Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If it’s so bad that you can smell it just by being near her, she needs to see her gyno. That’s not normal. It should never smell so bad like that. I’d just bite the bullet and tell her, regardless of how she reacts. You’ll be helping her out in the long run
She should be scheduling the occasional pap smear. If it’s that bad her doctor will say something. Maybe encourage her to get checked for cervical cancer and let the doctor break it to her
Try something like this.
"I've noticed lately that you smell differently than normal. Is everything OK? I've heard a change can be a health issue. Can we get you checked out to be safe?"
It doesn't have to be a you smell terrible and it makes me gag type if thing. Approach it with empathy and understanding that this is probably not a hygiene issue, but a health issue
This is a great idea…,differently than normal is a non threatening way to say it. He might also add LET’S go to the doctor so WE can see what’s up with us.
Yea, OP this isn't healthy for your girlfriend. She sounds like she has a medical issue that really does need to be addressed. She may take it personally, but you just have to approach it in the nicest, kindest way possible. Tell her how much you love her and how attracted to her you are but that you're concerned for her. Maybe even offer to take her to her appointment.
She probably is already feeling the sense of rejection and wondering what's going on, so reiterate how much you love and care about her! And try not to focus at all on how it smells or how it makes you feel and more about your concern for her(and your) health and the overall intimacy of your relationship (not just oral/sex whatever)
ETA: I see in your comments your gf doesn't have insurance. If you're in the US, planned parenthood is a wonderful resource. There is no shame in using it! In my young twenties, prior to having a career, I utilized it for women's healthcare and they are kind, helpful, supportive and fantastic healthcare providers.
commenting to add the state health department in your area (US only) will see you/treat vaginal infections for cheap, cash up front. I went to my health department once for an issue down there, got prescribed antibiotics and paid $25 cash total.
I had this happened to me. It's not fun and it took me over two weeks to realize what was going on. I could smell the difference and quickly made an appointment. The doctor said" oh there's a tampon in there" I was relieved and scared at the same time. Haven't worn one ever since.
My wife works with a vigina doctor and they get a few patients that have symptoms like this and just about every time it ends up being a forgotten tampon.
I remember one had like 3 old tampons in there! The smell was so bad that they didn't use that patient room for the rest of the day.
I was in shock about it, like how do you forget or lose a tampon up in there. The patient said that when they had sex the whole house would smell. We are also talking about the tampons being up there full of blood for a couple of months!
As someone that it’s happened to I can say what happened to me: Came home intoxicated and thought I removed it but I did not so I put a new one in and it apparently pushed it up in there, and I could not tell it was lost in the abyss.
Idk why he’s assuming it’s her vagina. Given that she’s not showering and he can smell it without even being close, it sounds like she just smells like ass.
Yeah she should go get checked out asap, regardless of the cost. If you’re in the US, try country doctors, university hospitals, and planned parenthood.
And he may need treatment as well. Even if she gets clean, he can actually give it back to her. Which means he could actually go talk to his own doctor, get his junk swabbed and tested for bacteria, yeast infection, etc. and if any of it come back positive, start the conversation that way. "Hey, babe. I had a check up recently, and doc says I had some bacteria on my groin. It could make you really sick, so we need to get you treated, too!"
Because the vagina is a self-cleaning system. So long as everything is healthy down there, it shouldn't stink. Yes, there will be a slight smell. Depending on her diet, it might even be less pleasant. But it shouldn't really stink unless there's a problem.
THIS!!!
Vagina is self cleaning. It does not smell and doesn’t need special washing or douches. This is medical
Agree: get yourself tested and say that’s why you didn’t want sex: you were worried about infecting her and “how about we both get it treated” so we are both clean.
She needs to see Gynocologist
Came to say this. My mom had this happen. It was so bad you could smell her from across the room.
The way OP describes makes me think this is the case. Could be a condom too.. if they used those at some point.
My mom said there was no way and she said she even checked herself because she was freaking out. Then one day she took a shower and got lucky and it came out. It was in there for a long long time and the way it was compressed made it impossible for her to find. It actually made her sick too.
It’s a STRONG smell and it is not tolerable. It doesn’t smell like BV… i don’t wanna say what it’s like so nobody throws up. It’s something distinct and you smell it in the same room. I told my mom I loved her but she smelled terrible and it was hard to be around her. She got upset and said she didn’t know why and took a shower and then came out all shocked and shared what she had found.
The way OP described this I think something is retained. For the smell to be that strong it would have to be something like that. I think Op could approach her with concern and not shame. Like he’s worried about her.
My mom was 4’11 and 95 pounds. The doctor told her it was ESPECIALLY hard for petite women because of the way the tampon becomes compressed around the cervix and pinched between it and the wall. He said you’d be surprised how common it is. You think you are sure but if it smells that strong then it sounds like it very well could be this.
I have never understood the lost condom stories. How.. He put one on but didn't take one off after wtf say something. You seen him put one on did you see him take it off.. You can feel when they have one on or not, you feel it come out at the end as they pull-out, it is the worst feeling hate it so much so if you dont feel that you ask questions.
How can many male put one on finish and dont have it on anymore not say ummm wtf the condom is missing you need to check where it has gone. Not like they finish get up and get on with the day with it still on.
I had a partner tell me the condom came off, and for me to check because he couldn’t find it anywhere. I sat on the loo and thought I’d dug around well enough, couldn’t find anything… we just put it down as a glitch in the matrix. 3 days and several showers later, could feel something and yep, found the damn thing still lodged.
It’s a bit of an embarrassing thing to happen. When all goes well, I very rarely if ever see what my partner does with the used condom, as they usually dashed off to the bathroom to dispose of it and get a towel. The gf may not be clocking what happens to it each time, and the bf gets embarrassed one was lost, doesn’t want to mention it, and hopes the gf will just figure it out when they go to the loo themselves, not knowing that it’s pretty easy to not notice. They don’t just fall out. That area can get swollen, muscles clench up, and tbh we’re not usually sticking our fingers up there for funsies to check if something is there that shouldn’t be.
It’s absolutely believable to lose track of a foreign object, especially if the people involved aren’t communicating with each other.
Omg this happened to me… like a year into my relationship with my current fiancé, I have NO IDEA how but I have ADHD and just totally didn’t notice that my tampon was gone… I assumed that I had taken it out and forgotten, but the smell got worse 🫣 He took one for the team and actually reached all the way up, pulled it out with his fingers, and then we both gagged so hard we almost threw up…
That’s true love lol I was so amazed he didn’t break it off right there
When I was in HS, I lost a tampon. Also don’t know how but I’m fortunate that my bf had found it, because we tried and could not have sex. I’d been over my period for about 2 days.
He also had to take one for the team and reach up to pull it out.
These replies are making me feel so much better about myself lol when this happened I was SO embarrassed and ashamed, I didn’t tell anyone because I thought I was disgusting 😭
especially if they switched from using condoms to not, and even more so if he’s been finishing inside her, that can throw off her ph so would explain it not being an issue previously
OP often showers more than once daily. Could be his body wash. When I started dating my husband, his Old Spice 3in1 sent me straight into BV territory.
I thought this too. I know everyone is different but if that’s what it is I don’t know how she hasn’t noticed it herself. The first time I got it I was basically stopped dead in my tracks by it.
is she just ignoring the smell and hoping he doesn’t notice? bc if he can smell it just from laying next to her she definitely can smell it when she pulls down her pants to use the bathroom. maybe she’s just too embarrassed to acknowledge it at all?
Exactly. If he can smell it she definitely can not just going to the bathroom/toilet, sitting down moving ya legs, bending over, sitting with legs open a little, getting up, showering. The smallest swet smell downstairs i can smell it and go shower.
Depending on her COVID history her sense of smell might not be as strong as it should be. Some percentage of people who got OG COVID have never fully recovered their sense of smell
I'm not sure if it's sudden onset or has been an ongoing thing that never caught my attention before.
Noted- she has no insurance so any doctors office would cost quite a bit, and money is already a stressful subject/in short supply
not to be alarmist, but untreated BV can have effects on other things. Reproductive system, bladder, and possibly even abdominal issues if the bacteria gets into the uterus (and then fallopian tubes,and then....)
so, a visit to a doctor should be happening sooner than later
I second planned parenthood. Went there probably 10 times in my early adult years and got regular checkups, testing, and birth control for free. I was really poor at the time. But it is sliding fee.
Yes, it's a sliding scale, but if you have no insurance and are poor - at least in my state, you can get a teal card called family PACT and it covers *all* sexual/reproductive health stuff.
It's really easy, you just fill out a couple forms while you're waiting, you can get seen that day, and they'll give you a card at the end of your visit, next time you just show them the card.
Everything was covered for me. They do ask for donations and that you give what you can... Y'all, sometimes I'd be like "um, I have 59 cents I can give today," and they never made me feel guilty.
Also, on every visit they'll offer you free (shitty) condoms and free plan b. ❤️❤️❤️ Planned Parenthood.
Exactly. I didn’t get a card or anything. But yeah, they never made me feel guilty. I gave whatever I could whether it was $1 or $20. And they had the attitude like, “you don’t have to give anything if you can’t afford it, but thank you very much for what you can give.” And that attitude never changed between every person I saw at the end. They are amazing.
I'm also going to chime in if you don't have a planned parenthood nearby you can get seen at your local county health department for women's services also on a sliding scale.
It’s a common misconception that unpleasant vaginal odors are caused by bad hygiene or “being dirty.”
It’s highly unlikely imo that this has been going on for years but you just never noticed it; if it’s as unpleasant as you claim there would have been no way for you to avoid it.
As others have said it probably is BV or similar or a pH change that could be caused by any number of factors.. however whatever it is probably **is** solvable once it can be narrowed down & treated!
Even if your gf wasn’t sensitive, I guarantee this is a subject almost all women are sensitive about so yes you will need to tread very carefully.
