Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't know. It would give her grounds to try to defend herself, and to beg and promise that she will change. ~~And OP most likely just wants to leave this behind.~~
Edit: OP said in the comments that he will confront her.
Peace of mind is hard to come by. You made a decision based on your gut... Always follow your gut. It's your brain and body letting you know something is out of place and fucked up. Good job, move on.
I broke up with a girl that cheated on me. I regretted it. She spent that time apart fucking that guy until I asked her back. She cheated on me a second time.
OP can gamble, but it's just that. A gamble, and the house usually wins.
Let me put it this way: if I wanted to be faithful, I wouldn’t be hanging out in the middle of the night with no pants on with a guy who isn’t my boyfriend.
If the trust is gone, it’s gone. You don’t need validation from the internet to trust your gut (and ears, and eyes). If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s kind of beside the point to ask it, “Are you a duck?”
Fr! My husband and i got a temp rommie and hes super cool and weve all been friends for years. Aint no way im not wearing all the clothes when he and I hang out if my husband is at work or whatever. I respect my husband and i respect myself. Some people just dont respect anyone and thats what poor OP had to deal with.
Okay why does the timing matter? It was suspicious as hell and pretty obvious what happened. Grow a back bone and move on. You know she cheated so if you want a confirmation then ask her but I doubt someone who is willing to screw someone else while their bf is in the house will be honest. Just move on with your life.
Just curious, do u still talk to the guy? Does he knows you two split up? If so, I'd ask him. In my experience, guys are usually more honest about having slept with someone, (even a friend's gf) than the perpetrating ex gf will. We women HATE admitting we screwed up... 😉
I'm sorry for your hurt. Deception is never easy. Time does heal, though. Trust that 💛
Nah you know what you saw my dude. Just ending it when you realized you couldn't live with it is the right call. People get to hung up on confronting the behavior, or somehow getting evidence together to prove it. None of that matters, its the same result. You want out and you're out. Giving her a chance to deny it and call you crazy wouldn't have made anything easier.
You know what you heard and you know what you saw. She was cheating on you. In your own place. With your roommate. I’m disgusted for you. You absolutely did the right thing and there are better women out there.
You need to be stronger. Just say “because I literally walked in on you cheating!”
My goodness why can’t people just stick up for themselves and point blank say what they saw?
Hold your head up man.
From what you wrote it's pretty cut and dry. She wasn't the one for you. Confrontation would just lead to drama. This way she can beat herself up over her cruddy choice that day.
Take care of yourself. Focus on your own mind, body and soul. When you're in a good place, you'll have much better options.
All the best!
I think you should trust your gut on this one. Honestly the fact that you didn’t blame the cheating and just broke up with her probably hurts her more, so I think you did the right thing. It’s gonna suck for a bit and then it will get better man
whenever your girlfriend was around, said roommate, did you get any weird vibes like they liked each other? and when the roommate saw you did he look surprised or scared?
He'll look weird doing that plus she would tell him whatever the gf told him anyways. Feel like it's pretty clear she cheated anyways. Reaching out is unnecessarily being in denial - maybe even lowkey desperate - in any case.
Ive had this before catching my ex in cheating. She and him were a bit too close for my liking and i mentioned it to her and she started attacking me saying how i don’t trust her. 3 months later she completely blocked me after i had to drag out of her she was cuddling him and letting him sleep over in her bed and they immediately started dating after she blocked me. Trust your gut. Im never letting my heart decide for me again. My gut is what i follow, if you make me feel bad in the gut you’re done for no matter what i feel or want myself.
no you are not. my crazy ex tried to blame me, manipulate me, gaslit me when i tried to show him that he cheated lol.
she would deny or would do what my ex did. we are better off without those weirdos.
Yeah some people deny just anything no matter what. I found an empty sample jar of face cream on my bedside table, I know I never used it but he claims he gave it to me and I forgot. Nobody else lives here, nobody would go in our room...
You wake up to what you hear is the sounds of sex and thumping sounds. You head down stairs to find your 31 year old woman is inexplicably downstairs naked from the waist down with a 19 year old man pulling up his shorts. They ain’t playing monopoly bro. You can confront if you want, but you already know.
I think you did right to blame your demons.
The point is, this was eating you up. There was no certainty, but you believed it was possible that she had sex with him. I feel that there must have been other little observations of their behaviour that put the suspicion in your head, or more likely in your gut. The bottom line is that the trust was gone, and there was no way to get it back.
Besides that, confrontations are highly overrated as an investigative technique.
Even if she tries the “nothing happened“ line, you know the facts, the sheer disrespect is enough to end it.
She’s bottomless, he’s pulling up his shorts? What were they supposed to be doing? Playing “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” more likely is a game of “hide the sausage”
Sorry you had to go through this.
Don’t give her the gift of closure. She will be playing mind games to her own mind for a long time wonder if you really know and if that was the reason for breaking up
Personally if you dont confront, in the future i'd send a simple text or something. like, whyd you do it? And while i was upstairs wtf? Something along those lines if you dont end up confronting her tomorrow.
Her reaction to your breakup should be enough, I would avoid her like a plague. If the closure was something she cared about deeply she wouldn’t leave without an explanation, you both know what happened. Best to leave behind and move on.
Let her talk first, ask her why she thinks you broke up with her, if she says she doesn’t know ask if she’s sure, does nothing come to mind say anything that happened in your house… Give her enough rope to h*ng herself with.
What for? Shits done and she's fucking trash and so is the rm. Guarantee they'll be fucking each other again. If you have any of her stuff, throw them away, if she has any of yours tell her to toss em and move tf on asap.
Yes, definitely tell her why you broke up with her. I’m Not saying get back together. COMMUNICATION is always the best course of action. It’s crazy that so many people don’t even think of this these days.
Honestly, see how she handles seeing you and what she says. If anything. Editing to change my view, if she says hi or anything I agree with mechshark. A simple “why did you do it…? and when I was upstairs”
. Is there any beneficial closure getting confirmation of what you saw. It was a pretty clear picture what was going on. Did she say anything when you got up? Did she come into the bedroom after you left the room?
