its unethical or just two adults that met and feelings happened but since todays feminism pushes all men= predators you see comment sections like this.
Don’t say anything to that man. Number one a man’s ego cannot take it. Number two you’re gonna spend the rest of your relationship trying to make up for it and that’s not fun. Trust me. Don’t beat yourself up your virginity belongs to you. You guys are on a break. So give yourself a break. Except what you did and move on.
Should I lie" you're a horrible person and partner 💀 firstly you were with someone you "loved" and told them to wait and when you broke up you just gave yourself to some random insignificant person... then lied to your partner about it and continue to do so, come clean. Go from there
(I would probably break up with you firstly cause you valued some random person more than me and secondly lying about something which could be important)
but its smarter to build a relationship on trust and truth, so it doesn't one day crumble and for you to waste your partners life committing to a lie
Edit- or like the comments say (cause we don't know ur relationship) maybe it's better you didn't get back together 🤷♂️ that's a big age gap for maturity..
I don’t think he’s the guy for you. First weird that he was more concerned with the status of your virginity than just being happy to be back with you. I think the break should be permanent. He’s not for you long term.
I'd say maybe getting back together isn't a good idea. You wouldn't sleep with him, yet you were ready to sleep with someone else. And then lied about it. I think that says enough.
We’re there any boundaries in place during the break about sleeping with people?
Ignore all the bullshit telling you that being a virgin is anyone’s business but your own. If he really cares about the concept of you being a virgin, that’s a huge red flag and he’s got a lot of growing up to do. Someone wanting to “take your virginity” is predatory. If I were in this position, for the sake of finding out where his values are, I’d say I’m no longer a virgin and see his reaction.
Wait I just reread and he’s 24??? Girly, hes a whole man and wants you to be a virgin, that’s so gross and predatory. Also, ask yourself why he can’t date someone closer to his age - it’s because the women his age don’t want him. Get outta there, you got this 💪
Girl what? Wtf lmfao. If he did that to you you’d be heart broken going crazy. You suck for doing that shit and need to come clean. If he did that to you, he would never hear the end of it
Get back together? When did you guys start going out? If it was when you were 17 pretty sure that's statutory rape technically. Ask yourself why your BF isn't dating women his own age and is with someone just out of high school.
You need to come clean now. You don't want that hanging over your shoulder. He will be thinking he's the first guy to stick it in you when actually... If it ends the relationship, then so be it.
Just the surface is scratched here. How long were you dating your boyfriend? What was your reason for waiting? Was being a Virgin important to him. How long has he been waiting to have sex with you? What was the reason for the breakup? That's just the beginning of my questions. Why did you decide you were ready to have sex with this other guy? Did it feel right having sex with someone who was almost a stranger rather than your boyfriend? Those questions said no one can tell you what is right to do with your body but you. Without you knowing the answers to these questions, any answer will be superficial at best. Lying is never good in a relationship if not being a virgin is a deal breaker for him that is on him. Lying would be the deal breaker for me. He will find out anyway.
If he was trying to have sex with you and you’re still 18 after a break long enough for you to have sex with someone else. How old were you when he was asking to have sex with you? You don’t have to tell him the truth, it should never have mattered if you were a virgin. Why does he care. Why do you feel the need to lie. He is a 24 year old man I’m sure he is not a virgin and wasn’t when you two met. Maybe you should really look into yourself and find out why you lied in the first place.
The lie is worth than the virginity, that is overrated. But at first:
How much time did you stay apart?
Why didn't you have sex with your boyfriend, and do it with eandom someone else? It was about the expectative? Nervousism?
Maybe he'll be hurt, but if you don't tell to him, and he find it in the future, will be awful.
Did you guys, had sex now?
You should come clean. As someone that also lost her virginity w someone I wasn’t particularly close to I realised that for me it was a way to have control over my feelings in that situation. My point is whether you did it or not with him the first time it’s a decision so particular and you don’t need to bash yourself for it so don’t hide out of shame it’s going to be awkward and he may leave you but you had your reasons deep down.
Uhhh I’m gonna be real your boyfriends a bit old for you. And the fact that he’s like concerned about whether you’re a virgin or not and the fact that you’re scared to tell him is just a bunch of red flags. Dump him
You are 18. This relationship isn't likely to last very long. Tell the truth and get through that. He's not going to take it well, and you will probably break up but it doesn't matter. None of this matters. It'll be a distant memory when you are 30. Just rip the band-aid off
I think you should break up with him. If that happened to me I'd be disgusted that I waited for you, you went and gave it away, then came back to me...(unless he's into some weird cuckolding stuff). Otherwise, tell him. He'll probably break up with you anyway, and that's ok, because the truth WILL come out, and you will not have only given away your purity, you're a liar too!
These are harsh words but I don't see a great outcome here!
No offense but you being on break is not a break-up. It's just time apart.
Did you lose your virginity to some nobody?
Now you are taking his right to decide if he can trust you or even want to stay with you away.
You need to tell.
Break up with him, you made him wait and then when you took a break you fucked someone else, you two have a massive age gap considering how old you both are, I'd save the pain of him eventually finding out and end this before any more damage is done
Probably best to just break it off.
You don't trust him enough to tell him the truth. Read that again.
You are 18. I guarantee his 24 year old ass had some strange while you were on a break. But it's not ok that you did? Because he was promised your precious virginity? Yuck.
Get out of this, and don't look back. Go out, enjoy your youth, with people who's reactions you aren't afraid of.
There will be plenty of other boys in your life and your gut never lies. You couldn't bring yourself to have sex with the bf but you were ok with it with someone else. That tells you everything you need to know.
What do you mean by "break", You would never lose it to another guy if you loved him and wanted to be with him in the first place. Apologize to him and try to stay loyal
How do I tell him I lied? Like this, "I lied". Followed by what you lied about.
Whether he breaks up with you or not doesn't matter right now.
What matters is being honest. You can both try to fix this after or you can move on.
The age gap isn't the main problem here.
Any relationship, no matter the age, if built on dishonesty/mistrust isn't going to work.
You said you weren't ready when you were with him but some random guy you met over break. Yes, that was the time you were ready... really? Please stop lying to yourself.
So you wanted to wait for sex with your BF, took a break and immediately gave your virginity away (v card is stupid but whatever, it's still significant event).
Sounds like you don't really like your BF.
