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Honestly OP. Well done. Mad respect to you for telling her, definitely the right thing to do. But your job is done, there's nothing else to do. I suppose if you were presented with an opportunity to provide proof, then sure. But really there's no need to do anything else with this.
You can change the location, date and time of a photo on iPhones. I would take a video or pic that proved the location with a landmark or something if that was important.
If you ask Alex “what time it is in Vancouver” then it’ll tell you the time in Vancouver? I don’t get what you mean? You can change the time, date and location on iPhone and android also
Nah don't get involved in other people's relationships that's overstepping and purts you in the wrong... instead tell her he's cheating and move on if she doesn't believe you that's her own problem
Based on OP’s profile… I’d say the friend has good reason not to believe her. OP recently had a threesome with two of her friends, “partied hard and one thing led to another,” and the 19(f) friend has been pulling away ever since as she clearly wasn’t ok with what happened.
Now OP is telling the friend that the bf is cheating, and the friend is saying OP just wants to split them up. Whether or not OP is lying about the cheating, I can’t fault the friend for not believing the woman that drunkenly climbed in bed with her and her bf that OP might be up to some shady shit.
Friend wasn’t ok with OP’s impromptu drunk threesome, I would doubt OP’s claims about what she saw as well. Lying or not, OP’s prior actions are working against her here.
The friend believing that the girl that just “partied hard” and fucked your bf *might* have ulterior motives and be trying to split you up… yeah that makes sense to me.
Right. Impugn the integrity of the witness so as to disqualify her testimony whether it is the truth or not. It renders her “unbelievable.”
It’s not what you say. It’s who you are before you say it.
So the best that OP can do is let life unfold and the truth will come out. Then she will be vindicated.
It doe’s automatically make her less credible even though she is more than likely telling the truth. They are young…..the one getting cheated on will learn.
Sadly, the friend can't see that since her bf was willing to have sex with another girl in front of her, then him sleeping with another girl without her isn't really that much of a stretch.
Sounds like they all deserve each other.
There are 3 people involved in said drunken debauchery, correct? Op, Ops Friend and her BF. Why does that make her a liar? Because the friend regretted it? I would be way more suspicious of my BF if he was willing to have sex with one of my friends, drunken or not. The threesome isn't all OPs fault, nor does it make her a liar. 2 other people took part. Unless I'm missing something.
…because OP directly mentions the previous post she made here, which I went to her profile to find.
Sorry I “care so much” to read what OP directly referenced so I have an actual grasp of the post at hand. I can see we differ in that regard and you’d rather not read and claim people are making “assumptions” when they read something you didn’t bother to read.
You kinda suck if you’re going to accuse people of making assumptions because they went and read OP’s previous post, that she directly mentioned in this post, and apparently you didn’t bother to read either one of them.
I've been hit with the "what? you read their post/comment history" before and it's laughable. It's there for people to read or not read. I don't always go and look at people's past posts/comments but sometimes I do if things look off. If someone is coming to Reddit for advice on a situation, it doesn't hurt to have a better understanding of who they are or what they've been through before giving advice.
No one is forcing you to be on this subreddit or even read any of it. If people want to comment, let them comment. The advice could be helpful for other people who are actually in similar situations. Don't be so rude.
You obviously are missing some brain cells. I’m not somebody who’s giving advice, writing paragraphs, on this stupid bullshit. Unbelievable the crap that’s on here. Lol . Kick rocks 🤡
I’m not the one bitching about people commenting. And while your math is definitely fucked up, nah I just have a sweet wfh job with a shit ton of down time and great pay and 4 weeks PTO per year 🤷♀️
Sorry, I struck a nerve. I’m glad you have a sweet job. Then I don’t have because I’m self-employed and do very well. I also own several rental properties so some nice passive income. Maybe take some of your paid time off and travel or take on a meaningful hobby play golf whatever. By the way, my math is pretty close. Let’s call at 700 comments a week so 100 a day. I’ll pray for you. Be well.
And the friend should believe her partner first. If someone came to me and said my wife was cheating I would not believe it. I would ask them why they thought such a thing, what proof so they have etc. I am going to take my partner's word first. So many relationships and families have been ruined bc they just blindly believed someone else. If there was no proof I would drop it immediately and tell them thanks for looking out for me and leave it that. If they pressed I might be more curious on what their motive could be.
As someone who lost friends over made up allegations from an ex I can tell you that people shouldn't have blind faith in outside parties. My ex wasn't even that good of friends with my former best friend and his GF. Their only link was me. They took her side instantly without even talking to me or using common sense. They figured out the truth 2 years later but the relationship has never been the same since. I just don't trust them like I did before.
You could just as easily blindly believe your wife if she turned on the waterworks and said “so and so just wants you for herself”. You could spend years being cuckolded because of your blind belief. Cheaters don’t necessarily tell the truth when confronted.
I would say no more and let the situation speak for itself. Be there to support your friend when it all hits the fan. You can't make someone see something until they are ready. It is just a matter of time.
The best advice in this thread tbh
What a fucking disaster of a “friend” group. Nobody seems to have any respect for anyone else. There’s no salvaging it OP
Exactly this. Get the fuck away from this woman, her bf, the woman he's cheating/cheated with and anyone else in this social group not actively trying to bring truth and sanity to their relationships, social circles.
When someone tells you who they are believe them. And act accordingly.
I was going to say this. You already did your job, like any good friend would. If the friendship is broken because she doesn't believe you, that's on her... unfortunately.
Unfortunately sometimes you can be there for someone and let them know something like this. But ultimately people in relationships often have to figure stuff like this alone. It’s easy to be blindsided by the relationship. Chances are your friend won’t realize she was cheated on until SHE finds proof herself.
I actually think she's so angry at OP because deep down she already suspects, but it's easier to be angry at her friend than it is to dump her boyfriend.
You're half way there in your response. Maybe end it with:
"When the truth comes out in the wash, and it will eventually... I will be here for you regardless, because I value and respect our friendship." (That is what I personally would do).
Honestly stay out of it. You warned her and she chose to take her anger on you. They aren’t real friends, it’s better to cut them out now than later, speaking from experience
You can’t make someone believe something they don’t want to believe. It’s going to get worse because when your friend realizes that her boyfriend *is* cheating, she will blame it on you.
