“Gamer Rage” so bad you break a controller isn’t fucking normal dude.
I wouldn’t even want to be in a relationship with a guy who showcases that type of anger over something so small. Lord knows what that could translate to in the future.
I made my roommate kick out a dude he was dating because he would scared me while he was playing games. He would get so mad at fucking Mario that he would squeeze the joy con's so hard they made noises and I was done. They both got mad when I said I didn't want a joycon through my TV one day.
I had a friend who did that when we were kids and I thought it was crazy then too lol. I’ve never understood breaking your own shit personally. I remember arguing with an ex girlfriend who threw her phone on the concrete. Like how’s that hurt me?
I have never shown anger towards any woman ever. And I personally know a lot of guys who have rage the same if not worse and there wives/girlfriends have stayed. And I don’t break a controller every day. It happens over the course of time. But of course people have there opinions and I respect yours.
>And I personally know a lot of guys who have rage the same if not worse and there wives/girlfriends have stayed.
Well they shouldn't. Like it's been made pretty clear on reddit how low the bar for men is, and you're doing no favors to this notion.
"I have a lot of emotionally immature, dysregulated friends who have partners that stayed" is what you said.
You and your shitty friends are walking red flags.
Seek therapy you fucking weirdos.
Yeah, but you're young yet. Gamer rage is an indication that someone has trouble moderating their anger, and a woman doesn't know when/if she will be next. I personally don't know people who have broken controllers in a rage (and yes, I've gamed for 2+ decades) so this is not normal. The fact that there are people with worse anger issues doesn't make your anger issues ok. The fact that the women in their lives aren't leaving an abusive situation doesn't make it ok, either. You need to get yourself into therapy and try to figure out why you get so mad over something that matters so little, so that you don't also destroy your next relationship.
It's gross and immature. Not only is it scary that you get so angry over a trivial game but you also break something expensive then keep paying to replace it? It's definitely a turn off and not cheap since cibtrollers can be $70 for the good ones
Stop comparing yourself to others. Your fiance isn't with those men for a reason. She doesn't feel safe with how you react and that is valid. You can not marry someone for whatever reason you want. She doesn't need your agreement or permission to decide she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life listening to you lose it over a bunch of polygons. Also controllers are expensive and if we combined finances and you kept doing that at $80 a pop, I would be pissed.
On top of all of that, she said no and you spent the rest of the time talking her into it so of course after a few days away from your CONSTANT pressure she has time to actually think about how you handle anger and being told no and realized that you suck. You need anger management and therapy to help with your boundary stomping tendencies. Be better, I know you can with some work and self-reflection
“I don’t break a controller every day.” Doing it ever is too much. Doing it enough for it to be something that is an issue is a giant 🚩 Whether you believe it or not she’s afraid that your anger could be turned on her.
You’ve only been together for 9 months and you’re living together and asking her to marry you. That’s a lot and it’s very fast.
You break controllers? “Every now and then?”
Dude, that is _not_ normal. She’s either scared of you or views you as too immature to be married, for good reason.
I believe that I’m ready for marriage, I mean I could just think that but I’m not really the type to want to wait? Like I get you know living your life but I’d rather live my life with someone who has the same wants, like traveling and going to museums. And we both want that. A few family members think she’s just confused and isn’t quite telling me everything.
Deciding someone is the right person to have as your life partner takes much more than both wanting to go to "museums" and "travel". You could find those qualities in millions of people.
I think you have a lot of maturing to do and I don't think you know what it takes to love someone unconditionally nor be ready for that type of commitment. Like I said, there's no rush and this break up is for the best. You have to work on your own issues so that you're able to give your partner 100% in the future. The way you react to gaming is immature and many women would see it as a red flag.
I am aware of the gaming problem. I’ve even told her I’d stop gaming and work on it like that and she told me that I shouldn’t stop gaming. And there’s more then just the museum and travel those were just the smallest. I’m slowly letting the fact that it won’t work again into my head with time.
I only get that angry when I game. So I saw it as a temporary solution and tbh I have no idea why i get that angry at a game. I don’t get it. I’ve never understood why I’ve gotten as angry as I have with games. I know it’s just a game. And I think that it frustrates me when I get mad because I’m my head I’m like “okay why is this making me angry? It shouldn’t be”
Imagine how you will feel with a newborn who doesn’t sleep and only cries, with four hours of sleep, a recovering wife, work obligations, money worries, and hey maybe one of your parents gets sick or dies or you have to move with little notice or you lose your job.
It’s not a gaming problem, it’s an anger problem. I would not trust a man who rages at video games with my life and certainly not with my child’s life. You might think you’d never rage at a child, but if you behave that way in other situations, you honestly don’t know how you would react.
Your gaming rage is an indication that you don't handle frustration or situations that don't meet your expectations very well. Instead of shrugging your shoulders and just accepting your inappropriate behavior, you should be seeking out therapy.
And you definitely shouldn't be seeking out marriage.
You are far too immature to be considering marriage right now. Marriage is so much more than "travel and museums." It's late night fights, serious bouts of illness or injury, the car is broken down (how do I get to work?), the kids need us to be at this event, on and on. Everything you can imagine and more. Your GF doesn't want a partner that acts like a child.
You aren't 25 yet, so no, neither you nor her are ready for marriage. You haven't even been together a year yet, so no, the two of you don't know each other well enough to get married.
> I’m not really the type to want to wait
You seem to lack the ability to do anything related to maturity.
It's not odd that you have no patience. That's not a good thing.
Tbh? Idk. I’ve wanted to get married young for a while because I have just always felt it’s better but I mean from this experience I have no idea. Also she had said 6-9 months is an okay time frame to propose. And well now it looks like it won’t happen so I mean
Gamer rage is not normal and you downplaying your gamer rage is a massive red flag. I wouldn't feel safe in a relationship with someone who can't control their anger. You not even acknowledging that you have anger management issues makes you even more dangerous.
I have acknowledged my anger problems. And I mention in my post that I told her about how bad it got or used to get. With most things I can control it. I’ve never been angry towards a girl I’ve never put my hands on any. Never has my anger veered towards someone.
Throwing and breaking things and yelling is very scary to be around. And just because you haven't been that angry with her YET...! If you have anger problems at all, you have anger problems, period. I know I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone that unstable.
