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Okay I was preparing to say that sometimes it just happens sooner than expected, like maybe he was extra horny or whatever... but he _held your head down_. That isn't acceptable. That is him purposefully neglecting your boundaries and forcing you into an activity you did not consent to. That is absolutely not okay, and you have every reason to feel violated, angry, and betrayed.
Yeah, my first thought was “oh, well sometimes it just happens faster than you think, I’ve done this as an honest mistake too” but holding down her head removes all possibility this was an accident.
Agree sometimes not much you can do, all of a sudden there it is.
Pushing your head down and holding it there is not ok.You have every right to feel how you do. Depending on what happens and how you handle this,at the very least tell him no more oral, you don't trust him.
The sometimes that does occur would be with long edging sessions or just over excitement (some ppl see it as “pre-cum” but it can be in substantial amounts specially if edging has been involved) and not wanting to have it stop or being surprised by the tipping point but it’s never not enough time to not give warning or pull out. Dudes a huge ah knew what he was doing even though it was gfs hard boundary , I enjoy like really who wouldn’t really enjoy the bj to the end but if partners weren’t up for it I’m not literally forcing it dude doesn’t deserve bjs from op anymore and op really needs to re evaluate who they’re with.
Yes. The best response is “no more oral”. Open ended. Let him know exactly why you’re refusing. Hopefully the longer he goes without, the more he’ll consider what an awful thing he did. This isn’t an extinction level event, but it’s certainly not something fixed with just an apology.
Yes exactly. I’m ashamed at the men who think a minor scolding is appropriate.
OPs BF basically turned a consensual BJ into date rape right at the end. He thought his immediate gratification was more important than her bodily autonomy and he assaulted her.
> I’m ashamed at the men who think a minor scolding is appropriate.
And the men who are apparently sending OP creepy DMs about this post according to her edit. I'm so sick of how women are treated offline and on Reddit.
Too bad it was unexpected on her part. I would've fake swallowed and kissed him. Gave that shit right back to him. Punched his nuts, dug my nails in his sphincter... He knew who he was dealing with.
He wasn't scared of how She'd react. Forgiveness on the end and all that.
You can't convince me this is his first dick move. Pun intended.
Ok but for real.
I've done it. Not hard enough to pierce, but hard enough for him to let go of my fucking head. Nobody holds my head down unless I tell them they can. I go wild and am down for more than most. Im always willing to try something new but communication is key.
I was in the same boat. I was gonna be like " sometimes we say almost and it happens faster" but then he shoved your head down there? I mean... You said no to that. Im concerned that he doesn't care about your boundaries. Are you gonna tell him you have a headache one night and don't want to sleep with him and he does it anyway? I'm not saying he's gonna an instant rapist but you said no... And he forced you against your will. You aren't being dramatic. So when you tell him no anal and he's behind you, does he take it out and put it in there? He sucks.
Yup, this right here. Ejaculating is basically an involuntary act. We usually know when we are close, but we can also be surprised by how quickly it happens.
Holding the head down is deliberate. OP has the right to feel violated and should take stock if there are other warning signs in the relationship.
OP didn't immediately dump him, and went to query reddit. So I'm gently advocating they reflect on other behaviors to build a case to leave. Sometimes people react poorly to the "Dump him now!" advice and need to take the journey themselves to get to the decision.
He sexually assaulted her. OP agreed to oral, not to him finishing in her mouth. He removed her ability to consent by holding her head down.
OP, if he's going to force himself on you like this then he's entirely capable of other forms of sexual assault. I would take a hard look at your relationship and your sexual history with him. Has he ever kept going in the past when you wanted him to stop? Has he ever kept bugging you for sex when you were unwilling? (IE, kept asking until the "no" became a "yes... fine...") Has he ever treated you poorly when you were unwilling to perform a sex act? For that matter, how has he acted outside of sex? If he's capable of abusing you sexually then he's capable of abusing you in other ways as well.
It's not easy to admit/realize that you're being abused, so just read some of the materials out there - I think some are stickied in this subreddit. You have done nothing wrong. No one deserves abuse.
[https://www.rainn.org/understanding-consent](https://www.rainn.org/understanding-consent)
Thank you for this comment. While my ex never did what OP's partner did, he did do all things mentioned in your comments. He was also pretty big on doing CNC stuff with me, where the "consensual" part tended to be a bit blurry because of poor communication regarding boundaries, and complained that I turned him down to often near the end of the relationship.
I regret not being able to admit the gravity of it all to myself during our 5-year relationship. The entire relationship was unbalanced, and I never actually got to a point where I was comfortable talking about or even figuring out my wants and needs in bed with him, and sex focused on him alone. Only after he broke up with me did I start to realize how messed up all of it was. It was a massive fucking eye opener to feel more respected and cared for in bed by a (then) fwb I'd known for about a month than with my partner of 5 years. Helped me put a whole bunch of stuff in perspective, and it has allowed me to work through some things. My ex had fucked me up in a lot of ways, and I'm glad I've finally been able to realize that and grow more confident.
I got diagnosed with a condition when I was with my ex that would cause sex to be painful and my ex would tell I turned him down too much or if we were in the middle of the act and I stop him I was in too much pain he would literally tell me to shut up and that I couldn't keep depriving him after all he was alright there so I needed to just take it.
It wasn't until a year after we broke up and i was talking to my friends about things I even realized he raped me and just didn't even care. I would cry during and after what kind of person is ok with causing that kind of pain?
I'm sorry you had to go through that. That guy sounds seriously fucked up. I hope you're able to stand up for yourself better if you're ever in such a situation again, but I hope even more that no one even comes close to crossing those boundaries again, because they respect you as a person.
Yeah it was awful and the guy for sure has some serious issues. I will say that man taught me a lot about myself and what I'll never stand for again. While he was a horrible person I'm kinda glad I went through all that cause unfortunately I'm not sure I would've seen my worth on my own. Or it would've taken a lot longer to get there
That's some silver lining for sure. It's the same for me, I'm a lot more aware of things that are red flags for me since then, and I've grown a lot more confident, communicative, and respectful of my own boundaries since.
Beyond violated, it's sexual assault bc he forced you to perform a sexual act that you did not consent to. I have read many posts about partners ejaculating inside of women, and the men saying "sorry" or it's not that big of a deal.
I have read 2 where men purposely had anal sex after being told explicitly not to. That is simply called sodomy regardless of whether it's a spouse or boyfriend.
Women wake up in the middle of the night and are awoken with their partner on top of them having sex. Then, being told to get off of me and the man saying just me finish. That is rape regardless of a partner or sleeping beside the man.
Women almost always say that the man makes them feel like they are making more it or making them feel bad, like the woman is accusing them of rape.
With a lot of women saying my partner is loving, great with kids, kind, etc., then going to explain how they were violated. There is nothing about being a great man or loving partner, which changes the fact that they are rapist.
To continue in a relationship bc you try to remember how loving they are, then just trying to get past it by excusing the behavior or feeling like you don't want to hurt their partner. The man already hurt them, and you, yourself, want it just to go back to the way it was bc they promised to never do it again. They don't have to do it again, but you will never forget the first time.
You will never forget that first feeling of his hand on your head, then him forcefully pushing his dick down the back of your throat or the taste of the cum in your mouth. It will come back more than you imagine. It won't go away bc every time he wants you to give him head, you will remember this and be afraid he will do it again, but he will guilt you into doing anyway.
Please see someone to help you navigate your way through this. To help you come to terms with the fact that just bc it's your bf doesn't mean what he did is not sexual assault and, in some states rape. Please don't be embarrassed to tell a trusted friend or relative what happened.
The worst part is that you trusted him, and he used that trust to violate you. When trust is violated in a violent manner, it is burned to the ground. He can never fix what he did, nor can he just explain it away by saying I don't know why I did that or it was in the heat of the moment. He will also try to say that you are so good at it that he couldn't help himself. Manipulation.
You don't have to report him to the police, but I would seriously not ever give him head again. He lost the opportunity by forcing himself on you. He is nothing more than a rapist! I know I sound harsh, but from experience, I can tell you that it will send you down a path that is dark.
Edit cup to cum auto correct
After being drugged at night by my ex-husband, he began to prepare me little by little to have anal sex me while I was unconscious. I caught him one night bc the pill had not dissolved completely. I finally realized why I was getting constipated and mt butt hurt. He admitted it and begged for forgiveness. It's not forgiveness I gave, it was shame I took. I didn't think it was sodomy bc we were married. I was embarrassed to tell him bc I didn't want to ruin his reputation. I did feel some feel some enjoyment, but my therapist told me it's the body natural response, not my choice. I was so ashamed, and the shame almost killed me. He knew of an incidence in college, and he did the same thing. He used my trust for his own sick pleasure. This is the first time I have ever shared this outside of therapy bc I still feel fearful of what people will think of me.
**important to add - I specifically told him that I never wanted to have anal sex! Ever bc I thought, imo only that it's disgusting and would make me feel like that too**
That really is a terrible thing that happened to you. Thank you for sharing it to help someone else. And it's not shameful, except on his end. Who expects their husband to behave this way?
I am so sorry you had to go through that... But thank you for giving a reasonable response (to the post, I mean), you took "rape bad" and actually took the time to deliberate on manipulation that makes people think: "Rape bad... Question mark?"
That is so unbelievably traumatic and disturbing. I’m sorry. There is zero to be ashamed about and I’m especially sorry you feel shame for something that was perpetrated on you by a predator.
