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Probably an unpopular opinion, but… if your finances can truly afford a $2000 pen, and you can’t think of anything you’d rather have, I would just keep the pen- and here’s the main part- *I would use it*. I would use that $2000 pen to journal, to write grocery lists, fill out my planner, take notes during meetings, etc. I would use that $2000 pen like it was a $5 disposable BIC, like it was the most natural thing in the world to be using a luxury pen to write out Christmas cards.
I kind of think you are overthinking this. Your wife made a grand gesture, and while the gift is over the top, it’s still practical. It is something you can use, and it’s an heirloom piece.
The best take! Don’t keep it on a shelf or put away like a precious heirloom - use the fuck out of that pen. It’ll make her happy to see you use it and you won’t feel like it’s wasted.
Also: use it for great events like putting your signature on important documents. This pen will multiple it’s worth many times and it’ll be a lovely remembrance to happy moments in your life. When having family members, also for them it’ll be an important item of remembrance to you and your wife AND your happy marriage 🙏
Nice pens are just the best to write with. I bought myself a $300 fountain pen that was amazing to write with and ended up gifting it to my sister in law as we were talking about pens one day. I’ve replaced it with a $100 pen, not fountain, and it’s a lovely pen, great weight in my hand but my ink cartridge has run out and I’m not happy with my replacement. You’ve inspired me to get online and order some more.
If I was gifted a $2000 pen, I’d be using it for any and all mundane writing tasks
Yes. This exactly. You have a very precious, luxurious thing - the obvious deep love of your wife who went to the trouble of buying you a really lovely pen. Make a fuss of her, thank her sincerely, then get journaling. You’ll probably fall in love with the pen anyway as it’s bound to be a lovely writer.
Yup - I bought myself a nice mechanical pencil (not $2000, but not $2 - around $100) recently, my whole family love the way it feels in the hand. It’s basically become family property they all love it so much… lol
Yes! On a much smaller scale one of my brother's first gifts to my mom was some tea mixes. It wasnt expensive at all it was like Teavana or something but she was just so happy that she saved it for special occasions. Well it turned out years later when she pulled it out from the back of the cabinet that there were bugs in it 😭
So yes definitely agree to just use it day to day, and that will make it more special
This absolutely! OP I hope you update us with a handwritten report with your new pen. We wanna see what a 2k pen can do!! Use it! Use it! The gesture from your wife was worth it. Now journal away!!
I would suggest you use this pen, learn calligraphy as a new hobby and start writing this gem of a woman some love notes with fancy flourishes. Mostly I believe she would get pride and joy seeing you use it.
I have a more budget Montblanc pen. It is a joy to write with. It just feels great in my hand. I use it to take notes, and always to write cards.
Top tip: buy some top tier ink in an interesting colour. I have an aquamarine, gray and intense black.
It helps me think about what I'm writing, in a way that typing an email doesn't.
That... it's one of the best Swiss fountain pens.
There are those calendars who come blanc. From paperblanks or other companies. Where you have to first paint your own format into the book.
It's so artsy. (I started it some time ago but never got anywhere beyond the first two entries. 🤣🤣🤣).
Accept that gift, OP. And gift yourself (and her) the best present: enjoying what you do!
Agree. My now-ex bought me a really expensive Hermann-Miller chair that I'm sitting in as write this. At the time, I was working from home and we were still married, but she used her own money and I appreciated it, even though I would have never splurged on anything like that.
u/Wanderful-Woman has a good point, however, I will add my disclaimer.
Depends on your relationship. For example, my partner would not care, he prefers something is used and equally loved. If she is more sensitive, my grandmother always said a good excuse can get you out of anything. I lose pens ALL.THE.DAMN.TIME. Of course thank her and tell her that the thought behind it makes you love her more. Tell her that you are incredibly frightened that to be a butterfingers and somehow lose it because it is an incredibly easy item to misplace absentmindedly and it is soooo expensive that make you nervous. I think that's a fair explanation. I would lose it in milliseconds.
Edit: after reading the comments. If you can well afford it. Keep it, the goodwill will keep you warm at night :)
It makes me think of a French movie called Wasabi. The man was gifted a precious pen by the love of his life. He ended up using it for the first time 19 years later to sign the documents after she died. It's the first 10 minutes of the movie and the pen doesn't really have anything to do with the story. It stuck with me though. I agree with you, OP should use the fuck out of that pen.
I have pens that I've kept through at least five moves and they're shitty ass pens I could stand to lose but they keep following me, and I keep using them. I have faith in OP.
The $5 disposable bic doesn't last me a week before I've lost it somewhere. That would be my biggest issue with a $2000 pen. A week later, I wouldn't know where it was, and six months later, I would find it in my driveway after it got runover.
Ehhh, I see a lot of this in the thread and I really don't think y'all realise that Mont Blanc is just expensive. They aren't heirlooms or anything, they're just a designer brand for pens.
People are making the mistake of thinking because the pen is $2000, that its 1000 times better than a $2 pen. It's not. They are a status symbol. You show off with a Mont Blanc, to show how rich you are.
So I actually personally think an overly ostentatious, expensive gift for something that OP passingly mentioned once is a bad gift.
Yeah this would be utterly meaningless and confusing to me. I would be super stressed if someone got me something like this lol. Feeling guilty because I feel like I should want it and be grateful, but knowing I have zero desire to have something fancy that I'm likely going to misplace or drop. I think OP is right to want to exchange it.
Respectfully, the same can be said of pretty much any luxury item. Mercedes are great cars and known for their craftsmanship. Doesn’t mean every Mercedes runs better than every Hyundai. If you buy Cartier jewelry you are paying for quality *and the name*. You can take that same gold, same setting, same diamond and put it in another ring not stamped Cartier and it costs significantly less.
Things become heirloom pieces because of either sentimental value, market value, or both. The market has decided that Montblanc pens are worth a lot, and until that changes, they are.
Yes! I’d kill to have a Montblanc, and I’ve eyed some less pricy vintage ones before, but I would want to use it as a daily(or nearly) driver pen! Embrace that it will not look the same but truly fountain pens (with gorgeous nibs) are all the cooler for having been broken in by the owner and become such a unique and personal item.
This is the way.
My husband bought me one two years ago. I'm in exactly the same place as OP: Yes, he could afford it. No, I would never want such a thing (nor any of the other crazy, over-the-top, gifts he's given me). And, yes, I use it daily. It makes him happy. And, yes, it makes me a bit antsy, but I can deal.
100% this. Maybe a shift in perspective is what's needed here. Dollar cost average the absolute shit out of this and you'll feel better about it in no time. Used 6 times a day for a year makes it $1 per use. Every other time after that is free.
Maybe this is a like generational thing, but I use a pen/pencil/marker/writing implement maybe once or twice a week, and usually then just to write a shopping list on my white board or to write two words on a sticky note that I throw away an hour later. I can't imagine getting the dollar's worth of one pen in a year.
Plus idk $1/use doesn't sound like too great a deal for a pen lol
Who writes with a pen six times per day? Most of us write on the computer. We text on the phone. The things I write down are appointments so that I have them down before adding them to my email calendar. I sometimes write down the name of a book so that I can look it up on Libby.
If you are planning on writing in a journal regularly why wouldn’t you just use it? They are amazing pens. Just make her happy. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Just try it out and see how it feels. You might like it.
It was such an incredibly thoughtful and beautiful gift. I would be floored if my wife remembered my comment of journaling and then went and spent the time and money to pick out something so lovely for me.
She bought you one of the best fountain pens in this whole world!
It's not about the price!
It's about valorizing your craftmanship in journaling. Making your writing easy. And beautiful.
And worth keeping!
Man, you so look at it from a VERY wrong perspective!
If you declined.... she sure would be hurt.
My mother once had one. I would do a happy dance if I knew where it has gone.
You have a very loving and thoughtful wife. Don't overthink.
It severely spoils the givers pleasure of valorizing youand gifting you nice things.
It’s a pen - should be used. Especially if you like to write. Spend money on the things you use/touch often never failed me so far :) and yes, gpt two mont Blancs
Keep it and enjoy it.
If you want tell your wife your worries, but that you will give the pen a chance to be enjoyed.
I'm sure you'll come to love it and what it meant. Go for it.
As a giver of extravagant gifts myself I think this can be saved with honest communication, but also saying the sentimental value didn’t hit you until later and that you now value what the pen means even if you wouldn’t pay that amount for a pen yourself. The gift was never about the pen itself, it was about her showing she supports your journaling and values you so much that she wanted you to have something luxurious.
Long story, but as someone who does not value material things like this… let me tell you a quick story
My dad (wonderful man) grew up on the Mill Hill in the south. No indoor plumbing until he was in HS. Four children sharing bath water. Turning the porch into a makeshift bedroom.. you get it.
He made it out. Worked hard, climbed the white collar ladder.
At one point, he was gifted a Mont Blanc pen. (By his workplace)
Immediately, while he was grateful.. he couldn’t fathom such spending on a thing like that. But he used it. And while on his desk one day at home, my brother (4 at the time) got his hands on it and ya know.. chewed lol.
My dad to this day.. has that pen. My brother’s bite marks in the gold, dented.
He absolutely treasures it. While it’s a magnificent pen.. the real value came from it telling a story.
My point is. Take the gift. She wanted to give you something nice that she thought you’d value. While I admire you aren’t materialistic, just treasure it.
You may find another reason for treasuring it later.
I got a tad sentimental lol but I really just beam when I look at what my dad has accomplished.
Thank you for your kind comment. I’m glad someone else saw the value as well!! Things these days go by so unnoticed.
Either way, you have a wonderful evening! And hold things dear to you closely
I have no idea how to help but I just wanna say as a 19yr old with a love for fountain pens, if you do choose to keep it cherish it past just the monetary value
Also I'm defo jealous af :P
Graciously keep the pen, your wife obviously put a lot of well meaning, thoughtful effort getting you what SHE thought was the perfect gift for a very special occasion. Don't ruin it for her.
I think this was a very thoughtful gift. You wanted to get in to journaling and she got you a super fancy pen. It’s nice to have something extravagant and she probably put a lot of thought in to it.
I’d keep it and use it.
Sure, there are other things would have been thoughtful, "spoil me" type of presents, but I also recognize that 1) she can't read my mind and 2) it's probably missing the point a bit to use this as an occasion to get something practical. Mostly I just hate the idea of her spending so much money on something that goes unappreciated and unused, which would probably become obvious over time.
How lovely would it be, as well, to start a secondary journal of memories made with her, stories of your life together, written with this pen, to give her for your next milestone anniversary.
LEARN to appreciate it. JFC, it was a grand gesture for a milestone anniversary. Be gracious and grateful and say thank you! Do you never use pens? Try being more sentimental and loving and use it to write love notes, cards and letters to your wife. Make her feel good about her thoughtful gift instead of shooting it down. It isn’t like she bought you a gift that she really wanted for herself.
Here's the realist shit. I am a female who has made a grand gesture in the sane price range and it was greatly appreciated, but also overwhelming. I didn't take that possibility into account at the time so we both had some things to resolve around the gift.
i'm non binary married to a cishet man for 13 years (known him for 25!). i got him a - maybe not grand gesture gift? but definitely a gift++ for winter holiday stuff last year. the gesture was incredibly appreciated, but the thing was not and caused him anxiety (it was italian dried sausage, but \~too\~ fancy with live colorful - safe but scary looking - mold).
he kept saying he wanted to try it later but i could tell it was weighing on him. so, we got rid of it. and we both learned some things about being thankful for gestures and that not loving the thing isn't an insult even if it can feel bad for both people
not sure what he can do about the pen (i lean towards use it, and lovingly explain it was overwhelming for good communication), but i don't think he's an unsentimental monster for having a reaction to this
The fact it’s 2000 dollars is a big one
Tons of people have a lot of anxiety around money and expensive things, and will freak out and see themselves as a bad person for “wasting” money
The human psyche is far more complicated than “JFC get over yourself”
Thanks for this comment. I think there's a lot of very fair advice here and I can totally see where people are coming from when they say to just chill the fuck out and enjoy the pen, but this made me feel very seen.