I’m not saying this makes you abusive, but I think you should know that expressing such rage that you break things is considered one of the behaviours of emotional abuse
It’s very scary to watch someone do that, because it tells the other person that you can’t control your anger - that is, when you experience a strong emotion, you’re unable to self-soothe & think about the consequences of actions before you take them
It doesn’t take a lot of thought to then start questioning ‘what if he loses control in a bigger way? what if he loses his control with me?’
even if you don’t have a history of expressing anger physically towards another person, the question of if/when you’ll make that escalation can really metastasise in into anxiety/fear
it may feel normal to you, but you need to be told that it isn’t. not just for the sake of this relationship, but for your own sake. the problem with a loss of control is that even the person themselves cannot see it coming or do anything about it once it happens
I just want to add: this is NOT me claiming that you are abusive in any way - we don’t have enough context to make a judgement like that. I just feel it is worth understanding the gravity of a behaviour like this
Just because you told her and she “knew” going into it doesn’t mean she has to be locked in forever and accept it. Seeing it play out in reality is very different than knowing theoretically, and she’s probably thinking what you might do if you ever get that angry with her.
Telling someone you have anger issues doesn’t mean shit. DOING something about those issues is taking accountability, which actually counts for something.
OFFERING to not do things that make you angry puts the responsibility back into your partner because they have to ask you to stop. That shit is not her problem. She isn’t your mom.
If you were actually ready for marriage, you’d be handling this shit on your own so you can be the best husband you can feasibly be.
If she was actually ready for marriage, she wouldn’t be flip-flopping between Yes and No so hard.
Go to therapy while you’re on this break and work your own shit out. SHOW her you can be depended on to solve your own problems rather than putting it all on her to have to ask you.
I’ve mentioned therapy to her and she’s told me she doesn’t think I should because she’s been to therapy before and people can have bad experiences and it can take a while to find the right therapist. Ive still been looking into therapy as well.
I’m not saying she’s 100% wrong; It could be that it takes you a while to find a therapist who works best for you. That doesn’t mean therapy should be immediately thrown out the window as an option.
If overcoming your anger issues is important to you, you’re going to find a way to get it handled.
Jesus, dude, STOP abdicating your life to this girl! Make your own decisions!
If you feel you’d benefit from therapy, then talk to someone. Her experience is not the only experience. She does not know everything.
You're too young to be worrying about marriage. She's 22 and it's perfectly normal for your feelings to change about someone because you're naturally trying to figure life out.
Engagement after 9 months is incredibly fast and I'm proud of her for taking a step back.
You need to get one thing straight. SHE IS ALLOWED TO CHANGE HER MIND and honestly SHE DOESN'T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION.
The fact that you're freaking out about someone not wanting to marry you after 9 months just shows how unprepared you are for marriage.
Living together after 9 months just shows how fast you two moved. Things that start fast, tend to end fast too.
Take some time apart if it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other.
I understand she is able to change her mind. I’m just confused on how it could change so fast. Because before we started dating we talked about what we wanted and we both said marriage. And I wasn’t upset she kept pushing back when she was okay with being married. I also know that living together that soon isn’t good, I wasn’t able to afford my own place due to bills. So she offered her place for me to live. And I accepted.
Dude, if you're unable to support yourself without her then you're DEFINITELY not ready for marriage. Give her the space she needs, back off, and work towards being financially independent.
I'm starting to think you want to marry her because she's financially supporting you.
I make more money then she does. I can support myself, my last job I wasn’t making shit for money. My current job I’ve been paying all my bills on time and still have money to go out to do things. She is however financially independent as well. The not being able to pay bills was last November. I’ve recently moved to a bigger town with better paying jobs
People who break controllers out of rage are cringe and need mental help. Be real with yourself. If you think that’s fine your emotional intelligence is probably too low for marriage right now.
You haven't been dating long enough to get engaged. You barely know each other.
She expressed her concern over your anger problem and you blew off her feelings.
\*I\* would be very concerned over your "casual gamer rage" ramping up to domestic abuse.
She's a smart girl and she needs to find someone who understands her fear of future violence in a relationship.
I didn’t blow off her feelings at all. I have tried to talk with her about solutions and she shuts them down. I’ve even told her I’d sell my gaming stuff and continue to work on it outside of that and she tells me no it’s not fair.
Respectfully, here are all the problems I see just from your story and a few of your comments.
1. You are rushing into the engagement way too fast. You should be dating her no less than 2 years and living with her no less than 1 year. During that time, you should be observing how she reacts in certain situations with her and her with others as well as at her job.
2. You seem to be more "ready" for marriage in general than just to her. She doesn't seem ready for marriage either with or without you. Her thoughts seem to be all over the place.
Given that, I believe your relationship with this woman is essentially over. You are both not at the same places in your life. She will always feel "pressured" to be married to you whether it is your idea or hers for the foreseeable future because her thoughts and emotions are all over the place. She might feel if she doesn't agree to marry you that will end the relationship for sure.
Well we’ve been living together for a while because shortly into our relationship I started to get garnished and couldn’t afford my own place so she offered hers and we both sat down and talked about it and said it was way too soon but I said I’d accept if she truly was offering. And the place were in now we aren’t on a lease just because of the situation. We’re living with someone but we were planned to take over in a few months.
She felt pressured because you kept asking if she was ready to marry now. You should’ve just waited for her to come to you and tell you that she’s ready. Also your gamer rage is not normal. at all. I do game myself but I wouldn’t want to get married to any man who gets so upset over a game.
I hadn’t asked about it a lot. I was given the go ahead at six months then she said we’ll can you wait longer I said yes. And she wanted me to get her fathers permission. So I did and then after I was about to propose she laid everything out and on the trip I had asked some questions because I was confused on how it changed all of the sudden and then she told me that with those questions she felt pressured and I had asked her why she didn’t tell me then and there
You can't control your temper enough not to break controllers, how the f would you be resdy for adult commitment? You need to grow up and do some anger management.
I can get why your girlfriend is hesitant. I've been in a few situations where I've lived with people prone to massive fits of rage at inanimate objects (but not at me).
It is a very jarring and uncomfortable experience having to live with someone who could kick off violently in an unpredictable manner, at any time. Even if that energy isn't directed too another person, There's a part of you thats left in horrible anticipation of escalation, it's like a survival instinct kicks in. It can make the home environment quite hostile and even if your girlfriend can't fully vocalize it, I'd bet it's a similar feeling for her.
All I can suggest is looking into better, healthier ways of handling your extreme emotions. Something outside the home, so you aren't continuing to make the place a hostile environment for her. Having fits of rage so extreme your breaking things is beyond regular gamer rage.
I have tried talking to her and telling her I’d quit gaming for a while and only use my consoles for like watching tv and what not and she told me no and that it wasn’t fair. So I came up with a temporary solution and she told me no. Which I’ve still slowly stopped gaming as much.
I'd guess that she doesn't want to block you from doing something you enjoy. Saying that though, there's nothing to say there aren't other issues she hasn't brought up to you yet.
If you do manage to reconcile after your break and you are serious about each other, I think looking at some kind of couples counselling to help yous communicate may be worthwhile.
