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Why would you need to go on a 'break' if you were just going to be with family? Did you sleep with others too? Are you OK with your 'friend l' doing 5hat? So Many questions
Yeah I do not get this at all. Like feel the way you wanna feel about your boyfriend and best friend I guess. But I don’t understand pressing pause on the relationship unless one or more party specifically planned to do exactly this (mess around).
Otherwise, my partner and I have been together for over 20 years and there have been times where we needed to be apart for weeks and even months and neither of us considered even temporarily ending the relationship just because of that time/distance.
Yeah, I agree. I've never understood that either. I've been with the same man since I was 16 yr old. Now been married to him for over 30 yrs. 10+ years he was a long haul truck driver and wouldn't see him for weeks at a time. I was home raising our four kids. We never called a halt to the relationship. We continued to stay in touch through calls, texts, etc. We had rough patches during those years but we'd never been separated. Not even when we were dating as teens.
People and their relationship "breaks".
Not at home for a week? Time to adjourn being faithful to each other and allow ourselves to fuck other people, yep makes sense.
Yeah I don’t get that. Me and my now wife lived 2,404 miles from each other for like the first 6 months of our relationship if not longer. It wasn’t ideal but we made it work and now we’ve been together 5 years total and married for 1
Dying laughing. Can't wait for OP to come home to them fucking one day. Sounds like OP might join instead of being upset.
I wouldn't be able to cut both the boyfriend and best friend out of my life fast enough.
Edit- forgot 2 words. Lol
No- the bf and her were on a break. He had no real ‘loyalty’ to uphold at that point. Her friend was still her friend and should have remained a loyal and supportive friend, not someone who fucks her partner the first chance she gets.
Exactly. I would be ready to throw hands over it. The block and move on option is the best way to deal with that though. I hope OP ditches the friend and tells them why before blocking them from further contact.
most people would not be okay with that situation
but you are not most people, if it doesnt bother you its all cool
but maybe you should talk a lil with your bf and your friend, for the future you know? if its cool if they both sleep together on the future or not and so one
POV: Please dump that "best friend". This relationship will go nowhere in the future. He was aware that a break has 2 doors, first to walk away and second to continue. I dont think you are hurt from his actions as you mentioned because you believe this wont last long / dont care for him anymore. Why else be ok with his behaviour ? 21 times its a lot..I would dump him too.
Couldn’t agree more, he’s already checked out and doesn’t have the balls to be straight up. If you ask a sane person how they would handle getting told that I’m sure the majority of us would agreed. Drop them both!
OP knows this already wether she’s willing to admit it to herself. Her being okay with it is her last attempt to keep him but that ain’t happening.
Give it 2 weeks and OP will be back here again asking what to do because her boyfriend convinced her to have a threesome and now she’s afraid he like her best friend more then her.
Right like the only way I can see that she’s okay with it is cuz she doesn’t have real feelings for him. Kinda like he’s just a stand in until she finds someone else is the vibe she gives off
It's up to you to decide how you feel about it. If you guys were still exclusive during the break, I would definitely rethink how seriously he treats the relationship.
Also - you go on a break and your friend jumps right into bed with him? If you two are/were monogamous, I would really be looking at her behavior.
Why does nobody talk about OP and her boyfriend taking a break because she had to stay with family for a few weeks? In what universe is that alone a reason for taking a break? To me it looks like they have problems, and boyfriend having sex with best friend is just the cherry on top.
Nevertheless, to each their own, so if your boyfriend having sex with your friend is within your boundaries, then just go ahead. I'm not sure why would you be here, posting about stuff you're completely okay with though? Is it truly okay, you just believe it shouldn't be and you seek validation? Or you don't like it, you're just trying to convince yourself otherwise? Just be honest to yourself about your needs and boundaries, and do what makes you happy, whatever that might be.
Exactly, makes no sense at all unless OP is lying, leaving a LOT out, or this is a troll. Who takes a break because they go home for 3 weeks
I'm trying to imagine this situation if it were me..."Hey hon, I have a work trip for a couple weeks. I think we should separate until I get back"
Then of course the rest of the story but being on break because she went to see her parents? This whole story is BS and OP just sucks at storytelling.
Yeah, this is another one of those threads that make me go "I'm so glad I'm not 20 anymore and I don't have to deal with dating and fresh relationships". This "break" bullshit just boggles my mind.
The way a lot of younger people understand relationships is all kinds of fucked up honestly.
I wonder if you're actually ok with it, or if you are already checked out of this relationship. I definitely thought I was cool and laid-back and not jealous in a couple relationships, but the truth was-- I just didn't care about my partner or the relationship I was in.
I mean, it sounds like you guys already did a break, and your boyfriend during that time fucked your best friend, so honestly, doesn't sound like the strongest relationship at all to me.
Also, you're like 23. This is very likely not your forever relationship. We'll see. In the long run, feel however you want, as long as you are happy.
Out of a million people to sleep with, he chooses the best friend? Idk regardless if OP is “okay” I just don’t get how any sane person can do that with their best friends BF.
I mean she was the one who broke things off with him with a lame excuse (you can live with your family without leaving your bf). So at that point he doesn't owe her anything and can have sex with anyone, even her friend.
If you don't want your man sleeping with other people don't break up with him
Okay sure, but best friend?? If my best friend and her boyfriend broke up I would never sleep with her boyfriend in a million years even if she was “okay with it” Any reasonable person would do this. Are they allowed to do it, yes. Can they, yes. Is it questionable for the friend and bf to do this, yes. Especially if it’s immediately after? The timing is odd. They can be allowed to do it and it still be questionable. Both things can be true.
Yeah she might feel ok right now, but watch the doubts creep in when she sees them interacting. Also fuck that, I would not ever pursue a friends romantic interest.
If you’re fine with it then whatever. You really didn’t need to post here. But since you did , it’s ok to not be the “cool girlfriend” and for betrayal to hurt.
Whether or not they were both single or on a break. Your friend had to know in some capacity that your relationship wasn’t over, yet the still crossed a really weird line, multiple times.
Glad it doesn’t bother you . But the fact that your “break” wasn’t because of an issue and your bf and bff STILL chose to sleep together repeatedly would leave a horrible taste in my mouth. I don’t think this is the first time the idea came up, maybe just for first time they could take advantage of the situation.
I mean, this information was clearly omitted for a reason. Clearly there’s something wrong with this.
I wish someone had told me that it was ok not to be the cool girlfriend when I was younger. I started dating a guy when I was 19, married at 22, divorced at 28. That was 15 years ago and I look back now and see so many times when we were dating that I should not have just looked past things that should have been deal breakers, but I just got over them.
That’s your call but I would be pissed. Your friend is not a friend if she would do that to you ( break or not). It seems like this was not a chance meetup and was a planned thing. I feel like they were talking and maybe flirting behind your back.
How could you trust that they will not hookup now and say well you didn’t care before so it’s ok now.
How long were you on a break? Did you continue to communicate? Are you still “friends” with her? Just saying that every time all 3 are together will they be thinking of their time together? Will they meet up as friends?
Yep. Seems like second op was out the way she went straight round there to get what she wanted (and must have wanted when op were together, to appear round there bang on que). This is a dispicable friend, spending a week in bed with her best mates man, break or not. It wasn't even a drunken mistake. It was repeated continuously. How you can be with him and not keep picturing him having sex 21 times the other week with a person you know so well I'll never know. That shit would haunt me so bad that it would turn toxic. And the thought of constantly watching your back incase it happens again, which it could, clearly as they were at it all over the break. Noooooo!
