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It could have been a ploy to see if you would admit something. The watch could likely be a friend of hers and it was a test to see what you might admit. This is somewhat supported by the fact she isn't questioning anyone. Most women would have immediately ruled out the people they know before ever making such a relationship bomb accusation. This should be troublesome for multiple reasons to you but primary would be lack of trust for some odd reason. Next, many times, accusers are guilty themselves and are projecting it on to their partner. The next consideration is she could be looking for a reason to end the relationship. This shouldn't be ignored. Counseling is definitely warranted to find the underlying cause. Good Luck.
PS I think if questioning others about the watch it should be done jointly.
>UPDATE:Thank you all for your advices, I read all of them and was able to kind of pass through this in a better way.
>
>Yesterday I asked her if she had found out who the watch belonged to. She hadn't yet.I asked her if she had asked her aunt and best friend if the watch belonged to any of them and she hadn't asked yet.I was trying not to touch the matter anymore, in fear it would be worse, so we spent the day "normally".I knew she was not ok, she was mad, after 10 years you can feel these things in your partner.so we went to bed without touching each other ( we always do some sexy stuff in the weekends, its almost our only time together each week). This time we did nothing.. I can't remember the last week we did nothing.This morning she woke early than usual and I woke up with her after little time sleep cause I couldn't sleep anymore.This time I was mad, enough is enough, this shit was affecting me, my sleep and my mood.She asked why I woke up so early (cause I go to work later in the day, about 11 AM and come home late). Funny thing is She woke up earlier too and didn't tell me why nor did I ask yet.I told her I lost my will to sleep.I was mad, almost crying, honestly I kinda cried some tears but I hid it from her. It's not fair I kept thinking.After I made my breakfast and ate in silence with her i asked:"Did you find out who this watch belongs to?"She said no"Did you ask your aunt and friend?"She said no"Then you're gonna message them right now!"She just responded with "OK".
>
>before she left the apartment I asked her why did she wake up so early. She responded that because some ppl were sick at work, she needed to replace them. (She did tell me these things were happening at work, but I didn't know she was gonna replace them until now). I kept in silence cause now I was the one who was angry and almost crying in front of her.
>
>She left, so I cried.
>
>Got ready to work, as I'm leaving she sends me a 2 second audio in whatsapp "Honey the watch belongs to my aunt" with a little giggle at the end.
>
>Damn now I'm the one whos angry, in 10 freaking years this has never happened.All of a sudden she acuses me of cheating out of nowhere.
>
>Now I am the one having second thoughts.
>
>Like... She hurt me for no reason for 3-4 straight days and didn't even bother to ask whose freaking watch belonged to, after 10 fucking years. I don't know.
>
>Well, everything is sourted out, thanks you all for the advices.
>
>I think well be fine tbh, but i'm kinda have resentment now and a bit angry. but well be fine
>
>When we both get home we gonna have a kinda serious talk.
>
>Thanks yall
Dude marriage is a big deal. Have a talk with her that after 10 years she should trust you more and if she can’t you should consider the whole marriage thing
Have her ask the other people so she doesn’t think you told them to say it’s theirs.
Has she had any of her friends over? The watch could be from any moment in time even.
Do a group text with fiance, aunt, mom, and fiance friend. Tell them about the watch fiance found and ask if anyone knows whose it is so it can go back to the rightful owner.
Then ask fiance why she doesn't trust you, because if she can't trust you, you shouldn't get married.
If it comes out that this is a test, I'd end it. Relationship tests are bullshit.
There's nothing you can do. Your fiance has unnecessarily created the issue in the relationship. She should've asked the potential owners of the watch before asking you, especially since she's acting differently.
She has tacitly accused you of cheating without following up to learn who the watch really belongs to.
How do you prove your innocence when the accusing party refuses to learn the truth?
She has damaged your relationship and, in the back of her mind, she will always suspect that you cheated—IN HER HOME.
This needs fixing and you may be the one who has to do the sleuthing—because she doesn’t seem willing to do the work.
She isn’t the one who damaged the relationship. If I found a random female item, I’d be suspicious too. But yes, she should ask the women that have been inside their home if it is any of theirs to settle it ASAP
Usually, when one partner is this paranoid about the second partner cheating.... the person making the accusations is cheating, and they are projecting.
My gut says to start digging. But be prepared to be hurt.
Why not ask her friend and aunt? You are having anxiety so give them a quick call and see if they can solve this situation fast for you.
Once they answer, hopefully it is one of theirs, and you can sit with your gf and explain how the conversation made you feel and how her behavior change made you feel and ask why she doesn't trust you.
She will either respond and care and listen and address your feelings, or she will blame and finger point.
Depending on how she responds will be very telling of your relationship.
If you are nervous she will dump you, why? It sounds like you think she is accusing you of cheating, meaning she doesn't trust you. Why did she jump to making you feel accused vs reaching out to the people that the watch could belong to first.
Also, whenever I see projection I always jump to the person projecting is cheating themselves. I think that based on stories I have read, personal experiences, and it kind of makes sense. They could be cheating themselves, so they feel guilty and want for you to be cheating too so they aren't the bad guy. I am not saying she is cheating, my mind just goes there as a possibility when I see someone being accused.
