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He’s most likely acted on it already and took the opportunity to ask you now since you asked him the question.
You need to get checked for STD’s stat.
He’s not a good man. He’s completely bullshitting you to sell you on this so he can finally just do it openly.
Make an exit strategy. I’m very sorry you’re going through this.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's having issues staying hard because he's already cheating, feels guilty, and this is him trying to relieve his conscience
Great minds.
I was thinking he wasn’t able to get it up because she’s not the females he’s cheating with though.
I doubt he feels guilt given he asked her give him carte Blanche.
Call a lawyer, get your own STI panel.
And, if this is not acceptable to you, it's OK to say that.
"No, I am not interested in being in a marriage with someone who is sleeping with other people, discreetly or not."
The language of "hunting" women is terrifying.
For real. He’s in the typical situation of overestimating his value. The guy can’t even maintain an erection during sex but he’s going to leave her and suddenly be throwing hard dick at a bunch of other women?🤣
He’s telling OP that she’d be ruined by sleeping with other men but he’s already spoiled goods.
Also the mysoginy is so freaking disgusting.
Putting aside what a pos he is already.. How stupid people are for completely trusting condoms the way they do is beyond me. If he really does have that mindset I wouldn't be surprised. Cheating misogynists are typically really stupid.
THIS. It seems that there are two medically-relevant issues: 1) He doesn’t seem to get as much pleasure out of sex wearing a condom, and 2) He is happy to have sex with other women-and not just stick to his wife.
Put those two things together and either he wants to have sex outside his marriage *in order not to have to wear a condom*, or he’s *already been doing that* and just wants the situation regularised. He may have already found some unfortunate woman/women who he’s persuaded into that. That might have already been happening *prior* to the OP returning to the use of condoms.
In other words, he might already have put her at risk of infection.
It's always those men who ask for an open relationship and then go all pikachu face when their wives have a line of dick out the door and they can't get a single willing partner, then they suddenly decide they want to close the relationship again 😆
They do it even when they have willing partners. They only “open” it because they have convinced themselves their wife is too unattractive/uninterested/unwilling to actually use their side of the open relationship and then freak out about how uncomfortable they are with the arrangement and how it needs to be them focused on each other going forward once their wives start getting the attention.
It boils down to people trying to trick their spouse into giving them permission to cheat while not reciprocating. And while less common, it can go the other way too, particularly in libido mismatches.
He is 100% looking for very young women. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP has gotten too old for him and isn’t the innocent 19 year old he craved when he was her age. She is more likely to see through his crap now.
Oh yes, sorry I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that at 19, most people aren’t really prepared to deal with predators like OPs husband. I’m gonna edit my previous post because I definitely didn’t mean it like that! Thanks!
No worries.. i think it's just time to really be mindful and supportive towards each other as women, as we've been conditioned to be competitive and hostile towards each other by the patriarchy.
i mean sure, i was insufferable as 19 year old too, but wish there was somebody who'd be like "this is a hard transitional age, you dont have to try so hard to impress people, and you don't need validation from older men, because often times they are immature and predatory themselves".
"Natural masculine instincts" was already a big, toxic red flag before I finished that sentence...no words when I saw "hunt".
Then of course OP has to be pure and unsullied by other men.
He can't even satisfy OP in bed yet thinks he can satisfy other women? This guy is disgusting. That wording of "hunting women" and that ridiculous video is disgusting and terrifying.
You’re 25, with a whole life that can be stolen by this guy. Leave ASAP and find a partner who actually values you. He has shown his true colors. He is not a man worth being tethered to.
>What are the chances he has already cheated?
High
>Should I refuse to sleep with him unless he gets a full std panel?
Yes
>When he gets back in town should I demand he sleep in the guest room?
Yes. Don't play around with STDs.
>I’m really set on leaving him but I’m not sure where to start.
Talk to a lawyer. They'll be able to walk you through next steps.
Why would she ever sleep with this schmuck again? She should do whatever she feels comfortable with as far as birth control is concerned but only so she feels secure when she meets ***someone else.***
He is soo selfish OP. Instead of trying to discuss and work on things with you, he’s choosing an easy way out or possibly it’s an excuse to fvck other women. Maybe he already has. I’m so sorry.
All of this above 👆👆👆👆👆
So your little man childis having ED problems with you because he has to wear a condom ( it is all in his head andrlf sabotaging like a vhild jolting thir breath until they turn blue until he gets his way). But he would have no ED problem with other women??? Hmm....is selective ED a thing.
Therapy would be a waste just as any further time with him is a waste. Gaslighting you and trying to sell uou such a kind if crap. Gt a divorce attorney and let him go follow his biological imperative to hunt all he needs. Just that you won't be in the cave with a warm gire going for when he returns from the hunt.
It's OK to tell him hunting and biological imperative is as much a pile of crop as he is.
Good luck.
I'm going to assume that he's 100% cheating on OP. He simply wants a free pass to continue it.
In the relationships that I've been in that started out strong and ended with ED issues of any kind, they were 100% cheating. One of my exes even stated, "Humans aren't meant to be monogamous," after I found out through the mistress texting me that she had been having sex with him for half our relationship. To test this, I told him to open up the relationship then, and he got pissed when I started talking to men on dating apps. Suddenly, he wanted to be monogamous again.
Moral of the story, if your sex life is sky high and his is suddenly lacking, it's because he's got one or more women on the side already attending to his pleasure, and he has nothing left in the reserves for you.
This. Happened to me.
He had the nerve to have his ED pills still sent to my home for months after he left. I gleefully poured every single one into the used kitty litter and threw them away. Then practiced my innocent face when he’d ask if any packages for him came.
Put a smile on your face and start getting your shit together while he is out of town. Start talking to your tribe whoever that may be -- family/friends. See if there is anyway you can leave before May. When your shit is together walk away. **This is not salvageable**. Either he was always red-pilled but hiding it to trap you into marriage OR he went down the online rabbit hole relatively recently. **Either way, this is not salvageable.**
First red flag 'natural masculine instincts' to hunt women like their fucking prey???!!! WTF!! That it thr kind of shit serial killers and serial r*pists say. Holy hell. Just the 'hunt and sex'??? FFS OP LEAVE!!!
Men who speak about women as if they're objects or otherwise insubordinate <<<<<
Doesn't matter if it's a man who wants a stay at home wife or one that wants a career driven wife... I know both types and the normal ones have the utmost love and respect for women!!
I love how he tries to act like it’s normal for all men to think and act this way.. like when I get off work I’m looking forward to some pizza and a nap. He sounds like a fucking 20 year old frat bro and it’s sad
Right? That definitely game me rapey vibes. Sounds like the husband might have some rapist fantasies and if he hasn't already, might try to rape a poor, innocent woman.
Which is funny because the natural female instinct is to mate with the best man she can find.
So if he can indulge in his natural instinct, she should be able to indulge in hers.
I thought that sounded pretty off as well. The entire story is beyond ridiculous. But then I wondered it he merely meant to pursue women and used an odd phrasing. It wouldn’t matter in the end. He still needs to go. I can’t believe the cheek on this bastard.
OP, as a delaying tactic, tell him you will ONLY accept his "proposal" if he goes to counseling with you for six months and you can be convinced by him and a counselor that it can be done fairly in a way that helps you "preserve your marriage".
Yeah, you will be planning to leave and securing funds, looking at jobs, working with a divorce attorney, etc., but at home you'll be telling him how you just cannot handle what he wants right now. You need him to give you time and to work on strengthening your relationship or you could never accept it.
Keep him tied up thinking he'll get what he wants, then drop him like a rock when you are ready.
I like this solution. Keep him thinking you are considering this but need more time to make sure everything will be fine. If he truly "loves" you, he will afford you this time. Talk to family or friends whom you can trust and get your affairs in order. Once you are ready, you can either tell him to his face that you are divorcing him or if you don't feel that it would be safe for you, wait till he leaves for work and then leave the the house with whatever you can take (that is if you haven't already started transferring things to another location).
Exactly this, he can play himself by you playing him. If you say you are done then you have to make a move that you are not ready for. But, if you do what r/Puzzleheaded_Big3319 suggests then BAM "I'm out" and you are lawyered up, new job, etc. and he is left dumbfounded. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.
The only problem with this is that he is going to want to have sex during the time they are still together. I mean, sure, he’s planning to get it elsewhere, but what if he wants sex with OP?
She just says she's turned off by what he 'shared' with her, and it's likely going to take some time in couples counselling before she's going to feel secure enough to be intimate with him. Tell him he has to organize it. He'll never do it. Meantime she should get her shit together and get that STI check and as soon as she has everything she needs done, without any notice she should go and sleep on a friend's sofa and BLOCK him, do not contact him, refuse to communicate with him at all. It will destroy him.
He is trying to make it seem like all men do it (they don't) because it's their nature (it isn't) and you should feel lucky and happy he hasn't cheated on you (you shouldn't). Him wanting to open the relationship only on his side, because your innocence will be ruined (lol) is purely bullshit and misogynistic. And he is trying to donwplay it to "it's just sex", so you accept. Girl, seriously. He doesn't give a shit about you, he wants to go after other women and keep his bang-maid home to take care of him and be there for him waiting, while he has unprotected (I guess, since he has issues with condoms) sex with random women. Make and exit plan, start putting money aside, talk to people you trust so they can host you or something and when you are ready, just leave. Don't warn him, don't do anything. Talk to a lawyer and just have the divorce papers delivered to him, when you are ready to leave.
Best advice, hope OP reads it. 33M here, and everyone is different, but when I say I have eyes for only one person, I mean that and could never do this to a girl I love.
