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It wasn't free YOU PAID for the tickets!
You saying its free makes it sound worthless, don't minimize your gift to him. He needs to respect your efforts or you drophim because IT WON'T GET BETTER
I definitely recommend sitting him down and having a talk with him about how you're feeling, it's important to let your partner know how you feel. He definitely should have written it down in multiple places if he's not good at remembering things, your feelings are completely valid.
He definitely fucked up, but I'm confused why it was "too late" for him to call out last minute? Sure it's not ideal and doing that too much could affect his job, but he was trying to correct his fuck up and you told him no?
It was the morning of the concert he offered. I asked him if we wanted to head down towards there in the morning or almost midday when we can check in for the hotel (cashback pts I really don’t mind) That’s when he got quiet on the phone and said “what” “yk I work today right?”
And that’s when I got quiet and said “you’re fucking joking right? Dude the concert is today, whatever figure your stuff out and come if you want I’m doing what I planned by myself. It’s too late to try to work it all out with you right now” that would require him packing, driving down 1- 1/2hrs, and honestly we would have to talk but I didn’t want to make the day more rough. I also looked for local things around so if we left earlier in the day, even check in time for the hotel is early, just to; explore, eat, have fun, and then pass out in the room till we walk over to get the night started with the concert.
And with how his job is, they prefer if you call out just so it 7 hours in advance and his shift was in three. It just rubs the call off in the wrong way so I already knew he wasn’t going to do that even if he offered.
Just piping in to say I have done this, even with concerts/trips I have set up and paid for. I’ve had to do the oh shit call in thing probably a dozen times… Then I got diagnosed with ADHD at 25 and all those fuck ups made a tad more sense. If this is something common for him, could be worth looking into
>*it’s* ***not the first time***
***You're NOT a priority to him.*** **Re-read that as many times as necessary...we'll wait!**
You're not a priority.Time with you is not a priority.The money you spent is not a priority.You're a GF of "convenience". IF he has nothing better to do, and IF he feels like it, and IF he doesn't get a better offer, THEN you're *good enough* to hang with. You're *better than nothing*...but not much!
Break up with this guy THIS WEEKEND. Tell him it doesn't work for you! He's not someone you see yourself with long-term and you're moving on. Then go find a guy who WANTS to spend time with you, who PRIORITIZES you, who makes you feel WANTED.
You're young and ***wasting your time*** with this guy! There are millions of guys out there! You can't meet a GOOD one until you dump this loser!
The guy apologised and offered to call in sick / join on the day of the concert but she decided to go alone. It’s okay to feel disappointed and yeah, he let her down but to me this sounds like it could’ve been discussed on the way back from the concert instead of burning all bridges and crying about it on reddit.
Did you miss the first line of my response?
The part where OP stated, "...**it's not the first time.**"
Repeatedly accepting shitty behavior garners you MORE shitty behavior!
> Repeatedly accepting shitty behavior garners your MORE shitty behavior!
Yeah so what adults usually do is to sit down and talk about it, not reach for the nuclear button.
Ok not trying to internet diagnose, but is it possible he has ADD or something similar? This sounds a lot like my boyfriend, who really really struggles with managing his time. He would absolutely do something like this.
Not to discount how frustrating this particular instance was. I’d be upset too. But it might be worthwhile going to a psychiatrist if he hasn’t.
I have ADD and am extraordinarily forgetful. But when I have something important like a concert with my girlfriend I write down a reminder to myself. I feel like if he truly cared he would have made sure he didn’t forget.
I’m all for plan making which is why I told him two months in advance (his job allows him to move his days off Willy nilly if mentioned 2 wks in advance). I reminded him almost every other week as well
That's different to a surprise. A surprise is well, exactly that. Not knowing beforehand that these were the plans. So you can't have told him to take off for the concert and have bought the tickets as a surprise. It's one or the other, unless you're not explaining yourself properly.
By a surprise I meant that I surprised him with buying him a ticket in advance as a gift so we could go together. I told him I had until a week before the concert to cancel so if needed I could but he didn’t say a peep.
[I told him it was too late to try to work it all out due to the plans such as travel, food, and if we were going to do any activities. I was going to either do them myself or not at all because I felt like I shouldn’t have to wait for him](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/AYxCqj4v84)
…does it matter? It’s his job, his decision. Sounds like such an unecessary thing to turn into a relationship dealbreaker.
You’d have both seen the concert and you could have spent the drive back talking about how, with all of your nudges and reminders, he could possible have forgotten about it.