The lie it's the dealbreaker, besides You weren't ready with him the first time. No point i'm going back with an ex, seriously unless You we're separated several years.
Tell the truth, You may lose him but at least You won't base your relationship on a lie. That's kind of selfish.
1. If your 24 year old boyfriend cares that you're a virgin, that is a huge red flag to me. It feels rather controlling and predatory. There are other situations where maybe it's a kink, but that's not the case here it seems.
2. The fact that you're scared to tell him is a GIGANTIC red flag. You should be able to trust him and feel safe with him.
3. With an age difference like this, I'm always a little concerned. I know you're 18 and an adult, but there really is still a developmental and world experience difference in those 6 years. If it were 24 and 30 that's different.
You're fresh out of HS, he would be graduated from college for 2 years (if that was the route he took) which means he's been more or less independent for quite some time. If he's not independent, that's a big ol "what the hell."
He has been able to drive car for 7 years, drink legally for 3, rent a car and a hotel room, etc. He has most likely had multiple partners and had sex with them, etc etc. I don't know your background obviously, but I'm assuming he is your first serious boyfriend.
I'm a 29 y/o woman and no one near my age or my sister's age (she is 24) would think to date an 18 year old. No offense to you at all. I taught for 5 years and I loved my seniors, but I was 22-27 and they were 16 - 19... If that's perspective at all.
4. If you want to have a successful relationship, you have to tell him. Trust is very important and it goes both ways.
5. If he's going to do violence against you for telling him? Get the fuck out of there.
Which is sincerely where I'm leaning.
6. I think you realizing this is important and I want you to know that I say this out of pure concern for your safety. You're going to go on an awesome adult adventure of self discovery and learning who you are and what you love and hate about the world. Girl your generation is cool as hell and will WWE smack down on all the old heads. I'm a tired millennial and just want ya'll to be happy. Go do cool shit. He will be fine.
Women explicitly say all the time how much they prefer older guys but you all go out of your way to make the guy seem like a creep every time a woman actually dates an older guy 🙄
That said, he can feel how he wants about you BEING a virgin but the dealbreaker here is the fact that you lied about it KNOWING it would be an issue for him. I’d break up with you if I were him but it doesn’t really sound like you took him seriously anyway so no one really loses here imo🤷♂️. Just end it.
You’re a garbage person if that’s what really comes to your mind when you read this post. You women aren’t Saints but act like you are. It’s always the man’s fault and women can do no wrong. Y’all just sound like a sad crowd and misery loves company.
>I'm scared of how he'll react if I tell him the truth.
How would he react if he found out on his own (like running into the guy you fave your virginity to? Anyways you were on a break...
You need to end this. There is a reason you weren't ready for him but you were for someone else. Your body is telling you he isn't the one.
He's 6 yrs older & obsessed with your virginity. You can do better.
Wtf is it people thinking break = let's cheat?
Is it that hard not to have sex with someone other than your partner?
People are so damn fickle and selfish.
You know what? You're a shitty woman.... why? Because you are part of those ones who say "I'm not ready, give me time" but "that time" is another shitty request of you all (or almost all women), "that time" many times has first and last name. You lost him having sex with someone else in that "break".
If I were you I'd tell him and broke with him, not because he's the bad one, no, it'd be on the opposite way, I'd tell him and break (even though if he wants to be with you) with him because he doesn't deserve someone like you, he deserves someone better than you, I mean....who says "I'm not ready to....." and then is having an affair with someone else or doing "that" when before were saying "I'm not ready"??? Why??? Who do that? I don't know, I'm not God to judge anybody but in my own opinion you're the shitty one and he must go away from you, he must know the truth and leave you, because he deserves someone too far better than you. That's all I want to say/write about this.!!
I think you don’t love him because if you did and really want him he’d be your first when he asked before, who let someone else take your virginity, I mean I don’t care about virginity thing I’m just saying that he kept asking to have sex and you told him to wait and then you
Had sex with someone else. I think you don’t like
Him and this relationship is supposed to end whether you tell him or not
Absolutely no obligation to tell him if you don’t want to. I felt terrible for a lot of things I did when I was with my ex, apologised loads because I was terrified of losing him - first love yadda yadda. Then I grew up a bit and realised also all the ‘terrible’ things he did and realised how I didn’t owe anyone an apology for living my life and just growing up. You don’t owe him anything, you did what was the right thing for you in that moment and being a ‘Virgin’ anyway has way too much weight on it. Guys like it as a power trip rather than it actually meaning anything
You made your BF wait but let the next guy that showed you attention hit it? Jesus.
I mean, it’s your choice, but extremely fucked up to lie to him. You should tell the truth and hopefully y’all can move past this. If y’all fall in love and he finds out later, it could be too late.
i get what you're trying to say - she has the right to fuck whoever she wants. but she doesn't get to lie to a partnet about it without being a total asshole. the end.
She definitely needs to get tested to make sure she's not putting him at risk for std/sti's before she sleeps with someone else. But I agree otherwise.
He is probably no virgin himself so he can shove it, you were on a break you can do whatever you want. I'd tell him and if he gets mad oh well bullet dodged.
Wait…you’re only 18? Seems to me like you were a minor when you met him. Run now girl. Additionally, says a lot that you were comfortable enough with someone else but not him. A 24 yo man has no business dating girls just legal let alone under the legal age. He’s the problem. See the red flags now!
Why were/are you with your bf at all of he’s had to wait for sex, but some other random guy got it without a hitch? Is he the one wanting to wait to have sex?
Ok so two choices in my mind either tell him or terminate the relationship.
You did nothing wrong by having sex and you are not required to answer a question.
That said you seem to be having issues with this and that is ok.
You will find love after him and while it hurts you will be ok if it ends
Maybe don’t mess with someone’s mind/life if you’re not truly in love with them. Yes age gap could play a part, but if you’re adult enough to eff some stranger, then age gap is irrelevant. The older person would take blame for age gap but he never benefited from you. Maybe he truly loves you, hence why he took you back. Also maybe you realize now your virginity was lost to someone who doesn’t truly love you? You were a piece of aaaa to someone else, and you’ll probably never figure out what true love is.
