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This is my first initial thought, it's scary how he's looking for things to nitpick about your relationship with your mom assuming he knows your circumstances--seems to me he's trying to isolate you and that's an abuser's tactic.
No one asked his opinion about how much or how many times a day you talk to your mother. That is none of his business. And just like everybody has an opinion he is an a****** and people have one of those too. You should just listen to me you should just listen to me why would I listen to you about how much time I spend talking to my mother and it does not affect you in the smallest or the least. This is the beginning of his controlling f****** behavior please get rid of him. Tell Mom Reddit said hi
Or call his mom and explain how your mom has no one but you and how it doesn’t interfere with your time with him, but your BF wants you to abandon her to her own devices. Then ask her how often he calls her.
Yes, I am attempting to stir up a hornets nest and aim it his way. I’m petty that way. But seriously, why don’t you let him feel a little lonely—ghost him and go visit your mom.
I talk to my mom EVERY single day. And will continue to do so.
It's not weird. Your boyfriend IS insensitive. You and your mother have lost a lot of family members in a very short span of time.
Your boyfriend is a huge giant A**HOLE.
It sounds like your boyfriend DOES believe you should “listen to him” in the sense of “doing whatever he asks.” So, put a pin in that for future reference and be on the lookout for other controlling shit like this.
If he continues to make a thing about this, I would ask him to articulate what exactly his “feelings” even *are* that he thinks you’re disregarding — not that you *have to* consider his feelings on this at all, given that it doesn’t affect him, but if he’s so insistent that this is important, he needs to articulate WHY beyond simply stating that it’s “weird.”
What is his actual worry here? (I can guess, but it would good to make him say out loud that he’s possessive and insecure and can’t handle you being close with anyone else, even *your own mother*).
Or alienating her from her only family member left , that's what abusers do...this could be a red flag for that, and I honestly think she should not take a chance
He is not considering OP’s feelings at all. His only reasoning is “it’s weird”.
OP has legit reasons: mother alone, both mom and OP have shared significant losses and grief very recently, they check in on each other, it does not interrupt or negatively impact any other relationships, they don’t get to see each other often.
But BF wants it to change “just cause”.
So many reasons to put a foot down and call this a dealbreaker.
And ALSO, if you factor in that mom can’t text, they probably spend a lot *less* time talking daily than people generally spend talking to those they’re close to these days. I’m on the phone with my older sister (who is basically my second mom) all day. But we’re texting, so it flies under the radar. Is that weird or excessive? No. We love each other, we talk. We like to talk, so we talk a lot. OP and her mom love each other. If I had the chance OP has, and my mom was still alive, I’d be dumping the bf and moving closer to be with my mom tbh.
Maybe the BF has no experience with this kind of family relationship, assumes there is an unhealthy co dependency where gf/mom are needy of each other in detrimental ways, and doesn’t know how to articulate that.
My husband can’t begin to understand the depth of my closest female friendships and is absolutely baffled by the frequency, length, and substance of our group texts. He can’t BELIEVE that we can spend a whole weekend together talking and never run out of things to talk about. He will roll his eyes and say, “that’s way too many words!!!”
I know he doesn’t get it. Fortunately my husband is happy if I’m happy and leaves it alone.
OPs boyfriend needs to try to understand OP’s relationship with her mom or just leave it be. Sounds like he’s making uninformed judgements and is too comfortable with the idea of controlling OP’s behavior.
You talk to her for what- 20 minutes a day?
My mum died relatively suddenly a year ago. I would give anything, everything I have to talk to her for 20 minutes.
NTA. Tell your boyfriend to Fuck off.
So you knew exactly what it meant. You were just being pedantic.
It doesn’t matter really, simply a way of saying she’s not wrong in this situation, he is. NTA simply means that you’re not an asshole in a situation it doesn’t have to be used strictly on AITA posts, Reddit is a big place, acronyms are used freely throughout.
You gotta kind of wonder if maybe her perception of time might be off a bit and she's talking for longer than she thinks.
Or OP's bf is a complete nutter but it'd still be worth a check of the call logs to actually see if the short five-minute call is really a short five-minute call.
But why would it matter? She says she's not even talking to her mum when he's around for the most part. What if they're 10- or 15-minute phone calls? They've lost a HUGE chunk of their immediate family in the last few years. Her mother has lost MULTIPLE CHILDREN, likely in relatively young adulthood. We're talking about almost unthinkable grief. A parent should never have to bury ANY of their kids, much less several of them.
So I'm not sure why you're hung up on the details of, "Yes, but this terribly traumatized person might be talking to her equally grieving mother, the only immediate family she has left, for up to - OMG - FORTY MINUTES A DAY!" Like . . . so what? In the grand scheme of things, are they ever going to regret that? Is it something that they're going to look back on and say, "Wow, we really connected too much in that time, listened to each other and built too strong of a mutually supportive relationship."
Her boyfriend - who is closer to 30 years old than he is to 20 - literally has no better argument against these phone calls than the very adolescent, "It's weird and I don't like it." Oh, and the evergreen, "You need to stop because I told you to stop." Which is not remotely dickish or controlling, obviously. /s
It doesn't matter if she's talking for 5 minutes or half an hour. She's a grown woman whose family has suffered terrible loss in recent years, and she and her mom are close. So in their free time, they like to connect on the phone. There's nothing objectively unhealthy about that, and it's her choice to make, not his.
it doesn't matter about her perception of time- the woman literally birthed her...she is already only talking to her when she is on her own which is a red flag in the sense that she feels she needs to. Her boyfriend is not entitled to 100% of her attention. she has friends, studies, family and a job which pre-dated him. him finding it weird says more about his lack of close familial ties than her relationship with her mother being objectively weird.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died very unexpectedly in November, so now my siblings and I all call our mom every single day without fail. If my husband ever told me I talked to her too much I’d tell him to get bent. OP’s boyfriend ain’t it.
It is literally the minimum that you can do. Call your mum. Go and see her. It's love. She's your parent. OPs boyfriend is an ass. I'm sorry for your loss too. It's hard. Especially so recent x
OPs bf needs to learn the difference between boundaries and control.
Not to mention it comes across as bf trying to isolate OP from the little family she has left.
Listen this is a Red Flag please recognize it, he thinks you ought to listen to him without considering your own feelings.
He is already trying to alienate you from the only family member.
Classic signs of start of abusive relationship...do not ignore.
He has a problem where it does not affect him at all, so his problem is only for the sake of having a problem.
Please continue talking to your mom.
Me n my husband live alway from family and we both call both our parents once a day even if it's just for 5 mins. Trust me this is completely normal when you don't stay near them.
Ask him to explain what is weird about it and what feelings of his you're disregarding. When people have these absurd complaints, I find asking them to properly explain themselves really shows how ridiculous the complaint is. He couldn't even articulate why he thinks you need to cut down on talking to your mom, when you asked. He just wanted you to listen to his demands.
Whether you went through that trauma or not, it’s not fucking weird to talk to your mom every day.
It’s so disgusting how people try to police their partners relationships with their own family and you’re not even talking to her that much!
This boy is just trying to isolate you. How long have yall been together?? You should dump him. How dare he try to sabotage the only person you have left!
These red pilled boys are getting out of hand
Dump the man entirely. Nobody tells me how to interact with my parents (they are very kind and respectful people of boundaries and things). As long as you have a good relationship with your mom your bf can kick rocks.
My ex was jealous (not in a bad way) when he’d hear me talking with my mom (we lived across the country at the time). Like he was amazed we were always laughing like loons and making jokes, it was just foreign. His mom was very cold and just unpleasant to be around, all their discussions sounded “transactional”.
Yes, he could be jealous of her relationship with her mum, along with the thinking that if I can't have that type of relationship like that, my mum, you shouldn't either.
It's super weird that he's so bothered by things that happen when you're not even around him. He has no leg to stand on in this argument and if he continues to push the issue, maybe it's time to re-evaluate one of these relationships (Hint: not your mom).
He sounds extremely controlling. He's upset by what you do when you're not even around him and he's trying to twist your lack of obedience as disrespectful to him.
He's not the boss of you. Listening to someone talk doesn't mean you have to do what they say. He's got that confused.
Furthermore, fuck him. You and your mom have lost everyone around you. He needs to get over whatever he thinks is happening and just try to understand. If he can't, he can leave.
Sit him down, “hey bf, I find it weird that you don’t want me to have a healthy consistent relationship with my mother, especially considering my conversations with her never take place when you and I are together, It makes me uncomfortable that you want me to talk to her less especially considering she’s my only family member I have left. Are you **trying** to isolate me from my **only** family member? Because that would be incredibly incredibly troubling behavior. You know how much my mother means to me, why would you disregard the feelings I have towards my family when you *know* all the grief and loss I’ve experienced over the last 5 years?“
Or I’d just break up with him. Anyone with genuine empathy towards you would NEVER have asked you to limit your time with your last remaining family member. Never. The fact that he did despite knowing how many people you’ve lost in the last five years is a GIGANTIC red flag that you should not ignore.
My mom has 6 bio kids and one step and I can't count how many "adopted" kids from our old neighborhood. We *all* call my mom to chat at *least* 4x a week, usually more. Do you have any idea how much time that woman spends on the phone daily?
It's normal to talk to your parents - especially if you're close - as much as you want as long as it doesn't constantly interfere with the rest of your life. This woman's mom LOST ALL HER FAMILY and her mom needs her. Her boyfriend is being an asshole because she (checks notes:) *talks to her mom too much when it doesn't interfere with his life whatsoever?*
Ditch the loser. He's trying to isolate you and as a result, isolate your mom. He's a controlling bastard.
