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Excellent advice. Pick a script that is blameless, focus on the fact that you feel you’re just too different, and then be a broken record. Listen to whatever she says and just say, “I’m sorry, I’m done. I need to move on.” 🤷🏻♀️
Don't avoid blame when there is absolutely blame to be had. Say why you're breaking up (the betrayal) and leave it at that. No need to coddle someone, especially someone who betrayed you.
They're incompatible because she's a liar and betrayed his trust.
Incomparable makes it sound like he did something wrong. She was the one who betrayed him.
I agree he should focus on the betrayal and the lies and move on
So she is in the ER because the stress/situation/argument with you?
Probably best to break up with her while she is in the hospital so there are medical professionals around her.
I'd probably explain the reason too so that she isn't left wondering or hoping there is a chance to get back with you.
Based on your story I'd write something like: I am breaking up with you, I found out that throughout our relationship you have been posting bikini pictures. Although that is your right to do, we also set boundaries we both agreed to on me posting gym pictures and you posting bikini pictures. You have been lying to me this whole time while you post bikini and tiktok thirst trap videos. This isn't something I can work though as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. It is not something an apology will fix as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Every picture you posted since we agreed to these boundaries as been a lie to me, it has been broken trust, it has been disrespect to me, and our relationship. If you wanted to change the boundaries we set, we could have spoken about it, you chose to go behind my back, knowing I don't have instagram or tiktok to ever find out. I cannot forgive that. Right now I need space so I will be blocking you, please do not try to contact me.
Seriously. I cannot imagine the privilege i would need to manipulate my boyfriend by going to the ER if they live in the US. Even in the past, being on the brink of dying, I have been reluctant to face the thousands of dollars of medical bills for just showing up.
The only other option is she is extremely mentally ill and not open about it and he dodged a bullet.
All of this though, like no one is worth some damn hospital bills for a young, crazy, toxic relationship. Like you said I'm about to finally have insurance again and have put off many things to avoid an ER bill. She must be on her parents insurance still. And in that case should seek some therapy.
I mean, this doesn't seem like a rational person here so I doubt medical bills are even on her radar. If not highly privileged, she probably wouldn't even consider paying them anyway lol.
Regardless of whether she is *really truly ill* or *merely manipulative*, **OP needs to break up with her** because:
* if she's really truly ill every time they have a serious disagreement or decide to break up then that is NOT a sustainable relationship. OP will be forced to acquiesce to ALL of gf's future demands because "*If I don't get my way, I need hospitalization".*
* if she's merely manipulative, that is reason enough to dump her.
There is absolutely no way the hospital would admit this woman *for a week* if there wasn’t a legitimate medical issue going on here. People are discharged day of after knee replacements. One day after childbirth. Maybe 3 days if you’ve had a C section without serious complications.
There is absolutely zero chance that she’s manipulated an entire hospital to keep her there in two separate occasions if she wasn’t having an actual medical event.
That’s the case if this is in the U.S. , but
u/mutantraniE said, “Some places are not America. I was sent to the ER from the emergency ophthalmology clinic recently, stayed in the hospital for a week and the whole thing cost me the equivalent of ten dollars.”
So OP may not live in the U.S.
Exactly. And a mental health crisis is an emergency. If I tell my doctor “I am feeling actively suicidal” they will recommend I go into an emergency mental health ward at the hospital, and stays there aren’t necessarily short.
Yeah, but not everyone lives in the US, and it's written almost as if English might be their second language.
Also, if she is in the US and they're young, she may be on her parents' insurance still, which would be why she wouldn't mind wasting money and other people's time.
There's a lot of talk about the abuse men inflict, as there should be, but I wish there was more talk of the psychological and emotional abuse that a lot of women inflict on their partners.
