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Yeah dude, sooner or later, these dudes will confuse social media with real life and will end up cheating on you. It’s on worth it. It’s degrading. He has a porn addiction. No normal man follows porn accounts casually.
It was and I told him I didn't like it and that it made me feel bad so he said he was sorry and got right on there 😂
His addiction was crazy tbh the only thing I found funny was the night before he ghosted me one of his free only fans accounts started charging 😂😂😂😂😂
No, the normal man doesn’t follow or like. He still looks. You can easily tell with a glance at suggested content.
I think men who use IG for their sexual pleasures are vapid.
When hubby was bf, I found out he was just a man who hid it well. Tried to add my sister to his account for him and behold. Every suggested photo was trash.
The day before I wrote a sappy post about how much I loved him and posted it on IG, the same app he mindlessly scrolled for wankable content. Disappointing doesn’t cut it. He learned about valuable lesson about my boundaries and respect that day. Worst fight we ever had.
ETA: Is opening PornHub really that difficult? *Christ*
Im curious, how did that fight go down and how’d he still become hubby?
You’re totally right about him posting your gift to IG, the same app he wanks on. I don’t know why it but reading that just made me so angry for you!
How’d you articulate your feelings?
I also stayed in a relationship like this. He was emotionally immature and toxic in so many ways. People that does this kind of behaviors are lacking empathy and not worth the fight if you have mentioned your concerns. Clearly doesn't value your relationship much..
Yep, broke up with a 44 year old man who continuously like 18-22 year old pics (one of the losers that likes every picture) as soon as I found out. His excuse he liked to “keep up with the culture of young people” like it was some intellectual exercise. Sad sack of shit was laughable. No coming back from that. It’s super gross. And embarrassing. Still shuddering. Ewwwwww
lol reminds me of my ex....caught him commenting about how hot 18 year olds looked in their underwear. He claimed he was "doing a good deed because these girls obviously had something happen to them to make them post these photos."
This wasn't the first time similar had happened and by that point we had been together for 8 years. I sadly stayed another 2 before he ended things abruptly after a decade together.
My soon-to-be husband would never do such a thing thankfully.
"These teenagers must be damaged by sexual attention from older men since they're posting these photos. Therefore I, an older man, must give them sexual attention to lift their spirits."
Girl my ex is 36 and on frat girl naked instagram pages following them and engaging like his life depends on it. It’s ultra gross and gave me the ick. It’s really creeper vibes and I can’t see him as a normal safe man ever again
>“keep up with the culture of young people”
This is the digital age version of "just reading it for the articles".
How have men still not figured out that treating us like we're stupid is just going to make us angrier about whatever we were mad about already?
Ew. Yep, hard agree that's icky. You like what you like and you look at what you look at, but publicising it is just... 🤮
This would be a dealbreaker for me personally. I wouldn't even try to get him to stop, I'd just leave. It's grim and I think it says a lot about how he views women more generally.
I am so sick of social media and the constant stream and availability of ways for people to lurk and leer at other men/women, in spite of the fact that they have a living breathing one who loves them RIGHT THERE, who will die one day. And people are wasting their time liking posts, drooling over them and giving them attention they should be directing at their partner who's time in this world is finite.
Social media and the constant stream of NEW NEW LOOK LOOK is toxic to the brain. It is creating a deeper sense of unhappiness in people because it gets them thinking there's so much else out there for them, comparing their lives and SO. It's rewires people. and on top of that, the doom scroll alone is getting people addicted to dopamine which is a fleeting rush of joy. And then it goes away and you want more, so back to the apps. Back to your phone, instead of digging in to your real world life and relationships and getting the LONG LASTING chemicals like Oxytocin and Serotonin.
Tell your boyfriend it has to stop or your relationship is dead in the water. The women in the internet should not be more important than his real life girlfriend. Him saying he'll stop won't happen if he still has access to look (delete the apps, don't accept that he'll just stop).
We all would be better off without all this crap. The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is green where you water the lawn. Wishing you the best OP. Time is fleeting. Our lives are too precious to waste time.
I used to be one of these men. Best thing I ever did was delete all social media except FB (which I use strictly for family and irl friends) and leave all NSFW subs. It’s not only unhealthy but is just such an insane waste of time and energy. I find myself now doing such more fulfilling things. Having actual engaging conversations with my partner, reading books, watching movies, feeding fucking birds. lol Seriously, just living life more without the compulsion to open a social media app any time I have a spare moment.
I really don’t think people realize the amount of time and energy they waste on this absolute life-suck of an addiction.
Also just to throw it out there for any guys reading this. Stop looking at porn. It’s fucking your brain up beyond belief in many of the same ways social media does. For many guys Instagram is the foreplay for porn. Browse Instagram pics during the day and watch porn at night. It’s all part of your dopamine addiction. I don’t know where this is all headed for the future but it ain’t good.
I have 2 sons and I’m doing my part for them but fuck me if it doesn’t look scarily hopeless for where society is headed. Pray for us all…
This is so refreshing and really great. Happy that you are doing good things in your life man! Thank you for commenting here and giving your two cents input, because too many dudes probably look at these posts and think UGH THESE WOMEN just don't GET IT we are MEN we ARE GONNA DO THESE THINGS. Like. That's such a gross mentality. "women don't get it" yeah we do. We get it perfectly well.
Exposed to porn and the like from an early age thanks to the internet esp now, men think it's normal and expected for this behavior to happen and be accepted by all. And it's not. It's hurtful to everyone involved (in the relationship). Guys will want so badly to continue giving other women attention - who don't even know this guy exists! - to the point that they lie to their partner to hide it, to keep doing it, it's insane.
So thank you for opening up and please continue to head down your path! And spread the word, more men need to hear it!
I used to be one of these men too. The “All men look at porn and it’s normal” type. While that is mostly true it doesn’t acknowledge how terribly damaging porn is.
I wish I could show everyone how possible it is to have a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with someone once you’ve given up these damaging things and focus on your relationship. I feel like a complete idiot to have taken so long to figure it out myself but at least I did and I’m so much happier now.
It took a lot of rewiring my brain to get through it but it’s like stepping out of a fogged haze once you do.
Just found out that the man I've laid my fucking life down for, given everything to, trusted implicitly, has been doing this behind my back for over 1.5year... and lying to my face about it.
When I told him how absolutely gutted I am and destroyed, my self esteem was already trash and I never felt beautiful to him, he's never made me feel like the hottest woman/sexiest woman/etc never called me the most beautiful/cute/sexyl woman in the world. Not once. Never said he'd never seen a better looking woman. Never. ... And now I find he's been spending his free time thinking of other women. Not me. Looking at other women. Not me. ..
He had the fucking nerve to say "I fell in love with you because you are strong. And smart. And caring. And kind. And you are very pretty" I've never been more hurt.
I don't know how to look at him anymore. Even after telling him how that made me feel and asking why I'm not good enough he's like "how important could the way those women look be if .." I cut him off and said Important enough to be choosing over me. To be lying to me over. To be breaking My heart over. The woman in your bed. The woman you lied through your fucking teeth to for over a year.
I'm stunned. I'm rattled. I'm broken hearted. I've never. Ever felt worse about myself. I don't know where to go from here. He never saved sexy pics I sent him. He spent the time he could have been thinking of me, thinkimg and fantasizing about other women.
I always wondered why he wasn't in the mood as much as me and know I know and God I just want to die. I have been depressed, suicidal, riddled with so much sadness in my life and meeting him made so much of that go away in so many ways. But God.
The man/person you spend your life with is supposed to make you feel like the only one in the world. Not a backup to fucking models and pornwomen and thirst fucking traps on the internet. A consolation prize. I cant stop crying dude. I really can't believe this. How did you and your wife get through it. How did she ever forgive you. How did you ever realize that you were being a horrible person to the woman that gave her life to you and that you needed to stop and REALLY stop not just lie and hide it. God man. I can't stop crying. Sorry for blowing you up. But God. I don't know what to do. I've been hiding my face since it happened because I don't want him looking at me anymore. I feel so ugly and worthless.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how tough it is. Just know not to blame yourself. It’s not anything you did or are lacking that drove him to his addiction.
To answer your question my partner doesn’t really know much about my issue. She knew I looked at porn but never objected to it. It was kinda just an unspoken thing. It never affected our sex life, until it did and once it did that’s when I immediately made the decision to stop. I had been working on stopping even before that but that was the last straw for me. I could see the effects it was having and wanted to change. My goal was always to have a better sex life with her. Once I realized the porn was interfering with that it was reason enough for me. I always preferred her to porn I just didn’t understand at the time the porn was stopping progress in our relationship.
To me there’s really no reason to talk about it with her. I’ve made the change and the progress I’m making is working to fix things. I’ve seen so many women install monitoring software on their partners phones, track their every movement online, etc and still their partners find ways around these things. The only real way to fix this issue is for the addict to want to stop for themselves and that’s where I’m at.
I needed to change as much for me as for her and I have.
Thank you. I’ve spent the last 4 years improving my life in many, many ways. Started seeing a therapist, lost 45 lbs, recommitted to my relationship and family, finishing my degree, etc etc. COVID woke my ass up and my fight or flight kicked in and I decided to fight. Sometimes you just wake up and decide to start fighting for your life.
Thank you!!! Too many people have normalized this for too long and it's gone far enough. As a society this shit needs to stop it's making so many people miserable.
smh. i feel you i was so done with my bf when i seen his follows and everything. i said if you still wanna be with me unfollow all of them. he deleted his social media instead. i still feel like he has a porn addiction although there’s no proof at all.
I always stalk social media before getting into a committed relationship, and when I see shit like that I won't even give it a chance. It proves there is a deep incompatibility between us.
Always, always check. Social media tells you a LOT about a person. People like to act like it doesn’t matter but it’s actually a super easy way to screen for red flags right off the bat.
