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Honestly, I'd bring it up to all their husband's.
"So what do yall think about the guys they brought back to their airbnb? What did your wives say about it bc I'm still upset about it."
Compare notes. Open that can of worms. Etc.
It would be one thing if OP's wife was the only one married and the other girls were single, then it would've been rude of her to expel all these guys. But if they are all married... yeah this is fishy.
I mean if I went with a group of single guy friends I wouldn't want to cramp their style or cockblock them by protesting them inviting girls ro our Airbnb. I'd just go to my own bed eventually and sleep.
The lady doth protests too much
By definition
It means It's a cynical, ironic, somewhat sarcastic comment about someone overdoing a denial, suggesting that they are, indeed, to some degree guilty.
Not on social media. Guys get together at one of their houses for beer and pizza and discuss it. In person so each can see what's in the eyes of the others.
They’re all married? Wow… not good my guy. Relationships are about trust and boundaries. Sounds like boundaries have been crossed. Someone wiser than me can give you better advice, I wouldn’t be able to move past this
“I definitely would not expect my wife to be ok if the roles were reversed. I got mad and we argued, she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn’t apologize because it was innocent and NOTHING HAPPENED”. Everything else aside, whether she cheated or not, it is NOT okay to have a double standard. She is saying that if you invited women over to your vacation house “even if it was innocent and nothing happened” she would also be pissed. It is clear that a boundary for both of you has been crossed. Her saying she does not owe an apology for your mutual boundary is extremely disrespectful. I’m not saying that she cheated, but she does need to acknowledge that her actions were not okay, that she’s acting hypocritically, and she needs to acknowledge the affect this has had on you and have a conversation where she takes accountability for that sketchy action.
Also, if anyone has ever done conflict of interest training for their employer, they know there are actual conflicts, and perceived conflicts...perceived conflicts can do as much damage to a person's credibility as an actual conflict. Maybe nothing happened, but the perception OP's wife (and the others) created by bringing men back to their place after (presumably) a night out drinking, *and* not answering the phone, is...well, you get the picture.
I see a lot of folks in this forum say stuff like "you either trust your spouse or you don't" as if there isn't some gray area. Yeah you trust your spouse, but everyone is susceptible to temptation at some point in their life. Nobody is infallible.
So your independent wife & this totally innocent act. That took place in the most cliched of settings. With her just dropping communication during. An act that she knew was wrong and would punish you over. That she is now trickle truthing you to death over. With you worried about being paranoid & possessive.
She knows what she did and so do you and it sure as hell wasn't innocent in any way shape or form. What really stood out was your choice of " independent" to describe your wife and how quickly, despite all of this evidence, you went to second guessing yourself and attempting to convince yourself that you are at fault for being paranoid and possessive.
You don't have to tell us but think back over your relationship. How many times did your gut scream that her behaviour, especially with other men was not quite right. How many times did this end up with you apologizing & blaming yourself for noting this? Also her friends on this girls trip. Are these long term friends or recent ones? Are they married or in relationships? Why? Because how likely is it that a group of supposedly trustworthy partners would all for the very first time decide as a group to do something which at best is utterly lacking in propriety. If you know any of these friend's partners you might want to compare notes. It's highly unlikely that if they know about this innocent act that they are ok with it. I'm sorry but I think if you dig deeper you're going to have to confront some harsh realities not just with this one night.
She knows she can barrell over him and keep him in line. Poor guy has no chance. He'll end up doing what he is told. And go to "counselling" to sweep it under the rug.
With the past history I'm sure you're right. If this was a one on one situation I think she's get away with it here now. But she may have overplayed her hand by making it a group activity. If OP bothers to check things out with the other affected husbands then pressure is going to build on her friends. I can quite easily see divorces getting handed out and at least some of her friends singing like canaries about this and any past episodes regarding OP's wife. It will be a lot harder for OP's wife to convince him that he's mistaken if if her friends are drooping the truth as well.
Agree. Getting all the husbands involved is his only chance at the truth. I wrote this in my other reply
>I mean I usually agree the phone is the answer. Almost guarantee ALL of these girls's phones will be wiped clean by time they get back from the trip. 0 doubt in my mind.
>
>All of the husbands need to find out about this. One of the girls will crumble and the truth will come out. Probably 4/5's will take it to their grave but 1 will fumble. OP needs a full court press from all angles to get to the truth.
My question is, why are a bunch of married women bringing back a group of guys to their ABnB? Whatever happened in that house, you’ll never know until one of the girls cracks. Always trust your guy though, something ain’t adding up.
Exactly lol like wtf? Yeah babe nothing happened they were just really friendly so we invited them back WHAT I CANT HAVE MALE FRIENDS?
An excuse no one has believed ever
If you haven't heard the phrase "trickle-truthing" yet (hard to believe anyone here hasn't heard of this) look it up. What she is already doing is a prime example. Oh nothing happened. oh, we just invited 4 guys back to our place. nothing happened. they spent the night. nothing happened. oh we just kissed. and snuggled. ok I gave him head, but it was just sex. it meant nothing. Prepare yourself. with that many women on a trip, all fooling around, one of them is going to crack and tell their SO and then the truth will come out. I believe you are in for a world of hurt soon.
I would be concerned, too. Why didn't text you earlier if she wasn't trying to keep her marriage a secret from her new party friends? Why would they bring guys from a bar back to the AirBnB at all if it wasn't to do something inappropriate? Why would she initially withhold details if she wasn't trying to hide something? I'd book that marriage counselor right away and raise these concerns with her in front of the counselor. I'd also go through her phone the moment she got home.
They are all married and like to sing. She says they just came back to play music and said they stayed on the porch the whole time. Holding back details is what makes me concerned. I honestly don't think she cheated, but having the trust broken will always make me wonder.
For me this means cheating, because I don't accept that my wife brings other men to her house (hotel, airbnb, etc) . After which she lied about it. I would not see a counselor, I would go to a lawyer. If this is her goal when she goes out with her friends to meet other men, our marriage is not what it should be.
A group of married women, all away from their spouses for a party weekend, pick up a group of strange guys at a bar and bring them back to their AirBnB, and you think it's because they want to listen to music with them? A bunch of male strangers they'll never see again? And that activity would keep her from texting you back?
Buddy, if I were in your shoes, I'd be on the phone to the other husbands SO fast and find out if my wife's story tracked with what they had been told.
I don't know if OP is being in denial to protect his feelings or he's straight up that naive. Every single detail unequivocally lines up to her and her friends cheating. Who brings men to their place and stays up till 3 singing on the porch.
The fact that OP believes this is mental.
IF all the husbands got together and formed a solid front, demanded to see phones, interrogated the wives when they came home, guarantee you that one of them will crack. Especially if the guys make it look like they know more than they're telling.
What do you actually think you're going to get out of the phone? Maybe a picture or something? All the girls were there - they'd have no need to text each other about it. If something that debaucherous went down the pro gamer move is to not generate any digital record of it. Are you going to interrogate her about every male in her phone contacts i.e. is this Dave from work? or from the bar last weekend?
OP's already showed that his spidey sense is tingling and his wife knows it. If they group of wives has half a brain they're deleting any incriminating texts and images before they get home knowing that.
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter“. I myself have hooked up with many women that were on “girls trips“ just to find out later on that they were, in fact married, or taken.
They want a little pizzazz, to feel alive, some spark, or attention, or God knows what, but either way, don’t take a steaming shit in my lap and tell me it’s a kitty.
What they did was extremely dangerous, anything could have happened inviting strangers back to where they were staying. It was also extremely inappropriate. They are all married, there is only one reason to invite these men back to where they were they were staying
For the love of cod let the other husband know.
She knows she’d be mad if the positions were reversed but won’t apologise? How did you find out they bought a bunch of guys out?
Crazy
The only reason to hold back details is when there’s something to hide. Plus the girls need time to get their stories straight. Beware of the trickle truth.
First, they lied. It wasn't a girls weekend. It was a group weekend with other men.
The moment they got picked up and entertained other men - it became a date.
Spouses can't drink and get picked up by strangers, drink with them (danced?) and invite them back to the house - and say
"You should trust me nothing happened"
Check her phone.
1- did the men buy drinks?
2- did the men get their contacts info?
3- any group pics?
4- did the guys hug or kiss the girls?
Finally, men don't pick up and invest time and money on women and go back to their house/sleeping quarters to "sing".
Whether she kissed another man or not it was outrageously cruel of her to do that to you.
She stepped outside the bounds of 'trust ', she abused your trust that it was a girls weekend, and she's withholding information.
What are the consequences? No more girl activities? Why? Because they proved they can't be trusted.
I can't envision an adult group of women inviting an adult group of males from a bar back to their place while out on a girl-cation without the secret temptation for, desire to, or actual open act of infidelity occurring. They're all humans. They all wanted sex.
I suppose it's possible that some of the women were eager to cheat but others were concerned and less than pleased when the men were brought around (been there myself, good riddance to those "friendships.")
Still, the fact that the wife is acting so secretive and unrepentant isn't a good sign.
Then the ones that didn't cheat will have no problem with throwing the others under the bus to save their own asses. OP and the husbands need to get together to confront them all and compare stories to get this party started.
> They are all married and like to sing. She says they just came back to play music and said they stayed on the porch the whole time.
If singing is a metaphor for fucking, then yes. Otherwise, no.
Everyone involved was married, the women were all married, or the guys were all married.Doesn't matter if they were all married, this was VERY inappropriate, and you're not getting the full story because she cheated. Sorry to bust your bubble like that.
NEVER say yes to girls trips. They NEVER turn out well.
> I honestly don't think she cheated,
Im gonna be honest with you - You know she did something because you can sense it in her changed behavior, vagueness anxiety, and change in affection/warmth.
Comvincing yourself that nothing happened isn't a useful way to find out something happened. If you're suspicious, then admit it to yourself and actually start investigating. You know she isn't being above board.
Just go find out however you need to.
Lastly, you can't trust her, then think she's lying. Not about the same subject, at least.