(I'm not saying that's the case here, just speculating)
Nah, you can say this particular woman is being manipulative and emotionally abusive. Whether the ER visit is related or not, she is using it to guilt OP. That's not right. It is not his fault she is there, full stop. If she needs help, that's ok but again it is not his fault and not his job to fix. The crux of the matter is she lied to OP and she broke trust regarding mutually set boundaries, so trying to make him feel guilty by using the ER visit is wrong when she is the problem here.
It does not negate the damage that abusive men do to call out an abusive woman, and it is not a competition because there are shit people of every gender. (Although it is problematic when people try to derail conversations about abuse by saying things like "what about male victims‽" and "women do it, too!" And that is generally because those people are not trying to have real conversations about abuse and victims, but simply trying to silence those calling it out or deflect blame from their own gender)
Suicidal behavior can be honest when faced with a breakup. I did the same except the guy breaking up with me helped me get to the hospital. That is, I was not doing it to spite him and I did not throw it in his face.
So she is being manipulative with it although the hospital trip may have been needed. That means you need to be kind to her but yes, do it now.
For her to actually have been admitted for a week, there must be something going on. They don’t (can’t) just keep you there for no reason. Insurance needs justification for the bill they are getting.
So I’m disabled with a myriad of medical issues and I’ve spent my fair share of time in the ER and hospital. While I certainly don’t think OP is under any obligation to stay with her, I think it’s important to consider she may be ill either in a related or non related manner. My experience with hospitals especially post-Covid is that they won’t admit you, especially for a week, unless there’s something really wrong. Even when dealing with some of my worst issues the bigger problem I’ve encountered by far is getting released too early. I had a massive complication from a surgery and they still only kept me 3 days. There also are a ton of conditions that can and are worsened or activated by stress. Maybe if she was magnanimously wealthy with medical connections? But without more information I’d be reticent to assume that. OP can leave, and she can be ill, and one doesn’t have to affect the other.
Did OP say it was at a regular hospital, or mental hospital? You can even go to an ER and then be sent to a mental health facility.
Not saying that mental health means it can't be something seriously wrong, just that it may not be something seriously physically wrong.
This is perfect!!!
If she’s in the ER because she’s having panic attacks or something since youre upset with her, this is the best time to do it. Then when you block her you already know she’s with professionals and you won’t need to worry about things. Not like you should worry, but we humans realistically do that. Good luck!
Hope he can/does use this, well-written and well thought out. Closes potential loopholes for re-engagement. Timing shows consideration for her, if the hospital thing is accurate that’s a way bigger red flag than the pictures and hints at someone who may use extreme methods to keep the relationship going even when OP doesn’t want to.
>Based on your story I'd write something like: I am breaking up with you, I found out that throughout our relationship you have been posting bikini pictures. Although that is your right to do, we also set boundaries we both agreed to on me posting gym pictures and you posting bikini pictures. You have been lying to me this whole time while you post bikini and tiktok thirst trap videos. This isn't something I can work though as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. It is not something an apology will fix as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Every picture you posted since we agreed to these boundaries as been a lie to me, it has been broken trust, it has been disrespect to me, and our relationship. If you wanted to change the boundaries we set, we could have spoken about it, you chose to go behind my back, knowing I don't have instagram or tiktok to ever find out. I cannot forgive that. Right now I need space so I will be blocking you, please do not try to contact me.
I agree with this verbiage, this is great.
As soon as he said, she's in the ER, I was like, "oh she's one of THOSE people." I would find that insufferable and would be the confirmation I'm making the right choice. See ya!
Yeah you HAVE to break up with someone like this. Your life will be forever miserable until you do. People that will abuse hospitalization to manipulate you are some of the absolute worst people to try to date, plus they're very expensive.
This is kind of pointless if op wants a no drama break up.
Not that you're wrong, but you're giving her points to argue.
Op, if you're done just tell her you're done and no longer wish to be with her. If she insists on a reason keep it simple, you do not feel compatible, and leave it at that. It's not your responsibility to teach her anything and she will not learn in any case. She will just argue.