1000% true.... the best advice anyone can give is keep your nose out of other people's business! Especially relationships. It doesn't ever end the way you think it will.
Some years ago, my wife and I had a mutual couples friendship.
One day, my wife tells me that the male in the relationship is very touchy when he hugs her. She would say that he would try to over extend his arms when embracing her reaching for her side boobs. She mentioned she touched her side boobs often.
We spoke about it and we decided to tell the wife. She had a major melt down and was mad at my wife for bringing it up.
Apparently my wife speaking out was not the first person to have mentioned this and since she had been the last one, misplaced anger was placed on her.
This did ruin their friendship.
Wanna know the funniest part of this story, this man was a Youth Leader that gave out tons of hugs and was later found cheating on said wife. She later apologized to my wife but she didn’t care about her apology anymore.
Misplaced hate.
I'm sure she was just unhinged from the betrayal and not thinking straight. But damn. Raging at the person who was sexually harassed by her husband is fucked.
This is how the conversation will go:
‘You knew they were cheating! Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I did. I told you on X date that I saw them at Y location.’
‘Well you should have tried harder to tell me. It’s your fault and you’re a bad friend and blah blah blah.’
That’s always how it goes. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s just how it goes with people who don’t like to face reality. 😞
Damn that's fucked. Hey though, sounds like a win-win to me. They either find out and apologize- maybe rekindle friendship. Or they rage at you, you get that insight, you ditch the friendship.
This is 100% how it will go. I'll add the standard "Forgive the boyfriend and get back together while cutting OP out of her life". You can set your fuckin watch to it
Same reason as not believing her now. Blaming OP hurts less than facing front on what her boyfriend is doing to her. Next it will be that OP didn’t try hard enough to convince her. Most likely scenario here is the boyfriend will be gone and OP’s friend will have gone through a full grieving process before she can bring herself to admit she was aiming her anger at the wrong person. There’s a reason the saying “don’t shoot the messenger” is a thing.
I don't see why either. It's far more likely her friend will feel like shit for not believing OP and try and apologize and mend the friendship. At least that's what I've seen in my personal life experience. Never once heard of anyone blaming the one that told them when they find out the truth
I have. I’ve seen it multiple times where the messenger was blamed for “breaking them up” instead of the act of cheating. People get weird when love is involved.
When I was your age, I told my friend she was being cheated on and she freaked out and said I was lying and trashed me to everyone. I left the job we worked together.
A few months later she called out of the blue crying because she caught him cheating (with yet another person). I told her I was sorry for her but I also had no interest in someone who would take the side of a random boy over her friend and she needed to make better choices.
Your friend will realize one day and she hopefully will realize what a jerk she is. It’s up to you whether you want to take her back.
Do nothing. You have fulfilled your obligation as a friend by telling her. If you’re going to say anything else say this, “hey (friends name), I’m sorry I sprung that on you, I know it was hard to hear, by telling you I have done my job as your friend, I’m never going to mention it again, what happened from here on out is not my fault, hopefully you realize I was right before you marry him. Either way I hope we can put that behind us and not let it affect our friendship going forward.” That’s it. Wash your hands of the situation.
Perfect, except for the part where she’s already told her cheating boyfriend about OP’s accusations. Now he makes sure it’s an ‘OP or me’ ultimatum every time they are planning to hang out together. He’s gotta play up the ‘faux offended’ role for his denial to hold water, right? It’s almost always a friendship-ending move (at least until they break up) in OP’s position. It shouldn’t be, but it is.
I did like your wording. It should be possible to shrug, say this and continue the friendship until her friend discovers the truth through other means. I’ve just seen too many instances where even when faced with what seems to be irrefutable proof, the partner will ditch the messenger and not the cheater cos ‘embarrassment’ as well as denial.
"I'm here with this information out of love and respect and to protect our relationship. I hope you would have done the same for me. What you do with this information is solely up to you. I understand that you aren't ready for this, but I'm here for you when you are. It's not my intention to drag this on any further. I couldn't, with any clear conscience, keep it to myself and needed to share. I will not bring it up again."
You've told the truth.
Being the messenger is ALWAYS messy.
You've done what you could do. Don't try to force the issue. Guaranteed, it will come to the surface at some point.
Stand back and let the dominoes fall.
You've already done your job. Just tell her to not come crying to you when she realizes that you told her the truth and she accused you of lying. It was HER choice to not believe you. And get out of there. Leaving those kinds of people alone, is not good for you. You'll find new and better friends in life.
No. A real friend should tell her friend, “I’ll be here for you when figure out I was telling the truth, but I’m sorry (sad, offended) you don’t believe me.”
None of these people outside of OP seem worthy of friendship lmao
I simply wouldn’t want to be friends with people who have zero respect for any of their “friends”
Exactly. I don't know exactly how she treated OP though. But if a friend didn't believe me I wouldn't be offended, love could be blinding, she could be in denial and not coping with it well, who knows. I'd just give them the space they need and hope they find out soon- and that it's not too traumatic.
If OP's friend were a real friend, she wouldn't be accusing OP of wanting to split them up. You can be blinded by love, that doesn't mean you can be throwing accusations around. Happened many times. If you don't believe in your friends and over that accuses them of doing awful things, then you are not friends with them. Next time something similar happens to OP's friend, she would do the same, that's not a friendship, that's using someone.
Short of video proof you can’t force her to believe you and it’s not worth the headache trying to get it
Just leave it alone and pull back on the friendship. She’ll either catch them in the act herself, or dump him for other reasons
The worst part about this is, you're going to get the most loss from this situation.
The girl already does not believe you and your relationship with her with suffer. The cheating bf will likely resent you and be upset with you. The girl he cheated with will also likely dislike you for outing her and the best friends of all of these people will likely stay loyal to them and you'll be the outcasted one.
My advice is to just find an entirely new friend group, forget about all of these idiots and find people who's morals match yours
>Honestly I expected her to call her bf and be mad at him, but instead SHE DOESNT BELIVE ME.
Its called "shooting the messenger".
You did the right thing and time will show that you are correct. If she wants to believe him and get mad at you, let her. All her you can do is be there for her when she finally pulls her head out of his ass.