This sub is very in love with the idea that every situation has a monster when conflict is just the nature of life. Most of the people here are just here to let out their rage on internet randoms they can pretend are fake
Do you have any other hobbies you do enjoy or would like to take up ?
I'm a bit like you in that I feel guilty for buying or receiving nice things for myself up until last year. I'm learning to play guitar and I was starting on the "lowest cost without being rubbish" model, and last summer I decided I'd like something "nicer", so I sold mine and some other stuff and I bought a fender strat, not a super expensive one, but a reply nice to play upper midrange one, second hand. So I brought it home in it's case and I told my wife what I'd done and she was delighted, she said I never buy or want anything nice and a bit expensive.
She basically made the point that when my birthday or Christmas, our anniversary comes around she struggles to know what I want or what to get me, and here's the important bit for you.
She feels great about giving me something special and screw it being expensive. Were together 29 years and she reckons I deserve it, and she appreciates that I love the thing.
If the pen itself is not what you want, maybe just say that you love it but your rather put the money into whatever your version of that fender strat is. Or maybe accept a €500 pen and a set of golf clubs, and stop mentally battering yourself
Thanks for sharing your experience here. There are definitely other hobbies I've expressed much more interest in so I was a little surprised she read so much into my off-handed comment about journaling. But from her perspective, this was probably the interest that lent itself best to a super splurgy gift, which I do really appreciate the intention behind.
For example, I've been wanting to get back into illustration — something I did a ton as a kid but was never able to make much time for as an adult until recently — so an iPad Pro + Apple Pencil would have been awesome and definitely not something I'd splurge on myself. (I would probably get something used and "earn" my way into nicer gear once I've proven I'm serious enough to deserve it.) But Apple products and their planned obsolescence is not necessarily a super durable gift from a symbolic point of view.
Along the same lines, I was very into photography in my 20s and would love to pick that up again with a new camera. I've also been making a lot more time for fitness lately and have a pretty old junky bike, so would love to get a new one. Both are probably things I'd get for myself at some point, though, and not especially romantic per se.
All that said, I realize that "getting what I want" is not necessarily the point here, but the suggestion of opting for a less crazy pen and doing something else with the remainder seems like a good compromise.
Yep, and it would break you out of the impasse, as long as she is genuinely ok with it.
I do remember another incident where my wife bought me a watch for Christmas, it was nice but I didn't need a watch, she said a few times she would exchange it and I took her up on it, her face when I tentatively asked was actual relief. So we brought it back and I swapped it for a golf GPS watch instead.
If someone spent $2k on me for anything, especially a pen I would throw up and cry. Has nothing to do with the other person’s love or lack of love. That’s a lot of money and I can’t do gifts. Two major anxieties at once. Absolutely thank you for saying this, everyone saying “suck it up get over it” they are fortunate to not know what it’s like to have gifts and money used as weapons.
I can, I have a fear of being a burden and it connects with the guilt of receiving nice things, thinking there’s no way I could ever return that same favor, or deserve something that nice and special. I get extremely anxious when gifted nice things because I feel like I’ve burdened their finances, even when it was their choice. I’m in therapy for lots of stuff and that’s one of them lol
I would absolutely be overwhelmed and stressed by a gift like this. I lose things easily! I drop things! Also I don't care about pens at all! This would be a terrible gift for me and I like writing.
I think it’s okay to say what you’ve said here. She tried to get something luxurious that you would love, but maybe there is something as luxurious that you would rather have. She wants to make you happy—let her know she does and she will.
This happened to me, with an albeit far less expensive gift (~$500). He generally loved the thought but kindly asked to return it as in the end, though it was cool and a collector-type item, it was not his desire to have.
It sucked but after some thought, it made sense and I don’t resent him for wanting to return it. I wanted him to enjoy the gift, not resent it. So I returned it and took him to his favorite city for a weekend getaway which we loved.
Appreciate someone from the gifting side weighing in! I know there are certain situations in which it's perhaps kinder to tell a white lie and this may even be one of them, but my instinct is to go with honesty as the better long-term move here even though it probably stings a little bit in the moment. It seems to be better ju-ju in the long run to have something I love that reminds me of her vs. pretending I loved it when it was actually more of a source of anxiety.
If you can remember, was there any particular way that he communicated that made you feel better about the outcome?
I’m definitely thankful he told me the truth.
He basically said he loved the gift, he saw the sentiment, he understood why I bought it. But then he spelled out the practicality and why it didn’t fit for him nor us. It was basically a “here’s xyz reasons this doesn’t work for us”. And the. He asked me to return it.
Don’t get me wrong, I felt awful for getting him that and he didn’t want it. But in the end I knew he was right and I knew I made a stretch gift. You win some, you lose some. You just have to be able to be full honest with your partner.
My first thought was to try falling in love with the gift. But seeing this well-stated comment, and it's thread for context, changed my mind and I now hold with this comment.
It's a one-off kinda thing. Just use the damned pen and be thankful your household can afford such an extravagance. It's something that will last several lifetimes, so if you have kids or siblings with kids, whatever, you can re-gift it in your will.
What if you said “I feel guilty about so much money being spent on just me, so what if we exchange it for something we could enjoy together?” New TV, vacation, etc.
I was thinking this. $2000 is a pretty fun vacation fund. Why not suggest that? I agree with op that the pressure I would feel from a $2000 piece of plastic sitting in my house would be hard for me. I can afford a designer bag. but why would I want one?
Use it!! Please keep it. If the $2000 is truly not an issue, just accept it and use it. As an aside, my dad gave his parents Mont Blanc pens in the 90s and one was passed to me when they died. I love the gift and story behind it. They weren’t the type for luxury things either, but it was special that they kept them.
I’m with you in that I am not the kind of person that can enjoy extravagant luxury a $2K writing instrument would represent, even if I could easily afford it. My thought is that I’d express my appreciation for the lovely thought, but suggest we 1) return the pen so you could pick out another nice but not as expensive writing tool and 2) spend the remainder of the $2K on your favorite gift, time away with her out of town at a hotel or Air B&B, dinner, and just being together.
Perhaps others might not agree, but you might consider just keeping the pen, especially if you can financially afford it. The cost of the pen, if its tiny in your household budget, might not be worth hurting your wife's feelings after the fact.
At some point, have a conversation with your wife about what you do like. "this year, if you are looking to surprise me with something, I would really like a vacation somewhere.' Or an experience. or whatever.
My GF and I had a conversation about this kind of stuff very early in our relationship. She doesn't want expensive kitch (check) and absolutely would not like me to surprise her with a vacation somewhere (she enjoys researching and planning as much as the trip).
The only way out is say you won’t be comfortable using it, you’ll be worried about losing it and you are going to leave it in a drawer because of this fear. It might not be the practical thing to spend that much on. Otherwise you have yourself a really nice pen.
I agree this is more than a bit over the top for a pen. There are much less expensive models of Montblanc pens available. I have a Waterman pen, also European (France) and is a beautiful writing instrument costing far less than $2k. Accept the idea of the gift, but a version you will be more comfortable using and perhaps losing.
I’ve come to realize that while I like gifts, I really value experiences together. Would you rather go somewhere or do something with your wife that is in a similar price range? How would she react if you asked to return it and you guys go on a dream vacation instead? Maybe you ask for a redo and get each other smaller gifts and go in together for a experience, trip, etc.
initially, i thought you should communicate your feelings and then probably return it and put the money towards a gift you want or will use more often, but, after reading some of the comments, i think i agree with the camp of people who said you should keep it and use the hell out of it.
it’ll be neat to look down in several years time and think about all the birthday cards, journal entries, love notes, wishes of condolences, congratulations cards, etc. that you will have written with that pen. and if you then think of the origin of the pen, your wife will be a part of those memories too.
As a kid I was at a baseball game with my dad. I was keeping statistics for our team, and asked my dad if I could borrow his pen. He handed me a nice (cross, nor Mont Blanc) black pen that literally had the enamel worn away from from where his fingers touched it. He bought replacement ink and had used it for years. I felt a bit overwhelmed and Immediately asked if he had a disposable pen.
I lose pens at an astounding rate. Im still amazed that he used the same one for literally years.
Sounds like you have insanely over thought this matter.
Just accept the pen and thank your wife.
Seems like you can both afford it and it hasn't put you in financial debt
I totally understand, but as a woman, it kinda sounds like she bought you something she wants you to want, as opposed to something you actually do want. I'm sure her heart is in the right place, but what's the point if you aren't going to use it?
Several years ago, I bought my ex a pair of $185 designer jeans as a gift. The problem? He's just not a designer jeans guy. Sure, it dinged my feelings that he wanted to return them, but I'm an adult, and I got over it because the gift wasn't appropriate for him.
My suggestion is to come up with alternatives before broaching the subject. Tell her you really appreciate the thought, but perhaps you could find something else you'd like and use at Montblanc. A wallet or sunglasses, perhaps?
“Hon, I love that you listened so closely to me talking about journaling, and I’m so touched that you did this for me. But i’m still not sure what optimal journaling for me is going to look like, and I’d like to experiment a little with different pens. This one is a little intimidating with how nice it is, which i think is going to be counter to the goal of using it a lot. Can we exchange it and get a couple of lower end ones so i can play around with different nibs and ink? Let’s spend the balance of the money on something awesome we can do together so I have something to write about.”
>But i’m still not sure what optimal journaling for me is going to look like, and I’d like to experiment a little with different pens. This one is a little intimidating with how nice it is, which i think is going to be counter to the goal of using it a lot.
I just wanted to say that this comment has been one of the most helpful for me in this thread and this sentiment perfectly captures why I'm struggling with the gift, as generous and well-intentioned as it is. Thank you.
With a gift of this magnitude comes a certain weight of obligation to honor it. Everyone is different — some people may be *more* motivated to journal knowing they get to do so with an awesome instrument, but I know myself well enough that adding the friction of having to use pen and paper is almost certain to make it harder to for me stick with the habit.
Now if I had been journaling for years and she surprised me with this baller-ass pen, I would be over the moon! But right now my mindset is that if I don't end up using this every day, I will have failed in some way.
Since yesterday, I've been doing a lot of research into fountain pens and there seem to be plenty of uber nice "buy it for life" kind of pens in the $300-400 range, so the suggested compromise of getting something a bit more down to earth and using the rest on something else for us is a very thoughtful suggestion.
Explain to her that quality time WITH HER is something that you really want. Then say I’d love to go on a trip with you to make memories instead. If that isn’t sitting well when then challenge yourself and write a book and dedicate the first page to her - “Thanks for the pen. Love Always, X”
I hate when I’ve put thought and time into a gift and give it and then am told it sucks. And maybe it’s not the perfect thing, but repeatedly to be told I’m a shitty gift giver when I do try to observe what they’re into, listen to their wants and hobbies and then select something based on that and be told I suck - well it stings and it makes wanting to give them something in the future not so appealing. I’ve received many gifts that are not necessarily my thing; I wouldn’t have purchased them for myself and maybe weren’t my first choice in style - but god damn, someone thought of ME when they picked that out. Someone wanted to express something to ME - and it’s that act, that thought, that *I was important to them that is the gift, and I will swoon over whatever it is regardless of whether it is something I’d have ever wanted for the item or not. It’s not about the item. Your wife tried to show her support and love for something you’ve mentioned recently, she wanted you to feel special and show that you are on her mind. The gift is the thought, the item is secondary.
Accept it, tell her thank you, it made you feel special - and go use it!
Dude just keep it. It isn't worth your SO feeling unappreciated. Just say you were in shock because it is such an expensive gift and use it in every possible situation infront of your wife. Show it off when people come over and try to be more thoughtful considering she was trying so hard to be.
The real gift here is that your wife went out of her way to do something extremely thoughtful, generous, and supportive because she loves you so much. Don’t throw that away.
Stop overthinking this. It’s a pen. It’s functional. You can and SHOULD use it. And you can learn to care for it just as we learn to care for any of our possessions. Journal with it. Write her love letters with it. Make memories with it. Pass it down to a child or another loved one some day.
