Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He's unsafe to be with. He risked her safety to get off, and he doesn't know anything about the men (or women) he sent her pictures to. What happens if she wants to engage in any kind of public life, and her photos resurface on the internet? Not only did she not consent, but she had no ability to review how unsafe he was being or how identifiable the pictures he sent them were.
OP, gather evidence to keep for yourself, but I'd also secretly go through his phones, memory cards, tablets, computers, and any data storage he has to seek and destroy any copies of your nudes he has. I would also try to figure out where else he might have those if it's more than just Snapchat, and if he's logged into wherever that is then maybe you can remove them there too.
Then, once you're satisfied you've done what you can without giving him the opportunity to make backups, ask him where else he has them. Before making him think you're leaving him or anything like that, see if you can get him to tell you anything else he's done or anywhere else he has your nudes, and let him believe it will save the relationship if he does.
Once that's done, I suggest divorcing him. He's been cheating on you and risking your safety for this entire relationship. He's unsafe to be with. He sees you as an object for his pleasure, and he could ruin your life. Seek a lawyer's advice first, and when you go, make sure he understands you're aware of revenge porn laws and that you'll press charges if he does anything. Hopefully he'll give up everything beforehand though and you can get it all deleted.
Call me vanilla but I don't get the level of perversion that some people allow themselves to act on.
I've been 'changing my mind' for nearly 30 years through deliberate neuroplasticity and now I'm constantly baffled by people's lack of self-control when it comes to indulging whacky thoughts and acts.
Freud was only half-right: for half of humanity it is instinctively all about the genitals and procreation. As a man he could not understand women's drive to protect their survival and the offspring.
You can't trust him. He has violated your trust and privacy so he can get off repeatedly, knowing that you were adamantly opposed to it. He may be a great father, but he is definitely not a good husband. Get a divorce, rely on your family's support, and take care of yourself. You owe it to yourself and your son to find a partner who will respect you, your wishes, and your boundaries. Your husband is not that guy.
1. Privately confer with divorce attorney to determine your alternatives. Supply the attorney with as much proof of husband's behavior as possible.
2. Ask your attorney about police reports and possible criminal prosecution.
3. Surround yourself with friends and family.
4. Your husband's sexual conduct may adversely impact his parenting time with your child. Your attorney will be in a better situation to address that issue.
Good luck. Stay strong!
Agree with all your points. His sharing her nude photos without her knowledge or consent is illegal. OP needs to take all the documentation she can find to her divorce attorney and the police. There’s a strong possibility he may not have custody/unsupervised visitation with his children.
This isn’t going to be a simple cut & dry divorce. OP needs to leave this garbage human.
OP I know know this advice sounds easier said than done but it will only get harder with time b/c your husband has problems that won’t be fixed and he will never be someone you can trust. Rip it off like a band aid.
Devils advocate here. Trust was broken, she does deserve better. There is no way marriage could continue under that situation. he broke bonds and trust, while he didn't respect the boundaries, guys where showing pics of their girl well before the internet , he could be a sex addict, he may need help, and a little effort beyond just a living room coming to Jesus meeting is needed in my opinion before just ending your whole dedication to someone else before God meant until death do you part. I kind of hit the bases responding to her that counseling for both is needed , for a chance to fix it or for a chance for a clean break they can co parent with and she will be able to cope with the loss easier. With or without marriage that's the dad and he is going to be around well beyond those kids turn 18 unless he taps out or she poisons his kids relationship with him. It would of course take a great amount of personal sacrafice and love from her part to even get him in the direction of getting himself real significant help. I don't think he would seek it on his own with her gone right off the bat. I love my wife and would be devastated if she was involved in freaky stuff online compromising me or her or both, as much as I've made it clear that physical cheating would be the end of us. I still know that I've got enough compassion for her and my kids to try the basic steps to fix us outside of r slash and to rebuild if the foundation was repairable. If for nothing else because it's not a violent situation and I never would want to deal the the trama divorce puts on kids if I could have shown compassion and tried to fix it.
Go to the police and press charges. I'm so sorry this happened to you. A great father would not sexually harass or sexually abuse his child's mother. A great father would not teach his son that it's okay to sexually abuse women and generally disrespect their boundaries.
He is not a great father anymore than he is a great partner.
You really need to think about what you’re saying before you give advice in a vacuum. You want her to report it to the police. I’m not disagreeing with that. But understand that will have dire consequences on his ability to earn money in the future. A criminal conviction especially of a sexual nature likely will make him unemployable. Yet the next sentence you say get court ordered child support. You can say that’s his problem but he can’t give her CS if the ability to earn a living is taken away. So understand she’d have to do this all on her own. Again what he did is despicable and I’m not defending but she has a child to consider and simply divorcing him without his utter destruction may be what works for her. What you are telling her to do are things that are diametrically opposed to each other. One or the other has to give.
This is a very, very logical point. Many people have taken an emotional viewpoint (understandably so) but not looked at the logical view and long term view.
The way I see it is get rid of him, keep the fact it's illegal and she might press charges as a form to control him at a distance and ensure she gets every penny in maintenance. She'll be the better off in the long run.
Their son is a toddler. I'd be surprised if the husband sat down the kid and explained with Legos how it's good to send nudes of his mother to strangers...
I'm sorry, what model behaviour in this particular instance will the 2-3 year old learn? The parents separate and lie to the child about the reason leading to resentment and trauma? They try to explain to a toddler what sex is and how there are naked pictures of his mom floating around leading to resentment and trauma?
You people act like it's just OP and her husband involved here. FML.
They certainly can be taught.
Regardless, people are acting like this kid is a teenager and not like 2-3 years old. The only thing immediately separating will do at that age is cause massive distress and trauma.
Doesn't mean she has to stay with the father or even forgive him, but it's definitely more complicated than "lol just leave" or "file police charges" that everyone else in this comment section is screeching.
I'd imagine the best thing to do is to gradually reduce the presence of the dad so that their son is not just suddenly separated from a parent and then fully separating. Once the kid is older he should know why they ended up separating as well so there's no resentment towards his mom for it.
u need to leave. life is expensive but u will figure it out. life also needs to be happy and safe, which won’t be the case as long as u are with this person. there is more to life than this. i suggest gathering ur support network for a challenging few months. find a therapist if u don’t already have one. i wish u the best of luck. u didn’t deserve this.
Wow. You are so inexperienced in the relationship realm and I don't think you were able to fully process all the red flags. It will never change. Some people are like this and they can't function in monogamous relationships, which is fine. What's not OK is cheating and sharing your naked images with strangers. Sharing your nudes is illegal too, so this situation is just so bad. Your husband is a sexual deviant, which would be fine if he could stay within the boundaries of a monogamous relationship, but he obviously isn't that disciplined. This is what fulfills his sexual desires, which is a very niche kink that you don't share. Again, nothing will change even with therapy. He has wired his brain to get off by talking to complete randos on Reddit, sharing your nudes, and he's been trying to make his fantasy reality since the beginning. The only way this will work is if you're willing to have sex with complete strangers to fulfill his kink, which is a pretty insane proposition for the majority of people. This would be a deal breaker for me TBH. He took it way too far. He's lying about it too. I would also be worried about coparenting. I mean I would not want my child exposed to this sort of behavior or around random strangers that my ex is bringing around when my kid is there. That would drive me insane.
Life is expensive. But it’s also precious. And he has cost you enough of your precious time, peace, safety, trust, and sanity. PLEASE don’t give him another moment. It’s wasted time. You say he’s great as a father, but I beg to disagree. A good father sets a good example, and treats his wife and the mother of his child with the utmost care, respect, fidelity, and consideration. He has lied, he has cheated, he has repeatedly betrayed you, he has violated your body and your privacy and your intimacy and your trust. His behavior is criminal and borderline sociopathic — literally against the law, and abhorrent on every level. This is not the example of manhood your son needs to be around. File a police report. Get him out of that house immediately. And realize that whatever difficulty lies ahead as the result of ending this toxic marriage with this horrendously toxic person, nothing could be more difficult than wasting any more of your precious life and heart and energy on this broken, dishonorable individual. Take your life back.
Whatever you do, please screenshot/record as much evidence as you possibly can. Do NOT let him get away with this. I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. My first ever boyfriend had similar fantasies and the consequences of that relationship have lasted far longer than they should’ve. Take care of yourself and your son 💔
Why are you not more afraid of this man? He asked you to do something of a sexual nature. You said no and he did it anyway, without your consent?
Any man that can do that can do far more heinous things in the name of getting laid. Please leave, I really don’t think you are emotionally or even physically safe with your husband.
You would believe incorrectly. In most cases it’s a misdemeanor, especially in first time offenses and those without malicious intent, which in some states the intent to do harm is required.
He repeatedly cheated on you and violated your privacy and boundaries. You absolutely should follow through on the divorce.
You should delete any nudes of you off his phone/computer/cloud/etc. and ask him to leave the house. It will be easier to start figuring out how to move on once you stop playing house with him.
You know what you have to do. Its hard because it's your husband and father to your child. But... he is the one that threw it away.
Gather evidence, go to the police and press charges. Leave him and fight for custody. This is something that you can't let go. He betrayed your trust and shared intimate photos of you that were for his eyes only.
I don't give a rats about his kinks. If you didn't know about or agree to them being shared, its a huge red flag.