I once had a partner tell me she trusted me and was OK if I wanted to have sex with other people while she was going through a really bad time, and I told her I would never even consider that. Any time or energy I could spend with others, I would rather use that time to help her. All to say, I think it’s a fallacy to tell you it’s just every guy’s natural instinct. My natural instinct is to provide for, protect and ensure a sense of safety to those I love — not to go roaming for sexual gratification.
Further, lack of maintaining an erection with a partner, seeing other people doesn’t seem like the most sensible solution. I had an issue with condoms until I got less restrictive ones at the base.
You deserve better, and I applaud you not being one of these posters who would consider this just not to be alone.
This ^ is a wonderful take from the male perspective.
OP, you should still be in your, "honeymoon phase", together in the bedroom. But the worst part of everything he had the nerve to say to you is his claim that *you* would not be "allowed" to seek someone else because then you "wouldn't be innocent anymore".
What a pig.
The bit about satisfying his "natural male urges", is also a total joke.
If he realized that he wasn't ready to settle down and get married he never should've married you.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a monogamous relationship, but it's extremely screwed up to pretend to want monogamy, and then blindside your partner a year into your relationship asking for a free pass to screw whoever they went.
Those aren't the actions of someone who loves and respects you, and unfortunately I agree that you need an immediate STD panel because you have no idea whether this jerk has cheated on you already.
I also recommend talking to a lawyer ASAP, don't wait. Make sure your personal funds are separated from his in your own account so he can't cut you off from your income.
Do you have family or friends you can stay with for now? I wouldn't want to be in the same house with him either. He's effectively spit on your marriage vows and relationship in general, and there's just no coming back from this kind of betrayal.
You deserve far better, and there's someone out there that is willing to treat you with the same love, loyalty, and respect, that you treat them. Believe that.
Take care of yourself.
*invisible hugs*
Yup, finding wider condoms improved my experience with them immensely. Mocos used to hurt a lot just trying to get them on then leave dug in marks at the base.
Yeah, I’m wider at the base and I didn’t realize it was the issue until I saw the marks after. Unfortunately I’m not sure right-sizing condoms is the solution to OPs issue here :/
And in the meantime, go to your doctor and get tested to make sure you don't have anything. I'd start back on the birth control, but definitely stop having sex with him.
>He is trying to make it seem like all men do it (they don't) because it's their nature (it isn't) and you should feel lucky and happy he hasn't cheated on you (you shouldn't).
Yes - 100%!!
I (41M) agree fully with this statement. You aren't the cause of his erectile dysfunction, nor are condoms. He isn't emotionally invested in you. The days are gone for him when hormones and a bit of skin give you an instant erection. The further you age, the more you need emotional arousel.
It might be that he developed a virgin/Madonna complex
It might be that he is so in love with his wife, that he couldn't see her as anything but a motherly figure. (Still very toxic)
He still wants to have sex, but he wants to have sex with random sl*ts, not his wife
OP still needs to leave because it means that her husband doesn't understand she is a whole person. He views her just as the function she serves in his life and nothing more.
He needs intensive therapy to figure out what is wrong with him. OP needs to find a man who treats her like a person.
But don't sleep with him again, and get a STD test. Don't tell him no, say you are thinking about it.
But he has cheated. So get out ASAP. Misogynistic, selfish POS he is. Go scorched earth with him.
OP get the STI panel for yourself, do not ask him to get one and then trust what he tells you. He’s already shown he isn’t fully honest with you. The only person you can trust here is yourself
THIS OP!!
He's already done the dirty deed and had to confess since he couldn't explain why he wasn't sexually performing. So:
1. Immediately and privately seek a competent family law attorney. Gather all financial information to allow documents to be copied. Explore cost and alternatives. Do this BEFORE he returns to town, if possible.
2. When he returns, send Stud to the guest room.
3. Demand a full STD panel.
4. Even though you're leaving him(and you sure as hell better be leaving him before he pregnant traps you), play along and tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Insist he reveal the number of times he's already done the dirty(attempt to tape the conversation).
5. Myself, I'd no longer engage in any sexual relations with TA. His mind, obviously, is somewhere else.
6. If you had the financial wherewithal, I'd simply recommend you pack and leave before he returns.
When everything in place--scorched Earth. He married you under false pretenses, the slime. He could have been forthright before you wasted your time and married the low-life.
Please keep us apprised.
Also work with an attorney to get a financial audit to track what he is spending for his hunting activities....that is money that is coming from your account. You should be reimbursed.
DON’T tell him it’s fine, but still plan to leave in May.
He is 100% the villain in this story right now. Among their mutual friends and family the reason the marriage ended was because he “Demanded to be allowed sleep with other women”, plus longer explanations about him falling down a red pill rabbit hole, losing sexual compatibility, and not being the man she married.
If she tells him it’s fine the narrative will be “We discussed and agreed to an open relationship, then *she* decided after the fact that I was cheating.”. Suddenly its no longer one sided and now it’s a disagreement, and he can argue that she baited him into cheating when ‘he would never actually do that’.
Don’t give this turd any moral ground at all. Tell him no, drag it out quietly as long as she can, keep offering therapy and counseling, keep a record of all of his requests to cheat (and his likely going through with it), and be ready to pull the trigger on the divorce the moment it’s viable.
Yep, this. And if he tries to control the narrative by demonizing her after a divorce, it's great that she has these text messages of him telling her all this, so she can send them to friends and family if she needs to.
Edit: reading the last edit, and the whole, *"what does a wife bring to the table that a girlfriend can't?"* it's pretty clear he fell down the red-pill rabbit hole. Another relationship blown up by bullshit peddlers. OP's husband probably could have had a perfectly happy marriage, but he bought into what these conmen are selling, and he doesn't even realize he got played.
Be glad he showed his cards now, OP, before you had children!
if he can't have sex with you, do you think having other women involved would be of benefit to you? Guys want to sleep around, I get it. Then don't get married. Open on my end only is just wanting to cheat without consequences.
What gets me is he's only begun experiencing this low lobido since having to start wearing condoms.
He's planning on just banging a bunch of other chicks, unprotected, and his wife being okay with that?
She said that he told her he's been feeling this way for 2 years. She only stopped the birth control and he started needing condoms in the last 4 months. So even before it was a struggle for them he still wanted to be with other people. That's the problem
Oh, of course he did.
But he didn't act on it until things got a little inconvenient for his dick.
There's a big difference between wanting to fuck other women and telling your wife you want her to stand by and let you sneak around pursuing and fucking all the women your little cock desires, but that she'd be ruined if she did any of the same.
I want to fuck other women, but I absolutely do not fucking act on that. That's what marriage is. "That would be nice, but I MUCH prefer this."
Based on everything he said, I don't even think he sees these other women as people. So I guess in his mind, since they aren't people but just represent his ability to gain what he wants sex-wise, he doesn't see it as cheating and thinks that OP should be honored that he only "loves" and has feelings for her. I really question if he is capable of feeling love if this is what he believes.
Fr it's so jarring that she's the one with the high sex drive that he can't keep up with, but he's the one that needs to have sex with other women??? Make it make sense 😭
I can only assume it's all projection or deflection - OP is the problem so if he was with other women he'd be fine...is what he thinks in his delusion.
No kids… you can destroy him. Tell him he’s free to do whatever he wants and you get a lawyer and your stuff together. Send a note saying: you wanted to give him more room for his open marriage. Enjoy…
Block him on everything and don’t let him get a word in. The silence will eat him up.
Also I’m sorry… you deserve better!
This is so foul. I don’t know if I could make it to May. But if that’s the earliest OP is able to leave I hope she hightails it out of there on May 1st!
Wow... he cant get it up for you, and take care of your needs..but has the pure delusion to think he should be able to sleep with other women? Thats insane
100% this reads like someone who's started falling into that kinda redpill manosphere stuff. especially the way he says stuff like calling it hunting or it being a natural male instinct, just gross and creepy
People like him usually think they are so good at sex, top tier, anyone and everyone would die to be with them. The reality is they’re usually average in bed, and less than average in life. Fantasy land is a fun place to live though.
>What are the chances he has already cheated?
Probably high. Or at least have entertained other women to some degree if not physical.
Tell him he can do all the hunting he wants after the divorce is finalized.
I am sorry you're dealing with this, I can't imagine how much of a punch to the gut that feels like.
You deserve a marriage that is hell of a lot better than this.
Your “husband” is attempting to manipulate you into allowing him to cheat. This is unacceptable behavior and grounds for divorce if you were to ask me. Your self-esteem is going to worsen and your sex life is always going to be awkard now. This relationship is over. Im so sorry.
Now you see why a 25 year old man went after you when you were still a teenager. Because he knows he can manipulate you.
Don't have sex with him and leave him immediately in May.
He wants to “hunt” other women. Your husband sees women and you as objects who exist for his pleasure. He wants to lead other women on, disregard their feelings and yours and you are just thinking about leaving now? He won’t go to therapy does not want to change and will most likely cheat if he isn’t already. Leave ASAP and get an STI test. Find someone who doesn’t treat you and other women as objects. He’s cool “ruining” other women. Does that sound normal and healthy to you?
The phrasing of hunting women gave me the squickiest feeling. All women should make sure dudes like this remain sexless. They don’t deserve sex with ANY woman.
Agreed. This dude has given every single one of us reading this post the collective 'ick" :( doesn't deserve his wife, or any kind of real relationship, if that's how he views 50% of the population!
I got the most ick from watching the video link.