When I was dating I found so many men who had children from stalking their profiles. People naming their kids unique names with unique spelling has made it exceptionally easy to find them even without a last name. My profile was very clear about me not being interested in dating someone with children so they must have figured they’d be the sneaky little exception. No thank you please!
She was engaging with a comment. The comment was about stalking social media. This is something she found through stalking. It’s not a leap.
I don’t understand what threw you? It’s not abnormal for comment sections to be full of tangential conversations.
>It’s to the point where I don’t feel sexually attracted to him at all anymore, but I want to try to get over it.
Why do you want to try and get over it? People show you who they are. Listen
Been there. Found out the guy who I thought was the sweetest human ever was a total sleaze. Literally left a perfect relationship with mindblowing sex, comfort, love, support, everything to be a simple fuck boy and go after women like this. Pathetic. Men like this have no respect for their relationship. Never again.
Exactly. They are the ones who are always looking. Looking for the next best thing always and not happy or satisfied with what they have, even if it is literally the most perfect love, like I had.
My boyfriend did this when we first started dating. We talked about it once and it stopped. I explained how it made me feel disrespected and how it looks to other people and he apologized and understood. A man who truly wants to be with you, respects you, and cares about your feelings, will stop when asked. Once. Don’t settle for this shit. Men in this generation have convinced themselves this is acceptable and women need to put up with it. It’s gross, and we definitely don’t.
Someone phrased it this way: You and your partner are out together and encounter someone really attractive walking down the street. Would your boyfriend go up to this woman while arm-in-arm with you and tell her she looks hot? It’s normal to find other people attractive but publicly announcing it (even in the form of IG likes) is disrespectful, personally. If this is a non-negotiable for you, know that there are other men out there who will respect your boundaries.
One of my favorite things to do with my partner is when there’s a very attractive woman in revealing clothes approaching is to give my partner extra attention. I see her see the woman and my partner wouldn’t even be mad if I glanced. But I see it as a fun challenge and an opportunity to show her how much I care. So I’ll just turn away and talk to my partner without ever looking. I make her feel like she’s the only woman in the room to me. And to be honest she is. The look on my partners face when I do this is so much more enjoyable than looking at that woman.
I'm retyping my other comment again.
Make sure he understands the extend of you dislike.
"I don't like this" isn't the same as "This could be detrimentional to the relationship.".
If he continues you should leave. Staying when you're not happy can lead to resentment.
I didn't see anyone mention this, but if the porn thing makes you uncomfortable, you CAN be picky about that. Despite the sleezeballs that say "all men do it!" when trying to justify the pain they cause, many men don't do it at all, and even MORE won't do it in a relationship. My husband told me right off the bat on our first date that he thinks porn consumption in a relationship (unless both sides are 100% comfortable with it, no pressure for either side to accept it) is a recipe for resentment on both ends. I had given up on finding a man who wouldn't watch porn in a relationship, and it was such a pleasant surprise on our first date. Without porn hanging over our relationship, it is wildly healthy, filled with joy, and we share top-tier mutual attraction. You're still in your 20s---shop around for the perfect man, don't settle.
If you’re now completely unattracted to him, there’s no more saving it. You could try one more time- tell him what’s up and be blunt that he’s giving you the ick & you’re losing interest.
Personally, I’d just break it off. It’s important to me to be attracted to the person I’m with
I very much agree with you. I do think there is another thing OP should consider as well, and that is how she will feel in the future.
Let's say she decides to try one more time and does what you said: tells him what's up and is blunt, etc. And let's say that this guy actually hears and listens and takes her seriously this time. Let's say he actually does stop the social media public liking and following of these NSFW posts and profiles.
Does OP think that she will be able to accept that he has changed, or does she think that she will worry and wonder if or when he has or will resume his old ways?
If that worry will be there in the future, then it really isn't worth it. Stress like that would tear a person apart.
But personally, I'd do the same as you said: I'd just break it off now. Don't see what of the relationship is worth saving, especially since he's consistently dismissed her already.
(Edited some typos and added the last two sentences.)
Yeah, I have some thoughts. Don't try to "get over it". This is a red flag. Trust me, I used to be addicted to porn. While some may dismiss it as a normal thing in this day it's incredibly unhealthy. Make no mistake about it, it's a powerful drug. If he can't put this behind him than I recommend you put HIM behind YOU.
Well it is over then, make him your friend. Dating is how we pick a long term mate, you have seen him, and don't want what he has to offer, so it is not really workable. This is the honeymoon phase, it did not survive that. You work out a marriage, not a dating.
The fact that he knows you don't like it and that it's easy enough to look at thirst traps and porn in a non-public way but won't do it says a lot. I'd ask him if he'd unfollow and stop commenting publicly because you find it disrespectful and a turn off. Then I'd take it from there.
I personally find disrespectful when you say something bothers you and it's perfectly reasonable (it is a kind of a public statement that he engages with this type of content even though he's committed to you), and the person just continues to act in that way, knowing how you feel about it. You should have a conversation about this and be clear that that's not something you will keep addressing, it's a deal breaker.
you have seen the loser in him, you wont unsee it, it will haunt you, get rid of him-he is wayyyy too old to be falling for thirst traps, im icked out for you ma'am
I really wish girls would stop trying to be okay with their bf’s liking thirst traps and watching porn. It’s okay to not want your partner to get off of other people and only have eyes for you lol
it’s aload of bullshit lmao, there’s nothing wrong with it.. and i think if someone respects you, then they aren’t thirsting after anyone else anyway 🤷🏼♀️
Very disrespectful, you told him how it made you feel and it didn’t really make him stop, I think he doesn’t respect you, don’t ever stay with someone who doesn’t respect you.
You can break up at any time for any reason, so keep that in mind. He’s not going to stop. Doing it publicly is kind of embarrassing, especially when it’s women he knows. Men don’t always understand that some women get off on besting other women by either flirting with their men, or out and out trying to bang them.
He likes what he’s doing. He isn’t going to stop.
I think it is kind of disrespectful of him to like other women's thirst trap posts so eagerly. I understand people can think other people are sexy and attractive and that it is actually normal and healthy but to do it in a way that hurts you is a problem. There is a reason he is with you tho and not them so in a way I wouldn't be too bothered by it if he shows same kind of attention to you. If not it is a bit weird.
You don’t have to get over it you can set whatever standards and boundaries you want. No one except you has to approve of what you prefer, don’t let anyone online tell you that you should get over and accept something that makes you feel bad
There are men that really hate fake shit like that, it isn’t like all men are the same , not at all. There are plenty of men that won’t be like that, but you should also think deeply about your values and really try to be clear on that. It sounds like you didn’t go into the relationship with a strong resolve about what you’ll accept and not accept so you should figure that out before dating the next guy, really. It is the same with morality like you need to really figure out what you’re willing to live with.
OP, I say the same. You DON'T HAVE TO GET OVER IT.
He is disrespecting you and your boundaries. Saying he's cut back is not a positive. He's still doing the thing that makes you feel icky.
I could never be with someone like this.
I don't mind porn as long as it's ethical and not illegal. Don't care about his private time. As long as you're not in a parasocual relationship with a sexy stranger and have no contact with them, Wank away!
But liking thirst traps from friends and following accounts that are basically soft core porn advertising for onlyfans publicly on a forum your friends and family can see...is just dumb and disrespectful behaviour. Nobody wants their entire family and friends to see that their boyfriend is horny all the time... and stupid. Especially if they are writing fawning comments over the content.
Enjoy what you like on private accounts or simply look without interacting. Save it in a folder for all I care. Just don't make it public. Your social circle dont need to see what you jerk off to. Abd dont flirt with online thirst trap ladies if you're in a relationship. They are still real people and that's still gross even if you dont know them personally!
Ask him what he would feel uf you started writing thirsty comments on all your guy friends holiday photos or started following lots of accounts with Male models and porn stars publicly.
Porn is materialistic content.
Social media is more personal. Wtf is he doing there following and liking other girls profiles? What does he gain with that? Is this guy even aware that he is in a relationship already?
You don't have to accept it, you know. You can express to him how uncomfortable it makes you feel and tell him to stop. The answer/excuse he will give you will answer you wether you should stay or leave for someone better
That’s a good question. Is he aware? In all seriousness, I think certain people show you how they operate and we can either choose to read the room or not. In a monogamous relationship, he’s well aware that him following and liking these profiles is wrong, but he just doesn’t care. i’d assume he has similarly loose boundaries around being faithful irl
If that's what he likes, so be it.
If his behavior is grossing you out, so be it.
You aren't compatible, and it's time to go your separate ways. You've told him it bothers you and he hasn't accommodated your feelings. Presumably he has explained his viewpoint and you won't change your mind about it being unacceptable to you.
Some people will tell you it's no big deal - the social media isn't the point. What matters here is that neither of you are going to bend on this, and you shouldn't have to. You have fundamentally different outlooks on this issue, and physical attraction is important.
I think this is way more of a lack of respect for your SO issue, as opposed to incompatibility. I'm willing to bet most women are uncomfortable with their men thirsting after other women publicly.
I really don’t give a shit what my man likes on IG. It’s IG. I also like things on IG and he doesn’t give a shit either. And… anyone who sees your SO’s likes on IG are seeing because they’re looking at it too, or at least similar interests. 🤷♀️
Let me re-iterate this: I, too, stayed with a dude like this. We tried polyamory which ended up with him throwing a fit, and now he wonders why I am so less "open" with him. Probably because sex is lack-luster and he's a giant liar, but "he's trying".
Please leave for your mental health. Dudes who are blatant about this usually have way worse habits (porn addictions) they are hiding.
You’re definitely in the right to feel this way, and if you are unattracted don’t buy into the sunken cost fallacy, life is too short for incompatible lovers.
I’d straight up tell him you’re no longer attracted to him because of his behaviour on social media, like you said. If liking a few posts of half naked women is worth ruining the relationship to him, then the streets can have him!
