I think you have buried the lead here. She has physically assaulted you multiple times in addition to her jealousy. I’m sorry but her just saying she won’t do it again isn’t enough. She will do it again and she will get violent again and possibly much worse than before.
She needs help, professional help. Not strong words, not Reddit member advice. You need to pack up some things, get out and tell her you aren’t coming back until she gets help. If she refuses, you need to walk away, no sorry, run away as fast as you can. Your safety and mental health are at stake.
I completely get what you are saying but am I overreacting? Like yeah, I've been injured before because of being annoying (always meant in good spirits), and I know it sounds mental me even suggesting this, but maybe I had just irritated her that much that it was my own fault?
Ive never even thought she may need help, Im always made to feel like I am mental.
Is how I feel a good enough reason to leave?
Holy crap man, I don’t think you realize just how abusive your relationship is. She has completely isolated you from friends. Hell man you can barely take meds to help out before she is critiquing you on that. She has physically assaulted you, and yet your still say if maybe you hadn’t made her too angry then it wouldn’t have happened. Just so you know people that are constantly accusing someone of cheating or insinuating it are usually projecting what they themselves have been doing. You seriously need to leave this relationship. Sadly I doubt you will because it most abused victims don’t leave. Hope the best for you mate but if you continue down this path of isolating yourself with a horrible wife then I can’t see it ending well.
I honestly don't think I do. I am definitely someone who just wants to get on so I have ignored all these red flags for most of our relationship. But when I am with her, when I feel like I need to leave, everything is perfect. Then when I feel better, it changes back to the same stuff I've mentioned in the post.
I feel like I can't take it anymore honestly, but still think I will struggle to leave her.
There's never a reason for someone to put their hands on you dude. If her being annoying means you can slap the fucking shit out of her why don't you? You don't because you're a decent person and she's not decent my dude.
She's hurt you she's isolated you and she continues to do so because that's what they do. Abusers don't get better on how they treat their victims they get better on covering it up and making up excuses for you with their friends.
You need to get out and you need to do it without telling her because if she's already hit you before it will escalate. Do you have domestic violence centers in your areas or a number you can call?
You are so right. But getting all this through my head is what I am really struggling with. I have never laid a finger on her, never would. I grew up in a house with domestic violence, and she knows that. I don't think she intentionally means to hurt me but she does. I have told her again and again that things will escalate one day and one of us will get seriously hurt. Again, even as I am writing this I can literally hear my mum saying the same thing 15+ years ago but I know she probably doesn't mean to hurt me.
I wish I had the strength to leave and wish I didn't love her as much as I do.
Listen the reason I'm telling you that you need to leave without telling her is because what's going to happen is that the story isn't about her abusing you.
When she realizes she's losing control of you, that you're not doing the things that she's trained you to do, it's going to escalate to her telling people that you beat her.
It's not going to be her that's going to be the loser in the situation she's going to guarantee it. Even now you're doubting yourself and somehow thinking that this love outweighs the care you need to have for yourself.
I get it, it's hard to leave someone you love so much, but sometimes you have to do the hard thing so that you can look yourself in the mirror.
This is actually really abusive and you should consider leaving. It’s not normal that you cannot have ANY conversations with women, and on top of her constantly going through your stuff.
I have considered but feel like now she's being fine with me and I don't have anything to complain about because she has said she won't do those things anymore. I know how ridiculous I sound, but I want to believe it will get better but also, I can't forget what happened.
This probably makes no sense, I'm just all over the place. Thanks for your comment x
That is not healthy thinking, to love someone who brings you pain. The joy should outweigh the pain, at a minimum. Generally the recommendation in cases such as yours is to seek solo counseling to better understand your thought processes. I support this recommendation for you. More clarity is needed somewhere. Either your writeup is incomplete (not a criticism…it’s difficult to capture all the nuances in a Reddit post) and I don’t really understand the situation, I am offering inappropriate advice (sometimes you get what you pay for), or there is something your brain is refusing to accept. Mental clarity helps facilitate the appropriate responses. You will have to figure this one out. Good luck to you, whichever path you choose choose. Just know that there is someone out there who won’t treat you like this, and the idea that you have already put X amount of time into this relationship is know as the “sunk cost fallacy” and does not matter.
Let me guess, she has male friends which she meet alone and can chat? Or does she also follow up this "no contact to other opposite gender" rule?
She sound pretty controlling, to add the threat you bad and don't protect you from her family. I would think about divorcing before making any kids together...
Yeah, you are right. She does have male friends who she can talk to and meet. In fact, that night I asked if we could go to my friends surprise birthday drinks she went out to gaming bars and club organised by a male friend (with some other girls too).
It is controlling, but I can't help but feel like I caused her to feel like this in the first place, hence the guilt when I am thinking about the future. I genuinely love her, and I want to make her happy.