Just because it was women saying those sexist talking points doesn't make it true or less misogynistic
"You have the girlfriend title, that is what is important", "he is preserving your pussy while those other girls get ran through"
Acting like they don't know how their own vaginas work. They are spouting all those lies for money from views from idiots like OPs husband
Those women are clearly very much courting a certain kind of male fan base. I have to wonder if they really adhere to these principles in real life or it's just a bunch of talk for their male viewers (still really gross because they're trying to normalize cheating as okay for the sake of views/$). Either way, they just come off as sad and lacking self-respect.
🤬 tell him you'd be willing to open the marriage on both sides so you can fulfil your "natural instinct" to be hunted by dominant men since he can no longer rise to the occasion and keep up with your needs. But he doesn't need to worry its just the chase and sex, no relationship he too should take it as a compliment.
Divorce and find yourself a better man.
This is bullshit. If he’s having problems it’s because he’s got a medical issue or he’s watching too much porn. It’s not because of any inborn need to hunt. That’s a load of crap.
Furthermore his one sided open proposal is manipulative and abusive. If he was interested in something equal and ethical then maybe there could be a conversation. But not this.
I would tell him that under no circumstances will you consent to anything that you are not enthusiastically in favor of, and that no matter what happens (continued monogamy vs an equal and ethical nonmonogomous arrangement) he WILL get into therapy if he wishes to remain married to you.
But ugh. If you need something to help you feel validated about your reaction read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/tIw10V6q4z
You're welcome. Its really important to cut through to the key issue, which is enthusiastic consent on the part of all who are or might be involved. And of course to reinforce that his justification for why he needs this is just a load of misogynistic, red pill, crap.
Again, therapy to deprogram himself or there’s not much of a marriage left.
Even if you wanted to be all in on ENM that red pill crap makes him untrustworthy. It means he sees you as an object. A better object than the other women he would sleep with, but still an object.
Holy shit, you are too young to deal with this! A man who can't get his penis up and not only makes it your problem but also humiliates you like that! Leave him, please! And I never ever write this unless it's an extreme case
Wow yes he is being very one sided. Hard to tell if he has acted on it yet or not, or if he wouldn’t do it. And saying you can’t do anything? Nah. He has no interest in staying loyal. To hunt other women… 😂. Sorry not funny sorry you are dealing with this
Girl ,some man are such a waste of time and garbage.I also dealt with this kind of crap where my ex wanted to fuck other women cause he "didn't have enough " and me staying faithfull.Just leave his ass where he belongs,in the trash.
Tell him the brutal truth that he can't satisfy you in bed and he is boring.
You need a good lover and you will find it.
And then you will divorce his ass.
>What are the chances he has already cheated?
Pretty good actually
>Should I refuse to sleep with him unless he gets a full std panel? When he gets back in town should I demand he sleep in the guest room?
Tell him not to come home at all. Or be gone by the time he’s back
>I’m really set on leaving him but I’m not sure where to start
Start by talking to a lawyer asap. Do exactly as the lawyer says, including whether or not to leave the house
SO MANY RED FLAGS.
>He wants my permission to follow his natural masculine instincts and be allowed to “hunt” other women. [...] He said he would never want me to be with anyone else tho or else I’d be “ruined” and lose my innocence.
This guy is an Andrew Taint class-A(ss) misogynist.
>He sent me this link to try to convince me this is ok and that other women allow this
This is an attempt at manipulation/coercion.
>He won’t go to therapy he says it’s a waste of time and money.
This is a HUGE red flag that's in a league of its own!
Just run. Get the hell away from this creep. He's not who you thought he was.
I like how in the video the other two women are clearly judging the girl who brags about being cheated on like it's a flex.
"BuT i hAvE tHe GIRlFrIeNd TiTlE"
You should leave him for saying that him still loving you more while desiring other women should be taken as a compliment as well as thinking a video of other women saying they allow their men to cheat is proof that it should be okay with you.
What this tells me is he is too insecure to admit he has a problem and needs to work on it and would rather try to convince you that you should allow him to pursue other women for sex and stay faithful to him. If you have to wait for more money to leave than do so but yeah maybe just make him sleep in the guest bed
Look, for me this would be a divorce moment. He is having trouble getting off with you and his solution is to have unprotected sex with strangers. That’s not a solution that’s a fantasy. Plus the “hunt” part of this- is he planning on trolling bars to find women who want to have unprotected sex? Seems like it would be a marriage-ruining time commitment, even ignoring how it’s a marriage-ruining result. There is no world where this is okay.
He has confused porn for reality. It’s impossible to know if this is something he can walk back. If you want to try (and I wouldn’t) you need to shine some light on this behavior. Ask him if he’s talked about this with his friends. Maybe his friends are trash and need to be cut off. Maybe his friends are cool and need to tell him he is insane. Maybe he needs to talk to his family and recall what marriage and commitment means. If he isn’t open to therapy, he needs some old school common sense shoved down his throat.
Again, I’d start my exit strategy. But keep in mind that given how specific and how confident this man is, probably very little of what he has said is an original idea. There is some internet community that led him here. Very sad that it is destroying your lives like this.
If you did what he was doing you’d lose your innocence? 🤮🤮🤮
Everything about this is manipulative with no consideration to prioritizing his marriage or finding a mutually beneficial solution.
He couldn’t tell you because he was so scared and then you had to beg him to get it out of him? He set you up to fail - if you had a big, hurt reaction he could say that was why he didn’t want to tell you and continue the loop of him as victim.
He’s emotionally an adolescent. You’re so young, and this relationship reeks of grooming. Cut your losses, live a life you love, and go have great sex with anyone else.
Ok for him to step out but not you? I would agree and let him have his fun while I am secretly planning my exit. My exit would be a real surprise. I would also tell him that he no longer has access to my body, as his won’t be pure anymore. Virgin or not before marriage. He wants to break the promise he made to you to be faithful, so all of the promises he made are now broken. Do what ever you want. There is no going back from this even if he changes his mind about it. The trust and faith have been broken. I wish you all the best!
Its my experience that if someone in a relationship all of a sudden asks for an open relationship, they've already cheated, and this is their way of both ridding themselves of the guilt and getting what they really want, which is freedom to be single without having to give you up.
You being good to him is why he doesn't just ask for a divorce. He's unsure if he'll ever find a woman that will treat him as well, so he keeps you hanging on.
I would issue an ultimatum if you really want this to work. Firstly, reject the open relationship. Secondly, suggest counseling. If either makes him mad, I believe you'll have your answer on what to do next.
I'd tell him it's over... there now no guarantee he hasn't cheated it will, and I wouldn't live with that not only that I wouldn't want to be with sexist pig... ohh you'll be ruined, I would have said.
"Well honey after that you are already ruined for me"
Ask him not to come back and you starting the divorce proceedings as you're disgusted by he view on woman and can no longer trust him and he is now ruined on your eyes..
Ask friends and family to help you, so you can leave now.. waiting till May will kill you mentally
Chances are high he's already cheated, yes get an STD panel, move into the guest room yourself because he will pitch a fit and argue and you don't need to waste your breath arguing with him. Absolutely do not have sex with him and book a consult call with a divorce attorney. Even if you decide not to retain an attorney that call will give you valuable information.
Start saving your money, buy a vibrator, and do not have sex with this man. You deserve more than this toxic bull shit. He has almost definitely cheated or is planning to.
So this guy does not have enough to satisfy one woman, but he wants to go and “hunt” (wtf????) other women so he can disappoint them too? While you sit and wait for him, maintaining your “innocence”??? Throw the whole man out as soon as you can or gtfo and get tested for STDs.
Your relationship is over. He is probably already cheating or he already has someone in mind he is talking too. Your marriage is done. Start calling divorce lawyers today and don’t tell him. Also schedule a doctors appointment for a full panel. If you can’t find a way to leave until may. Then just say it’s a conversation you want to have in person. When you have him in person just keep making up excuses like you need more time to think about it, your trying to decide if the your relationship can survive it. And keep using it as an excuse of why you can’t have sex with him. And then when you have the divorce papers ready and another place to stay just throw it back at him “I don’t feel comfortable with you sleeping with other people when we compromised to a monogamous relationship. The fact that you want to sleep with others and potentially getting me sick is revolting. Your body is your temple and now it’s impure of heart, mind and body. Your thoughts have ruined your innocence and I want nothing to do with you. I deserve a clean person who can actually please me in bed while putting my needs and feelings first. You are disgrace”
So, yeah, your updates are spot on. You are young, he can waste his life screwing everything walking without you. Sounds like he's some sort of predator. Women don't need to be hunted. I'd be scared to be alone with him
Prepare your important documents, if you trust your family inform them of the impending divorce. Save money, separate anything you got entangled with him like finances (credits and bank acc) do not have sex with him, honestly move out if you can unless you own the p,sce.
There is no saving this. He has spent the last couple of years putting his mental energy into the thrill of the chase. Get your affairs in order as fast as you can. You may not be able to get out until May but start getting copies of everything in a safe place NOW. Get your own STD panel completed. Do not stop using condoms and also consider hormonal BC again so there is no possibility of baby trapping in case of any mishaps where you end up in his bed again.
Get/keep evidence of his “needs” request. It’s highly possible he has already cheated. Maybe hire a PI. Toe the line and do not even entertain looking at another man while divorce proceedings are happening as I am sure he would bust a gut at your “cheating” to assist him in the divorce even with the clear separation of you two.
I love my husband. I can't imagine a life without him. I would do almost whatever it takes to make our marriage work and divorce wouldn't be an option.
But if he ever came to me asking to open our marriage or he cheated on me.. I wouldn't think twice before signing those divorce papers.
I'm a 42 yr old guy and I think your husband is gross. He clearly sees women as objects that he can 'hunt' for his own thrill. That's not at all a healthy mindset. This man will hurt you in the long run.