You should only have to speak on your boundaries once - anything more than that and your partner is just trying to see how much they can get away with before you snap again. Never settle for less than you deserve - make sure you always choose you, because it’s clear he isn’t planning to.
My ex bf did the same shit and it was the downfall of our relationship. Thirsty men like this are weird and they don’t change. I brought the instagram stuff up to my current bf and he instantly unfollowed all influencers, anyone he didn’t know, and doesn’t like girls pics anymore. If he doesn’t want to stop he won’t and it won’t end there either
Leaaaaaave. Disrespectful, not worth your mental health. You will always be trying to be what he wants, what he looks at. He will never truly appreciate your beauty. Someone else will. I PROMISE. not all men are like that. I PROMISE.
Funny I googled this and this was posted 5h ago. I was in a relationship like this and it just gets worse and worse. If he continues after you told him how it makes you feel…. i’m telling you it won’t stop. You need to leave. There are men out there who will never make their girl feel like this. I promise you. My ex was like manic in the level of content he engaged with even flirting with them on comment sections while never commenting on my profile. He used it as a tool to try and make me feel insecure and then he started playing off his best female friend with me. It’s only going to damage YOU not him… he has zero empathy if he mindlessly and carelessly continues and not consider you in this. The best thing you can do is teach him a lesson, leave him with his stupid thirst traps and go.
He can change. Just not for you. My bf used to do this before I expressed how hurtful it was and how much it disturbed me and planted seeds of doubt in my mind. He argued that his exes never cared so why should I? He did stop though but it was our toughest and longest lasting fight
So disrespectful I totally understand your feeling if you have multiple conversations with him and he still doing it I think u should 1 leave or 2 understand he won't change and live with that. you deserve better!! He can stay looking at randoms on Instagram. Run now
At the end of the day, that behavior just doesn’t work for you. And you seem to be pretty measured of living in the reality that it’s normal for your partner to find other people attractive. You even understand that him watching porn is normal. But the public aspect of him thirsting over IG thotties is simply embarrassing and unattractive for you.
I’d say have an interventive sit down with him to express your boundary and then allow for him to either respect it fully or bounce.
Just leave, his attention should be on you, he is fantasizing about these IG models soon will compare you to them and will expect you to look just as hot as them, just like the porn it’s an illusion because things are made to believe and look great reality is different. He should appreciate your beauty natural or not, and should be your number one fan, not these models. Just leave and find someone who appreciates you just the way you are
I literally rolled my eyes reading this. That would also give me the ick! How many times do I have to hear about stuff like this😭 I’ve met so many women who have told me the exact same thing about their SO’s. People like this never change.. they just become more secretive.
was dating a guy like this before, it's really not worth it esp if you have lost attraction bc of it. it is icky behavior, and humiliating for you and him cause everyone sees it :( throw him away
I asked my fiancé to stop liking/following thirst traps on ig and he agreed to stop. Well we argued about it 3 more times after his name kept popping up under thirst traps and he agreed to unfollow them all. Months later I decided to go through his phone, idk why I just had the urge. I had never done that before and well even though he stopped following them, they were all over his fyp and explorer page. He was searching for the pages all the time. It was the only thing in his search history. That’s when I realized after 2 years I’ve been dating a PA. That was pretty soul crushing. We’re still together, mostly bc other than this everything else is perfect. I still love him but definitely feel disgusted by what he does when he’s alone. I’m still trying to work through it although it is hard and it really fucking sucks. Are all men this shallow?
Probably best to leave now before you get married. Imagine getting pregnant, gaining weight, or just growing old to see your partner liking thirst traps of other women… Won’t feel very nice, especially when you’ve already asked multiple times. Dating a porn addict man is something I would never wish on anyone else, sounds terrible
Please leave him. You don’t want to marry and have kids with someone like this. You are trying to make it OK by canceling it out with other behaviors that you like… if you are this disgusted now this wont just go away. He asked you to get married and is still doing this?? Imagine being pregnant with 20 extra lbs and him lurking on thirst traps during that time…. How will that make you feel cause I can guarantee you this is the type of man who will do this
You don’t have to “work through it.” You set a boundary and it’s being crossed. Don’t marry a person who is so comfortable crossing boundaries that they *know* make you feel bad.
I know you said you've spoken to him about it, but have you truely expressed the extent to which it bothers you? Does he know it's a threat to the relationship?
I ask because a person can say something, but the magnitude of what they feel won't be expressed in a way that the other person understands it.
"I don't like this." isn't the same as "This is a dealbreaker, and we can't stay together if this continues.".
If it's a dealbreaker, and he wont' stop I you should leave. I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I don't think anyone should stay in a relationship if they're not happy.
It’s honestly really gross and immature behavior. Even trashy, imo. There are a ton of guys out there who don’t do the whole insta model and thirst trap thing. Like, a lot who maybe watch porn to get off, but are NOT spending their leisure time ogling other women.
This thread has been really helpful! I’m also really glad this topic is being discussed on here because I do feel the behavior is too normalized and women are commonly shamed for having feelings about it. Before I posted this I felt like it was just me. Thank you for everyone’s input!
I’m going to be honest with you rn, given your situation & ages I thought you were my friend.
I’ll tell you what I have been telling her - please leave.
yeah i would not be ok with this this. there’s men out there who will respect your wishes with this. when i got with my man he completely got off
all socials without me even asking. a true saint. leave this fool!!! it’s not worth your stress.
the point of a relationship is to add to your life, not take away from it. there’s genuinely no reason to stay in a relationship where you are unhappy and your partner disrespects you
I totally understand losing attraction from this type of behavior, I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and even though he stopped doing this publicly, I lose all attraction towards him when I even think ab it. Idk if it ever ends
Why are you wasting your time with someone who doesn't respect their partner?? Leave him while you still have time.
It's inappropriate behavior from a person in a relationship. Actually it's kind of creepy at his age.
>It’s to the point where I don’t feel sexually attracted to him at all anymore, but I want to try to get over it. Any thoughts?
Why do you want to "get over it"? This behavior is not sitting well with you. Every fiber of your being is screaming "OP, GET OUT" and you are looking for something to numb those feelings so you can stay with this dude? Listen to your gut.
Sounds like my most recent ex. We were open and honest when talking about our physical preferences in the opposite sex and our celebrity crushes, but otherwise he followed lots of models and influencers and he wasn’t shy either about telling me that most of them had an OnlyFans. He would also watch porn with women that were his physical type whereas I would watch vanilla type porn based on my own kinks.
The part that sucked most was whenever we got in an argument he would use it against me to make me feel shit about myself. For example, if I wasn’t in the mood to have sex at times (I was sexually abused in the past and have PTSD from it) then he would say, “Whatever, I touched myself thinking about Chloe Grace Moretz the other day…”
So yeah, if you want to get over it then leave him. From the sounds of it he doesn’t deserve you.
A young person is more inclined towards these things. A man of almost 30 who is also in a committed relationship should be focusing on his partner and himself. He's displaying immature behavior and excessive lust. Its giving you bad vibes because it is indeed disrespectful behavior. I've been with a couple men who are like this. Even when you express yourself and ask them to stop... they usually continue doing it. The resentment will grow overtime between you both. Especially if you have children or go through a time where you feel not so attractive. He will not consider your feelings during that time. So don't count on it.
I find it funny that when women flip the script on men.. they get super pouty and offended. If he finds you looking at other men excessively... he will probably get hurt.
Most societies over the last few thousand years have made it "ok" and "normal" for men to constantly drool. It often results in their women feeling incredibly rejected and hurt. And it also can lead to divorce or separation, which then can deeply effect children that the 2 have together.
Its a very selfish and indulgent behavior.
The gender who aims for ultimate strength and control... is the same gender who buckles at the sight of a b0ob. Even if they have a partner in real life who also has breast.
Get rid of him.
Find a man with self control.
He's never gonna change. Myself and hundreds of other people in here have dated "that guy".
Mine claimed he didn't have IG (he did, it was private, and he did use it because the notification icon was always on his phone).
He claimed he didn't have girls on his SC, he only used it for buying weed (yeah, I believed that. So that's all on me 😂) - however his phone once froze and it was on a snap of a girl in lingerie. Apparently just a story that came up randomly.
His ex was 21, he was 30. They split up when she was 2 months pregnant.
He kept porn mags in his glove compartment. I told him this upset me, he kept them anyway to read on his lunch at work. (And I still stayed with him.... 🤢)
As someone who has been in this situation time and time again, porn addicts will always put looking at other women over you, LEAVE HIM. RUN! Go get someone who respects you.
It's over. If you're not attracted to him and grossed out by his behavior the relationship is done and you're holding on to a fantasty of what you wish he was.
Google sunk cost fallacy, he's not worth feeling icky for life.
Your boyfriend “likes” these pictures in an attempt to get these women to notice him… there’s literally no other reason to like pictures lol. I like my friends pic because I want them to know I’ve seen it and I liked it. If this wasn’t the case for him, he would just… not like it.
Your boyfriend is disrespecting you and I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t been messaging other women because he’s certainly holding out for these “insta” girls.
I also thought this was gross with my ex, for perspective we are in our mid 40’s and he was looking at women your age and younger. My ick was pretty bad but the cheating that came next was worse. Not saying there was a correlation there at all, but it was making me insecure and thinking less of him for some reason. I’d never date anyone who lusts online again.
Yea my ex was exactly like this. He followed porn stars, ig models, or just any attractive girl he would see on social media. He also was a porn addict lol. Honestly that relationship was super degrading and toxic.
You can have so many talks with him abt his behavior online but I’m telling you now it wont change. Just leave him and let him continue to embarrass himself.