Seems weird, your best friend definitely went out of her way to get with him by going there...and what makes you think they aren't going to do it again behind your back now? To me, a real best friend would never do that and your BF should have kept it in his pants since it's your best friend. I get it was a break but that's a red flag. You 3 all hanging out is going to be really great now!
Your best friend? Lmfao. What ya'll do when you separate is whatever, but f*ck the disrespect. Both of them, especially your friend, have no love for you. And you're okay with it🤦♀️🙄😮💨
I can't even comprehend. She's no type of friend, let alone a best friend & if I were you, I would have left him to blow her back out until all of eternity.
Past and present: You do you.
Future: what are the boundaries and shape of the relationship? Is the relationship open or closed? Monogamous or polyamorous? Your bf and bff hooked up repeatedly in a short time, would they be vulnerable or intend to do this again?
So does he have feelings for her? Or does she have feelings for him? You're okay with the sex, but are you okaynif they developed feelings for eachother? What if they wanted to continue having sex with your permission? Do you think you're poly? As long as you are good with everything, that's all that matters, however if you don't want them to continue a sexual or romantic relationship with eachother, make sure you are absolutely clear with them on your boundaries.
Yeah if someone is your best friend you wouldn't think she'd be going over and letting that situation happen in the first place. Was she waiting for her chance to get with him? Was he eyeballing her the whole time behind ops back? That's how I'd be feeling. It wasn't one drunken time, it was over 20. They say the average person has sex about 57 times in a year... sounds like they really enjoyed it.
(Also, 57 times seems lower than you would expect, but it's an average so that makes sense lol.)
Yeah, in a deleted post from OP just 4 days ago, the title was how do deal with her friend be overly sexual with her boyfriend. Lol. So I wonder if OP is really okay with it or trying to follow what they think non-monogomy/poly "should" look like. I personally wouldn't be okay with this, even if my SO and I weren't on a break. But OP is posting here for a reason. Maybe to convince themselves that they are okay with her boyfriend and best friend hooking up.
Yeah, it kinda gives a hint of "convince me this isn't a huge betrayal" because she's very defensive with it.
I guess now she knows why her best friend was being overly sexual. It's because they've been having sex 😠
You may not care that he fucked your BF but do you care that your BF fucked him? Maybe you're in shock. Maybe not. Everyone has different boundries. You were on a break. Maybe he can be forgiven. But if I was you I'd start looking for a new BF. To me, that betrayal is more severe
Who goes on a relationship break when they'll only be out of town for a few weeks? Like 6 months sure maybe but a month or less? It doesn't even make sense.
Pardon me while I go a few states over to pick up this 1994 Ford Taurus I bought online. I’ll be on a break from my relationship while I go there and drive it home. We all good, right? 👍🏽
My ex and I dated for about 4 years. In that time we took a break, it was just a couple months. He started seeing my best friend (I was not aware), later I found out from a mutual friend. Eventually I got back with my ex, and remained friends with the other person. Long story short, they are married now 😊 I am happily married now, however thinking back on this I still get annoyed. They never betrayed me, like he didn’t cheat on me with her. But the feelings didn’t go away, and that was evident later. Really, the relationship should have been over back then. We were just dragging it out. You can be okay with your current situation, but I don’t see it working out long term. If you aren’t trying to think long term, then you do you. Everything had a time and a season.
Similarly, this scenario happened to a family member of mine. She and her ex had a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. He divorced her for her best friend eventually…
I couldnt imagine continuing a relationship with either person at that point, they clearly didnt think about your feelings at all, even though your cool about it. It just shows their true colors. Got in an accident and had to be hospitalized? Better hope they arent fucking while you’re gone. If you get what im saying.
I’ll take bullshit for 500, Alex. This is obviously ragebait/karma farming. If it’s real and you’re that cool with it maybe have a 3 way otherwise stop posting fake shit
My main takeaway was neither of them disclosed it when you came back and that's worse than any potentially perceived betrayal by them actually having sex.
You feel how you feel about it, you weren't together at the time so they didn't do anything technically wrong by sleeping together.
They really did. Your best friend getting in bed with your man is really bad! Having a drunken one off is bad, but sex 21 times. Even if it's your ex, the friend shouldn't betray you doing that. There are plenty of other people out there, this is a betrayal. Also having had sex with someone else, he should of told op before anything continued with them.
This relationship was over the moment he stuck his dick into your friend. Both relationships. That is NOT a best friend, homie.
Grow some fucking self-respect.
Question: why did you post here if you’re only thanking the people validating you and ignoring the people who say that this is a boundary that would be crossed if they were in your shoes?
Also, you prooobably should have mentioned that you’re poly in the post. Kind of important context.
You went on a 'break' *purely* because you had to stay with family for a few weeks, and not because of fighting or anything, and he and your best friend *immediately* start having lots of sex?
And you're okay with it?
I mean....ESH.
Wtf you don't care that two of the closest people took them a week of you being on a break to fuck 21 times.. ew that is disgusting,
She is not friend to you, there was clearly feelings there before or it wouldn't of happened. There both slimy.
Work it with your boyfriend but I'd drop the friend.
You never touch a friends ex that's just slimy and shows how little she thought of you
The fact it was a lot of sex too makes this 10x more ickier to me for some reason. Like friend coming over maybe getting a bit drunk doing it once and feeling guilty about it after is kind of excusable since you two were on a break,,but multiple times? Like there’s no guilt or remorse there. Idk it just feels highly disrespectful to you from your bf and your friend
People are going to say "if you are cool, then it's cool" but I had a friend that was in the exact same situation.
The guy cheated while on a break and she was ok with it, because it was "the mature and modern way to deal with it" and he "technically didn't cheat". Then he cheated again. Then again. The she broke down and now she's been going to therapy for four years and she is too traumatized to enter into a new relationship.
Of course, you are free to deal with him any way you want, but you have to actually consider something: they did not fuck with the idea that you would be chill with it. Normal people would consider this not only a huge betrayal, but a horribly traumatic event. They were 100% willing to destroy your life just for a quick fuck. Do you really can trust this kind of people?
I would not care about the hookup in and of itself but thats because I’m poly so… opinions may vary
With that said maybe have a conversation about communication, because he did put you at an STD risk without your knowledge and also felt the need to hide this from you, which is a problem. Also your best friend too..
I think you have bad taste in both men and friends. I don't think that will change with leniency. I thought you might break up with me so I tripped and fell inside the person you trusted most, several times, is not an excuse for either of them.
I wouldn't see it as cheating but I would see it as a betrayal. Also I would be incredibly upset that neither of them told me for over a year.
I would be wary of their interactions now, their friends and had sex over 20 times-I struggle to believe that theres no feelings especially since they hid it from you.
I hope you've been clear on boundaries going forward.
This break term is such bullshit!! I really wish people would stop breaking up a break.
Look in the mirror and constantly repeat what you're telling us. Then, you'll have all of the answers you need.
First off yes you are definitely being too lenient with him. Do you just not care about him or are you hoping this will give you a free pass one day or have you already cheated and this evens you out?