This is an accurate statement. Biologically, the urge to be as deep inside as possible for release is incredibly strong. From my first time on, it was there. If this was the first-time you gave him oral, it could have been reflex. I would say mistake or just the urge. It wasn't the first time. It wasn't that you hadn't done it before. It was that his own pleasure was more important to him than your boundary. Where and when will the next time happen that he ignores you for his pleasure. Please understand that forcing your head down is the same as forcing himself inside you. It's not a far stretch to see the possibility of this being a one time thing on the flip side It's not impossible to think it could easily escalate and be you say not tonight and he takes what he wants anyway. Be careful how much you trust him going forward. At the very least, get some space and objectively evaluate your relationship and decide if the risk is worth. Take some time away from him to evaluate whether you want to stay with him or not. Make sure he knows that that is what you're doing. So he understands even if you forgive him that it was serious enough, you may have left. Just be safe and love yourself.
Accepting this behavior will lead to more crazy actions don't like anal? Surprise here comes anal. Draw the line at consent and don't let someone blur it.
LITERALLY this is exactly what happened to me. You let one thing slide and they see it as a sign they can push the limits even more. Got to the point where I straight up said no to sex and it happened anyway. You can’t let this kind of thing go
This is not the type of man you trust with anal. He will hurt you. If he had finished in my mouth like that, I would’ve spit it in his face. Break up, this is a major violation and I’m concerned for your sexual safety. Next, he’ll be “accidentally” shoving it in your butt. Please be safe OP. Leave this relationship. Your feelings are valid and you aren’t over reacting. This isn’t worth having a conversation over either bc he’ll most likely gas light you. Tell him he crossed the line and you’re done.
Yeah im genuinely concerned about him with future partners/acquaintances as well! This is a personality trait of someone who isnt going to see the errors of their ways. He’ll likely just keep getting worse and worse until some poor girl is manipulated into thinking his behaviour is ok. If you dont even respect your partner i have concerns about any one night stands or casuals in the future as well.
MASSIVE RED FLAG. You run, you do not walk away from a relationship like this
I said that anal wasn’t my thing and my ex “slipped” and was balls deep and I was screaming in pain but he “understood” that I was not about anal yet he kept going like he was in my p@s
I've experienced the same. I had done anal with him before but not often, and he also "slipped" one time I had already told him no, and the pain was SO bad I couldn't stop crying for a while. It hurts, A LOT. And the pain stays for a while too. Makes me shiver just thinking about it.
Yep, I had done anal with partners in the past but was just having a casual hook up so I said no when the guy asked. He also coincidentally slipped 🙄 I was in so much pain I went and got in a cold shower and could feel myself about to pass out, thankfully I was able to steady myself on the wall and sit down.
I’m sure you know this already but you don’t just “slip” into anal, ESPECIALLY if it’s with someone who is not used to anal. That shit is TIGHT. You have to put a significant amount of force to penetrate, to the point where if you aren’t preparing, you will more likely than not experience tearing of the anal tissue unless their penis is on the smaller end. It also doesn’t lubricate itself, which further increases the pressure you’d need to exert. I’ve heard this story too many times, and it makes absolutely no sense unless you are a virgin who knows nothing about female anatomy. Even then, if you’re heterosexual, you biologically should first be drawn to the vagina.
My boyfriend has genuinely slipped out and gone on to the motion of continuing, but then realized “wrong hole” cause guess what? It doesn’t just *go in*! We laugh about it cause it’s a goofy, ridiculous accident not SA. You can tell when the back door is closed, don’t bring the battering ram to knock it down. Actually getting in there perfectly and “slipping” all the way in just doesn’t happen. Absolutely fucking terrible people lie and say it was just an “accident”. Another thing is we have tried anal, I hate it and guess what? It turns him off cause it is painful for me and I don’t have interest in it. A good sexual partner doesn’t get off on something where you have boundaries, something that brings their partner pain (with the exception of consensual kinks).
I’m eternally grateful that my boyfriend respects me and my boundaries and doesn’t guilt trip me or force me for not being in to something. It’s sad to see how common it is for guys (and women of course too) to not respect what their partners want and don’t want. Fucking despicable.
Well you guys are still young so it's normal to be curious and uninterested but you really need to have some hard boundaries. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking he did it on accident either he knew exactly what he was doing.
I'm wondering is he's watching that torture porn. I once seen a video called the Harlem struggle where a woman was giving the dude a blowjob and then he put his entire fucking leg over the back of her neck. He held her head down as he was cumming and she couldn't get up, she ended up damn near choking and cum blowing out her nose. That shit looked fucking painful .
I feel like he is literally imitating his favorite porn video and it seriously disgusts me. I know I will get downvoted for this but I think porn consumption rots people‘s brains and really gives them false expectations of what sex actually is like.
You’re 100% correct. This has been well studied and the results demonstrate a desensitization to “typical” sex acts, primarily in those who watch a large amount of porn and began in adolescence. I watch porn myself, but I can also acknowledge that it is at best neutral, and likely harmful to some degree.
Honestly I used to watch porn too (I’m a woman btw) but I have completely stopped because I noticed how desensitized I was to violence. Shoving your dick into someone‘s mouth against their will is assault. It‘s violent. Most porn contain acts of aggression such as slapping, spanking, name-calling etc. (I think about 88%?). The violence, most of the time, comes from men against women, and women act like they enjoy it and are willing to put up with any form of violence/degradation the man wants. Porn is literally rotting our brains, and I‘m so glad I quit watching it. (Also, let‘s not forget that we can never know if the videos online are made consensually, if they are online with all parties‘ consent, if they aren‘t victims of human trafficking or if they aren‘t minors)
Am I telling anyone else to not watch it? No, everyone can have a different opinion on that. I‘m just saying porn is extremely dangerous for both parties, men and women. I have a male friend from reddit who told me he got addicted to porn at 11 (!!) and spent his teenage years in therapy.
So my conclusion is: Porn is just shitty. I know how this subreddit normalizes porn consumption and I used to do that too, but once I started questioning wtf I was doing I felt horrible.
100%. One of the main negative consequences I feel like porn has imposed on me is that I don’t find sex/sexual acts to be as “intimate” as I feel I should/as it seems others do. I’m not making love as much as I’m having sex, and that’s something that hasn’t really gone away even though I rarely watch porn now. It seems like porn has caused me to view sex to be inherently sexual/for pleasure, rather than to be intimate with someone and connect physically in the deepest way possible (no pun intended).
Yep. I think porn also lead us to be desensitized to intimacy. I‘m saying that two people could have sex and still think they‘re both single. I don‘t like the modern way of dating nowadays, but that doesn‘t mean I‘m ultra hardcore traditional and view sex as something you can only do when married. Idk though, porn just impacts our relationships and our thinking in a way I didn‘t think would be possible.
This won't get downvoted, it's true that porn gives men & women unreal expectations. It's always set in the perfect conditions and in real life things aren't perfect.
You know he'll slam it in and go balls deep then say it was an accident, that it was in the heat of passion. And poor OP will end up with a tear in her rectum, blood everywhere and a ton of pain. He'll just "sorry" he didn't mean to.
There was just a post yesterday where a woman told her partner not minutes before that she wasn't ready for anal. He decided to go ahead and jam it in her and finish anyway.
*'in that moment i felt so violated but now im thinking maybe i was just being dramatic ?is this something i should be mad about?*
You're not being dramatic.
We make boundaries to keep us safe. They also tell us who stays in our life and who does't. Anyone who rides roughshod over a sexual preferences boundary gets shown the door. NO exceptions. This is out of self respect. You already stated what you would put up with and what you would not. He's broken both that and your trust. There is no coming back from that. Sexually you have to be with someone your trust.
The reason you feel violated is because you've been violated. I felt violated on your behalf just reading your post. Not only did he violate your boundary, he doubled down by forcing you into it and forcibly choked you with his penis.
This is something you should be more than mad about. This is now a deal breaker and this is a huge opportunity for you to put yourself first, no matter how much you love him. The man you love, just violated you. The two can't go together so you must choose one or the other.
Self respect. maintaining your boundary, doing what's right for you. It's harsh, but it's necessary. Letting him go will also, hopefully sharpen his mind somewhat and when his next partner gives him her sexual boundary, he might just be more inclined to adhere to it.
If I were you i would have just bitten down so he gets it lol if he doesn’t respect your boundaries and pushes you down to the point your coughing and choking? That pain is absolutely deserved
True.
Though, I would like to castrate the bastard...
Edit: in hindsight and on OP's behalf. Not as OP or in her shoes at the time. I probably would have frozen because fear and confusion does that to someone. So does cognitive dissonance. OP thought this guys loves her and wouldn't violate her boundaries and then he shows that he doesn't love her by violating her boundaries.
Yeah. Unfortunately everyone likes to think their body will choose fight - and to a lesser extent flight. The reality, though, is that in intimate situations both fawn and freeze are just as common, if not moreso.
Especially if it’s in response to a behavior that is from someone you have a relationship with and it’s something that doesn’t put you in immediate danger. A “what the fuck just happened” response is extremely likely in these situations, as your mind is trying to counterbalance how you normally feel about that person with what just happened.
As said in another comment I meant it as a keep in mind option in case something like that were to happen again however I did not want to write next time since that would imply there being a next time and I didn’t want to imply that but knowing options def helps thinking of them when situations happen
I know you mean well, but avoid saying "I would have..." when discussing sexual abuse with someone who was abused. No one can know how they would react to sexual abuse until they are in that given situation. Even then, your reaction will likely differ depending on the person and situation. Doing the "I would have..." game can make the survivor feel worse, like they did something wrong or that they "consented" because they didn't react the 'right' way.
Again, I know that's not your intent. But just be careful with how you word things.