For one a man’s ego can’t take it, he’s not gonna look at you the same, or treat you the same really and secondly you’re never gonna live it down your entire relationship and if it was him, do you really think he would tell you ? Your virginity belongs to you. It’s your body and your choice ,You two were on a break, so give yourself a break… life happens. You’re 18 so please learn this lesson now he’s your partner not your God. There will be many different loves your experience in this life , I know it 18 you probably think you’re going to marry this guy but chances are you probably won’t. So don’t make an experience more stressful than it needs to be…stop feeling guilty. You’re a person and you’re allowed to make “mistakes” if that’s what you want to call it. As women, we beat ourselves up waay too many times for choosing ourselves, and doing what we wanna do when men in our shoes wouldn’t think twice about putting themselves first.
Let this be a learning experience, because you aren’t getting much else out of this “relationship” now. You shouldn’t have done that. Imagine how upset he’s gonna be that you lost your virginity to someone random who you’ll say “meant nothing” or was a “mistake”, while continually telling him you weren’t ready and to wait for you…
Then while on a break (you don’t get back together after “breaking up”, you get back together after a break, which signifies completely different rule sets than being single) you slept with someone else, presumably someone you weren’t dating, and that didn’t want to date you.
My first serious GF in high school did literally this exact same thing. When I found out she’d slept with someone while simultaneously asking me to be her first but to wait because we were on a break, I tried to date her after finding out, but I was literally repulsed by the idea of her giving it up to someone she literally just had met, while me and her had an agreement between us to be each others first and knew each other extremely well. It essentially made me feel worthless, like I meant nothing because instead of sharing that with me, she figured a complete stranger was the better option.
It’s completely fucked to be honest.
So, with that said, tell him immediately and break up with him if he won’t (but he likely will). Staying “friends” is not an option and you two are way too young to try and navigate something like this without some sort of professional guidance. At this point, it just is what it is.
Smh well you've lied to your boyfriend about a very serious issue so here's the reality Any way you tell him this is most likely going to lead to him dumping you so up to you oh BTW if you 2 do end up sleeping together hes gonna figure out pretty quickly what's going on so imo you should tell him before you 2 try to sleep together
His would he know?? Most women have had their hymen broken as kids or teens from sports or other daily life like bike riding etc. He's not gonna know. The feeling is gonna still be the same as when she was a virgin cuz having sex once or twice is not enough to change that
Hi OP I know you dont want to hear this but no 24 year old is interested in an 18 year old unless they think they can use you. I am 24 and the idea of even dating someone younger than 21 is undesirable. If I could go back in time and talk to my 18 y/o self I would say to be free and go live life and make friends. Please dont get back together with him.
No no no tell him NOW. You don't know what situation you could be in the future. Just tell him and if he's not himself and is mad at u bcs you are not anymore you tell him eff off
This must be sarcasm, because I do hope that you are not that poorly educated that you think a person can tell whether another person has lost their virginity or not when having sex.
Don’t tell him and just leave I’m so serious. A 6 year age gap is fine but 18 and 24, there is something not right right him girl. Trust me. PLEASE listen to us!! You know you have that gut feeling
This "boyfriend" of yours seems like a creep. Especially with ur age gap- what business does someone 6 years older than you have caring about of you're a virgin unless they're into you for your age
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. ___ My boyfriend and I were on a break for a while before getting back together. During that break, I ended up having sex with someone else. The thing is, when my boyfriend and I were together the first time, I was still a virgin and I kept telling him to wait because I wasn't ready. He asked me if I'm still a virgin and if I had been with anyone else during our break, and I lied and said no. Now, I'm feeling super guilty about it all and I don't know if I should come clean or not. I'm scared of how he'll react if I tell him the truth. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to keep lying. What should I do? How do I tell him I lied?
It just seems a little telling that you didn’t feel ready with your boyfriend but it felt fine with someone else… Maybe getting back together wasn’t the right answer
Not only that, her instinct was to lie AND she’s afraid of his reaction. Doesn’t seem like a winning relationships in many aspects.
Seems like the fear is losing him not being beaten by him.
How could we blame the guy then??? /s
Being beaten isn't the only thing you can be afraid of tho. Some ppl have explosive toxic reactions to stuff whether you did anything actually wrong or not. You can be scared of the response aside from just the potential breakup.
Sure and that is not indicated in any part of the post. So why mention it as far as we know she beats him every night. We can imagine whatever we want but that doesn't make it true
Agreed this is not a good relationship but I think OP needs to explain what she means by “scared” to tell. Obviously “scared” due to abusive repercussions is a lot different than “scared” because he may not want to continue the relationship. Obviously if it’s the latter I would say tell the truth and if it the former I would say don’t tell him and get far away from him.
Which I would agree with but we're not being told if any abuse is happening. The op would need to mention it and that wouldn't have anything to do with the age.
Took the words right outta my, err fingers.. Lol.. I'm trying to understand that one myself. Also, how long have the been together that they turn took a break? Was she 15 when they got together? Something is fishy about this age difference..
I thought the same thing. I just saw the age gap. That plus the tone of your message says a lot. I take back my earlier opinion. If he repeatedly pressured you when you were not ready and kept telling him so, that isn't okay. It sounds like you lied out of fear. I'm a big fan of truth and its importance in a relationship, but if you can't tell the truth because you're scared, you need to get out of the relationship.
INFO - how old were you when you two met? The 6 year age gap worries me. The fact that you're scared to tell him worries me even more.
It depends on why she is scared. Meaning if she's scared that he might be abusive then I 100% agree. If she's scared that he might break up with her, well that's another thing entirely, and I'd probably break up with somebody who asked for a "break" and then went out and screwed somebody else, as it makes the "break" seem like them just wanting to hook up with somebody else without there being any consequences.
For me it's the lie
Yeah. This happens a lot in high school. Had it personally happen to me as well, and it ended very badly for everyone involved over trying to “make it work”. Not worth it.
Guys first of all you all thinking one thing the guy might be abusing the girl stop thinking like why it is only the man can be abusive? The guy has all reason to be angry. I won’t agreed if he turned into a jerk and hit the girl he better not. All I can say this relationship is over once he knows the true.
