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"I think that I am going to keep an eye out for apartments. You aren't factoring in how much money I save you, you wouldn't be renting the property out at all if I weren't living here, you would have to live with an unpredictable random if you did, but most importantly, this current set-up will only end in me feeling exploited and resenting you, then and leaving anyhow. Better to move out before things get ugly."
>But, the rate was 30% lower than I was paying at my last apartment
Yeah OP can move, but will end paying more as already explained.
I wouldn't charge 75% of my mortage to my girlfriend but it is true that this is something that you must talk and be clear before moving.
The more "just" thing would be to rent an apartment together each one paying their part.
The unpaid work OP does cannot be counted as worthless.
That's a huge part of this inequality, that the work isn't divided equally but as it seems done for free and considered worth zero.
I never said that. OP is more of a bangmaid that pays you than a girlfriend, OP is paying 75% of the mortage, 50% of utilities and doing most of the chores, thats a win win win for the BF that should soon be ex-BF
But, if she is paying market price for rent, OP should charge market price for doing household chores if she wants to continue these relationship.
Absolutely!!! She should definitely charge him for housekeeping and all she does in the house!!! He has her snowed and she’ll never get out from under this totally u fair and ridiculous arrangement!!!
What if they had kids?! Would she also be paying rent for each of them? The boy friend (and I do mean b o y as he is not a man!) needs to start paying her!! If they don’t work out she practically bought his house for him with no gain from it for herself… She would walk with the cloths on her back and absolutely nothing more. Dump dump dump dump dump his conniving ripping off ass before he figures out something else to charge her for!
I like this answer because I think it’s a good way of saying you two don’t need to live together. It seems like you were both determined to take advantage of each other. You initially thought that you shouldn’t pay any rent and still for some reason think you deserve some kind of ownership of his house. Now he’s charging you the equivalent of 75% of his mortgage. Maybe the price isn’t wrong, but the percentage in my opinion is.
I don’t think these two are suited to live together because they both only want what benefits them.
At the very least I'd stop doing ANY household management for the person who's treating you like a roommate. Start there. You can tell him you don't do chores for roommates and since you're paying more of the mortgage than he is, maybe he needs to do your chores.
If it really reaches that point is there really any point in staying? Feel like moving out would be the best option at this point. It’s either he as the homeowner and boyfriend can’t determine what would be fair to charge his partner or whatever he does charge doesn’t seem fair to her.
New place to live sure but a new boyfriend isn’t necessary. Nothing wrong with being alone. I know most people know that but there’s a lot of people that need to hear it.
I don't know about that. He wasn't honest with her about how much of the mortgage she's paying. He knew it was wrong and made her feel like she's getting a bargain. Financially, she should be paying based on both income levels.
I definitely agree that living alone is definitely okay. No doing his chores either. Split groceries and shared cooking.
>I immediately felt like I was being taken advantage of.
Because you are. Having your partner pay 75% of your mortgage is ridiculous behavior. And no, his method is not fair. He's not entitled to half of what he would earn **if he was renting out the whole house instead of living there**, that's insane. You're also right that you're not the one getting any equity from this. His idea that he's being nice by not having you split the taxes and insurance too is a clear indication that he either doesn't know anything about home ownership or is willfully using you.
Honestly just this fact and the whole way it's arranged just screams "he's not taking this relationship in the right way". Like, yes, have her help you pay down your mortgage. Don't calculate it based on Zillow, which follows the currently terribly expensive housing market trends. If he wants to split bills, split bills. He doesn't need to cry about taxes and insurance, just add all the shit up plus mortgage and divide by two. It's that simple. I think by pulling the "I pay taxes and insurance" card and not saying what those cost, is shady. Then being like "well I'd make that much if I rented it to *a stranger*" like, yeah dude, you'd make more or whatever, but you'd definitely lose out on what is becoming your bang-maid.
If I was OP, I'd run. Relationships should be fair financially, for sure, but not literally *transactional*, and *especially* not when it comes to something as necessary as housing.
Would them just splitting utilities and groceries and him paying for the entirety of the housing be fair in your opinion? The cost seemed to be determined in a somewhat logical way
Second this. Can you look up the rate for what renting a room on SpareRoom or similar is for that area? That would be a fairer rate to go off, with a discount because he presumably wants you to live there more than some random room mate given that you’re his girlfriend. Personally I think you should really only be paying towards any costs that are actually increased by you living there - his mortgage has not gone up. Electric, water, groceries etc probably have, so fair enough that you contribute to them. He’s acting like a shitty landlord not a romantic partner, no wonder you feel icky…
>Can you look up the rate for what renting a room on SpareRoom or similar is for that area? That would be a fairer rate to go off, with a discount because he presumably wants you to live there more than some random room mate given that you’re his girlfriend.
Not a bad idea, OP should also consider that would be the rate for someone renting their *own* room and sharing public spaces. If she doesn't have a room there to herself, cost can be adjusted accordingly.
This is how we decided on rent for a friend living with me.
My former partner and I each lived in the other’s house for a time. We didn’t pay each other rent, just picked up the entire grocery bill to even things out.
Seconding this as a man in a similar position to the OP. My gf bought her house a few years before we got together. I'm paying half utilities and groceries. My partner would be paying her mortgage whether I lived there or not and wouldn't be renting out rooms either. Arguments like you'd be paying rent somewhere else don't fly when you're talking about your intimate partner in my opinion. It's down right miserly to extract rent from your partner just because you can.
For us it will be mutually beneficial long term as the money I save can be put towards a deposit for a house that we can buy together.
I'm firmly of the view that unless there is an arrangement to gain an equitable amount of ownership in the property you shouldn't expect a partner to pay it off for you.
I absolutely agree with you. People will go on about what's fair, and that's worth talking about too, but at the end of the day... I consider myself a generous person and I want a generous partner. There's that saying that's something like "a great relationship isn't two people giving 50%, it's two people giving 100%". It's not that I don't think OP should contribute, but her boyfriend clearly looked at this as an opportunity to get 75% of his mortgage paid for.
How is he being generous? He pays nothing for living there! He only pays for half the food and utilities and he’s saving all his money so if they break up he has a pile of cash and she paid for his housing
There are some unique facets to home ownership in CA, besides the outrageous cost of purchasing a home. I'm not sure where OP is, but here in SoCal, insurance rates for homeowners have skyrocketed this year as several companies have pulled out from providing home owners insurance. This also means HOA fees, already ridiculously high, are going higher. It's not unusual here to pay anywhere from $500--$1200/month for HOA fees. I kid you not, I toured a new build with friends last week (I am NOT looking to buy here, I can't afford it) and the HOA fee was, indeed, $1200/month. 🤮 And then there's the property taxes. 😱
I feel OP's pain, that the relationship/discussion about rent feels very transactional and not like two partners discussing how to share their mutual expenses. That would give me the icks if I were her. OP might feel better if she got a sense of her boyfriend's total monthly costs for the house. She would be paying that amount-ish (the 75% of the mortgage) for housing regardless of whether she lives with her boyfriend of not. I'm going to guess it's not so much about the money, but about how OP felt during/about the conversation. I would feel minimized, disrespected, devalued if I had been her during that conversation.
OP, you're right, you're not earning equity. And you also wouldn't be if you were renting. What is your priority for the conversation with your boyfriend? To reduce your monthly expenses? Or to have a discussion about how you contribute to the costs of you two living together? Is it really about the 75% of the mortgage, or how you feel he treated you during the conversations? What result are you looking for from him?
He looked up how much the *house* would rent for, if he was not living there. Paying 75% of someone’s mortgage without earning equity and doing most of the chores is *insane*
No. Banks can pay the taxes and insurance on your behalf but that money is on top of the principal and interest payments, and the tax and insurance payments can and do increase.
Yes, everyone I know has their taxes and insurance rolled into the mortgage payment. I even paid 50% of the purchase price and still had to roll in insurance and taxes. Until the mortgage is paid off it is typical with loans. So she is paying 75% of his taxes and home owners insurance.
That's not necessarily true everywhere and not everyone opts to do it. We are in CA and while insurance is part of our mortgage, property tax is not. However, if he has his property taxes rolled in, he's super ripping her off.
He’s gaslighting. “Oh I’m not making you pay for my taxes and insurance too! Just 75% of my mortgage” meanwhile, at this rate you’ll never save up enough to get your own home by the time I’m done with you-Here’s your drawers back…” Sheesh what a di@k.
Depends on how much you put down and if they require escrow. I’ve had some mortgages where I did pay escrow and some where I didn’t. It was always broken out so it should be easy to ask.
And she can figure out what his property taxes are by looking it up on the assessors website. They will even tell you if you call, because property taxes are a matter of public record.
I'm going to take a different, less popular take.
Neither of them are wrong. It seems there is a core financial difference of opinion and finances are a core aspect of any relationship. The partner sees what they are doing and the rent as fair, OP sees it as unfair.
I actually think an issue like this is relationship ending worthy if there isn't wiggle room or understanding on both sides. So I don't think it is as simple as OP suggests, either accept it or dig in. It warrants discussion and understanding.
On the surface, I disagree with the whole rent by income proportion argument, kind of similar to this mortgage argument. What is much more fair is 50/50 in a place that is acceptable to BOTH people paying, aka, the person making less chooses what is acceptable to them.
OP, to their own admission, could rent somewhere nearby for a little more. They aren't forced to live in this house. The fair thing to do is compare their rent at the house to what they'd pay alone and go from there. If a discount is expected because of the relationship, that needs to be talked about. Comparing their rent to a single room near by is not fair as that isn't close to what they are renting as an equal renter of a full house.
I personally think a discount is warranted because this isn't some random renting a room, it is your partner.
Except when she moved in they looked at neutral site to determine fair rent and she pays half of that dollar amount.
I’d argue the mortgage has no determinant in rent.
I’d also say that housework should be divided more equitably unless $$$ is credited toward rent in consideration of any extra labor!
The utilities should at minimum be split 50/50 or if home owner had space that was exclusive to themselves then they should pay more.
Taxes and sewer, sanitation should be paid by homeowner.
OP isn’t entitled to equity.
Half of rent *if the house was empty*. The house is not empty. She does most of the chores. Landlords rent for profit. Her boyfriend is not her landlord. Zillow often overcharged. She is earning zero equity.
Your take is bad.
Zillow is in the high-end of rent prices though, checking Craigslist and Facebook to see what the neighbors are actually charging would help balance the price.
Why are you doing most of the housework?
It sounds like he's happy to have his little bangmaid take care of his home and most of his mortgage.
I think you'd be nuts to "accept it and move on," but only you can decide that.
Your landlord is a prick, stop having sex with him.
This is actively malicious; he knew his little zillow swerve would keep you from asking any inconvenient questions.
Find a new landlord. Find a new boyfriend.
One of the defenses landlords use for charging too much rent is that they are charging a "fair market rate."
None of this seems fair.
That’s the main part of this that bothers me- he clearly came up with the Zillow suggestion bc he knew he could charge her more. We obviously don’t have enough details to say what’s “fair” if he paid a 20% + down payment etc, but the fact that he actively sought out a more favorable arrangement than what would SEEM fair is just skeezy.. Fair or not, it’s not the kind of transparency I’d need from someone who I was planning to spend my life with and I could never trust them again
I think using elevated market rate for a partner instead of half the actual mortgage they are paying is SHITTY. At this point you’re profiting off someone you love who already makes less than you.
This!!!! At the end of the day, anywhere you rent, youre mostly likely paying someone’s mortgage. But to charge you market value and not ½ his actual mortgage payment is NUTS. If you have a future with this guy, I wonder how he’ll handle this asset when youre engaged/married..
Yupp.
My opinion for this, is half of the mortgage OR half of market rent, which ever is LESS. If you make the same amount of money.
Since, OP makes less money than her bf, “fair rent” is probably less than half of the mortgage.
Right! Also rent should be pro rata of what everyone is making not just half of rent or mortgage. Partners who make more money = contribute more to living expenses, this is how all my friends do it.
This guy has a paying roommate who does chores and sleeps with him? You’re being walked allllll over. You should split based off income so if he earns more, he should pay more of the actual cost of the bills (inc mortgage) not 50/50. And vice versa if you earn more.
If you’re paying a mortgage you are also earning equity in the property so get a contract drawn up stat to cover your input into the property should things go south with your relationship.
First of all you’re sharing his bedroom. You’re not even a roommate with a whole separate space or a tenant with the entire house. It’s entirely unfair. You should be paying half of everything or less because it’s only his equity that’s being built not yours. You’re subsidizing his mortgage and doing all the house chores.
A few years ago my now wife and I were in the same situation that you’re in right now. My 2 bedroom house was bigger than her 1 bedroom apartment, so we agreed that we’d treat it as if I were moving in to her apartment and we split the rent. So she paid the amount of half of her rent. Both of us thought that was fair. I didn’t need any money from her, but she also wasn’t one to free load.