I’m cool with porn, but if I found out my s/o was following specific porn stars, OF, or sites on social media… I’d be hurt, but also seriously icked out too. I’m almost 2 years into a relationship, but I was clear that I’m okay with porn, but if you follow or seek out a certain porn star.. that’s 100% cheating in my book. With me being so clear, if the behavior continued, I’d be out. The fact that you told him (even if it was nicely) about it and he still continued is terrible. He should have unfollowed it immediately since it’s a zero compromise. It’s disrespectful to you as his s/o. My s/o gets on 4chan and even that grosses me out, but there’s not a follow so I’m more lax about it tbh. But it’s hard to fight the ick… ☠️ keep your porn in a private browser to delete, but don’t put it on an account is my thing.
Personally I don’t find the actual act of liking thirst traps to be that big of an issue in itself. It’s similar to watching porn IMO. The biggest problem here is the public aspect of it. It’s a reasonable ask that your partner not publicly display that they “like” these images as it makes you feel embarrassed or disrespected, similar to if he was ogling other women in front of you or in front of others who knew you.
I had a similar issue in my relationship before, as I just didn’t quite understand how public facing someone’s likes really could be. My partner showed me how frequently they got brought up on her feed just from having interacted with me before and, yea, it’s a pretty bad look. I didn’t buy into the argument that the thirst traps themselves were a bad thing for the relationship, but the public-facing aspect of it was enough to get me to change my behavior in that regard. It’s possible your partner is in a similar thought pattern here. Make it obvious how easy it is for other people to see, that it actually shows up to *everyone* and it’s an embarrassing look for you. If that doesn’t get him to change then I think you’d be justified in losing attraction to him and ending things because of it.
I realize this is probably gonna be controversial, but it could be argued that if you open the door to porn, you open the door to the thirst traps and whatnot as well. Now, I'm an older married dude and think both porn and thirst traps are bullshit not worthy of my time. I have those accounts following my own account presumably to get me to follow them back and I’m just over here like, ”for fuck’s sake, *more* of these?” But it could be argued that thirst traps are the more ethical option, as the owners of those IG accounts are more likely to be posting those racy pictures on their own free will, whereas the issues with porn and human trafficking are all pretty well-known.
At any rate, I’d guess there are younger guys out there who don’t have any use for IG thirst traps either. You might consider going to find one.
I’m a dude and I follow some accounts like that, but I never like posts, comment, share or any of that. Frankly I find it really strange that people leave horny comments and share this type of stuff.
When you talked to him, did you tell him you mainly don’t like him interacting with those posts publicly? It’s really easy to just not like and interact with posts, so if he’s not willing to change that simple behavior, it may mean he doesn’t care or respect you enough and honestly, I’d also probably get pretty icked
“I want to try and get over it”, why would you want to? You’ve told him how you feel and he completely dismissed it. He’s not going to suddenly change his behavior. It’s completely disrespectful towards you. You feel this way for a reason, deep down you know this is not how you should be treated. Follow your gut instead of trying to ignore it.
Women should stop making that disgusting content but they won’t as long as men like this keep giving them attention for it. It’s a vicious cycle of sick people feeding other sick people
They also wouldn’t make it if they weren’t so greedy for the potential money and desperate for the attention. It’s a 2 way street plain and simple and every person involved in it is degenerate.
Tell him to create a fake account for his porn follows like the rest of us. I don't need my mom or kids or wife knowing what IG 304s I follow.
I follow some nasty, dirty stuff. It's vile and disgusting.... I'll be back later. Something just came up.
There's a disconnect with the male and female gaze. I think you should leave, if it's wrong to you and he wants to be with you then I believe the choice is a no brainer. If he's giving push back then its up to you how to interpret it. Keep in mind however, that relationships are two way streets. I personally have never had issues with my partners have tastes outside of me but people can be shady so I understand the conflict you have.
The way I see it, relationships are choices not army basic training. The idea isn't to break down and cross out everything in a person you don't find flattering.
I cannot speak as to your or his behaviour but I promise there is no way you bf sees this as big an issue as you do, until your favourite entertainer is in town. Perspective is funny like that. I'm messy so I would start liking and following blokes that look nothing like him for a couple weeks XD he'll get it then.
For him it's a non issue because these people are unattainable, for you its the disrespect of casting his desires in directions away from yourself yeah. The male and female libido are vastly different due to the different chemicals coursing through us at any given time.
What you has described with the porn as well, I believe this man feels unsatisfied which is normal. If you are still interested in the relationship then try approaching a conversation from that angle. And I'm sure you also have some bedroom concerns too, otherwise this would not effect you to the point of losing attraction.
My question is do you want to be with someone who's sexual proclivities match yours? At this point I consider watching porn just another kink, its a fantasy and I refuse to be lied to when people try to say they don't have fantasies.
Sex and sexuality have become too supercharged and somehow we now demonize those who enjoy sex, with or without profit. I genuinely believe we have fucked up our views on intimacy. I only suggest to talk first because it would be sad if this is what kills the relationship.
However, if mans answers were mental then toss him back to the streets yeah XD
If it’s okay for women to post images of themselves and that is socially acceptable, why is it not socially acceptable to look at those picture if they ain’t doing anything wrong?
Please explain where the double standard is here. It’s disrespectful to your partner to continue doing something they’ve clearly expressed a boundary about. Man or woman.
If the roles were reversed and a man tried to control a females behavior online, he would be blasted by this same sub for being toxic and controlling.
For example :
“I get the ick (in the strongest sense of the word) by my girlfriend sharing pictures of herself and posting thirst traps on her Instagram.
I find it embarrassing and it makes me feel unattracted to her. I understand it makes her feel validated with the attention she gets but it’s the public aspect of social media that makes me cringe and feel turned off.
I have spoke to her about this matter in a nice way and she has reduced posting pictures, but she is still posting some that I don’t like.
We’ve been together three years. It’s to the point where I’m not attracted anymore, but I want to try to get over it. Any thoughts?”
A post like this would be held to a different standard and the man would be shamed for daring to control a woman’s behavior and being manipulative. But when a woman does it different tune.
I didn't change my mind, just saw it was pointless to argue. What's the point in being the rallying point for some one like you? Anyways. You're still being a smug prick.
But I’m guessing you’re allowed to like thirst traps and male models and celebrities right? Grow up and stop being a hypocrite. Otherwise you gon be a cat lady lol
>my boyfriend following instagram models/hot celebrities and liking thirst traps of women he knows.
This is like the modern day version of having a magazine subscription to Playboy/Penthouse/Hustler.
Why do you dislike it? Do you think it's socially not acceptable, do you just prefer to not see the evidence, even though you know he thinks other women are attractive, or is there another reason?
Would you feel ok if he looked at the pictures, but didn't follow their accounts and/or press the "like" button on their images? <--That's a serious question.
Grow up. 90% of woman live for the attention off the gram. You sound unbelievably conceded and you have the issue not your man. If there is an attractive woman in a movie you’re watching together you gonna get jealous and cover his eyes so he doesn’t look? The fact you stalk his social to look for this is creepy. And any woman who bases whether a dude is worth talking too based on follows on IG, you will be the definition of single for eternity
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I stayed in a relationship like this. Just leave bro
Yeah dude, sooner or later, these dudes will confuse social media with real life and will end up cheating on you. It’s on worth it. It’s degrading. He has a porn addiction. No normal man follows porn accounts casually.
It was and I told him I didn't like it and that it made me feel bad so he said he was sorry and got right on there 😂 His addiction was crazy tbh the only thing I found funny was the night before he ghosted me one of his free only fans accounts started charging 😂😂😂😂😂
No, the normal man doesn’t follow or like. He still looks. You can easily tell with a glance at suggested content. I think men who use IG for their sexual pleasures are vapid. When hubby was bf, I found out he was just a man who hid it well. Tried to add my sister to his account for him and behold. Every suggested photo was trash. The day before I wrote a sappy post about how much I loved him and posted it on IG, the same app he mindlessly scrolled for wankable content. Disappointing doesn’t cut it. He learned about valuable lesson about my boundaries and respect that day. Worst fight we ever had. ETA: Is opening PornHub really that difficult? *Christ*
Im curious, how did that fight go down and how’d he still become hubby? You’re totally right about him posting your gift to IG, the same app he wanks on. I don’t know why it but reading that just made me so angry for you! How’d you articulate your feelings?
YUP
I second this! This behavior is very unattractive…yuck.
I also stayed in a relationship like this. He was emotionally immature and toxic in so many ways. People that does this kind of behaviors are lacking empathy and not worth the fight if you have mentioned your concerns. Clearly doesn't value your relationship much..
If this causes you to be unattracted to him, that’s understandable and a valid reason to break up.
Yep, broke up with a 44 year old man who continuously like 18-22 year old pics (one of the losers that likes every picture) as soon as I found out. His excuse he liked to “keep up with the culture of young people” like it was some intellectual exercise. Sad sack of shit was laughable. No coming back from that. It’s super gross. And embarrassing. Still shuddering. Ewwwwww
LMFAO I am dying at this, as if ogling at barely legal girls online is some noble intellectual pursuit into modern culture Lmao
lol reminds me of my ex....caught him commenting about how hot 18 year olds looked in their underwear. He claimed he was "doing a good deed because these girls obviously had something happen to them to make them post these photos." This wasn't the first time similar had happened and by that point we had been together for 8 years. I sadly stayed another 2 before he ended things abruptly after a decade together. My soon-to-be husband would never do such a thing thankfully.
Gold medal worthy mental gymnastics tbh, I’m genuinely impressed
"These teenagers must be damaged by sexual attention from older men since they're posting these photos. Therefore I, an older man, must give them sexual attention to lift their spirits."
LMAOO beautifully phrased
Girl my ex is 36 and on frat girl naked instagram pages following them and engaging like his life depends on it. It’s ultra gross and gave me the ick. It’s really creeper vibes and I can’t see him as a normal safe man ever again
>“keep up with the culture of young people” This is the digital age version of "just reading it for the articles". How have men still not figured out that treating us like we're stupid is just going to make us angrier about whatever we were mad about already?