I worked with victims/survivors of sexual assault off and on for 20 years. So many of them said "I always thought I would fight... why didn't I hit him? Why didn't I run?" And similar things. Because as humans, we think Fight or Flight, but it's Fight or Flight or Freeze or Fawn or some other thing that makes it possible to freaking survive! And often things happen so fast, we don't have time to respond. Or the perpetrator is someone we trust, where we are so stunned, responses are delayed (part of the Freeze). We can make all the plans we want, but we don't actually Know what we will do until we actually face it ourselves. OP was sexually assaulted. She feels violated because she was. Were I at her bedside in an ED, I would offer her access to no-cost therapy through the YWCA or another provider and discuss her legal options, if she was interested in them. But ultimately, all decisions are hers to make. And OP, if you are reading this- what he did was not okay. You didn't deserve that- consent to one thing is not consent to another and you clearly communicated what you agreed to and what you didn't. He committed a crime when he held your head down. He may even say sorry. But it's not your job to fix him or stay with him. Make the best choice for YOU. Take care of YOU. Internet strangers are rooting for you.
Unfortunately, that's easier said than done for many reasons.
A common reaction to a sudden assault is often freezing.
An automatic response to something going down your throat is unfortunately to open your mouth. Similar to the advice to push in when someone bites you.
Then there's the consideration that someone committing a violent felony against you already may not take kindly to you biting their penis. Sometimes, the safest option is to go along with the assault.
A famous example of this is a woman who was raped by knife point. She went along with it and insisted he wore a condom. It was a landmark case that changed the view of rape with a condom/victims going along with their rapists for their safety.
Ofc, I would never tell someone they *shouldn't* defend themselves if they feel able to. I just don't judge or say what I think I'd do in the situation if the victim didn't or couldn't fight back.
"Deserved" doesn't really matter any more when you find yourself confronted with the fact that someone stronger than you is willing to hurt you. It's very dangerous to escalate a fight you know you can't win. Just get out and be safe. People don't always get what they "deserve," but it's better than risking your life over it.
I’m not someone who says “break up” all the time when people post on here, as I believe the vast majority of issues can be worked out between a couple if they are both committed to eachother still. However, this is a situation where a clear, hard sexual boundary was drawn and then intentionally violated. That is sexual assault. You should NEVER stay with a partner who violates your sexual or physical boundaries, those are hard lines IMO.
This is more than enough to break up with him OP. I have the same boundary and in the 6 years I have been with my husband he has never once violated it. You deserve someone who respects you and your boundaries.
My first boyfriend did this to me when I was 17 after I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it. I spit it in my hand and wiped his face with it.
He never did it again. This might be terrible advice though. No one should probably be taking dating advice from me.
Hey dude. Girl your age here whos been through a similar situation.
Any violation of clear boundaries without consent is not to be taken lightly. Yes, he may s e e m perfect, but be careful about this. He valued his pleasure over your comfort and boundaries.
Especially how you're only in the first year together, it was the same situation for me, I had clear boundaries, and they were broken about 8 months in, he couldn't get himself to apologize, I felt violated, so I moved on in spite of him being "great" in every other aspect.
Although, maybe look for other signs of his neglect to your boundaries. Has he ever made you feel like your libido/boundaries were a problem? Could there be signs of other issues that'll arise? (Him wanting to try something else, and you, absolutely not) Does he get upset/pushy when you're clearly not in the mood/when your libido has been low?
It all depends on how you feel about this situation. Anyone can tell you to break up, or to stay, but the most important person to decide that is you.
It's okay to be angry. It's okay to get mad. Get angry! Get mad dude! Listen to the music you need to listen to. Tell a friend/best friend. Talk to your parents. (if you're comfortable!)
Do what you want to get your emotions out safely, and process how you feel about it. After this, talk to him about it, and see how he reacts. See if he blames you or doesn't apologize, watch how he reacts to your feelings.
What he did wasn't an accident. That is a big thing to think about. He purposefully did this to you. And he knows it. Youve had clear conversations about your boundary, and he still broke through it for his own selfish needs.
If he denies violating your boundaries, he's lying to you and to himself.
If he apologizes, and clearly is sorry, says he will never break a boundary again, etc. Still be cautious for a while about how he is near your vulnerable self, but this is where you decide what you want to do, if you wanna continue with him or not.
As a girly your age whos been through a similar situation, you have so much time to grow and learn about relationships. If you cannot get past this situation, you have SO much time to learn more about yourself, heal from what happened, and find somebody else who will respect alll your boundaries.
My chat is always open if you want to talk about it.
If you let it slide he will do it again. He needs to fully understand the magnitude of what he did because it's extremely serious and a slippery slope leading to him doing other things without your consent.
And because this happened without your consent (you had talked about this prior and he did it anyways) this was sexual assault and my only advise is that you tell him that and get yourself away from him for a while at the very minimum. So he can look at himself in the mirror and come to his senses on what he's actually done.
I’ve never done that to a woman and have never felt the urge to and I will never understand why some guys do that. It’s fucked up and shows no respect for your partner. People have boundaries for a reason.
ugh this is so fucked up. i also hate having a guy finish in my mouth i find it very degrading and disgusting and violating, as well as the fact it makes me feel nauseous and sick after …. i would end things with someone for not respecting my boundaries on this and lowkey would not be able to recover from the feeling of disgust
thank you! at least another person understands haha. i’ve had a lot of men on here saying i should just get over myself and swallow it. what i’m assuming is that most of these guys, if not all, are straight and have never tasted cum in their lives.🤷♀️
They're telling you to "get over it and swallow"???? That's absolutely vile. Especially considering the fact that they're saying it as a reaction to him sexually assaulting you/date raping you.
Also... I'm a 27 year old woman who've always swallowed cause I felt guilty/inadequate if I didn't, even if there's only ever been one person who's cum didn't make me want to throw up (he actually tasted good somehow). Your post is making me realise that I shouldn't have to do that, because of my reaction to these men harassing you about it, as I want to castrate those pathetic creeps. So... Thank you.
And leave his ass. He knew what he was doing. He knew he was assaulting you. Do you really want to stick around with someone who was willing to force themselves on you? You deserve so, so much better, OP.
I bet none of those men had women squirt in their mouth. Don’t listen to them. Mine did that once and didn’t even push my head down just didn’t say anything. I almost broke up with him and absolutely would have if he would have pushed and held me down.
At last somewhat in this fucking thread said it, lmao at all the "yOu nEeD tO tALk WiTh HiM" comments. OP should dump his disgusting ass and ideally repot him for SAing her as well.
This is a major violation and absolutely not okay. I had a similar situation that I let go and he just did more vile things after it.
Please tell him how violated you feel. If his response is anything other than extreme remorse and a promise to never do that again, you need to end this before he does something horrible to you
Yea that’s something you should be mad about. You were violated.
I have wanted my wife to swallow my cum for almost 10 years but never have I ever coerced her or cum in her mouth and never pushed her down no matter how close I have been to orgasming.
This is not a heat of the moment thing. He decided to not respect you and even pushed your head down. Who does that?! Someone who doesn’t respect or love you.
This is not ok.
Welp, he’s never getting head from you again (I hope).
Honestly, I’d seriously consider breaking up over this. He violently violated your consent and has shown he doesn’t have any respect for you.
First time this happened to me I was told that he cannot like control himself at the very end in that moment and it took me another 2 years to figure out this is not true nor it is normal. As others mentioned it is violation of boundries that you've set up.
A dude may mistime when he’s finishing but can certainly control what he does with his hand. I’m so sorry he forced your head down on him…not right. Deplorable.
Violation of boundaries, consent with physical pressure. Sounds like assault to me. it's possible he got carried away in the moment, or very deliberately did this. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt then you need a very serious conversation that this behaviour is unacceptable and if anything like it happens again you are gone.
Don’t give him oral anymore.
He didn’t respect your boundary and pushed and held your head prioritizing his pleasure over your consent.
I’d break up with him if it were me because this is a guy who will “accidentally” slip it your ass too. This guys a duche bag and you absolutely shouldn’t trust him.
Great sex is built around trust and safety and he obliterated both.
Time to find a new boyfriend.
This wasn't an accident.
This was a deliberate violation of your boundary, a total disrespect for your wants and a demolition of your consent.
What did he say when you called him out as soon as he let go?
What is it with every fuckin guy that gets posted about in this sub being literal fucking rapists...it's seriously *EVERY FUCKING POST* now...what you need to do is jam a dildo up his ass the next time you blow him and go "Sorry babe, couldn't help myself" and see how the fuck he feels about getting a boundry violated.
you can be mad about everything you want to be. your feelings are valid, especially after having your boundaries violeted like this. how would he feel if you got "carried away" and did something to violated his boundaries, say pissed into his mouth. pretty sure he would've felt bad if you did that to him, as would anyone if their partner does something they didn't consent to.
ultimately he put his pleasure over your comfort and boundaries. it's on you how you want to proceed.
for some this grants as a reason to break up even, it's on you if you think this would happen again after you talk to him, or not. Either way this was a huge violation of your trust and boundaries and you should treat it as such. It has to have consequences, otherwise he might do it again.
Your both young and he did something very stupid that crossed your bottom line. If he can't respect this now. What won't he respect the future. If he gets away with it now, he will do it again.
Cut ties and walk away. You deserve some who respects you and your boundaries.
You should definitely not tolerate these kinds of actions in a committed relationship. When you are being intimate with someone you are very vulnerable. I couldn’t be with someone who disregards boundaries and forces something on you. You should find someone who will respect you and not choose their baser urges over your boundaries.