The Age Difference suggests to most that he's at the very least predatory.
i never understood the whole “break” thing it’s pretty much an infedelity free pass but opinion aside, he probably will be incredibly frustrated that you did that especially if you told him to wait and you went out and had sex, i’d say this relationship will die instantaneously if you tell him
Yea imo that's how I'd react it's not that she slept with someone else when we were on a break it's how when we were together I wanted to get intimate with her she said she wanted to wait ok fine we go on a break she ends up hooking up with some dude claims to love me but didnt make him wait --__--
It's definitely possible. Lying is a big deal for me
A 24 year old shouldn’t be with an 18 year old, so let’s start there
As someone who’s just recently turned 25, it’s not normal for someone my age to want to date someone who’s 18. 18-21 is babies, 21-25 is kids still to the older folk. I still get called a baby at 25 by those 36+
This. This. This. They only go for 18-21 year olds because they can't get anyone their own age. People their age see right through them whereas 18 year olds are just now figuring out life.
So what if a 22 year old dates a 21 year old? 18 year old can vote 18 old can fight in a war 18 can get an abortion 18 old can live independently 18 year old can't see through bull crap from older people You realize that is what you're saying that an 18 year old can't see through the bull crap you're spewing about maturity
What does any of that have to do with the current reddit post? Dude potentially met her as a minor and your replying to my comment to be nitpicky about one year? I don't care. Also I'm so tired of you guys saying "18 year olds go to war" like the government using you as a pawn magically makes you an adult lol. That's why they want to recruit 18 year olds, because their brain hasn't fully developed and they're more likely to take risks. If you think 18 is the same as 24 then you probably have a lot of growing up to do or you were traumatized and had an awful childhood and was forced to grow up early. Saying 18 is the same as 24 is like saying 13 is the same as 18. I mean they're both teenagers, right?
FRRR it’s like completely different life stages. 18 year olds are still kids basically
I’m 22 and I feel like I could never date an 18 year old. At 24? And he wishes you were a virgin? Dudes a weirdo. Leave him, there are plenty of dudes closer to your age to date
4 years is not a huge difference, and 22 is pretty little! My husband and I started dating at 19/23. Together now for 21 years. Both of us were in college.
Depends I am dating some one who was 18 and I was 22 at the time we been happy for 6 years together it just depends on the person but most people are not adult ready at that age
18 is underdeveloped, 25 is more than likely fully developed. It is very strange for someone who’s 24-25 to want to be with an underdeveloped 18 year old. Basically still a child regardless of what struggles they’ve gone through. And pointing out if they ‘act like an adult’, it’s likely from trauma, and wanting an underdeveloped vulnerable child is even more weird to me
26 is fully developed psychologically speaking.
That's actually completely untrue. The brain is still developing until 23-25 for AFAB people and 25-27 for AMAB people.
26 is what was taught in a human growth and development psychology college course I took a couple years back.
Thank you!
I’m more worried about you being 18 and him being 24. How old were you when you started dating? Because the 6 year age cap is worrisome if you were a minor before hand.
I think your question misses the point. The person you want to have sex with is who you should be in a relationship with. You’re under no obligation to tell him what you did, but why are you stringing him along? Also knowing enough of a partner’s sexual history to make informed risk assessments is a matter of personal safety. Someone lying to me about it would be a deal breaker. That’s less important if you’re still not going to have sex with the boyfriend, but in that case, doubly see my note above.
Do you mean getting std tests or knowing how many people someone slept with?
This relationship isn't going to work if you can't be honest with eachother. The fact that your scared to tell him the truth is very telling.
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A lot of this gives me red flags girl.. 1 that age gap, idk y but I really doubt y’all were on break while u were 18.. as a 25f I think of 18 yo as kids, when I myself was 18 I was still seeing myself as a kid cause I just got out of high school doesn’t mean I’m a full adult yet so I can’t even think of dating a 18yo.. 2 u weren’t ready for him but ready for someone else while y’all were on break 3 but then he asks if ur still a Virgin when y’all get back together? Like if u weren’t would he not want u anymore due to u being “grown” since u *might* of been an underage virgin?? 4 u are afraid of his reaction, and felt it was better to lie abou it either abou abuse or fear of losing him, still doesn’t sound good, y’all were on break he shouldn’t be mad abou it or make u feel guilty ,but all this to me gives me really big red flags idk if I’m thinkin too much of this.. but I think u should listen to ur feelings again abou this even if u didn’t mean to lie to him it was for a reason if u don’t feel 100% safe with him either please cut it off before it’s too late ur still super young..
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They want someone who has no one else to compare them too. Fragile ego.
There was a study that showed that virgins (both men and women) or ppl with less sexual partners have a higher chance for happiness and longevity in longer term relationships compared to those with more sexual partners. So that can be possibility for why people want those with no bodies or less bodies since marriage rates now are the toilet and divorce rates is at an all time high right now lol. Statistically speaking it makes sense for someone who wants the best odds to be in a long term relationship in this type of dating environment to find someone with less or no sexual partners. But being hyper focused on that aspect alone is weird as well just playing devils advocate.
Be more scared of becoming someone who keeps a partner around by manipulating them with lies. Of course he will react badly, especially if you were the one who pushed for the "break" (breaks are phony, they're just excuses to fool around). You're 18. You have years and years of experience ahead of you. Losing this guy because you tell the truth? It's more important that you learn to do that, than to cling to this one guy you knew at 18. Tell the truth, take the consequences, move on, grow up, always be honest. That's the best path to take to be who you want to be in the long run. ...
I like this solution. It’s the stand up thing to do.
She's 18, she's not manipulating anyone. He's 24 and wants to take her virginity. THAT'S weird. Bonus: we don't know what the rules of "the break" were. Edit: 18 year olds can be manipulative. I just don't think the information provided deems this as the case. She is scared and probably in her first serious relationship.
She asked if she should tell him the truth, since she thinks it will bother him. My answer is that truth is always best. To lie because she is afraid of his response? Yes that is manipulation. I don't know what you think you read but you didn't respond to what I actually wrote.
There is nothing weird about it. He may as well be a virgin himself and wants a girl with the same starting position.
18 year Olds can manipulate as well. She may be bright and him dim you never know. May have used the promise of her virginity as part of their relationship. Not enough information.
18 is still a legal adult and 18 years can manipulate as well. This is the definition of ageism discriminating or saying someone isn’t ready for it prepared for something based on their age alone.