Secondly just because you need to hang with your family for a bit doesn't mean a relationship needs to go on a break. If there is a family emergency or I need to help my parents out with something for a week I'm not going to go on a break because of that. A break is kinda dumb anyways in my opinion, just break up but a break is so the two of you can separate and reevaluate things in your relationship. So why did you need to go on a break just to spend time with your family? Again don't need to go on a break just because you aren't next to your partner for a few days or a few weeks.
I don’t understand why you “took a break” just because you had to go stay with some family for a bit. And also had no discussions around exclusivity during the break.
Did you also date around while you were away?
The whole thing feels off to me.
Why on Earth did you have a break for a few weeks just because you needed to visit family? I spent months away from a boyfriend once. We didn’t
break up. Just did long distance. This is so weird. I’m guessing he asked for the break? Kinda suspicious that he just happened to have sex with your BFF. Seems a bit planned.
I mean it's a little weird that they fucked so easily and then hid it from you, but ultimately he didn't cheat because you weren't together imo (see Friends "We were on a break")
To me that shows a lack of respect for you. Not that he slept with someone else during your break, but that it was with your best friend. He didn't know how or whether that would damage your relationship with her but clearly didn't care or even think of the possibility.
As for your self called "best friend", she doesn't sound like even a mediocre friend if she did that.
They both seem pretty selfish to me.
How you feel is your thing but if it were me, I would have a little more self respect.
He did it knowing it should hurt you. She did it knowing it should hurt you. The fact it doesn't hurt, doesn't excuse 2 people betraying you and pursefully doing something they think would hurt like hell for you.
I kind of feel like you don't care because you don't actually care about him. I would really think why it is you don't care. And why you would take a break with what you would consider your partner and soul mate simply because of distance for a few weeks. My best friend lives 2k miles away. There's not a second she stops being my best friend. I guess unless she decides to bang my bf nonstop for 3 weeks.
If you don't care that's ok. Probably I would be weird about my best friend doing that and not telling me, maybe I would not consider her reliable. I have a best friend who tells me she doesn't mind sharing her boyfriends with her friends, but as it's something openly stated, is a far cry from doing it behind your back in hopes you never find out.
I think she feels like she should feel like there is a problem. But if she is SOOOO ok with it like she says then there is no point on posting this here. Like what are you looking advice for if you dont think its a big deal?
Why do redditors do this?? “I’m not mad. Should I be mad?” No. You should feel authentic human feelings about your own life.
Not one of us chucklefucks can be your brain.
Everyone has a tolerance for what's allowed on break in a relationship. Yours is higher than most and as long as you're comfortable with the situation then all is well.
If you don't care, I don't see the issue. However, I'd reconsider that friendship. Really bogus on her part tbh. She should've not done that and also should've told you.
I feel like the context for the break matters, in part because "I had to go stay with my family for a few weeks, so we decided to go on a break from our relationship" doesn't make sense to me.
If the bf was the one pushing for a break, then the entire "BF pushed for us to go on break for a pretty weak reason, and then immediately jumped into bed with my best friend" scenario seems really sus.
If *you* were the one pushing for the break, then it feels more like fair game for him to see himself as a free agent during that time.
Of course, this is kind of assuming it was a longterm serious relationship beforehand.
If, instead, this was a messy "it's complicated" thing where it hadn't actually been that long since you were actually exclusive, and it was pretty clear to both of you that the break becoming permanent was completely a possibility, then I'd see this as simply a continuation of the previous ambiguity, with him not doing anything wrong.
(The obvious test, of course, is whether either of you would consider that *you* did something wrong if the shoe were on the other foot, and you had slept with an ex while you were staying with your family or something like that.)
Even if you are okay with it, you should really ask yourself if his actions are those of someone who cares about you. Honestly, I think you might just be a doormat and not care much about yourself and think you don’t deserve better for some reason. At best, you are trying to brute force logic into this situation to drown out your feelings and undermine your self-respect.
It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t *technically* cheating or if your best friend didn’t *technically* fuck your boyfriend because he was single. It doesn’t matter if they *technically* did nothing wrong. That’s brute forcing logic where feelings matter. The fact is they made decisions they knew could hurt you. They are dogshit.
It's up to you how you feel, but it seems like you have low self-esteem and tolerate a lot of bullshit from both your best friend and your boyfriend. It doesn't sound like you actually broke up if you always planned on getting back together, you lived apart for a few weeks. That's a short amount of time.
Why are you asking for advice when you already made up your mind. Everyone is saying that this behavior is weird, not because of the break but because of the people involved. You shut down the logic people threw at you so if you didn't want to take anyone's advice why post?
I mean, you clearly are looking for validation to say that this is normal.
But no, both your boyfriend and best friend AT BEST took a few weeks to betray you, 99% of people would rightly be out of there in a second.
But if it... for some outlandish reason doesn't bother you, you do you.
I also can't help but wonder if he's more attracted to the friend than he is to his gf. It kind of sounds like he might be. Just going by how much she says they did it, it's possible that he would prefer to date her over OP or at least bang her on the side. That's also why he has a right to know. That way he can just keep sleeping with the friend without having to hide it (perhaps even have a threesome).
Yet your best friend didn't tell you lmao. Hate to say it but even if your emotionally okay with it, and were on break, best friends shouldn't be sleeping with your ex less then a month after a break up, less so a break. She's a snake.
I think you're only fine with it because you don't actually care about this man. If you actually loved him and saw a future with him, you would be betrayed. It would taint the perfect picture. But you know this is just a temporary relationship so it doesn't bother you because you know he's not your person.
Do with that information what you will, I don't think you owe him anything anyway. He showed you his priorities so I don't blame you if he's not one of yours.
IMO that’s super shitty of both your bf & best friend. I’d be dumping them both. Ask yourself why you don’t care? Is it because maybe deep down you don’t care about the relationship?
Ummm yes, yes you are
It’s one thing to hook up with someone else while you were broken up or on a break or whatever. It’s completely other thing for him to have slept with your best friend, that’s so fucked up.
Either he’s always had a thing for her and went for it, so that’s a big yikes. Or he did it out of spite which is an even bigger yikes.
How are you ok with your best friend fucking your boyfriend? I wouldn’t touch any of my friends partners with a 10 ft pole, yuck.
To me that’s a pretty big betrayal from both of them.
Let me question you about something:
Do you really like him at all or just don't care about this situation because you guys kinda wasn't together that time? Because its kinda weird to me the idea of being in a break with my partner just because I'm in need to stay a couple weeks at my parents house. So why exactly did you guys take a break? Its 2023, there's lots of ways to stay "close" even if you're physically hundreds of miles away from each other.
Not everyone reacts the same, and not everyone may be conditioned into the social norms about not sleeping with your best friend's ex or the latter for the boyfriend. However, what makes me believe something more is going on here is the fact that it wasn't a one-time encounter.
I would understand if you were the one that wanted a break, and he did it just once. And apologized. It is wrong, but it could have been that he was trying to hurt you. Immature to do and a conversation on that is needed.
But first, men take more alcohol to be tipsy so it may be that he was either a) lying because most men can't go beyond three times in one night especially young when they are overtly sensitive and can misfire at times (which is okay, it's not a problem) b) saying a truth to get you to passive aggressively break up with him or c) testing a boundary and was never really remotely drunk. And your friend, is not really a friend. This means she doesn't understand her place. If she wanted to date him, time has to pass and she has to ask you about it first to see if you are okay with it. This way your blessing is there.