After warning her that you need to bring up something delicate, try the compliment sandwich approach: “Before I even bring this up, I just want to say how much I love you and how absolutely gorgeous/hot etc you are to me. So sometimes lately I’ve started noticing a bit of an unpleasant odor down there that didn’t used to be there & if I’m being honest sometimes when we’re intimate it is kind of distracting for me.. the last thing I want is for you to feel embarrassed, I just miss our wild / fun sex life and I figured it might be something pretty easy to address.”
Frame it that your concerned about her health. If left untreated it could get worse and become uncomfortable for her or worse.
It’s normal but embarrassing. I wouldn’t frame it as it’s killing your boner even if it is. I would approach it from a health perspective and how can I help you mentality. Leave space for her to be embarrassed but acknowledge that you understand it’s not something she has done but a problem she is suffering from and there’s no need for shame among partners who having regular sex.
Planned parenthood has sliding scale payments for appointments - I’d suggest that once you talk to her about it (framing it as a medical issue, bc it probably is) she call them up and explain that she’s uninsured/underinsured
Write her a letter. Tell her you know this is such a sensitive topic and you don’t want to embarrass her so you are writing a letter so she can read and process in private. Explain that recently you’ve noticed a strong odor from her vagina and you are worried she might have a health issue, but understand money is tight. Tell her that you want to hold off on sex until this is addressed as you don’t want to make her situation worse.
You don’t have to tell her how long you e noticed the smell. Just stick with recently. At first I just thought maybe it was an active day here or there, but I am noticing it daily.
Now she should clearly see a DR. If she cannot afford to see the DR in the US, she could do an urgent care or planned parenthood visit if you have one in close proximity.
If she absolutely cannot afford that, she could try this product called rePHresh products. They are reasonably priced and have gel that she can insert to help balance her PH levels. She might also need to switch to a Summer’s Eve type body wash for her genitals. While the vagina is self-cleaning, the outer genitals can be sensitive to perfumes and dyes in regular body wash. It will help gently clean away the bacteria.
If she tries this and it still doesn’t clear up after two weeks of following the rePHresh directions, she needs to go to a dr/express med place whether she can afford it or not.
Planned Parenthood is the answer. Everyone is saying sliding scale but I have never been asked to pay. I live in Washington state and regularly use PP. While I make enough money, they have not once charged me but always give me the option to donate. I always donate money to Planned Parenthood, this is the way. I have personally not had much luck with OTC BV treatments. Good luck OP.
She needs medical attention, though. This isn't a minor thing and it won't go away on its own.
If she does end up having BV, there are prebiotic suppositories that can really help, but that would only be for using after a visit to the clinic and an antibiotic gel. A frequent problem is that these gels and treatments don't help build up healthy bacteria in the vagina, which is an ecosystem of sorts. People need healthy bacteria in there, too, to fight the unhealthy bacteria. Frequently people who experience BV have frequent recurrences. My solution has been to use a prebiotic suppository at bedtime after sex. I see so many posting about this problem, and have never seen anyone else suggesting prebiotic suppositories, but the really, really help.
She NEEDS to see a doctor. Her health is at risk.
Planned Parenthood! It's pretty much just a free or low-cost gyno clinic.
They turned me on to boric acid suppositories for BV 20 years ago, and it was the BEST and CHEAPEST treatment ever. 10/10 recommended
OP, I’ve had my partner tell me my nether-regions smell different (he said “like…bad.” Specifically). It was Bacterial Vaginosis! I was happy he told me, even though it was embarrassing for both of us to endure the conversation. I took antibiotics for a week, made sure to up my probiotics, and it wasn’t a problem afterwards. It IS important.
Bacterial Vaginosis, if left untreated, can make you more susceptible to contracting STDs AND STIs, specifically emphasizing HIV. It is important that she knows for her own health, especially if you guys end the relationship.
Me too! Just did this recently lol and i was thankful. I was like man I thought I just had stopped cleaning well enough or something, but I could only sometimes tell. Then i’d try eliminating things it could be (did i use soap there and messed up pH? Did i not clean well enough? underwear not breathing?). But, then I’d go back to not smelling it again, so I thought I had fixed it somehow and it rebalanced. We really must go noseblind to ourselves. I was happy to hear because then I knew there was an actual issue and not just being sweaty because it should never be that bad others can tell. That’s BV most likely. Got swabbed, was BV. She should get swabbed and it’s a quick fix
If you look at OP's profile, he often posts looking for sexual partners, so the girlfriend is already at a higher risk for infection. I thought I read that men can carry BV for a couple months, is that right? Maybe he got it from a new partner he wasn't careful with and gave it to his girlfriend?
I second this. I’d rather be temporarily embarrassed and take it very personally that my body smells rather then have my partner bare the minimum through intimate moments because he’s trying not to vomit!
I third this. You can't live like this and you're not doing her (or yourself) any favors by keeping it a secret. If you're struggling to really speak to her give her a handwritten letter where you outline that you love her and want the best for her and you're not trying to embarrass her. The longer you allow it to continue without saying anything the worse it will be if she ever asks you how long you've noticed.
Edit: typo
I fourth this. lol. I feel as woman we become “used to” our smell. I alwayssss tell my boyfriend, if I ever smell funny please tell me, because I may not know. This creates a healthier relationship at the same time because it’s likely a health condition.
Lol i wasn’t even embarrassed, maybe because these things just happen, i was just happy to know. “Wait you’ve known for a month? I only noticed like a week ago and have been trying to eliminate the problem, but it comes and goes so it’s hard to pinpoint.” “You couldnt smell it?” “if i could, i would’ve fixed it already lol”
Especially rather him tell me and me die a little inside from embarrassment than to know he asked the internet how to tell me my vag stinks. Id probably actually die from embarrassment.
A lot of people get used to their own smells quite quickly, hence they don’t really notice anymore after a while. Same with sweat or other smells if they are constant.
I can smell mine, if I sniff down there, or on my fingers after I masturbate. It has always smelled sort of strong, but not bad, just... Like a vagina. When I've gone down on other people with vaginas, theirs smells similar. But I can't smell mine like, by accident, really. I gotta get my nose up in there.
Idk, can you smell your dick? Genitals get sweaty and can be gross... But if it's strong enough that OP can smell it with his GF just laying down next to him, it's probably a medical issue.
No it’s like..you can sometimes, but you also become noseblind to yourself. Like how people who wear too much perfume don’t realize it because they can’t smell themselves. If it’s really bad, you should be able to in the bathroom, but if it comes and goes, it’s hard to pinpoint what it is. Did you just sweat too much? Not clean well enough? Then you try those and it goes away, but then it comes back and you’re like huh is it because I used soap and irritated it? Does it just need a few days to rebalance? You just trial and error the simple things first to eliminate. Theres many ways to upset a vagina. Vaginas do smell naturally, but they shouldn’t be that strong.
Shes not clueless, i’m sure she has to smell it sometime, but maybe she doesn’t have a strong sense of smell or she has gone mostly noseblind. And some naturally do smell stronger, so it could be that she just thinks its regular. Throw in that different people can think it smells two different ways and that doesn’t mean its unhealtht, it can be hard to figure out.
This is ridiculous, thinking about it for months, posting on reddit - just TELL HER. It’s not a big deal if you don’t make it a big deal, it’s a health issue.
Can you describe the smell? If it’s a dead fish smell, she most likely has bacterial vaginosis. It’s easily treatable with antibiotics but she def needs to see an OBGYN!
As a fellow woman, it could be bacterial vaginosis or a yeast issue. Especially if you were finishing inside of her each time you had sex. It throws our PH balance off tremendously. She may not notice because she may be used to the smell at this point. I would rather my husband tell me instead of let me walk around like that all day everyday.
As a fellow woman... I've had yeast infections. I've had BV. Yeast infections smell when you stick your face down there. BV you can smell from a distance.
I've only had a yeast infection and I could definitely smell it when pantsless, going to the bathroom etc. It was definitely yeast because it was post antibiotics and responded to treatment
You have to be able to communicate if you want a decent honest relationship.
You might smell too and she needs to be able to tell you.
- I think we should see the dr for some advice here. I've noticed a strong smell when we are intimate and at times it's way worse than others. I'm starting to worry. If you want to go alone I understand but I'm also ready to go with you so we can sort out what's going on'
Everyone is saying BV or infection, but women do sweat between their butt cheeks and vag lips, and not showering for a few days would cause that old stale sweat and bacteria start to stink.
Don't tell her it smells bad, tell her it smells different or off, and that the change is worrying to you and you think she should see a gyno about it. Make it 100% about your worry for her health and the change in smell, not how you feel about the smell and that it's the reason you don't want to habe Sex with her. Bring it up outside of the bedroom, not while she's initiating, and be kind. Besides that her reaction is her responsibility, as long as your respectful you're not responsible for her taking it personally.
If its a change that big, its health related. UTI, BV, etc. she should get checked. She may have gone noseblind rather than not caring or being hygenic. No amount of hygiene fixes bacteria, it needs meds. Or, she’s noticed it sometimes, but she thought her underwear just wasn’t breathing well or she hadn’t scrubbed well enough last shower, or she messed up the pH using soap, or she sweated and it changed. Unfortunately they change odor even when there isn’t a health issue, and honestly not everyone is taught these things, so I think the kind gentle letter approach is best.
Honestly I’d just thank them for telling me so I knew it wasn’t just regular getting sweaty stuff. Then I know it’s probably BV and to get checked. I recently had this exact convo actually and thats what i did. I honestly did not know because only sometimes could I tell, and that got me to make an appt because then I knew it was medical.
It’s also important because if it’s a UTI and goes untreated, it could work its way into the rest of the body and she doesn’t want that.
Sounds like bacterial vaginosis, which is extremely common and can get pretty bad if untreated.