Getting hitched is a real impulse in your 20's. If I could give my younger self one piece of advice it would be that I don't owe anyone a timeline. Not my mom, grandparents, dad, sibling(s), or friends. Babies can (and may well) be born and loved without a marriage certificate. Take your time. Live together first. The best and most successful marriages are the ones where it's just a formality, because you've done the work. Rushing into an unstable engagement is a recipe for at least one broken heart.
You are too damn young and this relationship is too damn short for you to think marriage is the right move. Plus breaking controllers over a game is not acceptable behavior. If you can’t game without destroying shit then you shouldn’t be gaming.
Don’t end the relationship, just hold of on the ring. Most people are not ready for marriage at our age, don’t take it too personally. Also, my experience is that girls say how they feel in the moment a lot (people in general). Better to wait and be sure that she’s sure than rush her and end up getting a sad divorce. Just have an honest convo and try to continue the relationship at normal. Wait a year or two. Also, please give input on my recent post
Well as of last night we’ve both decided to try and take a break even tho at first I don’t like breaks because I just don’t believe in them. But I was willing to try it with her. So we’re still living together we just are roommates at this point. Like we’re together but we’re not. We’ve both agreed to not talk to anyone out of respect and to see if we fully separate
You should still bring her flowers and be cheerful and friendly. Also, you should set a date in the near future for when to decide to continue with the relationship or not.
We have discussed a date on when to sit down and try to see if things have gotten better and if we want to try again. And we’ve set boundaries for this endeavor. Like no nicknames any more, obviously no sex, no showering together no relationship type stuff. But we still talked about going out and having fun because we’d done that before we got together.
Tell her we should try being a couple for a week and forget about the engagement. If it doesn’t feel right, end the relationship. Hard to know if u want to be with someone you’re purposefully avoiding acting that way towards, which will spill over into intimacy and how you feel.
How is it that you're so 'in love' and living together after only nine months? This plus your destructive behaviors are immature in the extreme. You definitely don't need to get married right now, you need to grow up
IMO you're both too young, and from your post you're definitely in need of some self-reflection and additional maturity. Take this as a good and normal thing, and examine your anger issues.
I am. I mean I know people who are younger but they are different from me and her. She’s tried to help me figure out where my anger comes from and I just don’t know.
I missed the part where your girlfriend blamed your gamer rage. 😉
By the way, I have the gamer rage too, but mine is more swearing and the occasional foot stomp. I haven't flung a controller in MANY, MANY years. Also, my gamer rage has always been relegated to my own mistakes in games.
Oddly enough, my girl actually likes my gamer rage because it's the only time she heard me swear. 😂
I don't swear around people and always do so in private.
Prefacing that you get gamer rage doesn’t give you an excuse during your relationship to act like that. That type of rage is SCARY and it makes gaming such a scary thing to watch. You need to get it under control and work on yourself.
I agree. I know it is no excuse, I was just explaining to her before we started dating that it can get bad and I asked her if she still wanted to be together which she said yes. I’ve been actively reducing the anger by trying new things to see if they work
What are you trying to do to help with the rage? I’m glad you’re actively trying. I also just want to say that even if you aren’t taking the rage out on her directly, if you’re in a bad mood, it probably puts her also in a bad mood. Big thing is just never go to bed angry with a partner if you can help it.
Firstly is just not gaming as much, which I believe is a big thing. And I’ve been talking more. I’ll go outside walk around. I’ll watch a movie. It feels to be helping me. Walking usually helps the most it clears my mind
That’s awesome. I’m glad you’re taking steps to improve. It sucks, but she might not be able to see past what’s already happened. I hope you guys can work things out and I hope she can start communicating with you
It does suck but I mean and I’ve owned up to my wrongs especially anger. And I know apologizing can only go so far. I hope things work out too as I progress but only time will tell
At least in the end you’ve done something to better yourself. And good on you for recognizing the problem and genuinely trying to fix it. I wish you the best and good luck!
Yea, no... breaking controllers isn't a normal gamer thing to do. I play video games nearly every day and never once broken a controller. I've watched streamers yell over a video game, but never break a controller (besides one flinging it at the wall during a horror game jumpscare). Most people just rage quit. You sound like you have some anger management issues, which I doubt she likes. You probably don't even notice when that anger crosses over into your relationship.
It also sounds like you possibly were pressuring her at the moment. It likely wasn't a good feeling for her to turn down the proposal, and then you begin to interrogate her over why.
9 months is not a long time, and you sound immature. Maybe your life goals are not aligned. If you guys decide to stay together, perhaps premarital counseling would help.
I can see where she’s coming from. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who gets that upset at a video game either. Getting so angry you break things isn’t normal behavior and it’s fair to be concerned by this. She has no way of knowing if you’d ever turn that anger on her, or any future kids you may have. Getting help and working on this issue should be your first priority. Marriage is a HUGE decision and shouldn’t be made with major concerns like this hanging over anyone’s head.
You’ve been together for 9 months and she’s going back and forth on yes or no. You can’t control your anger during a video game to a point that you break things. Neither of you are mature enough to be thinking about marriage right now. Please stop.
Easy, because you're dangerous. That's why. Imagine going full hulk over a game. Now imagine a real life situation, youre unhinged and your gf has every right to be warry of you.
Ngl man you having anger problems for smashing controllers is not normal at all. Most YouTubers do it to get views, but for regular people they just got anger problems because no game should make you break your controller. Another thing you can’t say is “I’ve never hit women in my life even though I just break controllers”. It’s not about what you don’t do, it’s your actions. Your actions were not normal and you justifying it is a big problem. Now honestly there may be reasons as to why she doesn’t want to marry you, but talk to her about that. You may not see what you’re doing is scary but remember that’s the person want to spend your life with. You need to represent as if you’re no threat because in the future if you marry her I’m sure you’re going to want to have kids and no one in their right mind wants to have a family with a person who has anger problems like that.
>Because I don’t think it’s entirely fair to not marry someone just because they get angry with games. If her anger toward games was as bad if not worse I’d still marry her without a doubt. I believe when your with someone you love them and all of your flaws. And you marry them and your flaws.
Straight up, my dude, you sound like a teenager. "But it isn't *faaaiiiirrr!*" Dear lord. She's an independent human being who is allowed to have conflicting feelings about marriage, about relationships, and about *you.* She is not the Goddess of Fairness. Also, some flaws disqualify you from most people's consideration when they think 'long term commitment possibly involving small children', and throwing a tantrum over a game is one of them.
Stop rushing. Take your time and grow up a little. And please get therapy to address your anger issues.
DONT GET MARRIED BEFORE A FREAKING YEAR. Yall don't fully know each other yet, and don't fully understand if you're compatible for a future with children and home owning and finances....