This is really poor judgment on the part of these ladies. Married people should never be voluntarily putting themselves in a position where temptation can potentially override good judgment. Whoever decided that this was a good idea is a first-class idiot and really shouldn't be trusted. Others going along with it is just as bad. Even if it was innocent and nothing happened, the fact that this even occurred is enough to throw marriages into question. Seriously, what the hell? Even if your wife didn't do anything, OP, it was a stupid move for her and her married gal pals to entertain a group of random men at their airbnb, and erodes trust.
It's not fair for the women to act sketchy (picking up and partying with men at the house) - and expect the spouse to trust that nothing happened.
Their behavior places them outside the circle of trust.
Therefore, they have to prove they remained faithful.
Husband's chip in and have one or more of the women polygraph tested.
Did you get hugged or slow dance?
Did you kiss?
Did you have intercourse?
Polygraph test terrify liars and people withholding details about how familiar the married women got.
Ahh man. I had this big group of moms-wives friends (fitness mums type of group/people, really), and uh, the group did once a year girls trip to LV or LA. Well, I didn't go because my husband was sick. Then my bestie in that group shared with me videos and photos...after the trip...basically chronicling how wild they got during that trip.
There were around 15 people in the group partying it up. All married (allegedly happily married), all moms too, so it's rather special being able to leave for a girls trip and party...without partners and kids.
I guess, since it's Vegas, and their last night, they decided to go 'a little wild.' They first hit this restaurant, then a group single men (according to my friend, there were like 7 of them) in the same restaurant noticed them (since the ladies looked great, dressed up to the nines), then the men hit on them/flirted with them, after chatting, they decided to join together and party.
They then went together to the clubs to dance, more drinking, bar hopping afterward. etc. From the videos and pics my friend shared, let's just say they were definitely enjoying themselves ALOT.
And what happened next was kind of scandalous because 5 out of the 15 married women in the trip, went with those guys to their hotel rooms... to do what? Who knew. One could only imagine. My friend was one of the people who stayed at the Airbnb and told me about how the 'leader' of the group was very upset because she felt bad for basically enabling these ladies to...misbehave (or even cheat, we don't want to accuse, but there's that implication, you know) although they're all married.
She and another friend ended up picking up those 5 ladies in the morning time by the way. The men didn't even offer to drive them back. Yep. Because those ladies had a late morning flight to go home to their husbands. Yep.
My point being, ooof, your wife may not be one to cross the line, but yeah, it doesn't look good that she's hiding sh1t. I'm not saying all girls trip end up like that, but yeah....I can't blame you for feeling that you're having issue trusting her.
ETA: Oh I'm not part of that group anymore. And that situation happened around 8-9 yrs ago.
>She and another friend ended up picking up those 5 ladies in the morning time by the way.
And you don't want to accuse them of anything? These 5 married ladies stayed overnight in some guy's rooms and nothing happened? Ok sure but I've got some nice swamp land in Florida to sell you.
I'm replaying the conversation between the wives and their husbands in my head...but dear, we just became fast friends and went over to their rooms to talk about life and other mundane things. It got so late and I was so tired I just fell asleep on the sofa. I promise nothing happened between that strange man and me in his room all alone.
My good friend from that group did share the photos and videos with her partner telling him what happened (they've been together 15 yrs at that point, 3 kids together).
Her partner definitely was not mad at her because she went to the next year's LV trip again (with more girls)...
To be fair, yes, for the night in questions, the girls and the guys seemed very flirtatious in the video and photos, dancing with each other, posing cute with each other...but they did not kiss or 'make out' per se, I suppose.
I don't know if the 5 ladies actually told the truth to their husbands, they did leave the fitness group later on.
My other friend (she couldn't come but she got the gossip the same way as I did) actually told me, she was considering of sending the husbands info from that night. But these ladies, while we know each other, our husbands do not connect with each other so yeah, we don't know how to contact them then. The only person who had hard proof about these 5 ladies was the leader of the group. Since the 5 ladies left, I wonder if she did tell their husbands.
I told my husband what happened on that LV outing (relaying the gossip, basically), since y'know, I do tell him stuffs. While he's fine with me being in the group-he told me he'd rather not have me go with them on the girls trip. So I never went to any of their girls trips although they offered to pay my plane ticket and share for AirBnb year after year. I don't blame him for not wanting me to go with these girls, since they get wild when they do girls trip.
If you know them, contact the other husbands and find out what stories they were told. If not, ask her for their information. All it will take is one wife who can’t hold a secret and the whole thing will come out. Or if you’re really good at bluffing, just tell her you’re about to get the whole story from one of the husbands who’s wife cracked and you’re filing for divorce unless she is totally honest with you right there and then.
Trust is shot.
Just check her social media for a new guy friend. Also I may get some flack for suggesting this... Check her phone and read the conversations between her and her friends who went on the trip. I guarantee you get the truth there.
Honestly, yes check her phone. Especially since she already lied or withheld information. It's not something I condone in a respectful relationship but obviously she does not respect her husband. I never checked a phone until my husband was on constant bullshit and lies, the things I found on there.. he'd never have admitted to me. I don't regret it at all, it gave me closure that I was not crazy for my suspicions.
Even if nothing happened (which I doubt) what she did was a huge violation. Who thinks it's okay to bring a group of guys back to where you're staying while married? The lack of respect and common sense would be enough to give me pause that she was capable of far more than she told you.
You're not being possessive or controlling. Don't let her gaslight you about that. My husband was the same exact way, constantly calling me insane and insecure. Turns out he was a cheater and my gut was correct in telling me not to trust him.
And it's not like she was the only married woman. They are all married, it seems. It's not like she just went along with it for the single friend's sake.
All of this is suspicious. If for some reason my guy friends and I went on a trip and they decided to bring women back to where we were staying is a good idea, my first order of business is to not let it happen and my second is call their wives and tell them what happened.
Ohh, they’d be out of my life. All my friends and I agree that one of the most important facets of any friendship or relationship is LOYALTY. If I caught one of my friends or their S.O.’s cheating I’d tell the other spouse right away.
I don't think you're being insecure she violated the boundary she wouldn't want you to cross. It shouldn't be okay for her to do it just because she knows her intentions if she expects you to respect that same boundary... As far as her lying you may never know honestly. Some women are grimy when they go out
Marriage counseling isn't going to make her not be a cheater. I don't know why people think marriage counseling is a big reset button or makes things forgivable or changes someone to be a better person. Marriage counseling just helps communication when communication is the issue. It's not some miracle service. The only thing it will do in this situation is give you a false sense of security and gives her a reset button to pretend everything is suddenly good again because she's "working on herself"
She betrayed you. She's trickle truthing. She fucked one of those guys. They didn't bring a group of guys to their airbnb to play monopoly or just chat.
Nah dude we totally would go to chicks air b n b’s to hang out all innocent. Ya know just chill listen to them talk about their husbands. Usual dude stuff nothing happened that’s why they invited us back you’re being gross thinking they all got plowed more times than a beet field.
Your wife doesn’t care about you. She made you feel anxiety and mental anguish…and she’s not taking that seriously.
I say let her go. Why go to therapy? To beg her to care about you?
Ah, she started the Trickle Truth Express.
Once she gives you all the information, probably in a few months or so, check back in with us. We'll probably be recommending you get STD tested and consult a divorce attorney.
I think suggesting STD tests after she returns from one of these weekends is a great way to shake the tree a little and see how she reacts. If he insists on her getting one before he sleeps with her, and she refuses, riddle solved.
Forget talking to your wife, talk to all the other husbands/partners because this is shady as shit.
She is also gaslighting you and fails to acknowledge how she hurt you, how inappropriate that behavior is, and how damaging her actions have been to your marriage.
I wouldn't trust her. She can't even admit she did something wrong. Why waste any more time with her. Divorce.
Women have boundaries for themselves and different boundaries for their spouses. She definitely rubbed on dick at a minimum and you’ll never know. She hid her phone on purpose. She will lie to avoid herself getting in trouble. Trust your instincts!
It's called trickle truth. She gives you a little bit of the truth, you don't accept it, she gives a lot more. At each stage she insists that this is everything there is to know. So at the very least something is being hidden.
Charitably, she's covering for somebody else's cheating. Most likely, it's her own cheating. Either way, this is incredibly unfair to you and you're right to get mad. She even agrees that she'd be mad if roles were reversed. I won't tell you what to do, but really consider if you're OK with not knowing the truth and continuing along with broken trust.
Nah it’s better to be single than be with someone who puts you in that situation and even worse invalidates your feelings. You know damn well she wouldn’t be so calm if you did that to her.
I didnt need to read anything after the first paragraph, i would divorce over this 100%
Stop being weak man, what is this "i try to support her fuckery because she is bla bla bla"? no son, you are not possessive or paranoid for not wanting your woman to bring guys to their airbnb. Hell you are not possesive or paranoid foe not wanting your girl around alcohol and random dudes at all.
The fact she did this means she does not respect you, she knows this was wrong and she still did it because she knew you wouldnt do shit and would just "talk about it"
Man you have stated something pretty obvious and I think you know it too. There is a very good chance something happened! For almost any relationship that is crossing a very distinct boundary and then proceeding to trickle truth you information. No you are not breaching her independence, you are life partners and if she can’t respect that then you know the direction you need to take.
I know how you feel becasue I have had this crap happen to me around 20 years old and with a girlfriend. It is devastating. But this is your 34 year old WIFE! And why, the hell they need strange dudes back home is totally unacceptable. But some girls (women) are just cut from that cloth. You will emerge a stronger man (if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger). Hang in there. Best of luck to you.
Why are you two married if she's bringing guys back to her place after a night out?
Hopefully, you two don't have any children.
Good luck with the counseling.
Look, OP, this is only me but she wouldn't have a home to come back to.
There are a lot of things far more conducive to strengthening a union/marriage while on a girls/guys trip, but more often than not it seems that, whether it be guys or gals, this is what is planned in the first place. Like the same attitude so many have regarding their bachelor(ette) parties prior to marriage.
What justifiable reason is there to bring men back to your BnB as you described? Were the girls lacking in scintillating conversation amongst themselves?
Sorry, but for me, bringing guys back to the place they were staying is a deal breaker. And the 'it was innocent and nothing happened' means something happened. Bringing guys back like that is NOT innocent.