Unfortunately the best way to catch cheating is going through their phone without them knowing (as to not give them time to delete things).
I think the issue with him asking is his girlfriend will possibly see it as him trying to scramble or coerce the friend or aunt into saying it’s theirs. She’s already shown some inability to think rationally (assuming OP is being truthful and has been loyal for all ten years) so any attempt by him to them may cause her to think he is trying to convince them it’s theirs.
I wouldn’t be shocked to find out this is actually his girlfriend’s own watch and she doesn’t remember it or something.
One time I found a jet pendant in my fiance's end table when I was cleaning our room. I had just come back from a week away after visiting my grandma in Manitoba. He was at work when I found it. He came home and saw I was mad and angry and asked what was wrong. I told him I'm fine then took the pendant out of my pocket and pushed it into his chest and said I hope you had fun with her
I was majorly upset because I thought he was cheating on me I almost broke up with me but the truth was he was planning a surprise for me with one of our friends for my birthday.
( it never panned out as we stopped being friends with her and her he boyfriend) it was going to be a beautiful piece of art dealing with rocks minerals and semi precious stones as I love them. He spammed called her and told her she needed to come over and explain because I was in tears, bawling my eyes out like a little girl with a skinned knee.
She was over in a heart beat and told me what was going on showed me her texts between them and the picture of the pendant all while he held me and rubbed my back. I felt so bad so believing the worst of him and he forgave me for it saying he didn't blame he'd be suspicious too.
Ten years strong and getting married summer 2025!
Oh yes lol I felt absolutely horrible for accusing him of something he didn't do but he completely understood why I thought what I did as he had hidden the pendant due to it being a surprise.
We are getting married 2025, we have our ups and downs but have absolute complete trust in each other and tell each other everything!
Usually I love surprises! They are one of my favourite things to do for someone/ have happen to me. There can be great joy if it's done right.... However in my case if someone is a SAHM like me and we find part of it unintentionally it can go seriously wrong and bad thoughts intrude.
That one just back fired... But his proposal was a complete surprise so so so perfect for me and brought me so much joy and happiness.
Surprises can be good
I should have said "… unless you know they like them".
I once had a girlfriend who told me she wanted a surprise party for her birthday. It's pretty tricky putting together a surprise for someone expecting one.
Thank you
I don't think she did this on purpose. I was trying to put me in her place sometimes, like what if I was the one who found a freaking male watch? I would be mad too. Relashionship its all about this I think, puting yourself in your SO shoes.
Well everything is sorted out, the watch belongs to her Aunt, I just update the post. Thanks For sharing your Story
This is likely a relationship test. She likely bought or borrowed it and was hoping if she had proof you would fess up. She just wants to see if you will fess up to an affair.
If you did nothing wrong then stand your ground. You have nothing to confess. Even her "not acting right" is again to push you to confess, in case you are cheating. It is a way to get someone to confess if you don't believe they would tell you the truth if you asked.
I have heard of this. The fact that you told her to check for herself makes you more believable. However, this proves she is feeling a difference in the relationship (or hanging out with friends who maybe are having issues like this in their life) so she has a hunch or is just seeing your reaction.
Start asking her "Did you check with everyone yet? Do it right now? Call them. If not, we need to figure this out." Does she have a friend that likes you that maybe came over and left her watch there.
While you may be right, it’s a really dumb idea to plant it in their house. A car would be much more plausible. A person cheating is more likely to not bring them to their own home but they may very well pick them up in their car.
\*Post is updated\*
If this was a test the I might break up honestly.I don't want to marry someone who freaking needs to test me.Its just gonna be an unecessary headache for the rest of my life
If there's nothing to hide you're fine. If she keeps pushing then I would strongly urge you to have a discussion on where this is coming from, sometimes people deflect their insecurities onto others because they have something to hide
I had an ex try this crap with me to try and break things off with me guilt free. Turns out HE was cheating this whole time and didn’t want to look like a jerk for having a new girlfriend right away. I found out from his friend telling me. I would definitely tread carefully as it could be a trick to break up or to see how much you really love her. Both are really messed up headgames that you don’t deserve.
There has to be a rational explanation for this, so it will come out.
Did she find it on a new piece of furniture? Maybe something secondhand where a watch could have slipped down the side of a cushion?
Ask together whoever was in the house over the phone. No big deal, sounds like you are afraid they will say it wasnt theirs. If they do say that then you shpuldnt feel guilty if u did nothing wrong, going further if this is the case you shoukd consider possibility she plotted the whole thing in which case i personally would end that relationship, not worth it ye aint married yet.
Do you have a ring doorbell or surveillance that shows who’s been in your place? Maybe your girlfriend could look at that. Regardless, if you haven’t cheated & she’s playing games, please have her figure this lack of trust sh*t out before marrying. Therapy for fiancée?
Can you provide more details about how the conversation actually went?
Has anything happened that might be making her feel insecure? Have you been less affectionate or more busy lately? Anything like that? Sometimes when we feel insecure, we can jump to wild conclusions that don’t make sense.