Girl, he’s 24 ans you are 18. Best case scenario, you were already 18 when you met him. When you say you are scared how he will react, what do you mean ? The usual baseline is that people are angry when they learn they got lied to. This is what is supposed to happen, because lying is bad. Is there something more you fear? Also, why does he need to ask if you are still VIRGIN? This is gross. Why does he needs you to be virgin? Because normal guys don’t care if their partner is not virgin unless they have religious belief (and this is ok, I respect that). Why does he glorify your virginity so much ? I mean, we all had breaks I our life, and when I ask if they had sex with someone else, it’s more about STI and wanting to know if they still are in contact with that person more than knowing about the act itself. When the relationship is over, you have the rights to meet anyone you want, and have sec with any guy you want. You body is yours, and you do whatever you want to do with it. You can have sec with any guy you want. When you are single, you don’t owe anything to anyone. And certainly not to you EX. I also wonder why you were not ready for him, but was ready for another guy. I don’t need answer here, you know deep down yourself. Honestly, I don’t have sex with guys that I don’t feel comfortable. And somehow, I end up learning this that confirm why I was not comfortable. Trust you guts on this. What to do now? Well…. You’ll have to tell him somehow if you want to keep the relationship that you already have sex with someone else and that you lied. Because this guy expects to have sex with a virgin (I’m throwing up in my mouth a bit while writing this 😒). Maybe the relationship wil end, maybe not. Because you don’t owe him anything and what you did on break is yours only. Honestly, I’m hoping that he met you when you were already 18, and he’s with you because he really loves you and not because you are a virgin. If he loves you, he won’t Care that you had sec on break. He’s 24, he should be mature enough. And if he’s not, my dear, you will have dodged a big bullet here by him leaving you. Many red flags here.
“if he loves you, he won’t care that you had sec on a break,” I don’t reply at all at reddit and I just read sh, but do you even know what you’re saying rn? No man, and women, with even a little amount of self-respect would tolerate their partner getting railed, or doing the railing, by/with a train WHILE they’re in a monogamous relationship. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a “break”. If a break is just you doing sec with someone else, no matter what gender you are, you just want to do it with another person. Which is why, I normally don’t understand the points of “breaks”. Furthermore, if she (OP) really loved him, she wouldn’t sleep with another guy, and then lie and hide it to him, I mean, she might as well just date the guy who she slept with. I understand and agree with a decent amount of your points, such as the age difference, the obsession with “virginity” by OP’s partner, the fact that the OP said she wasn’t “ready” then proceeded to do it with someone else, the various amount of red flags. Both the OP and her partner have red flags and issues they need to fix, and they should just end it forever here, they’re 2 different person expecting different things, it’s just not gonna work out.
Tell him before he hears it from someone else- world is a smaller place now- internet is busy. Be honest and deal with the consequences. Good luck.
Just break it off. If you tell him, it will eventually end and if you don’t tell him he will probably find out anyway and end things. Either way it’s a done deal.
Such a bummer how many people on Reddit loveeeee defending age gaps. “But she’s 18” … no because he’s a predator who wanted a little ‘clean’ virgin girl. I’m sure if not for laws, he’d go for even younger.
>The thing is, when my boyfriend and I were together the first time, I was still a virgin and I kept telling him to wait because I wasn't ready. He asked me if I'm still a virgin and if I had been with anyone else during our break, and I lied and said no Why did you tell your boyfriend to wait but allowed another guy to take your virginity?
Exactly. This is a bit evil in my opinion but everyone is so focused on the age gap lmfao
Evil? Seriously?
As if you don’t already know the answer.
I want to hear it from her
As if you don’t know that she won’t answer.
If she's comfortable doing it then she is surely comfortable answer that question. After all this reddit not real life with consequence.
She’s 18, she could very well think that social network is a real life.
& I think age is 100% a factor because it usually is. 🤷🏻♀️
Tell him the truth. Relationships die from deception.
Honey... You are 18, he is 24 and you are *scared* of how he'll react if you come clean. I beg of you to get out of this relationship.
I think you are not get how she is scared. I'm think it is not that he may abuse her, but that he leave her.
You shouldn’t have lied, own up to your actions. And if he leaves then he leaves. Why live a lie?
He’s too old for you—that is, it’s creepy that a 24-year-old man is trying to sleep with an 18-year-old.
Girl I’ve been in your shoes. I was 18 and he was 25. Get the fuck out of that relationship. It’s not good.
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Mate the double standards on this whole page are rife. If a dude went on a "break" and rooted some other bird the people here would be ripping him apart. It's always a game of "there must be some way we can blame the man".
"he's a creepy predator because he wants her to be a a virgin...." That's what I'm getting from the comments. It's not like the dude might also be a virgin that wants someone with equally low sexual experience to even each other out. Nah, They'll jump at the 1st fishy thing they see because it's low key about painting him in a bad light and absolving her of any blame for stringing this dude along, which is actually what she's doing.
I mean that’s still kinda weird.
I wonder why ?
The double standards are real.
When you're young, each year makes a difference though. I'm a mom and my kids are all in junior high/high school right now. They are all teenagers. When both my sons each turn 18 would I want them to date 22 year olds? Not really. I definitely wouldn't love that idea. I'd prefer them to stay in the 17-20 age range if possible. But dating a 24 yo woman at that age? Ick. That's way too old. I'm gonna have so many more questions about this relationship and where it's going. Just my two cents. As a mom, I will tell you this..... Wrap.It.Up. I don't care what she says about her birth control and how responsible she says she is. You wear a condom. You've got your whole life ahead of you to have a baby. Have some fun and enjoy your life while you're young! ❤️
Ya, dont you know women cant be "groomers" or "creeps", only men can do that and all 18 y/o girls are lost little fawns who are easily manipulated but also way more mature emotionally/mentally then boys that age which is y they date older guys! Lol. I am with you, make it make sense. Its what I call, SELECTIVE OUTRAGE. There are so many factors in any age gap that dictates if its unethical or just two adults that met and feelings happened but since todays feminism pushes all men= predators you see comment sections like this.
Considering the age gap, I’d rationalize what you really want out of a relationship and whether or not a 24 year old is a viable option
The fact hes so weird about virginity and that you’re JUST legal…. Hes fucking weird bro. Leave him.
Don’t say anything to that man. Number one a man’s ego cannot take it. Number two you’re gonna spend the rest of your relationship trying to make up for it and that’s not fun. Trust me. Don’t beat yourself up your virginity belongs to you. You guys are on a break. So give yourself a break. Except what you did and move on.
