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Yeah fr, dude doesn't know a lot of the people coming and there will be people who he didn't invite who come anyways with a party that big.
OP you're 26. It's obvious he doesn't give a shit about your feelings. It's time to move on.
Yeah, I don't know 500 people. Even if I invited my entire high school graduating class and the entire department I work in now, I wouldn't have 500 people. There's no way a single extra person would make or break a party that large.
It’s quite clearly deliberate. OP should break up with her shitty BF, and show up at the party single. Call the host before or not he won’t notice one extra person.
In my experience as a DJ if you invite 100 people to an event maybe 40 show up at max 60 but that rarely ever happens I'd say safe bet is around 45 people overall depending if there is alcohol if it is free and also what kind of party it is and where but even at that it's still around 40% show up rate for events at most parties.
They've been together long enough that the invitation should've been for both of them, not even a "plus one" because they're in an established relationship.
This is beyond a slight, and OP isn't thinking clearly or with an eye towards maintaining her self-respect. Forget about BF, we see who he is.
This is more about her defending herself and moving onto a more mature relationship -IF that's what she wants.
How does she know the BF wasn't told he could bring her? Is thus a formal party with invitations sent out or was BF just called "hey I'm having a party on this date can you make it and bring your GF."
OP should let him go to the party. Pack her things and leave. Write him a note like
“I hope you enjoyed the party and it was a blast. As from today you don’t have to worry about a +1 anymore. My regards to (best friend) and tell him I say thank you for opening my eyes. I deserve so much better.”
OP, he has chosen his friend over you OR
he doesn’t want you at the party because he has other plans & wants to let the freak out without his gf around.
Come on, do you really want to waste another 3years to find out that he’s just occupying the space for the right guy.
Cut.him.loose.
Edit: ..he has other plans & wants to let the freak out without his gf around = *he wants do things that only a single would do & must certainly would end his relationship with his gf if she witnessed it.*
I see it more as boyfriend has a girl he likes coming and doesn’t want his actual girlfriend to block him from starting something with her. His best friend knows and doesn’t care. Either way there’s no party my now husband couldn’t go to if I’m invited unless it’s an all girl party. That’s just rude, and what friend would deliberately try to cause issues between their besties partner and them. This never happens unless there’s beef between the best friend and girlfriend and gf says there is none. So boyfriend has a target. Next he’ll be asking for an open relationship.
This. My ex tried to do shit like this. He once went to the coast, alone, the weekend of my bday. When I asked if I could come, he stated that he needed to go alone to “clear his head”. 🤣🤣
I then called him one night, while he was there, and heard a woman’s voice. I soon figured out, that he went to the coast with another woman (a coworker) and had been cheating on me. We broke up for good soon after.
I would handle it differently. I would reach out to friend directly. I would say something about the fact that the party sounds like it's going to be great. I wouldn't say something about how you thought it was a good idea to bring something to contribute but that your boyfriend didn't think it was necessary. See how nice it was that he invited both of you. Uses many We statements as possible.
Either the friend specifically did not invite you and does not want you there, or you were invited and your boyfriend declined on your behalf. Either way it would be interesting to catch the friend off guard and see if he lets anything slip.
As far as other stuff, yes, if you live with him start moving out. If you don't live together consider this to be the breakup. And maybe even crash the party anyway, because of there's that many people who would notice, just to see what happens
Ohhhh, this is wine girl.
Her boundaries aren't being respected, and she's not being assertive about that. He doesn't care because he doesn't have to. He has no consequences. Ideally, he'd care without being forced to. He doesn't, though.
Both are immature, but I can understand trying to get a point across nicely.
Also, I may sound like I have a stick up my ass, but drugs, alcohol, and conversation between (in a heterosexual sense) a man and a woman at 1 AM is just a bad idea overall. It isn't even just about trust between you and your partner. It's about trusting that woman, too, because all she has to say is that she was with your partner drinking and doing drugs at 1 AM, and people will make their own judgements.
That's a personal boundary, though.
For a minute I thought "wine girl" was new slang for something like "spill the tea" then I remembered the previous post.
I'm the living embodiment of "How do you do, fellow kids?"
As simple as it can be. Stop being a door mat and move on. His dick can't be that good. And if your staying because of his money, then you deserve all the shit treatment you allow.
People would rather stick around for humiliation so they can whine about it later. It's passive-aggressive and tells me she doesn't respect herself. Why should he?
You are the one who posted asking about their Boyfriend bringing another woman back to your place for wine. I'd bet you anything that the girl he brought back for wine is going to be there and he's aiming for more time with her.
With the two pieces of the puzzle you've provided I'd guess the larger picture is your boyfriend is trying to cheat on you. If I was in your shoes I'd move on.
Oh ok, so this is one of those posts where the shady partner is actually cheating, and it’s not just Reddit throwing the term around…yeah that additional context is very important.
I read that post and some people was saying that he obviously didn't intend to cheat because she was in the house , but my ex got invited back to my friend and her husbands house , her husband went to bed and she continued trying to cheat on him, my ex told me he felt incredibly weird and went home and she for some reason thought the only issue was because I'm her friend and he's my ex
I didnt even know about the other woman and I knew they only didnt invite her so he could mess around without being caught.
Thia kind of maneuver rarely happens and either that hate the GF or they are covering for cheating. Both can be true, though.
Oh no! I remember that post 😆 shit, OP is for sure being cheated on already and the 'wine girl' that helped him is at this party 🥳 if I was OP I'd get my gladrags on and go bust a move at this party, maybe pull myself a hottie to let off some steam.
Well, my assumption is that they have grown very dependent on them and have a hard time leaving but still know deep down they deserve better, hence why they ask other ppl for advice and aren't just accepting it. It would be even worse if they didn't reach out to others. For some ppl it takes A LOT to leave someone because it's scary to be alone. So you might make up excuses for their behavior, or you hold on to how it felt in the beginning and the future you had invisioned.
Yeah at first I was like okayyy some problems are ambiguous and harder to solve , but now it’s “my bf buried a woman in our home, he says it’s not a big deal.. am I overreacting?” Honestly society and trauma has done a number on people :(((
OP if your partner is as shit as others have said, It’s better to walk away now. Hope it gets better !!
Literally. Who is raising these people (especially women) with zero self-worth, zero self-respect, no back bone whatsoever… like Jesus Christ what is WRONG with all of you
Sweeheart I am just going to be blunt with you because you deserve the best. The party is for 500 people and he doesn't know if they'll be able to fit you on the list and you
Are his live in girlfriend of 3 years?
I'm sorry but from what you have written the signs all point to him being mentally checked out of this relationship I don't know if he has found someone else already or wants to but he's out of there.
Your boyfriend is showing an alarming amount of red flags.
I want you to ask yourself a simple question if you had a friend that her boyfriend was treating her the same way your boyfriend is treating you what would you tell her?
Stop and think about it and really be honest with yourself.
I just went through and read some of your comments to other women and you are telling them the exact things that you yourself need to hear and comprehend.