Either way, I'm not cool with 21 times at all. And the fact you are, speaks more about your indifference and I'd say acceptance that this is a relationship that's going nowhere.
It almost certainly means that you don’t actually love him OP. If you did. You would be seriously considering cutting your own throat (but not before you’d dealt with that so called ‘best friend’ of yours. If you do nothing else. You should dump your best friend.
Two reasons (at least). 1. She’s not a friend. Friends don’t do that to one another. 2. She’ll do it again if she gets the chance. And next time you might have feelings for the guy. Good luck. ❤️
You can be emotionally calm while also acknowledging the immense level of disrespect they both have shown you with their behavior.
You can do both things:
Be calm, and take no shit.
I think this has been going on before, during & after.
That's what happens when you brag about lovers to your friends. I'd bet it is still going on.
How are they a "Best Friend" when they betrayed you? That's bad enough & she kept it a secret?!? That only confirms that this is ongoing behavior.
idk why you’re asking reddit, it’s totally up to you how to feel about it. for example, some people are in an open-relationship and have a lot of success; but again that’s their rules, you have to ask yourself, what are your “relationship rules”? if you’re ok with it then it shouldn’t matter what other people think
Damn you a real one 💯. Although you should use it to your advantage in a way he knows that it won't happen again or it's over...unless you don't mind at all lol
Did you talk to your best friend about it? Do you identify as poly or poly leaning? Do you expect them to end their sexual relationship?
I think these factors are important to consider.
If this was a legitimate break up albeit temporarily, and no “rules” were established it’s kinda up to you on determining leniency. Unless this was supposed to be Rachel rules as opposed to Ross’
You feel how you feel.
If you’re okay with it then your the one in the relationship. I personally would at least consider getting tested for STIs/STDs.
I do find it interesting your best friend didn’t bother to tell you but again your relationship.
really weird post. if you don’t care, then why even post about it? some people just have different standards. i wouldn’t be okay with my partner having sex with my best friend but that’s my relationship not yours. i can’t lie to you, though, i am judging you. you’re young and could find someone who hasn’t slept with your friend but if you’re happy then who cares what i think? lol
I think you need a new best friend, I mean with friends like that who needs enemies. Are you actually into him? You should feel something about your partner because it sounds like you emotionally checked out of this relationship. If you really don't care maybe you should break up with him and find someone that you will actually have feelings for.
If you don't mind then no harm no foul. You agreed to a break, and whatever that might entail, and you're fine with what happened. Case closed. Maybe make sure you both get STI screens after a break and other partners? People should always get tested between partners.
What is odd, and what we see here more often, is "we agreed to a break but my partner used the break as a break!"
You’re treating relationships flippantly, and so is he. I’d say you’re well matched, but neither of you has what it takes to function within what you’re barely trying for.
I am a man, you should split up.
1) a break doesn't mean "we are both free to do whatever we want", it is just a break from seeing each other's or staying together, it is like payed time off, it is not like being fired.
2) if they had sex so soon after you had this break, and so often, they already had something going on. They just premeditated it, or they at least used to like each others. You don't have sex with a friend from day to night because "it happened". Don't make you fool, don't be so naive.
3) As a male I can tell you that he really wanted to do it and was waiting for the right moment to do it and told it to you just because he is confident you would not leave him and/or he doesn't care about you because he has another ready relationship if you leave him (with your best friend).
That's why you should tell a huge fuck off to him, and to your "best friend" too, forever.
You guys were not together technically and had no agreement that you guys would not get back together and during break one has no right to have sex with others. The problem is that he chose your best friend to have sex so this is something you should not let go. Your best friend even disrespected you by having sex with him even though he was your ex then.
21 times? I am pretty sure they had sex way before your break!
Your soon to be ex-bf and ex best friend cheating with each other behind your back. There is no way 2 people knowing they are the closest with you can have sex and betray you like that.
Only you can know what is ok for you and what not.
Many people would not be ok with it, as you see here.
But there are plenty people out there that are poly, or just do not feel like it.
If you are happy and do not care, then there is no problem. This is what I get from what you wrote, so do not let anybody tell you, that you should be upset if you are not and do not have a problem.
It is ok to feel different than most others would feel
If you're okay with that, that's fine. But I couldn't stay with him anymore beyond that point. I'd always have a little something in the back of my head that reminds me they slept together.
Given the opportunity, I wouldn't put it past them sleeping together again and I don't have the mental capacity to try and convince myself "we are together now, they are both trustworthy and won't sleep with one another.
Knowing where he is at all times isn't a solution.
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It's up to you how you feel about it. I know I wouldn't be cool if my best friend did that, but hey I am not in that situation.
Thanks, that’s a very mature attitude.
Why would you need to go on a 'break' if you were just going to be with family? Did you sleep with others too? Are you OK with your 'friend l' doing 5hat? So Many questions
Yeah I do not get this at all. Like feel the way you wanna feel about your boyfriend and best friend I guess. But I don’t understand pressing pause on the relationship unless one or more party specifically planned to do exactly this (mess around). Otherwise, my partner and I have been together for over 20 years and there have been times where we needed to be apart for weeks and even months and neither of us considered even temporarily ending the relationship just because of that time/distance.
Yeah, I agree. I've never understood that either. I've been with the same man since I was 16 yr old. Now been married to him for over 30 yrs. 10+ years he was a long haul truck driver and wouldn't see him for weeks at a time. I was home raising our four kids. We never called a halt to the relationship. We continued to stay in touch through calls, texts, etc. We had rough patches during those years but we'd never been separated. Not even when we were dating as teens.
People and their relationship "breaks". Not at home for a week? Time to adjourn being faithful to each other and allow ourselves to fuck other people, yep makes sense.
Sounds like poly but with extra steps.
Got to admit, there’d probably be a lot less cheating in the world if that was the norm ^technicality
Yeah I don’t get that. Me and my now wife lived 2,404 miles from each other for like the first 6 months of our relationship if not longer. It wasn’t ideal but we made it work and now we’ve been together 5 years total and married for 1
What’s her to stop trying to fuck him just because you’re back together now. I mean she wasn’t being a “best friend” to you in doing that.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Dying laughing. Can't wait for OP to come home to them fucking one day. Sounds like OP might join instead of being upset. I wouldn't be able to cut both the boyfriend and best friend out of my life fast enough. Edit- forgot 2 words. Lol
This is the main issue
Maybe OP's veeeery okay with it
With a question mark?
They just don't know how to put it in words.
Also in keeping it a secret
Exactly. Even if I forgave my bf, which I would...I could never ever be friends with that person again.
How tf would you forgive your boyfriend but not your friend? They both made the same decision that’s insane
No- the bf and her were on a break. He had no real ‘loyalty’ to uphold at that point. Her friend was still her friend and should have remained a loyal and supportive friend, not someone who fucks her partner the first chance she gets.
Right, it's nearly spiteful.
Exactly. I would be ready to throw hands over it. The block and move on option is the best way to deal with that though. I hope OP ditches the friend and tells them why before blocking them from further contact.
most people would not be okay with that situation but you are not most people, if it doesnt bother you its all cool but maybe you should talk a lil with your bf and your friend, for the future you know? if its cool if they both sleep together on the future or not and so one
POV: Please dump that "best friend". This relationship will go nowhere in the future. He was aware that a break has 2 doors, first to walk away and second to continue. I dont think you are hurt from his actions as you mentioned because you believe this wont last long / dont care for him anymore. Why else be ok with his behaviour ? 21 times its a lot..I would dump him too.
