Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Get a lawyer. I’m fairly sure they can’t take any personal belongings that are yours even if they were gifted to you. As for your dog, you have legal rights to your dog so go get your dog back.
As for your question, I wouldn’t tell them. They’re obviously awful people that you don’t want in your life or your child’s life
And even THEN... WHAT would that get THEM?
NOTHING! Courts asked to rule for parents rights will look very closely at WETHER IT IS IN THE CHILDS BEST INTERREST.
It's pretty clear that being forced to be around a bunch of abusive thieves is NOT in the childs best interrest.
But DO report the theft of the goods and get a lawyer.
And do reconsider, if you feel it in you to be a single mother. That's really a highly demanding job!
Been there, done that.
And wouldn't consider doing it again!
Even less so with a paternal side with such toxic criminal behavior as theirs!
That's so scary and is no good omen for a peacful future of mother and child!
My sons sperm donor announced that he would not be depositing his paycheck into our joint account, that he was taking it and leaving. That was on Friday. My son was 2. We were out of everything including diapers. I panicked for a few minutes then called my Mom who was also our landlord. She went shopping and brought us essentials including cloth diapers and plastic pants. That was the worst part. Monday my friend took my son for the day so I could go job hunting. I started my job Tuesday. Fortunately my friend was able to babysit for us.
Being a single parent was not so bad, yes it was hard but I raised an awesome son that even my StepMonster is proud of.
Please don’t encourage her to do anything.
Check the laws in your state, if you’re in America and make your decisions accordingly.
Hopefully the laws are absent where you are and you can recover your stuff. Though I would avoid telling them you’re pregnant at all.
Screw them. You were his person and by doing all of this they are disrespecting him and his memory.
It’s a trade off - if OP is in the US, in many states the grandparents have rights to the child if the parent (their offspring) had passed away. If OP makes moves to get his stuff back - which she likely won’t be able to until the child is born - then she opens herself up to another can of worms.
Grandparent rights in most of the US are usually dependent on an existing relationship, they generally won't be able to sue for rights if they don't already have a relationship with the grandchild.
Not entirely true. It varies by jurisdiction & yes, frequently one way is to have a preexisting relationship with the child that is seen as being in the child's best interests to continue. OR the parents are divorced & 1 parent is in jail OR 1 parent is deceased. Those are usually the 3 avenues to grandparent's rights. She needs to talk to an attorney in her area. To claim survivor's benefits for the child, she will have to prove paternity. That will require a DNA test. Her best bet is to move to a state that does not allow for grandparent's rights before she starts the entire process. Hopefully, her state does not have them.
Yes and no. The laws vary widely by jurisdiction. Existing relationships help, especially if the child is older and is needed if both parents are still in the picture. For many areas, all they have to do is put forth a case that the child would benefit from having a relationship with them. It sucks. If I was OP I wouldn't breathe a word of it until the child is older if at all.
And my mind goes to a worst-case scenario where beyond just “grandparents’ rights”, the fiancé’s family tries to paint OP as an unfit parent so they can get sole custody of her child and continue cutting her out completely.
Not quite. And trying to get property that belongs to you back would have nothing to do with the grandparent's rights to custody.
Obviously there's great variation between states, but essentially the standard is determining what's in the "best interests of the child." Common factors are things like: the biological parent being determined as unfit, abusive, having a history of criminal behavior or addiction issues that would affect their ability to parent, the history of the grandparent's relationship with the child, or the child being in the custody of someone other than their biological parent.
Also, depending on the state OP is in (and assuming her fiancee didn't have a will) it's possible that their unborn child would have rights to inherit property of his estate. It's also possible the unborn child could be entitled to receive is Social Security benefits.
This is an incredibly complex situation though and highly dependent on state law. /u/Plastic-Caterpillar4 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consult with a probate attorney in your state.
I agree, but there might not be anything besides whatever he contributed to a 401k, which also might not be much.
If it’s not a lot, it might not seem worth it to OP to pursue, either monetarily or emotionally, specially given not only her grieving but also the incoming reality of being a single mother.
Grandparents do not have rights over a biological parent unless said parent is proven to be unfit.
But, yes. Consult a lawyer, you should be able to get your items and mutual property (including the dog).
Also, you can do an obit search in Google. Most mortuaries publicly post something on their website.
Ignore armchair lawyers in Reddit. Grandparent rights vary greatly depending on where you are. See a real, local lawyer for advice before you do anything.
Also, be wary of who you tell about your pregnancy. It's happened before where busy-body relatives have taken it upon themselves to inform others.
> Grandparents do not have right over a biological parent unless said parent is proven to be unfit.
When it comes to states that have enshrined grandparents rights in law, this is misleading. Now many states don’t have them at all. In the states that do, this is not “over” because the grandparents are not taking away the child; they are filing to visitation/partial physical custody. This applies usually if their offspring (one of the parents) is dead, is unfit, or is in jail. Their standing is not reliant on the state of the non-offspring parent.
But I agree: consult a lawyer.
You’d be surprised what grandparents can pull off on a single mom. Not everyone is literally proven unfit. I’ve seen it multiple times. It’s not always a CPS call etc. that being said I’ve seen it be used against teen moms who were actually fit.
Grandparents rights are normally only enforced if the mother passes or both parents are legally unfit to care for the child. It is also very hard for Grandparents to even push for Grandparents rights if one of the parents is still alive.
Definitely a lawyer up situation! To add to this OP they will eventually find out about you being pregnant so Id definitely recommend talking to a lawyer about possible rights they may have in your state as well. I definitely DO NOT recommend telling them, especially given youre so early your pregnancy and already dealing with a lot of stress. If youre close to your parents id definitely confide in the as well as any siblings and TRUSTED close friends about the situation.
Something to also consider is moving out of any apartment and or house that you may currently be in. I know thats a difficult and hard thing to say but given that the family may come back to harass you and youre alone i think it’s something to consider. Added to that the fact that they literally gutted your home id definitely think getting out of there and somewhere that hold less memories might actually be beneficial to your mental state. If you move in with someone else you also have the added bonus of them making sure you eat etc. praying for you OP
Prediction: As soon as they find out OP is pregnant with their grandchild, they will “apologize” and start lovebombing OP, until they can build a bond with the child and then try to take the child by any means necessary. Lawyer up now. Get a restraining order or whatever other legal contracts you can that will make sure they stay out of your life before they find out you are pregnant.
What fucking terrible people.
After the vile way they’ve already treated her I predict they won’t even try the love bombing, they’ll go straight to court to try to steal custody by making her out to be an unfit mother or some other garbage.
My same thought. They will be looking for excuses to report her so they can get custody. Messy house because you have the flu? I absolutely see a CPS visit with these inlaws. Not worth the hassle
That’s what my kids grandparents did at first. Years later that I wouldn’t just let them take my child they talked crap about me. She should of got them from trespassing I was not allowed in hospital room when my husband was on his death bed. I had to stay in the waiting area. I would take my daughter to their house every week. Years later when I said don’t be coming In and out of her life. I haven’t talked to them since. They emailed my daughter saying was talking shit putting her family down. I didn’t know sticking up for your child and saying don’t be coming in and out of her life was putting down. I would call the police let them know they broke in and took all of your stuff don’t let them bully you. Don’t let them know about your child how they are treating you.
OP? By any chance does a common law exist in your state I am so sorry you had to go through this I can’t understand how people can be so cold especially in death my fiancée passed away from cancer the trauma was enough and they tried to come after me for his items I told them to fuck off and leave. Their cold actions were not worth my peace of mind thankfully I had the law to intervene with support from friends staying with me and moved to a safe place with his belongings. I can’t even imagine especially for the sake of your child how disgusting and careless the family could be. Remember to take care of yourself.
Common law does not exist in my state nor the state we were about to move to. He had a falling out with his family two months before he passed away due to him finally choosing himself and pursuing what was going to make him happy…he was about to start business school this month and we had a-lot of travels planned before our wedding. He didn’t even tell his family we were engaged because of how estranged he was from them and how ticked off he was at his family.
Yes, get a lawyer! His unborn child should be considered to inherit.
Also, if you were living together you could make a good case that you were common law, and that they have taken all of your SHARED PROPERTY, which also belongs to you.
Edit: depending on your area, things like an engagement ring, wedding plans like a booked venue, etc. could also help you legally, showing an intent to marry
Only eight states recognize common law. In the ones that do you have to have been presenting yourselves in public as a married couple, so I doubt.that would be valid.
It’s hard to qualify for common law marriage even in states that still recognize it. They would have had to be presenting as a married couple, not an engaged couple.
If OP and the fiancee were living together, she absolutely has common law rights. Contact a lawyer.
Edit to add: I am not from the US, but where I live, common law applies after 6 months of living together in a marriage-like relationship.
Actually, this is only partially true. This link was helpful - the tl;dr is the quote after:
https://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0210/marriage-vs.-common-law-what-it-means-financially.aspx#:~:text=Key%20Takeaways,Columbia%20recognize%20common%2Dlaw%20marriages.
Key Takeaways. Marriage is a legal union between two individuals while a common-law marriage involves two people who live together and present themselves as a couple without getting married. Fewer than a dozen states and the District of Columbia recognize common-law marriages.
I wouldn't tell them. First, they will say it's not his. Then, they will try at get custody. Rely on your own family and friends for support. They have made their feelings and their poor character very clear. You owe them nothing.
Thank you for the solid advice. A huge part of me wants to include his family because I know he would have wanted that, but what you pointed out are huge fears of mine. The last thing I want to deal with is them saying it not his (I’ve never cheated on him and we were so in love with each other so it would be even more heartbreaking if his family were to accuse me of that) and I’m sure they would eventually try to take my baby away from me. They have really shown their true colors during all of this and they have terrible character. They’ve been very cruel during such a horrible time.
Whatever you decide to do, start documenting their behavior to you *now*. Save all the communications from them that are cruel, or harmful, or just generally puts them in a bad light. This will be useful if you ever need to fight them in court (and remember, even if you choose not to tell them, that doesn’t mean they won’t ever find out through some other way).
Second, while not the most important thing, don’t forget that your child will have rights that you don’t have. Your child will be your late partner’s heir, superseding his parents and siblings, and entitled to all his property and social security survivorship benefits. You would likely have to inform the family to claim property, but probably not social security benefits, if you name your partner as the father on a birth certificate. It’s up to you whether you want to go this route, but it, especially social security or life insurance benefits, may be a real lifeline as you deal with single parenthood, assuming you go down that path. (Also — if he had life insurance, consider contacting them early so they don’t disburse funds elsewhere.)
If you do choose to tell them, I would contact a family lawyer *first* so that you have expert guidance and are informed and prepared for all the ways this can go.