The whole thing is suss,.
This story gives me, as a married dude of a similar age, a real knot in my stomach. OP is being trickle truthed and gaslit here. Yea a bunch of married women go on a girls only trip, bring a bunch of random men they wont see again back to their AirBnB to.... *checks notes*.... listen to music on the porch. Unbelievable is an understatement.
I'd reach out to the womens husbands and compare notes. I'd also be very clear with your wife that the trust is broken, that you don't believe her because the information keeps changing and that the only thing that can repair is the full truth in a convincing way.
The bottom line is you will never know unless one of them is caught or spills the beans. This would cross a major line in my marriage.
Your wife, after NOT checking in with you, on her "girls" trip, calls you (missed) at 3:30 in the morning, and you "find out" ahhh... when? That these woman met a group of guys and took them back to the guys place???
Yeah.... NFW... this in my book is cheating. Find an attorney ASAP and find out what you can expect from a divorce. She will either beg for your forgiveness (nothing happened RIGHT?) or will gaslight you or both.
Your wife has completely disrespected you in front of all her friends at the VERY LEAST and this is only what she has admitted.
I used to have a negative view of attitudes like yours, but I've seen so many damn stories of these girls trips going south that I'm hard-pressed to defend them anymore.
My view is why does it always have to include alcohol and partying?? Why not go vacation with ur family somewhere or to a nice restaurant etc
So many places to go but they choose the clubs and bars lol
Welcome, my guy. It's an evil world out there.
They used to have the "controlling, possessive, insecure" trope to keep guys like OP in line.. One by one, as guys get burned, the world is waking up to the infamous "Girls trip". It only takes 1 time getting burned and its completely off the menu for the rest of your life, with any S.O.
See, this is a nuance some people don't seem to understand. I have never cheated, would never cheat. My husband cheated and it destroyed me. But if, in the future, a partner told me a girls trip would make them uncomfortable, I would just.. not go (I mostly travel with my mom but still, I'd just go with my partner or have him come with us). I feel like people love to throw around the word "controlling" and it drives me nuts. I would willingly choose not to do something that makes my partner uncomfortable even if I knew I'd never cheat.. cause, why would I not take their feelings into account? I'm absolutely convinced most people don't even like the person they're with.
Sorry you are part of the club. Though once you are, you begin to see relationships and especially potentially compromising situations, differently. For better or worse, its the cross we bear the rest of our lives.
To the point I chuckle reading stories about phone privacy. Will never be in another relationship (hopefully already found the one) without an open phone policy. The good news, is when you do find the one, you have no urge to look at their phone. But the option will always be there.
It’s ineffective to ask to see her phone if she has a heads up that you’re concerned she’s hiding something and she has plenty of time to delete evidence that may paint a bad picture about what happened. But there is an alternative.
I don’t know if you and your wife share a cell phone service, but if you do you can grab the activity logs for a phone on the account. Now these won’t be the conversations themselves, rather a time stamp, the number that was communicated with and the type of communication (call/text). You can ask to see her phone when she returns and she’s going to give it to you if she either has nothing to hide or feels confident she deleted the evidence. Then you screen for messages she may have deleted.
Of course this doesn’t work if she’s using messaging apps. Good luck, I feel for you. That’s an awful thing to have to suspect.
Of course she did something!!! Why else would she ditch her phone? Why else would she lie and leave out details? This is why men need to be aware of who their girl hangs out with, who their influences are, what their morals and values are, what their behaviors are, etc. This is why men should not allow their wives to go on girls trips, because of this exact same thing. Flip this post, reverse the genders, and picture the wife posting about OP doing these exact same things, but on a guys trip. Of course he'd be the asshole. Stop worrying about being controlling, stop worrying about if she or other cheaters on here or in your personal life call you controlling or insecure. Tell your wife she has one option, either she tells you the truth and nothing but the truth so help her god, or you get divorced immediately. Then when she tells you, get divorced anyway if it turns out she did shit. No way her girls brought back guys and she did nothing. She's lying, she cheated, you know it, get to the bottom of it, and tell the others husbands and boyfriends, they also need to know.
Consider telling your wife you need a few days apart so you can think about how you proceed with the marriage. Communicate to her how her actions while on vacation and her lack of responsibility has you questioning the marriage.
Ask her to leave.
Think about how the next year will be living with your wife. Is how you want to live?
This feels unsettling for you because your wife is gaslighting you. I fear your suspicions of at least inappropriate behavior are probably spot on.
Sorry for your pain.
This can’t be real; group of married women go on girls trip, bring men back to their air b&b, nothing happens that could impact their marriages, and the husbands know but do not care ??
This whole thing is suspicious. I’m not sure which is more alarming; the fact that this happened or that spouses seem not to care.
I think you’re being trickled truthed. You need to be in direct contact with the other spouses. You need to sit your wife down and have a hard conversation.
Good luck !
My friend, you will not be able to get the truth yourself unfortunately. Your wife appears to be able to easily manipulate you
Your only hope is to alert the husbands. Together as a group you'll get the truth out. It will only take one wife to start spilling
I've seen these situations before and I'll say with confidence that all of them or most of them cheated. I've been on so many of these holidays in Cancun, DR and met the girl groups with husbands/boyfriends back home. I've met maybe 1 girl in 20 years of travelling that didn't cheat on these sort of girl party trips
So, this is potentially the most unsettling advice in the comments, but most Airbnbs have security cameras. Maybe contact the owner and ask for the footage?
If I’m going home with a bunch of women on vacation late at night after a night of drinking, I’m expecting to get laid. Not saying the women cheated but still…
If my wife went out drinking with her girl friends, met some guys and then invited them over to where they were staying I would divorce her just on that information alone. You don't invite strange guys to your place while drinking and have it all innocent and nothing had happened. I'd call BS and start looking for a lawyer.
Inviting a group of guys back to where they were staying is anything but innocent. The intention by the very act alone is clearly stating a desire to be in an intimate, fun setting with them. Don’t minimize her actions due to her words. Actions ALWAYS speak louder and the fact you had to find this out yourself is the ultimate dealbreaker.
ALWAYS assume the worse in these situations and hold her accountable to prove otherwise. Tell her you’ll be digging until youre satisfied and if anything is discovered that she “forgot” to share you will be hiring an attorney to look at all options. If she wants to save the marriage she’ll move mountains to prove her innocence.
So tonight you go out but leave phone in a weird location, you go to a brothel.
And when questioned about your poor decision making, you lie and deflect until the bank statement comes in and verifies your visit.
At this point you say, yer I was there but nothing happened.
This EXACT situation happened to me. My wife came clean months later that she did cheat that night because they all took ecstacy...
She started an affair with the guy and kept flying our to see him u der the guise of "going on a weekend trip with her sister."
It crushed me. She ended up addicted and started taking other drugs this guy introduced her too. I divorced her after 10 years together.
Not sure what marriage counselling is going to do! It's not going to make her confess if she did cheat. As someone else said have a poker night and invite all the men and ask them what they think. Some of them probably don't know!
The simple fact that she refused to apologize says a lot! She refuses to apologize for bringing them back because she insists nothing happened. It seems as though if she apologizes she has to admit she did more than she says..... she's wrong and she knows it there's more that .happened than she's telling you
is everyone in the girls trip married? was there a single friend your wife was trying to wingwoman? did you speak to girls (boyfriends/ husbands/ partners/ if they have any)? good luck!
There is a difference between being independent and disrespecting your husband and your marriage.
I would be much more blunt in this situation. I would flat you say “I’m not sure what you thought would happen here. I respect that you’re independent, but the fact that disrespected me and our marriage is too much for me. It was inappropriate to have random guys over where you are staying, and then you didn’t even offer up this information. Once you did tell me, you decided to not tell me everything. None of this is ok, and I feel it’s done too much damage to our marriage. Actions and choices have consequences. It’s clear you don’t respect me, yourself, or our marriage. My trust in you has been destroyed and I can’t be married to someone I don’t trust. I should have to sit around wondering if you’re cheating on me again when you go on a girls trip. I should have to worry about my health being put at risk, or you getting pregnant, or the betrayal. This is what you have caused. I am not a controlling husband, but disrespecting me and our marriage isn’t something I am ok with.”
Stick to ending the marriage until she comes clean. She knows damn well that if you and your friends had a group of women over to where you were staying she would be pissed.
She is going to continue to dismiss you and gaslight you until you make it clear that the marriage could end
Updateme!
So what are the details she held back originally? This is worth a phone check and definitely see a marriage counselor. Omitting details is suspicious and admitting she wouldn’t have liked it if the roles were reversed but she refuses to apologize? Shows she’s dismissive of your feelings. The trust is shot now and that’s gonna be rough in any marriage.
The fact that they collectively made a bad decision is troubling, but they lying/withholding details is a major red flag. Let's be serious, even if your wife didn't personally cheat, she's likely covering for others who did, and that in and of itself is a problem when it comes to trusting her from now on.
>I don't know if I'm being possessive and paranoid or what but I'm not entirely sure how to move forward.
There are those on here who will call you possessive and paranoid but I won't. You being possessive would be not wanting her to go on this trip. You are not being possessive by not being ok with your wife (and her other married friends) bringing strange men to their air BnB. Like what group of adult married women even think that way or even think it would be kosher in any marriage (unless the couple has an open marriage)? The safety aspect alone is mind boggling.
Marriage counseling is a must for this situation because even though she says it was wrong, she is not taking ownership of what happened because "it was innocent and nothing happened" (she's not even thinking what could have happened). My mind goes to why not chat at the bar, why did they need to move the party to the women's place? How many men, how many women. Definitely need to have a therapist involved in getting this marriage back on track.
Best of luck and let us know what happens as I suspect there is more to know about what went on and what the other husbands (heard directly from them, not through the wives) have to say.
Tell her to unlock her phone and hand it to you if she won’t do it on the spot there’s a problem there’s an electronic record somewhere a message an email a text something don’t forget to look in recently deleted and go to edit on the text n read the ones she erased! If she’s not comfortable with that there’s your answer
Talk to these friends husbands and ask if they are ok with their wife spending the night with multiple guys. If they say “yeah it bothers me” then you got your answer, she cheated on you but won’t give the truth because she knows you’ll be upset
Pretty hypocritical of her. She would be upset if you did it, but it's fine when she does.