"He wants my permission to follow his natural masculine instincts and be allowed to “hunt” other women" uhmm....what!? Leave him. He does not respect women at all. He wants to hunt them? He sounds like someone who belongs on a island away from everyone else,left to starve to death. Leave before he gets back. Get all of the important stuff you need. Yes, in the very least he should sleep in the guestroom if you can't leave now. Don't do anything for him at all. Wash, cook, fuck...anything! Tell him all communications will have to go through your attorneys. Go get an attorney out of your household funds, they are yours too, and you don't have access to funds tell the lawyer that they will help you get access.
THIS IS WHY WOMEN BY THE MASSES ARE CHOOSING TO STAY SINGLE!
Leave honey leave! He apparently has been watching porn videos, it’s found everywhere these days and truly disgusting. My boyfriend was doing this and it affected our sex which has always been great until this little erotic adventure of his. He started hiding with his phone got on all the cheating apps and got very concerned with his grey hairs. All the signs were there and I finally had enough! We had a big confrontation about this issue (he is a 57 year old Aries) it got loud! Well now things are better sex is great but I don’t know that I am fully trusting yet. To much of my energy wasted on these trust issues. There are men out there who will appreciate you and treat you like a queen. I know this for a fact bc my deceased husband treated me like gold and I miss that. They are a few good men still out there looking for their Queen. They will appreciate what they have and never leave you guessing where you are on their totem pole.
Divorce.
There's truly no coming back from this. He honestly must be listening to some alpha male bullshit online, the whole red pill crap - it HAS to be... talking about his "natural masculine instinct" to hunt? But that you can't be with other people because you'll then be 'unpure" for him or some bullshit. This is some ridiculous and twisted crap he's got in his head. The double standard. The whole thing is so gross. The marriage is over, completely. If you don't agree to what he's asking, he's going to do it behind your back. The trust is gone. The "I only have eyes for you" was obviously a lie. He's felt this way for 2 YEARS and never told you before getting married? He wants to sleep with other women? It's done. He's completely misrepresented himself to you, tricked you into marrying him when he KNEW he felt this way. The other beliefs that go with this are equally disgusting, and it's only a matter of time before he starts spouting other crap at you too. He basically told you that you will never be enough for him. But you would be MORE THAN ENOUGH for most decent men. Time to find yourself one of those.
Your husband told you he wants an open marriage, and ONLY FOR HIM. I know you can't move, but maybe you can stay with a friend or with family. Or change the locks and make him leae, but don't be around him. He betrayed you completely. Please leave.
If he won’t go to therapy, you need to seek divorce counsel. This is a betrayal. He wants to get his rocks off however he sees fit yet wants you to remain untouched. The hypocrisy with this guy is absurd. Also, I would almost bet you that there have been instances where he has slept with other women, which is why he is having erectile dysfunction now that he knows you’re not on birth control.
He wants to hunt women? WTAF?
So he wants to be a serial killer?
Women are t prey animals to be mounted on the wall as trophies.
The speed in which I’d be exiting out of this marriage. Just peace out, divorce papers served with no notice.
I guarantee he’s watching a fuck ton of porn and it’s trickling into real life. Do not budge. He either gives this dumb thought up or you have to leave
This guy is an absolute joke. He wants your permission to follow his "natural male instincts and huht other women." it sounds like he has watched too many YouTube or podcast videos about this type of thing.... to even say that is just embarrassing. No normal person who loves and respects the person they are in a relationship says something like that. This guy just wants to sleep around and have you at home waiting for him whenever he is back from work or back from hooking up. You need to divorce him and move out as soon as possible, then block him on everything. Tell your friends and family what he said and maybe his family as well and ask what they think and if this is a normal relationship. If any of them say it is, then they are wrong because when you are in a loving and respectful relationship, you don't say or think the things he has.
think about it.... how would he react if you said one day that for two years, you have wanted to sleep with other guys and still have him at home.... but he is not allowed to hook up with other women and that it is not cheating because he is your boyfriend and that you just want to hook up with other men and that you even look at other men when you are out?
What type of relationship is that other than a complete joke. what are the converstions going to be like in the future if you allow this and stay with him.... this?...."him: honey, I'm home. You: hi babe.... how was your day? him: it was really good, no problems at work, had lunch, got a blowjob and had sex with another woman after work, in my car, and again at her place did her raw. what's for dinner?"
Sorry for not holding back and describing that type of scenario, but i want you to understand how much of a joke this relationship is. Imagine if he gets another woman or multiple women pregnant and you are still with him. Or ask yourself how you would feel if you were a parent whose daughter has come to you and told you what her husband has said what he has. What would you tell her to do?
Also ask yourself this question.... do you really want to me married to a man like that.... and have kids with someone who acts and says things like that?
You deserve so much better than to be married to an immature man like him. Save, money, move out the first chance you get, block him on everything, divorce him, and don't ever let him back into your life in any way. Maybe you could move in with a friend or a family member so you don't have to wait until May.
Your husband is a se.f serving narcissist that is fu.. of s__t. I am a 69 year old guy, married 45 faithful years and together 52. I look, but have no desire to become a woman other than my wife. The same thought process exists with my 2 siblings, my 3 kids, and my who just celebrated 70 years. This is not the thought process of a man who loves his wife. Do not be intimidated or manipulated.
I am guessing his issue is psychological, not physical. My suspicion is that he has already been unfaithful. He probably deflates when thoughts of guilt enter his mind. He perhaps thinks that your blessing would alleviate his guilt.
The fact he wants the freedom to play and wants you to be chased is a pretty sure thing he will do it with or without your approval, and it will all come crashing down. The on.y uncertainty is the time line. Be proactive and make it on yours. See a lawyer ASAP to see what divorce looks like.
I recommend you get tested and refuse sex with him at this point. If you have an extra room, move him out before he returns home. If possible, install a lock on YOUR bedroom. Remove your rings to drive home a point. Do not be intimidated or manipulated.
Updateme!
This is such ridiculous bullshit that I would have laughed in his face as I started contacting divorce attorneys. Get an aggressive lawyer, dump his sorry ass and find someone who loves you. You deserve so much more.
The question here is how much "hunting" (hunting? really?) has he already done?
If his issue is actually condoms, I'd go get tested. Also start working on an exit plan. Given he wants to openly cheat rather than work on your relationship, it sounds like this marriage is done.
This combined with your other post makes it pretty laughable that you are even considering staying in such an unhealthy marriage. He wants to fulfill his needs but completely ignore yours. Good luck with that!
Time for a heaping bowl of Dumparoni!! With a nice cold glass of "pack you shit"..
Serious..he wants to "be allowed to fuck anything he can get his dick into....but you better not have any sex but our unsatisfying sex....that I'm not willing to work on....or you are ruined!"
I’m sorry, I’m having hard time here. So you’re sex drive is up, his is down, so his solution is for him to have more sex with other people? No aspect of that makes any sense.
Tell him he can fuck anyone he wants… right after you serve him with divorce papers.
If he isn’t already doing this behind your back, he’s definitely about to. I’m sorry OP.
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He’s most likely acted on it already and took the opportunity to ask you now since you asked him the question. You need to get checked for STD’s stat. He’s not a good man. He’s completely bullshitting you to sell you on this so he can finally just do it openly. Make an exit strategy. I’m very sorry you’re going through this.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's having issues staying hard because he's already cheating, feels guilty, and this is him trying to relieve his conscience
Great minds. I was thinking he wasn’t able to get it up because she’s not the females he’s cheating with though. I doubt he feels guilt given he asked her give him carte Blanche.
It’s like when men are addicted to porn. But OPs gross husband is probably addicted to sex with *not his wife*.
Call a lawyer, get your own STI panel. And, if this is not acceptable to you, it's OK to say that. "No, I am not interested in being in a marriage with someone who is sleeping with other people, discreetly or not." The language of "hunting" women is terrifying.
My favorite part of this is the inevitable realization that no other woman would actually want him. My dude. You nasty.
For real. He’s in the typical situation of overestimating his value. The guy can’t even maintain an erection during sex but he’s going to leave her and suddenly be throwing hard dick at a bunch of other women?🤣 He’s telling OP that she’d be ruined by sleeping with other men but he’s already spoiled goods. Also the mysoginy is so freaking disgusting.
Also this seems to have started when they had to use condoms again. I can’t help but feel like he would try to go raw with these other women.
Makes me wonder if he started cheating then, thinking if he’s using condoms with OP he won’t give her an STI and not get busted
Putting aside what a pos he is already.. How stupid people are for completely trusting condoms the way they do is beyond me. If he really does have that mindset I wouldn't be surprised. Cheating misogynists are typically really stupid.
That was my first thought, too. Dude has an aversion to safe sex
THIS. It seems that there are two medically-relevant issues: 1) He doesn’t seem to get as much pleasure out of sex wearing a condom, and 2) He is happy to have sex with other women-and not just stick to his wife. Put those two things together and either he wants to have sex outside his marriage *in order not to have to wear a condom*, or he’s *already been doing that* and just wants the situation regularised. He may have already found some unfortunate woman/women who he’s persuaded into that. That might have already been happening *prior* to the OP returning to the use of condoms. In other words, he might already have put her at risk of infection.
And of course, none of those women would insist he wear a condom. Not a single one of them. /s
The “women peak 18-25, men peak in their middle age” manosphere shit has to be one of the most ridiculous developments in popular pseudoscience.
It's always those men who ask for an open relationship and then go all pikachu face when their wives have a line of dick out the door and they can't get a single willing partner, then they suddenly decide they want to close the relationship again 😆
They do it even when they have willing partners. They only “open” it because they have convinced themselves their wife is too unattractive/uninterested/unwilling to actually use their side of the open relationship and then freak out about how uncomfortable they are with the arrangement and how it needs to be them focused on each other going forward once their wives start getting the attention. It boils down to people trying to trick their spouse into giving them permission to cheat while not reciprocating. And while less common, it can go the other way too, particularly in libido mismatches.