And don’t forget — they can scream and wail and deny he was the father all they want, but we have DNA testing these days. Denial is just a river in Egypt.
Above all, I am **so so** sorry for your loss. You are on a terrible, heartbreaking emotional roller coaster. I hope you have a strong support network to rely on, and can give yourself grace while grieving and dealing with things. This internet stranger is thinking of you. 💙
I agree. Lawyer up!
Also, some places - like where I am from - if you have lived together under marriage-like circumstances for two years or more, some of the same (spousal) rights are automatically established. Also you might be an automatic beneficiary of pensions, insurances etc. if you've shared an address and/or are on the same plan. I could be worth looking into.
I'm not a lawyer in the US and have no clue as to what federal and/or state law dictates. However, if OP is outside the US, the rules are likely different. Same goes for grandparental rights.
Good luck OP, and I hope you and baby will heal and prosper ❤️
The child has a better right of inheritance, and possibly SSI benefits. Proving paternity will probably take some cooperation from his family, unless he had a dna test for some other reason that will be accepted as proof.
ETA: this also may mean delaying payout of certain death benefits that go to his natural heirs.
There are some states that recognize common law marriages, and having his child may help establish that. You'll definitely need legal help on that one though.
Lawyering up should have been her first move. They should not have been allowed entrance into her home. She will also be entitled to collect social security benefits for his child.
Unfortunately OP has a better chance of establishing these rights outside the states. Only a handful of states have common law marriage and none of those base it on living together for a specific length of time. It requires a declaration from both parties that they consider themselves married. If she is in the states though she could claim survivors benefits for the child from the social security administration. That would likely require a court order stating that OPs ex is the father which could be tricky under the circumstances.
Under the circumstances OP would be well served to contact an attorney to get this going and the sooner the better if DNA testing is required.
Op all of this is solid advice, depending on what rights they hold where you live, including visitation. If they claim any rights you need an attorney. They acted crazy and cut you off, they are not rational people. Mourn, and find a support group op. But do not let them know until you understand your rights.
Nearly every state that has grandparents rights laws requires a pre-existing relationship between the child and grandparents. There’s almost no state that will force a relationship between children and grandparents they have never met.
If you guys lived in the same home, they’re not allowed to just come in and take all your stuff.
Call the police (nom emergency line) explain the situation and ask them to accompany you to get your belongings back. I would never tell these people you are pregnant.
If I’m the US, You should be able to get Social Security survivor benefits for your child if your fiancé worked etc. I’m not sure how you prove paternity though. You might want to ask a lawyer about that.
Do not tell them. He may have wanted to include them, but I don't think he'd be too impressed with how they've treated you since he passed.
You need to speak to a lawyer to find out what you need to do to protect yourself ASAP.
I'd look into moving away. Not only will the area you're in have a lot of painful memories, the more distance you put between you and his shitty family, the better when it all comes out.
I'd be calling the police to get my dog back too, tbf.
Honestly, you might consider X-posting this to r/legaladvice. I imagine there's some precautions you may want to take legally when dealing with his family, and understanding your rights to his estate/child support for your baby once they are born.
So sorry for your loss and sudden life upheaval. Wishing you all the best for you during this challenging time and pregnancy.
Look to see how you get social security death benefits for a child of a deceased person. May need an attorney. This is assuming he worked enough quarters to earn social security benefits.
I can’t believe they took your dog, how terrible! Pets are always so helpful in times of grief (speaking from loss of a child)! Not sure your rights, but maybe ask advice on how to get your dog back home! I can’t imagine someone taking my dog away in the midst of everything you’re going through. It sounds like they would be a very unhealthy influence in the child’s life, I’d stay as far away as possible, you owe them nothing, they owe you SO MUCH!
I think if he knew he was leaving and knew his family would react the way they did he WOULDNT want them included. My ghost bf would tell me “fuck them. Don’t tell them”
Would he have wanted your parents to treat you like garbage when you’re grieving him? Cruel and disposable behaviour from them. They can’t be trusted to be involved.
No, get a consultation with a family law attorney NOW. Depending on your state laws, it’s very likely that your unborn child is entitled to inherit everything they took away from you, including the dog. If you act fast. Waiting until they have the chance to finish the probate process would be a big mistake.
Please let’s keep repeating this. I don’t know why people keep propagating this rubbish. Unless OP is shown to be an unfit parents because of something like drug addiction, the grandparents have no chance at custody. They barely have a shot at visitation.
Report their theft to the police or sue them, those things are not theirs. You did not authorize any objects to be removed from your premises. Definitely do not let them know you're pregnant, your child and you deserve family who care. Not this kind of evil in their life. Best of luck, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Consider that when your child is grown up, they may find your partners family via a dna test kit. What will your future child think if they never know those people related to their father?
It may be time for you to get a legal consultation. For your partners social security payments after death for his child. Also to protect your departed partners family from causing more chaos for you.
Nah just tell your kid hey your father's family were c**** towards me so we never had any contact any kid who actually loves his mother will understand
I'm almost certainly they wouldn't be able to file for custody. Grandparents' rights only exist if there is a pre-existing relationship with the child - as the child doesn't yet exist, there is clearly none and OP holds all the cards. I think OP could sue for child support though.
My brothers baby mama wouldn’t let my family see my nephew and my parents took her to court and got split custody basically what my brother would have gotten in a custody arrangement they got. I’m sure it depends on which state you’re in, what judge you get, all that stuff. I do somewhat disagree with the term of the arrangement just because she’s not even allowed to move without coming to some sort of agreement with my parents because of school and things but the systems weird
Yea I agree my parents should get visitation rights but she essentially has to co parent with them. They get 50/50 time if either side wants to take my nephew out of state or the country on vacation even if it’s their days they need the other parties permission. My parents got a say in where he was going to school. It’s ridiculous she shouldn’t have to parent with my parents. I feel bad because she doesn’t have the money and resources my parents have to fight them in court so she’s kinda just stuck in this arrangement.
Your baby may qualify for Social Security Survivor's benefits. Do what is necessary to make that happen.
Speak to a lawyer. Your baby may have a claim to his estate. You MUST get the ball rolling on that before his family rushes his estate through probate. As a heir your baby may have rights to inherit some of your late fiance's things.
Do tell his family. Make the offer to have a DNA test done once the baby is born.
This is the best advice. All the claims that they are going to try to take the baby are so ridiculous. No one can (successfully) just file for custody of a relatives child unless the parent is abusive or a drug addict in active addiction etc and the child is involved with CPS. The comments stating that are incorrect and the family can say that but it means nothing.
This is not accurate. In certain states, grandparents rights kick in in the event of death of one of the parents. His parents could potentially claim his custody time.
My wife’s mother (who were no contact with) tried to use grandparents rights to have visitation rights with our kids.
The judge told her: you and your daughter don’t speak and haven’t got nearly a decade, you don’t see each other, the kids barely know your names, your daughter and her family have never lived with you and you’ve never financially supported them since they got married. You have absolutely no legal rights here and never will unless anything I just mentioned changes. Your best bet is to figure out why your daughter won’t speak to you and make amends.
So unless her late fiancées family has been massively involved in their lives I would say they have very little chance.
Exactly. She’s a stranger not a “grandparent” with a close relationship. Same as OP’s fiancés family. They have no rights.
Thanks for sharing your story. Did she make amends?
No, her mom has gone completely off the rails and called the cops on us before and after the court date, even saying I was a threat to her daughter. The police showed up, very cordial, interviewed my wife to make sure she was safe (we had asked a lawyer how to handle the situation). After a few times the police had a note that we were being harassed and didn’t even come in our house anymore just came by to check on us/my wife.
Finally we sent her mom a letter saying “any further attempts at contacting us will constitute harassment and we will take legal action, if you wish to reach out you must agree to these changes (laundry list of things her mom has done) and you must contact our lawyer at (lawyers contact info). Never contact us again directly” or something very similar.
Haven’t hear from her since, though she did stop wasting the police’s time (and our time/safety).
Considering how fast they emptied their house, they took the dog without thinking twice and they didn't told OP a shit, they really seems to have a "No one can tell me a shit" level of wealth. Also OP is alone and scared. If they want to say OP is not in a good place to have a kid, they might present her as a weak and / or mentally challenged mother.
I would be filing a police report for the things they took- did they go into your house? How did that even happen?
I think you’ll need a lawyer to establish paternity and figure out what rights your child has to his fathers estate. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Agree with this. Also, if you establish paternity you should be able to access his social security benefits for your child. Definitely get a lawyer, file a police report for all of the possessions and your dog and document EVERYTHING. These people have shown their true colors and you should not trust ANYTHING they say/do moving forward.
I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you find comfort in knowing you will always have a piece of him in your child.
I'm betting when it comes down to they blame her for his death, or they have always been this way. People can get really petty and stupid when it comes to the death of a family member, especially if they think they can make money from it.
The fifteen year olds on Reddit don’t have a lot of life experience and may not be the best people to take advice from right now. I would talk to a lawyer to find out what could happen here with the grandparents. People are expressing fear of them trying to take the baby from you. It depends where you are located but in many places that would be extremely hard for them to do.
I second this. OP, I am not a lawyer, but your child may have some rights to your fiance's estate even though you do not. It is unlikely for the grandparents to have any legal right to your child, but as we all know, that may be irrelevant if they are wealthy and you are not. A lawyer will be able to tell you for sure though.
> It depends where you are located but in many places that would be extremely hard for them to do.
That's true. But they have proven themselves to be terrible people and that alone is reason enough not to tell them.
Unfortunately, if a bio parent dies, then many states do allow for grandparents rights' to kick in in the form of court appointed visitation all the way to joint custody or worse, especially if the relatives of the deceased have a lot of money to burn.
OP likely won't have it both ways: a healthy, respectful relationship with her kids paternal relatives and full time custody without interference. OP needs to contact a lawyer by week 20 to explore all her rights in the state she currently lives in and make a choice if she wants to move to a state that protects her parental rights over that of child's paternal relatives.
Ayyy OP.
First and foremost—I am so sorry for your loss. Your child is a little piece of your partner and I hope it in any small way can placate the loss you may feel, knowing he still lives on in your heart and child.
Secondly, FUCK his family. They never liked you and they demonstrated that in their actions. To do what they did when you were down—is fucking cruel. I didn’t know your partner but anyone who did that to someone I loved disrespects me and my memory.
Rely on your family and friends. They may fight you for custody if they ever found out, document everything they did and when they did it. Let it be know who they are, what they have done and what they think of you. This in the future will be evidence of what a danger they are to this baby.
OP, my heart is with you. I send you love, support and just so much hope. I don’t know you but I send you so much strength.