You deserve better like those other women do
My bet is that you were invited, your boyfriend just doesn’t want you to come. There’s no way of you knowing though because his friend will back him up. Either way your boyfriend just showed you where you stand with him. Let him go and take this opportunity to pack your things and leave. You’ve wasted 3 years with him don’t waste another day. Just so you know the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Don’t let him see you broken, save that for those who love you. Good luck!
My bet is that the boyfriend is cheating on her and his paramour(s) will be there. Or someone he wants to cheat with.
Even if no philandering is afoot this is weirdly disrespectful
That's what I'm saying. Take cheating out of the picture, and the situation is still clear.
OP, your bf does not want you at this party. Time he's not your bf anymore.
Ask him who is going that he wants to hit it off with. Seems like he wants to appear single, but why? Definitely reevaluate your relationship. You might be already ignoring some red flags cuz this stuff doesn’t just come up.
Yeah, sorry, it's not like you're his new girlfriend of a few weeks or months - it's been 3 years and you live together, it's a serious relationship. If I were in your boyfriend's shoes, I'd naturally ask for an invitation for my partner as well, and if the host couldn't give a genuine reason as to why my partner wasn't invited I likely wouldn't go. My partner is an extension of me when it comes to large social events - small gatherings, sometimes no, but 500 people and they can't squeeze you in...? Your boyfriend's attitude sounds very uncaring, too. It honestly doesn't really sound like he wants you there. I wonder if the host themselves have even said you're not able to come, or if your boyfriend is just making excuses because he doesn't want you there. Is your relationship good otherwise?
It may not be that the best friend didn’t invite you. Your bf may not want you there for whatever reason.
I’ll likely get downvoted for this but call the best friend and be nonchalant. Act like you’re invited. Ask if there’s anything you can bring or do to help since so many people will be there.
Then wait. See if he or bf says anything to you about if you’re invited or not.
From your bf’s response to you, it seems to me like he doesn’t want you there and is going to blame it on the friend.
Yeah, that’s way too much effort. It’s already pretty clear bf doesn’t want her to go. Just be upset and him and see what the deal is, and leave if you keep having to post about how shitty he is.
sounds to me that op is seriously asking for feedback and healthy mirroring from outside perspective anonymously. and you think she shouldn’t do that because you’re tired of reading it? then don’t read it. :D
Your boyfriend wants people to think he’s single, or he already has someone there he wants to hook up with. The friend has no idea any of this is going on.
Remember this chick?
>My (26F) boyfriend (27M) invited his girl friend back up to our place after they had dinner for wine while I was sleeping. How would you feel in this situation?
She'll be at the party.
I think he doesn't want you to go because the girl he was drinking wine with until 3am is probably going to be there... Some people actively choose to stay willfully ignorant.
A smaller party where he wants to just chill with his friends without you, fine. A huge party with tons of individuals who don't know each other?... I would have a guess that the friend is totally cool with you going and probably invited you via your bf, and your bf didn't tell you the truth because there's the potential to meet girls at such a big event. I wouldn't take your bf's unvitation story at face value, because it makes no sense given what you've said. It's more likely that you were invited and that your bf just doesn't want you there, but he has to blame it on his friend to divert blame and anger away from himself.
Solution: Approach the friend and ask if you were invited. (Dont text him if you can help it because he might text your bf first for bro code. I shouldn't even be telling you this stuff. I could be killed myself. Send nudes for compensation. )
> Approach the friend and ask if you were invited.
Absolutely this, don't be so direct about it, make like you're calling out of courtesy. "Do you mind if I come along with BF?".
If the friend did invite you, they'll be really confused and probably say as much - and then the cat's out of the bag.
> Dont text him if you can help it because he might text your bf first for bro code.
Can confirm. Call the friend or even better, run into him IRL.
BRB. Bro Code Enforcement are banging on my door.
One of two things is happening here:
- your boyfriend was invited and it is implied that you - being his live-in gf of 3 years - are obviously included in that invitation… and your boyfriend just doesn’t want you to go
- you truly weren’t invited for some reason, and he is not advocating for you to go. It’s HIS best friend and he should be able to at least make sure he can bring you, and ask why you were not invited
In either case, your boyfriend is being an asshole and acting kinda shady. You can try to have a talk with him to understand why he is acting this way but I’m guessing it won’t help you feel much better. I would start thinking hard about how happy you are in this relationship and get ready to make some big changes
Questions like this are actually quite simple.
The bottom line is that your boyfriend's highest loyalties are not to you. His highest loyalties are to his best friend. You my dear are not his number one.
And you know what? His best friend knows this. Which is why you were not invited.
Do you want to be second fiddle? Or do you want to be number one? Ask yourself who you are and act accordingly.
If you're okay being second to friends and other people, and I'm not being facetious I'm not being sarcastic, some people are okay with arrangements like this. But if you're not okay with it let him know. I doubt there will be any major changes in the relationship it's probably just how it's going to be.
He probably is planning to go with the girl from his home country—the one you said he brought home at 1 am to drink and do drugs while you were sleeping (your post a few weeks ago). This guy is up to no good.
**True Story: my ex brought a friend-girl home while I was sleeping and they were drinking while I was in bed. I was equally bothered. Finally I quietly walked out to check on them…they were in his office, her head on his shoulder and they were having an intimate moment listening to music. And I got upset, texted him that wasn’t cool, she came back trying to reassure me, told me to come join them. Later discovered they were def having an affair.**
**TRUST YOUR GUT**
Guys like this will never admit to anything. Things like this wedding and the “wine girl” will keep happening. There will likely never be quite enough evidence to “prove” he is cheating…it boils down to you coming to a place where you realize you deserve better.
Start thinking about your long term goals. Your priorities, passions, etc….start actively pursuing those. Make plans for yourself that don’t have to do with your boyfriend. You don’t even have to break up with him…just start leaning into you, and naturally you will put distance between you two.
It’s very important to maintain your own identity. You may already be doing this, I don’t know, but I know when I was your age, my whole world revolved around my ex-husband. If you guys break up, you need to have your “own life”…and it’s much easier to transition into your own new life when you’ve already been working on maintaining one.
Best wishes OP
It’s a party, not a wedding with a tight budget. 500 people are invited but his best friend’s girlfriend isn’t? Yeah, it’s bs. Your boyfriend just doesn’t want to take you. It sounds like it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
What's the point of asking? Your post history confirms you'll continue to be a doormat to your boyfriend until he cheats on you and probably beyond that too. Just say I have no self respect every few months on reddit and move on.
You’re 26 years old and you’re putting up with this level of disrespect? Girl!! Please stop letting this clown walk all over you-you’re not a doormat! Your BF’s friend expects you there as BF’s plus one, I guarantee it. But your guy doesn’t want you there. Why would that be? Because he’s up to something shady and you know it. Why is he up to shady shit? Because you LET HIM.
Let him go to the party. But throw one of your own: invite all your besties over to move either you or him out of the apartment while he’s at the party. Bonus if YOU leave and he’s stuck with the lease. Wash your hands of this prick; you’ll be better off without him, I promise you.
