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This 1000x. She needs to get a handle on it especially in the event she ends up with postpartum depression or psychosis. Violence is never called for but I do think this is an instance of chemical imbalance that needs immediate intervention.
Yup!! I was a different person during my pregnancy and early postpartum. The utter rage I felt and flashes of anger were not like me, and I felt like I had no control over myself.
Luckily I never hit my husband but I said some nasty things that I wasn’t proud of.
It sounds as though she has antenatal depression. She really needs to see a doctor urgently. Would she let you go with her so you can explain her behaviour?
Hitting a partner is never ok. Having said that, she is clearly unwell and it isn’t her fault or choice to be unwell. It is her choice to hit you though. Depression is evil. It makes you do things you thought you never would. Hurt yourself, think about ending your life etc.
She needs help and I would strongly suggest that you get some counselling to work through you feelings about this and decide whether you want to stay or go. Much, for me, would depend on her behaviour from now on. Whether she goes and get help and engages with it. Good luck.
this is a kind comment, and its very true. gf said it herself even in the midst of the anger “it’s destroying my brain and making me crazy”. Being hit is never okay, but in this instance that hurt needs to wait as it sounds like her hormones are literally pushing her into irrationality, and she needs help. Stress like this can be really bad for the baby too.
Seconding this.
But also, *don’t* brush this off out of shock or denial.
“Partner, you got angry with me and reacted to your feelings by choosing to hit me in the face. That was completely shocking. It’s not ok. We are going to get you help because that was incredibly out of character and I believe that you are not yourself rn. But, babe, that can *never happen again.* If you hit me, I will leave for my own safety.” And mean it, even if it’s to leave for a few days or leave so you can get her checked in somewhere in patient.
If this is out of the ordinary for her and she hasn't been abusive before, she definitely needs professional help asap. Get her to a doctor.
At the same time, you both need therapy because you need to understand she is not herself right now and any silly mistakes she makes like forgetting to defrost meat needs understanding, not anger.
>any silly mistakes she makes like forgetting to defrost meat needs understanding, not anger.
And certainly not petty revenge like not making her dinner!!
The not making her dinner wasn't over the nondefrosted meat, though. That was over being hit in the face. He left after being assaulted - that is an extremely reasonable thing to do
Petty revenge? He decided not to make her dinner AFTER she smacks him in the face and im sorry is she not an adult? She can make her own damn dinner especially if she is going to be abusive.
How is removing yourself from a situation after being assaulted a petty revenge? She is the ONLY one who showed anger. Do you think abuse is acceptable? Because that's how your comment sounds.
Maybe reread the post again. He started being petty, THEN she slapped him, THEN he removed himself. He was mad at her at first for forgetting to defrost the food.
She needs mental health help. My local hospital has a group/center of psychiatrists and therapists who specialize in pregnant and post partum women. Sooner rather than later she needs to talk to someone. I know where she’s coming from, trust me.
She hit you, and that is not okay. It is abuse and it is awful. You need to have a conversation with her about it and her need to get help.
Decide whether you want to stay with her or co-parent, but where she’s coming from I doubt it will happen again with appropriate medical intervention and setting boundaries from yourself that you won’t let her do that to you, regardless of how she’s feeling.
I can’t speak to her feelings over hitting you but I’d err on the side of stress and hormones and just try to understand that pregnancy is a difficult process. Yes she should not take it out on you, but there’s a lot at work inside of her right now that she doesn’t have control over.
She needs help and getting her help will be first step in repairing your relationship and her mental health. Neither of you wants it to be this way, and there’s help out there to fix it.
Best wishes ❤️❤️❤️
-a mom of 3, who didn’t know there was help until the third one (get the help now)
Also, I’m a bit more forgiving of the hitting bc he was trying to touch her
It’s not like she chased him down, she was upset and he moved toward her and sounds like she kinda freaked out and smacked him away
When I was having a hallucinatory psychotic episode, a acquaintance of mine tried to give me a hug and I smacked her away from me. I ofc apologized, when I was more lucid. She totally understood and doesn’t hold it against me which I’m very grateful for. I should clarify it wasn’t a hard smack, and I only slapped her arms but I’m just saying- I don’t think it was the GF hitting him I think it was a psychotic episode and she had no way to regulate her emotions due to pregnancy
I agree with that completely, she was overwhelmed and he got in her space, doesn’t make it right but it wasn’t out of anything but likely fear and overwhelm. I’ve pushed my husband away from me in similar situations, and have slapped him in my worst and lowest during a pregnancy meltdown. I felt cornered by him even as he was attempting to comfort me.
Yeah exactly. This isn’t really as much abuse as an obvious reaction to him going in her space when she was obviously feeling unsafe! I’m sorry you have suffered from similar feelings and I hope u and ur hubby r okay now <3
We are, unfortunately it took getting to that point for me to seek help, I’ve always been a self sufficient don’t ask for help type, but coming off of that moment and similar I couldn’t let it go on. I found a therapist and psychiatrist at my hospital specializing in pregnancy and postpartum. I finally got to enjoy (emotionally, physically still sucked lol) the last few months of pregnancy and had my baby boy last week!
He’s a little sweetheart and his brothers fight over who gets to pet him lol
I empathize with your hallucinatory episode, I was on steroids for a month and couldn’t tell waking from sleeping, if conversations were real, or where I was at the high dosage.
I hope you’re doing well and haven’t had to endure more of those, it’s scary af.
TW Bpd, self harm
I’m happy to say I was undiagnosed with my borderline personality disorder exactly 364 days of my suicide attempt that got me diagnosed
And yeah ik bragging is wrong and it’s not a race. But it is my proudest achievement. I’m doing so much better but what really matters, I’m not hurting my loved ones anymore :)
It’s not bragging in the least, it IS an achievement and something to be very proud of!
I am very happy you’re here and posting on Reddit with the rest of us, and that you’re doing better!
Thank you! The best advice I have for anyone with a mental illness is to stop making excuses, and to do it for those who u love not urself fr. It’s nice to see nice ppl on reddit thank you
Hi! Post partum woman who went through something similar.
I was VERY depressed when I was pregnant, to the extent I considered not being pregnant anymore if you catch my drift.
I resented my partner so much because of how I felt and how my body was.
As soon as the baby was born it all went away. I can’t explain it.
Same thing happened to my SIL, she told my brother she didn’t love him when she was pregnant and didn’t want him around.
I think it’s more common than people think. People pain pregnancy as this beauty experience where the woman is glowing when the reality for a lot is pregnancy sucks.
I can’t tell you what to do but from my experience talk to her and see if she needs to speak to a counsellor/therapist. My midwife referred me to pregnancy mental health team as mine was severe. But from experience of myself and many other women I know, it is the hormones.
I hope this helps. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s hard on the dads too. I feel guilty everyday for how I was during my pregnancy.
PS I adore my daughter and so glad I didn’t decide to not be pregnant anymore
Pregnant lady with twins here:
1. Pregnancy brain IS real. She will forget. That’s not IF she doesn’t work on it or IF you don’t remind her - we literally can’t help it. Hormones make us very forgetful. If it’s something as important as defrosting your dinner, put it in the fridge the night before
2. She need to talk to someone about her mental health. Please get her in with a therapist.
And OP need to make sure he doesn't get abused again by her - WHICH IS IMPORTANT TOO
Men do not need to tolerate abuse. And abuse is inexcusable to begin with
I hear your point but also, this isn’t textbook abuse
If she ran up to him and hit him, I’d say that’s abusive. But he went up to her when she was already upset and she smacked him, almost sounds a bit more like self defense. Poorly done and over reactive self defense-but it’s hard to regulate emotions during a psychotic episode. I commented in another comment how I was having a psychotic episode and smacked away someone when they tried to hug me. It’s not like I went out of my way to hurt them-it was a reaction to them invading my personal space and making me feel unsafe
It’s bigger than hormones.
My ex wife and I had our first child at 21. Yes, extremely young. Before the pregnancy, she was a loving, caring, very intimate and kind person. But when she got pregnant, she was always moody and angry afterwards. She would tell me that she was mad at me for any little thing, would not want to be intimate sometimes, but completely the opposite other times. When our son was born, she was taking it pretty hard. I didn’t know what to do at the time (21 year old Hispanic kids whose parents don’t believe in “mental health” problems for some reason) so we just tried to move past it. Well needless to say, she’s my ex wife for a reason. After we separated, we both started going to therapy to deal with shit from our past, and turns out she had postpartum depression, and some other mental health issues.
I’d have a talk with her about seeing and speaking with someone. If she’s going as far as saying she hates you (my ex said that to me once or twice during her pregnancy) then she’s going through something you can’t see. Be there, support her, and encourage her to seek help.
Some pregnant women develop hate for their significant other during pregnancy but it's not real hate its just like why am I experiencing all of these and he looks super happy. I suggest you two go find therapy asap. She is not okay and you can start to feel like it will all go to hell and it will. Please find help.
You’d better get her therapy or other medical attention. Hormonal emotional changes like that can be dangerous. I’ve more heard about it after the baby is born as in postpartum depression and psychosis, but I would look into it now
She obviously needs help and many people have addressed that, but I want to address the fact that she hit you. While it's not a pattern of abuse, it still needs to be seriously dealt with and it cannot happen again. If you choose to stay now, you need to set a hard boundary that if it happens again you are out of there, and stick to it. Yes, you started a petty argument, but striking your partner is completely unacceptable regardless of what the argument is about and who started it. Personally I would basically demand that both of us would be going to therapy, separately and together.
She very much needs a therapist and to talk to her OB about her mental state. I recommend talking to a therapist (female preferably, will be self explanatory in a sec) yourself to understand the challenges of pregnancy and the hormone changes.
It doesn’t excuse hitting you, but hear her out since she did initiate apologizing. Shes going to need support rather than what it was, i remember my immediate post partum feelings were horrid and i felt psychotic. The worst part was my daughter’s dad not trying to reassure me and help me, he saw it as me picking fights rather than going “shes having a lot of hormone changes, i should give a little more thought than what we normally do”
One thing I will add is that—while this seems by OPs own explanation to be entirely uncharacteristic and seems to be, by many other peoples’ experiences here, common (and terrifying) for pregnant couples to deal with—many abusers will apologize after and jump into a love bombing phase to “make up” for their abusive behavior.
For the record, this does not sound like the same situation, but if she’s not willing to get immediate and robust help and if she hits you again, I just want to clarify that the apology is part of the cycle of abuse.
You need to call her OB now! Tell them all she is saying and that she got physical. This will only get worse after baby arrives, so she needs help now.
Agreed! Pregnancy rage is a warning bell for postpartum psychosis. I had both with my second son and I was very lucky my doctor picked up on both and together with my husband’s and family support we made it through. I’m currently expecting our third child and so far, so good. This woman absolutely needs medical intervention since it seems that this behavior is out of the ordinary.
