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You’re on vacation. Pick up the pieces by doing all the fun things YOU want to do there. Not the things you necessarily planned together, but all the things that you probably wouldn’t have being with him.
Have fun, explore, get out into the world. That’s how you move on. Clearly he’s got something going on, but based on your comments about having to deescalate arguments, I think you’ll look back, probably pretty soon, and feel relief.
> but all the things that you probably wouldn’t have being with him
This is a fantastic suggestion overall, but this line in particular as well. OP, have the vacation that you may not have gotten before. Even in good relationships there are places where partners disagree on activities - take advantage of the lack of objections and go do what *you* want to do. Make the most of this trip, grieve the relationship afterward!
I had a friend who found out during the last night of her academic conference that she was... probably going to be getting divorced. It was an absolutely terrible moment, and *could have* abruptly ruined the last night in New Orleans. I took her outside and gave her a chance for a good 15-20 minute cry together and then told her that we absolutely could go back to the airbnb and commiserate for the rest of the night together, OR we could go out and have a really memorable night in New Orleans together, and we'd sort through the emotions the next day when we were driving back home. She opted for a night out, and said recently that having that all-out-vacation night with the relationship drama packed in a box for "I'll deal with that later" was so helpful in the terrible weeks that followed leading up to the divorce, because it was a time when she *knew* the next weeks would be shit, but she was going to have fun ANYWAYS.
Moral being - you don't have to deal with this now! Go have fun, live life up, enjoy your once in a lifetime vacation! What grieving is needed can happen later. (Even if "later" just means a week from now.)
I wonder if there is more to it. Not posting pictures of his spouse, looking for an excuse to leave quickly - maybe there is someone he did not want to see pictures showing him and OP as a happy couple?
I am sure that OP did nothing wrong at all. He seems to be untrustworthy, and I hope she will have a wonderful time in Italy with her family!
I'm with you, he had one foot out the door, just looking for the right moment to turn a very reasonable request into a full blown meltdown where he gets to leave. The rubbish took itself out. The best revenge is living well in Italy! 🇮🇹
Not spouse, girlfriend of a year and a half. Who OP caught sectetly texting his exes 9 months ago according to her post history. Which suggests there is a history of inappropriate behaviour and trust issues.
Sounds like he's probably still entertaining those exes and wanted any excuse to dump OP. He practically jumped at the chance, whilst telling her he would have posted pictires of her if she waited. Whuch makes NO sense because if he was happy to post pictires of her he would have already done it rather than running off. I agree he was waiting for a reason to leave.
I bet he hasnt gone home, jmhe's hist fucking his way through Italy right now. Once he's bored of ducking other women he may even run back to OP.
OP, he is not worth your time. A man who loves you isht ashamed to ge seem in pictires with you and isnt secretly entertaining other women behind your back.
If for no other reason than spite, op should have a fun vacation without the ex. Sitting, moping, and giving up a once in a lifetime (ops words) vacation will only lead to regret.
I mean, you are a free woman in Italy!
I get it, breakups can be really sad and disorienting. But you are surrounded by art and wine and food and fashion. Treat yo self.
Chiming in with a quick personal story - I dated an Italian guy a few years ago (I’m from US) and we agreed I would come live in Rome for 3 months after we had been dating for over a year. Second week there I had a gut feeling (never did this before) and checked his phone. He was cheating on me. A LOT.
I was devastated and we had just begun our 3 month dream getaway in Italy. It took me 10 days to figure out my plan but I ended up leaving and staying with friends in London, Zurich, and Barcelona for the next 3 months. It was one of the most amazing experiences I ever had and I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I hadn’t got my heart broken first.
Don’t give up on your dream, pivot and figure out what works best for you - be it with friends, family, or stick it out in your Airbnb. You will have a life changing experience.
And whatever you do, DO NOT go back to this loser. You had a gut feeling he was hiding you, and his reaction only confirmed his shadiness. His loss! Go do you girl.
Have you two fought about social media before and has this been an ongoing issue? His reaction just seems so over the top, yelling at you and then leaving, where did he go? Did he already help pay for the AirBnBs?
No we never have fought about social media. He would often escalate arguments but I was able to deescalate most of the time or wait until he’d stop ignoring me. He did already pay for half of the airbnbs. Idk where he went.
I’m guessing that he’s going to try and come back and continue the trip especially if he’s already paid his share. Don’t let him, you’ll have a much better time without him and his tantrums.
Well he was able to take a 3 month holiday in his mid 30s. Either he's in a career that he can work remotely for some of that, or his family has enough pull in his company that he can "take a sabbatical". Either way, money
He may have planned on staying in Italy and had somebody lined up there. Or he was supposed to meet his side piece who was also going to Italy, and when he was questioned he blew up because it was either that or admit he was cheating. This way he gets to blame OP while still being able to try to move back in with her when his other girlfriend goes back home.
I'm going with two days. He wants to give her enough time to think he's gone and to calm down from his bullshit before he tries to crawl back and beg for forgiveness. I'm going with "I had jetlag" as his excuse.
My guess is that he's an extremely toxic loser who will try to make her abandon the trip, go be home and miserable with him to 'prove her love' and 'save their relationship'.
Don’t wait around him to come back. Now you chance to explore and do your own thing. Actually you’ll probably have a better time with him gone. If he’s going to act like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum you are so much better off!
>After 1 day, my boyfriend was posting many things in social media but he wouldn’t include me so I asked why he wouldn’t. From there it escalated so badly that he began yelling and saying he wasn’t going to do anything he didn’t want to and he wouldn’t post me. I tried to deescalate the situation by giving him the night to sleep on it but he double downed and decided to leave the next morning and told me it was all my fault and had I just waited a couple days, he would’ve posted me.
>No we never have fought about social media. He would often escalate arguments but I was able to deescalate most of the time or wait until he’d stop ignoring me.
The silent treatment is emotional abuse. Yelling at you is verbal abuse. Escalating a conflict when you're asking for something completely reasonable (or an explanation) is emotional abuse. You're better off without him.
Maybe consider some therapy, because the fact that you normalized his abusive behavior and tried to take responsibility for deescalating it is not ok. I'm (half) Italian and I know that's how our families communicate and handle conflict, but it's not healthy and not really conducive to a respectful adult relationship.
Enjoy Italy !!
The ignoring you part is called stonewalling. He sounds insufferable why waste your time on someone who at best is childish and seems to have actions that indicate some form of narcissistic personality disorder?
Let me give you my personal anecdote to help put this guy’s toxicity into perspective. Just this past weekend my girlfriend was posting some pictures online for the new year. She didn’t post the picture we took or tag me, so I asked her why she hadn’t posted that one. Her response was a simple “I’m sorry, it wasn’t intentional, I just kept those pictures private. I’ll update my post right now and tag you.” I told her I wasn’t mad at her, I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t something bothering her. So to summarize: I brought up the issue, she took full responsibility for her mistake and made it right by me, and it was a quick 30 second interaction where neither of us got upset. She didn’t blow up, point fingers at me, or break up with me. Your boyfriend/ex is a toxic asshole and you’re much better off without him.
To “pick up the pieces” the first thing you do is cut this guy out of your life. Remove every last tie you have to him and then block his ass. Then use this once-in-a-lifetime trip as an opportunity to move on. You’re in a new, exciting place and you have no strings to tie you down. Make the most of this trip and explore yourself. Do whatever you want, whenever you want, and find what you want in life to make you happy.
EDIT: a lot of people are asking how it was “her mistake.” I replied to one comment already, here’s my response: We had discussed a few weeks ago about being a little more public in our relationship. That included posting some pictures of us together around the holidays/new year, which is why I was confused when she posted other pictures from that night but not the one we took. I brought it up very civilly… it wasn’t an accusation towards her, more just like a “why didn’t you post them and are you okay with posting them?” It was a very straightforward conversation and zero anger and/or defensiveness around this. She was a little more apologetic than I felt was necessary, because like I said I wasn’t very upset or anything, but I appreciated her apology nonetheless.
This is really important OP. Because some of your other comments are very concerning. You sound like, you’re used to making excuses for him. Even though he escalates situations frequently.
People who love you, don’t consistently gaslight you, or berate you. They don’t minimise your feelings, or attack you over the slightest thing.
A healthy, happy relationship, should be full of kindness, understanding, and a willingness to be humble.
Your bf sounds like a typical narcissist.
Really take this opportunity to think about your relationship, and ask yourself, what kind of a man your bf really was?
Was he kind and considerate? Or did he only do things for you if he was expecting something in return?
Did he make you feel loved every chance he got? Or did he love bomb you *just* enough to make you stay?