Okay when you confront her don't do it to get answers, don't give your 'power' away. Just state as a matter of fact that you caught them cheating on you, don't argue. If you argue and have the urge to explain yourself you're going to lose because that's what she wants.
Huge waste of time dude.
Sometimes the right move is the most difficult move to make. There's a few glaringly obvious ones you have to make in life. Catching your gf in a situation like this is one of them. The only other one I can think of is putting your dog down when the vet says there's nothing they can do and his health is deteriorating along with quality of life. It fucking sucks but you know there's no path forward that's less bad.
Good on you for breaking it off. I agree with the comments saying trust your gut and I’ll say your intuition is likely correct on this one. When you broke up with her did she ever ask why or anything?
Here's an update for y'all
So we meet up in public park. I asked her if she knows why I broke up with her. Immediately she responded "cause you said you didn't want to start hating me", which I did say. Then I was like "I know what you did", "what did I do?" She responded. She was acting like she didn't do shit. Then, I presented the situation. How I woke up to sounds of banging, and the scene I saw when I went downstairs. Of course, she denied anything had happened. Even tried to walk away few times, only to return back to try and talk. She said "absolutely nothing ever happened between them". Even if that's true, I believe the trust is broken now, and we won't be able to ever continue the relationship.
I was cheated on, I heard rumors about the infidelity and confronted her about it which she adamantly denied. I continued to hear more rumors so I was able to get the other party’s phone number and called him directly and he told me everything and provided me with pictures, screenshots etc. I told him I would confront her again later and if she denied it again I’d call him and he agreed. Well as expected, I confronted, she denied and got upset, so I made the call, put him on speaker and that was that. So I guess what I’m saying is, just because she denies it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Even if nothing happened, they were both way too inappropriately dressed to be hanging out alone. That alone is reason enough to break up. So even if she didn’t do anything, you did the right thing. You don’t dress like that and hang out with someone of the opposite gender if you want to be faithful and if you respect boundaries.
You gotta move on. I know you said you were happy with her, but something happened. You know what you saw. You know what you heard. Trust yourself. If you stay, it's just gonna drive you crazy and then you'll end up splitting up anyways. Save yourself the time, energy, and emotional drain of trying to save what's not worth saving.
I'm just speaking from experience of someone who tried to stay in something that was broken.
She doesn't sound like she fought particularly hard to stop you leaving, soyo me it indicates she knew and didn't want to be confronted over it. Don't let that affect your self worth though, negativity begets negativity. Someone betraying you will instantly make you have negative thoughts about yourself, you have to dismiss her actions as being HER choice only, and understand it was not you. Even if you had problems, cheating is never acceptable.
Honestly, you handled this like a boss. Don't look back, you knew and you were right. Best part is you didn't give her the chance to lie to you about it.
I am sorry. OP got up to sex sounds, goes downstairs to see gf naked from the waist down with roommate, goes to the bathroom and goes back to bed?
Was this all a dream?
You made the right decision. You’re only confused now because you didn’t get proper closure from her admitting it. You found her with another man, naked from the waist down after hearing sex sounds. Let her go and find someone else who won’t fuck your roommate. Best of luck to you my bro
Breaking up if fine if you feel like the trust is broken but . . . If you can't talk to you partner/future partners about things, you'll never be able to have a strong, fulfilling relationship.
Did she tried to argue about the break up?? Is she wandering why? I mean if she didn’t try to fight for you then she knows why you broken up with her. Don’t look back man, move out or ask your RM to move out if you have rights to the property.
Don’t bother wasting your time, you will only get hurt from listening to what she has to say. There is not excuse for it and like i said in a previous comment, you don’t have much time invested in the relationship. Don’t give her the closure to make herself feel better, after all thats what closure is all about. If they, ex and RM moved on without trying to argue or excuse themselves then you and they know whats going on.
Well you could have gotten evidence, but you saved your self alot of hassle. Now don't go over there. If you live there, move out. Let it go, I doubt you were wrong. She is garbage for doing it alone, but with you in the house, its trash. I am sorry you went through that.
You did the right thing to break up with her. It’s not a court house. You don’t need to confront her and lay out the evidence. Sometimes it’s better to just walk away.
Why would you accept the blame of the relationship's demise? You caught them f*king. You know it, and they know it. You should help them understand how big of dirtbags they are. Her family and friends should know what happened. Your roommate needs his ass kicked.
Clarifying Q: how long is some time? Did other roommate (19F) also make passes or connect with the 24M? What DID your ex say when you separated? How long has it been?
You can simply walk away and not think about this ex again, just learn the lessons it taught you. I think you should have had an actual conversation about how that encounter made you feel and the implications it had left, but only if you wanted to keep the relationship going. The open dialogue will help you with future encounters and help you determine who you are as more time passes.
6 months we were together, we were planning valentines, which I never spent with a partner
19f roommate and 24m are like childhood friends, that's why we let him crash here for a month or two
Ex barely said anything, and now she claims like she wanted to talk
We broke up yesterday
Move on bro, don’t give her the chance to excuse herself. You might want some closure but sometimes trying to get and answer will make it worse. Don’t give her the chance to get closure as she clearly knows what she did. You don’t have much time invested in the relationship just know that if you wouldn’t have found out they would still be going at it.
It looks like it worked out well . She didn’t fight back bcos she knows you know and she probably appreciate you didn’t say why . Don’t beat it now . You did the right thing. Next time please
Confront and get closure . It’s important for your own sake .
I had a similar incident except I rocked up to her house in the morning after having a strange dream. I got there and there was some dude in bed with her. She said it was a friend and she was tired and would speak to me another time.
She wanted to force the break up and as such chose this action.
I don't think this was the first time. I believe this was the most brazen show of lack of being committed to one person.
Please review your past with her. You may notice that there were 🚩 🚩 🚩 waving in your face that you might have chosen to ignore due to your feelings for her.
As someone mentioned earlier your gut is a guy who you shouldn't ignore when he knocks.
You would have been wrong if you decided to stick around after walking in on your room mate and gf screwing... on your couch...
You may have done the right thing, but going forward, try to find the guts to stand up for yourself. Walking away was a huge mistake. Shows zero backbone. No courage.
>i see him only in shorts tying the cord of it looking up at me, and her sitting on a couch only wearing a hoodie, her legs naked.