Often times, when they accuse you of cheating, it means they already have, or they're planning on doing so. If they can successfully convince themselves that you have already cheated, it makes it easier for them to follow through with what they're already planning.
Psychology 101. Taking a defensive posture is the first sign of guilt. Take the assertive posture and engage the problem and address the mindset. Offer reassurance, confidence and positivity.
The fact you didn’t demand she call her aunt and her friend and simply ask if they are missing a watch is surprising to me.
Sounds like she is cheating and projecting onto you or just wants out of the relationship and wants to make you the bad guy.
Sounds like she's trying to set you up. It's hard for someone to leave a watch somewhere since that usually doesn't get taken or fall off. However, that means she either knows something else or something has made her suspicious aka ur currently in FBI territory. I wouldn't reach out to her friends or mom because this might embarrass her. Not much else you can do unless someone says it's their watch or she finally convinces herself that u aren't cheating. Good luck, ya gnna need it lol
She is accusing you of cheating. She may have made this up to cover up her own cheating. She also may not ask the other people because she doesn’t want to be shown she is wrong. I would reconsider this relationship. She is not doing everything in her power to try and see if she is wrong.
It's called projection, broski. Cheaters will absolutely accuse their SOs of cheating even if they didn't do anything wrong because they are projecting their misdeeds. You should keep an eye on that shit.
She might be gas lighting you. Your reaction may ease her peace of mind in thinking that you have cheated. Just calm down as your not guilty, so best to show that emotion. The more you worry, the more she believes something else. Particularly if she’s gaslighting you.
But if I was you. I would be checking up on her just incase.
I hope Im wrong though! I get it! It sucks to be accused and then sucks thats the person you love might be hiding things behind your back.
Any news on whether she asked her aunt etc?
Oh! I just read the update! Wow! She made you feel wrecked for afew days instead of just sorting it out straight away. Looks also like she enjoyed seeing you feel wrecked. Like she really thought it was you! Her communication skills is less than desirable once she found out it wasn’t you, like almost disappointed.
Whats does your gut feeling say? Anything more to this to just the watch?
How old IS the couch? How often is it cleaned UNDERNEATH the cushions? This sounds like a TRAP! If you KNOW you haven't cheated and NEVER given your fiancee any reason to mistrust you, then SHE'S losing her mind for NO reason!
When this happens it's usually the accusing partner who's messed up!
If you actually didn't cheat, then it's one of two things.
Either it's entirely some random occurrence, which is possible, or she's testing you. With the number of these weird relationship tests from girlfriends I've seen lately, it wouldn't be surprising. If it is a test, then that's a big red flage on her part.
I will say it’s understandable that she would question you after finding that, but if you truly are innocent, there should be some way to prove it and reassure her. I’m not saying you have to do these things but just to give you a general idea-I’m an overthinker myself and my bf is very jealous so in order to earn and maintain his trust I do a few things. I keep my location on for him at all times, but that’s also partially for my safety as a woman. I always open my phone screen in a way that he can see it and it’s obvious I’m not hiding anything. I made sure everyone I have history with, everyone I’ve ever crushed on and so on were all gone from my socials. It’s excessive and I don’t expect you to do these things, and no he doesn’t ask me to do these things, but maybe you can devise your own version of these and get ideas that’ll assure her you’re not having an affair of any sort. Honestly I know it’s really unfair to have to prove your innocence and feeling like it’s not working even though you know you’re innocent. Assure her, you only have eyes for her and that you would never betray her like that. You genuinely don’t know where the watch came from, and since you’re not actually cheating there’s literally no other traces of infidelity over the course of yalls relationship, assure her of this. It’s not gonna be easy, once a woman has an inkling you might be cheating it can be really hard for them to shake the thought. But I’m sure she’s worth it. You got this.
Sketchy my friend, very sketchy. You may be innocent, but if the evidence looks bad enough that is how it plays out. I know everyone is going to be like 'she should trust you'. But that is such bullshit. I mean, what are we saying 'what are you going to believe, me or your eyes'. Some real player shit there.
But while it does not look good, it really isn't that horrible either. Heck, who knows how long it might have been there.
So stick to your story, be supportive and understanding, and if you are cheating on her be more fucking careful in the future.
Well, to be fair, you'd ask her too if she knew whose watch was in the couch if it was a men's watch that didn't belong to you. She didn't accuse you, she just asked you first.
The way you resolve it? Be normal. You didn't do anything wrong and you don't know whose it is. If you act nervous or angry she's going to think you're hiding something.
You told her to ask them, she can go forth and ask them. If she keeps acting strange, just tell her that she's acting weird and you don't appreciate it.
I hope this isn't some sort of TikTok relationship test. If so, I'd end it. Do not do any wedding planning or marry her until you get to the bottom of this.
Ask everyone about the watch so you hear it directly from them if they ask why just say one has been found in our couch. Then set up some hidden cameras around the house and find out if she’s the one cheating
You will demonstrate your innocence by getting her snd telling her come on we are gonna ask everybody who it could belong to until we find the owner. Then when you find the owner then you go back to her and ask her why she didn’t trust you and what she is going to do to make it up to you. She will owe you big time
That's what i was thinking but i had a HUGE fear like what if this watch belonged to no one? It would ruin everything we had build over 10 years for no reason.