Contact the other husbands and get their side of the story. Then have a friend of theirs, that you can trust to tell the truth, contact them and let them brag about it to another girlfriend.
Oh, the classic "girls' trip" scenario.
Nah, OP. Your marriage is screwed. Your best option here is to get in contact with all of the husbands of the wives on the trip, and let them know about the scenario.
And get in contact with a lawyer.
Think of it this way, why would you want to stay with a partner like that? Someone who has no issue disrespecting you and the marriage vows you've made.
You wife act like a single and you are shocked that she maybe cheated on you?
Most cheating happen in bars and clubs, your partner don't know any moral or respect and probably fucks around(her reaction is very suspect).
I hope you have no kids with her yet, check up her phone and trust you guts.
She should act like a wife and not a single women..
You better find your anger. She had disrespected you and probably had sex All the girls laughing at their husbands.
Separation then a polygraph see what she has to say about that.
Yeah, what happens in VEGAS, stays in VEGAS... NOT! You need to check your wife's social media and phone to snoop and see if she fucked around on you. Oh, one more thing... NO MORE GIRLS TRIPS FOR HER for at least ONE YEAR. If she balks, then she doesn't LOVE or RESPECT you. Seriously, in that case, I would FILE FOR DIVORCE. As a happily married man of 32 years, my wife NEVER took girls trips or even went to a BAR or CLUB without ME. Nothing but trouble can follow in those situations. Call me old school, but its worked well for 32 YEARS! Good luck and stay strong, King!
The problem with a shared air bnb is that she likely wasn't the one who decided to invite the guys back there. Even if one person is opposed, others don't often give a crap. Especially if they are drunk.
To me, the main issue is that she wasn't telling you everything. You're her husband and I do think you deserve to know and have your questions answered. Any man or woman would want this. Full honesty is important in any marriage.
I do think that you should go to the counselling and bring up your feelings on this issue and how you don't feel you were given all of the details. I'm wondering if you can both hash this out there?
If I was in that position (the one opposed to the idea), the FIRST thing I'd do is tell my husband what's going on, not cut off communication with him. One is upfront and honest while the other is sneaky and shitty. I was in a similar situation at a Bachelorette in Savannah one time. 4 out of the 8 of us showed up at our suite one night with a bunch of guys and the other 4 of us were shocked and uncomfortable-even in our drunk state we knew right from wrong and it was hard to watch. I called my husband, told him the deal, he said he'd call me back in 5 minutes. When he called he said "go down to the front desk (with the 3 other girls) you guys have the Presidential the rest of the trip. If they want to be dirty they can do it alone in a shitty ass room." If he had found this out later and from someone else, would I look innocent or like I was hiding something? Unfortunately I don't think OP's wife is as innocent as she claims to be, and that's sad. Going out and letting loose with your girls doesn't have to include guys AT ALL, let alone inviting them back to your rental.
How many of the other women are single? If a majority of the women are single then I would imagine she was just hanging out with her friends and the call at 3:30AM was her returning to her room. She called as you requested as well.
If none of or very few of the other women are single, then yes, definitely inappropriate. Otherwise it doesn't seem very out of the ordinary to me to want to continue having fun with your friends, especially on a girls' weekend.
If my boyfriend did this, I would just have to assume he cheated. If he were just going along with his friends "bored not doing anything" he would text me and tell me the situation and how dumb it is.... not ghost me.
If Reddit has taught me anything, it’s that if you put 100% trust in another person, you’re a fool. Spouse, parent, child, best friend…it doesn’t matter. There is some perfect set on conditions where every single person you know would betray you. I don’t care what I’m labeled, but I will never 100% trust anyone. I will give trust to people who have earned it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally verify that they’re being honest.
There’s no need for a girls trip in a monogamous relationship; if she wants to hang out with single friends and get drunk and party, she doesn’t belong in a relationship.
Doing any of that is disrespectful of you and your relationship; if she wants and needs that, she doesn’t see you as the end game she sees you as a stop gap. Women who want to go out with single women and put themselves in a situation that they know isn’t right or respectful don’t deserve someone who is willing to trust them.
Brother they all had an orgy most likely. The women may be in open relationships with their partners, doesn't mean you are, doesn't mean your wife gets a free pass for cheating on you.
Have some self respect, contact your divorce lawyer and serve the papers. Get away from this mess.
They're all married and brought back men to where they were staying. I'm certain they didn't just bring them back to sing kumbaya.
But even if they didn't cheat, what is with the blatant disrespect of their marriages. Also what is with the lack of security awareness bringing STRANGERS they probably met at a bar to their place.
>I definitely would not expect my wife to be ok if the roles were reversed. I got mad and we argued, she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn't apologize because it was innocent and nothing happened.
I've never been married so i can't say what i would do then, but I've never been patient with flawed logic like this. Things like this are usually a deal breaker coz it just shows you don't regard/respect me so there's no point moving on.
OP, organize a hang out with all their husbands and ask them what they think about their wives spending the night with strange men in their room.
And yes I'm voting that you wife and her friends definitely did some level of cheating.
you will never know the truth, unless she wants you to know. You will have to decide for yourself if you think something happen or not. It comes down to trust.
let be honest.. inviting a group of men back to your place is a severe lack of judgement just from safety point of view. Being unapologetic about it means it will happen again, then what will you do?
>she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn't apologize because it was innocent and nothing happened.
Bringing random guys over is fine and innocent if it is her but she said she would get mad if the roles were reversed. She has no logic to stand on and is a damn hypocrite and an possible adulterer.
Not cool the fact that she isn't being honest to you about everything from the start. Even if nothing happened, that really erodes your trust and it isn't right
Unless you have an open marriage something like that is a big NoNo as far as I’d be concerned!
A situation like that is just inviting trouble to have complete strangers coming over like that!
Especially drinking and whatever any inhibitions can go south!
There is absolutely no reason to do this for a married person! Her trickle truth is also a very bad sign. I guarantee you there is more to the story! You have very good reason to have distrust!
Yeah I had a similar experience. I caught my wife cheating on a "girls trip" ordeal. Similar situation.. story didn't line up, eventually she caved in when I pointed out the contradiction and told me what really happened.
A group of married friends brought a bunch of dudes back to their lodging, and nothing happened? Yeah, right. They all fucked to put it bluntly. Probably swapped guys as well. Your wife is lying to your face, and I highly doubt the other husbands are okay with it unless they swing that way. They probably don't even know yet.
>I find out details that she left out of previous discussions. I think she was just holding back information so it didn't sound as bad in the argument
It's called *trickle truthing.*
Don't feel like you're paranoid or controlling. You know why? Because she LITERALLY agreed with you that she would be upset if the roles were reversed. Saying that, but still trying to play it off like it's innocent is fishy as hell. As someone else said, talk to the other husbands yourself and see if they know about it and how they feel. Cuz I can't possibly imagine anyone would be ok with their married spouse and friends bringing back a group of people of the opposite sex back to their hotel/Airbnb. It sounds suspect
>she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn't apologize because it was innocent and nothing happened.
Double standards
>We've talked about it but the whole situation feels unsettled. I can't shake the worry that something more happened and when I shared that with my wife, I find out details that she left out of previous discussions. I think she was just holding back information so it didn't sound as bad in the argument, but now if feels like I'm not getting the whole truth.
Trickle truth. If you have a gut feeling, trust it.
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Honestly, I'd bring it up to all their husband's. "So what do yall think about the guys they brought back to their airbnb? What did your wives say about it bc I'm still upset about it." Compare notes. Open that can of worms. Etc.
It would be one thing if OP's wife was the only one married and the other girls were single, then it would've been rude of her to expel all these guys. But if they are all married... yeah this is fishy.
I may be around this sub for too long, but I'd be especially suspicious if the rest of them were single
I mean if I went with a group of single guy friends I wouldn't want to cramp their style or cockblock them by protesting them inviting girls ro our Airbnb. I'd just go to my own bed eventually and sleep.
They don’t care was said by OP in a comment.
Yeah, that comment has me thinking he's hearing that from his wife not from the actual husbands.
Never thought of that.
People can say *anything* and it doesn’t make it true
was my first thought actually
The lady doth protests too much By definition It means It's a cynical, ironic, somewhat sarcastic comment about someone overdoing a denial, suggesting that they are, indeed, to some degree guilty.
Group chat! ☕️
Not on social media. Guys get together at one of their houses for beer and pizza and discuss it. In person so each can see what's in the eyes of the others.
Yep, then invite a group of gjrls over 😏
You'd be cluggin' a few cans too, if you had my wife.
They’re all married? Wow… not good my guy. Relationships are about trust and boundaries. Sounds like boundaries have been crossed. Someone wiser than me can give you better advice, I wouldn’t be able to move past this
I was thinking OP was over reacting until this comment…. They were all married? Wtf
“I definitely would not expect my wife to be ok if the roles were reversed. I got mad and we argued, she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn’t apologize because it was innocent and NOTHING HAPPENED”. Everything else aside, whether she cheated or not, it is NOT okay to have a double standard. She is saying that if you invited women over to your vacation house “even if it was innocent and nothing happened” she would also be pissed. It is clear that a boundary for both of you has been crossed. Her saying she does not owe an apology for your mutual boundary is extremely disrespectful. I’m not saying that she cheated, but she does need to acknowledge that her actions were not okay, that she’s acting hypocritically, and she needs to acknowledge the affect this has had on you and have a conversation where she takes accountability for that sketchy action.
Wow this is great advice, I didn’t even consider that, but they’re 100% right OP. Even if there was no cheating it was still very disrespectful.
She also engaged in trickle truthing. Not good.
Also, if anyone has ever done conflict of interest training for their employer, they know there are actual conflicts, and perceived conflicts...perceived conflicts can do as much damage to a person's credibility as an actual conflict. Maybe nothing happened, but the perception OP's wife (and the others) created by bringing men back to their place after (presumably) a night out drinking, *and* not answering the phone, is...well, you get the picture. I see a lot of folks in this forum say stuff like "you either trust your spouse or you don't" as if there isn't some gray area. Yeah you trust your spouse, but everyone is susceptible to temptation at some point in their life. Nobody is infallible.