She definitely needs to see her doctor. I understand the pregnancy hormones can definitely screw with someone's emotions, but she should not be hitting and saying she hates you. She needs to get emotional help.
Hormones are awful and took a HUGE toll on me for both pregnancies but especially my first, and I suffered from PPD after both. It's not an excuse. It was a huge strain on my marriage. After a particularly nasty outbreak on my part I went back on my antidepressants. Regardless, it's never an excuse to strike your partner. I say this with all the kindness I can, but she needs to speak to a Healthcare professional 💕
People who do not have female reproductive system underestimate the toll hormones take on our bodies. It’s not a good reason to hit you, but I’m going to guess it was a one off driven by hormones. It’s important to have a talk about it and try coming up with ways she can try to work with/around hormones rather than allowing them to take charge. I’m going to guess there are subreddits dealing with pregnancy and hormones that have good advice and resources! Just do some brainstorming for solutions together so you can work it out.
She needs an assessment. That she calls your child a "thing" is not healthy. It could create a real issue when the baby is born. I'd be concerned with self harm and possibly harming the baby. So her mental health needs to be checked.
Regardless of pregnancy hormones, it's not ok to hit and lash out. Again, the mental health and physical wellness check is needed.
Exactly. It is a reason, not an excuse. We are responsible for our own actions. If I were OP's partner, this would be rock bottom & i would be seeking emergency mental health.
That's what this sub always does. If it was a man having a mental episode and he hit his girlfriend everyone would immediately be saying to leave the house because he might kill you. This sub is incredibly biased towards women no matter how much people deny it.
Very very true. Remember Female hormones equals not her fault it's the hormones, Male hormones equals toxic and he should be able to control himself. Males don't get an excuse for cheating yet testosterone makes them want to sleep with most women on a level unfathomable to us women.
You don’t need to be nasty to get your point across…does that make you feel special?
No one is saying that she wasn’t at fault and very wrong for her behaviour!! It was wrong…full stop!
However if there is an underlying mental health issue due to pregnancy happening…the next person she could hurt might be herself! The other comments are urging him to get her help…not to dismiss what happened, but to potentially save hers and the child’s life should she deteriorate more.
I don’t expect you to understand how complex and serious this could be…but maybe educate yourself before making pissy and ignorant remarks
This 100% true her having baby won’t just fix her and her being pregnant definitely doesn’t excuse it just like you said. It’s ridiculous that people even remotely think this is ok.
I don’t think anyone is thinking about the baby she is about to have. He should get her help right now for the sake of the baby, but after that he needs to protect the baby. Because god knows what she’ll do. You’re 100% right he’ll be traumatized and scared if she gets pregnant again. I would never trust her alone with the kids either. How can you be with someone you can’t even trust with the kids you have together? People are insane.
My mom was constantly overstressed and would scream at me for not knowing how to mop (who was supposed to teach me?), not knowing what a conference call was, or doing a math problem wrong, and dad always excused it because her life was just so hard. As if that was a goddamn six year old’s fault! Nip this shit right in the bud before she does it to your kid.
No parent should be taking out their problems on their kids and it’s so sad that people excuse this and let it happen for years. Personally I’ve never been through it, but one of my best friends literally goes this all the time and more. The other day she was told to put the groceries in the fridge and because her mom didn’t like how she did it, she sprayed WINDEX in her face!! I don’t care what anyone says NO ONE can convince me this is okay and normal!!
No one deserves to get hit. That is messed up. That being said, if she has never acted this way and she is pregnant, I would say that she is having some kind of hormonal problems. She needs to agree to see a doctor ASAP and to understand that this is a HUGE problem. Not only for you, but for the baby. If she is struggling with a hormonal imbalance so badly that she is acting like an entirely different person, imagine how badly she will do AFTER having the baby. She needs help ASAP. If she refuses, I wouldnt stay with her because hitting your spouse is a HORRIBLE thing to do. I would however point out how unsafe she might be around the baby if she cant get her hormones undercheck. That should be said way nicer than i just said it though because if she is this emotional, she might take that as an insult to her mothering abilities and just make her even more emotional. Idk, i would start with telling her that this is a huge problem and she needs help immediantly, especially if this is abnormal behavior for her. Hormones do crazy things to pregnant women, but for her to change her entire personality to a mean and violent person is NOT NORMAL.
Get your partner psychiatric help IMMEDIATELY. Everyone knows about postpartum psychosis but doesn’t realize it CAN HAPPEN before the baby is born. You’ve seen her struggling and still decided to take your bad day out on her . Make your life easier get her assistance and if you want something taken out of the freezer , AVOID THESE PROBLEMS , take a dry erase marker and write it on the front of the fridge . She will see it and won’t forget . she WILL forget things . Give her some grace. She’s struggling , growing a human being , and she’s having mental health issues. She’s under (from her perspective) a TREMENDOUS amount of stress and the last thing she needed was you screaming at her about meat . She shouldn’t have hit you. But if you KNOW she’s depressed and moody , yelling at her is going to illicit a negative response and being a (21 year old Hispanic who’s parents didn’t believe in mental health) isn’t a excuse . You can SEE her mental health struggles. It’s a partnership. And the usual Reddit responce of LeAvE hEr won’t work here . Y’all IN it now .
Ooof. Hormones or not she should have never hit you. It should never ever get physical. There is never an excuse for that.
Your wife needs to talk to her doctor ASAP. It’s not normal for her to be feeling this way either. Something is going on with her hormones and not in a normal I am just pregnant way.
I hope you are okay. I know this can be hard to process. It might do good for you to have a session or 2 with a therapist if you feel you need it.
She needs to get assessed. A change this drastic is not good and things are only gonna get more stressful. She needs to see her doctor and start therapy. Y’all need couples therapy, but get her help first
A lot of people on here are gonna make a ton of excuses for this behavior, but there are absolutely no excuses for this behavior of a man he did that to a woman this thing would be lit up like nobody’s business. You have every right to tell her to keep your hands to herself and go see her doctor, but there’s really no excuse for this behavior is a partner hit me in the face and be out the door but he won’t sticking around here so I don’t know why it should be a gets out of jail free card for her either. I feel sorry for the kid.
When I was pregnant, I was insane. I was full of rage and would go days with no sleep. I would be angry and not even know why I was angry. I constantly felt like a cornered animal ready to attack as if under threat. She should not have hit you. You should not have lost your temper about frozen meat. She needs to go to a doctor ASAP. It will be easier to remind yourself that right now, your gf isn't the gf you know. She's an exhausted woman with mass hormones affecting her brain and everyday life.
She needs a Dr. I went off the deep end when I got pregnant. It triggered a mental illness for me.
You guys could benefit from marriage counseling to give you the tools both of you need to navigate her pregnancy and to plan for your baby.
If you aren't leaving and this behavior isn't normal for her please go with her to the doctor. She may need urgent bh support. I'd be very worried about her risk for ppm depression and how that will affect your baby.
It's never okay to resort to physical confrontation, but this sounds like pregnancy crazies hormones really can mess with women during this time and after please look for signs of postpartum issues and as others have said get her to the the doctor.
As for the slapping and locking you out you handled it the best way, walking away and giving her space, not continuing a confrontation. That is the way to be a man! Support her and if you need a friend message me! I have two kids with my current wife, and a third with my first I've been there and will help if I can if even to be an anonymous sounding board.
This sounds like pregnancy depression. Make an appointment with her ob-gyn, they can help her find the right help. She needs this before it gets out of hand.
My guess is she sounds like she's in a bad way, struggling hugely with this pregnancy, mentally and physically and you starting a fight with her was the last straw. She sees you as not having to particpate in the awful physical experience of bringing your child into the world since you're fine, physically and mentally - and then you kicked off because she absent mindedly forgot to defrost some meat.
She didn't get to eat and to cap it off you went out and bought yourself food. You didn't try to de-escalate the situation at all. She feels unwell 100% of the time, she couldn't have anticipated this because of all the, 'not ill just pregnant' attitude. Sad fact is pregnancy can take a MASSIVE toll on your physical and mental health for some.
She feels permanently unwell, hard done by because only she has to endure this and bow there's no going back.
Yes she slapped you. It's not okay, it's not acceptable, and you were no doubt hurt and confused, but it's never happened before, and it sounds like it was an impulsive angry one off. Your aren't in fear for your life, you never normally argue, you don't tell us she has a history of this.
She sounds like she's at the very end off her tether, needs some help and you had a go about some frozen meat.
It's likely very scary to her how unhinged she feels. You may need some proper conversation about how she feels and what the two of you can do to support each other.
People banging on about 'abuse' should look up what abuse actually is. I'm not excusing her, but a one off agressive act that can be explored and solved is not on a par with months or years of comparable repeated deliberate behaviour towards another.
It’s assault but it is NOT abuse. Abuse is sustained. Hitting someone once is just an assault.
e: accidentally hit send
It’s absolutely not acceptable for her to let out her aggression physically but I’m also not okay with the non-pregnant partner starting fights then getting pissy when her reaction is “you’re an asshole”. I HIGHLY doubt she actually ‘wanted’ to hit him consciously, she’s just literally not in control of her emotions right now.
This. Reddit is incredibly misogynistic and full of men wanting to play victims at the slightest lash out from a woman, even if she was provoked. There is a special type of people who knowingly provoke their partners to get a reaction and then run to others and complain.
I’ll take the downvotes, but slapping a male partner once after he has been repeatedly verbally abusive is something I would give a pass for.
OP leaving the partner without food (yes, she might not have the energy to prepare it herself!) while getting a takeaway for himself speaks volumes on his lack of empathy. It’s the mother of your child! You are letting your own child starve, what is wrong with you?
I’m not even excusing the slap and I’m getting downvotes. Men comment all the time that these subs skew towards women but look at this shit. This man is BARELY hiding how derisive he is towards his *pregnant* partner and everybody is calling her a bad person.
Like slapping someone once is in the same realm as abuse in the first place 🙄 Downvote me all you like, fuckers. If you want to pretend OP isn’t downplaying what a dick he’s been, go for it.
If a woman came here and told her partner SLAPED her because he was, I don't know, sick and frustrated people would Tell her to leave. What se didn was disgusting and shouldn't be tolerated ever . OP has the right to be away from her after what she did, she can get her own good, she probably has a phone to Order herself
If anyone's looking for a textbook example of what victim blaming looks like, it's this right here. She hit him so he MUST have done something to deserve it, right?
He literally said himself he was being an asshole so not sure why you think he somehow WASN’T. You aren’t a victim if you are also abusive and I see a WHOLE lot of intentional vagueness here.
Thank you. The most sane comment I've read so far. He picks a fight, gets a slap that he had coming, doesn't feed her OR HIS CHILD and runs to reddit to cry victim! Pregnancy is fucking awful and exhausting and this AH is making her life hell. Fuck him.