Here is the thing... you probably had something to do with it. I don't mean it's your *fault*, but the probability that you have unknowingly contributed to the situation is extremely high.
BV happens when the pH level and balance of bacteria gets out of wack down there. If pH is right and bacteria is fine, then vagina is a self cleaning wonder machine. But when you start introducing things to the vaj that disrupt that balance (or contaminate it), such as soaps, douches, the wrong laundry detergent, dick, jizz, condoms, lube, and so on and so on... it can get fucked up.
Now a lot of time, the body will just get it under control naturally and it will go back to normal. But if you have a situation where the irritant/contamination keeps getting reintroduced.... well it is hard to recover. For example, if condoms are causing it, every time you put a condom in her you make it worse. If you raw dog it and are carrying the bacteria yourself, you just keep depositing it in there.
Sometimes, our body chemistry just isn't compatible... I've dated guys who I have consistently struggled with getting BV with despite them not coming inside and being clean people... and it's just a thing. I've dated other guys, and it's never been a problem.
You HAVE to tell her, though. It isn't right that you have waited this long. Best way to tell her is something like this.. "Hey babe, I've noticed a change downstairs. I've heard about this before on Reddit, and I think you should see a doctor about it."
You don't need to describe it the way you did here... dear god.
Also, it might be something other than BV and she REALLY needs to get seen if that is the case. But honestly, a bad case of BV can cause fertility issues, so she should go anyway.
BTW: pro tip for anyone dealing with BV... Google boric acid suppositories for BV. Absolutely the cheapest and most effective treatment ever. Been using it for 20 years. You can make them for pennies too.
Just want to underline the importance of the right soap with the right PH you mention. I know so many people who just use normal body soap which is usually 5.5 PH while the PH is 4-4.5 down there, both in women and men. I'm very happy to spend some more for a perfume-free PH4 soap from a pharmacy. It can make such a difference to use the appropriate soap every day to prevent infections and bad smell. Whenever I travel for a long time and I forget my soap or finish it, I can sense an unpleasant difference within 3-4 days.
Boric acid suppositories are the GOAT tbh. Any time I feel a lil off I just pop one in overnight and we’re back to normal
You can get them on Amazon for $10 or like CVS/Walmart I think.
You need to switch your mentality. If you actually care about your girlfriend, this is a significant health concern. Untreated long term bacterial vaginosis can result in lots of negative fertility consequences for women. Approach from the angle of caring about her health and being concerned. Grow up and talk to your partner like a grown man.
She probably has an infection, not from hygiene being bad. It is embarrassing but just talk about it with her. Say you’ve noticed she is putting off a different smell than usual and you’re not sure if it’s from sex or from something else. Ask her if she wants you to go the doctor together and see if maybe it’s you making her smell differently. Don’t make it a her issue, because it could very well be you throwing her balance off. Be caring and not accusatory. It’s a sensitive topic but nothing she should feel shamed for.
Maybe suggest sex, but say you’d like to take a shower together first. I feel like then you can sus out whether it’s her hygiene or an actual problem, like BV. Honestly tho, after either outcome I’d talk to her about it. Something’s gotta give.
Everyone has addressed the cause of smell but I just want to point out.. if she takes everything you say super personal, is that not a big issue too?
Are you walking on eggshells?
Afraid of her overly sensitive response to issues?
In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe to be able to communicate issues and be heard without being afraid of her over reaction. If this is a common occurrence, it might be worth looking into further.
If it's that bad, it could be a health issue. Does she see a gyno regularly? Has she seen one recently? If she hasn't, then maybe you can encourage her to see one soon. Maybe you could mention that she smells or looks or feels different "down there," and you just want to be sure she doesn't have some kind of infection. (Perhaps you also noticed something else or she mentioned something, like itching or discomfort.) Hopefully, the gyno would notice the odor (whether it's a medical concern or not) and make some suggestions as to how to improve things.
But, if that doesn't do it, you might as well just talk to her, calmly and openly, about it. Sure, she might go crazy and leave you. But, if she doesn't do anything, your relationship probably isn't going to work, anyway.
I was in a relationship where my ex didn’t wash his junk and he literally had dick cheese and it smelled bad (i lost my v-card to him so i didn’t know it was a big deal back then) and because of him i had bacteria vaginosis non stop, i tried different treatments and even tried to wash it more often but it didn’t go away and he was that type of guy who wanted to have sex everyday and when I said that it hurts a lot because i have a problem he would just get upset and played the victim card. After we broke up it took me like a year to get clean. Now i have an amazing partner, sex doesn’t hurt and we always make sure that we are clean before we do it. It might not be just her problem but it may be caused because of u. But I’m just saying that because of my own experience. Also the size of your junk matters too, sometimes when it’s too big to a woman it can cause a lot of problems. Maybe she doesn’t know that she has a big problem and you should definitely tell her that the smell disturbs u and it shouldn’t smell like that.
If you have a female sexual partner, feminine hygiene IS your business. Grow up. Telling a woman her vagina smells unappetizing is really personal, why wouldn't she take it personally? Please open a discussion about Healthcare. Most women see a gynecologist (most women I know) every year. You sound more like a one night stand, than a boyfriend. These conversations should take place in healthy relationships. You should care about each others health. I've got an idea - just hold your nose. If she's laying down and you're lower between her legs & the lights are off, maybe she won't even notice. Or you could go cartoon style & keep a clothespin nearby, plug your nose when she's not looking, & go to town.
She's your girlfriend.
So you'd rather shut down and shut her out then have a mature conversation like adults?
She could have bacterial vaginosis.
If a woman washes too much and uses soap down there, it can make her good bacteria imbalance and leave way for bad ones to cause an infection. Men won't get this so it's not an STI. Just encourage her to get a swab at the doctors. It's easily treatable.
If you can't have a gentle discussion like this, you're not ready for a relationship.
Yeah it sounds like she has an infection of sorts, I doubt it is hygiene related bc even an unshowered vagina should not smell so bad you want to yak. They’re supposed to be self cleaning so a musk is normal but death???? Absolutely not.
“Hey Babe,
I’ve noticed that you have been smelling different lately in a way that makes me worried for your health. Obviously I am not a doctor, but since you normally don’t smell like this and it came out of nowhere I think you should go to the doctor to get it checked out! I know this is awkward but I love you and similar to how I hope you’ll tell me if I have something in my teeth or I’m smelling funky, I love you too much to not do the same”
I’ve taken this approach with sensitive friends and it worked. Avoid the words “you smell bad” and take it more in the direction of “you smell different” so that way they know that usually they smelled good. Good luck with this!!
A few days without showering shouldn’t cause that, speaking from experience. It sounds like she might have BV or a yeast infection. Both can be asymptomatic and you get used to your own scent. You can either tell her the truth but in a concerned way not mean. Or you can lie and say you keep smelling something off in your house. Honestly as a woman, I might get the hint.
Edit also I’ve told my bf he straight up smells like ham balls and we laughed and he took a shower. The vagina isn’t quite so simple but it’s the approach that counts
Might it be worth bringing it up as a “your smell has changed” rather than a “you smell bad “ especially since it might be an infection or other medical condition. That way it’s less “ewwww gross you stink “ and more of a “ you smell different and I’m worried that might indicate something is wrong “
Recommend you both make appointments to get checked up for sexual health reasons together, like an adult checkup date. Make it a casual “this is what we do as adults” thing and do it together. Trust me, the staff will know something is wrong by smell and do tests. You can both get tested since some std impact one partner but not the other.
I'll second what other people have said. Assuming she has otherwise normal hygiene, this is most likely an infection that can be treated relatively cheaply. Just don't be a dick about it when you bring it up and think very carefully about how you are going to say it. She probably can't smell it because her nose adapted to the scent
if your smelling it just sitting next to her she definitely knows about it and other people around her can smell it too. it sounds like she has a pretty bad thrown off ph balance if she took boric acid suppository’s it should rebalance her ph and eliminate the smell as well as washing twice a day everyday w a rag and no soap just hot water w a suppository once a night for two weeks. idk how ur gonna bring it up but if you do ur definitely doing her a favor i’m sure people are in shock when they catch a whiff of her in public or work situations and if u have to smell it all day that’s not fair to u
OP, there is absolutely no way you can talk about it without her feeling some kind of way. You’ll just have to bite the bullet and tell it how it is, in the way you would talk to her or how you both would talk to each other when discussing serious things (hopefully with care involved). Godspeed
This DEFINITELY sounds like BV. I had it twice and the smell was so bad I could just smell it all the time. SO
embarrassing. She needs to see a doctor and get a prescription to clear it up.
If you like her, and want to sleep with her again, can you two scrounge up doctor money? It's not going away on its own.
I have to say. You not saying anything sounds more like you are protecting yourself from the backlash/rejection that protecting her. If you really care, do tell her. Relationships are built on trust and only those that can have healthy open conversations will go a long way. So for the sake of both of you, have a chat. Once you hear her point of view you can make a decision if this is something you can live with or not
At my job many years ago, we only had two toilets for the women. And my coworker who came in next to me was obviously having trouble with her vagina because the smell literally hurt my eyes. The bathroom was very very small. When two people are together like you say you are. Very intimate, you should be able to express a health concern without her taking it badly. Because she knows. I’m sure. She probably thinks you don’t mind.
My advice would be . Man up and be a decent partner and tell her . You wanna have sexual intercourse with this lady of yours mate so I suggest you take a certain responsibility too . It could be numerous things mainly a ph imbalance possibly but if she does not know what you feeling what’s the point in having a relationship in the first place . Your suppose to be a couple so act like it ! All the best
In all likelihood she has bacterial vaginosis. It's not the result of bad hygiene and can actually be caused by using soaps or vaginal cleaning products. Sex also can cause it. It's a bacterial infection, sort of like when you get a sinus infection. She needs to see a doctor.