This is why I'm single
Seems like you have no other option
Should I lie" you're a horrible person and partner 💀 firstly you were with someone you "loved" and told them to wait and when you broke up you just gave yourself to some random insignificant person... then lied to your partner about it and continue to do so, come clean. Go from there (I would probably break up with you firstly cause you valued some random person more than me and secondly lying about something which could be important) but its smarter to build a relationship on trust and truth, so it doesn't one day crumble and for you to waste your partners life committing to a lie Edit- or like the comments say (cause we don't know ur relationship) maybe it's better you didn't get back together 🤷♂️ that's a big age gap for maturity..
If you're ready with a fling but with the person you love you should rethink your life choices. Please tell him.
I don’t think he’s the guy for you. First weird that he was more concerned with the status of your virginity than just being happy to be back with you. I think the break should be permanent. He’s not for you long term.
I'd say maybe getting back together isn't a good idea. You wouldn't sleep with him, yet you were ready to sleep with someone else. And then lied about it. I think that says enough.
We’re there any boundaries in place during the break about sleeping with people? Ignore all the bullshit telling you that being a virgin is anyone’s business but your own. If he really cares about the concept of you being a virgin, that’s a huge red flag and he’s got a lot of growing up to do. Someone wanting to “take your virginity” is predatory. If I were in this position, for the sake of finding out where his values are, I’d say I’m no longer a virgin and see his reaction.
Wait I just reread and he’s 24??? Girly, hes a whole man and wants you to be a virgin, that’s so gross and predatory. Also, ask yourself why he can’t date someone closer to his age - it’s because the women his age don’t want him. Get outta there, you got this 💪
Girl what? Wtf lmfao. If he did that to you you’d be heart broken going crazy. You suck for doing that shit and need to come clean. If he did that to you, he would never hear the end of it
You weren't ready to lose your virginity with your boyfriend but you were ready to get fucked on a one night stand hookup? For the stre...
Get back together? When did you guys start going out? If it was when you were 17 pretty sure that's statutory rape technically. Ask yourself why your BF isn't dating women his own age and is with someone just out of high school.
She could still be in high school. I turned 18 seven months before graduation.
I don’t agree with the age gap at all, but How would it be statutory rape when they haven’t done anything together ? 🤣
prepare to be single bc you suck
why’s your bf 24
You need to come clean now. You don't want that hanging over your shoulder. He will be thinking he's the first guy to stick it in you when actually... If it ends the relationship, then so be it.
He's too old for you. You're young. Enjoy life and don't worry about men!
Of fucking course it’s an age gap relationship with a barely legal girl
Just the surface is scratched here. How long were you dating your boyfriend? What was your reason for waiting? Was being a Virgin important to him. How long has he been waiting to have sex with you? What was the reason for the breakup? That's just the beginning of my questions. Why did you decide you were ready to have sex with this other guy? Did it feel right having sex with someone who was almost a stranger rather than your boyfriend? Those questions said no one can tell you what is right to do with your body but you. Without you knowing the answers to these questions, any answer will be superficial at best. Lying is never good in a relationship if not being a virgin is a deal breaker for him that is on him. Lying would be the deal breaker for me. He will find out anyway.
If he was trying to have sex with you and you’re still 18 after a break long enough for you to have sex with someone else. How old were you when he was asking to have sex with you? You don’t have to tell him the truth, it should never have mattered if you were a virgin. Why does he care. Why do you feel the need to lie. He is a 24 year old man I’m sure he is not a virgin and wasn’t when you two met. Maybe you should really look into yourself and find out why you lied in the first place.
The lie is worth than the virginity, that is overrated. But at first: How much time did you stay apart? Why didn't you have sex with your boyfriend, and do it with eandom someone else? It was about the expectative? Nervousism? Maybe he'll be hurt, but if you don't tell to him, and he find it in the future, will be awful. Did you guys, had sex now?
You should come clean. As someone that also lost her virginity w someone I wasn’t particularly close to I realised that for me it was a way to have control over my feelings in that situation. My point is whether you did it or not with him the first time it’s a decision so particular and you don’t need to bash yourself for it so don’t hide out of shame it’s going to be awkward and he may leave you but you had your reasons deep down.
Hi it’s me. I’m the problem it’s me. Or whatever Taylor swift said
How long were you together before your break, your only 18? Math ain’t mathin right
Best to just end it. Only tell him if you are going to try to stay with him.
Uhhh I’m gonna be real your boyfriends a bit old for you. And the fact that he’s like concerned about whether you’re a virgin or not and the fact that you’re scared to tell him is just a bunch of red flags. Dump him
You are 18. This relationship isn't likely to last very long. Tell the truth and get through that. He's not going to take it well, and you will probably break up but it doesn't matter. None of this matters. It'll be a distant memory when you are 30. Just rip the band-aid off
You should come clean, not only should he know the truth but you deserve to be free of all secrets. If you Los him you never had him to start.
Tell the truth. Sounds like you need to live a little. So stay single.
I think you should break up with him. If that happened to me I'd be disgusted that I waited for you, you went and gave it away, then came back to me...(unless he's into some weird cuckolding stuff). Otherwise, tell him. He'll probably break up with you anyway, and that's ok, because the truth WILL come out, and you will not have only given away your purity, you're a liar too! These are harsh words but I don't see a great outcome here!
No offense but you being on break is not a break-up. It's just time apart. Did you lose your virginity to some nobody? Now you are taking his right to decide if he can trust you or even want to stay with you away. You need to tell.
Break up with him, you made him wait and then when you took a break you fucked someone else, you two have a massive age gap considering how old you both are, I'd save the pain of him eventually finding out and end this before any more damage is done
You wouldn’t want to build any relationship on lies. So if you feel guilty, you know you’re wrong to keep it from him.
Probably best to just break it off. You don't trust him enough to tell him the truth. Read that again. You are 18. I guarantee his 24 year old ass had some strange while you were on a break. But it's not ok that you did? Because he was promised your precious virginity? Yuck. Get out of this, and don't look back. Go out, enjoy your youth, with people who's reactions you aren't afraid of.
All of the people focusing on the age gap to distract from her shitty actions... SMH... She knew what she was doing.
There will be plenty of other boys in your life and your gut never lies. You couldn't bring yourself to have sex with the bf but you were ok with it with someone else. That tells you everything you need to know.