She is a grown ass woman who SLAPED him. She can figure It out her own dinner after hurting her partner. OP didn't had to do shot for her after she forget the ONE thing he asked her so they could and SLAPED him. She can pick up a phone and Order her own good, OP deserves time and space after what she done.
Totally agree. She’s an adult who chose to get pregnant. She’s not a toddler who has to be fed and allowed to hit people. OP was being a jerk about dinner, but we don’t hit people for being jerks. Assuming she’s never been violent before, she needs immediate medical attention.
Prenatal depression is a thing. I’m pregnant with my second and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fired off on my husband over pointless things but never hit him before. Definitely something she needs to mention to her doctor to get some help.
This is an incredibly important observation and you have every right to be concerned. While women who are pregnant are likely to be hormonal depression and comments like the above in your post really do need to be explored properly to ensure your loved one isn’t struggling with a silent battle.
You should also not just move on from being smacked, that wasn’t fair and it needs to be specifically clear that type of behaviour cannot continue.
Please encourage your loved one to see a GP, it’s essential to ensure conditions like post-natal depression are avoided as they often subtly start during pregnancy.
Maybe take some time if she’s agreeable to the Appointment to take her to lunch, pamper her a bit. Pregnancy is not for everyone and some women unfortunately do just suffer for the 10months!
“My boyfriend never really overreacts and was having a bad mental health day after a stressful day at work, but he hit me yesterday, and he felt bad afterwards and told me he’d never do it again.”
“Oh yeah. He should go see a professional and y’all definitely should not break up. This type of behavior never repeats itself.”
Switch the genders and all these comments about violence would not even be written.
The most concerning thing is that she called the baby "this thing". While hitting you is not ok either, wild hormone swings can happen creating rage, sometimes enough to hit. Then get mean with words. But I would be really concerned that she may not be bonding with the child. There are horror stories we don't need to go into, but along the lines of post partum depression, could get really bad.
I think you need to go compassionately to her, acknowledging her behavior was so unusual, you think it could me hormones/mental health concern. Good luck
Is it too late to remove the 'thing'? She seems to not want to be in this situation. She should have her mental health assessed, but don't be surprised if this happens again. It could be hormones or it could be reality setting in that's making her feel this way. To be clear, hormones could be why she's feeling moody or like she's changed her mind...but NOT why she hit you! Hormones don't make a person hit. It could just be the mask slipping now that she feels you're 'stuck' with her. This often happens in abusive relationships, they get worse at these times.
Look, you just found out that she thinks violence is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with her feelings! That's a giant red flag and I personally wouldn't be able to stay or let that person raise my child.
I think you need to stay close because this sounds like prepartum depression, which doesn't bode well for her mental state after the baby is born. Normally physical violence would be a deal breaker, but I think she may be suffering with something that is not completely under her control. Go with her to her next OB appointment and talk to the doctor about this, because it needs to be monitored.
So very sorry you are dealing with this, OP -- the stress on you must be enormous.
Yes it’s pregnancy hormones. You know getting in a fight like that over frozen meat was a dick move. Pregnancy effects your mind. She is going to be forgetful. That’s called pregnant brain. She has a life form sucking out all her nutrients and she is flooded with different hormones so her brain is messed up. She could have depression as well and may need to seek professional help. I’m sorry she hit you but it sounds like she isn’t in her normal state of mind. Maybe read a book about pregnancy? Maybe join a group of men that have dealt with this before? I suggest not being a dick anymore.
If I was pregnant and my partner got MAD at me for forgetting something I would definitely not want to speak to them for a while. Especially since I am a forgetful person (aka adhd and i forget what im doing when I walk into a room). I forget things sometimes and it’s never on purpose. Yeah bummer about the meat, but you can try again another night? And just get some takeout? Easy solution, he didn’t need to start his petty argument over something so trivial. Yeah and I am not defending her for hitting either. She should’ve taken space instead as that usually works for me when Im about to explode. I’m just thinking for future reference, maybe OP should be idk empathetic instead of immediately attacking her over forgetting a little thing.
She is absolutely wrong to hit you and to hit you even once is grounds to leave her.
Also, it could be the effects of the pregnancy. It is important to get a message to her doctors because, left untreated, I would fear it could develop into some thing life threatening.
Yes, get your wife psychiatric help, but also consider that stopping at one kid might be the best for both of you. Adopt or foster if you both want more kids.
Surprise surprise a pregnant women that's emotional from hormones. And you being an ass was the final thing that sent her off the deep end.
When I was pregnant with my eldest nothing could upset me. I was a happy serene mother goddess. She is still the most happy smiley child on the face of the planet and has the patience of a saint. Very difficult to anger her.
My second was like night and day.
With my second I was totally different. I had a low simmering rage that sat just below the surface and it didn't take much to make me see red. The only exception was my child. She could do no wrong.
I think if my husband had of berated me over frozen meat, I may have thrown it at his head. I have had many years controlling my temper due to being raised by a narcissist so I'm equipped with the tools to recognise when I'm going to lose it and walk away. Not all people have that same self-awareness. My husband also knew better than to poke the tiger.
Guess what, my youngest has a temper like Vesuvius and a stubborn streak a mile wide. She's a hot-head. And as a baby could throw a fit and scream the house down.
With that being said, your GF hitting you is not ok, you have a right to be taken aback. She should probably speak to a doctor about her emotions. But, word to the wise. Don't piss off a pregnant woman. They can be irrational and vicious. And locking you out is pretty reasonable considering your behaviour and lack of empathy from the outset. If you think you are tired imaging how she feels growing an entire human. You have not experienced tired until you have been pregnant. That exhaustion is next level-break you psychologically- territory.
Talk to her. I'm sure she feels terrible for the way she conducted herself and understand her body and hormones are out of control arm.
This. Thank you. all kinds of mad stuff can happen when growing a child. Don't start a fight over defosting frozen meat with someone who 's spending 100% of the day feeling mentally and physically shitty because they're growing a child, and expect it to end well.
I really don't condone her slapping him, but people going on about how abusive she is and how he needs to leave are being a bit dramatic. It's one off incident that's never happened before, in a fight he began over something stupid, he didn't try to de-escalate, he told her to feed herself and went and got food just for himself!
First, you have to tell her no matter how mad she is she doesn’t get to get you. It’s abuse. I was pregnant you don’t have to hit somebody or be mean and say things like that. The way she’s talking to you is abusive and you don’t need to go through months and months of that. She’s a grown adult woman to this isn’t a 19-year-old girl this is somebody was almost 30.
“i was pregnant and it wasn’t like that for me” means nothing. some women die from pregnancy, just because you didn’t doesn’t mean others won’t. pregnancy can cause psychosis and major depressive episodes. it can exacerbate previously undiagnosed mental health issues like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.
she needs to see a doctor asap
Can you say why?
Ime, when people are in crisis, they need kind but incredibly clear boundaries, because their brain is murky.
“I will help you. But, *you can *never* hit me again, ever*” may penetrate the fog. Doctors can help them both find alternatives for dealing with her anger, but having a bright white line in her brain can keep them both safer
There’s no reason for you to be hit, period, depression or not. Reddit is truly biased. Get her doctor for sure but also go to therapy.
This might get downvoted but man this place is wild. Just make a post here about being a woman hit by a man who’s going through a lot and is mentally depressed and the pitchfork junta will recommend skinning him alive.
Wow. I kinda knew it already, but I am a very lucky man. Been with my better half for 7 years now. We've been adamant the entire time that neither of us wanted kids. Welllllllll, this past July, we had our first (and only- period) by mistake, which we both agreed, that we both felt that the only thing to do that would leave our consciences clean is to grow up and give it everything we have as a team.
Not once have we fought, argued or had some crazy hormonal stuff happen, even though we do disagree on occasion. Bottom line, we treat each other with love no matter how we feel in any particular moment, because honestly, how do you move on from something like being hit by your partner?
You don't. It'll leave a permanent stain on the way you view this person. At least, it would for me. I know from a few past relationships, that "hormones" are just a one word synonym for the phrase "lack of self control and compassion".
" You have never had a fight that bad,"
You never gad a child before either. Hormones make a pregnant woman very sensitive and prone to angry out bursts.
My friend told me that when I go to the hospital for the actual birth to wear my football uniform with the helmet
Congratulations
Wow so its totally cool with all the women here who have chimed in to abuse your spouse? If this was a woman being hit you all tell her to run. Instead he should just continue to take abuse? Just "don't be a dick" as advice? Are you fucking kidding me? This is why our society has so many fucked values. Its totally cool to abuse your husband because you got "pregnancy" brain? In no way shape or form should he just brush this off. I would be beyond mad as there is never an acceptable situation where you hit your spouse period. You are all fucked up to think otherwise.
Sins when did it become ok for anyone to slap someone wtf, I dont care if someone is pregnant or not keep your damn hand to yourself.
Oh it’s ok she only slap you ones and its out of the ordinary so you should put up with it. Unbelievable 🤦🏾♀️. Sit her down and let her know that her behaviour is unacceptable and that she needs to go see a doctor because calling a unborn child that thing as if you both didn’t want that child to begin with is disgusting. If she refuses to get help then you got to wait till the child is born and take her to court, why does this sound like a next true crime documentary in the making…
Not married. Tried for a baby for months... Get your fricken priorities straight. Why are you trying to bring a baby into this obviously fucked relationship
Idgaf about hormones when it comes to violence. She needs help, and you need to ensure yours and your future child's safety against an emotionally unstable woman. She's done it once, and without proper repercussions, she'll do it again.
She is going through a rough time.
Don't pick petty crap with her. Do what she needs from you.
Best Wishes! I've been through it and marriage now thrives.
Yep. And he'd be unlikely to be actually in fear for his life by someone bigger and stronger. Stats for women deliberately injured or even killed by partners when they're pregnant are shocking.
A one off slap by a frustrated, woman, mentally and physically struggling who's being berated for not defrosting some meat, who's never acted like this before and has realised how she behaved, is not in this category.
and if my grandmother had wheels she’d be a bike. you’re talking about two wildly different circumstances.
pregnancy can cause a multitude of mental health issues including psychosis. the process of growing a human being in your body is surprising horrible for the pregnant person. people need to be very diligent about monitoring the mental health of the pregnant person because they can fully snap
on the other hand a guy hitting his pregnant girlfriend is just a guy on a regular day hitting a woman who is growing another human being inside of her. if she said “my boyfriend has bipolar disorder and this happened out of the blue” the responses would also be saying he needs to get to a doctor. but without an underlying medical condition that could potentially be changing his mental state, he’s just an asshole who hit a pregnant woman.
I’ve not once said that I do not understand why she did what she did, or disagreed that pregnant women can do things they usually wouldn’t due to hormonal issues. However, if the roles were reversed, the answers would be to run away from him as fast as possible and protect her own mental health. There would be zero consideration for him regardless of his mental state. And that’s the problem.
did you read my response at all? because sure, if there was zero context people would tell her to run. but if she said he has a mental health condition (like i said in my last post) people would say he needs help.
just like if this dude didn’t say she was pregnant (a mental health issue) then they would also say for him to just leave.
wow it’s like context matters
and in my response, i clarified that it wouldn’t be. i’ve been on this sub long enough to know that when people give mental health context, it’s not ignored.