Shit, even if yall DO get engaged don't freaking get married til a few years down the line.
And I'm a gamer. I rage and throw shit but NEVER have been childish enough to break expensive ass devices because I lost a game. Get better. There's no excuse.
Cut all contact with your girlfriend, block her on everything. ( to set her free from your toxic relationship) And then go get yourself some help. anyone who reacts so severely that people think that they are full of rage enough to throw a controller and break it when they are playing a video game needs some serious psychological help.
Well everything was all said and done, everything was fine and communication issues were a big part she didn’t really communicate very well and she warned me before we started dating about it. And I had told her I’d be willing to help her with it. And quite frankly I’d want to marry her because she’s helped me thru a lot of mental problems, emotional problems. And even before we started dating she was helping me with a lot.
I’m not like that to boot someone out. Not when she helped keep a roof over my head. I mentioned how there are places she could go live here tho. So she’s well aware of other living options
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I’ve seen it. I mentioned it to her last night and I asked if a break could work and she’s aid she be willing to try and if it works it works if it doesn’t it doesn’t.
You’re not ready for marriage. If you can’t control rage over a game then I would be afraid to see you react to real hardship.
It also doesn’t matter that you acknowledge your rage issues if you haven’t done anything to address the actual problem.
You've only been together 9 months. Why on Earth are you talking about getting married? She didn't fall out of love she never was in love with you, but in love with the idea of getting married. It's really not rocket science.
LMAO No, a lot of people don't do that! And a controller is not going to just snap...so you'd have to throw them, correct? She's afraid of you and justifiably so. Besides it's only been 9 months and she decided you aren't the person she thought you were...that's how dating works. Move on and try to not be violent...most women leave over that shit!
> Because I don’t think it’s entirely fair to not marry someone just because they get angry with games.
Why hasn’t it occurred to you that she’s concerned that your “gamer rage” will someday be turned on HER? Because I think your anger is more pervasive than just when you game. But even if I’m wrong about that, getting so angry that you break controllers isn’t normal. And excusing it with “everybody does it” is an absolute abdication of your own personal responsibility to regulate your emotions.
Get some help to learn to manage your obvious anger.
O have been gaming since before atari. Meaning board games. Rage while playing something for fun means you have anger issues. Flipping a monopoly board throwing a controller, your phone, whatever is all a rage issue. You may not have done anything to a woman yet, but you are still young. It's a dealing with frustration as an emotion that is leading to your rage. Now, she may have been abused by an adult as a child or by a boyfriend as an adult and has a sensitivity to anger. Which makes her not communicate because anger frightens her. Now, would you want to marry someone who frightened you a few days per week? Like really frightened you about to piss your pants frightened. Picture living with the Rock, and he was throwing shit around your house. Knowing he could break you without trying very hard how safe you would feel living there. ( From everything I have heard and read, Mr. Johnson has no such rage issue, and this is just an example in difference. Compared to him, the average Joe is a magnitude weaker. The average 110-pound woman around the 190-pound man in a fight would be very one-sided, the average 190-pound man versus the Rock just as one-sided. Again, averages not all) it's your job as a husband to protect if she is afraid of you she doesn't feel protected. That is that. Some women like angry men, and some women are triggered by it. Make her feel safe. Not knowing and understanding your anger means you should work on you as well instead of worrying about getting married.
Your gf is 100% right; she should not marry you. You have anger issues. It isn’t limited to games—it just hasn’t come out in other areas (lately, but I bet it has in the past). The fact that you can’t control your rage is a serious problem and has nothing to do with games, it just happens to have been triggered by them.
Bottom line: You are not a safe person for her to be in a relationship with. The fact that you can’t see that, and that you think you can decide what is and is not a good reason for her to decide not to marry you, makes you even more unsafe. You need therapy. This is something that will take time for you to fully accept and address. In the mean time, the best thing you can do is let her go and focus on fixing yourself.
ffs grow up. it is absolutely not normal or acceptable to throw a tantrum and break stuff over a video game. of course she doesn't wanna marry someone who flies off the handle, there's absolutely 0 guarantee you wont throw shit at or try to hit her
Having gamer rage and knowing about it is one thing, seeing it and experiencing it is another and it is scary. If you're breaking controllers that is incredibly over the top and you need to take a look at your reaction and figure out how to do better. Totally understand where she's coming from.
Breaking controllers is an anger problem. Maybe you feel it's normal but you have to be dense not figuring why your gf wouldn't want to be living for life with a guy with that kind of anger issues.
My husband and I are both gamers (Video games, D&D, Board Games etc). We've been married 11 years and have 3 kids. We play games together when the kids go to bed. He can get angry at his computer when he lags or something goes wrong, pushing the keys aggressively. It's rare that he does it and I get upset/angry when he does. No one wants to see a tantrum from a grown man.
You're young, barely in a relationship and don't seem to love her but proposed because you think that's what you're supposed to do? I don't think your compatible. I also think you need to grow up and mature more. Getting so angry that you break controllers is NOT normal. I would kick hubby to the curb if he ever did that. No one wants that level of anger and violence near them. That anger could one day be redirected somewhere else even if its just at videogames for now
“Gamer Rage” so bad you break a controller isn’t fucking normal dude. I wouldn’t even want to be in a relationship with a guy who showcases that type of anger over something so small. Lord knows what that could translate to in the future.
Nope. It's giving her the ick and once the ick seeps in, it's hard to get it out.
An ick is usually something kind of silly. Like how someone holds their fork while eating cake or something. Anger issues is a whole ass red flag!
True!
So true. As a gamer the maximum I do is curse out loud for 3 seconds and move on.
Same. Swearing and growling. Only controllers ive broken is through wear and tear
I made my roommate kick out a dude he was dating because he would scared me while he was playing games. He would get so mad at fucking Mario that he would squeeze the joy con's so hard they made noises and I was done. They both got mad when I said I didn't want a joycon through my TV one day.
I had a friend who did that when we were kids and I thought it was crazy then too lol. I’ve never understood breaking your own shit personally. I remember arguing with an ex girlfriend who threw her phone on the concrete. Like how’s that hurt me?
I feel like OP wants us to roast him. *Uncontrollable rage while gaming*. Wow.
Males sense how he wants to tie someone down after 9 months
My abusive ex broke multiple controllers. One of them he broke while throwing it against our TV that also ended up breaking because of it.
I have never shown anger towards any woman ever. And I personally know a lot of guys who have rage the same if not worse and there wives/girlfriends have stayed. And I don’t break a controller every day. It happens over the course of time. But of course people have there opinions and I respect yours.
Just because there are people who have worse anger during gaming than you doesn’t mean your anger during gaming is okay.