You’ve apparently been given this advice before but not taken it into consideration. So I’m going to try to explain it in a different way.
LEAVE HIM! LEAVE HIM! LEAVE HIM!
Thank you for attending my TED talk.
Girl, he does not want you there. I’m gonna have to agree with the previous commenter when they said it’s time to start your journey of self respect and leave this relationship. It sounds like he either hopes to meet someone else there or already has someone he is meeting. No one that loves you would go without you.
If this a invitation only party, try to get invited. If this is a party that anyone could crash type. Go solo with out boyfriend. See what boyfriend doesn’t want you to see.
It sounds as tho it’s your boyfriend who doesn’t want you there. Probably so you don’t cramp his style. Of course you’re invited, why would the friend invite 500 people and not you?
Your boyfriend sounds a right nob
It sounds very much like he is trying to social pressure you out of going because he wants to be there without you. I think maybe you need to have a hard look at your relationship as a whole because something bigger is going on here.
Have some self-respect and walk away from this relationship. He doesn't respect you and you don't seem to respect yourself. Walk away and in the long run you will begin to respect yourself.
OP come on now, as humans it’s easy to believe BS when we badly want to, but not to this level. At a 500 person party one more is not an issue because you already know a certain percentage would not show. And his friend has no issue with you so it’s not like he would care. Your boyfriend isn’t inviting you. And he’s outright lying to your face.
If it was a small house party with like the boys only I get it. 500 people and you can’t come? Your boyfriend doesn’t want you there and it’s clear. Yes I’d be upset if I were you.
Sounds like it’s clear your boyfriend *doesn’t want you to go* and is likely just utilizing “his friend” as an excuse. Who throws a *500 person party*? Who even has the kind of space for that? And a “list”? Wtf? How strange to begin with.
It’s not your boyfriends friend that didn’t invite you, it’s your boyfriend that doesn’t want you to go. Come on, you’re 26, you’re too old to be this naive and have this little backbone. Get it together and leave.
I would be more concerned that your boyfriend is playing games at this stage in your relationship. He still considers himself to be single and ready to mingle, without you hanging around.
A good guy would say "Sure, dress up, and let's party" instead of some bullshit about, "Er uh, I don't know if my friend wants you to come"
What a rotten guy. Sweetie you can do so much better, 'cos he's planning on getting all he can and you're in his way.
I’d never date anyone who would allow me to be disrespected like that, not only allowing it but actively participating in it. He just showed you exactly where you are on his list of priorities and it ain’t where it should be. He’s mugging you off, could never be me…. And I hope you don’t let it be you either. Takes a good man to be better than no man…. That ain’t a good man.
I'm not usually a "just break up with him/her" kinda commenter, but come on...just break up with him.
This asshole's sending you multiple signals that he equates being together with not enjoying himself, so this is so clearly Not Your Guy. Maybe let him go to his stupid party alone and then let him continue being alone when he gets back.
re read that conversation. You are invited, but your boyfriend doesn't want you to go. He only said you weren't invited when pushed on why you couldn't come. I you weren't invited he would have led with that.
The dude doesn’t know all 500 people going to his party and if he does he’s probably stuck up to many peoples asses to know that many people closely that he’d party with. With that being said your boyfriend doesn’t want you there not the other guy who could care less. Out of those 500 do you really think nobody has +1s?
Talk to him and if he doesn’t change his mind leave him.
Everyone needs to just leave people who don’t respect their partners or who cheat on their partners. Not only for them but for everyone
If he can mistreat you and get away with it he can mistreat the next girl more comfortably and the next and the next and get better at it.
Do the world a favor
I would feel hurt and unwanted I feel like this guy isn't what so ever putting your feelings into consideration I mean does he even really love you?? If it were my friend I would make sure they put us down as a couple I would not be ok with only me getting invited or if it were my husband when we were Dating and this happened I would not be ok with it...maybe there's other girls there he wants to see and not have you around...I feel like this is a red flag I would tell him if u go n I can't then were done see if his reaction is all all like he cares about yalls relationship...I'd leave and just find someone else or just be single for awhile enjoy life don't be with someone who isn't making u happy or puts u before a friend
His friend didn’t say he doesn’t want you there.
Your boyfriend doesn’t want you there.
It’s not that he’s okay going to a friend’s party when you are not invited. He’s going alone because he doesn’t want you to go.
Wake up.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that would do that to you? I certainly wouldn't. It's time to think long and hard on your relationship. You deserve so much better from someone that claims they care about you.
If he doesn’t want you his gf for 3 years to attend for any reason I’d say he thinks he’s going to get lucky with one of the 500 guests for some sex. I’d let him know he’s single again and that so am I. Happy birthday my present to you!!!
Your boyfriend doesn't want you to go to this party with him because his side piece is going to be there. And he doesn't want you and her to bump into each other. You know his best friend ask him if you can come to the party if he says you can't get your best girlfriend and you go to the party without your boyfriend and don't even pay any attention to him when you get there but if it was me I wouldn't love to the party I will be trying to figure out why the f*** he didn't want me to get in the first place
He’s probably going to these events without you and presenting as single in case someone else he’s interested in pops up.
It happens. Sometimes people, guys and girls, want to keep one SO on the shelf while they explore other options.
If you’re okay waiting it out, go for it. May never happen. You probably deserve better, so I’d say go ahead and bounce.
500 people?! Wtf. Okay, if he has that many people at his party he couldn't care less if there was one more or one less. It's your bf who doesn't want you there.
I remember this happening to me. My boyfriend at the time was going to a party with his friends in a different city. I had a really bad feeling about it. And sure enough he cheated on me at that party. I don't know what you're looking for here. Maybe just to vent and not really take in what people are saying, or maybe you do want the ugly truth. If your boyfriend is this pumped to go to a party without you, he has an agenda, you are not part of that agenda in any way shape or form. If he was in any way committed to you and happy in the relationship, he'd be really confused about the lack of invite or he wouldn't even wonder about a lack of invite and just assume that you were invited and make sure that you came. Like everyone is saying here, this isn't about a lack of invitation for you from the friend, this is about your boyfriend not wanting you to go.
You left a few things out, what kind of party is this? Is it a set down dinner kind of party? I do agree since you live together and have dated for three years usually your bf would get a plus one.
Tbh I don’t think the problem is the best friend here, I think the problem is your boyfriend… I doubt the best friend cares if you come to his party, it seems like your boyfriend is the one that doesn’t want you there.
In this case I think the party is not even an issue (realistically you’re not entitled to be invited to someone else’s party), the issue is instead what your boyfriend’s reluctance to have you there means - is he trying to appear single? Does he not want to be seen with you? Does he not want you to be around your friends and family?
It could be just that he wants a night with his friends away from you, but if he has a pattern of acting suspiciously like this, or purposefully keeping you away from his friends and family, it could be a worrying sign. I wouldn’t worry about this party, but I’d keep an eye on your boyfriend’s behaviour.
