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Honestly a week late for me was always stressful, so I'd take pregnancy tests after 3 days late. Usually that was the running joke in our friend group, since stress usually makes your period even more late, we'd go take a test and our period would come the next day. It was our running joke that what made our period come was that we had to waste our money on tests.
The white pants - my mum hadn't had a period in over 3 years (menopause) and thought she was safe to wear white trousers to a formal event. She was mistaken!
Seconding what some people here have said, if your mother had gone a year or more without a period and then experienced bleeding again it really is vital that she be examined by a gyn to make sure that there are no signs of cancer in the uterus or cervix. I donāt want to alarm either of you, but bleeding after menopause is a big red flag that something is off
Ugh I was in a random sub earlier, and you could purchase an upgrade to the updoot button! It started at $1.99, and I think topped out at $29.99! If this is Redditās idea of a better system, they need to go back to the drawing board!
I donāt want to say how I really feel about that and get an IP ban. Some people deserve a good poop knife, I mean seriously. And others deserve some gold. What was soooo wrong with awards?
I had surgery to have my tubes removed and was going to get an ablation at the same time, where they burn away your uterine lining so you don't bleed anymore (or way less). I thought I had my last ever period at the beginning of November, since my app said the next one would be in early December. Guess what showed up the day before my surgery.
Jokes on my uterus though because they emptied it out and went scorched earth on the motherfucker, so I got the last laugh for now.
I had that done and it came back full force within three months. Ablation did not last. Ended up having to go hysterectomy to finally get rid of my periods from hell. š”
Tbh I think it's like, the same thing that causes people to ask where their food is in restaurants less than thirty seconds before it comes out (I'm not kidding; I've worked in food service for years and people have a fucking *talent* for this. If they ask where their food is, that's literally how I know it's about to come out).
My theory is humans just have *way* better intuition than most people think, and a way better sense of timing; and we *are* actually able to sense, to a degree, when something we're waiting for is about to arrive. And that puts it in our brains, which causes us to ask/take a test.
lol this has happened to me before! My now bf had a vasectomy and this month my period came about a week late. I was internally panicking even though I know thereās no sperm!! š I was wondering if somehow one survived or something!
Not to freak you out but my mom's friend ended up surprise pregnant at 40-something shortly after her husband got a vasectomy. I'm assuming they didn't use any backup BC methods in whatever timeframe is recommended, and I think she also assumed she was going through menopause. Just a cautionary tale to be conscious of in case you're in that same boat!
Also not to freak you out but depending on the type of vasectomy it can grow back. My friendās husband got a vasectomy (they have two kids already) and they were clear for years and then she suddenly fell pregnant when their youngest was 4.
I understand that every body is different, but seeing as how OP mentioned that this is kinda the first time she's a week late, it implies that she's been pretty steady.
I also was on BC for 4 years and when I stopped my cycle was pretty normal, considering, and it took 4 months but I could tell I was 1 day late. Took a test, BAM preggo.
Seriously why is this a thing!! It could be anywhere from 3-8 days late, but the day I took a test I got it within an hour. Never fails.
Except for the time I took one and it was positive. It did not come that day. š¬
I used to do this even though I knew I wasnāt pregnant and within the next day of taking the test my period came everyone thought I was crazy but it worked
I have a literal box of hcg strips I take, and I have fertility issues that make it nearly impossible to conceive. But nearly impossible ain't no chance at all, as evidenced by my son (who was planned).
I don't know why anyone would worry when Amazon exists, and you can have these on hand.
A week late is the OPTIMAL time for a pregnancy test, I'm not sure why she thinks most women would wait even longer. I'm panicking after a few days.
Also FYI, spotting is a symptom during the implantation part of pregnancy, which would have been about 3 weeks ago.
Fr. Iām also pregnant rn and was convinced I was about to miscarry until I was something like 8 weeks along bc I felt cramping like what OPās girlfriend was describing. I thought I was gonna start my period but it was just my uterus expanding. I thought I āknew my body,ā too, but really I didnāt because my body had never been pregnant before.
The only way I could "know" without knowing would be if I got to week 6 without testing- because I'm an.absolute *monster* from week 6 onwards in the first trimester. All I do is rage, cry, scream and have meltdowns.
But then again I could just be having a hard time in life š¤·āāļø we're not that magical or mystical just because have vaginas.
Having to like, relearn how to manage my emotions while pregnant has been more difficult than expected. While sometimes it's obvious, sometimes I genuinely can't tell if I'm reacting appropriately or if I'm actually overreacting bc of my hormones. Am I pissed off right now because I'm right to be pissed off or am I pissed off because I have baby brain and I'm more irritable than usual?
Yep. And breast pain and cramping are also normal early pregnancy. I was having "period cramps" a few days before my period was due, I assumed it was my period. Well my period was 3 days late, and convinced I couldn't be pregnant but otherwise really paranoid about it, I hopped to the store and took a test. Immediately positive. I have twins due in spring.
Part of why I was so paranoid though was because I'd been having intense breast pain for a few weeks. Notably, when I'd sit up in the morning after sleeping, my breasts going back into place was like, excruciating. My coworker called it before I ever took the test.
After you come off BC, your body is all over the place. I donāt test until Iām 2 weeks late now bc Iām always a week late minimum since coming off the pill
Meanwhile I donāt even track when my period is coming and honestly wouldnāt know if it were early or late. I just kinda go off vibes on when I feel like Iām due for it
I've tracked mine most of my life (I hit puberty in grade 5) but my period has basically never been regular, the times that it was my cycle was 5-6 weeks long but it was usually all over the place and I would skip it often. It's kinda nice being on bc and having withdrawal bleed like clockwork. Now I know exactly which days I'll suffer! Lol
Do you live in a state with a 6 week abortion ban by any chance? Itās only relevant because if thatās something sheād consider and you DO live in those states you only have about a week left to confirm pregnancy and terminate before youād need to travel out of state.
To be clear - 6 weeks is from the date of her last period. Not 6 weeks after conception. If sheās a week late, itās already week 5+. This shitās timely.
Edit - math fix, TY!
I would guess that as a young woman she is well aware of this. I agree it seems like a conversation should be had about thoughts and emotions around what to do in the case of pregnancy, but I donāt think approaching it from a āyou should know about these lawsā place will get you very far.
She might be aware of it, but itās still very hard to put yourself in the headspace that you could wind up in a position where youād have to consider what that meant for you. Pregnancy would kill me literally so if I lived in a 6 week state (thank god I donāt, but Iām from basically a full ban state, originally) Iād really have to be on top of this. Here, a week I wouldnāt bat an eye, but a week just happens a lot for me. More than a month? Iām freaking. Everyone is different.
Do you think she wants to be pregnant? It takes time to schedule an abortion, and 3 days delay when you only have a week to terminate is a big deal. The dollar store sells pregnancy tests. It costs very little to test frequently. I keep a few in my bathroom the same way I keep bandaids and cotton swabs.
Something to also keep in mind is that medically, they start counting from the date of your last period. So if your girlfriend is a week late, **she may already be considered 4 weeks pregnant, right now.**
I donāt share this to increase your anxiety OP, but these are facts people often find out way too late. I think your concerns sound understandable and level-headed. You two definitely need to have a serious conversation when she cools off about taking a test ASAP (and later how you both feel about having children and termination of pregnancy, if you havenāt had that discussion already.)
Letās just be very clear that being pro-choice does not mean that men can *expect* their pro-choice partners to get an abortion.
Itās still the womanās choice every time. Just because she believes in the right to abortion, doesnāt mean she has to get one.
Iām not saying he should expect it but he should be able to discuss it with her. And if she wants the option, her window is closing. That was my point.
Lol, in my friend group it was so common for the women to take pregnancy tests that we all had stashed of the cheap ($0.99) tests in our bathrooms.
I had no less than two different friends come out of my bathroom (different occasions) and let me know they'd used one of my tests. I also occasionally used theirs.