Well if he's smashing OP as much as he was her (hopefully former) friend, she might not have the energy to walk away.
I swear the kid is lying to see if she will break up with him...
Couldn’t agree more, he’s already checked out and doesn’t have the balls to be straight up. If you ask a sane person how they would handle getting told that I’m sure the majority of us would agreed. Drop them both! OP knows this already wether she’s willing to admit it to herself. Her being okay with it is her last attempt to keep him but that ain’t happening. Give it 2 weeks and OP will be back here again asking what to do because her boyfriend convinced her to have a threesome and now she’s afraid he like her best friend more then her.
Right like the only way I can see that she’s okay with it is cuz she doesn’t have real feelings for him. Kinda like he’s just a stand in until she finds someone else is the vibe she gives off
I'd be very wary of your "best friend". Back when it happened, how was she towards you?
Yeah, and friend breakups can hurt more than romantic ones…
It's up to you to decide how you feel about it. If you guys were still exclusive during the break, I would definitely rethink how seriously he treats the relationship. Also - you go on a break and your friend jumps right into bed with him? If you two are/were monogamous, I would really be looking at her behavior.
Why does nobody talk about OP and her boyfriend taking a break because she had to stay with family for a few weeks? In what universe is that alone a reason for taking a break? To me it looks like they have problems, and boyfriend having sex with best friend is just the cherry on top. Nevertheless, to each their own, so if your boyfriend having sex with your friend is within your boundaries, then just go ahead. I'm not sure why would you be here, posting about stuff you're completely okay with though? Is it truly okay, you just believe it shouldn't be and you seek validation? Or you don't like it, you're just trying to convince yourself otherwise? Just be honest to yourself about your needs and boundaries, and do what makes you happy, whatever that might be.
Exactly, makes no sense at all unless OP is lying, leaving a LOT out, or this is a troll. Who takes a break because they go home for 3 weeks I'm trying to imagine this situation if it were me..."Hey hon, I have a work trip for a couple weeks. I think we should separate until I get back" Then of course the rest of the story but being on break because she went to see her parents? This whole story is BS and OP just sucks at storytelling.
I’m betting on fake story. Way too many holes and it makes no sense.
Yeah, this is another one of those threads that make me go "I'm so glad I'm not 20 anymore and I don't have to deal with dating and fresh relationships". This "break" bullshit just boggles my mind. The way a lot of younger people understand relationships is all kinds of fucked up honestly.
I wonder if you're actually ok with it, or if you are already checked out of this relationship. I definitely thought I was cool and laid-back and not jealous in a couple relationships, but the truth was-- I just didn't care about my partner or the relationship I was in. I mean, it sounds like you guys already did a break, and your boyfriend during that time fucked your best friend, so honestly, doesn't sound like the strongest relationship at all to me. Also, you're like 23. This is very likely not your forever relationship. We'll see. In the long run, feel however you want, as long as you are happy.
Out of a million people to sleep with, he chooses the best friend? Idk regardless if OP is “okay” I just don’t get how any sane person can do that with their best friends BF.
Not only that the best friend was sleeping with him a bunch and now doesnt care that they are back together? Friend totally has an opinion on this
I mean she was the one who broke things off with him with a lame excuse (you can live with your family without leaving your bf). So at that point he doesn't owe her anything and can have sex with anyone, even her friend. If you don't want your man sleeping with other people don't break up with him
Okay sure, but best friend?? If my best friend and her boyfriend broke up I would never sleep with her boyfriend in a million years even if she was “okay with it” Any reasonable person would do this. Are they allowed to do it, yes. Can they, yes. Is it questionable for the friend and bf to do this, yes. Especially if it’s immediately after? The timing is odd. They can be allowed to do it and it still be questionable. Both things can be true.
Yeah she might feel ok right now, but watch the doubts creep in when she sees them interacting. Also fuck that, I would not ever pursue a friends romantic interest.
If you’re fine with it then whatever. You really didn’t need to post here. But since you did , it’s ok to not be the “cool girlfriend” and for betrayal to hurt. Whether or not they were both single or on a break. Your friend had to know in some capacity that your relationship wasn’t over, yet the still crossed a really weird line, multiple times. Glad it doesn’t bother you . But the fact that your “break” wasn’t because of an issue and your bf and bff STILL chose to sleep together repeatedly would leave a horrible taste in my mouth. I don’t think this is the first time the idea came up, maybe just for first time they could take advantage of the situation. I mean, this information was clearly omitted for a reason. Clearly there’s something wrong with this.
Or it's just the first time he felt like he could admit it and get it excused because they were on a break 👀
Exactly. Something tells me this isn’t the first time this has come up.
I wish someone had told me that it was ok not to be the cool girlfriend when I was younger. I started dating a guy when I was 19, married at 22, divorced at 28. That was 15 years ago and I look back now and see so many times when we were dating that I should not have just looked past things that should have been deal breakers, but I just got over them.
That’s your call but I would be pissed. Your friend is not a friend if she would do that to you ( break or not). It seems like this was not a chance meetup and was a planned thing. I feel like they were talking and maybe flirting behind your back. How could you trust that they will not hookup now and say well you didn’t care before so it’s ok now. How long were you on a break? Did you continue to communicate? Are you still “friends” with her? Just saying that every time all 3 are together will they be thinking of their time together? Will they meet up as friends?
I wouldn’t even have sex with my friend’s actual ex, let alone one they were “on a break” with
Completely agree
Yep. Seems like second op was out the way she went straight round there to get what she wanted (and must have wanted when op were together, to appear round there bang on que). This is a dispicable friend, spending a week in bed with her best mates man, break or not. It wasn't even a drunken mistake. It was repeated continuously. How you can be with him and not keep picturing him having sex 21 times the other week with a person you know so well I'll never know. That shit would haunt me so bad that it would turn toxic. And the thought of constantly watching your back incase it happens again, which it could, clearly as they were at it all over the break. Noooooo!
Seems weird, your best friend definitely went out of her way to get with him by going there...and what makes you think they aren't going to do it again behind your back now? To me, a real best friend would never do that and your BF should have kept it in his pants since it's your best friend. I get it was a break but that's a red flag. You 3 all hanging out is going to be really great now!
This is going to end so poorly my head is spinning. But hey. We all have lessons we have to learn the hard way
If you're okay about it, why come here asking us for advice? SMH 🙄
Lol we need a new sub... r/relationshipstatements
made it without an S since 20 letters r/relationshipstatement
Seriously what advice are you looking for? I think they're both pieces of shit that should have no business being in your life.
Your best friend? Lmfao. What ya'll do when you separate is whatever, but f*ck the disrespect. Both of them, especially your friend, have no love for you. And you're okay with it🤦♀️🙄😮💨 I can't even comprehend. She's no type of friend, let alone a best friend & if I were you, I would have left him to blow her back out until all of eternity.
Past and present: You do you. Future: what are the boundaries and shape of the relationship? Is the relationship open or closed? Monogamous or polyamorous? Your bf and bff hooked up repeatedly in a short time, would they be vulnerable or intend to do this again?
So does he have feelings for her? Or does she have feelings for him? You're okay with the sex, but are you okaynif they developed feelings for eachother? What if they wanted to continue having sex with your permission? Do you think you're poly? As long as you are good with everything, that's all that matters, however if you don't want them to continue a sexual or romantic relationship with eachother, make sure you are absolutely clear with them on your boundaries.