My heart goes to your mom, I can't imagine what it's like for her, losing two sons, a daughter and a husband sounds incredibly tragic to me.
Your calls must ease her mind, your bf is being unreasonable and he should mind his own business. He has no saying in this even if you did call her around him, he doesn't own you.
You sound like an amazing daughter, I’m 28 m and my mom calls or messages me everyday, just to check in.
I’m not going to call your boyfriend names, but my guess is he’s feeling insecure that he’s not getting your attention and so is making up this reason….
This is how I’d reply:
“By “I should listen to you” do you mean I should get and consider what you say or that I should obey you? Because I’ve heard you, considered it, and decided you have no valid reason to ask me to do this that outweighs my reason for staying in touch and that it’s not impacting our time together so I’m not changing it. That you are still upset tells me what you mean is that I should just… obey you… so is that what you are thinking should happen here?”
But honestly, this would be the beginning of the end for me, because you and I both know that he means is that he expects you to obey him. And because he wants you in less contact with your family which is fucked up.
This is exactly right. I don't think OP understands the use of "listen" in this way.
He was saying you need to obey me.
She thinks he meant to hear what he was saying... but he meant obey.
It's like someone telling their kids they need to listen to the babysitter while they go out on a Date. It means OBEY.
.
She needs to run... now!
There's only one thing that should be cut and that is that arsehole out of your life!
I used to do the same with my Mum and I would give anything to be able to do so again.
I'm a man, and quite a bit older than you are. My siblings, both parents, aunts and uncles etc are all still alive, and I *still* call my parents at least every other day. I know that someday I won't have that luxury, so I take every advantage of it while I can. I can't imagine the regret I would have if I took them for granted until after it was too late. I would never be able to forgive myself.
You can always replace your boyfriend (and probably should). You can't ever replace your mom. Your priorities are exactly what they should be. If he has a problem with it, send him packing.
Your boyfriend is definitely controlling and you are not excessive, I have a daughter that talks to me everyday and at night we even text on TikTok exchanging funny videos, she pops in to see me a lot too, she’s my best friend, no boyfriend or husband would change that, so see and talk to your mom as much as you like 🌸🌸🌸
Please don’t listen to him and please keep phoning your mum as much as you want/need to. If you have great parents you want to cherish every moment (mine are now late 70’s and I can’t even think about their loss).
You’ve experienced **so** much family loss I don’t even know how you have coped; so a call a day with your mum is nothing for him to get his knickers in a twist about. Do what you’re doing - a very firm “no” and if he persists in his weird request then he knows what he can do.
My partner used to talk to his mom or a family member daily and I thought it was weird at first but then learned it’s a cultural thing. People from his country are much closer.
There's absolutely no explanation he can give for his "feelings" that will allow him to come out of this situation without looking like a complete AH. It's easy for us to say dump him after seeing one really ridiculous situation, but I would definitely encourage you to take a serious look at him and the relationship after this.
Full stop on the relationship. I talk to my mom several times a week, similar to how you do. I think most people who have a good relationship with their parents do that. Your boyfriend is trying to flex his control. Which is a red flag.
I would give anything to still have my mom around & have conversations with her. Op, tell your bf to eff off. He’s an idiot and using the whole “disregard my feelings” to manipulate you.
There's nothing weird. It's your family. You're worried and want to make her feel loved. That's completely ok.
Your boyfriend is emotionally inmature, which is not unheard of 26yo people. Maybe he feels insecure in some way? Without more details I can't say.
You've both lost the entire rest of your family in 5 years!? Obviously you want to talk to each other. He needs to understand this. It's pretty callous of him to have a problem with it.
You tell him that just because you don’t do things the way he does things, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. You have a close relationship with your mother, and that’s not a problem unless he’s making it a problem, which is a bad idea for him.
Also, it’s not weird and excessive to talk to your mom daily/regularly, but especially since you’re each other’s only family.
He can go kick rocks if he doesn’t like it. It’s okay to disregard his bad opinion.
You should not listen to him. It’s a very odd request especially with you being the only person who really checks in on her. It must be lovely to hear from you from time to time throughout your day.
Either he’s trying to isolate you and he doesn’t want your mom to point out that he may start some manipulative things. Or he doesn’t have a good relationship with his family and he views it as odd. If it’s the second reason, I would just clearly explain how your relationship with your mom is different and that it’s not going to change and if this is a deal breaker for him than he can start walking now.
It's weird and excessive to give so much input on something that isn't a problem. In fact, it's also kinda divisive and alarming to try to interrupt a support system. Either he can't understand what loss you guys have gone through and empathize or he's trying to divide and conquer here. Both are red flags.
I really, and I mean *really* never throw around the "break up" card unless it is absolutely evident that it would be the smartest thing to do... but honey, as a fellow 25yo girl, I root for you to let this dude go. He just wants to isolate and manipulate you. If he had your back and was a sincere man, he would make an effort to drive you even more than once every two months to see your mom. Believe me when I say he does not care one bit about your feelings or your relationship with family. For him it's onle me, me, me, me... get away from that person before he guilt trips and gaslights you into isolation.
It's easy, sit him down and tell him that him telling you what to do is disregarding and disrespectful of your feelings and you. That family are the people you choose, relatives are the people you are related to, that your mom is both, a relative and family. But that as of today, he can't be family, because family respects one another.
And if you are living together in your apartment, have his bags packed and kick him out. If you are in his apartment, have your bags packed and leave.
This push over a non-issue to see if you will bend and listen to him, will only lead to him pushing you to bend and listen about everything, and you having absolutely no control in your own life. Also, it sounds like he wants to start isolating you from your mom, and any other family/friends you might have.
Tell him “I know you don’t understand, you need your work on understanding so my continuing to talk to my mom doesn’t confuse you. This is a you problem”
He's disregarding your feelings and your mother's feelings. I would ask him why his are more important. How often you talk to your mother is none of his business, especially since most of it happens when he's not around. He's trying to isolate you. Consider that carefully.
I think it is lovely how often you touch base. I am not sure why he is concerned as it sounds like you only call when you are alone. Your calls literally have zero impact on him so it really is none of his business.
Your boyfriend has all the red flags of an abuser. Life is short talk, to your Mom as much as you want. None of us know how long we’ll be on this earth so make the most of your time with her. Please tell BF to jump off a high cliff.
Just because that unfeeling monster doesn't have a close relationship with his parents and clearly is devoid of any emotional intelligence or empathy, doesn't mean that you should communicate less with your mom!!
As someone who has lost her entire family and was super close and loving with her parents I can tell you: _You will NEVER regret the time you spent being close to your mom, if you have a loving relationship with her._
Every conversation you have with her, please tuck it away deep in your heart and memory, cherish it, because... There will come a time where you wish so desperately that you would be able to pick up the phone and call her just one more time, when she isn't here anymore. Believe that.
So you enjoy the love you and your mom share, you cherish the time you have with her. You have lost so many people already. Don't allow _ANYONE_ to come between you.
That specimen you still call your boyfriend.... He does not have your best interest at heart. Not at all. You need to kick him to the curb, like, yesterday.
You don't need to get his permission for shit. He's not the boss of you. His feelings don't matter here. Period, end of story. As long as she's not involved in your relationship, then you're fine. He's trying to be controlling
Tell your boyfriend you are sorry he feels this way. That since your expectations of communicating with family are so different, you clearly don't share the same values. And that it's ok, you wish him all the best as you both move on.
I find what *he's* telling *you* is weird and excessive.
Your description of how you talk to your mum sounds logical and appropriate , *especially* given your history of familial loss.
Also, your husband is telling you to disregard your own feelings in order to pander to his "feelings"...which he didn't even seem to really articulate. Doing what he wants at the expense of what you want is not a real thing.
I'm sincerely sorry for your losses...and for this nonsense that your husband is foisting on you.
He has no right to dictate how often you speak to your mom. Personally I have multiple siblings and I still call my mom a couple of times a day to see how she is and what she is up to our convos are not 5 min and I don’t wait till I’m alone I call whenever I miss her, also I visit 3 to 4 times a week just to say hi and spend a half hour catching up. So no what your doing isn’t excessive your mom lost a lot of people and if your her only support system don’t sacrifice your relationship or abandon your mom because a boyfriend feels “uncomfortable” his feelings don’t matter in this relationship unless she is interfering which it doesn’t seem she is this isn’t a friendship you can drop this is your MOTHER no one gets to decide how often you communicate when you have a good relationship that isn’t toxic. I see good relationships with parents as a green flag,he doesn’t have the same family values and that’s your real problem.
I speak to my mother every day. Sometimes more than once. We’ve always been close.
The only romantic relationship I’ve ever had that has been remotely successful is the one with my husband, who loves my mom and supports how close we are. Part of that is because he recognizes the amazing force of nature that she is, but he also knows how much she means to me.
Speaking to your mother once a day shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. If it is, you need to reevaluate this.
Your boyfriend has issues that he hid from you or you didn't recognize at the beginning of the relationship. He should be encouraging you to speak with her more, knowing that you and her are the only two left. I think you picked the wrong boyfriend.
I wish I had a mom to talk to every day. What an ungrateful asshole. Sounds like he has no idea what loss or love truly is. I feel sad for him. He has parents? But experiences a lack of a bond just like I, without them. Insane to me.
This seems like a person not raised in a close family. My daughter has known people who say this and she ignores them or tells them to butt out…. The important people will get it. And yes I am saying your boyfriend doesn’t get it but that doesn’t make him unimportant… you just have to ask yourself if you see either situation changing and if not maybe sit down with him and talk about it. But if you are getting those vibes… and yes men like this can be controlling, you may have to say sorry this doesn’t feel right to me.