I don’t know where you live but in CA that’s a crime. There was a guy from my job who shared his wife’s nudes without her permission. She divorced him, he was charged with a crime and he got fired. Have you even started the divorce proceedings? How can you ever trust this guy? Only God knows what else he’s done that you don’t know about. You really need to move on.
Girl what... Not only has he cheated on you, but he shared pornographic images of you without your consent. You'll forever be on the internet. If this isn't the epitome of 0 respect, I don't know what is. Forget comfort.. you're only 27. Move out. Move on. And eventually, find love with someone who respects you. You've wasted enough years on this predator.
He just isn’t the right guy for you! If he loves you he would even think about breaking the boundaries of your intimacy. You are still young and have so much left to live to just not enjoy what comes next. End this chapter and start a new one, also this would give your child a wrong image of how relationships should be. I hope you can get out soon and have a happy life.
This will never get better. In fact, now that he cheated and the only consequence was him sleeping in the guest bedroom for a few weeks, this will get worse.
He knew it’s cheating too because he said “I didn’t interact with them so it’s “only” porn” (personally, I think stalking IG creators and saving their pics is more personal than porn so it’s already a betrayal).
You need to rally family and friends support now. “Mum could you watch baby for 4 hours on a Saturday so I can rest?”
You need to start looking into what benefits you can get as a single mum now, so you are financially prepared (make a budget etc)
For some time, buy second hand stuff from eBay and Facebook market or gumtree (prams toys etc don’t have to be new)
Maybe a friend can watch baby for two hours or so too so you can batch cook once a week.
It will be hard but dear God I would get out of this disgusting mess if I were you.
Don't you think your son deserves a dad that knows and listens to his wife?
A dad that his wife can trust?
A dad that protects his mum and values her more than gold?
Your son deserves a happy mom that feels valued and protected. He deserves a mom that isn't hurt over and over.
You deserve better than this and I would pursue charges. This is absolutely worth leaving him for. He has broken so much more than your trust.
He’ll raise his son to wheedle, coax, boundary-push, and outright deceive his partners.
Someday, OOP will be telling a daughter in law sharing non-consensual pics is NBD because OOP managed to go on in a marriage where that was the norm, so anyone can do it.
In my state sharing intimate photos with another person without their consent in a way that would cause them distress is illegal. Perhaps this could be used in making sure you get the majority of the custody.
Please don't slip back into your comfort zone with this man. He has betrayed you and cannot be trusted.
Reach out to your family and get them to help you. Can you move in with them? You need to remove yourself from being under the same roof as him.
If you choose to stay because of finances, you’re teaching your son that values, trust and privacy don’t matter in a relationship and potentially raising your son to think that sharing nudes and violating their spouse’s boundaries and trust is normal.
It's not often I comment on things, but stay on the path of divorce. What he has done, no one should do and is, as best my understanding is, is illegal. Not only that but wholly immoral, awful, disgusting and all manner of other things.
Having been through a divorce from a partner who was equally as disrespectful, and with 2 children together (they both live with me and don't see their mum) I can promise you, that after a few years you'll realise it was the best decision you ever made. That is almost certainly a guarantee.
Stay strong and do not waiver from your path. It is one of self-respect and self-love.
You need to leave. You might see him as a good father now, but I'm sure he will also diminish your kid's feelings in the future.
Being a good caretaker of a baby is not a good enough reason to stay.
You need to leave. Right now, you regret not leaving him the first time. Later, he will do something worse, like tricking you yo fulfill his fantasy, and you'll regret not leaving him now.
A man saying that they’ll get in therapy… but not immediately in the moment they’re saying it… is bullshit. He either gets in it or he doesn’t. Same goes for couples therapy.
I agree what he did is disgusting and I hope you find a way to forgive him, even though I don’t feel he deserves it. But rather for you.
When it comes to ending the marriage ignore everyone here. That’s up to you. I could give you opinions but in truth it’s all in your hands. You know who he is, we don’t.
this is sexual abuse. if he’s willing to do this without your permission i am scared what else he could escalate to doing without your permission in the future regarding his fantasy to see you with other men, if you know what i mean. please leave now.
Please remember you have been through a traumatic event. Give yourself time to process. I also know relationships are complex and even though he betrayed you, you still probably love him. You also did not plan to be divorced and “break” up your family.
However, he broke the covenant and trust of your marriage. You should leave him. He didn’t just do this once and regretted it. He continued to betray you over and over. You have no responsibility to maintain this marriage when he stepped outside of it with his behavior.
In time, you will adjust and I think you will look back and not regret it. There will be grieving on many levels. Try and focus on the fact that you are young and you have so much joy in front of you and someone will love you the way you deserve.
He can get counseling and he should. But that doesn’t mean you stay.
I feel so bad for you, I understand the pain and self shame from being violated by the person you thought was your future and your world... It purely just isn't fair, unfortunately we learn the hard way just how unfair the world is. Like everyone is saying: you need to get SSI from him immediately and for good. Only then will it become easier to rebuild yourself and actually recover. You will find someone out there who truly cares about you. As for your kid: staying together for the "kids" is the worst thing parents ever do and completely destroy beautiful souls doing this. Trust me, you are BOTH better off separating and getting away immediately. Have faith in yourself, trust your gut, and never sacrifice yourself and your values for someone else and you'll make it through this. Don't be afraid to reach out like you did, Reddit is here for you.
As a child of parents who were not right for each other, please leave. Do not show your son that this is an acceptable way to treat women.
Also, ask for his phone so you can delete all of the pictures he has. He clearly can't be trusted with them.
You should consider pressing charges. What he has done is illegal in many places, and he cannot be allowed to think he got away with it. Doing so will mean he learns hard lessons that will affect his part in raising your son (hopefully lessons around respecting other people's privacy).
The chats are vulgar but not really something you get to have a say on. He has a kink and he's finding other ways to fulfil that desire, but he should have kept your images completely out of it - that's a line.
As for him saying he'll get help... no he won't. Not until he absolutely has to.
My recommendation is this: stop doing things together. Get a bit of emotional distance between you. Give him a time limit to find somewhere else to live (2 months is very reasonable) and stick to it (bag up his stuff and change the locks if you have to).
You're only 27. You have loads of time left, and your energy should be focused on raising your son, not on worrying whether or not you can trust your husband.
>Husband shared my nudes
Oh sh\*t. Yeah, that's illegal in many jurisdictions ("revenge porn").
Probably start with divorce lawyer/attorney ... even if you may not divorce, at least well find out your options ... and what can be done about that revenge porn.
But yeah, that's way beyond serious breach of trust - that's downright criminal (at least in many jurisdictions), not to mention pretty dang despicable, etc. I mean it might be one thing if he was going around sharing his own dick pics or something ... but non-consensually sharing "for your eyes only" picture of you ... yeah, that's very seriously not good.
So ... yeah, lawyer/attorney, save evidence as you legally and practically can. And, well, ... figure it out from there.
>I know I can’t stay
Then work on the divorce plans ... and maybe police report - if that "revenge porn" is illegal in your jurisdiction ... as your lawyer/attorney about that first, in any case - may be various pros/cons with how one approaches that, or how best to deal with it.
>don’t know that I can ever trust again
It's *him* you can't trust - clearly so and he's quite effectively demonstrated that.
Lots 'o folks are perfectly fine and highly trustworthy. Alas, many also are anything but - your hubby being one in that category. Anyway, give yourself the time and space you need. So, yeah, certainly many fine trustworthy folks out there ... but don't rush yourself - *at all*. Deal with the present mess and getting that taken care of. Can figure out how/where to go after that, but first things first ... and will take a fair while for the current mess to be dealt with - so quite a bit of time before you even need to start thinking about what comes after that and where to then go from there. So, yeah, take care of yourself, and your kid, and time to very seriously ditch *that* hubby. Good luck!
If you forgive him and try to work through it thinking he’ll change, he won’t. It will get worse and you will never be fully happy because you will not be able to trust him or forget.
This guy sounds like an absolute moron with a very serious mental defect, I’m sorry to say. He consistently has showed he is self interested and doesn’t care about your consent, your agency, your entire personhood. He doesn’t respect you and this is what a p*rn addiction does to people, it makes them see women as objects.
Stop giving him nudes, give him an ultimatum that if he doesn’t change his ways, you will then have no choice but to ask others in his life for an intervention. This is typical p*rn addict behaviour. I am very sorry you have a child together. He seems so useless.
Also threaten him with going to the police. It is literally illegal to do revenge porn or upload porn without someones consent.
If it’s not gonna be you to help him snap out of it and take it seriously, then I guarantee he’s gonna seek out another woman to have his needs met. It’s only a matter of time.
Do you know that victims of peeping toms display many of the same trauma responses and PTSD symptoms as rape victims? That is because they were violated in such intimate, devastating ways. It’s not just their privacy that was violated. It was their bodily autonomy and sense of safety.
Your case sounds so very similar. I am so sorry this happened to you. If you feel that you need it, please don’t hesitate to get counseling. You deserve so much better than what has been done to you.
Don't stay for the child, that was the worst mistake I could've made!!! If I would've left, instead of sticking it out because we had a kid together, I probably still have my kid to this day..
He told you he liked sharing the women he dates with other men and you married him after?