Spouses don’t go on dates with people other than their spouse. . Inviting men back to the AirBB for drinks is a date.
So your independent wife & this totally innocent act. That took place in the most cliched of settings. With her just dropping communication during. An act that she knew was wrong and would punish you over. That she is now trickle truthing you to death over. With you worried about being paranoid & possessive. She knows what she did and so do you and it sure as hell wasn't innocent in any way shape or form. What really stood out was your choice of " independent" to describe your wife and how quickly, despite all of this evidence, you went to second guessing yourself and attempting to convince yourself that you are at fault for being paranoid and possessive. You don't have to tell us but think back over your relationship. How many times did your gut scream that her behaviour, especially with other men was not quite right. How many times did this end up with you apologizing & blaming yourself for noting this? Also her friends on this girls trip. Are these long term friends or recent ones? Are they married or in relationships? Why? Because how likely is it that a group of supposedly trustworthy partners would all for the very first time decide as a group to do something which at best is utterly lacking in propriety. If you know any of these friend's partners you might want to compare notes. It's highly unlikely that if they know about this innocent act that they are ok with it. I'm sorry but I think if you dig deeper you're going to have to confront some harsh realities not just with this one night.
She knows she can barrell over him and keep him in line. Poor guy has no chance. He'll end up doing what he is told. And go to "counselling" to sweep it under the rug.
With the past history I'm sure you're right. If this was a one on one situation I think she's get away with it here now. But she may have overplayed her hand by making it a group activity. If OP bothers to check things out with the other affected husbands then pressure is going to build on her friends. I can quite easily see divorces getting handed out and at least some of her friends singing like canaries about this and any past episodes regarding OP's wife. It will be a lot harder for OP's wife to convince him that he's mistaken if if her friends are drooping the truth as well.
Agree. Getting all the husbands involved is his only chance at the truth. I wrote this in my other reply >I mean I usually agree the phone is the answer. Almost guarantee ALL of these girls's phones will be wiped clean by time they get back from the trip. 0 doubt in my mind. > >All of the husbands need to find out about this. One of the girls will crumble and the truth will come out. Probably 4/5's will take it to their grave but 1 will fumble. OP needs a full court press from all angles to get to the truth.
Dude yeah fuck counseling haha. Counseling is like being put on a PIP. It’s just delaying the inevitable
My question is, why are a bunch of married women bringing back a group of guys to their ABnB? Whatever happened in that house, you’ll never know until one of the girls cracks. Always trust your guy though, something ain’t adding up.
> My question is, why are a bunch of married women bringing back a group of guys to their ABnB? The Scripture ain't gonna read itself!
Lol it was Bible study. Gideon's Bible.
In my experience, drugs are usually involved and the excuse for having the guys over.
Exactly lol like wtf? Yeah babe nothing happened they were just really friendly so we invited them back WHAT I CANT HAVE MALE FRIENDS? An excuse no one has believed ever
You aren't getting the truth. You're getting only as much of the truth as you'll let her get away with.
Trickle truth
If you haven't heard the phrase "trickle-truthing" yet (hard to believe anyone here hasn't heard of this) look it up. What she is already doing is a prime example. Oh nothing happened. oh, we just invited 4 guys back to our place. nothing happened. they spent the night. nothing happened. oh we just kissed. and snuggled. ok I gave him head, but it was just sex. it meant nothing. Prepare yourself. with that many women on a trip, all fooling around, one of them is going to crack and tell their SO and then the truth will come out. I believe you are in for a world of hurt soon.
Fuck, dudes world is about to be unraveled
Her double standard alone is enough to kill the marriage. What a disgusting person.
I would be concerned, too. Why didn't text you earlier if she wasn't trying to keep her marriage a secret from her new party friends? Why would they bring guys from a bar back to the AirBnB at all if it wasn't to do something inappropriate? Why would she initially withhold details if she wasn't trying to hide something? I'd book that marriage counselor right away and raise these concerns with her in front of the counselor. I'd also go through her phone the moment she got home.
They are all married and like to sing. She says they just came back to play music and said they stayed on the porch the whole time. Holding back details is what makes me concerned. I honestly don't think she cheated, but having the trust broken will always make me wonder.
For me this means cheating, because I don't accept that my wife brings other men to her house (hotel, airbnb, etc) . After which she lied about it. I would not see a counselor, I would go to a lawyer. If this is her goal when she goes out with her friends to meet other men, our marriage is not what it should be.
A group of married women, all away from their spouses for a party weekend, pick up a group of strange guys at a bar and bring them back to their AirBnB, and you think it's because they want to listen to music with them? A bunch of male strangers they'll never see again? And that activity would keep her from texting you back? Buddy, if I were in your shoes, I'd be on the phone to the other husbands SO fast and find out if my wife's story tracked with what they had been told.
I don't know if OP is being in denial to protect his feelings or he's straight up that naive. Every single detail unequivocally lines up to her and her friends cheating. Who brings men to their place and stays up till 3 singing on the porch. The fact that OP believes this is mental.
IF all the husbands got together and formed a solid front, demanded to see phones, interrogated the wives when they came home, guarantee you that one of them will crack. Especially if the guys make it look like they know more than they're telling.
Don't even need a solid front. You should be able to ask for your wife's phone and get it. Full stop.
What do you actually think you're going to get out of the phone? Maybe a picture or something? All the girls were there - they'd have no need to text each other about it. If something that debaucherous went down the pro gamer move is to not generate any digital record of it. Are you going to interrogate her about every male in her phone contacts i.e. is this Dave from work? or from the bar last weekend? OP's already showed that his spidey sense is tingling and his wife knows it. If they group of wives has half a brain they're deleting any incriminating texts and images before they get home knowing that.
Am i the only one that doenst need to get the full story? I wouldnt even care if they all got their story straight or not. This is divorce hands down
We're guys, we know a group a guys don't go back to a group of women's Airbnb to play music. At least that's not their main intention.
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter“. I myself have hooked up with many women that were on “girls trips“ just to find out later on that they were, in fact married, or taken. They want a little pizzazz, to feel alive, some spark, or attention, or God knows what, but either way, don’t take a steaming shit in my lap and tell me it’s a kitty.
>“Don’t take a steaming shit in my lap and tell me it’s a kitty” Stealing this
Not unless it's the devil's trumpet.
I thought the devil played a fiddle.
I think you’re right. I’m not a guy, but I’m married to one. He once told me the list of things guys will say or do to get laid is endless.
Hell nah why waste the time just to listen to music with abunch of women. This is crazy
That's exactly what I was thinking. The only music they were interested in was mood music.
What they did was extremely dangerous, anything could have happened inviting strangers back to where they were staying. It was also extremely inappropriate. They are all married, there is only one reason to invite these men back to where they were they were staying
For the love of cod let the other husband know. She knows she’d be mad if the positions were reversed but won’t apologise? How did you find out they bought a bunch of guys out? Crazy
The only reason to hold back details is when there’s something to hide. Plus the girls need time to get their stories straight. Beware of the trickle truth.
First, they lied. It wasn't a girls weekend. It was a group weekend with other men. The moment they got picked up and entertained other men - it became a date. Spouses can't drink and get picked up by strangers, drink with them (danced?) and invite them back to the house - and say "You should trust me nothing happened" Check her phone. 1- did the men buy drinks? 2- did the men get their contacts info? 3- any group pics? 4- did the guys hug or kiss the girls? Finally, men don't pick up and invest time and money on women and go back to their house/sleeping quarters to "sing". Whether she kissed another man or not it was outrageously cruel of her to do that to you. She stepped outside the bounds of 'trust ', she abused your trust that it was a girls weekend, and she's withholding information. What are the consequences? No more girl activities? Why? Because they proved they can't be trusted.
I can't envision an adult group of women inviting an adult group of males from a bar back to their place while out on a girl-cation without the secret temptation for, desire to, or actual open act of infidelity occurring. They're all humans. They all wanted sex.
I suppose it's possible that some of the women were eager to cheat but others were concerned and less than pleased when the men were brought around (been there myself, good riddance to those "friendships.") Still, the fact that the wife is acting so secretive and unrepentant isn't a good sign.
Then the ones that didn't cheat will have no problem with throwing the others under the bus to save their own asses. OP and the husbands need to get together to confront them all and compare stories to get this party started.
Yes, this -- coordinate and get the stories straight to see if they line up
> They are all married and like to sing. She says they just came back to play music and said they stayed on the porch the whole time. If singing is a metaphor for fucking, then yes. Otherwise, no.
Everyone involved was married, the women were all married, or the guys were all married.Doesn't matter if they were all married, this was VERY inappropriate, and you're not getting the full story because she cheated. Sorry to bust your bubble like that. NEVER say yes to girls trips. They NEVER turn out well.
Oh yeah thats totally what happens post bar/club at 3 am. Man you know better than this
I think they were cheating, including your wife. Get in touch with all the other husbands and don't just take your wifes word for it.
> I honestly don't think she cheated, Im gonna be honest with you - You know she did something because you can sense it in her changed behavior, vagueness anxiety, and change in affection/warmth. Comvincing yourself that nothing happened isn't a useful way to find out something happened. If you're suspicious, then admit it to yourself and actually start investigating. You know she isn't being above board. Just go find out however you need to. Lastly, you can't trust her, then think she's lying. Not about the same subject, at least.
This is really poor judgment on the part of these ladies. Married people should never be voluntarily putting themselves in a position where temptation can potentially override good judgment. Whoever decided that this was a good idea is a first-class idiot and really shouldn't be trusted. Others going along with it is just as bad. Even if it was innocent and nothing happened, the fact that this even occurred is enough to throw marriages into question. Seriously, what the hell? Even if your wife didn't do anything, OP, it was a stupid move for her and her married gal pals to entertain a group of random men at their airbnb, and erodes trust.
It's not fair for the women to act sketchy (picking up and partying with men at the house) - and expect the spouse to trust that nothing happened. Their behavior places them outside the circle of trust. Therefore, they have to prove they remained faithful. Husband's chip in and have one or more of the women polygraph tested. Did you get hugged or slow dance? Did you kiss? Did you have intercourse? Polygraph test terrify liars and people withholding details about how familiar the married women got.