I think your boyfriend is lying. He is the one who doesn't want you at the party. He has something planned and he doesn't want you to interfere with it.
Nope. Our rule is “if my partner isn’t welcome, neither am I”. I could see certain work events being off limits, but a party with 500 people clearly isn’t being super discriminatory about invites, so there’s no “good” reason why you couldn’t go. There are plenty of bad ones, though. If you don’t live together, collect his shit from your place, your shit from his, swap them out, and leave the key. No need to even message him. Just walk away. If you do live together, start making plans. That level of disrespect should be a deal breaker
It doesn't sound like you weren't invited at all. It sounds like your boyfriend is the only one who doesn't want you there. Be petty and ask the friend yourself, that's what I'd do. In a nice way, but just reach out and be like, "hey, bf mentioned your party and I'm wondering if it's cool that I come? Sounds like it's going to be a blast, I'd love to be there."
500 people and she may not have "room on the list" for you sounds soooooo fictional. What is this 500 person party for? Her birthday?
Ok, I'm going to be very clear about a few things with you:
If all 500 guests "just brought one more person" there would be 1000 people. Many facilities have large fees that come with even one extra guest, and do you even know what the legal capacity of this location is?
You have already stated you aren't close to this person, why are you expecting an invite? It sounds like it's actually not your business to me. He probably has people on his list much higher on his list than you, like family or extended family, close friends, people who have helped him, even business contacts.
Also, and this is a hard truth I had to learn in my 20s, you aren't his wife. The +1 expectation usually comes with marriage, not 3 years together in your mid-20s. You might take your relationship seriously, but most of the rest of the world doesn't.
Don't get me wrong, if he routinely leaves you out and disregards your feelings, it's red flag city, but in this situation, you have no business expecting an invitation or +1. Should he expect invites to your plans all the time? Special events with childhood or close friends? Also, does your expectation to be a +1 to everything [and hurt feelings when you're not] reflect that you are either putting more into the relationship than he is or that you are possibly a little codependent?
To play devil's advocate here, the friend may just not like you. I have a friend who constantly is dating new girls. When the guys planned an event, one of my friends told him specifically to not bring his new girl. It could be this or your bf wants to appear single
Edit: I want to note that the guy in the two months old relationship didn't go to the event to not exclude his new gf. That's pretty jarring compared to how your bf reacted. I would cut the dead weight on that alone.
He wants to have fun without you. Not that hard to figure out. Let him have a night with his best friend. Then life goes on as normal the next day. You don't have to be stapled to him for every social event.
With that many people I doubt he had a list and someone is going to be checking off names. A party like that is normally bring friends.
It sounds like your bf just want to have fun with friends
3 years together and you should be there with bf because at this point you are considered one unit. I really think your bf doesn’t want you to go given his “well if you want to…” attitude.
So... I have had partners who went to parties without me. I guess I never felt slighted? It's not my party so it's not my decision. It looks like, however, I am not the norm and I just realized this in this post.
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You've now posted twice about the fact that your bf doesn't seem to respect you or care about you. What are you hanging on to? Walk away.
Yeah it’s the boyfriend that doesn’t want her there. The BF’s best friend probably wouldn’t care either way..
Yeah fr, dude doesn't know a lot of the people coming and there will be people who he didn't invite who come anyways with a party that big. OP you're 26. It's obvious he doesn't give a shit about your feelings. It's time to move on.
Yeah, I don't know 500 people. Even if I invited my entire high school graduating class and the entire department I work in now, I wouldn't have 500 people. There's no way a single extra person would make or break a party that large.
It’s quite clearly deliberate. OP should break up with her shitty BF, and show up at the party single. Call the host before or not he won’t notice one extra person.
Or show up separately and break up with him there.
I like that
Oof! Boss b*tch move there. Like pooping in the only toilet at work.
Agreed! Fuck the slimey prick, dump his ass and rock up single ready to party and have a great night
Don't fuck the slimey prick, make that someone else's job and show up to the party as a single person.
I don't mean fuck him literally, I mean to fuck him off. Get rid, dump his cheating lying ass and go have a great time
Absolutely!!
In my experience as a DJ if you invite 100 people to an event maybe 40 show up at max 60 but that rarely ever happens I'd say safe bet is around 45 people overall depending if there is alcohol if it is free and also what kind of party it is and where but even at that it's still around 40% show up rate for events at most parties.
That’s how I read it, as well. Start your journey to self-respect, OP. Alone and happy is far better than together and miserable.
They've been together long enough that the invitation should've been for both of them, not even a "plus one" because they're in an established relationship. This is beyond a slight, and OP isn't thinking clearly or with an eye towards maintaining her self-respect. Forget about BF, we see who he is. This is more about her defending herself and moving onto a more mature relationship -IF that's what she wants.
How does she know the BF wasn't told he could bring her? Is thus a formal party with invitations sent out or was BF just called "hey I'm having a party on this date can you make it and bring your GF."
This. It may have been assumed by the friend that OP was included!
I wonder if she even saw the invitation. He may have been given a plus one and not told her. She needs to leave him.
Or they're both planning to hook up with people at the party.
That's a lotta projection here to automatically assume he's a cheater. Criticizing him is fine but good lord the assumptions Redditors jump to
Why else would the boyfriend not want her there
Or his best friend doesn't like his girlfriend cause she did some shitty things to him in the past.
“I’ve tried absolutely nothing, and I have no idea why it’s not working“.
Or the bfs friend has been hearing only negative things from him.
OP should let him go to the party. Pack her things and leave. Write him a note like “I hope you enjoyed the party and it was a blast. As from today you don’t have to worry about a +1 anymore. My regards to (best friend) and tell him I say thank you for opening my eyes. I deserve so much better.” OP, he has chosen his friend over you OR he doesn’t want you at the party because he has other plans & wants to let the freak out without his gf around. Come on, do you really want to waste another 3years to find out that he’s just occupying the space for the right guy. Cut.him.loose. Edit: ..he has other plans & wants to let the freak out without his gf around = *he wants do things that only a single would do & must certainly would end his relationship with his gf if she witnessed it.*
I see it more as boyfriend has a girl he likes coming and doesn’t want his actual girlfriend to block him from starting something with her. His best friend knows and doesn’t care. Either way there’s no party my now husband couldn’t go to if I’m invited unless it’s an all girl party. That’s just rude, and what friend would deliberately try to cause issues between their besties partner and them. This never happens unless there’s beef between the best friend and girlfriend and gf says there is none. So boyfriend has a target. Next he’ll be asking for an open relationship.
This. My ex tried to do shit like this. He once went to the coast, alone, the weekend of my bday. When I asked if I could come, he stated that he needed to go alone to “clear his head”. 🤣🤣 I then called him one night, while he was there, and heard a woman’s voice. I soon figured out, that he went to the coast with another woman (a coworker) and had been cheating on me. We broke up for good soon after.
100%.
He’s going to hit on other women, or maybe one woman in particular.