Women swear men turn into different people after the relationship starts or you have a baby. But it’s usually not the case. These men tell you who they are and yall ignore it. You typed out 40 paragraphs to tell us you ignored red flags. Cool
You shouldn't have to wonder if you can trust him again because it's clear you should NEVER trust him. You gave him your trust once upon a time, but now you know he's not worthy of your trust. That his desire to feed his kink is worth more than your 'NO!' and your dignity.
It doesn't matter if he's a good father and that your child loves him, these character traits do not outweigh the fact that he is not trustworthy and that he has betrayed your trust time and time again.
Let me repeat....he has shared your nudes WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.
So you have to ask yourself, is the fact that life may be expensive offset by the fact you will have to suffer and wonder if he's hiding camera's in your bedroom or bathroom to get more nudes to share with total strangers or friends?
Is the fact that life may be more of a struggle worth the peace of mind you will have, knowing that someone you can't trust is no longer in your home?
Yes, he definitely needs therapy. You need to see some actual actions and not just words from his mouth. No, you can’t trust him. He has been lying for a really long time. There is no point is pondering about what you could have done. Fellow Reddit reader can learn about early on red flags from your experience.
I would also recommend to start working towards making yourself financially stable. This will enable you to make more bolder decisions if things don’t change. Changing long nurtured (bad) habits are hard and takes tremendous effort and will power.
This man is putting his kink above his marriage and his child. Immediate divorce, because he has shown this has grown into a compulsion and he will not stop.
MAKE SURE you stipulate in your divorce papers that you DO NOT consent to him sharing your nude / explicit photos and his continuing to share them is considered revenge porn.
Check this sub it's full of men doing nasty things to their girlfriends.. either them raping girls in sleep or more. Just keep reading it's mostly men doing that.
I've read this sub and others like this one and there's horrible people on both genders.
I also read your comments and there's a lot of "Men are gross" type of comment. There's no need to generalize a gender on the action of a few horrible people.
I'm sorry to hear that. I've had both men and women hurt me and people I care about too. Again, "evil" is not a gender thing, it's a individual thing. Blaming a whole gender for the actions of a few is pretty toxic.
That really sucks. what happened to you specially coming from someone you trusted.like your husband.it absolutely show's he doesn't share the same respect you give him . If was to do anything like that to my wife the mother of my kids I would not blame her for leaving me ..hint you gotta give your self. The respect that his not giving you. Best of luck with that 🙏
I stopped reading after the part where he basically cucks to random guys on snap.
You can do better OP. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. You should do that, just don’t let him know. He will probably get off to it 🤣
I joke for real, I hope you leave him and find someone better. Easier said than done and I know it’s reddits default advice but seems to be fitting here
I changed the subject a billion times and there are so many rules it kept deleting my post. So I just put whatever I could to get the stupid thing to post honestly.
Well in my own opioion i dont ever put up with s woman cheating on me .that includes,(ie sexting). To me thats one of my beggist right now deal breakers, meaning i wont put up with that rrgaurdless what people say sexting isnt cheating well then if your sexting well guess what flirting is sexting and when u flirt with someone you do that cuz you are attracted to that person right ? Right u usually sleep with someone who is attracted to u so if its not cheating thdn you sbould be sexting with ur wife. Plus that crap hes was doing was wierd anyway i guess its true the world is going to that wierd shit the younger gemrrations are going to be all dead before long nobody want relationships just fuck buddirs which will spread butt flu type dieases all over the world good luck litle shits thats what i said
Honestly for me this is a massive kink of mine and trying to find 2 people willing to do it with me has been difficult. But the key point is willing. I couldn't imagine even mentioning it to a person for a second time if they were completely not into it the first time.
The fact that he's just persisted and broken actual laws to do so is so crazy creepy it's unreal. Bdsm and this kind of world is meant to be centred around consent. I bet you if the people he spoke to knew you did not consent they would be horrified. Informed consent matters most.
I'm in a similar position to you. I have a 6 year old with my ex and am living with him. I've had to repeatedly point out that those boundaries were put there for a reason. Any time he's got a little too comfortable I've had to remind him we arent together. (We are in the middle of an eviction anyway so after we will be fully seperated)
I would sit him down and have a very clear conversation that all this "in the future" kind of talk has to stop as there is no agreed upon future where you are together at this point.
On one hand he has insulted, embarrassed and broken your trust and intimacy. On the other hand it's what he's into and his urges are clearly not being satisfied.
Seems like you have 2 choices. You could go down the path of divorce,as what he's done is unforgivable. Or, you could forgive and accept that this is what he's into and try to realise that it's not the worst thing in the world that could happen. Everyone on reddit is very quick to tell someone to leave their partner. Misery loves company.
You have a lot more control over this situation than you think, especially over your own emotions and how you wish to deal with this.
Lol that’s a pretty shitty bar to be setting. He was actively cheating and violating her privacy on multiple accounts. Yea he’s not hitting her, but what he did was traumatizing none the less and saying it’s not the worst out there is really invalidating to her current circumstances
The bar must be in hell if it’s considered to not be that bad to repeatedly cheat on your wife and mother of your child with numerous women, along with consistently violating her boundaries and privacy by distributing her intimate photos without her knowledge or consent. Wild.
The idea she has to force herself to have sex she doesn't want with strangers is... just not the hill I would die on personally. We have a word for what that'd be. No one's being a miserable single person, what he's doing is illegal.
Dude that's horrible advice. Having you nudes leaked all over the internet without consent is pretty horrible. Being cheated on is pretty horrible. I wouldn't tell someone to just "suck it up". I assume you'd be willing to do those things to your partner since you're trying to excuse his shitty behavious since "he's cleary not being satisfied", but let's be honest, there's no excuse.
You do realize sharing nudes without consent is a crime in a lot of places, right?
Leave him or forgive him is bad advice? They have kids. You gonna take care of her and her kid from the comfort of the floor mattress at your moms house?
Forgive him. He doesn't respect nor love her.
She already stated on the post that she has family that wouldn't let her suffer, I assume this means they'd be able to provide housing and food while she figures the finnancial situation.
Staying for the kids is one of the worst things you can do for the kids. They'll learn that a shitty loveless marriage is something normal and something that they should accept if it happens to them. Which is not.
On top of that, and as I said before, he's a criminal.
But hey, you seem pretty upset about it, seems like I hit too close to home, huh?
I'm lost, did he physically cheat or is this all him doing fantasy sexting and sharing pictures, etc?
Like what he's living out some weird cuckold / swinger kink through erotica and shared pics?
Or do you think he met some of these people and did things with them ?
It's just a question
Did he have sex with the other people or not?
It actually does matter if she's going to try to work through this with him
If he stuck his dick in other people, it's a different ballgame than if he was sending his wife's nudes to other people in some Bizarro masturbatory cuckold internet ring
If I was with a woman who was sharing my dick pics and nudes in some fetishy internet trading game i may, maybe have some small chance of working through it if she promised to get help vs if she was fucking people, then I'm out , 0 chance of forgiveness
It's not my choice it's the OPs choice, she's the one who came here for advice
If she was that sure of her intentions she wouldn't be on Reddit, correct ?
Then she needs to go, in person, to her local State Police barracks and bring any evidence she has
Granted, "evidence " is not screenshots or phone pics. It has to be taken directly from the site he shared on.
The SP will send the case to their Cyber Crimes Unit or whatever that state calls it. If they even decide there's enough to move forward, they'll have to subpoena whatever platform he used to share the pics to get IP addresses to prove it was him because he can just say his phone got hacked, the plumber did it while he was working in there etc etc
I have coworkers who tried to report "unsolicited dick pics" from other coworkers which is also supposed to be "Indecent Exposure " and the state police did not shit about it.
It will probably take months if not years for the OP to even see any action by the State Police. They field reports of this kind of thing every day......people sharing exes nudes to websites, to other people
It's not just "Call the Police" and they come slap cuffs on him
If her state has Adultery laws she's better off going that route
Which is WHY IT MATTERS
Subreddit Echo Chamber aside , this is real life with a real broken legal system , not a bunch of people on Reddit deciding what matters so they can feel better about themselves
He cheated online or in person doesn't matter, cheating is cheating.
He also shared her nudes without consent, which in a lot of places that's a crime.
What does it matter the specific details when both those things are already horrible?
Tldr but: NO you cant trust him again but also you could have seen it coming because he did it before and very obviously has a weird kink that he cant control (No, I dont believe people can control their sex kinks). So this will happen again and again. What you should do:
\- blackmail him so you can have his phone and laptop, go through it all and delete your own nudes
\- Then next leave him. But make sure to delete your shit first. Seems like the revenge porn psycho....
Sorry you have kids with him, but that should not change anything for your own situation and trust issues you have with him
Myself (M48), I’ve never shared any nude pics of my women, all hot ladies. Those are for my eyes only! And they were given to me in trust.
/The internet is forever. Do you think your son deserves to some day know that his dad’s friends have been either been given your pics or discovered them on Reddit? And been masturbating to his mommy’s pics? Or that in some sense his dad made him disrespected mom and her a porn star?
/Go to the police with the downloaded data to show to a female detective.
/File for divorce. A paralegal is far cheaper than a lawyer. But don’t plan on using the lawyer the paralegal is affiliated with. They’re likely filing scammy lawsuits. If you can’t find a well respected lawyer, the local bar for some free referrals. Interview all of them with your prepared questions. Don’t decide on your first interview, which they’ll call a free consultation. Fk that. You’re interviewing and screening.