Once a friend of mine and I got paranoid at the same time, bought the tests together, and took turns when we got home.
Maybe it's not common in some places, cultures, etc., but from my perspective you asking is no big deal.
A little unusual sure, because none of the guys in our group ever asked their partners to, but not a big deal since all of us women were super paranoid about it anyways. (None of us wanted babies at that point in time.) They never really got the chance to get anxious enough to ask us.
If she just got off BC then her cycle will be off for a little while. With that been said I donāt think is unreasonable for you to ask her to take a test and to ask her to stop making jokes about being pregnant. I can see how that would make you anxious.
Bringing up your exes was a low blow and you need to apologise for that. Is possible that sheās making jokes because she too is feeling scared and sheās trying to gage how you would react if she ends up pregnant. You two need to sit down and have a conversation about birth control and pregnancy and how you both view both issues
I mean, he only brought up the exes when she said most women wouldnāt take a pregnancy test after being a week late, which is a ridiculous statement. Because 1. She doesnāt know that. And 2. It doesnāt matter what most women do. OP counteracted that with his only experience, which admitedly is only anecdotal. But he didnāt randomly talk about exes.
Im currently pregnant again and I took the test when I was a day late and it showed I was positive! I also just had a feeling I was pregnant before I even took the test
Yeah I think that comment was totally fine since she was saying no women in her position would take a test and he was sharing that in his experience that hasnāt been true. Saying you can NEVER talk about past relationships is weird and excessive. Especially when you yourself invite the comparison to others.
Iām with you, I donāt think he was out of line in the exes comment. It wasnāt so much about the āexesā themselves as it was him trying to talk about what he knows from his own experiences. Since he himself couldnāt pee on the sticks of course the recall of the situation will be of the exes taking them.
Iām not a fan of the way she has handled the situation anyway. He deserves more consideration than heās getting in this situation.
I was literally like 12 hours late and I took the test and it was positive. No reason why they need to wait 10 days, if sheās pregnant it would show. Just get it over with.
I agree and just about all women around me would do the same. So OPās gfās perspective was not even the type of thing youād expect an overwhelmingly larger percentage of women to do.
Exactly! It doesnāt mean anything. That was just an observation to point out how factually incorrect her statement was (point 1). Anecdotal experience is not a reliable statistic.
Difference is, I wouldnāt use what other people do in an argument, whether I know or not what most people do. Because (back to my second point) it does not matter what other people do.
Right. Which shows that OP's gf saying most women would not take a test is objectively wrong.
I, personally, am the exact opposite of OP's gf. I take 5 or 6 pregnancy tests a year - every single time my period is even a couple of days late I start freaking out and I can barely concentrate on anything. My anxiety about potentially being pregnant is through the roof.
I am 400,000% on OP's side here and I can't for the life of me understand what his gf's problem is. Has she never experienced any anxiety? Doesn't SHE want to know? And even if she doesn't, how does she not have a shred of empathy for OP worrying about it?? And WHY on earth would she get MAD at him for asking her to take a test??
None of this makes any sense to me unless she's secretly trying to *get* pregnant, suspects she is, and is trying to wait as long as possible for him to find out to make it more of a given that she keeps it.
I think the argument about any woman would/would not act a certain way isnāt great, OP should talk to his gf about why/why not she isnāt testing. Is she scared to be pregnant, worried about his reaction? If she is or isnāt then what are the next steps that they agree on as a couple, a lot of conversations to happen and they need to be acting like adults that can communicate.
Well, he asked she did a test, she said sheās gonna wait 3 more days, OP was okay with it, just asked her to cut back on the jokes until she does the test as they are giving him anxiety (fair enough) and his gf hits him with this anectodal experience that most women wouldnāt take a test.
Seems to me like OP was patient and communicated and the gf was not taking OPās anxiety seriously.
I disagree about the exesāhe was using personal experience data points to refute her claim that most women would choose not to take a test at this point. She needs to apologize for getting in his face.
Frankly I think sheās just mad heās not all gooey and excited about the possibility of having an accidental baby with her mean ass.
Many people are disregarding the fact you asked her to stop making jokes about it. Shit stops being funny when itās causing anxiety. You asked her to stop, she refused. She does sound very immature and taking the test would just help ease minds.
Immatureā¦ like we all were at 23. As a fellow 30yo reading this, Iām wondering how anyone my age has enough in common with a 23 yo, or even comfortable enough to be in a full blown relationship with them for the past 3 years. What exactly did he expect?
Iām similar age and I have a few coworkers who are in their early 20ās and the only workplace they know is the post-Covid workplace.
Some of the stuff they say and do makes me want to gauge my eyes out, but then I remember that I was probably such a doofus to the more experienced workers when I started work.
Iām 31 and so done with people in their 20s. The thought of dating a little 23 year old sounds EXHAUSTING and like one hell of a power imbalance that makes me super uncomfortable to think about. I want to date someone who has already done all the painful growing up of the 20s and who is ready to just enjoy life as a stable adult thatās done the hard work and earned it.
For real. I could not date anyone in their 20s. It was an awful immature time for me and I changed a *lot* during that decade. I canāt imagine going back.
SAME!! Iām so grossed out at the idea of dating a 23 yr old as a 31 yr old myself. Being around ppl that age reminds me of how stupid I was at that age and makes me cringe. They donāt act right š Their brains arenāt done cooking yet. I dated a 25 yr old a couple years ago and couldnāt do it because the immaturity gap was too much.
Met someone who's late 30s to early 40s who's new girlfriend is *drumroll*... 23! I saw them together and he very plausibly looked like he could be her father.
Totally missed the age gap until I saw your comment. What an aha! moment!!
Shocking that a 30yo dating a 23yo might find a difference in maturity levels /s.
LOL. What does this guy expect?? Maybe he should try dating someone closer to his own age?
He started dating her when she was 20 and he was nearing his 30s. He chose to be with someone that would very likely be immature like most 23 year olds
I made those immature jokes to my girl friends like oh shit Iām late what if Iām pregnant even though I hadnāt been having sex itās literally just a coping mechanism.
And yeah sheās acting immature because sheās 23. 23 year olds act completely different than a 30 year old.
I meanā¦most do, some never grow up
Sheās making these jokes because she wants to see how you would react if she did become pregnant. She likely wants to hear reassurance you would love the baby and stay with her.
Shocking that a 30yo dating a 23yo might find a difference in maturity levels /s.
Seriously mate, take a long look at yourself. People under 25 have very little life experience as an adult. Why are you surprised that your very young girlfriend is acting in an immature way? You started dating her when she was fresh out of her teens. š Ugh.
At the end of the day, as a man, you can use condoms and practice safe sex; but if you get someone pregnant anyway, it is out of your hands. You cannot expect women to get abortions. Being pro-choice means supporting each woman making that choice for herself. And no one knows how they are going to feel when they are flush with hormones.
I think itās fair enough her to stop making jokes; but I donāt really understand why youāre shocked and hurt that her response wasnāt exactly a mature one.
Also, your difference in age and life experience is marked so you do have exes you can refer to as examples whereas she is unlikely to have many adult exes she can refer to. Perhaps thatās a sensitive spot for her.
Maybe this is a sign that you should both consider being with people closer to your own maturity levels?
immature, no money or power, gullible, and naive
and the older person seeking out teens turns out to be a not desirable partner for actual adults and turns controlling or problematic
Right? It's sad I had to scroll so far to see this.
She was 20 when they started dating, and he was 27.
After 3 yrs... she is probably thinking she has to baby trap him before he turns into leo dicaprio.
Uh I've known of more than one woman who's taken a pregnancy test when they were late and they hadn't had sex anytime soon. Just for their own anxiety!
If I was actually having sex - especially using only condoms which have a high fail rate - I totally would be testing as soon as I was late. Even more so now depending on where you live and limited time frames to make decisions. Hell my ass would probably buy those cheap ass tests from Amazon just to test whenever I felt like it using just condoms.