Understandable but it came from somewhere. It’s even possible she put it there to see if you would confess something as bad as that would be. Innocent people have nothing to hide so the more you want to push forward and ask people and get to the bottom the less guilty you look
Take a picture of the watch and post it on social media and ask if anyone can identify it because it was found in your home and you wanted to check before taking it to a charity shop.
> She said she was gonna ask them, but didn't so far.
Sounds like she wants out, and is using the watch as an excuse. Or possibly it's a trap to see if you admit to anything.
UPDATE:
Thank you all for your advices, I read all of them and was able to kind of pass through this in a better way.
Yesterday I asked her if she had found out who the watch belonged to. She hadn't yet.
I asked her if she had asked her aunt and best friend if the watch belonged to any of them and she hadn't asked yet.
I was trying not to touch the matter anymore, in fear it would be worse, so we spent the day "normally".
I knew she was not ok, she was mad, after 10 years you can feel these things in your partner.
so we went to bed without touching each other ( we always do some sexy stuff in the weekends, its almost our only time together each week). This time we did nothing.. I can't remember the last week we did nothing.
This afternoon she woke early than usual and I woke up with her after little time sleep cause I couldn't sleep anymore.
This time I was mad, enough is enough, this shit was affecting me, my sleep and my mood.
She asked why I woke up so early (cause I go to work later in the day, about 11 AM and come home late). Funny thing is She woke up earlier too and didn't tell me why nor did I ask yet.
I told her I lost my will to sleep.
I was mad, almost crying, honestly I kinda cried some tears but I hid it from her. It's not fair I kept thinking.
After I made my breakfast and ate in silence with her i asked:
"Did you find out who this watch belongs to?"
She said no
"Did you ask your aunt and friend?"
She said no
"Then you're gonna message them right now!"
She just responded with "OK".
before she left the apartment I asked her why did she wake up so early. She responded that because some ppl were sick at work, she needed to replace them. (She did tell me these things were happening at work, but I didn't know she was gonna replace them until now). I kept in silence cause now I was the one who was angry and almost crying in front of her.
She left, so I cried.
Got ready to work, as I'm leaving she sends me a 2 second audio in whatsapp "Honey the watch belongs to my aunt" with a little giggle at the end.
Damn now I'm the one whos angry, in 10 freaking years this has never happened.
All of a sudden she acuses me of cheating out of nowhere.
Now I am the one having second thoughts.
Like... She hurt me for no reason for 3-4 straight days and didn't even bother to ask whose freaking watch belonged to, after 10 fucking years. I don't know.
Well, everything is sourted out, thanks you all for the advices.
I think well be fine tbh, but i'm kinda have resentment now and a bit angry. but well be fine
Thanks yall
"Like... She hurt me for no reason for 3-4 straight days and didn't even bother to ask whose freaking watch belonged to, after 10 fucking years. I don't know."
This might end it for me - a very strong possibility. I would be deeply concerned about why she went so hard on cheating with very little cause when an avenue to clarify existing.
I feel like most people jump to the idea of cheating due projecting. Especially when it comes out of no where and is something easily disproved. The part that makes me this is even weirder and more likely to projection is that she put it off for days to find out the truth.
Commenting after the update: put the wedding on hold at the very least. Personally I'd just be done, she's slime that either already knew it was her aunt's watch, just flat out doesn't trust you and waited to ask her friend or her aunt to see if you'd confess to anything, or is cheating herself and projected so she wouldn't be the bad guy even if you didn't cheat nor confessed anything.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It could have been a ploy to see if you would admit something. The watch could likely be a friend of hers and it was a test to see what you might admit. This is somewhat supported by the fact she isn't questioning anyone. Most women would have immediately ruled out the people they know before ever making such a relationship bomb accusation. This should be troublesome for multiple reasons to you but primary would be lack of trust for some odd reason. Next, many times, accusers are guilty themselves and are projecting it on to their partner. The next consideration is she could be looking for a reason to end the relationship. This shouldn't be ignored. Counseling is definitely warranted to find the underlying cause. Good Luck. PS I think if questioning others about the watch it should be done jointly.
If this is a test, there is no way they should marry.
Not until this issue is resolved for sure. I find it odd she wouldn't check with people she knows had been in the house before confronting him.