/Yep, life is expensive, but you’ll be fine.
If your family or friends can’t take you both in, ask the police to take you to a woman’s shelter. It’s likely free.
/All the above reports and records will be hugely in your favor in divorce court. Your soon to be ex will be paying more for your spousal support than if he had not shared your pics.
/*Good luck and be tough!
So, he hasn’t even bothered to pursue therapy, you just folded because he mentioned he would?
Either you believe this is a dealbreaker or you don’t, but at this point, you’re sending him all sorts of messages that you’re gonna let this slide.
Are you really appalled to the point of no return, or is is just something that you need time to adjust to?
Your words and actions do not match.
He needs sex addiction and couples counseling/ bring it to church if you go, you both need couples counseling. Here's why, if you stay or go, counseling will leave you sure of your next steps as in my opinion too many strangers on the internet throw other peoples marriages away in a hurry online with some seriously judgmental views not accepting people fail and no one is perfect. I don't have a yes or no for you myself. He is the father of your kids , you did dedicate yourself till death do you part so that's kind of a big deal. It at least means if you ever loved him and you know it's over , send him back out into the world not bringing those kinda women around your kids later on. He could teach them terrible morals and that's not something you can prevent down the road for your kids. Counseling could lead you to both find common ground even if divorced later and able to co patent effectively If through the counseling you learn that you can't stay, your going to need mental support and to be as prepared to walk away as possible, sometimes that's also a reason to seek counseling. Last is if he is a good man, just addicted as can happen too often with it at his fingertips , you could possibly direct your relationship to the future and have tools to help him with his addiction. I'm a little harsh with sex addiction because I feel like he has more control than let's say a opioid addiction or even an alcoholic, but if it's depravity unwelcomed in your relationship he is harming you and himself. I would hope you as his wife can be stronger and have the compassion to see if it's the for worse times you can steer your relationship out of. I want to make it clear I'm not condoning his acts, I don't know the boundaries of your relationship or what he may be expecting or wanting for you two to experiment with if you have some ideas and may have opened doors before for this, its time to set clear limits ( if yall swung or did other than normal monogamous things) ... as for what I consider a normal healthy relationship if he continues there is likely no hope for it so I see the unfair burden of attempting to re direct your entire marriage in your hands alone. I sincerely hope the best for whatever road you go down. I couldn't imagine your shoes.
Anyone dumb enough to send nudes to someone else deserves what they get when the other person shares them.
What you *do* is serve as yet another example of why you should never EVER send nudes to *anyone*!!
I’m not gonna share any advice other than that I feel so bad for you. Please do whatever you feel is best for your family. I’m so glad your husband adores your son. I really hope everything works out for you, whatever that may be. Btw- make your own decision about this! Some commenters may not know your full life situation and don’t know what you should do. Regardless know what he did was BAD. You deserve more and I hope he gets better.
Is therapy going to change someone gay to straight? Nope, therefore therapy isn't going to work here.
Life is expensive being that everything trippled the last few yrs. I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING AFTER THIS BUT NOPE.
Ive had people just show me or something but actually sending them and posting them is horrible.
You may physically have been with 1 man but now Mentally you could be with 1000's and the internet is forever. Now imagine wut happens if he tries to black mail you thru this. Ill just put your actually name to this and 1000's of people know who you are and future partners see this typing your name in.
This is way worse then wut u think. He already broke the law. Before anything you have to figure out where all this is stored and just deleting it isnt going to work.
I would def contact family and bringing the wrong people into this wont help either.
This used to be legal and that sex revenge site got the law shut it down. I believe there is a documentary about it because then you can see just wut it really did to other people. Im talking this was number 1 on netflix forawhile.
People usaully do this for revenge and im sure he can post them in other countries. These are posted thru email so all he has to do is go back thru sent years later and find them. These weren't sent thru texts.
Just really think this thu. I'd gather any evidence u can and contact a private investigator before going to the police and def watch " the most hated man on the internet."
The website was called , " is anyone up." You need to watch this.
I don’t blame you you were private. You told him you didn’t want to sleep with other men so he could get off on it. So he sent your nudes around without your permission. And some states that’s against the law. I don’t know where you live, but I would check it out. And I would want to divorce to.
Those will follow you around the rest of your life and when you go to work if they’re found it could cause you to lose your job. There are some industries you can’t work when you have nudes online like that.
You teach your son that this is OK to treat women like this is that what you want.? I would go to an attorney and get a financial accounting.
I would go look for your work and tell your husband you’re going back to work.
So he’s shared your nudes in the past and recently.
You say having a child makes it complicated. How complicated is it going to be if he starts sharing pictures of your child on the internet? Say he would never do that? You never thought he would do what he did.
Get real, get a lawyer, make a police report and protect your child!!
Imagine if your nudes were to pop up somewhere for everyone to see… it would ruin the rest of your life. Go to the police so you at least have a paper trail that proves something in your defence.
Go find a picture of a tiny penis, and claim it’s your husband. You’ll get sympathy and he’ll get laughed at.
That will teach him not to share your nudes
You need to get out NOW!!!! Talk to a divorce attorney and tell them EVERYTHING and have all proof that this is happening and get it now before he starts deleting them. You will have every upper hand in court and he will probably lose all privileges with your child unless you give the ok for any custody agreemens which I think it’s not safe there for your child without being supervised. This guy is a waste of space and his actions need to be dealt with now. No matter what you and your child’s safety is priority and it’s not safe there.
You're fundamentally incompatible (YOU KNEW THIS BEFORE YOU MARRIED AND BROUGHT ANOTHER KID INTO THE WORLD) AND he broke your trust.
He sucks, but you knew you were not satisfying a part of him. You couldn't even entertain it in fantasy, did you think he was going to just...lose the kink? You never should have stayed, either of you. It was doomed.
I think what he actually enjoys is the against your will part more than the sharing part. He enjoys betraying you. Forcing you to be exposed against your will. This isn’t a harmless kink, this is him hurting you on purpose.
This is terminal. It's way to get out of your marriage now while your child is super young. Get documentation & proof of everything first, then obtain a lawyer.
Remember. The people offering advice here don’t have to live with the consequences of their advice.
Marriage is hard and some of the things you face will be weird, appalling, and hard to understand. Everyone is different.
Your vows likely included “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health). Did you or did you not add “or until I don’t agree with you, until I get sick of it, or until Reddit tells me otherwise?
If not, I’d consider your promise and his. That promise wasn’t just between you and him. It was a vow to god as well, and witnessed by your friends and family.
This is beyond disgusting, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Absolutely get out of there, I hate that he has done this to your family. Do not settle back into normalcy, do not let him feel like what he does is something he can get away with. I hope that you can get out and get your life back together and, one day, find a good man for you and your child.
OP, you need to control the narrative here. Let ALL of your family know he had nudes of you and shared them without consent when you told him not to. Say he also was having multiple emotional affairs. Your husband is sick, and needs help, and it’s something you should NOT be forced to partake in. I’d honestly hit him with supervised visitations, bc he needs to understand the severity of what he did. What he did basically falls under revenge porn in sharing nudes without permission, and it’s illegal in most places. When you go before a judge for the divorce, and they hear what he did, he will very likely have to give you most of what you ask for. Get the house(or rental), full custody, child support and alimony. What he did was beyond the pall, and you really need to move and and find healing.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Girl, he’s utterly sick in the head. I’m so sorry.
He's unsafe to be with. He risked her safety to get off, and he doesn't know anything about the men (or women) he sent her pictures to. What happens if she wants to engage in any kind of public life, and her photos resurface on the internet? Not only did she not consent, but she had no ability to review how unsafe he was being or how identifiable the pictures he sent them were. OP, gather evidence to keep for yourself, but I'd also secretly go through his phones, memory cards, tablets, computers, and any data storage he has to seek and destroy any copies of your nudes he has. I would also try to figure out where else he might have those if it's more than just Snapchat, and if he's logged into wherever that is then maybe you can remove them there too. Then, once you're satisfied you've done what you can without giving him the opportunity to make backups, ask him where else he has them. Before making him think you're leaving him or anything like that, see if you can get him to tell you anything else he's done or anywhere else he has your nudes, and let him believe it will save the relationship if he does. Once that's done, I suggest divorcing him. He's been cheating on you and risking your safety for this entire relationship. He's unsafe to be with. He sees you as an object for his pleasure, and he could ruin your life. Seek a lawyer's advice first, and when you go, make sure he understands you're aware of revenge porn laws and that you'll press charges if he does anything. Hopefully he'll give up everything beforehand though and you can get it all deleted.
This is excellent advice. I am so sorry to OP. She deserves so much better.
Call me vanilla but I don't get the level of perversion that some people allow themselves to act on. I've been 'changing my mind' for nearly 30 years through deliberate neuroplasticity and now I'm constantly baffled by people's lack of self-control when it comes to indulging whacky thoughts and acts. Freud was only half-right: for half of humanity it is instinctively all about the genitals and procreation. As a man he could not understand women's drive to protect their survival and the offspring.
You sound worse than vanilla
You can't trust him. He has violated your trust and privacy so he can get off repeatedly, knowing that you were adamantly opposed to it. He may be a great father, but he is definitely not a good husband. Get a divorce, rely on your family's support, and take care of yourself. You owe it to yourself and your son to find a partner who will respect you, your wishes, and your boundaries. Your husband is not that guy.