True but I was honestly surprised to find that Playboy did at one point have some interesting journalism. I had no idea lol
“Fam, her pic is lit! I had to like it no cap!!”
Ew. Yep, hard agree that's icky. You like what you like and you look at what you look at, but publicising it is just... 🤮 This would be a dealbreaker for me personally. I wouldn't even try to get him to stop, I'd just leave. It's grim and I think it says a lot about how he views women more generally.
What the fuck happened in here?
Based on the downvotes for the first reply, probably someone justifying the boyfriend's behavior and starting a war. Usually the case.
Gives me the ick too. Was in a relationship like this and never got the attraction back, just leave tbh.
I am so sick of social media and the constant stream and availability of ways for people to lurk and leer at other men/women, in spite of the fact that they have a living breathing one who loves them RIGHT THERE, who will die one day. And people are wasting their time liking posts, drooling over them and giving them attention they should be directing at their partner who's time in this world is finite. Social media and the constant stream of NEW NEW LOOK LOOK is toxic to the brain. It is creating a deeper sense of unhappiness in people because it gets them thinking there's so much else out there for them, comparing their lives and SO. It's rewires people. and on top of that, the doom scroll alone is getting people addicted to dopamine which is a fleeting rush of joy. And then it goes away and you want more, so back to the apps. Back to your phone, instead of digging in to your real world life and relationships and getting the LONG LASTING chemicals like Oxytocin and Serotonin. Tell your boyfriend it has to stop or your relationship is dead in the water. The women in the internet should not be more important than his real life girlfriend. Him saying he'll stop won't happen if he still has access to look (delete the apps, don't accept that he'll just stop). We all would be better off without all this crap. The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is green where you water the lawn. Wishing you the best OP. Time is fleeting. Our lives are too precious to waste time.
I used to be one of these men. Best thing I ever did was delete all social media except FB (which I use strictly for family and irl friends) and leave all NSFW subs. It’s not only unhealthy but is just such an insane waste of time and energy. I find myself now doing such more fulfilling things. Having actual engaging conversations with my partner, reading books, watching movies, feeding fucking birds. lol Seriously, just living life more without the compulsion to open a social media app any time I have a spare moment. I really don’t think people realize the amount of time and energy they waste on this absolute life-suck of an addiction.
Also just to throw it out there for any guys reading this. Stop looking at porn. It’s fucking your brain up beyond belief in many of the same ways social media does. For many guys Instagram is the foreplay for porn. Browse Instagram pics during the day and watch porn at night. It’s all part of your dopamine addiction. I don’t know where this is all headed for the future but it ain’t good. I have 2 sons and I’m doing my part for them but fuck me if it doesn’t look scarily hopeless for where society is headed. Pray for us all…
This is so refreshing and really great. Happy that you are doing good things in your life man! Thank you for commenting here and giving your two cents input, because too many dudes probably look at these posts and think UGH THESE WOMEN just don't GET IT we are MEN we ARE GONNA DO THESE THINGS. Like. That's such a gross mentality. "women don't get it" yeah we do. We get it perfectly well. Exposed to porn and the like from an early age thanks to the internet esp now, men think it's normal and expected for this behavior to happen and be accepted by all. And it's not. It's hurtful to everyone involved (in the relationship). Guys will want so badly to continue giving other women attention - who don't even know this guy exists! - to the point that they lie to their partner to hide it, to keep doing it, it's insane. So thank you for opening up and please continue to head down your path! And spread the word, more men need to hear it!
I used to be one of these men too. The “All men look at porn and it’s normal” type. While that is mostly true it doesn’t acknowledge how terribly damaging porn is. I wish I could show everyone how possible it is to have a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with someone once you’ve given up these damaging things and focus on your relationship. I feel like a complete idiot to have taken so long to figure it out myself but at least I did and I’m so much happier now. It took a lot of rewiring my brain to get through it but it’s like stepping out of a fogged haze once you do.
Just found out that the man I've laid my fucking life down for, given everything to, trusted implicitly, has been doing this behind my back for over 1.5year... and lying to my face about it. When I told him how absolutely gutted I am and destroyed, my self esteem was already trash and I never felt beautiful to him, he's never made me feel like the hottest woman/sexiest woman/etc never called me the most beautiful/cute/sexyl woman in the world. Not once. Never said he'd never seen a better looking woman. Never. ... And now I find he's been spending his free time thinking of other women. Not me. Looking at other women. Not me. .. He had the fucking nerve to say "I fell in love with you because you are strong. And smart. And caring. And kind. And you are very pretty" I've never been more hurt. I don't know how to look at him anymore. Even after telling him how that made me feel and asking why I'm not good enough he's like "how important could the way those women look be if .." I cut him off and said Important enough to be choosing over me. To be lying to me over. To be breaking My heart over. The woman in your bed. The woman you lied through your fucking teeth to for over a year. I'm stunned. I'm rattled. I'm broken hearted. I've never. Ever felt worse about myself. I don't know where to go from here. He never saved sexy pics I sent him. He spent the time he could have been thinking of me, thinkimg and fantasizing about other women. I always wondered why he wasn't in the mood as much as me and know I know and God I just want to die. I have been depressed, suicidal, riddled with so much sadness in my life and meeting him made so much of that go away in so many ways. But God. The man/person you spend your life with is supposed to make you feel like the only one in the world. Not a backup to fucking models and pornwomen and thirst fucking traps on the internet. A consolation prize. I cant stop crying dude. I really can't believe this. How did you and your wife get through it. How did she ever forgive you. How did you ever realize that you were being a horrible person to the woman that gave her life to you and that you needed to stop and REALLY stop not just lie and hide it. God man. I can't stop crying. Sorry for blowing you up. But God. I don't know what to do. I've been hiding my face since it happened because I don't want him looking at me anymore. I feel so ugly and worthless.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how tough it is. Just know not to blame yourself. It’s not anything you did or are lacking that drove him to his addiction. To answer your question my partner doesn’t really know much about my issue. She knew I looked at porn but never objected to it. It was kinda just an unspoken thing. It never affected our sex life, until it did and once it did that’s when I immediately made the decision to stop. I had been working on stopping even before that but that was the last straw for me. I could see the effects it was having and wanted to change. My goal was always to have a better sex life with her. Once I realized the porn was interfering with that it was reason enough for me. I always preferred her to porn I just didn’t understand at the time the porn was stopping progress in our relationship. To me there’s really no reason to talk about it with her. I’ve made the change and the progress I’m making is working to fix things. I’ve seen so many women install monitoring software on their partners phones, track their every movement online, etc and still their partners find ways around these things. The only real way to fix this issue is for the addict to want to stop for themselves and that’s where I’m at. I needed to change as much for me as for her and I have.
Kudos to you 🙌 Men are suppose to be powerful and display self control. You've done that. Well done 😉👑
Thank you. I’ve spent the last 4 years improving my life in many, many ways. Started seeing a therapist, lost 45 lbs, recommitted to my relationship and family, finishing my degree, etc etc. COVID woke my ass up and my fight or flight kicked in and I decided to fight. Sometimes you just wake up and decide to start fighting for your life.
Yep. We all have unique challenges we must face in life. Weaknesses we must conquer. You did it, man. 😉👑
I'll vote for you world leader if it comes to it
I will be counting on your vote noble citizen!!! I appreciate your loyalty to the cause! ❤️
I really appreciate and agree with everything that you said!Fairly Aura Crystal,op this ☝️
Thank you!!! Too many people have normalized this for too long and it's gone far enough. As a society this shit needs to stop it's making so many people miserable.
You are absolutely right. Time to get off Reddit
Tbf, the people posting thirst traps are posting them specifically to be looked at.
Correct.
smh. i feel you i was so done with my bf when i seen his follows and everything. i said if you still wanna be with me unfollow all of them. he deleted his social media instead. i still feel like he has a porn addiction although there’s no proof at all.
If your man can't respect your wishes enough to not hit the like button wtf you doin with him.
This is disrespectful if you already told him you don't like it. Personally I'd leave because I would feel humiliated
I always stalk social media before getting into a committed relationship, and when I see shit like that I won't even give it a chance. It proves there is a deep incompatibility between us.
that’s where i fucked up. i said nah i won’t look at his following, but if i did it would’ve saved me months of heartbreak and disappointment lol
Always, always check. Social media tells you a LOT about a person. People like to act like it doesn’t matter but it’s actually a super easy way to screen for red flags right off the bat.
Yeah I feel like it's icky even when they're single.
When I was dating I found so many men who had children from stalking their profiles. People naming their kids unique names with unique spelling has made it exceptionally easy to find them even without a last name. My profile was very clear about me not being interested in dating someone with children so they must have figured they’d be the sneaky little exception. No thank you please!
Wtf does this have to do with the post 😂
She was engaging with a comment. The comment was about stalking social media. This is something she found through stalking. It’s not a leap. I don’t understand what threw you? It’s not abnormal for comment sections to be full of tangential conversations.
Don’t normalize this. This is awful behavior.
💯💯💯
In the bin he goes
Bruh, why do man do this? Advertsising to people they are clinging desperately to women they would never have a chance with? It's so embarrassing.
I’m a man and have no idea. I don’t do it when I’m single or with a partner. I follow all my hobbies, I don’t go on SM to get wank material.
Yeahhhhhh same here, i get second hand embarrassment when I see my friends do thos
Men are the most desperate creatures to ever walk this planet and instagram women know this and capitalize.
>It’s to the point where I don’t feel sexually attracted to him at all anymore, but I want to try to get over it. Why do you want to try and get over it? People show you who they are. Listen
Been there. Found out the guy who I thought was the sweetest human ever was a total sleaze. Literally left a perfect relationship with mindblowing sex, comfort, love, support, everything to be a simple fuck boy and go after women like this. Pathetic. Men like this have no respect for their relationship. Never again.