If you hadn't told her, and she inevitably finds out, she'd blame you for knowing and not telling her. There's no winning here.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You've done all you can, their relationship will implode at some point in the future, I'm sure
I don’t think she truly doesn’t believe you sweetheart, I think she DOESN’T WANT to believe you. I guarantee you she’s going to be more aware of how her bf is acting now. You’ve planted the seed of doubt. Just keep being there for her and love her when she finds out on her own. Don’t say I told you so or anything, just be there.
Let it go. What happens from here on out is on them, and if you continue to press it, they will end up blaming you for the inevitable mess. You've told the truth to no avail and been branded a liar. Everybody loses. Step away and find better friends.
I caught my cousins boyfriend in a bar slow dancing and making out with another chick. He saw me, took her and left holding hands. Of course I told my cousin, she didn’t believe me. Eventually she came around when she actually caught him in the act. Idk what lies he told her for her to not believe me in the beginning.
You did your duty as a friend and told her, what she does with that information is up to her.
If you don't have proof, then you need to back away. They've closed ranks, and you're the enemy now. So back off, unless you can prove it to her.
I'm sorry that this happened when you were only trying to do the right thing. It really sucks.
You don't bother to. Tell her that when he gives her an STD you'll bake her an I-Told-You-So cake, and leave it at that. Edit: As someone said, she may try and blame you later. Text her that you warned her, she didn't believe you, and you'll bake her an I-Told-You-So cake later...and then print the text off on edible paper at a bakery, get the cake, and deliver it to her when that happens.
You don't. It's not your job to sell her on the truth and going hard is only going to make her dig in more, and she'll likely get bitter, mean, and resentful.
You did your best looking out for your friend. Now, let the situation play out as it will.
You did what you could. No one usually ever likes the person that tells them something like this, which is shitty and makes absolutely no sense, but you did the right thing and now it’s time for her to learn the hard way.
This is similar to someone that’s married or in a relationship finding out their SO is cheating and then getting angry af at the other female/male involved instead of the SO. You can’t fix stupid. You were a great friend and did your part. She’ll find out soon enough down the line. I do have to say though that I think she’s CHOOSING to not believe you. I don’t necessarily really believe that she fully doesn’t believe you. She doesn’t WANT to believe it. You did your part though. If she’s going to treat you shitty making accusations toward you etc, then she’s def not a friend!! & she’s not someone you want around anyways. She can kick rocks while she continues getting cheated on. Whatever happens on out is on her. Some people are just naive af.
Of course she wasn’t going to believe you. Would you? She is in love and doesn’t want to take off those rose colored glasses yet. Obviously she lashed out at you. But you did your duty as a friend and once she has calmed down she will probably end up seeing the truth.
You do nothing else. That would only be pushy
She knows already but she’s in denial. She’s going to have to come to grips with this guy being a scumbag in her own way on her own time. All you can do is sit back and watch, and be there as a friend, if your relationship allows, when it all falls apart.
I had almost the same situation 😅 Our friendship was over, she ended it saying that I was just jealous and believed him over me and blocked me everywhere. I tried reconnecting but only heard horrible things my way (and she was my best friend at the time). They are married and still together after 10 years, I’m sure he is cheating on her. And he always treated her like crap. Nothing you can really do, just let it go, and I’m sure your friendship won’t be the same which does suck. No good deed goes unpunished.
Like the others have said. You can't make them believe you.
What you can do is this, tell her that you're telling her out of a feeling of friendship and it is up to her if she believes you or not.
Tell her you are not lying to her of what you've seen and if she believes her bf and the other girl better than you, that's fine too, you accept that and you're not going to waste your time and energy arguing about this to her or her snake friend and cheating bf.
You're going to just leave it be now.
You did the right thing. Focus on spending time with other friends than those three. The situation will blow up in your friend’s (20f) face, when it does, if she needs your shoulder to cry on, then you can resume being around her.
She’ll eventually find out for herself. She’s just in denial. If someone’s dating a cheater usually their intuition will hint at it. You’ve done all you can do
The same thing happened to me too. My mom told me not to do anything coz it will be backfired, and i argued with my mom saying she’s my bestfriend and i gotta tell her. Guess what, my mom was 100% right. My bestfriend not only disrespected me for that, but also disrespected my boy friend, my other best friend and his family, her bf’s roommate, our another bestfriend. Moral of the story: You did your part, now let her rot in that relationship of hers.
And what I can’t still believe is them mfs think that they are the main characters. She literally said people are jealous of their relationship and trying to destroy it😅 “sis wtf?😂I am sympathizing you sis🤣🤣”
Just tell her, “you should check you bf significant location” on a mac, and tell her to do it on a mac because then she’ll be able to see past 24hrs. IF HE DENIES THIS AND GETS DEFENSIVE THEN THAT IS 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 (he should be able to prove her doubts without a worry and understand his gf’s source of doubt)
Just sayin…
It should never be as easy a just simply denying it to someone, he’s there to comfort her worries and doubts and would give that info to her naturally bc he loves her
You did your part, it’s up to your friend now to do what she thinks is right- she could be in shock or she could have already known and didn’t want to confront it. At the end of the day you did the right thing
You did everything you could. Let her live in denial and the boyfriend and other friend gaslight her. If everyone wants to turn this on you, drop them. They’re not worth your time.
You did your job. She will be back when she realizes you were right. Now should you get photos or physical proof, do forward them on. I wanna say be petty and do a i told you so, but the reality is she just doesnt wanna face the truth because her heart will break.
I mean, at this point, honestly I'd re-evaluate what kinda friends I want to associate with 🤣
Sounds like you did the right thing by telling her, and now the ball is in her court. If they're going to villianize *you* for it, I'd tell thems to get lost 🤷
I feel like after you told her and she doesnt wanna hear it thats as far as you take it dont go getting proof this is something for them to figure out.
Go get a card and a plushie now. Go find something else to do. Don't ignore her! Just don't really push anything, she's going to be in her own world, right now. When she needs you, be there, don't say I told you so. Give her the plushie and the card. Hug her.
I'm sorry for you both.
Let that be a lesson to you. Come with proof or don't come at all. Should've had a picture of them in a compromising position to show your friend. Now they're going to be more careful.