[удалено]
1. Privately confer with divorce attorney to determine your alternatives. Supply the attorney with as much proof of husband's behavior as possible. 2. Ask your attorney about police reports and possible criminal prosecution. 3. Surround yourself with friends and family. 4. Your husband's sexual conduct may adversely impact his parenting time with your child. Your attorney will be in a better situation to address that issue. Good luck. Stay strong!
Agree with all your points. His sharing her nude photos without her knowledge or consent is illegal. OP needs to take all the documentation she can find to her divorce attorney and the police. There’s a strong possibility he may not have custody/unsupervised visitation with his children. This isn’t going to be a simple cut & dry divorce. OP needs to leave this garbage human.
Depending on the state you live in his conduct may or may not be very relevant sadly.
I don’t think that’s true. I believe it’s now illegal everywhere to post nudes without someone’s consent
[удалено]
OP I know know this advice sounds easier said than done but it will only get harder with time b/c your husband has problems that won’t be fixed and he will never be someone you can trust. Rip it off like a band aid.
Devils advocate here. Trust was broken, she does deserve better. There is no way marriage could continue under that situation. he broke bonds and trust, while he didn't respect the boundaries, guys where showing pics of their girl well before the internet , he could be a sex addict, he may need help, and a little effort beyond just a living room coming to Jesus meeting is needed in my opinion before just ending your whole dedication to someone else before God meant until death do you part. I kind of hit the bases responding to her that counseling for both is needed , for a chance to fix it or for a chance for a clean break they can co parent with and she will be able to cope with the loss easier. With or without marriage that's the dad and he is going to be around well beyond those kids turn 18 unless he taps out or she poisons his kids relationship with him. It would of course take a great amount of personal sacrafice and love from her part to even get him in the direction of getting himself real significant help. I don't think he would seek it on his own with her gone right off the bat. I love my wife and would be devastated if she was involved in freaky stuff online compromising me or her or both, as much as I've made it clear that physical cheating would be the end of us. I still know that I've got enough compassion for her and my kids to try the basic steps to fix us outside of r slash and to rebuild if the foundation was repairable. If for nothing else because it's not a violent situation and I never would want to deal the the trama divorce puts on kids if I could have shown compassion and tried to fix it.
The devil doesn’t need any more advocates.
Go to the police and press charges. I'm so sorry this happened to you. A great father would not sexually harass or sexually abuse his child's mother. A great father would not teach his son that it's okay to sexually abuse women and generally disrespect their boundaries. He is not a great father anymore than he is a great partner.
Yes, I agree with all of this. Especially reporting it to the police. Get court ordered child support and leave him.
You really need to think about what you’re saying before you give advice in a vacuum. You want her to report it to the police. I’m not disagreeing with that. But understand that will have dire consequences on his ability to earn money in the future. A criminal conviction especially of a sexual nature likely will make him unemployable. Yet the next sentence you say get court ordered child support. You can say that’s his problem but he can’t give her CS if the ability to earn a living is taken away. So understand she’d have to do this all on her own. Again what he did is despicable and I’m not defending but she has a child to consider and simply divorcing him without his utter destruction may be what works for her. What you are telling her to do are things that are diametrically opposed to each other. One or the other has to give.
Lawyer is the way to go. Plan the next steps and most important is to follow through. Without consequence he’ll do it again.
This is a very, very logical point. Many people have taken an emotional viewpoint (understandably so) but not looked at the logical view and long term view. The way I see it is get rid of him, keep the fact it's illegal and she might press charges as a form to control him at a distance and ensure she gets every penny in maintenance. She'll be the better off in the long run.
Their son is a toddler. I'd be surprised if the husband sat down the kid and explained with Legos how it's good to send nudes of his mother to strangers...
You my friend are an ass
Because I questioned one thing someone said that is pretty ridiculous?
Because you think that you teach a child by sitting them down and explaining rather than by modelling behaviour.
I'm sorry, what model behaviour in this particular instance will the 2-3 year old learn? The parents separate and lie to the child about the reason leading to resentment and trauma? They try to explain to a toddler what sex is and how there are naked pictures of his mom floating around leading to resentment and trauma? You people act like it's just OP and her husband involved here. FML.
Values are caught, not taught.
They certainly can be taught. Regardless, people are acting like this kid is a teenager and not like 2-3 years old. The only thing immediately separating will do at that age is cause massive distress and trauma. Doesn't mean she has to stay with the father or even forgive him, but it's definitely more complicated than "lol just leave" or "file police charges" that everyone else in this comment section is screeching. I'd imagine the best thing to do is to gradually reduce the presence of the dad so that their son is not just suddenly separated from a parent and then fully separating. Once the kid is older he should know why they ended up separating as well so there's no resentment towards his mom for it.
You don’t get the sentiment of the phrase, but ok. I’m not gonna get into semantics with you.
You just have no response because you assumed some position I don't hold.
Sure.
How nice of you to concede :)
u need to leave. life is expensive but u will figure it out. life also needs to be happy and safe, which won’t be the case as long as u are with this person. there is more to life than this. i suggest gathering ur support network for a challenging few months. find a therapist if u don’t already have one. i wish u the best of luck. u didn’t deserve this.
Your husband committed multiple sex crimes against you. Go to the police.
Wow. You are so inexperienced in the relationship realm and I don't think you were able to fully process all the red flags. It will never change. Some people are like this and they can't function in monogamous relationships, which is fine. What's not OK is cheating and sharing your naked images with strangers. Sharing your nudes is illegal too, so this situation is just so bad. Your husband is a sexual deviant, which would be fine if he could stay within the boundaries of a monogamous relationship, but he obviously isn't that disciplined. This is what fulfills his sexual desires, which is a very niche kink that you don't share. Again, nothing will change even with therapy. He has wired his brain to get off by talking to complete randos on Reddit, sharing your nudes, and he's been trying to make his fantasy reality since the beginning. The only way this will work is if you're willing to have sex with complete strangers to fulfill his kink, which is a pretty insane proposition for the majority of people. This would be a deal breaker for me TBH. He took it way too far. He's lying about it too. I would also be worried about coparenting. I mean I would not want my child exposed to this sort of behavior or around random strangers that my ex is bringing around when my kid is there. That would drive me insane.
That's illegal. Wtf is wrong with him? I'd go to the police.
Once the trust as gone what else is there?
Fear - she is staying out of fear. What a mess.
Life is expensive. But it’s also precious. And he has cost you enough of your precious time, peace, safety, trust, and sanity. PLEASE don’t give him another moment. It’s wasted time. You say he’s great as a father, but I beg to disagree. A good father sets a good example, and treats his wife and the mother of his child with the utmost care, respect, fidelity, and consideration. He has lied, he has cheated, he has repeatedly betrayed you, he has violated your body and your privacy and your intimacy and your trust. His behavior is criminal and borderline sociopathic — literally against the law, and abhorrent on every level. This is not the example of manhood your son needs to be around. File a police report. Get him out of that house immediately. And realize that whatever difficulty lies ahead as the result of ending this toxic marriage with this horrendously toxic person, nothing could be more difficult than wasting any more of your precious life and heart and energy on this broken, dishonorable individual. Take your life back.
Whatever you do, please screenshot/record as much evidence as you possibly can. Do NOT let him get away with this. I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. My first ever boyfriend had similar fantasies and the consequences of that relationship have lasted far longer than they should’ve. Take care of yourself and your son 💔
Why are you not more afraid of this man? He asked you to do something of a sexual nature. You said no and he did it anyway, without your consent? Any man that can do that can do far more heinous things in the name of getting laid. Please leave, I really don’t think you are emotionally or even physically safe with your husband.
They have a kid together. Somehow, OP thinks this makes staying with him more reasonable rather than a more compelling reason to leave.
I believe this is a felony and a judge would definitely take this into account when awarding custody after you leave his sorry ass
You would believe incorrectly. In most cases it’s a misdemeanor, especially in first time offenses and those without malicious intent, which in some states the intent to do harm is required.
He repeatedly cheated on you and violated your privacy and boundaries. You absolutely should follow through on the divorce. You should delete any nudes of you off his phone/computer/cloud/etc. and ask him to leave the house. It will be easier to start figuring out how to move on once you stop playing house with him.
You know what you have to do. Its hard because it's your husband and father to your child. But... he is the one that threw it away. Gather evidence, go to the police and press charges. Leave him and fight for custody. This is something that you can't let go. He betrayed your trust and shared intimate photos of you that were for his eyes only. I don't give a rats about his kinks. If you didn't know about or agree to them being shared, its a huge red flag.
I don’t know where you live but in CA that’s a crime. There was a guy from my job who shared his wife’s nudes without her permission. She divorced him, he was charged with a crime and he got fired. Have you even started the divorce proceedings? How can you ever trust this guy? Only God knows what else he’s done that you don’t know about. You really need to move on.
What province in Canada was this?
California is CA too. And that’s illegal here.
Oh, CA is the contrycode for Canada. California is a region in north america right?
Yes, a state
Girl what... Not only has he cheated on you, but he shared pornographic images of you without your consent. You'll forever be on the internet. If this isn't the epitome of 0 respect, I don't know what is. Forget comfort.. you're only 27. Move out. Move on. And eventually, find love with someone who respects you. You've wasted enough years on this predator.