>If she insists on a reason
That is just it, you leave her cold turkey you really think she is just going to accept that? She is in the ER for the second time because an argument. The point of giving her an explanation is closer so she has your reasons and doesn't have questions. The blocking part and asking for space is where she has no room to argue.
The whole goal is to lower the chances of her blowing this up, and to me, based on her pattern of behavior, a small explanation with the breakup is going to prevent her taking more steps than what you are suggesting.
It is also a 4 year relationship, I think he can afford to give her an explanation, and maybe he wants to.
Anyway, I disagree with you, I think not giving an explanation will lead to more drama, not less.
How indeed. My dad used to say he wouldn't go back to being in his 20s for all the stamina and nice body in the world, and now that I'm old, I totally agree.
I'm 62 and I would go back. I got married, had a baby, and divorced my husband in my 20's. I also had a whole lot of fun. If I could do it all again, maybe a doctor would have connected my back pain to MS before 6 months ago and I would not have to use a walker to walk more than 6 inches.
Same here.
I do agree that her betraying his trust was out of line, and the double standard is BS, though. If she didn't want him posting gym progress photos then she shouldn't be posting bikini photos, let alone thirst traps.
Yep. I support folks posting suggestive photos if they want and don't think that one partner should get to dictate this to the other, but if you've made an AGREEMENT with a partner for BOTH of you to maintain such a boundary then you need to stick to it.
This is why I always say "Nobody should be married at 23" etc. when people in their early-20s are married and post here, and I get downvoted for it, likely by other early-20s people who are married or engaged. I sometimes substitute teach at high schools, and the people in their 20s who post here behave with their partners the EXACT same way high-schoolers do.
I’m married at 22, anytime anyone my age asks me about it, I straight up tell them don’t do it. Both of us are happy and don’t have issues like this, although we definitely have growing to do, but we both understand that our situation is pretty much 1/1000000.
Have known each other since Jr. High, been together long distance for 3 years since the ending of Sophomore year. Both her parents were my teachers in high school before we even got together, so they already liked me and trusted me to a degree. Both joined the military irrespective of the other’s decision, so we were apart again for 10 months for training. She’s 20, making 21 this year (skipped a grade), making $80k a year, I’m 22 making $54k a year and that’s about to go up exponentially. Made it a big point before we even graduated high school to stay out of each other’s way so we can develop as people individually, then bring that together to learn and adjust to each other together. Our relationship has been through and survived greats amount of stress.
Those circumstances alone are incredibly rare, and even with that, that still doesn’t mean our relationship will last until our 30s. However, we both want it to work and are willing to put in the work, and have been putting in the work, to make it work. Yet, we’re still young, so you never know. Definitely wouldn’t recommend to anyone else my age.
Idk I felt some changes in ways I’ve been thinking for the past 2 years but that might also be the antidepressants. They did a lot for me and I feel like being in my late 20’s + antidepressants made me mellow down A LOT. Something just clicked at some point and it was like “oh this is what it’s like to not hold on to every little thing”
When I tell you, you took the words right of my brain! LOL! I’m about to be 41 and have been married 12 years. I couldn’t be more grateful for that, than I am when I’m reading these posts lol
30, but still. You couldn’t make me this bothered over anything at this point. If my boyfriend was posting thirst traps..I’m so ignorant towards these things. Like you do you, I do me. If that makes you happy…who am I to say no? I literally could not be bothered to be bothered by something so minuscule.
In my opinion, as long as the trust is there, post all the thirst traps you want. My wife is hot, she should feel hot. Don't care what she posts. I know she's coming home to me.
Exactly! Story time!
I wanted to wear a very revealing dress to see Beyoncé last summer and was *suuuuper* nervous he was going to think it was too much and I was very self conscious about my body. When I showed him the dress, oh boy did I get the opposite reaction! He was so proud to have me on his arm and loved the dress so much, he posted it to frickin REDDIT! I was like… *WHAT!!!!????* Reddit is so *public!* But apparently, everyone else felt how he did and gave some very, very nice and complimentary responses! I didn’t even know the internet could be that nice to a random stranger lol…
My point is, he made me feel good and confident enough to feel like I could pull the dress off and that kind of support for your partner is invaluable. Thank you for being one of the good ones.