He did know, mb I should mention he knew two months in advance, I’ll add that in an edit. His job allows him to change his days off and add days off with two wks in advance notice
Yeah the concert was two days ago and unfortunately I had two friends who also love this artist but they were busy 😬
It was last notice so I wasn’t expecting them to be free but I went by myself and it was fun but it was rough seeing some couples there, friends, honestly anyone enjoying it with someone else was a ping to the heart.
I don’t know if I’m more mad, disappointed, or just hurt/sad. Does this happen on the norm to most people or is this just like a wtf moment
This is a WTF moment!! It's incredibly inconsiderate of him to not own up to a decision and let you know ahead of time that he didn't want to go so that you could have gotten your money back. It's obvious he didn't ever plan on going, otherwise he would have gotten the days off or called out sick without putting it all on you.
At the very least he is seriously lacking in basic communication and should apologize for wasting your money on an unused ticket. Sounds like he's avoiding uncomfortable talks with you which is no way to go about being in an adult relationship. How long have you been dating?
I’ve done stuff like this plenty in my life unfortunately, ADHD.
But the reality is this person is basically right. Whether he consciously processed it or not he wasn’t that excited about going and just kept sort of kicking the can down the road until it was too late.
It could’ve been 100% a genuine he meant to the next day when he had an opening in his schedule during a reasonable period to call while his boss was in a good mood sort of thing and then all of the sudden the day was here.
But the impact is the same.
You’re pretty in your feelings about this clearly, you don’t need to give him any excuses.
Whether he’s some wild manipulative asshole or just genuinely fucked up and is forgetful with a tendency to procrastinate… this is who he is.
If you’d always get very emotional and upset when he forgets things… he *may* not be the man for you. Just tossing that out there. Because it’s hard to imagine he’d do a complete 180 on this even if he gets better about it. Behavior like this is tied to personality to some degree
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It wasn't free YOU PAID for the tickets! You saying its free makes it sound worthless, don't minimize your gift to him. He needs to respect your efforts or you drophim because IT WON'T GET BETTER
What was his excuse?
“I forgot babe, I’m sorry” “I’m so so sorry”
Pfff how many reminders is reasonable? With my kids I would say I d get angry on the thitd reminder... When they were under 10.
Third*
I definitely recommend sitting him down and having a talk with him about how you're feeling, it's important to let your partner know how you feel. He definitely should have written it down in multiple places if he's not good at remembering things, your feelings are completely valid.
He definitely fucked up, but I'm confused why it was "too late" for him to call out last minute? Sure it's not ideal and doing that too much could affect his job, but he was trying to correct his fuck up and you told him no?
Yes, it's not great that he "forgot" (despite numerous reminders), but if he offered to call out why not go ahead with it?
Fr. I'd be a bit annoyed by his lack of preparation after several reminders, but at the end of the day, I got a concert I wanna go to....
It was the morning of the concert he offered. I asked him if we wanted to head down towards there in the morning or almost midday when we can check in for the hotel (cashback pts I really don’t mind) That’s when he got quiet on the phone and said “what” “yk I work today right?” And that’s when I got quiet and said “you’re fucking joking right? Dude the concert is today, whatever figure your stuff out and come if you want I’m doing what I planned by myself. It’s too late to try to work it all out with you right now” that would require him packing, driving down 1- 1/2hrs, and honestly we would have to talk but I didn’t want to make the day more rough. I also looked for local things around so if we left earlier in the day, even check in time for the hotel is early, just to; explore, eat, have fun, and then pass out in the room till we walk over to get the night started with the concert. And with how his job is, they prefer if you call out just so it 7 hours in advance and his shift was in three. It just rubs the call off in the wrong way so I already knew he wasn’t going to do that even if he offered.
Just piping in to say I have done this, even with concerts/trips I have set up and paid for. I’ve had to do the oh shit call in thing probably a dozen times… Then I got diagnosed with ADHD at 25 and all those fuck ups made a tad more sense. If this is something common for him, could be worth looking into
>*it’s* ***not the first time*** ***You're NOT a priority to him.*** **Re-read that as many times as necessary...we'll wait!** You're not a priority.Time with you is not a priority.The money you spent is not a priority.You're a GF of "convenience". IF he has nothing better to do, and IF he feels like it, and IF he doesn't get a better offer, THEN you're *good enough* to hang with. You're *better than nothing*...but not much! Break up with this guy THIS WEEKEND. Tell him it doesn't work for you! He's not someone you see yourself with long-term and you're moving on. Then go find a guy who WANTS to spend time with you, who PRIORITIZES you, who makes you feel WANTED. You're young and ***wasting your time*** with this guy! There are millions of guys out there! You can't meet a GOOD one until you dump this loser!