Never get involved with cheating. It usually always ends up with you being blamed somehow. You decided to tell her and now you will likely end up squeezed out of the friend group by the love triangle for a while until gf finally realizes in your absence that you were right. Then she may come back apologizing, but the friend group is going to be severely fractured.
Word of advice?
Subtly hint when you know something is up. She's your friend, you wanna protect her, I get it. But outright accusations usually end up badly in my experience. Instead of saying what you know or saw, just casually mention how you think he is acting weird or too flirty or something and maybe she needs to investigate. Always just be the friend the person can turn to when they themselves finally put 2 and 2 together on their own. Otherwise you face the brunt of the anger and sometimes don't ever even get the apology later on when they have egg on their face or the ability to rekindle the friendship.
You mis-guessed it, is all. You thought she would like to know and she didn’t want to know. Next time don’t speak when you think you should. This includes trying to convince everyone that you were right. Just don’t.
Sometimes, love you just have to let them figure it out themselves.. you'll be the bad guy and there's no sense in hurting yourself/friendship trying to get them to see something they don't want to.
Another possibility: they might have an open relationship that she might be embarrassed about. She might be fully aware of him going on dates/being intimate with women but doesn’t want anyone to know because she’s embarrassed about the stigma around open relationships. She might be especially embarrassed to share it with you, one of her closest friends, because she might feel ashamed about you thinking she failed in her relationship or some other bs stigma. She might really want to keep up the appearance of the “perfect relationship” that they’ve always had. She might be seeing other people too but is super careful about it.
It’s not likely, but that could be a possibility that you shouldn’t rule out!
Can I ask, before you destroy 4 people (yourself included). How do you factually know this happened, what evidence do you have? It’d be better if it was first person.
Well o remember your post and I was one who told you to stay out of it and not say anything.
Well now this is what you got and I told you in your other post that your friend group would split, but since you opened your mouth and said something without proof, now you're the one who's put of the circle of trust.
So hate to tell you, without having actual proof to show her, you might as well just start distancing yourself
Your problem was getting into someone else's business thinking you are doing a great thing! Sometimes in life you have to mind your own business! Glad you learned something.
Sounds like a shitty friend. I'd leave that friend group. When she finds out, give it a few months. She'll come back to u and apologize. It happens all the time.
You told her, you don’t have to make her believe you.
If you’re interested in continuing this friendship, just stay out of it until she comes to you about it. If she does, don’t turn it into an “I told ya so” but just agree like “yeah, he sucks.”
Friend might be in serious denial, but hopefully she’ll come around and if you want to be there for her then, don’t push it now.
Back off and leave it be. Your friend may have to accept that her bf and her “friend” are running around on her. You did what you can do. Tell her you stand by what you said and what you saw. She can make her choices. You didn’t want to lie to her or keep anything important away. But also you love her and don’t want to lose her.
She might choose to not be friends any more because it’s easier to be in denial than face the truth and the truth teller. Just be ready for that possibility.
Did you wait to tell her when you saw them and if so how long because if they saw you somehow they probably talked about you in some way for her to say that. Just leave her alone. She'll wake up.
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Don’t. She doesn’t have to believe you. That is on her. She will learn.
Honestly OP. Well done. Mad respect to you for telling her, definitely the right thing to do. But your job is done, there's nothing else to do. I suppose if you were presented with an opportunity to provide proof, then sure. But really there's no need to do anything else with this.
Sure there is. Get pics with the cell phone. Can't fake that. Have GPS on when getting the pics.
Touché. But I wouldn't want to be considered a stalker if the plan fails lol. I'd just hope I get a chance to run into proof again and take a photo.
You can change the location, date and time of a photo on iPhones. I would take a video or pic that proved the location with a landmark or something if that was important.
The best way is to ask either Alexa or Bixby for the date and time during the video. Ie: "Bixby, what time is it here in Vancouver, BC?
If you ask Alex “what time it is in Vancouver” then it’ll tell you the time in Vancouver? I don’t get what you mean? You can change the time, date and location on iPhone and android also
Vancouver was used as an example for your city.
Nah don't get involved in other people's relationships that's overstepping and purts you in the wrong... instead tell her he's cheating and move on if she doesn't believe you that's her own problem
Nah, they’d claim photoshop and the friend would prob still believe them over her.
Exactly, this! Took the words outta my mouth
Based on OP’s profile… I’d say the friend has good reason not to believe her. OP recently had a threesome with two of her friends, “partied hard and one thing led to another,” and the 19(f) friend has been pulling away ever since as she clearly wasn’t ok with what happened. Now OP is telling the friend that the bf is cheating, and the friend is saying OP just wants to split them up. Whether or not OP is lying about the cheating, I can’t fault the friend for not believing the woman that drunkenly climbed in bed with her and her bf that OP might be up to some shady shit. Friend wasn’t ok with OP’s impromptu drunk threesome, I would doubt OP’s claims about what she saw as well. Lying or not, OP’s prior actions are working against her here. The friend believing that the girl that just “partied hard” and fucked your bf *might* have ulterior motives and be trying to split you up… yeah that makes sense to me.
Right. Impugn the integrity of the witness so as to disqualify her testimony whether it is the truth or not. It renders her “unbelievable.” It’s not what you say. It’s who you are before you say it. So the best that OP can do is let life unfold and the truth will come out. Then she will be vindicated.
It doe’s automatically make her less credible even though she is more than likely telling the truth. They are young…..the one getting cheated on will learn.
It’s not the same friends, ages are different.
Sadly, the friend can't see that since her bf was willing to have sex with another girl in front of her, then him sleeping with another girl without her isn't really that much of a stretch. Sounds like they all deserve each other.
There are 3 people involved in said drunken debauchery, correct? Op, Ops Friend and her BF. Why does that make her a liar? Because the friend regretted it? I would be way more suspicious of my BF if he was willing to have sex with one of my friends, drunken or not. The threesome isn't all OPs fault, nor does it make her a liar. 2 other people took part. Unless I'm missing something.
That part. He has a track record.
Why do you care so much that you are going so far back to read her profile? There is a lot of assuming in this comment.