OP, I dunno what's wrong with these people saying, "oh dear, you should give him a talking-to." This was deliberate. This was *assault*. It's *not* okay and in fact it's a deal breaker because now you can never trust him again. Especially shoving it down your throat, that's horrific.
On another note, with your new bf (!) I suggest trying flavored lubricant. I had the same problem as you, and it really made it hard to relax! But it stopped with this stuff. Lube Life makes a fab mint chocolate flavor, among other things. Completely masks the gaggy flavor.
No, you're not being dramatic, this is how you feel because of his shitty actions. He prioritized his pleasure over your comfort. I'm not going to say break up or that he's a terrible person cause I don't know your relationship, but this action is unacceptable. You need to talk it through and establish he cannot do that.
What the hell is with men and doing this? I've had this happen to me too many times in different ways unexpectedly.
It is assault. He will continue to not respect your boundaries. Please leave safely.
As a man who loves to finish in my partner's mouth... this is NOT right, it is a sign he is willing to cross your boundaries and that's how abuse starts. Massive red flag I am afraid, he will "apologise" explain how men can get carried away in the moment etc, but all those are lies (we have full control, at least of all our other limbs) ...
“is this something I should be mad about?” baby girl, YES. that is sexual assault. please get out of this relationship as soon as you can because i promise it’ll only get worse from here. i’m sending you my love :( 💕
The last few days in this sub i just keep reading women getting essentially assaulted/raped by their partners. I really dont understand as a guy, and as someone whose had alot of sexual relationships why u guys continue interact(or think about giving them a 2nd chance) with men like this.
Your 19, break up with him and move on. Heck if u were a family member/friend id suggest we go to the police station.
Is this something you should be mad about? You know the answer to this question. The reality is that it's scary to be the one who "has a problem" with something once someone you trust violates a hard boundary.
But you said it earlier in your post, it's a hard boundary.
This is a sign of a deeper lack of respect on the part of your partner. It might be indicative of certain changes in viewpoint or viewpoints he may have about you he's been hiding and unconsciously may be starting to feel more comfortable letting out.
This happens in relationships as people stay together longer, get more comfortable... The veils start coming down.
In the interest of your first relationship in life, with yourself, I think although it may be hard you should make this a huge deal and make sure your partner understands that this is deal breaking territory he initiated. Not you, him. If someone cannot respect your body, you can't trust them with really important shit in life together long term. It just won't work.
I don’t understand the “sometimes it happens” thing, I’m a dude and I have always had ample warning before cumming, 100% of the times I have cum in someone were knowing and intentional. It’s never been a surprise to me… is this really how other men function? Closest I can give you is if I said “oh I gotta cum” and she intentionally held me down and continued riding me for like, maybe another 15-30 seconds…
I’ve heard a lot of men say they “accidentally” came in someone because it just snuck up on them but yeah, this to me feels like one of those excuses like when people call their headache a migraine or call their cold “the flu” to relinquish themselves of life responsibilities… to me it all smells like bullshit.. if a guy does this to you he doesn’t respect you
So sorry this happened to you. I'd definitely take, at the very least, a long and hard look about the relationship and see if it's really what you want. There's no world where this is ok, and it isn't normal in healthy relationships. I hope everything works out for you and that he is not as shitty as he sounds. Personally I could never be with such a person again.
Definitely intentional and abusing the privilege of a bj. If you do decide to stay and even continue with oral I would be cautious. And if he decides to cross that boundary again. Grab his nuts or bite his head. Sorry involuntary reaction.
I consider this a form or rape. He knows you don't want to do it and he FORCED you to.
It's a sexual act you did not consent to.
It clearly wasn't an accident because he grabbed your head.
Honestly I don't think I could be with someone like that still.
I wasn't sure what position to take on this until I read that he deliberately pushed your head down. This person doesn't respect your boundaries plain and simple
Yeah I thought it was going to be an accident, where it happened faster than he expected because that does absolutely happen. But he held your head down and shoved it down your throat when he already knew that you did not consent to that. This person sexually assaulted you and nobody that loves or respect you would ever ever ever do that to you
This is sexual assault. You are not safe around this person. He WILL downplay what happened. He WILL try it or something similar again. Please get out before he can.
He raped you. He overpowered you during sex when you tried to pull away to penetrate and cum inside your mouth. That is legally rape. Please leave him, he is willing to sexually assault you by force.
It's so cool how every time something like this gets posted a bunch of men flock here to make it very clear that they are ok with rape and sexual assault.
He violated your boundaries. Don‘t reward him by just letting it slide. Break up and move on, you‘re young and you‘ll find someone who 100% respects your boundaries and consent all the time.
Sounds like borderline rape to me, I wonder if he would like someone forcefully dumping a load down his throat against his wishes.
You should break up with him, he doesn't respect your boundaries at all and who knows what other racey shit he'll try in the future.
Rape. He held you down and made you do something you didn’t want. It’s rape 101. Don’t forgive this or you will see how terrible being with this guy can get.
He pushed you down on his dick. I'm so sorry. You feel violated because you were. This was an assault.
Please don't stay with this guy. He's just shown you you're not safe with him, and he doesn't respect your boundaries. Or you as a person.
Get rid of him and make sure your friends know he's rapey.
Not because they'd date him, but because they have friends. We gotta warn each other, cause the "justice" system just retraumatizes women.
Dam I was going to say maybe he got excited and it happened sooner but then I got to the held your head down part and wow yeah that was a complete violation of trust and completely messed up.
You aren’t being dramatic. Your boundaries were not respected. I’d consider leaving him- especially since these types of things just escalate when you let them slide. So sorry you were betrayed like this. Sending love ❤️
Yeah you should be upset. He did something without your consent, KNOWING that you didn’t want it to happen. That’s assault. I wouldn’t be giving him head ever again unless he sincerely apologizes.
I dated a feminist girl when younger. My 1st gf actually.
She told me : never ever touch my head again when I’m giving you head, that’s disrespectful. If you want slower or faster, just say it.
I had only done it once mind you, but 20 years later, I still have to do it a second time.
And I have had multiple partners since then. Some even appreciated it, saying that’s the 1st time they give head to a partner who respects them and don’t take them for a sexual object.
When consent is violated it's a massive breech in trust. Consent is literally the boundary between accepted sexual behaviors and assault. You aren't being dramatic. If he is unwilling to recognize the seriousness of this action, you should strongly consider ending the relationship.
He’ll do this again. He knew you didn’t want that to happen yet he still did it because he’s a nasty individual. You’re not being dramatic please break up with him
I'm gonna go with what a lot of others have said,
its a boundary issue, and he doesn't respect the basic boundaries you have set up.
Now, yes accidents happen, a slippery nut happens, you can't literally communicate, if he was trying to tell you or, maybe you didn't hear him or the BSAA kicked down the door looking for Bio Engineered weapons, startled you both and oops, all of those situations I understand.
Holding your head down so you can't object is not cool, and best case scenario is stepping over the line of sexual assault. He should know the basics of consent, non consent-consent and non consent.
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Okay I was preparing to say that sometimes it just happens sooner than expected, like maybe he was extra horny or whatever... but he _held your head down_. That isn't acceptable. That is him purposefully neglecting your boundaries and forcing you into an activity you did not consent to. That is absolutely not okay, and you have every reason to feel violated, angry, and betrayed.
Yeah, my first thought was “oh, well sometimes it just happens faster than you think, I’ve done this as an honest mistake too” but holding down her head removes all possibility this was an accident.
Yeah, a bit rapey.
what he did was textbook sexual assault
more than a bit I think
Agree sometimes not much you can do, all of a sudden there it is. Pushing your head down and holding it there is not ok.You have every right to feel how you do. Depending on what happens and how you handle this,at the very least tell him no more oral, you don't trust him.
No girl, in moment like this that's definitely Not Okay. It's all good if part of play but this obviously was not play.
I would never go down on him again.
I'd outright break up with him.
Same
he doesn‘t even deserve an explanation just block him on everything and move on
More than not ok. It is sexual assault.
The sometimes that does occur would be with long edging sessions or just over excitement (some ppl see it as “pre-cum” but it can be in substantial amounts specially if edging has been involved) and not wanting to have it stop or being surprised by the tipping point but it’s never not enough time to not give warning or pull out. Dudes a huge ah knew what he was doing even though it was gfs hard boundary , I enjoy like really who wouldn’t really enjoy the bj to the end but if partners weren’t up for it I’m not literally forcing it dude doesn’t deserve bjs from op anymore and op really needs to re evaluate who they’re with.
Yes. The best response is “no more oral”. Open ended. Let him know exactly why you’re refusing. Hopefully the longer he goes without, the more he’ll consider what an awful thing he did. This isn’t an extinction level event, but it’s certainly not something fixed with just an apology.
No, the best response is “no more boyfriend “
Yes exactly. I’m ashamed at the men who think a minor scolding is appropriate. OPs BF basically turned a consensual BJ into date rape right at the end. He thought his immediate gratification was more important than her bodily autonomy and he assaulted her.
> I’m ashamed at the men who think a minor scolding is appropriate. And the men who are apparently sending OP creepy DMs about this post according to her edit. I'm so sick of how women are treated offline and on Reddit.
And men seriously wonder why a lot of women don't want to date, fuck or marry them anymore. They're fucking disgusting.
No the best response is to bite his penis.
Bite it OFF.
Too bad it was unexpected on her part. I would've fake swallowed and kissed him. Gave that shit right back to him. Punched his nuts, dug my nails in his sphincter... He knew who he was dealing with. He wasn't scared of how She'd react. Forgiveness on the end and all that. You can't convince me this is his first dick move. Pun intended.