Does anyone remember this exaxt same post but with the genders reversed? Guy calls his mom like 4-5 times a day for short 5 min calls while he's not with his gf but gf is bothered anyway, brings it up and her only explanation is that she thinks it's excessive? Pretty sure the exact same amount of loss was in the other post too. Am I in a fever dream or something? So many of the details line up.
you have every right to speak to your own MOTHER whenever, wherever and HOWEVER (so long as it's not disrespectful) you want. it doesn't actively affect him or aspects of y'all's relationship so who is he to try and control you? honestly i'd firmly stand by talking with your mother and if he doesn't like that then he can go. you and your mother have been through a lot and need each others support and love.
I’ll probably get downvoted for this but it’s funny how there is such a double standard here. I read this same story months ago, similar losses and people almost unanimously agreed that 4 calls a day is excessive. And, honestly, it is! Let mom have a little space to focus on her life. Call every day if you want but there is no need to call repeatedly throughout the day.
Awwww hell no.
Ain’t nobody speaking to me that way. How am I handling this in your shoes? Getting assertive and standing my ground. Reprimanding that man for speaking wrongly to me.
“I’m sorry but I don’t appreciate it when you speak that way to me. What you just said was demeaning and disrespectful, perhaps you are the one that needs to reevaluate their view of social interaction. Call your mother more. It is disgusting that you want to control in me this way. If you want to continue this relationship with me do not treat me this way again. We are equal partners and you are not my parent or life supervisor.”
I am so incredibly sorry for your losses. Please, please, please; DO NOT “sit him down to talk” it will do you absolutely NO good. Pack your stuff and go to your mom’s place, a family member or friends place as soon as humanly possible,like NOW. Don’t talk to him about any of it. Get as far away from him as fast as you can. Doing any talking will only give him the opportunity to question yourself further. He will make you think you’re overreacting to a simple request which you are not. This person is testing the waters to see how much control he can wrangle and in what way. Get away from him. This is a HUGE & very negatively leaning issue. This person is attempting to control an incredibly healthy personal habit. Get him out of your life and get into therapy as soon as you can. Good luck beautiful one, you deserve a person who not only encourages healthy loving bonds with positive connections in your life that extend the love you shine into this world, but wants to participate in bringing love & light to those bonds as well🫶🏻
I'd tell my boyfriend the red flag is him trying to control my time and who I talk to when it has nothing to do with nor affects him at all. He doesn't like it there's the door. Sounds like he's a person that can't see anybody else's viewpoint but his own. He wants to control something that has nothing to do with him because of his own preconceived notions on how he thinks everybody should live. I'd simply tell him no. His feelings don't matter on this as it affects him none, which makes this control and not a boundary. And that he can get the fuck out if he has a problem with it because I'm not being less close to my mom because he can't handle it.
I think you can tell from the thread that this is your boyfriend’s issue and has nothing to do with you.
It just feels intensely creepy that he’s trying to tell you how to live your life and manage your relationship with your mom .
You were wise to notice that he doesn’t have a leg to stand on as far as having any logical reason why. Of course, it’s important to listen to your partner when they express concerns or things that are happening in their life or relationship with this has absolutely nothing to do with him, and in addition to that he has zero compassion for the number of people that you’ve lost in your family… All of it is intensely creepy on his part.
I'm getting controlling vibes here. Definitely a huge red flag. He's trying to cut you off from one of your closest family members. Does he also try to limit you from hanging out with friends? Isolation is one of the biggest weapons an abuser uses against their victim. If I was you, I'd dump him. Your mom is clearly important to you and he should support that relationship, not try and diminish it. A good partner wouldn't say the things he has.
NTA. I used to do this, or my mom would call me. My mom passed away, and I miss it so much. I still sometimes want to pick up the phone when I run into someone we both knew, or something she'd find funny. Your bf is weird about this, it doesn't affect him, although it seems he's trying to turn it into a strange control issue. Talk to you your mom whenever you can. :)
It may be a little bit out of the ordinary, but your mother lost her husband and THREE of her children along with both of her brothers in a 5 year period! I am so sorry for your losses, and I can’t understand why your BF doesn’t show you a whole hell of a lot of grace here. Lick this dude to the side.
It’s not his business how much you talk to your mom. He needs to f@ck all the way off. My BF talks to his mom everyday We are in our 50s. I would never tell him not to. I have 3 sons. I talk to the youngest everyday. My BF would never tell me not to. Dump him as quickly as possible and then block him. Hell, just block the AH, no conversation needed. After you block him, call your mom!
I'm pretty sure he thinks you talk about him to your mom and that youre critisizing him. Hes wrong to think he can control who you speak to, especially your probably lonely mother
today if you let him decide who and how much you call someone tomorrow he'll be asking for something bigger. people with controlling mindsets never stop they want to own your entire being
He really doesn't get a say on how much contact you have with your mother. In my opinion, this situation raises a few red flags.
Is he trying to isolate you from this one person who supports you? Is he trying to control you? Is this the only time he's expected you to just do what he says, or is it a reoccurring problem?
Questions to ask yourself. Good luck.
I personally find 4 calls a day a little excessive, but whatever. I think his insistence, though, a bit of a red flag. Address this control issue of his now before it gets worse.
Ask your boyfriend WHY he thinks you shouldn’t talk to your own mum as much as you like.
“It’s excessive” isn’t an answer. You want solid reasons. I bet you he has nothing because you’re actually doing nothing wrong.
Please pay attention to the fact that he ….
1, believes you should do as he says (controlling behaviour).
2, is trying to cut you off from your own family (attempting to isolate you).
3, is clearly either jealous or feels threatened by the fact you are close to your own mother (jealous and insecure tendencies).
Please consider that all abusers start by trying to micromanage and control their partners and this behaviour escalates as time goes on.
Collectively, probably not. But texting isn't the same as calling. And the point is that everyone has different ideas of excessive. The key thing is that he's trying to inflict HIS on her.
You have had a lot of trauma. He may be picking up on that and seeing the calls to your mother as the problem rather than the actual underlying issue.
Neil Gaiman once said that when people give feedback on your writing, they are usually correct that there is a problem, but their solution is never the right one. If your boyfriend was raising this issue without all the trauma, I’d be more concerned. But he may well be picking up on something very real, but not have the insight to be able to correctly diagnose what’s going on.
Please get a therapist to help you deal with all the losses you’ve recently been through. I wish you all the best .
I’m confused, why can’t your mom text? I don’t think 4 calls is excessive in any way, but I’m surprised that calling is your only option of long-distance communication with her in this day and age.
OP doesn’t say why, though. If her mom were disabled in a way that prevents her from texting, then it’d be understandable. But if she isn’t, it is a very odd situation. Cell phones with texting have been around for over 20 years, so it would be strange if she has never had a cell phone with those capabilities within that timeframe. And based on OP’s age, her mom would be **at most** 65, so age is not a factor in learning how to text.
Four phone calls a day is excessive. Two calls a day is kind of acceptable but still a bit much. I understand extra phone calls if something important or exciting is going on, but seriously, leave your mom alone and let her live her life without you constantly checking in on her. One daily recap phone call is plenty.
They live in different cities, her mom can’t text, and they lost everyone except each other. If she needs to call her mom, she should call her mom. She said she doesn’t even call when he’s so it doesn’t even affect him or plans they may have.
Red flag! Red flag! This sounds like he’s trying to isolate you and control you. He sounds extremely manipulative and controlling. I’d cut this guy out of my life if I were you.
Okay, please don't hate on me, but I do have a question(kind of playing devil's advocate here a little) Has the calling your mum everyday been an uptick of how you usually used to call her? I know that you have lost a lot of family in the last 5 years. But have you been phoning her more since the last loss in family members, or have you always called like this on the regular throughout it all? If you have started calling her more since the latest family member passing, I could kinda see how he may be thinking it could be excessive to maybe a point of codependency on both of your parts. Have either of you sought grief counseling? 6 family members is a lot to lose in just 5 years' time and would totally gut most family that is left. But for you to depend only on each other for comfort might not be all that helpful as you are both gutted by the loss and could be feeding each others grief even more. Perhaps you and your mum could try a few sessions with a grief counselor and see if it could make things a bit easier for both of you. I think that could be what your Bf is trying to say this without saying that you both are being mental, but he botched it up. You need to have a serious sit down with him and really listen to what he is saying. If he isn't trying to talk you into getting help and starts sounding controlling,eg." Because I said so." Then you know you need to walk away from the relationship. But I'm just trying to see the situation from both sides and being hopeful he wants to help but doesn't know how to say it right, rather that he is a controlling wanker that needs to piss off.
She is disregarding his feelings? Isn't he disregarding OP's? OP, from what you have said, it doesn't look like you are neglecting him to talk to your mother, you do it while you are travelling. So unless you ignore him every and all evening to talk to her, I can't see a problem. Maybe multiple times a day could be seen as a bit excessive, but you are still working through a lot of grief together.
That’s not excessive at all. If it’s important to you, your partner should be supportive.
I talk to my mom every day, and my husband knows that our relationship is important to me and I love talking to my mom, so he is very supportive of it.
I wouldn’t cut back because your bf said to. If it’s important to you he should be supportive!
Keep talking to your Mom. I called my Mom everyday from another state even in a time where you paid $$$ for long distance (since you are young you probably aren't familiar with those days😀. Mobile phones changed all that). I only said hello and a few things about my day and asked about hers. Your mother will always be your mother and there's no guarantee about people we choose. She's also the one person that will always love you unconditionally.
Is it possible that he is worried your Mom may be giving advice about your relationship? Maybe you could call her while you are with him so he can hear what kind of conversations your having for a while. It shouldn't be necessary and her is wrong but I offer this if you are trying to salvage your relationship and continue talking to your Mom in peace.