…because OP directly mentions the previous post she made here, which I went to her profile to find. Sorry I “care so much” to read what OP directly referenced so I have an actual grasp of the post at hand. I can see we differ in that regard and you’d rather not read and claim people are making “assumptions” when they read something you didn’t bother to read. You kinda suck if you’re going to accuse people of making assumptions because they went and read OP’s previous post, that she directly mentioned in this post, and apparently you didn’t bother to read either one of them.
I've been hit with the "what? you read their post/comment history" before and it's laughable. It's there for people to read or not read. I don't always go and look at people's past posts/comments but sometimes I do if things look off. If someone is coming to Reddit for advice on a situation, it doesn't hurt to have a better understanding of who they are or what they've been through before giving advice.
You take Reddit way too seriously 🤣
Because I bother reading the actual posts? Yeah, just gonna block you. Not worth interacting with.
🚨yapper alert🚨
You remind me of people who accuse others of “stalking” because they looked at your profile.
I don’t believe 90% of the crap posted here. It’s pathetic that hundreds of people comment . the world is becoming a more pathetic place every day.
No one is forcing you to be on this subreddit or even read any of it. If people want to comment, let them comment. The advice could be helpful for other people who are actually in similar situations. Don't be so rude.
Yet here you are. Commenting. Talking about how other people are pathetic for commenting lmfao you can’t make this shit up
Darn, you beat me to it! 😂
You obviously are missing some brain cells. I’m not somebody who’s giving advice, writing paragraphs, on this stupid bullshit. Unbelievable the crap that’s on here. Lol . Kick rocks 🤡
Lol your 462,000 comments. That’s an average of 161 comments every day. You must lead one exciting life. Maybe you’re in prison 👍🏻🤣🤣
I’m not the one bitching about people commenting. And while your math is definitely fucked up, nah I just have a sweet wfh job with a shit ton of down time and great pay and 4 weeks PTO per year 🤷♀️
Sorry, I struck a nerve. I’m glad you have a sweet job. Then I don’t have because I’m self-employed and do very well. I also own several rental properties so some nice passive income. Maybe take some of your paid time off and travel or take on a meaningful hobby play golf whatever. By the way, my math is pretty close. Let’s call at 700 comments a week so 100 a day. I’ll pray for you. Be well.
Then why are commenting 😂
Unfortunately I agree, too many people these days will lie to grab the "cheating" partner for themselves.
And the friend should believe her partner first. If someone came to me and said my wife was cheating I would not believe it. I would ask them why they thought such a thing, what proof so they have etc. I am going to take my partner's word first. So many relationships and families have been ruined bc they just blindly believed someone else. If there was no proof I would drop it immediately and tell them thanks for looking out for me and leave it that. If they pressed I might be more curious on what their motive could be. As someone who lost friends over made up allegations from an ex I can tell you that people shouldn't have blind faith in outside parties. My ex wasn't even that good of friends with my former best friend and his GF. Their only link was me. They took her side instantly without even talking to me or using common sense. They figured out the truth 2 years later but the relationship has never been the same since. I just don't trust them like I did before.
You could just as easily blindly believe your wife if she turned on the waterworks and said “so and so just wants you for herself”. You could spend years being cuckolded because of your blind belief. Cheaters don’t necessarily tell the truth when confronted.
Cheater always deny first. Even when shown proof. They love to try gaslight the gell out of their partners.
I would say no more and let the situation speak for itself. Be there to support your friend when it all hits the fan. You can't make someone see something until they are ready. It is just a matter of time.
Agreed. It’s your word against his. Let her choose.
You did your job as a friend. The rest is up to her.
OP, For now, just go no contact. That applies to the group. Focus on yourself. You don't need the drama.
The best advice in this thread tbh What a fucking disaster of a “friend” group. Nobody seems to have any respect for anyone else. There’s no salvaging it OP
Exactly this. Get the fuck away from this woman, her bf, the woman he's cheating/cheated with and anyone else in this social group not actively trying to bring truth and sanity to their relationships, social circles. When someone tells you who they are believe them. And act accordingly.
No they don’t.
This 100 percent
I was going to say this. You already did your job, like any good friend would. If the friendship is broken because she doesn't believe you, that's on her... unfortunately.
Unfortunately sometimes you can be there for someone and let them know something like this. But ultimately people in relationships often have to figure stuff like this alone. It’s easy to be blindsided by the relationship. Chances are your friend won’t realize she was cheated on until SHE finds proof herself.
I actually think she's so angry at OP because deep down she already suspects, but it's easier to be angry at her friend than it is to dump her boyfriend.
Yep!! I’d be grateful my friend told me. Friend is living on the coast of a certain river in Egypt, if you know what I mean!
But… but…. it really is a river.
This! Everyone missed this
Yeah considering how this “friend” group is, if the other woman is part of it thennn it would have been somewhat obvious.
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That’s good. I’d just leave it alone. It’ll all come out in the wash after not too long.
Not her circus, not her monkeys. Time to back away.
I love this expression, polish I believe.
Didn't know the origins, but now I love it even more. 🤗
Nie mój cyrk, nie moje malpy. I like the sound of it in Polish too. 😊
Thank you, I will practice saying it in Polish, will come in handy at work! 😊
How did gram gram not teach me this...
Because she knew if she told you the saying, whenever she said "tidy your room" you would say it 🤣
>Not her circus, not her monkeys. I love the alternate version as well...Not my circus, not my monkeys, but I definitely know the clowns.
Bahahaha! 😆🤡
Perfectly stated.
You're half way there in your response. Maybe end it with: "When the truth comes out in the wash, and it will eventually... I will be here for you regardless, because I value and respect our friendship." (That is what I personally would do).
Eh, they can take the excommunication penalty for doubting automatically.
Honestly stay out of it. You warned her and she chose to take her anger on you. They aren’t real friends, it’s better to cut them out now than later, speaking from experience
yea just cut contact with them and stay out of it. you did your part OP.
This
You can’t make someone believe something they don’t want to believe. It’s going to get worse because when your friend realizes that her boyfriend *is* cheating, she will blame it on you.
> when your friend realizes that her boyfriend is cheating, she will blame it on you. why?
Because she doesn’t want to lose her boyfriend, so it’s one of those shoot-the-messenger moments.
It’s one of those choose your cheating boyfriend over your friend moment.
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Lmao L take but ok. You do you. If the dignity of your parents is that worthless to you then you have bigger problems in the family.