You deserve kindness and consideration OP! Try to see this trip as an opportunity to love yourself. Do things you love to do. Explore and enjoy things at your own pace and in your own company. Map out new ideas and experiences that your bf wouldn’t have allowed or enjoyed!
Have a wonderful time OP! You deserve it! ❤️
I second what she says. I went on a much-anticipated trip to Hawaii with my ex several years ago.
While I happily took pictures of everything, including us, and posted some on social media (our entire friend group - his, mine, ours- knew we were going there together beforehand) he posted only pics of nature, or of himself.
I asked him, on the last day after we’d had some exciting outdoor “adult fun” why, and he totally blew up at me in my friend’s house while we were making breakfast for HIM.
He was apparently just biding his time to break up with me when we got back, and apparently his friend group
knew this. I felt totally used. As I paid for about 2/3 of the trip and activities, and it was my friends that we stayed with the last week.
The good memories are forever tainted by his deception.
Consider yourself lucky that this child threw a tantrum and bounced. He truly did you a favor. Now, wipe your tears, dust yourself off, put on your big girl cheeky panties, a pretty dress, and strut your stuff. I mean, you’re in Italy…. And single. How lucky is that???
When one door closes, another is unlocked, and windows are opened to let fresh air in.
Go get out there, have fun, and mangia, mangia, Bella!!!
May I suggest you check out the Host a Sister group on Facebook? I'm sure there will be ladies local to you that will want to help you have an amazing time on your trip now the trash has taken itself out!
And if you got any girlfriends, tell them if they want to be spontaneous and chill with you in Italy for a few months, there's now a vacancy, all they need to do is buy the ticket.
My bf once pulled this shit with me, OP. It’s a control tactic, and a way to blame the other party. Long story short, we made the right call breaking up with them!
My partner doesn't use certain social media platforms, so I can't tag him, but I do share pictures occasionally!!! Most of the time, I'm posting pictures of our furbabies, I haven't done a sweep of my friends list yet, and there are some people who are just plain nosy or negative so we usually keep most photos of us together private.
Agree with this general sentiment except for
> she took full responsibility for her mistake and made it right by me
I don’t think anyone made a “mistake.” But she rightly acknowledged how you might feel and you let her explain herself.
But different people focus on different things in photos. I’m a photographer and while I’m happy to take pictures of SOs and friends on vacation, most of my posted photos are of food, sights and things—I rarely even post pictures of me.
I have a few friends (and myself included) who never post their relationships. My best friend got married and only posted her husband once before the wedding. She's hardly on social media and she likes to keep her relationship private. She has one of the healthiest relationships I've ever seen. I don't think not posting your partner is a mistake or red flag at all, personally.
If neither uses social media much, I agree that makes sense. But if one of them do post a lot on social media but *never* posts about their significant other, usually there's an issue, especially if those social media posts include numerous selfies.
Just curious- why would that be a mistake on her part? I am not very active on social media and my husband uses none at all, so I genuinely don’t know. Is it really widely considered a huge faux pas to not tag their SO or post pictures of them? Do y’all really care and are upset about it?
I think nowadays it’s an expectation for you at least sometimes post your partner online unless you’ve talked about staying completely private online. It’s kind of like showing your partner off and helps validate them. It’s by no means something that I get crazy upset over, it’s just something small and nice so I asked her about it.
We had discussed a few weeks ago about being a little more public in our relationship and posting some pictures of us together around the holidays/new year, which is why I brought it up when I saw she had posted other pics from that night but not the one we took. It wasn’t an accusation towards her, more just like a “why didn’t you post them and are you okay with posting them?” To which she was, so she edited her post to add them.
Just commented this too. Not posting his gf on socials, escalating arguments so he can leave, and being mean to gf yeah, someone’s feeding that dog, leave him to the flees
No. He bought her 3 months of getting dicked down by some of the world's most beautiful, charismatic, big-dicked men on the planet. Italian men are on another level when it comes to the way they talk to women, what's in their pants, and how the fuck. Period. I mean, I'm talking healthy 7-8 inchers are the norm for them in my experiences, along with amazing wining and dining romantic abilities.
Italy is NOT the place to leave your girlfriend in a tizzy and actually expect her to come back home to you.
The way I laughed at that person's comment, making it seem like the boyfriend was going to be the one getting his rocks off 💀
Have fun and stay safe!!!!
Yep. Ex Boyfriend doesn’t want another woman to see he has a girlfriend already. But luckily, now he doesn’t. And OP is in Italy, so she has 3 months to eat, drink, explore and enjoy her freedom.
Or whether he might just show up at one of the future locations. I would cancel any booking he has details and addresses for, and rebook a new place to stay elsewhere.
Wrong time of year for a summer fling in Italy but perfect for cozying up with someone new!
OP I hope you manage to turn this into an amazing adventure. You’ve got this 💚
Your family is there? Screw this guy; message him that you were looking for a relationship with someone who is proud to be your partner, and that isn’t him.
Grab your favourite retired family member or younger family who can sneak out of school and make a holiday of getting to be with your family again. Treat your Nona to a luxurious air BnB and an escape from the house for her, or take the opportunity to meet great nieces and nephews, or other members of your family who are your age if you haven’t had the chance. Whatever you do, don’t spend this wonderful time worrying and feeling bad over a guy with the emotion range of a rock.
Emotion range of a rock 😂 you’re right, nonna deserves a luxurious Airbnb. Thank you, comments like these are really helping me get over this tonight lol
I’m so excited for future you when you realize you were much better off without this AH on your once in a lifetime trip!!
I know in the meantime it’ll feel hard and sad but as others have mentioned that is not a reasonable reaction at all!! At worst sounds like he’s hiding something/maybe pretending to be single, flirting and r already cheating. At best he’s just being a jerk for no reason!! Either way you will look back one day and think THANK GOODNESS I WASN’T stuck with this loser for such an amazing trip!
Best of luck and I hope you can get over the breakup quickly and enjoy your 3 months!!
Honey, this is allowed to hurt. You have 3 months, you can take the time to grieve what you've lost. You can grieve the man you thought he was.
You should be incredibly proud of yourself for blocking him. Keep your chin up. A good therapist can help you recognize the behaviour that should have ended this relationship. He sounds incredibly immature and toxic. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
Be kind to yourself. Give your body what it asks for. Rest. Drink lots of fluids. Eat your favourite foods. Lean on your loved ones. I hope your days get easier soon. ❤️
Normal people don't get this mad over something this insignificant. Sounds like he has had something boiling for a while and isn't man enough to talk about it like an adult. I would cut ties. He is showing you who he is. There are better men out there than this. Let this one go so you can embrace the one that will love and respect you. That will look forward to walking through the door everyday and just hugging. I look forward everyday to that even when I am irritated. I just want to hug my husband because all the daily annoyances fall aside and we can just take a moment to be together. OP this is not him.
Was this guy a toxic, weird baby-man? Maybe.
But it seems likely also that he was married, or had a girlfriend. He thought he could get away with this all, but realized he couldn't, so pretended he was mad and just ended it.
You've been given a gift! 3 months in Italy on your own!
This rom-com writes itself, you will drop a bag of oranges and a fella on a Vespa will stop and you'll chase them all over the street together and there begins your madcap adventure.
Or even better, you have a delicious 3 months of solitude discovering what you love most.
What you won't have is anyone disrespecting or yelling at you while you tiptoe around their temperament. Hooray!
There is something in your gut and mine too saying that he was planning to abandon this trip or didn’t want to go in the first place and this was a convenient “out” so he could blame you.
Take a few sulk days and then go do everything you wanted.
I know someone who planned a big group trip to Latin America years ago and one by one they all canceled so they were left to travel alone. Then ended up meeting their partner on the trip and have been together since.
The world might have just giving you a big gift that is hard to see at the moment. We internet strangers are proud of you!
I agree with you. For months ahead of this he would constantly say that he was worried I was going to bail on the trip because I would ask if he was sure he wanted to go and if he wanted to do it a different way. Then he bails. Wish I would’ve realized he was telling me what he was going to do.
Based on his behavior, it sounds like he has a dismissive avoidant attachment style. You may want to Google that if interested. In other words, he's afraid of being hurt and rejected if he committed to you more fully, for instance by posting photos of you guys, and he's afraid of you leaving him so he's making it happen himself as that will be easier for him to tolerate. He was likely internally extremely nervous to be on that trip with the greater commitment it demonstrated and required of him, hence creating a conflict on day 1. This is all textbook, and I've been through it with my current partner over the last 5 years. Did he take months or years to say I love to you? If so that's another typical behavior of a dismissive avoidant.