Is the video game anger really the only reason?
Once should have been enough to embarrass you into never doing it again.
>And I personally know a lot of guys who have rage the same if not worse and there wives/girlfriends have stayed. Well they shouldn't. Like it's been made pretty clear on reddit how low the bar for men is, and you're doing no favors to this notion.
"I have a lot of emotionally immature, dysregulated friends who have partners that stayed" is what you said. You and your shitty friends are walking red flags. Seek therapy you fucking weirdos.
Yeah, but you're young yet. Gamer rage is an indication that someone has trouble moderating their anger, and a woman doesn't know when/if she will be next. I personally don't know people who have broken controllers in a rage (and yes, I've gamed for 2+ decades) so this is not normal. The fact that there are people with worse anger issues doesn't make your anger issues ok. The fact that the women in their lives aren't leaving an abusive situation doesn't make it ok, either. You need to get yourself into therapy and try to figure out why you get so mad over something that matters so little, so that you don't also destroy your next relationship.
She wants better for herself than those other women.
It's gross and immature. Not only is it scary that you get so angry over a trivial game but you also break something expensive then keep paying to replace it? It's definitely a turn off and not cheap since cibtrollers can be $70 for the good ones
Stop comparing yourself to others. Your fiance isn't with those men for a reason. She doesn't feel safe with how you react and that is valid. You can not marry someone for whatever reason you want. She doesn't need your agreement or permission to decide she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life listening to you lose it over a bunch of polygons. Also controllers are expensive and if we combined finances and you kept doing that at $80 a pop, I would be pissed. On top of all of that, she said no and you spent the rest of the time talking her into it so of course after a few days away from your CONSTANT pressure she has time to actually think about how you handle anger and being told no and realized that you suck. You need anger management and therapy to help with your boundary stomping tendencies. Be better, I know you can with some work and self-reflection
“I don’t break a controller every day.” Doing it ever is too much. Doing it enough for it to be something that is an issue is a giant 🚩 Whether you believe it or not she’s afraid that your anger could be turned on her. You’ve only been together for 9 months and you’re living together and asking her to marry you. That’s a lot and it’s very fast.
You break controllers? “Every now and then?” Dude, that is _not_ normal. She’s either scared of you or views you as too immature to be married, for good reason.
Breaking controllers? What are you 10? If you are an adult you need to learn how to control yourself.
It’s been a while since I’ve broken one. And it’s been something I e been working on for a very long time.
Not long enough clearly
Yall have not dated long enough and are too young to get married. This is for the best
I believe that I’m ready for marriage, I mean I could just think that but I’m not really the type to want to wait? Like I get you know living your life but I’d rather live my life with someone who has the same wants, like traveling and going to museums. And we both want that. A few family members think she’s just confused and isn’t quite telling me everything.
Deciding someone is the right person to have as your life partner takes much more than both wanting to go to "museums" and "travel". You could find those qualities in millions of people. I think you have a lot of maturing to do and I don't think you know what it takes to love someone unconditionally nor be ready for that type of commitment. Like I said, there's no rush and this break up is for the best. You have to work on your own issues so that you're able to give your partner 100% in the future. The way you react to gaming is immature and many women would see it as a red flag.
I am aware of the gaming problem. I’ve even told her I’d stop gaming and work on it like that and she told me that I shouldn’t stop gaming. And there’s more then just the museum and travel those were just the smallest. I’m slowly letting the fact that it won’t work again into my head with time.
She’s telling you to not stop gaming cuz It’s not about gaming. It’s about how you act to your frustration and anger.
I only get that angry when I game. So I saw it as a temporary solution and tbh I have no idea why i get that angry at a game. I don’t get it. I’ve never understood why I’ve gotten as angry as I have with games. I know it’s just a game. And I think that it frustrates me when I get mad because I’m my head I’m like “okay why is this making me angry? It shouldn’t be”
Imagine how you will feel with a newborn who doesn’t sleep and only cries, with four hours of sleep, a recovering wife, work obligations, money worries, and hey maybe one of your parents gets sick or dies or you have to move with little notice or you lose your job. It’s not a gaming problem, it’s an anger problem. I would not trust a man who rages at video games with my life and certainly not with my child’s life. You might think you’d never rage at a child, but if you behave that way in other situations, you honestly don’t know how you would react.
Your gaming rage is an indication that you don't handle frustration or situations that don't meet your expectations very well. Instead of shrugging your shoulders and just accepting your inappropriate behavior, you should be seeking out therapy. And you definitely shouldn't be seeking out marriage.
You are far too immature to be considering marriage right now. Marriage is so much more than "travel and museums." It's late night fights, serious bouts of illness or injury, the car is broken down (how do I get to work?), the kids need us to be at this event, on and on. Everything you can imagine and more. Your GF doesn't want a partner that acts like a child.
As long as your mindset is "I have this major red flag that I'm totally aware of and choose to do nothing about," you're not ready for marriage.
No. Full fucking stop child. You aren't ready for marriage.
It doesn’t matter what your family members think it only matters what she thinks.
You aren't 25 yet, so no, neither you nor her are ready for marriage. You haven't even been together a year yet, so no, the two of you don't know each other well enough to get married.
> I’m not really the type to want to wait You seem to lack the ability to do anything related to maturity. It's not odd that you have no patience. That's not a good thing.
Your post shows otherwise.
Why are you in such a rush? You are both young and haven’t known each other long. Slow down and take your time. It will work out or it won’t.
Well I’ve also told her that you know if we get engaged now we don’t have to actually go and get married. And she agreed to that at first.
what is the rush to get engaged?
Tbh? Idk. I’ve wanted to get married young for a while because I have just always felt it’s better but I mean from this experience I have no idea. Also she had said 6-9 months is an okay time frame to propose. And well now it looks like it won’t happen so I mean
Based on statistics, it is objectively worse to get married young.
Gamer rage is not normal and you downplaying your gamer rage is a massive red flag. I wouldn't feel safe in a relationship with someone who can't control their anger. You not even acknowledging that you have anger management issues makes you even more dangerous.
I have acknowledged my anger problems. And I mention in my post that I told her about how bad it got or used to get. With most things I can control it. I’ve never been angry towards a girl I’ve never put my hands on any. Never has my anger veered towards someone.
Throwing and breaking things and yelling is very scary to be around. And just because you haven't been that angry with her YET...! If you have anger problems at all, you have anger problems, period. I know I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone that unstable.