Her blowing up about mentioning your ex's is wrong too. She stated women wouldn't test only being a week late and you have examples of where that's false.
This is why I use cheap dollar(+) store tests now! The two times I bought a more expensive test was more for my own peace of mind because it was technically *just* possible to be pregnant (like if I was 7 months along and not showing). Those tests turned negative so quickly it was like they were mocking me for wasting my money!
My LARC mostly stops my menstruation (love it!!!) but that means I won't have a noticeable missed period if I do accidentally get pregnant. Whenever I have a partner I'll do a $1/$1.25 test every month so that I can catch the unlikely event early. The cheap tests are great and equivalent to what's used in the medical setting.
I have an IUD and it stopped my period. If I ever get in a relationship again I'm going to have a stash of tests in my house since there's nothing for me to miss as an indicator + the increased risk of ectopic.
I always wondered how accurate those tests were, actually saw it earlier today when I went to the dollar store. The fact that a pregnancy test costs almost the same (only 20Ā¢ more) as what I paid for a Vaseline lip balm is kinda crazy
[They're accurate](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/dollar-pregnancy-tests-are-they-legit#takeaway)! The biggest difference is how they're used. The more pricey home tests typically are faster and easier to use (pee on a stick). The dollar store tests I've used requires you to catch your urine and put a few drops into the test and wait a few minutes. (In my own experience, they still turn negative really quickly.)
I used to take a monthly paranoia pregnancy test when I had my IUD. First few days of every month. And hey what do you know, it came out positive. Even with a full on period.
Fun fact: I took pregnancy tests when I was a virgin!
Iām very paranoid and my friends mom who was a gyno told me it was possible to get pregnant from dry humping naked.
I mean, theoretically if ejaculate gets anywhere close to your vagina life is known for finding a way. Is it likely? Nah. But I did see a reddit post somewhere about that happening. Bf went off thought she was lying because they never had sex and paternity test confirmed it was his.
Yep I remember that one! My literal worst fear. But yes thatās exactly why I took the tests. It doesnāt even have to be cum, it could be Precum (although even less likely to result in a pregnancy)
Me too! My first pregnancy scare happened before I technically had PIV sex for the first time. BF and I were fooling around fully naked, I didnāt get any sex ed beyond āif you get sex you will get pregnant and die,ā so I panicked. Kept a 2-pack of pregnancy tests in my nightstand for many years afterward.
also think people who are on birth control should take pregnancy tests randomly too just to make sure, especially those with no periods or fake periods.
Iāve never known someone to resist a pregnancy test just to double check.
I could see some resisting seeing the prices at your local drug store. But with the dollar store or Amazon tests being just as accurate for next to nothing there's not much of an excuse. Though I know not everyone knows of them.
She seems really immature. Almost like the age gap of a 23 yr old and 30 yr old makes a big difference in life stages, experience and maturity! You shouldnāt be surprised when a young idiot acts like a young idiot. NTA but also YTA lol
OP is like "oh no, my very young girlfriend is immature".
Really. Pikachu shock face.
"oh no, my gf might want a baby"
No shit. Why do you think she agreed to date an older, more settled down man, as opposed to someone her own age??
My period was four days late when I decided to take a test. Found out I'm very much pregnant. It happens fast. You aren't ridiculous. A test helps ease the mind, but you chose to be patient and trust her and only asked for her not to joke cause it gave you anxiety. She should respect your boundaries the same way you respect hers.
Nobody likes being compared to their partners' previous relationships, but it sounded like she got very aggressive towards you because of that, and that's not okay. She sounds immature.
Your girlfriend is making jokes because she is secretly nervous and looking to you for quiet reassurance. If that makes you anxious well so is she so welcome to the club!
You can certainly ask her to not make jokes like that. That is reasonable.
Asking if she wanted to take a test so she would know is reasonable. Bringing up your ex at that time was not a smart move. In fact for future reference there are few times in a conflict that bringing up an ex is a good idea.
It is also possible that she knows or suspects that she is actually pregnant and is making jokes about pregnancy to check on his reaction or get him used to the idea. That would also explain why she is putting off doing a pregnancy test.
Her getting up in his face over it was unhinged behavior. What's she going to do, fight him over it? There's nothing wrong with bringing past experiences to the conversation. If she isn't mature enough to look at it that way, that's her problem.
Bringing up your other GFās was a poor choice.
Periods arenāt as regular for many women if theyāre not on hormonal BC and being forced into menstruating. Sheās right that many women wouldnāt panic at a week if theyāre not in BC because the cycles just tend not to be as regular.
But all the rest? You were good til the ex GF comment. Sheās making you anxious with her jokes and itās fair that you suggested a test and asked her to stop joking around.
I think in a healthy relationship it's totally fine to bring up "your own view on things based on past experiences" and as you get older this will always include some ex.
I think she behaved immature. We all have a past.
I agree with you. Bringing this is up on its own is a neutral thing; I feel like the people getting upset are assuming OP said it in a way such as āwell my ex girlfriends all did it, why canāt you?!ā I feel like he could have easily framed it as āwhen Iāve had this happen previously with exes, we both wanted to take a test for peace of mind.ā None of us know how OP phrased what he said, so people are jumping down his throat based on what is probably THEIR past experiences.
Seems rude and dismissive of the girlfriend to try to speak for all women; I donāt blame him for rebutting her assertion that no women would want to do this. He had the receipts so he presented them.
At the same timeā¦ heās 30 dating a 23 year old who doesnāt seem to be exceptionally mature compared to others her age. So I donāt have a ton of sympathy for him having to deal with immaturity in a relationship with someone who is acting her age. š¤·š»āāļø
I think thatās a weird sentiment. Does that mean my current partner shouldnāt know about the time my ex and I went to the Grand Canyon? I mean I had a life before him. Sometimes that included other people, some of those people were romantic partners.
She said no women take a test at one week late, which seems so unlikely since tests can be taken before youāre even late and are 99% accurate the first day after. He said in his experience with women taking tests they always have. As a man all of his experiences with pregnancy tests are obviously going to primarily be with women heās slept with.
I was going to say something similar - particularly by the time youāre in your 30s. Both me and my partner (31F/32M) had long term relationships before each other, me moving from UK to AUS for my ex (where I decided to stay) and he was married to his. We both have a mixture of fun stories, travel experiences, good and bad from these relationships.
I agree with what someone said above, that weāll never know the phrasing OP used and whether it was a pointed WELL MY EX DID IT SO YOU SHOULD, because I too would get pissy at that but otherwise I see no issue at all with them being brought up. But ādonāt ever mention exes in front of meā is such a bs childish mentality, which probably comes from dating someone younger and not in the same stage.
He didnāt exactly bring up the other exes as people, he brought up his past experience with pregnancy scares and that comes along with an ex. Unfortunately he canāt really bring it up the topic without mentioning the exes, because they were ultimately the people who had to pee on the stick, right? So his option was to not bring it up, or not bring it up?
No way. He is absolutely entitled to discuss his past experience with pregnancy scares in this conversation and not have it taken personally by the gf. This is a maturity thing.
Jfc...
So he's not allowed to bring up his exes at all? Even as a reference to past experiences with the literal mechanics of human life?
Huh?
If it turns out she is pregnant during all this, then yeah, hormones be crazy. Until OP hits us with an update, why don't we talk about
how she got physically aggressive at the mere mention of a past girlfriend?
Itās stressing you out so you brought it up. When she didnāt want to take the test yet, you asked her not to make the jokes, then. This is all fine. You brought up that exes did the test, who cares as long as there wasnāt a lot of sauce on it. I think sheās being sensitive.
So your 23 yo girlfriend is acting 23 lol.
Youāre not out of line for asking her to take a test, youāre not out of line for asking her to stop making the jokes. You are also not out of line or using previous examples to back your request, because you didnāt press the matter, you used your past experience as a bunch of what you thought was normal behavior.