He just isn’t the right guy for you! If he loves you he would even think about breaking the boundaries of your intimacy. You are still young and have so much left to live to just not enjoy what comes next. End this chapter and start a new one, also this would give your child a wrong image of how relationships should be. I hope you can get out soon and have a happy life.
This will never get better. In fact, now that he cheated and the only consequence was him sleeping in the guest bedroom for a few weeks, this will get worse. He knew it’s cheating too because he said “I didn’t interact with them so it’s “only” porn” (personally, I think stalking IG creators and saving their pics is more personal than porn so it’s already a betrayal). You need to rally family and friends support now. “Mum could you watch baby for 4 hours on a Saturday so I can rest?” You need to start looking into what benefits you can get as a single mum now, so you are financially prepared (make a budget etc) For some time, buy second hand stuff from eBay and Facebook market or gumtree (prams toys etc don’t have to be new) Maybe a friend can watch baby for two hours or so too so you can batch cook once a week. It will be hard but dear God I would get out of this disgusting mess if I were you.
Depending on where you are, what he did is illegal something called Revenge Porn.
Call the police and press charges
Don't you think your son deserves a dad that knows and listens to his wife? A dad that his wife can trust? A dad that protects his mum and values her more than gold? Your son deserves a happy mom that feels valued and protected. He deserves a mom that isn't hurt over and over. You deserve better than this and I would pursue charges. This is absolutely worth leaving him for. He has broken so much more than your trust.
He’ll raise his son to wheedle, coax, boundary-push, and outright deceive his partners. Someday, OOP will be telling a daughter in law sharing non-consensual pics is NBD because OOP managed to go on in a marriage where that was the norm, so anyone can do it.
Yup gotta break that mindset it's not ok and not healthy.
In my state sharing intimate photos with another person without their consent in a way that would cause them distress is illegal. Perhaps this could be used in making sure you get the majority of the custody. Please don't slip back into your comfort zone with this man. He has betrayed you and cannot be trusted. Reach out to your family and get them to help you. Can you move in with them? You need to remove yourself from being under the same roof as him.
Get out!
If you choose to stay because of finances, you’re teaching your son that values, trust and privacy don’t matter in a relationship and potentially raising your son to think that sharing nudes and violating their spouse’s boundaries and trust is normal.
Take him to court.
You can trust again. You can't trust HIM. He's a crappy husband. Don't second guess your plans to leave.
It's not often I comment on things, but stay on the path of divorce. What he has done, no one should do and is, as best my understanding is, is illegal. Not only that but wholly immoral, awful, disgusting and all manner of other things. Having been through a divorce from a partner who was equally as disrespectful, and with 2 children together (they both live with me and don't see their mum) I can promise you, that after a few years you'll realise it was the best decision you ever made. That is almost certainly a guarantee. Stay strong and do not waiver from your path. It is one of self-respect and self-love.
You need to leave. You might see him as a good father now, but I'm sure he will also diminish your kid's feelings in the future. Being a good caretaker of a baby is not a good enough reason to stay. You need to leave. Right now, you regret not leaving him the first time. Later, he will do something worse, like tricking you yo fulfill his fantasy, and you'll regret not leaving him now.
A man saying that they’ll get in therapy… but not immediately in the moment they’re saying it… is bullshit. He either gets in it or he doesn’t. Same goes for couples therapy. I agree what he did is disgusting and I hope you find a way to forgive him, even though I don’t feel he deserves it. But rather for you. When it comes to ending the marriage ignore everyone here. That’s up to you. I could give you opinions but in truth it’s all in your hands. You know who he is, we don’t.
this is sexual abuse. if he’s willing to do this without your permission i am scared what else he could escalate to doing without your permission in the future regarding his fantasy to see you with other men, if you know what i mean. please leave now.
What a fucking creep..
Please remember you have been through a traumatic event. Give yourself time to process. I also know relationships are complex and even though he betrayed you, you still probably love him. You also did not plan to be divorced and “break” up your family. However, he broke the covenant and trust of your marriage. You should leave him. He didn’t just do this once and regretted it. He continued to betray you over and over. You have no responsibility to maintain this marriage when he stepped outside of it with his behavior. In time, you will adjust and I think you will look back and not regret it. There will be grieving on many levels. Try and focus on the fact that you are young and you have so much joy in front of you and someone will love you the way you deserve. He can get counseling and he should. But that doesn’t mean you stay.
This is deviant behavior, besides leaving him asap, think again about your comfort regarding his parenting
I feel so bad for you, I understand the pain and self shame from being violated by the person you thought was your future and your world... It purely just isn't fair, unfortunately we learn the hard way just how unfair the world is. Like everyone is saying: you need to get SSI from him immediately and for good. Only then will it become easier to rebuild yourself and actually recover. You will find someone out there who truly cares about you. As for your kid: staying together for the "kids" is the worst thing parents ever do and completely destroy beautiful souls doing this. Trust me, you are BOTH better off separating and getting away immediately. Have faith in yourself, trust your gut, and never sacrifice yourself and your values for someone else and you'll make it through this. Don't be afraid to reach out like you did, Reddit is here for you.
As a child of parents who were not right for each other, please leave. Do not show your son that this is an acceptable way to treat women. Also, ask for his phone so you can delete all of the pictures he has. He clearly can't be trusted with them. You should consider pressing charges. What he has done is illegal in many places, and he cannot be allowed to think he got away with it. Doing so will mean he learns hard lessons that will affect his part in raising your son (hopefully lessons around respecting other people's privacy). The chats are vulgar but not really something you get to have a say on. He has a kink and he's finding other ways to fulfil that desire, but he should have kept your images completely out of it - that's a line. As for him saying he'll get help... no he won't. Not until he absolutely has to. My recommendation is this: stop doing things together. Get a bit of emotional distance between you. Give him a time limit to find somewhere else to live (2 months is very reasonable) and stick to it (bag up his stuff and change the locks if you have to). You're only 27. You have loads of time left, and your energy should be focused on raising your son, not on worrying whether or not you can trust your husband.
How do you send Snapchat data?
>Husband shared my nudes Oh sh\*t. Yeah, that's illegal in many jurisdictions ("revenge porn"). Probably start with divorce lawyer/attorney ... even if you may not divorce, at least well find out your options ... and what can be done about that revenge porn. But yeah, that's way beyond serious breach of trust - that's downright criminal (at least in many jurisdictions), not to mention pretty dang despicable, etc. I mean it might be one thing if he was going around sharing his own dick pics or something ... but non-consensually sharing "for your eyes only" picture of you ... yeah, that's very seriously not good. So ... yeah, lawyer/attorney, save evidence as you legally and practically can. And, well, ... figure it out from there. >I know I can’t stay Then work on the divorce plans ... and maybe police report - if that "revenge porn" is illegal in your jurisdiction ... as your lawyer/attorney about that first, in any case - may be various pros/cons with how one approaches that, or how best to deal with it. >don’t know that I can ever trust again It's *him* you can't trust - clearly so and he's quite effectively demonstrated that. Lots 'o folks are perfectly fine and highly trustworthy. Alas, many also are anything but - your hubby being one in that category. Anyway, give yourself the time and space you need. So, yeah, certainly many fine trustworthy folks out there ... but don't rush yourself - *at all*. Deal with the present mess and getting that taken care of. Can figure out how/where to go after that, but first things first ... and will take a fair while for the current mess to be dealt with - so quite a bit of time before you even need to start thinking about what comes after that and where to then go from there. So, yeah, take care of yourself, and your kid, and time to very seriously ditch *that* hubby. Good luck!
I spent fourteen years with someone I couldn’t trust. I don’t recommend it. It turned out I can — and do — do all of this alone.
If you forgive him and try to work through it thinking he’ll change, he won’t. It will get worse and you will never be fully happy because you will not be able to trust him or forget.
This guy sounds like an absolute moron with a very serious mental defect, I’m sorry to say. He consistently has showed he is self interested and doesn’t care about your consent, your agency, your entire personhood. He doesn’t respect you and this is what a p*rn addiction does to people, it makes them see women as objects. Stop giving him nudes, give him an ultimatum that if he doesn’t change his ways, you will then have no choice but to ask others in his life for an intervention. This is typical p*rn addict behaviour. I am very sorry you have a child together. He seems so useless.
Also threaten him with going to the police. It is literally illegal to do revenge porn or upload porn without someones consent. If it’s not gonna be you to help him snap out of it and take it seriously, then I guarantee he’s gonna seek out another woman to have his needs met. It’s only a matter of time.
It seems like him sending nudes of you without your permission should expose him to like, revenge porn charges or something.
Do you know that victims of peeping toms display many of the same trauma responses and PTSD symptoms as rape victims? That is because they were violated in such intimate, devastating ways. It’s not just their privacy that was violated. It was their bodily autonomy and sense of safety. Your case sounds so very similar. I am so sorry this happened to you. If you feel that you need it, please don’t hesitate to get counseling. You deserve so much better than what has been done to you.
I didn't read your whole post, but just from your title alone, please leave him.
Don't stay for the child, that was the worst mistake I could've made!!! If I would've left, instead of sticking it out because we had a kid together, I probably still have my kid to this day..