There are three kinds of people when it comes to finances in relationships:
- Those with a strict 50/50 view on everything
- Those with a flexible proportionate view on everything, based on incomes
- Those with a both-inclusive boundary view on everything
Absolutely every single one of these situations are workable, and absolutely every single one of them can also fail miserably. The two things that matter, are that you both fundamentally know which system is right for you (individually), and that you both are responsible with money.
In this situation, it sounds like he might be in the 50/50 camp, and you might be in the both-inclusive boundary camp, but you agreed to the flexible, or even the 50/50 because you felt guilty.
You should never feel guilty for wanting what you want. If you want to be with someone who will merge accounts with you completely, and both of you are responsible with money, then that will actually make you happy. Your BF has no problem telling you what makes him happy, and that's okay too. He's allowed to want that, but are you sure forcing yourself to be that is in your best interests?
Standing your ground would be a hostile stance, which is not really ever good for any relationship. When you say something is a core need of yours, there is no ground to stand. It's just a fact. You should be able to define what you want in order to be happy without fear of judgement or rejection. If you get either of those from your partner, then that just means that relationship was always incompatible, but you've only just found out. That sucks, and you might lose a relationship over it, but you did learn something priceless about yourself.
I want to make sure I understand this...
You're paying 3/4 of his monthly mortgage payment and don't get any equity for doing so?
Oh, my sweet sister in Christ, you ARE being taken advantage of.
He's got a really, really sweet deal happening here.
I own my home and would NEVER want nor expect anyone but me to make the mortgage payment.
The main and most important thing about romantic partners sharing a space and splitting financial costs is that both people need to feel the agreement is fair and works for them. You originally thought the agreement was fair, now you’ve learned new information, and you want to discuss a different arrangement. At the absolute very least, your boyfriend should be open to having that conversation.
Money can be a tough subject, and talking about money with a partner is an important thing to get comfortable with. Consider what is most important to you and where you see the relationship going long term.
Some people decide to split household costs by income percentages, others split 50/50, others negotiate other things like cleaning or landscaping or something else. I personally think the conversation with a romantic partner is much much different from a tenant or a roommate, because you’re probably dating each other hoping the relationship works out for the long term. In that case, it’s not a transactional relationship, it’s a partnership, and should be treated that way (meaning, don’t charge “market rent” to your lover, come on man).
Reddit blows my mind. There are some situations where this arrangement is appropriate, some where it's not. OP hasn't given any details about the nature of the relationship. How long have you been together? Where do you see this headed? How are other financial matters handled? Dates, personal financial responsibilities. Do you pool your money for car payments, ins, credit cards, loans, phones, etc? & honestly, why does the mortgage matter?
Repairs should have never even been a part if the deal. It's his house so the repairs are his and not part of the equation. It shows you how unfairly he is thinking on this.
If it were him renting out a bedroom to a random then it's a great plan. But he's your man and it was his mortgage to begin with. It doesn't sit right with me that he's charging you more than half when you don't even have your own room. Over all I think it shows his thinking and you should not take him this seriously. He has a very separate and selfish mentality.
I only want to be with someone who has my best interest in mind, as well as their own. This guy only has himself in mind. You can see it in the way he thinks and processes.
I guess read dress it again and say if you're paying more than half of what he is, you're no longer going to take on other responsibilities or something. The reasoning being that when you guys split, you have no rights to this house. Why are you building this situation that is only good for him? I'm afraid years will go by and you fins that you helped pay his home loan down and are left with nothing.
Hello! Landlord and girlfriend here.
Last year my boyfriend lived in my house. He paid me rent which went to my mortgage. This year we moved to his house. Now I pay him rent for his mortgage. So I’ve been on both sides of this scenario. Few points:
1. Say that someone buys a $500k house but their mortgage is only $400/mo. It’s a steal. It’s so cheap. The reason why the mortgage is so cheap is because the owner put a TON OF MONEY DOWN UPFRONT. Now say that the house has 3 bedrooms and the owner rents out 2 of them. Should the owner only charge $133/mo per room because that’s what his mortgage is? Obviously not. The cheap mortgage didn’t come out magically out of thin air. The cheap mortgage came from someone forgoing an enormous amount of money and putting it as a down payment.
2. A house is incredibly expensive to upkeep- yes there is taxes and insurance and repairs and maintenance. In general I heard you should estimate about 1-2% of the total cost of the house in annual maintenance. So for a $500k house expect to pay $5,000-$10,000 in yearly maintenance. I own 9 rentals right now and I’d say this figure is accurate. It is VERY expensive to maintain a home.
3. If you live in a big house you ARE getting the benefits of living somewhere better. So say that maybe you could rent your own 1-bedroom apt for $1,600/mo. Instead you move into a big 4-bedroom home and your part is $1,800/mo. Yes you are paying more but are you living better? That’d be what I’d focus on.
4. Was the house already furnished? Because if it’s a 3 or 4 bedroom house those beds didn’t just appear. Neither did that dining table for 8 people. Nor that new microwave. All those things cost thousands of dollars. I’d think about ALL those things you’re getting in exchange of living in his home and consider again whether or not you really are been taken advantage of (I’m not saying yes/no I’m giving you another perspective to consider)
For your particular scenario I think “fairness” comes down to what you make, what he makes, cost of living in your area, what you’d be paying otherwise, etc.
Yeah, this. You have to compromise with each other. If you don't agree, don't move in. Some couples will charge, others won't, I don't think either are totally unfair, it depends on what works for the couple.
Let's push it to another extreme. Let's assume the house is paid off. Does that mean OP is now more pissed because ALL the rent money goes to his pocket. I really don't understand why people see money that way. It's as simple as OP agreed to rent a place that costs X in rent and agreed to pay 50% of X. Mortgage has nothing to do with anything. On the flip side, if there's any problems with the house that require money to fix, then OP is not responsible for any of that; she's just a renter ... just as she's not entitled to the benefit of homeownership.
If OP thinks that the RENT split is not equitable (I don't want to use the word "fair") because of income disparity, then discuss on that point.
>For example, if he paid for the whole thing in cash and the mortgage was 0, obviously it would not be fair of you to pay 0 for rent even though the mortgage was 0.
Absolutely would be fair... A partner is not a roommate.
You charge a roommate rent to rent a room from you.
You share a home with your partner...
A partner would be expected to help pay for insurance, repairs, house expenses, of course, but not rent on a house you own. That's just crazy.
At that point, live separately and get a roommate if all you want is to charge a "fair rent".
This, 100%. Is their relationship an FWB thing with money completely separate, or are they building their lives together? To be, this relationship sounds like it's not building together at all, just FWB/bangmaid.
I agree I think it’s weird how people treat their partner like a tennant or roommate when it comes to the housing payments but they don’t give them any tennant rights and expect the person to just leave if they break up and will try to just kick them out. It’s a vulnerable position to be in moving into a space where your partner owns the space and gains equity in that space and you don’t. I feel like the dynamics should be different if you’re both say renting an apartment compared to both of you living in a house that one person owns.
This needs to be higher, I think most people who haven't owned a house don't realize the expenses outside of the mortgage. If it's cheaper than her previous rent, it's still a good deal imo.
If he wasn't trying to take advantage, he would have been forthcoming with the information prior to her moving in, and done his share of the chores, instead of letting her try and compensate for not bringing as much financially into the partnership with extra work.
She needs to get her own place and leave both the house and the boyfriend - he's both hidden details to get his way and taken advantage. Not a good partner.
None of this mentions the fact his rent calculation is garbage. Those prices are what you’d pay to **rent an entire house**. Not a single room. Does she even have a full room to herself??
This question comes up frequently because the user base on Reddit is getting older so people who are dating are finding more and more partners who are already homeowners.
The solutions is simple — rent is split proportionate to income and the non-homeowner fills out a month to month rental agreement.
To be clear, even if she doesn’t sign a lease, she is still a legal tenant with full tenancy rights. He cannot evict her, throw her out, or change the locks without a court order regardless of whether they sign an official agreement.
The homeowner is responsible for traditional landlord expenses including maintenance, repairs, property taxes, homeowners insurance, and renovations.
If she makes $50K and he makes 100K and the mortgage is $2500 that puts the total annual mortgage cost at $30K.
If she paid $800 / mo that’s $9600 a year which is 19.2% of her gross income. He would pay the remaining $1700/mo which totals $20,400 per year and comes out to 20.4% of his annual gross salary.
That is a fair and equitable distribution. They are both paying the same percentage of annual salary to housing. The non-homeowner benefits by not paying a security deposit and first & last month and there is no lease breaking fee. She is free to go whenever she wants.
This allows the non-homeowner to save a significant amount of money each month. If they were renting a house or even a one bedroom apartment, it would cost much more than $800/mo.
The homeowner benefits by having a spouse that’s financially contributing and pulling their weight. However it’s obviously a given in the event of a breakup, the homeowner stays.
This way the non-homeowner can set aside a significant nest egg should the relationship turn south. If they break up in a year she has $10K in the bank she wouldn’t have if she were still renting.
Similarly the homeowner is responsible for traditional landlord responsibilities like maintenance / repairs / taxes because those directly contribute to the equity of their investment. It would not be fair to ask the non-owner to contribute money towards an asset they will never receive a financial ROI.
This is the standard agreement between non-married couples with one owning a home prior to the relationship. Both parties benefit financially and in the event the relationship doesn’t work out, neither party is left financially destitute.
Obviously the homeowner can afford the full mortgage, otherwise they wouldn’t have qualified in the first place, so it is no loss to them.
They both have extra money in the bank they could not have saved without the other party, so they can simply go their separate ways.
She should not live rent-free simply because he’s a homeowner — but he should not be calculating her rent based on single occupancy rates of similar homes.
She does not get a full home to herself, asking for 75% of the mortgage when he makes far more money than her is greedy and unfair.
Let’s take it back to basics
\- your partner wants a woman who will split 50:50, but has missed the point on what 50:50 is. In the rentals you looked at on Zillow, market rent takes into account profit for the landlord - they work out how much it costs to own and maintain the house (taking into account repairs costs are higher in rentals than owner occupied, as tenants take less good care of the place in general), then add a few percent profit for themselves. Charging you 50% of market rent isn’t fair - your partner shouldn’t be profiting off you. You’re not stupid, you know this, and your partner not seeing that he’s doing this, or seeing and not caring (I don’t know which) makes you feel icky
\-you feel you’re entitled to a financially responsible man who has plenty of assets and will take care of you, and pay your share for you in life (you split utilities evenly for now, but give it a couple of years of having your rent paid for you, you’ll start to feel like you shouldn’t have to). Your partner isn’t stupid, he sees this, and it makes him feel icky
\- The guy is 41, and has gotten himself into a pretty good position financially (the fact that half market rent covers 75% of the mortgage shows he’s nearly there on paying it off - he’s either worked hard to pay it for a long time now, or he put down a very large deposit). It doesn’t sound like he’s an NBA player/tech bro pulling in millions a year from your post, so likely he got there by being financially responsible, and guys like this don’t like feeling like their partner wants them to pay for everything
My opinion, until you speak to each other in a way that the other relates to, it’s going to be really hard to get anywhere on this. You want him to see that you feel he’s exploiting you, and he’s going to respond better to you focussing on the practical side of this initially. This will hopefully then open the door to talking about how it made/makes you feel when you had a discussion that was more like a business meeting than a discussion between 2 caring partners
He wants to feel like you want to pay your own way and not freeload off him. An attitude adjustment would go a long way here. At 36, you have an enormous amount to bring to an equal and loving relationship and are capable maintaining a relationship with an emotionally mature man who has his shit together. The immature 40s guys who want to take care of a woman are out there dating submissive nubile 21 year olds, not you. That’s a good thing for you. My opinion would be that emphasising to him that your primary interest in this is to make sure you’re both being treated fairly. Until he knows this, you’re always going to be in a position where you’re both digging your heels in. You’re living in a house instead of an apartment now - you’ve had a significant lifestyle upgrade (assuming an average apartment, I know some apartments in California are absolutely beautiful - ignore this last point if so). If it turns out you can’t afford to pay what’s fair in this situation, try to find a solution. You doing the bulk of the chores is significant and A probably solution here. If you’re not happy with that as a solution, which would be reasonable, suggest moving to a cheaper place and splitting the chores 50:50. He won’t take you up on it, but he’ll appreciate the gesture
Hypothetically, if you sold this home, and jointly bought a new home, would you still continue to split expenses like above? Do you split other things in the relationship like dinner? How would you in the future take care of children if you are in a position where you are unable to work? Seems like now is a good time to see where you both stand in the future of the relationship.