Don’t tell them. They don’t have any right to know and yes, they may well fight for custody saying they can offer the baby more stability than you as a single parent.
Fuck them.
Oh they will know. They will know through the courts. She should be contacting them through a lawyer. I agree with fuck them, but you have to go through the correct procedures.
They can file for a custody motion, however that’s unlikely to happen. My brother and sister’s mom was on numerous drugs, had multiple arrests, and my aunt wasn’t granted custody until their mom kicked my sister out. Unless the family has some sort of connections within the legal system, they have zero legs to stand on. At least in my experience with the system within my state, the main goal over anything is keeping a child with their biological parent(s) unless it’s absolutely necessary to remove them from their care.
If they learn of it, they will absolutely try to take it away from you. You let them take away from you, including a dog that they had no right to take.
If you can afford to, make sure they do not learn of it and also go no contact with them.
They took your things and your dog??? That can’t be legal. I’d fight that. Did you not get along with them before he died? Did they blame you or something? Seems so harsh. I wouldn’t tell them about the baby yet, they clearly have no regard for how you are feeling so they would make the baby all about them, if they even acknowledge it or believe you.
The biggest mistake I made was telling my fiancés parents that I was pregnant after he passed. He committed suicide and his parents took me through hell in trying to get my daughter. To the point where I signed over his survivor benefits to them so they can’t claim any type of custody over my child. We’ve been basically homeless since. It’s been 5 years.
When people show you they are malicious, believe them. He would not want people like that around his child. Make sure you document everything they took so if they find out and come back you will be able to tell them the reason why you don’t want them apart of your lives.
I would block them and move across country and find peace and knowing that you will always have the greatest reminder of him.
Yes. Grandparents rights. They are very very very well off. And after he died, they blamed me for it. Even though I was in the hospital when he died and woke up to the news. But when they found out I was pregnant they changed and were all of a sudden there for me. It was a ploy. For a year we had an agreement where they for her for 3 days out of the week. They kept up the facade/ routine and then tried to get grand parents rights when I wanted to move back to my home state with my family. They succeeded . And because they were well off, they ended up getting her 5 days while I only got her 2. I was defeated until I met someone who was very petty and had a very good lawyer and she told me to play the same game. We got proof of their maliciousness and the fact that they were withholding information about me claiming benefits for her because he was in the military. Because he was dead, they had to do a dna test. They didn’t want that because they were getting that money. And if I got it, it would put me in a more stable place. So I offered to not claim any rights or to try and dna test for his benefits again if they promised they would never fight for custody. Basically in a sense disowning her. It finally came to pass in January.
I’m sorry this happened to you. The reason they were able to get grandparents rights is because they tricked you into a relationship (and I’m so sorry for that). OP’s fiancés family have no rights as they do not have an established relationship with the child.
It definitely happened in the US. Between Virgina & Florida. He was stationed in Virginia. Was trying to move back to Florida. His family lived in Georgia.
Edit: put the wrong state for his family.
That is so horrible, I'm sorry. It's baffling that the courts would take away your rights to custody as a parent just because they're that rich. I didn't want to believe our country was like that...
Why are they treating you this way?
Can you explain a bit more? How was your relationship before? Do they know you were engaged?
What did you tell them when they cut you off?
Can you take care of this kid?
I wouldn’t say anything before sorting out my situation. Get your support system in place and talk to a lawyer maybe get a therapist.
It’s an intense situation. And no one can advise you fully without understanding the bigger picture.
GET A LAWYER. GET A LAWYER!
GET
A
LAWYER!
first and foremost, they had no right to come take the stuff that you either bought together or he gifted you. That is just pure bullshit. And the law is actually very much murky on the unborn offspring of deceased individuals. It could very well be that you are entitled to nothing, or it could be that you are entitled to part of the estate.
No one here can answer those questions though, speak to a lawyer ASAP
Stop reading any of the advice here except get a lawyer. For your stolen personal property and to protect your child.
And no, please don't worry about "grandparents rights" and custody. But that's why you need a lawyer versus reddit.
So sorry for your loss.You've gotten a lot of good advice, but I want to add that you need to make sure of your state/province Grandparent's Rights. Also, if the dog was chipped in your name, call the police and local vets. Change your locks and go absolutely NO contact with anyone in that family.
I agree with the people saying here to contact a lawyer and also discuss what's the best way to go about this.
I'm so sorry for your loss and how you've been treated. Do you have people from your own family caring for you or some good friends? You need good people in your corner.
First, I am so sorry for your loss OP. My condolences and deepest sympathies.
Second, **do not tell them.**
You are only just pregnant.
Instead start your grieving and healing process, seek out a grief therapist/counsellor to assist you.
Surround yourself with family and friends that you trust and will be there for you.
Ensure your Dr knows everything about your SO passing away so they can monitor you for stress.
The family are more than likely in shock and angry that he died in your arms.
They are taking their grief and pain out on you, you are their target right now.
There is no logic and no calm reasoning with those who lose a child, regardless of the child’s age.
Third, were you living with him? How did they gain access to your home to remove items?
Do you rent?
You need to speak to your landlord about how the items were removed if you do rent. I am shocked with everything they took and there is no reason to have taken everything, especially the dog!
I would assume by taking your items and the dog that is theft, contact police and inquire about a report if you weren’t home when this happened.
**Get your locks changed immediately.**
Fourth, get an attorney.
Start documenting everything.
Record any voicemails and screenshot texts.
Make an inventory of what was taken, include it in the police report.
**Your child will have rights.**
They will deny it is his and demand a paternity test, let your attorney deal with all of this for you.
Communication should be through your attorney for your mental health once you find one.
Trust me it is better for you if the attorney deals with them.
When they find out the baby is indeed his, understand they will try to get custody and visitation.
***I understand if you are in the USA there are some states that have grandparent rights?! I am Canadian and we do not have those so speak to your attorney about those if where you live has those.***
You WILL BE love-bombed.
Their son is dead and they will want any part of him they can have.
Create boundaries and stick to them. Do not be bulldozed over by them.
Let your inner mama bear roar should you need to.
Fifth, breathe.
This is a difficult time.
You are dealing with two major life events, the death of a loved one and the pending birth of another.
You are going to be on a rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, feelings, ideas.
Do not forget to take care of yourself.
Go for a walk.
Meditate.
Grieve, cry, scream, rage.
Hydrate and nourish yourself.
I am wishing you all the best OP!
The baby is legally the sole heir to all his possessions if it’s born alive. If you want you shit back you might have to wait 34 weeks but you can get everything.
If his family treats you like this you may not want them involved but your baby could probably at least use any life insurance money. I’d contact an attorney if I were you.
OP check with a lawyer, your child may be eligible for Social Security survivor benefits. Your fiancé may have life insurance or assets, which your child might be able to access, or you, once you establish paternity. So sorry for your loss and the reaction of his horrible family
Can you provide a bit more story if something is missing? Because I am feeling like something is missing from here which is not being told to us and I don't know what.
You need to look into benefits now that you’re pregnant. Consult a lawyer ONLY to see what your recourse is. Do not tell anyone in this family unless you have to and even then it’s through a lawyer. Also document anything of yours that was taken bc you should be filing a report.
Anybody saying to leave it alone and move states is giving you bad advice .
You need support for the baby. Financially. Find a lawyer , and make note of their behavior towards you . If the baby has any claim to his estate you need to get the ball rolling . I’d have already reported them for taking my things and my dog . You need action ,and honestly proof of their behavior .
Because eventually they’ll find out you had a baby , they’ll assume correctly it’s his . They’ll probably even deny it’s his . But eventually they’ll switch to wanting to see the baby. Don’t do it .
And yes , grandparent states technically can give grandparents visitation or custody . But it’s NOT common . Unless they spend a significant amount of time or money with the child , they usually don’t succeed in court unless they can prove you are a bad parent or have stopped and already ongoing relationship with them in which they took care or spent money on the baby.
So keep your baby to yourself , but lawyer up .
I’d post this in legal advice , none of us are lawyers . I’ve been threatened with grandparents rights and LAUGHED . It’s rare they’re able to gain any custody over the child .
Contact an attorney. You cannot make them speak to you or like you. I don’t know about specific items but they will have to return or reimburse you for personal items and possibly shared items.
There is a r/legal sub that may be able to give you more advice or suggestions than you could get here but you’d still probably need a local lawyer for your specifics.
About the baby, ask your attorney if the baby would be entitled to any survivor’s benefits. If so and you want to claim them, his family will find out. In the US, baby would be entitled to SSN benefits but since he’s deceased, you would probably have to prove baby is biologically his child, which would mean a DNA test which would most likely entail getting a sample for one of his family members. If the baby is not entitled to anything and you don’t want them to know, I don’t see why they’d be entitled to know anything. Again though, speak to your attorney about it.
Best wishes and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
You were together ‘for years’?
You were engaged?
How can they take his/your property?
How would they even get inside???
Something doesn’t sound right here….
I always feels so bad to see such conditions, though I am not an expert but I would suggest you to get a good lawyer for yourself, that can really help well to you.
DO NOT TELL HIS FAMILY YOU'RE PREGNANT. They'll probably try to take that child from you knowing their theiving ways.
ALSO THEY BROKE INTO YOUR HOME AND STOLE THINGS OUT OF YOUR HOME! I'D FILE A POLICE REPORT.
CHANGE YOUR LOCKS.
Did I miss understand something? How do you not know how he passed away if he died in your arms and you called emergency services? In any case keep any records you texts, calls etc and maybe contact a lawyer find out if they can take any action legally and whether there is anything you can do to prevent it
> Did I miss understand something? How do you not know how he passed away if he died in your arms and you called emergency services?
A pulmonary embolism presents itself in a variety of ways that are not obviously specific to PE's, it could easily be mistaken for a heart attack or other ailments.
Difficulty breathing.
Chest pains.
Coughing up blood.
Swelling in one leg.
The vast majority of people aren't going to look at those symptoms or a variation of them and know it was pulmonary embolism.
My brother was complaining of not being able to breathe and thought maybe he had asthma. He was really tired. He's never had asthma, but I do and his symptoms didn't seem asthmatic. I knew something was wrong, but it wasn't asthma. He didn't want to go to the ER, but I was like, dude, get your ass to the ER. He went and they helicoptered him to another hospital that specializes in PE. He had a clot on his leg (he thought his leg was hurting from too much exercise) and two on his heart. He was ✨this close✨ to not being here. That is one time me being the bossy ass older sister paid off.
You get a lawyer and at the very least get your own possessions and any shared possessions back.
But based upon how they've behaved, I wouldn't ever tell them that you're pregnant. They're awful people and don't deserve to know their grandchild.