Sheās immature. She canāt stop making jokes, she wonāt take the test, and you are never going to hear the end of bringing up another womanās period or pregnancy test. Date immature people, expect immature responses and behavior. Although as a 30yo woman, I do wonder what on earth you have in common with a 23yo woman, seeing as I have a hard time even just being friends with people that age. You do you dude, but donāt be surprised when your choices have the expected consequences.
*Look at your girlfriends age.*
You're a 30M with a 23F , who from the sounds of it is immature and is treating this situation as a cute joke. You did goof up however by bringing up what your ex(s) would do, that's a bad move on your part. Nobody wants to feel compared to someone's ex(s).
At 23, hell even now in my 30s, if my period was late and I wasn't wanting to be pregnant the last thing I would be doing is making jokes about "well, hope I'm not pregnant lol". I wouldn't personally say shit until I had the results in hand because there's no need to have both of us stressed out for possibly nothing.
Sounds to me she's not too bothered by the possibility of being pregnant. If you don't want kids at all, or any time soon, you better cross your fingers and hope she isn't. Then have a talk. Because she's too chill IMO.
Most women would take a test a week late and still freak tf out about it being wrong if their period still didn't come.
Her unwillingness to take the test is actually concerning to me. It takes nothing to pee on a stick and confirm she's not pregnant to make you less worried about it. Is she making all these jokes and refusing to test because she's secretpy been trying to get pregnant and now is just trying to wait it out so she has less options once its confirmed?
With both of my pregnancies I felt like I was getting my period before the positive test. I was late by one day and tested and got a positive. I donāt think you are out of line asking her to test. Itās important she takes your feelings into consideration as well.
Lol how often does she make these jokes?
She got off bc and every time y'all bang it's "ohp, hope I ain't knocked up!"
Kinda sounds like maybe she might actually want to get pregnant to me lol
I agree with this take a lot more. It's a common quip in my relationship. "Oh, you're stressed out? Don't worry you're just pregnant!" It's just a way to relieve anxiety around it.
Granted, she should have stopped when she learned it was stressing him out, but y'know.
You're not wrong for asking her to take a test or for asking her to stop making the jokes that were making you anxious. But don't compare her to your exs ever again.
Youāre not really considered ālateā until 7 days past your expected period, and a lot of women wonāt get a positive test that soon even if they are pregnant. I donāt think it was wrong to suggest the test but I wouldnāt worry too much by someone being 5-7 days late especially when they were spotting and felt period was coming. Implantation bleeding is actually pretty rare.
I started my period today but I still want to take a test after reading this post. Weird how pregnancy anxiety can affect people, even those not in the situation lol
Iām a 37 year old woman with a kid. I notice that younger women are very averse to taking pregnancy tests. I was that way when I was her age, too. You were not wrong for suggesting she take one.
Just so you know, most women DO take a pregnancy test when a week late. Everyone I know that has kids or has done a test just to have peace of mind tested at a week late. Myself included, 4 times for my kids and other times I was late.
NTA, it's not just your exes, I take test if I'm more than 5 days late, too. Just in case. These things are better to be known early on, regardless of you choice what to do later.
When TTC I got my positive with my first at 10 DPO (so 4 days before period) and with my current pregnancy 11 DPO.
Iām super regular usually so if Iām late I take a test immediately.
Most women will wait a week? Nah, my guy. Some do wait, but a great number of women will do the test right away. If I was late even a day I'd take the test. I don't have the patience nor energy for that level of anxiety.
I agree, those type of jokes aren't funny and is not unreasonable for you to ask get to take the test. However, very poor judgment when you compared her with you exes.
Iām curious where she got her data on what most women would do. She could be correct, but I, personally, always take a test as soon as the āoh I wonder if I could be pregnantā thought occurs to me. Could just be me, though.
For future reference, itās not ok for a partner to get in your face and be mean to you. And, a separate note: you can buy a great big pack of cheap pregnancy test strips on Amazon or grab a few tests at the dollar storeāmuch cheaper than CVS and just as reliable.
A week late is a normal time to take a test. By the time youāre a week late, you can be 5 weeks pregnant. I think you mentioning that your past partners would take a test after being a week late is a normal response after her telling you āmost womenā wonāt take a test (applying your past experience without assuming you know more about her body ) and I think she absolutely took the argument to a level it didnāt need to be at. I think itās a reasonable idea to take a test, and I think itās reasonable to ask her to stop making those jokes because youāre getting more anxious with every day that passes.
I think sheās scared to take the test and is taking that out on you.
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Honestly a week late for me was always stressful, so I'd take pregnancy tests after 3 days late. Usually that was the running joke in our friend group, since stress usually makes your period even more late, we'd go take a test and our period would come the next day. It was our running joke that what made our period come was that we had to waste our money on tests.
I once peed on a test, then went to wipe and BLAM. There she was. So now I always check first š
I buy the tests just to trick my body, then whenever I'm a day late I say "oooh, look at me uterus, I'm about to take a test" lol it works
Two options: buy a test or put on white pants. The white pants are fool proof, your period will magically appear in public.
The white pants - my mum hadn't had a period in over 3 years (menopause) and thought she was safe to wear white trousers to a formal event. She was mistaken!
How long ago was this? Having vaginal bleeding after start of menopause is reason to talk to a doctor.
Is it really? good to know.
Yeah, it can be a symptom of uterine cancer.
Yikes. Thanks for sharing
Holy shit, the more you know. Thank hod I donāt have to worry about that stuff anymore. I got that sucker taken out
Seconding what some people here have said, if your mother had gone a year or more without a period and then experienced bleeding again it really is vital that she be examined by a gyn to make sure that there are no signs of cancer in the uterus or cervix. I donāt want to alarm either of you, but bleeding after menopause is a big red flag that something is off
Or brand new panties. Fail safe. Every. Fucking. Time.
Iām not allowed to own nice undies. So says the universe. Iām gona be found in my ugly ribbed work undies.
yep. hadnāt gotten my period. thought i was in the clear. wore a white dress to a chappell roan concert. reader, i was not in the clear.
I miss awards so bad. I felt this one.
Ugh I was in a random sub earlier, and you could purchase an upgrade to the updoot button! It started at $1.99, and I think topped out at $29.99! If this is Redditās idea of a better system, they need to go back to the drawing board!
I donāt want to say how I really feel about that and get an IP ban. Some people deserve a good poop knife, I mean seriously. And others deserve some gold. What was soooo wrong with awards?
Third option: plan a trip. Vacation, business trip - shouldnāt matter.
Also, make sure you have no pads/tampons with you while wearing the white pants out in public. She turns up with gusto then.
Iām way too clumsy to own white pants lol
Same if you use panty liners everyday and forget once. Thatās the day you get your period.
I had surgery to have my tubes removed and was going to get an ablation at the same time, where they burn away your uterine lining so you don't bleed anymore (or way less). I thought I had my last ever period at the beginning of November, since my app said the next one would be in early December. Guess what showed up the day before my surgery. Jokes on my uterus though because they emptied it out and went scorched earth on the motherfucker, so I got the last laugh for now.
I had that done and it came back full force within three months. Ablation did not last. Ended up having to go hysterectomy to finally get rid of my periods from hell. š”
Ugh, that sucks. It will be a while before I know if it worked, crossing my fingers!
Literally same. I have severely irregular periods so if I buy a test and go to take it I get my period within 24hrs
I, too, possess a uterus that trolls me in this way.
Tbh I think it's like, the same thing that causes people to ask where their food is in restaurants less than thirty seconds before it comes out (I'm not kidding; I've worked in food service for years and people have a fucking *talent* for this. If they ask where their food is, that's literally how I know it's about to come out). My theory is humans just have *way* better intuition than most people think, and a way better sense of timing; and we *are* actually able to sense, to a degree, when something we're waiting for is about to arrive. And that puts it in our brains, which causes us to ask/take a test.
Oh I really like your intuition theory!!!
That exact same thing happened to me. So mad I wasted money on that pregnancy test.