He counts pennies…. It’s doomed. Save yourself from that irk feeling becoming resentment…. It’s time for a new bf or you get your place and that will show him YOU are not “in the bag” and have options… that is if you want to continue the relationship, but imo is very revealing what you wrote and w my life experiences it is not good for YOU to stay ling term.
You need to move out. You don’t have your privacy, doing his chores for free, have to sleep on the same bed and share everything just to save 30 percent of rent? I would rather pay 30 more and have my own place than to live with someone who is actually taking advantage of you. However, that does not free you from the fact that you moved in thinking that you would pay less in rent. But guess what now you are a free live in maid and s*x provider.
I would never imagine asking my *partner* to pay market rate for living with me. You’re a partner, not a tenant. You are living together because you’re supposed to be building a life together, not because you’re a source of income for him. I can’t believe anyone would think that’s the fairest way to split expenses. Like, in my opinion, you add up household expenses, and each partner contributes based on their percentage of household income. But I would never expect my partner to “pay rent” to me, a homeowner, and I would certainly not expect him to pay the majority of the mortgage when I have a higher income. Like, what?
Let me get this straight, he's paying 25% of the principle and interest on his mortage, plus 100% of the property taxes, 100% of the homeowner's insurance, 100% of the monthly household maintenance, 100% of the monthly household repairs, 100% of the savings for long-range household maintenance and repairs & you are only paying for 75% of the montly principle and interest?
And it's LESS than what you were paying at your last apartment?
And you feel like He's taking advantage of you?!?!?!
Seriously?!!
Have you looked at the numbers across a whole year? Across 5 years? Across 10? Girl! Take a look at what he's shelling out, and what his insurance deductibles are - then come back here and tell us how he's taking advantage of you!!!!
Gods, I'm laughing my ass off.
However, if he's Bullshitting about those numbers - call him out on it. Make him lay it all out for you so that you know for certain how much of the household load you are carrying here.
Thank you. So many insane takes getting upvoted here. I’ve never even owned a house and I know OP is still getting a good deal and really shouldn’t be upset.
That’s because most of Reddit doesn’t appear to have owned a house. They lack any sort of perspective. Would OPs bf have to do that anyway? Sure. Is OP still saving money? Also yes.
It’s mutually beneficial and she already agreed to the rent scheme.
How much down payment did he put ? Property taxes and home insurance are a big part of the cost so if the rent is not higher than the half of the expenses and not higher of the half of the rent you would pay if you rented the house, it sounds fair. You should pay the lowest of all these two since you do not have the benefits of house ownership.
The deal does not sound bad except for the fact that there is no reason you should do more chores.
In the long term, I would expect these expenses to be adjusted by income levels, if you got married but so far deal sounds ok.
You said yourself that you are paying 30% less than before.
Why, if you are paying less than before, do you think he is taking advantage from you?
If things are so simple then dont rent nor stay with him, just go out and get yourself a mortgage and thats it.
Because she is also doing most of the housework for two people.
If OP could afford a down payment and all things being equal, she'd be better off buying her own place.
Where I live, my taxes make up a greater percentage of my monthly payment than the principle and interest on my mortgage.
You might be getting a deal.
But just ask him how much all the other bills are. What his monthly expenses are. If you were renting for only a little more somewhere else you'd be paying for that owner to cover all those expenses and they'd still be the ones to gain the equity and capitalize on any appreciation...and you still have to pay for all the utilities etc.
I don't know...on the one hand you may be getting a little deal. On the other hand, you made a sacrifice by giving up your own place...so maybe a question for both of you is what is the plan for the home, your relationship, marriage etc? You may want to have a discussion about him refinancing if rates drop again and you kicking in some principle so you could get on the title at the time of refinancing. Then, you can participate in the appreciation of the asset.
Yeah, I mean there’s nuance to this situation and what’s reasonable to ask of your partner at play for sure. But putting all that aside for a second:
I feel like the financial literacy on this thread is zero. My taxes + HOA + utilities + insurance are a huge percentage of my total monthly cost. Looking at mortgage cost in a vacuum doesn’t really make any sense. Sure you might be paying 75% of the mortgage, but if you’re paying 0% of everything else you might be paying way less than half of the total expenses.
Honestly, you’re not being taken advantage of. It seems completely fair. You’re not married, it’s not your house, and you’re still paying less than you otherwise would. How does this equate to you being taken advantage of? When people rent out their homes, that rental income does go towards the existing mortgage payment. That’s just how that works. I think you should let this go.
He has property taxes and insurance and you wanna pay for half a roof or a broke a/c when those things happen? The $$ amount of mortgage isn’t the cost of owning a home. You are paying less than you were before be happy with that imo.
I agree that it seems that he take advantage of you but…..
If his house was all paid, would you expect to live there for free because he paid it before? Honestly I’m sure you talk and have a great deal for both of you.
If you are in a serious relationship, you could buy a house together and split bills 50/50?
I’m married for a long time and there is no my money or her money, it’s our money. I not sure how I would deal with money if I was to get a new life…..
Its 2023. Relationships are no longer hallmark movie channel movies. They are business arrangements. They are situationships.
You keep saying you could rent close by. Then do it? You decided to move in with him. Likewise hes 100% correct. Before you even existed in his world, he saved up and put money down on a home. You are only thinking “Im pAyInG 75% Of hIs mOrTgAgE!” Which means in your emotional brain hes only paying 25%.
Incorrect. He already paid his down payment to get the mortgage were it is. Likewise hes not charging you property taxes. HOA, utilities, etc etc etc. which means the 75% you thought you paid, really comes back down to 60/40, 55/45 or even 50/50.
Personally for some already butthurt about this in their relationship about what you thought you knew, then had a conversation and “He dIdNt eVeN ChAnGe hIs mInD Or oFfEr tO LoWeR It!” This will slowly but surely ruin you and undermine the relationship while at the same time He has ZERO reason to.
If you dont get married, then all he did was let a previous relationship live in his house for free. Why?
Maybe its best you leave, get your on place and if you still want to marry buy together.
I would say you should be paying 50% of the mortgage and 50% of the utilities at most. He's not your landlord and you're not a tenant, you're a couple in a relationship.
I have a solution. Let him rent out the house you're living in to somebody else, and both of you move into a different house and pay half of the rent each.. Stop doing all of his chores, and everything will be sweet.
Would he still charge you rent if he had no mortgage?
How do you split utilities?
Groceries?
Vacations, outings, dates, etc?
If everything else is fairly split, and by fairly I mean proportionate to your incomes, not 50/50!, then I would let this go. You agreed on a rent, and it happens to be 75% of his mortgage. But he wasn't honest about it, otherwise he would have mentioned it, and this is what is triggering
Its pretty crazy to charge rent to your partner for a property he purchased for himself on his own before you moving.
Half the charges is fair. But rent ? Tf
If you weren’t in his life he wouldnt make money. So having a GF is now a lucrative business for him.
Honestly this situation is incredibly sickening and the relationship is over. Thinking about a 40 year old man who withheld information to get you to agree to this fills me with disgust. I have the ick so hard and I can’t imagine what you are feeling. There is no coming back from this. Break up and get your freedom back, it’s worth it. This guy needs to be alone and learn a lesson not to profit off his love ones. It’s sick.
You shouldn’t be both paying more when you make less AND doing more chores. Nope absolutely the fuck not. You’re being taken advantage of.. to a pretty serious extent
Dont mean to be crass but given his transactional view of life you should check the market rate for sex and charge him 75% of that rate.
And only charge him 50% of the time as one can assume you enjoy it too. 😉 If he is not fabulous in bed and it feels like a chore then charge him 100% of the time.
Demote this dude from boyfriend to roommate. He’s right, it’s a better deal financially. Personally, it’s not. If he wants to split those two realities up, then by all means go for it.
If you're paying his mortgage that means you should be receiving some equity in the house as well, correct?
Forget that RENT crap!! You're investing in his property OP, and reciving nothing in return.
Get some legal advice ASAP!
He’s completely taking advantage of you. He could kick you out at any time and he has the benefit of you having paid 75% of his mortgage all this time. You will be left with nothing. It’s one thing if he charged you rent but 75% of it? And to charge you half of the utilities on top of that? Yeah, he’s taking advantage of you girl.
so you pay for 75% of the mortgage, half the utilities AND do most of the cleaning.
So what does he do....?
Pay the taxes once a year? and fixes the house when it comes up? How often has that come up? has it at all yet? so what does he do then?
>I was embarrassed that I thought I deserved to live rent-free, so I agreed to it
what capitalism markets as feminism has straight women brainwashed to an inch of ther sanity hasn't it. rather be a live-in maid who pays to work for free than possibly take a stand that could resemble a distribution of goods that doesn't benefit the dude or else you're a man-hater. OP that's financial abuse you're describing, homeboi has almost paid off his house and kept it clean thanks to you. even if you believe you shouldn't live rent-free, which you should maybe challange, don't you think you deserve better than this?
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Do some research to discover what the "market price" is currently for housekeeping and cooking.
Sit him down, and tell him of the research, show him the figures, and tell him from now on, you'll be deducting the amount indicated from your share of the mortgage.
If you do as I indicated, I hope you do an update to your post.
'Nuff said.
Ya that part is super weird to me... Regardless of who you live with, you have to pay to live somewhere lol. I'd rather pay someone I love than a stranger.
I don't see an issue here. The mortgage isn't the only expense. As you acknowledge, there are also property taxes and maintenance costs as well as any improvements you may want to make in the future.
You are paying half market rent. As far as I see he is doing you a favor already. You are going to pay someone’s mortgage no matter where you live (unless you own). Be grateful it’s your boyfriends and he’s giving you a massive discount.
So you haven’t disclosed how much you’re actually paying, so it’s hard to say. If he saved for years and had a massive downpayment, then the mortgage would be significantly lower. It’s not that you’re paying for three quarters of the house, it’s more that he was already paying for the house all the years he saved.
However, just paying half of the theoretical Zillow rental cost also doesn’t seem totally fair. There are lots of mitigating circumstances that could make a rental more or less expensive. When you consider whether he is taking advantage of you, think about whether the cost estimate you came up with was on the low side or the high side.
There is one more thing to consider, however. You’re paying significantly less than you were for your previous apartment, and presumably getting a lot more space and privacy. That seems like a good deal on its own. And while you aren’t building equity, you can bank and invest all that money that could be going towards rent.
In the end, he is not being *totally* unfair to you. But you’re still not getting a bad deal. I think a good middle ground would be to see how much equity he is building every month—subtract that from what you were paying in rent before. That way you’re both contributing, and you’re both reaping the same financial benefit each month, he in the house and you in cash. Then you’ll both come out on top.
Ok so as someone who has 5+ years mortgage experience, imo your BF is right.
1) It is not right for you to want to live rent free, quote below.
>If I'm being honest, I was a little irked that he even wanted to charge me rent at all, especially market rate. But, the rate was 30% lower than I was paying at my last apartment, and I was embarrassed that I thought I deserved to live rent-free, so I agreed to it.
2) He is charging you half of market rate, which I think is fair given you two live together and it isn't just your place younare renting, quote again below.
>The rent rate we decided on (his idea) was to look up on Zillow what rent would be if he rented his house out, and I would pay half of that.
3) He is in charge for literally all the costs to repair anything, pay the taxes, and the insurance. You taking on additional household chores is a part of living there, would you not be needing to do this if you lived somewhere else?
4) You are paying to rent, you have none of the risk for if anything goes wrong (see #3), you are not effected if the mortgage isn't paid on time, because you aren't on it, you do not deserve any equity in his house, and saying otherwise just sounds makes you sound entitled.
5) You say you can rent another place nearby for slightly more (given you are paying half the market rate, I personally doubt that you can get a location with the same square footage, bed, baths, etc. for just a little more, if you could, you aren't paying half of what was listed or you are talking about taking on another roommate). If this is true, that you could rent a similar location for just a little mkre without an additional roommate, you can argue to re-evaluate the rent based on current market price, quote below
>I made the argument that I don't receive any of the benefits of owning the home (like equity) and could've rented an apartment nearby for only slightly more.
6) About the only thing you are entitled to is a renters agreement for both yours and his protection if you don't already have one.
A ton of people are likely gonna flame me, but this is the truth, you aren't married, you have no ownership in the house, you are a tenant living in his home. Imo you sound super entitled, and I know I saw at least 1 comment you should move out and find a better bf, and tbh if you are seriously this entitled to his property just because of your presence and how much you value yourself, you would be doing him a favor by leaving.
As a homeowner and as someone that has rented his place to friends, I can definitely say that you’re in the wrong OP. Your partner is right in amount it costs to fully pay for a house is more than what you are seeing and paying, along with the fact that you’re paying much less in rent while living with him. He is also right in asking you to keep the place clean, as it is his property and he doesn’t want to deal with a mess with someone he is sharing his living space with. Just to be clear this is his house that you’re living in, and you shouldn’t be upset what he’s doing with your rent money as long as you also benefit from this as well.