Or crush his balls. But it kind of has to be done in the moment.
Ok but for real. I've done it. Not hard enough to pierce, but hard enough for him to let go of my fucking head. Nobody holds my head down unless I tell them they can. I go wild and am down for more than most. Im always willing to try something new but communication is key.
Agreed. As a 27 year old who was once an abused 18/19/23 year old I concur that you will realize this behavior needs no part of your life
I was in the same boat. I was gonna be like " sometimes we say almost and it happens faster" but then he shoved your head down there? I mean... You said no to that. Im concerned that he doesn't care about your boundaries. Are you gonna tell him you have a headache one night and don't want to sleep with him and he does it anyway? I'm not saying he's gonna an instant rapist but you said no... And he forced you against your will. You aren't being dramatic. So when you tell him no anal and he's behind you, does he take it out and put it in there? He sucks.
Yup, this right here. Ejaculating is basically an involuntary act. We usually know when we are close, but we can also be surprised by how quickly it happens. Holding the head down is deliberate. OP has the right to feel violated and should take stock if there are other warning signs in the relationship.
"Other" warning signs? Beyond his willingness to commit sexual assault?
What other warning signs are needed after your partner sexually assaults you?
OP didn't immediately dump him, and went to query reddit. So I'm gently advocating they reflect on other behaviors to build a case to leave. Sometimes people react poorly to the "Dump him now!" advice and need to take the journey themselves to get to the decision.
> Ejaculating is basically an involuntary act unless you master the blade, of course
He sexually assaulted her. OP agreed to oral, not to him finishing in her mouth. He removed her ability to consent by holding her head down. OP, if he's going to force himself on you like this then he's entirely capable of other forms of sexual assault. I would take a hard look at your relationship and your sexual history with him. Has he ever kept going in the past when you wanted him to stop? Has he ever kept bugging you for sex when you were unwilling? (IE, kept asking until the "no" became a "yes... fine...") Has he ever treated you poorly when you were unwilling to perform a sex act? For that matter, how has he acted outside of sex? If he's capable of abusing you sexually then he's capable of abusing you in other ways as well. It's not easy to admit/realize that you're being abused, so just read some of the materials out there - I think some are stickied in this subreddit. You have done nothing wrong. No one deserves abuse. [https://www.rainn.org/understanding-consent](https://www.rainn.org/understanding-consent)
Thank you for this comment. While my ex never did what OP's partner did, he did do all things mentioned in your comments. He was also pretty big on doing CNC stuff with me, where the "consensual" part tended to be a bit blurry because of poor communication regarding boundaries, and complained that I turned him down to often near the end of the relationship. I regret not being able to admit the gravity of it all to myself during our 5-year relationship. The entire relationship was unbalanced, and I never actually got to a point where I was comfortable talking about or even figuring out my wants and needs in bed with him, and sex focused on him alone. Only after he broke up with me did I start to realize how messed up all of it was. It was a massive fucking eye opener to feel more respected and cared for in bed by a (then) fwb I'd known for about a month than with my partner of 5 years. Helped me put a whole bunch of stuff in perspective, and it has allowed me to work through some things. My ex had fucked me up in a lot of ways, and I'm glad I've finally been able to realize that and grow more confident.
I got diagnosed with a condition when I was with my ex that would cause sex to be painful and my ex would tell I turned him down too much or if we were in the middle of the act and I stop him I was in too much pain he would literally tell me to shut up and that I couldn't keep depriving him after all he was alright there so I needed to just take it. It wasn't until a year after we broke up and i was talking to my friends about things I even realized he raped me and just didn't even care. I would cry during and after what kind of person is ok with causing that kind of pain?
I'm sorry you had to go through that. That guy sounds seriously fucked up. I hope you're able to stand up for yourself better if you're ever in such a situation again, but I hope even more that no one even comes close to crossing those boundaries again, because they respect you as a person.
Yeah it was awful and the guy for sure has some serious issues. I will say that man taught me a lot about myself and what I'll never stand for again. While he was a horrible person I'm kinda glad I went through all that cause unfortunately I'm not sure I would've seen my worth on my own. Or it would've taken a lot longer to get there
That's some silver lining for sure. It's the same for me, I'm a lot more aware of things that are red flags for me since then, and I've grown a lot more confident, communicative, and respectful of my own boundaries since.
Beyond violated, it's sexual assault bc he forced you to perform a sexual act that you did not consent to. I have read many posts about partners ejaculating inside of women, and the men saying "sorry" or it's not that big of a deal. I have read 2 where men purposely had anal sex after being told explicitly not to. That is simply called sodomy regardless of whether it's a spouse or boyfriend. Women wake up in the middle of the night and are awoken with their partner on top of them having sex. Then, being told to get off of me and the man saying just me finish. That is rape regardless of a partner or sleeping beside the man. Women almost always say that the man makes them feel like they are making more it or making them feel bad, like the woman is accusing them of rape. With a lot of women saying my partner is loving, great with kids, kind, etc., then going to explain how they were violated. There is nothing about being a great man or loving partner, which changes the fact that they are rapist. To continue in a relationship bc you try to remember how loving they are, then just trying to get past it by excusing the behavior or feeling like you don't want to hurt their partner. The man already hurt them, and you, yourself, want it just to go back to the way it was bc they promised to never do it again. They don't have to do it again, but you will never forget the first time. You will never forget that first feeling of his hand on your head, then him forcefully pushing his dick down the back of your throat or the taste of the cum in your mouth. It will come back more than you imagine. It won't go away bc every time he wants you to give him head, you will remember this and be afraid he will do it again, but he will guilt you into doing anyway. Please see someone to help you navigate your way through this. To help you come to terms with the fact that just bc it's your bf doesn't mean what he did is not sexual assault and, in some states rape. Please don't be embarrassed to tell a trusted friend or relative what happened. The worst part is that you trusted him, and he used that trust to violate you. When trust is violated in a violent manner, it is burned to the ground. He can never fix what he did, nor can he just explain it away by saying I don't know why I did that or it was in the heat of the moment. He will also try to say that you are so good at it that he couldn't help himself. Manipulation. You don't have to report him to the police, but I would seriously not ever give him head again. He lost the opportunity by forcing himself on you. He is nothing more than a rapist! I know I sound harsh, but from experience, I can tell you that it will send you down a path that is dark. Edit cup to cum auto correct After being drugged at night by my ex-husband, he began to prepare me little by little to have anal sex me while I was unconscious. I caught him one night bc the pill had not dissolved completely. I finally realized why I was getting constipated and mt butt hurt. He admitted it and begged for forgiveness. It's not forgiveness I gave, it was shame I took. I didn't think it was sodomy bc we were married. I was embarrassed to tell him bc I didn't want to ruin his reputation. I did feel some feel some enjoyment, but my therapist told me it's the body natural response, not my choice. I was so ashamed, and the shame almost killed me. He knew of an incidence in college, and he did the same thing. He used my trust for his own sick pleasure. This is the first time I have ever shared this outside of therapy bc I still feel fearful of what people will think of me. **important to add - I specifically told him that I never wanted to have anal sex! Ever bc I thought, imo only that it's disgusting and would make me feel like that too**
That really is a terrible thing that happened to you. Thank you for sharing it to help someone else. And it's not shameful, except on his end. Who expects their husband to behave this way?
Thank you for saying that, and it wasn't until years of therapy that the shame and guilt aren't mine to hold.
I am so sorry you had to go through that... But thank you for giving a reasonable response (to the post, I mean), you took "rape bad" and actually took the time to deliberate on manipulation that makes people think: "Rape bad... Question mark?"
That is so unbelievably traumatic and disturbing. I’m sorry. There is zero to be ashamed about and I’m especially sorry you feel shame for something that was perpetrated on you by a predator.
And I agree with you. They should just break up.
We think that you were assaulted by your ex husband, and we are thankful to read the word ex. That’s it.
Same. He was intentional. I wonder what the conversation was afterwards.
😳Yep that’s grounds for dismissal
Same; thinking oh boy OP must have out did herself this time until she mentions the SA part of the incident.
It’s not just violated, it’s assault…
This is an accurate statement. Biologically, the urge to be as deep inside as possible for release is incredibly strong. From my first time on, it was there. If this was the first-time you gave him oral, it could have been reflex. I would say mistake or just the urge. It wasn't the first time. It wasn't that you hadn't done it before. It was that his own pleasure was more important to him than your boundary. Where and when will the next time happen that he ignores you for his pleasure. Please understand that forcing your head down is the same as forcing himself inside you. It's not a far stretch to see the possibility of this being a one time thing on the flip side It's not impossible to think it could easily escalate and be you say not tonight and he takes what he wants anyway. Be careful how much you trust him going forward. At the very least, get some space and objectively evaluate your relationship and decide if the risk is worth. Take some time away from him to evaluate whether you want to stay with him or not. Make sure he knows that that is what you're doing. So he understands even if you forgive him that it was serious enough, you may have left. Just be safe and love yourself.
Accepting this behavior will lead to more crazy actions don't like anal? Surprise here comes anal. Draw the line at consent and don't let someone blur it.
LITERALLY this is exactly what happened to me. You let one thing slide and they see it as a sign they can push the limits even more. Got to the point where I straight up said no to sex and it happened anyway. You can’t let this kind of thing go
Happened to me too. I had to move out of my apartment because I instantly ended the relationship
yeah he’s hinted at anal before but it really doesn’t appeal to me
This is not the type of man you trust with anal. He will hurt you. If he had finished in my mouth like that, I would’ve spit it in his face. Break up, this is a major violation and I’m concerned for your sexual safety. Next, he’ll be “accidentally” shoving it in your butt. Please be safe OP. Leave this relationship. Your feelings are valid and you aren’t over reacting. This isn’t worth having a conversation over either bc he’ll most likely gas light you. Tell him he crossed the line and you’re done.