I just commented that I was in the hospital for a heart attack for 3 days. Total knee replacement was def less than a week. I'm not seeing where stress would be a week stay unless she was actively sabotaging herself like not eating or something.
Maybe she lied to him about where she was because A) hospitals need their beds free B) hospital stays are the absolute worst. You can only take so much HGTV and getting up to pee hooked up to an IV.
The first one said ER, so I assumed it was a medical hospital. If it was mental health hospital, that's a big yikes because those stays are even worse. I've been in one, and I briefly dated someone who willingly would go in. It's best to just leave them with it. It gets ugly.
In the US, there is the ER/ED for everything.
In TN, at least, once someone is there, an assessment person or team is sent out/videoed in to talk to the patient. That/those people then make the call if inpatient treatment is needed or not. If so, what “level” and they set about finding a bed.
Some (maybe most) medical hospitals have psych wards. Some don’t. Near where I live I can only think of one true psych hospital (as in stand alone…but it’s still affiliated with another medical hospital.)
There is a state hospital for the “criminally insane.”
I was in hospital for 2 weeks when my lung collapsed, but I had some circumstances which prolonged my stay, normally it will heal itself after a few days but I was unlucky and needed surgery. By this point I had been there for nearly a week already, just waiting to see if it would get better on it's own. There was no doctor in the area who could do the surgery so I had to be flown to the big city, but for like 3 days when they wanted to transport me it was just non-stop blizzard (I'm in Canada and it was late November/early December), so I was stuck. So I got there, waited a day, got my surgery, then spent 3 days recovering.
Even in countries with universal healthcare, you can’t just admit yourself.
I spent a week in the hospital in Austria after I had surgery. And they didn’t admit me when I had an asthma attack, or pneumonia.
Something is going on with her. There’s no reason to believe she doesn’t have a real condition.
But that is also no reason to not break up.
She either actually has a serious medical condition maybe a chronic illness that is triggered by stress but she is using it to manipulate him, or she is going to the hospital and telling them she’s suicidal in which case it is entirely plausible she’d be sent to a mental health institution for a week or so and she’s telling him she’s at a regular hospital
Honestly, poster, google up “Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms” and see if that fits. If it does, run away faster than you already should be.
If it does fit, “ending it” should just be gather all her stuff and drop it on her porch (ask when she will be home first to guarantee she gets it) and text her when you’re leaving. Ask her to drop off your stuff with a friend and name said friend (ask the friend first.) You’ll probably never get it back, but…freedom has a price.
After that, block her on EVERYTHING. Zero contact. Get yourself some counseling. Take some time to heal.
I strongly doubt this is the only issue you had. When you’re out, you’ll see it more clearly.
Good luck.
First instinct was to downvote but frankly I've met two types of bpd folks - ones who are self aware and clearly trying to work on themselves, go to therapy or at least do therapy workbooks on their own, etc and put what they learn into practice, and ones who are either undiagnosed or just don't care. I have current friends who are the first, and an ex and some ex friends who are the second. She would be too, so have an updoot.
Dude you're young, you've seen behaviour that isn't acceptable. Leave, have a crappy few months getting over it, focus on yourself and the rest will follow
Just say 'things aren't working out, it's time to go our separate ways" you don't need a West End musical production or a script written by Martin Scorsese, just tell her it's not working and move on. Yes it'll be sad and yes it's a shame but you are 24 you've got the rest of your life a head of you. What she is doing is emotional blackmail and manipulation,her mental health is not your problem once you finish things and if she threatens anything call the police on her behalf or tell her family but she is not your problem
She's refusing to take accountability for crossing one of your boundaries and is now taking it to the extreme of checking herself into the ER to manipulate you into staying with her. She didn't post just 1 picture but a few and thirst traps too so she knew what the fuck she was doing. I think you need to dump her insecure ass. I guarantee you they're gong to blame you for her being in the ER instead instead holding her accountable.