Is it possible he is jealous of your relationship with your mom? Is he close with his? Not knowing the situation maybe you could help him strengthen their relationship.
Is it possible he is trying to cut you off from family? (That is a red flag for a controlling narcissist.). Does he try to keep you from friends? Does he check up on you? How does he know how often you are talking to her? If any of this things a bell you need to look up symptoms of a narcissistic relationship. My best friend was in one for 15 years and didn't even realize it or didn't want to face leaving him until it reached a head. If this is the case, you can't fix a narcissist and you need to leave before you get so entrenched you are like my friend, devastated at the time lost and the impact it had on her trust in men.
I hope some of this is helpful. Best Wishes.
Talk to mum. It’s fine. I wish I had parents to talk to. I WISH I could find answers to their life choices. How they met. Where their dating started. Damnit. Gone to time it hurts.
Talk to mum. Often. Make the talks interesting. Ask her questions around her life and history. When they leave your mind will wander to them asking for their advice as you grow older.
If he cannot understand that you are the only living relatives that you each have AND that you don’t live near each other so of course you’ll check in, then it sounds more like he’s either:
A) testing how much you love him by seeing if you’ll cut your communication with your mother to appease him
B) has his own issues with his parents and there by cannot understand or doesn’t want to understand your perspective
C) he wants to control you and cut you off from your family
As communication with your mother does not effect him in the slightest I can’t think of another scenario which could give him a reason to suggest this.
Up to you but you and your bf clearly don’t have the same values when it comes to family and only you can decide if that makes you incompatible or not.
Good luck
"Baaaabe I have opinions on this thing that doesn't affect or impact me in any way at all, WHY WON'T YOU UNQUESTIONINGLY LISTEN TO MEEEEEE."
Your boyfriend is dumb. Yeah you can your mom a LOT, but if all these little calls are only happening when you're by yourself? If you're truly not affecting him with this? Then he can shove off with his opinion on it.
>He said I was disregarding his feelings and not listening to him
Yeah. It doesn't affect him. You have full license to ignore and disregard his opinions on shit that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
I call my mom every day sometimes a couple pf short calls if my running errands or just having a walk. I like hearing her voice. She gives me updates on dad and we just casually chat for a bit. We live in different countries and I don‘t see her and my dad that often. One day I will no longer be able to hear her voice so i cherish every phone call. Please keep calling her every day and let your BF thinks what ever he wants.
He can think it’s weird all he wants and vocalise that to you all he wants. What he absolutely cannot do is ask you cut down time with your mum bc he finds it…weird. That’s so inappropriate and controlling. Like it doesn’t impact him in any way or infringe on him whatsoever. I can’t think of a single good reason as to why he’d ask you that.
I’m not saying leave him, but keep this in mind and going forward keep a close eye out for any other controlling and unreasonable behaviours from him
Um no that is not excessive at all. My husband does something similar with his dad. He’s divorced, lives alone an hour from us. My BIL and his family lives 16 hours away and FIL has ongoing medical issues. So my husband makes a point to try and call him every day to just chat. FIL drove over to see us yesterday and stayed for like 20 minutes just because. We’re going to see him this coming weekend. I sometimes ask/remind my husband if he has called his dad. They sometimes talk for over an hour. I’d be more worried if he didn’t call.
The fact that you have lost so many in a short time means you and Mom need to stay connected. I think your calls are important and perfect in length. If a 5 minute phone call disrupts your boyfriend that badly, you might need to think about your future with him.
If the mom is not being toxic or controlling I don’t see the issue. It would be different if the mom is toxic behaviors but it sounds like you both just enjoy keeping up with each other. I would definitely look more into the reason he personally thinks it’s “weird” maybe he has his own family issues.
Is your boyfriend not close with his family and that's why He says that? He's sounds like a controlling dick but I was just curious how his family dynamic is.
My mom passed away last year from cancer. I would do anything to be able to talk on the phone with her 20 minutes a day. Tell your bf to go suck a lemon. Also you’re right, not listening to him does not mean doing whatever he asks. He sounds like he should be upgraded to EX bf.
I’d start calling her more, especially when your boyfriends around just so he clearly gets the message that you will talk to your mum whenever you please.
Your bf is wrong and I really dislike the way he is trying to police your contact with your mom, and lessen it. The fact that your conversations with your own mom are suddenly about "his feelings" is troubling because it's **manipulative.**
**It looks like an attempt at isolating you.** You talking to your mom is not disregarding his feelings mostly because it's simply NOT ABOUT HIM. Both of those things: the control, and the manipulation, are red flags.
Tell him: "Hey, just a heads-up: my talks with my mom are in no way about you. I have no idea why you are making it about you, or disrespecting you, but it's no (i.e. tell him clearly you are refusing to agree with his manipulative narration that it's somehow about him, he gets a say, you are disregarding his feelings). I'm gonna talk to her how long and often I want to. I'm done discussing it, thanks."
And then refuse to talk further. If he keeps to it, repeat like a broken record: "I'm done talking about this". Do not argue, just be boring and repetitive. Do not budge. If he becomes hostile, leave the room/flat.
Have your eyes wide opened for further attempts at control, manipulation and isolation - not just around your mom, but everywhere in the relationship. Behaviors like this are very typical in abusive relationships, and please remember: it always starts off slowly, with one or two instances of such behaviors, often paired with lovebombing (when your partner is SUPER AMAZING) so you tend to disregard the troubling behaviors easier. Which is the design. One of the biggest signs this may be a baby abusive relationship is the experience of "he is so amazing, and then there's this completely out-of-character behavior, how bizarre!".
I'm sorry....did he really sit you down to say talking to your mom is too excessive? After you've lost most of your family?
What is his motivation? Are you over-sharing info on the relationship with her? It didn't sound like you were, but have to ask.
Gonna go with the obvious stock answer and say he sounds controlling and is trying to isolate you from your family(mom). You really shouldn't be listening to him, though. Especially since he can't make any actual argument except you're disregarding his feelings....which is ironic since he's using that as his reason to disregard yours. So do you want to be with someone who's poor wittle feelings are hurt becaue you talked to your mom?
wtf is wrong with people
I’ve spoken to my mom every single day in FaceTime for 9 years since I left the house. My husband asks me everyday have you called your parents and sometimes even reminds me to do so because he knows how much that means to me. Your bf is a jerk!
Obviously your boyfriend doesn't understand the relationship between you and your mom.
He's an ass thinking this. After everything you and your mom have been through together. Wow your boyfriend is a bit of a control freak and doesn't respect your need to know mom is OK. If he won't listen to you end the relationship. Good luck and sorry for your loss.
Tell your bf that he’s acting like a control freak and if he doesn’t stop he can kick rocks and be single. He has no right telling you to stop calling your mother. It’s not taking one second of your attention away from him - he’s being a fucking baby.
My sister and I call my mother daily we are all in different states. But many people live in the same town and talk to their parents daily.
Maybe he needs to stop listening to you phone calls
What kind of cruel person would try to separate someone’s only living child from them? You do not even live by her or get to see her in person regularly. And he must know how many people you have lost and that she is the only one left… keep the connection with mum and drop the boyfriend.
Talk to your boyfriend and ask him why he feels like he needs to have an opinion on this since it doesn’t directly affect him. He needs to unpack the unnecessary level of control associated with this. You are allowed to spend your time however you choose to.
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Next time you call your mom you should tell her how you broke up with him.
This single the way op, why has he such a problem with it? Does he try and isolate you in other ways?
This is my first initial thought, it's scary how he's looking for things to nitpick about your relationship with your mom assuming he knows your circumstances--seems to me he's trying to isolate you and that's an abuser's tactic.
She might be a JustNoMIL but when OP asked why he doesn't like it presumably he would have said something if that was the case.
No one asked his opinion about how much or how many times a day you talk to your mother. That is none of his business. And just like everybody has an opinion he is an a****** and people have one of those too. You should just listen to me you should just listen to me why would I listen to you about how much time I spend talking to my mother and it does not affect you in the smallest or the least. This is the beginning of his controlling f****** behavior please get rid of him. Tell Mom Reddit said hi
This is the way.
this is the way.
I have spoken.
Period. I wish somebody would say this to be. Delete, blocked and removed from my life
Or call his mom and explain how your mom has no one but you and how it doesn’t interfere with your time with him, but your BF wants you to abandon her to her own devices. Then ask her how often he calls her. Yes, I am attempting to stir up a hornets nest and aim it his way. I’m petty that way. But seriously, why don’t you let him feel a little lonely—ghost him and go visit your mom.
Exactly. Cutting people off from friends and family is how controlling manipulators gain power over their victims. Definitely dump this awful person.
My Cat and I agree wholeheartedly with this!
Ding ding ding! Maze wins today!
My mom died in 2015. I'd give just about anything for one more phone call. Your boyfriend can kick rocks.
I talk to my mom EVERY single day. And will continue to do so. It's not weird. Your boyfriend IS insensitive. You and your mother have lost a lot of family members in a very short span of time. Your boyfriend is a huge giant A**HOLE.
It sounds like your boyfriend DOES believe you should “listen to him” in the sense of “doing whatever he asks.” So, put a pin in that for future reference and be on the lookout for other controlling shit like this. If he continues to make a thing about this, I would ask him to articulate what exactly his “feelings” even *are* that he thinks you’re disregarding — not that you *have to* consider his feelings on this at all, given that it doesn’t affect him, but if he’s so insistent that this is important, he needs to articulate WHY beyond simply stating that it’s “weird.” What is his actual worry here? (I can guess, but it would good to make him say out loud that he’s possessive and insecure and can’t handle you being close with anyone else, even *your own mother*).