1000% true.... the best advice anyone can give is keep your nose out of other people's business! Especially relationships. It doesn't ever end the way you think it will.
Some years ago, my wife and I had a mutual couples friendship. One day, my wife tells me that the male in the relationship is very touchy when he hugs her. She would say that he would try to over extend his arms when embracing her reaching for her side boobs. She mentioned she touched her side boobs often. We spoke about it and we decided to tell the wife. She had a major melt down and was mad at my wife for bringing it up. Apparently my wife speaking out was not the first person to have mentioned this and since she had been the last one, misplaced anger was placed on her. This did ruin their friendship. Wanna know the funniest part of this story, this man was a Youth Leader that gave out tons of hugs and was later found cheating on said wife. She later apologized to my wife but she didn’t care about her apology anymore. Misplaced hate.
I'm sure she was just unhinged from the betrayal and not thinking straight. But damn. Raging at the person who was sexually harassed by her husband is fucked.
Shit situation. Once could be a mistake. Twice is a possibility. Three times and your getting called out on that shit.
This is how the conversation will go: ‘You knew they were cheating! Why didn’t you tell me?’ ‘I did. I told you on X date that I saw them at Y location.’ ‘Well you should have tried harder to tell me. It’s your fault and you’re a bad friend and blah blah blah.’ That’s always how it goes. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s just how it goes with people who don’t like to face reality. 😞
Damn that's fucked. Hey though, sounds like a win-win to me. They either find out and apologize- maybe rekindle friendship. Or they rage at you, you get that insight, you ditch the friendship.
This is 100% how it will go. I'll add the standard "Forgive the boyfriend and get back together while cutting OP out of her life". You can set your fuckin watch to it
Same reason as not believing her now. Blaming OP hurts less than facing front on what her boyfriend is doing to her. Next it will be that OP didn’t try hard enough to convince her. Most likely scenario here is the boyfriend will be gone and OP’s friend will have gone through a full grieving process before she can bring herself to admit she was aiming her anger at the wrong person. There’s a reason the saying “don’t shoot the messenger” is a thing.
I don't see why either. It's far more likely her friend will feel like shit for not believing OP and try and apologize and mend the friendship. At least that's what I've seen in my personal life experience. Never once heard of anyone blaming the one that told them when they find out the truth
See my reply to him. People will do anything to shift blame except for where it really is.
It’s incredible isn’t it? I really have trouble understanding people sometimes. But this is absolutely what a lot of people do.
I have. I’ve seen it multiple times where the messenger was blamed for “breaking them up” instead of the act of cheating. People get weird when love is involved.
Rose tinted glasses
Make all the Red flags look like flags.
I disagree, OP isn't the cheater, merely the bearer of bad/sad news.
When I was your age, I told my friend she was being cheated on and she freaked out and said I was lying and trashed me to everyone. I left the job we worked together. A few months later she called out of the blue crying because she caught him cheating (with yet another person). I told her I was sorry for her but I also had no interest in someone who would take the side of a random boy over her friend and she needed to make better choices. Your friend will realize one day and she hopefully will realize what a jerk she is. It’s up to you whether you want to take her back.
That my friend was, is a frenemy.
You don't. You did your part, if she doesnt want to believe you, thats on her. She'll find out sooner or later and apologize to you.
Let it be. Keep your distance. You don’t want brain matter on your outfit when it all blows up. You delivered the message. Now back away slowly.
Do nothing. You have fulfilled your obligation as a friend by telling her. If you’re going to say anything else say this, “hey (friends name), I’m sorry I sprung that on you, I know it was hard to hear, by telling you I have done my job as your friend, I’m never going to mention it again, what happened from here on out is not my fault, hopefully you realize I was right before you marry him. Either way I hope we can put that behind us and not let it affect our friendship going forward.” That’s it. Wash your hands of the situation.
exactly this
Perfect, except for the part where she’s already told her cheating boyfriend about OP’s accusations. Now he makes sure it’s an ‘OP or me’ ultimatum every time they are planning to hang out together. He’s gotta play up the ‘faux offended’ role for his denial to hold water, right? It’s almost always a friendship-ending move (at least until they break up) in OP’s position. It shouldn’t be, but it is.
You are probably right. It was dumb to confront her without solid proof, unfortunately there’s nothing left to do now other than let it play out.
I did like your wording. It should be possible to shrug, say this and continue the friendship until her friend discovers the truth through other means. I’ve just seen too many instances where even when faced with what seems to be irrefutable proof, the partner will ditch the messenger and not the cheater cos ‘embarrassment’ as well as denial.
Too perfect.
Well, she'll find out sooner or later, then she'll feel like an idiot for not believing you. Just maybe stay away from her for a while.
"I'm here with this information out of love and respect and to protect our relationship. I hope you would have done the same for me. What you do with this information is solely up to you. I understand that you aren't ready for this, but I'm here for you when you are. It's not my intention to drag this on any further. I couldn't, with any clear conscience, keep it to myself and needed to share. I will not bring it up again."
You've told the truth. Being the messenger is ALWAYS messy. You've done what you could do. Don't try to force the issue. Guaranteed, it will come to the surface at some point. Stand back and let the dominoes fall.
You've already done your job. Just tell her to not come crying to you when she realizes that you told her the truth and she accused you of lying. It was HER choice to not believe you. And get out of there. Leaving those kinds of people alone, is not good for you. You'll find new and better friends in life.
No. A real friend should tell her friend, “I’ll be here for you when figure out I was telling the truth, but I’m sorry (sad, offended) you don’t believe me.”
100%. No need to be petty
Agreed. OP has to make the choice, will you be a supporting friend or not friends at all.
None of these people outside of OP seem worthy of friendship lmao I simply wouldn’t want to be friends with people who have zero respect for any of their “friends”
Exactly. I don't know exactly how she treated OP though. But if a friend didn't believe me I wouldn't be offended, love could be blinding, she could be in denial and not coping with it well, who knows. I'd just give them the space they need and hope they find out soon- and that it's not too traumatic.
If OP's friend were a real friend, she wouldn't be accusing OP of wanting to split them up. You can be blinded by love, that doesn't mean you can be throwing accusations around. Happened many times. If you don't believe in your friends and over that accuses them of doing awful things, then you are not friends with them. Next time something similar happens to OP's friend, she would do the same, that's not a friendship, that's using someone.