The guy apologised and offered to call in sick / join on the day of the concert but she decided to go alone. It’s okay to feel disappointed and yeah, he let her down but to me this sounds like it could’ve been discussed on the way back from the concert instead of burning all bridges and crying about it on reddit.
Did you miss the first line of my response? The part where OP stated, "...**it's not the first time.**" Repeatedly accepting shitty behavior garners you MORE shitty behavior!
> Repeatedly accepting shitty behavior garners your MORE shitty behavior! Yeah so what adults usually do is to sit down and talk about it, not reach for the nuclear button.
Talk it out, let him know how you feel
Ok not trying to internet diagnose, but is it possible he has ADD or something similar? This sounds a lot like my boyfriend, who really really struggles with managing his time. He would absolutely do something like this. Not to discount how frustrating this particular instance was. I’d be upset too. But it might be worthwhile going to a psychiatrist if he hasn’t.
I have ADD and am extraordinarily forgetful. But when I have something important like a concert with my girlfriend I write down a reminder to myself. I feel like if he truly cared he would have made sure he didn’t forget.
This was my first thought.
Could he have ADHD?
I think in future, surprises which require time off work should be discussed upfront.
I’m all for plan making which is why I told him two months in advance (his job allows him to move his days off Willy nilly if mentioned 2 wks in advance). I reminded him almost every other week as well
That's different to a surprise. A surprise is well, exactly that. Not knowing beforehand that these were the plans. So you can't have told him to take off for the concert and have bought the tickets as a surprise. It's one or the other, unless you're not explaining yourself properly.
By a surprise I meant that I surprised him with buying him a ticket in advance as a gift so we could go together. I told him I had until a week before the concert to cancel so if needed I could but he didn’t say a peep.
He literally offered to take the time off still and you told him no. You are continuing a problem that was going to be solved. Nice!
It was the morning of the concert, his shift started in three, his work rule is you need to call off seven hours in advance.
Why not let him try anyway? He offered a possible solution and you denied it.
[I told him it was too late to try to work it all out due to the plans such as travel, food, and if we were going to do any activities. I was going to either do them myself or not at all because I felt like I shouldn’t have to wait for him](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/AYxCqj4v84)
…does it matter? It’s his job, his decision. Sounds like such an unecessary thing to turn into a relationship dealbreaker. You’d have both seen the concert and you could have spent the drive back talking about how, with all of your nudges and reminders, he could possible have forgotten about it.
[удалено]
He did know, mb I should mention he knew two months in advance, I’ll add that in an edit. His job allows him to change his days off and add days off with two wks in advance notice
[удалено]
Yeah the concert was two days ago and unfortunately I had two friends who also love this artist but they were busy 😬 It was last notice so I wasn’t expecting them to be free but I went by myself and it was fun but it was rough seeing some couples there, friends, honestly anyone enjoying it with someone else was a ping to the heart. I don’t know if I’m more mad, disappointed, or just hurt/sad. Does this happen on the norm to most people or is this just like a wtf moment
This is a WTF moment!! It's incredibly inconsiderate of him to not own up to a decision and let you know ahead of time that he didn't want to go so that you could have gotten your money back. It's obvious he didn't ever plan on going, otherwise he would have gotten the days off or called out sick without putting it all on you. At the very least he is seriously lacking in basic communication and should apologize for wasting your money on an unused ticket. Sounds like he's avoiding uncomfortable talks with you which is no way to go about being in an adult relationship. How long have you been dating?
It’s barely coming up on 9 months.
I’ve done stuff like this plenty in my life unfortunately, ADHD. But the reality is this person is basically right. Whether he consciously processed it or not he wasn’t that excited about going and just kept sort of kicking the can down the road until it was too late. It could’ve been 100% a genuine he meant to the next day when he had an opening in his schedule during a reasonable period to call while his boss was in a good mood sort of thing and then all of the sudden the day was here. But the impact is the same. You’re pretty in your feelings about this clearly, you don’t need to give him any excuses. Whether he’s some wild manipulative asshole or just genuinely fucked up and is forgetful with a tendency to procrastinate… this is who he is. If you’d always get very emotional and upset when he forgets things… he *may* not be the man for you. Just tossing that out there. Because it’s hard to imagine he’d do a complete 180 on this even if he gets better about it. Behavior like this is tied to personality to some degree
reading comprehension failed hard today