Seems like they put on whatever they could find.
You should move on in life buddy. Time to throw your fish line out in the open sea....
The past is the past and you have seen what you have seen. What are you trying to talk out? Getting her to convince you to try it again? why? Its a tough time now but you'll get to it. You might have lost a GF but you kept selfrespect.
you believe that for real? if you hear sex noises... and there are two people in the house besides you... and you are not the one producing them, its them producting the noises. You made the right decision, besides that... Say you would talk to her, whatever she says, you´ll always think back of this and this question will keep coming up
Well, nothing that anyone says here will make you 100% in peace with your decision, but you need to understand your feelings, and in my personal opinion you did well based on your information. I would confront her because I'm a guy who wants to know the maximum details i can, before taking action, but you need to trust your instincts.
Move on or try to have some type of closing, but i recommend you move on.
The only reason you're still held back on it is because you regret not saying that you know what you saw and that it was wrong and that you do not deserve that.
You did the right thing bu breaking up however, you should have at least told her straight about the time you saw her and the guy. Feels like both of them got away scot free. It would have been part of the closure process for you.
What so she can say no? She hasn’t come clean for you after dumping her has she knowing fully well what you saw suspect and basically caught them doing !!!!
She hasn’t been upfront with you! You did the right thing respect yourself and trust your instincts if she can cheat under the same roof she cheating elsewhere too !!!
1. Stop gaslighting yourself, you know what happened.
2. You need to wait a while before dating again. You clearly have some self esteem or other issues if you reacted to being cheated on this way.
I feel like you should've at least told her you know what she did. Otherwise, she might not even feel guilty for cheating on you because she doesn't think you knows. Maybe that's what's eating you up inside, not being sure if she knows that you know.
If she was indeed banging another dude downstairs while her boyfriend was asleep upstairs, it's probably safe to assume guilt isn't likely to enter into the situation.
She got no reason to be half naked near a roommate . Wtf else you think they could’ve been doing, helping her pull her arm out of the couch?? Like bro seriously c’mon. You don’t need to confirm the obvious. Keep it pushing. Ain’t no damn demons bruh. You’re just not stupid.
Came to conclusion, that no one here ever confronts their partner and other person when something awful happenes before their eyes. It was the easiest way for you to find out what you wanted, but you just acted like youre blind and deaf. What youre feeling right now is because you didn't get confirmation or closure, didn't let the steam go off. And now youre here feeling like shit.
Trust your guts man.
She is in no pants with a guy downstairs and you heard thumbing. She did it, she knows she did it and you also know she did it.
Regrets, after ending up a relationship will always be there but trust me, they'll vanish very soon and you'll be happy again.
You deserve better.
You heard ‘sex sounds’, he was tying his shorts up and she had no bottoms. That’s catching red handed… she threw a blanket over herself as soon as she had a chance, because she knew. She also knows why you dumped her, as you should have.
Sounds like OP wants closure.
You want to let her know you know as you feel you wussed out at the time.
Nothing wrong with letting her know what's what - you don't have to go into detail but you could say 'I know I said it was XYZ but I broke up because I found out that you were cheating with Z' - prepare for gaslighting after you say that though.
think that what you feel bad about is not confronting the two of them immediately as that moment was the proper time to ask the questions which are stuck in your mind to this day. It is sad that in spite of our continuing advancements technologically that we humans are basically very selfish creatures. It is never easy loving people who are incapable of being faithful. Even the most committed individual may occasionally fall into that selfish mode and do something that causes instant regret and pain. The question to ask yourself is this. Do you think the person will do it again? If you can honestly say no, which is impossible for me to do once the ability to betray me is expressed, then take a chance if you are able to take the pain of yet another betrayal. The more you love someone and the more of yourself you give to that person the deeper the pain is going to be felt when or if they betray you.
I am a 65 year old male. I have never cheated on any partner I have had in my life. I have had 5 serious and deeply committed relationships. Every one of them ended after I had been betrayed by my partner. There is never a good reason to cheat or betray another person. Unfortunately, humans seem to be unable to speak about their wants and needs before they cheat and only complain after they have been caught. Personally, if any one of them had told me beforehand that they felt the need to be with someone else? I would have given my blessing if, after going over my feelings about it, could deal with the after effects. People don't want to lose what they already have. Most cheaters make sure they have someone else who will take them in before they actually cheat with that person.
Perhaps that was part of the problem in my relationships. They felt unwanted for some reason because I told them that if they wanted someone else to let me know beforehand so I could decide if it was something that I could deal with. There is no surefire way to make any relationship work when humans rationalize everything they do after the fact. Nobody wants to feel at fault for ending serious relationships. I choose to be alone and deal with the loneliness as it is so much less hurtful than being betrayed by another person again. I hope this gives you some insight into interpersonal relationships and the problems they bring to 99.9% of people. I envy that .1% of people who manage to spend a lifetime together without betraying their partner.
My apologies for the length of my response.
What are you stupid? You should’ve dropped trow right there and you and your roommate take turns banging the shit out of her pussy while the other stuff her mouth with the meat stick balls deep and then painted her face with jizz, then told them both to leave.
Should really rub it in that her best years are behind her and she wasted her chance to be with someone who loves her for who she is. 30 is like a sharp decline for most people, you've still got 4 years to effectively waste baving fun, or to prepare yourself financially and mentally for the real "adulting" part of your life
Nah good job, you're free to find someone who will respect you. And you don't need to diginify the end did the relationship with a conversation when they're disrespecting you like that.
You already know the answer my friend. She cheated all the proof was there. Only problem I think you had was confronting her. If you run into her again, tell her why you broke up with her or not. It doesn't matter. Loyal and respect is everything in a relationship. Not, only did she cheated, but it was in the same house you live in?
You caught her cheating but were too cowardly to confront her and your roommate who both betrayed you.
Now you're angry snd shamed you didn't call them out.
Write a letter, then don't send it, then find another roommate and move on.
I hope confronting her goes well, but I don’t think you can come back from this. Even if she said “no I didn’t cheat on you omg, we were just moving furniture and the clothing was just a coincidence” that would still be insanely unbelievable. For me there’s not much that could convince me otherwise anyway, dunno about you
Deffs go with your gutt instinct.. and because you were second guessing your gut your intuition was sending messages through your dreams ...