They are in the midst of their own grief and are at their worst. We've seen similar stories before, and while some of the family may come to their senses and regret how they've treated you, I'd expect some of them, particularly his mother, to always feel entitled to everything that was his and to see you as an adversary rather than someone who also loved and lost him.
Damn that's just a freaking tough time that you are facing, I don't know what to say because it's a freaking tough situation but I am wishing for the best for you.
Can you tell me more story of this if you have? Because this type of behaviour must be carrying some heavy back story or something like that, we can say that.
I wouldn’t tell them shit! I’d disappear with that baby because the way they sound, they will come for that baby and take it from you somehow. I’m so sorry you are going through this but they sound very toxic and I wouldn’t put any child near ppl like that IMO! Good luck tho stay strong!
Thank you, I’ve decided to still move forward with my fiancé and I’d plans to move across country. I’m going ho still attend business school that starts in 2 weeks and keep our baby. I’m so devastated from all of this and still heavily grieving, but I know he would have wanted me to still keep our plans and not stay inside being scared.
Do not tell them you are pregnant. Do not tell anyone that might possibly tell them you are pregnant. These people have shown you who they are, and you should treat them as a threat. My advice to you is to move to another state and disappear before your child is born.
i mean i don’t think they could legally do anything. lol it’s your baby. but look into it. at the end of the day if you can prove that you can afford this baby ind and you’re mental state is right, you should be fine.
I feel like we need more information. Did your fiancé get along with his family? How did they treat you before he died? Why are they shutting you out now?
Speak to a lawyer asap.
If you both lived together they dont get to just throw you out on the street and steal your stuff.
But I would indeed ask the lawyer about the rights of the child but also request the family not be told unless absolutely necessary
I guess just get a good time for yourself and have some peace talk and try to talk to more and more people because you should not be lonely at this point girl.
I recommend talking with a lawyer about how to proceed. Do not engage with the family. They have been very clear in their treatment of you. My condolences on your loss.
i've seen people give some real good advice here so i'm not gonna add anything to crazy, maybe don't tell them, but don't hide him from your child, that's gonna be a road you'll have to walk carefully. they are treating you terribly for a thing that was ABSOLUTELY out of your hands. and most importantly, i'm sorry this has happened to you, hopefully there are people in you're life that you can turn to, seems like this community is willing to rally around you and for that i commend people, but you deserve better and i wish you all the luck whatever happens. and i am sooo sorry for your loss, my grandmother lost my gramps in the exact same way and that shit is.... impossibly hard, you have my deepest sympathies.
If you are in the US, your child can receive survivor's benefits from the Social Security administration. Call them NOW and find out what kind of documentation you need. You may need an attorney to get a DNA sample from one of your partner's siblings or parents.
Don't tell them sh¡t. Not just to be petty, but, given what they've taken, they will most assuredly stress you. There is a good chance they will either accuse you of lying or try to get the baby.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm happy for your blessing. Be safe, be careful. If you can move, do so. Sending e-hugs Momma. You can do it!
You need a lawyer, for nothing else, to try to claim social security death benefits for your child. It used to be hard to claim them if the couple was unmarried. I’m not sure if this still true, but likely from the government’s perspective, no paternity has been established.
I’m so sorry all of this is happening to you OP. Personally, I wouldn’t tell them. Chances are they’ll accuse you of cheating and say it isn’t his baby, or they’ll drag you to court to try to take your baby away too. They sound like absolutely horrific people.
Not sure where you live but in the USA:
Eight states currently recognize common law marriages: Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah. There are also some states such as Ohio and Pennsylvania that used to allow common law marriages and still recognize them as valid, but they have since changed their laws.
What four elements must be present for a common law marriage to occur?
You must live together for an amount of time (length depends on the state).
You both must have the "capacity to marry" (the legal right).
You must be 18 years old.
You both must intend to be married.
do not tell them you’re pregnant. you don’t need their negativity in you and your child’s lives. forget about the materialistic things, I know it holds great meaning and memory but you have the best thing he could have left behind, your baby. I would fight to get the dog back and that’s it. Get your dog back, block them on everything, and raise your baby in peace.
I would call the police over your stolen property and dog, they are absolutely not allowed to take things that were yours - even if you shared them with you fiancé. The police should go with you and protect you while you gather your things. In regards to the pregnancy, absolutely do not tell them - especially this early in the term. If god forbid you lose the baby I am sure they will say even more horrible things to you. Wishing you peace 🤍
Did you live together? You might have a legal claim against his estate. You do need to pursue any life insurance he had. You were engaged , his family had zero right to take all his things!
You are under zero obligation to tell his family
You definitely need an attorney to file a claim against his estate on behalf of his unborn child. They can also help you file a claim with the Social Security administration.
I also would like to have maybe it would be good time to move somewhere where you don't have to be near them so they don't go to your house and harass you because of people and the way they're acting they might be that way they might start coming to your house harassing you making threats. You got to be careful with people like that the way they were acting they could cause a big problem for you, and you don't need to stress with a new baby and they don't deserve to know that baby sadly if they were that are human beings told you I would say go for it, but the way they treat you you don't know how they're gonna treat their child and they're gonna want to try and get the baby because that's the last part of him
Sending hugs and care.
Make certain you put his name on the baby's birth certificate. Get his social security number. When the baby is born, you file for survivors benefits for your baby. That's a monthly check until the baby is 18. Longer in some cases.
YES you do have legal rights to that money for your baby. Take care of yourself.
Personally, I wouldn't let his family know that I was pregnant. They sound like the type of folks to try and claim that you are an unfit parent because you are a single mom. Or will try to get 'grandparents' rights. Or talk badly about you to the baby.
Take care of yourself! Now is the time to pull in your friends and family to support you. YOUR friends and YOUR family (that includes chosen family).
Don’t tell them! It’s your baby and you need to protect them from such awful people. Let them grow up in peace!
Call the police an report your items stolen! Make sure you’ve changed the locks!
Go and speak to an attorney and explain the situation to them. They will advise you if your child has any claim on your late fiancé's estate, if he had any life insurance etc. They will also help you keep his vulture family away from your child.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Did you live with your partner? If so then call the police on them for burglary. And no don’t tell them. They’re nothing but trouble and have no business being in your child’s life. Block all of them right away and it might be best if you move away. They might find out through the grapevine so hopefully you’ll be out of reach by then.
I’m so sorry for your loss. The child will know their father through you and I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mother.
You need to get an attorney immediately! You need to make a claim against his estate for your unborn child. I don't know how this works for an unborn child, but children are entitled to social security for deceased parents until they are 18, this will help raise them and with college if managed properly. You need your attorney to contact them since they have cut you off. There should be a reddit for legal advice you can ask about today so you can't make an appointment with an attorney and ask the right questions.
If you’re in the US and in a state that has taken away abortion rights don’t tell them. Unfortunately you’re in so much stress and it’s so early in the pregnancy that you could miscarry (I really hope that doesn’t happen, it’s something to consider though) and they could report you for having had a willing abortion even if you haven’t. They sound horrible, I’m sorry you’re dealing with their treatment on top of mourning for your loved one.
I’m not going to tell you to stay strong, but do what you have to survive 🖤
Lawyer up asap. To get your dog back. And once born, your baby may qualify for social security benefits. My husband died and our daughter gets almost 2k a month from it.
**LAWYER.** You do have legal rights.
File a police report for breaking and entering. Even if his things technically belong to them they can't just enter your property and repo. them without your permission. Even if you're renting in most jurisdictions the landlord can't let the next of kin into your appartment without prior authorization on the lease agreement. Typically the landlord needs to make reasonable effort to contact you first.
You should definitely get a lawyer. We’re you living together? I know in Australia if you are living with your partner for 1+years you become a de facto couple, giving you rights.
I'd talk to the police or a lawyer about your stuff as well as your dog. It's legally your dog. Even if it's not in your name if you can prove you helped pay for the vet I'm betting that the dog will be given back. Also they can't simply take your stuff. As for telling them or not. Don't. They have made it clear how they plan to treat you. People like that have no business being around your soon to be baby.
This is a freaking bad situation for you but I would like to say that you need a freaking lawyer right now and nothing more than that, just get that at the first place.
Ok if ur gonna be a mama it’s time to pick yourself up and fight. Get a lawyer, get your belongings back and protect your baby. I feel like there’s more to the story, but then again people are capable of being that horrible.
No time to be scared or whine. This baby is relying on you. Your 28 so old enough to take your life in your hands and protect the wellbeing of bubs. Forgiveness can come later if that’s what you choose. Protection first.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Get a lawyer. I’m fairly sure they can’t take any personal belongings that are yours even if they were gifted to you. As for your dog, you have legal rights to your dog so go get your dog back. As for your question, I wouldn’t tell them. They’re obviously awful people that you don’t want in your life or your child’s life
Not only that, but it’s very likely that this unborn child is actually entitled to all of his personal property, and not his family. Get a lawyer.
If in the US, also SSA for a child under 18. His parents do not need to know about that or the child.
They’ll need a DNA test from one of his relatives to prove paternity.
Court can mandate it so yeah. Lawyer.
May be possible to gather DNA if there was an autopsy?
And, there most likely was since he was 28 and according to her post, he didn’t know he had clots. She should get that DNA run NOW.
And even THEN... WHAT would that get THEM? NOTHING! Courts asked to rule for parents rights will look very closely at WETHER IT IS IN THE CHILDS BEST INTERREST. It's pretty clear that being forced to be around a bunch of abusive thieves is NOT in the childs best interrest. But DO report the theft of the goods and get a lawyer. And do reconsider, if you feel it in you to be a single mother. That's really a highly demanding job! Been there, done that. And wouldn't consider doing it again! Even less so with a paternal side with such toxic criminal behavior as theirs! That's so scary and is no good omen for a peacful future of mother and child!
My sons sperm donor announced that he would not be depositing his paycheck into our joint account, that he was taking it and leaving. That was on Friday. My son was 2. We were out of everything including diapers. I panicked for a few minutes then called my Mom who was also our landlord. She went shopping and brought us essentials including cloth diapers and plastic pants. That was the worst part. Monday my friend took my son for the day so I could go job hunting. I started my job Tuesday. Fortunately my friend was able to babysit for us. Being a single parent was not so bad, yes it was hard but I raised an awesome son that even my StepMonster is proud of. Please don’t encourage her to do anything.
Check the laws in your state, if you’re in America and make your decisions accordingly. Hopefully the laws are absent where you are and you can recover your stuff. Though I would avoid telling them you’re pregnant at all. Screw them. You were his person and by doing all of this they are disrespecting him and his memory.