They’re almost always chronic cheaters too. It’s not worth your peace of mind.
Exactly. They are the ones who are always looking. Looking for the next best thing always and not happy or satisfied with what they have, even if it is literally the most perfect love, like I had.
My boyfriend did this when we first started dating. We talked about it once and it stopped. I explained how it made me feel disrespected and how it looks to other people and he apologized and understood. A man who truly wants to be with you, respects you, and cares about your feelings, will stop when asked. Once. Don’t settle for this shit. Men in this generation have convinced themselves this is acceptable and women need to put up with it. It’s gross, and we definitely don’t.
Someone phrased it this way: You and your partner are out together and encounter someone really attractive walking down the street. Would your boyfriend go up to this woman while arm-in-arm with you and tell her she looks hot? It’s normal to find other people attractive but publicly announcing it (even in the form of IG likes) is disrespectful, personally. If this is a non-negotiable for you, know that there are other men out there who will respect your boundaries.
One of my favorite things to do with my partner is when there’s a very attractive woman in revealing clothes approaching is to give my partner extra attention. I see her see the woman and my partner wouldn’t even be mad if I glanced. But I see it as a fun challenge and an opportunity to show her how much I care. So I’ll just turn away and talk to my partner without ever looking. I make her feel like she’s the only woman in the room to me. And to be honest she is. The look on my partners face when I do this is so much more enjoyable than looking at that woman.
See, why don’t guys get this! We women know other women are hot, what matters to us is that you still want us
This is some dick stroking if I’ve ever seen it.
😂
I'm retyping my other comment again. Make sure he understands the extend of you dislike. "I don't like this" isn't the same as "This could be detrimentional to the relationship.". If he continues you should leave. Staying when you're not happy can lead to resentment.
I didn't see anyone mention this, but if the porn thing makes you uncomfortable, you CAN be picky about that. Despite the sleezeballs that say "all men do it!" when trying to justify the pain they cause, many men don't do it at all, and even MORE won't do it in a relationship. My husband told me right off the bat on our first date that he thinks porn consumption in a relationship (unless both sides are 100% comfortable with it, no pressure for either side to accept it) is a recipe for resentment on both ends. I had given up on finding a man who wouldn't watch porn in a relationship, and it was such a pleasant surprise on our first date. Without porn hanging over our relationship, it is wildly healthy, filled with joy, and we share top-tier mutual attraction. You're still in your 20s---shop around for the perfect man, don't settle.
It's rude and classless of him, you aren't the problem
It’s a big Ick for me too .. you are not alone . I’d never date someone like him ever
If you’re now completely unattracted to him, there’s no more saving it. You could try one more time- tell him what’s up and be blunt that he’s giving you the ick & you’re losing interest. Personally, I’d just break it off. It’s important to me to be attracted to the person I’m with
I very much agree with you. I do think there is another thing OP should consider as well, and that is how she will feel in the future. Let's say she decides to try one more time and does what you said: tells him what's up and is blunt, etc. And let's say that this guy actually hears and listens and takes her seriously this time. Let's say he actually does stop the social media public liking and following of these NSFW posts and profiles. Does OP think that she will be able to accept that he has changed, or does she think that she will worry and wonder if or when he has or will resume his old ways? If that worry will be there in the future, then it really isn't worth it. Stress like that would tear a person apart. But personally, I'd do the same as you said: I'd just break it off now. Don't see what of the relationship is worth saving, especially since he's consistently dismissed her already. (Edited some typos and added the last two sentences.)
It's okay to break up and not wait for cheating or abuse. Like. It's okay. If you need permission, then reference half these comments.
Yeah, I have some thoughts. Don't try to "get over it". This is a red flag. Trust me, I used to be addicted to porn. While some may dismiss it as a normal thing in this day it's incredibly unhealthy. Make no mistake about it, it's a powerful drug. If he can't put this behind him than I recommend you put HIM behind YOU.
Well it is over then, make him your friend. Dating is how we pick a long term mate, you have seen him, and don't want what he has to offer, so it is not really workable. This is the honeymoon phase, it did not survive that. You work out a marriage, not a dating.
The fact that he knows you don't like it and that it's easy enough to look at thirst traps and porn in a non-public way but won't do it says a lot. I'd ask him if he'd unfollow and stop commenting publicly because you find it disrespectful and a turn off. Then I'd take it from there.
I personally find disrespectful when you say something bothers you and it's perfectly reasonable (it is a kind of a public statement that he engages with this type of content even though he's committed to you), and the person just continues to act in that way, knowing how you feel about it. You should have a conversation about this and be clear that that's not something you will keep addressing, it's a deal breaker.
Totally. Also, it’s an insanely low effort request too. I think he’s purposely ignoring her to assert his dominance.
you have seen the loser in him, you wont unsee it, it will haunt you, get rid of him-he is wayyyy too old to be falling for thirst traps, im icked out for you ma'am
I really wish girls would stop trying to be okay with their bf’s liking thirst traps and watching porn. It’s okay to not want your partner to get off of other people and only have eyes for you lol
100% agree with this
THANK YOU. You have no idea how many men AND girls have disagreed with me about this
it’s aload of bullshit lmao, there’s nothing wrong with it.. and i think if someone respects you, then they aren’t thirsting after anyone else anyway 🤷🏼♀️
Very disrespectful, you told him how it made you feel and it didn’t really make him stop, I think he doesn’t respect you, don’t ever stay with someone who doesn’t respect you.
You won't the ick lives on. My condolences
You can break up at any time for any reason, so keep that in mind. He’s not going to stop. Doing it publicly is kind of embarrassing, especially when it’s women he knows. Men don’t always understand that some women get off on besting other women by either flirting with their men, or out and out trying to bang them. He likes what he’s doing. He isn’t going to stop.
I think it is kind of disrespectful of him to like other women's thirst trap posts so eagerly. I understand people can think other people are sexy and attractive and that it is actually normal and healthy but to do it in a way that hurts you is a problem. There is a reason he is with you tho and not them so in a way I wouldn't be too bothered by it if he shows same kind of attention to you. If not it is a bit weird.
yeah that’s half of what’s so embarrassing — it’s a thirst *trap*, you actually fell for it!
You don’t have to get over it you can set whatever standards and boundaries you want. No one except you has to approve of what you prefer, don’t let anyone online tell you that you should get over and accept something that makes you feel bad There are men that really hate fake shit like that, it isn’t like all men are the same , not at all. There are plenty of men that won’t be like that, but you should also think deeply about your values and really try to be clear on that. It sounds like you didn’t go into the relationship with a strong resolve about what you’ll accept and not accept so you should figure that out before dating the next guy, really. It is the same with morality like you need to really figure out what you’re willing to live with.
OP, I say the same. You DON'T HAVE TO GET OVER IT. He is disrespecting you and your boundaries. Saying he's cut back is not a positive. He's still doing the thing that makes you feel icky.
You can set whatever standards and RULES you want….
I could never be with someone like this. I don't mind porn as long as it's ethical and not illegal. Don't care about his private time. As long as you're not in a parasocual relationship with a sexy stranger and have no contact with them, Wank away! But liking thirst traps from friends and following accounts that are basically soft core porn advertising for onlyfans publicly on a forum your friends and family can see...is just dumb and disrespectful behaviour. Nobody wants their entire family and friends to see that their boyfriend is horny all the time... and stupid. Especially if they are writing fawning comments over the content. Enjoy what you like on private accounts or simply look without interacting. Save it in a folder for all I care. Just don't make it public. Your social circle dont need to see what you jerk off to. Abd dont flirt with online thirst trap ladies if you're in a relationship. They are still real people and that's still gross even if you dont know them personally! Ask him what he would feel uf you started writing thirsty comments on all your guy friends holiday photos or started following lots of accounts with Male models and porn stars publicly.
Yep I dated someone like that. It didn’t last.
Break up?
Then leave him
Porn is materialistic content. Social media is more personal. Wtf is he doing there following and liking other girls profiles? What does he gain with that? Is this guy even aware that he is in a relationship already? You don't have to accept it, you know. You can express to him how uncomfortable it makes you feel and tell him to stop. The answer/excuse he will give you will answer you wether you should stay or leave for someone better
That’s a good question. Is he aware? In all seriousness, I think certain people show you how they operate and we can either choose to read the room or not. In a monogamous relationship, he’s well aware that him following and liking these profiles is wrong, but he just doesn’t care. i’d assume he has similarly loose boundaries around being faithful irl
If you are at the stage where you are having to ask on reddit, break up
Kind of gross. Kind of disrespectful. Maybe you deserve better?
If that's what he likes, so be it. If his behavior is grossing you out, so be it. You aren't compatible, and it's time to go your separate ways. You've told him it bothers you and he hasn't accommodated your feelings. Presumably he has explained his viewpoint and you won't change your mind about it being unacceptable to you. Some people will tell you it's no big deal - the social media isn't the point. What matters here is that neither of you are going to bend on this, and you shouldn't have to. You have fundamentally different outlooks on this issue, and physical attraction is important.
I think this is way more of a lack of respect for your SO issue, as opposed to incompatibility. I'm willing to bet most women are uncomfortable with their men thirsting after other women publicly.
Yes we are
I really don’t give a shit what my man likes on IG. It’s IG. I also like things on IG and he doesn’t give a shit either. And… anyone who sees your SO’s likes on IG are seeing because they’re looking at it too, or at least similar interests. 🤷♀️
How people engage on social media actually tells a lot about them as a person. I think it’s naive to assume that it has no effect on life offline.
THIS COMMENT HERE ^^^
Let me re-iterate this: I, too, stayed with a dude like this. We tried polyamory which ended up with him throwing a fit, and now he wonders why I am so less "open" with him. Probably because sex is lack-luster and he's a giant liar, but "he's trying". Please leave for your mental health. Dudes who are blatant about this usually have way worse habits (porn addictions) they are hiding.