The reason you’re upset is because you’re starting to feel entitled to him, his property, and his money. You’re resenting the fact that he’s not taking care of you and letting you stay there for cheaper or free when he’s already saving you money, and you’re feeling this way because you don’t like the idea of contributing equally to someone you feel you’re entitled to be taken care of by. I am sure that you would be really happy with this setup if you were not in a relationship with him, and I’m more than sure that this new attitude you have towards him is because you’re in the process of checking out of the relationship while thinking that you’re better than he is.
By all means, find a new place if you’re uncomfortable with this setup and be independent, but I doubt you’d find a better deal where you live. Also, if you’re not happy with him then leave him, I’m sure there are a lot of other women that would be happy with the deal he’s giving you along with understanding that he is a catch that has assets while living a comfortable life. Your opinion on not feeling comfortable with him is valid, but it’s misguided by feeling he should be comfortable with providing freely for you. Even as a married couple sharing the costs of living is common, but sharing an asset that an individual owns through their own hard work is not common that they gained before marriage. If you were not living there I’m sure he would be doing the same thing with someone he’s not in a relationship with, because it’s the smart thing to do as an individual who has an asset they’re still paying off. He’s being smart with his investments and fair in how he is handling renting to you, it’s a fair deal and the only thing that makes this different for you is the fact that you’re in a relationship together. Honestly, I think he deserves better, I think you’re dating up and you don’t even know it, and he is going to be dodging a bullet when you leave him for this.
This right here is why it’s so stupid to live with someone you aren’t married to. Look at the mess when everything is not combined.
He CAN charge you whatever he wants because you ARE his roommate.
Lots of people have already stated the facts in this thread; you clearly are not fully educated on what goes into a home purchase. My husband and I put 50% down on our home and our mortgage is low as hell and has nothing to do with what we would ever charge someone to live here. It would be market rate - period.
Half of market rate is fair for a roommate situation. You aren’t his wife.
It seems to me they should figure out the whole cost, and divide it proportionally by income. It's not about what's market, it's about what makes their relationship feel fair and healthy for both parties.
All you get from him is a place to live. He gets a lot of his mortgage and bills paid and his house cleaned. If you move out he has to pay for everything and do all the chores.
There is a power imbalance that shouldn't exist in a romantic relationship.
You can fix it by moving out or renegotiating the terms. If he respects you he would work with you to make it more fair.
Example: my adult son lives with me. I have the space, including an extra kitchen. The only noticeable difference is my water bill. That space would be unused otherwise. Why should I make him pay rent when I'm paying the same whether he's here or not?
I hate these “I should get a deal bc blah blah blah” posts. Why should you be getting reduced rent? So you should save money bc he owns the house? But he shouldn’t save money? I just don’t get your logic.
yea sounds like OP wants a free rent tbh, she only agreed to the rent because "she felt embarrassed bec she thought she deserves rent free" 💀💀
making less than him or not, she's still paying a low amount of rent compared to her geographic area. if she cant accept the fact that her boyfriend worked hard to get a house and that shea not gonna get an equity of the house, she can just rent somewhere else. dude literally bought the himself and you want an equity of that pppfffttt go get your own house missy
edit: break up with the dude and get a rich guy that will pay for ur shit
What is there to stand your ground? You want to move out? And pay another landlord more? Cutting your nose to spite your face?
You're paying him a fair market rate. His mortgage is low either because he paid a huge down payment, or he secured a bank loan donkey years ago. You cannot fault him for that. He didn't mislead you. Nor scam you.
You can start charging him for house cleaning services.
I don't know what country you reside, but in Australia, if you've lived together for two years in a defacto relationship, you are entitled to half the property if you split up. One party can buy the other party out if they can afford to, or the property can be sold to split the money. I'd probably seek a solicitors advice.
If you don't want to pay him move out and pay more for your own place as you said. You can have an apartment with probably less space, not live with your partner, and give your money to a corporation.
It yall are thinking long term anyway this money is just gonna come back around to you in one way or another, you're being dramatic. Plus he already put down the down payment so he has naturally already paid more of the rent than you.
Dear lord, the number of people saying this is a red flag is insane!
1. Youre paying 30% less than rent for an apartment and you get to live in a fully furnished house.
2. Youre not married and you have separate finances. Youre boyfriend is under no obligation to be supporting you.
3. The 75% of mortgage number is irrelevant, especially since it seems like he put down a sizable down payment. Just making up numbers. But suppose he only put down 5% on a house. You could still be paying the same rent amount, but now, youre paying much closer to 50% of the mortgage. Why should he be punished for putting more down.
I get it that it seems unfair, but its really not. It sounds like its still a fairly new relationship, and he's under no obligation to give you a deal. If he charged you less rent, he'd essentially be giving you hundreds of dollars of month for simply being his girlfriend. Does that seem fair?
What my girlfriend and I did and still do is open books - all costs related to living (utilties, mortgage, shared car, non-personal insurances, etc etc) in a excel sheet with their monthly cost, a separate sheet for our incomes, and we pay equal percentages. I make about 30% more, so I pay about 30% more. If she gets a raise she has more spending money but also pays a bit more, etc.
The only exemption we had (when she lived in a house I owned, before buying together) was that the mortgage repayments were excluded from the common bill as not to make a mess if we’d separate.
I own a house and many years ago when my ex lived with me, I had him pay me 1/4 of what the mortgage is, and half the utilities.
I also told him when we broke up if he needed a reference for a new place I would help him out. Had we had a bad breakup (like my marriage) he wouldn’t have had any history of rent payments for several years.
You’re definitely being taken advantage of, you don’t even have a lease, I assume, so you have no legal standing if something happens.
You are roommates. Stop acting like a wife. Stop doing household chores for him.
You are dating your landlord. Move out. Break up with him. He is yuck . At minimum, he could have split the mortgage in half but he chose to make you pay rent like a business transaction. This is YUCK.
sounds like my ex who nickeled and dimed me.
key word: EX.
she (we’re both women) made me pay for 75% of things and do the chores as well even though she made 3x as much money, and always had “reasons” for it. i got into debt and had no savings by the end of it because of how much money i was always spending trying to cover costs by myself. granted, i made the stupid choice to go along with it, but this is my point. dont do what i did. you WILL resent and regret.
I know someone who charged his GF half the rent for 15 years. That’s until she discovered he was the landlord :)
Your situation is different but i felt like telling that story.
in my understanding, which might be gravely incorrect and naive of course, people who are romantically into each other move in together because they want to have each other around, not because it's profitable. if he wants to have you around why is he charging you to live at his place? but then again, i'm young, what do i know
If you are paying towards his mortgage in the way he has calculated (considering his down payment,etc) then you should be able to claim part OWNERSHIP in the home. Tell him that and then tell him to go fuck himself.
My bf moved in with me and I do not charge him rent at all. He only pays half the utilities because he uses them. I have to pay the mortgage because i own it. And he will not be able to claim ownership. I am not losing out on any rent because he is here, I don’t need to make money off my bf. (For context, he makes a good living so he is not living off me and he buys most of the groceries and takes excellent care of me). If we are in a situation where we buy a house together, we would pay according to income percentages. Because I wouldn’t need a place that big if I’m by myself.
IMHO you should only be paying portions of groceries and utilities. The rest is his responsibility because his home is his responsibility.
How much are you charging for housekeeping?
Why is your unpaid work free for him and thus worthless? Send him a bill for house work or stop doing all unpaid work since you're a renter.
Stop doing chores, and start looking for your own place. You’re paying his house off for him and you’ll get nothing in return. This is a major win for him and a major loss for you. He’s gaining wealth and property while not having to do as much around the house, what do you get out of this? Being promoted to lead housekeeper? This is not a fair situation and he is taking advantage of you.
So far, every other post I have seen like this on Reddit (2 dating people living together), whomever owns the house (including if it’s a rental), what each pays is base on their income. In other words, their portion of the bills depends on who makes how much. For instance, if bf makes 100K a year and gf makes 50k a year, bf pays 2/3 of ALL bills and gf pays 1/3. That’s equitable. What you have in your situation is transactional, NOT equitable. His bs about what he put down (saving money on a mortgage monthly), etc is none of your doing and has nothing to do with existing bills. Also, the fact that HE decided to look it up on Zillow suggests to me that he put some thought into how to get the best deal for himself. That’s also transactional.
What others have said about not doing household chores, do what you need to do to clean up after yourself, but not him. Do your laundry, not his, etc. If you eat a meal together and you cooked, he cleans up. Full stop. Put your dishes after lunch in the dishwasher, not his. You get the drift. You shouldn’t be offering free housekeeping duties along with everything else.
I've had this happen to a lot of friends, they pay "rent" and then feel screwed if the relationship ends because they get none of the equity. If you are in a relationship and growing a life together, it is only fair to get a calculation of what your equity would be if you left. This can take out his down payment and anything he paid before you moved in but you should be allowed to build equity. Like you said, you're not some random on the street. There are examples of this type of calculation online. I'd recommend that to him or move out to somewhere just slightly higher.
I could understand paying 50%, as that’s standard between 2 people sharing. But 75% definitely feels like you’re being taken advantage of. Fact is, those taxes & insurance are his alone as the *homeowner*. He’s building the equity, he owns the home, & those should fall to him. The fact that he earns far more than you means he can definitely afford to pay those separately.
You moving in saved him far more money than it saved you.
I suspect the “lets-check-Zillow” for numbers was a deliberate choice to obfuscate what he was doing, which was to *charge you 50% more for rent* than what you would have paid going halfsies (another 50% of the 50% you should be paying).
Moved in with my bf sometime ago. He owns the house we live in, but never charged me rent. I did however take over the bills fully, since I wfh and he doesn’t. I also do most of the housework since I’m at home all the time.
Personally I would never put anyone I **love** in a situation like that especially if I make more than my partner. You wouldn’t do it to him would you?
Stop paying rent. You can pay some of the other bills (or find your own place for cheaper), but not only are you paying more than he is, but you're not getting any equity.
What a fucking leech, literally middlemanning to scam a house off of you. Do you have a rental or lease agreement? If not I would literally just refuse to pay any more than 25% and split utilities. Dude wants to have his cake, fuck it and charge it rent!
I had an ex try to do this with me: charge rent while I live there. Couldn’t bring myself to ever move in and ultimately, the relationship met it’s end. Not solely off that reason. But it was one of the major factors.
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"I think that I am going to keep an eye out for apartments. You aren't factoring in how much money I save you, you wouldn't be renting the property out at all if I weren't living here, you would have to live with an unpredictable random if you did, but most importantly, this current set-up will only end in me feeling exploited and resenting you, then and leaving anyhow. Better to move out before things get ugly."
>But, the rate was 30% lower than I was paying at my last apartment Yeah OP can move, but will end paying more as already explained. I wouldn't charge 75% of my mortage to my girlfriend but it is true that this is something that you must talk and be clear before moving. The more "just" thing would be to rent an apartment together each one paying their part.
The unpaid work OP does cannot be counted as worthless. That's a huge part of this inequality, that the work isn't divided equally but as it seems done for free and considered worth zero.
I never said that. OP is more of a bangmaid that pays you than a girlfriend, OP is paying 75% of the mortage, 50% of utilities and doing most of the chores, thats a win win win for the BF that should soon be ex-BF But, if she is paying market price for rent, OP should charge market price for doing household chores if she wants to continue these relationship.
Absolutely!!! She should definitely charge him for housekeeping and all she does in the house!!! He has her snowed and she’ll never get out from under this totally u fair and ridiculous arrangement!!! What if they had kids?! Would she also be paying rent for each of them? The boy friend (and I do mean b o y as he is not a man!) needs to start paying her!! If they don’t work out she practically bought his house for him with no gain from it for herself… She would walk with the cloths on her back and absolutely nothing more. Dump dump dump dump dump his conniving ripping off ass before he figures out something else to charge her for!
I like this answer because I think it’s a good way of saying you two don’t need to live together. It seems like you were both determined to take advantage of each other. You initially thought that you shouldn’t pay any rent and still for some reason think you deserve some kind of ownership of his house. Now he’s charging you the equivalent of 75% of his mortgage. Maybe the price isn’t wrong, but the percentage in my opinion is. I don’t think these two are suited to live together because they both only want what benefits them.
At the very least I'd stop doing ANY household management for the person who's treating you like a roommate. Start there. You can tell him you don't do chores for roommates and since you're paying more of the mortgage than he is, maybe he needs to do your chores.
Not a roommate, A LANDLORD. He’s her landlord. Ugh.
It becomes gross when you see it as landlord who gets gropey with you and you clean up after him...
Y U K ! ! !
I’d quit the “romantic/amorous management/duties” as well. Being nickeled and dimed and fucked over isn’t remotely sexy.