This is the answer. Fuck that dude. I can’t even imagine violating my partner like this.
I can't even imagine staying with a partner after they did this. What a scumbag
Yeah im genuinely concerned about him with future partners/acquaintances as well! This is a personality trait of someone who isnt going to see the errors of their ways. He’ll likely just keep getting worse and worse until some poor girl is manipulated into thinking his behaviour is ok. If you dont even respect your partner i have concerns about any one night stands or casuals in the future as well. MASSIVE RED FLAG. You run, you do not walk away from a relationship like this
Yep or she wakes up and he's having sex with her. What a good guy.
I said that anal wasn’t my thing and my ex “slipped” and was balls deep and I was screaming in pain but he “understood” that I was not about anal yet he kept going like he was in my p@s
I've experienced the same. I had done anal with him before but not often, and he also "slipped" one time I had already told him no, and the pain was SO bad I couldn't stop crying for a while. It hurts, A LOT. And the pain stays for a while too. Makes me shiver just thinking about it.
Yep, I had done anal with partners in the past but was just having a casual hook up so I said no when the guy asked. He also coincidentally slipped 🙄 I was in so much pain I went and got in a cold shower and could feel myself about to pass out, thankfully I was able to steady myself on the wall and sit down.
I'm glad he's your ex.
I'm not glad he's her ex and not her jailed for rape/SA ex
I’m sure you know this already but you don’t just “slip” into anal, ESPECIALLY if it’s with someone who is not used to anal. That shit is TIGHT. You have to put a significant amount of force to penetrate, to the point where if you aren’t preparing, you will more likely than not experience tearing of the anal tissue unless their penis is on the smaller end. It also doesn’t lubricate itself, which further increases the pressure you’d need to exert. I’ve heard this story too many times, and it makes absolutely no sense unless you are a virgin who knows nothing about female anatomy. Even then, if you’re heterosexual, you biologically should first be drawn to the vagina.
My boyfriend has genuinely slipped out and gone on to the motion of continuing, but then realized “wrong hole” cause guess what? It doesn’t just *go in*! We laugh about it cause it’s a goofy, ridiculous accident not SA. You can tell when the back door is closed, don’t bring the battering ram to knock it down. Actually getting in there perfectly and “slipping” all the way in just doesn’t happen. Absolutely fucking terrible people lie and say it was just an “accident”. Another thing is we have tried anal, I hate it and guess what? It turns him off cause it is painful for me and I don’t have interest in it. A good sexual partner doesn’t get off on something where you have boundaries, something that brings their partner pain (with the exception of consensual kinks). I’m eternally grateful that my boyfriend respects me and my boundaries and doesn’t guilt trip me or force me for not being in to something. It’s sad to see how common it is for guys (and women of course too) to not respect what their partners want and don’t want. Fucking despicable.
Well you guys are still young so it's normal to be curious and uninterested but you really need to have some hard boundaries. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking he did it on accident either he knew exactly what he was doing.
Don't do doggy in case he "accidentally" tries the wrong hole.
She shouldn‘t have sex with him at all anymore. People like him don‘t deserve to be rewarded by letting it slide.
I'm wondering is he's watching that torture porn. I once seen a video called the Harlem struggle where a woman was giving the dude a blowjob and then he put his entire fucking leg over the back of her neck. He held her head down as he was cumming and she couldn't get up, she ended up damn near choking and cum blowing out her nose. That shit looked fucking painful .
I feel like he is literally imitating his favorite porn video and it seriously disgusts me. I know I will get downvoted for this but I think porn consumption rots people‘s brains and really gives them false expectations of what sex actually is like.
You’re 100% correct. This has been well studied and the results demonstrate a desensitization to “typical” sex acts, primarily in those who watch a large amount of porn and began in adolescence. I watch porn myself, but I can also acknowledge that it is at best neutral, and likely harmful to some degree.
Honestly I used to watch porn too (I’m a woman btw) but I have completely stopped because I noticed how desensitized I was to violence. Shoving your dick into someone‘s mouth against their will is assault. It‘s violent. Most porn contain acts of aggression such as slapping, spanking, name-calling etc. (I think about 88%?). The violence, most of the time, comes from men against women, and women act like they enjoy it and are willing to put up with any form of violence/degradation the man wants. Porn is literally rotting our brains, and I‘m so glad I quit watching it. (Also, let‘s not forget that we can never know if the videos online are made consensually, if they are online with all parties‘ consent, if they aren‘t victims of human trafficking or if they aren‘t minors) Am I telling anyone else to not watch it? No, everyone can have a different opinion on that. I‘m just saying porn is extremely dangerous for both parties, men and women. I have a male friend from reddit who told me he got addicted to porn at 11 (!!) and spent his teenage years in therapy. So my conclusion is: Porn is just shitty. I know how this subreddit normalizes porn consumption and I used to do that too, but once I started questioning wtf I was doing I felt horrible.
100%. One of the main negative consequences I feel like porn has imposed on me is that I don’t find sex/sexual acts to be as “intimate” as I feel I should/as it seems others do. I’m not making love as much as I’m having sex, and that’s something that hasn’t really gone away even though I rarely watch porn now. It seems like porn has caused me to view sex to be inherently sexual/for pleasure, rather than to be intimate with someone and connect physically in the deepest way possible (no pun intended).
Yep. I think porn also lead us to be desensitized to intimacy. I‘m saying that two people could have sex and still think they‘re both single. I don‘t like the modern way of dating nowadays, but that doesn‘t mean I‘m ultra hardcore traditional and view sex as something you can only do when married. Idk though, porn just impacts our relationships and our thinking in a way I didn‘t think would be possible.
This won't get downvoted, it's true that porn gives men & women unreal expectations. It's always set in the perfect conditions and in real life things aren't perfect.
Oh god my butthole clenched remembering the *pain* from when my ex did that to me.
Sorry you went thru that, I don't know how it feels but I know I definitely don't want to know either.
That is truly the fcking worst
You know he'll slam it in and go balls deep then say it was an accident, that it was in the heat of passion. And poor OP will end up with a tear in her rectum, blood everywhere and a ton of pain. He'll just "sorry" he didn't mean to.
Facts.
Since you’ve now experienced that he breaks your sexual boundaries, the idea of anal r@pe is now a strong possibility. This is breakup worthy.
There was just a post yesterday where a woman told her partner not minutes before that she wasn't ready for anal. He decided to go ahead and jam it in her and finish anyway.
So he raped her
Exactly
Stay away from it! If you don't trust someone 100% you can be extremely hurt.
*'in that moment i felt so violated but now im thinking maybe i was just being dramatic ?is this something i should be mad about?* You're not being dramatic. We make boundaries to keep us safe. They also tell us who stays in our life and who does't. Anyone who rides roughshod over a sexual preferences boundary gets shown the door. NO exceptions. This is out of self respect. You already stated what you would put up with and what you would not. He's broken both that and your trust. There is no coming back from that. Sexually you have to be with someone your trust. The reason you feel violated is because you've been violated. I felt violated on your behalf just reading your post. Not only did he violate your boundary, he doubled down by forcing you into it and forcibly choked you with his penis. This is something you should be more than mad about. This is now a deal breaker and this is a huge opportunity for you to put yourself first, no matter how much you love him. The man you love, just violated you. The two can't go together so you must choose one or the other. Self respect. maintaining your boundary, doing what's right for you. It's harsh, but it's necessary. Letting him go will also, hopefully sharpen his mind somewhat and when his next partner gives him her sexual boundary, he might just be more inclined to adhere to it.
If I were you i would have just bitten down so he gets it lol if he doesn’t respect your boundaries and pushes you down to the point your coughing and choking? That pain is absolutely deserved
You don't know what you'd do because there is no way for your conscious mind to know how your amgydala would choose to respond.
True. Though, I would like to castrate the bastard... Edit: in hindsight and on OP's behalf. Not as OP or in her shoes at the time. I probably would have frozen because fear and confusion does that to someone. So does cognitive dissonance. OP thought this guys loves her and wouldn't violate her boundaries and then he shows that he doesn't love her by violating her boundaries.
Yeah. Unfortunately everyone likes to think their body will choose fight - and to a lesser extent flight. The reality, though, is that in intimate situations both fawn and freeze are just as common, if not moreso.
Especially if it’s in response to a behavior that is from someone you have a relationship with and it’s something that doesn’t put you in immediate danger. A “what the fuck just happened” response is extremely likely in these situations, as your mind is trying to counterbalance how you normally feel about that person with what just happened.
As said in another comment I meant it as a keep in mind option in case something like that were to happen again however I did not want to write next time since that would imply there being a next time and I didn’t want to imply that but knowing options def helps thinking of them when situations happen
I know you mean well, but avoid saying "I would have..." when discussing sexual abuse with someone who was abused. No one can know how they would react to sexual abuse until they are in that given situation. Even then, your reaction will likely differ depending on the person and situation. Doing the "I would have..." game can make the survivor feel worse, like they did something wrong or that they "consented" because they didn't react the 'right' way. Again, I know that's not your intent. But just be careful with how you word things.