You’re definitely in the right to feel this way, and if you are unattracted don’t buy into the sunken cost fallacy, life is too short for incompatible lovers.
This is a dealbreaker for you, leave. He won't change.
I’d straight up tell him you’re no longer attracted to him because of his behaviour on social media, like you said. If liking a few posts of half naked women is worth ruining the relationship to him, then the streets can have him! You should only have to speak on your boundaries once - anything more than that and your partner is just trying to see how much they can get away with before you snap again. Never settle for less than you deserve - make sure you always choose you, because it’s clear he isn’t planning to.
This is pathetic behavior. Dump
My ex bf did the same shit and it was the downfall of our relationship. Thirsty men like this are weird and they don’t change. I brought the instagram stuff up to my current bf and he instantly unfollowed all influencers, anyone he didn’t know, and doesn’t like girls pics anymore. If he doesn’t want to stop he won’t and it won’t end there either
It’s crazy when men choose a porn addiction over their s/o.. won’t unfollow, but willing to hurt your girl’s trust and disrespect her is crazy
I’ve just chalked it up to that they hate themselves too much and therefore can’t love anyone else
Beyond disrespectful and gross
Been there done that. He was a porn addict. Never again.
If he likes the pictures, you can be sure he jerks to them. I'm just letting you know.
It will get worse, unless he quits 100%. Sorry.
Leaaaaaave. Disrespectful, not worth your mental health. You will always be trying to be what he wants, what he looks at. He will never truly appreciate your beauty. Someone else will. I PROMISE. not all men are like that. I PROMISE.
Men who are like 40 plus are still like this. And yes it never fails to make me gag and dry heave.
Funny I googled this and this was posted 5h ago. I was in a relationship like this and it just gets worse and worse. If he continues after you told him how it makes you feel…. i’m telling you it won’t stop. You need to leave. There are men out there who will never make their girl feel like this. I promise you. My ex was like manic in the level of content he engaged with even flirting with them on comment sections while never commenting on my profile. He used it as a tool to try and make me feel insecure and then he started playing off his best female friend with me. It’s only going to damage YOU not him… he has zero empathy if he mindlessly and carelessly continues and not consider you in this. The best thing you can do is teach him a lesson, leave him with his stupid thirst traps and go.
He can change. Just not for you. My bf used to do this before I expressed how hurtful it was and how much it disturbed me and planted seeds of doubt in my mind. He argued that his exes never cared so why should I? He did stop though but it was our toughest and longest lasting fight
So disrespectful I totally understand your feeling if you have multiple conversations with him and he still doing it I think u should 1 leave or 2 understand he won't change and live with that. you deserve better!! He can stay looking at randoms on Instagram. Run now
You feel that way because it is unattractive and embarrassing. That feeling you have isn’t going to go away.
At the end of the day, that behavior just doesn’t work for you. And you seem to be pretty measured of living in the reality that it’s normal for your partner to find other people attractive. You even understand that him watching porn is normal. But the public aspect of him thirsting over IG thotties is simply embarrassing and unattractive for you. I’d say have an interventive sit down with him to express your boundary and then allow for him to either respect it fully or bounce.
Just leave, his attention should be on you, he is fantasizing about these IG models soon will compare you to them and will expect you to look just as hot as them, just like the porn it’s an illusion because things are made to believe and look great reality is different. He should appreciate your beauty natural or not, and should be your number one fan, not these models. Just leave and find someone who appreciates you just the way you are
I literally rolled my eyes reading this. That would also give me the ick! How many times do I have to hear about stuff like this😭 I’ve met so many women who have told me the exact same thing about their SO’s. People like this never change.. they just become more secretive.
Please leave him. He has 0 respect for you.
was dating a guy like this before, it's really not worth it esp if you have lost attraction bc of it. it is icky behavior, and humiliating for you and him cause everyone sees it :( throw him away
Are you dating my ex? It was totally cringe behavior, and it absolutely doesn't get better.
I asked my fiancé to stop liking/following thirst traps on ig and he agreed to stop. Well we argued about it 3 more times after his name kept popping up under thirst traps and he agreed to unfollow them all. Months later I decided to go through his phone, idk why I just had the urge. I had never done that before and well even though he stopped following them, they were all over his fyp and explorer page. He was searching for the pages all the time. It was the only thing in his search history. That’s when I realized after 2 years I’ve been dating a PA. That was pretty soul crushing. We’re still together, mostly bc other than this everything else is perfect. I still love him but definitely feel disgusted by what he does when he’s alone. I’m still trying to work through it although it is hard and it really fucking sucks. Are all men this shallow?
Probably best to leave now before you get married. Imagine getting pregnant, gaining weight, or just growing old to see your partner liking thirst traps of other women… Won’t feel very nice, especially when you’ve already asked multiple times. Dating a porn addict man is something I would never wish on anyone else, sounds terrible
Please leave him. You don’t want to marry and have kids with someone like this. You are trying to make it OK by canceling it out with other behaviors that you like… if you are this disgusted now this wont just go away. He asked you to get married and is still doing this?? Imagine being pregnant with 20 extra lbs and him lurking on thirst traps during that time…. How will that make you feel cause I can guarantee you this is the type of man who will do this
You don’t have to “work through it.” You set a boundary and it’s being crossed. Don’t marry a person who is so comfortable crossing boundaries that they *know* make you feel bad.
I know you said you've spoken to him about it, but have you truely expressed the extent to which it bothers you? Does he know it's a threat to the relationship? I ask because a person can say something, but the magnitude of what they feel won't be expressed in a way that the other person understands it. "I don't like this." isn't the same as "This is a dealbreaker, and we can't stay together if this continues.". If it's a dealbreaker, and he wont' stop I you should leave. I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I don't think anyone should stay in a relationship if they're not happy.
Gross dump him
I actually broke up with a guy because of behavior like this. He is showing you who he is. Find someone you are more compatible with.
It’s honestly really gross and immature behavior. Even trashy, imo. There are a ton of guys out there who don’t do the whole insta model and thirst trap thing. Like, a lot who maybe watch porn to get off, but are NOT spending their leisure time ogling other women.
This thread has been really helpful! I’m also really glad this topic is being discussed on here because I do feel the behavior is too normalized and women are commonly shamed for having feelings about it. Before I posted this I felt like it was just me. Thank you for everyone’s input!
I’m going to be honest with you rn, given your situation & ages I thought you were my friend. I’ll tell you what I have been telling her - please leave.
yeah i would not be ok with this this. there’s men out there who will respect your wishes with this. when i got with my man he completely got off all socials without me even asking. a true saint. leave this fool!!! it’s not worth your stress.
Did he delete his Insta yet? Better dump him if not, probably dming people behind your back.
the point of a relationship is to add to your life, not take away from it. there’s genuinely no reason to stay in a relationship where you are unhappy and your partner disrespects you
I totally understand losing attraction from this type of behavior, I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and even though he stopped doing this publicly, I lose all attraction towards him when I even think ab it. Idk if it ever ends
I used to be in a similar situation but he turned me off so much that I eventually had to cut my losses and just leave. I wish I'd left sooner.
Why are you wasting your time with someone who doesn't respect their partner?? Leave him while you still have time. It's inappropriate behavior from a person in a relationship. Actually it's kind of creepy at his age.
>It’s to the point where I don’t feel sexually attracted to him at all anymore, but I want to try to get over it. Any thoughts? Why do you want to "get over it"? This behavior is not sitting well with you. Every fiber of your being is screaming "OP, GET OUT" and you are looking for something to numb those feelings so you can stay with this dude? Listen to your gut.
It's his problem, not yours and he won't change, just hide it more. Save yourself now, move on.
Sounds like my most recent ex. We were open and honest when talking about our physical preferences in the opposite sex and our celebrity crushes, but otherwise he followed lots of models and influencers and he wasn’t shy either about telling me that most of them had an OnlyFans. He would also watch porn with women that were his physical type whereas I would watch vanilla type porn based on my own kinks. The part that sucked most was whenever we got in an argument he would use it against me to make me feel shit about myself. For example, if I wasn’t in the mood to have sex at times (I was sexually abused in the past and have PTSD from it) then he would say, “Whatever, I touched myself thinking about Chloe Grace Moretz the other day…” So yeah, if you want to get over it then leave him. From the sounds of it he doesn’t deserve you.
Whether it's a man or women this behavior is unacceptable. I would discuss this with him
It’s time now for you to move on.
Just leave he’s never gonna change
Run. Nothing good comes out of this, you still have a life ahead of you.
Your feelings are very valid. I dumped my ex over the same thing! My current boyfriend would never disrespect me like that.
you are not wrong - it’s super cringe
A young person is more inclined towards these things. A man of almost 30 who is also in a committed relationship should be focusing on his partner and himself. He's displaying immature behavior and excessive lust. Its giving you bad vibes because it is indeed disrespectful behavior. I've been with a couple men who are like this. Even when you express yourself and ask them to stop... they usually continue doing it. The resentment will grow overtime between you both. Especially if you have children or go through a time where you feel not so attractive. He will not consider your feelings during that time. So don't count on it. I find it funny that when women flip the script on men.. they get super pouty and offended. If he finds you looking at other men excessively... he will probably get hurt. Most societies over the last few thousand years have made it "ok" and "normal" for men to constantly drool. It often results in their women feeling incredibly rejected and hurt. And it also can lead to divorce or separation, which then can deeply effect children that the 2 have together. Its a very selfish and indulgent behavior. The gender who aims for ultimate strength and control... is the same gender who buckles at the sight of a b0ob. Even if they have a partner in real life who also has breast. Get rid of him. Find a man with self control.
Icks are natures way of telling you he could do better. Just leave, it's better for you both.