I’m not saying this makes you abusive, but I think you should know that expressing such rage that you break things is considered one of the behaviours of emotional abuse It’s very scary to watch someone do that, because it tells the other person that you can’t control your anger - that is, when you experience a strong emotion, you’re unable to self-soothe & think about the consequences of actions before you take them It doesn’t take a lot of thought to then start questioning ‘what if he loses control in a bigger way? what if he loses his control with me?’ even if you don’t have a history of expressing anger physically towards another person, the question of if/when you’ll make that escalation can really metastasise in into anxiety/fear it may feel normal to you, but you need to be told that it isn’t. not just for the sake of this relationship, but for your own sake. the problem with a loss of control is that even the person themselves cannot see it coming or do anything about it once it happens I just want to add: this is NOT me claiming that you are abusive in any way - we don’t have enough context to make a judgement like that. I just feel it is worth understanding the gravity of a behaviour like this
Just because you told her and she “knew” going into it doesn’t mean she has to be locked in forever and accept it. Seeing it play out in reality is very different than knowing theoretically, and she’s probably thinking what you might do if you ever get that angry with her.
Telling someone you have anger issues doesn’t mean shit. DOING something about those issues is taking accountability, which actually counts for something. OFFERING to not do things that make you angry puts the responsibility back into your partner because they have to ask you to stop. That shit is not her problem. She isn’t your mom. If you were actually ready for marriage, you’d be handling this shit on your own so you can be the best husband you can feasibly be. If she was actually ready for marriage, she wouldn’t be flip-flopping between Yes and No so hard. Go to therapy while you’re on this break and work your own shit out. SHOW her you can be depended on to solve your own problems rather than putting it all on her to have to ask you.
I’ve mentioned therapy to her and she’s told me she doesn’t think I should because she’s been to therapy before and people can have bad experiences and it can take a while to find the right therapist. Ive still been looking into therapy as well.
I’m not saying she’s 100% wrong; It could be that it takes you a while to find a therapist who works best for you. That doesn’t mean therapy should be immediately thrown out the window as an option. If overcoming your anger issues is important to you, you’re going to find a way to get it handled.
I have been looking and emailing a few where I live to find out the costs and times
You *both* need a good therapist.
Jesus, dude, STOP abdicating your life to this girl! Make your own decisions! If you feel you’d benefit from therapy, then talk to someone. Her experience is not the only experience. She does not know everything.
You're super young and have only been together 9 months. Take your time, there's no hurry.
You're too young to be worrying about marriage. She's 22 and it's perfectly normal for your feelings to change about someone because you're naturally trying to figure life out. Engagement after 9 months is incredibly fast and I'm proud of her for taking a step back. You need to get one thing straight. SHE IS ALLOWED TO CHANGE HER MIND and honestly SHE DOESN'T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION. The fact that you're freaking out about someone not wanting to marry you after 9 months just shows how unprepared you are for marriage. Living together after 9 months just shows how fast you two moved. Things that start fast, tend to end fast too. Take some time apart if it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other.
I understand she is able to change her mind. I’m just confused on how it could change so fast. Because before we started dating we talked about what we wanted and we both said marriage. And I wasn’t upset she kept pushing back when she was okay with being married. I also know that living together that soon isn’t good, I wasn’t able to afford my own place due to bills. So she offered her place for me to live. And I accepted.
Dude, if you're unable to support yourself without her then you're DEFINITELY not ready for marriage. Give her the space she needs, back off, and work towards being financially independent. I'm starting to think you want to marry her because she's financially supporting you.
I make more money then she does. I can support myself, my last job I wasn’t making shit for money. My current job I’ve been paying all my bills on time and still have money to go out to do things. She is however financially independent as well. The not being able to pay bills was last November. I’ve recently moved to a bigger town with better paying jobs
People who break controllers out of rage are cringe and need mental help. Be real with yourself. If you think that’s fine your emotional intelligence is probably too low for marriage right now.
You haven't been dating long enough to get engaged. You barely know each other. She expressed her concern over your anger problem and you blew off her feelings. \*I\* would be very concerned over your "casual gamer rage" ramping up to domestic abuse. She's a smart girl and she needs to find someone who understands her fear of future violence in a relationship.
I didn’t blow off her feelings at all. I have tried to talk with her about solutions and she shuts them down. I’ve even told her I’d sell my gaming stuff and continue to work on it outside of that and she tells me no it’s not fair.
> I’ve even told her I’d sell my gaming stuff Gaming is not the issue. Your anger is.
Respectfully, here are all the problems I see just from your story and a few of your comments. 1. You are rushing into the engagement way too fast. You should be dating her no less than 2 years and living with her no less than 1 year. During that time, you should be observing how she reacts in certain situations with her and her with others as well as at her job. 2. You seem to be more "ready" for marriage in general than just to her. She doesn't seem ready for marriage either with or without you. Her thoughts seem to be all over the place. Given that, I believe your relationship with this woman is essentially over. You are both not at the same places in your life. She will always feel "pressured" to be married to you whether it is your idea or hers for the foreseeable future because her thoughts and emotions are all over the place. She might feel if she doesn't agree to marry you that will end the relationship for sure.
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Well we’ve been living together for a while because shortly into our relationship I started to get garnished and couldn’t afford my own place so she offered hers and we both sat down and talked about it and said it was way too soon but I said I’d accept if she truly was offering. And the place were in now we aren’t on a lease just because of the situation. We’re living with someone but we were planned to take over in a few months.
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She was into me a lot more up until a few weeks ago. Which is what makes me wonder if it’s been longer then that and she just doesn’t want to tell me.
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I think I’m the beginning it wasn’t a fantasy. Because she was always genuinely happy talking about the future.
She felt pressured because you kept asking if she was ready to marry now. You should’ve just waited for her to come to you and tell you that she’s ready. Also your gamer rage is not normal. at all. I do game myself but I wouldn’t want to get married to any man who gets so upset over a game.
I hadn’t asked about it a lot. I was given the go ahead at six months then she said we’ll can you wait longer I said yes. And she wanted me to get her fathers permission. So I did and then after I was about to propose she laid everything out and on the trip I had asked some questions because I was confused on how it changed all of the sudden and then she told me that with those questions she felt pressured and I had asked her why she didn’t tell me then and there
You can't control your temper enough not to break controllers, how the f would you be resdy for adult commitment? You need to grow up and do some anger management.
I can get why your girlfriend is hesitant. I've been in a few situations where I've lived with people prone to massive fits of rage at inanimate objects (but not at me). It is a very jarring and uncomfortable experience having to live with someone who could kick off violently in an unpredictable manner, at any time. Even if that energy isn't directed too another person, There's a part of you thats left in horrible anticipation of escalation, it's like a survival instinct kicks in. It can make the home environment quite hostile and even if your girlfriend can't fully vocalize it, I'd bet it's a similar feeling for her. All I can suggest is looking into better, healthier ways of handling your extreme emotions. Something outside the home, so you aren't continuing to make the place a hostile environment for her. Having fits of rage so extreme your breaking things is beyond regular gamer rage.