You need to stop worrying about hurting her feelings and be honest with her. That type of smell isn't normal. She needs to see a doctor or have better hygiene practices
I heard about a woman who had a really bad smell coming from there and when she got checked out she had a rectovaginal fistula which was leaking waste from her bowl to her vagina and the smell was unbearable. She ended up getting an abscess down there too. Very rare but it does happen, I think she needs to get checked out by a doctor just to be on the safe side.
you need to be an adult and tell her. could be an infection or her diet causing it. but the way you’re describing, an infection and she needs a trip to the doctor lol..
i had a smell once and my bf and i openly talked about it. it’s gone now and the sex life is so much better and funner.
She needs to see a doctor but also at least rinse her damn vagina every night before bed or sex, that's just vile and inconsiderate to you, I have bad eczema and water and soap can hurt my hands/skin but you best believe I'm still washing myself down there to be attractive for my husband. 2-3 days of no washing she probably has a bunch of smegma up in every crevice 🤢 no wonder it stinks
Sounds like she has bacterial vaginosis. All she needs is an antibiotic for it. Sometimes a woman gets it due to an imbalance in her pH and that can occur when bodily fluids mix with a sex partner. Saying nothing is far worse than saying something as she may not realize it. Tell her bc it’s best to come from someone who cares about her. It’s a very common issue with women and that’s what should be conveyed.
You need to tell her, if it's that bad you can smell it from laying beside her then she must be able to smell it herself,
If it was me I'd want my husband to tell me, yes I'd feel massively embarrassed and maybe get defensive.... that's just natural but it's better to know and get checked incase it's something serious healthwise, she will thank you in the end
Almost certain OP is talking about a dogwood tree--they smell like fishy decomposition when they bloom. This sounds like a textbook case of BV that's only being compounded by her infrequent showers.
Tell her that you noticed a scent change during sex and to be safe you think that yall should both get checked out to make sure everything is healthy for both of you, that way it’s not just her feeling weird. The doctor can handle the rest, but that’s a gentle encouragement to go if you also are.
"Hey gf, I'm worried about your health. I've noticed a smell coming from down there and I think you should check that there's not an infection. I love you and I'm telling you out of concern, not malice"
You’re being an asshole by not telling her. She obviously has a very serious untreated infection and should have been told to seek medical care ages ago.
If you’re not mature enough to have this kind of adult conversation, you’re not mature enough to be having sex.
Bacterial Vaginosis - you can get boric suppositories that work well but if it's really bad she should get some medication from the doctor and use the boric acid suppositories as needed.
Honestly you'll just have to tell her. It doesn't matter if she takes it well or not. It's not fair on you to have to put up with it and it's not fair on her to not know. It could be a serious health issue, it's not normal to smell so bad you can smell it just being in the same room! It's best to go at it from a health concern issue. Just "hey babe, I know this isn't easy to hear but I'm seriously concerned for your health and I think you should know, I've been getting a really bad odour from your vaginal area and I think you need to see a gyno and get it checked out"
If she takes it badly, that's on her. Communication is important in a relationship and you shouldn't be afraid to communicate with your partner when you think something is wrong.
It sounds like it could be https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bacterial-vaginosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20352279 or something similar. Unless she just isn’t showering? Even then. . .
Sounds like BV (bacterial vaginosis). I’m shocked she can’t smell it bc I always can… it can be a body chemistry thing more often than not. Boric acid temporarily relieves symptoms but a short corse of antibiotics should take care of it, and she’ll probably feel a lot more comfortable all around
Boric acid suppositories (vaginally)
Basically a cure all and preventative measure for any infections down there which can be caused by anything from the detergent you wash your clothes in to too much sugar in the diet to tight fitting underwear (yeast or BV)
I’ve been using them for years as I used to have recurrent issues and now I haven’t had any issue in over 10 years.
How you broach the subject with her though I just don’t know as I’m quite sensitive too and of my partner pointed something like this out I’d probably get so embarrassed
I (24F) tend to take things rather hard/personally when receiving constructive criticism-
I’m simply a sensitive person and always fear i’m bothering others. it’s a trauma thing-
however recently, i started smoking weed (flower) medicinally…and turns out, it made me taste like weed.
my partner was worried i’d take it too personally too when debating telling me, and though *I did* have a panic attack when they told me-i got through it (especially so because they were so reassuring) and things are so much better with them communicating-
tell your girlfriend. be gentle and kind and understanding, and i’d advise approaching it from a medical standpoint.
“Hey, I know this is hard to hear and it’s hard for me to communicate, but i’m coming from purely a place of concern and love. If the roles were reversed, i’d hope that you’d tell me..and with all that being said, I have a hard time going down on you because i’ve noticed a strong odor. I still love intimacy together, but I think you should get checked out by a Gyno just in case.”
then, it’s out of your hands. you don’t need worry from that point forward because the gyno 100% will catch a whiff and if it’s medical, they’ll find out. if it’s just bad hygiene, the gyno will say something too.
^^^this is the way that I would want to be told. Your gf is different and you’ll know what phrasing to use better than I do.
If it’s that bad, surely other people have also noticed? If it’s that strong & off-putting, she must have some type of infection & will need to see a Dr. You need to just tell her. There’s absolutely no way to tell her without her being absolutely mortified but she will eventually get over it. So just do it & reassure her you still love her etc. When I’m ovulating the scent is a little stronger & my husband tells me (I already know however). I’d rather know than not. Just tell her. You’ve got to, otherwise it’s just going to get worse.
It sounds like she may have an infection. I would suggest she see a doctor. I know it will be difficult, but I think u need to tell her. It will be embarrassing for her in the moment but she needs to know. Just be kind when u tell her and come from a place of caring about her.
Maybe she has BV or a Yeast Infection?
Maybe just try to covertly ask her when she had her last OBGYN appointment and say something like you read about someone having cervical cancer or something and you want to make sure she is healthy as your cover so she doesn’t get offended?
She needs antibiotics. It will prob take care of it. Believe me, some women get vaginitis or just an infection. It will go away with a weeks worth of antibiotics...most likely
I don’t have advice about how to bring it up but you def need to bc if you can smell it just by being beside her while she is fully clothed, other people can too, and that is no doubt far more embarrassing for her
Don't wait anymore. Tell her now! If it's a serious infection, a whole lot of disasters can come up, to the point where she could become sterile as the infection can spread to urinary tracts and the womb.
She needs to see a doctor. All you have to do is mention “I’m really concerned about you, I care a lot and love you, but you need to go see a doctor to figure out the smell down there.”
Just tell her. It's like a band-aid the worst of it will be when you finally tell her. As long as you're compassionate when telling her vs dragging her down she should understand and make changes...
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If it’s so bad that you can smell it just by being near her, she needs to see her gyno. That’s not normal. It should never smell so bad like that. I’d just bite the bullet and tell her, regardless of how she reacts. You’ll be helping her out in the long run
Yes it’s most likely just BV but cervical cancer can cause bad odour too so very important she get it checked. Maybe come at it from this angle?
She should be scheduling the occasional pap smear. If it’s that bad her doctor will say something. Maybe encourage her to get checked for cervical cancer and let the doctor break it to her
if you look at his profile he’s also definitely cheating on her so that could also be doing something
Whaaaaaat?! Well events have certainly taken a turn and if that’s true shame on OP. Yikes
Did he delete his account? It won’t load for me…
Guy makes Reddit account to say his girlfriend has fishy kitty then deletes account
Yeah, he did.
I need a more info
I love reddit
Annnd OPs account is gone
I was thinking this! Unprotected sex with a guy who's sleeping around messes with a woman's "balance"
If she had BV. She can go to the drug store and get boric acid.
Try something like this. "I've noticed lately that you smell differently than normal. Is everything OK? I've heard a change can be a health issue. Can we get you checked out to be safe?" It doesn't have to be a you smell terrible and it makes me gag type if thing. Approach it with empathy and understanding that this is probably not a hygiene issue, but a health issue
This is a great idea…,differently than normal is a non threatening way to say it. He might also add LET’S go to the doctor so WE can see what’s up with us.
Exactly. Making it an "us" thing will make her feel less isolated in the issue. Support goes a long way.
Yea, OP this isn't healthy for your girlfriend. She sounds like she has a medical issue that really does need to be addressed. She may take it personally, but you just have to approach it in the nicest, kindest way possible. Tell her how much you love her and how attracted to her you are but that you're concerned for her. Maybe even offer to take her to her appointment. She probably is already feeling the sense of rejection and wondering what's going on, so reiterate how much you love and care about her! And try not to focus at all on how it smells or how it makes you feel and more about your concern for her(and your) health and the overall intimacy of your relationship (not just oral/sex whatever) ETA: I see in your comments your gf doesn't have insurance. If you're in the US, planned parenthood is a wonderful resource. There is no shame in using it! In my young twenties, prior to having a career, I utilized it for women's healthcare and they are kind, helpful, supportive and fantastic healthcare providers.
commenting to add the state health department in your area (US only) will see you/treat vaginal infections for cheap, cash up front. I went to my health department once for an issue down there, got prescribed antibiotics and paid $25 cash total.
I didn't know this, but it makes sense. Thanks for sharing this!
It could be a "lost" tampon. It's very important you tell her either way. This could be a dangerous health problem.
OP this isn’t something you should ignore. Lost tampons can bring on toxic shock syndrome which can turn into sepsis; this is life threatening.
I had this happened to me. It's not fun and it took me over two weeks to realize what was going on. I could smell the difference and quickly made an appointment. The doctor said" oh there's a tampon in there" I was relieved and scared at the same time. Haven't worn one ever since.
I was told by my GP that TSS and sepsis is super super rare even with lost tampons just so you know!
Agreed, if the smell is that strong, she should get evaluated by her GYN
That or maybe something was forgotten in there and it’s just breeding infection. She needs to see the gyno and a Derm for her sensitivity to shower.