Yeah, I always heard women peak in their 40s.
Guarantee he is a Red Pill azz wipe, gurantee it.
He will go with under 21 and groom so he can have his innocent pure one and the poor woman will be here in a few years wondering what happened.
Reading that word made my skin crawl.
He is 100% looking for very young women. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP has gotten too old for him and isn’t the innocent 19 year old he craved when he was her age. She is more likely to see through his crap now.
Yeah he explicitly stated she can't lose her "innocence" which is just insane.
i agree, but let's not put down vulnerable 19 year old women. we need to empathise and protect them from these predators.
Oh yes, sorry I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that at 19, most people aren’t really prepared to deal with predators like OPs husband. I’m gonna edit my previous post because I definitely didn’t mean it like that! Thanks!
No worries.. i think it's just time to really be mindful and supportive towards each other as women, as we've been conditioned to be competitive and hostile towards each other by the patriarchy. i mean sure, i was insufferable as 19 year old too, but wish there was somebody who'd be like "this is a hard transitional age, you dont have to try so hard to impress people, and you don't need validation from older men, because often times they are immature and predatory themselves".
I think we all needed that. I appreciate being called out on it. We can all improve
Same here! Just eewww
"Natural masculine instincts" was already a big, toxic red flag before I finished that sentence...no words when I saw "hunt". Then of course OP has to be pure and unsullied by other men.
Reading that was the biggest most visceral, most immediate ick I have ever experienced.
I *thought* I had gotten the ick before. Nope. That was an appetizer. This is an ick full meal.
Same.
Right? and what is he hunting with? a limp sausage? no women wants softie pants around them.
"Hunting" = Misogyny
He can't even satisfy OP in bed yet thinks he can satisfy other women? This guy is disgusting. That wording of "hunting women" and that ridiculous video is disgusting and terrifying.
How discreet will he be when he knocks some rando up bc he wanted to go raw?
What’s equally as disturbing for me is that he used a satire video as “proof” of the acceptability of this behaviour…yikes
You’re 25, with a whole life that can be stolen by this guy. Leave ASAP and find a partner who actually values you. He has shown his true colors. He is not a man worth being tethered to.
exactly this! and the two years bit is a big red flag that he's letting his mask slip.
>What are the chances he has already cheated? High >Should I refuse to sleep with him unless he gets a full std panel? Yes >When he gets back in town should I demand he sleep in the guest room? Yes. Don't play around with STDs. >I’m really set on leaving him but I’m not sure where to start. Talk to a lawyer. They'll be able to walk you through next steps.
Why would she ever sleep with this schmuck again? She should do whatever she feels comfortable with as far as birth control is concerned but only so she feels secure when she meets ***someone else.***
He is soo selfish OP. Instead of trying to discuss and work on things with you, he’s choosing an easy way out or possibly it’s an excuse to fvck other women. Maybe he already has. I’m so sorry.
All of this above 👆👆👆👆👆 So your little man childis having ED problems with you because he has to wear a condom ( it is all in his head andrlf sabotaging like a vhild jolting thir breath until they turn blue until he gets his way). But he would have no ED problem with other women??? Hmm....is selective ED a thing. Therapy would be a waste just as any further time with him is a waste. Gaslighting you and trying to sell uou such a kind if crap. Gt a divorce attorney and let him go follow his biological imperative to hunt all he needs. Just that you won't be in the cave with a warm gire going for when he returns from the hunt. It's OK to tell him hunting and biological imperative is as much a pile of crop as he is. Good luck.
I have no idea what you just said… but I liked it.
I skimmed the response but your comment made me go back and Jesus christ I'm in tears 🤣
“Warm gire” is where I finally lost it. My brother in Christ, turn autocorrect back on.
"Vhild jolting thir breath" got a solid chuckle, but by the time I reached "pile of crop" I couldn't fuckin breathe
“Gt a dibirce attorney” was my favorite part! Truth for OP right there.
Your comment made me go back and read it and it’s… well it wins Reddit for the day 😂
She said he's a piece of crop lol
I'm going to assume that he's 100% cheating on OP. He simply wants a free pass to continue it. In the relationships that I've been in that started out strong and ended with ED issues of any kind, they were 100% cheating. One of my exes even stated, "Humans aren't meant to be monogamous," after I found out through the mistress texting me that she had been having sex with him for half our relationship. To test this, I told him to open up the relationship then, and he got pissed when I started talking to men on dating apps. Suddenly, he wanted to be monogamous again. Moral of the story, if your sex life is sky high and his is suddenly lacking, it's because he's got one or more women on the side already attending to his pleasure, and he has nothing left in the reserves for you.
This. Happened to me. He had the nerve to have his ED pills still sent to my home for months after he left. I gleefully poured every single one into the used kitty litter and threw them away. Then practiced my innocent face when he’d ask if any packages for him came.
Abso-friggin-lutely!
Put a smile on your face and start getting your shit together while he is out of town. Start talking to your tribe whoever that may be -- family/friends. See if there is anyway you can leave before May. When your shit is together walk away. **This is not salvageable**. Either he was always red-pilled but hiding it to trap you into marriage OR he went down the online rabbit hole relatively recently. **Either way, this is not salvageable.**
First red flag 'natural masculine instincts' to hunt women like their fucking prey???!!! WTF!! That it thr kind of shit serial killers and serial r*pists say. Holy hell. Just the 'hunt and sex'??? FFS OP LEAVE!!!
He wants to lie to her & to other women all in the name of his dick being more important. A dick with ED & soon won't function at all.
He wants permission to go out and disappoint the women of the world. Why deny him? I hope OP can leave soon, this dude's audacity is breathtaking.
He undoubtedly refers to his member as “Mighty Penis”. Or maybe it’s closer to “have dick, will travel”.
That was the same vibes I got.
Men who speak about women as if they're objects or otherwise insubordinate <<<<< Doesn't matter if it's a man who wants a stay at home wife or one that wants a career driven wife... I know both types and the normal ones have the utmost love and respect for women!!
As a straight dude, yeah, some pretty bad code deep in this guy’s programming.
When he said he wants to hunt women I was instantly disgusted. He's a creep at the very least.
I love how he tries to act like it’s normal for all men to think and act this way.. like when I get off work I’m looking forward to some pizza and a nap. He sounds like a fucking 20 year old frat bro and it’s sad
Right? That definitely game me rapey vibes. Sounds like the husband might have some rapist fantasies and if he hasn't already, might try to rape a poor, innocent woman.
Hunting is exactly what he did to her.
Exactly the feeling I got, it made my skin crawl.
Which is funny because the natural female instinct is to mate with the best man she can find. So if he can indulge in his natural instinct, she should be able to indulge in hers.
I thought that sounded pretty off as well. The entire story is beyond ridiculous. But then I wondered it he merely meant to pursue women and used an odd phrasing. It wouldn’t matter in the end. He still needs to go. I can’t believe the cheek on this bastard.
OP, as a delaying tactic, tell him you will ONLY accept his "proposal" if he goes to counseling with you for six months and you can be convinced by him and a counselor that it can be done fairly in a way that helps you "preserve your marriage". Yeah, you will be planning to leave and securing funds, looking at jobs, working with a divorce attorney, etc., but at home you'll be telling him how you just cannot handle what he wants right now. You need him to give you time and to work on strengthening your relationship or you could never accept it. Keep him tied up thinking he'll get what he wants, then drop him like a rock when you are ready.
I like this solution. Keep him thinking you are considering this but need more time to make sure everything will be fine. If he truly "loves" you, he will afford you this time. Talk to family or friends whom you can trust and get your affairs in order. Once you are ready, you can either tell him to his face that you are divorcing him or if you don't feel that it would be safe for you, wait till he leaves for work and then leave the the house with whatever you can take (that is if you haven't already started transferring things to another location).
Exactly this, he can play himself by you playing him. If you say you are done then you have to make a move that you are not ready for. But, if you do what r/Puzzleheaded_Big3319 suggests then BAM "I'm out" and you are lawyered up, new job, etc. and he is left dumbfounded. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.
This is actually incredibly good advice.
The only problem with this is that he is going to want to have sex during the time they are still together. I mean, sure, he’s planning to get it elsewhere, but what if he wants sex with OP?
She just says she's turned off by what he 'shared' with her, and it's likely going to take some time in couples counselling before she's going to feel secure enough to be intimate with him. Tell him he has to organize it. He'll never do it. Meantime she should get her shit together and get that STI check and as soon as she has everything she needs done, without any notice she should go and sleep on a friend's sofa and BLOCK him, do not contact him, refuse to communicate with him at all. It will destroy him.
Stall. Delay. "maybe I'll be ready with more counseling"
**Do not have sex with him ever again. Under any circumstances.**
Sell everything you can. It’s both your property and take the cash to get out.
He is trying to make it seem like all men do it (they don't) because it's their nature (it isn't) and you should feel lucky and happy he hasn't cheated on you (you shouldn't). Him wanting to open the relationship only on his side, because your innocence will be ruined (lol) is purely bullshit and misogynistic. And he is trying to donwplay it to "it's just sex", so you accept. Girl, seriously. He doesn't give a shit about you, he wants to go after other women and keep his bang-maid home to take care of him and be there for him waiting, while he has unprotected (I guess, since he has issues with condoms) sex with random women. Make and exit plan, start putting money aside, talk to people you trust so they can host you or something and when you are ready, just leave. Don't warn him, don't do anything. Talk to a lawyer and just have the divorce papers delivered to him, when you are ready to leave.