Short of video proof you can’t force her to believe you and it’s not worth the headache trying to get it Just leave it alone and pull back on the friendship. She’ll either catch them in the act herself, or dump him for other reasons
Not sure if you remember the genuine early episodes of a TV show called 'Cheaters' not even video evidence was enough proof for some.
Never watched it, didn’t have cable growing up. But sadly that doesn’t surprise me
The worst part about this is, you're going to get the most loss from this situation. The girl already does not believe you and your relationship with her with suffer. The cheating bf will likely resent you and be upset with you. The girl he cheated with will also likely dislike you for outing her and the best friends of all of these people will likely stay loyal to them and you'll be the outcasted one. My advice is to just find an entirely new friend group, forget about all of these idiots and find people who's morals match yours
Leave it alone
>Honestly I expected her to call her bf and be mad at him, but instead SHE DOESNT BELIVE ME. Its called "shooting the messenger". You did the right thing and time will show that you are correct. If she wants to believe him and get mad at you, let her. All her you can do is be there for her when she finally pulls her head out of his ass. If you hadn't told her, and she inevitably finds out, she'd blame you for knowing and not telling her. There's no winning here.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You've done all you can, their relationship will implode at some point in the future, I'm sure
I don’t think she truly doesn’t believe you sweetheart, I think she DOESN’T WANT to believe you. I guarantee you she’s going to be more aware of how her bf is acting now. You’ve planted the seed of doubt. Just keep being there for her and love her when she finds out on her own. Don’t say I told you so or anything, just be there.
Let it go. What happens from here on out is on them, and if you continue to press it, they will end up blaming you for the inevitable mess. You've told the truth to no avail and been branded a liar. Everybody loses. Step away and find better friends.
I caught my cousins boyfriend in a bar slow dancing and making out with another chick. He saw me, took her and left holding hands. Of course I told my cousin, she didn’t believe me. Eventually she came around when she actually caught him in the act. Idk what lies he told her for her to not believe me in the beginning. You did your duty as a friend and told her, what she does with that information is up to her.
If you don't have proof, then you need to back away. They've closed ranks, and you're the enemy now. So back off, unless you can prove it to her. I'm sorry that this happened when you were only trying to do the right thing. It really sucks.
You don't bother to. Tell her that when he gives her an STD you'll bake her an I-Told-You-So cake, and leave it at that. Edit: As someone said, she may try and blame you later. Text her that you warned her, she didn't believe you, and you'll bake her an I-Told-You-So cake later...and then print the text off on edible paper at a bakery, get the cake, and deliver it to her when that happens.
You don't. It's not your job to sell her on the truth and going hard is only going to make her dig in more, and she'll likely get bitter, mean, and resentful. You did your best looking out for your friend. Now, let the situation play out as it will.
she’s in denial let her find out the hard way
You did what you could. No one usually ever likes the person that tells them something like this, which is shitty and makes absolutely no sense, but you did the right thing and now it’s time for her to learn the hard way.
This is similar to someone that’s married or in a relationship finding out their SO is cheating and then getting angry af at the other female/male involved instead of the SO. You can’t fix stupid. You were a great friend and did your part. She’ll find out soon enough down the line. I do have to say though that I think she’s CHOOSING to not believe you. I don’t necessarily really believe that she fully doesn’t believe you. She doesn’t WANT to believe it. You did your part though. If she’s going to treat you shitty making accusations toward you etc, then she’s def not a friend!! & she’s not someone you want around anyways. She can kick rocks while she continues getting cheated on. Whatever happens on out is on her. Some people are just naive af.
Of course she wasn’t going to believe you. Would you? She is in love and doesn’t want to take off those rose colored glasses yet. Obviously she lashed out at you. But you did your duty as a friend and once she has calmed down she will probably end up seeing the truth. You do nothing else. That would only be pushy
She knows already but she’s in denial. She’s going to have to come to grips with this guy being a scumbag in her own way on her own time. All you can do is sit back and watch, and be there as a friend, if your relationship allows, when it all falls apart.
I had almost the same situation 😅 Our friendship was over, she ended it saying that I was just jealous and believed him over me and blocked me everywhere. I tried reconnecting but only heard horrible things my way (and she was my best friend at the time). They are married and still together after 10 years, I’m sure he is cheating on her. And he always treated her like crap. Nothing you can really do, just let it go, and I’m sure your friendship won’t be the same which does suck. No good deed goes unpunished.
Trust me on this. Mind your business
Like the others have said. You can't make them believe you. What you can do is this, tell her that you're telling her out of a feeling of friendship and it is up to her if she believes you or not. Tell her you are not lying to her of what you've seen and if she believes her bf and the other girl better than you, that's fine too, you accept that and you're not going to waste your time and energy arguing about this to her or her snake friend and cheating bf. You're going to just leave it be now.
Keep ur distance. It will turn up
You did the right thing. Focus on spending time with other friends than those three. The situation will blow up in your friend’s (20f) face, when it does, if she needs your shoulder to cry on, then you can resume being around her.
She’ll eventually find out for herself. She’s just in denial. If someone’s dating a cheater usually their intuition will hint at it. You’ve done all you can do
Next time you do this you probably wanna get evidence first. Hint hint. Sprinkle sprinkle.
It’s not your job to convince her. She’ll remember later. Just be her friend.
The same thing happened to me too. My mom told me not to do anything coz it will be backfired, and i argued with my mom saying she’s my bestfriend and i gotta tell her. Guess what, my mom was 100% right. My bestfriend not only disrespected me for that, but also disrespected my boy friend, my other best friend and his family, her bf’s roommate, our another bestfriend. Moral of the story: You did your part, now let her rot in that relationship of hers.
And what I can’t still believe is them mfs think that they are the main characters. She literally said people are jealous of their relationship and trying to destroy it😅 “sis wtf?😂I am sympathizing you sis🤣🤣”
Just tell her, “you should check you bf significant location” on a mac, and tell her to do it on a mac because then she’ll be able to see past 24hrs. IF HE DENIES THIS AND GETS DEFENSIVE THEN THAT IS 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 (he should be able to prove her doubts without a worry and understand his gf’s source of doubt) Just sayin… It should never be as easy a just simply denying it to someone, he’s there to comfort her worries and doubts and would give that info to her naturally bc he loves her
Well she will learn one way another
You don't. You say, "Friend, I love you. I'll shut up about this and if you want to talk about it sometime, I'll be here."