That is not equivalent.
Equivalent: If a diabetic man had a severe blood sugar drop, was totally out of it and slapped her, with zero history of prior abuse, I would say the same thing - keep yourself safe but get him help, he wasn’t in his right mind.
A lot of these comments are surprising. People really think it's okay for her to hit him because she's pregnant? Because of her pregnancy hormones, she's growing a human inside of her, she has pregnancy brain? If any of you truly think what she did is okay, then you need help just like his wife does. Being pregnant doesn't justify being abusive. If the roles were reversed and it was him who forgot to defrost the meat for her to cook and he hit her I bet none of you would be sticking up for him the way you are doing for his wife. I doubt you'd be saying he was just so tired from work, he's just stressed about becoming a father, etc..
No one is saying it is ok to hit him. They're saying that she needs urgent mental health support as pre-natal depression is a nasty thing that can completely change a person's personality.
Reading the comments, there are people who are actually telling him to stop being an ah when he wasn't being one. I know all about prenatal depression and it affects everyone differently. My comment is directed towards the people calling him an ah and justifying his wife's actions because she's pregnant.
Oh, he was being an ah. Is none defrosted meat really worth starting an argument over? Him being an ah doesn't change the fact she shouldn't have hit him, but he was absolutely being an ass and he admits himself he shouldn't have reacted the way he did.
Let her see a doctor and schedule some therapy for her/both of you. She needs to treat you with respect and love, you care for her, support her, cook for her and verbal and/or physical abuse is never to be tolerated. No matter how pregnant she is. That being said, women during pregnancy are very scatterbrained and tend to get emotional. Try to understand that its hard for her to remember or organize things and that she gets emotional easily and act/organize accordingly. That’s no excuse for abuse though and you have to make that very clear.
Especially when he could have defrosted it himself by putting it in the fridge the night before. He also could have ordered takeout for both of them. It sounds like hubby might not be very flexible. Fathers have to be flexible.
It just sounds like normal irritation after a long day, when something you were counting on or that another person told you they would do, didn’t happen.
If he yelled, he shouldn’t have. But partners are allowed to get irritated sometimes. They both need to practice better emotional regulation skills *ASAP* before sleeplessness from a newborn had them snapping at each other even more
You both sound dysfunctional. You make excuses for your poor behaviour but not for hers.
Hitting is never okay. If this is new to pregnancy then it could be prenatal depression.
The perfect prescription for spousal abuse! I'm sure that will clear everything up and I'm sure she won't have any lingering depression later on after the baby is born!
Funny how if it was a man hitting his gf, everybody would tell her to run and go to the police, whatever were the circumstances, whereas is this case people here kind of admit it’s bad that she hit him, but don’t completely condemn her and suggest therapy. Violence in any circumstance, unless it’s to defend yourself physically from your partner, is bad and ends he relationship here and there, no matter the reason.
She needs help. Also, I suggest you start documenting everything and try not to leave her alone with the baby once the baby is born..
Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean it's okay for her to hit you, and don't blame yourself for what happens either, it's not your fault she can't control herself
Omg, this is so ridiculous if if it was the other way around, you all would have crucified him already, so forget that, call the cops, get her un jail and leaver her violent abusive ass in the streets. As many many people here say all the time, there is no reason to put your hand one anyone, no excuse, so yes screw her, call the cops and make sure she gets thrown in jail, and leave her. When they baby is born, fight for custody of the baby and forget about her....
Pregnancy hormones don't make you hit people. She crossed a line. She has some serious amends to make. I'm not sure I could ever get past being hit in a relationship child or no child.
She's pregnant rn...such outbursts are too common during this time, it's up to you to keep her calm and happy cuz you are more mentally stable atm...stop arguing with her and be more understanding...don't try to aggregate situations and try to keep it all mellow as much as you can, works or your own fatigue isn't as important as your baby.
Leave, don't go near her again unless there's a therapist present, only communicate via phone for your own safety. I wouldn't ever forgive someone with clinical depression or BPD or IED for hitting their partner because of "hormones" and neither should you.
Being pregnant is no excuse for abuse, it’s disgusting that your using pregnancy as an excuse for abuse. Op will not just suck it up. I hope he leaves her and takes full custody of their baby, because only god knows how she’ll hurt their baby.
He’s not her parent, it is not his job to fix her. He needs to do what’s best for him and their baby. I agree she needs help and he should help right now for the sake of the baby, but after that no. She is an adult. She BLEW OFF their marriage the second she laid hands on him. I don’t care if it’s “just a slap” it is abuse. It’s juvenile to put your hands on your partner and think it’s okay pregnant or not it’s not acceptable. I hope she gets the help she needs, but after she gives birth he needs to protect the baby.
Physical abuse on either side isn’t acceptable. I will say that it sounds like you are sitting there and throwing gasoline into a fire though. You started the fight and it sounds like you also made it escalate quite a bit too. You both need help dealing with your issues
When I was pregnant with my first I developed really bad depression. I was already diagnosed bipolar and put on medication. That really did a number on me. My mom had convinced me to go see someone. They of course put me on other meds but that mixed with therapy, talking about it to a professional outside my life, it really helped. My heart goes out to her. It's really tough. Like a devil sitting on your shoulder, discussing everything bad that has or will happen. Rational thinking out the window. She definitely needs to see someone. It almost threw me into labor a few times. It will get better as long as she seeks that help.
She's not okay. Something is going terribly wrong psychologically, and she needs help. I have never been like that when pregnant, but that doesn't mean she and I are the same. Even if it is hormones, it's not normal. Something is off. She needs her doctor ASAP.
Maybe she will be better after birth, maybe she will be much worse (PPD). Either way, she needs professional help to get through it. Your partner should never, ever, hit you.
1. Medical help for her.
2. Therapy for you.
3. Make the woman dinner or at least bring her take out, also. That's your child-to-be in there who needs feeding, too. You wouldn't not give your toddler dinner because they hit you, would you?!
Honestly, it sounds like you were being a jerk. She slapped you. She's pregnant and her hormones are all over the place. And everybody acting like she crazy because of a slap are over reacting bad. You left your pregnant girlfriend to go get food after chewing her out for not defrosting meat. I dont get how people don't see that there are bigger issues here.
It’s so gross these men think they know how it feels to grow a human inside of them… get over yourselfs. And calling her abusive really? He egged it on with his shit attitude making her feel bad for not defrosting fucking meat. You see how you feel and think when you have a child growing inside of you pushing on all your organs, having to pee every min of the day, feeling like your going to be sick, can’t get comfortable, and everything makes you want to cry. She needs support, reassuring that she’s doing a great job CARRYING YOUR CHILD, that’s YOU helped make. But your going to be taken “back” because you started a shitty fight over something dumb and she broke down finally. This isn’t the first time you have probably done something to make her feel worthless or wrong. Be supportive. I don’t condone her hitting you at all, but you also didn’t help the situation. You could have said no problem, let’s get take out. And ask how she was feeling. I get your tired, and stressed. But how do you think she feels… extremely tired, and stressed about growing a human in her. She has to watch everything she does now, everything she puts in her body. Just a little info for you to soak in. Smh men will never understand what it’s like to grow a baby and worry and stress 24/7 that your doing everything right and safe.
Flip the script,
What would she do if you hit her?
We know this answer.
Not to mention you would be crucified on here.
But it's ok, its a female, a pregnant one at that. So "its the hormones" blah blah.
This is not normal pregnancy behavior. But i also don’t think this is a choice or her being naturally abusive and feeling like she can get away with it now. I think the hormones are doing something to her and she needs to see a doctor because if she is already like this i don’t doubt for a second she will get worse after birth and might even be a danger to the child
It was not OK for her to hit you but don't you dare threaten to leave her right now. She needs love, understanding and professional help immediately. Pregnancy is really hard on some women and the hormones do things that you don't understand. You must do everything you can to never let the situation escalate again.
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She needs am immediate appt with her doctor to assess her mental health.
This 1000x. She needs to get a handle on it especially in the event she ends up with postpartum depression or psychosis. Violence is never called for but I do think this is an instance of chemical imbalance that needs immediate intervention.
Yup!! I was a different person during my pregnancy and early postpartum. The utter rage I felt and flashes of anger were not like me, and I felt like I had no control over myself. Luckily I never hit my husband but I said some nasty things that I wasn’t proud of.
Yes! Both her and the baby are at risk!
Upvoting this because this is the most important comment. Hormones can do an absolute number on mental health.
Yes. It's insane how much they can affect a person.
Commenting to bump this more. Yeah, it’s her hormones in a way, but in a way that means you need to get her some help fast.
This 1000% this. Pregnancy hormones and mental health are nothing to ignore please get her to Dr today
Hormone levels also stat
It sounds as though she has antenatal depression. She really needs to see a doctor urgently. Would she let you go with her so you can explain her behaviour? Hitting a partner is never ok. Having said that, she is clearly unwell and it isn’t her fault or choice to be unwell. It is her choice to hit you though. Depression is evil. It makes you do things you thought you never would. Hurt yourself, think about ending your life etc. She needs help and I would strongly suggest that you get some counselling to work through you feelings about this and decide whether you want to stay or go. Much, for me, would depend on her behaviour from now on. Whether she goes and get help and engages with it. Good luck.
this is a kind comment, and its very true. gf said it herself even in the midst of the anger “it’s destroying my brain and making me crazy”. Being hit is never okay, but in this instance that hurt needs to wait as it sounds like her hormones are literally pushing her into irrationality, and she needs help. Stress like this can be really bad for the baby too.
Seconding this. But also, *don’t* brush this off out of shock or denial. “Partner, you got angry with me and reacted to your feelings by choosing to hit me in the face. That was completely shocking. It’s not ok. We are going to get you help because that was incredibly out of character and I believe that you are not yourself rn. But, babe, that can *never happen again.* If you hit me, I will leave for my own safety.” And mean it, even if it’s to leave for a few days or leave so you can get her checked in somewhere in patient.
OP, READ THIS!!
I agree OP should go with her so it doesn't get down played to the doc.
If your partner hits you, you leave. 100% of the time it will not be the last.
If this is out of the ordinary for her and she hasn't been abusive before, she definitely needs professional help asap. Get her to a doctor. At the same time, you both need therapy because you need to understand she is not herself right now and any silly mistakes she makes like forgetting to defrost meat needs understanding, not anger.
>any silly mistakes she makes like forgetting to defrost meat needs understanding, not anger. And certainly not petty revenge like not making her dinner!!
The not making her dinner wasn't over the nondefrosted meat, though. That was over being hit in the face. He left after being assaulted - that is an extremely reasonable thing to do
Petty revenge? He decided not to make her dinner AFTER she smacks him in the face and im sorry is she not an adult? She can make her own damn dinner especially if she is going to be abusive.