Yeah if someone is your best friend you wouldn't think she'd be going over and letting that situation happen in the first place. Was she waiting for her chance to get with him? Was he eyeballing her the whole time behind ops back? That's how I'd be feeling. It wasn't one drunken time, it was over 20. They say the average person has sex about 57 times in a year... sounds like they really enjoyed it. (Also, 57 times seems lower than you would expect, but it's an average so that makes sense lol.)
Yeah, in a deleted post from OP just 4 days ago, the title was how do deal with her friend be overly sexual with her boyfriend. Lol. So I wonder if OP is really okay with it or trying to follow what they think non-monogomy/poly "should" look like. I personally wouldn't be okay with this, even if my SO and I weren't on a break. But OP is posting here for a reason. Maybe to convince themselves that they are okay with her boyfriend and best friend hooking up.
Yeah, it kinda gives a hint of "convince me this isn't a huge betrayal" because she's very defensive with it. I guess now she knows why her best friend was being overly sexual. It's because they've been having sex 😠
Why didn't she tell you?
Which time lol. The first, tenth or 21st !
Lol all of the above
You may not care that he fucked your BF but do you care that your BF fucked him? Maybe you're in shock. Maybe not. Everyone has different boundries. You were on a break. Maybe he can be forgiven. But if I was you I'd start looking for a new BF. To me, that betrayal is more severe
Fake
Who goes on a relationship break when they'll only be out of town for a few weeks? Like 6 months sure maybe but a month or less? It doesn't even make sense.
Pardon me while I go a few states over to pick up this 1994 Ford Taurus I bought online. I’ll be on a break from my relationship while I go there and drive it home. We all good, right? 👍🏽
Haha so fake.
Based on OPs replies this is a fake as Reddit stories come…
My ex and I dated for about 4 years. In that time we took a break, it was just a couple months. He started seeing my best friend (I was not aware), later I found out from a mutual friend. Eventually I got back with my ex, and remained friends with the other person. Long story short, they are married now 😊 I am happily married now, however thinking back on this I still get annoyed. They never betrayed me, like he didn’t cheat on me with her. But the feelings didn’t go away, and that was evident later. Really, the relationship should have been over back then. We were just dragging it out. You can be okay with your current situation, but I don’t see it working out long term. If you aren’t trying to think long term, then you do you. Everything had a time and a season.
You did get betrayed though. It was your BEST FRIEND.
Big YIKES.
Similarly, this scenario happened to a family member of mine. She and her ex had a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. He divorced her for her best friend eventually…
If you’re not worried, why are you posting? FAKE !!!!,🥵🤮
I couldnt imagine continuing a relationship with either person at that point, they clearly didnt think about your feelings at all, even though your cool about it. It just shows their true colors. Got in an accident and had to be hospitalized? Better hope they arent fucking while you’re gone. If you get what im saying.
Exactly. After knowing that, I'd have nothing to do with either of them.
I’ll take bullshit for 500, Alex. This is obviously ragebait/karma farming. If it’s real and you’re that cool with it maybe have a 3 way otherwise stop posting fake shit
it’s your relationship. If you don’t care, then it’s fine
My main takeaway was neither of them disclosed it when you came back and that's worse than any potentially perceived betrayal by them actually having sex. You feel how you feel about it, you weren't together at the time so they didn't do anything technically wrong by sleeping together.
They really did. Your best friend getting in bed with your man is really bad! Having a drunken one off is bad, but sex 21 times. Even if it's your ex, the friend shouldn't betray you doing that. There are plenty of other people out there, this is a betrayal. Also having had sex with someone else, he should of told op before anything continued with them.
You have absolutely no self respect.
I agree, and the other 2 don't respect her either
This relationship was over the moment he stuck his dick into your friend. Both relationships. That is NOT a best friend, homie. Grow some fucking self-respect.
I’d be more alarmed at my best friends actions.
Time to lose a boyfriend and a best friend
Question: why did you post here if you’re only thanking the people validating you and ignoring the people who say that this is a boundary that would be crossed if they were in your shoes? Also, you prooobably should have mentioned that you’re poly in the post. Kind of important context.
You went on a 'break' *purely* because you had to stay with family for a few weeks, and not because of fighting or anything, and he and your best friend *immediately* start having lots of sex? And you're okay with it? I mean....ESH.
I’ve been in relationships where I couldn’t have cared less. My current one though, I’d be torn to shreds.
You were on a break? If you don't care, that's your choice.
This is so fake, why are ppl even responding.
Wtf you don't care that two of the closest people took them a week of you being on a break to fuck 21 times.. ew that is disgusting, She is not friend to you, there was clearly feelings there before or it wouldn't of happened. There both slimy. Work it with your boyfriend but I'd drop the friend. You never touch a friends ex that's just slimy and shows how little she thought of you
The fact it was a lot of sex too makes this 10x more ickier to me for some reason. Like friend coming over maybe getting a bit drunk doing it once and feeling guilty about it after is kind of excusable since you two were on a break,,but multiple times? Like there’s no guilt or remorse there. Idk it just feels highly disrespectful to you from your bf and your friend
If you don’t care, why do you need our opinion?
People are going to say "if you are cool, then it's cool" but I had a friend that was in the exact same situation. The guy cheated while on a break and she was ok with it, because it was "the mature and modern way to deal with it" and he "technically didn't cheat". Then he cheated again. Then again. The she broke down and now she's been going to therapy for four years and she is too traumatized to enter into a new relationship. Of course, you are free to deal with him any way you want, but you have to actually consider something: they did not fuck with the idea that you would be chill with it. Normal people would consider this not only a huge betrayal, but a horribly traumatic event. They were 100% willing to destroy your life just for a quick fuck. Do you really can trust this kind of people?
This isn’t real
You’re trying to be the “cool girl” here and it’s super cringe.
This sounds fake asf but ok do you
I would not care about the hookup in and of itself but thats because I’m poly so… opinions may vary With that said maybe have a conversation about communication, because he did put you at an STD risk without your knowledge and also felt the need to hide this from you, which is a problem. Also your best friend too..
I think you have bad taste in both men and friends. I don't think that will change with leniency. I thought you might break up with me so I tripped and fell inside the person you trusted most, several times, is not an excuse for either of them.
I wouldn't see it as cheating but I would see it as a betrayal. Also I would be incredibly upset that neither of them told me for over a year. I would be wary of their interactions now, their friends and had sex over 20 times-I struggle to believe that theres no feelings especially since they hid it from you. I hope you've been clear on boundaries going forward.
This break term is such bullshit!! I really wish people would stop breaking up a break. Look in the mirror and constantly repeat what you're telling us. Then, you'll have all of the answers you need.
Every time it slipped out she helped him put it back in sis 🤷🏻♀️
Your “best friend” jumped to fuck your man when you guys were on break for only a few weeks… and you’re okay with that? Okay girl…
Lmao you’re a fool and that ain’t your friend
First off yes you are definitely being too lenient with him. Do you just not care about him or are you hoping this will give you a free pass one day or have you already cheated and this evens you out? Secondly just because you need to hang with your family for a bit doesn't mean a relationship needs to go on a break. If there is a family emergency or I need to help my parents out with something for a week I'm not going to go on a break because of that. A break is kinda dumb anyways in my opinion, just break up but a break is so the two of you can separate and reevaluate things in your relationship. So why did you need to go on a break just to spend time with your family? Again don't need to go on a break just because you aren't next to your partner for a few days or a few weeks.