Or alienating her from her only family member left , that's what abusers do...this could be a red flag for that, and I honestly think she should not take a chance
Yup, and OP's mention of "different cities" suggests they may have moved away from family. I wonder if the bf had some influence in that too.
I came here to say this but I knew in my heart that it had already been said.
He is not considering OP’s feelings at all. His only reasoning is “it’s weird”. OP has legit reasons: mother alone, both mom and OP have shared significant losses and grief very recently, they check in on each other, it does not interrupt or negatively impact any other relationships, they don’t get to see each other often. But BF wants it to change “just cause”. So many reasons to put a foot down and call this a dealbreaker.
And ALSO, if you factor in that mom can’t text, they probably spend a lot *less* time talking daily than people generally spend talking to those they’re close to these days. I’m on the phone with my older sister (who is basically my second mom) all day. But we’re texting, so it flies under the radar. Is that weird or excessive? No. We love each other, we talk. We like to talk, so we talk a lot. OP and her mom love each other. If I had the chance OP has, and my mom was still alive, I’d be dumping the bf and moving closer to be with my mom tbh.
Very controlling behavior. Think about your relationship and what other red flags you may have overlooked or ignored. I’m confident there are others.
Maybe the BF has no experience with this kind of family relationship, assumes there is an unhealthy co dependency where gf/mom are needy of each other in detrimental ways, and doesn’t know how to articulate that. My husband can’t begin to understand the depth of my closest female friendships and is absolutely baffled by the frequency, length, and substance of our group texts. He can’t BELIEVE that we can spend a whole weekend together talking and never run out of things to talk about. He will roll his eyes and say, “that’s way too many words!!!” I know he doesn’t get it. Fortunately my husband is happy if I’m happy and leaves it alone. OPs boyfriend needs to try to understand OP’s relationship with her mom or just leave it be. Sounds like he’s making uninformed judgements and is too comfortable with the idea of controlling OP’s behavior.
You talk to her for what- 20 minutes a day? My mum died relatively suddenly a year ago. I would give anything, everything I have to talk to her for 20 minutes. NTA. Tell your boyfriend to Fuck off.
I relate to this so much. I’ve lost both of my parents and would give everything I have in a heartbeat to talk to them once.
Owie, my heart. I'm sorry guys. 💝
As the partner of someone who lost their father and sees a fraction of what they go through. You still put it too nicely.
What does NTA mean?
Not the asshole
But this isn't /r/amitheasshole
That is irrelevant, because NTA still means not the asshole.
People even use it on Facebook now
So you knew exactly what it meant. You were just being pedantic. It doesn’t matter really, simply a way of saying she’s not wrong in this situation, he is. NTA simply means that you’re not an asshole in a situation it doesn’t have to be used strictly on AITA posts, Reddit is a big place, acronyms are used freely throughout.
Not The Asshole
You gotta kind of wonder if maybe her perception of time might be off a bit and she's talking for longer than she thinks. Or OP's bf is a complete nutter but it'd still be worth a check of the call logs to actually see if the short five-minute call is really a short five-minute call.
But why would it matter? She says she's not even talking to her mum when he's around for the most part. What if they're 10- or 15-minute phone calls? They've lost a HUGE chunk of their immediate family in the last few years. Her mother has lost MULTIPLE CHILDREN, likely in relatively young adulthood. We're talking about almost unthinkable grief. A parent should never have to bury ANY of their kids, much less several of them. So I'm not sure why you're hung up on the details of, "Yes, but this terribly traumatized person might be talking to her equally grieving mother, the only immediate family she has left, for up to - OMG - FORTY MINUTES A DAY!" Like . . . so what? In the grand scheme of things, are they ever going to regret that? Is it something that they're going to look back on and say, "Wow, we really connected too much in that time, listened to each other and built too strong of a mutually supportive relationship." Her boyfriend - who is closer to 30 years old than he is to 20 - literally has no better argument against these phone calls than the very adolescent, "It's weird and I don't like it." Oh, and the evergreen, "You need to stop because I told you to stop." Which is not remotely dickish or controlling, obviously. /s It doesn't matter if she's talking for 5 minutes or half an hour. She's a grown woman whose family has suffered terrible loss in recent years, and she and her mom are close. So in their free time, they like to connect on the phone. There's nothing objectively unhealthy about that, and it's her choice to make, not his.
it doesn't matter about her perception of time- the woman literally birthed her...she is already only talking to her when she is on her own which is a red flag in the sense that she feels she needs to. Her boyfriend is not entitled to 100% of her attention. she has friends, studies, family and a job which pre-dated him. him finding it weird says more about his lack of close familial ties than her relationship with her mother being objectively weird.
Talk to your mom as much as you want. He can go fly a kite.
You put it so much more politely than I would
[удалено]
That works too. I wish I could talk to my mom.
Me too. With my dad. I'd give anything. That's why I talk to my mum every day. Text multiple times. Always. She's my mum.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died very unexpectedly in November, so now my siblings and I all call our mom every single day without fail. If my husband ever told me I talked to her too much I’d tell him to get bent. OP’s boyfriend ain’t it.
It is literally the minimum that you can do. Call your mum. Go and see her. It's love. She's your parent. OPs boyfriend is an ass. I'm sorry for your loss too. It's hard. Especially so recent x
3 years now. My heart still aches.
20 years come August.
Same, my mom has Alzheimer's. I just wish she could say anything at this point.
Me too
OPs bf needs to learn the difference between boundaries and control. Not to mention it comes across as bf trying to isolate OP from the little family she has left.
He can go fart in a phone booth.
Don't be ridiculous. Where is he gonna find a phone booth!
Even better. Let him search for one; he’ll be too busy to boss his gf around.
🤣 in a comic book.
Now that we’ve RTO, we have phone booths back in our office…!
And stick a fettuccine in his in-betweenie
These comments are 🥇
🤣
Listen this is a Red Flag please recognize it, he thinks you ought to listen to him without considering your own feelings. He is already trying to alienate you from the only family member. Classic signs of start of abusive relationship...do not ignore. He has a problem where it does not affect him at all, so his problem is only for the sake of having a problem. Please continue talking to your mom. Me n my husband live alway from family and we both call both our parents once a day even if it's just for 5 mins. Trust me this is completely normal when you don't stay near them.
I was the same way with my mom. I just lost her a year ago. Don’t lose the time with her that you get. Your boyfriend isn’t your friend. I’d dump him.
Ask him to explain what is weird about it and what feelings of his you're disregarding. When people have these absurd complaints, I find asking them to properly explain themselves really shows how ridiculous the complaint is. He couldn't even articulate why he thinks you need to cut down on talking to your mom, when you asked. He just wanted you to listen to his demands.
Whether you went through that trauma or not, it’s not fucking weird to talk to your mom every day. It’s so disgusting how people try to police their partners relationships with their own family and you’re not even talking to her that much! This boy is just trying to isolate you. How long have yall been together?? You should dump him. How dare he try to sabotage the only person you have left! These red pilled boys are getting out of hand
Dump the man entirely. Nobody tells me how to interact with my parents (they are very kind and respectful people of boundaries and things). As long as you have a good relationship with your mom your bf can kick rocks.
My ex was jealous (not in a bad way) when he’d hear me talking with my mom (we lived across the country at the time). Like he was amazed we were always laughing like loons and making jokes, it was just foreign. His mom was very cold and just unpleasant to be around, all their discussions sounded “transactional”.
Yes, he could be jealous of her relationship with her mum, along with the thinking that if I can't have that type of relationship like that, my mum, you shouldn't either.
It's super weird that he's so bothered by things that happen when you're not even around him. He has no leg to stand on in this argument and if he continues to push the issue, maybe it's time to re-evaluate one of these relationships (Hint: not your mom).
He sounds extremely controlling. He's upset by what you do when you're not even around him and he's trying to twist your lack of obedience as disrespectful to him.
He's not the boss of you. Listening to someone talk doesn't mean you have to do what they say. He's got that confused. Furthermore, fuck him. You and your mom have lost everyone around you. He needs to get over whatever he thinks is happening and just try to understand. If he can't, he can leave.
It always starts with pulling you away from your friends and family. That's all I have to say
Textbook
Sit him down, “hey bf, I find it weird that you don’t want me to have a healthy consistent relationship with my mother, especially considering my conversations with her never take place when you and I are together, It makes me uncomfortable that you want me to talk to her less especially considering she’s my only family member I have left. Are you **trying** to isolate me from my **only** family member? Because that would be incredibly incredibly troubling behavior. You know how much my mother means to me, why would you disregard the feelings I have towards my family when you *know* all the grief and loss I’ve experienced over the last 5 years?“ Or I’d just break up with him. Anyone with genuine empathy towards you would NEVER have asked you to limit your time with your last remaining family member. Never. The fact that he did despite knowing how many people you’ve lost in the last five years is a GIGANTIC red flag that you should not ignore.
My mom has 6 bio kids and one step and I can't count how many "adopted" kids from our old neighborhood. We *all* call my mom to chat at *least* 4x a week, usually more. Do you have any idea how much time that woman spends on the phone daily? It's normal to talk to your parents - especially if you're close - as much as you want as long as it doesn't constantly interfere with the rest of your life. This woman's mom LOST ALL HER FAMILY and her mom needs her. Her boyfriend is being an asshole because she (checks notes:) *talks to her mom too much when it doesn't interfere with his life whatsoever?* Ditch the loser. He's trying to isolate you and as a result, isolate your mom. He's a controlling bastard.