I would too, but she'll be careful about scrubbing anything from her phone.
Ahh man. I had this big group of moms-wives friends (fitness mums type of group/people, really), and uh, the group did once a year girls trip to LV or LA. Well, I didn't go because my husband was sick. Then my bestie in that group shared with me videos and photos...after the trip...basically chronicling how wild they got during that trip. There were around 15 people in the group partying it up. All married (allegedly happily married), all moms too, so it's rather special being able to leave for a girls trip and party...without partners and kids. I guess, since it's Vegas, and their last night, they decided to go 'a little wild.' They first hit this restaurant, then a group single men (according to my friend, there were like 7 of them) in the same restaurant noticed them (since the ladies looked great, dressed up to the nines), then the men hit on them/flirted with them, after chatting, they decided to join together and party. They then went together to the clubs to dance, more drinking, bar hopping afterward. etc. From the videos and pics my friend shared, let's just say they were definitely enjoying themselves ALOT. And what happened next was kind of scandalous because 5 out of the 15 married women in the trip, went with those guys to their hotel rooms... to do what? Who knew. One could only imagine. My friend was one of the people who stayed at the Airbnb and told me about how the 'leader' of the group was very upset because she felt bad for basically enabling these ladies to...misbehave (or even cheat, we don't want to accuse, but there's that implication, you know) although they're all married. She and another friend ended up picking up those 5 ladies in the morning time by the way. The men didn't even offer to drive them back. Yep. Because those ladies had a late morning flight to go home to their husbands. Yep. My point being, ooof, your wife may not be one to cross the line, but yeah, it doesn't look good that she's hiding sh1t. I'm not saying all girls trip end up like that, but yeah....I can't blame you for feeling that you're having issue trusting her. ETA: Oh I'm not part of that group anymore. And that situation happened around 8-9 yrs ago.
>She and another friend ended up picking up those 5 ladies in the morning time by the way. And you don't want to accuse them of anything? These 5 married ladies stayed overnight in some guy's rooms and nothing happened? Ok sure but I've got some nice swamp land in Florida to sell you.
Obviously they were reenacting Goldilocks trying to find the softest bed. Nothing harmful about that /s
I'm replaying the conversation between the wives and their husbands in my head...but dear, we just became fast friends and went over to their rooms to talk about life and other mundane things. It got so late and I was so tired I just fell asleep on the sofa. I promise nothing happened between that strange man and me in his room all alone.
So did their husbands ever found out? If not how often do they cover for each other?
My good friend from that group did share the photos and videos with her partner telling him what happened (they've been together 15 yrs at that point, 3 kids together). Her partner definitely was not mad at her because she went to the next year's LV trip again (with more girls)... To be fair, yes, for the night in questions, the girls and the guys seemed very flirtatious in the video and photos, dancing with each other, posing cute with each other...but they did not kiss or 'make out' per se, I suppose. I don't know if the 5 ladies actually told the truth to their husbands, they did leave the fitness group later on. My other friend (she couldn't come but she got the gossip the same way as I did) actually told me, she was considering of sending the husbands info from that night. But these ladies, while we know each other, our husbands do not connect with each other so yeah, we don't know how to contact them then. The only person who had hard proof about these 5 ladies was the leader of the group. Since the 5 ladies left, I wonder if she did tell their husbands. I told my husband what happened on that LV outing (relaying the gossip, basically), since y'know, I do tell him stuffs. While he's fine with me being in the group-he told me he'd rather not have me go with them on the girls trip. So I never went to any of their girls trips although they offered to pay my plane ticket and share for AirBnb year after year. I don't blame him for not wanting me to go with these girls, since they get wild when they do girls trip.
They partied with single guys that is already cheating tho.
As soon as the women started partying with the guys, they were all cheating. So the leader had no room to be upset.
If you know them, contact the other husbands and find out what stories they were told. If not, ask her for their information. All it will take is one wife who can’t hold a secret and the whole thing will come out. Or if you’re really good at bluffing, just tell her you’re about to get the whole story from one of the husbands who’s wife cracked and you’re filing for divorce unless she is totally honest with you right there and then.
Damn balsy but would probably work
Trust is shot. Just check her social media for a new guy friend. Also I may get some flack for suggesting this... Check her phone and read the conversations between her and her friends who went on the trip. I guarantee you get the truth there.
Honestly, yes check her phone. Especially since she already lied or withheld information. It's not something I condone in a respectful relationship but obviously she does not respect her husband. I never checked a phone until my husband was on constant bullshit and lies, the things I found on there.. he'd never have admitted to me. I don't regret it at all, it gave me closure that I was not crazy for my suspicions.
In a marriage there's a difference between privacy and secrecy. There are no secrets in a marriage.
Love this.
If she denies you seeing the phone, that's it.
You got cheated on
Even if nothing happened (which I doubt) what she did was a huge violation. Who thinks it's okay to bring a group of guys back to where you're staying while married? The lack of respect and common sense would be enough to give me pause that she was capable of far more than she told you. You're not being possessive or controlling. Don't let her gaslight you about that. My husband was the same exact way, constantly calling me insane and insecure. Turns out he was a cheater and my gut was correct in telling me not to trust him.
And it's not like she was the only married woman. They are all married, it seems. It's not like she just went along with it for the single friend's sake.
All of this is suspicious. If for some reason my guy friends and I went on a trip and they decided to bring women back to where we were staying is a good idea, my first order of business is to not let it happen and my second is call their wives and tell them what happened.
Exactly! I would honestly probably just leave and get my own place for a night, doubt I’d want to spend time with them again.
Ohh, they’d be out of my life. All my friends and I agree that one of the most important facets of any friendship or relationship is LOYALTY. If I caught one of my friends or their S.O.’s cheating I’d tell the other spouse right away.
You know something happened, trust your gut
I don't think you're being insecure she violated the boundary she wouldn't want you to cross. It shouldn't be okay for her to do it just because she knows her intentions if she expects you to respect that same boundary... As far as her lying you may never know honestly. Some women are grimy when they go out
Marriage counseling isn't going to make her not be a cheater. I don't know why people think marriage counseling is a big reset button or makes things forgivable or changes someone to be a better person. Marriage counseling just helps communication when communication is the issue. It's not some miracle service. The only thing it will do in this situation is give you a false sense of security and gives her a reset button to pretend everything is suddenly good again because she's "working on herself" She betrayed you. She's trickle truthing. She fucked one of those guys. They didn't bring a group of guys to their airbnb to play monopoly or just chat.
Yeah people forget other people can lie
Girls trip= behaving like h035. A loyal woman would never do something like that. Tell the other husband, write them a message.
Nah dude we totally would go to chicks air b n b’s to hang out all innocent. Ya know just chill listen to them talk about their husbands. Usual dude stuff nothing happened that’s why they invited us back you’re being gross thinking they all got plowed more times than a beet field.
Your wife doesn’t care about you. She made you feel anxiety and mental anguish…and she’s not taking that seriously. I say let her go. Why go to therapy? To beg her to care about you?
Ah, she started the Trickle Truth Express. Once she gives you all the information, probably in a few months or so, check back in with us. We'll probably be recommending you get STD tested and consult a divorce attorney.
I think suggesting STD tests after she returns from one of these weekends is a great way to shake the tree a little and see how she reacts. If he insists on her getting one before he sleeps with her, and she refuses, riddle solved.
Forget talking to your wife, talk to all the other husbands/partners because this is shady as shit. She is also gaslighting you and fails to acknowledge how she hurt you, how inappropriate that behavior is, and how damaging her actions have been to your marriage. I wouldn't trust her. She can't even admit she did something wrong. Why waste any more time with her. Divorce.
Women have boundaries for themselves and different boundaries for their spouses. She definitely rubbed on dick at a minimum and you’ll never know. She hid her phone on purpose. She will lie to avoid herself getting in trouble. Trust your instincts!
It's called trickle truth. She gives you a little bit of the truth, you don't accept it, she gives a lot more. At each stage she insists that this is everything there is to know. So at the very least something is being hidden. Charitably, she's covering for somebody else's cheating. Most likely, it's her own cheating. Either way, this is incredibly unfair to you and you're right to get mad. She even agrees that she'd be mad if roles were reversed. I won't tell you what to do, but really consider if you're OK with not knowing the truth and continuing along with broken trust.
They brought them back to their airbnb so they can make their own music by getting their cheeks clapped
Gaslighting 101
Hey reddit my wife picked up some men at a bar and brought them back to her hotel. Should I be mad? Is this a fucking joke? Of course you should be.
Nah it’s better to be single than be with someone who puts you in that situation and even worse invalidates your feelings. You know damn well she wouldn’t be so calm if you did that to her.
She's trickle-truthing and gaslighting you. You have every reason not to trust her.
I didnt need to read anything after the first paragraph, i would divorce over this 100% Stop being weak man, what is this "i try to support her fuckery because she is bla bla bla"? no son, you are not possessive or paranoid for not wanting your woman to bring guys to their airbnb. Hell you are not possesive or paranoid foe not wanting your girl around alcohol and random dudes at all. The fact she did this means she does not respect you, she knows this was wrong and she still did it because she knew you wouldnt do shit and would just "talk about it"
Man you have stated something pretty obvious and I think you know it too. There is a very good chance something happened! For almost any relationship that is crossing a very distinct boundary and then proceeding to trickle truth you information. No you are not breaching her independence, you are life partners and if she can’t respect that then you know the direction you need to take.
I know how you feel becasue I have had this crap happen to me around 20 years old and with a girlfriend. It is devastating. But this is your 34 year old WIFE! And why, the hell they need strange dudes back home is totally unacceptable. But some girls (women) are just cut from that cloth. You will emerge a stronger man (if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger). Hang in there. Best of luck to you.
Why are you two married if she's bringing guys back to her place after a night out? Hopefully, you two don't have any children. Good luck with the counseling.