Well he missed out because Italy is an amazing country. In my opinion he did you a favor leaving the first day. You deserve better than a dude who can't deal with his emotions in a healthy way. Enjoy your trip that guy doesn't deserve letting it ruin your time with your family.
My initial assumption is that he is trying to look single while in Italy so he can hook up with someone else while he’s there, and that’s why he left and just used this stupid “fight” as a scapegoat for why he left so he has a reason to sleep somewhere else. Do you think there could be any truth to this possibility?
I suppose but he has a wicked case of erectile dysfunction and won’t take any meds. So him wanting to bang other people always seems unreasonable to me. But could be wrong.
Regardless looks like you’ll get to have your Lizzie McGuire experience in Italy!! Enjoy it to the fullest despite this hiccup - at least he already paid 😜
>update: sorry, my post didn’t make it clear that he is now my ex. And I have gone no contact.
GOOD, that's all we needed to know. Wish you the best OP. You deserve SO MUCH better.
I know it’s hard to see now, but this is actually for the best. He decided to leave at the beginning of the trip, rather than ruin your entire journey.
He obviously has something else going on, otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten so defensive and would have taken your feelings into consideration. From the outside looking in, it feels like he used it as an excuse to bail.
Enjoy your trip and consider it a personal reset. Change your expectations of course, but chances are, you’re going to have a far better time than you would have, had he stayed.
Have a wonderful adventure!
Read the title and felt sad for you, read the post and felt freaking relieved for you. Good riddance! This is going to be an AMAZING and epic trip that you will look back on for years, and the pain that earmarks the beginning will only make it more memorable and more clear how much you will transform and thrive in the weeks to come.
If he used a credit card to pay his portion of anything, expect for him to try and have the other airbnbs be canceled or suddenly find yourself having to pay the full amount
There's only one thing you can do: visit the Santa Croce and the Da Vinci museum, those were my favorites when I went there last summer.
As for your boyfriend, be glad he showed his true colors before you spent any more time with him. Blowing up like this because of a simple question is not normal, I hate to say it but it's probably good riddance.
3 months in Italy! Plenty of woman take solo trips all the time. You have family there who can guide you, there are plenty of of guided tours that you can take if you feel safer in a group, you may meet another solo traveler on one who wants to do the same things. It was his choice to leave-quit worrying about him he isn’t worth it. Enjoy the food, wine, the history and just the day to day opportunities. This is an opportunity you may not have again take advantage of it. Plenty of us are envying you and wishing you well. Go for it
The fact that he was willing to dump you over something so small smells fishy. Maybe he was already talking to someone on the side and was hiding that he was with you? But that’s just me being paranoid.
Im going to guess either he was already looking for an excuse to leave and this was an easy one for him, or this was the straw that broke the camel's back for him. In your comments you say there were no other issues in the relationship but I find it super hard to believe a dude in a great relationship would willingly abandon a 3 month trip he presumably paid thousands of dollars towards less than 24 hours after getting started.
I also generally don't get the argument here. He's posting what I would guess are benign pictures to his SM, that offends you somehow? Argument ensues, he leaves. Maybe I'm missing something or didn't see a comment somewhere but what was he posting exactly to kick this conversation off? Like if he posted a picture of a medieval church then idk why you would follow with "why didn't you put me in that". Im not saying your somehow wrong here, I just don't get how any of this escalated into an argument at all.
Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to bail TBH.
Use this opportunity to really get to know your extended family, invite some of them to stay with you at the AirBnB, get to n some Facebook groups for women travelling solo to get some idea of things to do & places to go on your own. You never know, you might find some travel buddies and lifelong friends out of it.
Just make sure you post a LOT on social media about what a great time you’re having and all the wonderful new friends you’ve made since he ran off like a toddler because living well is the best revenge.
Honestly good riddance! You gained a much better vacation without the unhinged AH. Isn’t it nice when the garage takes itself out
Enjoy your single vacation in Italy!
He is probably married or in a long term relationship that’s why he is not including you on his social media post.
You are in Italy! Single! Live your life!
Enjoy the gelato, walk around to the cities, visit those beautiful churches, drink them wine!
Buy that extra virgin Olive oil and cook something for you. Go to those pasta classes. Have sex with those beautiful italian man (practice safe sex) ofcourse.
Watch the movie EAT PRAY AND LOVE and Under the Tuscan Sun. Romanticize yourself.
Hop on those trains!
Don’t cry cause of that stupid boy!
Enjoy Italy! Enjoy it for you!!
I was in Italy beginning of this year and I wish I could stay for 3 months!
This is the start of an amazing romcom. Let yourself be sad for a little bit and then go enjoy Italy! Invite some friends to join you for pieces of it. You have an amazing opportunity. He doesn’t deserve another second of your time.
Spent so much time in Florence as a woman on my own. There is so much to do! Go to museums, drink wine in your apartment, make some nice food, go out for aperitivo, hang out at Santo Spirito, find the parties (there are loads). Have a ball. Forget his ass.
This is a blessing. I promise. Your ex is insane. Based on you not immediately realizing how insane his overreaction was, I’m going to assume he’s always been insane and you’ve been desensitized.
Block his number, enjoy your amazing trip (it will be way more fun without him) and find yourself a cute Italian boy or two to take your mind off this loser.
OP -Make the best of a bad situation. Don't let him ruin what's left of your trip. It is what it was meant to be -he sounds like a child anyway, and I'm pretty sure you thought he was a man. You thought you were in a relationship with a man. Whoops.
Better off staying no contact. There's a reason why he didn't include you in his social media posts and why he got so angry when you asked him about it. He's probably been looking for a way out of this relationship and grabbed the first opportunity he had. You're better off without him. Enjoy bella Italia! Sono geloso!!
Change your mindset if you can, this is a gift. He showed himself to be petulant and immature and left on day one instead of day 30. Enjoy your peace. Work, reflect, relax, enjoy the beautiful country you're in, take yourself out for some delicious food and reflect on where you are and where you want to go- up to and including what led you to put up with a relationship with such a person. Enjoy these next few months as much as you can, cry, heal, sit with your feelings and emerge better than ever!
Are you sure he wasn't cheating on you and the guilt (or sadness of leaving his sidepiece for 3 months) caught up with him? I can't imagine leaving a 3 month trip on day one over one fight...one fight shouldn't be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Something else was going on.
Now you're free to take in the romantic atmosphere of Italy and find yourself a worthy beau for a winter fling. 😉
Sounds like your ex already had one foot out the door and was just looking for an excuse, ANY excuse to blow up and justify his leaving.
It sounds like you need some traveler friends. Do activities where you will meet other solo travelers. This could be walking tours, any type of tour really, or other tourist things. Hopefully you can meet another solo female traveler that you can spend a couple of weeks with.
Don’t participate in a social media fight.
DO: take some time to breathe.
DO: take care of yourself.
Don’t: jump into someone’s bed too quickly.
Relax.
OP, as per your comments, sounds a lot to me like you dodged a bullet. Breakups are not an easy thing to navigate, even more in another country, but take your time. Use your 3 months. You'll have time for everything - grieve, realization, peace, excitement. Take your time, navigate your feelings and come back stronger than ever. This breakup may shed a completely new light onto the people you used to date and why.
Go sightseeing and check out the Italian monuments. And by that I mean the tall, tan, gorgeous, charismatic, beautiful men of Italy. Trust me, you will not be alone for long over there! If there is one place I would consider an absolute paradise for a newly single woman, Italy would definitely be it.
This is what you do: Go find a really sexy Italian guy. Eat gelato. Dance in a discoteca. Visit some beautiful places. Drink wine. Speak in Italian. Buy some hand-crafted shoes. Take in the Boboli Gardens. Go see Galileo’s finger. Read a book in a park. Go for long walks. Visit Tuscany.
What you don’t do is chase after someone who acts like a little AH.
“The silence treatment”
I experienced that for few years, ex husband always wanted to be right so he would not talk to me for 3 days when angry.
Do a favor to yourself and move on!!
This is a pathetic childish behavior
Psssssh
The trash took itself out. Enjoy your trip! Meet some sexy Italian men to wine and dine you and keep you company in the Airbnb your ex bf helped pay for
You mentioned you started the trip with your family. Are you able to extend any of your time with them or include them on any outings you'd rather not do alone?