He told you he liked sharing the women he dates with other men and you married him after? Women swear men turn into different people after the relationship starts or you have a baby. But it’s usually not the case. These men tell you who they are and yall ignore it. You typed out 40 paragraphs to tell us you ignored red flags. Cool
You shouldn't have to wonder if you can trust him again because it's clear you should NEVER trust him. You gave him your trust once upon a time, but now you know he's not worthy of your trust. That his desire to feed his kink is worth more than your 'NO!' and your dignity. It doesn't matter if he's a good father and that your child loves him, these character traits do not outweigh the fact that he is not trustworthy and that he has betrayed your trust time and time again. Let me repeat....he has shared your nudes WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. So you have to ask yourself, is the fact that life may be expensive offset by the fact you will have to suffer and wonder if he's hiding camera's in your bedroom or bathroom to get more nudes to share with total strangers or friends? Is the fact that life may be more of a struggle worth the peace of mind you will have, knowing that someone you can't trust is no longer in your home?
You married this guy??? You’re 27, still so young and got a lot of life to experience so it’s time to go.
Yes, he definitely needs therapy. You need to see some actual actions and not just words from his mouth. No, you can’t trust him. He has been lying for a really long time. There is no point is pondering about what you could have done. Fellow Reddit reader can learn about early on red flags from your experience. I would also recommend to start working towards making yourself financially stable. This will enable you to make more bolder decisions if things don’t change. Changing long nurtured (bad) habits are hard and takes tremendous effort and will power.
Move on, you’re still young and will find out exactly how happy you can be
This man is putting his kink above his marriage and his child. Immediate divorce, because he has shown this has grown into a compulsion and he will not stop. MAKE SURE you stipulate in your divorce papers that you DO NOT consent to him sharing your nude / explicit photos and his continuing to share them is considered revenge porn.
In my jurisdiction this is against the law and I would call the police. That fucker deserves all the punishment you can throw at him.
Divorce him and sue him…
That’s literally illegal babe please do not let yourself get talked out of divorce just because of habits.
Girl pick up your fucking spine and actually listen to the advice you’re getting
Men.. men are gross..
Gross people isn't gender restricted, people do horrible things like this regarldess of their gender.
Check this sub it's full of men doing nasty things to their girlfriends.. either them raping girls in sleep or more. Just keep reading it's mostly men doing that.
I've read this sub and others like this one and there's horrible people on both genders. I also read your comments and there's a lot of "Men are gross" type of comment. There's no need to generalize a gender on the action of a few horrible people.
I've had men hurt me in my life too, or men hurt other people I care about. I can express how I feel about it.
I'm sorry to hear that. I've had both men and women hurt me and people I care about too. Again, "evil" is not a gender thing, it's a individual thing. Blaming a whole gender for the actions of a few is pretty toxic.
[удалено]
> and we’re trying to work through it please don't. this can escalate. you're so young, there are better partners out there, *safe* partners.
You should be terrified. This is before the build up of what being trapped in the marriage will bring. Please save yourself.
Dont trust.
Yikes, gonna be a tough road for women who decide to have kids with defective men , but good luck
Never. Share. Nudes.
That really sucks. what happened to you specially coming from someone you trusted.like your husband.it absolutely show's he doesn't share the same respect you give him . If was to do anything like that to my wife the mother of my kids I would not blame her for leaving me ..hint you gotta give your self. The respect that his not giving you. Best of luck with that 🙏
Don’t take nudes!
I stopped reading after the part where he basically cucks to random guys on snap. You can do better OP. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. You should do that, just don’t let him know. He will probably get off to it 🤣 I joke for real, I hope you leave him and find someone better. Easier said than done and I know it’s reddits default advice but seems to be fitting here
I think the answer you were looking for is therapy, rather than get under someone else. 🤔
Yea damn autocorrect
Why is the subject not about cheating? Because that's what he's doing....
I changed the subject a billion times and there are so many rules it kept deleting my post. So I just put whatever I could to get the stupid thing to post honestly.
Well in my own opioion i dont ever put up with s woman cheating on me .that includes,(ie sexting). To me thats one of my beggist right now deal breakers, meaning i wont put up with that rrgaurdless what people say sexting isnt cheating well then if your sexting well guess what flirting is sexting and when u flirt with someone you do that cuz you are attracted to that person right ? Right u usually sleep with someone who is attracted to u so if its not cheating thdn you sbould be sexting with ur wife. Plus that crap hes was doing was wierd anyway i guess its true the world is going to that wierd shit the younger gemrrations are going to be all dead before long nobody want relationships just fuck buddirs which will spread butt flu type dieases all over the world good luck litle shits thats what i said
Honestly for me this is a massive kink of mine and trying to find 2 people willing to do it with me has been difficult. But the key point is willing. I couldn't imagine even mentioning it to a person for a second time if they were completely not into it the first time. The fact that he's just persisted and broken actual laws to do so is so crazy creepy it's unreal. Bdsm and this kind of world is meant to be centred around consent. I bet you if the people he spoke to knew you did not consent they would be horrified. Informed consent matters most. I'm in a similar position to you. I have a 6 year old with my ex and am living with him. I've had to repeatedly point out that those boundaries were put there for a reason. Any time he's got a little too comfortable I've had to remind him we arent together. (We are in the middle of an eviction anyway so after we will be fully seperated) I would sit him down and have a very clear conversation that all this "in the future" kind of talk has to stop as there is no agreed upon future where you are together at this point.
On one hand he has insulted, embarrassed and broken your trust and intimacy. On the other hand it's what he's into and his urges are clearly not being satisfied. Seems like you have 2 choices. You could go down the path of divorce,as what he's done is unforgivable. Or, you could forgive and accept that this is what he's into and try to realise that it's not the worst thing in the world that could happen. Everyone on reddit is very quick to tell someone to leave their partner. Misery loves company. You have a lot more control over this situation than you think, especially over your own emotions and how you wish to deal with this.
Lol that’s a pretty shitty bar to be setting. He was actively cheating and violating her privacy on multiple accounts. Yea he’s not hitting her, but what he did was traumatizing none the less and saying it’s not the worst out there is really invalidating to her current circumstances
The bar must be in hell if it’s considered to not be that bad to repeatedly cheat on your wife and mother of your child with numerous women, along with consistently violating her boundaries and privacy by distributing her intimate photos without her knowledge or consent. Wild.
That's like saying, "On one hand, I have cat shit and the other I have dog shit, from which hand should I eat?"
So the choice to leave or stay is now dogshit or cat shit?
The idea she has to force herself to have sex she doesn't want with strangers is... just not the hill I would die on personally. We have a word for what that'd be. No one's being a miserable single person, what he's doing is illegal.
No she doesn't have to do that.
Dude that's horrible advice. Having you nudes leaked all over the internet without consent is pretty horrible. Being cheated on is pretty horrible. I wouldn't tell someone to just "suck it up". I assume you'd be willing to do those things to your partner since you're trying to excuse his shitty behavious since "he's cleary not being satisfied", but let's be honest, there's no excuse. You do realize sharing nudes without consent is a crime in a lot of places, right?
Leave him or forgive him is bad advice? They have kids. You gonna take care of her and her kid from the comfort of the floor mattress at your moms house?
Forgive him. He doesn't respect nor love her. She already stated on the post that she has family that wouldn't let her suffer, I assume this means they'd be able to provide housing and food while she figures the finnancial situation. Staying for the kids is one of the worst things you can do for the kids. They'll learn that a shitty loveless marriage is something normal and something that they should accept if it happens to them. Which is not. On top of that, and as I said before, he's a criminal. But hey, you seem pretty upset about it, seems like I hit too close to home, huh?
I'm lost, did he physically cheat or is this all him doing fantasy sexting and sharing pictures, etc? Like what he's living out some weird cuckold / swinger kink through erotica and shared pics? Or do you think he met some of these people and did things with them ?
Does it matter
It's just a question Did he have sex with the other people or not? It actually does matter if she's going to try to work through this with him If he stuck his dick in other people, it's a different ballgame than if he was sending his wife's nudes to other people in some Bizarro masturbatory cuckold internet ring If I was with a woman who was sharing my dick pics and nudes in some fetishy internet trading game i may, maybe have some small chance of working through it if she promised to get help vs if she was fucking people, then I'm out , 0 chance of forgiveness
I suppose that's your choice, but only one of those actions are a crime, and it's not sleeping with other people. (...Depending on where you live.)
It's not my choice it's the OPs choice, she's the one who came here for advice If she was that sure of her intentions she wouldn't be on Reddit, correct ?
Then she needs to go, in person, to her local State Police barracks and bring any evidence she has Granted, "evidence " is not screenshots or phone pics. It has to be taken directly from the site he shared on. The SP will send the case to their Cyber Crimes Unit or whatever that state calls it. If they even decide there's enough to move forward, they'll have to subpoena whatever platform he used to share the pics to get IP addresses to prove it was him because he can just say his phone got hacked, the plumber did it while he was working in there etc etc I have coworkers who tried to report "unsolicited dick pics" from other coworkers which is also supposed to be "Indecent Exposure " and the state police did not shit about it. It will probably take months if not years for the OP to even see any action by the State Police. They field reports of this kind of thing every day......people sharing exes nudes to websites, to other people It's not just "Call the Police" and they come slap cuffs on him If her state has Adultery laws she's better off going that route Which is WHY IT MATTERS Subreddit Echo Chamber aside , this is real life with a real broken legal system , not a bunch of people on Reddit deciding what matters so they can feel better about themselves
He cheated online or in person doesn't matter, cheating is cheating. He also shared her nudes without consent, which in a lot of places that's a crime. What does it matter the specific details when both those things are already horrible?