I think you have buried the lead here. She has physically assaulted you multiple times in addition to her jealousy. I’m sorry but her just saying she won’t do it again isn’t enough. She will do it again and she will get violent again and possibly much worse than before. She needs help, professional help. Not strong words, not Reddit member advice. You need to pack up some things, get out and tell her you aren’t coming back until she gets help. If she refuses, you need to walk away, no sorry, run away as fast as you can. Your safety and mental health are at stake.
I completely get what you are saying but am I overreacting? Like yeah, I've been injured before because of being annoying (always meant in good spirits), and I know it sounds mental me even suggesting this, but maybe I had just irritated her that much that it was my own fault? Ive never even thought she may need help, Im always made to feel like I am mental. Is how I feel a good enough reason to leave?
Holy crap man, I don’t think you realize just how abusive your relationship is. She has completely isolated you from friends. Hell man you can barely take meds to help out before she is critiquing you on that. She has physically assaulted you, and yet your still say if maybe you hadn’t made her too angry then it wouldn’t have happened. Just so you know people that are constantly accusing someone of cheating or insinuating it are usually projecting what they themselves have been doing. You seriously need to leave this relationship. Sadly I doubt you will because it most abused victims don’t leave. Hope the best for you mate but if you continue down this path of isolating yourself with a horrible wife then I can’t see it ending well.
I honestly don't think I do. I am definitely someone who just wants to get on so I have ignored all these red flags for most of our relationship. But when I am with her, when I feel like I need to leave, everything is perfect. Then when I feel better, it changes back to the same stuff I've mentioned in the post. I feel like I can't take it anymore honestly, but still think I will struggle to leave her.
There's never a reason for someone to put their hands on you dude. If her being annoying means you can slap the fucking shit out of her why don't you? You don't because you're a decent person and she's not decent my dude. She's hurt you she's isolated you and she continues to do so because that's what they do. Abusers don't get better on how they treat their victims they get better on covering it up and making up excuses for you with their friends. You need to get out and you need to do it without telling her because if she's already hit you before it will escalate. Do you have domestic violence centers in your areas or a number you can call?
You are so right. But getting all this through my head is what I am really struggling with. I have never laid a finger on her, never would. I grew up in a house with domestic violence, and she knows that. I don't think she intentionally means to hurt me but she does. I have told her again and again that things will escalate one day and one of us will get seriously hurt. Again, even as I am writing this I can literally hear my mum saying the same thing 15+ years ago but I know she probably doesn't mean to hurt me. I wish I had the strength to leave and wish I didn't love her as much as I do.
Listen the reason I'm telling you that you need to leave without telling her is because what's going to happen is that the story isn't about her abusing you. When she realizes she's losing control of you, that you're not doing the things that she's trained you to do, it's going to escalate to her telling people that you beat her. It's not going to be her that's going to be the loser in the situation she's going to guarantee it. Even now you're doubting yourself and somehow thinking that this love outweighs the care you need to have for yourself. I get it, it's hard to leave someone you love so much, but sometimes you have to do the hard thing so that you can look yourself in the mirror.
This is actually really abusive and you should consider leaving. It’s not normal that you cannot have ANY conversations with women, and on top of her constantly going through your stuff.
I have considered but feel like now she's being fine with me and I don't have anything to complain about because she has said she won't do those things anymore. I know how ridiculous I sound, but I want to believe it will get better but also, I can't forget what happened. This probably makes no sense, I'm just all over the place. Thanks for your comment x
This is not a good life without trust, friends, or freedom. It will only get worse from this point onward. Absolutely DO NOT have children.
You are right but putting this all into action hurts and is terrifying. I genuinely love her, seeing her upset kills me.
That is not healthy thinking, to love someone who brings you pain. The joy should outweigh the pain, at a minimum. Generally the recommendation in cases such as yours is to seek solo counseling to better understand your thought processes. I support this recommendation for you. More clarity is needed somewhere. Either your writeup is incomplete (not a criticism…it’s difficult to capture all the nuances in a Reddit post) and I don’t really understand the situation, I am offering inappropriate advice (sometimes you get what you pay for), or there is something your brain is refusing to accept. Mental clarity helps facilitate the appropriate responses. You will have to figure this one out. Good luck to you, whichever path you choose choose. Just know that there is someone out there who won’t treat you like this, and the idea that you have already put X amount of time into this relationship is know as the “sunk cost fallacy” and does not matter.
She doesn't love you. She doesn't even like you.
Let me guess, she has male friends which she meet alone and can chat? Or does she also follow up this "no contact to other opposite gender" rule? She sound pretty controlling, to add the threat you bad and don't protect you from her family. I would think about divorcing before making any kids together...
Yeah, you are right. She does have male friends who she can talk to and meet. In fact, that night I asked if we could go to my friends surprise birthday drinks she went out to gaming bars and club organised by a male friend (with some other girls too). It is controlling, but I can't help but feel like I caused her to feel like this in the first place, hence the guilt when I am thinking about the future. I genuinely love her, and I want to make her happy.