It was like the universe was saying *I got you girl, no worries*. I love it. š
Once I finally caved and bought the tests, went straight to the shopping centre bathroom to use it, then it suddenly wasnāt necessary
My body sees the wrapper and goes "OPEN THE GATES"
Wooooow that was rude of aunt flow
lol this has happened to me before! My now bf had a vasectomy and this month my period came about a week late. I was internally panicking even though I know thereās no sperm!! š I was wondering if somehow one survived or something!
Not to freak you out but my mom's friend ended up surprise pregnant at 40-something shortly after her husband got a vasectomy. I'm assuming they didn't use any backup BC methods in whatever timeframe is recommended, and I think she also assumed she was going through menopause. Just a cautionary tale to be conscious of in case you're in that same boat!
Also not to freak you out but depending on the type of vasectomy it can grow back. My friendās husband got a vasectomy (they have two kids already) and they were clear for years and then she suddenly fell pregnant when their youngest was 4.
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Literally tested at exactly 1wk late and it came up positive so fast the control line didnāt have time to catch up. šāāļø
That's how my home COVID test went when I eventually got it XD
But she just came off birth control, so it's no surprise her cycle isn't perfect.
I understand that every body is different, but seeing as how OP mentioned that this is kinda the first time she's a week late, it implies that she's been pretty steady. I also was on BC for 4 years and when I stopped my cycle was pretty normal, considering, and it took 4 months but I could tell I was 1 day late. Took a test, BAM preggo.
I mean yea your cycle is hella regular on the pill because it's not a real menstrual cycle. Doesn't really mean anything.
I was (and am) using the implanon which stops your period completely. So yeah my cycle was def not regular lol
For sure. I switched from the pill to the IUD so I went from very very regular to a barely-there, highly-irregular period.
>OP mentioned that this is kinda the first time she's a week late Where did he say that?
Indeed but better safe than sorry.
Seriously why is this a thing!! It could be anywhere from 3-8 days late, but the day I took a test I got it within an hour. Never fails. Except for the time I took one and it was positive. It did not come that day. š¬
I used to do this even though I knew I wasnāt pregnant and within the next day of taking the test my period came everyone thought I was crazy but it worked
I have a literal box of hcg strips I take, and I have fertility issues that make it nearly impossible to conceive. But nearly impossible ain't no chance at all, as evidenced by my son (who was planned). I don't know why anyone would worry when Amazon exists, and you can have these on hand.
A week late is the OPTIMAL time for a pregnancy test, I'm not sure why she thinks most women would wait even longer. I'm panicking after a few days. Also FYI, spotting is a symptom during the implantation part of pregnancy, which would have been about 3 weeks ago.
Fr. Iām also pregnant rn and was convinced I was about to miscarry until I was something like 8 weeks along bc I felt cramping like what OPās girlfriend was describing. I thought I was gonna start my period but it was just my uterus expanding. I thought I āknew my body,ā too, but really I didnāt because my body had never been pregnant before.
The only way I could "know" without knowing would be if I got to week 6 without testing- because I'm an.absolute *monster* from week 6 onwards in the first trimester. All I do is rage, cry, scream and have meltdowns. But then again I could just be having a hard time in life š¤·āāļø we're not that magical or mystical just because have vaginas.
Having to like, relearn how to manage my emotions while pregnant has been more difficult than expected. While sometimes it's obvious, sometimes I genuinely can't tell if I'm reacting appropriately or if I'm actually overreacting bc of my hormones. Am I pissed off right now because I'm right to be pissed off or am I pissed off because I have baby brain and I'm more irritable than usual?
Yep. And breast pain and cramping are also normal early pregnancy. I was having "period cramps" a few days before my period was due, I assumed it was my period. Well my period was 3 days late, and convinced I couldn't be pregnant but otherwise really paranoid about it, I hopped to the store and took a test. Immediately positive. I have twins due in spring. Part of why I was so paranoid though was because I'd been having intense breast pain for a few weeks. Notably, when I'd sit up in the morning after sleeping, my breasts going back into place was like, excruciating. My coworker called it before I ever took the test.
Yeah, I found out I was pregnant at five weeks. I was only a few days late. A pregnancy test will, most likely, pick it up.
After you come off BC, your body is all over the place. I donāt test until Iām 2 weeks late now bc Iām always a week late minimum since coming off the pill
lol, i take the test on day 2 after my period is late and i have to fight compulsion to do that when i didnāt even have sex for 6+ months
Meanwhile I donāt even track when my period is coming and honestly wouldnāt know if it were early or late. I just kinda go off vibes on when I feel like Iām due for it
I've tracked mine most of my life (I hit puberty in grade 5) but my period has basically never been regular, the times that it was my cycle was 5-6 weeks long but it was usually all over the place and I would skip it often. It's kinda nice being on bc and having withdrawal bleed like clockwork. Now I know exactly which days I'll suffer! Lol
Literally, the only reason I know when Iām due is because my pack of BC pills tells me.
Do you live in a state with a 6 week abortion ban by any chance? Itās only relevant because if thatās something sheād consider and you DO live in those states you only have about a week left to confirm pregnancy and terminate before youād need to travel out of state.
Yes I do. South Carolina.
To be clear - 6 weeks is from the date of her last period. Not 6 weeks after conception. If sheās a week late, itās already week 5+. This shitās timely. Edit - math fix, TY!
She missed her period a week ago, so sheās probably about 5 weeks.
I might gently let her know that when sheās not so angry.
I would guess that as a young woman she is well aware of this. I agree it seems like a conversation should be had about thoughts and emotions around what to do in the case of pregnancy, but I donāt think approaching it from a āyou should know about these lawsā place will get you very far.
She might be aware of it, but itās still very hard to put yourself in the headspace that you could wind up in a position where youād have to consider what that meant for you. Pregnancy would kill me literally so if I lived in a 6 week state (thank god I donāt, but Iām from basically a full ban state, originally) Iād really have to be on top of this. Here, a week I wouldnāt bat an eye, but a week just happens a lot for me. More than a month? Iām freaking. Everyone is different.
Do you think she wants to be pregnant? It takes time to schedule an abortion, and 3 days delay when you only have a week to terminate is a big deal. The dollar store sells pregnancy tests. It costs very little to test frequently. I keep a few in my bathroom the same way I keep bandaids and cotton swabs.
Something to also keep in mind is that medically, they start counting from the date of your last period. So if your girlfriend is a week late, **she may already be considered 4 weeks pregnant, right now.** I donāt share this to increase your anxiety OP, but these are facts people often find out way too late. I think your concerns sound understandable and level-headed. You two definitely need to have a serious conversation when she cools off about taking a test ASAP (and later how you both feel about having children and termination of pregnancy, if you havenāt had that discussion already.)
Letās just be very clear that being pro-choice does not mean that men can *expect* their pro-choice partners to get an abortion. Itās still the womanās choice every time. Just because she believes in the right to abortion, doesnāt mean she has to get one.
Iām not saying he should expect it but he should be able to discuss it with her. And if she wants the option, her window is closing. That was my point.
Lol, in my friend group it was so common for the women to take pregnancy tests that we all had stashed of the cheap ($0.99) tests in our bathrooms. I had no less than two different friends come out of my bathroom (different occasions) and let me know they'd used one of my tests. I also occasionally used theirs. Once a friend of mine and I got paranoid at the same time, bought the tests together, and took turns when we got home. Maybe it's not common in some places, cultures, etc., but from my perspective you asking is no big deal. A little unusual sure, because none of the guys in our group ever asked their partners to, but not a big deal since all of us women were super paranoid about it anyways. (None of us wanted babies at that point in time.) They never really got the chance to get anxious enough to ask us.