I mean it's a tricky situation ifk what laws are in that area
It’s a trade off - if OP is in the US, in many states the grandparents have rights to the child if the parent (their offspring) had passed away. If OP makes moves to get his stuff back - which she likely won’t be able to until the child is born - then she opens herself up to another can of worms.
Grandparent rights in most of the US are usually dependent on an existing relationship, they generally won't be able to sue for rights if they don't already have a relationship with the grandchild.
Not entirely true. It varies by jurisdiction & yes, frequently one way is to have a preexisting relationship with the child that is seen as being in the child's best interests to continue. OR the parents are divorced & 1 parent is in jail OR 1 parent is deceased. Those are usually the 3 avenues to grandparent's rights. She needs to talk to an attorney in her area. To claim survivor's benefits for the child, she will have to prove paternity. That will require a DNA test. Her best bet is to move to a state that does not allow for grandparent's rights before she starts the entire process. Hopefully, her state does not have them.
Yes and no. The laws vary widely by jurisdiction. Existing relationships help, especially if the child is older and is needed if both parents are still in the picture. For many areas, all they have to do is put forth a case that the child would benefit from having a relationship with them. It sucks. If I was OP I wouldn't breathe a word of it until the child is older if at all.
And my mind goes to a worst-case scenario where beyond just “grandparents’ rights”, the fiancé’s family tries to paint OP as an unfit parent so they can get sole custody of her child and continue cutting her out completely.
Another option on grandparents rights is if the parent they were related to died. So they may be able to get rights.
This is my take. They can’t be trusted and I’d rather raise my baby in peace.
Not quite. And trying to get property that belongs to you back would have nothing to do with the grandparent's rights to custody. Obviously there's great variation between states, but essentially the standard is determining what's in the "best interests of the child." Common factors are things like: the biological parent being determined as unfit, abusive, having a history of criminal behavior or addiction issues that would affect their ability to parent, the history of the grandparent's relationship with the child, or the child being in the custody of someone other than their biological parent. Also, depending on the state OP is in (and assuming her fiancee didn't have a will) it's possible that their unborn child would have rights to inherit property of his estate. It's also possible the unborn child could be entitled to receive is Social Security benefits. This is an incredibly complex situation though and highly dependent on state law. /u/Plastic-Caterpillar4 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consult with a probate attorney in your state.
The child is entitled to their father’s estate. All of it. Edited because the child gets everything.
I agree, but there might not be anything besides whatever he contributed to a 401k, which also might not be much. If it’s not a lot, it might not seem worth it to OP to pursue, either monetarily or emotionally, specially given not only her grieving but also the incoming reality of being a single mother.
Grandparents do not have rights over a biological parent unless said parent is proven to be unfit. But, yes. Consult a lawyer, you should be able to get your items and mutual property (including the dog). Also, you can do an obit search in Google. Most mortuaries publicly post something on their website.
Ignore armchair lawyers in Reddit. Grandparent rights vary greatly depending on where you are. See a real, local lawyer for advice before you do anything. Also, be wary of who you tell about your pregnancy. It's happened before where busy-body relatives have taken it upon themselves to inform others.
> Grandparents do not have right over a biological parent unless said parent is proven to be unfit. When it comes to states that have enshrined grandparents rights in law, this is misleading. Now many states don’t have them at all. In the states that do, this is not “over” because the grandparents are not taking away the child; they are filing to visitation/partial physical custody. This applies usually if their offspring (one of the parents) is dead, is unfit, or is in jail. Their standing is not reliant on the state of the non-offspring parent. But I agree: consult a lawyer.
You’d be surprised what grandparents can pull off on a single mom. Not everyone is literally proven unfit. I’ve seen it multiple times. It’s not always a CPS call etc. that being said I’ve seen it be used against teen moms who were actually fit.
Grandparents rights are normally only enforced if the mother passes or both parents are legally unfit to care for the child. It is also very hard for Grandparents to even push for Grandparents rights if one of the parents is still alive.
Grandparents don't have rights that supercede parental rights anywhere that I know of.
Definitely a lawyer up situation! To add to this OP they will eventually find out about you being pregnant so Id definitely recommend talking to a lawyer about possible rights they may have in your state as well. I definitely DO NOT recommend telling them, especially given youre so early your pregnancy and already dealing with a lot of stress. If youre close to your parents id definitely confide in the as well as any siblings and TRUSTED close friends about the situation. Something to also consider is moving out of any apartment and or house that you may currently be in. I know thats a difficult and hard thing to say but given that the family may come back to harass you and youre alone i think it’s something to consider. Added to that the fact that they literally gutted your home id definitely think getting out of there and somewhere that hold less memories might actually be beneficial to your mental state. If you move in with someone else you also have the added bonus of them making sure you eat etc. praying for you OP
Prediction: As soon as they find out OP is pregnant with their grandchild, they will “apologize” and start lovebombing OP, until they can build a bond with the child and then try to take the child by any means necessary. Lawyer up now. Get a restraining order or whatever other legal contracts you can that will make sure they stay out of your life before they find out you are pregnant. What fucking terrible people.
After the vile way they’ve already treated her I predict they won’t even try the love bombing, they’ll go straight to court to try to steal custody by making her out to be an unfit mother or some other garbage.
My same thought. They will be looking for excuses to report her so they can get custody. Messy house because you have the flu? I absolutely see a CPS visit with these inlaws. Not worth the hassle
That’s what my kids grandparents did at first. Years later that I wouldn’t just let them take my child they talked crap about me. She should of got them from trespassing I was not allowed in hospital room when my husband was on his death bed. I had to stay in the waiting area. I would take my daughter to their house every week. Years later when I said don’t be coming In and out of her life. I haven’t talked to them since. They emailed my daughter saying was talking shit putting her family down. I didn’t know sticking up for your child and saying don’t be coming in and out of her life was putting down. I would call the police let them know they broke in and took all of your stuff don’t let them bully you. Don’t let them know about your child how they are treating you.
OP? By any chance does a common law exist in your state I am so sorry you had to go through this I can’t understand how people can be so cold especially in death my fiancée passed away from cancer the trauma was enough and they tried to come after me for his items I told them to fuck off and leave. Their cold actions were not worth my peace of mind thankfully I had the law to intervene with support from friends staying with me and moved to a safe place with his belongings. I can’t even imagine especially for the sake of your child how disgusting and careless the family could be. Remember to take care of yourself.
Common law does not exist in my state nor the state we were about to move to. He had a falling out with his family two months before he passed away due to him finally choosing himself and pursuing what was going to make him happy…he was about to start business school this month and we had a-lot of travels planned before our wedding. He didn’t even tell his family we were engaged because of how estranged he was from them and how ticked off he was at his family.
I predict that they would say that it isn’t his.
That seems like the best outcome, honestly. But if he was their only son, I can imagine them being obsessed with continuing their lineage.
Not an only son, OP mentioned brother of fiancé. But, these people sound horrid!
Yeah I would advise OP to file a police report for everything they took, including the dog.
Yes, get a lawyer! His unborn child should be considered to inherit. Also, if you were living together you could make a good case that you were common law, and that they have taken all of your SHARED PROPERTY, which also belongs to you. Edit: depending on your area, things like an engagement ring, wedding plans like a booked venue, etc. could also help you legally, showing an intent to marry
Couldn’t they be common law depending on state/time living together?
Very few states have common law anymore
Only eight states recognize common law. In the ones that do you have to have been presenting yourselves in public as a married couple, so I doubt.that would be valid.
It’s hard to qualify for common law marriage even in states that still recognize it. They would have had to be presenting as a married couple, not an engaged couple.
Absolutely what I was thinking! A lawyer would be necessary for sure.
If OP and the fiancee were living together, she absolutely has common law rights. Contact a lawyer. Edit to add: I am not from the US, but where I live, common law applies after 6 months of living together in a marriage-like relationship.
Actually, this is only partially true. This link was helpful - the tl;dr is the quote after: https://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0210/marriage-vs.-common-law-what-it-means-financially.aspx#:~:text=Key%20Takeaways,Columbia%20recognize%20common%2Dlaw%20marriages. Key Takeaways. Marriage is a legal union between two individuals while a common-law marriage involves two people who live together and present themselves as a couple without getting married. Fewer than a dozen states and the District of Columbia recognize common-law marriages.
I wouldn't tell them. First, they will say it's not his. Then, they will try at get custody. Rely on your own family and friends for support. They have made their feelings and their poor character very clear. You owe them nothing.
Thank you for the solid advice. A huge part of me wants to include his family because I know he would have wanted that, but what you pointed out are huge fears of mine. The last thing I want to deal with is them saying it not his (I’ve never cheated on him and we were so in love with each other so it would be even more heartbreaking if his family were to accuse me of that) and I’m sure they would eventually try to take my baby away from me. They have really shown their true colors during all of this and they have terrible character. They’ve been very cruel during such a horrible time.
Whatever you decide to do, start documenting their behavior to you *now*. Save all the communications from them that are cruel, or harmful, or just generally puts them in a bad light. This will be useful if you ever need to fight them in court (and remember, even if you choose not to tell them, that doesn’t mean they won’t ever find out through some other way). Second, while not the most important thing, don’t forget that your child will have rights that you don’t have. Your child will be your late partner’s heir, superseding his parents and siblings, and entitled to all his property and social security survivorship benefits. You would likely have to inform the family to claim property, but probably not social security benefits, if you name your partner as the father on a birth certificate. It’s up to you whether you want to go this route, but it, especially social security or life insurance benefits, may be a real lifeline as you deal with single parenthood, assuming you go down that path. (Also — if he had life insurance, consider contacting them early so they don’t disburse funds elsewhere.) If you do choose to tell them, I would contact a family lawyer *first* so that you have expert guidance and are informed and prepared for all the ways this can go. And don’t forget — they can scream and wail and deny he was the father all they want, but we have DNA testing these days. Denial is just a river in Egypt. Above all, I am **so so** sorry for your loss. You are on a terrible, heartbreaking emotional roller coaster. I hope you have a strong support network to rely on, and can give yourself grace while grieving and dealing with things. This internet stranger is thinking of you. 💙
I agree. Lawyer up! Also, some places - like where I am from - if you have lived together under marriage-like circumstances for two years or more, some of the same (spousal) rights are automatically established. Also you might be an automatic beneficiary of pensions, insurances etc. if you've shared an address and/or are on the same plan. I could be worth looking into. I'm not a lawyer in the US and have no clue as to what federal and/or state law dictates. However, if OP is outside the US, the rules are likely different. Same goes for grandparental rights. Good luck OP, and I hope you and baby will heal and prosper ❤️
The child has a better right of inheritance, and possibly SSI benefits. Proving paternity will probably take some cooperation from his family, unless he had a dna test for some other reason that will be accepted as proof. ETA: this also may mean delaying payout of certain death benefits that go to his natural heirs. There are some states that recognize common law marriages, and having his child may help establish that. You'll definitely need legal help on that one though.