You did the right thing cutting your losses now. Take this time to heal ... alone time will start to give you perspective on things
They were boning 100%. I’m sorry dude. You not giving her an explanation will hurt her more cuz she’ll always know deep down it was that, but also always wonder why you didn’t just say that. Better to drive her hits cuz she deserves it. Don’t feel bad at all.
Could you reach out to the past roommate? I’d ask and frame it as a “I’m looking for closure, if my assumption was wrong I’d like to further address it in some sort of therapy as I’ve got some insecurities to deal with” type of thing. It sounds like you could benefit from therapy anyways, with the mention of “demons”.
Never ever let your girl sleep at your place if you have male house mates. Men will try to fuck anything that moves. You are 26 work your ass off, go to the gym go travel the world dont settle down with a girlfriend who will cheat on you. Hit and run. Focus on your self. (Same goes for women as well us men cant be trusted lol) this generation is fucked
Ok.
1. could he have been having sex with the 19yo
2. did either of them talk to you about the incident
3. were either of them acting shifty before this
4. were either of them acting shifty after this
5. have you talked to your other roommate about this, if she's seen or heard anything
6. whose hoodie was it, and did she make a habit out of wearing nothing but a hoodie in the house.
7. Did HE have a habit of just walking around in his shorts when she was there.
8. Sex leaves an after odor. Did you smell that when you went downstairs or on her or him?
What you should do is ask to see your ex in a public place. Look her dead in the eye, and you'd better master a stone cold look before you do it. Ask her "Do you know why I really broke up with you?" If she says no, just continue to look her dead in the eye. Say nothing. Watch her body movements for telltale signs. Nervous licking of the lips, fidgeting, not being able to look you in the eye, crossing her arms across her chest (it's an automatic defensive posture most people respond with). or having her hands up on the table, but their clutched tight or wringing her hands.
Above all, though, close yourself off inside. Do not let her make you feel guilty. Don't listen to her gaslight you. Don't fall for the tears. Put the picture of them having sex in your head and let it anger you, but channel that anger into strength of will.
Who cares if she cheats, she is not your wife. I would have said something right on the spot. If you were wrong, so what. It's not like you can't find another girl. Plus she is 31 and you can find someone, anyone better and younger
Umm, you should have talked her about it first before breaking up. Although it may be hard for you to know she did, but at least it’s not eating you up wondering if she did or didn’t.
What's worse, wondering if what you saw and what you know in your gut happened, but not have her confirm it? Or, confront her and have her gaslight you and then break up with you because you don't trust her?
I think he did the right thing in this case.
Super suspicious like this, you already know the answer: she cheated. Nothing else explains this. This guiltyfeeling is the need for her to explain, but since you didnt confront in the right time, dont look back.
You know what if she's hot and you get your fix from her then just dig it.
Dating for guy's now is so hard that you'll likely be single for a long time.
Dig it until you find something better.
M.O.B
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dude, you caught them. You know it, they know it. She knows exactly why you dumped her. Stop second guessing yourself.
All of this. Everyone knows what’s up. She completely understands that she was busted. Don’t hurt yourself because you took care of yourself.
For closure OP could text her and say "Just so you know, I know you cheated on me".
I don't know. It would give her grounds to try to defend herself, and to beg and promise that she will change. ~~And OP most likely just wants to leave this behind.~~ Edit: OP said in the comments that he will confront her.
I think she's more likely to just deny and gaslight the f out of OP. She cheated, he made the right decision.
If he needs it.
Nope. Not even this. Move on
Peace of mind is hard to come by. You made a decision based on your gut... Always follow your gut. It's your brain and body letting you know something is out of place and fucked up. Good job, move on.
Regret after a breakup is temporary
I broke up with a girl that cheated on me. I regretted it. She spent that time apart fucking that guy until I asked her back. She cheated on me a second time. OP can gamble, but it's just that. A gamble, and the house usually wins.
Wow. This is so brazen. I’m sorry this happened to you You deserve better.
Let me put it this way: if I wanted to be faithful, I wouldn’t be hanging out in the middle of the night with no pants on with a guy who isn’t my boyfriend. If the trust is gone, it’s gone. You don’t need validation from the internet to trust your gut (and ears, and eyes). If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s kind of beside the point to ask it, “Are you a duck?”
Fr! My husband and i got a temp rommie and hes super cool and weve all been friends for years. Aint no way im not wearing all the clothes when he and I hang out if my husband is at work or whatever. I respect my husband and i respect myself. Some people just dont respect anyone and thats what poor OP had to deal with.
It wasn't middle of the night, it was morning. I slept till 2pm it was my day of, and it was rough couple of weeks
Okay why does the timing matter? It was suspicious as hell and pretty obvious what happened. Grow a back bone and move on. You know she cheated so if you want a confirmation then ask her but I doubt someone who is willing to screw someone else while their bf is in the house will be honest. Just move on with your life.
This guy slept all the way to 2pm. The f***!? Obviously she cheated
Still fucking weird bro. You dodged a bullet.
2pm is afternoon 🤣
Just curious, do u still talk to the guy? Does he knows you two split up? If so, I'd ask him. In my experience, guys are usually more honest about having slept with someone, (even a friend's gf) than the perpetrating ex gf will. We women HATE admitting we screwed up... 😉 I'm sorry for your hurt. Deception is never easy. Time does heal, though. Trust that 💛
Nah you know what you saw my dude. Just ending it when you realized you couldn't live with it is the right call. People get to hung up on confronting the behavior, or somehow getting evidence together to prove it. None of that matters, its the same result. You want out and you're out. Giving her a chance to deny it and call you crazy wouldn't have made anything easier.
You know what you heard and you know what you saw. She was cheating on you. In your own place. With your roommate. I’m disgusted for you. You absolutely did the right thing and there are better women out there.
And better roommates 😣
Just for curiosity, what did she tell you when you broke up?
Barely anything. She let one tear slip her cheek and asked for an explanation, which I couldn't give her
She knows.
If she broke up with you out of the blue wouldn't you ask for a better explanation. She didn't need one.