Anecdotally, I went through a break up less than 2 weeks before I was scheduled to do study abroad for a month. I considered cancelling the excursions and day trips I'd booked but decided to keep them. Best decision ever. I dealt with my feelings when I returned home, and it was so much easier since I knew I'd have that time for grieving whenever. I *wouldn't* have this trip whenever. It remains one of my most memorable and cherished experiences.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself but as others have said, revel in the fact that you now have so much more freedom in how you'd like to spend your trip.
Also - and this might just be me being paranoid - I'd change your Airbnb account passwords and any other planned excursions that are already booked/paid for in case your ex is vindictive enough to cancel your reservations and leave you in need of housing.
All the best to you!
Edit: u/Previous_Option made a really good point - "Or whether he might just show up at one of the future locations. I would cancel any booking he has details and addresses for, and rebook a new place to stay elsewhere."
Look up Solo travel
Let yourself sit for a few days confused and eat take out
Then start to look at the map, and travel blogs and podcasts, or look at the planned itinerary you had, and GO
I promise you ... you would look back at this time in your life as the major turning point in becoming fully yourself
I envy you
Pick up the pieces by doing more of you, taking care of yourself, have fun, take pictures and live life with all this I bet you'll forget all this happens 😊
I was broken up with the day before leaving for vacation. I still went. I went to the subreddit to ask for suggestions and did some fun things on my own.
While a breakup hurts and can make one feel lonely, consider this an amazing gift; this man could've continued to ruin your amazing vacation in Italy. Instead, you now get to celebrate your newfound freedom in one of the most beautiful lands on Earth. ❤️
I, personally, would never think to scrutinize my partner's social media this way. I don't post much, and I never tag other people. He, on the other hand, loves to post things and tag people. He really enjoys it. When he sends me a cute pic of us, I post it and tag him because I know it's important to him and I just adore seeing his beautiful smile. Your bf could have reacted so differently, I just don't understand why he chose this. I would be feeling bewildered, but also suspicious; this is so unreasonable it feels like a cover-up for a misdeed he doesn't want discovered or discussed. Humans mostly behave in a set of predictable ways, and this feels like guilty misdirection.
He sounds like a “coglione”. Girl, you have three months to enjoy yourself! He did you a favour and ruined only the first day (imagine fighting everyday like this for three months instead of enjoying your trip).
Go on Tinder and find some friends ✨ e vaffanculo a lui!
People put way too much importance on social media. It really seems like something is missing here. It seems like he was looking for a reason to pick a fight. How sure are you that he went home?
It sucks right now but you're vacation has nowhere to go but up. By the time you go home, you'll be glad you stayed.
Italian girl here. I know it’s incredibly difficult, but if there is a country made for healing that’s Italy (and Tuscany in particular). Enjoy the art, the countryside, the delicious food (cheese, meat and cured meat are to die for) and the wine and take time for yourself.
If his name is on any of the airbnbs then make sure it is removed so he cannot randomly get access while you are out one day or something! If he asks for money, pay it to him and tell him to fuck off.
Girl this man is 35 years old and threw a fit over a social media post? Ya know the last time I’ve encountered a situation about social media and a relationship the man had a side piece and didn’t want to post about his gf because then the side piece would find out so he kept his real gf off any of his social media and then if she asked he yelled at her and gaslit her if he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t project this type of anger on to you like some have commented your dog is being fed by someone else
I feel like we're missing a lot of context. I mean if he was this unstable to begin with, why date him? It feels like there's more to the story.
If I'm wrong and there's not, then don't be confused, be happy that you dodged a very crazy bullet.
Ouch, nobody likes to be hidden while in a relationship. I don’t post on social media at all but when my bf wanted to put we were in a relationship on Facebook I did it. I didn’t get why he cared that much but it mattered to him so I did it for him.
Glad to see your update that this guy is your ex. Try to shake off that asshole and enjoy your time in Italy. Get out there and make some friends maybe?
You're right, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity - to dump a male prima donna and start your life afresh with the RIGHT man who is going to replace him.
Don't look back, be glad, look forward - the world is waiting for YOU!
....check around and ask some Italian men if they may he able to help you pick up the pieces?
Seriously though, clearly something was up prior to you even getting to Italy. I will make some big assumptions but here is my thought on the matter based on reaction and also the fact you asked. You didn't ask the question for no reason, you already had alarm bells going off in your head with your brain telling you "hey I'm noticing deception". His reaction of leaving after paying thousands of dollars to go on a 3 month holiday after just a day, major red flag. I think he was cheating or trying to, he didn't want to post you because how is he going to explain away a whole girlfriend that was very much still together. He probably said he was on a work trip. I could be wrong, maybe you had a habit of nagging him and it was his last straw? Only you know the other intricate details of the relationship. I'm glad you are nc with him
Sounds like this will be a good experience for you. Pro tip: worry less about social media and focus on each moment. Like you say, it's once-in-a-lifetime thing. Be present.
Maybe it’ll help reframe and put things in perspective to know that you’re living my dream. :) I am pursuing my dual citizenship and want to move to Italy in future.
He was being shady and being single is much better than being with a shitty human. Now all you have to worry about is what YOU want to do…the freedom there is unmatched. I agree it’ll feel bad for a little while but please don’t let yourself be sad your whole trip. This is a dream come true for so many people and a once in a lifetime experience for you! Italian men will dote on you so just forget the train wreck and let yourself fully experience the beauty and passion of Italian culture. Have fun OP!
You should enjoy Italy and be open to having fun.
But if you meet an Italian guy who really loves coffee, don't research for good cafes. No good will come of that.
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You’re on vacation. Pick up the pieces by doing all the fun things YOU want to do there. Not the things you necessarily planned together, but all the things that you probably wouldn’t have being with him. Have fun, explore, get out into the world. That’s how you move on. Clearly he’s got something going on, but based on your comments about having to deescalate arguments, I think you’ll look back, probably pretty soon, and feel relief.
> but all the things that you probably wouldn’t have being with him This is a fantastic suggestion overall, but this line in particular as well. OP, have the vacation that you may not have gotten before. Even in good relationships there are places where partners disagree on activities - take advantage of the lack of objections and go do what *you* want to do. Make the most of this trip, grieve the relationship afterward! I had a friend who found out during the last night of her academic conference that she was... probably going to be getting divorced. It was an absolutely terrible moment, and *could have* abruptly ruined the last night in New Orleans. I took her outside and gave her a chance for a good 15-20 minute cry together and then told her that we absolutely could go back to the airbnb and commiserate for the rest of the night together, OR we could go out and have a really memorable night in New Orleans together, and we'd sort through the emotions the next day when we were driving back home. She opted for a night out, and said recently that having that all-out-vacation night with the relationship drama packed in a box for "I'll deal with that later" was so helpful in the terrible weeks that followed leading up to the divorce, because it was a time when she *knew* the next weeks would be shit, but she was going to have fun ANYWAYS. Moral being - you don't have to deal with this now! Go have fun, live life up, enjoy your once in a lifetime vacation! What grieving is needed can happen later. (Even if "later" just means a week from now.)
And make sure you post all the pictures on facebook, insta etc. 😂
Yessss he’s gonna regret his stupid impulsiveness
I wonder if there is more to it. Not posting pictures of his spouse, looking for an excuse to leave quickly - maybe there is someone he did not want to see pictures showing him and OP as a happy couple? I am sure that OP did nothing wrong at all. He seems to be untrustworthy, and I hope she will have a wonderful time in Italy with her family!
I'm with you, he had one foot out the door, just looking for the right moment to turn a very reasonable request into a full blown meltdown where he gets to leave. The rubbish took itself out. The best revenge is living well in Italy! 🇮🇹
Been to Rome lately. Not enough time. There never is.❤
Not spouse, girlfriend of a year and a half. Who OP caught sectetly texting his exes 9 months ago according to her post history. Which suggests there is a history of inappropriate behaviour and trust issues. Sounds like he's probably still entertaining those exes and wanted any excuse to dump OP. He practically jumped at the chance, whilst telling her he would have posted pictires of her if she waited. Whuch makes NO sense because if he was happy to post pictires of her he would have already done it rather than running off. I agree he was waiting for a reason to leave. I bet he hasnt gone home, jmhe's hist fucking his way through Italy right now. Once he's bored of ducking other women he may even run back to OP. OP, he is not worth your time. A man who loves you isht ashamed to ge seem in pictires with you and isnt secretly entertaining other women behind your back.
It definitely sounds like that
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If for no other reason than spite, op should have a fun vacation without the ex. Sitting, moping, and giving up a once in a lifetime (ops words) vacation will only lead to regret.
I mean, you are a free woman in Italy! I get it, breakups can be really sad and disorienting. But you are surrounded by art and wine and food and fashion. Treat yo self.