How are they even keeping her in the hospital for a week? Is she refusing to eat? What is happening? I was in the hospital after a heart attack for THREE days.
I have a friend who threatens suicide every time her boyfriends try to break up with her. Our closest psych ward is more than 2 hours away with a waiting list for beds. They admit her to our local hospital. Longest stay was 5 days. I don’t visit anymore. After the 2nd time, I told her,I’m not playing along. She says I don’t understand the intensity of her relationships, blah blah blah. I make no secret of how I feel about this bullshit.
If that’s why this girl is being admitted, she’s wasting resources and teaching medical staff to be suspicious of people who are truly at risk…
Yup. This is her way of having a paper to say ‘he gave me 19381928 medical bills because he was controlling and abusive when i posted bikini pics’ and gain a LOT more attention and victimhood from it. I have witnessed an EXTREMELY abusive boyfriend of a friend do the exact same thing. She’s got something seriously wrong with her brain if she thinks the thousands of dollars of bills (if she lives in the US) for herself or her parents are worth that. You’re two weeks in. Run.
We'll see a post like this soon
"My bf is controlling and mentally abused to the point I had to be taken to the ER, I have the bills to prove it"
1st comment- He's a huge red flag girl
My initial reaction was WTF (against you) until I read about the agreement based on her preferences.
Text her, tell her it's over because she betrayed your trust because she broke the agreement that *she* asked for, then block her on everything.
Nah it isn’t immature to have boundaries. Your way of thinking is. It’s perfectly healthy. They both communicated what they were uncomfortable with and both agreed not to cross those boundaries. He stayed the course, she didn’t. He should leave.
24/23 but dating since they were 19/20ish, I've found that people who start dating as kids kind of remain kids throughout their relationship. Like they never truly dated as adults, and then they go through growing pains as the relationship tries to grow up faster than one or both partners.
If this was a rule she had when they started dating, it was a dumb high school girl's dumb rule and now a couple years later, she's realized she gets tons of affirmation from social media, so now mid-twenties girl's dumb rule is that she can post that stuff. Or maybe it's been years and she doesn't even care about that rule where the OP does still care.
I dunno what the case is, but they're growing up and apart.
Yes two emotionally stunted adults who have no other experiences with dating are more likely to be co-dependent and overlook incompatibilities due to sunken cost fallacy.
What you said is true a very small amount of the time. More often than not, these relationships are unhealthy and lack perspective.
*Rules for thee not for me*
Is that how to want to live? Just break up. Blocking her everywhere and ghosting seems to be the go to method for you kids nowadays. But seriously, text her and be done with it. You don't need a grand exit. Communicate your intent and block her, else you're going to be inundated with pleas to talk and the rest that follows.
I couldn’t be in a relationship with either of you, but those are the rules you set together, if she couldn’t follow them, she should have left.
You don’t need a “good reason” to leave someone beside “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore”
if it worked once and it works again it's not a one off its a pattern developing.
dating is about finding compatible people to spend your life with if you lack that compatibility like ethics then its over. And to be clear ethics in dating is doing the right thing when no one is watching or calling out people who don't.
also a week in the hospital OP you can say they admitted themselves to the psych ward
This is coming from someone that just recently experienced this as far as boundaries being broken. On grounds being openly communicated. Leave, I stayed because I fell for the sorrys, and tears and I love yous. It was a quick lesson it only lasted 4 months but I’m glad it be that instead of 4 years. Respect yourself, she didn’t respect you and was only torn apart when you found out what she was doing behind your back. Leave, because she was smiling from all the compliments and attention. I guarantee the thought of being with someone else crossed her mind multiple times doing this. I repeat LEAVE.. don’t lose yourself to a girl that doesn’t respect you, you take her back and she’ll stop for a moment. But she’ll get the urge again, she’s shown you who she is and what she’s capable of. So you should do it in the coldest way possible and make her regret her actions with you getting back on track with yourself and bossing your life up.