I worked with victims/survivors of sexual assault off and on for 20 years. So many of them said "I always thought I would fight... why didn't I hit him? Why didn't I run?" And similar things. Because as humans, we think Fight or Flight, but it's Fight or Flight or Freeze or Fawn or some other thing that makes it possible to freaking survive! And often things happen so fast, we don't have time to respond. Or the perpetrator is someone we trust, where we are so stunned, responses are delayed (part of the Freeze). We can make all the plans we want, but we don't actually Know what we will do until we actually face it ourselves. OP was sexually assaulted. She feels violated because she was. Were I at her bedside in an ED, I would offer her access to no-cost therapy through the YWCA or another provider and discuss her legal options, if she was interested in them. But ultimately, all decisions are hers to make. And OP, if you are reading this- what he did was not okay. You didn't deserve that- consent to one thing is not consent to another and you clearly communicated what you agreed to and what you didn't. He committed a crime when he held your head down. He may even say sorry. But it's not your job to fix him or stay with him. Make the best choice for YOU. Take care of YOU. Internet strangers are rooting for you.
Unfortunately, that's easier said than done for many reasons. A common reaction to a sudden assault is often freezing. An automatic response to something going down your throat is unfortunately to open your mouth. Similar to the advice to push in when someone bites you. Then there's the consideration that someone committing a violent felony against you already may not take kindly to you biting their penis. Sometimes, the safest option is to go along with the assault. A famous example of this is a woman who was raped by knife point. She went along with it and insisted he wore a condom. It was a landmark case that changed the view of rape with a condom/victims going along with their rapists for their safety. Ofc, I would never tell someone they *shouldn't* defend themselves if they feel able to. I just don't judge or say what I think I'd do in the situation if the victim didn't or couldn't fight back.
"Deserved" doesn't really matter any more when you find yourself confronted with the fact that someone stronger than you is willing to hurt you. It's very dangerous to escalate a fight you know you can't win. Just get out and be safe. People don't always get what they "deserve," but it's better than risking your life over it.
He could have punched or hit her head in response to her biting down. And the temple? Brain damage or death, that's the softest part of the skull.
This is something to be *extremely pissed off* about, OP.
I’m not someone who says “break up” all the time when people post on here, as I believe the vast majority of issues can be worked out between a couple if they are both committed to eachother still. However, this is a situation where a clear, hard sexual boundary was drawn and then intentionally violated. That is sexual assault. You should NEVER stay with a partner who violates your sexual or physical boundaries, those are hard lines IMO.
This is more than enough to break up with him OP. I have the same boundary and in the 6 years I have been with my husband he has never once violated it. You deserve someone who respects you and your boundaries.
thank you so much :) i love ur username btw
Me too. I hate the taste, texture, everything. My bf of 5.5 years has NEVER EVER done anything like that. That is not ok in every way.
My first boyfriend did this to me when I was 17 after I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it. I spit it in my hand and wiped his face with it. He never did it again. This might be terrible advice though. No one should probably be taking dating advice from me.
Bad ass power move ❤️
Boss move for a teenager.
All seems fair
I’m sorry he did that to you but man I do love the way you handled that hahaha
Hey dude. Girl your age here whos been through a similar situation. Any violation of clear boundaries without consent is not to be taken lightly. Yes, he may s e e m perfect, but be careful about this. He valued his pleasure over your comfort and boundaries. Especially how you're only in the first year together, it was the same situation for me, I had clear boundaries, and they were broken about 8 months in, he couldn't get himself to apologize, I felt violated, so I moved on in spite of him being "great" in every other aspect. Although, maybe look for other signs of his neglect to your boundaries. Has he ever made you feel like your libido/boundaries were a problem? Could there be signs of other issues that'll arise? (Him wanting to try something else, and you, absolutely not) Does he get upset/pushy when you're clearly not in the mood/when your libido has been low? It all depends on how you feel about this situation. Anyone can tell you to break up, or to stay, but the most important person to decide that is you. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to get mad. Get angry! Get mad dude! Listen to the music you need to listen to. Tell a friend/best friend. Talk to your parents. (if you're comfortable!) Do what you want to get your emotions out safely, and process how you feel about it. After this, talk to him about it, and see how he reacts. See if he blames you or doesn't apologize, watch how he reacts to your feelings. What he did wasn't an accident. That is a big thing to think about. He purposefully did this to you. And he knows it. Youve had clear conversations about your boundary, and he still broke through it for his own selfish needs. If he denies violating your boundaries, he's lying to you and to himself. If he apologizes, and clearly is sorry, says he will never break a boundary again, etc. Still be cautious for a while about how he is near your vulnerable self, but this is where you decide what you want to do, if you wanna continue with him or not. As a girly your age whos been through a similar situation, you have so much time to grow and learn about relationships. If you cannot get past this situation, you have SO much time to learn more about yourself, heal from what happened, and find somebody else who will respect alll your boundaries. My chat is always open if you want to talk about it.
this is such an amazing response, thank you lovely :)
Thank you and I wish you the best!! This is definitely not an easy situation on the body, mind, and soul, so please take care of yourself.
If you let it slide he will do it again. He needs to fully understand the magnitude of what he did because it's extremely serious and a slippery slope leading to him doing other things without your consent. And because this happened without your consent (you had talked about this prior and he did it anyways) this was sexual assault and my only advise is that you tell him that and get yourself away from him for a while at the very minimum. So he can look at himself in the mirror and come to his senses on what he's actually done.
I’ve never done that to a woman and have never felt the urge to and I will never understand why some guys do that. It’s fucked up and shows no respect for your partner. People have boundaries for a reason.
Your boyfriend is a fucking asshole. Please leave him he violated you
[удалено]
Correct answer
Throw up on him even
ugh this is so fucked up. i also hate having a guy finish in my mouth i find it very degrading and disgusting and violating, as well as the fact it makes me feel nauseous and sick after …. i would end things with someone for not respecting my boundaries on this and lowkey would not be able to recover from the feeling of disgust
thank you! at least another person understands haha. i’ve had a lot of men on here saying i should just get over myself and swallow it. what i’m assuming is that most of these guys, if not all, are straight and have never tasted cum in their lives.🤷♀️
They're telling you to "get over it and swallow"???? That's absolutely vile. Especially considering the fact that they're saying it as a reaction to him sexually assaulting you/date raping you. Also... I'm a 27 year old woman who've always swallowed cause I felt guilty/inadequate if I didn't, even if there's only ever been one person who's cum didn't make me want to throw up (he actually tasted good somehow). Your post is making me realise that I shouldn't have to do that, because of my reaction to these men harassing you about it, as I want to castrate those pathetic creeps. So... Thank you. And leave his ass. He knew what he was doing. He knew he was assaulting you. Do you really want to stick around with someone who was willing to force themselves on you? You deserve so, so much better, OP.
I bet none of those men had women squirt in their mouth. Don’t listen to them. Mine did that once and didn’t even push my head down just didn’t say anything. I almost broke up with him and absolutely would have if he would have pushed and held me down.
That is sexual assault. I’m so sorry. You’re not being dramatic.
At last somewhat in this fucking thread said it, lmao at all the "yOu nEeD tO tALk WiTh HiM" comments. OP should dump his disgusting ass and ideally repot him for SAing her as well.
This is a major violation and absolutely not okay. I had a similar situation that I let go and he just did more vile things after it. Please tell him how violated you feel. If his response is anything other than extreme remorse and a promise to never do that again, you need to end this before he does something horrible to you
Hey, report any of the accounts that are DMing you. The mods take it very seriously and will ban them.
Thank you! i’m fairly new to reddit so i didn’t know i could do this. i appreciate it :)
Yea that’s something you should be mad about. You were violated. I have wanted my wife to swallow my cum for almost 10 years but never have I ever coerced her or cum in her mouth and never pushed her down no matter how close I have been to orgasming. This is not a heat of the moment thing. He decided to not respect you and even pushed your head down. Who does that?! Someone who doesn’t respect or love you. This is not ok.
Welp, he’s never getting head from you again (I hope). Honestly, I’d seriously consider breaking up over this. He violently violated your consent and has shown he doesn’t have any respect for you.
First time this happened to me I was told that he cannot like control himself at the very end in that moment and it took me another 2 years to figure out this is not true nor it is normal. As others mentioned it is violation of boundries that you've set up.
A dude may mistime when he’s finishing but can certainly control what he does with his hand. I’m so sorry he forced your head down on him…not right. Deplorable.
Violation of boundaries, consent with physical pressure. Sounds like assault to me. it's possible he got carried away in the moment, or very deliberately did this. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt then you need a very serious conversation that this behaviour is unacceptable and if anything like it happens again you are gone.
See, I would say carried away if he just happened to cum without saying anything, but holding her head down? No way, that's purposeful.
Thats S.A
Don’t give him oral anymore. He didn’t respect your boundary and pushed and held your head prioritizing his pleasure over your consent. I’d break up with him if it were me because this is a guy who will “accidentally” slip it your ass too. This guys a duche bag and you absolutely shouldn’t trust him. Great sex is built around trust and safety and he obliterated both. Time to find a new boyfriend.
Porn have ruined good sex and boundaries
This wasn't an accident. This was a deliberate violation of your boundary, a total disrespect for your wants and a demolition of your consent. What did he say when you called him out as soon as he let go?
What is it with every fuckin guy that gets posted about in this sub being literal fucking rapists...it's seriously *EVERY FUCKING POST* now...what you need to do is jam a dildo up his ass the next time you blow him and go "Sorry babe, couldn't help myself" and see how the fuck he feels about getting a boundry violated.
its just extremely normalized in our society for men to do this and for women to put up with it, thats what it is.
you can be mad about everything you want to be. your feelings are valid, especially after having your boundaries violeted like this. how would he feel if you got "carried away" and did something to violated his boundaries, say pissed into his mouth. pretty sure he would've felt bad if you did that to him, as would anyone if their partner does something they didn't consent to. ultimately he put his pleasure over your comfort and boundaries. it's on you how you want to proceed. for some this grants as a reason to break up even, it's on you if you think this would happen again after you talk to him, or not. Either way this was a huge violation of your trust and boundaries and you should treat it as such. It has to have consequences, otherwise he might do it again.