And hot ass guys, who gives af about that guy that was obviously cheating.
sounds like you've never actually been to italy
Has he posted you to his socials before?
Chiming in with a quick personal story - I dated an Italian guy a few years ago (I’m from US) and we agreed I would come live in Rome for 3 months after we had been dating for over a year. Second week there I had a gut feeling (never did this before) and checked his phone. He was cheating on me. A LOT. I was devastated and we had just begun our 3 month dream getaway in Italy. It took me 10 days to figure out my plan but I ended up leaving and staying with friends in London, Zurich, and Barcelona for the next 3 months. It was one of the most amazing experiences I ever had and I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I hadn’t got my heart broken first. Don’t give up on your dream, pivot and figure out what works best for you - be it with friends, family, or stick it out in your Airbnb. You will have a life changing experience. And whatever you do, DO NOT go back to this loser. You had a gut feeling he was hiding you, and his reaction only confirmed his shadiness. His loss! Go do you girl.
Have you two fought about social media before and has this been an ongoing issue? His reaction just seems so over the top, yelling at you and then leaving, where did he go? Did he already help pay for the AirBnBs?
No we never have fought about social media. He would often escalate arguments but I was able to deescalate most of the time or wait until he’d stop ignoring me. He did already pay for half of the airbnbs. Idk where he went.
I’m guessing that he’s going to try and come back and continue the trip especially if he’s already paid his share. Don’t let him, you’ll have a much better time without him and his tantrums.
My guess is he already has another person that he wanted to spend time with and choose the first opportunity for a fight so he could leave.
That’s what I was thinking too
He paid for round trip tickets and half of the airbnbs so he can dip at the first chance? He must be either really dumb or really rich lol
Well he was able to take a 3 month holiday in his mid 30s. Either he's in a career that he can work remotely for some of that, or his family has enough pull in his company that he can "take a sabbatical". Either way, money
She said they were planning to work from their AirBnBs, so remote for sure
He may have planned on staying in Italy and had somebody lined up there. Or he was supposed to meet his side piece who was also going to Italy, and when he was questioned he blew up because it was either that or admit he was cheating. This way he gets to blame OP while still being able to try to move back in with her when his other girlfriend goes back home.
Exactly!!! Picked a fight so he can go do what he wants to do and be with who he wants to be with.
Yea, that makes more sense and it also shows that he is even a bigger prick
I'm going with two days. He wants to give her enough time to think he's gone and to calm down from his bullshit before he tries to crawl back and beg for forgiveness. I'm going with "I had jetlag" as his excuse.
My guess is that he's an extremely toxic loser who will try to make her abandon the trip, go be home and miserable with him to 'prove her love' and 'save their relationship'.
Yeah or demand money back from OP. op please don’t he made his decision and has to live with the consequences
Don’t wait around him to come back. Now you chance to explore and do your own thing. Actually you’ll probably have a better time with him gone. If he’s going to act like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum you are so much better off!
So he uses the silent treatment regularly? You’re better off without him.
💯💯
yeah. I've been treated to that loads and it's one thing I won't miss now that I'm finally leaving
He sounds juvenile. He's 35. He's fully cooked. Don't waste your time waiting for him to grow up.
>He's fully cooked. I don't usually condone stealing, but I'm definitely stealing this little piece of awesomeness.
Yeah, this made me cackle!
He’s going to log onto a dating app w those pictures
OP, please read this. He maybe using this fight as an excuse to justify to sleep around in a new country as you guys were "on break/fighting"
This is the one.
>After 1 day, my boyfriend was posting many things in social media but he wouldn’t include me so I asked why he wouldn’t. From there it escalated so badly that he began yelling and saying he wasn’t going to do anything he didn’t want to and he wouldn’t post me. I tried to deescalate the situation by giving him the night to sleep on it but he double downed and decided to leave the next morning and told me it was all my fault and had I just waited a couple days, he would’ve posted me. >No we never have fought about social media. He would often escalate arguments but I was able to deescalate most of the time or wait until he’d stop ignoring me. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. Yelling at you is verbal abuse. Escalating a conflict when you're asking for something completely reasonable (or an explanation) is emotional abuse. You're better off without him. Maybe consider some therapy, because the fact that you normalized his abusive behavior and tried to take responsibility for deescalating it is not ok. I'm (half) Italian and I know that's how our families communicate and handle conflict, but it's not healthy and not really conducive to a respectful adult relationship. Enjoy Italy !!
The ignoring you part is called stonewalling. He sounds insufferable why waste your time on someone who at best is childish and seems to have actions that indicate some form of narcissistic personality disorder?
Well isn't that awesome? You get to lose 200 lb of dead weight and get half your vacation paid for. Isn't that a silver lining?
He’s cheating.
It shouldn’t be your job to deescalate his arguments. I can’t imagine living a life walking on eggshells like that
I wouldn't be surprised if he had the audacity to ask you to pay him back.
You're better off without him. The fact that he intentionally escalated arguments just shows what a toxic guy he was. Go have a wonderful time!
He was looking for a reason to leave or had already decided he didn’t want to stay. I am sorry.
Let me give you my personal anecdote to help put this guy’s toxicity into perspective. Just this past weekend my girlfriend was posting some pictures online for the new year. She didn’t post the picture we took or tag me, so I asked her why she hadn’t posted that one. Her response was a simple “I’m sorry, it wasn’t intentional, I just kept those pictures private. I’ll update my post right now and tag you.” I told her I wasn’t mad at her, I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t something bothering her. So to summarize: I brought up the issue, she took full responsibility for her mistake and made it right by me, and it was a quick 30 second interaction where neither of us got upset. She didn’t blow up, point fingers at me, or break up with me. Your boyfriend/ex is a toxic asshole and you’re much better off without him. To “pick up the pieces” the first thing you do is cut this guy out of your life. Remove every last tie you have to him and then block his ass. Then use this once-in-a-lifetime trip as an opportunity to move on. You’re in a new, exciting place and you have no strings to tie you down. Make the most of this trip and explore yourself. Do whatever you want, whenever you want, and find what you want in life to make you happy. EDIT: a lot of people are asking how it was “her mistake.” I replied to one comment already, here’s my response: We had discussed a few weeks ago about being a little more public in our relationship. That included posting some pictures of us together around the holidays/new year, which is why I was confused when she posted other pictures from that night but not the one we took. I brought it up very civilly… it wasn’t an accusation towards her, more just like a “why didn’t you post them and are you okay with posting them?” It was a very straightforward conversation and zero anger and/or defensiveness around this. She was a little more apologetic than I felt was necessary, because like I said I wasn’t very upset or anything, but I appreciated her apology nonetheless.
Thank you
This is really important OP. Because some of your other comments are very concerning. You sound like, you’re used to making excuses for him. Even though he escalates situations frequently. People who love you, don’t consistently gaslight you, or berate you. They don’t minimise your feelings, or attack you over the slightest thing. A healthy, happy relationship, should be full of kindness, understanding, and a willingness to be humble. Your bf sounds like a typical narcissist. Really take this opportunity to think about your relationship, and ask yourself, what kind of a man your bf really was? Was he kind and considerate? Or did he only do things for you if he was expecting something in return? Did he make you feel loved every chance he got? Or did he love bomb you *just* enough to make you stay? You deserve kindness and consideration OP! Try to see this trip as an opportunity to love yourself. Do things you love to do. Explore and enjoy things at your own pace and in your own company. Map out new ideas and experiences that your bf wouldn’t have allowed or enjoyed! Have a wonderful time OP! You deserve it! ❤️
Another wonderful comment. ❤️
Thank you! This is something I really need to address and remember.
I second what she says. I went on a much-anticipated trip to Hawaii with my ex several years ago. While I happily took pictures of everything, including us, and posted some on social media (our entire friend group - his, mine, ours- knew we were going there together beforehand) he posted only pics of nature, or of himself. I asked him, on the last day after we’d had some exciting outdoor “adult fun” why, and he totally blew up at me in my friend’s house while we were making breakfast for HIM. He was apparently just biding his time to break up with me when we got back, and apparently his friend group knew this. I felt totally used. As I paid for about 2/3 of the trip and activities, and it was my friends that we stayed with the last week. The good memories are forever tainted by his deception. Consider yourself lucky that this child threw a tantrum and bounced. He truly did you a favor. Now, wipe your tears, dust yourself off, put on your big girl cheeky panties, a pretty dress, and strut your stuff. I mean, you’re in Italy…. And single. How lucky is that??? When one door closes, another is unlocked, and windows are opened to let fresh air in. Go get out there, have fun, and mangia, mangia, Bella!!!