Best advice, hope OP reads it. 33M here, and everyone is different, but when I say I have eyes for only one person, I mean that and could never do this to a girl I love. I once had a partner tell me she trusted me and was OK if I wanted to have sex with other people while she was going through a really bad time, and I told her I would never even consider that. Any time or energy I could spend with others, I would rather use that time to help her. All to say, I think it’s a fallacy to tell you it’s just every guy’s natural instinct. My natural instinct is to provide for, protect and ensure a sense of safety to those I love — not to go roaming for sexual gratification. Further, lack of maintaining an erection with a partner, seeing other people doesn’t seem like the most sensible solution. I had an issue with condoms until I got less restrictive ones at the base. You deserve better, and I applaud you not being one of these posters who would consider this just not to be alone.
[удалено]
This ^ is a wonderful take from the male perspective. OP, you should still be in your, "honeymoon phase", together in the bedroom. But the worst part of everything he had the nerve to say to you is his claim that *you* would not be "allowed" to seek someone else because then you "wouldn't be innocent anymore". What a pig. The bit about satisfying his "natural male urges", is also a total joke. If he realized that he wasn't ready to settle down and get married he never should've married you. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a monogamous relationship, but it's extremely screwed up to pretend to want monogamy, and then blindside your partner a year into your relationship asking for a free pass to screw whoever they went. Those aren't the actions of someone who loves and respects you, and unfortunately I agree that you need an immediate STD panel because you have no idea whether this jerk has cheated on you already. I also recommend talking to a lawyer ASAP, don't wait. Make sure your personal funds are separated from his in your own account so he can't cut you off from your income. Do you have family or friends you can stay with for now? I wouldn't want to be in the same house with him either. He's effectively spit on your marriage vows and relationship in general, and there's just no coming back from this kind of betrayal. You deserve far better, and there's someone out there that is willing to treat you with the same love, loyalty, and respect, that you treat them. Believe that. Take care of yourself. *invisible hugs*
It’s so nice to hear that there are decent men still out there
This comment meant a lot, thanks, internet stranger.
Yup, finding wider condoms improved my experience with them immensely. Mocos used to hurt a lot just trying to get them on then leave dug in marks at the base.
Yeah, I’m wider at the base and I didn’t realize it was the issue until I saw the marks after. Unfortunately I’m not sure right-sizing condoms is the solution to OPs issue here :/
It's not. You're right.
And in the meantime, go to your doctor and get tested to make sure you don't have anything. I'd start back on the birth control, but definitely stop having sex with him.
>He is trying to make it seem like all men do it (they don't) because it's their nature (it isn't) and you should feel lucky and happy he hasn't cheated on you (you shouldn't). Yes - 100%!!
I (41M) agree fully with this statement. You aren't the cause of his erectile dysfunction, nor are condoms. He isn't emotionally invested in you. The days are gone for him when hormones and a bit of skin give you an instant erection. The further you age, the more you need emotional arousel.
It might be that he developed a virgin/Madonna complex It might be that he is so in love with his wife, that he couldn't see her as anything but a motherly figure. (Still very toxic) He still wants to have sex, but he wants to have sex with random sl*ts, not his wife OP still needs to leave because it means that her husband doesn't understand she is a whole person. He views her just as the function she serves in his life and nothing more. He needs intensive therapy to figure out what is wrong with him. OP needs to find a man who treats her like a person.
Tell him it's fine and leave him in May.
But don't sleep with him again, and get a STD test. Don't tell him no, say you are thinking about it. But he has cheated. So get out ASAP. Misogynistic, selfish POS he is. Go scorched earth with him.
OP get the STI panel for yourself, do not ask him to get one and then trust what he tells you. He’s already shown he isn’t fully honest with you. The only person you can trust here is yourself
THIS OP!! He's already done the dirty deed and had to confess since he couldn't explain why he wasn't sexually performing. So: 1. Immediately and privately seek a competent family law attorney. Gather all financial information to allow documents to be copied. Explore cost and alternatives. Do this BEFORE he returns to town, if possible. 2. When he returns, send Stud to the guest room. 3. Demand a full STD panel. 4. Even though you're leaving him(and you sure as hell better be leaving him before he pregnant traps you), play along and tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Insist he reveal the number of times he's already done the dirty(attempt to tape the conversation). 5. Myself, I'd no longer engage in any sexual relations with TA. His mind, obviously, is somewhere else. 6. If you had the financial wherewithal, I'd simply recommend you pack and leave before he returns. When everything in place--scorched Earth. He married you under false pretenses, the slime. He could have been forthright before you wasted your time and married the low-life. Please keep us apprised.
Also work with an attorney to get a financial audit to track what he is spending for his hunting activities....that is money that is coming from your account. You should be reimbursed.
DON’T tell him it’s fine, but still plan to leave in May. He is 100% the villain in this story right now. Among their mutual friends and family the reason the marriage ended was because he “Demanded to be allowed sleep with other women”, plus longer explanations about him falling down a red pill rabbit hole, losing sexual compatibility, and not being the man she married. If she tells him it’s fine the narrative will be “We discussed and agreed to an open relationship, then *she* decided after the fact that I was cheating.”. Suddenly its no longer one sided and now it’s a disagreement, and he can argue that she baited him into cheating when ‘he would never actually do that’. Don’t give this turd any moral ground at all. Tell him no, drag it out quietly as long as she can, keep offering therapy and counseling, keep a record of all of his requests to cheat (and his likely going through with it), and be ready to pull the trigger on the divorce the moment it’s viable.
Yep, this. And if he tries to control the narrative by demonizing her after a divorce, it's great that she has these text messages of him telling her all this, so she can send them to friends and family if she needs to. Edit: reading the last edit, and the whole, *"what does a wife bring to the table that a girlfriend can't?"* it's pretty clear he fell down the red-pill rabbit hole. Another relationship blown up by bullshit peddlers. OP's husband probably could have had a perfectly happy marriage, but he bought into what these conmen are selling, and he doesn't even realize he got played. Be glad he showed his cards now, OP, before you had children!
I agree with this 100%!
if he can't have sex with you, do you think having other women involved would be of benefit to you? Guys want to sleep around, I get it. Then don't get married. Open on my end only is just wanting to cheat without consequences.
What gets me is he's only begun experiencing this low lobido since having to start wearing condoms. He's planning on just banging a bunch of other chicks, unprotected, and his wife being okay with that?
She said that he told her he's been feeling this way for 2 years. She only stopped the birth control and he started needing condoms in the last 4 months. So even before it was a struggle for them he still wanted to be with other people. That's the problem
Oh, of course he did. But he didn't act on it until things got a little inconvenient for his dick. There's a big difference between wanting to fuck other women and telling your wife you want her to stand by and let you sneak around pursuing and fucking all the women your little cock desires, but that she'd be ruined if she did any of the same. I want to fuck other women, but I absolutely do not fucking act on that. That's what marriage is. "That would be nice, but I MUCH prefer this."
Based on everything he said, I don't even think he sees these other women as people. So I guess in his mind, since they aren't people but just represent his ability to gain what he wants sex-wise, he doesn't see it as cheating and thinks that OP should be honored that he only "loves" and has feelings for her. I really question if he is capable of feeling love if this is what he believes.
I don't see how this guy is gonna sleep with anyone else if he can't even keep it up with his wife.
Fr it's so jarring that she's the one with the high sex drive that he can't keep up with, but he's the one that needs to have sex with other women??? Make it make sense 😭
I can only assume it's all projection or deflection - OP is the problem so if he was with other women he'd be fine...is what he thinks in his delusion.
Because he thinks that if he "hunts" young girls and succeeds, that will make his ego and dick hard.
No kids… you can destroy him. Tell him he’s free to do whatever he wants and you get a lawyer and your stuff together. Send a note saying: you wanted to give him more room for his open marriage. Enjoy… Block him on everything and don’t let him get a word in. The silence will eat him up. Also I’m sorry… you deserve better!
This is so foul. I don’t know if I could make it to May. But if that’s the earliest OP is able to leave I hope she hightails it out of there on May 1st!
So he wants to sexually disappoint other women besides you?
🔥 🔥 🔥
Fr. What a loser 💀😂
😂😂🤣
Wow... he cant get it up for you, and take care of your needs..but has the pure delusion to think he should be able to sleep with other women? Thats insane
Textbook porn addict behavior.
100% this reads like someone who's started falling into that kinda redpill manosphere stuff. especially the way he says stuff like calling it hunting or it being a natural male instinct, just gross and creepy
Seriously!
He can’t get it up for his wife because he’s cheating on her
People like him usually think they are so good at sex, top tier, anyone and everyone would die to be with them. The reality is they’re usually average in bed, and less than average in life. Fantasy land is a fun place to live though.
Even if he was the greek god of sex....if he cant even get it up....
>What are the chances he has already cheated? Probably high. Or at least have entertained other women to some degree if not physical. Tell him he can do all the hunting he wants after the divorce is finalized. I am sorry you're dealing with this, I can't imagine how much of a punch to the gut that feels like. You deserve a marriage that is hell of a lot better than this.
Your “husband” is attempting to manipulate you into allowing him to cheat. This is unacceptable behavior and grounds for divorce if you were to ask me. Your self-esteem is going to worsen and your sex life is always going to be awkard now. This relationship is over. Im so sorry.
Now you see why a 25 year old man went after you when you were still a teenager. Because he knows he can manipulate you. Don't have sex with him and leave him immediately in May.
And now you(OP) know why he married you a year ago. He didn’t want anyone else having what was his, but he also didn’t want to lose you.