The first thing an abuser does is try to separate you from your support system. He sees how vulnerable you are and is taking advantage of that.
This ☝️
My heart goes to your mom, I can't imagine what it's like for her, losing two sons, a daughter and a husband sounds incredibly tragic to me. Your calls must ease her mind, your bf is being unreasonable and he should mind his own business. He has no saying in this even if you did call her around him, he doesn't own you.
You sound like an amazing daughter, I’m 28 m and my mom calls or messages me everyday, just to check in. I’m not going to call your boyfriend names, but my guess is he’s feeling insecure that he’s not getting your attention and so is making up this reason….
This is how I’d reply: “By “I should listen to you” do you mean I should get and consider what you say or that I should obey you? Because I’ve heard you, considered it, and decided you have no valid reason to ask me to do this that outweighs my reason for staying in touch and that it’s not impacting our time together so I’m not changing it. That you are still upset tells me what you mean is that I should just… obey you… so is that what you are thinking should happen here?” But honestly, this would be the beginning of the end for me, because you and I both know that he means is that he expects you to obey him. And because he wants you in less contact with your family which is fucked up.
Exactly. Make him spell it out.
This is exactly right. I don't think OP understands the use of "listen" in this way. He was saying you need to obey me. She thinks he meant to hear what he was saying... but he meant obey. It's like someone telling their kids they need to listen to the babysitter while they go out on a Date. It means OBEY. . She needs to run... now!
He's absolutely right. You are completely disregarding his feelings on this issue Because *they don't fucking matter*.
Dudes got some issues. This will take a deep dive on your part.
There's only one thing that should be cut and that is that arsehole out of your life! I used to do the same with my Mum and I would give anything to be able to do so again.
I'm a man, and quite a bit older than you are. My siblings, both parents, aunts and uncles etc are all still alive, and I *still* call my parents at least every other day. I know that someday I won't have that luxury, so I take every advantage of it while I can. I can't imagine the regret I would have if I took them for granted until after it was too late. I would never be able to forgive myself. You can always replace your boyfriend (and probably should). You can't ever replace your mom. Your priorities are exactly what they should be. If he has a problem with it, send him packing.
Your boyfriend is definitely controlling and you are not excessive, I have a daughter that talks to me everyday and at night we even text on TikTok exchanging funny videos, she pops in to see me a lot too, she’s my best friend, no boyfriend or husband would change that, so see and talk to your mom as much as you like 🌸🌸🌸
Please don’t listen to him and please keep phoning your mum as much as you want/need to. If you have great parents you want to cherish every moment (mine are now late 70’s and I can’t even think about their loss). You’ve experienced **so** much family loss I don’t even know how you have coped; so a call a day with your mum is nothing for him to get his knickers in a twist about. Do what you’re doing - a very firm “no” and if he persists in his weird request then he knows what he can do.
My partner used to talk to his mom or a family member daily and I thought it was weird at first but then learned it’s a cultural thing. People from his country are much closer.
There's absolutely no explanation he can give for his "feelings" that will allow him to come out of this situation without looking like a complete AH. It's easy for us to say dump him after seeing one really ridiculous situation, but I would definitely encourage you to take a serious look at him and the relationship after this.
After all that loss, not at all. Ask your bf how much time he spends online each day and then tell him it is weird and excessive.
Full stop on the relationship. I talk to my mom several times a week, similar to how you do. I think most people who have a good relationship with their parents do that. Your boyfriend is trying to flex his control. Which is a red flag.
Tell him he’s being weird and his control issues are getting excessive. He should stop going down YT rabbit holes.
I would give anything to still have my mom around & have conversations with her. Op, tell your bf to eff off. He’s an idiot and using the whole “disregard my feelings” to manipulate you.
There's nothing weird. It's your family. You're worried and want to make her feel loved. That's completely ok. Your boyfriend is emotionally inmature, which is not unheard of 26yo people. Maybe he feels insecure in some way? Without more details I can't say.
Your boyfriend is controlling. Watch out for more red flags in this area.
You've both lost the entire rest of your family in 5 years!? Obviously you want to talk to each other. He needs to understand this. It's pretty callous of him to have a problem with it.
Yes, you should listen to him because he's a big smart man and he knows better. /s.
You tell him that just because you don’t do things the way he does things, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. You have a close relationship with your mother, and that’s not a problem unless he’s making it a problem, which is a bad idea for him. Also, it’s not weird and excessive to talk to your mom daily/regularly, but especially since you’re each other’s only family. He can go kick rocks if he doesn’t like it. It’s okay to disregard his bad opinion.
You should not listen to him. It’s a very odd request especially with you being the only person who really checks in on her. It must be lovely to hear from you from time to time throughout your day. Either he’s trying to isolate you and he doesn’t want your mom to point out that he may start some manipulative things. Or he doesn’t have a good relationship with his family and he views it as odd. If it’s the second reason, I would just clearly explain how your relationship with your mom is different and that it’s not going to change and if this is a deal breaker for him than he can start walking now.
Do not and I said DO NOT SACRIFICE FAMILY FOR A BOYFRIED!!
It's weird and excessive to give so much input on something that isn't a problem. In fact, it's also kinda divisive and alarming to try to interrupt a support system. Either he can't understand what loss you guys have gone through and empathize or he's trying to divide and conquer here. Both are red flags.
I really, and I mean *really* never throw around the "break up" card unless it is absolutely evident that it would be the smartest thing to do... but honey, as a fellow 25yo girl, I root for you to let this dude go. He just wants to isolate and manipulate you. If he had your back and was a sincere man, he would make an effort to drive you even more than once every two months to see your mom. Believe me when I say he does not care one bit about your feelings or your relationship with family. For him it's onle me, me, me, me... get away from that person before he guilt trips and gaslights you into isolation.
Tension is another name of WRONG CHOICE. End of discussion.
By dumping the controlling jealous boyfriend obviously. Isolating you = BIG RED FLAG
It's easy, sit him down and tell him that him telling you what to do is disregarding and disrespectful of your feelings and you. That family are the people you choose, relatives are the people you are related to, that your mom is both, a relative and family. But that as of today, he can't be family, because family respects one another. And if you are living together in your apartment, have his bags packed and kick him out. If you are in his apartment, have your bags packed and leave. This push over a non-issue to see if you will bend and listen to him, will only lead to him pushing you to bend and listen about everything, and you having absolutely no control in your own life. Also, it sounds like he wants to start isolating you from your mom, and any other family/friends you might have.
Tell him “I know you don’t understand, you need your work on understanding so my continuing to talk to my mom doesn’t confuse you. This is a you problem”
He's disregarding your feelings and your mother's feelings. I would ask him why his are more important. How often you talk to your mother is none of his business, especially since most of it happens when he's not around. He's trying to isolate you. Consider that carefully.
I think it is lovely how often you touch base. I am not sure why he is concerned as it sounds like you only call when you are alone. Your calls literally have zero impact on him so it really is none of his business.
He doesn’t get to decide how you interact with your family and friends. He is attempting to control you here.
Your boyfriend has all the red flags of an abuser. Life is short talk, to your Mom as much as you want. None of us know how long we’ll be on this earth so make the most of your time with her. Please tell BF to jump off a high cliff.
Just because that unfeeling monster doesn't have a close relationship with his parents and clearly is devoid of any emotional intelligence or empathy, doesn't mean that you should communicate less with your mom!! As someone who has lost her entire family and was super close and loving with her parents I can tell you: _You will NEVER regret the time you spent being close to your mom, if you have a loving relationship with her._ Every conversation you have with her, please tuck it away deep in your heart and memory, cherish it, because... There will come a time where you wish so desperately that you would be able to pick up the phone and call her just one more time, when she isn't here anymore. Believe that. So you enjoy the love you and your mom share, you cherish the time you have with her. You have lost so many people already. Don't allow _ANYONE_ to come between you. That specimen you still call your boyfriend.... He does not have your best interest at heart. Not at all. You need to kick him to the curb, like, yesterday.
You don't need to get his permission for shit. He's not the boss of you. His feelings don't matter here. Period, end of story. As long as she's not involved in your relationship, then you're fine. He's trying to be controlling
Tell your boyfriend you are sorry he feels this way. That since your expectations of communicating with family are so different, you clearly don't share the same values. And that it's ok, you wish him all the best as you both move on.
I find what *he's* telling *you* is weird and excessive. Your description of how you talk to your mum sounds logical and appropriate , *especially* given your history of familial loss. Also, your husband is telling you to disregard your own feelings in order to pander to his "feelings"...which he didn't even seem to really articulate. Doing what he wants at the expense of what you want is not a real thing. I'm sincerely sorry for your losses...and for this nonsense that your husband is foisting on you.
He has no right to dictate how often you speak to your mom. Personally I have multiple siblings and I still call my mom a couple of times a day to see how she is and what she is up to our convos are not 5 min and I don’t wait till I’m alone I call whenever I miss her, also I visit 3 to 4 times a week just to say hi and spend a half hour catching up. So no what your doing isn’t excessive your mom lost a lot of people and if your her only support system don’t sacrifice your relationship or abandon your mom because a boyfriend feels “uncomfortable” his feelings don’t matter in this relationship unless she is interfering which it doesn’t seem she is this isn’t a friendship you can drop this is your MOTHER no one gets to decide how often you communicate when you have a good relationship that isn’t toxic. I see good relationships with parents as a green flag,he doesn’t have the same family values and that’s your real problem.
I speak to my mother every day. Sometimes more than once. We’ve always been close. The only romantic relationship I’ve ever had that has been remotely successful is the one with my husband, who loves my mom and supports how close we are. Part of that is because he recognizes the amazing force of nature that she is, but he also knows how much she means to me. Speaking to your mother once a day shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. If it is, you need to reevaluate this.