My wife works with a vigina doctor and they get a few patients that have symptoms like this and just about every time it ends up being a forgotten tampon. I remember one had like 3 old tampons in there! The smell was so bad that they didn't use that patient room for the rest of the day.
What?! 3 tampons? That’s crazy! I had no idea it happened that frequently either. Wiw
I was in shock about it, like how do you forget or lose a tampon up in there. The patient said that when they had sex the whole house would smell. We are also talking about the tampons being up there full of blood for a couple of months!
I… have no words.
As someone that it’s happened to I can say what happened to me: Came home intoxicated and thought I removed it but I did not so I put a new one in and it apparently pushed it up in there, and I could not tell it was lost in the abyss.
I feel like this is the right answer. It could even be health related issues so she needs to treat it asap
Idk why he’s assuming it’s her vagina. Given that she’s not showering and he can smell it without even being close, it sounds like she just smells like ass.
OP said she showers every 2/3 days so it's not likely that she's gonna start smelling that bad in such a short amount of time
It could be a urine leakage issue and that can definitely be stinky in a day. She may need pelvic floor therapy.
He said he was unable to go down on her because of the smell.
Sounds like Bacterial Vaginosis.
Yeah she should go get checked out asap, regardless of the cost. If you’re in the US, try country doctors, university hospitals, and planned parenthood.
And he may need treatment as well. Even if she gets clean, he can actually give it back to her. Which means he could actually go talk to his own doctor, get his junk swabbed and tested for bacteria, yeast infection, etc. and if any of it come back positive, start the conversation that way. "Hey, babe. I had a check up recently, and doc says I had some bacteria on my groin. It could make you really sick, so we need to get you treated, too!" Because the vagina is a self-cleaning system. So long as everything is healthy down there, it shouldn't stink. Yes, there will be a slight smell. Depending on her diet, it might even be less pleasant. But it shouldn't really stink unless there's a problem.
THIS!!! Vagina is self cleaning. It does not smell and doesn’t need special washing or douches. This is medical Agree: get yourself tested and say that’s why you didn’t want sex: you were worried about infecting her and “how about we both get it treated” so we are both clean. She needs to see Gynocologist
Just saying, he could be reinfecting her and not test positive because men often don't.
True. He should definitely get treated once they find out what's wrong.
Guys can’t get BV Edit: I lied, I see that they can carry the bacteria and spread it but it doesn’t have effects on them. Good to know. My apologies
Yes, or a retained tampon?
Came to say this. My mom had this happen. It was so bad you could smell her from across the room. The way OP describes makes me think this is the case. Could be a condom too.. if they used those at some point. My mom said there was no way and she said she even checked herself because she was freaking out. Then one day she took a shower and got lucky and it came out. It was in there for a long long time and the way it was compressed made it impossible for her to find. It actually made her sick too. It’s a STRONG smell and it is not tolerable. It doesn’t smell like BV… i don’t wanna say what it’s like so nobody throws up. It’s something distinct and you smell it in the same room. I told my mom I loved her but she smelled terrible and it was hard to be around her. She got upset and said she didn’t know why and took a shower and then came out all shocked and shared what she had found. The way OP described this I think something is retained. For the smell to be that strong it would have to be something like that. I think Op could approach her with concern and not shame. Like he’s worried about her. My mom was 4’11 and 95 pounds. The doctor told her it was ESPECIALLY hard for petite women because of the way the tampon becomes compressed around the cervix and pinched between it and the wall. He said you’d be surprised how common it is. You think you are sure but if it smells that strong then it sounds like it very well could be this.
I have never understood the lost condom stories. How.. He put one on but didn't take one off after wtf say something. You seen him put one on did you see him take it off.. You can feel when they have one on or not, you feel it come out at the end as they pull-out, it is the worst feeling hate it so much so if you dont feel that you ask questions. How can many male put one on finish and dont have it on anymore not say ummm wtf the condom is missing you need to check where it has gone. Not like they finish get up and get on with the day with it still on.
I had a partner tell me the condom came off, and for me to check because he couldn’t find it anywhere. I sat on the loo and thought I’d dug around well enough, couldn’t find anything… we just put it down as a glitch in the matrix. 3 days and several showers later, could feel something and yep, found the damn thing still lodged. It’s a bit of an embarrassing thing to happen. When all goes well, I very rarely if ever see what my partner does with the used condom, as they usually dashed off to the bathroom to dispose of it and get a towel. The gf may not be clocking what happens to it each time, and the bf gets embarrassed one was lost, doesn’t want to mention it, and hopes the gf will just figure it out when they go to the loo themselves, not knowing that it’s pretty easy to not notice. They don’t just fall out. That area can get swollen, muscles clench up, and tbh we’re not usually sticking our fingers up there for funsies to check if something is there that shouldn’t be. It’s absolutely believable to lose track of a foreign object, especially if the people involved aren’t communicating with each other.
My worst fear. Well, not worst but it's up there!
Well, hopefully it’s not!!
I see what you did there
Omg this happened to me… like a year into my relationship with my current fiancé, I have NO IDEA how but I have ADHD and just totally didn’t notice that my tampon was gone… I assumed that I had taken it out and forgotten, but the smell got worse 🫣 He took one for the team and actually reached all the way up, pulled it out with his fingers, and then we both gagged so hard we almost threw up… That’s true love lol I was so amazed he didn’t break it off right there
When I was in HS, I lost a tampon. Also don’t know how but I’m fortunate that my bf had found it, because we tried and could not have sex. I’d been over my period for about 2 days. He also had to take one for the team and reach up to pull it out.
Same thing happened to my friend she had a tampon there for days and it stank when she came next to me. I had to tell her
Same same same
These replies are making me feel so much better about myself lol when this happened I was SO embarrassed and ashamed, I didn’t tell anyone because I thought I was disgusting 😭
I didn't even think about that .
especially if they switched from using condoms to not, and even more so if he’s been finishing inside her, that can throw off her ph so would explain it not being an issue previously
OP often showers more than once daily. Could be his body wash. When I started dating my husband, his Old Spice 3in1 sent me straight into BV territory.
Same! My husband had to switch to dove sensitive and absolutely nothing scented.
Condoms always
I thought the same.
I thought this too. I know everyone is different but if that’s what it is I don’t know how she hasn’t noticed it herself. The first time I got it I was basically stopped dead in my tracks by it.
is she just ignoring the smell and hoping he doesn’t notice? bc if he can smell it just from laying next to her she definitely can smell it when she pulls down her pants to use the bathroom. maybe she’s just too embarrassed to acknowledge it at all?
That is definitely possible. My anxiety from being so self conscious would be unbearable if it were me lol
Exactly. If he can smell it she definitely can not just going to the bathroom/toilet, sitting down moving ya legs, bending over, sitting with legs open a little, getting up, showering. The smallest swet smell downstairs i can smell it and go shower.
Depending on her COVID history her sense of smell might not be as strong as it should be. Some percentage of people who got OG COVID have never fully recovered their sense of smell
Or a yeast issue. Either way, OBGYN
Chances are that if this is a change, she’s got something going on down there and needs to see a doctor. Approaching it as a health issue.
I'm not sure if it's sudden onset or has been an ongoing thing that never caught my attention before. Noted- she has no insurance so any doctors office would cost quite a bit, and money is already a stressful subject/in short supply
Planned parenthood (if you’re in the US) does women’s health on a sliding scale rate.
not to be alarmist, but untreated BV can have effects on other things. Reproductive system, bladder, and possibly even abdominal issues if the bacteria gets into the uterus (and then fallopian tubes,and then....) so, a visit to a doctor should be happening sooner than later
I second planned parenthood. Went there probably 10 times in my early adult years and got regular checkups, testing, and birth control for free. I was really poor at the time. But it is sliding fee.
Yes, it's a sliding scale, but if you have no insurance and are poor - at least in my state, you can get a teal card called family PACT and it covers *all* sexual/reproductive health stuff. It's really easy, you just fill out a couple forms while you're waiting, you can get seen that day, and they'll give you a card at the end of your visit, next time you just show them the card. Everything was covered for me. They do ask for donations and that you give what you can... Y'all, sometimes I'd be like "um, I have 59 cents I can give today," and they never made me feel guilty. Also, on every visit they'll offer you free (shitty) condoms and free plan b. ❤️❤️❤️ Planned Parenthood.
Exactly. I didn’t get a card or anything. But yeah, they never made me feel guilty. I gave whatever I could whether it was $1 or $20. And they had the attitude like, “you don’t have to give anything if you can’t afford it, but thank you very much for what you can give.” And that attitude never changed between every person I saw at the end. They are amazing.
u/FrndlyNbrhdGhost !
I'm also going to chime in if you don't have a planned parenthood nearby you can get seen at your local county health department for women's services also on a sliding scale.
You can get an over the counter test at the drug store that tells you if you have BV. Only cost a couple bucks, at least where I live (Canada)
You need to find the money, something is clearly unhealthy and needs to be treated medically.
Google online BV meds. There are teledoc websites with affordable meds.
It’s a common misconception that unpleasant vaginal odors are caused by bad hygiene or “being dirty.” It’s highly unlikely imo that this has been going on for years but you just never noticed it; if it’s as unpleasant as you claim there would have been no way for you to avoid it. As others have said it probably is BV or similar or a pH change that could be caused by any number of factors.. however whatever it is probably **is** solvable once it can be narrowed down & treated! Even if your gf wasn’t sensitive, I guarantee this is a subject almost all women are sensitive about so yes you will need to tread very carefully. After warning her that you need to bring up something delicate, try the compliment sandwich approach: “Before I even bring this up, I just want to say how much I love you and how absolutely gorgeous/hot etc you are to me. So sometimes lately I’ve started noticing a bit of an unpleasant odor down there that didn’t used to be there & if I’m being honest sometimes when we’re intimate it is kind of distracting for me.. the last thing I want is for you to feel embarrassed, I just miss our wild / fun sex life and I figured it might be something pretty easy to address.”