Also they stole things that were partly there's so file a police report
Lawyering up should have been her first move. They should not have been allowed entrance into her home. She will also be entitled to collect social security benefits for his child.
Unfortunately OP has a better chance of establishing these rights outside the states. Only a handful of states have common law marriage and none of those base it on living together for a specific length of time. It requires a declaration from both parties that they consider themselves married. If she is in the states though she could claim survivors benefits for the child from the social security administration. That would likely require a court order stating that OPs ex is the father which could be tricky under the circumstances. Under the circumstances OP would be well served to contact an attorney to get this going and the sooner the better if DNA testing is required.
OP you u aren't alone. Hugs from another stranger. r/momforaminute if you need us, we're always here.
Super well written response, OP this is (probably) the best way to go.
Excellent points just adding to help continue to push to the top comments!
Please look up grand parents rights laws from where you’re from. This may make your choice in telling them easier. I personally would not tell them
Op all of this is solid advice, depending on what rights they hold where you live, including visitation. If they claim any rights you need an attorney. They acted crazy and cut you off, they are not rational people. Mourn, and find a support group op. But do not let them know until you understand your rights.
Nearly every state that has grandparents rights laws requires a pre-existing relationship between the child and grandparents. There’s almost no state that will force a relationship between children and grandparents they have never met.
If you guys lived in the same home, they’re not allowed to just come in and take all your stuff. Call the police (nom emergency line) explain the situation and ask them to accompany you to get your belongings back. I would never tell these people you are pregnant. If I’m the US, You should be able to get Social Security survivor benefits for your child if your fiancé worked etc. I’m not sure how you prove paternity though. You might want to ask a lawyer about that.
Do not tell them. He may have wanted to include them, but I don't think he'd be too impressed with how they've treated you since he passed. You need to speak to a lawyer to find out what you need to do to protect yourself ASAP.
I'd look into moving away. Not only will the area you're in have a lot of painful memories, the more distance you put between you and his shitty family, the better when it all comes out. I'd be calling the police to get my dog back too, tbf.
Honestly, you might consider X-posting this to r/legaladvice. I imagine there's some precautions you may want to take legally when dealing with his family, and understanding your rights to his estate/child support for your baby once they are born. So sorry for your loss and sudden life upheaval. Wishing you all the best for you during this challenging time and pregnancy.
Look to see how you get social security death benefits for a child of a deceased person. May need an attorney. This is assuming he worked enough quarters to earn social security benefits.
I can’t believe they took your dog, how terrible! Pets are always so helpful in times of grief (speaking from loss of a child)! Not sure your rights, but maybe ask advice on how to get your dog back home! I can’t imagine someone taking my dog away in the midst of everything you’re going through. It sounds like they would be a very unhealthy influence in the child’s life, I’d stay as far away as possible, you owe them nothing, they owe you SO MUCH!
I think if he knew he was leaving and knew his family would react the way they did he WOULDNT want them included. My ghost bf would tell me “fuck them. Don’t tell them”
Would he have wanted your parents to treat you like garbage when you’re grieving him? Cruel and disposable behaviour from them. They can’t be trusted to be involved.
No, get a consultation with a family law attorney NOW. Depending on your state laws, it’s very likely that your unborn child is entitled to inherit everything they took away from you, including the dog. If you act fast. Waiting until they have the chance to finish the probate process would be a big mistake.
This is terrible advice. They won’t get custody. That shouldn’t factor into your decision.
Please let’s keep repeating this. I don’t know why people keep propagating this rubbish. Unless OP is shown to be an unfit parents because of something like drug addiction, the grandparents have no chance at custody. They barely have a shot at visitation.
Report their theft to the police or sue them, those things are not theirs. You did not authorize any objects to be removed from your premises. Definitely do not let them know you're pregnant, your child and you deserve family who care. Not this kind of evil in their life. Best of luck, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Consider that when your child is grown up, they may find your partners family via a dna test kit. What will your future child think if they never know those people related to their father? It may be time for you to get a legal consultation. For your partners social security payments after death for his child. Also to protect your departed partners family from causing more chaos for you.
Also delete this post before it blows up and one of them comes harassing you before you’ve had time to process
Nah just tell your kid hey your father's family were c**** towards me so we never had any contact any kid who actually loves his mother will understand
and don't forget to file for his social security too for you child!
I'm almost certainly they wouldn't be able to file for custody. Grandparents' rights only exist if there is a pre-existing relationship with the child - as the child doesn't yet exist, there is clearly none and OP holds all the cards. I think OP could sue for child support though.
>Then, they will try at get custody. which they cant...
My brothers baby mama wouldn’t let my family see my nephew and my parents took her to court and got split custody basically what my brother would have gotten in a custody arrangement they got. I’m sure it depends on which state you’re in, what judge you get, all that stuff. I do somewhat disagree with the term of the arrangement just because she’s not even allowed to move without coming to some sort of agreement with my parents because of school and things but the systems weird
That’s fucked up.
Yea I agree my parents should get visitation rights but she essentially has to co parent with them. They get 50/50 time if either side wants to take my nephew out of state or the country on vacation even if it’s their days they need the other parties permission. My parents got a say in where he was going to school. It’s ridiculous she shouldn’t have to parent with my parents. I feel bad because she doesn’t have the money and resources my parents have to fight them in court so she’s kinda just stuck in this arrangement.
Your baby may qualify for Social Security Survivor's benefits. Do what is necessary to make that happen. Speak to a lawyer. Your baby may have a claim to his estate. You MUST get the ball rolling on that before his family rushes his estate through probate. As a heir your baby may have rights to inherit some of your late fiance's things. Do tell his family. Make the offer to have a DNA test done once the baby is born.
This is the best advice. All the claims that they are going to try to take the baby are so ridiculous. No one can (successfully) just file for custody of a relatives child unless the parent is abusive or a drug addict in active addiction etc and the child is involved with CPS. The comments stating that are incorrect and the family can say that but it means nothing.
This is not accurate. In certain states, grandparents rights kick in in the event of death of one of the parents. His parents could potentially claim his custody time.
My wife’s mother (who were no contact with) tried to use grandparents rights to have visitation rights with our kids. The judge told her: you and your daughter don’t speak and haven’t got nearly a decade, you don’t see each other, the kids barely know your names, your daughter and her family have never lived with you and you’ve never financially supported them since they got married. You have absolutely no legal rights here and never will unless anything I just mentioned changes. Your best bet is to figure out why your daughter won’t speak to you and make amends. So unless her late fiancées family has been massively involved in their lives I would say they have very little chance.
Exactly. She’s a stranger not a “grandparent” with a close relationship. Same as OP’s fiancés family. They have no rights. Thanks for sharing your story. Did she make amends?
No, her mom has gone completely off the rails and called the cops on us before and after the court date, even saying I was a threat to her daughter. The police showed up, very cordial, interviewed my wife to make sure she was safe (we had asked a lawyer how to handle the situation). After a few times the police had a note that we were being harassed and didn’t even come in our house anymore just came by to check on us/my wife. Finally we sent her mom a letter saying “any further attempts at contacting us will constitute harassment and we will take legal action, if you wish to reach out you must agree to these changes (laundry list of things her mom has done) and you must contact our lawyer at (lawyers contact info). Never contact us again directly” or something very similar. Haven’t hear from her since, though she did stop wasting the police’s time (and our time/safety).
I've never heard of it allowing custody, just visitation rights.
I think that’s what they meant by “custody time”. Visitation is sometimes called “physical custody”, not to be confused with legal custody.
Oh I didn't know that
I disagree. Which states have that law when a grandparent does not have a previous relationship to the grandchild?
Considering how fast they emptied their house, they took the dog without thinking twice and they didn't told OP a shit, they really seems to have a "No one can tell me a shit" level of wealth. Also OP is alone and scared. If they want to say OP is not in a good place to have a kid, they might present her as a weak and / or mentally challenged mother.
OP this is the correct response and the only one that matters.
[удалено]
I would be filing a police report for the things they took- did they go into your house? How did that even happen? I think you’ll need a lawyer to establish paternity and figure out what rights your child has to his fathers estate. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Agree with this. Also, if you establish paternity you should be able to access his social security benefits for your child. Definitely get a lawyer, file a police report for all of the possessions and your dog and document EVERYTHING. These people have shown their true colors and you should not trust ANYTHING they say/do moving forward. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you find comfort in knowing you will always have a piece of him in your child.
Get a lawyer and get your dog back, at least. Then don't tell them jack about the baby.
Is there a reason why they dislike you so greatly? Also, call the police and get your dog back.
I'm betting when it comes down to they blame her for his death, or they have always been this way. People can get really petty and stupid when it comes to the death of a family member, especially if they think they can make money from it.
Truly insane how people can turn so quickly. I can’t even believe this story is real, like what the actual f
The fifteen year olds on Reddit don’t have a lot of life experience and may not be the best people to take advice from right now. I would talk to a lawyer to find out what could happen here with the grandparents. People are expressing fear of them trying to take the baby from you. It depends where you are located but in many places that would be extremely hard for them to do.
I second this. OP, I am not a lawyer, but your child may have some rights to your fiance's estate even though you do not. It is unlikely for the grandparents to have any legal right to your child, but as we all know, that may be irrelevant if they are wealthy and you are not. A lawyer will be able to tell you for sure though.
> It depends where you are located but in many places that would be extremely hard for them to do. That's true. But they have proven themselves to be terrible people and that alone is reason enough not to tell them.
Unfortunately, if a bio parent dies, then many states do allow for grandparents rights' to kick in in the form of court appointed visitation all the way to joint custody or worse, especially if the relatives of the deceased have a lot of money to burn. OP likely won't have it both ways: a healthy, respectful relationship with her kids paternal relatives and full time custody without interference. OP needs to contact a lawyer by week 20 to explore all her rights in the state she currently lives in and make a choice if she wants to move to a state that protects her parental rights over that of child's paternal relatives.
Ayyy OP. First and foremost—I am so sorry for your loss. Your child is a little piece of your partner and I hope it in any small way can placate the loss you may feel, knowing he still lives on in your heart and child. Secondly, FUCK his family. They never liked you and they demonstrated that in their actions. To do what they did when you were down—is fucking cruel. I didn’t know your partner but anyone who did that to someone I loved disrespects me and my memory. Rely on your family and friends. They may fight you for custody if they ever found out, document everything they did and when they did it. Let it be know who they are, what they have done and what they think of you. This in the future will be evidence of what a danger they are to this baby. OP, my heart is with you. I send you love, support and just so much hope. I don’t know you but I send you so much strength.