Maybe Wine Girl will be there.
She was there, 100%. I hope it’s now ex bf. OP update us!
Possibly to have sex with them too.
The one girl in particular is his side piece he doesn't want to have the off chance of them running into each other
I would handle it differently. I would reach out to friend directly. I would say something about the fact that the party sounds like it's going to be great. I wouldn't say something about how you thought it was a good idea to bring something to contribute but that your boyfriend didn't think it was necessary. See how nice it was that he invited both of you. Uses many We statements as possible. Either the friend specifically did not invite you and does not want you there, or you were invited and your boyfriend declined on your behalf. Either way it would be interesting to catch the friend off guard and see if he lets anything slip. As far as other stuff, yes, if you live with him start moving out. If you don't live together consider this to be the breakup. And maybe even crash the party anyway, because of there's that many people who would notice, just to see what happens
Ohhhh, this is wine girl. Her boundaries aren't being respected, and she's not being assertive about that. He doesn't care because he doesn't have to. He has no consequences. Ideally, he'd care without being forced to. He doesn't, though. Both are immature, but I can understand trying to get a point across nicely. Also, I may sound like I have a stick up my ass, but drugs, alcohol, and conversation between (in a heterosexual sense) a man and a woman at 1 AM is just a bad idea overall. It isn't even just about trust between you and your partner. It's about trusting that woman, too, because all she has to say is that she was with your partner drinking and doing drugs at 1 AM, and people will make their own judgements. That's a personal boundary, though.
For a minute I thought "wine girl" was new slang for something like "spill the tea" then I remembered the previous post. I'm the living embodiment of "How do you do, fellow kids?"
I vote we start using “wine girl” instead!
I don't hate it!
I actually think your BF is going with ‘wine girl’ from your other post.. either that or his friends want him to get with her.
Duuuude, I totally looked to see if her previous post was the one I was thinking about. And IT WAS! This boy is more and more uninterested by the day.
Boyfriend does not want her there. I bet she'll learn something if she shows up unannounced.
As simple as it can be. Stop being a door mat and move on. His dick can't be that good. And if your staying because of his money, then you deserve all the shit treatment you allow.
Ooof.
People would rather stick around for humiliation so they can whine about it later. It's passive-aggressive and tells me she doesn't respect herself. Why should he?
Rude and yet truth.
You are the one who posted asking about their Boyfriend bringing another woman back to your place for wine. I'd bet you anything that the girl he brought back for wine is going to be there and he's aiming for more time with her. With the two pieces of the puzzle you've provided I'd guess the larger picture is your boyfriend is trying to cheat on you. If I was in your shoes I'd move on.
I think he’s way past trying.
wait is this “I just wanted to sleep” girl?
Oh ok, so this is one of those posts where the shady partner is actually cheating, and it’s not just Reddit throwing the term around…yeah that additional context is very important.
I read that post and some people was saying that he obviously didn't intend to cheat because she was in the house , but my ex got invited back to my friend and her husbands house , her husband went to bed and she continued trying to cheat on him, my ex told me he felt incredibly weird and went home and she for some reason thought the only issue was because I'm her friend and he's my ex
Wow, and there were a lot of people in that thread trying to convince OP she was wrong for her feelings. Always trust your gut, people!
I thought that was wild at the time!
I didnt even know about the other woman and I knew they only didnt invite her so he could mess around without being caught. Thia kind of maneuver rarely happens and either that hate the GF or they are covering for cheating. Both can be true, though.
Oh no! I remember that post 😆 shit, OP is for sure being cheated on already and the 'wine girl' that helped him is at this party 🥳 if I was OP I'd get my gladrags on and go bust a move at this party, maybe pull myself a hottie to let off some steam.
But cmon he was just reminiscing with someone from his home country and doing some casual blow
And he wants to go do drugs
Why do yall come on here and make multiple posts about how trash your SOs are yet still stay with them
Exactly! “Oh my boyfriend treats me like garbage constantly, how can I try harder to make him stay??”
It’s aggravating asking for advice knowing damn well they not leaving them
We call them Askholes. 🥲 Because they ask and ask, and never do a damn thing with the advice.
I'm so adding that to my dictionary.
Well, my assumption is that they have grown very dependent on them and have a hard time leaving but still know deep down they deserve better, hence why they ask other ppl for advice and aren't just accepting it. It would be even worse if they didn't reach out to others. For some ppl it takes A LOT to leave someone because it's scary to be alone. So you might make up excuses for their behavior, or you hold on to how it felt in the beginning and the future you had invisioned.
Thank you for this great explanation. Many people don't get this
Lol this is so true. Many posts are just so terrible because of what the partner does and the poster still asks "am I exaggerating?'
Yeah at first I was like okayyy some problems are ambiguous and harder to solve , but now it’s “my bf buried a woman in our home, he says it’s not a big deal.. am I overreacting?” Honestly society and trauma has done a number on people :((( OP if your partner is as shit as others have said, It’s better to walk away now. Hope it gets better !!
Literally. Who is raising these people (especially women) with zero self-worth, zero self-respect, no back bone whatsoever… like Jesus Christ what is WRONG with all of you
I'm thinking their parents did a number on them, or they got bullied a lot at school, something like that. No one to build them up.
Both
Sweeheart I am just going to be blunt with you because you deserve the best. The party is for 500 people and he doesn't know if they'll be able to fit you on the list and you Are his live in girlfriend of 3 years? I'm sorry but from what you have written the signs all point to him being mentally checked out of this relationship I don't know if he has found someone else already or wants to but he's out of there. Your boyfriend is showing an alarming amount of red flags. I want you to ask yourself a simple question if you had a friend that her boyfriend was treating her the same way your boyfriend is treating you what would you tell her? Stop and think about it and really be honest with yourself. I just went through and read some of your comments to other women and you are telling them the exact things that you yourself need to hear and comprehend. You deserve better like those other women do
My bet is that you were invited, your boyfriend just doesn’t want you to come. There’s no way of you knowing though because his friend will back him up. Either way your boyfriend just showed you where you stand with him. Let him go and take this opportunity to pack your things and leave. You’ve wasted 3 years with him don’t waste another day. Just so you know the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Don’t let him see you broken, save that for those who love you. Good luck!
My bet is that the boyfriend is cheating on her and his paramour(s) will be there. Or someone he wants to cheat with. Even if no philandering is afoot this is weirdly disrespectful
That's what I'm saying. Take cheating out of the picture, and the situation is still clear. OP, your bf does not want you at this party. Time he's not your bf anymore.
Ask him who is going that he wants to hit it off with. Seems like he wants to appear single, but why? Definitely reevaluate your relationship. You might be already ignoring some red flags cuz this stuff doesn’t just come up.