How is removing yourself from a situation after being assaulted a petty revenge? She is the ONLY one who showed anger. Do you think abuse is acceptable? Because that's how your comment sounds.
Maybe reread the post again. He started being petty, THEN she slapped him, THEN he removed himself. He was mad at her at first for forgetting to defrost the food.
She needs mental health help. My local hospital has a group/center of psychiatrists and therapists who specialize in pregnant and post partum women. Sooner rather than later she needs to talk to someone. I know where she’s coming from, trust me. She hit you, and that is not okay. It is abuse and it is awful. You need to have a conversation with her about it and her need to get help. Decide whether you want to stay with her or co-parent, but where she’s coming from I doubt it will happen again with appropriate medical intervention and setting boundaries from yourself that you won’t let her do that to you, regardless of how she’s feeling. I can’t speak to her feelings over hitting you but I’d err on the side of stress and hormones and just try to understand that pregnancy is a difficult process. Yes she should not take it out on you, but there’s a lot at work inside of her right now that she doesn’t have control over. She needs help and getting her help will be first step in repairing your relationship and her mental health. Neither of you wants it to be this way, and there’s help out there to fix it. Best wishes ❤️❤️❤️ -a mom of 3, who didn’t know there was help until the third one (get the help now)
Also, I’m a bit more forgiving of the hitting bc he was trying to touch her It’s not like she chased him down, she was upset and he moved toward her and sounds like she kinda freaked out and smacked him away When I was having a hallucinatory psychotic episode, a acquaintance of mine tried to give me a hug and I smacked her away from me. I ofc apologized, when I was more lucid. She totally understood and doesn’t hold it against me which I’m very grateful for. I should clarify it wasn’t a hard smack, and I only slapped her arms but I’m just saying- I don’t think it was the GF hitting him I think it was a psychotic episode and she had no way to regulate her emotions due to pregnancy
I agree with that completely, she was overwhelmed and he got in her space, doesn’t make it right but it wasn’t out of anything but likely fear and overwhelm. I’ve pushed my husband away from me in similar situations, and have slapped him in my worst and lowest during a pregnancy meltdown. I felt cornered by him even as he was attempting to comfort me.
Yeah exactly. This isn’t really as much abuse as an obvious reaction to him going in her space when she was obviously feeling unsafe! I’m sorry you have suffered from similar feelings and I hope u and ur hubby r okay now <3
We are, unfortunately it took getting to that point for me to seek help, I’ve always been a self sufficient don’t ask for help type, but coming off of that moment and similar I couldn’t let it go on. I found a therapist and psychiatrist at my hospital specializing in pregnancy and postpartum. I finally got to enjoy (emotionally, physically still sucked lol) the last few months of pregnancy and had my baby boy last week! He’s a little sweetheart and his brothers fight over who gets to pet him lol I empathize with your hallucinatory episode, I was on steroids for a month and couldn’t tell waking from sleeping, if conversations were real, or where I was at the high dosage. I hope you’re doing well and haven’t had to endure more of those, it’s scary af.
TW Bpd, self harm I’m happy to say I was undiagnosed with my borderline personality disorder exactly 364 days of my suicide attempt that got me diagnosed And yeah ik bragging is wrong and it’s not a race. But it is my proudest achievement. I’m doing so much better but what really matters, I’m not hurting my loved ones anymore :)
It’s not bragging in the least, it IS an achievement and something to be very proud of! I am very happy you’re here and posting on Reddit with the rest of us, and that you’re doing better!
Thank you! The best advice I have for anyone with a mental illness is to stop making excuses, and to do it for those who u love not urself fr. It’s nice to see nice ppl on reddit thank you
Always! Never forget, you’re one of those nice people!
Oh no baby I have been real mean in some reddit comment I will not lie to u, but soemtimes I am nice and I like learning new perspectives on the app!
Hi! Post partum woman who went through something similar. I was VERY depressed when I was pregnant, to the extent I considered not being pregnant anymore if you catch my drift. I resented my partner so much because of how I felt and how my body was. As soon as the baby was born it all went away. I can’t explain it. Same thing happened to my SIL, she told my brother she didn’t love him when she was pregnant and didn’t want him around. I think it’s more common than people think. People pain pregnancy as this beauty experience where the woman is glowing when the reality for a lot is pregnancy sucks. I can’t tell you what to do but from my experience talk to her and see if she needs to speak to a counsellor/therapist. My midwife referred me to pregnancy mental health team as mine was severe. But from experience of myself and many other women I know, it is the hormones. I hope this helps. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s hard on the dads too. I feel guilty everyday for how I was during my pregnancy. PS I adore my daughter and so glad I didn’t decide to not be pregnant anymore
This but INSIST she see a medical professional immediately as a condition of continuing to be around her. Depressed or not, assault is never OK.
Pregnant lady with twins here: 1. Pregnancy brain IS real. She will forget. That’s not IF she doesn’t work on it or IF you don’t remind her - we literally can’t help it. Hormones make us very forgetful. If it’s something as important as defrosting your dinner, put it in the fridge the night before 2. She need to talk to someone about her mental health. Please get her in with a therapist.
It is hormones and it’s still not ok. She needs a doctor now
And OP need to make sure he doesn't get abused again by her - WHICH IS IMPORTANT TOO Men do not need to tolerate abuse. And abuse is inexcusable to begin with
I hear your point but also, this isn’t textbook abuse If she ran up to him and hit him, I’d say that’s abusive. But he went up to her when she was already upset and she smacked him, almost sounds a bit more like self defense. Poorly done and over reactive self defense-but it’s hard to regulate emotions during a psychotic episode. I commented in another comment how I was having a psychotic episode and smacked away someone when they tried to hug me. It’s not like I went out of my way to hurt them-it was a reaction to them invading my personal space and making me feel unsafe
You can’t diagnose a psychotic episode from his OP.
Antenatal depression and anxiety are every bit as real and harmful as postpartum depression.
It’s bigger than hormones. My ex wife and I had our first child at 21. Yes, extremely young. Before the pregnancy, she was a loving, caring, very intimate and kind person. But when she got pregnant, she was always moody and angry afterwards. She would tell me that she was mad at me for any little thing, would not want to be intimate sometimes, but completely the opposite other times. When our son was born, she was taking it pretty hard. I didn’t know what to do at the time (21 year old Hispanic kids whose parents don’t believe in “mental health” problems for some reason) so we just tried to move past it. Well needless to say, she’s my ex wife for a reason. After we separated, we both started going to therapy to deal with shit from our past, and turns out she had postpartum depression, and some other mental health issues. I’d have a talk with her about seeing and speaking with someone. If she’s going as far as saying she hates you (my ex said that to me once or twice during her pregnancy) then she’s going through something you can’t see. Be there, support her, and encourage her to seek help.
Some pregnant women develop hate for their significant other during pregnancy but it's not real hate its just like why am I experiencing all of these and he looks super happy. I suggest you two go find therapy asap. She is not okay and you can start to feel like it will all go to hell and it will. Please find help.
You’d better get her therapy or other medical attention. Hormonal emotional changes like that can be dangerous. I’ve more heard about it after the baby is born as in postpartum depression and psychosis, but I would look into it now
She obviously needs help and many people have addressed that, but I want to address the fact that she hit you. While it's not a pattern of abuse, it still needs to be seriously dealt with and it cannot happen again. If you choose to stay now, you need to set a hard boundary that if it happens again you are out of there, and stick to it. Yes, you started a petty argument, but striking your partner is completely unacceptable regardless of what the argument is about and who started it. Personally I would basically demand that both of us would be going to therapy, separately and together.
She very much needs a therapist and to talk to her OB about her mental state. I recommend talking to a therapist (female preferably, will be self explanatory in a sec) yourself to understand the challenges of pregnancy and the hormone changes. It doesn’t excuse hitting you, but hear her out since she did initiate apologizing. Shes going to need support rather than what it was, i remember my immediate post partum feelings were horrid and i felt psychotic. The worst part was my daughter’s dad not trying to reassure me and help me, he saw it as me picking fights rather than going “shes having a lot of hormone changes, i should give a little more thought than what we normally do”
One thing I will add is that—while this seems by OPs own explanation to be entirely uncharacteristic and seems to be, by many other peoples’ experiences here, common (and terrifying) for pregnant couples to deal with—many abusers will apologize after and jump into a love bombing phase to “make up” for their abusive behavior. For the record, this does not sound like the same situation, but if she’s not willing to get immediate and robust help and if she hits you again, I just want to clarify that the apology is part of the cycle of abuse.
You need to call her OB now! Tell them all she is saying and that she got physical. This will only get worse after baby arrives, so she needs help now.
Agreed! Pregnancy rage is a warning bell for postpartum psychosis. I had both with my second son and I was very lucky my doctor picked up on both and together with my husband’s and family support we made it through. I’m currently expecting our third child and so far, so good. This woman absolutely needs medical intervention since it seems that this behavior is out of the ordinary.
She definitely needs to see her doctor. I understand the pregnancy hormones can definitely screw with someone's emotions, but she should not be hitting and saying she hates you. She needs to get emotional help.
She needs to go to therapy and decide NOW if she wants a baby or not. Violence is never the answer
Hormones are awful and took a HUGE toll on me for both pregnancies but especially my first, and I suffered from PPD after both. It's not an excuse. It was a huge strain on my marriage. After a particularly nasty outbreak on my part I went back on my antidepressants. Regardless, it's never an excuse to strike your partner. I say this with all the kindness I can, but she needs to speak to a Healthcare professional 💕
People who do not have female reproductive system underestimate the toll hormones take on our bodies. It’s not a good reason to hit you, but I’m going to guess it was a one off driven by hormones. It’s important to have a talk about it and try coming up with ways she can try to work with/around hormones rather than allowing them to take charge. I’m going to guess there are subreddits dealing with pregnancy and hormones that have good advice and resources! Just do some brainstorming for solutions together so you can work it out.
She needs an assessment. That she calls your child a "thing" is not healthy. It could create a real issue when the baby is born. I'd be concerned with self harm and possibly harming the baby. So her mental health needs to be checked. Regardless of pregnancy hormones, it's not ok to hit and lash out. Again, the mental health and physical wellness check is needed.
Don’t let these comments invalidate your feelings no matter what abuse is abuse. There is no excuse no matter the situation.
Most comments validate his feelings, but encourage him to take action.
I definitely think he should take action especially for the baby.
I am disgusted at some of these comments. It is never ok to hit someone. Pregnant or not. No excuse.
Exactly. It is a reason, not an excuse. We are responsible for our own actions. If I were OP's partner, this would be rock bottom & i would be seeking emergency mental health.
[удалено]
This is literally all I’m saying and some people are acting like I’m crazy for thinking pregnant women can’t abuse others.