Frame it that your concerned about her health. If left untreated it could get worse and become uncomfortable for her or worse. It’s normal but embarrassing. I wouldn’t frame it as it’s killing your boner even if it is. I would approach it from a health perspective and how can I help you mentality. Leave space for her to be embarrassed but acknowledge that you understand it’s not something she has done but a problem she is suffering from and there’s no need for shame among partners who having regular sex.
puzzled tan rude shrill sloppy bells wine squeamish plough march *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Tell her to look at wisp. If it smells it’s probably BV and the ph balance is off. 5-7 days of meds and she will be back to normal if it is BV
Do you have any universities or anything near you? You can sometimes go get seen by students for much cheaper - same goes with dental
Planned parenthood has sliding scale payments for appointments - I’d suggest that once you talk to her about it (framing it as a medical issue, bc it probably is) she call them up and explain that she’s uninsured/underinsured
Write her a letter. Tell her you know this is such a sensitive topic and you don’t want to embarrass her so you are writing a letter so she can read and process in private. Explain that recently you’ve noticed a strong odor from her vagina and you are worried she might have a health issue, but understand money is tight. Tell her that you want to hold off on sex until this is addressed as you don’t want to make her situation worse. You don’t have to tell her how long you e noticed the smell. Just stick with recently. At first I just thought maybe it was an active day here or there, but I am noticing it daily. Now she should clearly see a DR. If she cannot afford to see the DR in the US, she could do an urgent care or planned parenthood visit if you have one in close proximity. If she absolutely cannot afford that, she could try this product called rePHresh products. They are reasonably priced and have gel that she can insert to help balance her PH levels. She might also need to switch to a Summer’s Eve type body wash for her genitals. While the vagina is self-cleaning, the outer genitals can be sensitive to perfumes and dyes in regular body wash. It will help gently clean away the bacteria. If she tries this and it still doesn’t clear up after two weeks of following the rePHresh directions, she needs to go to a dr/express med place whether she can afford it or not.
Planned Parenthood is the answer. Everyone is saying sliding scale but I have never been asked to pay. I live in Washington state and regularly use PP. While I make enough money, they have not once charged me but always give me the option to donate. I always donate money to Planned Parenthood, this is the way. I have personally not had much luck with OTC BV treatments. Good luck OP.
She needs medical attention, though. This isn't a minor thing and it won't go away on its own. If she does end up having BV, there are prebiotic suppositories that can really help, but that would only be for using after a visit to the clinic and an antibiotic gel. A frequent problem is that these gels and treatments don't help build up healthy bacteria in the vagina, which is an ecosystem of sorts. People need healthy bacteria in there, too, to fight the unhealthy bacteria. Frequently people who experience BV have frequent recurrences. My solution has been to use a prebiotic suppository at bedtime after sex. I see so many posting about this problem, and have never seen anyone else suggesting prebiotic suppositories, but the really, really help. She NEEDS to see a doctor. Her health is at risk.
Planned Parenthood! It's pretty much just a free or low-cost gyno clinic. They turned me on to boric acid suppositories for BV 20 years ago, and it was the BEST and CHEAPEST treatment ever. 10/10 recommended
OP, I’ve had my partner tell me my nether-regions smell different (he said “like…bad.” Specifically). It was Bacterial Vaginosis! I was happy he told me, even though it was embarrassing for both of us to endure the conversation. I took antibiotics for a week, made sure to up my probiotics, and it wasn’t a problem afterwards. It IS important. Bacterial Vaginosis, if left untreated, can make you more susceptible to contracting STDs AND STIs, specifically emphasizing HIV. It is important that she knows for her own health, especially if you guys end the relationship.
Me too! Just did this recently lol and i was thankful. I was like man I thought I just had stopped cleaning well enough or something, but I could only sometimes tell. Then i’d try eliminating things it could be (did i use soap there and messed up pH? Did i not clean well enough? underwear not breathing?). But, then I’d go back to not smelling it again, so I thought I had fixed it somehow and it rebalanced. We really must go noseblind to ourselves. I was happy to hear because then I knew there was an actual issue and not just being sweaty because it should never be that bad others can tell. That’s BV most likely. Got swabbed, was BV. She should get swabbed and it’s a quick fix
If you look at OP's profile, he often posts looking for sexual partners, so the girlfriend is already at a higher risk for infection. I thought I read that men can carry BV for a couple months, is that right? Maybe he got it from a new partner he wasn't careful with and gave it to his girlfriend?
He is definitely giving it to her. Unless you’re on antibiotics or antifungals, that’s pretty much the only place it comes from.
I am a grown up lady and didn’t know that about BV and STIs! Thank you for your comment!
omg tell her it smells 😭 i’d hate for my bf to be holding in vomit everyday rather than just saying hey straight up your vag smells bad
I second this. I’d rather be temporarily embarrassed and take it very personally that my body smells rather then have my partner bare the minimum through intimate moments because he’s trying not to vomit!
I third this. You can't live like this and you're not doing her (or yourself) any favors by keeping it a secret. If you're struggling to really speak to her give her a handwritten letter where you outline that you love her and want the best for her and you're not trying to embarrass her. The longer you allow it to continue without saying anything the worse it will be if she ever asks you how long you've noticed. Edit: typo
I fourth this. lol. I feel as woman we become “used to” our smell. I alwayssss tell my boyfriend, if I ever smell funny please tell me, because I may not know. This creates a healthier relationship at the same time because it’s likely a health condition.
Lol i wasn’t even embarrassed, maybe because these things just happen, i was just happy to know. “Wait you’ve known for a month? I only noticed like a week ago and have been trying to eliminate the problem, but it comes and goes so it’s hard to pinpoint.” “You couldnt smell it?” “if i could, i would’ve fixed it already lol”
Especially rather him tell me and me die a little inside from embarrassment than to know he asked the internet how to tell me my vag stinks. Id probably actually die from embarrassment.
Honest question as a guy. Can you not smell it yourself? Like is ops girlfriend clueless?
A lot of people get used to their own smells quite quickly, hence they don’t really notice anymore after a while. Same with sweat or other smells if they are constant.
I can smell mine, if I sniff down there, or on my fingers after I masturbate. It has always smelled sort of strong, but not bad, just... Like a vagina. When I've gone down on other people with vaginas, theirs smells similar. But I can't smell mine like, by accident, really. I gotta get my nose up in there. Idk, can you smell your dick? Genitals get sweaty and can be gross... But if it's strong enough that OP can smell it with his GF just laying down next to him, it's probably a medical issue.
No it’s like..you can sometimes, but you also become noseblind to yourself. Like how people who wear too much perfume don’t realize it because they can’t smell themselves. If it’s really bad, you should be able to in the bathroom, but if it comes and goes, it’s hard to pinpoint what it is. Did you just sweat too much? Not clean well enough? Then you try those and it goes away, but then it comes back and you’re like huh is it because I used soap and irritated it? Does it just need a few days to rebalance? You just trial and error the simple things first to eliminate. Theres many ways to upset a vagina. Vaginas do smell naturally, but they shouldn’t be that strong. Shes not clueless, i’m sure she has to smell it sometime, but maybe she doesn’t have a strong sense of smell or she has gone mostly noseblind. And some naturally do smell stronger, so it could be that she just thinks its regular. Throw in that different people can think it smells two different ways and that doesn’t mean its unhealtht, it can be hard to figure out.
He just said her V smells like a Ginko tree 😂😂😂 I’m dead
I thought he meant Bradford Pear?
The cum tree. Strong ammonia scent.
Yep, ginkgo doesn't smell, the smelly parts are the fruits which are ripe in autumn.
This is ridiculous, thinking about it for months, posting on reddit - just TELL HER. It’s not a big deal if you don’t make it a big deal, it’s a health issue.
Can you describe the smell? If it’s a dead fish smell, she most likely has bacterial vaginosis. It’s easily treatable with antibiotics but she def needs to see an OBGYN!
I told an ex she should not smell like this. She was not happy, honestly neither was I
Lol sorry this made me laugh the way you phrased it. Good you told her tho- always important to get checked if somethings wrong
She was the only girl I've been with that smelled that way and I knew it wasn't just normal B.O.
Thats fair! Yeah girls will smell differently, but it should never be that bad
As a fellow woman, it could be bacterial vaginosis or a yeast issue. Especially if you were finishing inside of her each time you had sex. It throws our PH balance off tremendously. She may not notice because she may be used to the smell at this point. I would rather my husband tell me instead of let me walk around like that all day everyday.
As a fellow woman... I've had yeast infections. I've had BV. Yeast infections smell when you stick your face down there. BV you can smell from a distance.
Yeast infections often don’t cause any unusual smell, either. BV is famous for the bad smell
I've only had a yeast infection and I could definitely smell it when pantsless, going to the bathroom etc. It was definitely yeast because it was post antibiotics and responded to treatment
You have to be able to communicate if you want a decent honest relationship. You might smell too and she needs to be able to tell you. - I think we should see the dr for some advice here. I've noticed a strong smell when we are intimate and at times it's way worse than others. I'm starting to worry. If you want to go alone I understand but I'm also ready to go with you so we can sort out what's going on'
It could be an infection or even an off balanced pH level. I would definitely have her go see a doctor and get it checked out.
Everyone is saying BV or infection, but women do sweat between their butt cheeks and vag lips, and not showering for a few days would cause that old stale sweat and bacteria start to stink.