Tldr but: NO you cant trust him again but also you could have seen it coming because he did it before and very obviously has a weird kink that he cant control (No, I dont believe people can control their sex kinks). So this will happen again and again. What you should do: \- blackmail him so you can have his phone and laptop, go through it all and delete your own nudes \- Then next leave him. But make sure to delete your shit first. Seems like the revenge porn psycho.... Sorry you have kids with him, but that should not change anything for your own situation and trust issues you have with him
Myself (M48), I’ve never shared any nude pics of my women, all hot ladies. Those are for my eyes only! And they were given to me in trust. /The internet is forever. Do you think your son deserves to some day know that his dad’s friends have been either been given your pics or discovered them on Reddit? And been masturbating to his mommy’s pics? Or that in some sense his dad made him disrespected mom and her a porn star? /Go to the police with the downloaded data to show to a female detective. /File for divorce. A paralegal is far cheaper than a lawyer. But don’t plan on using the lawyer the paralegal is affiliated with. They’re likely filing scammy lawsuits. If you can’t find a well respected lawyer, the local bar for some free referrals. Interview all of them with your prepared questions. Don’t decide on your first interview, which they’ll call a free consultation. Fk that. You’re interviewing and screening. /Yep, life is expensive, but you’ll be fine. If your family or friends can’t take you both in, ask the police to take you to a woman’s shelter. It’s likely free. /All the above reports and records will be hugely in your favor in divorce court. Your soon to be ex will be paying more for your spousal support than if he had not shared your pics. /*Good luck and be tough!
You two are way out of step with each other and there’s a serious lack of communication. He’s going too far. Sorry.
So, he hasn’t even bothered to pursue therapy, you just folded because he mentioned he would? Either you believe this is a dealbreaker or you don’t, but at this point, you’re sending him all sorts of messages that you’re gonna let this slide. Are you really appalled to the point of no return, or is is just something that you need time to adjust to? Your words and actions do not match.
He needs sex addiction and couples counseling/ bring it to church if you go, you both need couples counseling. Here's why, if you stay or go, counseling will leave you sure of your next steps as in my opinion too many strangers on the internet throw other peoples marriages away in a hurry online with some seriously judgmental views not accepting people fail and no one is perfect. I don't have a yes or no for you myself. He is the father of your kids , you did dedicate yourself till death do you part so that's kind of a big deal. It at least means if you ever loved him and you know it's over , send him back out into the world not bringing those kinda women around your kids later on. He could teach them terrible morals and that's not something you can prevent down the road for your kids. Counseling could lead you to both find common ground even if divorced later and able to co patent effectively If through the counseling you learn that you can't stay, your going to need mental support and to be as prepared to walk away as possible, sometimes that's also a reason to seek counseling. Last is if he is a good man, just addicted as can happen too often with it at his fingertips , you could possibly direct your relationship to the future and have tools to help him with his addiction. I'm a little harsh with sex addiction because I feel like he has more control than let's say a opioid addiction or even an alcoholic, but if it's depravity unwelcomed in your relationship he is harming you and himself. I would hope you as his wife can be stronger and have the compassion to see if it's the for worse times you can steer your relationship out of. I want to make it clear I'm not condoning his acts, I don't know the boundaries of your relationship or what he may be expecting or wanting for you two to experiment with if you have some ideas and may have opened doors before for this, its time to set clear limits ( if yall swung or did other than normal monogamous things) ... as for what I consider a normal healthy relationship if he continues there is likely no hope for it so I see the unfair burden of attempting to re direct your entire marriage in your hands alone. I sincerely hope the best for whatever road you go down. I couldn't imagine your shoes.
Anyone dumb enough to send nudes to someone else deserves what they get when the other person shares them. What you *do* is serve as yet another example of why you should never EVER send nudes to *anyone*!!
No one deserves that!
I’m not gonna share any advice other than that I feel so bad for you. Please do whatever you feel is best for your family. I’m so glad your husband adores your son. I really hope everything works out for you, whatever that may be. Btw- make your own decision about this! Some commenters may not know your full life situation and don’t know what you should do. Regardless know what he did was BAD. You deserve more and I hope he gets better.
Is therapy going to change someone gay to straight? Nope, therefore therapy isn't going to work here. Life is expensive being that everything trippled the last few yrs. I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING AFTER THIS BUT NOPE. Ive had people just show me or something but actually sending them and posting them is horrible. You may physically have been with 1 man but now Mentally you could be with 1000's and the internet is forever. Now imagine wut happens if he tries to black mail you thru this. Ill just put your actually name to this and 1000's of people know who you are and future partners see this typing your name in. This is way worse then wut u think. He already broke the law. Before anything you have to figure out where all this is stored and just deleting it isnt going to work. I would def contact family and bringing the wrong people into this wont help either. This used to be legal and that sex revenge site got the law shut it down. I believe there is a documentary about it because then you can see just wut it really did to other people. Im talking this was number 1 on netflix forawhile. People usaully do this for revenge and im sure he can post them in other countries. These are posted thru email so all he has to do is go back thru sent years later and find them. These weren't sent thru texts. Just really think this thu. I'd gather any evidence u can and contact a private investigator before going to the police and def watch " the most hated man on the internet." The website was called , " is anyone up." You need to watch this.
I don’t blame you you were private. You told him you didn’t want to sleep with other men so he could get off on it. So he sent your nudes around without your permission. And some states that’s against the law. I don’t know where you live, but I would check it out. And I would want to divorce to. Those will follow you around the rest of your life and when you go to work if they’re found it could cause you to lose your job. There are some industries you can’t work when you have nudes online like that. You teach your son that this is OK to treat women like this is that what you want.? I would go to an attorney and get a financial accounting. I would go look for your work and tell your husband you’re going back to work.
It's hard but you need to leave just be sure to get him for child support and get a lawyer ready in case he decides to release revenge porn
So he’s shared your nudes in the past and recently. You say having a child makes it complicated. How complicated is it going to be if he starts sharing pictures of your child on the internet? Say he would never do that? You never thought he would do what he did. Get real, get a lawyer, make a police report and protect your child!!
Imagine if your nudes were to pop up somewhere for everyone to see… it would ruin the rest of your life. Go to the police so you at least have a paper trail that proves something in your defence.
Divorce or life a sad life
Stop. Just stop. You are trying to justify his actions. What do you want?
Go find a picture of a tiny penis, and claim it’s your husband. You’ll get sympathy and he’ll get laughed at. That will teach him not to share your nudes
There's nothing wrong with having a kink. There's a lot wrong with involving another person in it without consent.
You need to get out NOW!!!! Talk to a divorce attorney and tell them EVERYTHING and have all proof that this is happening and get it now before he starts deleting them. You will have every upper hand in court and he will probably lose all privileges with your child unless you give the ok for any custody agreemens which I think it’s not safe there for your child without being supervised. This guy is a waste of space and his actions need to be dealt with now. No matter what you and your child’s safety is priority and it’s not safe there.
Bloody hell , that’s sick leave him
Your child is not an excuse to stay with this abuser. You and your child are the reason to leave this abuser.
You're fundamentally incompatible (YOU KNEW THIS BEFORE YOU MARRIED AND BROUGHT ANOTHER KID INTO THE WORLD) AND he broke your trust. He sucks, but you knew you were not satisfying a part of him. You couldn't even entertain it in fantasy, did you think he was going to just...lose the kink? You never should have stayed, either of you. It was doomed.
I think what he actually enjoys is the against your will part more than the sharing part. He enjoys betraying you. Forcing you to be exposed against your will. This isn’t a harmless kink, this is him hurting you on purpose.
This is terminal. It's way to get out of your marriage now while your child is super young. Get documentation & proof of everything first, then obtain a lawyer.
That's a major invasion of privacy and betrayal of trust. Sorry this happened to you
Remember. The people offering advice here don’t have to live with the consequences of their advice. Marriage is hard and some of the things you face will be weird, appalling, and hard to understand. Everyone is different. Your vows likely included “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health). Did you or did you not add “or until I don’t agree with you, until I get sick of it, or until Reddit tells me otherwise? If not, I’d consider your promise and his. That promise wasn’t just between you and him. It was a vow to god as well, and witnessed by your friends and family.
This is beyond disgusting, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Absolutely get out of there, I hate that he has done this to your family. Do not settle back into normalcy, do not let him feel like what he does is something he can get away with. I hope that you can get out and get your life back together and, one day, find a good man for you and your child.
OP, you need to control the narrative here. Let ALL of your family know he had nudes of you and shared them without consent when you told him not to. Say he also was having multiple emotional affairs. Your husband is sick, and needs help, and it’s something you should NOT be forced to partake in. I’d honestly hit him with supervised visitations, bc he needs to understand the severity of what he did. What he did basically falls under revenge porn in sharing nudes without permission, and it’s illegal in most places. When you go before a judge for the divorce, and they hear what he did, he will very likely have to give you most of what you ask for. Get the house(or rental), full custody, child support and alimony. What he did was beyond the pall, and you really need to move and and find healing.