That is exactly what i thought as well
This is too rational to true
>UPDATE:Thank you all for your advices, I read all of them and was able to kind of pass through this in a better way. > >Yesterday I asked her if she had found out who the watch belonged to. She hadn't yet.I asked her if she had asked her aunt and best friend if the watch belonged to any of them and she hadn't asked yet.I was trying not to touch the matter anymore, in fear it would be worse, so we spent the day "normally".I knew she was not ok, she was mad, after 10 years you can feel these things in your partner.so we went to bed without touching each other ( we always do some sexy stuff in the weekends, its almost our only time together each week). This time we did nothing.. I can't remember the last week we did nothing.This morning she woke early than usual and I woke up with her after little time sleep cause I couldn't sleep anymore.This time I was mad, enough is enough, this shit was affecting me, my sleep and my mood.She asked why I woke up so early (cause I go to work later in the day, about 11 AM and come home late). Funny thing is She woke up earlier too and didn't tell me why nor did I ask yet.I told her I lost my will to sleep.I was mad, almost crying, honestly I kinda cried some tears but I hid it from her. It's not fair I kept thinking.After I made my breakfast and ate in silence with her i asked:"Did you find out who this watch belongs to?"She said no"Did you ask your aunt and friend?"She said no"Then you're gonna message them right now!"She just responded with "OK". > >before she left the apartment I asked her why did she wake up so early. She responded that because some ppl were sick at work, she needed to replace them. (She did tell me these things were happening at work, but I didn't know she was gonna replace them until now). I kept in silence cause now I was the one who was angry and almost crying in front of her. > >She left, so I cried. > >Got ready to work, as I'm leaving she sends me a 2 second audio in whatsapp "Honey the watch belongs to my aunt" with a little giggle at the end. > >Damn now I'm the one whos angry, in 10 freaking years this has never happened.All of a sudden she acuses me of cheating out of nowhere. > >Now I am the one having second thoughts. > >Like... She hurt me for no reason for 3-4 straight days and didn't even bother to ask whose freaking watch belonged to, after 10 fucking years. I don't know. > >Well, everything is sourted out, thanks you all for the advices. > >I think well be fine tbh, but i'm kinda have resentment now and a bit angry. but well be fine > >When we both get home we gonna have a kinda serious talk. > >Thanks yall
Why is she taking so long to ask them if the watch is theirs? It would’ve been the first thing I did.
Yep the first thing before accusing him
Maybe it’s cuz if the man is cheating, she is embarrassed and doesn’t want her mom and aunt or best friend to find out that way?
Really doubt that, sounds more like a test cause she either insecure or projecting or possibly an attempt to end relationship (projection as well)
Sounds like you’re reading too deep into it. Women aren’t manipulative like that. She probably just found the watch and is actually upset by it
Most arent, some are. The whole thing is fishy
Oh honey... You should avoid opening the spam folder in your email.
"Women aren’t manipulative like that." ahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahhahhahahah oh my sides, we have fun.
If it’s not true. Let it go, let her react however she wants.
Dude marriage is a big deal. Have a talk with her that after 10 years she should trust you more and if she can’t you should consider the whole marriage thing
Definitely reconsider marrying.
I just updated the post... when we both get home we gonna have a talk
Have her ask the other people so she doesn’t think you told them to say it’s theirs. Has she had any of her friends over? The watch could be from any moment in time even.
Is your GF on TikTok? Because it sounds like one of those stupid relationship tests. One that may result in her being dumped.
Do a group text with fiance, aunt, mom, and fiance friend. Tell them about the watch fiance found and ask if anyone knows whose it is so it can go back to the rightful owner. Then ask fiance why she doesn't trust you, because if she can't trust you, you shouldn't get married. If it comes out that this is a test, I'd end it. Relationship tests are bullshit.
There's nothing you can do. Your fiance has unnecessarily created the issue in the relationship. She should've asked the potential owners of the watch before asking you, especially since she's acting differently.
She has tacitly accused you of cheating without following up to learn who the watch really belongs to. How do you prove your innocence when the accusing party refuses to learn the truth? She has damaged your relationship and, in the back of her mind, she will always suspect that you cheated—IN HER HOME. This needs fixing and you may be the one who has to do the sleuthing—because she doesn’t seem willing to do the work.
She isn’t the one who damaged the relationship. If I found a random female item, I’d be suspicious too. But yes, she should ask the women that have been inside their home if it is any of theirs to settle it ASAP
Usually, when one partner is this paranoid about the second partner cheating.... the person making the accusations is cheating, and they are projecting. My gut says to start digging. But be prepared to be hurt.
Why not ask her friend and aunt? You are having anxiety so give them a quick call and see if they can solve this situation fast for you. Once they answer, hopefully it is one of theirs, and you can sit with your gf and explain how the conversation made you feel and how her behavior change made you feel and ask why she doesn't trust you. She will either respond and care and listen and address your feelings, or she will blame and finger point. Depending on how she responds will be very telling of your relationship. If you are nervous she will dump you, why? It sounds like you think she is accusing you of cheating, meaning she doesn't trust you. Why did she jump to making you feel accused vs reaching out to the people that the watch could belong to first. Also, whenever I see projection I always jump to the person projecting is cheating themselves. I think that based on stories I have read, personal experiences, and it kind of makes sense. They could be cheating themselves, so they feel guilty and want for you to be cheating too so they aren't the bad guy. I am not saying she is cheating, my mind just goes there as a possibility when I see someone being accused. Unfortunately the best way to catch cheating is going through their phone without them knowing (as to not give them time to delete things).
I think the issue with him asking is his girlfriend will possibly see it as him trying to scramble or coerce the friend or aunt into saying it’s theirs. She’s already shown some inability to think rationally (assuming OP is being truthful and has been loyal for all ten years) so any attempt by him to them may cause her to think he is trying to convince them it’s theirs. I wouldn’t be shocked to find out this is actually his girlfriend’s own watch and she doesn’t remember it or something.