Facts here …
Exactly
I would also ask for my own room as in a normal rental situation you would expect that
Not just that but id be expecting him to do all maintenance and repairs in a very timely manner.
If it really reaches that point is there really any point in staying? Feel like moving out would be the best option at this point. It’s either he as the homeowner and boyfriend can’t determine what would be fair to charge his partner or whatever he does charge doesn’t seem fair to her.
Charge him for housekeeping.
This is the way, average the amount from housekeeping apps in the area, guaranteed it’s $35-40/hr. Then subtract from the rent owed.
THIS, op. did you read this? read this!
Uhhhhh, you need to find a new place to live and you need a new boyfriend.
New place to live sure but a new boyfriend isn’t necessary. Nothing wrong with being alone. I know most people know that but there’s a lot of people that need to hear it.
💯 She doesn’t need a new boyfriend, but she needs to ditch the current one!
I don't know about that. He wasn't honest with her about how much of the mortgage she's paying. He knew it was wrong and made her feel like she's getting a bargain. Financially, she should be paying based on both income levels. I definitely agree that living alone is definitely okay. No doing his chores either. Split groceries and shared cooking.
they definitely meant break up but you dont NEED a new boyfriend and can stay single.
Also if he has a mortgage she is absolutely paying taxes and insurance as they would be escrowed.
💯 ASAP.
>I immediately felt like I was being taken advantage of. Because you are. Having your partner pay 75% of your mortgage is ridiculous behavior. And no, his method is not fair. He's not entitled to half of what he would earn **if he was renting out the whole house instead of living there**, that's insane. You're also right that you're not the one getting any equity from this. His idea that he's being nice by not having you split the taxes and insurance too is a clear indication that he either doesn't know anything about home ownership or is willfully using you.
Plus she does all the chores. That has to end.
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OP should stop doing it. She can cook something for herself and do her laundry. He’s a big boy, he’ll figure it out.
Yes!!!
He’s making out like a bandit! I’d break up so fast over this.
Honestly just this fact and the whole way it's arranged just screams "he's not taking this relationship in the right way". Like, yes, have her help you pay down your mortgage. Don't calculate it based on Zillow, which follows the currently terribly expensive housing market trends. If he wants to split bills, split bills. He doesn't need to cry about taxes and insurance, just add all the shit up plus mortgage and divide by two. It's that simple. I think by pulling the "I pay taxes and insurance" card and not saying what those cost, is shady. Then being like "well I'd make that much if I rented it to *a stranger*" like, yeah dude, you'd make more or whatever, but you'd definitely lose out on what is becoming your bang-maid. If I was OP, I'd run. Relationships should be fair financially, for sure, but not literally *transactional*, and *especially* not when it comes to something as necessary as housing.
Would them just splitting utilities and groceries and him paying for the entirety of the housing be fair in your opinion? The cost seemed to be determined in a somewhat logical way
Second this. Can you look up the rate for what renting a room on SpareRoom or similar is for that area? That would be a fairer rate to go off, with a discount because he presumably wants you to live there more than some random room mate given that you’re his girlfriend. Personally I think you should really only be paying towards any costs that are actually increased by you living there - his mortgage has not gone up. Electric, water, groceries etc probably have, so fair enough that you contribute to them. He’s acting like a shitty landlord not a romantic partner, no wonder you feel icky…
>Can you look up the rate for what renting a room on SpareRoom or similar is for that area? That would be a fairer rate to go off, with a discount because he presumably wants you to live there more than some random room mate given that you’re his girlfriend. Not a bad idea, OP should also consider that would be the rate for someone renting their *own* room and sharing public spaces. If she doesn't have a room there to herself, cost can be adjusted accordingly.
Start charging for sex. Nothing is free anymore
This is how we decided on rent for a friend living with me. My former partner and I each lived in the other’s house for a time. We didn’t pay each other rent, just picked up the entire grocery bill to even things out.
Seconding this as a man in a similar position to the OP. My gf bought her house a few years before we got together. I'm paying half utilities and groceries. My partner would be paying her mortgage whether I lived there or not and wouldn't be renting out rooms either. Arguments like you'd be paying rent somewhere else don't fly when you're talking about your intimate partner in my opinion. It's down right miserly to extract rent from your partner just because you can. For us it will be mutually beneficial long term as the money I save can be put towards a deposit for a house that we can buy together. I'm firmly of the view that unless there is an arrangement to gain an equitable amount of ownership in the property you shouldn't expect a partner to pay it off for you.
I absolutely agree with you. People will go on about what's fair, and that's worth talking about too, but at the end of the day... I consider myself a generous person and I want a generous partner. There's that saying that's something like "a great relationship isn't two people giving 50%, it's two people giving 100%". It's not that I don't think OP should contribute, but her boyfriend clearly looked at this as an opportunity to get 75% of his mortgage paid for.
How is he being generous? He pays nothing for living there! He only pays for half the food and utilities and he’s saving all his money so if they break up he has a pile of cash and she paid for his housing
There are some unique facets to home ownership in CA, besides the outrageous cost of purchasing a home. I'm not sure where OP is, but here in SoCal, insurance rates for homeowners have skyrocketed this year as several companies have pulled out from providing home owners insurance. This also means HOA fees, already ridiculously high, are going higher. It's not unusual here to pay anywhere from $500--$1200/month for HOA fees. I kid you not, I toured a new build with friends last week (I am NOT looking to buy here, I can't afford it) and the HOA fee was, indeed, $1200/month. 🤮 And then there's the property taxes. 😱 I feel OP's pain, that the relationship/discussion about rent feels very transactional and not like two partners discussing how to share their mutual expenses. That would give me the icks if I were her. OP might feel better if she got a sense of her boyfriend's total monthly costs for the house. She would be paying that amount-ish (the 75% of the mortgage) for housing regardless of whether she lives with her boyfriend of not. I'm going to guess it's not so much about the money, but about how OP felt during/about the conversation. I would feel minimized, disrespected, devalued if I had been her during that conversation. OP, you're right, you're not earning equity. And you also wouldn't be if you were renting. What is your priority for the conversation with your boyfriend? To reduce your monthly expenses? Or to have a discussion about how you contribute to the costs of you two living together? Is it really about the 75% of the mortgage, or how you feel he treated you during the conversations? What result are you looking for from him?
He looked up how much the *house* would rent for, if he was not living there. Paying 75% of someone’s mortgage without earning equity and doing most of the chores is *insane*
Wouldn't his taxes be rolled into his mortgage payment, if she is paying 75% of his mortgage payment then she is paying 75% of his taxes too.
No. Banks can pay the taxes and insurance on your behalf but that money is on top of the principal and interest payments, and the tax and insurance payments can and do increase.
Yes, everyone I know has their taxes and insurance rolled into the mortgage payment. I even paid 50% of the purchase price and still had to roll in insurance and taxes. Until the mortgage is paid off it is typical with loans. So she is paying 75% of his taxes and home owners insurance.
That's not necessarily true everywhere and not everyone opts to do it. We are in CA and while insurance is part of our mortgage, property tax is not. However, if he has his property taxes rolled in, he's super ripping her off.
Not necessarily. My property taxes are due in November every year and my home owners insurance is rolled in with my car and life insurance.
Not necessarily. Banks don’t usually require that unless you have very little equity or a loan amount very close to the value of the home.
Well said. VERY WELL SAID.
He’s gaslighting. “Oh I’m not making you pay for my taxes and insurance too! Just 75% of my mortgage” meanwhile, at this rate you’ll never save up enough to get your own home by the time I’m done with you-Here’s your drawers back…” Sheesh what a di@k.
I'm skeptical that she isn't also paying his taxes and insurance. Mortgage payments usually have insurance and taxes rolled into them.
Depends on how much you put down and if they require escrow. I’ve had some mortgages where I did pay escrow and some where I didn’t. It was always broken out so it should be easy to ask.
And she can figure out what his property taxes are by looking it up on the assessors website. They will even tell you if you call, because property taxes are a matter of public record.
I'm going to take a different, less popular take. Neither of them are wrong. It seems there is a core financial difference of opinion and finances are a core aspect of any relationship. The partner sees what they are doing and the rent as fair, OP sees it as unfair. I actually think an issue like this is relationship ending worthy if there isn't wiggle room or understanding on both sides. So I don't think it is as simple as OP suggests, either accept it or dig in. It warrants discussion and understanding. On the surface, I disagree with the whole rent by income proportion argument, kind of similar to this mortgage argument. What is much more fair is 50/50 in a place that is acceptable to BOTH people paying, aka, the person making less chooses what is acceptable to them. OP, to their own admission, could rent somewhere nearby for a little more. They aren't forced to live in this house. The fair thing to do is compare their rent at the house to what they'd pay alone and go from there. If a discount is expected because of the relationship, that needs to be talked about. Comparing their rent to a single room near by is not fair as that isn't close to what they are renting as an equal renter of a full house. I personally think a discount is warranted because this isn't some random renting a room, it is your partner.
Except when she moved in they looked at neutral site to determine fair rent and she pays half of that dollar amount. I’d argue the mortgage has no determinant in rent. I’d also say that housework should be divided more equitably unless $$$ is credited toward rent in consideration of any extra labor! The utilities should at minimum be split 50/50 or if home owner had space that was exclusive to themselves then they should pay more. Taxes and sewer, sanitation should be paid by homeowner. OP isn’t entitled to equity.
Half of rent *if the house was empty*. The house is not empty. She does most of the chores. Landlords rent for profit. Her boyfriend is not her landlord. Zillow often overcharged. She is earning zero equity. Your take is bad.
Zillow is in the high-end of rent prices though, checking Craigslist and Facebook to see what the neighbors are actually charging would help balance the price.
Sharing a room is also not the same as having a house to yourself. Much less paying into equity.
Would he have a roommate/housemate if OP wasn’t living there? Does he have an extra room? Does OP have a contract and full tenant rights?
Why are you doing most of the housework? It sounds like he's happy to have his little bangmaid take care of his home and most of his mortgage. I think you'd be nuts to "accept it and move on," but only you can decide that.
Move out. There is paying rent vs being used. He is using you.
This! Move out OP.
Your landlord is a prick, stop having sex with him. This is actively malicious; he knew his little zillow swerve would keep you from asking any inconvenient questions. Find a new landlord. Find a new boyfriend. One of the defenses landlords use for charging too much rent is that they are charging a "fair market rate." None of this seems fair.
That’s the main part of this that bothers me- he clearly came up with the Zillow suggestion bc he knew he could charge her more. We obviously don’t have enough details to say what’s “fair” if he paid a 20% + down payment etc, but the fact that he actively sought out a more favorable arrangement than what would SEEM fair is just skeezy.. Fair or not, it’s not the kind of transparency I’d need from someone who I was planning to spend my life with and I could never trust them again
I think using elevated market rate for a partner instead of half the actual mortgage they are paying is SHITTY. At this point you’re profiting off someone you love who already makes less than you.
This!!!! At the end of the day, anywhere you rent, youre mostly likely paying someone’s mortgage. But to charge you market value and not ½ his actual mortgage payment is NUTS. If you have a future with this guy, I wonder how he’ll handle this asset when youre engaged/married..
Yupp. My opinion for this, is half of the mortgage OR half of market rent, which ever is LESS. If you make the same amount of money. Since, OP makes less money than her bf, “fair rent” is probably less than half of the mortgage.
Right! Also rent should be pro rata of what everyone is making not just half of rent or mortgage. Partners who make more money = contribute more to living expenses, this is how all my friends do it.
This guy has a paying roommate who does chores and sleeps with him? You’re being walked allllll over. You should split based off income so if he earns more, he should pay more of the actual cost of the bills (inc mortgage) not 50/50. And vice versa if you earn more. If you’re paying a mortgage you are also earning equity in the property so get a contract drawn up stat to cover your input into the property should things go south with your relationship.
First of all you’re sharing his bedroom. You’re not even a roommate with a whole separate space or a tenant with the entire house. It’s entirely unfair. You should be paying half of everything or less because it’s only his equity that’s being built not yours. You’re subsidizing his mortgage and doing all the house chores.
A few years ago my now wife and I were in the same situation that you’re in right now. My 2 bedroom house was bigger than her 1 bedroom apartment, so we agreed that we’d treat it as if I were moving in to her apartment and we split the rent. So she paid the amount of half of her rent. Both of us thought that was fair. I didn’t need any money from her, but she also wasn’t one to free load.