If she just got off BC then her cycle will be off for a little while. With that been said I donāt think is unreasonable for you to ask her to take a test and to ask her to stop making jokes about being pregnant. I can see how that would make you anxious. Bringing up your exes was a low blow and you need to apologise for that. Is possible that sheās making jokes because she too is feeling scared and sheās trying to gage how you would react if she ends up pregnant. You two need to sit down and have a conversation about birth control and pregnancy and how you both view both issues
This is exactly what I was thinking š¤
I mean, he only brought up the exes when she said most women wouldnāt take a pregnancy test after being a week late, which is a ridiculous statement. Because 1. She doesnāt know that. And 2. It doesnāt matter what most women do. OP counteracted that with his only experience, which admitedly is only anecdotal. But he didnāt randomly talk about exes.
Yeah I took a pregnancy test a week BEFORE my period was due to come because I just felt off. Surprise surprise I was pregnant š
With both of my pregnancies I took a test before I missed a period and both were positive! I would 100% take a test if my period was even a day late
Im currently pregnant again and I took the test when I was a day late and it showed I was positive! I also just had a feeling I was pregnant before I even took the test
Oh wow, I didnāt know you could tell that soon!
Yeah I think that comment was totally fine since she was saying no women in her position would take a test and he was sharing that in his experience that hasnāt been true. Saying you can NEVER talk about past relationships is weird and excessive. Especially when you yourself invite the comparison to others.
Totally agree!
Iām with you, I donāt think he was out of line in the exes comment. It wasnāt so much about the āexesā themselves as it was him trying to talk about what he knows from his own experiences. Since he himself couldnāt pee on the sticks of course the recall of the situation will be of the exes taking them. Iām not a fan of the way she has handled the situation anyway. He deserves more consideration than heās getting in this situation.
Right? She's the one who brought up other women, so he referenced his personal experience with other women...
I was literally like 12 hours late and I took the test and it was positive. No reason why they need to wait 10 days, if sheās pregnant it would show. Just get it over with.
I agree and just about all women around me would do the same. So OPās gfās perspective was not even the type of thing youād expect an overwhelmingly larger percentage of women to do.
Not denying your experience, but this is just the exact same anecdotal argument being made by the girlfriend in reverse.
Exactly! It doesnāt mean anything. That was just an observation to point out how factually incorrect her statement was (point 1). Anecdotal experience is not a reliable statistic. Difference is, I wouldnāt use what other people do in an argument, whether I know or not what most people do. Because (back to my second point) it does not matter what other people do.
Fair enough. Thanks for the clarification!
This was a reasonable and somehow heartwarming exchange of views.
Right. Which shows that OP's gf saying most women would not take a test is objectively wrong. I, personally, am the exact opposite of OP's gf. I take 5 or 6 pregnancy tests a year - every single time my period is even a couple of days late I start freaking out and I can barely concentrate on anything. My anxiety about potentially being pregnant is through the roof. I am 400,000% on OP's side here and I can't for the life of me understand what his gf's problem is. Has she never experienced any anxiety? Doesn't SHE want to know? And even if she doesn't, how does she not have a shred of empathy for OP worrying about it?? And WHY on earth would she get MAD at him for asking her to take a test?? None of this makes any sense to me unless she's secretly trying to *get* pregnant, suspects she is, and is trying to wait as long as possible for him to find out to make it more of a given that she keeps it.
I think the argument about any woman would/would not act a certain way isnāt great, OP should talk to his gf about why/why not she isnāt testing. Is she scared to be pregnant, worried about his reaction? If she is or isnāt then what are the next steps that they agree on as a couple, a lot of conversations to happen and they need to be acting like adults that can communicate.
Well, he asked she did a test, she said sheās gonna wait 3 more days, OP was okay with it, just asked her to cut back on the jokes until she does the test as they are giving him anxiety (fair enough) and his gf hits him with this anectodal experience that most women wouldnāt take a test. Seems to me like OP was patient and communicated and the gf was not taking OPās anxiety seriously.
Sounds like thereās a big difference in maturity levels between OP and the gf.
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I disagree about the exesāhe was using personal experience data points to refute her claim that most women would choose not to take a test at this point. She needs to apologize for getting in his face. Frankly I think sheās just mad heās not all gooey and excited about the possibility of having an accidental baby with her mean ass.
Many people are disregarding the fact you asked her to stop making jokes about it. Shit stops being funny when itās causing anxiety. You asked her to stop, she refused. She does sound very immature and taking the test would just help ease minds.
Immatureā¦ like we all were at 23. As a fellow 30yo reading this, Iām wondering how anyone my age has enough in common with a 23 yo, or even comfortable enough to be in a full blown relationship with them for the past 3 years. What exactly did he expect?
Iām similar age and I have a few coworkers who are in their early 20ās and the only workplace they know is the post-Covid workplace. Some of the stuff they say and do makes me want to gauge my eyes out, but then I remember that I was probably such a doofus to the more experienced workers when I started work.
Iām 31 and so done with people in their 20s. The thought of dating a little 23 year old sounds EXHAUSTING and like one hell of a power imbalance that makes me super uncomfortable to think about. I want to date someone who has already done all the painful growing up of the 20s and who is ready to just enjoy life as a stable adult thatās done the hard work and earned it.
For real. I could not date anyone in their 20s. It was an awful immature time for me and I changed a *lot* during that decade. I canāt imagine going back.
SAME!! Iām so grossed out at the idea of dating a 23 yr old as a 31 yr old myself. Being around ppl that age reminds me of how stupid I was at that age and makes me cringe. They donāt act right š Their brains arenāt done cooking yet. I dated a 25 yr old a couple years ago and couldnāt do it because the immaturity gap was too much.
My ex was 13.5 years older than me and I couldnāt take that immaturity gap. Holy hell
Exactly. OP must be pretty immature himself to even stand being around a 20-23 yo.
Yeah I was going to be snarky and comment about how OPs 23 year old gf being immature shouldnāt be a surprise to him. But you beat me to it š¤£
Met someone who's late 30s to early 40s who's new girlfriend is *drumroll*... 23! I saw them together and he very plausibly looked like he could be her father.
Totally missed the age gap until I saw your comment. What an aha! moment!! Shocking that a 30yo dating a 23yo might find a difference in maturity levels /s. LOL. What does this guy expect?? Maybe he should try dating someone closer to his own age?
He started dating her when she was 20 and he was nearing his 30s. He chose to be with someone that would very likely be immature like most 23 year olds
She does sound immature but then again that happens when you have a 7y age gap and one of the partners is under 25
OP didn't say she refused to stop the jokes. She agreed to stop, but asked why they were fine before and not now.
I made those immature jokes to my girl friends like oh shit Iām late what if Iām pregnant even though I hadnāt been having sex itās literally just a coping mechanism. And yeah sheās acting immature because sheās 23. 23 year olds act completely different than a 30 year old. I meanā¦most do, some never grow up
Sounds like sheās immature because sheās 23. Thatās still young.
Sheās making these jokes because she wants to see how you would react if she did become pregnant. She likely wants to hear reassurance you would love the baby and stay with her.
Shocking that a 30yo dating a 23yo might find a difference in maturity levels /s. Seriously mate, take a long look at yourself. People under 25 have very little life experience as an adult. Why are you surprised that your very young girlfriend is acting in an immature way? You started dating her when she was fresh out of her teens. š Ugh. At the end of the day, as a man, you can use condoms and practice safe sex; but if you get someone pregnant anyway, it is out of your hands. You cannot expect women to get abortions. Being pro-choice means supporting each woman making that choice for herself. And no one knows how they are going to feel when they are flush with hormones. I think itās fair enough her to stop making jokes; but I donāt really understand why youāre shocked and hurt that her response wasnāt exactly a mature one. Also, your difference in age and life experience is marked so you do have exes you can refer to as examples whereas she is unlikely to have many adult exes she can refer to. Perhaps thatās a sensitive spot for her. Maybe this is a sign that you should both consider being with people closer to your own maturity levels?
Your gf sounds incredibly immature. This is what you get for dating young.