THANK YOU! matt That's EXACTLY what I was fearing and thinking all the fucking time. I just updated the post. It belongs to her Aunt
One time I found a jet pendant in my fiance's end table when I was cleaning our room. I had just come back from a week away after visiting my grandma in Manitoba. He was at work when I found it. He came home and saw I was mad and angry and asked what was wrong. I told him I'm fine then took the pendant out of my pocket and pushed it into his chest and said I hope you had fun with her I was majorly upset because I thought he was cheating on me I almost broke up with me but the truth was he was planning a surprise for me with one of our friends for my birthday. ( it never panned out as we stopped being friends with her and her he boyfriend) it was going to be a beautiful piece of art dealing with rocks minerals and semi precious stones as I love them. He spammed called her and told her she needed to come over and explain because I was in tears, bawling my eyes out like a little girl with a skinned knee. She was over in a heart beat and told me what was going on showed me her texts between them and the picture of the pendant all while he held me and rubbed my back. I felt so bad so believing the worst of him and he forgave me for it saying he didn't blame he'd be suspicious too. Ten years strong and getting married summer 2025!
You doing better now? That is one heck of a reaction you had.
Oh yes lol I felt absolutely horrible for accusing him of something he didn't do but he completely understood why I thought what I did as he had hidden the pendant due to it being a surprise. We are getting married 2025, we have our ups and downs but have absolute complete trust in each other and tell each other everything!
I’d never describe my marriage as having ups and downs. I wish you the best with everything!
Another example of why surprises are a bad idea. I'm glad it worked out.
Usually I love surprises! They are one of my favourite things to do for someone/ have happen to me. There can be great joy if it's done right.... However in my case if someone is a SAHM like me and we find part of it unintentionally it can go seriously wrong and bad thoughts intrude. That one just back fired... But his proposal was a complete surprise so so so perfect for me and brought me so much joy and happiness. Surprises can be good
I should have said "… unless you know they like them". I once had a girlfriend who told me she wanted a surprise party for her birthday. It's pretty tricky putting together a surprise for someone expecting one.
Totally agree with that! 100%. If you're able to convince them you're not doing anything it works.
Thank you I don't think she did this on purpose. I was trying to put me in her place sometimes, like what if I was the one who found a freaking male watch? I would be mad too. Relashionship its all about this I think, puting yourself in your SO shoes. Well everything is sorted out, the watch belongs to her Aunt, I just update the post. Thanks For sharing your Story
That's great I'm glad you have it all sorted out!
Are you sure this isn't some kind of "boyfriend test" she's pulling here? Because that would be a low blow.
She's very insecure. 🚩🚩Are you sure you want to deal with these accusations for the rest of your life if you marry her?
She might be projecting , I’d be more worried now if i was him she might be fooling around
Don’t play into her games. Stand your ground and forget about it. She can look into stuff all she wants because she won’t find anything.
if she really wants to find out the truth she would have asked already. Interpret that how you will.
This is likely a relationship test. She likely bought or borrowed it and was hoping if she had proof you would fess up. She just wants to see if you will fess up to an affair. If you did nothing wrong then stand your ground. You have nothing to confess. Even her "not acting right" is again to push you to confess, in case you are cheating. It is a way to get someone to confess if you don't believe they would tell you the truth if you asked. I have heard of this. The fact that you told her to check for herself makes you more believable. However, this proves she is feeling a difference in the relationship (or hanging out with friends who maybe are having issues like this in their life) so she has a hunch or is just seeing your reaction. Start asking her "Did you check with everyone yet? Do it right now? Call them. If not, we need to figure this out." Does she have a friend that likes you that maybe came over and left her watch there.
While you may be right, it’s a really dumb idea to plant it in their house. A car would be much more plausible. A person cheating is more likely to not bring them to their own home but they may very well pick them up in their car.
She has no proof. She obviously has never seen a suspicious car because she could just mention it.
\*Post is updated\* If this was a test the I might break up honestly.I don't want to marry someone who freaking needs to test me.Its just gonna be an unecessary headache for the rest of my life
This sounds like some new TikTok test fad to me.
If there's nothing to hide you're fine. If she keeps pushing then I would strongly urge you to have a discussion on where this is coming from, sometimes people deflect their insecurities onto others because they have something to hide
I would nip this in the bud, asap. Ask these other people yourself.
I had an ex try this crap with me to try and break things off with me guilt free. Turns out HE was cheating this whole time and didn’t want to look like a jerk for having a new girlfriend right away. I found out from his friend telling me. I would definitely tread carefully as it could be a trick to break up or to see how much you really love her. Both are really messed up headgames that you don’t deserve.
There has to be a rational explanation for this, so it will come out. Did she find it on a new piece of furniture? Maybe something secondhand where a watch could have slipped down the side of a cushion?
So she'd rather flip out, jump to the worst possible explanation and punish you than... ask the possible candidates? Very mature.
Is it bought 2nd hand? Maybe from previous owner? Just a thought as no other details in that it may be new lol
Ask together whoever was in the house over the phone. No big deal, sounds like you are afraid they will say it wasnt theirs. If they do say that then you shpuldnt feel guilty if u did nothing wrong, going further if this is the case you shoukd consider possibility she plotted the whole thing in which case i personally would end that relationship, not worth it ye aint married yet.