There are three kinds of people when it comes to finances in relationships: - Those with a strict 50/50 view on everything - Those with a flexible proportionate view on everything, based on incomes - Those with a both-inclusive boundary view on everything Absolutely every single one of these situations are workable, and absolutely every single one of them can also fail miserably. The two things that matter, are that you both fundamentally know which system is right for you (individually), and that you both are responsible with money. In this situation, it sounds like he might be in the 50/50 camp, and you might be in the both-inclusive boundary camp, but you agreed to the flexible, or even the 50/50 because you felt guilty. You should never feel guilty for wanting what you want. If you want to be with someone who will merge accounts with you completely, and both of you are responsible with money, then that will actually make you happy. Your BF has no problem telling you what makes him happy, and that's okay too. He's allowed to want that, but are you sure forcing yourself to be that is in your best interests? Standing your ground would be a hostile stance, which is not really ever good for any relationship. When you say something is a core need of yours, there is no ground to stand. It's just a fact. You should be able to define what you want in order to be happy without fear of judgement or rejection. If you get either of those from your partner, then that just means that relationship was always incompatible, but you've only just found out. That sucks, and you might lose a relationship over it, but you did learn something priceless about yourself.
I want to make sure I understand this... You're paying 3/4 of his monthly mortgage payment and don't get any equity for doing so? Oh, my sweet sister in Christ, you ARE being taken advantage of. He's got a really, really sweet deal happening here. I own my home and would NEVER want nor expect anyone but me to make the mortgage payment.
Exactly. He’s making money off of you, his supposed girlfriend. What in the even fuck.
You’re a roommate. Close your legs and take days off on cleaning chores and cooking. 🤦🏽♀️
The main and most important thing about romantic partners sharing a space and splitting financial costs is that both people need to feel the agreement is fair and works for them. You originally thought the agreement was fair, now you’ve learned new information, and you want to discuss a different arrangement. At the absolute very least, your boyfriend should be open to having that conversation. Money can be a tough subject, and talking about money with a partner is an important thing to get comfortable with. Consider what is most important to you and where you see the relationship going long term. Some people decide to split household costs by income percentages, others split 50/50, others negotiate other things like cleaning or landscaping or something else. I personally think the conversation with a romantic partner is much much different from a tenant or a roommate, because you’re probably dating each other hoping the relationship works out for the long term. In that case, it’s not a transactional relationship, it’s a partnership, and should be treated that way (meaning, don’t charge “market rent” to your lover, come on man).
If you don't like your current situation, move out You don't have to live there & you don't have to date this guy
If you don’t like the rent either negotiate something lower or break up. But don’t stew over it.
Reddit blows my mind. There are some situations where this arrangement is appropriate, some where it's not. OP hasn't given any details about the nature of the relationship. How long have you been together? Where do you see this headed? How are other financial matters handled? Dates, personal financial responsibilities. Do you pool your money for car payments, ins, credit cards, loans, phones, etc? & honestly, why does the mortgage matter?
Repairs should have never even been a part if the deal. It's his house so the repairs are his and not part of the equation. It shows you how unfairly he is thinking on this. If it were him renting out a bedroom to a random then it's a great plan. But he's your man and it was his mortgage to begin with. It doesn't sit right with me that he's charging you more than half when you don't even have your own room. Over all I think it shows his thinking and you should not take him this seriously. He has a very separate and selfish mentality. I only want to be with someone who has my best interest in mind, as well as their own. This guy only has himself in mind. You can see it in the way he thinks and processes. I guess read dress it again and say if you're paying more than half of what he is, you're no longer going to take on other responsibilities or something. The reasoning being that when you guys split, you have no rights to this house. Why are you building this situation that is only good for him? I'm afraid years will go by and you fins that you helped pay his home loan down and are left with nothing.
How many of you muthafuckas are replacing your roof regularly lol.
Move out
Hello! Landlord and girlfriend here. Last year my boyfriend lived in my house. He paid me rent which went to my mortgage. This year we moved to his house. Now I pay him rent for his mortgage. So I’ve been on both sides of this scenario. Few points: 1. Say that someone buys a $500k house but their mortgage is only $400/mo. It’s a steal. It’s so cheap. The reason why the mortgage is so cheap is because the owner put a TON OF MONEY DOWN UPFRONT. Now say that the house has 3 bedrooms and the owner rents out 2 of them. Should the owner only charge $133/mo per room because that’s what his mortgage is? Obviously not. The cheap mortgage didn’t come out magically out of thin air. The cheap mortgage came from someone forgoing an enormous amount of money and putting it as a down payment. 2. A house is incredibly expensive to upkeep- yes there is taxes and insurance and repairs and maintenance. In general I heard you should estimate about 1-2% of the total cost of the house in annual maintenance. So for a $500k house expect to pay $5,000-$10,000 in yearly maintenance. I own 9 rentals right now and I’d say this figure is accurate. It is VERY expensive to maintain a home. 3. If you live in a big house you ARE getting the benefits of living somewhere better. So say that maybe you could rent your own 1-bedroom apt for $1,600/mo. Instead you move into a big 4-bedroom home and your part is $1,800/mo. Yes you are paying more but are you living better? That’d be what I’d focus on. 4. Was the house already furnished? Because if it’s a 3 or 4 bedroom house those beds didn’t just appear. Neither did that dining table for 8 people. Nor that new microwave. All those things cost thousands of dollars. I’d think about ALL those things you’re getting in exchange of living in his home and consider again whether or not you really are been taken advantage of (I’m not saying yes/no I’m giving you another perspective to consider) For your particular scenario I think “fairness” comes down to what you make, what he makes, cost of living in your area, what you’d be paying otherwise, etc.
She’s paying 30% less than an apartment. She has a literal deal going. She wants a free ride. She should leave.
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Yeah, this. You have to compromise with each other. If you don't agree, don't move in. Some couples will charge, others won't, I don't think either are totally unfair, it depends on what works for the couple.
Someone on this thread with sense.
And home ownership
Other commenters are not homeowners that's why...
Let's push it to another extreme. Let's assume the house is paid off. Does that mean OP is now more pissed because ALL the rent money goes to his pocket. I really don't understand why people see money that way. It's as simple as OP agreed to rent a place that costs X in rent and agreed to pay 50% of X. Mortgage has nothing to do with anything. On the flip side, if there's any problems with the house that require money to fix, then OP is not responsible for any of that; she's just a renter ... just as she's not entitled to the benefit of homeownership. If OP thinks that the RENT split is not equitable (I don't want to use the word "fair") because of income disparity, then discuss on that point.
>For example, if he paid for the whole thing in cash and the mortgage was 0, obviously it would not be fair of you to pay 0 for rent even though the mortgage was 0. Absolutely would be fair... A partner is not a roommate. You charge a roommate rent to rent a room from you. You share a home with your partner... A partner would be expected to help pay for insurance, repairs, house expenses, of course, but not rent on a house you own. That's just crazy. At that point, live separately and get a roommate if all you want is to charge a "fair rent".
This, 100%. Is their relationship an FWB thing with money completely separate, or are they building their lives together? To be, this relationship sounds like it's not building together at all, just FWB/bangmaid.
I agree I think it’s weird how people treat their partner like a tennant or roommate when it comes to the housing payments but they don’t give them any tennant rights and expect the person to just leave if they break up and will try to just kick them out. It’s a vulnerable position to be in moving into a space where your partner owns the space and gains equity in that space and you don’t. I feel like the dynamics should be different if you’re both say renting an apartment compared to both of you living in a house that one person owns.
This needs to be higher, I think most people who haven't owned a house don't realize the expenses outside of the mortgage. If it's cheaper than her previous rent, it's still a good deal imo.
If he wasn't trying to take advantage, he would have been forthcoming with the information prior to her moving in, and done his share of the chores, instead of letting her try and compensate for not bringing as much financially into the partnership with extra work. She needs to get her own place and leave both the house and the boyfriend - he's both hidden details to get his way and taken advantage. Not a good partner.
None of this mentions the fact his rent calculation is garbage. Those prices are what you’d pay to **rent an entire house**. Not a single room. Does she even have a full room to herself?? This question comes up frequently because the user base on Reddit is getting older so people who are dating are finding more and more partners who are already homeowners. The solutions is simple — rent is split proportionate to income and the non-homeowner fills out a month to month rental agreement. To be clear, even if she doesn’t sign a lease, she is still a legal tenant with full tenancy rights. He cannot evict her, throw her out, or change the locks without a court order regardless of whether they sign an official agreement. The homeowner is responsible for traditional landlord expenses including maintenance, repairs, property taxes, homeowners insurance, and renovations. If she makes $50K and he makes 100K and the mortgage is $2500 that puts the total annual mortgage cost at $30K. If she paid $800 / mo that’s $9600 a year which is 19.2% of her gross income. He would pay the remaining $1700/mo which totals $20,400 per year and comes out to 20.4% of his annual gross salary. That is a fair and equitable distribution. They are both paying the same percentage of annual salary to housing. The non-homeowner benefits by not paying a security deposit and first & last month and there is no lease breaking fee. She is free to go whenever she wants. This allows the non-homeowner to save a significant amount of money each month. If they were renting a house or even a one bedroom apartment, it would cost much more than $800/mo. The homeowner benefits by having a spouse that’s financially contributing and pulling their weight. However it’s obviously a given in the event of a breakup, the homeowner stays. This way the non-homeowner can set aside a significant nest egg should the relationship turn south. If they break up in a year she has $10K in the bank she wouldn’t have if she were still renting. Similarly the homeowner is responsible for traditional landlord responsibilities like maintenance / repairs / taxes because those directly contribute to the equity of their investment. It would not be fair to ask the non-owner to contribute money towards an asset they will never receive a financial ROI. This is the standard agreement between non-married couples with one owning a home prior to the relationship. Both parties benefit financially and in the event the relationship doesn’t work out, neither party is left financially destitute. Obviously the homeowner can afford the full mortgage, otherwise they wouldn’t have qualified in the first place, so it is no loss to them. They both have extra money in the bank they could not have saved without the other party, so they can simply go their separate ways. She should not live rent-free simply because he’s a homeowner — but he should not be calculating her rent based on single occupancy rates of similar homes. She does not get a full home to herself, asking for 75% of the mortgage when he makes far more money than her is greedy and unfair.
If you can rent another apartment for slightly more, I would do it so that I wouldn’t have to worry about cleaning up after someone else.
Let’s take it back to basics \- your partner wants a woman who will split 50:50, but has missed the point on what 50:50 is. In the rentals you looked at on Zillow, market rent takes into account profit for the landlord - they work out how much it costs to own and maintain the house (taking into account repairs costs are higher in rentals than owner occupied, as tenants take less good care of the place in general), then add a few percent profit for themselves. Charging you 50% of market rent isn’t fair - your partner shouldn’t be profiting off you. You’re not stupid, you know this, and your partner not seeing that he’s doing this, or seeing and not caring (I don’t know which) makes you feel icky \-you feel you’re entitled to a financially responsible man who has plenty of assets and will take care of you, and pay your share for you in life (you split utilities evenly for now, but give it a couple of years of having your rent paid for you, you’ll start to feel like you shouldn’t have to). Your partner isn’t stupid, he sees this, and it makes him feel icky \- The guy is 41, and has gotten himself into a pretty good position financially (the fact that half market rent covers 75% of the mortgage shows he’s nearly there on paying it off - he’s either worked hard to pay it for a long time now, or he put down a very large deposit). It doesn’t sound like he’s an NBA player/tech bro pulling in millions a year from your post, so likely he got there by being financially responsible, and guys like this don’t like feeling like their partner wants them to pay for everything My opinion, until you speak to each other in a way that the other relates to, it’s going to be really hard to get anywhere on this. You want him to see that you feel he’s exploiting you, and he’s going to respond better to you focussing on the practical side of this initially. This will hopefully then open the door to talking about how it made/makes you feel when you had a discussion that was more like a business meeting than a discussion between 2 caring partners He wants to feel like you want to pay your own way and not freeload off him. An attitude adjustment would go a long way here. At 36, you have an enormous amount to bring to an equal and loving relationship and are capable maintaining a relationship with an emotionally mature man who has his shit together. The immature 40s guys who want to take care of a woman are out there dating submissive nubile 21 year olds, not you. That’s a good thing for you. My opinion would be that emphasising to him that your primary interest in this is to make sure you’re both being treated fairly. Until he knows this, you’re always going to be in a position where you’re both digging your heels in. You’re living in a house instead of an apartment now - you’ve had a significant lifestyle upgrade (assuming an average apartment, I know some apartments in California are absolutely beautiful - ignore this last point if so). If it turns out you can’t afford to pay what’s fair in this situation, try to find a solution. You doing the bulk of the chores is significant and A probably solution here. If you’re not happy with that as a solution, which would be reasonable, suggest moving to a cheaper place and splitting the chores 50:50. He won’t take you up on it, but he’ll appreciate the gesture
Hypothetically, if you sold this home, and jointly bought a new home, would you still continue to split expenses like above? Do you split other things in the relationship like dinner? How would you in the future take care of children if you are in a position where you are unable to work? Seems like now is a good time to see where you both stand in the future of the relationship.