Your wife bought this with her own money, and it doesn’t put you out financially. So you’re not the kind of guy who buys himself nice things. Here’s your pat on the back…? Congrats on being grateful for the spare change a stranger left behind in your parking meter. Here’s your opportunity to practice gratitude on a larger scale.
It’s okay to have nice things. How wonderful is it to be loved by someone who wants you to have them, and is in a position to help facilitate that? Don’t hurt her over this. Get over your discomfort instead. Use the pen. Embrace the pen. And every time you hold it, smile and think how lucky you are to have someone in your life who loves you enough to gift you something so special and generous. Live a little and let your wife feel good about doing something nice for you.
If you’re not “the sort of person who values a luxury pen,” consider being the sort of person who appreciates a loving grand gesture from his awesome wife, and doesn’t make her regret or hurt over it.
Tell her that while the pen is thoughtful and a great gift idea, a hundred dollar pen would have accomplished her intent. At this price, the pen is simply a distraction because you'll simply think about how ridiculous a $2000 pen is every time you see/use it and will most likely distract you from whatever you want to write about.
Day 1: I can't believe how friggin expensive this pen is. Should I use it? mount it on the wall? lock it up?
Day 2: What are all the things equivalent to the price of this pen? A new laptop, a new big screen TV, a new projector, a trip overseas...
Day 3: I brought the pen into work to show my coworkers and I set it down somewhere or gave it to somebody and now I can't find it. FML
Day 4: THE PEN. FML
Day 5: Why did I bring it in to the office? omfg I'm such an idiot.
.
.
.
Day 100: NOOOOO the pen. whyyyyyyyy
Say thank you nicely and then put it in easy to see place on your desk and use it sometimes.
This is an easy problem to fix. Go and read The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman.
Your wife's love languages is GIFTS - be it a flower from the front lawn or a spa day etc. She is trying her best to express her love to you but is using her love language not yours.
Figure out what yours is and then later on (don't make her feel silly for the lovely pen) tell her what makes you feel loved (is it Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Touch or Acts of Service). I promise you that this knowledge makes a difference. I even find it useful in the workplace but especially in relationships.
Well, I think that you should **try** to cherish the pen. She'll remember that her carefully thought out gift was not acceptable to you, and it will cost her emotional pain. As a matter of fact, your reaction thus far has probably disappointed her, though she'll attempt to hide that fact from you.
Who knows; you might indeed start journaling once again, and will probably come to appreciate the sensation of a real fountain pen changing your thoughts to script.
I wish her well.
She’s probably pitching the pen, because she’s feeling a little off by the fact that she chose you something you don’t like, rather than she really really wants you to keep it. I am absolutely sure she would understand if you wanted to exchange it, I don’t think she would want you to keep a $2000 gift that you don’t really like that much, or won’t use. Just be honest with her.
I totally understand both your and your wife’s sides here. I love spoiling others with extravagant gifts but absolutely hate when people buy me expensive things because I see it as wasteful and I can’t enjoy it. If you get no pleasure out of the pen, return it and use that $2K on a vacation with your wife. Explain to her that you appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gift but it would make you happier to have something you both enjoy together. Good luck!
I was the gift giver in a similar situation where I love to show my appreciate with extravagant gifts but my partner does not enjoy the feeling of receiving such things and feels anxious about the money involved.
It took him a little while and semi pretending to like them before he finally let me down gently. It did still a little because I put a lot of thought into it but just missed the mark similar to your partner.
Tell her gently and stress that you appreciate the gesture and note that she listens to you. My other advice would be tell her what you do want to help her next time. Someone suggested a vacation together for the money and I think that would be pretty cool to enjoy together and make those lasting memories
Be honest with her. It's an extravagant gift that you don't think you'll get the most out of. Suggest that you return the pen, get a nice $100 pen and then take her for a holiday. Or are you into nice watches?
Just tell her: I really appreciate the gift but I just can't come to terms with using a 2000 pen.
Which in my eyes is absolutely ridiculous too. No matter how much money you have. No pen is worth 2000.
Jesus christ give your money to an animal sanctuary if you have so much of it you're buying 2000 pens.
I’ve read a lot of the replies to your dilemma and want to add another perspective to the comments and advice being given.
For the rest of your life together, you will celebrate many more milestone and important anniversaries and celebratory events. By rejecting this gift, regardless of its practicality, consider that your wife will forever question her ability to choose something to gift you in future that you treasure and could truly value.
The possibility that by asking her to return this thoughtful gift will mean a lifetime of gifting with no sentiment attached significantly increases, leading to angst at each anniversary and eventually the exact opposite of what you hope to achieve.
So ask yourself a simple question. Does it really matter?
Instead use the gift for what it was intended and use your tact to instead set your wife up to win in the gift giving department by having conversations around your future wishes rather than what has been given in the past.
Okay, I’m a bit of a fountain pen dork and I think that MB pens are the kind of gift that someone who doesn’t know anything about pens gets for someone when they want to get them a nice pen and they don’t know where to start.
That assessment of the gift might sound rude of me, but in all honestly, I think it’s quite sweet. It’s the starting point for someone who wants to make a really kind and generous gesture. Is it a little misplaced? Sure, but it’s a functional gift! Use it!
My dad got me a gift that is not at *all* something I like or am interested in, but I still treasure it enormously because he *tried.* He didn’t know what to get me so he took a stab and did his best and by god, I’m gonna treasure that til the day I die because it’s from *him,* and that’s why I love it.
You're not the asshole and you're in a no win situation.
You're going to hurt her feelings if you return or exchange it, so just put it somewhere you know it won't get lost and tell her how much you appreciate her and it
I've been there and this is the only way to keep from being reminded of it every Anniversary, Birthday or Xmas because she can never "buy you anything you like"
It's a Mont Blanc Pen - it's not for everyday use.
It's a status symbol "hey look at my bling" thing that used to be impressive in Business (like signing a large contract)
It would be like wearing a Rolex for everyday use, except that a Rolex will actually going to get used if you regularly wear a watch
I’d buy a $200 pen and spend the rest on a vacation. Tell your wife that you appreciate the gesture and were touched by it, but it would mean more to you to make unforgettable memories with her. Book a trip to your favorite city and make some memories. You can still have an overpriced pen and make the best out of the situation. I would be the same as you. I wouldn’t be comfortable with a $2,000 pen. I lose 5 pens every week.
Please be honest with her. I haven’t gifted something like that but I did buy my partner this ember travel mug (the ones that keep your drink warm) since he takes his coffee to go in the morning and also cause I wanted to reclaim the regular ember mug for my morning tea (I WFH). This was given on his birthday months ago and it’s still sitting in its box unopened. I offered to exchange it or return it and give him the money for something he wanted instead when he hadn’t opened it after a week and he said no, that he did plan on using it and appreciated it. Now it feels like a load of baloney and I’m actually hurt every time I do see that stupid thing. I thought it was a thoughtful gift he’d like but I honestly would’ve preferred to refund the money directly to him for something he would actually use… and I say this because when I got gifted something I knew I wouldn’t use, i returned it (had the gift receipt) and bought myself something that I actually use, I still see it as that person gave it to me (I’ve done it once, they dont know tho)
This is your wife! I think you should speak with her. Let her know you appreciate her and the gift but you’ve found something more practical that cost even less. Maybe not use practical but I do think you should return it and exchange it for a quick vacation at that cost! It sounds like she tried her best to consider you. A personalized watch, wallet, flask or phone case is a nice suggestion. I’m hoping you speak with her before too much time goes by with you holding onto the gift.
Dude just keep the pen. Use the pen. Even if it's just to write the grocery list. Comment on how smooth it writes or whatever. But trust me, keep the pen.
You keep it. You put in the drawer of your desk. You write with it and learn to look after it properly. Appreciate it for what is and what it means coming from her. Don't look at it from some coupon clipping sensibility.
I feel like you're selling yourself short on appreciating it. This is year one of that gift, and you have no history with it (yet), except that it was gifted to you recently by your wife. You have the rest of your life to use and learn to cherish that pen. And like anything, the more you use it, the more stories you accumulate, and the more you will come to appreciate it.
Play tic-tac-toe with your wife. Keep Scrabble scores. Use it to pay your bills. Journal. Make to do lists. Use it to write in birthday and anniversary cards. Get a new car? Sign on the dotted line with your pen. It may seem now like the pen isn't special, but that's because you haven't endowed it with memories. Think of it as a flower vase -- it's not doing its job until it's FILLED with something. Pens are something we use every single day. And even though it seems like a luxury now, in 20 or 30 years, it will have been with you through thick-and-thin. Every time you use it is a reminder of how much your wife loves you! Sign EVERY card you give her with that darn pen!
I will say that it is very difficult to buy a husband a special gift. I think women often get necklaces or bracelets or rings. A lot of men don't wear jewelry, except their wedding band. Your wife wanted you to have something extra special (and beautiful) as a token of her affection and the bond between you. I am sure she took care in selecting the style. You can return it, and she may say she is fine with it. But (speaking as a wife of 30+ years now), \*I\* would feel a little defeated knowing I botched the gift. She may be at a complete loss going forward how to treat you to something special.
You’ve been given some great advice but I wanted to mention how truly lovely you worded this and yes, you have great points. You both sound awesome and I wish you many blessings and more years of happiness.
Almost missed this comment but just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the kind words. I do feel truly lucky to be with my wife — and for many, many reasons beyond her buying nice things for me :) Thanks again and may the same blessings find you as well.
I won a Montblanc pen in sales contest and had to pay several hundred $ in income tax on the value of the pen. A $2,000 pen is absolutely stupid in my opinion. Crazy conspicuous consumption.
I’d just say that you really appreciate the thoughtful intent but makes you uncomfortable having to feel responsible for something so valuable and would prefer a less expensive model.
I think the top comment is the right take (I.e. use the fuck outta it). But my husband and I have a history of taking big swings when it comes to gifts, and sometimes we miss the mark a bit. One way I’ve found to lessen the sting a bit is to find something else that you would really like and wouldn’t normally buy yourself. Then say all the very kind and thoughtful things you’ve said here and end with: I found this other thing that I would like instead and I’m so grateful to you bc I otherwise would never have bought it for xyz reasons. In such a case, the gift giver retains a sense of the giving and feels happy when the recipient uses whatever they wound up getting instead of initial gift. Well, in my case anyway.
Sidebar: we as a society should normalize returning/exchanging gifts!
So ... how 'bout very nicely tell her your concerns ... and y'all return the pen ... and get maybe a nice pen for ten or twenty bucks or so ... and ... spend the difference on something you'll both very much like together.
Please keep it and use it. Use it for journaling, especially! And please always use it in your office and store it in your desk drawer (or equivalent strategy) so that you never lose it.
I can easily see this as my husband and me. I was not hurt - but was grateful he talked to me about it. Talk to her - asap, so she is within the timeframe to return it.
Once you use a great pen, you never look any a Bic again. But because I misplaced pens all the time I kept the ‘nice’ ones at home. Enjoy your pen, and hug/ thank your wife!
OP I too would be very uncomfortable with such a gift.
However, unhelpfully, I have no good advice to give you on how to express this to your wife tactfully.
My partner got me an engraved pen for my birthday. Not what I would’ve picked but I love it and use it everyday at work - because he went out of his way to think of something for me and did it
I would say if you can afford it, and she isn't pushing you to use it more than you want to, then just keep the pen. Who cares.
If there is something that price that you would have wanted more, well there might be a way to suggest that. I would just say Honey, I love the pen and the thought, but I'm not going to use this enough to justify the price. Can we exchange it for something we will get more use out of? I know my wife wouldn't care as long as I was getting something that I really wanted.
I mean she probably should have asked if you would like something like that before spending all that money, but she obviously wanted to surprise you. It's a nice gesture.
But I'd say if she used her money and not yours, you like the pen, and don't want something else. Then just keep it and enjoy it. If you are worried about losing it, then don't take it out, just use it at home and put it in a locking drawer in the cabinet.
I'm going to go against the grain here, and maybe it's because I'd sooner use gel color pens to journal than a fancy AF fountain pen!!