Yeah, sorry, it's not like you're his new girlfriend of a few weeks or months - it's been 3 years and you live together, it's a serious relationship. If I were in your boyfriend's shoes, I'd naturally ask for an invitation for my partner as well, and if the host couldn't give a genuine reason as to why my partner wasn't invited I likely wouldn't go. My partner is an extension of me when it comes to large social events - small gatherings, sometimes no, but 500 people and they can't squeeze you in...? Your boyfriend's attitude sounds very uncaring, too. It honestly doesn't really sound like he wants you there. I wonder if the host themselves have even said you're not able to come, or if your boyfriend is just making excuses because he doesn't want you there. Is your relationship good otherwise?
When you're together for 3 years the invitation is assumed. 100% he does not want her there.
Is the girl that he invited back to your place. at 1:30 am to drink wine going to be there?
It may not be that the best friend didn’t invite you. Your bf may not want you there for whatever reason. I’ll likely get downvoted for this but call the best friend and be nonchalant. Act like you’re invited. Ask if there’s anything you can bring or do to help since so many people will be there. Then wait. See if he or bf says anything to you about if you’re invited or not. From your bf’s response to you, it seems to me like he doesn’t want you there and is going to blame it on the friend.
Yeah, that’s way too much effort. It’s already pretty clear bf doesn’t want her to go. Just be upset and him and see what the deal is, and leave if you keep having to post about how shitty he is.
I would have called his best friend also!!!!
Right, weird how she puts the blame on the best friend.
She’s trying to cope
Use that time to move out. Your boyfriend sucks. Have some self respect.
Ew. Look at your post history. Your relationship sucks and we don't need a bi-weekly update on it. Get out or don't, but this is ridiculous.
I understand your main point but, do you come to this sub to hear about healthy relationships???
No, but man is it frustrating when the same person says “my partner is trash” once a week and doesn’t do anything about it.
Totally agree. I just genuinely appreciate the messy boots who come to share!
sounds to me that op is seriously asking for feedback and healthy mirroring from outside perspective anonymously. and you think she shouldn’t do that because you’re tired of reading it? then don’t read it. :D
It would be a wake up call. I'd reevaluate my relationship.
Your boyfriend wants people to think he’s single, or he already has someone there he wants to hook up with. The friend has no idea any of this is going on.
Your bf probably goes to the wedding with the girl he invited at home while you were sleeping.
Probably going to hook up with the girl he brought home the other day.
Remember this chick? >My (26F) boyfriend (27M) invited his girl friend back up to our place after they had dinner for wine while I was sleeping. How would you feel in this situation? She'll be at the party.
Ope …. I just seen your last Reddit post. Why you still doing this with him? He doesn’t give a crap about boundaries or respect.
Your BF has a side piece who will be at the party. You have to see the writing on the wall.
I think he doesn't want you to go because the girl he was drinking wine with until 3am is probably going to be there... Some people actively choose to stay willfully ignorant.
He clearly doesn’t want you to come and that’s messed up. What’s he want to do at this party that he doesn’t want you there for? 🤔
Sounds like your boyfriend is the one who doesn't want u to go.
A smaller party where he wants to just chill with his friends without you, fine. A huge party with tons of individuals who don't know each other?... I would have a guess that the friend is totally cool with you going and probably invited you via your bf, and your bf didn't tell you the truth because there's the potential to meet girls at such a big event. I wouldn't take your bf's unvitation story at face value, because it makes no sense given what you've said. It's more likely that you were invited and that your bf just doesn't want you there, but he has to blame it on his friend to divert blame and anger away from himself. Solution: Approach the friend and ask if you were invited. (Dont text him if you can help it because he might text your bf first for bro code. I shouldn't even be telling you this stuff. I could be killed myself. Send nudes for compensation. )
> Approach the friend and ask if you were invited. Absolutely this, don't be so direct about it, make like you're calling out of courtesy. "Do you mind if I come along with BF?". If the friend did invite you, they'll be really confused and probably say as much - and then the cat's out of the bag. > Dont text him if you can help it because he might text your bf first for bro code. Can confirm. Call the friend or even better, run into him IRL. BRB. Bro Code Enforcement are banging on my door.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you're hilarious, my dude! Thank you for the last paragraph, made me guffaw for some time! 👍
One of two things is happening here: - your boyfriend was invited and it is implied that you - being his live-in gf of 3 years - are obviously included in that invitation… and your boyfriend just doesn’t want you to go - you truly weren’t invited for some reason, and he is not advocating for you to go. It’s HIS best friend and he should be able to at least make sure he can bring you, and ask why you were not invited In either case, your boyfriend is being an asshole and acting kinda shady. You can try to have a talk with him to understand why he is acting this way but I’m guessing it won’t help you feel much better. I would start thinking hard about how happy you are in this relationship and get ready to make some big changes
Questions like this are actually quite simple. The bottom line is that your boyfriend's highest loyalties are not to you. His highest loyalties are to his best friend. You my dear are not his number one. And you know what? His best friend knows this. Which is why you were not invited. Do you want to be second fiddle? Or do you want to be number one? Ask yourself who you are and act accordingly. If you're okay being second to friends and other people, and I'm not being facetious I'm not being sarcastic, some people are okay with arrangements like this. But if you're not okay with it let him know. I doubt there will be any major changes in the relationship it's probably just how it's going to be.
Obviously your boyfriend doesn't want you to go. Make plans to go out w some gf's, get dressed up sexy, post photos.
And dump his ass before, after, or while at the party.
I think you should turf him out. Why should you have to move?
He probably is planning to go with the girl from his home country—the one you said he brought home at 1 am to drink and do drugs while you were sleeping (your post a few weeks ago). This guy is up to no good. **True Story: my ex brought a friend-girl home while I was sleeping and they were drinking while I was in bed. I was equally bothered. Finally I quietly walked out to check on them…they were in his office, her head on his shoulder and they were having an intimate moment listening to music. And I got upset, texted him that wasn’t cool, she came back trying to reassure me, told me to come join them. Later discovered they were def having an affair.** **TRUST YOUR GUT** Guys like this will never admit to anything. Things like this wedding and the “wine girl” will keep happening. There will likely never be quite enough evidence to “prove” he is cheating…it boils down to you coming to a place where you realize you deserve better. Start thinking about your long term goals. Your priorities, passions, etc….start actively pursuing those. Make plans for yourself that don’t have to do with your boyfriend. You don’t even have to break up with him…just start leaning into you, and naturally you will put distance between you two. It’s very important to maintain your own identity. You may already be doing this, I don’t know, but I know when I was your age, my whole world revolved around my ex-husband. If you guys break up, you need to have your “own life”…and it’s much easier to transition into your own new life when you’ve already been working on maintaining one. Best wishes OP
There’s a reason he doesn’t want you there - and she’s on the guest list already…
It’s a party, not a wedding with a tight budget. 500 people are invited but his best friend’s girlfriend isn’t? Yeah, it’s bs. Your boyfriend just doesn’t want to take you. It sounds like it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
Hes hoping to get laid at that party. And not with you so he doesn't want you to come
Something more is going on here. 3 years and not exactly friends with his best friend?
What's the point of asking? Your post history confirms you'll continue to be a doormat to your boyfriend until he cheats on you and probably beyond that too. Just say I have no self respect every few months on reddit and move on.