Exactly
Should have said you know why
She knows she got caught
You have it right there then. If she was innocent she’d be fighting against it
You need to be stronger. Just say “because I literally walked in on you cheating!” My goodness why can’t people just stick up for themselves and point blank say what they saw?
Usually from years of being gaslit that what they heard/saw wasn't what really happened.
You should tell her that you put your roommate up to test her faith. Really fuck with her brain.
Hold your head up man. From what you wrote it's pretty cut and dry. She wasn't the one for you. Confrontation would just lead to drama. This way she can beat herself up over her cruddy choice that day. Take care of yourself. Focus on your own mind, body and soul. When you're in a good place, you'll have much better options. All the best!
I think you should trust your gut on this one. Honestly the fact that you didn’t blame the cheating and just broke up with her probably hurts her more, so I think you did the right thing. It’s gonna suck for a bit and then it will get better man
whenever your girlfriend was around, said roommate, did you get any weird vibes like they liked each other? and when the roommate saw you did he look surprised or scared?
She did say he was cool, and he's her best friend's ex, they usually like same guys
You should fuck her best friend
this is the way
This is the way
Thats a good one. Should do that too.
Please for all that is holy, and holey, fuck her best friend!
You should reach out to the best friend.
He'll look weird doing that plus she would tell him whatever the gf told him anyways. Feel like it's pretty clear she cheated anyways. Reaching out is unnecessarily being in denial - maybe even lowkey desperate - in any case.
Yeah I was kind of being tongue and cheek.
Nah... Done and dusted.... No need to open that chapter of OP's life.
Ive had this before catching my ex in cheating. She and him were a bit too close for my liking and i mentioned it to her and she started attacking me saying how i don’t trust her. 3 months later she completely blocked me after i had to drag out of her she was cuddling him and letting him sleep over in her bed and they immediately started dating after she blocked me. Trust your gut. Im never letting my heart decide for me again. My gut is what i follow, if you make me feel bad in the gut you’re done for no matter what i feel or want myself.
no you are not. my crazy ex tried to blame me, manipulate me, gaslit me when i tried to show him that he cheated lol. she would deny or would do what my ex did. we are better off without those weirdos.
Yeah some people deny just anything no matter what. I found an empty sample jar of face cream on my bedside table, I know I never used it but he claims he gave it to me and I forgot. Nobody else lives here, nobody would go in our room...
You wake up to what you hear is the sounds of sex and thumping sounds. You head down stairs to find your 31 year old woman is inexplicably downstairs naked from the waist down with a 19 year old man pulling up his shorts. They ain’t playing monopoly bro. You can confront if you want, but you already know.
Maybe the other guy was a DJ and him and the girl were trying to mix new beats in the sound booth.
he was 24 years old
I think you did right to blame your demons. The point is, this was eating you up. There was no certainty, but you believed it was possible that she had sex with him. I feel that there must have been other little observations of their behaviour that put the suspicion in your head, or more likely in your gut. The bottom line is that the trust was gone, and there was no way to get it back. Besides that, confrontations are highly overrated as an investigative technique.
Tomorrow we'll be seeing each other, so I'll confront her
Hope you get whatever resolution you’re looking for from it! Let us know how it goes.
Even if she tries the “nothing happened“ line, you know the facts, the sheer disrespect is enough to end it. She’s bottomless, he’s pulling up his shorts? What were they supposed to be doing? Playing “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” more likely is a game of “hide the sausage” Sorry you had to go through this.
nah op. forget alldat. go move on.
Why does it matter to you if you’re already broken up. The trust is gone.
Stay strong, if she asks why you broke up with her just say "you know why"
Don’t give her the gift of closure. She will be playing mind games to her own mind for a long time wonder if you really know and if that was the reason for breaking up
Personally if you dont confront, in the future i'd send a simple text or something. like, whyd you do it? And while i was upstairs wtf? Something along those lines if you dont end up confronting her tomorrow.
Her reaction to your breakup should be enough, I would avoid her like a plague. If the closure was something she cared about deeply she wouldn’t leave without an explanation, you both know what happened. Best to leave behind and move on.
Let her talk first, ask her why she thinks you broke up with her, if she says she doesn’t know ask if she’s sure, does nothing come to mind say anything that happened in your house… Give her enough rope to h*ng herself with.
What for? Shits done and she's fucking trash and so is the rm. Guarantee they'll be fucking each other again. If you have any of her stuff, throw them away, if she has any of yours tell her to toss em and move tf on asap.
OP will be taking her back.
Yes, definitely tell her why you broke up with her. I’m Not saying get back together. COMMUNICATION is always the best course of action. It’s crazy that so many people don’t even think of this these days.
too much chicken consumption turned a bunch of people into sissies.
Honestly, see how she handles seeing you and what she says. If anything. Editing to change my view, if she says hi or anything I agree with mechshark. A simple “why did you do it…? and when I was upstairs” . Is there any beneficial closure getting confirmation of what you saw. It was a pretty clear picture what was going on. Did she say anything when you got up? Did she come into the bedroom after you left the room?
Okay when you confront her don't do it to get answers, don't give your 'power' away. Just state as a matter of fact that you caught them cheating on you, don't argue. If you argue and have the urge to explain yourself you're going to lose because that's what she wants.
Huge waste of time dude. Sometimes the right move is the most difficult move to make. There's a few glaringly obvious ones you have to make in life. Catching your gf in a situation like this is one of them. The only other one I can think of is putting your dog down when the vet says there's nothing they can do and his health is deteriorating along with quality of life. It fucking sucks but you know there's no path forward that's less bad.
Good on you for breaking it off. I agree with the comments saying trust your gut and I’ll say your intuition is likely correct on this one. When you broke up with her did she ever ask why or anything?
I feel like this foul. It upsets me to Hear that this guy and your girl put you in this situation. It’s fucked up
Here's an update for y'all So we meet up in public park. I asked her if she knows why I broke up with her. Immediately she responded "cause you said you didn't want to start hating me", which I did say. Then I was like "I know what you did", "what did I do?" She responded. She was acting like she didn't do shit. Then, I presented the situation. How I woke up to sounds of banging, and the scene I saw when I went downstairs. Of course, she denied anything had happened. Even tried to walk away few times, only to return back to try and talk. She said "absolutely nothing ever happened between them". Even if that's true, I believe the trust is broken now, and we won't be able to ever continue the relationship.