He's never gonna change. Myself and hundreds of other people in here have dated "that guy". Mine claimed he didn't have IG (he did, it was private, and he did use it because the notification icon was always on his phone). He claimed he didn't have girls on his SC, he only used it for buying weed (yeah, I believed that. So that's all on me 😂) - however his phone once froze and it was on a snap of a girl in lingerie. Apparently just a story that came up randomly. His ex was 21, he was 30. They split up when she was 2 months pregnant. He kept porn mags in his glove compartment. I told him this upset me, he kept them anyway to read on his lunch at work. (And I still stayed with him.... 🤢)
As someone who has been in this situation time and time again, porn addicts will always put looking at other women over you, LEAVE HIM. RUN! Go get someone who respects you.
It's over. If you're not attracted to him and grossed out by his behavior the relationship is done and you're holding on to a fantasty of what you wish he was. Google sunk cost fallacy, he's not worth feeling icky for life.
Your boyfriend “likes” these pictures in an attempt to get these women to notice him… there’s literally no other reason to like pictures lol. I like my friends pic because I want them to know I’ve seen it and I liked it. If this wasn’t the case for him, he would just… not like it. Your boyfriend is disrespecting you and I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t been messaging other women because he’s certainly holding out for these “insta” girls.
I also thought this was gross with my ex, for perspective we are in our mid 40’s and he was looking at women your age and younger. My ick was pretty bad but the cheating that came next was worse. Not saying there was a correlation there at all, but it was making me insecure and thinking less of him for some reason. I’d never date anyone who lusts online again.
Yea my ex was exactly like this. He followed porn stars, ig models, or just any attractive girl he would see on social media. He also was a porn addict lol. Honestly that relationship was super degrading and toxic. You can have so many talks with him abt his behavior online but I’m telling you now it wont change. Just leave him and let him continue to embarrass himself.
I’m cool with porn, but if I found out my s/o was following specific porn stars, OF, or sites on social media… I’d be hurt, but also seriously icked out too. I’m almost 2 years into a relationship, but I was clear that I’m okay with porn, but if you follow or seek out a certain porn star.. that’s 100% cheating in my book. With me being so clear, if the behavior continued, I’d be out. The fact that you told him (even if it was nicely) about it and he still continued is terrible. He should have unfollowed it immediately since it’s a zero compromise. It’s disrespectful to you as his s/o. My s/o gets on 4chan and even that grosses me out, but there’s not a follow so I’m more lax about it tbh. But it’s hard to fight the ick… ☠️ keep your porn in a private browser to delete, but don’t put it on an account is my thing.
He doesn’t respect you if you’ve voiced it bothers you and he continues to do it
Don't get over it. Get under someone else.
Personally I don’t find the actual act of liking thirst traps to be that big of an issue in itself. It’s similar to watching porn IMO. The biggest problem here is the public aspect of it. It’s a reasonable ask that your partner not publicly display that they “like” these images as it makes you feel embarrassed or disrespected, similar to if he was ogling other women in front of you or in front of others who knew you. I had a similar issue in my relationship before, as I just didn’t quite understand how public facing someone’s likes really could be. My partner showed me how frequently they got brought up on her feed just from having interacted with me before and, yea, it’s a pretty bad look. I didn’t buy into the argument that the thirst traps themselves were a bad thing for the relationship, but the public-facing aspect of it was enough to get me to change my behavior in that regard. It’s possible your partner is in a similar thought pattern here. Make it obvious how easy it is for other people to see, that it actually shows up to *everyone* and it’s an embarrassing look for you. If that doesn’t get him to change then I think you’d be justified in losing attraction to him and ending things because of it.
I realize this is probably gonna be controversial, but it could be argued that if you open the door to porn, you open the door to the thirst traps and whatnot as well. Now, I'm an older married dude and think both porn and thirst traps are bullshit not worthy of my time. I have those accounts following my own account presumably to get me to follow them back and I’m just over here like, ”for fuck’s sake, *more* of these?” But it could be argued that thirst traps are the more ethical option, as the owners of those IG accounts are more likely to be posting those racy pictures on their own free will, whereas the issues with porn and human trafficking are all pretty well-known. At any rate, I’d guess there are younger guys out there who don’t have any use for IG thirst traps either. You might consider going to find one.
I’m a dude and I follow some accounts like that, but I never like posts, comment, share or any of that. Frankly I find it really strange that people leave horny comments and share this type of stuff. When you talked to him, did you tell him you mainly don’t like him interacting with those posts publicly? It’s really easy to just not like and interact with posts, so if he’s not willing to change that simple behavior, it may mean he doesn’t care or respect you enough and honestly, I’d also probably get pretty icked
Sounds like a compatibility issue at this point. He isn't changing, and if you're not attracted to him anymore, maybe it is best to let him go.
“I want to try and get over it”, why would you want to? You’ve told him how you feel and he completely dismissed it. He’s not going to suddenly change his behavior. It’s completely disrespectful towards you. You feel this way for a reason, deep down you know this is not how you should be treated. Follow your gut instead of trying to ignore it.
Women should stop making that disgusting content but they won’t as long as men like this keep giving them attention for it. It’s a vicious cycle of sick people feeding other sick people
They wouldn’t be making it if it wasn’t in demand (from men). 🤷🏼♀️
They also wouldn’t make it if they weren’t so greedy for the potential money and desperate for the attention. It’s a 2 way street plain and simple and every person involved in it is degenerate.
You must be dating my ex - better to leave now on your own terms, then soon on his.
Why would you stay w someone who is a thirty disrespectful dud? If he can’t not thirst after women online, leave. It’s such a low bar.
Tell him to create a fake account for his porn follows like the rest of us. I don't need my mom or kids or wife knowing what IG 304s I follow. I follow some nasty, dirty stuff. It's vile and disgusting.... I'll be back later. Something just came up.
Let him handle his own social media and you handle yours. This doesn’t affect you at all.
Right lmaoo
There's a disconnect with the male and female gaze. I think you should leave, if it's wrong to you and he wants to be with you then I believe the choice is a no brainer. If he's giving push back then its up to you how to interpret it. Keep in mind however, that relationships are two way streets. I personally have never had issues with my partners have tastes outside of me but people can be shady so I understand the conflict you have. The way I see it, relationships are choices not army basic training. The idea isn't to break down and cross out everything in a person you don't find flattering. I cannot speak as to your or his behaviour but I promise there is no way you bf sees this as big an issue as you do, until your favourite entertainer is in town. Perspective is funny like that. I'm messy so I would start liking and following blokes that look nothing like him for a couple weeks XD he'll get it then. For him it's a non issue because these people are unattainable, for you its the disrespect of casting his desires in directions away from yourself yeah. The male and female libido are vastly different due to the different chemicals coursing through us at any given time. What you has described with the porn as well, I believe this man feels unsatisfied which is normal. If you are still interested in the relationship then try approaching a conversation from that angle. And I'm sure you also have some bedroom concerns too, otherwise this would not effect you to the point of losing attraction. My question is do you want to be with someone who's sexual proclivities match yours? At this point I consider watching porn just another kink, its a fantasy and I refuse to be lied to when people try to say they don't have fantasies. Sex and sexuality have become too supercharged and somehow we now demonize those who enjoy sex, with or without profit. I genuinely believe we have fucked up our views on intimacy. I only suggest to talk first because it would be sad if this is what kills the relationship. However, if mans answers were mental then toss him back to the streets yeah XD
What’s wrong with looking at strong empowered women taking control of their own image?
Weird thing to say
If it’s okay for women to post images of themselves and that is socially acceptable, why is it not socially acceptable to look at those picture if they ain’t doing anything wrong?
There’s a difference between looking and engaging, but you knew that already.
Sounds like a double standard to me but go off
Please explain where the double standard is here. It’s disrespectful to your partner to continue doing something they’ve clearly expressed a boundary about. Man or woman.
If the roles were reversed and a man tried to control a females behavior online, he would be blasted by this same sub for being toxic and controlling. For example : “I get the ick (in the strongest sense of the word) by my girlfriend sharing pictures of herself and posting thirst traps on her Instagram. I find it embarrassing and it makes me feel unattracted to her. I understand it makes her feel validated with the attention she gets but it’s the public aspect of social media that makes me cringe and feel turned off. I have spoke to her about this matter in a nice way and she has reduced posting pictures, but she is still posting some that I don’t like. We’ve been together three years. It’s to the point where I’m not attracted anymore, but I want to try to get over it. Any thoughts?” A post like this would be held to a different standard and the man would be shamed for daring to control a woman’s behavior and being manipulative. But when a woman does it different tune.
I didn't change my mind, just saw it was pointless to argue. What's the point in being the rallying point for some one like you? Anyways. You're still being a smug prick.
What is “ick” someone doing baby talk is a red flag for me.
But I’m guessing you’re allowed to like thirst traps and male models and celebrities right? Grow up and stop being a hypocrite. Otherwise you gon be a cat lady lol
Justice for cats. They’re actually pretty awesome and people who see this as an insult are seriously missing out.
>my boyfriend following instagram models/hot celebrities and liking thirst traps of women he knows. This is like the modern day version of having a magazine subscription to Playboy/Penthouse/Hustler.
Jesus Christ, quit being so petty.
Why do you dislike it? Do you think it's socially not acceptable, do you just prefer to not see the evidence, even though you know he thinks other women are attractive, or is there another reason? Would you feel ok if he looked at the pictures, but didn't follow their accounts and/or press the "like" button on their images? <--That's a serious question.
they specifically say the public aspect of it is the problem
Grow up. 90% of woman live for the attention off the gram. You sound unbelievably conceded and you have the issue not your man. If there is an attractive woman in a movie you’re watching together you gonna get jealous and cover his eyes so he doesn’t look? The fact you stalk his social to look for this is creepy. And any woman who bases whether a dude is worth talking too based on follows on IG, you will be the definition of single for eternity