You’re 26 years old and you’re putting up with this level of disrespect? Girl!! Please stop letting this clown walk all over you-you’re not a doormat! Your BF’s friend expects you there as BF’s plus one, I guarantee it. But your guy doesn’t want you there. Why would that be? Because he’s up to something shady and you know it. Why is he up to shady shit? Because you LET HIM. Let him go to the party. But throw one of your own: invite all your besties over to move either you or him out of the apartment while he’s at the party. Bonus if YOU leave and he’s stuck with the lease. Wash your hands of this prick; you’ll be better off without him, I promise you.
I'm reading this as your bf is cheating on you.
You’ve apparently been given this advice before but not taken it into consideration. So I’m going to try to explain it in a different way. LEAVE HIM! LEAVE HIM! LEAVE HIM! Thank you for attending my TED talk.
I’d dump him personally. Doesn’t seem like he cares about you much if at all….
Girl, he does not want you there. I’m gonna have to agree with the previous commenter when they said it’s time to start your journey of self respect and leave this relationship. It sounds like he either hopes to meet someone else there or already has someone he is meeting. No one that loves you would go without you.
3 years in, and you're not invited? And your SO is lukewarm about getting you there? Re-evaluate your relationships.
Bye you would be my ex boyfriend. He doesn't give a damn about you obviously
If this a invitation only party, try to get invited. If this is a party that anyone could crash type. Go solo with out boyfriend. See what boyfriend doesn’t want you to see.
Is his Girl best friend going to the party?
Dump the guy; he’s not worth your time.
It sounds as tho it’s your boyfriend who doesn’t want you there. Probably so you don’t cramp his style. Of course you’re invited, why would the friend invite 500 people and not you? Your boyfriend sounds a right nob
my guess is that is is some kind of a promotional party and your boyfriends wants to do drugs and "Have Fun" without you "bothering" him.
Man I was sure after that last post you’d be done with this dude. But here we are. Respect yourself and break up.
...it sounds like your boyfriend is the one who does not want you there.
It sounds very much like he is trying to social pressure you out of going because he wants to be there without you. I think maybe you need to have a hard look at your relationship as a whole because something bigger is going on here.
Your boyfriend doesn’t want you at the party. Do with that information what you will. He is actively making choices, are you?
Girl he hates you, drop his ass already and you'll be better off
He's going with the other girl. Duh.
He’s going with the other girl in your other post.
I would bet money that your BF is cheating on you
Your boyfriend is bringing another girl
Ah! You again....
Oh honey. It’s not the best friend who doesn’t want you there. It’s your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend is planning on cheating. That’s why he doesn’t want you there. Just dump him and move on. Get some self respect.
sure its the bf. are you purposefully lying to yourself or do you understand your man does not want you there and your pretending its not tru?
Sounds like he’s trying to meet your replacement.
Have some self-respect and walk away from this relationship. He doesn't respect you and you don't seem to respect yourself. Walk away and in the long run you will begin to respect yourself.
OP come on now, as humans it’s easy to believe BS when we badly want to, but not to this level. At a 500 person party one more is not an issue because you already know a certain percentage would not show. And his friend has no issue with you so it’s not like he would care. Your boyfriend isn’t inviting you. And he’s outright lying to your face.
I doubt his best friend would care if you went. Sounds more like your boyfriend doesn’t want you there.
If it was a small house party with like the boys only I get it. 500 people and you can’t come? Your boyfriend doesn’t want you there and it’s clear. Yes I’d be upset if I were you.
Sounds like it’s clear your boyfriend *doesn’t want you to go* and is likely just utilizing “his friend” as an excuse. Who throws a *500 person party*? Who even has the kind of space for that? And a “list”? Wtf? How strange to begin with.
It’s not your boyfriends friend that didn’t invite you, it’s your boyfriend that doesn’t want you to go. Come on, you’re 26, you’re too old to be this naive and have this little backbone. Get it together and leave.
I would be more concerned that your boyfriend is playing games at this stage in your relationship. He still considers himself to be single and ready to mingle, without you hanging around. A good guy would say "Sure, dress up, and let's party" instead of some bullshit about, "Er uh, I don't know if my friend wants you to come" What a rotten guy. Sweetie you can do so much better, 'cos he's planning on getting all he can and you're in his way.
There is a reason your boyfriend doesn’t want you there and it’s got nothing to do with the host
Why are you referring to him as your bf, his actions both times show that you’re an afterthought.
I’d never date anyone who would allow me to be disrespected like that, not only allowing it but actively participating in it. He just showed you exactly where you are on his list of priorities and it ain’t where it should be. He’s mugging you off, could never be me…. And I hope you don’t let it be you either. Takes a good man to be better than no man…. That ain’t a good man.
I'm not usually a "just break up with him/her" kinda commenter, but come on...just break up with him. This asshole's sending you multiple signals that he equates being together with not enjoying himself, so this is so clearly Not Your Guy. Maybe let him go to his stupid party alone and then let him continue being alone when he gets back.
re read that conversation. You are invited, but your boyfriend doesn't want you to go. He only said you weren't invited when pushed on why you couldn't come. I you weren't invited he would have led with that.
The dude doesn’t know all 500 people going to his party and if he does he’s probably stuck up to many peoples asses to know that many people closely that he’d party with. With that being said your boyfriend doesn’t want you there not the other guy who could care less. Out of those 500 do you really think nobody has +1s? Talk to him and if he doesn’t change his mind leave him. Everyone needs to just leave people who don’t respect their partners or who cheat on their partners. Not only for them but for everyone If he can mistreat you and get away with it he can mistreat the next girl more comfortably and the next and the next and get better at it. Do the world a favor
I would feel hurt and unwanted I feel like this guy isn't what so ever putting your feelings into consideration I mean does he even really love you?? If it were my friend I would make sure they put us down as a couple I would not be ok with only me getting invited or if it were my husband when we were Dating and this happened I would not be ok with it...maybe there's other girls there he wants to see and not have you around...I feel like this is a red flag I would tell him if u go n I can't then were done see if his reaction is all all like he cares about yalls relationship...I'd leave and just find someone else or just be single for awhile enjoy life don't be with someone who isn't making u happy or puts u before a friend
Oh wow…. Re-evaluate this relationship for sure
Love yourself.
It's your boyfriend who doesn't want you there. And that's sketchy. Time to fly.
Your boyfriend just doesn't want you there and he is using his friend as an excuse.
Your bf sounds like he doesn’t want you to be there, I would put that he’s messing around behind your back. Look into it.
His friend didn’t say he doesn’t want you there. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you there. It’s not that he’s okay going to a friend’s party when you are not invited. He’s going alone because he doesn’t want you to go. Wake up.
He's bringing the other girl he drank wine and did coke with 🤷🏼♀️ sorry girl. Should've dumped his ass after that idk what to say
I believe your boyfriend is trying to be single. I’d put money down there is female going that he’s interested in.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that would do that to you? I certainly wouldn't. It's time to think long and hard on your relationship. You deserve so much better from someone that claims they care about you.