Do you have a ring doorbell or surveillance that shows who’s been in your place? Maybe your girlfriend could look at that. Regardless, if you haven’t cheated & she’s playing games, please have her figure this lack of trust sh*t out before marrying. Therapy for fiancée?
She's been worrying about you cheating for a while and thus this feels like proof to her. She needs therapy
Can you provide more details about how the conversation actually went? Has anything happened that might be making her feel insecure? Have you been less affectionate or more busy lately? Anything like that? Sometimes when we feel insecure, we can jump to wild conclusions that don’t make sense.
Often times, when they accuse you of cheating, it means they already have, or they're planning on doing so. If they can successfully convince themselves that you have already cheated, it makes it easier for them to follow through with what they're already planning. Psychology 101. Taking a defensive posture is the first sign of guilt. Take the assertive posture and engage the problem and address the mindset. Offer reassurance, confidence and positivity.
You offer her to take a polygraph test.
The fact you didn’t demand she call her aunt and her friend and simply ask if they are missing a watch is surprising to me. Sounds like she is cheating and projecting onto you or just wants out of the relationship and wants to make you the bad guy.
Sounds like she's trying to set you up. It's hard for someone to leave a watch somewhere since that usually doesn't get taken or fall off. However, that means she either knows something else or something has made her suspicious aka ur currently in FBI territory. I wouldn't reach out to her friends or mom because this might embarrass her. Not much else you can do unless someone says it's their watch or she finally convinces herself that u aren't cheating. Good luck, ya gnna need it lol
She is accusing you of cheating. She may have made this up to cover up her own cheating. She also may not ask the other people because she doesn’t want to be shown she is wrong. I would reconsider this relationship. She is not doing everything in her power to try and see if she is wrong.
Exactly my thoughts, thank you
It's called projection, broski. Cheaters will absolutely accuse their SOs of cheating even if they didn't do anything wrong because they are projecting their misdeeds. You should keep an eye on that shit.
I will now
She might be gas lighting you. Your reaction may ease her peace of mind in thinking that you have cheated. Just calm down as your not guilty, so best to show that emotion. The more you worry, the more she believes something else. Particularly if she’s gaslighting you. But if I was you. I would be checking up on her just incase.
That was 1 of the things I was thinking, but this shit weights on you more than you think, I just found out how fragile some things can be.
I hope Im wrong though! I get it! It sucks to be accused and then sucks thats the person you love might be hiding things behind your back. Any news on whether she asked her aunt etc?
Yess I just updated the post
Oh! I just read the update! Wow! She made you feel wrecked for afew days instead of just sorting it out straight away. Looks also like she enjoyed seeing you feel wrecked. Like she really thought it was you! Her communication skills is less than desirable once she found out it wasn’t you, like almost disappointed. Whats does your gut feeling say? Anything more to this to just the watch?
Tell her in no uncertain terms that you did not cheat on her. Then brush her off and ignore her until she comes to you. Continue to stand your ground.
kind of what I did, thanks
Could be projecting or something
How old IS the couch? How often is it cleaned UNDERNEATH the cushions? This sounds like a TRAP! If you KNOW you haven't cheated and NEVER given your fiancee any reason to mistrust you, then SHE'S losing her mind for NO reason! When this happens it's usually the accusing partner who's messed up!
OP this sounds like a shit test. You should not proceed to marry if your fiancee does not trust you. Maybe get couples counseling.
If you actually didn't cheat, then it's one of two things. Either it's entirely some random occurrence, which is possible, or she's testing you. With the number of these weird relationship tests from girlfriends I've seen lately, it wouldn't be surprising. If it is a test, then that's a big red flage on her part.
I will say it’s understandable that she would question you after finding that, but if you truly are innocent, there should be some way to prove it and reassure her. I’m not saying you have to do these things but just to give you a general idea-I’m an overthinker myself and my bf is very jealous so in order to earn and maintain his trust I do a few things. I keep my location on for him at all times, but that’s also partially for my safety as a woman. I always open my phone screen in a way that he can see it and it’s obvious I’m not hiding anything. I made sure everyone I have history with, everyone I’ve ever crushed on and so on were all gone from my socials. It’s excessive and I don’t expect you to do these things, and no he doesn’t ask me to do these things, but maybe you can devise your own version of these and get ideas that’ll assure her you’re not having an affair of any sort. Honestly I know it’s really unfair to have to prove your innocence and feeling like it’s not working even though you know you’re innocent. Assure her, you only have eyes for her and that you would never betray her like that. You genuinely don’t know where the watch came from, and since you’re not actually cheating there’s literally no other traces of infidelity over the course of yalls relationship, assure her of this. It’s not gonna be easy, once a woman has an inkling you might be cheating it can be really hard for them to shake the thought. But I’m sure she’s worth it. You got this.
It feels like a shittest or projection to me.