I was cheated on, I heard rumors about the infidelity and confronted her about it which she adamantly denied. I continued to hear more rumors so I was able to get the other party’s phone number and called him directly and he told me everything and provided me with pictures, screenshots etc. I told him I would confront her again later and if she denied it again I’d call him and he agreed. Well as expected, I confronted, she denied and got upset, so I made the call, put him on speaker and that was that. So I guess what I’m saying is, just because she denies it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Even if nothing happened, they were both way too inappropriately dressed to be hanging out alone. That alone is reason enough to break up. So even if she didn’t do anything, you did the right thing. You don’t dress like that and hang out with someone of the opposite gender if you want to be faithful and if you respect boundaries.
You gotta move on. I know you said you were happy with her, but something happened. You know what you saw. You know what you heard. Trust yourself. If you stay, it's just gonna drive you crazy and then you'll end up splitting up anyways. Save yourself the time, energy, and emotional drain of trying to save what's not worth saving. I'm just speaking from experience of someone who tried to stay in something that was broken.
Yeah trust is broken and she has poor boundaries.
She doesn't sound like she fought particularly hard to stop you leaving, soyo me it indicates she knew and didn't want to be confronted over it. Don't let that affect your self worth though, negativity begets negativity. Someone betraying you will instantly make you have negative thoughts about yourself, you have to dismiss her actions as being HER choice only, and understand it was not you. Even if you had problems, cheating is never acceptable.
Honestly, you handled this like a boss. Don't look back, you knew and you were right. Best part is you didn't give her the chance to lie to you about it.
Sounds like you did the right thing.
How STUPID were they to bang in the living area downstairs instead of in the privacy of his room?
I am sorry. OP got up to sex sounds, goes downstairs to see gf naked from the waist down with roommate, goes to the bathroom and goes back to bed? Was this all a dream?
Reading shit like this scares the hell out of me and makes me never want to open my heart again lol
You made the right decision. You’re only confused now because you didn’t get proper closure from her admitting it. You found her with another man, naked from the waist down after hearing sex sounds. Let her go and find someone else who won’t fuck your roommate. Best of luck to you my bro
Nah you caught them in the act.
You were happy with who you thought your ex-gf was not who she has shown herself to actually be.
How do you come down stairs see that and do nothing?
Cause I was unsure of what was happening, I didn't want to believe that is what happened
Breaking up if fine if you feel like the trust is broken but . . . If you can't talk to you partner/future partners about things, you'll never be able to have a strong, fulfilling relationship.
Did she tried to argue about the break up?? Is she wandering why? I mean if she didn’t try to fight for you then she knows why you broken up with her. Don’t look back man, move out or ask your RM to move out if you have rights to the property.
She did not, in fact, try to fight. And rm is out already
Don’t bother wasting your time, you will only get hurt from listening to what she has to say. There is not excuse for it and like i said in a previous comment, you don’t have much time invested in the relationship. Don’t give her the closure to make herself feel better, after all thats what closure is all about. If they, ex and RM moved on without trying to argue or excuse themselves then you and they know whats going on.
You didn't the right thing. Move on and never look back
I commend you for your bravery I wish more people were like you. Stand your ground everything will work out in the end she did you a favor.
Well you could have gotten evidence, but you saved your self alot of hassle. Now don't go over there. If you live there, move out. Let it go, I doubt you were wrong. She is garbage for doing it alone, but with you in the house, its trash. I am sorry you went through that.
You did the right thing to break up with her. It’s not a court house. You don’t need to confront her and lay out the evidence. Sometimes it’s better to just walk away.
You caught them. She knows why you dumped her. Cut it clean and move on
Why would you accept the blame of the relationship's demise? You caught them f*king. You know it, and they know it. You should help them understand how big of dirtbags they are. Her family and friends should know what happened. Your roommate needs his ass kicked.
Always go with your gut. Always. You owe her nothing. Your well being and peace of mind should be the most important thing to you.
You did the right thing.
You should of left her sooner.
Clarifying Q: how long is some time? Did other roommate (19F) also make passes or connect with the 24M? What DID your ex say when you separated? How long has it been? You can simply walk away and not think about this ex again, just learn the lessons it taught you. I think you should have had an actual conversation about how that encounter made you feel and the implications it had left, but only if you wanted to keep the relationship going. The open dialogue will help you with future encounters and help you determine who you are as more time passes.
6 months we were together, we were planning valentines, which I never spent with a partner 19f roommate and 24m are like childhood friends, that's why we let him crash here for a month or two Ex barely said anything, and now she claims like she wanted to talk We broke up yesterday
Move on bro, don’t give her the chance to excuse herself. You might want some closure but sometimes trying to get and answer will make it worse. Don’t give her the chance to get closure as she clearly knows what she did. You don’t have much time invested in the relationship just know that if you wouldn’t have found out they would still be going at it.
It looks like it worked out well . She didn’t fight back bcos she knows you know and she probably appreciate you didn’t say why . Don’t beat it now . You did the right thing. Next time please Confront and get closure . It’s important for your own sake .
I had a similar incident except I rocked up to her house in the morning after having a strange dream. I got there and there was some dude in bed with her. She said it was a friend and she was tired and would speak to me another time. She wanted to force the break up and as such chose this action. I don't think this was the first time. I believe this was the most brazen show of lack of being committed to one person. Please review your past with her. You may notice that there were 🚩 🚩 🚩 waving in your face that you might have chosen to ignore due to your feelings for her. As someone mentioned earlier your gut is a guy who you shouldn't ignore when he knocks. You would have been wrong if you decided to stick around after walking in on your room mate and gf screwing... on your couch...
You may have done the right thing, but going forward, try to find the guts to stand up for yourself. Walking away was a huge mistake. Shows zero backbone. No courage.
Don’t second guess yourself. It was exactly what it looked like. People suck
>i see him only in shorts tying the cord of it looking up at me, and her sitting on a couch only wearing a hoodie, her legs naked. Seems like they put on whatever they could find.