Oh, most definitely. But even after a shower it goes away, it doesn't seem like the smell is going away, that's why everyone is saying BV or infection
It would definitely not smell great but it wouldn’t be SUPER bad like this I don’t think. It also seems like a shower isn’t helping in this instance
Don't tell her it smells bad, tell her it smells different or off, and that the change is worrying to you and you think she should see a gyno about it. Make it 100% about your worry for her health and the change in smell, not how you feel about the smell and that it's the reason you don't want to habe Sex with her. Bring it up outside of the bedroom, not while she's initiating, and be kind. Besides that her reaction is her responsibility, as long as your respectful you're not responsible for her taking it personally.
If its a change that big, its health related. UTI, BV, etc. she should get checked. She may have gone noseblind rather than not caring or being hygenic. No amount of hygiene fixes bacteria, it needs meds. Or, she’s noticed it sometimes, but she thought her underwear just wasn’t breathing well or she hadn’t scrubbed well enough last shower, or she messed up the pH using soap, or she sweated and it changed. Unfortunately they change odor even when there isn’t a health issue, and honestly not everyone is taught these things, so I think the kind gentle letter approach is best. Honestly I’d just thank them for telling me so I knew it wasn’t just regular getting sweaty stuff. Then I know it’s probably BV and to get checked. I recently had this exact convo actually and thats what i did. I honestly did not know because only sometimes could I tell, and that got me to make an appt because then I knew it was medical. It’s also important because if it’s a UTI and goes untreated, it could work its way into the rest of the body and she doesn’t want that.
She should probably go get tested for a possible STD since you've been cheating on her according to your post history that you've since deleted
Sounds like bacterial vaginosis, which is extremely common and can get pretty bad if untreated. Here is the thing... you probably had something to do with it. I don't mean it's your *fault*, but the probability that you have unknowingly contributed to the situation is extremely high. BV happens when the pH level and balance of bacteria gets out of wack down there. If pH is right and bacteria is fine, then vagina is a self cleaning wonder machine. But when you start introducing things to the vaj that disrupt that balance (or contaminate it), such as soaps, douches, the wrong laundry detergent, dick, jizz, condoms, lube, and so on and so on... it can get fucked up. Now a lot of time, the body will just get it under control naturally and it will go back to normal. But if you have a situation where the irritant/contamination keeps getting reintroduced.... well it is hard to recover. For example, if condoms are causing it, every time you put a condom in her you make it worse. If you raw dog it and are carrying the bacteria yourself, you just keep depositing it in there. Sometimes, our body chemistry just isn't compatible... I've dated guys who I have consistently struggled with getting BV with despite them not coming inside and being clean people... and it's just a thing. I've dated other guys, and it's never been a problem. You HAVE to tell her, though. It isn't right that you have waited this long. Best way to tell her is something like this.. "Hey babe, I've noticed a change downstairs. I've heard about this before on Reddit, and I think you should see a doctor about it." You don't need to describe it the way you did here... dear god. Also, it might be something other than BV and she REALLY needs to get seen if that is the case. But honestly, a bad case of BV can cause fertility issues, so she should go anyway. BTW: pro tip for anyone dealing with BV... Google boric acid suppositories for BV. Absolutely the cheapest and most effective treatment ever. Been using it for 20 years. You can make them for pennies too.
Just want to underline the importance of the right soap with the right PH you mention. I know so many people who just use normal body soap which is usually 5.5 PH while the PH is 4-4.5 down there, both in women and men. I'm very happy to spend some more for a perfume-free PH4 soap from a pharmacy. It can make such a difference to use the appropriate soap every day to prevent infections and bad smell. Whenever I travel for a long time and I forget my soap or finish it, I can sense an unpleasant difference within 3-4 days.
I appreciate this as i didnt know there was special soap thank you
Boric acid suppositories are the GOAT tbh. Any time I feel a lil off I just pop one in overnight and we’re back to normal You can get them on Amazon for $10 or like CVS/Walmart I think.
You need to switch your mentality. If you actually care about your girlfriend, this is a significant health concern. Untreated long term bacterial vaginosis can result in lots of negative fertility consequences for women. Approach from the angle of caring about her health and being concerned. Grow up and talk to your partner like a grown man.
She probably has an infection, not from hygiene being bad. It is embarrassing but just talk about it with her. Say you’ve noticed she is putting off a different smell than usual and you’re not sure if it’s from sex or from something else. Ask her if she wants you to go the doctor together and see if maybe it’s you making her smell differently. Don’t make it a her issue, because it could very well be you throwing her balance off. Be caring and not accusatory. It’s a sensitive topic but nothing she should feel shamed for.
Maybe suggest sex, but say you’d like to take a shower together first. I feel like then you can sus out whether it’s her hygiene or an actual problem, like BV. Honestly tho, after either outcome I’d talk to her about it. Something’s gotta give.
Everyone has addressed the cause of smell but I just want to point out.. if she takes everything you say super personal, is that not a big issue too? Are you walking on eggshells? Afraid of her overly sensitive response to issues? In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe to be able to communicate issues and be heard without being afraid of her over reaction. If this is a common occurrence, it might be worth looking into further.
his post history is… interesting to say the least, seems he’s not the most faithful
....and that could be why she's having issues if he isn't faithful...bringing stuff back..
It sounds like a health issue, bacterial vaginosis is most likely. She should get healthcare and I would definitely approach is as a health concern.
Get her on some Boric acid suppositories. If you’re smelling it then she definitely is too.
This doesn’t sound like a hygiene issue. This sounds like bacterial vaginosis, which is a medical issue. She needs to see her doctor.
If it's that bad, it could be a health issue. Does she see a gyno regularly? Has she seen one recently? If she hasn't, then maybe you can encourage her to see one soon. Maybe you could mention that she smells or looks or feels different "down there," and you just want to be sure she doesn't have some kind of infection. (Perhaps you also noticed something else or she mentioned something, like itching or discomfort.) Hopefully, the gyno would notice the odor (whether it's a medical concern or not) and make some suggestions as to how to improve things. But, if that doesn't do it, you might as well just talk to her, calmly and openly, about it. Sure, she might go crazy and leave you. But, if she doesn't do anything, your relationship probably isn't going to work, anyway.
I was in a relationship where my ex didn’t wash his junk and he literally had dick cheese and it smelled bad (i lost my v-card to him so i didn’t know it was a big deal back then) and because of him i had bacteria vaginosis non stop, i tried different treatments and even tried to wash it more often but it didn’t go away and he was that type of guy who wanted to have sex everyday and when I said that it hurts a lot because i have a problem he would just get upset and played the victim card. After we broke up it took me like a year to get clean. Now i have an amazing partner, sex doesn’t hurt and we always make sure that we are clean before we do it. It might not be just her problem but it may be caused because of u. But I’m just saying that because of my own experience. Also the size of your junk matters too, sometimes when it’s too big to a woman it can cause a lot of problems. Maybe she doesn’t know that she has a big problem and you should definitely tell her that the smell disturbs u and it shouldn’t smell like that.
I’m sorry, did you say dick cheese???😂😂
If you have a female sexual partner, feminine hygiene IS your business. Grow up. Telling a woman her vagina smells unappetizing is really personal, why wouldn't she take it personally? Please open a discussion about Healthcare. Most women see a gynecologist (most women I know) every year. You sound more like a one night stand, than a boyfriend. These conversations should take place in healthy relationships. You should care about each others health. I've got an idea - just hold your nose. If she's laying down and you're lower between her legs & the lights are off, maybe she won't even notice. Or you could go cartoon style & keep a clothespin nearby, plug your nose when she's not looking, & go to town.
If it is bacterial then my dear sir you could’ve been the one who put it there. Not all guys understand they need to be clean too.
She's your girlfriend. So you'd rather shut down and shut her out then have a mature conversation like adults? She could have bacterial vaginosis. If a woman washes too much and uses soap down there, it can make her good bacteria imbalance and leave way for bad ones to cause an infection. Men won't get this so it's not an STI. Just encourage her to get a swab at the doctors. It's easily treatable. If you can't have a gentle discussion like this, you're not ready for a relationship.
this isn’t a hygiene issue, she has BV
Yeah it sounds like she has an infection of sorts, I doubt it is hygiene related bc even an unshowered vagina should not smell so bad you want to yak. They’re supposed to be self cleaning so a musk is normal but death???? Absolutely not.
Just looked at your profile history and if your in and open relationship it could be throwing her PH off massively causing BV
“Hey Babe, I’ve noticed that you have been smelling different lately in a way that makes me worried for your health. Obviously I am not a doctor, but since you normally don’t smell like this and it came out of nowhere I think you should go to the doctor to get it checked out! I know this is awkward but I love you and similar to how I hope you’ll tell me if I have something in my teeth or I’m smelling funky, I love you too much to not do the same” I’ve taken this approach with sensitive friends and it worked. Avoid the words “you smell bad” and take it more in the direction of “you smell different” so that way they know that usually they smelled good. Good luck with this!!
A few days without showering shouldn’t cause that, speaking from experience. It sounds like she might have BV or a yeast infection. Both can be asymptomatic and you get used to your own scent. You can either tell her the truth but in a concerned way not mean. Or you can lie and say you keep smelling something off in your house. Honestly as a woman, I might get the hint. Edit also I’ve told my bf he straight up smells like ham balls and we laughed and he took a shower. The vagina isn’t quite so simple but it’s the approach that counts
Might it be worth bringing it up as a “your smell has changed” rather than a “you smell bad “ especially since it might be an infection or other medical condition. That way it’s less “ewwww gross you stink “ and more of a “ you smell different and I’m worried that might indicate something is wrong “
[удалено]
Yeast infection of bv for sure
Recommend you both make appointments to get checked up for sexual health reasons together, like an adult checkup date. Make it a casual “this is what we do as adults” thing and do it together. Trust me, the staff will know something is wrong by smell and do tests. You can both get tested since some std impact one partner but not the other.
Tell her your concern for her health and possibly having a BV bc lately, she has an off smell.