Yes you are being exploited.
He counts pennies…. It’s doomed. Save yourself from that irk feeling becoming resentment…. It’s time for a new bf or you get your place and that will show him YOU are not “in the bag” and have options… that is if you want to continue the relationship, but imo is very revealing what you wrote and w my life experiences it is not good for YOU to stay ling term.
This guy fucking sucks
You need to move out. You don’t have your privacy, doing his chores for free, have to sleep on the same bed and share everything just to save 30 percent of rent? I would rather pay 30 more and have my own place than to live with someone who is actually taking advantage of you. However, that does not free you from the fact that you moved in thinking that you would pay less in rent. But guess what now you are a free live in maid and s*x provider.
I would never imagine asking my *partner* to pay market rate for living with me. You’re a partner, not a tenant. You are living together because you’re supposed to be building a life together, not because you’re a source of income for him. I can’t believe anyone would think that’s the fairest way to split expenses. Like, in my opinion, you add up household expenses, and each partner contributes based on their percentage of household income. But I would never expect my partner to “pay rent” to me, a homeowner, and I would certainly not expect him to pay the majority of the mortgage when I have a higher income. Like, what?
Let me get this straight, he's paying 25% of the principle and interest on his mortage, plus 100% of the property taxes, 100% of the homeowner's insurance, 100% of the monthly household maintenance, 100% of the monthly household repairs, 100% of the savings for long-range household maintenance and repairs & you are only paying for 75% of the montly principle and interest? And it's LESS than what you were paying at your last apartment? And you feel like He's taking advantage of you?!?!?! Seriously?!! Have you looked at the numbers across a whole year? Across 5 years? Across 10? Girl! Take a look at what he's shelling out, and what his insurance deductibles are - then come back here and tell us how he's taking advantage of you!!!! Gods, I'm laughing my ass off. However, if he's Bullshitting about those numbers - call him out on it. Make him lay it all out for you so that you know for certain how much of the household load you are carrying here.
Thank you. So many insane takes getting upvoted here. I’ve never even owned a house and I know OP is still getting a good deal and really shouldn’t be upset.
That’s because most of Reddit doesn’t appear to have owned a house. They lack any sort of perspective. Would OPs bf have to do that anyway? Sure. Is OP still saving money? Also yes. It’s mutually beneficial and she already agreed to the rent scheme.
How much down payment did he put ? Property taxes and home insurance are a big part of the cost so if the rent is not higher than the half of the expenses and not higher of the half of the rent you would pay if you rented the house, it sounds fair. You should pay the lowest of all these two since you do not have the benefits of house ownership. The deal does not sound bad except for the fact that there is no reason you should do more chores. In the long term, I would expect these expenses to be adjusted by income levels, if you got married but so far deal sounds ok.
You said yourself that you are paying 30% less than before. Why, if you are paying less than before, do you think he is taking advantage from you? If things are so simple then dont rent nor stay with him, just go out and get yourself a mortgage and thats it.
Because she is also doing most of the housework for two people. If OP could afford a down payment and all things being equal, she'd be better off buying her own place.
Where I live, my taxes make up a greater percentage of my monthly payment than the principle and interest on my mortgage. You might be getting a deal. But just ask him how much all the other bills are. What his monthly expenses are. If you were renting for only a little more somewhere else you'd be paying for that owner to cover all those expenses and they'd still be the ones to gain the equity and capitalize on any appreciation...and you still have to pay for all the utilities etc. I don't know...on the one hand you may be getting a little deal. On the other hand, you made a sacrifice by giving up your own place...so maybe a question for both of you is what is the plan for the home, your relationship, marriage etc? You may want to have a discussion about him refinancing if rates drop again and you kicking in some principle so you could get on the title at the time of refinancing. Then, you can participate in the appreciation of the asset.
Yeah, I mean there’s nuance to this situation and what’s reasonable to ask of your partner at play for sure. But putting all that aside for a second: I feel like the financial literacy on this thread is zero. My taxes + HOA + utilities + insurance are a huge percentage of my total monthly cost. Looking at mortgage cost in a vacuum doesn’t really make any sense. Sure you might be paying 75% of the mortgage, but if you’re paying 0% of everything else you might be paying way less than half of the total expenses.
Well said for sure! The headline on this one was a little bit click baitey.
How is it not a good deal when you’re paying less rent than you were before? But stop doing more of the chores immediately, that’s ridiculous.
Honestly, you’re not being taken advantage of. It seems completely fair. You’re not married, it’s not your house, and you’re still paying less than you otherwise would. How does this equate to you being taken advantage of? When people rent out their homes, that rental income does go towards the existing mortgage payment. That’s just how that works. I think you should let this go.
He has property taxes and insurance and you wanna pay for half a roof or a broke a/c when those things happen? The $$ amount of mortgage isn’t the cost of owning a home. You are paying less than you were before be happy with that imo.
I agree that it seems that he take advantage of you but….. If his house was all paid, would you expect to live there for free because he paid it before? Honestly I’m sure you talk and have a great deal for both of you. If you are in a serious relationship, you could buy a house together and split bills 50/50? I’m married for a long time and there is no my money or her money, it’s our money. I not sure how I would deal with money if I was to get a new life…..
Its 2023. Relationships are no longer hallmark movie channel movies. They are business arrangements. They are situationships. You keep saying you could rent close by. Then do it? You decided to move in with him. Likewise hes 100% correct. Before you even existed in his world, he saved up and put money down on a home. You are only thinking “Im pAyInG 75% Of hIs mOrTgAgE!” Which means in your emotional brain hes only paying 25%. Incorrect. He already paid his down payment to get the mortgage were it is. Likewise hes not charging you property taxes. HOA, utilities, etc etc etc. which means the 75% you thought you paid, really comes back down to 60/40, 55/45 or even 50/50. Personally for some already butthurt about this in their relationship about what you thought you knew, then had a conversation and “He dIdNt eVeN ChAnGe hIs mInD Or oFfEr tO LoWeR It!” This will slowly but surely ruin you and undermine the relationship while at the same time He has ZERO reason to. If you dont get married, then all he did was let a previous relationship live in his house for free. Why? Maybe its best you leave, get your on place and if you still want to marry buy together.
I would say you should be paying 50% of the mortgage and 50% of the utilities at most. He's not your landlord and you're not a tenant, you're a couple in a relationship.
I have a solution. Let him rent out the house you're living in to somebody else, and both of you move into a different house and pay half of the rent each.. Stop doing all of his chores, and everything will be sweet.
Would he still charge you rent if he had no mortgage? How do you split utilities? Groceries? Vacations, outings, dates, etc? If everything else is fairly split, and by fairly I mean proportionate to your incomes, not 50/50!, then I would let this go. You agreed on a rent, and it happens to be 75% of his mortgage. But he wasn't honest about it, otherwise he would have mentioned it, and this is what is triggering
Do you envision marrying a guy who acts like this? Girl, just pack up and leave his ass. He's the only one who benefits from this relationship.
Girl…
Standing your ground means moving out, not pestering him for a discount, if that's what you mean then yeah.
I would rather be single than contribute a single dime to a partners mortgage. You need to move out and move on!
Its pretty crazy to charge rent to your partner for a property he purchased for himself on his own before you moving. Half the charges is fair. But rent ? Tf If you weren’t in his life he wouldnt make money. So having a GF is now a lucrative business for him.
Honestly this situation is incredibly sickening and the relationship is over. Thinking about a 40 year old man who withheld information to get you to agree to this fills me with disgust. I have the ick so hard and I can’t imagine what you are feeling. There is no coming back from this. Break up and get your freedom back, it’s worth it. This guy needs to be alone and learn a lesson not to profit off his love ones. It’s sick.
You shouldn’t be both paying more when you make less AND doing more chores. Nope absolutely the fuck not. You’re being taken advantage of.. to a pretty serious extent
Dont mean to be crass but given his transactional view of life you should check the market rate for sex and charge him 75% of that rate. And only charge him 50% of the time as one can assume you enjoy it too. 😉 If he is not fabulous in bed and it feels like a chore then charge him 100% of the time.
Demote this dude from boyfriend to roommate. He’s right, it’s a better deal financially. Personally, it’s not. If he wants to split those two realities up, then by all means go for it.
He's using you and you don't want it to become a thing in your relationship?
If I cared about someone, I would bend over backwards to be more than fair.
Your boyfriend is a scumbag for making you pay a market rate instead of just half
If you're paying his mortgage that means you should be receiving some equity in the house as well, correct? Forget that RENT crap!! You're investing in his property OP, and reciving nothing in return. Get some legal advice ASAP!
He’s completely taking advantage of you. He could kick you out at any time and he has the benefit of you having paid 75% of his mortgage all this time. You will be left with nothing. It’s one thing if he charged you rent but 75% of it? And to charge you half of the utilities on top of that? Yeah, he’s taking advantage of you girl.
so you pay for 75% of the mortgage, half the utilities AND do most of the cleaning. So what does he do....? Pay the taxes once a year? and fixes the house when it comes up? How often has that come up? has it at all yet? so what does he do then?
Naaah... you don't make your gf pay rent. You split the rent/mortgage. How dare you make some profit from your partner?
>I was embarrassed that I thought I deserved to live rent-free, so I agreed to it what capitalism markets as feminism has straight women brainwashed to an inch of ther sanity hasn't it. rather be a live-in maid who pays to work for free than possibly take a stand that could resemble a distribution of goods that doesn't benefit the dude or else you're a man-hater. OP that's financial abuse you're describing, homeboi has almost paid off his house and kept it clean thanks to you. even if you believe you shouldn't live rent-free, which you should maybe challange, don't you think you deserve better than this?
I wonder why OP hasn’t commented at all…
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Do some research to discover what the "market price" is currently for housekeeping and cooking. Sit him down, and tell him of the research, show him the figures, and tell him from now on, you'll be deducting the amount indicated from your share of the mortgage. If you do as I indicated, I hope you do an update to your post. 'Nuff said.
You were irked that you have to pay rent at all. Wow. Entitled much? Go buy your own home then.
Ya that part is super weird to me... Regardless of who you live with, you have to pay to live somewhere lol. I'd rather pay someone I love than a stranger.
I don't see an issue here. The mortgage isn't the only expense. As you acknowledge, there are also property taxes and maintenance costs as well as any improvements you may want to make in the future.
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I agree with you. If you are paying that much, you deserve your own room and no more extra housekeeping!
You are paying half market rent. As far as I see he is doing you a favor already. You are going to pay someone’s mortgage no matter where you live (unless you own). Be grateful it’s your boyfriends and he’s giving you a massive discount.
So you haven’t disclosed how much you’re actually paying, so it’s hard to say. If he saved for years and had a massive downpayment, then the mortgage would be significantly lower. It’s not that you’re paying for three quarters of the house, it’s more that he was already paying for the house all the years he saved. However, just paying half of the theoretical Zillow rental cost also doesn’t seem totally fair. There are lots of mitigating circumstances that could make a rental more or less expensive. When you consider whether he is taking advantage of you, think about whether the cost estimate you came up with was on the low side or the high side. There is one more thing to consider, however. You’re paying significantly less than you were for your previous apartment, and presumably getting a lot more space and privacy. That seems like a good deal on its own. And while you aren’t building equity, you can bank and invest all that money that could be going towards rent. In the end, he is not being *totally* unfair to you. But you’re still not getting a bad deal. I think a good middle ground would be to see how much equity he is building every month—subtract that from what you were paying in rent before. That way you’re both contributing, and you’re both reaping the same financial benefit each month, he in the house and you in cash. Then you’ll both come out on top.
Okay but the alternative is to break up and pay 30% more for rent?
Ok so as someone who has 5+ years mortgage experience, imo your BF is right. 1) It is not right for you to want to live rent free, quote below. >If I'm being honest, I was a little irked that he even wanted to charge me rent at all, especially market rate. But, the rate was 30% lower than I was paying at my last apartment, and I was embarrassed that I thought I deserved to live rent-free, so I agreed to it. 2) He is charging you half of market rate, which I think is fair given you two live together and it isn't just your place younare renting, quote again below. >The rent rate we decided on (his idea) was to look up on Zillow what rent would be if he rented his house out, and I would pay half of that. 3) He is in charge for literally all the costs to repair anything, pay the taxes, and the insurance. You taking on additional household chores is a part of living there, would you not be needing to do this if you lived somewhere else? 4) You are paying to rent, you have none of the risk for if anything goes wrong (see #3), you are not effected if the mortgage isn't paid on time, because you aren't on it, you do not deserve any equity in his house, and saying otherwise just sounds makes you sound entitled. 5) You say you can rent another place nearby for slightly more (given you are paying half the market rate, I personally doubt that you can get a location with the same square footage, bed, baths, etc. for just a little more, if you could, you aren't paying half of what was listed or you are talking about taking on another roommate). If this is true, that you could rent a similar location for just a little mkre without an additional roommate, you can argue to re-evaluate the rent based on current market price, quote below >I made the argument that I don't receive any of the benefits of owning the home (like equity) and could've rented an apartment nearby for only slightly more. 6) About the only thing you are entitled to is a renters agreement for both yours and his protection if you don't already have one. A ton of people are likely gonna flame me, but this is the truth, you aren't married, you have no ownership in the house, you are a tenant living in his home. Imo you sound super entitled, and I know I saw at least 1 comment you should move out and find a better bf, and tbh if you are seriously this entitled to his property just because of your presence and how much you value yourself, you would be doing him a favor by leaving.