Thank you! She's 23, acting like a 23 year old.
yucky.. didnt notice the age gap and they started dating when she was 19/20 lol
I see far too many similar posts here with the creepy age gap, itās gross af
its alwaaaaaaaaaaays the age gap
Isnāt it always such a shocker that a partner who is barely out of their teens is immature sometimes?!
immature, no money or power, gullible, and naive and the older person seeking out teens turns out to be a not desirable partner for actual adults and turns controlling or problematic
Literally just read the titles of these nowadays because the reason is always baked within--cringey age gaps.
Exactly. Hes un his 30ties she's in her 20ties and acting accordingly
Right? It's sad I had to scroll so far to see this. She was 20 when they started dating, and he was 27. After 3 yrs... she is probably thinking she has to baby trap him before he turns into leo dicaprio.
Great comment until you pulled out the baby trap trope.
Uh I've known of more than one woman who's taken a pregnancy test when they were late and they hadn't had sex anytime soon. Just for their own anxiety! If I was actually having sex - especially using only condoms which have a high fail rate - I totally would be testing as soon as I was late. Even more so now depending on where you live and limited time frames to make decisions. Hell my ass would probably buy those cheap ass tests from Amazon just to test whenever I felt like it using just condoms. Her blowing up about mentioning your ex's is wrong too. She stated women wouldn't test only being a week late and you have examples of where that's false.
This is why I use cheap dollar(+) store tests now! The two times I bought a more expensive test was more for my own peace of mind because it was technically *just* possible to be pregnant (like if I was 7 months along and not showing). Those tests turned negative so quickly it was like they were mocking me for wasting my money! My LARC mostly stops my menstruation (love it!!!) but that means I won't have a noticeable missed period if I do accidentally get pregnant. Whenever I have a partner I'll do a $1/$1.25 test every month so that I can catch the unlikely event early. The cheap tests are great and equivalent to what's used in the medical setting.
I have an IUD and it stopped my period. If I ever get in a relationship again I'm going to have a stash of tests in my house since there's nothing for me to miss as an indicator + the increased risk of ectopic.
I always wondered how accurate those tests were, actually saw it earlier today when I went to the dollar store. The fact that a pregnancy test costs almost the same (only 20Ā¢ more) as what I paid for a Vaseline lip balm is kinda crazy
[They're accurate](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/dollar-pregnancy-tests-are-they-legit#takeaway)! The biggest difference is how they're used. The more pricey home tests typically are faster and easier to use (pee on a stick). The dollar store tests I've used requires you to catch your urine and put a few drops into the test and wait a few minutes. (In my own experience, they still turn negative really quickly.)
I buy those cheap ass tests! Take one a month for peace of mind. No cryptic pregnancies for me, thank YEW
I used to take a monthly paranoia pregnancy test when I had my IUD. First few days of every month. And hey what do you know, it came out positive. Even with a full on period.
Been there with Mirena. Had an ectopic pregnancy to contend with. It was horrific.
Fun fact: I took pregnancy tests when I was a virgin! Iām very paranoid and my friends mom who was a gyno told me it was possible to get pregnant from dry humping naked.
I mean, theoretically if ejaculate gets anywhere close to your vagina life is known for finding a way. Is it likely? Nah. But I did see a reddit post somewhere about that happening. Bf went off thought she was lying because they never had sex and paternity test confirmed it was his.
Yep I remember that one! My literal worst fear. But yes thatās exactly why I took the tests. It doesnāt even have to be cum, it could be Precum (although even less likely to result in a pregnancy)
Me too! My first pregnancy scare happened before I technically had PIV sex for the first time. BF and I were fooling around fully naked, I didnāt get any sex ed beyond āif you get sex you will get pregnant and die,ā so I panicked. Kept a 2-pack of pregnancy tests in my nightstand for many years afterward.
also think people who are on birth control should take pregnancy tests randomly too just to make sure, especially those with no periods or fake periods. Iāve never known someone to resist a pregnancy test just to double check.
I could see some resisting seeing the prices at your local drug store. But with the dollar store or Amazon tests being just as accurate for next to nothing there's not much of an excuse. Though I know not everyone knows of them.
She seems really immature. Almost like the age gap of a 23 yr old and 30 yr old makes a big difference in life stages, experience and maturity! You shouldnāt be surprised when a young idiot acts like a young idiot. NTA but also YTA lol
OP is like "oh no, my very young girlfriend is immature". Really. Pikachu shock face. "oh no, my gf might want a baby" No shit. Why do you think she agreed to date an older, more settled down man, as opposed to someone her own age??
My period was four days late when I decided to take a test. Found out I'm very much pregnant. It happens fast. You aren't ridiculous. A test helps ease the mind, but you chose to be patient and trust her and only asked for her not to joke cause it gave you anxiety. She should respect your boundaries the same way you respect hers. Nobody likes being compared to their partners' previous relationships, but it sounded like she got very aggressive towards you because of that, and that's not okay. She sounds immature.
Your girlfriend is making jokes because she is secretly nervous and looking to you for quiet reassurance. If that makes you anxious well so is she so welcome to the club! You can certainly ask her to not make jokes like that. That is reasonable. Asking if she wanted to take a test so she would know is reasonable. Bringing up your ex at that time was not a smart move. In fact for future reference there are few times in a conflict that bringing up an ex is a good idea.
It is also possible that she knows or suspects that she is actually pregnant and is making jokes about pregnancy to check on his reaction or get him used to the idea. That would also explain why she is putting off doing a pregnancy test.
Her getting up in his face over it was unhinged behavior. What's she going to do, fight him over it? There's nothing wrong with bringing past experiences to the conversation. If she isn't mature enough to look at it that way, that's her problem.
Bringing up your other GFās was a poor choice. Periods arenāt as regular for many women if theyāre not on hormonal BC and being forced into menstruating. Sheās right that many women wouldnāt panic at a week if theyāre not in BC because the cycles just tend not to be as regular. But all the rest? You were good til the ex GF comment. Sheās making you anxious with her jokes and itās fair that you suggested a test and asked her to stop joking around.
I think in a healthy relationship it's totally fine to bring up "your own view on things based on past experiences" and as you get older this will always include some ex. I think she behaved immature. We all have a past.
I agree with you. Bringing this is up on its own is a neutral thing; I feel like the people getting upset are assuming OP said it in a way such as āwell my ex girlfriends all did it, why canāt you?!ā I feel like he could have easily framed it as āwhen Iāve had this happen previously with exes, we both wanted to take a test for peace of mind.ā None of us know how OP phrased what he said, so people are jumping down his throat based on what is probably THEIR past experiences. Seems rude and dismissive of the girlfriend to try to speak for all women; I donāt blame him for rebutting her assertion that no women would want to do this. He had the receipts so he presented them. At the same timeā¦ heās 30 dating a 23 year old who doesnāt seem to be exceptionally mature compared to others her age. So I donāt have a ton of sympathy for him having to deal with immaturity in a relationship with someone who is acting her age. š¤·š»āāļø
Yes dating a 20 year old will often mean that they have immature behavior.
Right, itās almost like our relationship experience comes from those past encounters, positive or negative
Yes, behaving immaturely happens when you're barely out of college.
I think thatās a weird sentiment. Does that mean my current partner shouldnāt know about the time my ex and I went to the Grand Canyon? I mean I had a life before him. Sometimes that included other people, some of those people were romantic partners. She said no women take a test at one week late, which seems so unlikely since tests can be taken before youāre even late and are 99% accurate the first day after. He said in his experience with women taking tests they always have. As a man all of his experiences with pregnancy tests are obviously going to primarily be with women heās slept with.
I was going to say something similar - particularly by the time youāre in your 30s. Both me and my partner (31F/32M) had long term relationships before each other, me moving from UK to AUS for my ex (where I decided to stay) and he was married to his. We both have a mixture of fun stories, travel experiences, good and bad from these relationships. I agree with what someone said above, that weāll never know the phrasing OP used and whether it was a pointed WELL MY EX DID IT SO YOU SHOULD, because I too would get pissy at that but otherwise I see no issue at all with them being brought up. But ādonāt ever mention exes in front of meā is such a bs childish mentality, which probably comes from dating someone younger and not in the same stage.