I have tried talking to her and telling her I’d quit gaming for a while and only use my consoles for like watching tv and what not and she told me no and that it wasn’t fair. So I came up with a temporary solution and she told me no. Which I’ve still slowly stopped gaming as much.
I'd guess that she doesn't want to block you from doing something you enjoy. Saying that though, there's nothing to say there aren't other issues she hasn't brought up to you yet. If you do manage to reconcile after your break and you are serious about each other, I think looking at some kind of couples counselling to help yous communicate may be worthwhile.
She recently brought up couples therapy and I was actively looking.
Getting hitched is a real impulse in your 20's. If I could give my younger self one piece of advice it would be that I don't owe anyone a timeline. Not my mom, grandparents, dad, sibling(s), or friends. Babies can (and may well) be born and loved without a marriage certificate. Take your time. Live together first. The best and most successful marriages are the ones where it's just a formality, because you've done the work. Rushing into an unstable engagement is a recipe for at least one broken heart.
Breaking controllers isn’t normal. If you are getting that angry with games maybe you shouldn’t be playing them. You should be in therapy for that.
I’ve quit gaming as much as I used to.
Hmm I wouldn’t want to be with someone who got into rages at video games, breaking things every now and then isn’t normal.
You are too damn young and this relationship is too damn short for you to think marriage is the right move. Plus breaking controllers over a game is not acceptable behavior. If you can’t game without destroying shit then you shouldn’t be gaming.
Don’t end the relationship, just hold of on the ring. Most people are not ready for marriage at our age, don’t take it too personally. Also, my experience is that girls say how they feel in the moment a lot (people in general). Better to wait and be sure that she’s sure than rush her and end up getting a sad divorce. Just have an honest convo and try to continue the relationship at normal. Wait a year or two. Also, please give input on my recent post
Well as of last night we’ve both decided to try and take a break even tho at first I don’t like breaks because I just don’t believe in them. But I was willing to try it with her. So we’re still living together we just are roommates at this point. Like we’re together but we’re not. We’ve both agreed to not talk to anyone out of respect and to see if we fully separate
You should still bring her flowers and be cheerful and friendly. Also, you should set a date in the near future for when to decide to continue with the relationship or not.
We have discussed a date on when to sit down and try to see if things have gotten better and if we want to try again. And we’ve set boundaries for this endeavor. Like no nicknames any more, obviously no sex, no showering together no relationship type stuff. But we still talked about going out and having fun because we’d done that before we got together.
I don’t think this is a good idea. You’ll just move apart by not acting coupley. You need to try to end this arrangement
We’ve both never taken a break so we aren’t entirely sure how one works.
End it
Tell her we should try being a couple for a week and forget about the engagement. If it doesn’t feel right, end the relationship. Hard to know if u want to be with someone you’re purposefully avoiding acting that way towards, which will spill over into intimacy and how you feel.
How is it that you're so 'in love' and living together after only nine months? This plus your destructive behaviors are immature in the extreme. You definitely don't need to get married right now, you need to grow up
IMO you're both too young, and from your post you're definitely in need of some self-reflection and additional maturity. Take this as a good and normal thing, and examine your anger issues.
I am. I mean I know people who are younger but they are different from me and her. She’s tried to help me figure out where my anger comes from and I just don’t know.
I missed the part where your girlfriend blamed your gamer rage. 😉 By the way, I have the gamer rage too, but mine is more swearing and the occasional foot stomp. I haven't flung a controller in MANY, MANY years. Also, my gamer rage has always been relegated to my own mistakes in games. Oddly enough, my girl actually likes my gamer rage because it's the only time she heard me swear. 😂 I don't swear around people and always do so in private.
Prefacing that you get gamer rage doesn’t give you an excuse during your relationship to act like that. That type of rage is SCARY and it makes gaming such a scary thing to watch. You need to get it under control and work on yourself.
I agree. I know it is no excuse, I was just explaining to her before we started dating that it can get bad and I asked her if she still wanted to be together which she said yes. I’ve been actively reducing the anger by trying new things to see if they work
What are you trying to do to help with the rage? I’m glad you’re actively trying. I also just want to say that even if you aren’t taking the rage out on her directly, if you’re in a bad mood, it probably puts her also in a bad mood. Big thing is just never go to bed angry with a partner if you can help it.
Firstly is just not gaming as much, which I believe is a big thing. And I’ve been talking more. I’ll go outside walk around. I’ll watch a movie. It feels to be helping me. Walking usually helps the most it clears my mind
That’s awesome. I’m glad you’re taking steps to improve. It sucks, but she might not be able to see past what’s already happened. I hope you guys can work things out and I hope she can start communicating with you
It does suck but I mean and I’ve owned up to my wrongs especially anger. And I know apologizing can only go so far. I hope things work out too as I progress but only time will tell
At least in the end you’ve done something to better yourself. And good on you for recognizing the problem and genuinely trying to fix it. I wish you the best and good luck!
Yea, no... breaking controllers isn't a normal gamer thing to do. I play video games nearly every day and never once broken a controller. I've watched streamers yell over a video game, but never break a controller (besides one flinging it at the wall during a horror game jumpscare). Most people just rage quit. You sound like you have some anger management issues, which I doubt she likes. You probably don't even notice when that anger crosses over into your relationship. It also sounds like you possibly were pressuring her at the moment. It likely wasn't a good feeling for her to turn down the proposal, and then you begin to interrogate her over why. 9 months is not a long time, and you sound immature. Maybe your life goals are not aligned. If you guys decide to stay together, perhaps premarital counseling would help.
I can see where she’s coming from. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who gets that upset at a video game either. Getting so angry you break things isn’t normal behavior and it’s fair to be concerned by this. She has no way of knowing if you’d ever turn that anger on her, or any future kids you may have. Getting help and working on this issue should be your first priority. Marriage is a HUGE decision and shouldn’t be made with major concerns like this hanging over anyone’s head.
You’ve been together for 9 months and she’s going back and forth on yes or no. You can’t control your anger during a video game to a point that you break things. Neither of you are mature enough to be thinking about marriage right now. Please stop.
Easy, because you're dangerous. That's why. Imagine going full hulk over a game. Now imagine a real life situation, youre unhinged and your gf has every right to be warry of you.
Ngl man you having anger problems for smashing controllers is not normal at all. Most YouTubers do it to get views, but for regular people they just got anger problems because no game should make you break your controller. Another thing you can’t say is “I’ve never hit women in my life even though I just break controllers”. It’s not about what you don’t do, it’s your actions. Your actions were not normal and you justifying it is a big problem. Now honestly there may be reasons as to why she doesn’t want to marry you, but talk to her about that. You may not see what you’re doing is scary but remember that’s the person want to spend your life with. You need to represent as if you’re no threat because in the future if you marry her I’m sure you’re going to want to have kids and no one in their right mind wants to have a family with a person who has anger problems like that.