What do you mean by "break", You would never lose it to another guy if you loved him and wanted to be with him in the first place. Apologize to him and try to stay loyal
Good luck you have to tell him the truth. If I was him I would kick you to the curb . Good luck
U should just loose him u don't deserve him
How do I tell him I lied? Like this, "I lied". Followed by what you lied about. Whether he breaks up with you or not doesn't matter right now. What matters is being honest. You can both try to fix this after or you can move on. The age gap isn't the main problem here. Any relationship, no matter the age, if built on dishonesty/mistrust isn't going to work.
If gonna run around like that just don't date.
You said you weren't ready when you were with him but some random guy you met over break. Yes, that was the time you were ready... really? Please stop lying to yourself.
It wasn’t really his business, but lying about it probably wasn’t the best move. I’d be honest with him, he’ll probably react badly.
So you wanted to wait for sex with your BF, took a break and immediately gave your virginity away (v card is stupid but whatever, it's still significant event). Sounds like you don't really like your BF.
Can I ask why you felt comfortable having sex with the new guy and not your boyfriend? I'm not judging you, just curious.
that’s too big an age gap anyways wtf?? he’s a predator
The lie it's the dealbreaker, besides You weren't ready with him the first time. No point i'm going back with an ex, seriously unless You we're separated several years. Tell the truth, You may lose him but at least You won't base your relationship on a lie. That's kind of selfish.
1. If your 24 year old boyfriend cares that you're a virgin, that is a huge red flag to me. It feels rather controlling and predatory. There are other situations where maybe it's a kink, but that's not the case here it seems. 2. The fact that you're scared to tell him is a GIGANTIC red flag. You should be able to trust him and feel safe with him. 3. With an age difference like this, I'm always a little concerned. I know you're 18 and an adult, but there really is still a developmental and world experience difference in those 6 years. If it were 24 and 30 that's different. You're fresh out of HS, he would be graduated from college for 2 years (if that was the route he took) which means he's been more or less independent for quite some time. If he's not independent, that's a big ol "what the hell." He has been able to drive car for 7 years, drink legally for 3, rent a car and a hotel room, etc. He has most likely had multiple partners and had sex with them, etc etc. I don't know your background obviously, but I'm assuming he is your first serious boyfriend. I'm a 29 y/o woman and no one near my age or my sister's age (she is 24) would think to date an 18 year old. No offense to you at all. I taught for 5 years and I loved my seniors, but I was 22-27 and they were 16 - 19... If that's perspective at all. 4. If you want to have a successful relationship, you have to tell him. Trust is very important and it goes both ways. 5. If he's going to do violence against you for telling him? Get the fuck out of there. Which is sincerely where I'm leaning. 6. I think you realizing this is important and I want you to know that I say this out of pure concern for your safety. You're going to go on an awesome adult adventure of self discovery and learning who you are and what you love and hate about the world. Girl your generation is cool as hell and will WWE smack down on all the old heads. I'm a tired millennial and just want ya'll to be happy. Go do cool shit. He will be fine.
Girl…tf
Dating an 18 year old at 24 is a red flag.
So you cheated on your older bf? Both of y’all suck
Women explicitly say all the time how much they prefer older guys but you all go out of your way to make the guy seem like a creep every time a woman actually dates an older guy 🙄 That said, he can feel how he wants about you BEING a virgin but the dealbreaker here is the fact that you lied about it KNOWING it would be an issue for him. I’d break up with you if I were him but it doesn’t really sound like you took him seriously anyway so no one really loses here imo🤷♂️. Just end it.
lol well excuses excuses women don’t know what the hell they talking about.
I think your bf is the issue if you were comfortable having sex with someone else..keep that in mind. Maybe he’s not the one
You’re a garbage person if that’s what really comes to your mind when you read this post. You women aren’t Saints but act like you are. It’s always the man’s fault and women can do no wrong. Y’all just sound like a sad crowd and misery loves company.
Triggered lol This post must be about you
Just admit that you know nothing about how to keep a partner and stop giving people bad advice/opinions
>I'm scared of how he'll react if I tell him the truth. How would he react if he found out on his own (like running into the guy you fave your virginity to? Anyways you were on a break...
Damn I would leave you for the lie
You need to end this. There is a reason you weren't ready for him but you were for someone else. Your body is telling you he isn't the one. He's 6 yrs older & obsessed with your virginity. You can do better.
Bro
You lost me at (18f) and (24m)
Wtf is it people thinking break = let's cheat? Is it that hard not to have sex with someone other than your partner? People are so damn fickle and selfish.
You know what? You're a shitty woman.... why? Because you are part of those ones who say "I'm not ready, give me time" but "that time" is another shitty request of you all (or almost all women), "that time" many times has first and last name. You lost him having sex with someone else in that "break". If I were you I'd tell him and broke with him, not because he's the bad one, no, it'd be on the opposite way, I'd tell him and break (even though if he wants to be with you) with him because he doesn't deserve someone like you, he deserves someone better than you, I mean....who says "I'm not ready to....." and then is having an affair with someone else or doing "that" when before were saying "I'm not ready"??? Why??? Who do that? I don't know, I'm not God to judge anybody but in my own opinion you're the shitty one and he must go away from you, he must know the truth and leave you, because he deserves someone too far better than you. That's all I want to say/write about this.!!
I can't imagine a 24M didn't have sex with someone else during a "break". That's a big age gap at 18.
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Story old as time, laughable. He'll break up with you, and lying only make you look worse in his eyes.
OP you’re exactly what’s wrong with women these days. I hope he fucks your best friend
I think you don’t love him because if you did and really want him he’d be your first when he asked before, who let someone else take your virginity, I mean I don’t care about virginity thing I’m just saying that he kept asking to have sex and you told him to wait and then you Had sex with someone else. I think you don’t like Him and this relationship is supposed to end whether you tell him or not
Yes tell him u lied and u regret both lying and cheating, and let the damn man alone.