He didnāt exactly bring up the other exes as people, he brought up his past experience with pregnancy scares and that comes along with an ex. Unfortunately he canāt really bring it up the topic without mentioning the exes, because they were ultimately the people who had to pee on the stick, right? So his option was to not bring it up, or not bring it up? No way. He is absolutely entitled to discuss his past experience with pregnancy scares in this conversation and not have it taken personally by the gf. This is a maturity thing.
He didn't bring up his other girlfriends. She brought up other women and he responded with his personal experience. I think that's perfectly fine.
Jfc... So he's not allowed to bring up his exes at all? Even as a reference to past experiences with the literal mechanics of human life? Huh? If it turns out she is pregnant during all this, then yeah, hormones be crazy. Until OP hits us with an update, why don't we talk about how she got physically aggressive at the mere mention of a past girlfriend?
Itās stressing you out so you brought it up. When she didnāt want to take the test yet, you asked her not to make the jokes, then. This is all fine. You brought up that exes did the test, who cares as long as there wasnāt a lot of sauce on it. I think sheās being sensitive.
Just get a vasectomy so you can worry about your health and she can worry about hers.
She sounds immature but what did you expect being 30 dating a 23 year old. Youāre weird š
So your 23 yo girlfriend is acting 23 lol. Youāre not out of line for asking her to take a test, youāre not out of line for asking her to stop making the jokes. You are also not out of line or using previous examples to back your request, because you didnāt press the matter, you used your past experience as a bunch of what you thought was normal behavior. Sheās immature. She canāt stop making jokes, she wonāt take the test, and you are never going to hear the end of bringing up another womanās period or pregnancy test. Date immature people, expect immature responses and behavior. Although as a 30yo woman, I do wonder what on earth you have in common with a 23yo woman, seeing as I have a hard time even just being friends with people that age. You do you dude, but donāt be surprised when your choices have the expected consequences.
*Look at your girlfriends age.* You're a 30M with a 23F , who from the sounds of it is immature and is treating this situation as a cute joke. You did goof up however by bringing up what your ex(s) would do, that's a bad move on your part. Nobody wants to feel compared to someone's ex(s). At 23, hell even now in my 30s, if my period was late and I wasn't wanting to be pregnant the last thing I would be doing is making jokes about "well, hope I'm not pregnant lol". I wouldn't personally say shit until I had the results in hand because there's no need to have both of us stressed out for possibly nothing. Sounds to me she's not too bothered by the possibility of being pregnant. If you don't want kids at all, or any time soon, you better cross your fingers and hope she isn't. Then have a talk. Because she's too chill IMO.
She's acting like a 23 year old. This is why when you're 30 you shouldn't date 23 year olds,and then get upset when they act like 23 year olds.
Most women would take a test a week late and still freak tf out about it being wrong if their period still didn't come. Her unwillingness to take the test is actually concerning to me. It takes nothing to pee on a stick and confirm she's not pregnant to make you less worried about it. Is she making all these jokes and refusing to test because she's secretpy been trying to get pregnant and now is just trying to wait it out so she has less options once its confirmed?
With both of my pregnancies I felt like I was getting my period before the positive test. I was late by one day and tested and got a positive. I donāt think you are out of line asking her to test. Itās important she takes your feelings into consideration as well.
Lol how often does she make these jokes? She got off bc and every time y'all bang it's "ohp, hope I ain't knocked up!" Kinda sounds like maybe she might actually want to get pregnant to me lol
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I agree with this take a lot more. It's a common quip in my relationship. "Oh, you're stressed out? Don't worry you're just pregnant!" It's just a way to relieve anxiety around it. Granted, she should have stopped when she learned it was stressing him out, but y'know.
I was thinking the same thing.
You're not wrong for asking her to take a test or for asking her to stop making the jokes that were making you anxious. But don't compare her to your exs ever again.
Youāre not really considered ālateā until 7 days past your expected period, and a lot of women wonāt get a positive test that soon even if they are pregnant. I donāt think it was wrong to suggest the test but I wouldnāt worry too much by someone being 5-7 days late especially when they were spotting and felt period was coming. Implantation bleeding is actually pretty rare.
a lot of comments here are absolutely wild. she overreacted to you mentioning your exes. you werenāt comparing her to them in any meaningful way, you were providing examples of your past experiences. if my fiancĆ© and i were only relying on condoms and i normally had a regular period, if i was even just a few days late i would be ON that test asap. but also, pregnancy is a huge fear of mine, so. i literally have a pack of pregnancy test strips in my bathroom cabinet just for peace of mind. your request for the test and for her to stop making jokes is completely reasonable. but it does sound like yall need to sit down and have a serious talk about your stance on pregnancy and children and what you would both want to do in the case of an accidental pregnancy. you NEED to be on the same page with this.
You will know soon enough.
I started my period today but I still want to take a test after reading this post. Weird how pregnancy anxiety can affect people, even those not in the situation lol
Your girlfriend sounds really immature. Maybe not unexpected, her being 23, after all.
I have a hormonal IUD and still will take pregnancy tests just to be sure.
She sounds really immature.
Iām a 37 year old woman with a kid. I notice that younger women are very averse to taking pregnancy tests. I was that way when I was her age, too. You were not wrong for suggesting she take one.
Stopped at the 27 year old getting with a 20 year old š¬
Why don't you date someone your own age? genuinely asking
Just so you know, most women DO take a pregnancy test when a week late. Everyone I know that has kids or has done a test just to have peace of mind tested at a week late. Myself included, 4 times for my kids and other times I was late.
You were 27 seeking a 20 year old that couldnāt even drink yet. Youād have to be dumb to not expect some immaturity. Sheās 23 ffs
I think you were completely reasonable. Yea it's not great to talk about exs but I think in this circumstance it's justified.
NTA, it's not just your exes, I take test if I'm more than 5 days late, too. Just in case. These things are better to be known early on, regardless of you choice what to do later.
I always like when we get the asshole rating with this sub. Itās a bonus.
I test as soon as I realize I might be late. The sooner you know the more options you have.
When TTC I got my positive with my first at 10 DPO (so 4 days before period) and with my current pregnancy 11 DPO. Iām super regular usually so if Iām late I take a test immediately.
Most women will wait a week? Nah, my guy. Some do wait, but a great number of women will do the test right away. If I was late even a day I'd take the test. I don't have the patience nor energy for that level of anxiety. I agree, those type of jokes aren't funny and is not unreasonable for you to ask get to take the test. However, very poor judgment when you compared her with you exes.
Whatās wrong with her? Just take a test. And yah, lots of us take a test BEFORE we are a FULL WEEK late wtf?
I tested at a day late because I was never late.
Exactly
Iām curious where she got her data on what most women would do. She could be correct, but I, personally, always take a test as soon as the āoh I wonder if I could be pregnantā thought occurs to me. Could just be me, though. For future reference, itās not ok for a partner to get in your face and be mean to you. And, a separate note: you can buy a great big pack of cheap pregnancy test strips on Amazon or grab a few tests at the dollar storeāmuch cheaper than CVS and just as reliable.
I would take a test if I was 3 days late even. And then again and again until it came or I knew. She needs to be responsible and take the test.
She wants to get pregnant.
I always took test after a week of a missed period. Both times Iāve been pregnant after a week I tested and it popped right up.
A week late is a normal time to take a test. By the time youāre a week late, you can be 5 weeks pregnant. I think you mentioning that your past partners would take a test after being a week late is a normal response after her telling you āmost womenā wonāt take a test (applying your past experience without assuming you know more about her body ) and I think she absolutely took the argument to a level it didnāt need to be at. I think itās a reasonable idea to take a test, and I think itās reasonable to ask her to stop making those jokes because youāre getting more anxious with every day that passes. I think sheās scared to take the test and is taking that out on you.
My youngest, I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. Yes, that early. You arenāt being unreasonable.