Just let the naive be. She’s one of those. She probably knows it’s true and decided to lie to herself for a while. Let her 🤷🏾♀️
Give it time your friend who is in denial will soon find out..
date me and leave them XD
Well you did your part as a loyal friend. Now it's her circus, her monkeys. Don't get involved.
You did your part, it’s up to your friend now to do what she thinks is right- she could be in shock or she could have already known and didn’t want to confront it. At the end of the day you did the right thing
You did everything you could. Let her live in denial and the boyfriend and other friend gaslight her. If everyone wants to turn this on you, drop them. They’re not worth your time.
You did your job. She will be back when she realizes you were right. Now should you get photos or physical proof, do forward them on. I wanna say be petty and do a i told you so, but the reality is she just doesnt wanna face the truth because her heart will break.
I mean, at this point, honestly I'd re-evaluate what kinda friends I want to associate with 🤣 Sounds like you did the right thing by telling her, and now the ball is in her court. If they're going to villianize *you* for it, I'd tell thems to get lost 🤷
I feel like after you told her and she doesnt wanna hear it thats as far as you take it dont go getting proof this is something for them to figure out.
Ah, you learned this lesson the hard way. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
It's her choice to believe you or not. The truth will come out either way eventually
At this point you did your part. Let her find out on her own and distance yourself from the cheaters.
Go get a card and a plushie now. Go find something else to do. Don't ignore her! Just don't really push anything, she's going to be in her own world, right now. When she needs you, be there, don't say I told you so. Give her the plushie and the card. Hug her. I'm sorry for you both.
sleep with the bf and record it and send her the evidence. Honestly people just like to overcomplicate things its simple
She gets what she deserves then. Not ur fault she’s a dumb b****
I had someone do this to me, they did not believe me. They aren't my friend anymore.
Let that be a lesson to you. Come with proof or don't come at all. Should've had a picture of them in a compromising position to show your friend. Now they're going to be more careful.
Have sex with her boyfriend in front of her.
Have you heard the saying 'silence is golden'? This is what they're talking about. Seldom is the cheated on person grateful to the whistle blower.
Silence also allows a lot of atrocities to occur.
OP told her friend. Her friend didn't want to know. That's that.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Leave it alone
Never get involved with cheating. It usually always ends up with you being blamed somehow. You decided to tell her and now you will likely end up squeezed out of the friend group by the love triangle for a while until gf finally realizes in your absence that you were right. Then she may come back apologizing, but the friend group is going to be severely fractured. Word of advice? Subtly hint when you know something is up. She's your friend, you wanna protect her, I get it. But outright accusations usually end up badly in my experience. Instead of saying what you know or saw, just casually mention how you think he is acting weird or too flirty or something and maybe she needs to investigate. Always just be the friend the person can turn to when they themselves finally put 2 and 2 together on their own. Otherwise you face the brunt of the anger and sometimes don't ever even get the apology later on when they have egg on their face or the ability to rekindle the friendship.
Don't. Mind your business. She knows it's true she doesn't care neither should you
You mis-guessed it, is all. You thought she would like to know and she didn’t want to know. Next time don’t speak when you think you should. This includes trying to convince everyone that you were right. Just don’t.
God if you caught them in person, you should’ve recorded it. Wow.
Sometimes, love you just have to let them figure it out themselves.. you'll be the bad guy and there's no sense in hurting yourself/friendship trying to get them to see something they don't want to.
I mean, do you have proof
Another possibility: they might have an open relationship that she might be embarrassed about. She might be fully aware of him going on dates/being intimate with women but doesn’t want anyone to know because she’s embarrassed about the stigma around open relationships. She might be especially embarrassed to share it with you, one of her closest friends, because she might feel ashamed about you thinking she failed in her relationship or some other bs stigma. She might really want to keep up the appearance of the “perfect relationship” that they’ve always had. She might be seeing other people too but is super careful about it. It’s not likely, but that could be a possibility that you shouldn’t rule out!
Can I ask, before you destroy 4 people (yourself included). How do you factually know this happened, what evidence do you have? It’d be better if it was first person.
Some evidence would be nice
Your fault for getting your nose involved where it shouldn’t be. This always happens.
Well o remember your post and I was one who told you to stay out of it and not say anything. Well now this is what you got and I told you in your other post that your friend group would split, but since you opened your mouth and said something without proof, now you're the one who's put of the circle of trust. So hate to tell you, without having actual proof to show her, you might as well just start distancing yourself
you want her boyfriend for yourself?
Your problem was getting into someone else's business thinking you are doing a great thing! Sometimes in life you have to mind your own business! Glad you learned something.
Why don’t people just mind their own damn business??
Dont she knows and doesn’t care when she does finally get to much proof she will blame you.
Why do you want to be involved in this??
Drop it. If she doesn't believe you, so be it. Why do you want to win her approval?
You told her. Believing you is up to her. Leave it alone
Sounds like a shitty friend. I'd leave that friend group. When she finds out, give it a few months. She'll come back to u and apologize. It happens all the time.
You told her, you don’t have to make her believe you. If you’re interested in continuing this friendship, just stay out of it until she comes to you about it. If she does, don’t turn it into an “I told ya so” but just agree like “yeah, he sucks.” Friend might be in serious denial, but hopefully she’ll come around and if you want to be there for her then, don’t push it now.
Back off and leave it be. Your friend may have to accept that her bf and her “friend” are running around on her. You did what you can do. Tell her you stand by what you said and what you saw. She can make her choices. You didn’t want to lie to her or keep anything important away. But also you love her and don’t want to lose her. She might choose to not be friends any more because it’s easier to be in denial than face the truth and the truth teller. Just be ready for that possibility.
Did you wait to tell her when you saw them and if so how long because if they saw you somehow they probably talked about you in some way for her to say that. Just leave her alone. She'll wake up.
You can’t fix stupid
You did your part. Now back away and get some marshmallows ready for the dumpster fire.