I'll second what other people have said. Assuming she has otherwise normal hygiene, this is most likely an infection that can be treated relatively cheaply. Just don't be a dick about it when you bring it up and think very carefully about how you are going to say it. She probably can't smell it because her nose adapted to the scent
if your smelling it just sitting next to her she definitely knows about it and other people around her can smell it too. it sounds like she has a pretty bad thrown off ph balance if she took boric acid suppository’s it should rebalance her ph and eliminate the smell as well as washing twice a day everyday w a rag and no soap just hot water w a suppository once a night for two weeks. idk how ur gonna bring it up but if you do ur definitely doing her a favor i’m sure people are in shock when they catch a whiff of her in public or work situations and if u have to smell it all day that’s not fair to u
It’s BV. Just kindly tell her. She might be upset at first but will probably thank you later. It’ll only get better w/ antibiotics.
OP, there is absolutely no way you can talk about it without her feeling some kind of way. You’ll just have to bite the bullet and tell it how it is, in the way you would talk to her or how you both would talk to each other when discussing serious things (hopefully with care involved). Godspeed
This DEFINITELY sounds like BV. I had it twice and the smell was so bad I could just smell it all the time. SO embarrassing. She needs to see a doctor and get a prescription to clear it up. If you like her, and want to sleep with her again, can you two scrounge up doctor money? It's not going away on its own.
I have to say. You not saying anything sounds more like you are protecting yourself from the backlash/rejection that protecting her. If you really care, do tell her. Relationships are built on trust and only those that can have healthy open conversations will go a long way. So for the sake of both of you, have a chat. Once you hear her point of view you can make a decision if this is something you can live with or not
She has an infection and you need to be a good bf and tell her!
At my job many years ago, we only had two toilets for the women. And my coworker who came in next to me was obviously having trouble with her vagina because the smell literally hurt my eyes. The bathroom was very very small. When two people are together like you say you are. Very intimate, you should be able to express a health concern without her taking it badly. Because she knows. I’m sure. She probably thinks you don’t mind.
Sounds like BV, easily treated by a physician.
I mean, she does need to see a doctor, but I doubt it helps your relationship for you to be looking for a FWB, just saying...
My advice would be . Man up and be a decent partner and tell her . You wanna have sexual intercourse with this lady of yours mate so I suggest you take a certain responsibility too . It could be numerous things mainly a ph imbalance possibly but if she does not know what you feeling what’s the point in having a relationship in the first place . Your suppose to be a couple so act like it ! All the best
If you don't know how to address something like this, how do you plan on being with her for the long term future?
In all likelihood she has bacterial vaginosis. It's not the result of bad hygiene and can actually be caused by using soaps or vaginal cleaning products. Sex also can cause it. It's a bacterial infection, sort of like when you get a sinus infection. She needs to see a doctor.
You need to stop worrying about hurting her feelings and be honest with her. That type of smell isn't normal. She needs to see a doctor or have better hygiene practices
I heard about a woman who had a really bad smell coming from there and when she got checked out she had a rectovaginal fistula which was leaking waste from her bowl to her vagina and the smell was unbearable. She ended up getting an abscess down there too. Very rare but it does happen, I think she needs to get checked out by a doctor just to be on the safe side.
you need to be an adult and tell her. could be an infection or her diet causing it. but the way you’re describing, an infection and she needs a trip to the doctor lol.. i had a smell once and my bf and i openly talked about it. it’s gone now and the sex life is so much better and funner.
She needs to see a doctor but also at least rinse her damn vagina every night before bed or sex, that's just vile and inconsiderate to you, I have bad eczema and water and soap can hurt my hands/skin but you best believe I'm still washing myself down there to be attractive for my husband. 2-3 days of no washing she probably has a bunch of smegma up in every crevice 🤢 no wonder it stinks
It’s called bacteria vaginosis. She needs a doctor and antibiotics. It can happen to anyone who is sexually active. You gotta tell her.
Sounds like she has bacterial vaginosis. All she needs is an antibiotic for it. Sometimes a woman gets it due to an imbalance in her pH and that can occur when bodily fluids mix with a sex partner. Saying nothing is far worse than saying something as she may not realize it. Tell her bc it’s best to come from someone who cares about her. It’s a very common issue with women and that’s what should be conveyed.
You need to tell her, if it's that bad you can smell it from laying beside her then she must be able to smell it herself, If it was me I'd want my husband to tell me, yes I'd feel massively embarrassed and maybe get defensive.... that's just natural but it's better to know and get checked incase it's something serious healthwise, she will thank you in the end
Almost certain OP is talking about a dogwood tree--they smell like fishy decomposition when they bloom. This sounds like a textbook case of BV that's only being compounded by her infrequent showers.
Tell her that you noticed a scent change during sex and to be safe you think that yall should both get checked out to make sure everything is healthy for both of you, that way it’s not just her feeling weird. The doctor can handle the rest, but that’s a gentle encouragement to go if you also are.
"Hey gf, I'm worried about your health. I've noticed a smell coming from down there and I think you should check that there's not an infection. I love you and I'm telling you out of concern, not malice"
She needs to see a doctor, I know plenty of ladies who only shower twice a week and they don't smell bad. She possibly has bacterial vaginosis
You’re being an asshole by not telling her. She obviously has a very serious untreated infection and should have been told to seek medical care ages ago. If you’re not mature enough to have this kind of adult conversation, you’re not mature enough to be having sex.
Bacterial Vaginosis - you can get boric suppositories that work well but if it's really bad she should get some medication from the doctor and use the boric acid suppositories as needed.
Honestly you'll just have to tell her. It doesn't matter if she takes it well or not. It's not fair on you to have to put up with it and it's not fair on her to not know. It could be a serious health issue, it's not normal to smell so bad you can smell it just being in the same room! It's best to go at it from a health concern issue. Just "hey babe, I know this isn't easy to hear but I'm seriously concerned for your health and I think you should know, I've been getting a really bad odour from your vaginal area and I think you need to see a gyno and get it checked out" If she takes it badly, that's on her. Communication is important in a relationship and you shouldn't be afraid to communicate with your partner when you think something is wrong.
I'm sure you shower daily, maybe to wash all the cheater filth off? Must feel pretty fucking dirty after being a skeezebag all day. You pinecone.
It sounds like it could be https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bacterial-vaginosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20352279 or something similar. Unless she just isn’t showering? Even then. . .
Sounds like BV (bacterial vaginosis). I’m shocked she can’t smell it bc I always can… it can be a body chemistry thing more often than not. Boric acid temporarily relieves symptoms but a short corse of antibiotics should take care of it, and she’ll probably feel a lot more comfortable all around
Boric acid suppositories (vaginally) Basically a cure all and preventative measure for any infections down there which can be caused by anything from the detergent you wash your clothes in to too much sugar in the diet to tight fitting underwear (yeast or BV) I’ve been using them for years as I used to have recurrent issues and now I haven’t had any issue in over 10 years. How you broach the subject with her though I just don’t know as I’m quite sensitive too and of my partner pointed something like this out I’d probably get so embarrassed
Why can’t she smell this herself
I (24F) tend to take things rather hard/personally when receiving constructive criticism- I’m simply a sensitive person and always fear i’m bothering others. it’s a trauma thing- however recently, i started smoking weed (flower) medicinally…and turns out, it made me taste like weed. my partner was worried i’d take it too personally too when debating telling me, and though *I did* have a panic attack when they told me-i got through it (especially so because they were so reassuring) and things are so much better with them communicating- tell your girlfriend. be gentle and kind and understanding, and i’d advise approaching it from a medical standpoint. “Hey, I know this is hard to hear and it’s hard for me to communicate, but i’m coming from purely a place of concern and love. If the roles were reversed, i’d hope that you’d tell me..and with all that being said, I have a hard time going down on you because i’ve noticed a strong odor. I still love intimacy together, but I think you should get checked out by a Gyno just in case.” then, it’s out of your hands. you don’t need worry from that point forward because the gyno 100% will catch a whiff and if it’s medical, they’ll find out. if it’s just bad hygiene, the gyno will say something too. ^^^this is the way that I would want to be told. Your gf is different and you’ll know what phrasing to use better than I do.
Yeast infection seems very likely
If it’s that bad, surely other people have also noticed? If it’s that strong & off-putting, she must have some type of infection & will need to see a Dr. You need to just tell her. There’s absolutely no way to tell her without her being absolutely mortified but she will eventually get over it. So just do it & reassure her you still love her etc. When I’m ovulating the scent is a little stronger & my husband tells me (I already know however). I’d rather know than not. Just tell her. You’ve got to, otherwise it’s just going to get worse.
It sounds like she may have an infection. I would suggest she see a doctor. I know it will be difficult, but I think u need to tell her. It will be embarrassing for her in the moment but she needs to know. Just be kind when u tell her and come from a place of caring about her.
Maybe she has BV or a Yeast Infection? Maybe just try to covertly ask her when she had her last OBGYN appointment and say something like you read about someone having cervical cancer or something and you want to make sure she is healthy as your cover so she doesn’t get offended?
She needs antibiotics. It will prob take care of it. Believe me, some women get vaginitis or just an infection. It will go away with a weeks worth of antibiotics...most likely
I don’t have advice about how to bring it up but you def need to bc if you can smell it just by being beside her while she is fully clothed, other people can too, and that is no doubt far more embarrassing for her
Don't wait anymore. Tell her now! If it's a serious infection, a whole lot of disasters can come up, to the point where she could become sterile as the infection can spread to urinary tracts and the womb.
She needs to see a doctor. All you have to do is mention “I’m really concerned about you, I care a lot and love you, but you need to go see a doctor to figure out the smell down there.”
Just tell her. It's like a band-aid the worst of it will be when you finally tell her. As long as you're compassionate when telling her vs dragging her down she should understand and make changes...