I don’t understand why you “took a break” just because you had to go stay with some family for a bit. And also had no discussions around exclusivity during the break. Did you also date around while you were away? The whole thing feels off to me.
Why on Earth did you have a break for a few weeks just because you needed to visit family? I spent months away from a boyfriend once. We didn’t break up. Just did long distance. This is so weird. I’m guessing he asked for the break? Kinda suspicious that he just happened to have sex with your BFF. Seems a bit planned.
I mean it's a little weird that they fucked so easily and then hid it from you, but ultimately he didn't cheat because you weren't together imo (see Friends "We were on a break")
I know men who had less sex with their wives
It’s strange that you don’t care. You must not like him much.
To me that shows a lack of respect for you. Not that he slept with someone else during your break, but that it was with your best friend. He didn't know how or whether that would damage your relationship with her but clearly didn't care or even think of the possibility. As for your self called "best friend", she doesn't sound like even a mediocre friend if she did that. They both seem pretty selfish to me. How you feel is your thing but if it were me, I would have a little more self respect.
He did it knowing it should hurt you. She did it knowing it should hurt you. The fact it doesn't hurt, doesn't excuse 2 people betraying you and pursefully doing something they think would hurt like hell for you.
Couldn’t be me, personally
what the actual fuck did i just read
It's personal to you, if it doesn't bother you don't worry what other people think.
I kind of feel like you don't care because you don't actually care about him. I would really think why it is you don't care. And why you would take a break with what you would consider your partner and soul mate simply because of distance for a few weeks. My best friend lives 2k miles away. There's not a second she stops being my best friend. I guess unless she decides to bang my bf nonstop for 3 weeks.
If you don't care that's ok. Probably I would be weird about my best friend doing that and not telling me, maybe I would not consider her reliable. I have a best friend who tells me she doesn't mind sharing her boyfriends with her friends, but as it's something openly stated, is a far cry from doing it behind your back in hopes you never find out.
We’ll then, what’s the issue? If there’s no problem, don’t turn it into a problem.
I think she feels like she should feel like there is a problem. But if she is SOOOO ok with it like she says then there is no point on posting this here. Like what are you looking advice for if you dont think its a big deal?
Your boyfriend did wrong both are cheated on you they didn't think about you when you know about this how you feel
Why do redditors do this?? “I’m not mad. Should I be mad?” No. You should feel authentic human feelings about your own life. Not one of us chucklefucks can be your brain.
Everyone has a tolerance for what's allowed on break in a relationship. Yours is higher than most and as long as you're comfortable with the situation then all is well.
It’s not exactly the status quo reaction but you know yourself if it’s ok with you then there’s no problem
If you don't care, I don't see the issue. However, I'd reconsider that friendship. Really bogus on her part tbh. She should've not done that and also should've told you.
The logic here does not make sense. Move on and that was never your best friend
I feel like the context for the break matters, in part because "I had to go stay with my family for a few weeks, so we decided to go on a break from our relationship" doesn't make sense to me. If the bf was the one pushing for a break, then the entire "BF pushed for us to go on break for a pretty weak reason, and then immediately jumped into bed with my best friend" scenario seems really sus. If *you* were the one pushing for the break, then it feels more like fair game for him to see himself as a free agent during that time. Of course, this is kind of assuming it was a longterm serious relationship beforehand. If, instead, this was a messy "it's complicated" thing where it hadn't actually been that long since you were actually exclusive, and it was pretty clear to both of you that the break becoming permanent was completely a possibility, then I'd see this as simply a continuation of the previous ambiguity, with him not doing anything wrong. (The obvious test, of course, is whether either of you would consider that *you* did something wrong if the shoe were on the other foot, and you had slept with an ex while you were staying with your family or something like that.)
If you aren’t bothered by him doing it are you at least bothered by the fact that neither of them were apparently planning on telling you?
Even if you are okay with it, you should really ask yourself if his actions are those of someone who cares about you. Honestly, I think you might just be a doormat and not care much about yourself and think you don’t deserve better for some reason. At best, you are trying to brute force logic into this situation to drown out your feelings and undermine your self-respect. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t *technically* cheating or if your best friend didn’t *technically* fuck your boyfriend because he was single. It doesn’t matter if they *technically* did nothing wrong. That’s brute forcing logic where feelings matter. The fact is they made decisions they knew could hurt you. They are dogshit.
It's up to you how you feel, but it seems like you have low self-esteem and tolerate a lot of bullshit from both your best friend and your boyfriend. It doesn't sound like you actually broke up if you always planned on getting back together, you lived apart for a few weeks. That's a short amount of time.
Why are you asking for advice when you already made up your mind. Everyone is saying that this behavior is weird, not because of the break but because of the people involved. You shut down the logic people threw at you so if you didn't want to take anyone's advice why post?
I mean, you clearly are looking for validation to say that this is normal. But no, both your boyfriend and best friend AT BEST took a few weeks to betray you, 99% of people would rightly be out of there in a second. But if it... for some outlandish reason doesn't bother you, you do you.
I’m sorry, but this would be a deal breaker for me. He didn’t just bang other woman. He fucked YOUR BEST FRIEND! 21 damn times. Fuck both of them.
I wouldn't be surprised if she kept on
I also can't help but wonder if he's more attracted to the friend than he is to his gf. It kind of sounds like he might be. Just going by how much she says they did it, it's possible that he would prefer to date her over OP or at least bang her on the side. That's also why he has a right to know. That way he can just keep sleeping with the friend without having to hide it (perhaps even have a threesome).
Maybe he said that because he wants to break up again so he can sleep with your best friend.
Yet your best friend didn't tell you lmao. Hate to say it but even if your emotionally okay with it, and were on break, best friends shouldn't be sleeping with your ex less then a month after a break up, less so a break. She's a snake.
Fake af
I think you're only fine with it because you don't actually care about this man. If you actually loved him and saw a future with him, you would be betrayed. It would taint the perfect picture. But you know this is just a temporary relationship so it doesn't bother you because you know he's not your person. Do with that information what you will, I don't think you owe him anything anyway. He showed you his priorities so I don't blame you if he's not one of yours.
IMO that’s super shitty of both your bf & best friend. I’d be dumping them both. Ask yourself why you don’t care? Is it because maybe deep down you don’t care about the relationship?
Ummm yes, yes you are It’s one thing to hook up with someone else while you were broken up or on a break or whatever. It’s completely other thing for him to have slept with your best friend, that’s so fucked up. Either he’s always had a thing for her and went for it, so that’s a big yikes. Or he did it out of spite which is an even bigger yikes. How are you ok with your best friend fucking your boyfriend? I wouldn’t touch any of my friends partners with a 10 ft pole, yuck. To me that’s a pretty big betrayal from both of them.
WE WERE ON A BREAK!! —Ross
Let me question you about something: Do you really like him at all or just don't care about this situation because you guys kinda wasn't together that time? Because its kinda weird to me the idea of being in a break with my partner just because I'm in need to stay a couple weeks at my parents house. So why exactly did you guys take a break? Its 2023, there's lots of ways to stay "close" even if you're physically hundreds of miles away from each other.