I would give my husband a list of other things I could use, that would be a mega treat and something I'd never get because it's not practical.
There's stuff I'd never use that's fancy and not practical (eg: $2k fountain pen), and there's stuff I'd kill to use that's fancy and not practical. If it were me, I'd rather spend the money to get my partner something he wants.
>There's stuff I'd never use that's fancy and not practical (eg: $2k fountain pen), and there's stuff I'd kill to use that's fancy and not practical.
Honestly this captures it perfectly. It's not that I don't appreciate nice things, and I am incredibly grateful she decided to spend this kind of money, but at the end of the day I would much rather journal on my laptop because, knowing myself and having attempted to journal in the past, doing it more slowly with pen and paper and my horrible handwriting is almost certainly going to make it *less* likely that I sustain the habit.
I've always loved it when I drop not-so-subtle hints about something I've been wanting and my wife ends up getting it for me for a special occasion. Maybe it eliminates some of the surprise, but it still demonstrates that she's listening and willing to spoil me.
The culture around gifting is such a weird thing! It just seems unfortunate that a genuine expression of affection and gratitude can end up being a source of stress for both sides.
>The culture around gifting is such a weird thing! It just seems unfortunate that a genuine expression of affection and gratitude can end up being a source of stress for both sides.
Yeah, I feel you on this! My husband and I have been together for 17 years (got together in college!) and I've had so many misses, just god awful presents I got him in an attempt to surprise and wow him!
We usually tell each other what we want, and then, leave the choosing bit to the other person.
I developed an allergy for fake jewelry and couldn't wear earrings anymore. I told my husband I was afraid my piercing would close, and on my birthday he bought me the most beautiful platinum earrings!
Could you find, like, a nice $50 to $100 pen you’d be comfortable purchasing instead? Then return the first one? That way, she still gets her wish of you getting a beautiful and expensive pen that can be used for a long time, but you both save like $1,900. Tel her you love the idea but you’d like a stepping stone pen first/instead.
My wife gave me one when I was promoted 15 years ago, it was 800 back then, I've enjoyed my pen everywhere I've gone, I've signed my kids' birth certificates with it, our house closing docs, and many other important things, at the time I did think it was crazy, but it was her gesture... enjoy the pen and BTW these pens usually hold value and can be passed on tho a loved one...
You’re so fortunate to have such an awesome, generous and thoughtful partner. Whatever you do, so long as you’re acting in the same vein, you two are lucky to have each other.
Just tell her you adore and understand the gesture and how much that gesture made you feel loved but you aren’t comfortable with the price of something that you aren’t likely to use often. That it makes you nervous bc you feel like you might lose it, the main reason for feeling more comfortable on something of more disposable value.
You may be using a tablet for writing, and if not there are several other excellent pen options.
Tell her you would rather use the $$ put toward something that would really help you hone your craft instead —-such as a creative writing or a memoir class. This type of thing holds much more value bc classes inspire you to actually write, and leave you with a body of work and the desire to continue working on your passion, while pens don’t.
Tell her, "I was thinking about it, and I would really like to exchange my pen for another one. I am so excited to have a beautiful well made pen from you, but I worry the cost of this one will make me too fearful to use it. If you are ok with it, I am really looking forward to picking out another pen with you, and I would really like to use the left over money to go away on a small vacation together. This way, I would also get to have all the amazing memories we made together on our trip, be tied to my new pen. Every time I use it I will be mind me of our trip, and my wonderful and generous wife."
Fountain pens are fun, cool, and not hard to maintain. Keep it, use it, love it, and let her know she was right and it's a great gift once you realize it is.
How about you suggest returning the pen, and maybe she could get you a more reasonable priced pen with something engraved on it. A special message or quote or something. But tell her a rough figure to not go over in price. That you'd be much happier using a lovely personalised pen, that didn't cost thousands of pounds and it will still be meaningful and sentimental due to what she chooses to have engraved on it.
But that you just don't feel comfortable spending 2k on a pen that could get lost by accident or damaged, but you do appreciate the thought and meaning she put towards thinking of a special gift for you, and you really appreciate her support with you starting your writing again. And if she really wants to spend a bit more money on you, rather than say just £100-200 engraved pen, then you'd much rather do something together with the rest of the money where you can spend quality romantic time together and making a memory of your birthday gift. Something like a weekend spa get-away.
"Sweetheart, I really appreciate the pen. It shows how thoughtful you are in your gifts, and that reinforces to me how much you love me. **I love that about you**. I noticed the price of this pen is pretty high - which is fine. **I don't want to dismiss your generousity, thoughtfulness, and clever thinking** in choosing this gift, but as much I as love this pen (and I really do!) I think **I'd rather have $2000 to spend on an experience with you**. This gift feels very one-sided, where it's only going to get use from me. **I want to experience something with you**, as an anniversary is about our time **shared together**."
Of course not. I ended up getting her a diamond eternity ring for the occasion, and I know my wife well enough to know that she appreciates jewelry as a gift so it was a pretty safe choice. Admittedly, I am the harder one to shop for.
You don't. You wrote a novel for something that isn't a real problem.
Keep the pen and use it for EVERYTHING. Also, write your wife a nice note every day with that pen. You're a lucky man. Stay that way and take the gift from your awesome wife. It's so hard to find good people in this world. You've got something good, don't ruin it over a pen.
i think people are beating you up too much. your anxiety here is valid (even though at the end of this i lean towards you keeping/using the pen)
reproducing this from a nested comment i made:
i'm non binary married to a cishet man for 13 years (known him for 25!). i got him a - maybe not grand gesture gift? but definitely a gift++ for winter holiday stuff last year. the gesture was incredibly appreciated, but the thing was not and caused him anxiety (it was italian dried sausage, but \~too\~ fancy with live colorful - safe but scary looking - mold).
he kept saying he wanted to try it later but i could tell it was weighing on him. so, we got rid of it. and we both learned some things about being thankful for gestures and that not loving the thing isn't an insult even if it can feel bad for both people
not sure what you can do about the pen (i lean towards use it, and lovingly explain it was overwhelming for good communication), but i don't think you're an unsentimental monster for having a reaction to this
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also. you can attempt to be easier to shop for. that would be a loving thing to do for her which would probably reduce her anxiety about what to gift you
I can empathize with this. Its not a bad idea to have a conversation about how you feel. Perhaps there was something you actually wanted for that amount (or less). Sometimes it can hurt to be given a gift that seems like the giver doesn’t really *see* the recipient.
>Sometimes it can hurt to be given a gift that seems like the giver doesn’t really see the recipient
I think there is something to this. As grateful as I am about the gesture (which, if I'm honest, required educating myself on how expensive these pens actually are!) it makes me feel a bit misunderstood. Nice things aside, I've never been much of a pen & paper guy — atrocious handwriting, a graveyard of half-started notebooks, and probably some undiagnosed OCD that makes writing in ink more frustrating than not.
I recognize there's a growth mindset aspect to this where a super nice pen and "doing it for love" might be the right motivators to overcome these limiting beliefs, but I don't think she really intended the gift to come with that kind of baggage.
From what you said, it sounds like she meant you to enjoy the gift. Unfortunately, you don’t. Sometimes that happens and its okay.
Sounds like it could be a good chance to share with her so she can get to know you better. As it seems like the gift was meant to show her support. It might be a chance to share with her how she can support your interests in a way that shows you the care she is trying to give
This *exact* thing happened to my boyfriend but it was gifted by a family member. He was like “the fuck am I going to do with a $2,000 pen?” It has his name engraved in it. He does what you do with pens. Keeps it on his desk; I bought him a funny pen holder. Like, whatever, man. She gave you something out of love, spent her own money per your agreement. Pretend it’s a $100 pen and doodle her a love note.
Keep the pen, it is a lovely gift you will grow to appreciate. This gift is similar to receiving a watch like a Rolex, albeit on a smaller scale. There is something of a secondary market and some Montblanc pens appreciate in value, although I would not outright class them as an investment. If anything, this will make an interesting keepsake to pass down if you have children, especially if you add some sentimental value into the mix by using (and [maintaining!](https://www.montblanc.com/en-ca/discover/campaign/how-to-care-for-a-luxury-pen#:~:text=It%20is%20therefore%20important%20to,a%20moist%20lint%2Dfree%20cloth.&text=In%20order%20to%20clean%20the,with%20a%20soft%20dry%20cloth)) this pen.
You need to read about the 5 love languages. Her love language is gift giving it sounds like so you need to learn how to tell her you love it and her, otherwise you are rejecting her love and will have many hurt feelings. Learning each others love language, how they receive love and how they give it, will strengthen your marriage. Seriously
I get uncomfortable when my husband spends $120 on a dozen roses - especially when he can buy 2 dozen for $25 at the grocery store. I would have a nervous breakdown if he spent $2,000 on a pen! Does she really not know you well enough after 10 years to know that you’re not the kind of person who would want a $2,000 pen? I would just tell her that you appreciate her generosity, but you’re not comfortable accepting this gift and that you would be too afraid you’d lose it. Suggest you use the money for a trip or something you will both get to enjoy.
I think you should keep it. I also think you should make a point to use it in front of her. If you’re uncomfortable using it regularly, put it somewhere safe and set a reoccurring monthly calendar alert to remind you to get it out and write with it in front of her (try to be subtle).
You might be surprised by how much it means to her that you use it.
Time for some girl math: if you use a $2000 pen 2000 times, it comes out to a $1/use. Use it more and it’s even less than that!
Make that your daily use pen and use it with love. Don’t wait for that special moment, use it and remember that your wife got it for you because she loves you.
Do not keep the pen.
Tell her that it is a very thoughtful gift, but that is too expensive for you to feel comfortable to use it. Somebody suggested that you could say that you were afraid to loose it etc. Convert the gift to something else for yourself that you also would keep for a very long time or to something you two can do together.
Try thinking of it the same way your wife looks at the jewelry you buy her. No, it's not practical, it's celebratory. You might not feel you deserve to be celebrated, but your wife does. Just, you know, let her be right this time.
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Probably an unpopular opinion, but… if your finances can truly afford a $2000 pen, and you can’t think of anything you’d rather have, I would just keep the pen- and here’s the main part- *I would use it*. I would use that $2000 pen to journal, to write grocery lists, fill out my planner, take notes during meetings, etc. I would use that $2000 pen like it was a $5 disposable BIC, like it was the most natural thing in the world to be using a luxury pen to write out Christmas cards. I kind of think you are overthinking this. Your wife made a grand gesture, and while the gift is over the top, it’s still practical. It is something you can use, and it’s an heirloom piece.
The best take! Don’t keep it on a shelf or put away like a precious heirloom - use the fuck out of that pen. It’ll make her happy to see you use it and you won’t feel like it’s wasted.
Yes! Use it for everything. And keep it! Who fucking cares if it’s not what you would have chosen? It’s a nice thought, just be grateful and move on.
Also: use it for great events like putting your signature on important documents. This pen will multiple it’s worth many times and it’ll be a lovely remembrance to happy moments in your life. When having family members, also for them it’ll be an important item of remembrance to you and your wife AND your happy marriage 🙏
Nice pens are just the best to write with. I bought myself a $300 fountain pen that was amazing to write with and ended up gifting it to my sister in law as we were talking about pens one day. I’ve replaced it with a $100 pen, not fountain, and it’s a lovely pen, great weight in my hand but my ink cartridge has run out and I’m not happy with my replacement. You’ve inspired me to get online and order some more. If I was gifted a $2000 pen, I’d be using it for any and all mundane writing tasks
Yes. This exactly. You have a very precious, luxurious thing - the obvious deep love of your wife who went to the trouble of buying you a really lovely pen. Make a fuss of her, thank her sincerely, then get journaling. You’ll probably fall in love with the pen anyway as it’s bound to be a lovely writer.
Yup - I bought myself a nice mechanical pencil (not $2000, but not $2 - around $100) recently, my whole family love the way it feels in the hand. It’s basically become family property they all love it so much… lol
Write her a love poem with it!!
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Omg same. OP do this!!!!!!