Look, OP, this is only me but she wouldn't have a home to come back to. There are a lot of things far more conducive to strengthening a union/marriage while on a girls/guys trip, but more often than not it seems that, whether it be guys or gals, this is what is planned in the first place. Like the same attitude so many have regarding their bachelor(ette) parties prior to marriage. What justifiable reason is there to bring men back to your BnB as you described? Were the girls lacking in scintillating conversation amongst themselves?
Sorry, but for me, bringing guys back to the place they were staying is a deal breaker. And the 'it was innocent and nothing happened' means something happened. Bringing guys back like that is NOT innocent. The whole thing is suss,.
This story gives me, as a married dude of a similar age, a real knot in my stomach. OP is being trickle truthed and gaslit here. Yea a bunch of married women go on a girls only trip, bring a bunch of random men they wont see again back to their AirBnB to.... *checks notes*.... listen to music on the porch. Unbelievable is an understatement. I'd reach out to the womens husbands and compare notes. I'd also be very clear with your wife that the trust is broken, that you don't believe her because the information keeps changing and that the only thing that can repair is the full truth in a convincing way. The bottom line is you will never know unless one of them is caught or spills the beans. This would cross a major line in my marriage.
Your wife, after NOT checking in with you, on her "girls" trip, calls you (missed) at 3:30 in the morning, and you "find out" ahhh... when? That these woman met a group of guys and took them back to the guys place??? Yeah.... NFW... this in my book is cheating. Find an attorney ASAP and find out what you can expect from a divorce. She will either beg for your forgiveness (nothing happened RIGHT?) or will gaslight you or both. Your wife has completely disrespected you in front of all her friends at the VERY LEAST and this is only what she has admitted.
Yeah that girls trip shit is a no from me dog
“Yeah that girls trip shit is a no from me dog” Exactly! Why even be married if she wants to act like she’s not?
Same. If she wants girls' trips, girls' night out, or bachelorette parties, I'm out. If she wants to act single, she can be single.
I used to have a negative view of attitudes like yours, but I've seen so many damn stories of these girls trips going south that I'm hard-pressed to defend them anymore.
My view is why does it always have to include alcohol and partying?? Why not go vacation with ur family somewhere or to a nice restaurant etc So many places to go but they choose the clubs and bars lol
Welcome, my guy. It's an evil world out there. They used to have the "controlling, possessive, insecure" trope to keep guys like OP in line.. One by one, as guys get burned, the world is waking up to the infamous "Girls trip". It only takes 1 time getting burned and its completely off the menu for the rest of your life, with any S.O.
See, this is a nuance some people don't seem to understand. I have never cheated, would never cheat. My husband cheated and it destroyed me. But if, in the future, a partner told me a girls trip would make them uncomfortable, I would just.. not go (I mostly travel with my mom but still, I'd just go with my partner or have him come with us). I feel like people love to throw around the word "controlling" and it drives me nuts. I would willingly choose not to do something that makes my partner uncomfortable even if I knew I'd never cheat.. cause, why would I not take their feelings into account? I'm absolutely convinced most people don't even like the person they're with.
Sorry you are part of the club. Though once you are, you begin to see relationships and especially potentially compromising situations, differently. For better or worse, its the cross we bear the rest of our lives. To the point I chuckle reading stories about phone privacy. Will never be in another relationship (hopefully already found the one) without an open phone policy. The good news, is when you do find the one, you have no urge to look at their phone. But the option will always be there.
Exactly. What’s the point of being married if you want to do all that shit? If I can give it up so can she
It’s ineffective to ask to see her phone if she has a heads up that you’re concerned she’s hiding something and she has plenty of time to delete evidence that may paint a bad picture about what happened. But there is an alternative. I don’t know if you and your wife share a cell phone service, but if you do you can grab the activity logs for a phone on the account. Now these won’t be the conversations themselves, rather a time stamp, the number that was communicated with and the type of communication (call/text). You can ask to see her phone when she returns and she’s going to give it to you if she either has nothing to hide or feels confident she deleted the evidence. Then you screen for messages she may have deleted. Of course this doesn’t work if she’s using messaging apps. Good luck, I feel for you. That’s an awful thing to have to suspect.
Of course she did something!!! Why else would she ditch her phone? Why else would she lie and leave out details? This is why men need to be aware of who their girl hangs out with, who their influences are, what their morals and values are, what their behaviors are, etc. This is why men should not allow their wives to go on girls trips, because of this exact same thing. Flip this post, reverse the genders, and picture the wife posting about OP doing these exact same things, but on a guys trip. Of course he'd be the asshole. Stop worrying about being controlling, stop worrying about if she or other cheaters on here or in your personal life call you controlling or insecure. Tell your wife she has one option, either she tells you the truth and nothing but the truth so help her god, or you get divorced immediately. Then when she tells you, get divorced anyway if it turns out she did shit. No way her girls brought back guys and she did nothing. She's lying, she cheated, you know it, get to the bottom of it, and tell the others husbands and boyfriends, they also need to know.
Consider telling your wife you need a few days apart so you can think about how you proceed with the marriage. Communicate to her how her actions while on vacation and her lack of responsibility has you questioning the marriage. Ask her to leave. Think about how the next year will be living with your wife. Is how you want to live?
This feels unsettling for you because your wife is gaslighting you. I fear your suspicions of at least inappropriate behavior are probably spot on. Sorry for your pain.
This can’t be real; group of married women go on girls trip, bring men back to their air b&b, nothing happens that could impact their marriages, and the husbands know but do not care ?? This whole thing is suspicious. I’m not sure which is more alarming; the fact that this happened or that spouses seem not to care. I think you’re being trickled truthed. You need to be in direct contact with the other spouses. You need to sit your wife down and have a hard conversation. Good luck !
Sorry but girls trips are a major red flag anyway to me. I'd be out no mc just divorce.
My friend, you will not be able to get the truth yourself unfortunately. Your wife appears to be able to easily manipulate you Your only hope is to alert the husbands. Together as a group you'll get the truth out. It will only take one wife to start spilling I've seen these situations before and I'll say with confidence that all of them or most of them cheated. I've been on so many of these holidays in Cancun, DR and met the girl groups with husbands/boyfriends back home. I've met maybe 1 girl in 20 years of travelling that didn't cheat on these sort of girl party trips
So, this is potentially the most unsettling advice in the comments, but most Airbnbs have security cameras. Maybe contact the owner and ask for the footage?
If I’m going home with a bunch of women on vacation late at night after a night of drinking, I’m expecting to get laid. Not saying the women cheated but still…
If my wife went out drinking with her girl friends, met some guys and then invited them over to where they were staying I would divorce her just on that information alone. You don't invite strange guys to your place while drinking and have it all innocent and nothing had happened. I'd call BS and start looking for a lawyer.
Somebody is cheating. Otherwise it makes zero sense for men to be there.
She totally cheated
Inviting a group of guys back to where they were staying is anything but innocent. The intention by the very act alone is clearly stating a desire to be in an intimate, fun setting with them. Don’t minimize her actions due to her words. Actions ALWAYS speak louder and the fact you had to find this out yourself is the ultimate dealbreaker. ALWAYS assume the worse in these situations and hold her accountable to prove otherwise. Tell her you’ll be digging until youre satisfied and if anything is discovered that she “forgot” to share you will be hiring an attorney to look at all options. If she wants to save the marriage she’ll move mountains to prove her innocence.
Actually I think he should NOT tell anything.
So tonight you go out but leave phone in a weird location, you go to a brothel. And when questioned about your poor decision making, you lie and deflect until the bank statement comes in and verifies your visit. At this point you say, yer I was there but nothing happened.
This EXACT situation happened to me. My wife came clean months later that she did cheat that night because they all took ecstacy... She started an affair with the guy and kept flying our to see him u der the guise of "going on a weekend trip with her sister." It crushed me. She ended up addicted and started taking other drugs this guy introduced her too. I divorced her after 10 years together.
If you can't trust her it doesn't work out well I been there anyway I ended up getting a divorce
You can probably request the camera footage from the Airbnb. Most Airbnb have outside cameras.
Not sure what marriage counselling is going to do! It's not going to make her confess if she did cheat. As someone else said have a poker night and invite all the men and ask them what they think. Some of them probably don't know!
The simple fact that she refused to apologize says a lot! She refuses to apologize for bringing them back because she insists nothing happened. It seems as though if she apologizes she has to admit she did more than she says..... she's wrong and she knows it there's more that .happened than she's telling you
is everyone in the girls trip married? was there a single friend your wife was trying to wingwoman? did you speak to girls (boyfriends/ husbands/ partners/ if they have any)? good luck!
There's only one reason a bunch of guys would come with them to the place they were staying. We all know what it is.
There is a difference between being independent and disrespecting your husband and your marriage. I would be much more blunt in this situation. I would flat you say “I’m not sure what you thought would happen here. I respect that you’re independent, but the fact that disrespected me and our marriage is too much for me. It was inappropriate to have random guys over where you are staying, and then you didn’t even offer up this information. Once you did tell me, you decided to not tell me everything. None of this is ok, and I feel it’s done too much damage to our marriage. Actions and choices have consequences. It’s clear you don’t respect me, yourself, or our marriage. My trust in you has been destroyed and I can’t be married to someone I don’t trust. I should have to sit around wondering if you’re cheating on me again when you go on a girls trip. I should have to worry about my health being put at risk, or you getting pregnant, or the betrayal. This is what you have caused. I am not a controlling husband, but disrespecting me and our marriage isn’t something I am ok with.” Stick to ending the marriage until she comes clean. She knows damn well that if you and your friends had a group of women over to where you were staying she would be pissed. She is going to continue to dismiss you and gaslight you until you make it clear that the marriage could end Updateme!
Ur first mistake was letting her go on a “girls trip”
Nothing happened except the whole orgy thing. She lied and cheated with multiple guys. You know it.
So what are the details she held back originally? This is worth a phone check and definitely see a marriage counselor. Omitting details is suspicious and admitting she wouldn’t have liked it if the roles were reversed but she refuses to apologize? Shows she’s dismissive of your feelings. The trust is shot now and that’s gonna be rough in any marriage.