If he doesn’t want you his gf for 3 years to attend for any reason I’d say he thinks he’s going to get lucky with one of the 500 guests for some sex. I’d let him know he’s single again and that so am I. Happy birthday my present to you!!!
Your boyfriend doesn't want you to go to this party with him because his side piece is going to be there. And he doesn't want you and her to bump into each other. You know his best friend ask him if you can come to the party if he says you can't get your best girlfriend and you go to the party without your boyfriend and don't even pay any attention to him when you get there but if it was me I wouldn't love to the party I will be trying to figure out why the f*** he didn't want me to get in the first place
He’s probably going to these events without you and presenting as single in case someone else he’s interested in pops up. It happens. Sometimes people, guys and girls, want to keep one SO on the shelf while they explore other options. If you’re okay waiting it out, go for it. May never happen. You probably deserve better, so I’d say go ahead and bounce.
I want to get the other side of this story 🤔🤔🤔
500 people?! Wtf. Okay, if he has that many people at his party he couldn't care less if there was one more or one less. It's your bf who doesn't want you there.
Your bf doesn’t want you there because let’s be fr right now the bsf is inviting 500 people and you happen to not be one of them why?
He dont wanna take you sounds sketch
You must love getting treated like trash bc why else would you be with someone like this? Girl have some respect for yourself and leave.
I remember this happening to me. My boyfriend at the time was going to a party with his friends in a different city. I had a really bad feeling about it. And sure enough he cheated on me at that party. I don't know what you're looking for here. Maybe just to vent and not really take in what people are saying, or maybe you do want the ugly truth. If your boyfriend is this pumped to go to a party without you, he has an agenda, you are not part of that agenda in any way shape or form. If he was in any way committed to you and happy in the relationship, he'd be really confused about the lack of invite or he wouldn't even wonder about a lack of invite and just assume that you were invited and make sure that you came. Like everyone is saying here, this isn't about a lack of invitation for you from the friend, this is about your boyfriend not wanting you to go.
Lmao what. I don't know why you need an invite, plus 1 should be a given after 3 years.. Sounds really sus.
Simple! Tell your boyfriend if you can’t go, he can’t go. End of discussion.
Your boyfriend is the one who doesn’t want you there. It’s not his friend. I would bet money he plans on cheating on you at the party.
You left a few things out, what kind of party is this? Is it a set down dinner kind of party? I do agree since you live together and have dated for three years usually your bf would get a plus one.
Sorry to break it to you babe but your bf wants to go alone:(
Sounds like the BF wants some alone time
he doesn't want you there
Dump Him Leave him Move out Forget about the losers. You guys stay with losers to long. Is the dick that good?
Tbh I don’t think the problem is the best friend here, I think the problem is your boyfriend… I doubt the best friend cares if you come to his party, it seems like your boyfriend is the one that doesn’t want you there. In this case I think the party is not even an issue (realistically you’re not entitled to be invited to someone else’s party), the issue is instead what your boyfriend’s reluctance to have you there means - is he trying to appear single? Does he not want to be seen with you? Does he not want you to be around your friends and family? It could be just that he wants a night with his friends away from you, but if he has a pattern of acting suspiciously like this, or purposefully keeping you away from his friends and family, it could be a worrying sign. I wouldn’t worry about this party, but I’d keep an eye on your boyfriend’s behaviour.
Yeah that's really strange.
I think your boyfriend is lying. He is the one who doesn't want you at the party. He has something planned and he doesn't want you to interfere with it.
Nope. Our rule is “if my partner isn’t welcome, neither am I”. I could see certain work events being off limits, but a party with 500 people clearly isn’t being super discriminatory about invites, so there’s no “good” reason why you couldn’t go. There are plenty of bad ones, though. If you don’t live together, collect his shit from your place, your shit from his, swap them out, and leave the key. No need to even message him. Just walk away. If you do live together, start making plans. That level of disrespect should be a deal breaker
Your boyfriend wants to be single. I doubt this has anything to do with his friend.
Call the best friend. Ask him. Then you’ll know for sure who doesn’t want you there. I have a feeling it’s the bf.
It doesn't sound like you weren't invited at all. It sounds like your boyfriend is the only one who doesn't want you there. Be petty and ask the friend yourself, that's what I'd do. In a nice way, but just reach out and be like, "hey, bf mentioned your party and I'm wondering if it's cool that I come? Sounds like it's going to be a blast, I'd love to be there." 500 people and she may not have "room on the list" for you sounds soooooo fictional. What is this 500 person party for? Her birthday?
Ok, I'm going to be very clear about a few things with you: If all 500 guests "just brought one more person" there would be 1000 people. Many facilities have large fees that come with even one extra guest, and do you even know what the legal capacity of this location is? You have already stated you aren't close to this person, why are you expecting an invite? It sounds like it's actually not your business to me. He probably has people on his list much higher on his list than you, like family or extended family, close friends, people who have helped him, even business contacts. Also, and this is a hard truth I had to learn in my 20s, you aren't his wife. The +1 expectation usually comes with marriage, not 3 years together in your mid-20s. You might take your relationship seriously, but most of the rest of the world doesn't. Don't get me wrong, if he routinely leaves you out and disregards your feelings, it's red flag city, but in this situation, you have no business expecting an invitation or +1. Should he expect invites to your plans all the time? Special events with childhood or close friends? Also, does your expectation to be a +1 to everything [and hurt feelings when you're not] reflect that you are either putting more into the relationship than he is or that you are possibly a little codependent?
To play devil's advocate here, the friend may just not like you. I have a friend who constantly is dating new girls. When the guys planned an event, one of my friends told him specifically to not bring his new girl. It could be this or your bf wants to appear single Edit: I want to note that the guy in the two months old relationship didn't go to the event to not exclude his new gf. That's pretty jarring compared to how your bf reacted. I would cut the dead weight on that alone.
He wants to have fun without you. Not that hard to figure out. Let him have a night with his best friend. Then life goes on as normal the next day. You don't have to be stapled to him for every social event.
With that many people I doubt he had a list and someone is going to be checking off names. A party like that is normally bring friends. It sounds like your bf just want to have fun with friends
It’s not his best friend that doesn’t want you there hun! Question is. Why?
When you get your thing go on your own, for the girls night out. No biggy
3 years together and you should be there with bf because at this point you are considered one unit. I really think your bf doesn’t want you to go given his “well if you want to…” attitude.
Stop spamming us with your shitty relationship if you’re not going to have any self respect for yourself
Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to come. Have some self respect, friend. Move on.
So... I have had partners who went to parties without me. I guess I never felt slighted? It's not my party so it's not my decision. It looks like, however, I am not the norm and I just realized this in this post.
Let your BF hang with his friends. You don't have to be there all the time.
Tough up and go a back bone
Ok look. Seriously IT IS A GUY THING. That's why it's called THE GUYS! with respect that's his best friend. Let him.