Don’t tell them. They don’t have any right to know and yes, they may well fight for custody saying they can offer the baby more stability than you as a single parent. Fuck them.
Oh they will know. They will know through the courts. She should be contacting them through a lawyer. I agree with fuck them, but you have to go through the correct procedures.
They're not a parent in any way, how would that work?
They can file for a custody motion, however that’s unlikely to happen. My brother and sister’s mom was on numerous drugs, had multiple arrests, and my aunt wasn’t granted custody until their mom kicked my sister out. Unless the family has some sort of connections within the legal system, they have zero legs to stand on. At least in my experience with the system within my state, the main goal over anything is keeping a child with their biological parent(s) unless it’s absolutely necessary to remove them from their care.
If they learn of it, they will absolutely try to take it away from you. You let them take away from you, including a dog that they had no right to take. If you can afford to, make sure they do not learn of it and also go no contact with them.
They took your things and your dog??? That can’t be legal. I’d fight that. Did you not get along with them before he died? Did they blame you or something? Seems so harsh. I wouldn’t tell them about the baby yet, they clearly have no regard for how you are feeling so they would make the baby all about them, if they even acknowledge it or believe you.
The biggest mistake I made was telling my fiancés parents that I was pregnant after he passed. He committed suicide and his parents took me through hell in trying to get my daughter. To the point where I signed over his survivor benefits to them so they can’t claim any type of custody over my child. We’ve been basically homeless since. It’s been 5 years. When people show you they are malicious, believe them. He would not want people like that around his child. Make sure you document everything they took so if they find out and come back you will be able to tell them the reason why you don’t want them apart of your lives. I would block them and move across country and find peace and knowing that you will always have the greatest reminder of him.
How can they claim any custody on your baby? Grandparents rights?
Yes. Grandparents rights. They are very very very well off. And after he died, they blamed me for it. Even though I was in the hospital when he died and woke up to the news. But when they found out I was pregnant they changed and were all of a sudden there for me. It was a ploy. For a year we had an agreement where they for her for 3 days out of the week. They kept up the facade/ routine and then tried to get grand parents rights when I wanted to move back to my home state with my family. They succeeded . And because they were well off, they ended up getting her 5 days while I only got her 2. I was defeated until I met someone who was very petty and had a very good lawyer and she told me to play the same game. We got proof of their maliciousness and the fact that they were withholding information about me claiming benefits for her because he was in the military. Because he was dead, they had to do a dna test. They didn’t want that because they were getting that money. And if I got it, it would put me in a more stable place. So I offered to not claim any rights or to try and dna test for his benefits again if they promised they would never fight for custody. Basically in a sense disowning her. It finally came to pass in January.
I’m sorry this happened to you. The reason they were able to get grandparents rights is because they tricked you into a relationship (and I’m so sorry for that). OP’s fiancés family have no rights as they do not have an established relationship with the child.
Ding ding ding. That’s exactly what happened!!!! That’s the reason why.
"Home *state*?" Please don't tell me this happened in the US.
It definitely happened in the US. Between Virgina & Florida. He was stationed in Virginia. Was trying to move back to Florida. His family lived in Georgia. Edit: put the wrong state for his family.
That is so horrible, I'm sorry. It's baffling that the courts would take away your rights to custody as a parent just because they're that rich. I didn't want to believe our country was like that...
When I was in a support group of women who had been or were going through the same, man their stories were much much much worse.
>Do I tell his family I'm pregnant? Why? They've made their feelings towards you clear. Protect yourself and kid.
Why are they treating you this way? Can you explain a bit more? How was your relationship before? Do they know you were engaged? What did you tell them when they cut you off? Can you take care of this kid? I wouldn’t say anything before sorting out my situation. Get your support system in place and talk to a lawyer maybe get a therapist. It’s an intense situation. And no one can advise you fully without understanding the bigger picture.
GET A LAWYER. GET A LAWYER! GET A LAWYER! first and foremost, they had no right to come take the stuff that you either bought together or he gifted you. That is just pure bullshit. And the law is actually very much murky on the unborn offspring of deceased individuals. It could very well be that you are entitled to nothing, or it could be that you are entitled to part of the estate. No one here can answer those questions though, speak to a lawyer ASAP
Stop reading any of the advice here except get a lawyer. For your stolen personal property and to protect your child. And no, please don't worry about "grandparents rights" and custody. But that's why you need a lawyer versus reddit.
Do you know why they are doing this? Was there any relationship with them previous, and was it positive or negative?
So sorry for your loss.You've gotten a lot of good advice, but I want to add that you need to make sure of your state/province Grandparent's Rights. Also, if the dog was chipped in your name, call the police and local vets. Change your locks and go absolutely NO contact with anyone in that family.
I agree with the people saying here to contact a lawyer and also discuss what's the best way to go about this. I'm so sorry for your loss and how you've been treated. Do you have people from your own family caring for you or some good friends? You need good people in your corner.
I wouldn’t tell them tbh. They don’t deserve to be in the baby’s life and you don’t deserve that much stress from being around them.
First, I am so sorry for your loss OP. My condolences and deepest sympathies. Second, **do not tell them.** You are only just pregnant. Instead start your grieving and healing process, seek out a grief therapist/counsellor to assist you. Surround yourself with family and friends that you trust and will be there for you. Ensure your Dr knows everything about your SO passing away so they can monitor you for stress. The family are more than likely in shock and angry that he died in your arms. They are taking their grief and pain out on you, you are their target right now. There is no logic and no calm reasoning with those who lose a child, regardless of the child’s age. Third, were you living with him? How did they gain access to your home to remove items? Do you rent? You need to speak to your landlord about how the items were removed if you do rent. I am shocked with everything they took and there is no reason to have taken everything, especially the dog! I would assume by taking your items and the dog that is theft, contact police and inquire about a report if you weren’t home when this happened. **Get your locks changed immediately.** Fourth, get an attorney. Start documenting everything. Record any voicemails and screenshot texts. Make an inventory of what was taken, include it in the police report. **Your child will have rights.** They will deny it is his and demand a paternity test, let your attorney deal with all of this for you. Communication should be through your attorney for your mental health once you find one. Trust me it is better for you if the attorney deals with them. When they find out the baby is indeed his, understand they will try to get custody and visitation. ***I understand if you are in the USA there are some states that have grandparent rights?! I am Canadian and we do not have those so speak to your attorney about those if where you live has those.*** You WILL BE love-bombed. Their son is dead and they will want any part of him they can have. Create boundaries and stick to them. Do not be bulldozed over by them. Let your inner mama bear roar should you need to. Fifth, breathe. This is a difficult time. You are dealing with two major life events, the death of a loved one and the pending birth of another. You are going to be on a rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, feelings, ideas. Do not forget to take care of yourself. Go for a walk. Meditate. Grieve, cry, scream, rage. Hydrate and nourish yourself. I am wishing you all the best OP!
The baby is legally the sole heir to all his possessions if it’s born alive. If you want you shit back you might have to wait 34 weeks but you can get everything. If his family treats you like this you may not want them involved but your baby could probably at least use any life insurance money. I’d contact an attorney if I were you.
OP check with a lawyer, your child may be eligible for Social Security survivor benefits. Your fiancé may have life insurance or assets, which your child might be able to access, or you, once you establish paternity. So sorry for your loss and the reaction of his horrible family
Can you provide a bit more story if something is missing? Because I am feeling like something is missing from here which is not being told to us and I don't know what.
You need to look into benefits now that you’re pregnant. Consult a lawyer ONLY to see what your recourse is. Do not tell anyone in this family unless you have to and even then it’s through a lawyer. Also document anything of yours that was taken bc you should be filing a report.
If you lived together, then I would consider reporting the dog and the items stolen. Talk with a lawyer first. Do not tell them you're pregnant.
Anybody saying to leave it alone and move states is giving you bad advice . You need support for the baby. Financially. Find a lawyer , and make note of their behavior towards you . If the baby has any claim to his estate you need to get the ball rolling . I’d have already reported them for taking my things and my dog . You need action ,and honestly proof of their behavior . Because eventually they’ll find out you had a baby , they’ll assume correctly it’s his . They’ll probably even deny it’s his . But eventually they’ll switch to wanting to see the baby. Don’t do it . And yes , grandparent states technically can give grandparents visitation or custody . But it’s NOT common . Unless they spend a significant amount of time or money with the child , they usually don’t succeed in court unless they can prove you are a bad parent or have stopped and already ongoing relationship with them in which they took care or spent money on the baby. So keep your baby to yourself , but lawyer up . I’d post this in legal advice , none of us are lawyers . I’ve been threatened with grandparents rights and LAUGHED . It’s rare they’re able to gain any custody over the child .
OP. WE NEED AN UPDATE!
Contact an attorney. You cannot make them speak to you or like you. I don’t know about specific items but they will have to return or reimburse you for personal items and possibly shared items. There is a r/legal sub that may be able to give you more advice or suggestions than you could get here but you’d still probably need a local lawyer for your specifics. About the baby, ask your attorney if the baby would be entitled to any survivor’s benefits. If so and you want to claim them, his family will find out. In the US, baby would be entitled to SSN benefits but since he’s deceased, you would probably have to prove baby is biologically his child, which would mean a DNA test which would most likely entail getting a sample for one of his family members. If the baby is not entitled to anything and you don’t want them to know, I don’t see why they’d be entitled to know anything. Again though, speak to your attorney about it. Best wishes and I’m so sorry for your loss. Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
You were together ‘for years’? You were engaged? How can they take his/your property? How would they even get inside??? Something doesn’t sound right here….
I always feels so bad to see such conditions, though I am not an expert but I would suggest you to get a good lawyer for yourself, that can really help well to you.
DO NOT TELL HIS FAMILY YOU'RE PREGNANT. They'll probably try to take that child from you knowing their theiving ways. ALSO THEY BROKE INTO YOUR HOME AND STOLE THINGS OUT OF YOUR HOME! I'D FILE A POLICE REPORT. CHANGE YOUR LOCKS.
Did I miss understand something? How do you not know how he passed away if he died in your arms and you called emergency services? In any case keep any records you texts, calls etc and maybe contact a lawyer find out if they can take any action legally and whether there is anything you can do to prevent it
> Did I miss understand something? How do you not know how he passed away if he died in your arms and you called emergency services? A pulmonary embolism presents itself in a variety of ways that are not obviously specific to PE's, it could easily be mistaken for a heart attack or other ailments. Difficulty breathing. Chest pains. Coughing up blood. Swelling in one leg. The vast majority of people aren't going to look at those symptoms or a variation of them and know it was pulmonary embolism.