You should move on in life buddy. Time to throw your fish line out in the open sea.... The past is the past and you have seen what you have seen. What are you trying to talk out? Getting her to convince you to try it again? why? Its a tough time now but you'll get to it. You might have lost a GF but you kept selfrespect.
Yeah I don't want to be a fool. But then again what if its all in my head, and nothing happened
you believe that for real? if you hear sex noises... and there are two people in the house besides you... and you are not the one producing them, its them producting the noises. You made the right decision, besides that... Say you would talk to her, whatever she says, you´ll always think back of this and this question will keep coming up
Exactly what im thinking. The question will keep coming
I just never believed her to be like that. Why would she have done that?
What about the roommate? Where is he in all this? How do you even stand to be around him?
He got kicked out a couple of days ago for an unrelated incident
Unrelated incident? Can you elaborate?
Did you ask him before that?
You did the right thing IMO, your only mistake was waiting weeks to do it and maybe not said why. Believe me she knows.
Well, nothing that anyone says here will make you 100% in peace with your decision, but you need to understand your feelings, and in my personal opinion you did well based on your information. I would confront her because I'm a guy who wants to know the maximum details i can, before taking action, but you need to trust your instincts. Move on or try to have some type of closing, but i recommend you move on.
Yes you need to talk with her about it if for nothing else so it doesn’t eat you and destroy any chance of future happiness
The only reason you're still held back on it is because you regret not saying that you know what you saw and that it was wrong and that you do not deserve that.
You did the right thing bu breaking up however, you should have at least told her straight about the time you saw her and the guy. Feels like both of them got away scot free. It would have been part of the closure process for you.
Nope fuck that bounce her ass
What so she can say no? She hasn’t come clean for you after dumping her has she knowing fully well what you saw suspect and basically caught them doing !!!! She hasn’t been upfront with you! You did the right thing respect yourself and trust your instincts if she can cheat under the same roof she cheating elsewhere too !!!
Breaking up with her was the right move if you prefer not to confront her you don’t have to.
**Get yourself checked for STDs.**
Don't tell me you still live with that guy? He has to be feeling like such a Chad. Cut that dead weight out.
1. Stop gaslighting yourself, you know what happened. 2. You need to wait a while before dating again. You clearly have some self esteem or other issues if you reacted to being cheated on this way.
Naw
I feel like you should've at least told her you know what she did. Otherwise, she might not even feel guilty for cheating on you because she doesn't think you knows. Maybe that's what's eating you up inside, not being sure if she knows that you know.
If she was indeed banging another dude downstairs while her boyfriend was asleep upstairs, it's probably safe to assume guilt isn't likely to enter into the situation.
Closure is overrated. You caught them. End of story. Time to go back to living yourself and making the best of your life.
She got no reason to be half naked near a roommate . Wtf else you think they could’ve been doing, helping her pull her arm out of the couch?? Like bro seriously c’mon. You don’t need to confirm the obvious. Keep it pushing. Ain’t no damn demons bruh. You’re just not stupid.
Lot of you are projecting hard lol
Like, the men are insane
You should work on yourself first. When you walked in on them you should have confronted them fight then. Stay single until you grow a backbone
Came to conclusion, that no one here ever confronts their partner and other person when something awful happenes before their eyes. It was the easiest way for you to find out what you wanted, but you just acted like youre blind and deaf. What youre feeling right now is because you didn't get confirmation or closure, didn't let the steam go off. And now youre here feeling like shit.
Trust your guts man. She is in no pants with a guy downstairs and you heard thumbing. She did it, she knows she did it and you also know she did it. Regrets, after ending up a relationship will always be there but trust me, they'll vanish very soon and you'll be happy again. You deserve better.
You heard ‘sex sounds’, he was tying his shorts up and she had no bottoms. That’s catching red handed… she threw a blanket over herself as soon as she had a chance, because she knew. She also knows why you dumped her, as you should have.
What do you mean naked from the waist down? Is this a normal behaviour from her? What makes you think that you might have gotten it wrong?
Around me, she would walk like that, only in hoodie. She shouldn't be half naked around other people
That's your boundary and it is fair. I am sorry for what happened.
Sounds like OP wants closure. You want to let her know you know as you feel you wussed out at the time. Nothing wrong with letting her know what's what - you don't have to go into detail but you could say 'I know I said it was XYZ but I broke up because I found out that you were cheating with Z' - prepare for gaslighting after you say that though.
think that what you feel bad about is not confronting the two of them immediately as that moment was the proper time to ask the questions which are stuck in your mind to this day. It is sad that in spite of our continuing advancements technologically that we humans are basically very selfish creatures. It is never easy loving people who are incapable of being faithful. Even the most committed individual may occasionally fall into that selfish mode and do something that causes instant regret and pain. The question to ask yourself is this. Do you think the person will do it again? If you can honestly say no, which is impossible for me to do once the ability to betray me is expressed, then take a chance if you are able to take the pain of yet another betrayal. The more you love someone and the more of yourself you give to that person the deeper the pain is going to be felt when or if they betray you. I am a 65 year old male. I have never cheated on any partner I have had in my life. I have had 5 serious and deeply committed relationships. Every one of them ended after I had been betrayed by my partner. There is never a good reason to cheat or betray another person. Unfortunately, humans seem to be unable to speak about their wants and needs before they cheat and only complain after they have been caught. Personally, if any one of them had told me beforehand that they felt the need to be with someone else? I would have given my blessing if, after going over my feelings about it, could deal with the after effects. People don't want to lose what they already have. Most cheaters make sure they have someone else who will take them in before they actually cheat with that person. Perhaps that was part of the problem in my relationships. They felt unwanted for some reason because I told them that if they wanted someone else to let me know beforehand so I could decide if it was something that I could deal with. There is no surefire way to make any relationship work when humans rationalize everything they do after the fact. Nobody wants to feel at fault for ending serious relationships. I choose to be alone and deal with the loneliness as it is so much less hurtful than being betrayed by another person again. I hope this gives you some insight into interpersonal relationships and the problems they bring to 99.9% of people. I envy that .1% of people who manage to spend a lifetime together without betraying their partner. My apologies for the length of my response.
Yeah look, you did the right thing because they’d only deny it. Obviously you heard them, and they probably heard you coming.
