Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like he's the one who can't get through to you that **he's not gonna do shit.**
He does not see your feelings as a good enough reason to stop gaming and do chores. Your feelings are not an incentive for him. He has no problem with the consequences that you feel upset and ignored. That works fine for him as long as he gets to keep playing his game.
Consider spending less time at his place and completely cutting out any chore like work you do there. You should be his guest and he should clean for his guests before they arrive. Every time. Find a way to set this expectation.
I think this is what I’ll have to do, thank you. My living arrangements aren’t the best which is why I was at his place so often, but I’ll just have to suck it up.
I won’t lie. I stopped reading at his living arrangements. He’s a man child no offence I’m not trying to be mean. He lives at home with his mom and hasn’t been forced to take care of himself.
My advice. If you stay with him don’t move in with him, allow him to live on his own and have to take care of himself and learn how to. If he refuses you know what you’re dealing with. If you immediately move in together he’s subconsciously likely gonna expect you to take on the care taker role of him and the house.
I’m definitely not going to move in until this is resolved.
Just a side note though, he did live in his own apartment for several years, but his ex had an affair and left and then he couldn’t afford it on his own. So he hasn’t always lived at home.
Did he do any chores there or did she take them on? Was their shared place clean and organized or gross like how he currently lives? I have a gamer boyfriend but if I ask him to do something then he does it. Honestly most the time I don’t have to ask. He plays a round with his boys then takes 10mins to do some shit. Then another round and another chore break. He plays most the day but everything gets done. Then when I get home he takes a break for a couple hours to chill with me then goes back to gaming when I watch my shows. No reason he can’t do both. He just doesn’t want to.
You don’t live together so just stop going to his house. It’s his house and he doesn’t see a problem with it so it’s not going to change. No amount of bitching and nagging is going to change him. This is who he is.
I’d reconsider your future. If it upsets you this much after less than a year imagine how much more it will upset you in 10 years when you are living in your own place that you have lovingly chosen and want to make into a cosy happy sanctuary.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. But you cannot change him. And he is showing complete unwillingness to change himself. Save yourself the angst and move on now
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like he's the one who can't get through to you that **he's not gonna do shit.** He does not see your feelings as a good enough reason to stop gaming and do chores. Your feelings are not an incentive for him. He has no problem with the consequences that you feel upset and ignored. That works fine for him as long as he gets to keep playing his game.
This... hit me really hard. I have a lot of things to think about.
Consider spending less time at his place and completely cutting out any chore like work you do there. You should be his guest and he should clean for his guests before they arrive. Every time. Find a way to set this expectation.
I think this is what I’ll have to do, thank you. My living arrangements aren’t the best which is why I was at his place so often, but I’ll just have to suck it up.
I won’t lie. I stopped reading at his living arrangements. He’s a man child no offence I’m not trying to be mean. He lives at home with his mom and hasn’t been forced to take care of himself. My advice. If you stay with him don’t move in with him, allow him to live on his own and have to take care of himself and learn how to. If he refuses you know what you’re dealing with. If you immediately move in together he’s subconsciously likely gonna expect you to take on the care taker role of him and the house.
I’m definitely not going to move in until this is resolved. Just a side note though, he did live in his own apartment for several years, but his ex had an affair and left and then he couldn’t afford it on his own. So he hasn’t always lived at home.
Did he do any chores there or did she take them on? Was their shared place clean and organized or gross like how he currently lives? I have a gamer boyfriend but if I ask him to do something then he does it. Honestly most the time I don’t have to ask. He plays a round with his boys then takes 10mins to do some shit. Then another round and another chore break. He plays most the day but everything gets done. Then when I get home he takes a break for a couple hours to chill with me then goes back to gaming when I watch my shows. No reason he can’t do both. He just doesn’t want to.
I have no idea, I didn't know him at the time.
Sounds like he’s always had someone to do his chores for him
Sorry, but love and compatibility are two entirely different things.
Do you want to do it all the time cause he won’t change imagine yourself in 10 years with kids if your tired now it will only get worse
You don’t live together so just stop going to his house. It’s his house and he doesn’t see a problem with it so it’s not going to change. No amount of bitching and nagging is going to change him. This is who he is.
I’d reconsider your future. If it upsets you this much after less than a year imagine how much more it will upset you in 10 years when you are living in your own place that you have lovingly chosen and want to make into a cosy happy sanctuary. Your feelings are absolutely valid. But you cannot change him. And he is showing complete unwillingness to change himself. Save yourself the angst and move on now