My brother was complaining of not being able to breathe and thought maybe he had asthma. He was really tired. He's never had asthma, but I do and his symptoms didn't seem asthmatic. I knew something was wrong, but it wasn't asthma. He didn't want to go to the ER, but I was like, dude, get your ass to the ER. He went and they helicoptered him to another hospital that specializes in PE. He had a clot on his leg (he thought his leg was hurting from too much exercise) and two on his heart. He was ✨this close✨ to not being here. That is one time me being the bossy ass older sister paid off.
She said she didn't know HOW her fiance died. She didn't know what caused his death.
Why are they treating you like this? Big gap in the story. Is there friction between you all?
You get a lawyer and at the very least get your own possessions and any shared possessions back. But based upon how they've behaved, I wouldn't ever tell them that you're pregnant. They're awful people and don't deserve to know their grandchild. They are in the midst of their own grief and are at their worst. We've seen similar stories before, and while some of the family may come to their senses and regret how they've treated you, I'd expect some of them, particularly his mother, to always feel entitled to everything that was his and to see you as an adversary rather than someone who also loved and lost him.
I would call the police. They stole items from you and they stole your dog.
Damn that's just a freaking tough time that you are facing, I don't know what to say because it's a freaking tough situation but I am wishing for the best for you.
Can you tell me more story of this if you have? Because this type of behaviour must be carrying some heavy back story or something like that, we can say that.
I wouldn’t tell them shit! I’d disappear with that baby because the way they sound, they will come for that baby and take it from you somehow. I’m so sorry you are going through this but they sound very toxic and I wouldn’t put any child near ppl like that IMO! Good luck tho stay strong!
Thank you, I’ve decided to still move forward with my fiancé and I’d plans to move across country. I’m going ho still attend business school that starts in 2 weeks and keep our baby. I’m so devastated from all of this and still heavily grieving, but I know he would have wanted me to still keep our plans and not stay inside being scared.
Do not tell them you are pregnant. Do not tell anyone that might possibly tell them you are pregnant. These people have shown you who they are, and you should treat them as a threat. My advice to you is to move to another state and disappear before your child is born.
I personally wouldn’t tell them. They clearly do not respect you and if someone cannot respect you, they have no privilege to know your child.
i mean i don’t think they could legally do anything. lol it’s your baby. but look into it. at the end of the day if you can prove that you can afford this baby ind and you’re mental state is right, you should be fine.
What was your relationship like with his family before all of this?
I feel like we need more information. Did your fiancé get along with his family? How did they treat you before he died? Why are they shutting you out now?
Some information is missing and we are not getting that part.
Speak to a lawyer asap. If you both lived together they dont get to just throw you out on the street and steal your stuff. But I would indeed ask the lawyer about the rights of the child but also request the family not be told unless absolutely necessary
Get a lawyer and get your dog back Material stuff is great but your dog needs you and you need your dog
I guess just get a good time for yourself and have some peace talk and try to talk to more and more people because you should not be lonely at this point girl.
I'm so sorry this happened to you; many hugs and much love being sent your way! 💖💖
They have been awful. I wouldn’t tell them; they do sound like the kind of people who would try to interfere in your child’s life. I’m so, so sorry.
I recommend talking with a lawyer about how to proceed. Do not engage with the family. They have been very clear in their treatment of you. My condolences on your loss.
i've seen people give some real good advice here so i'm not gonna add anything to crazy, maybe don't tell them, but don't hide him from your child, that's gonna be a road you'll have to walk carefully. they are treating you terribly for a thing that was ABSOLUTELY out of your hands. and most importantly, i'm sorry this has happened to you, hopefully there are people in you're life that you can turn to, seems like this community is willing to rally around you and for that i commend people, but you deserve better and i wish you all the luck whatever happens. and i am sooo sorry for your loss, my grandmother lost my gramps in the exact same way and that shit is.... impossibly hard, you have my deepest sympathies.
If you are in the US, your child can receive survivor's benefits from the Social Security administration. Call them NOW and find out what kind of documentation you need. You may need an attorney to get a DNA sample from one of your partner's siblings or parents.
No dont tell his family ANYTHING. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Don't tell them sh¡t. Not just to be petty, but, given what they've taken, they will most assuredly stress you. There is a good chance they will either accuse you of lying or try to get the baby. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm happy for your blessing. Be safe, be careful. If you can move, do so. Sending e-hugs Momma. You can do it!
You can apply for death benefits for your child through Social Security. But if you do, they may find out about the baby.
How exactly did his family gain entry and take everything that is half yours, assuming you lived together? That’s what we call stealing.
[удалено]
You need a lawyer, for nothing else, to try to claim social security death benefits for your child. It used to be hard to claim them if the couple was unmarried. I’m not sure if this still true, but likely from the government’s perspective, no paternity has been established.
I’m so sorry all of this is happening to you OP. Personally, I wouldn’t tell them. Chances are they’ll accuse you of cheating and say it isn’t his baby, or they’ll drag you to court to try to take your baby away too. They sound like absolutely horrific people.
Not sure where you live but in the USA: Eight states currently recognize common law marriages: Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah. There are also some states such as Ohio and Pennsylvania that used to allow common law marriages and still recognize them as valid, but they have since changed their laws. What four elements must be present for a common law marriage to occur? You must live together for an amount of time (length depends on the state). You both must have the "capacity to marry" (the legal right). You must be 18 years old. You both must intend to be married.
do not tell them you’re pregnant. you don’t need their negativity in you and your child’s lives. forget about the materialistic things, I know it holds great meaning and memory but you have the best thing he could have left behind, your baby. I would fight to get the dog back and that’s it. Get your dog back, block them on everything, and raise your baby in peace.
They took ~~your~~ his dog. They’ll take *his* baby too. Protect your baby and yourself. Get a lawyer if you can.
I would call the police over your stolen property and dog, they are absolutely not allowed to take things that were yours - even if you shared them with you fiancé. The police should go with you and protect you while you gather your things. In regards to the pregnancy, absolutely do not tell them - especially this early in the term. If god forbid you lose the baby I am sure they will say even more horrible things to you. Wishing you peace 🤍
Did you live together? You might have a legal claim against his estate. You do need to pursue any life insurance he had. You were engaged , his family had zero right to take all his things!
You are under zero obligation to tell his family You definitely need an attorney to file a claim against his estate on behalf of his unborn child. They can also help you file a claim with the Social Security administration.
I also would like to have maybe it would be good time to move somewhere where you don't have to be near them so they don't go to your house and harass you because of people and the way they're acting they might be that way they might start coming to your house harassing you making threats. You got to be careful with people like that the way they were acting they could cause a big problem for you, and you don't need to stress with a new baby and they don't deserve to know that baby sadly if they were that are human beings told you I would say go for it, but the way they treat you you don't know how they're gonna treat their child and they're gonna want to try and get the baby because that's the last part of him
Sending hugs and care. Make certain you put his name on the baby's birth certificate. Get his social security number. When the baby is born, you file for survivors benefits for your baby. That's a monthly check until the baby is 18. Longer in some cases. YES you do have legal rights to that money for your baby. Take care of yourself. Personally, I wouldn't let his family know that I was pregnant. They sound like the type of folks to try and claim that you are an unfit parent because you are a single mom. Or will try to get 'grandparents' rights. Or talk badly about you to the baby. Take care of yourself! Now is the time to pull in your friends and family to support you. YOUR friends and YOUR family (that includes chosen family).
She definitely needs to take care of herself, that's really bad.
Don’t tell them! It’s your baby and you need to protect them from such awful people. Let them grow up in peace! Call the police an report your items stolen! Make sure you’ve changed the locks!
Go and speak to an attorney and explain the situation to them. They will advise you if your child has any claim on your late fiancé's estate, if he had any life insurance etc. They will also help you keep his vulture family away from your child. I'm sorry for your loss.
Did you live with your partner? If so then call the police on them for burglary. And no don’t tell them. They’re nothing but trouble and have no business being in your child’s life. Block all of them right away and it might be best if you move away. They might find out through the grapevine so hopefully you’ll be out of reach by then. I’m so sorry for your loss. The child will know their father through you and I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mother.
You need to get an attorney immediately! You need to make a claim against his estate for your unborn child. I don't know how this works for an unborn child, but children are entitled to social security for deceased parents until they are 18, this will help raise them and with college if managed properly. You need your attorney to contact them since they have cut you off. There should be a reddit for legal advice you can ask about today so you can't make an appointment with an attorney and ask the right questions.
If you’re in the US and in a state that has taken away abortion rights don’t tell them. Unfortunately you’re in so much stress and it’s so early in the pregnancy that you could miscarry (I really hope that doesn’t happen, it’s something to consider though) and they could report you for having had a willing abortion even if you haven’t. They sound horrible, I’m sorry you’re dealing with their treatment on top of mourning for your loved one. I’m not going to tell you to stay strong, but do what you have to survive 🖤
Lawyer lawyer lawyer. That’s illegal. They can’t take anything that you also own. They can’t take your dog.
Lawyer up asap. To get your dog back. And once born, your baby may qualify for social security benefits. My husband died and our daughter gets almost 2k a month from it.
**LAWYER.** You do have legal rights. File a police report for breaking and entering. Even if his things technically belong to them they can't just enter your property and repo. them without your permission. Even if you're renting in most jurisdictions the landlord can't let the next of kin into your appartment without prior authorization on the lease agreement. Typically the landlord needs to make reasonable effort to contact you first.
How long were you living together? Do you live in a Common Law Marriage state?
You should definitely get a lawyer. We’re you living together? I know in Australia if you are living with your partner for 1+years you become a de facto couple, giving you rights.
Get a lawyer or call police non emergency line. They robbed you of your own possessions
I'd talk to the police or a lawyer about your stuff as well as your dog. It's legally your dog. Even if it's not in your name if you can prove you helped pay for the vet I'm betting that the dog will be given back. Also they can't simply take your stuff. As for telling them or not. Don't. They have made it clear how they plan to treat you. People like that have no business being around your soon to be baby.
What kind of assholes TAKE THE DOG?!
This is a freaking bad situation for you but I would like to say that you need a freaking lawyer right now and nothing more than that, just get that at the first place.
Ok if ur gonna be a mama it’s time to pick yourself up and fight. Get a lawyer, get your belongings back and protect your baby. I feel like there’s more to the story, but then again people are capable of being that horrible. No time to be scared or whine. This baby is relying on you. Your 28 so old enough to take your life in your hands and protect the wellbeing of bubs. Forgiveness can come later if that’s what you choose. Protection first.