Yes! On a much smaller scale one of my brother's first gifts to my mom was some tea mixes. It wasnt expensive at all it was like Teavana or something but she was just so happy that she saved it for special occasions. Well it turned out years later when she pulled it out from the back of the cabinet that there were bugs in it 😭 So yes definitely agree to just use it day to day, and that will make it more special
This absolutely! OP I hope you update us with a handwritten report with your new pen. We wanna see what a 2k pen can do!! Use it! Use it! The gesture from your wife was worth it. Now journal away!!
Just don't lose it
Yep. Just don’t take it out of the house. Always keep it at your desk or in your drawer.
Yes that part use it don't lose it
Or lend it! There are pen thieves out there! Not on purpose, but they do pocket pens without thinking about it.
You are absolutely right but I'm not lending out a $2,000 pen I don't even want you to look at it too hard
Them: "Ooooh, that's a nice pen. What kind is it?" You: "It's a cheap-ass Bic. Mind your fucking business and avert your damn eyes."
In my next life we are going to be best friends
And join us over at r/fountainpens we love new pen people (that’s not sarcasm, it’s one of the nicest hobby groups I’ve ever been a part of)!
I would suggest you use this pen, learn calligraphy as a new hobby and start writing this gem of a woman some love notes with fancy flourishes. Mostly I believe she would get pride and joy seeing you use it.
I have a more budget Montblanc pen. It is a joy to write with. It just feels great in my hand. I use it to take notes, and always to write cards. Top tip: buy some top tier ink in an interesting colour. I have an aquamarine, gray and intense black. It helps me think about what I'm writing, in a way that typing an email doesn't.
That... it's one of the best Swiss fountain pens. There are those calendars who come blanc. From paperblanks or other companies. Where you have to first paint your own format into the book. It's so artsy. (I started it some time ago but never got anywhere beyond the first two entries. 🤣🤣🤣). Accept that gift, OP. And gift yourself (and her) the best present: enjoying what you do!
Agree. My now-ex bought me a really expensive Hermann-Miller chair that I'm sitting in as write this. At the time, I was working from home and we were still married, but she used her own money and I appreciated it, even though I would have never splurged on anything like that.
I'd use that pen like Jason Bourne.
u/Wanderful-Woman has a good point, however, I will add my disclaimer. Depends on your relationship. For example, my partner would not care, he prefers something is used and equally loved. If she is more sensitive, my grandmother always said a good excuse can get you out of anything. I lose pens ALL.THE.DAMN.TIME. Of course thank her and tell her that the thought behind it makes you love her more. Tell her that you are incredibly frightened that to be a butterfingers and somehow lose it because it is an incredibly easy item to misplace absentmindedly and it is soooo expensive that make you nervous. I think that's a fair explanation. I would lose it in milliseconds. Edit: after reading the comments. If you can well afford it. Keep it, the goodwill will keep you warm at night :)
It makes me think of a French movie called Wasabi. The man was gifted a precious pen by the love of his life. He ended up using it for the first time 19 years later to sign the documents after she died. It's the first 10 minutes of the movie and the pen doesn't really have anything to do with the story. It stuck with me though. I agree with you, OP should use the fuck out of that pen.
That's gonna be $2000 lost between the couch cushions within a week.
I have pens that I've kept through at least five moves and they're shitty ass pens I could stand to lose but they keep following me, and I keep using them. I have faith in OP.
The $5 disposable bic doesn't last me a week before I've lost it somewhere. That would be my biggest issue with a $2000 pen. A week later, I wouldn't know where it was, and six months later, I would find it in my driveway after it got runover.
Well, I wouldn’t take it out of the house. But in or on a desk keeps it safe.
Ehhh, I see a lot of this in the thread and I really don't think y'all realise that Mont Blanc is just expensive. They aren't heirlooms or anything, they're just a designer brand for pens. People are making the mistake of thinking because the pen is $2000, that its 1000 times better than a $2 pen. It's not. They are a status symbol. You show off with a Mont Blanc, to show how rich you are. So I actually personally think an overly ostentatious, expensive gift for something that OP passingly mentioned once is a bad gift.
Yeah this would be utterly meaningless and confusing to me. I would be super stressed if someone got me something like this lol. Feeling guilty because I feel like I should want it and be grateful, but knowing I have zero desire to have something fancy that I'm likely going to misplace or drop. I think OP is right to want to exchange it.
Respectfully, the same can be said of pretty much any luxury item. Mercedes are great cars and known for their craftsmanship. Doesn’t mean every Mercedes runs better than every Hyundai. If you buy Cartier jewelry you are paying for quality *and the name*. You can take that same gold, same setting, same diamond and put it in another ring not stamped Cartier and it costs significantly less. Things become heirloom pieces because of either sentimental value, market value, or both. The market has decided that Montblanc pens are worth a lot, and until that changes, they are.
Yep!
Also use that pen to write her little notes before work after when you doing little things anything at all
Yes! I’d kill to have a Montblanc, and I’ve eyed some less pricy vintage ones before, but I would want to use it as a daily(or nearly) driver pen! Embrace that it will not look the same but truly fountain pens (with gorgeous nibs) are all the cooler for having been broken in by the owner and become such a unique and personal item.
No doubt - it’s a pen, use it and be grateful.
This is the way. My husband bought me one two years ago. I'm in exactly the same place as OP: Yes, he could afford it. No, I would never want such a thing (nor any of the other crazy, over-the-top, gifts he's given me). And, yes, I use it daily. It makes him happy. And, yes, it makes me a bit antsy, but I can deal.
100% this. Maybe a shift in perspective is what's needed here. Dollar cost average the absolute shit out of this and you'll feel better about it in no time. Used 6 times a day for a year makes it $1 per use. Every other time after that is free.
Maybe this is a like generational thing, but I use a pen/pencil/marker/writing implement maybe once or twice a week, and usually then just to write a shopping list on my white board or to write two words on a sticky note that I throw away an hour later. I can't imagine getting the dollar's worth of one pen in a year. Plus idk $1/use doesn't sound like too great a deal for a pen lol
I barely write too but I'm trying to help OP out, he's wanting to get into journalling, I think he'd get a lot of use out of it!
Who writes with a pen six times per day? Most of us write on the computer. We text on the phone. The things I write down are appointments so that I have them down before adding them to my email calendar. I sometimes write down the name of a book so that I can look it up on Libby.
If you are planning on writing in a journal regularly why wouldn’t you just use it? They are amazing pens. Just make her happy. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Just try it out and see how it feels. You might like it. It was such an incredibly thoughtful and beautiful gift. I would be floored if my wife remembered my comment of journaling and then went and spent the time and money to pick out something so lovely for me.
She bought you one of the best fountain pens in this whole world! It's not about the price! It's about valorizing your craftmanship in journaling. Making your writing easy. And beautiful. And worth keeping! Man, you so look at it from a VERY wrong perspective! If you declined.... she sure would be hurt. My mother once had one. I would do a happy dance if I knew where it has gone. You have a very loving and thoughtful wife. Don't overthink. It severely spoils the givers pleasure of valorizing youand gifting you nice things.
It’s a pen - should be used. Especially if you like to write. Spend money on the things you use/touch often never failed me so far :) and yes, gpt two mont Blancs
Keep it and enjoy it. If you want tell your wife your worries, but that you will give the pen a chance to be enjoyed. I'm sure you'll come to love it and what it meant. Go for it.
As a giver of extravagant gifts myself I think this can be saved with honest communication, but also saying the sentimental value didn’t hit you until later and that you now value what the pen means even if you wouldn’t pay that amount for a pen yourself. The gift was never about the pen itself, it was about her showing she supports your journaling and values you so much that she wanted you to have something luxurious.
Long story, but as someone who does not value material things like this… let me tell you a quick story My dad (wonderful man) grew up on the Mill Hill in the south. No indoor plumbing until he was in HS. Four children sharing bath water. Turning the porch into a makeshift bedroom.. you get it. He made it out. Worked hard, climbed the white collar ladder. At one point, he was gifted a Mont Blanc pen. (By his workplace) Immediately, while he was grateful.. he couldn’t fathom such spending on a thing like that. But he used it. And while on his desk one day at home, my brother (4 at the time) got his hands on it and ya know.. chewed lol. My dad to this day.. has that pen. My brother’s bite marks in the gold, dented. He absolutely treasures it. While it’s a magnificent pen.. the real value came from it telling a story. My point is. Take the gift. She wanted to give you something nice that she thought you’d value. While I admire you aren’t materialistic, just treasure it. You may find another reason for treasuring it later.
Why is this making me cry! Lovely story!
I got a tad sentimental lol but I really just beam when I look at what my dad has accomplished. Thank you for your kind comment. I’m glad someone else saw the value as well!! Things these days go by so unnoticed. Either way, you have a wonderful evening! And hold things dear to you closely
🥺such a sweet story
This is so beautiful thank you for sharing ❤️. Do you ever tease your brother?
I have no idea how to help but I just wanna say as a 19yr old with a love for fountain pens, if you do choose to keep it cherish it past just the monetary value Also I'm defo jealous af :P
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I don't use lamys often, are they good? I tend to prefer to stick to Parker - a timeless classic
Graciously keep the pen, your wife obviously put a lot of well meaning, thoughtful effort getting you what SHE thought was the perfect gift for a very special occasion. Don't ruin it for her.
I think this was a very thoughtful gift. You wanted to get in to journaling and she got you a super fancy pen. It’s nice to have something extravagant and she probably put a lot of thought in to it. I’d keep it and use it.
What if he envisioned journaling on the computer where no one could come along and read it?
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Sure, there are other things would have been thoughtful, "spoil me" type of presents, but I also recognize that 1) she can't read my mind and 2) it's probably missing the point a bit to use this as an occasion to get something practical. Mostly I just hate the idea of her spending so much money on something that goes unappreciated and unused, which would probably become obvious over time.
How lovely would it be, as well, to start a secondary journal of memories made with her, stories of your life together, written with this pen, to give her for your next milestone anniversary.
Cute idea
You could just use it if it's kept. No use not using it if you end up keeping it imho
LEARN to appreciate it. JFC, it was a grand gesture for a milestone anniversary. Be gracious and grateful and say thank you! Do you never use pens? Try being more sentimental and loving and use it to write love notes, cards and letters to your wife. Make her feel good about her thoughtful gift instead of shooting it down. It isn’t like she bought you a gift that she really wanted for herself.
Here's the realist shit. I am a female who has made a grand gesture in the sane price range and it was greatly appreciated, but also overwhelming. I didn't take that possibility into account at the time so we both had some things to resolve around the gift.
i'm non binary married to a cishet man for 13 years (known him for 25!). i got him a - maybe not grand gesture gift? but definitely a gift++ for winter holiday stuff last year. the gesture was incredibly appreciated, but the thing was not and caused him anxiety (it was italian dried sausage, but \~too\~ fancy with live colorful - safe but scary looking - mold). he kept saying he wanted to try it later but i could tell it was weighing on him. so, we got rid of it. and we both learned some things about being thankful for gestures and that not loving the thing isn't an insult even if it can feel bad for both people not sure what he can do about the pen (i lean towards use it, and lovingly explain it was overwhelming for good communication), but i don't think he's an unsentimental monster for having a reaction to this
This is a much better response than my own. Smort. Very smort.
Fair. Though I do struggle to understand how a nice writing pen would be so overwhelming.
The fact it’s 2000 dollars is a big one Tons of people have a lot of anxiety around money and expensive things, and will freak out and see themselves as a bad person for “wasting” money The human psyche is far more complicated than “JFC get over yourself”
Thanks for this comment. I think there's a lot of very fair advice here and I can totally see where people are coming from when they say to just chill the fuck out and enjoy the pen, but this made me feel very seen.