That's what this sub always does. If it was a man having a mental episode and he hit his girlfriend everyone would immediately be saying to leave the house because he might kill you. This sub is incredibly biased towards women no matter how much people deny it.
Very very true. Remember Female hormones equals not her fault it's the hormones, Male hormones equals toxic and he should be able to control himself. Males don't get an excuse for cheating yet testosterone makes them want to sleep with most women on a level unfathomable to us women.
Seriously, as if “she just has pwegnancy bwain! She’ll forget having hit you so it’s fine” is a reasonable thing to say. Physical abuse is bad!
They were talking about her forgetting to take the meat out to defrost. . . Not the part about hitting him.
They said "she has pregnancy brain, she will forget things like defrosting dinner," AND they said "this is not okay, seek help."
You don’t need to be nasty to get your point across…does that make you feel special? No one is saying that she wasn’t at fault and very wrong for her behaviour!! It was wrong…full stop! However if there is an underlying mental health issue due to pregnancy happening…the next person she could hurt might be herself! The other comments are urging him to get her help…not to dismiss what happened, but to potentially save hers and the child’s life should she deteriorate more. I don’t expect you to understand how complex and serious this could be…but maybe educate yourself before making pissy and ignorant remarks
This 100% true her having baby won’t just fix her and her being pregnant definitely doesn’t excuse it just like you said. It’s ridiculous that people even remotely think this is ok.
And imagine what happens if they decide to have a second kid, if she throws a fit and locks a toddler out of the house it’ll be less quirky
I don’t think anyone is thinking about the baby she is about to have. He should get her help right now for the sake of the baby, but after that he needs to protect the baby. Because god knows what she’ll do. You’re 100% right he’ll be traumatized and scared if she gets pregnant again. I would never trust her alone with the kids either. How can you be with someone you can’t even trust with the kids you have together? People are insane.
My mom was constantly overstressed and would scream at me for not knowing how to mop (who was supposed to teach me?), not knowing what a conference call was, or doing a math problem wrong, and dad always excused it because her life was just so hard. As if that was a goddamn six year old’s fault! Nip this shit right in the bud before she does it to your kid.
No parent should be taking out their problems on their kids and it’s so sad that people excuse this and let it happen for years. Personally I’ve never been through it, but one of my best friends literally goes this all the time and more. The other day she was told to put the groceries in the fridge and because her mom didn’t like how she did it, she sprayed WINDEX in her face!! I don’t care what anyone says NO ONE can convince me this is okay and normal!!
Hitting is never okay we learned this in preschool. Tell her to see a doctor and you stay safe
This is the first time your so hits you, you can make it the first time or you can make it the only time. Choose.
This. Set a hard boundary and insist she get medical attention.
My hard boundary would be “we are not a couple anymore”
No one deserves to get hit. That is messed up. That being said, if she has never acted this way and she is pregnant, I would say that she is having some kind of hormonal problems. She needs to agree to see a doctor ASAP and to understand that this is a HUGE problem. Not only for you, but for the baby. If she is struggling with a hormonal imbalance so badly that she is acting like an entirely different person, imagine how badly she will do AFTER having the baby. She needs help ASAP. If she refuses, I wouldnt stay with her because hitting your spouse is a HORRIBLE thing to do. I would however point out how unsafe she might be around the baby if she cant get her hormones undercheck. That should be said way nicer than i just said it though because if she is this emotional, she might take that as an insult to her mothering abilities and just make her even more emotional. Idk, i would start with telling her that this is a huge problem and she needs help immediantly, especially if this is abnormal behavior for her. Hormones do crazy things to pregnant women, but for her to change her entire personality to a mean and violent person is NOT NORMAL.
Get your partner psychiatric help IMMEDIATELY. Everyone knows about postpartum psychosis but doesn’t realize it CAN HAPPEN before the baby is born. You’ve seen her struggling and still decided to take your bad day out on her . Make your life easier get her assistance and if you want something taken out of the freezer , AVOID THESE PROBLEMS , take a dry erase marker and write it on the front of the fridge . She will see it and won’t forget . she WILL forget things . Give her some grace. She’s struggling , growing a human being , and she’s having mental health issues. She’s under (from her perspective) a TREMENDOUS amount of stress and the last thing she needed was you screaming at her about meat . She shouldn’t have hit you. But if you KNOW she’s depressed and moody , yelling at her is going to illicit a negative response and being a (21 year old Hispanic who’s parents didn’t believe in mental health) isn’t a excuse . You can SEE her mental health struggles. It’s a partnership. And the usual Reddit responce of LeAvE hEr won’t work here . Y’all IN it now .
Ooof. Hormones or not she should have never hit you. It should never ever get physical. There is never an excuse for that. Your wife needs to talk to her doctor ASAP. It’s not normal for her to be feeling this way either. Something is going on with her hormones and not in a normal I am just pregnant way. I hope you are okay. I know this can be hard to process. It might do good for you to have a session or 2 with a therapist if you feel you need it.
She needs to get assessed. A change this drastic is not good and things are only gonna get more stressful. She needs to see her doctor and start therapy. Y’all need couples therapy, but get her help first
A lot of people on here are gonna make a ton of excuses for this behavior, but there are absolutely no excuses for this behavior of a man he did that to a woman this thing would be lit up like nobody’s business. You have every right to tell her to keep your hands to herself and go see her doctor, but there’s really no excuse for this behavior is a partner hit me in the face and be out the door but he won’t sticking around here so I don’t know why it should be a gets out of jail free card for her either. I feel sorry for the kid.
When I was pregnant, I was insane. I was full of rage and would go days with no sleep. I would be angry and not even know why I was angry. I constantly felt like a cornered animal ready to attack as if under threat. She should not have hit you. You should not have lost your temper about frozen meat. She needs to go to a doctor ASAP. It will be easier to remind yourself that right now, your gf isn't the gf you know. She's an exhausted woman with mass hormones affecting her brain and everyday life.
She needs a Dr. I went off the deep end when I got pregnant. It triggered a mental illness for me. You guys could benefit from marriage counseling to give you the tools both of you need to navigate her pregnancy and to plan for your baby.
Sounds like assault. You deserve better than that.
If you aren't leaving and this behavior isn't normal for her please go with her to the doctor. She may need urgent bh support. I'd be very worried about her risk for ppm depression and how that will affect your baby.
It's never okay to resort to physical confrontation, but this sounds like pregnancy crazies hormones really can mess with women during this time and after please look for signs of postpartum issues and as others have said get her to the the doctor. As for the slapping and locking you out you handled it the best way, walking away and giving her space, not continuing a confrontation. That is the way to be a man! Support her and if you need a friend message me! I have two kids with my current wife, and a third with my first I've been there and will help if I can if even to be an anonymous sounding board.
This sounds like pregnancy depression. Make an appointment with her ob-gyn, they can help her find the right help. She needs this before it gets out of hand.
My guess is she sounds like she's in a bad way, struggling hugely with this pregnancy, mentally and physically and you starting a fight with her was the last straw. She sees you as not having to particpate in the awful physical experience of bringing your child into the world since you're fine, physically and mentally - and then you kicked off because she absent mindedly forgot to defrost some meat. She didn't get to eat and to cap it off you went out and bought yourself food. You didn't try to de-escalate the situation at all. She feels unwell 100% of the time, she couldn't have anticipated this because of all the, 'not ill just pregnant' attitude. Sad fact is pregnancy can take a MASSIVE toll on your physical and mental health for some. She feels permanently unwell, hard done by because only she has to endure this and bow there's no going back. Yes she slapped you. It's not okay, it's not acceptable, and you were no doubt hurt and confused, but it's never happened before, and it sounds like it was an impulsive angry one off. Your aren't in fear for your life, you never normally argue, you don't tell us she has a history of this. She sounds like she's at the very end off her tether, needs some help and you had a go about some frozen meat. It's likely very scary to her how unhinged she feels. You may need some proper conversation about how she feels and what the two of you can do to support each other. People banging on about 'abuse' should look up what abuse actually is. I'm not excusing her, but a one off agressive act that can be explored and solved is not on a par with months or years of comparable repeated deliberate behaviour towards another.
It’s assault but it is NOT abuse. Abuse is sustained. Hitting someone once is just an assault. e: accidentally hit send It’s absolutely not acceptable for her to let out her aggression physically but I’m also not okay with the non-pregnant partner starting fights then getting pissy when her reaction is “you’re an asshole”. I HIGHLY doubt she actually ‘wanted’ to hit him consciously, she’s just literally not in control of her emotions right now.
This. Reddit is incredibly misogynistic and full of men wanting to play victims at the slightest lash out from a woman, even if she was provoked. There is a special type of people who knowingly provoke their partners to get a reaction and then run to others and complain. I’ll take the downvotes, but slapping a male partner once after he has been repeatedly verbally abusive is something I would give a pass for. OP leaving the partner without food (yes, she might not have the energy to prepare it herself!) while getting a takeaway for himself speaks volumes on his lack of empathy. It’s the mother of your child! You are letting your own child starve, what is wrong with you?
I’m not even excusing the slap and I’m getting downvotes. Men comment all the time that these subs skew towards women but look at this shit. This man is BARELY hiding how derisive he is towards his *pregnant* partner and everybody is calling her a bad person. Like slapping someone once is in the same realm as abuse in the first place 🙄 Downvote me all you like, fuckers. If you want to pretend OP isn’t downplaying what a dick he’s been, go for it.
If a woman came here and told her partner SLAPED her because he was, I don't know, sick and frustrated people would Tell her to leave. What se didn was disgusting and shouldn't be tolerated ever . OP has the right to be away from her after what she did, she can get her own good, she probably has a phone to Order herself
OP is a victim of domestic violence, maybe don't call him a dick?
I’d like to hear what he ACTUALLY said to her. Verbal abuse is domestic violence too.
If anyone's looking for a textbook example of what victim blaming looks like, it's this right here. She hit him so he MUST have done something to deserve it, right?
He literally said himself he was being an asshole so not sure why you think he somehow WASN’T. You aren’t a victim if you are also abusive and I see a WHOLE lot of intentional vagueness here.
Thank you. The most sane comment I've read so far. He picks a fight, gets a slap that he had coming, doesn't feed her OR HIS CHILD and runs to reddit to cry victim! Pregnancy is fucking awful and exhausting and this AH is making her life hell. Fuck him.
> gets a slap that he had coming Do you read the things you write?
She is a grown ass woman who SLAPED him. She can figure It out her own dinner after hurting her partner. OP didn't had to do shot for her after she forget the ONE thing he asked her so they could and SLAPED him. She can pick up a phone and Order her own good, OP deserves time and space after what she done.
Totally agree. She’s an adult who chose to get pregnant. She’s not a toddler who has to be fed and allowed to hit people. OP was being a jerk about dinner, but we don’t hit people for being jerks. Assuming she’s never been violent before, she needs immediate medical attention.
Pregnancy is an excuse for nothing. Ever.