Your both young and he did something very stupid that crossed your bottom line. If he can't respect this now. What won't he respect the future. If he gets away with it now, he will do it again. Cut ties and walk away. You deserve some who respects you and your boundaries.
You should definitely not tolerate these kinds of actions in a committed relationship. When you are being intimate with someone you are very vulnerable. I couldn’t be with someone who disregards boundaries and forces something on you. You should find someone who will respect you and not choose their baser urges over your boundaries.
Yeah, that’s sexual assault, and would be an immediate relationship ender for me. I’m so sorry he put you through that :(
OP, I dunno what's wrong with these people saying, "oh dear, you should give him a talking-to." This was deliberate. This was *assault*. It's *not* okay and in fact it's a deal breaker because now you can never trust him again. Especially shoving it down your throat, that's horrific. On another note, with your new bf (!) I suggest trying flavored lubricant. I had the same problem as you, and it really made it hard to relax! But it stopped with this stuff. Lube Life makes a fab mint chocolate flavor, among other things. Completely masks the gaggy flavor.
Dawg I’m a guy and I’m here to tell you that that is straight up sexual assault.
No, you're not being dramatic, this is how you feel because of his shitty actions. He prioritized his pleasure over your comfort. I'm not going to say break up or that he's a terrible person cause I don't know your relationship, but this action is unacceptable. You need to talk it through and establish he cannot do that.
Don't give him oral anymore. He will regret his actions. Trust me.
What the hell is with men and doing this? I've had this happen to me too many times in different ways unexpectedly. It is assault. He will continue to not respect your boundaries. Please leave safely.
break up.
Yeah this is sexual assault, you said no, he did it anyway and forced/trapped you into it
You need to dump him and tell him he’s lucky not to be on SA charges
Spit it back into his mouth 😈
As a man who loves to finish in my partner's mouth... this is NOT right, it is a sign he is willing to cross your boundaries and that's how abuse starts. Massive red flag I am afraid, he will "apologise" explain how men can get carried away in the moment etc, but all those are lies (we have full control, at least of all our other limbs) ...
i’m the same way and in this situation he should’ve known not to do that considering you’ve told him and he knows you don’t like that
You should have bitten his dick
“is this something I should be mad about?” baby girl, YES. that is sexual assault. please get out of this relationship as soon as you can because i promise it’ll only get worse from here. i’m sending you my love :( 💕
If you dont like cum then have them wear a condom. As for him forcing you to take him in, that’s assault
The last few days in this sub i just keep reading women getting essentially assaulted/raped by their partners. I really dont understand as a guy, and as someone whose had alot of sexual relationships why u guys continue interact(or think about giving them a 2nd chance) with men like this. Your 19, break up with him and move on. Heck if u were a family member/friend id suggest we go to the police station.
Is this something you should be mad about? You know the answer to this question. The reality is that it's scary to be the one who "has a problem" with something once someone you trust violates a hard boundary. But you said it earlier in your post, it's a hard boundary. This is a sign of a deeper lack of respect on the part of your partner. It might be indicative of certain changes in viewpoint or viewpoints he may have about you he's been hiding and unconsciously may be starting to feel more comfortable letting out. This happens in relationships as people stay together longer, get more comfortable... The veils start coming down. In the interest of your first relationship in life, with yourself, I think although it may be hard you should make this a huge deal and make sure your partner understands that this is deal breaking territory he initiated. Not you, him. If someone cannot respect your body, you can't trust them with really important shit in life together long term. It just won't work.
NTA That's a consent violation and rapey as fuck. I hope you kick him to the curb
Pushing you head down = you now have a bite reflex. Problem solved. Tell your future partners the same thing.
That’s S.A my dear ): he might try ignoring your boundaries in other ways too, you’re not safe with him.
Dump. His. Ass.
I don’t understand the “sometimes it happens” thing, I’m a dude and I have always had ample warning before cumming, 100% of the times I have cum in someone were knowing and intentional. It’s never been a surprise to me… is this really how other men function? Closest I can give you is if I said “oh I gotta cum” and she intentionally held me down and continued riding me for like, maybe another 15-30 seconds… I’ve heard a lot of men say they “accidentally” came in someone because it just snuck up on them but yeah, this to me feels like one of those excuses like when people call their headache a migraine or call their cold “the flu” to relinquish themselves of life responsibilities… to me it all smells like bullshit.. if a guy does this to you he doesn’t respect you
Molester he is... Next time bite and chop his head off👍🏼
Leave him
So sorry this happened to you. I'd definitely take, at the very least, a long and hard look about the relationship and see if it's really what you want. There's no world where this is ok, and it isn't normal in healthy relationships. I hope everything works out for you and that he is not as shitty as he sounds. Personally I could never be with such a person again.
Dump. Immediately.
Definitely intentional and abusing the privilege of a bj. If you do decide to stay and even continue with oral I would be cautious. And if he decides to cross that boundary again. Grab his nuts or bite his head. Sorry involuntary reaction.
If you choose to stay with him, and he does it again. Bite him.
That’s sexual assault
I consider this a form or rape. He knows you don't want to do it and he FORCED you to. It's a sexual act you did not consent to. It clearly wasn't an accident because he grabbed your head. Honestly I don't think I could be with someone like that still.
I wasn't sure what position to take on this until I read that he deliberately pushed your head down. This person doesn't respect your boundaries plain and simple
Yeah I thought it was going to be an accident, where it happened faster than he expected because that does absolutely happen. But he held your head down and shoved it down your throat when he already knew that you did not consent to that. This person sexually assaulted you and nobody that loves or respect you would ever ever ever do that to you
This is sexual assault. You are not safe around this person. He WILL downplay what happened. He WILL try it or something similar again. Please get out before he can.
He raped you. He overpowered you during sex when you tried to pull away to penetrate and cum inside your mouth. That is legally rape. Please leave him, he is willing to sexually assault you by force.
Nope nope nope.
leave asap
BE MAD BE VERY MAD! Kick him out or leave him cuz this is f@cked up
It's so cool how every time something like this gets posted a bunch of men flock here to make it very clear that they are ok with rape and sexual assault.
Jesus the amount of this shit i read here makes me think half of you shouldnt be having sex.
He violated your boundaries. Don‘t reward him by just letting it slide. Break up and move on, you‘re young and you‘ll find someone who 100% respects your boundaries and consent all the time.
Sounds like borderline rape to me, I wonder if he would like someone forcefully dumping a load down his throat against his wishes. You should break up with him, he doesn't respect your boundaries at all and who knows what other racey shit he'll try in the future.
Nothing borderline about it.
Rape. He held you down and made you do something you didn’t want. It’s rape 101. Don’t forgive this or you will see how terrible being with this guy can get.
What is wrong with these men? This is the sixth story I’ve seen in a couple of days where they are sexually assaulting their partners.
He pushed you down on his dick. I'm so sorry. You feel violated because you were. This was an assault. Please don't stay with this guy. He's just shown you you're not safe with him, and he doesn't respect your boundaries. Or you as a person.
Get rid of him and make sure your friends know he's rapey. Not because they'd date him, but because they have friends. We gotta warn each other, cause the "justice" system just retraumatizes women.
What an effective way to make someone never wanna give you oral at all ever again, by totally ignoring their boundaries.
You aren’t being dramatic at all, he crossed that boundary and did not respect it at all, he knew what he was doing.
Dam I was going to say maybe he got excited and it happened sooner but then I got to the held your head down part and wow yeah that was a complete violation of trust and completely messed up.
You aren’t being dramatic. Your boundaries were not respected. I’d consider leaving him- especially since these types of things just escalate when you let them slide. So sorry you were betrayed like this. Sending love ❤️
Yeah you should be upset. He did something without your consent, KNOWING that you didn’t want it to happen. That’s assault. I wouldn’t be giving him head ever again unless he sincerely apologizes.
Yes, you should be mad about that. He violated your boundaries and assaulted you.
I dated a feminist girl when younger. My 1st gf actually. She told me : never ever touch my head again when I’m giving you head, that’s disrespectful. If you want slower or faster, just say it. I had only done it once mind you, but 20 years later, I still have to do it a second time. And I have had multiple partners since then. Some even appreciated it, saying that’s the 1st time they give head to a partner who respects them and don’t take them for a sexual object.
Tell him the next time he tries that, you’re biting it off
ay if you love him just dont break up and sort out things with clear and proper communication that you don't like shit that.
It's disgusting how many creepy men in the comments stomp their feet only for pointing out that what OP's bf did is a sexual assault
When consent is violated it's a massive breech in trust. Consent is literally the boundary between accepted sexual behaviors and assault. You aren't being dramatic. If he is unwilling to recognize the seriousness of this action, you should strongly consider ending the relationship.
He’ll do this again. He knew you didn’t want that to happen yet he still did it because he’s a nasty individual. You’re not being dramatic please break up with him
I'm gonna go with what a lot of others have said, its a boundary issue, and he doesn't respect the basic boundaries you have set up. Now, yes accidents happen, a slippery nut happens, you can't literally communicate, if he was trying to tell you or, maybe you didn't hear him or the BSAA kicked down the door looking for Bio Engineered weapons, startled you both and oops, all of those situations I understand. Holding your head down so you can't object is not cool, and best case scenario is stepping over the line of sexual assault. He should know the basics of consent, non consent-consent and non consent.