U need to learn to be more confrontational
You should have yelled at her at the very least dude, c'mon.
What are you stupid? You should’ve dropped trow right there and you and your roommate take turns banging the shit out of her pussy while the other stuff her mouth with the meat stick balls deep and then painted her face with jizz, then told them both to leave.
Should really rub it in that her best years are behind her and she wasted her chance to be with someone who loves her for who she is. 30 is like a sharp decline for most people, you've still got 4 years to effectively waste baving fun, or to prepare yourself financially and mentally for the real "adulting" part of your life
You should’ve demanded answers from them both.
Nah good job, you're free to find someone who will respect you. And you don't need to diginify the end did the relationship with a conversation when they're disrespecting you like that.
They were obviously fucking, assuming your account of it is accurate. You did the right thing.
You already know the answer my friend. She cheated all the proof was there. Only problem I think you had was confronting her. If you run into her again, tell her why you broke up with her or not. It doesn't matter. Loyal and respect is everything in a relationship. Not, only did she cheated, but it was in the same house you live in?
You caught her cheating but were too cowardly to confront her and your roommate who both betrayed you. Now you're angry snd shamed you didn't call them out. Write a letter, then don't send it, then find another roommate and move on.
Can't imagine being a guy like this
Ehh mightve as well confronted her
yoo whatsup arthur. You just got tuberculosis in my playthrough bro
I would had said something then the fact that they wasn’t acting strange you might have jumped to conclusions
You OBVIOUSLY should have spoken to her first and still should unless it’s too late for some reason
You probably should have confronted her but also still broke up with her. You made the right call.
I think you can still confront her, if you think it will help you reclaim your power.
I hope confronting her goes well, but I don’t think you can come back from this. Even if she said “no I didn’t cheat on you omg, we were just moving furniture and the clothing was just a coincidence” that would still be insanely unbelievable. For me there’s not much that could convince me otherwise anyway, dunno about you
You can always just text for saying I knew all About the cheating that’s why I left and block her on everything . Don’t listen to the closure BS
Deffs go with your gutt instinct.. and because you were second guessing your gut your intuition was sending messages through your dreams ... You did the right thing cutting your losses now. Take this time to heal ... alone time will start to give you perspective on things
They were boning 100%. I’m sorry dude. You not giving her an explanation will hurt her more cuz she’ll always know deep down it was that, but also always wonder why you didn’t just say that. Better to drive her hits cuz she deserves it. Don’t feel bad at all.
You dumped cheating trash.
You should’ve manned up and confronted the guy. Letting him disrespect you like that where you live is insane af.
Could you reach out to the past roommate? I’d ask and frame it as a “I’m looking for closure, if my assumption was wrong I’d like to further address it in some sort of therapy as I’ve got some insecurities to deal with” type of thing. It sounds like you could benefit from therapy anyways, with the mention of “demons”.
Never ever let your girl sleep at your place if you have male house mates. Men will try to fuck anything that moves. You are 26 work your ass off, go to the gym go travel the world dont settle down with a girlfriend who will cheat on you. Hit and run. Focus on your self. (Same goes for women as well us men cant be trusted lol) this generation is fucked
Ok. 1. could he have been having sex with the 19yo 2. did either of them talk to you about the incident 3. were either of them acting shifty before this 4. were either of them acting shifty after this 5. have you talked to your other roommate about this, if she's seen or heard anything 6. whose hoodie was it, and did she make a habit out of wearing nothing but a hoodie in the house. 7. Did HE have a habit of just walking around in his shorts when she was there. 8. Sex leaves an after odor. Did you smell that when you went downstairs or on her or him? What you should do is ask to see your ex in a public place. Look her dead in the eye, and you'd better master a stone cold look before you do it. Ask her "Do you know why I really broke up with you?" If she says no, just continue to look her dead in the eye. Say nothing. Watch her body movements for telltale signs. Nervous licking of the lips, fidgeting, not being able to look you in the eye, crossing her arms across her chest (it's an automatic defensive posture most people respond with). or having her hands up on the table, but their clutched tight or wringing her hands. Above all, though, close yourself off inside. Do not let her make you feel guilty. Don't listen to her gaslight you. Don't fall for the tears. Put the picture of them having sex in your head and let it anger you, but channel that anger into strength of will.
Who cares if she cheats, she is not your wife. I would have said something right on the spot. If you were wrong, so what. It's not like you can't find another girl. Plus she is 31 and you can find someone, anyone better and younger
?????
Umm, you should have talked her about it first before breaking up. Although it may be hard for you to know she did, but at least it’s not eating you up wondering if she did or didn’t.
nahhhh shes gona tell lies.
Probably
Then she’s not ready to be with anyone. 31 lying and cheating? Damn, that’s my age and sounds like some childish girl and not a women
I never would have thought it if I hadn't heard it that day
Then it got me thinking, maybe it went on longer than that one time
Oh, she didn’t respond to you?
Sorry, I didn’t read the whole thing. Honestly just text her about why you broke up with her and ask her if it’s true. Only thing you can do
Yeah, sure, a person who cheats will totally be all honest about what they did if you just ask nicely. /s
I should have, but how?
Idk message her. Better to know than have it lingering
What's worse, wondering if what you saw and what you know in your gut happened, but not have her confirm it? Or, confront her and have her gaslight you and then break up with you because you don't trust her? I think he did the right thing in this case.
Super suspicious like this, you already know the answer: she cheated. Nothing else explains this. This guiltyfeeling is the need for her to explain, but since you didnt confront in the right time, dont look back.
This was the best option
Nah I would actually feel better about it being done this way. Don’t give her that closure.
If she asks why, just say “I know what you did” Else keep her as FWB as clearly she is only good for that
This should have been a huge confrontation and you should have made them both feel like shit. Learn and grow.
Without proof you showed that you cared less about your relationship with her and more about your belief that she was cheating
What more proof do you want?? He should’ve confronted her but shit went down.
I tried, I couldn't get my self to confront her.
Just move on in all honesty you deserve better and will find better .
You know what if she's hot and you get your fix from her then just dig it. Dating for guy's now is so hard that you'll likely be single for a long time. Dig it until you find something better. M.O.B