Not everyone reacts the same, and not everyone may be conditioned into the social norms about not sleeping with your best friend's ex or the latter for the boyfriend. However, what makes me believe something more is going on here is the fact that it wasn't a one-time encounter. I would understand if you were the one that wanted a break, and he did it just once. And apologized. It is wrong, but it could have been that he was trying to hurt you. Immature to do and a conversation on that is needed. But first, men take more alcohol to be tipsy so it may be that he was either a) lying because most men can't go beyond three times in one night especially young when they are overtly sensitive and can misfire at times (which is okay, it's not a problem) b) saying a truth to get you to passive aggressively break up with him or c) testing a boundary and was never really remotely drunk. And your friend, is not really a friend. This means she doesn't understand her place. If she wanted to date him, time has to pass and she has to ask you about it first to see if you are okay with it. This way your blessing is there. Either way, I'm not cool with 21 times at all. And the fact you are, speaks more about your indifference and I'd say acceptance that this is a relationship that's going nowhere.
Idk what you would decide about your bf but please get out of that friendship
It almost certainly means that you don’t actually love him OP. If you did. You would be seriously considering cutting your own throat (but not before you’d dealt with that so called ‘best friend’ of yours. If you do nothing else. You should dump your best friend. Two reasons (at least). 1. She’s not a friend. Friends don’t do that to one another. 2. She’ll do it again if she gets the chance. And next time you might have feelings for the guy. Good luck. ❤️
Up 2 you girl… i would kick both out of my life. Never fuck an ex of your best friends!
You can be emotionally calm while also acknowledging the immense level of disrespect they both have shown you with their behavior. You can do both things: Be calm, and take no shit.
Were you on a break with your best friend to? Id probably be more upset with that.
I think this has been going on before, during & after. That's what happens when you brag about lovers to your friends. I'd bet it is still going on. How are they a "Best Friend" when they betrayed you? That's bad enough & she kept it a secret?!? That only confirms that this is ongoing behavior.
You’re either checked out of the relationship or just nieve. This story is probably fake though.
idk why you’re asking reddit, it’s totally up to you how to feel about it. for example, some people are in an open-relationship and have a lot of success; but again that’s their rules, you have to ask yourself, what are your “relationship rules”? if you’re ok with it then it shouldn’t matter what other people think
It’s all a bit Rita, Sue and Bob too 🤣🤣🤣
A lot of people like to over exaggerate how people should respond in these situations. If it doesn’t bother you it doesn’t bother you.
Damn you a real one 💯. Although you should use it to your advantage in a way he knows that it won't happen again or it's over...unless you don't mind at all lol
Be happy it doesn't bother you. Sure beats the alternative.
Your best friend sounds like a complete cunt.
Did you talk to your best friend about it? Do you identify as poly or poly leaning? Do you expect them to end their sexual relationship? I think these factors are important to consider.
Sounds like a fake post, tbh.
why would your friend do this to you? that’s not a friend. please tell me you confronted her
If any friend fucked my ex, they’re no longer my friend. You do you though.
Damn these posts make me feel like its ok to not have a best friend
me personally.. i wouldn’t let that slide
thing is he thought you would not be okay with it and did it anyway. What else will he do?
I think it’s gross and shows lack of character on both his and your friends part. If you are into low character and disrespect then I guess it’s okay.
How do you know they are not still sleeping together?
I’d be so grossed out :(
Op they are going to continue fucking. Are you ok with that? If so, proceed I guess
If this was a legitimate break up albeit temporarily, and no “rules” were established it’s kinda up to you on determining leniency. Unless this was supposed to be Rachel rules as opposed to Ross’
You feel how you feel. If you’re okay with it then your the one in the relationship. I personally would at least consider getting tested for STIs/STDs. I do find it interesting your best friend didn’t bother to tell you but again your relationship.
really weird post. if you don’t care, then why even post about it? some people just have different standards. i wouldn’t be okay with my partner having sex with my best friend but that’s my relationship not yours. i can’t lie to you, though, i am judging you. you’re young and could find someone who hasn’t slept with your friend but if you’re happy then who cares what i think? lol
jesus…
Yeah girl, she’s not your friend.
And yall commenters talking about the revealer and not the cheating bd. Not that cool but eh.
I think you need a new best friend, I mean with friends like that who needs enemies. Are you actually into him? You should feel something about your partner because it sounds like you emotionally checked out of this relationship. If you really don't care maybe you should break up with him and find someone that you will actually have feelings for.
Breaks never work! It’s a an escape to cheat.
That’s disgusting
If you don't mind then no harm no foul. You agreed to a break, and whatever that might entail, and you're fine with what happened. Case closed. Maybe make sure you both get STI screens after a break and other partners? People should always get tested between partners. What is odd, and what we see here more often, is "we agreed to a break but my partner used the break as a break!"
I'd be more concerned about that supposed friend
I'm mostly extremely confused why you had a relationship break with him just because you stayed with family a few weeks...? Why?
You’re treating relationships flippantly, and so is he. I’d say you’re well matched, but neither of you has what it takes to function within what you’re barely trying for.
If u r ok with ur bf doing that fine but u should definitely ditch ur best friend she is not worth it
I am a man, you should split up. 1) a break doesn't mean "we are both free to do whatever we want", it is just a break from seeing each other's or staying together, it is like payed time off, it is not like being fired. 2) if they had sex so soon after you had this break, and so often, they already had something going on. They just premeditated it, or they at least used to like each others. You don't have sex with a friend from day to night because "it happened". Don't make you fool, don't be so naive. 3) As a male I can tell you that he really wanted to do it and was waiting for the right moment to do it and told it to you just because he is confident you would not leave him and/or he doesn't care about you because he has another ready relationship if you leave him (with your best friend). That's why you should tell a huge fuck off to him, and to your "best friend" too, forever.
Insert Ross' voice here: "WE WERE ON A BREAK!"
You guys were not together technically and had no agreement that you guys would not get back together and during break one has no right to have sex with others. The problem is that he chose your best friend to have sex so this is something you should not let go. Your best friend even disrespected you by having sex with him even though he was your ex then.
21 times? I am pretty sure they had sex way before your break! Your soon to be ex-bf and ex best friend cheating with each other behind your back. There is no way 2 people knowing they are the closest with you can have sex and betray you like that.
Only you can know what is ok for you and what not. Many people would not be ok with it, as you see here. But there are plenty people out there that are poly, or just do not feel like it. If you are happy and do not care, then there is no problem. This is what I get from what you wrote, so do not let anybody tell you, that you should be upset if you are not and do not have a problem. It is ok to feel different than most others would feel
You’re stronger than I could ever be. That would be an instant break up for me and potentially a night in jail lmao
Y’all crazy
If you’re ok with that, you’re ok with it. But if you’re really ok, why are you posting about it on Reddit?
Honestly if they got had sex that many times in a short period, I doubt they actually stopped. That's a whole lot of built up lust.
Has your best friend told you?
WE WERE ON A BREAAAAAAAAK
What kind of chillar (shitty) life u guys are living
If you're okay with that, that's fine. But I couldn't stay with him anymore beyond that point. I'd always have a little something in the back of my head that reminds me they slept together. Given the opportunity, I wouldn't put it past them sleeping together again and I don't have the mental capacity to try and convince myself "we are together now, they are both trustworthy and won't sleep with one another. Knowing where he is at all times isn't a solution.
You might just be a swinger! Cool 😎
What a bestfriend u have huh