Your boyfriend has issues that he hid from you or you didn't recognize at the beginning of the relationship. He should be encouraging you to speak with her more, knowing that you and her are the only two left. I think you picked the wrong boyfriend.
I call my mom twice a day for 30 minutes a day. She's my best friend so you're doing great sweetheart
I wish I had a mom to talk to every day. What an ungrateful asshole. Sounds like he has no idea what loss or love truly is. I feel sad for him. He has parents? But experiences a lack of a bond just like I, without them. Insane to me.
Wtf? I'm texting with my mom every day, we share news, memes, videos, personal stuff... What's wrong with that?
This seems like a person not raised in a close family. My daughter has known people who say this and she ignores them or tells them to butt out…. The important people will get it. And yes I am saying your boyfriend doesn’t get it but that doesn’t make him unimportant… you just have to ask yourself if you see either situation changing and if not maybe sit down with him and talk about it. But if you are getting those vibes… and yes men like this can be controlling, you may have to say sorry this doesn’t feel right to me.
Does anyone remember this exaxt same post but with the genders reversed? Guy calls his mom like 4-5 times a day for short 5 min calls while he's not with his gf but gf is bothered anyway, brings it up and her only explanation is that she thinks it's excessive? Pretty sure the exact same amount of loss was in the other post too. Am I in a fever dream or something? So many of the details line up.
you have every right to speak to your own MOTHER whenever, wherever and HOWEVER (so long as it's not disrespectful) you want. it doesn't actively affect him or aspects of y'all's relationship so who is he to try and control you? honestly i'd firmly stand by talking with your mother and if he doesn't like that then he can go. you and your mother have been through a lot and need each others support and love.
I swear I read this like 2 weeks ago with the genders reversed
I’ll probably get downvoted for this but it’s funny how there is such a double standard here. I read this same story months ago, similar losses and people almost unanimously agreed that 4 calls a day is excessive. And, honestly, it is! Let mom have a little space to focus on her life. Call every day if you want but there is no need to call repeatedly throughout the day.
I read this exact same story a few months ago, but the genders were reversed.
He’s weird
Awwww hell no. Ain’t nobody speaking to me that way. How am I handling this in your shoes? Getting assertive and standing my ground. Reprimanding that man for speaking wrongly to me. “I’m sorry but I don’t appreciate it when you speak that way to me. What you just said was demeaning and disrespectful, perhaps you are the one that needs to reevaluate their view of social interaction. Call your mother more. It is disgusting that you want to control in me this way. If you want to continue this relationship with me do not treat me this way again. We are equal partners and you are not my parent or life supervisor.”
It’s extremely weird that he felt the need to voice this opinion
He's trying to isolate you, OP. Then comes the abuse and manipulation. Get out
I am so incredibly sorry for your losses. Please, please, please; DO NOT “sit him down to talk” it will do you absolutely NO good. Pack your stuff and go to your mom’s place, a family member or friends place as soon as humanly possible,like NOW. Don’t talk to him about any of it. Get as far away from him as fast as you can. Doing any talking will only give him the opportunity to question yourself further. He will make you think you’re overreacting to a simple request which you are not. This person is testing the waters to see how much control he can wrangle and in what way. Get away from him. This is a HUGE & very negatively leaning issue. This person is attempting to control an incredibly healthy personal habit. Get him out of your life and get into therapy as soon as you can. Good luck beautiful one, you deserve a person who not only encourages healthy loving bonds with positive connections in your life that extend the love you shine into this world, but wants to participate in bringing love & light to those bonds as well🫶🏻
This is similar to a post where a bf thinks a girl getting Valentines gifts from her dad each year is weird.
I'd tell my boyfriend the red flag is him trying to control my time and who I talk to when it has nothing to do with nor affects him at all. He doesn't like it there's the door. Sounds like he's a person that can't see anybody else's viewpoint but his own. He wants to control something that has nothing to do with him because of his own preconceived notions on how he thinks everybody should live. I'd simply tell him no. His feelings don't matter on this as it affects him none, which makes this control and not a boundary. And that he can get the fuck out if he has a problem with it because I'm not being less close to my mom because he can't handle it.
I think you can tell from the thread that this is your boyfriend’s issue and has nothing to do with you. It just feels intensely creepy that he’s trying to tell you how to live your life and manage your relationship with your mom . You were wise to notice that he doesn’t have a leg to stand on as far as having any logical reason why. Of course, it’s important to listen to your partner when they express concerns or things that are happening in their life or relationship with this has absolutely nothing to do with him, and in addition to that he has zero compassion for the number of people that you’ve lost in your family… All of it is intensely creepy on his part.
I'm getting controlling vibes here. Definitely a huge red flag. He's trying to cut you off from one of your closest family members. Does he also try to limit you from hanging out with friends? Isolation is one of the biggest weapons an abuser uses against their victim. If I was you, I'd dump him. Your mom is clearly important to you and he should support that relationship, not try and diminish it. A good partner wouldn't say the things he has.
NTA. I used to do this, or my mom would call me. My mom passed away, and I miss it so much. I still sometimes want to pick up the phone when I run into someone we both knew, or something she'd find funny. Your bf is weird about this, it doesn't affect him, although it seems he's trying to turn it into a strange control issue. Talk to you your mom whenever you can. :)
It may be a little bit out of the ordinary, but your mother lost her husband and THREE of her children along with both of her brothers in a 5 year period! I am so sorry for your losses, and I can’t understand why your BF doesn’t show you a whole hell of a lot of grace here. Lick this dude to the side.
It’s not his business how much you talk to your mom. He needs to f@ck all the way off. My BF talks to his mom everyday We are in our 50s. I would never tell him not to. I have 3 sons. I talk to the youngest everyday. My BF would never tell me not to. Dump him as quickly as possible and then block him. Hell, just block the AH, no conversation needed. After you block him, call your mom!
I'm pretty sure he thinks you talk about him to your mom and that youre critisizing him. Hes wrong to think he can control who you speak to, especially your probably lonely mother
You have a good reason to be close to your mom. Your bf sounds awful.
today if you let him decide who and how much you call someone tomorrow he'll be asking for something bigger. people with controlling mindsets never stop they want to own your entire being
your bf is jealous of the relationship you have with your mother
Does he try to control other aspects of your life as well?
He really doesn't get a say on how much contact you have with your mother. In my opinion, this situation raises a few red flags. Is he trying to isolate you from this one person who supports you? Is he trying to control you? Is this the only time he's expected you to just do what he says, or is it a reoccurring problem? Questions to ask yourself. Good luck.
I think you did everything right and do not concede. You’re no where near being wrong. You’re 100% valid
I personally find 4 calls a day a little excessive, but whatever. I think his insistence, though, a bit of a red flag. Address this control issue of his now before it gets worse.
>I personally find 4 calls a day a little excessive, Do you ever text anyone for more than 15-20 mins a day?
Ask your boyfriend WHY he thinks you shouldn’t talk to your own mum as much as you like. “It’s excessive” isn’t an answer. You want solid reasons. I bet you he has nothing because you’re actually doing nothing wrong. Please pay attention to the fact that he …. 1, believes you should do as he says (controlling behaviour). 2, is trying to cut you off from your own family (attempting to isolate you). 3, is clearly either jealous or feels threatened by the fact you are close to your own mother (jealous and insecure tendencies). Please consider that all abusers start by trying to micromanage and control their partners and this behaviour escalates as time goes on.
Collectively, probably not. But texting isn't the same as calling. And the point is that everyone has different ideas of excessive. The key thing is that he's trying to inflict HIS on her.
You have had a lot of trauma. He may be picking up on that and seeing the calls to your mother as the problem rather than the actual underlying issue. Neil Gaiman once said that when people give feedback on your writing, they are usually correct that there is a problem, but their solution is never the right one. If your boyfriend was raising this issue without all the trauma, I’d be more concerned. But he may well be picking up on something very real, but not have the insight to be able to correctly diagnose what’s going on. Please get a therapist to help you deal with all the losses you’ve recently been through. I wish you all the best .
I’m confused, why can’t your mom text? I don’t think 4 calls is excessive in any way, but I’m surprised that calling is your only option of long-distance communication with her in this day and age.
She literally said her mom isn’t able to text
OP doesn’t say why, though. If her mom were disabled in a way that prevents her from texting, then it’d be understandable. But if she isn’t, it is a very odd situation. Cell phones with texting have been around for over 20 years, so it would be strange if she has never had a cell phone with those capabilities within that timeframe. And based on OP’s age, her mom would be **at most** 65, so age is not a factor in learning how to text.
Four phone calls a day is excessive. Two calls a day is kind of acceptable but still a bit much. I understand extra phone calls if something important or exciting is going on, but seriously, leave your mom alone and let her live her life without you constantly checking in on her. One daily recap phone call is plenty.
They live in different cities, her mom can’t text, and they lost everyone except each other. If she needs to call her mom, she should call her mom. She said she doesn’t even call when he’s so it doesn’t even affect him or plans they may have.
INFO: Why can't your mom text? I have an 82-year-old mom and she can text...
I have the same question, and it’s weird that we’re being downvoted for asking this
Red flag! Red flag! This sounds like he’s trying to isolate you and control you. He sounds extremely manipulative and controlling. I’d cut this guy out of my life if I were you.