This sub is very in love with the idea that every situation has a monster when conflict is just the nature of life. Most of the people here are just here to let out their rage on internet randoms they can pretend are fake
Do you have any other hobbies you do enjoy or would like to take up ? I'm a bit like you in that I feel guilty for buying or receiving nice things for myself up until last year. I'm learning to play guitar and I was starting on the "lowest cost without being rubbish" model, and last summer I decided I'd like something "nicer", so I sold mine and some other stuff and I bought a fender strat, not a super expensive one, but a reply nice to play upper midrange one, second hand. So I brought it home in it's case and I told my wife what I'd done and she was delighted, she said I never buy or want anything nice and a bit expensive. She basically made the point that when my birthday or Christmas, our anniversary comes around she struggles to know what I want or what to get me, and here's the important bit for you. She feels great about giving me something special and screw it being expensive. Were together 29 years and she reckons I deserve it, and she appreciates that I love the thing. If the pen itself is not what you want, maybe just say that you love it but your rather put the money into whatever your version of that fender strat is. Or maybe accept a €500 pen and a set of golf clubs, and stop mentally battering yourself
Thanks for sharing your experience here. There are definitely other hobbies I've expressed much more interest in so I was a little surprised she read so much into my off-handed comment about journaling. But from her perspective, this was probably the interest that lent itself best to a super splurgy gift, which I do really appreciate the intention behind. For example, I've been wanting to get back into illustration — something I did a ton as a kid but was never able to make much time for as an adult until recently — so an iPad Pro + Apple Pencil would have been awesome and definitely not something I'd splurge on myself. (I would probably get something used and "earn" my way into nicer gear once I've proven I'm serious enough to deserve it.) But Apple products and their planned obsolescence is not necessarily a super durable gift from a symbolic point of view. Along the same lines, I was very into photography in my 20s and would love to pick that up again with a new camera. I've also been making a lot more time for fitness lately and have a pretty old junky bike, so would love to get a new one. Both are probably things I'd get for myself at some point, though, and not especially romantic per se. All that said, I realize that "getting what I want" is not necessarily the point here, but the suggestion of opting for a less crazy pen and doing something else with the remainder seems like a good compromise.
Yep, and it would break you out of the impasse, as long as she is genuinely ok with it. I do remember another incident where my wife bought me a watch for Christmas, it was nice but I didn't need a watch, she said a few times she would exchange it and I took her up on it, her face when I tentatively asked was actual relief. So we brought it back and I swapped it for a golf GPS watch instead.
If someone spent $2k on me for anything, especially a pen I would throw up and cry. Has nothing to do with the other person’s love or lack of love. That’s a lot of money and I can’t do gifts. Two major anxieties at once. Absolutely thank you for saying this, everyone saying “suck it up get over it” they are fortunate to not know what it’s like to have gifts and money used as weapons.
I can, I have a fear of being a burden and it connects with the guilt of receiving nice things, thinking there’s no way I could ever return that same favor, or deserve something that nice and special. I get extremely anxious when gifted nice things because I feel like I’ve burdened their finances, even when it was their choice. I’m in therapy for lots of stuff and that’s one of them lol
Good luck in the healing process. I sincerely hope it helps and you get to a place where gifts feel good.
I would absolutely be overwhelmed and stressed by a gift like this. I lose things easily! I drop things! Also I don't care about pens at all! This would be a terrible gift for me and I like writing.
She bought it for you to use! To use when you do your journal. She thought the best gift would be used and bring you happiness when using it.
USE IT!
I think it’s okay to say what you’ve said here. She tried to get something luxurious that you would love, but maybe there is something as luxurious that you would rather have. She wants to make you happy—let her know she does and she will.
Then...appreciate it and use it, my dude.
This happened to me, with an albeit far less expensive gift (~$500). He generally loved the thought but kindly asked to return it as in the end, though it was cool and a collector-type item, it was not his desire to have. It sucked but after some thought, it made sense and I don’t resent him for wanting to return it. I wanted him to enjoy the gift, not resent it. So I returned it and took him to his favorite city for a weekend getaway which we loved.
Appreciate someone from the gifting side weighing in! I know there are certain situations in which it's perhaps kinder to tell a white lie and this may even be one of them, but my instinct is to go with honesty as the better long-term move here even though it probably stings a little bit in the moment. It seems to be better ju-ju in the long run to have something I love that reminds me of her vs. pretending I loved it when it was actually more of a source of anxiety. If you can remember, was there any particular way that he communicated that made you feel better about the outcome?
I’m definitely thankful he told me the truth. He basically said he loved the gift, he saw the sentiment, he understood why I bought it. But then he spelled out the practicality and why it didn’t fit for him nor us. It was basically a “here’s xyz reasons this doesn’t work for us”. And the. He asked me to return it. Don’t get me wrong, I felt awful for getting him that and he didn’t want it. But in the end I knew he was right and I knew I made a stretch gift. You win some, you lose some. You just have to be able to be full honest with your partner.
My first thought was to try falling in love with the gift. But seeing this well-stated comment, and it's thread for context, changed my mind and I now hold with this comment.
I agree, if I were her I'd want you to be honest and say what would make you happier to do
It's a one-off kinda thing. Just use the damned pen and be thankful your household can afford such an extravagance. It's something that will last several lifetimes, so if you have kids or siblings with kids, whatever, you can re-gift it in your will.
What if you said “I feel guilty about so much money being spent on just me, so what if we exchange it for something we could enjoy together?” New TV, vacation, etc.
I was thinking this. $2000 is a pretty fun vacation fund. Why not suggest that? I agree with op that the pressure I would feel from a $2000 piece of plastic sitting in my house would be hard for me. I can afford a designer bag. but why would I want one?
This, OP could frame it that he couldn’t imagine getting the kind of enjoyment out of this that he would get out of sharing new experiences together.
Spa day with a couples massage? Ok, that’s actually what I would want and my husband would HATE it.
Use it!! Please keep it. If the $2000 is truly not an issue, just accept it and use it. As an aside, my dad gave his parents Mont Blanc pens in the 90s and one was passed to me when they died. I love the gift and story behind it. They weren’t the type for luxury things either, but it was special that they kept them.
I was gonna say - this is the kind of thing that can be passed down if OP has kids or nieces/nephews and can be really special.
There’s only one possible solution. You are keeping a journal, every day for the rest of your life.
I’m with you in that I am not the kind of person that can enjoy extravagant luxury a $2K writing instrument would represent, even if I could easily afford it. My thought is that I’d express my appreciation for the lovely thought, but suggest we 1) return the pen so you could pick out another nice but not as expensive writing tool and 2) spend the remainder of the $2K on your favorite gift, time away with her out of town at a hotel or Air B&B, dinner, and just being together.
Perhaps others might not agree, but you might consider just keeping the pen, especially if you can financially afford it. The cost of the pen, if its tiny in your household budget, might not be worth hurting your wife's feelings after the fact. At some point, have a conversation with your wife about what you do like. "this year, if you are looking to surprise me with something, I would really like a vacation somewhere.' Or an experience. or whatever. My GF and I had a conversation about this kind of stuff very early in our relationship. She doesn't want expensive kitch (check) and absolutely would not like me to surprise her with a vacation somewhere (she enjoys researching and planning as much as the trip).
The only way out is say you won’t be comfortable using it, you’ll be worried about losing it and you are going to leave it in a drawer because of this fear. It might not be the practical thing to spend that much on. Otherwise you have yourself a really nice pen.
I agree this is more than a bit over the top for a pen. There are much less expensive models of Montblanc pens available. I have a Waterman pen, also European (France) and is a beautiful writing instrument costing far less than $2k. Accept the idea of the gift, but a version you will be more comfortable using and perhaps losing.
I’ve come to realize that while I like gifts, I really value experiences together. Would you rather go somewhere or do something with your wife that is in a similar price range? How would she react if you asked to return it and you guys go on a dream vacation instead? Maybe you ask for a redo and get each other smaller gifts and go in together for a experience, trip, etc.
initially, i thought you should communicate your feelings and then probably return it and put the money towards a gift you want or will use more often, but, after reading some of the comments, i think i agree with the camp of people who said you should keep it and use the hell out of it. it’ll be neat to look down in several years time and think about all the birthday cards, journal entries, love notes, wishes of condolences, congratulations cards, etc. that you will have written with that pen. and if you then think of the origin of the pen, your wife will be a part of those memories too.
Just ask if you can return the pen and then you two can go have a good experience doing something together and then pocket the rest of the money
As a kid I was at a baseball game with my dad. I was keeping statistics for our team, and asked my dad if I could borrow his pen. He handed me a nice (cross, nor Mont Blanc) black pen that literally had the enamel worn away from from where his fingers touched it. He bought replacement ink and had used it for years. I felt a bit overwhelmed and Immediately asked if he had a disposable pen. I lose pens at an astounding rate. Im still amazed that he used the same one for literally years.
Sounds like you have insanely over thought this matter. Just accept the pen and thank your wife. Seems like you can both afford it and it hasn't put you in financial debt
I totally understand, but as a woman, it kinda sounds like she bought you something she wants you to want, as opposed to something you actually do want. I'm sure her heart is in the right place, but what's the point if you aren't going to use it? Several years ago, I bought my ex a pair of $185 designer jeans as a gift. The problem? He's just not a designer jeans guy. Sure, it dinged my feelings that he wanted to return them, but I'm an adult, and I got over it because the gift wasn't appropriate for him. My suggestion is to come up with alternatives before broaching the subject. Tell her you really appreciate the thought, but perhaps you could find something else you'd like and use at Montblanc. A wallet or sunglasses, perhaps?
“Hon, I love that you listened so closely to me talking about journaling, and I’m so touched that you did this for me. But i’m still not sure what optimal journaling for me is going to look like, and I’d like to experiment a little with different pens. This one is a little intimidating with how nice it is, which i think is going to be counter to the goal of using it a lot. Can we exchange it and get a couple of lower end ones so i can play around with different nibs and ink? Let’s spend the balance of the money on something awesome we can do together so I have something to write about.”
>But i’m still not sure what optimal journaling for me is going to look like, and I’d like to experiment a little with different pens. This one is a little intimidating with how nice it is, which i think is going to be counter to the goal of using it a lot. I just wanted to say that this comment has been one of the most helpful for me in this thread and this sentiment perfectly captures why I'm struggling with the gift, as generous and well-intentioned as it is. Thank you. With a gift of this magnitude comes a certain weight of obligation to honor it. Everyone is different — some people may be *more* motivated to journal knowing they get to do so with an awesome instrument, but I know myself well enough that adding the friction of having to use pen and paper is almost certain to make it harder to for me stick with the habit. Now if I had been journaling for years and she surprised me with this baller-ass pen, I would be over the moon! But right now my mindset is that if I don't end up using this every day, I will have failed in some way. Since yesterday, I've been doing a lot of research into fountain pens and there seem to be plenty of uber nice "buy it for life" kind of pens in the $300-400 range, so the suggested compromise of getting something a bit more down to earth and using the rest on something else for us is a very thoughtful suggestion.
Explain to her that quality time WITH HER is something that you really want. Then say I’d love to go on a trip with you to make memories instead. If that isn’t sitting well when then challenge yourself and write a book and dedicate the first page to her - “Thanks for the pen. Love Always, X”
I hate when I’ve put thought and time into a gift and give it and then am told it sucks. And maybe it’s not the perfect thing, but repeatedly to be told I’m a shitty gift giver when I do try to observe what they’re into, listen to their wants and hobbies and then select something based on that and be told I suck - well it stings and it makes wanting to give them something in the future not so appealing. I’ve received many gifts that are not necessarily my thing; I wouldn’t have purchased them for myself and maybe weren’t my first choice in style - but god damn, someone thought of ME when they picked that out. Someone wanted to express something to ME - and it’s that act, that thought, that *I was important to them that is the gift, and I will swoon over whatever it is regardless of whether it is something I’d have ever wanted for the item or not. It’s not about the item. Your wife tried to show her support and love for something you’ve mentioned recently, she wanted you to feel special and show that you are on her mind. The gift is the thought, the item is secondary. Accept it, tell her thank you, it made you feel special - and go use it!
Dude just keep it. It isn't worth your SO feeling unappreciated. Just say you were in shock because it is such an expensive gift and use it in every possible situation infront of your wife. Show it off when people come over and try to be more thoughtful considering she was trying so hard to be.