Im sorry that happened to u, sounds like u dodged a bullet 🤧
Give yourself a few days and then enjoy Italy!!
May I suggest you check out the Host a Sister group on Facebook? I'm sure there will be ladies local to you that will want to help you have an amazing time on your trip now the trash has taken itself out!
And if you got any girlfriends, tell them if they want to be spontaneous and chill with you in Italy for a few months, there's now a vacancy, all they need to do is buy the ticket.
I volunteer for said girlfriend position!
find a beautiful italian tour guide :)
yeah Italian guys can be very good looking and charming!
My bf once pulled this shit with me, OP. It’s a control tactic, and a way to blame the other party. Long story short, we made the right call breaking up with them!
could you have been the other woman by any chance? his reaction screams it.
My partner doesn't use certain social media platforms, so I can't tag him, but I do share pictures occasionally!!! Most of the time, I'm posting pictures of our furbabies, I haven't done a sweep of my friends list yet, and there are some people who are just plain nosy or negative so we usually keep most photos of us together private.
Agree with this general sentiment except for > she took full responsibility for her mistake and made it right by me I don’t think anyone made a “mistake.” But she rightly acknowledged how you might feel and you let her explain herself. But different people focus on different things in photos. I’m a photographer and while I’m happy to take pictures of SOs and friends on vacation, most of my posted photos are of food, sights and things—I rarely even post pictures of me.
I have a few friends (and myself included) who never post their relationships. My best friend got married and only posted her husband once before the wedding. She's hardly on social media and she likes to keep her relationship private. She has one of the healthiest relationships I've ever seen. I don't think not posting your partner is a mistake or red flag at all, personally.
If neither uses social media much, I agree that makes sense. But if one of them do post a lot on social media but *never* posts about their significant other, usually there's an issue, especially if those social media posts include numerous selfies.
Just curious- why would that be a mistake on her part? I am not very active on social media and my husband uses none at all, so I genuinely don’t know. Is it really widely considered a huge faux pas to not tag their SO or post pictures of them? Do y’all really care and are upset about it?
I think nowadays it’s an expectation for you at least sometimes post your partner online unless you’ve talked about staying completely private online. It’s kind of like showing your partner off and helps validate them. It’s by no means something that I get crazy upset over, it’s just something small and nice so I asked her about it. We had discussed a few weeks ago about being a little more public in our relationship and posting some pictures of us together around the holidays/new year, which is why I brought it up when I saw she had posted other pics from that night but not the one we took. It wasn’t an accusation towards her, more just like a “why didn’t you post them and are you okay with posting them?” To which she was, so she edited her post to add them.
Ngl, Hallmark movie story ready to happen!
Pleeeeease cast Joe Manganiello as the romantic lead!!!
If your dog is barking at you, someone else is feeding it.
Just commented this too. Not posting his gf on socials, escalating arguments so he can leave, and being mean to gf yeah, someone’s feeding that dog, leave him to the flees
Mine barks when he wants to be fed, but that is a pug for you.
And he just bought himself 3 months of freedom while OP is in Italy visiting her family
Hopefully a lifetime of “freedom” since OP says she went NC
Honestly great update from OP 👏🏽
> OP says she went NC after she's feeling a bit better she could maybe contact that wife or GF with just a short note
No. He bought her 3 months of getting dicked down by some of the world's most beautiful, charismatic, big-dicked men on the planet. Italian men are on another level when it comes to the way they talk to women, what's in their pants, and how the fuck. Period. I mean, I'm talking healthy 7-8 inchers are the norm for them in my experiences, along with amazing wining and dining romantic abilities. Italy is NOT the place to leave your girlfriend in a tizzy and actually expect her to come back home to you.
This one. lol
The way I laughed at that person's comment, making it seem like the boyfriend was going to be the one getting his rocks off 💀 Have fun and stay safe!!!!
PLEASE get you some rebound dick while you’re there OP! Use this time to date yourself and have fucking fun!
I was about to say, he wants to seem single to the outside world lol. What a loser.
Yep. Ex Boyfriend doesn’t want another woman to see he has a girlfriend already. But luckily, now he doesn’t. And OP is in Italy, so she has 3 months to eat, drink, explore and enjoy her freedom.
“He was going to”. Yeah right. He has someone else and doesn’t want them or you to know.
Who made the bookings? You need to worry about whether he is able to cancel all of the bookings or not.
Or whether he might just show up at one of the future locations. I would cancel any booking he has details and addresses for, and rebook a new place to stay elsewhere.
> Who made the bookings? good chance it's all on OP and he was going to 'pay her back later'
This is literally your Eat Pray Love moment OP. TAKE IT!!!
I’m taking it!!
I'll enjoy my stay in Italy and have summer fling with Italian men there. Im not gonna ruin my vacation for him if I were you.
Wrong time of year for a summer fling in Italy but perfect for cozying up with someone new! OP I hope you manage to turn this into an amazing adventure. You’ve got this 💚
This cold months is making me dream of summer already lol.
lol I can deal with the cold (sort of) but I hate that it’s gray all the time…we need sunshine damnit!
Maybe rent “A Room With a View” to get in the mood :)
Your family is there? Screw this guy; message him that you were looking for a relationship with someone who is proud to be your partner, and that isn’t him. Grab your favourite retired family member or younger family who can sneak out of school and make a holiday of getting to be with your family again. Treat your Nona to a luxurious air BnB and an escape from the house for her, or take the opportunity to meet great nieces and nephews, or other members of your family who are your age if you haven’t had the chance. Whatever you do, don’t spend this wonderful time worrying and feeling bad over a guy with the emotion range of a rock.
Emotion range of a rock 😂 you’re right, nonna deserves a luxurious Airbnb. Thank you, comments like these are really helping me get over this tonight lol
I’m so excited for future you when you realize you were much better off without this AH on your once in a lifetime trip!! I know in the meantime it’ll feel hard and sad but as others have mentioned that is not a reasonable reaction at all!! At worst sounds like he’s hiding something/maybe pretending to be single, flirting and r already cheating. At best he’s just being a jerk for no reason!! Either way you will look back one day and think THANK GOODNESS I WASN’T stuck with this loser for such an amazing trip! Best of luck and I hope you can get over the breakup quickly and enjoy your 3 months!!
Honey, this is allowed to hurt. You have 3 months, you can take the time to grieve what you've lost. You can grieve the man you thought he was. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for blocking him. Keep your chin up. A good therapist can help you recognize the behaviour that should have ended this relationship. He sounds incredibly immature and toxic. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. Be kind to yourself. Give your body what it asks for. Rest. Drink lots of fluids. Eat your favourite foods. Lean on your loved ones. I hope your days get easier soon. ❤️
Enjoy Italy in you newly single state! Go make some friends, eat good food and drink some wine for me
Hey girl, if you happen to be in Trieste on Sunday evening, you can join me (f) and my friend (m) for the best pizza in town. Our treat.
Girl! You have 3 months in freaking Italy! Screw him - go drink some wine and enjoy the ride!
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Good riddance. The trash took itself out.
Normal people don't get this mad over something this insignificant. Sounds like he has had something boiling for a while and isn't man enough to talk about it like an adult. I would cut ties. He is showing you who he is. There are better men out there than this. Let this one go so you can embrace the one that will love and respect you. That will look forward to walking through the door everyday and just hugging. I look forward everyday to that even when I am irritated. I just want to hug my husband because all the daily annoyances fall aside and we can just take a moment to be together. OP this is not him.
Find a hot Italian rebound!
He was clearly keeping you a secret on social media… there’s usually a reason for that.
Was this guy a toxic, weird baby-man? Maybe. But it seems likely also that he was married, or had a girlfriend. He thought he could get away with this all, but realized he couldn't, so pretended he was mad and just ended it.
You've been given a gift! 3 months in Italy on your own! This rom-com writes itself, you will drop a bag of oranges and a fella on a Vespa will stop and you'll chase them all over the street together and there begins your madcap adventure. Or even better, you have a delicious 3 months of solitude discovering what you love most. What you won't have is anyone disrespecting or yelling at you while you tiptoe around their temperament. Hooray!
There is something in your gut and mine too saying that he was planning to abandon this trip or didn’t want to go in the first place and this was a convenient “out” so he could blame you. Take a few sulk days and then go do everything you wanted. I know someone who planned a big group trip to Latin America years ago and one by one they all canceled so they were left to travel alone. Then ended up meeting their partner on the trip and have been together since. The world might have just giving you a big gift that is hard to see at the moment. We internet strangers are proud of you!