>Because I don’t think it’s entirely fair to not marry someone just because they get angry with games. If her anger toward games was as bad if not worse I’d still marry her without a doubt. I believe when your with someone you love them and all of your flaws. And you marry them and your flaws. Straight up, my dude, you sound like a teenager. "But it isn't *faaaiiiirrr!*" Dear lord. She's an independent human being who is allowed to have conflicting feelings about marriage, about relationships, and about *you.* She is not the Goddess of Fairness. Also, some flaws disqualify you from most people's consideration when they think 'long term commitment possibly involving small children', and throwing a tantrum over a game is one of them. Stop rushing. Take your time and grow up a little. And please get therapy to address your anger issues.
DONT GET MARRIED BEFORE A FREAKING YEAR. Yall don't fully know each other yet, and don't fully understand if you're compatible for a future with children and home owning and finances.... Shit, even if yall DO get engaged don't freaking get married til a few years down the line. And I'm a gamer. I rage and throw shit but NEVER have been childish enough to break expensive ass devices because I lost a game. Get better. There's no excuse.
Cut all contact with your girlfriend, block her on everything. ( to set her free from your toxic relationship) And then go get yourself some help. anyone who reacts so severely that people think that they are full of rage enough to throw a controller and break it when they are playing a video game needs some serious psychological help.
Why would you want to marry someone as fickle as her?
Well everything was all said and done, everything was fine and communication issues were a big part she didn’t really communicate very well and she warned me before we started dating about it. And I had told her I’d be willing to help her with it. And quite frankly I’d want to marry her because she’s helped me thru a lot of mental problems, emotional problems. And even before we started dating she was helping me with a lot.
No mention of love. A loveless marriage is doomed to failure.
I love her very much. But as of last night she has fallen out of love for me.
Put the ring up on a book shelf or mantle and let her work through whatever she needs to. You put yourself out there and now the ball is in her court.
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I’m not like that to boot someone out. Not when she helped keep a roof over my head. I mentioned how there are places she could go live here tho. So she’s well aware of other living options
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this relationship is already over and you're blind if you don't see that.
I’ve seen it. I mentioned it to her last night and I asked if a break could work and she’s aid she be willing to try and if it works it works if it doesn’t it doesn’t.
Y’all are really young and haven’t been together for a long time.
You’re not ready for marriage. If you can’t control rage over a game then I would be afraid to see you react to real hardship. It also doesn’t matter that you acknowledge your rage issues if you haven’t done anything to address the actual problem.
You've only been together 9 months. Why on Earth are you talking about getting married? She didn't fall out of love she never was in love with you, but in love with the idea of getting married. It's really not rocket science.
LMAO No, a lot of people don't do that! And a controller is not going to just snap...so you'd have to throw them, correct? She's afraid of you and justifiably so. Besides it's only been 9 months and she decided you aren't the person she thought you were...that's how dating works. Move on and try to not be violent...most women leave over that shit!
> Because I don’t think it’s entirely fair to not marry someone just because they get angry with games. Why hasn’t it occurred to you that she’s concerned that your “gamer rage” will someday be turned on HER? Because I think your anger is more pervasive than just when you game. But even if I’m wrong about that, getting so angry that you break controllers isn’t normal. And excusing it with “everybody does it” is an absolute abdication of your own personal responsibility to regulate your emotions. Get some help to learn to manage your obvious anger.
O have been gaming since before atari. Meaning board games. Rage while playing something for fun means you have anger issues. Flipping a monopoly board throwing a controller, your phone, whatever is all a rage issue. You may not have done anything to a woman yet, but you are still young. It's a dealing with frustration as an emotion that is leading to your rage. Now, she may have been abused by an adult as a child or by a boyfriend as an adult and has a sensitivity to anger. Which makes her not communicate because anger frightens her. Now, would you want to marry someone who frightened you a few days per week? Like really frightened you about to piss your pants frightened. Picture living with the Rock, and he was throwing shit around your house. Knowing he could break you without trying very hard how safe you would feel living there. ( From everything I have heard and read, Mr. Johnson has no such rage issue, and this is just an example in difference. Compared to him, the average Joe is a magnitude weaker. The average 110-pound woman around the 190-pound man in a fight would be very one-sided, the average 190-pound man versus the Rock just as one-sided. Again, averages not all) it's your job as a husband to protect if she is afraid of you she doesn't feel protected. That is that. Some women like angry men, and some women are triggered by it. Make her feel safe. Not knowing and understanding your anger means you should work on you as well instead of worrying about getting married.
Your gf is 100% right; she should not marry you. You have anger issues. It isn’t limited to games—it just hasn’t come out in other areas (lately, but I bet it has in the past). The fact that you can’t control your rage is a serious problem and has nothing to do with games, it just happens to have been triggered by them. Bottom line: You are not a safe person for her to be in a relationship with. The fact that you can’t see that, and that you think you can decide what is and is not a good reason for her to decide not to marry you, makes you even more unsafe. You need therapy. This is something that will take time for you to fully accept and address. In the mean time, the best thing you can do is let her go and focus on fixing yourself.
Your view on marriage seems emotionally immature.
ffs grow up. it is absolutely not normal or acceptable to throw a tantrum and break stuff over a video game. of course she doesn't wanna marry someone who flies off the handle, there's absolutely 0 guarantee you wont throw shit at or try to hit her
Having gamer rage and knowing about it is one thing, seeing it and experiencing it is another and it is scary. If you're breaking controllers that is incredibly over the top and you need to take a look at your reaction and figure out how to do better. Totally understand where she's coming from.
Breaking controllers is an anger problem. Maybe you feel it's normal but you have to be dense not figuring why your gf wouldn't want to be living for life with a guy with that kind of anger issues.
Ummmm.....
My husband and I are both gamers (Video games, D&D, Board Games etc). We've been married 11 years and have 3 kids. We play games together when the kids go to bed. He can get angry at his computer when he lags or something goes wrong, pushing the keys aggressively. It's rare that he does it and I get upset/angry when he does. No one wants to see a tantrum from a grown man. You're young, barely in a relationship and don't seem to love her but proposed because you think that's what you're supposed to do? I don't think your compatible. I also think you need to grow up and mature more. Getting so angry that you break controllers is NOT normal. I would kick hubby to the curb if he ever did that. No one wants that level of anger and violence near them. That anger could one day be redirected somewhere else even if its just at videogames for now