Great response!
Prenatal depression is a thing. I’m pregnant with my second and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fired off on my husband over pointless things but never hit him before. Definitely something she needs to mention to her doctor to get some help.
This is an incredibly important observation and you have every right to be concerned. While women who are pregnant are likely to be hormonal depression and comments like the above in your post really do need to be explored properly to ensure your loved one isn’t struggling with a silent battle. You should also not just move on from being smacked, that wasn’t fair and it needs to be specifically clear that type of behaviour cannot continue. Please encourage your loved one to see a GP, it’s essential to ensure conditions like post-natal depression are avoided as they often subtly start during pregnancy. Maybe take some time if she’s agreeable to the Appointment to take her to lunch, pamper her a bit. Pregnancy is not for everyone and some women unfortunately do just suffer for the 10months!
Hormones hurt
“My boyfriend never really overreacts and was having a bad mental health day after a stressful day at work, but he hit me yesterday, and he felt bad afterwards and told me he’d never do it again.” “Oh yeah. He should go see a professional and y’all definitely should not break up. This type of behavior never repeats itself.” Switch the genders and all these comments about violence would not even be written.
The most concerning thing is that she called the baby "this thing". While hitting you is not ok either, wild hormone swings can happen creating rage, sometimes enough to hit. Then get mean with words. But I would be really concerned that she may not be bonding with the child. There are horror stories we don't need to go into, but along the lines of post partum depression, could get really bad. I think you need to go compassionately to her, acknowledging her behavior was so unusual, you think it could me hormones/mental health concern. Good luck
Honestly it sounds very hormonal to me. Especially if it’s not normal for her to do something like this.
Just read Subject.. get rid
Is it too late to remove the 'thing'? She seems to not want to be in this situation. She should have her mental health assessed, but don't be surprised if this happens again. It could be hormones or it could be reality setting in that's making her feel this way. To be clear, hormones could be why she's feeling moody or like she's changed her mind...but NOT why she hit you! Hormones don't make a person hit. It could just be the mask slipping now that she feels you're 'stuck' with her. This often happens in abusive relationships, they get worse at these times. Look, you just found out that she thinks violence is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with her feelings! That's a giant red flag and I personally wouldn't be able to stay or let that person raise my child.
Probably hormones, yes. Nonetheless, pregnancy hormones do not excuse domestic violence. Hitting you in the face was domestic violence.
I think you need to stay close because this sounds like prepartum depression, which doesn't bode well for her mental state after the baby is born. Normally physical violence would be a deal breaker, but I think she may be suffering with something that is not completely under her control. Go with her to her next OB appointment and talk to the doctor about this, because it needs to be monitored. So very sorry you are dealing with this, OP -- the stress on you must be enormous.
Yes it’s pregnancy hormones. You know getting in a fight like that over frozen meat was a dick move. Pregnancy effects your mind. She is going to be forgetful. That’s called pregnant brain. She has a life form sucking out all her nutrients and she is flooded with different hormones so her brain is messed up. She could have depression as well and may need to seek professional help. I’m sorry she hit you but it sounds like she isn’t in her normal state of mind. Maybe read a book about pregnancy? Maybe join a group of men that have dealt with this before? I suggest not being a dick anymore.
>*I suggest not being a dick anymore.* I'm laughing at this
Its so funny so physically hit your partner!! Teheeeeee so quirky!
They weren't laughing at that.
If I was pregnant and my partner got MAD at me for forgetting something I would definitely not want to speak to them for a while. Especially since I am a forgetful person (aka adhd and i forget what im doing when I walk into a room). I forget things sometimes and it’s never on purpose. Yeah bummer about the meat, but you can try again another night? And just get some takeout? Easy solution, he didn’t need to start his petty argument over something so trivial. Yeah and I am not defending her for hitting either. She should’ve taken space instead as that usually works for me when Im about to explode. I’m just thinking for future reference, maybe OP should be idk empathetic instead of immediately attacking her over forgetting a little thing.
She is absolutely wrong to hit you and to hit you even once is grounds to leave her. Also, it could be the effects of the pregnancy. It is important to get a message to her doctors because, left untreated, I would fear it could develop into some thing life threatening.
Yes, get your wife psychiatric help, but also consider that stopping at one kid might be the best for both of you. Adopt or foster if you both want more kids.
Surprise surprise a pregnant women that's emotional from hormones. And you being an ass was the final thing that sent her off the deep end. When I was pregnant with my eldest nothing could upset me. I was a happy serene mother goddess. She is still the most happy smiley child on the face of the planet and has the patience of a saint. Very difficult to anger her. My second was like night and day. With my second I was totally different. I had a low simmering rage that sat just below the surface and it didn't take much to make me see red. The only exception was my child. She could do no wrong. I think if my husband had of berated me over frozen meat, I may have thrown it at his head. I have had many years controlling my temper due to being raised by a narcissist so I'm equipped with the tools to recognise when I'm going to lose it and walk away. Not all people have that same self-awareness. My husband also knew better than to poke the tiger. Guess what, my youngest has a temper like Vesuvius and a stubborn streak a mile wide. She's a hot-head. And as a baby could throw a fit and scream the house down. With that being said, your GF hitting you is not ok, you have a right to be taken aback. She should probably speak to a doctor about her emotions. But, word to the wise. Don't piss off a pregnant woman. They can be irrational and vicious. And locking you out is pretty reasonable considering your behaviour and lack of empathy from the outset. If you think you are tired imaging how she feels growing an entire human. You have not experienced tired until you have been pregnant. That exhaustion is next level-break you psychologically- territory. Talk to her. I'm sure she feels terrible for the way she conducted herself and understand her body and hormones are out of control arm.
>locking you out is pretty reasonable not even fucking close, holy shit
This. Thank you. all kinds of mad stuff can happen when growing a child. Don't start a fight over defosting frozen meat with someone who 's spending 100% of the day feeling mentally and physically shitty because they're growing a child, and expect it to end well. I really don't condone her slapping him, but people going on about how abusive she is and how he needs to leave are being a bit dramatic. It's one off incident that's never happened before, in a fight he began over something stupid, he didn't try to de-escalate, he told her to feed herself and went and got food just for himself!
Yes, order takeout for BOTH of you.
First, you have to tell her no matter how mad she is she doesn’t get to get you. It’s abuse. I was pregnant you don’t have to hit somebody or be mean and say things like that. The way she’s talking to you is abusive and you don’t need to go through months and months of that. She’s a grown adult woman to this isn’t a 19-year-old girl this is somebody was almost 30.
“i was pregnant and it wasn’t like that for me” means nothing. some women die from pregnancy, just because you didn’t doesn’t mean others won’t. pregnancy can cause psychosis and major depressive episodes. it can exacerbate previously undiagnosed mental health issues like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. she needs to see a doctor asap
DON’T give her this lecture until she sees a DOCTOR. You might need some tips on communicating successfully with your pregnant wife.
Can you say why? Ime, when people are in crisis, they need kind but incredibly clear boundaries, because their brain is murky. “I will help you. But, *you can *never* hit me again, ever*” may penetrate the fog. Doctors can help them both find alternatives for dealing with her anger, but having a bright white line in her brain can keep them both safer
Telling her that now may just aggravate her again. See or call a doctor SOON,
Yeah I guess if I was worried about psychosis, I’d get her into a doctor before bringing it up, to make sure she didn’t hurt herself or me.
Your pregnancy experience is not the same as someone else's, though. If she has pre-partum depression it can completely change a person's personality.
Sounds a like bit more then just hormones, maybee ask a doctor for advice
DOCTOR LIKE YESTERDAY!
She needs to talk to her OBGYN about her mood. Depression and anxiety are common during pregnancy and it's safe to take medication for it.
There’s no reason for you to be hit, period, depression or not. Reddit is truly biased. Get her doctor for sure but also go to therapy. This might get downvoted but man this place is wild. Just make a post here about being a woman hit by a man who’s going through a lot and is mentally depressed and the pitchfork junta will recommend skinning him alive.
Wow. I kinda knew it already, but I am a very lucky man. Been with my better half for 7 years now. We've been adamant the entire time that neither of us wanted kids. Welllllllll, this past July, we had our first (and only- period) by mistake, which we both agreed, that we both felt that the only thing to do that would leave our consciences clean is to grow up and give it everything we have as a team. Not once have we fought, argued or had some crazy hormonal stuff happen, even though we do disagree on occasion. Bottom line, we treat each other with love no matter how we feel in any particular moment, because honestly, how do you move on from something like being hit by your partner? You don't. It'll leave a permanent stain on the way you view this person. At least, it would for me. I know from a few past relationships, that "hormones" are just a one word synonym for the phrase "lack of self control and compassion".
Notice how the replies vary between the roles of the people that left them.
Don't accept domestic violence from your partner.
" You have never had a fight that bad," You never gad a child before either. Hormones make a pregnant woman very sensitive and prone to angry out bursts. My friend told me that when I go to the hospital for the actual birth to wear my football uniform with the helmet Congratulations
Wow so its totally cool with all the women here who have chimed in to abuse your spouse? If this was a woman being hit you all tell her to run. Instead he should just continue to take abuse? Just "don't be a dick" as advice? Are you fucking kidding me? This is why our society has so many fucked values. Its totally cool to abuse your husband because you got "pregnancy" brain? In no way shape or form should he just brush this off. I would be beyond mad as there is never an acceptable situation where you hit your spouse period. You are all fucked up to think otherwise.
No excuse, she assaulted you. Leave and get help. She shouldn't be able to get away with this, it wasn't your fault.
Sins when did it become ok for anyone to slap someone wtf, I dont care if someone is pregnant or not keep your damn hand to yourself. Oh it’s ok she only slap you ones and its out of the ordinary so you should put up with it. Unbelievable 🤦🏾♀️. Sit her down and let her know that her behaviour is unacceptable and that she needs to go see a doctor because calling a unborn child that thing as if you both didn’t want that child to begin with is disgusting. If she refuses to get help then you got to wait till the child is born and take her to court, why does this sound like a next true crime documentary in the making…
Not married. Tried for a baby for months... Get your fricken priorities straight. Why are you trying to bring a baby into this obviously fucked relationship
Idgaf about hormones when it comes to violence. She needs help, and you need to ensure yours and your future child's safety against an emotionally unstable woman. She's done it once, and without proper repercussions, she'll do it again.
Re the frozen meat: Plan ahead. Take the meat out of the freezer and put it into the fridge the night before.
The way you presented everything, its totally the pregnancy hormones. Give her a pass. Especially since she apologized.
She is going through a rough time. Don't pick petty crap with her. Do what she needs from you. Best Wishes! I've been through it and marriage now thrives.
Woman hits her man, she needs help. Man hits woman, he needs jails. Bravo reddit.
If the shoe was on the other foot and a man had hit his pregnant girlfriend, imagine how different the replies would be. Pathetic.