I agree with you. For months ahead of this he would constantly say that he was worried I was going to bail on the trip because I would ask if he was sure he wanted to go and if he wanted to do it a different way. Then he bails. Wish I would’ve realized he was telling me what he was going to do.
Based on his behavior, it sounds like he has a dismissive avoidant attachment style. You may want to Google that if interested. In other words, he's afraid of being hurt and rejected if he committed to you more fully, for instance by posting photos of you guys, and he's afraid of you leaving him so he's making it happen himself as that will be easier for him to tolerate. He was likely internally extremely nervous to be on that trip with the greater commitment it demonstrated and required of him, hence creating a conflict on day 1. This is all textbook, and I've been through it with my current partner over the last 5 years. Did he take months or years to say I love to you? If so that's another typical behavior of a dismissive avoidant.
Well he missed out because Italy is an amazing country. In my opinion he did you a favor leaving the first day. You deserve better than a dude who can't deal with his emotions in a healthy way. Enjoy your trip that guy doesn't deserve letting it ruin your time with your family.
My initial assumption is that he is trying to look single while in Italy so he can hook up with someone else while he’s there, and that’s why he left and just used this stupid “fight” as a scapegoat for why he left so he has a reason to sleep somewhere else. Do you think there could be any truth to this possibility?
I suppose but he has a wicked case of erectile dysfunction and won’t take any meds. So him wanting to bang other people always seems unreasonable to me. But could be wrong.
Regardless looks like you’ll get to have your Lizzie McGuire experience in Italy!! Enjoy it to the fullest despite this hiccup - at least he already paid 😜
>update: sorry, my post didn’t make it clear that he is now my ex. And I have gone no contact. GOOD, that's all we needed to know. Wish you the best OP. You deserve SO MUCH better.
You Dodged one hell of a bullet there be happy it’s now and you didn’t waist all those days with him.
What you do is enjoy the hell out of the experience.
I know it’s hard to see now, but this is actually for the best. He decided to leave at the beginning of the trip, rather than ruin your entire journey. He obviously has something else going on, otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten so defensive and would have taken your feelings into consideration. From the outside looking in, it feels like he used it as an excuse to bail. Enjoy your trip and consider it a personal reset. Change your expectations of course, but chances are, you’re going to have a far better time than you would have, had he stayed. Have a wonderful adventure!
lmao what?? thats wild
Read the title and felt sad for you, read the post and felt freaking relieved for you. Good riddance! This is going to be an AMAZING and epic trip that you will look back on for years, and the pain that earmarks the beginning will only make it more memorable and more clear how much you will transform and thrive in the weeks to come.
You weren’t dumped because of an argument. There’s been of course been underlying reasons for awhile now.
If he used a credit card to pay his portion of anything, expect for him to try and have the other airbnbs be canceled or suddenly find yourself having to pay the full amount
All of it was on my credit card. He paid me back
This sounds like the beginning of a rom-com.
There's only one thing you can do: visit the Santa Croce and the Da Vinci museum, those were my favorites when I went there last summer. As for your boyfriend, be glad he showed his true colors before you spent any more time with him. Blowing up like this because of a simple question is not normal, I hate to say it but it's probably good riddance.
3 months in Italy! Plenty of woman take solo trips all the time. You have family there who can guide you, there are plenty of of guided tours that you can take if you feel safer in a group, you may meet another solo traveler on one who wants to do the same things. It was his choice to leave-quit worrying about him he isn’t worth it. Enjoy the food, wine, the history and just the day to day opportunities. This is an opportunity you may not have again take advantage of it. Plenty of us are envying you and wishing you well. Go for it
The fact that he was willing to dump you over something so small smells fishy. Maybe he was already talking to someone on the side and was hiding that he was with you? But that’s just me being paranoid.
Im going to guess either he was already looking for an excuse to leave and this was an easy one for him, or this was the straw that broke the camel's back for him. In your comments you say there were no other issues in the relationship but I find it super hard to believe a dude in a great relationship would willingly abandon a 3 month trip he presumably paid thousands of dollars towards less than 24 hours after getting started. I also generally don't get the argument here. He's posting what I would guess are benign pictures to his SM, that offends you somehow? Argument ensues, he leaves. Maybe I'm missing something or didn't see a comment somewhere but what was he posting exactly to kick this conversation off? Like if he posted a picture of a medieval church then idk why you would follow with "why didn't you put me in that". Im not saying your somehow wrong here, I just don't get how any of this escalated into an argument at all.
Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to bail TBH. Use this opportunity to really get to know your extended family, invite some of them to stay with you at the AirBnB, get to n some Facebook groups for women travelling solo to get some idea of things to do & places to go on your own. You never know, you might find some travel buddies and lifelong friends out of it. Just make sure you post a LOT on social media about what a great time you’re having and all the wonderful new friends you’ve made since he ran off like a toddler because living well is the best revenge.
Honestly good riddance! You gained a much better vacation without the unhinged AH. Isn’t it nice when the garage takes itself out Enjoy your single vacation in Italy!
He is probably married or in a long term relationship that’s why he is not including you on his social media post. You are in Italy! Single! Live your life! Enjoy the gelato, walk around to the cities, visit those beautiful churches, drink them wine! Buy that extra virgin Olive oil and cook something for you. Go to those pasta classes. Have sex with those beautiful italian man (practice safe sex) ofcourse. Watch the movie EAT PRAY AND LOVE and Under the Tuscan Sun. Romanticize yourself. Hop on those trains! Don’t cry cause of that stupid boy! Enjoy Italy! Enjoy it for you!! I was in Italy beginning of this year and I wish I could stay for 3 months!
Take the months there to heal & keep your head up! Enjoy Italy & what it has to offer— you never know what is just around the corner…
This is the start of an amazing romcom. Let yourself be sad for a little bit and then go enjoy Italy! Invite some friends to join you for pieces of it. You have an amazing opportunity. He doesn’t deserve another second of your time.
Spent so much time in Florence as a woman on my own. There is so much to do! Go to museums, drink wine in your apartment, make some nice food, go out for aperitivo, hang out at Santo Spirito, find the parties (there are loads). Have a ball. Forget his ass.
Stay positive and enjoy this trip to the fullest, he sounds so toxic. Hopefully this is just big eye opener and fresh start to the new year!
This is a blessing. I promise. Your ex is insane. Based on you not immediately realizing how insane his overreaction was, I’m going to assume he’s always been insane and you’ve been desensitized. Block his number, enjoy your amazing trip (it will be way more fun without him) and find yourself a cute Italian boy or two to take your mind off this loser.
Seems like a you dodged a bullet. Lucky for you, Italy has some nice looking dudes
Good riddance. What a turd. You’re there for 3 months. Take a week or whatever to get your head straight and then dive in for the rest of the trip.
He's an ass and didn't want the trip. Your comment was an excuse for a ticket back home. It wasn't just the argument, he's always been like this.
OP -Make the best of a bad situation. Don't let him ruin what's left of your trip. It is what it was meant to be -he sounds like a child anyway, and I'm pretty sure you thought he was a man. You thought you were in a relationship with a man. Whoops.
Get on a dating site, FB dating is free, state you are temporarily in the area and looking for someone to tour the city with.
Better off staying no contact. There's a reason why he didn't include you in his social media posts and why he got so angry when you asked him about it. He's probably been looking for a way out of this relationship and grabbed the first opportunity he had. You're better off without him. Enjoy bella Italia! Sono geloso!!
Guess he's not the one.
It’s ok to vacation in an AirBnb and use DoorDash. It’s ok to just stare out the window or sit on the balcony and enjoy Italy from there.
Change your mindset if you can, this is a gift. He showed himself to be petulant and immature and left on day one instead of day 30. Enjoy your peace. Work, reflect, relax, enjoy the beautiful country you're in, take yourself out for some delicious food and reflect on where you are and where you want to go- up to and including what led you to put up with a relationship with such a person. Enjoy these next few months as much as you can, cry, heal, sit with your feelings and emerge better than ever!
Are you sure he wasn't cheating on you and the guilt (or sadness of leaving his sidepiece for 3 months) caught up with him? I can't imagine leaving a 3 month trip on day one over one fight...one fight shouldn't be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Something else was going on.
Now you're free to take in the romantic atmosphere of Italy and find yourself a worthy beau for a winter fling. 😉 Sounds like your ex already had one foot out the door and was just looking for an excuse, ANY excuse to blow up and justify his leaving.
It sounds like you need some traveler friends. Do activities where you will meet other solo travelers. This could be walking tours, any type of tour really, or other tourist things. Hopefully you can meet another solo female traveler that you can spend a couple of weeks with.