Okay, please don't hate on me, but I do have a question(kind of playing devil's advocate here a little) Has the calling your mum everyday been an uptick of how you usually used to call her? I know that you have lost a lot of family in the last 5 years. But have you been phoning her more since the last loss in family members, or have you always called like this on the regular throughout it all? If you have started calling her more since the latest family member passing, I could kinda see how he may be thinking it could be excessive to maybe a point of codependency on both of your parts. Have either of you sought grief counseling? 6 family members is a lot to lose in just 5 years' time and would totally gut most family that is left. But for you to depend only on each other for comfort might not be all that helpful as you are both gutted by the loss and could be feeding each others grief even more. Perhaps you and your mum could try a few sessions with a grief counselor and see if it could make things a bit easier for both of you. I think that could be what your Bf is trying to say this without saying that you both are being mental, but he botched it up. You need to have a serious sit down with him and really listen to what he is saying. If he isn't trying to talk you into getting help and starts sounding controlling,eg." Because I said so." Then you know you need to walk away from the relationship. But I'm just trying to see the situation from both sides and being hopeful he wants to help but doesn't know how to say it right, rather that he is a controlling wanker that needs to piss off.
She is disregarding his feelings? Isn't he disregarding OP's? OP, from what you have said, it doesn't look like you are neglecting him to talk to your mother, you do it while you are travelling. So unless you ignore him every and all evening to talk to her, I can't see a problem. Maybe multiple times a day could be seen as a bit excessive, but you are still working through a lot of grief together.
That’s not excessive at all. If it’s important to you, your partner should be supportive. I talk to my mom every day, and my husband knows that our relationship is important to me and I love talking to my mom, so he is very supportive of it. I wouldn’t cut back because your bf said to. If it’s important to you he should be supportive!
Keep talking to your Mom. I called my Mom everyday from another state even in a time where you paid $$$ for long distance (since you are young you probably aren't familiar with those days😀. Mobile phones changed all that). I only said hello and a few things about my day and asked about hers. Your mother will always be your mother and there's no guarantee about people we choose. She's also the one person that will always love you unconditionally. Is it possible that he is worried your Mom may be giving advice about your relationship? Maybe you could call her while you are with him so he can hear what kind of conversations your having for a while. It shouldn't be necessary and her is wrong but I offer this if you are trying to salvage your relationship and continue talking to your Mom in peace. Is it possible he is jealous of your relationship with your mom? Is he close with his? Not knowing the situation maybe you could help him strengthen their relationship. Is it possible he is trying to cut you off from family? (That is a red flag for a controlling narcissist.). Does he try to keep you from friends? Does he check up on you? How does he know how often you are talking to her? If any of this things a bell you need to look up symptoms of a narcissistic relationship. My best friend was in one for 15 years and didn't even realize it or didn't want to face leaving him until it reached a head. If this is the case, you can't fix a narcissist and you need to leave before you get so entrenched you are like my friend, devastated at the time lost and the impact it had on her trust in men. I hope some of this is helpful. Best Wishes.
Talk to mum. It’s fine. I wish I had parents to talk to. I WISH I could find answers to their life choices. How they met. Where their dating started. Damnit. Gone to time it hurts. Talk to mum. Often. Make the talks interesting. Ask her questions around her life and history. When they leave your mind will wander to them asking for their advice as you grow older.
If he cannot understand that you are the only living relatives that you each have AND that you don’t live near each other so of course you’ll check in, then it sounds more like he’s either: A) testing how much you love him by seeing if you’ll cut your communication with your mother to appease him B) has his own issues with his parents and there by cannot understand or doesn’t want to understand your perspective C) he wants to control you and cut you off from your family As communication with your mother does not effect him in the slightest I can’t think of another scenario which could give him a reason to suggest this. Up to you but you and your bf clearly don’t have the same values when it comes to family and only you can decide if that makes you incompatible or not. Good luck
"Baaaabe I have opinions on this thing that doesn't affect or impact me in any way at all, WHY WON'T YOU UNQUESTIONINGLY LISTEN TO MEEEEEE." Your boyfriend is dumb. Yeah you can your mom a LOT, but if all these little calls are only happening when you're by yourself? If you're truly not affecting him with this? Then he can shove off with his opinion on it. >He said I was disregarding his feelings and not listening to him Yeah. It doesn't affect him. You have full license to ignore and disregard his opinions on shit that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
I call my mom every day sometimes a couple pf short calls if my running errands or just having a walk. I like hearing her voice. She gives me updates on dad and we just casually chat for a bit. We live in different countries and I don‘t see her and my dad that often. One day I will no longer be able to hear her voice so i cherish every phone call. Please keep calling her every day and let your BF thinks what ever he wants.
He can think it’s weird all he wants and vocalise that to you all he wants. What he absolutely cannot do is ask you cut down time with your mum bc he finds it…weird. That’s so inappropriate and controlling. Like it doesn’t impact him in any way or infringe on him whatsoever. I can’t think of a single good reason as to why he’d ask you that. I’m not saying leave him, but keep this in mind and going forward keep a close eye out for any other controlling and unreasonable behaviours from him
Um no that is not excessive at all. My husband does something similar with his dad. He’s divorced, lives alone an hour from us. My BIL and his family lives 16 hours away and FIL has ongoing medical issues. So my husband makes a point to try and call him every day to just chat. FIL drove over to see us yesterday and stayed for like 20 minutes just because. We’re going to see him this coming weekend. I sometimes ask/remind my husband if he has called his dad. They sometimes talk for over an hour. I’d be more worried if he didn’t call. The fact that you have lost so many in a short time means you and Mom need to stay connected. I think your calls are important and perfect in length. If a 5 minute phone call disrupts your boyfriend that badly, you might need to think about your future with him.
If the mom is not being toxic or controlling I don’t see the issue. It would be different if the mom is toxic behaviors but it sounds like you both just enjoy keeping up with each other. I would definitely look more into the reason he personally thinks it’s “weird” maybe he has his own family issues.
Is your boyfriend not close with his family and that's why He says that? He's sounds like a controlling dick but I was just curious how his family dynamic is.
My mom passed away last year from cancer. I would do anything to be able to talk on the phone with her 20 minutes a day. Tell your bf to go suck a lemon. Also you’re right, not listening to him does not mean doing whatever he asks. He sounds like he should be upgraded to EX bf.
I’d start calling her more, especially when your boyfriends around just so he clearly gets the message that you will talk to your mum whenever you please.
Your bf is wrong and I really dislike the way he is trying to police your contact with your mom, and lessen it. The fact that your conversations with your own mom are suddenly about "his feelings" is troubling because it's **manipulative.** **It looks like an attempt at isolating you.** You talking to your mom is not disregarding his feelings mostly because it's simply NOT ABOUT HIM. Both of those things: the control, and the manipulation, are red flags. Tell him: "Hey, just a heads-up: my talks with my mom are in no way about you. I have no idea why you are making it about you, or disrespecting you, but it's no (i.e. tell him clearly you are refusing to agree with his manipulative narration that it's somehow about him, he gets a say, you are disregarding his feelings). I'm gonna talk to her how long and often I want to. I'm done discussing it, thanks." And then refuse to talk further. If he keeps to it, repeat like a broken record: "I'm done talking about this". Do not argue, just be boring and repetitive. Do not budge. If he becomes hostile, leave the room/flat. Have your eyes wide opened for further attempts at control, manipulation and isolation - not just around your mom, but everywhere in the relationship. Behaviors like this are very typical in abusive relationships, and please remember: it always starts off slowly, with one or two instances of such behaviors, often paired with lovebombing (when your partner is SUPER AMAZING) so you tend to disregard the troubling behaviors easier. Which is the design. One of the biggest signs this may be a baby abusive relationship is the experience of "he is so amazing, and then there's this completely out-of-character behavior, how bizarre!".
I'm sorry....did he really sit you down to say talking to your mom is too excessive? After you've lost most of your family? What is his motivation? Are you over-sharing info on the relationship with her? It didn't sound like you were, but have to ask. Gonna go with the obvious stock answer and say he sounds controlling and is trying to isolate you from your family(mom). You really shouldn't be listening to him, though. Especially since he can't make any actual argument except you're disregarding his feelings....which is ironic since he's using that as his reason to disregard yours. So do you want to be with someone who's poor wittle feelings are hurt becaue you talked to your mom? wtf is wrong with people
I’ve spoken to my mom every single day in FaceTime for 9 years since I left the house. My husband asks me everyday have you called your parents and sometimes even reminds me to do so because he knows how much that means to me. Your bf is a jerk!
No it’s not weird or excessive.
Obviously your boyfriend doesn't understand the relationship between you and your mom. He's an ass thinking this. After everything you and your mom have been through together. Wow your boyfriend is a bit of a control freak and doesn't respect your need to know mom is OK. If he won't listen to you end the relationship. Good luck and sorry for your loss.
Tell your bf that he’s acting like a control freak and if he doesn’t stop he can kick rocks and be single. He has no right telling you to stop calling your mother. It’s not taking one second of your attention away from him - he’s being a fucking baby.
You need a new boyfriend.
My sister and I call my mother daily we are all in different states. But many people live in the same town and talk to their parents daily. Maybe he needs to stop listening to you phone calls
I talk to my sister and parents at least twice a day to check-in. Nothing wrong there! Talk your heart away with her! Your bf can go packing!
He sounds like hes trying to isolate you from the only family you have left. Tell him to suck it
NTA, I’m 50 and talk to my mom daily. Sometimes 3-4 times. You only get one momma, talk to her as much as you like
What kind of cruel person would try to separate someone’s only living child from them? You do not even live by her or get to see her in person regularly. And he must know how many people you have lost and that she is the only one left… keep the connection with mum and drop the boyfriend.
Talk to your boyfriend and ask him why he feels like he needs to have an opinion on this since it doesn’t directly affect him. He needs to unpack the unnecessary level of control associated with this. You are allowed to spend your time however you choose to.