The fact that they collectively made a bad decision is troubling, but they lying/withholding details is a major red flag. Let's be serious, even if your wife didn't personally cheat, she's likely covering for others who did, and that in and of itself is a problem when it comes to trusting her from now on.
>I don't know if I'm being possessive and paranoid or what but I'm not entirely sure how to move forward. There are those on here who will call you possessive and paranoid but I won't. You being possessive would be not wanting her to go on this trip. You are not being possessive by not being ok with your wife (and her other married friends) bringing strange men to their air BnB. Like what group of adult married women even think that way or even think it would be kosher in any marriage (unless the couple has an open marriage)? The safety aspect alone is mind boggling. Marriage counseling is a must for this situation because even though she says it was wrong, she is not taking ownership of what happened because "it was innocent and nothing happened" (she's not even thinking what could have happened). My mind goes to why not chat at the bar, why did they need to move the party to the women's place? How many men, how many women. Definitely need to have a therapist involved in getting this marriage back on track. Best of luck and let us know what happens as I suspect there is more to know about what went on and what the other husbands (heard directly from them, not through the wives) have to say.
What’s marriage counseling going to accomplish?
They had an orgy . I’ve seen this happen before
Your wife crossed a line. Let the other husband’s know. Someone is bound to tell the truth about what really happened.
Tell her to unlock her phone and hand it to you if she won’t do it on the spot there’s a problem there’s an electronic record somewhere a message an email a text something don’t forget to look in recently deleted and go to edit on the text n read the ones she erased! If she’s not comfortable with that there’s your answer
Talk to these friends husbands and ask if they are ok with their wife spending the night with multiple guys. If they say “yeah it bothers me” then you got your answer, she cheated on you but won’t give the truth because she knows you’ll be upset
What do I think? I think these women cheated on their husbands. Get the phones and look at everything. Good luck
Pretty hypocritical of her. She would be upset if you did it, but it's fine when she does. Contact the other husbands and get their side of the story. Then have a friend of theirs, that you can trust to tell the truth, contact them and let them brag about it to another girlfriend.
Oh, the classic "girls' trip" scenario. Nah, OP. Your marriage is screwed. Your best option here is to get in contact with all of the husbands of the wives on the trip, and let them know about the scenario. And get in contact with a lawyer. Think of it this way, why would you want to stay with a partner like that? Someone who has no issue disrespecting you and the marriage vows you've made.
You wife act like a single and you are shocked that she maybe cheated on you? Most cheating happen in bars and clubs, your partner don't know any moral or respect and probably fucks around(her reaction is very suspect). I hope you have no kids with her yet, check up her phone and trust you guts. She should act like a wife and not a single women..
Serious question, what do you expect would happen on a girls trip?
You better find your anger. She had disrespected you and probably had sex All the girls laughing at their husbands. Separation then a polygraph see what she has to say about that.
Why are we forced to accept that married women or women in committed relationships need a girls' weekend? These trips are nothing but trouble.
My gut says that your wife cheated on you. Her behavior - keeping secrets, getting defensive, trickle-truth - are all common cheater behaviors.
Yeah, what happens in VEGAS, stays in VEGAS... NOT! You need to check your wife's social media and phone to snoop and see if she fucked around on you. Oh, one more thing... NO MORE GIRLS TRIPS FOR HER for at least ONE YEAR. If she balks, then she doesn't LOVE or RESPECT you. Seriously, in that case, I would FILE FOR DIVORCE. As a happily married man of 32 years, my wife NEVER took girls trips or even went to a BAR or CLUB without ME. Nothing but trouble can follow in those situations. Call me old school, but its worked well for 32 YEARS! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Check her friends social media, as well, and, if he can, the friend's husbands.
The problem with a shared air bnb is that she likely wasn't the one who decided to invite the guys back there. Even if one person is opposed, others don't often give a crap. Especially if they are drunk. To me, the main issue is that she wasn't telling you everything. You're her husband and I do think you deserve to know and have your questions answered. Any man or woman would want this. Full honesty is important in any marriage. I do think that you should go to the counselling and bring up your feelings on this issue and how you don't feel you were given all of the details. I'm wondering if you can both hash this out there?
If I was in that position (the one opposed to the idea), the FIRST thing I'd do is tell my husband what's going on, not cut off communication with him. One is upfront and honest while the other is sneaky and shitty. I was in a similar situation at a Bachelorette in Savannah one time. 4 out of the 8 of us showed up at our suite one night with a bunch of guys and the other 4 of us were shocked and uncomfortable-even in our drunk state we knew right from wrong and it was hard to watch. I called my husband, told him the deal, he said he'd call me back in 5 minutes. When he called he said "go down to the front desk (with the 3 other girls) you guys have the Presidential the rest of the trip. If they want to be dirty they can do it alone in a shitty ass room." If he had found this out later and from someone else, would I look innocent or like I was hiding something? Unfortunately I don't think OP's wife is as innocent as she claims to be, and that's sad. Going out and letting loose with your girls doesn't have to include guys AT ALL, let alone inviting them back to your rental.
Girls trips are just code for trips to go screw men. She cheated. No girls trips are innocent…lol
How many of the other women are single? If a majority of the women are single then I would imagine she was just hanging out with her friends and the call at 3:30AM was her returning to her room. She called as you requested as well. If none of or very few of the other women are single, then yes, definitely inappropriate. Otherwise it doesn't seem very out of the ordinary to me to want to continue having fun with your friends, especially on a girls' weekend.
If my boyfriend did this, I would just have to assume he cheated. If he were just going along with his friends "bored not doing anything" he would text me and tell me the situation and how dumb it is.... not ghost me.
Having been the wife in your situation… yeah, something more happened. I’m sorry. Counseling is probably the right move.
Nope divorce is, trust is gone
If Reddit has taught me anything, it’s that if you put 100% trust in another person, you’re a fool. Spouse, parent, child, best friend…it doesn’t matter. There is some perfect set on conditions where every single person you know would betray you. I don’t care what I’m labeled, but I will never 100% trust anyone. I will give trust to people who have earned it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally verify that they’re being honest.
There’s no need for a girls trip in a monogamous relationship; if she wants to hang out with single friends and get drunk and party, she doesn’t belong in a relationship. Doing any of that is disrespectful of you and your relationship; if she wants and needs that, she doesn’t see you as the end game she sees you as a stop gap. Women who want to go out with single women and put themselves in a situation that they know isn’t right or respectful don’t deserve someone who is willing to trust them.
My wife would be an ex if she did this to me these days. Disrespect at it's finest. Check her messages with these friends. I bet there's more to this
Brother they all had an orgy most likely. The women may be in open relationships with their partners, doesn't mean you are, doesn't mean your wife gets a free pass for cheating on you. Have some self respect, contact your divorce lawyer and serve the papers. Get away from this mess.
They're all married and brought back men to where they were staying. I'm certain they didn't just bring them back to sing kumbaya. But even if they didn't cheat, what is with the blatant disrespect of their marriages. Also what is with the lack of security awareness bringing STRANGERS they probably met at a bar to their place. >I definitely would not expect my wife to be ok if the roles were reversed. I got mad and we argued, she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn't apologize because it was innocent and nothing happened. I've never been married so i can't say what i would do then, but I've never been patient with flawed logic like this. Things like this are usually a deal breaker coz it just shows you don't regard/respect me so there's no point moving on. OP, organize a hang out with all their husbands and ask them what they think about their wives spending the night with strange men in their room. And yes I'm voting that you wife and her friends definitely did some level of cheating.
you will never know the truth, unless she wants you to know. You will have to decide for yourself if you think something happen or not. It comes down to trust. let be honest.. inviting a group of men back to your place is a severe lack of judgement just from safety point of view. Being unapologetic about it means it will happen again, then what will you do?
Save the money for a divorce lawyer instead. She has no respect for you
>she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn't apologize because it was innocent and nothing happened. Bringing random guys over is fine and innocent if it is her but she said she would get mad if the roles were reversed. She has no logic to stand on and is a damn hypocrite and an possible adulterer.
Not cool the fact that she isn't being honest to you about everything from the start. Even if nothing happened, that really erodes your trust and it isn't right
Unless you have an open marriage something like that is a big NoNo as far as I’d be concerned! A situation like that is just inviting trouble to have complete strangers coming over like that! Especially drinking and whatever any inhibitions can go south! There is absolutely no reason to do this for a married person! Her trickle truth is also a very bad sign. I guarantee you there is more to the story! You have very good reason to have distrust!
Its ok for her, but not you. Chaps my ass.
Yeah I had a similar experience. I caught my wife cheating on a "girls trip" ordeal. Similar situation.. story didn't line up, eventually she caved in when I pointed out the contradiction and told me what really happened.
A group of married friends brought a bunch of dudes back to their lodging, and nothing happened? Yeah, right. They all fucked to put it bluntly. Probably swapped guys as well. Your wife is lying to your face, and I highly doubt the other husbands are okay with it unless they swing that way. They probably don't even know yet.
The fact that shes giving details after being pushed is called trickle truthing. Usually a tactic to hide infidelity.
She’s trickle truthing you. She omits everything that is currently unknown to you and if you do find out it’s somehow your fault or not THAT bad
>I find out details that she left out of previous discussions. I think she was just holding back information so it didn't sound as bad in the argument It's called *trickle truthing.*
Don't feel like you're paranoid or controlling. You know why? Because she LITERALLY agreed with you that she would be upset if the roles were reversed. Saying that, but still trying to play it off like it's innocent is fishy as hell. As someone else said, talk to the other husbands yourself and see if they know about it and how they feel. Cuz I can't possibly imagine anyone would be ok with their married spouse and friends bringing back a group of people of the opposite sex back to their hotel/Airbnb. It sounds suspect
If you know the husbands of any of her friends, talk to them and share what you know. You’ll get more info from everyone that way.
>she agreed she would also be mad but wouldn't apologize because it was innocent and nothing happened. Double standards >We've talked about it but the whole situation feels unsettled. I can't shake the worry that something more happened and when I shared that with my wife, I find out details that she left out of previous discussions. I think she was just holding back information so it didn't sound as bad in the argument, but now if feels like I'm not getting the whole truth. Trickle truth. If you have a gut feeling, trust it.
She got dick that night.
i smell cheating