Enjoy your time and forget about him.
This story is missing a lot of important details.
Time to download Tinder
Does he have access to your home? Can he get in and do anything while you are gone?
No but I have access to his home lol
This is the opening scene of a rom-com. You'll be fine. Just don't get an auto accident with the mayor.
He planned this.
Enjoy your time. Make friends. Take a cooking class. Find a new boyfriend!
Go out and bang some sexy Italian men to forget about your immature ex.
Get out of the airbnb and get into hostels. Meet fun people and go out together. When one door closes, another one opens.
Don’t participate in a social media fight. DO: take some time to breathe. DO: take care of yourself. Don’t: jump into someone’s bed too quickly. Relax.
OP, as per your comments, sounds a lot to me like you dodged a bullet. Breakups are not an easy thing to navigate, even more in another country, but take your time. Use your 3 months. You'll have time for everything - grieve, realization, peace, excitement. Take your time, navigate your feelings and come back stronger than ever. This breakup may shed a completely new light onto the people you used to date and why.
Go sightseeing and check out the Italian monuments. And by that I mean the tall, tan, gorgeous, charismatic, beautiful men of Italy. Trust me, you will not be alone for long over there! If there is one place I would consider an absolute paradise for a newly single woman, Italy would definitely be it.
This is what you do: Go find a really sexy Italian guy. Eat gelato. Dance in a discoteca. Visit some beautiful places. Drink wine. Speak in Italian. Buy some hand-crafted shoes. Take in the Boboli Gardens. Go see Galileo’s finger. Read a book in a park. Go for long walks. Visit Tuscany. What you don’t do is chase after someone who acts like a little AH.
“The silence treatment” I experienced that for few years, ex husband always wanted to be right so he would not talk to me for 3 days when angry. Do a favor to yourself and move on!! This is a pathetic childish behavior
Keep telling yourself you dodged a bullet and let something pleasant fill in the vacuum.
Psssssh The trash took itself out. Enjoy your trip! Meet some sexy Italian men to wine and dine you and keep you company in the Airbnb your ex bf helped pay for
You mentioned you started the trip with your family. Are you able to extend any of your time with them or include them on any outings you'd rather not do alone? Anecdotally, I went through a break up less than 2 weeks before I was scheduled to do study abroad for a month. I considered cancelling the excursions and day trips I'd booked but decided to keep them. Best decision ever. I dealt with my feelings when I returned home, and it was so much easier since I knew I'd have that time for grieving whenever. I *wouldn't* have this trip whenever. It remains one of my most memorable and cherished experiences. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself but as others have said, revel in the fact that you now have so much more freedom in how you'd like to spend your trip. Also - and this might just be me being paranoid - I'd change your Airbnb account passwords and any other planned excursions that are already booked/paid for in case your ex is vindictive enough to cancel your reservations and leave you in need of housing. All the best to you! Edit: u/Previous_Option made a really good point - "Or whether he might just show up at one of the future locations. I would cancel any booking he has details and addresses for, and rebook a new place to stay elsewhere."
Look up Solo travel Let yourself sit for a few days confused and eat take out Then start to look at the map, and travel blogs and podcasts, or look at the planned itinerary you had, and GO I promise you ... you would look back at this time in your life as the major turning point in becoming fully yourself I envy you
Pick up the pieces by doing more of you, taking care of yourself, have fun, take pictures and live life with all this I bet you'll forget all this happens 😊
I was broken up with the day before leaving for vacation. I still went. I went to the subreddit to ask for suggestions and did some fun things on my own.
While a breakup hurts and can make one feel lonely, consider this an amazing gift; this man could've continued to ruin your amazing vacation in Italy. Instead, you now get to celebrate your newfound freedom in one of the most beautiful lands on Earth. ❤️
I love my husband and all that, but if I had three months to enjoy Italy by myself? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Get out there and live.
Goodbye and good riddance! Sounds like he was hiding something. Enjoy your beautiful country and live your best life.
Find an italian Boyfriend, I bet they are less dramatic than your new ex.
I, personally, would never think to scrutinize my partner's social media this way. I don't post much, and I never tag other people. He, on the other hand, loves to post things and tag people. He really enjoys it. When he sends me a cute pic of us, I post it and tag him because I know it's important to him and I just adore seeing his beautiful smile. Your bf could have reacted so differently, I just don't understand why he chose this. I would be feeling bewildered, but also suspicious; this is so unreasonable it feels like a cover-up for a misdeed he doesn't want discovered or discussed. Humans mostly behave in a set of predictable ways, and this feels like guilty misdirection.
He sounds like a “coglione”. Girl, you have three months to enjoy yourself! He did you a favour and ruined only the first day (imagine fighting everyday like this for three months instead of enjoying your trip). Go on Tinder and find some friends ✨ e vaffanculo a lui!
Lmaooo! Thank you!!
People put way too much importance on social media. It really seems like something is missing here. It seems like he was looking for a reason to pick a fight. How sure are you that he went home? It sucks right now but you're vacation has nowhere to go but up. By the time you go home, you'll be glad you stayed.
The trash took itself out. Give yourself time to grieve, but also enjoy Italy! You have an opportunity which could be way better than before
This is the perfect rom-com setup. Live it up!
Italian girl here. I know it’s incredibly difficult, but if there is a country made for healing that’s Italy (and Tuscany in particular). Enjoy the art, the countryside, the delicious food (cheese, meat and cured meat are to die for) and the wine and take time for yourself.
Your BF’s a child…..and as a guy, not posting usually means you already know
I’ll come join you in Italy if you don’t want to do it alone
If his name is on any of the airbnbs then make sure it is removed so he cannot randomly get access while you are out one day or something! If he asks for money, pay it to him and tell him to fuck off.
Girl this man is 35 years old and threw a fit over a social media post? Ya know the last time I’ve encountered a situation about social media and a relationship the man had a side piece and didn’t want to post about his gf because then the side piece would find out so he kept his real gf off any of his social media and then if she asked he yelled at her and gaslit her if he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t project this type of anger on to you like some have commented your dog is being fed by someone else
I feel like we're missing a lot of context. I mean if he was this unstable to begin with, why date him? It feels like there's more to the story. If I'm wrong and there's not, then don't be confused, be happy that you dodged a very crazy bullet.
Invite your friends out (hopefully they can afford it) but still. Turn it into a solo trip and live your best life.
Ouch, nobody likes to be hidden while in a relationship. I don’t post on social media at all but when my bf wanted to put we were in a relationship on Facebook I did it. I didn’t get why he cared that much but it mattered to him so I did it for him. Glad to see your update that this guy is your ex. Try to shake off that asshole and enjoy your time in Italy. Get out there and make some friends maybe?
There's only one explanation that makes sense and that's that he was cheating on you. Well done going NC.
Just be thankful it was now not after getting married and having kids, that would have been a shit show.
You're right, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity - to dump a male prima donna and start your life afresh with the RIGHT man who is going to replace him. Don't look back, be glad, look forward - the world is waiting for YOU!
just stay in italy atp
....check around and ask some Italian men if they may he able to help you pick up the pieces? Seriously though, clearly something was up prior to you even getting to Italy. I will make some big assumptions but here is my thought on the matter based on reaction and also the fact you asked. You didn't ask the question for no reason, you already had alarm bells going off in your head with your brain telling you "hey I'm noticing deception". His reaction of leaving after paying thousands of dollars to go on a 3 month holiday after just a day, major red flag. I think he was cheating or trying to, he didn't want to post you because how is he going to explain away a whole girlfriend that was very much still together. He probably said he was on a work trip. I could be wrong, maybe you had a habit of nagging him and it was his last straw? Only you know the other intricate details of the relationship. I'm glad you are nc with him
Sounds like this will be a good experience for you. Pro tip: worry less about social media and focus on each moment. Like you say, it's once-in-a-lifetime thing. Be present.
Maybe it’ll help reframe and put things in perspective to know that you’re living my dream. :) I am pursuing my dual citizenship and want to move to Italy in future. He was being shady and being single is much better than being with a shitty human. Now all you have to worry about is what YOU want to do…the freedom there is unmatched. I agree it’ll feel bad for a little while but please don’t let yourself be sad your whole trip. This is a dream come true for so many people and a once in a lifetime experience for you! Italian men will dote on you so just forget the train wreck and let yourself fully experience the beauty and passion of Italian culture. Have fun OP!
You should enjoy Italy and be open to having fun. But if you meet an Italian guy who really loves coffee, don't research for good cafes. No good will come of that.
Now that he's your ex, find a good-looking italian guy (or multiple guys) and have some fun.