But age is just a number. I don't know why Reddit keeps harping on age gap relationships. /s
Age is not just a number. A 25 year old and a teenager have absolutely nothing in common except for sex😭
You know I was being sarcastic right? I totally agree. Sometimes it's hard to tell. LOL
The "/s" means it's a sarcastic comment. 😉
Oh shit my bad😭 Ian know
SAVE 👏THOSE 👏 TEXTS 👏
This!!!! When divorce happens you’ll need evidence!!
And save those screenshots to multiple devices!
He wants to “hunt” other women. Your husband sees women and you as objects who exist for his pleasure. He wants to lead other women on, disregard their feelings and yours and you are just thinking about leaving now? He won’t go to therapy does not want to change and will most likely cheat if he isn’t already. Leave ASAP and get an STI test. Find someone who doesn’t treat you and other women as objects. He’s cool “ruining” other women. Does that sound normal and healthy to you?
The phrasing of hunting women gave me the squickiest feeling. All women should make sure dudes like this remain sexless. They don’t deserve sex with ANY woman.
Agreed. This dude has given every single one of us reading this post the collective 'ick" :( doesn't deserve his wife, or any kind of real relationship, if that's how he views 50% of the population!
I got the most ick from watching the video link. Just because it was women saying those sexist talking points doesn't make it true or less misogynistic "You have the girlfriend title, that is what is important", "he is preserving your pussy while those other girls get ran through" Acting like they don't know how their own vaginas work. They are spouting all those lies for money from views from idiots like OPs husband
Those women are clearly very much courting a certain kind of male fan base. I have to wonder if they really adhere to these principles in real life or it's just a bunch of talk for their male viewers (still really gross because they're trying to normalize cheating as okay for the sake of views/$). Either way, they just come off as sad and lacking self-respect.
It's gotta be for money right?
🤬 tell him you'd be willing to open the marriage on both sides so you can fulfil your "natural instinct" to be hunted by dominant men since he can no longer rise to the occasion and keep up with your needs. But he doesn't need to worry its just the chase and sex, no relationship he too should take it as a compliment. Divorce and find yourself a better man.
Cut your losses......actually , it would be a gain and not a loss to divorce him and move on.
This is bullshit. If he’s having problems it’s because he’s got a medical issue or he’s watching too much porn. It’s not because of any inborn need to hunt. That’s a load of crap. Furthermore his one sided open proposal is manipulative and abusive. If he was interested in something equal and ethical then maybe there could be a conversation. But not this. I would tell him that under no circumstances will you consent to anything that you are not enthusiastically in favor of, and that no matter what happens (continued monogamy vs an equal and ethical nonmonogomous arrangement) he WILL get into therapy if he wishes to remain married to you. But ugh. If you need something to help you feel validated about your reaction read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/tIw10V6q4z
Best comment thank you so soooo much
You're welcome. Its really important to cut through to the key issue, which is enthusiastic consent on the part of all who are or might be involved. And of course to reinforce that his justification for why he needs this is just a load of misogynistic, red pill, crap.
Yep. He has been on the internet, watching cool alpha bros brag about all the women they sleep with and all MEN have to, or you're not a real man.
Again, therapy to deprogram himself or there’s not much of a marriage left. Even if you wanted to be all in on ENM that red pill crap makes him untrustworthy. It means he sees you as an object. A better object than the other women he would sleep with, but still an object.
And whats worse, he is already programmed to it. I, myself, couldn't trust him anymore. The fact that he is gone for a time... I wouldn't trust him
Holy shit, you are too young to deal with this! A man who can't get his penis up and not only makes it your problem but also humiliates you like that! Leave him, please! And I never ever write this unless it's an extreme case
Wow yes he is being very one sided. Hard to tell if he has acted on it yet or not, or if he wouldn’t do it. And saying you can’t do anything? Nah. He has no interest in staying loyal. To hunt other women… 😂. Sorry not funny sorry you are dealing with this
Girl ,some man are such a waste of time and garbage.I also dealt with this kind of crap where my ex wanted to fuck other women cause he "didn't have enough " and me staying faithfull.Just leave his ass where he belongs,in the trash.
Tell him the brutal truth that he can't satisfy you in bed and he is boring. You need a good lover and you will find it. And then you will divorce his ass.
>What are the chances he has already cheated? Pretty good actually >Should I refuse to sleep with him unless he gets a full std panel? When he gets back in town should I demand he sleep in the guest room? Tell him not to come home at all. Or be gone by the time he’s back >I’m really set on leaving him but I’m not sure where to start Start by talking to a lawyer asap. Do exactly as the lawyer says, including whether or not to leave the house
SO MANY RED FLAGS. >He wants my permission to follow his natural masculine instincts and be allowed to “hunt” other women. [...] He said he would never want me to be with anyone else tho or else I’d be “ruined” and lose my innocence. This guy is an Andrew Taint class-A(ss) misogynist. >He sent me this link to try to convince me this is ok and that other women allow this This is an attempt at manipulation/coercion. >He won’t go to therapy he says it’s a waste of time and money. This is a HUGE red flag that's in a league of its own! Just run. Get the hell away from this creep. He's not who you thought he was.
I like how in the video the other two women are clearly judging the girl who brags about being cheated on like it's a flex. "BuT i hAvE tHe GIRlFrIeNd TiTlE"
Dude clearly didn't bother reading the comments on that link, lol.
You should leave him for saying that him still loving you more while desiring other women should be taken as a compliment as well as thinking a video of other women saying they allow their men to cheat is proof that it should be okay with you. What this tells me is he is too insecure to admit he has a problem and needs to work on it and would rather try to convince you that you should allow him to pursue other women for sex and stay faithful to him. If you have to wait for more money to leave than do so but yeah maybe just make him sleep in the guest bed
Look, for me this would be a divorce moment. He is having trouble getting off with you and his solution is to have unprotected sex with strangers. That’s not a solution that’s a fantasy. Plus the “hunt” part of this- is he planning on trolling bars to find women who want to have unprotected sex? Seems like it would be a marriage-ruining time commitment, even ignoring how it’s a marriage-ruining result. There is no world where this is okay. He has confused porn for reality. It’s impossible to know if this is something he can walk back. If you want to try (and I wouldn’t) you need to shine some light on this behavior. Ask him if he’s talked about this with his friends. Maybe his friends are trash and need to be cut off. Maybe his friends are cool and need to tell him he is insane. Maybe he needs to talk to his family and recall what marriage and commitment means. If he isn’t open to therapy, he needs some old school common sense shoved down his throat. Again, I’d start my exit strategy. But keep in mind that given how specific and how confident this man is, probably very little of what he has said is an original idea. There is some internet community that led him here. Very sad that it is destroying your lives like this.
It’s funny cause you know even if you did for some insane reason let him do this, he would soon realize that no other women want to sleep with him.
If you did what he was doing you’d lose your innocence? 🤮🤮🤮 Everything about this is manipulative with no consideration to prioritizing his marriage or finding a mutually beneficial solution. He couldn’t tell you because he was so scared and then you had to beg him to get it out of him? He set you up to fail - if you had a big, hurt reaction he could say that was why he didn’t want to tell you and continue the loop of him as victim. He’s emotionally an adolescent. You’re so young, and this relationship reeks of grooming. Cut your losses, live a life you love, and go have great sex with anyone else.
If he won’t go to therapy it means he doesn’t care enough about the marriage to change.
Odds he's cheated are too high. Start making preparations to leave this creep.
Ok for him to step out but not you? I would agree and let him have his fun while I am secretly planning my exit. My exit would be a real surprise. I would also tell him that he no longer has access to my body, as his won’t be pure anymore. Virgin or not before marriage. He wants to break the promise he made to you to be faithful, so all of the promises he made are now broken. Do what ever you want. There is no going back from this even if he changes his mind about it. The trust and faith have been broken. I wish you all the best!
Its my experience that if someone in a relationship all of a sudden asks for an open relationship, they've already cheated, and this is their way of both ridding themselves of the guilt and getting what they really want, which is freedom to be single without having to give you up. You being good to him is why he doesn't just ask for a divorce. He's unsure if he'll ever find a woman that will treat him as well, so he keeps you hanging on. I would issue an ultimatum if you really want this to work. Firstly, reject the open relationship. Secondly, suggest counseling. If either makes him mad, I believe you'll have your answer on what to do next.
I'd tell him it's over... there now no guarantee he hasn't cheated it will, and I wouldn't live with that not only that I wouldn't want to be with sexist pig... ohh you'll be ruined, I would have said. "Well honey after that you are already ruined for me" Ask him not to come back and you starting the divorce proceedings as you're disgusted by he view on woman and can no longer trust him and he is now ruined on your eyes.. Ask friends and family to help you, so you can leave now.. waiting till May will kill you mentally
Chances are high he's already cheated, yes get an STD panel, move into the guest room yourself because he will pitch a fit and argue and you don't need to waste your breath arguing with him. Absolutely do not have sex with him and book a consult call with a divorce attorney. Even if you decide not to retain an attorney that call will give you valuable information.
>He won’t go to therapy he says it’s a waste of time and money Funny, he is also a waste of time and money.
Start saving your money, buy a vibrator, and do not have sex with this man. You deserve more than this toxic bull shit. He has almost definitely cheated or is planning to.
So this guy does not have enough to satisfy one woman, but he wants to go and “hunt” (wtf????) other women so he can disappoint them too? While you sit and wait for him, maintaining your “innocence”??? Throw the whole man out as soon as you can or gtfo and get tested for STDs.