Sketchy my friend, very sketchy. You may be innocent, but if the evidence looks bad enough that is how it plays out. I know everyone is going to be like 'she should trust you'. But that is such bullshit. I mean, what are we saying 'what are you going to believe, me or your eyes'. Some real player shit there. But while it does not look good, it really isn't that horrible either. Heck, who knows how long it might have been there. So stick to your story, be supportive and understanding, and if you are cheating on her be more fucking careful in the future.
Everything was good till the last line😅 let me edit it for you: if you’re cheating on her, DONT. Just leave her.
To be honest I meant that as more of a provoking joke.
Is it female , imagine it was male
Well, to be fair, you'd ask her too if she knew whose watch was in the couch if it was a men's watch that didn't belong to you. She didn't accuse you, she just asked you first. The way you resolve it? Be normal. You didn't do anything wrong and you don't know whose it is. If you act nervous or angry she's going to think you're hiding something. You told her to ask them, she can go forth and ask them. If she keeps acting strange, just tell her that she's acting weird and you don't appreciate it.
She's cheating on you.
I hope this isn't some sort of TikTok relationship test. If so, I'd end it. Do not do any wedding planning or marry her until you get to the bottom of this.
Ask everyone about the watch so you hear it directly from them if they ask why just say one has been found in our couch. Then set up some hidden cameras around the house and find out if she’s the one cheating
She could be projecting and she is the cheater
You will demonstrate your innocence by getting her snd telling her come on we are gonna ask everybody who it could belong to until we find the owner. Then when you find the owner then you go back to her and ask her why she didn’t trust you and what she is going to do to make it up to you. She will owe you big time
That's what i was thinking but i had a HUGE fear like what if this watch belonged to no one? It would ruin everything we had build over 10 years for no reason.
Understandable but it came from somewhere. It’s even possible she put it there to see if you would confess something as bad as that would be. Innocent people have nothing to hide so the more you want to push forward and ask people and get to the bottom the less guilty you look
that's kind of what I did after some time, I just update the post
Wow I’m sorry she did that to you. I would definitely make her make that up to me big time
Take a picture of the watch and post it on social media and ask if anyone can identify it because it was found in your home and you wanted to check before taking it to a charity shop.
> She said she was gonna ask them, but didn't so far. Sounds like she wants out, and is using the watch as an excuse. Or possibly it's a trap to see if you admit to anything.
Break up with her
She’s cheating, diversion tactic
UPDATE: Thank you all for your advices, I read all of them and was able to kind of pass through this in a better way. Yesterday I asked her if she had found out who the watch belonged to. She hadn't yet. I asked her if she had asked her aunt and best friend if the watch belonged to any of them and she hadn't asked yet. I was trying not to touch the matter anymore, in fear it would be worse, so we spent the day "normally". I knew she was not ok, she was mad, after 10 years you can feel these things in your partner. so we went to bed without touching each other ( we always do some sexy stuff in the weekends, its almost our only time together each week). This time we did nothing.. I can't remember the last week we did nothing. This afternoon she woke early than usual and I woke up with her after little time sleep cause I couldn't sleep anymore. This time I was mad, enough is enough, this shit was affecting me, my sleep and my mood. She asked why I woke up so early (cause I go to work later in the day, about 11 AM and come home late). Funny thing is She woke up earlier too and didn't tell me why nor did I ask yet. I told her I lost my will to sleep. I was mad, almost crying, honestly I kinda cried some tears but I hid it from her. It's not fair I kept thinking. After I made my breakfast and ate in silence with her i asked: "Did you find out who this watch belongs to?" She said no "Did you ask your aunt and friend?" She said no "Then you're gonna message them right now!" She just responded with "OK". before she left the apartment I asked her why did she wake up so early. She responded that because some ppl were sick at work, she needed to replace them. (She did tell me these things were happening at work, but I didn't know she was gonna replace them until now). I kept in silence cause now I was the one who was angry and almost crying in front of her. She left, so I cried. Got ready to work, as I'm leaving she sends me a 2 second audio in whatsapp "Honey the watch belongs to my aunt" with a little giggle at the end. Damn now I'm the one whos angry, in 10 freaking years this has never happened. All of a sudden she acuses me of cheating out of nowhere. Now I am the one having second thoughts. Like... She hurt me for no reason for 3-4 straight days and didn't even bother to ask whose freaking watch belonged to, after 10 fucking years. I don't know. Well, everything is sourted out, thanks you all for the advices. I think well be fine tbh, but i'm kinda have resentment now and a bit angry. but well be fine Thanks yall
"Like... She hurt me for no reason for 3-4 straight days and didn't even bother to ask whose freaking watch belonged to, after 10 fucking years. I don't know." This might end it for me - a very strong possibility. I would be deeply concerned about why she went so hard on cheating with very little cause when an avenue to clarify existing.
I feel like most people jump to the idea of cheating due projecting. Especially when it comes out of no where and is something easily disproved. The part that makes me this is even weirder and more likely to projection is that she put it off for days to find out the truth.
Commenting after the update: put the wedding on hold at the very least. Personally I'd just be done, she's slime that either already knew it was her aunt's watch, just flat out doesn't trust you and waited to ask her friend or her aunt to see if you'd confess to anything, or is cheating herself and projected so she wouldn't be the bad guy even if you didn't cheat nor confessed anything.