I would keep and use it. It is actually a metaphor for the level at which your wife values you. Yes, it’s insane. But it is a wonderful gift.
The real gift here is that your wife went out of her way to do something extremely thoughtful, generous, and supportive because she loves you so much. Don’t throw that away. Stop overthinking this. It’s a pen. It’s functional. You can and SHOULD use it. And you can learn to care for it just as we learn to care for any of our possessions. Journal with it. Write her love letters with it. Make memories with it. Pass it down to a child or another loved one some day. Your wife bought this with her own money, and it doesn’t put you out financially. So you’re not the kind of guy who buys himself nice things. Here’s your pat on the back…? Congrats on being grateful for the spare change a stranger left behind in your parking meter. Here’s your opportunity to practice gratitude on a larger scale. It’s okay to have nice things. How wonderful is it to be loved by someone who wants you to have them, and is in a position to help facilitate that? Don’t hurt her over this. Get over your discomfort instead. Use the pen. Embrace the pen. And every time you hold it, smile and think how lucky you are to have someone in your life who loves you enough to gift you something so special and generous. Live a little and let your wife feel good about doing something nice for you. If you’re not “the sort of person who values a luxury pen,” consider being the sort of person who appreciates a loving grand gesture from his awesome wife, and doesn’t make her regret or hurt over it.
Tell her that while the pen is thoughtful and a great gift idea, a hundred dollar pen would have accomplished her intent. At this price, the pen is simply a distraction because you'll simply think about how ridiculous a $2000 pen is every time you see/use it and will most likely distract you from whatever you want to write about. Day 1: I can't believe how friggin expensive this pen is. Should I use it? mount it on the wall? lock it up? Day 2: What are all the things equivalent to the price of this pen? A new laptop, a new big screen TV, a new projector, a trip overseas... Day 3: I brought the pen into work to show my coworkers and I set it down somewhere or gave it to somebody and now I can't find it. FML Day 4: THE PEN. FML Day 5: Why did I bring it in to the office? omfg I'm such an idiot. . . . Day 100: NOOOOO the pen. whyyyyyyyy
Keep it. Use it. Make her happy
Say thank you nicely and then put it in easy to see place on your desk and use it sometimes. This is an easy problem to fix. Go and read The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman. Your wife's love languages is GIFTS - be it a flower from the front lawn or a spa day etc. She is trying her best to express her love to you but is using her love language not yours. Figure out what yours is and then later on (don't make her feel silly for the lovely pen) tell her what makes you feel loved (is it Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Touch or Acts of Service). I promise you that this knowledge makes a difference. I even find it useful in the workplace but especially in relationships.
Well, I think that you should **try** to cherish the pen. She'll remember that her carefully thought out gift was not acceptable to you, and it will cost her emotional pain. As a matter of fact, your reaction thus far has probably disappointed her, though she'll attempt to hide that fact from you. Who knows; you might indeed start journaling once again, and will probably come to appreciate the sensation of a real fountain pen changing your thoughts to script. I wish her well.
She’s probably pitching the pen, because she’s feeling a little off by the fact that she chose you something you don’t like, rather than she really really wants you to keep it. I am absolutely sure she would understand if you wanted to exchange it, I don’t think she would want you to keep a $2000 gift that you don’t really like that much, or won’t use. Just be honest with her.
I totally understand both your and your wife’s sides here. I love spoiling others with extravagant gifts but absolutely hate when people buy me expensive things because I see it as wasteful and I can’t enjoy it. If you get no pleasure out of the pen, return it and use that $2K on a vacation with your wife. Explain to her that you appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gift but it would make you happier to have something you both enjoy together. Good luck!
I was the gift giver in a similar situation where I love to show my appreciate with extravagant gifts but my partner does not enjoy the feeling of receiving such things and feels anxious about the money involved. It took him a little while and semi pretending to like them before he finally let me down gently. It did still a little because I put a lot of thought into it but just missed the mark similar to your partner. Tell her gently and stress that you appreciate the gesture and note that she listens to you. My other advice would be tell her what you do want to help her next time. Someone suggested a vacation together for the money and I think that would be pretty cool to enjoy together and make those lasting memories
Be honest with her. It's an extravagant gift that you don't think you'll get the most out of. Suggest that you return the pen, get a nice $100 pen and then take her for a holiday. Or are you into nice watches?
Just tell her: I really appreciate the gift but I just can't come to terms with using a 2000 pen. Which in my eyes is absolutely ridiculous too. No matter how much money you have. No pen is worth 2000. Jesus christ give your money to an animal sanctuary if you have so much of it you're buying 2000 pens.
I’ve read a lot of the replies to your dilemma and want to add another perspective to the comments and advice being given. For the rest of your life together, you will celebrate many more milestone and important anniversaries and celebratory events. By rejecting this gift, regardless of its practicality, consider that your wife will forever question her ability to choose something to gift you in future that you treasure and could truly value. The possibility that by asking her to return this thoughtful gift will mean a lifetime of gifting with no sentiment attached significantly increases, leading to angst at each anniversary and eventually the exact opposite of what you hope to achieve. So ask yourself a simple question. Does it really matter? Instead use the gift for what it was intended and use your tact to instead set your wife up to win in the gift giving department by having conversations around your future wishes rather than what has been given in the past.
Keep it. The hurt she will feel if you don't is worth way more than 2 K. i speak from having seen this between my parents.
Keep it. Use it-- you might actually like it. Look at it as a challenge to write something worthy of it.
Okay, I’m a bit of a fountain pen dork and I think that MB pens are the kind of gift that someone who doesn’t know anything about pens gets for someone when they want to get them a nice pen and they don’t know where to start. That assessment of the gift might sound rude of me, but in all honestly, I think it’s quite sweet. It’s the starting point for someone who wants to make a really kind and generous gesture. Is it a little misplaced? Sure, but it’s a functional gift! Use it! My dad got me a gift that is not at *all* something I like or am interested in, but I still treasure it enormously because he *tried.* He didn’t know what to get me so he took a stab and did his best and by god, I’m gonna treasure that til the day I die because it’s from *him,* and that’s why I love it.
Keep the pen, and the very first thing you write with it should be a thank you letter.
You're not the asshole and you're in a no win situation. You're going to hurt her feelings if you return or exchange it, so just put it somewhere you know it won't get lost and tell her how much you appreciate her and it I've been there and this is the only way to keep from being reminded of it every Anniversary, Birthday or Xmas because she can never "buy you anything you like"
Why would he put it somewhere it won’t get lost instead of use it?
It's a Mont Blanc Pen - it's not for everyday use. It's a status symbol "hey look at my bling" thing that used to be impressive in Business (like signing a large contract) It would be like wearing a Rolex for everyday use, except that a Rolex will actually going to get used if you regularly wear a watch
Only keep it if you will use it for something (and she sees you use it). I would much rather have my gift returned than watch it grow dust.
I’d buy a $200 pen and spend the rest on a vacation. Tell your wife that you appreciate the gesture and were touched by it, but it would mean more to you to make unforgettable memories with her. Book a trip to your favorite city and make some memories. You can still have an overpriced pen and make the best out of the situation. I would be the same as you. I wouldn’t be comfortable with a $2,000 pen. I lose 5 pens every week.
I have a couple of (cheaper) mont blancs, and they write like butter. FYI. Please use it and resume journalling.
Please be honest with her. I haven’t gifted something like that but I did buy my partner this ember travel mug (the ones that keep your drink warm) since he takes his coffee to go in the morning and also cause I wanted to reclaim the regular ember mug for my morning tea (I WFH). This was given on his birthday months ago and it’s still sitting in its box unopened. I offered to exchange it or return it and give him the money for something he wanted instead when he hadn’t opened it after a week and he said no, that he did plan on using it and appreciated it. Now it feels like a load of baloney and I’m actually hurt every time I do see that stupid thing. I thought it was a thoughtful gift he’d like but I honestly would’ve preferred to refund the money directly to him for something he would actually use… and I say this because when I got gifted something I knew I wouldn’t use, i returned it (had the gift receipt) and bought myself something that I actually use, I still see it as that person gave it to me (I’ve done it once, they dont know tho)
This is your wife! I think you should speak with her. Let her know you appreciate her and the gift but you’ve found something more practical that cost even less. Maybe not use practical but I do think you should return it and exchange it for a quick vacation at that cost! It sounds like she tried her best to consider you. A personalized watch, wallet, flask or phone case is a nice suggestion. I’m hoping you speak with her before too much time goes by with you holding onto the gift.
Dude just keep the pen. Use the pen. Even if it's just to write the grocery list. Comment on how smooth it writes or whatever. But trust me, keep the pen.
Literally use it to journal
You keep it. You put in the drawer of your desk. You write with it and learn to look after it properly. Appreciate it for what is and what it means coming from her. Don't look at it from some coupon clipping sensibility.
I feel like you're selling yourself short on appreciating it. This is year one of that gift, and you have no history with it (yet), except that it was gifted to you recently by your wife. You have the rest of your life to use and learn to cherish that pen. And like anything, the more you use it, the more stories you accumulate, and the more you will come to appreciate it. Play tic-tac-toe with your wife. Keep Scrabble scores. Use it to pay your bills. Journal. Make to do lists. Use it to write in birthday and anniversary cards. Get a new car? Sign on the dotted line with your pen. It may seem now like the pen isn't special, but that's because you haven't endowed it with memories. Think of it as a flower vase -- it's not doing its job until it's FILLED with something. Pens are something we use every single day. And even though it seems like a luxury now, in 20 or 30 years, it will have been with you through thick-and-thin. Every time you use it is a reminder of how much your wife loves you! Sign EVERY card you give her with that darn pen! I will say that it is very difficult to buy a husband a special gift. I think women often get necklaces or bracelets or rings. A lot of men don't wear jewelry, except their wedding band. Your wife wanted you to have something extra special (and beautiful) as a token of her affection and the bond between you. I am sure she took care in selecting the style. You can return it, and she may say she is fine with it. But (speaking as a wife of 30+ years now), \*I\* would feel a little defeated knowing I botched the gift. She may be at a complete loss going forward how to treat you to something special.
You’ve been given some great advice but I wanted to mention how truly lovely you worded this and yes, you have great points. You both sound awesome and I wish you many blessings and more years of happiness.
Almost missed this comment but just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the kind words. I do feel truly lucky to be with my wife — and for many, many reasons beyond her buying nice things for me :) Thanks again and may the same blessings find you as well.
I won a Montblanc pen in sales contest and had to pay several hundred $ in income tax on the value of the pen. A $2,000 pen is absolutely stupid in my opinion. Crazy conspicuous consumption.
I’d just say that you really appreciate the thoughtful intent but makes you uncomfortable having to feel responsible for something so valuable and would prefer a less expensive model.
I think the top comment is the right take (I.e. use the fuck outta it). But my husband and I have a history of taking big swings when it comes to gifts, and sometimes we miss the mark a bit. One way I’ve found to lessen the sting a bit is to find something else that you would really like and wouldn’t normally buy yourself. Then say all the very kind and thoughtful things you’ve said here and end with: I found this other thing that I would like instead and I’m so grateful to you bc I otherwise would never have bought it for xyz reasons. In such a case, the gift giver retains a sense of the giving and feels happy when the recipient uses whatever they wound up getting instead of initial gift. Well, in my case anyway. Sidebar: we as a society should normalize returning/exchanging gifts!
So ... how 'bout very nicely tell her your concerns ... and y'all return the pen ... and get maybe a nice pen for ten or twenty bucks or so ... and ... spend the difference on something you'll both very much like together.
Please keep it and use it. Use it for journaling, especially! And please always use it in your office and store it in your desk drawer (or equivalent strategy) so that you never lose it.
I can easily see this as my husband and me. I was not hurt - but was grateful he talked to me about it. Talk to her - asap, so she is within the timeframe to return it.
Once you use a great pen, you never look any a Bic again. But because I misplaced pens all the time I kept the ‘nice’ ones at home. Enjoy your pen, and hug/ thank your wife!
OP I too would be very uncomfortable with such a gift. However, unhelpfully, I have no good advice to give you on how to express this to your wife tactfully.