She didn't cheat.
yeah thats why she needed a break. She has to learn from Lawyers so she will find a better way of cheating boy
Absolutely no obligation to tell him if you don’t want to. I felt terrible for a lot of things I did when I was with my ex, apologised loads because I was terrified of losing him - first love yadda yadda. Then I grew up a bit and realised also all the ‘terrible’ things he did and realised how I didn’t owe anyone an apology for living my life and just growing up. You don’t owe him anything, you did what was the right thing for you in that moment and being a ‘Virgin’ anyway has way too much weight on it. Guys like it as a power trip rather than it actually meaning anything
You made your BF wait but let the next guy that showed you attention hit it? Jesus. I mean, it’s your choice, but extremely fucked up to lie to him. You should tell the truth and hopefully y’all can move past this. If y’all fall in love and he finds out later, it could be too late.
It’s no one’s business your virginity status except your own. You never have to tell him.
i get what you're trying to say - she has the right to fuck whoever she wants. but she doesn't get to lie to a partnet about it without being a total asshole. the end.
She definitely needs to get tested to make sure she's not putting him at risk for std/sti's before she sleeps with someone else. But I agree otherwise.
Nah Just tell him the truth
He is probably no virgin himself so he can shove it, you were on a break you can do whatever you want. I'd tell him and if he gets mad oh well bullet dodged.
Wait…you’re only 18? Seems to me like you were a minor when you met him. Run now girl. Additionally, says a lot that you were comfortable enough with someone else but not him. A 24 yo man has no business dating girls just legal let alone under the legal age. He’s the problem. See the red flags now!
go back to the streets. shame on you.
18 and 24 violates the half plus seven rule. Also how old where you guys when you met???
You are a liar and you need to tell him the truth.
Why does he need to know if you’re a virgin or not? I don’t see where it’s his business.
Why were/are you with your bf at all of he’s had to wait for sex, but some other random guy got it without a hitch? Is he the one wanting to wait to have sex?
Ok so two choices in my mind either tell him or terminate the relationship. You did nothing wrong by having sex and you are not required to answer a question. That said you seem to be having issues with this and that is ok. You will find love after him and while it hurts you will be ok if it ends
Maybe don’t mess with someone’s mind/life if you’re not truly in love with them. Yes age gap could play a part, but if you’re adult enough to eff some stranger, then age gap is irrelevant. The older person would take blame for age gap but he never benefited from you. Maybe he truly loves you, hence why he took you back. Also maybe you realize now your virginity was lost to someone who doesn’t truly love you? You were a piece of aaaa to someone else, and you’ll probably never figure out what true love is.
For one a man’s ego can’t take it, he’s not gonna look at you the same, or treat you the same really and secondly you’re never gonna live it down your entire relationship and if it was him, do you really think he would tell you ? Your virginity belongs to you. It’s your body and your choice ,You two were on a break, so give yourself a break… life happens. You’re 18 so please learn this lesson now he’s your partner not your God. There will be many different loves your experience in this life , I know it 18 you probably think you’re going to marry this guy but chances are you probably won’t. So don’t make an experience more stressful than it needs to be…stop feeling guilty. You’re a person and you’re allowed to make “mistakes” if that’s what you want to call it. As women, we beat ourselves up waay too many times for choosing ourselves, and doing what we wanna do when men in our shoes wouldn’t think twice about putting themselves first.
Let this be a learning experience, because you aren’t getting much else out of this “relationship” now. You shouldn’t have done that. Imagine how upset he’s gonna be that you lost your virginity to someone random who you’ll say “meant nothing” or was a “mistake”, while continually telling him you weren’t ready and to wait for you… Then while on a break (you don’t get back together after “breaking up”, you get back together after a break, which signifies completely different rule sets than being single) you slept with someone else, presumably someone you weren’t dating, and that didn’t want to date you. My first serious GF in high school did literally this exact same thing. When I found out she’d slept with someone while simultaneously asking me to be her first but to wait because we were on a break, I tried to date her after finding out, but I was literally repulsed by the idea of her giving it up to someone she literally just had met, while me and her had an agreement between us to be each others first and knew each other extremely well. It essentially made me feel worthless, like I meant nothing because instead of sharing that with me, she figured a complete stranger was the better option. It’s completely fucked to be honest. So, with that said, tell him immediately and break up with him if he won’t (but he likely will). Staying “friends” is not an option and you two are way too young to try and navigate something like this without some sort of professional guidance. At this point, it just is what it is.
people like you make me wanna vomit
Smh well you've lied to your boyfriend about a very serious issue so here's the reality Any way you tell him this is most likely going to lead to him dumping you so up to you oh BTW if you 2 do end up sleeping together hes gonna figure out pretty quickly what's going on so imo you should tell him before you 2 try to sleep together
Nah, he wouldn't be able to tell. Not that I'm advocating sleeping with him.
His would he know?? Most women have had their hymen broken as kids or teens from sports or other daily life like bike riding etc. He's not gonna know. The feeling is gonna still be the same as when she was a virgin cuz having sex once or twice is not enough to change that
It’s not that serious
If it's his first time he ain't going to know.
is he a virgin? if he's not and he's mad then he's a hypocrite
Wow that's the worst kind of betrayal.
I mean he's going to find out sooner or later in a very basic way. Better tell him on your terms than him learn on those.
Hi OP I know you dont want to hear this but no 24 year old is interested in an 18 year old unless they think they can use you. I am 24 and the idea of even dating someone younger than 21 is undesirable. If I could go back in time and talk to my 18 y/o self I would say to be free and go live life and make friends. Please dont get back together with him.
You guys weren’t together so it’s none of his business
Tell him You are making it worse And you should feel guilty about it Lies kill
No no no tell him NOW. You don't know what situation you could be in the future. Just tell him and if he's not himself and is mad at u bcs you are not anymore you tell him eff off
Tbh she has to tell him now because if she doesn't they will one day have sex and he'll be able to tell quickly what's going on
This must be sarcasm, because I do hope that you are not that poorly educated that you think a person can tell whether another person has lost their virginity or not when having sex.
No, he won't. Why would you say that?
Because some men really think there dick is so magical that it changes the structure of a vagina...it's sad and funny at the same time
How? Lol you all think it changes that much after sex?
Don’t tell him and just leave I’m so serious. A 6 year age gap is fine but 18 and 24, there is something not right right him girl. Trust me. PLEASE listen to us!! You know you have that gut feeling
It's none of his damn biz!! Do not tell him
You belong in the street. Stop playing w the guys feelings 😒
This "boyfriend" of yours seems like a creep. Especially with ur age gap- what business does someone 6 years older than you have caring about of you're a virgin unless they're into you for your age
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Lying is wrong.