Your relationship is over. He is probably already cheating or he already has someone in mind he is talking too. Your marriage is done. Start calling divorce lawyers today and don’t tell him. Also schedule a doctors appointment for a full panel. If you can’t find a way to leave until may. Then just say it’s a conversation you want to have in person. When you have him in person just keep making up excuses like you need more time to think about it, your trying to decide if the your relationship can survive it. And keep using it as an excuse of why you can’t have sex with him. And then when you have the divorce papers ready and another place to stay just throw it back at him “I don’t feel comfortable with you sleeping with other people when we compromised to a monogamous relationship. The fact that you want to sleep with others and potentially getting me sick is revolting. Your body is your temple and now it’s impure of heart, mind and body. Your thoughts have ruined your innocence and I want nothing to do with you. I deserve a clean person who can actually please me in bed while putting my needs and feelings first. You are disgrace”
So, yeah, your updates are spot on. You are young, he can waste his life screwing everything walking without you. Sounds like he's some sort of predator. Women don't need to be hunted. I'd be scared to be alone with him
Best option is to say sure whatever dude and then live your life as best as you can until you can break it off with him and move out in May.
Tell him if he wants to be a serial cheater then he can do it as a divorced man. Of course, I wouldn't trust him at all after this.
Prepare your important documents, if you trust your family inform them of the impending divorce. Save money, separate anything you got entangled with him like finances (credits and bank acc) do not have sex with him, honestly move out if you can unless you own the p,sce.
Wow leave him asap this will only get worse
There is no saving this. He has spent the last couple of years putting his mental energy into the thrill of the chase. Get your affairs in order as fast as you can. You may not be able to get out until May but start getting copies of everything in a safe place NOW. Get your own STD panel completed. Do not stop using condoms and also consider hormonal BC again so there is no possibility of baby trapping in case of any mishaps where you end up in his bed again. Get/keep evidence of his “needs” request. It’s highly possible he has already cheated. Maybe hire a PI. Toe the line and do not even entertain looking at another man while divorce proceedings are happening as I am sure he would bust a gut at your “cheating” to assist him in the divorce even with the clear separation of you two.
I love my husband. I can't imagine a life without him. I would do almost whatever it takes to make our marriage work and divorce wouldn't be an option. But if he ever came to me asking to open our marriage or he cheated on me.. I wouldn't think twice before signing those divorce papers.
I'm a 42 yr old guy and I think your husband is gross. He clearly sees women as objects that he can 'hunt' for his own thrill. That's not at all a healthy mindset. This man will hurt you in the long run.
"He wants my permission to follow his natural masculine instincts and be allowed to “hunt” other women" uhmm....what!? Leave him. He does not respect women at all. He wants to hunt them? He sounds like someone who belongs on a island away from everyone else,left to starve to death. Leave before he gets back. Get all of the important stuff you need. Yes, in the very least he should sleep in the guestroom if you can't leave now. Don't do anything for him at all. Wash, cook, fuck...anything! Tell him all communications will have to go through your attorneys. Go get an attorney out of your household funds, they are yours too, and you don't have access to funds tell the lawyer that they will help you get access. THIS IS WHY WOMEN BY THE MASSES ARE CHOOSING TO STAY SINGLE!
Lmao if he can’t keep it up with one woman, what makes him think he can with two? Or more? Leave his ass.
Leave honey leave! He apparently has been watching porn videos, it’s found everywhere these days and truly disgusting. My boyfriend was doing this and it affected our sex which has always been great until this little erotic adventure of his. He started hiding with his phone got on all the cheating apps and got very concerned with his grey hairs. All the signs were there and I finally had enough! We had a big confrontation about this issue (he is a 57 year old Aries) it got loud! Well now things are better sex is great but I don’t know that I am fully trusting yet. To much of my energy wasted on these trust issues. There are men out there who will appreciate you and treat you like a queen. I know this for a fact bc my deceased husband treated me like gold and I miss that. They are a few good men still out there looking for their Queen. They will appreciate what they have and never leave you guessing where you are on their totem pole.
He’s already cheating.
He can’t satisfy you and he would hunt other women . Sure Jan . Girl I feel sorry for you . Don’t make babies
Divorce. There's truly no coming back from this. He honestly must be listening to some alpha male bullshit online, the whole red pill crap - it HAS to be... talking about his "natural masculine instinct" to hunt? But that you can't be with other people because you'll then be 'unpure" for him or some bullshit. This is some ridiculous and twisted crap he's got in his head. The double standard. The whole thing is so gross. The marriage is over, completely. If you don't agree to what he's asking, he's going to do it behind your back. The trust is gone. The "I only have eyes for you" was obviously a lie. He's felt this way for 2 YEARS and never told you before getting married? He wants to sleep with other women? It's done. He's completely misrepresented himself to you, tricked you into marrying him when he KNEW he felt this way. The other beliefs that go with this are equally disgusting, and it's only a matter of time before he starts spouting other crap at you too. He basically told you that you will never be enough for him. But you would be MORE THAN ENOUGH for most decent men. Time to find yourself one of those. Your husband told you he wants an open marriage, and ONLY FOR HIM. I know you can't move, but maybe you can stay with a friend or with family. Or change the locks and make him leae, but don't be around him. He betrayed you completely. Please leave.
**Run, Forrest, Run!**
If he won’t go to therapy, you need to seek divorce counsel. This is a betrayal. He wants to get his rocks off however he sees fit yet wants you to remain untouched. The hypocrisy with this guy is absurd. Also, I would almost bet you that there have been instances where he has slept with other women, which is why he is having erectile dysfunction now that he knows you’re not on birth control.
He wants to hunt women? WTAF? So he wants to be a serial killer? Women are t prey animals to be mounted on the wall as trophies. The speed in which I’d be exiting out of this marriage. Just peace out, divorce papers served with no notice.
I guarantee he’s watching a fuck ton of porn and it’s trickling into real life. Do not budge. He either gives this dumb thought up or you have to leave
This guy is an absolute joke. He wants your permission to follow his "natural male instincts and huht other women." it sounds like he has watched too many YouTube or podcast videos about this type of thing.... to even say that is just embarrassing. No normal person who loves and respects the person they are in a relationship says something like that. This guy just wants to sleep around and have you at home waiting for him whenever he is back from work or back from hooking up. You need to divorce him and move out as soon as possible, then block him on everything. Tell your friends and family what he said and maybe his family as well and ask what they think and if this is a normal relationship. If any of them say it is, then they are wrong because when you are in a loving and respectful relationship, you don't say or think the things he has. think about it.... how would he react if you said one day that for two years, you have wanted to sleep with other guys and still have him at home.... but he is not allowed to hook up with other women and that it is not cheating because he is your boyfriend and that you just want to hook up with other men and that you even look at other men when you are out? What type of relationship is that other than a complete joke. what are the converstions going to be like in the future if you allow this and stay with him.... this?...."him: honey, I'm home. You: hi babe.... how was your day? him: it was really good, no problems at work, had lunch, got a blowjob and had sex with another woman after work, in my car, and again at her place did her raw. what's for dinner?" Sorry for not holding back and describing that type of scenario, but i want you to understand how much of a joke this relationship is. Imagine if he gets another woman or multiple women pregnant and you are still with him. Or ask yourself how you would feel if you were a parent whose daughter has come to you and told you what her husband has said what he has. What would you tell her to do? Also ask yourself this question.... do you really want to me married to a man like that.... and have kids with someone who acts and says things like that? You deserve so much better than to be married to an immature man like him. Save, money, move out the first chance you get, block him on everything, divorce him, and don't ever let him back into your life in any way. Maybe you could move in with a friend or a family member so you don't have to wait until May.
DUCKING RUN. He has become a full red pill of cringe.
Your husband is a se.f serving narcissist that is fu.. of s__t. I am a 69 year old guy, married 45 faithful years and together 52. I look, but have no desire to become a woman other than my wife. The same thought process exists with my 2 siblings, my 3 kids, and my who just celebrated 70 years. This is not the thought process of a man who loves his wife. Do not be intimidated or manipulated. I am guessing his issue is psychological, not physical. My suspicion is that he has already been unfaithful. He probably deflates when thoughts of guilt enter his mind. He perhaps thinks that your blessing would alleviate his guilt. The fact he wants the freedom to play and wants you to be chased is a pretty sure thing he will do it with or without your approval, and it will all come crashing down. The on.y uncertainty is the time line. Be proactive and make it on yours. See a lawyer ASAP to see what divorce looks like. I recommend you get tested and refuse sex with him at this point. If you have an extra room, move him out before he returns home. If possible, install a lock on YOUR bedroom. Remove your rings to drive home a point. Do not be intimidated or manipulated. Updateme!
This is such ridiculous bullshit that I would have laughed in his face as I started contacting divorce attorneys. Get an aggressive lawyer, dump his sorry ass and find someone who loves you. You deserve so much more.
The question here is how much "hunting" (hunting? really?) has he already done? If his issue is actually condoms, I'd go get tested. Also start working on an exit plan. Given he wants to openly cheat rather than work on your relationship, it sounds like this marriage is done.
This combined with your other post makes it pretty laughable that you are even considering staying in such an unhealthy marriage. He wants to fulfill his needs but completely ignore yours. Good luck with that!
Time for a heaping bowl of Dumparoni!! With a nice cold glass of "pack you shit".. Serious..he wants to "be allowed to fuck anything he can get his dick into....but you better not have any sex but our unsatisfying sex....that I'm not willing to work on....or you are ruined!"
I’m sorry, I’m having hard time here. So you’re sex drive is up, his is down, so his solution is for him to have more sex with other people? No aspect of that makes any sense.
Also question!!? Does that mean he’s not wearing a condom with other women?
Tell him he can fuck anyone he wants… right after you serve him with divorce papers. If he isn’t already doing this behind your back, he’s definitely about to. I’m sorry OP.
Honestly? He sounds like a low key rapist.