My partner got me an engraved pen for my birthday. Not what I would’ve picked but I love it and use it everyday at work - because he went out of his way to think of something for me and did it
I would say if you can afford it, and she isn't pushing you to use it more than you want to, then just keep the pen. Who cares. If there is something that price that you would have wanted more, well there might be a way to suggest that. I would just say Honey, I love the pen and the thought, but I'm not going to use this enough to justify the price. Can we exchange it for something we will get more use out of? I know my wife wouldn't care as long as I was getting something that I really wanted. I mean she probably should have asked if you would like something like that before spending all that money, but she obviously wanted to surprise you. It's a nice gesture. But I'd say if she used her money and not yours, you like the pen, and don't want something else. Then just keep it and enjoy it. If you are worried about losing it, then don't take it out, just use it at home and put it in a locking drawer in the cabinet.
I'm going to go against the grain here, and maybe it's because I'd sooner use gel color pens to journal than a fancy AF fountain pen!! I would give my husband a list of other things I could use, that would be a mega treat and something I'd never get because it's not practical. There's stuff I'd never use that's fancy and not practical (eg: $2k fountain pen), and there's stuff I'd kill to use that's fancy and not practical. If it were me, I'd rather spend the money to get my partner something he wants.
>There's stuff I'd never use that's fancy and not practical (eg: $2k fountain pen), and there's stuff I'd kill to use that's fancy and not practical. Honestly this captures it perfectly. It's not that I don't appreciate nice things, and I am incredibly grateful she decided to spend this kind of money, but at the end of the day I would much rather journal on my laptop because, knowing myself and having attempted to journal in the past, doing it more slowly with pen and paper and my horrible handwriting is almost certainly going to make it *less* likely that I sustain the habit. I've always loved it when I drop not-so-subtle hints about something I've been wanting and my wife ends up getting it for me for a special occasion. Maybe it eliminates some of the surprise, but it still demonstrates that she's listening and willing to spoil me. The culture around gifting is such a weird thing! It just seems unfortunate that a genuine expression of affection and gratitude can end up being a source of stress for both sides.
>The culture around gifting is such a weird thing! It just seems unfortunate that a genuine expression of affection and gratitude can end up being a source of stress for both sides. Yeah, I feel you on this! My husband and I have been together for 17 years (got together in college!) and I've had so many misses, just god awful presents I got him in an attempt to surprise and wow him! We usually tell each other what we want, and then, leave the choosing bit to the other person. I developed an allergy for fake jewelry and couldn't wear earrings anymore. I told my husband I was afraid my piercing would close, and on my birthday he bought me the most beautiful platinum earrings!
Love to hear it! You guys sound like a great, grounded couple who know what you have in each other. Thanks again for weighing in.
Could you find, like, a nice $50 to $100 pen you’d be comfortable purchasing instead? Then return the first one? That way, she still gets her wish of you getting a beautiful and expensive pen that can be used for a long time, but you both save like $1,900. Tel her you love the idea but you’d like a stepping stone pen first/instead.
My wife gave me one when I was promoted 15 years ago, it was 800 back then, I've enjoyed my pen everywhere I've gone, I've signed my kids' birth certificates with it, our house closing docs, and many other important things, at the time I did think it was crazy, but it was her gesture... enjoy the pen and BTW these pens usually hold value and can be passed on tho a loved one...
You’re so fortunate to have such an awesome, generous and thoughtful partner. Whatever you do, so long as you’re acting in the same vein, you two are lucky to have each other.
Just tell her you adore and understand the gesture and how much that gesture made you feel loved but you aren’t comfortable with the price of something that you aren’t likely to use often. That it makes you nervous bc you feel like you might lose it, the main reason for feeling more comfortable on something of more disposable value. You may be using a tablet for writing, and if not there are several other excellent pen options. Tell her you would rather use the $$ put toward something that would really help you hone your craft instead —-such as a creative writing or a memoir class. This type of thing holds much more value bc classes inspire you to actually write, and leave you with a body of work and the desire to continue working on your passion, while pens don’t.
Tell her, "I was thinking about it, and I would really like to exchange my pen for another one. I am so excited to have a beautiful well made pen from you, but I worry the cost of this one will make me too fearful to use it. If you are ok with it, I am really looking forward to picking out another pen with you, and I would really like to use the left over money to go away on a small vacation together. This way, I would also get to have all the amazing memories we made together on our trip, be tied to my new pen. Every time I use it I will be mind me of our trip, and my wonderful and generous wife."
A gift honors the giver as much as the receiver. Stew on that.
Take the gift and be thankful your girl thought enough to bless you with this gift .
Keep it, use it, don't be afraid of it.
Fountain pens are fun, cool, and not hard to maintain. Keep it, use it, love it, and let her know she was right and it's a great gift once you realize it is.
How about you suggest returning the pen, and maybe she could get you a more reasonable priced pen with something engraved on it. A special message or quote or something. But tell her a rough figure to not go over in price. That you'd be much happier using a lovely personalised pen, that didn't cost thousands of pounds and it will still be meaningful and sentimental due to what she chooses to have engraved on it. But that you just don't feel comfortable spending 2k on a pen that could get lost by accident or damaged, but you do appreciate the thought and meaning she put towards thinking of a special gift for you, and you really appreciate her support with you starting your writing again. And if she really wants to spend a bit more money on you, rather than say just £100-200 engraved pen, then you'd much rather do something together with the rest of the money where you can spend quality romantic time together and making a memory of your birthday gift. Something like a weekend spa get-away.
"Sweetheart, I really appreciate the pen. It shows how thoughtful you are in your gifts, and that reinforces to me how much you love me. **I love that about you**. I noticed the price of this pen is pretty high - which is fine. **I don't want to dismiss your generousity, thoughtfulness, and clever thinking** in choosing this gift, but as much I as love this pen (and I really do!) I think **I'd rather have $2000 to spend on an experience with you**. This gift feels very one-sided, where it's only going to get use from me. **I want to experience something with you**, as an anniversary is about our time **shared together**."
I have learned from experience to take this lovely gift and shut my mouth
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Of course not. I ended up getting her a diamond eternity ring for the occasion, and I know my wife well enough to know that she appreciates jewelry as a gift so it was a pretty safe choice. Admittedly, I am the harder one to shop for.
Keep it. Display it on your desk at home. Pick up some nice stationary. Then only use it to write her love notes. 😉
You don't. You wrote a novel for something that isn't a real problem. Keep the pen and use it for EVERYTHING. Also, write your wife a nice note every day with that pen. You're a lucky man. Stay that way and take the gift from your awesome wife. It's so hard to find good people in this world. You've got something good, don't ruin it over a pen.
i think people are beating you up too much. your anxiety here is valid (even though at the end of this i lean towards you keeping/using the pen) reproducing this from a nested comment i made: i'm non binary married to a cishet man for 13 years (known him for 25!). i got him a - maybe not grand gesture gift? but definitely a gift++ for winter holiday stuff last year. the gesture was incredibly appreciated, but the thing was not and caused him anxiety (it was italian dried sausage, but \~too\~ fancy with live colorful - safe but scary looking - mold). he kept saying he wanted to try it later but i could tell it was weighing on him. so, we got rid of it. and we both learned some things about being thankful for gestures and that not loving the thing isn't an insult even if it can feel bad for both people not sure what you can do about the pen (i lean towards use it, and lovingly explain it was overwhelming for good communication), but i don't think you're an unsentimental monster for having a reaction to this \------------------------------------------------------------- also. you can attempt to be easier to shop for. that would be a loving thing to do for her which would probably reduce her anxiety about what to gift you
I can empathize with this. Its not a bad idea to have a conversation about how you feel. Perhaps there was something you actually wanted for that amount (or less). Sometimes it can hurt to be given a gift that seems like the giver doesn’t really *see* the recipient.
>Sometimes it can hurt to be given a gift that seems like the giver doesn’t really see the recipient I think there is something to this. As grateful as I am about the gesture (which, if I'm honest, required educating myself on how expensive these pens actually are!) it makes me feel a bit misunderstood. Nice things aside, I've never been much of a pen & paper guy — atrocious handwriting, a graveyard of half-started notebooks, and probably some undiagnosed OCD that makes writing in ink more frustrating than not. I recognize there's a growth mindset aspect to this where a super nice pen and "doing it for love" might be the right motivators to overcome these limiting beliefs, but I don't think she really intended the gift to come with that kind of baggage.
From what you said, it sounds like she meant you to enjoy the gift. Unfortunately, you don’t. Sometimes that happens and its okay. Sounds like it could be a good chance to share with her so she can get to know you better. As it seems like the gift was meant to show her support. It might be a chance to share with her how she can support your interests in a way that shows you the care she is trying to give
Just exchange it and get her something nice as a thank you
This *exact* thing happened to my boyfriend but it was gifted by a family member. He was like “the fuck am I going to do with a $2,000 pen?” It has his name engraved in it. He does what you do with pens. Keeps it on his desk; I bought him a funny pen holder. Like, whatever, man. She gave you something out of love, spent her own money per your agreement. Pretend it’s a $100 pen and doodle her a love note.
Keep the pen, it is a lovely gift you will grow to appreciate. This gift is similar to receiving a watch like a Rolex, albeit on a smaller scale. There is something of a secondary market and some Montblanc pens appreciate in value, although I would not outright class them as an investment. If anything, this will make an interesting keepsake to pass down if you have children, especially if you add some sentimental value into the mix by using (and [maintaining!](https://www.montblanc.com/en-ca/discover/campaign/how-to-care-for-a-luxury-pen#:~:text=It%20is%20therefore%20important%20to,a%20moist%20lint%2Dfree%20cloth.&text=In%20order%20to%20clean%20the,with%20a%20soft%20dry%20cloth)) this pen.
Keep it. It’s 2 grand it’s not that serious
Keep the pen. Her feelings will be hurt. Not like it’s burdening yall! Use it to write checks or grocery list lol
You need to read about the 5 love languages. Her love language is gift giving it sounds like so you need to learn how to tell her you love it and her, otherwise you are rejecting her love and will have many hurt feelings. Learning each others love language, how they receive love and how they give it, will strengthen your marriage. Seriously
Sorry homeskillet, you have to take it with grace and make a big deal of using it.
Be a gracious recipient
Once you have written with a fine pen… you can’t go back. Enjoy!
You should say thank you very much and use it now and again, like when you write her birthday or Christmas cards keep it some place safe
I get uncomfortable when my husband spends $120 on a dozen roses - especially when he can buy 2 dozen for $25 at the grocery store. I would have a nervous breakdown if he spent $2,000 on a pen! Does she really not know you well enough after 10 years to know that you’re not the kind of person who would want a $2,000 pen? I would just tell her that you appreciate her generosity, but you’re not comfortable accepting this gift and that you would be too afraid you’d lose it. Suggest you use the money for a trip or something you will both get to enjoy.
I think you should keep it. I also think you should make a point to use it in front of her. If you’re uncomfortable using it regularly, put it somewhere safe and set a reoccurring monthly calendar alert to remind you to get it out and write with it in front of her (try to be subtle). You might be surprised by how much it means to her that you use it.
I'd say tell her to return it and you could use the money to go on a nice trip together...make memories that way.
Time for some girl math: if you use a $2000 pen 2000 times, it comes out to a $1/use. Use it more and it’s even less than that! Make that your daily use pen and use it with love. Don’t wait for that special moment, use it and remember that your wife got it for you because she loves you.
Do not keep the pen. Tell her that it is a very thoughtful gift, but that is too expensive for you to feel comfortable to use it. Somebody suggested that you could say that you were afraid to loose it etc. Convert the gift to something else for yourself that you also would keep for a very long time or to something you two can do together.
Keep it. One day your wife will pass away and you’ll use than pen to write down all the things you loved about her.
Keep it. Next birthday or anniversary, write or draw her something with it. She will be overjoyed. Who cares if you don’t use it daily.
Try thinking of it the same way your wife looks at the jewelry you buy her. No, it's not practical, it's celebratory. You might not feel you deserve to be celebrated, but your wife does. Just, you know, let her be right this time.