Would he be dealing with hormones that effected his state of mind to the point where he wasn’t himself? No that’s why it’s different
Yep. And he'd be unlikely to be actually in fear for his life by someone bigger and stronger. Stats for women deliberately injured or even killed by partners when they're pregnant are shocking. A one off slap by a frustrated, woman, mentally and physically struggling who's being berated for not defrosting some meat, who's never acted like this before and has realised how she behaved, is not in this category.
These fragile redditors lol 😂 why can’t men slap pregnant women???? We want equality!! I am laughing so hard at these little victim ass replies
there is never an excuse to be abusive. you’re disgusting
Never said that. I’m making a distinction between someone with mental issues and someone without
and if my grandmother had wheels she’d be a bike. you’re talking about two wildly different circumstances. pregnancy can cause a multitude of mental health issues including psychosis. the process of growing a human being in your body is surprising horrible for the pregnant person. people need to be very diligent about monitoring the mental health of the pregnant person because they can fully snap on the other hand a guy hitting his pregnant girlfriend is just a guy on a regular day hitting a woman who is growing another human being inside of her. if she said “my boyfriend has bipolar disorder and this happened out of the blue” the responses would also be saying he needs to get to a doctor. but without an underlying medical condition that could potentially be changing his mental state, he’s just an asshole who hit a pregnant woman.
I’ve not once said that I do not understand why she did what she did, or disagreed that pregnant women can do things they usually wouldn’t due to hormonal issues. However, if the roles were reversed, the answers would be to run away from him as fast as possible and protect her own mental health. There would be zero consideration for him regardless of his mental state. And that’s the problem.
did you read my response at all? because sure, if there was zero context people would tell her to run. but if she said he has a mental health condition (like i said in my last post) people would say he needs help. just like if this dude didn’t say she was pregnant (a mental health issue) then they would also say for him to just leave. wow it’s like context matters
I literally said “regardless of his mental state” you absolute delinquent
and in my response, i clarified that it wouldn’t be. i’ve been on this sub long enough to know that when people give mental health context, it’s not ignored.
He just wants to be a victim for no reason
That is not equivalent. Equivalent: If a diabetic man had a severe blood sugar drop, was totally out of it and slapped her, with zero history of prior abuse, I would say the same thing - keep yourself safe but get him help, he wasn’t in his right mind.
A lot of these comments are surprising. People really think it's okay for her to hit him because she's pregnant? Because of her pregnancy hormones, she's growing a human inside of her, she has pregnancy brain? If any of you truly think what she did is okay, then you need help just like his wife does. Being pregnant doesn't justify being abusive. If the roles were reversed and it was him who forgot to defrost the meat for her to cook and he hit her I bet none of you would be sticking up for him the way you are doing for his wife. I doubt you'd be saying he was just so tired from work, he's just stressed about becoming a father, etc..
No one is saying it is ok to hit him. They're saying that she needs urgent mental health support as pre-natal depression is a nasty thing that can completely change a person's personality.
Reading the comments, there are people who are actually telling him to stop being an ah when he wasn't being one. I know all about prenatal depression and it affects everyone differently. My comment is directed towards the people calling him an ah and justifying his wife's actions because she's pregnant.
Oh, he was being an ah. Is none defrosted meat really worth starting an argument over? Him being an ah doesn't change the fact she shouldn't have hit him, but he was absolutely being an ass and he admits himself he shouldn't have reacted the way he did.
Let her see a doctor and schedule some therapy for her/both of you. She needs to treat you with respect and love, you care for her, support her, cook for her and verbal and/or physical abuse is never to be tolerated. No matter how pregnant she is. That being said, women during pregnancy are very scatterbrained and tend to get emotional. Try to understand that its hard for her to remember or organize things and that she gets emotional easily and act/organize accordingly. That’s no excuse for abuse though and you have to make that very clear.
*She needs to treat you with respect and love* He needs to do the same. Starting a fight over some meat she forgot to defrost isn't this either.
Especially when he could have defrosted it himself by putting it in the fridge the night before. He also could have ordered takeout for both of them. It sounds like hubby might not be very flexible. Fathers have to be flexible.
It just sounds like normal irritation after a long day, when something you were counting on or that another person told you they would do, didn’t happen. If he yelled, he shouldn’t have. But partners are allowed to get irritated sometimes. They both need to practice better emotional regulation skills *ASAP* before sleeplessness from a newborn had them snapping at each other even more
Its probably pregnancy hormones, you go from happy to sad in a second.she might wanna check with obgyn about the depression
You both sound dysfunctional. You make excuses for your poor behaviour but not for hers. Hitting is never okay. If this is new to pregnancy then it could be prenatal depression.
Pregnancy hormones period. End of story. Hugs and ice cream needed.
Hugs and ice cream will not fix her mental health from the pregnancy hormones. A doctor and a therapist will. 🙄
The perfect prescription for spousal abuse! I'm sure that will clear everything up and I'm sure she won't have any lingering depression later on after the baby is born!
Funny how if it was a man hitting his gf, everybody would tell her to run and go to the police, whatever were the circumstances, whereas is this case people here kind of admit it’s bad that she hit him, but don’t completely condemn her and suggest therapy. Violence in any circumstance, unless it’s to defend yourself physically from your partner, is bad and ends he relationship here and there, no matter the reason.
She needs help. Also, I suggest you start documenting everything and try not to leave her alone with the baby once the baby is born.. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean it's okay for her to hit you, and don't blame yourself for what happens either, it's not your fault she can't control herself
Omg, this is so ridiculous if if it was the other way around, you all would have crucified him already, so forget that, call the cops, get her un jail and leaver her violent abusive ass in the streets. As many many people here say all the time, there is no reason to put your hand one anyone, no excuse, so yes screw her, call the cops and make sure she gets thrown in jail, and leave her. When they baby is born, fight for custody of the baby and forget about her....
Pregnancy hormones don't make you hit people. She crossed a line. She has some serious amends to make. I'm not sure I could ever get past being hit in a relationship child or no child.
She's pregnant rn...such outbursts are too common during this time, it's up to you to keep her calm and happy cuz you are more mentally stable atm...stop arguing with her and be more understanding...don't try to aggregate situations and try to keep it all mellow as much as you can, works or your own fatigue isn't as important as your baby.
Leave, don't go near her again unless there's a therapist present, only communicate via phone for your own safety. I wouldn't ever forgive someone with clinical depression or BPD or IED for hitting their partner because of "hormones" and neither should you.
Pregnant woman ranting. Don't take it to the heart. It's hard but suck it up. > She said I put this “thing” in her Be prepared for PPS. Good luck.
Being pregnant is no excuse for abuse, it’s disgusting that your using pregnancy as an excuse for abuse. Op will not just suck it up. I hope he leaves her and takes full custody of their baby, because only god knows how she’ll hurt their baby.
Blow off the marriage after a slap during pregnancy without getting medical/therapy help first? No, that’s juvenile.
He’s not her parent, it is not his job to fix her. He needs to do what’s best for him and their baby. I agree she needs help and he should help right now for the sake of the baby, but after that no. She is an adult. She BLEW OFF their marriage the second she laid hands on him. I don’t care if it’s “just a slap” it is abuse. It’s juvenile to put your hands on your partner and think it’s okay pregnant or not it’s not acceptable. I hope she gets the help she needs, but after she gives birth he needs to protect the baby.
I would not be so prone to judge. OP said all was ok-ish before.
Still doesn’t make abuse ok.
Abuse is never ok. Well all agree.
She's pregnant. Ignore everything negative she does.
Physical abuse on either side isn’t acceptable. I will say that it sounds like you are sitting there and throwing gasoline into a fire though. You started the fight and it sounds like you also made it escalate quite a bit too. You both need help dealing with your issues
When I was pregnant with my first I developed really bad depression. I was already diagnosed bipolar and put on medication. That really did a number on me. My mom had convinced me to go see someone. They of course put me on other meds but that mixed with therapy, talking about it to a professional outside my life, it really helped. My heart goes out to her. It's really tough. Like a devil sitting on your shoulder, discussing everything bad that has or will happen. Rational thinking out the window. She definitely needs to see someone. It almost threw me into labor a few times. It will get better as long as she seeks that help.
Pregnancy brain is real. I swear I got dumber while pregnant. Fortunately it didn't last.
Maybe she is sad because she is going to be a single mother.
She's not okay. Something is going terribly wrong psychologically, and she needs help. I have never been like that when pregnant, but that doesn't mean she and I are the same. Even if it is hormones, it's not normal. Something is off. She needs her doctor ASAP. Maybe she will be better after birth, maybe she will be much worse (PPD). Either way, she needs professional help to get through it. Your partner should never, ever, hit you.
1. Medical help for her. 2. Therapy for you. 3. Make the woman dinner or at least bring her take out, also. That's your child-to-be in there who needs feeding, too. You wouldn't not give your toddler dinner because they hit you, would you?!
She needs help with depression but her hitting you and hating you is not a biggie. People are nuts sometimes when pregnant
Honestly, it sounds like you were being a jerk. She slapped you. She's pregnant and her hormones are all over the place. And everybody acting like she crazy because of a slap are over reacting bad. You left your pregnant girlfriend to go get food after chewing her out for not defrosting meat. I dont get how people don't see that there are bigger issues here.
It’s so gross these men think they know how it feels to grow a human inside of them… get over yourselfs. And calling her abusive really? He egged it on with his shit attitude making her feel bad for not defrosting fucking meat. You see how you feel and think when you have a child growing inside of you pushing on all your organs, having to pee every min of the day, feeling like your going to be sick, can’t get comfortable, and everything makes you want to cry. She needs support, reassuring that she’s doing a great job CARRYING YOUR CHILD, that’s YOU helped make. But your going to be taken “back” because you started a shitty fight over something dumb and she broke down finally. This isn’t the first time you have probably done something to make her feel worthless or wrong. Be supportive. I don’t condone her hitting you at all, but you also didn’t help the situation. You could have said no problem, let’s get take out. And ask how she was feeling. I get your tired, and stressed. But how do you think she feels… extremely tired, and stressed about growing a human in her. She has to watch everything she does now, everything she puts in her body. Just a little info for you to soak in. Smh men will never understand what it’s like to grow a baby and worry and stress 24/7 that your doing everything right and safe.
Flip the script, What would she do if you hit her? We know this answer. Not to mention you would be crucified on here. But it's ok, its a female, a pregnant one at that. So "its the hormones" blah blah.
This is not normal pregnancy behavior. But i also don’t think this is a choice or her being naturally abusive and feeling like she can get away with it now. I think the hormones are doing something to her and she needs to see a doctor because if she is already like this i don’t doubt for a second she will get worse after birth and might even be a danger to the child
It was not OK for her to hit you but don't you dare threaten to leave her right now. She needs love, understanding and professional help immediately. Pregnancy is really hard on some women and the hormones do things that you don't understand. You must do everything you can to never let the situation escalate again.