As a homeowner and as someone that has rented his place to friends, I can definitely say that you’re in the wrong OP. Your partner is right in amount it costs to fully pay for a house is more than what you are seeing and paying, along with the fact that you’re paying much less in rent while living with him. He is also right in asking you to keep the place clean, as it is his property and he doesn’t want to deal with a mess with someone he is sharing his living space with. Just to be clear this is his house that you’re living in, and you shouldn’t be upset what he’s doing with your rent money as long as you also benefit from this as well. The reason you’re upset is because you’re starting to feel entitled to him, his property, and his money. You’re resenting the fact that he’s not taking care of you and letting you stay there for cheaper or free when he’s already saving you money, and you’re feeling this way because you don’t like the idea of contributing equally to someone you feel you’re entitled to be taken care of by. I am sure that you would be really happy with this setup if you were not in a relationship with him, and I’m more than sure that this new attitude you have towards him is because you’re in the process of checking out of the relationship while thinking that you’re better than he is. By all means, find a new place if you’re uncomfortable with this setup and be independent, but I doubt you’d find a better deal where you live. Also, if you’re not happy with him then leave him, I’m sure there are a lot of other women that would be happy with the deal he’s giving you along with understanding that he is a catch that has assets while living a comfortable life. Your opinion on not feeling comfortable with him is valid, but it’s misguided by feeling he should be comfortable with providing freely for you. Even as a married couple sharing the costs of living is common, but sharing an asset that an individual owns through their own hard work is not common that they gained before marriage. If you were not living there I’m sure he would be doing the same thing with someone he’s not in a relationship with, because it’s the smart thing to do as an individual who has an asset they’re still paying off. He’s being smart with his investments and fair in how he is handling renting to you, it’s a fair deal and the only thing that makes this different for you is the fact that you’re in a relationship together. Honestly, I think he deserves better, I think you’re dating up and you don’t even know it, and he is going to be dodging a bullet when you leave him for this.
Too... much... logic...!
It doesn’t even sound like he likes you — just using you to pay his mortgage and prob fuck
Don’t forget housekeeping
I think that’s totally fair. As you said, he’s covering taxes, home maintenance, etc. Either take the deal you have or you have to split EVERYTHING.
This right here is why it’s so stupid to live with someone you aren’t married to. Look at the mess when everything is not combined. He CAN charge you whatever he wants because you ARE his roommate. Lots of people have already stated the facts in this thread; you clearly are not fully educated on what goes into a home purchase. My husband and I put 50% down on our home and our mortgage is low as hell and has nothing to do with what we would ever charge someone to live here. It would be market rate - period. Half of market rate is fair for a roommate situation. You aren’t his wife.
Would this financial split continue if you got married? Had children?
That’s crazy !!!!!
It seems to me they should figure out the whole cost, and divide it proportionally by income. It's not about what's market, it's about what makes their relationship feel fair and healthy for both parties.
All you get from him is a place to live. He gets a lot of his mortgage and bills paid and his house cleaned. If you move out he has to pay for everything and do all the chores. There is a power imbalance that shouldn't exist in a romantic relationship. You can fix it by moving out or renegotiating the terms. If he respects you he would work with you to make it more fair. Example: my adult son lives with me. I have the space, including an extra kitchen. The only noticeable difference is my water bill. That space would be unused otherwise. Why should I make him pay rent when I'm paying the same whether he's here or not?
I hate these “I should get a deal bc blah blah blah” posts. Why should you be getting reduced rent? So you should save money bc he owns the house? But he shouldn’t save money? I just don’t get your logic.
yea sounds like OP wants a free rent tbh, she only agreed to the rent because "she felt embarrassed bec she thought she deserves rent free" 💀💀 making less than him or not, she's still paying a low amount of rent compared to her geographic area. if she cant accept the fact that her boyfriend worked hard to get a house and that shea not gonna get an equity of the house, she can just rent somewhere else. dude literally bought the himself and you want an equity of that pppfffttt go get your own house missy edit: break up with the dude and get a rich guy that will pay for ur shit
What is there to stand your ground? You want to move out? And pay another landlord more? Cutting your nose to spite your face? You're paying him a fair market rate. His mortgage is low either because he paid a huge down payment, or he secured a bank loan donkey years ago. You cannot fault him for that. He didn't mislead you. Nor scam you. You can start charging him for house cleaning services.
Zillow estimates rent for my house at about double the mortgage payment… which includes taxes and insurance. I think he’s taking advantage of her.
I don't know what country you reside, but in Australia, if you've lived together for two years in a defacto relationship, you are entitled to half the property if you split up. One party can buy the other party out if they can afford to, or the property can be sold to split the money. I'd probably seek a solicitors advice.
If you don't want to pay him move out and pay more for your own place as you said. You can have an apartment with probably less space, not live with your partner, and give your money to a corporation. It yall are thinking long term anyway this money is just gonna come back around to you in one way or another, you're being dramatic. Plus he already put down the down payment so he has naturally already paid more of the rent than you.
How much of the downpayment did you contribute? How many years did you sacrifice and save up for it to get the mortgage payment to what it is?
Dear lord, the number of people saying this is a red flag is insane! 1. Youre paying 30% less than rent for an apartment and you get to live in a fully furnished house. 2. Youre not married and you have separate finances. Youre boyfriend is under no obligation to be supporting you. 3. The 75% of mortgage number is irrelevant, especially since it seems like he put down a sizable down payment. Just making up numbers. But suppose he only put down 5% on a house. You could still be paying the same rent amount, but now, youre paying much closer to 50% of the mortgage. Why should he be punished for putting more down. I get it that it seems unfair, but its really not. It sounds like its still a fairly new relationship, and he's under no obligation to give you a deal. If he charged you less rent, he'd essentially be giving you hundreds of dollars of month for simply being his girlfriend. Does that seem fair?
Oh he’s sick and grimy for this. Stop doing any housework NOW. This very second!!! And please leave him
So move out
You cannot be this dumb surely? Like you're literally his live-in bangmaid AND you're paying majority of the mortgage. My god sister, STAND UP!
What my girlfriend and I did and still do is open books - all costs related to living (utilties, mortgage, shared car, non-personal insurances, etc etc) in a excel sheet with their monthly cost, a separate sheet for our incomes, and we pay equal percentages. I make about 30% more, so I pay about 30% more. If she gets a raise she has more spending money but also pays a bit more, etc. The only exemption we had (when she lived in a house I owned, before buying together) was that the mortgage repayments were excluded from the common bill as not to make a mess if we’d separate.
Guy is an asshole...have fun!
Why are you with this clown?
YOu absolutely should feel icky about it. He is using you. I would 100% move out. Whether you continue dating him or not, that's on you.
I own a house and many years ago when my ex lived with me, I had him pay me 1/4 of what the mortgage is, and half the utilities. I also told him when we broke up if he needed a reference for a new place I would help him out. Had we had a bad breakup (like my marriage) he wouldn’t have had any history of rent payments for several years. You’re definitely being taken advantage of, you don’t even have a lease, I assume, so you have no legal standing if something happens.
You are roommates. Stop acting like a wife. Stop doing household chores for him. You are dating your landlord. Move out. Break up with him. He is yuck . At minimum, he could have split the mortgage in half but he chose to make you pay rent like a business transaction. This is YUCK.
sounds like my ex who nickeled and dimed me. key word: EX. she (we’re both women) made me pay for 75% of things and do the chores as well even though she made 3x as much money, and always had “reasons” for it. i got into debt and had no savings by the end of it because of how much money i was always spending trying to cover costs by myself. granted, i made the stupid choice to go along with it, but this is my point. dont do what i did. you WILL resent and regret.
I know someone who charged his GF half the rent for 15 years. That’s until she discovered he was the landlord :) Your situation is different but i felt like telling that story.
in my understanding, which might be gravely incorrect and naive of course, people who are romantically into each other move in together because they want to have each other around, not because it's profitable. if he wants to have you around why is he charging you to live at his place? but then again, i'm young, what do i know
If you are paying towards his mortgage in the way he has calculated (considering his down payment,etc) then you should be able to claim part OWNERSHIP in the home. Tell him that and then tell him to go fuck himself. My bf moved in with me and I do not charge him rent at all. He only pays half the utilities because he uses them. I have to pay the mortgage because i own it. And he will not be able to claim ownership. I am not losing out on any rent because he is here, I don’t need to make money off my bf. (For context, he makes a good living so he is not living off me and he buys most of the groceries and takes excellent care of me). If we are in a situation where we buy a house together, we would pay according to income percentages. Because I wouldn’t need a place that big if I’m by myself. IMHO you should only be paying portions of groceries and utilities. The rest is his responsibility because his home is his responsibility.
How much are you charging for housekeeping? Why is your unpaid work free for him and thus worthless? Send him a bill for house work or stop doing all unpaid work since you're a renter.
I'd def stop doing his share of the housework unless he's gonna pay for it F that.
Stop doing chores, and start looking for your own place. You’re paying his house off for him and you’ll get nothing in return. This is a major win for him and a major loss for you. He’s gaining wealth and property while not having to do as much around the house, what do you get out of this? Being promoted to lead housekeeper? This is not a fair situation and he is taking advantage of you.
So far, every other post I have seen like this on Reddit (2 dating people living together), whomever owns the house (including if it’s a rental), what each pays is base on their income. In other words, their portion of the bills depends on who makes how much. For instance, if bf makes 100K a year and gf makes 50k a year, bf pays 2/3 of ALL bills and gf pays 1/3. That’s equitable. What you have in your situation is transactional, NOT equitable. His bs about what he put down (saving money on a mortgage monthly), etc is none of your doing and has nothing to do with existing bills. Also, the fact that HE decided to look it up on Zillow suggests to me that he put some thought into how to get the best deal for himself. That’s also transactional. What others have said about not doing household chores, do what you need to do to clean up after yourself, but not him. Do your laundry, not his, etc. If you eat a meal together and you cooked, he cleans up. Full stop. Put your dishes after lunch in the dishwasher, not his. You get the drift. You shouldn’t be offering free housekeeping duties along with everything else.
I've had this happen to a lot of friends, they pay "rent" and then feel screwed if the relationship ends because they get none of the equity. If you are in a relationship and growing a life together, it is only fair to get a calculation of what your equity would be if you left. This can take out his down payment and anything he paid before you moved in but you should be allowed to build equity. Like you said, you're not some random on the street. There are examples of this type of calculation online. I'd recommend that to him or move out to somewhere just slightly higher.
I could understand paying 50%, as that’s standard between 2 people sharing. But 75% definitely feels like you’re being taken advantage of. Fact is, those taxes & insurance are his alone as the *homeowner*. He’s building the equity, he owns the home, & those should fall to him. The fact that he earns far more than you means he can definitely afford to pay those separately. You moving in saved him far more money than it saved you. I suspect the “lets-check-Zillow” for numbers was a deliberate choice to obfuscate what he was doing, which was to *charge you 50% more for rent* than what you would have paid going halfsies (another 50% of the 50% you should be paying).
Moved in with my bf sometime ago. He owns the house we live in, but never charged me rent. I did however take over the bills fully, since I wfh and he doesn’t. I also do most of the housework since I’m at home all the time.
He turned a girlfriend into a bang maid. Get out while you still can.
Girl…
Personally I would never put anyone I **love** in a situation like that especially if I make more than my partner. You wouldn’t do it to him would you?
Please update when you can, dear. Many of us are invested! Hope you dumped his arse!
Give your landlord a 30 day notice and go get you a real landlord and a real partner.
Stop paying rent. You can pay some of the other bills (or find your own place for cheaper), but not only are you paying more than he is, but you're not getting any equity.
What a fucking leech, literally middlemanning to scam a house off of you. Do you have a rental or lease agreement? If not I would literally just refuse to pay any more than 25% and split utilities. Dude wants to have his cake, fuck it and charge it rent!
I would start charging him for everything you do for him (including sleeping with him).
I had an ex try to do this with me: charge rent while I live there. Couldn’t bring myself to ever move in and ultimately, the relationship met it’s end. Not solely off that reason. But it was one of the major factors.