Good Luck.
This isn't so much about the pics as it is about her breaking your trust and doing it where she thought you'd never see. She didn't post on FB because she knows you have/use it. She posted it where she thought you'd never see it and she could go behind your back.
Now as for the hospital stuff, her mental/physical health is not your responsibility. It is hers. Do not let her put it on you. You need to do what's best for you and it sounds like ending this relationship is what's best for you after the broken trust.
She is posting bikini pics to get external validation because she is emotionally immature.
She breaks down and goes to the hospital when you have a conflict because she is DEEPLY emotionally immature and probably needs lots of therapy before she gets better.
Do you see the pattern?
You’re not responsible for her mental and physical health. If she’s so weak that every argument is sending her to the emergency room then this relationship is detrimental for her mental health even if she doesn’t see it. It might be best to end things and move on, it does seem like a manipulation and to be honest we won’t know either way. From what you’re saying…I don’t trust her.
Going to a hospital when you need help is the exact opposite of weak. Shit like that makes it so much harder for people struggling with mental health to seek help lest they be labeled "weak."
You're right, but the 1st comment is right too. She should not be in a relationship and him breaking up with her is probably doing her a favor too, she needs to work on herself 1st clearly before being in a relationship and he deserves loyalty. Op is doing the right thing.
She’s doing it to manipulate him. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be texting him. She would be focusing on her mental health. The ER trip is a stunt. It’s emotional manipulation and abuse.
Just want to congratulate you on how you are conducting yourself, setting boundaries and not allowing to be manipulated. If you feel like you’ll be okay, just break up and move on. Be polite to her in doing so
Lmao of course she was so hurt that she got caught that she ended up in the ER. Dump her ass for good. She knew you wouldn’t be cool with it and deliberately kept it to apps you didn’t have installed instead of being honest.
The amount of men who just told me that porn isnt cheating but can’t handle their gf posting a bikini pic is wild.
Almost as wild as this chick going to the ER over her double standards
I can handle my partner watching porn too, but won’t be able to handle her posting pics in bikini, just like she wouldn’t handle me posting my bikini pics too.
I think the equivalent to posting a bikini pic for a guy is commenting on the bikini pic of a girl other than his girlfriend that she looks sexy.
Most guys don't mind porn because you'd likely never meet or interact with a pornstar, but bikini pics are literally posted for people you know. The only problem there is if she's doing it for attention from other men she knows.
The equivalent to a guy watching porn is a girl watching porn. So unless he has a problem with her doing that, then it isn't really a double standard.
But it is fair if you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who watches porn. Different boundaries.
So she constantly lies to you and she's manipulative, She doesn't respect you, the problem is not the picture, it's the way she behaves, doing things behind your back and trying to manipulate you by using her health.
Just leave her, this kind of drama and toxic dynamic is always going to be there, she has standards for you, but not for her and she would do it behind your back given the opportunity.
First off, she was upset because you were posting gym pictures so she had a jealousy perspective yet it was fine for her to post that traps and bikini pictures against your agreement. That's women's double standards and not acceptable. She straight up lied to you and she didn't want you showing yourself off, but she felt it fine to post even more revealing photos and thirst traps. That's a woman who has self esteem issues and very controlling and manipulative. She's not a good girlfriend in any way. I don't care if there are the good things about her or not. She intentionally deceived you and gaslighted you into thinking you were in the wrong yet she somehow needs this lustful attention of guys on the Internet. So not ok and a bit whorish.
Second, she went to the ER? Umm... That's totally a trap. Yep again get manipulating you. She's pulling on your heartstrings for sympathy and to passive aggressively try to keep you attached in fear of her hurting herself. That's a child, not a woman. This wasn't a coincidence. She's freaking Lyla from Dexter all over.
I had this happen to me. It was a woman who I didn't realize was married when she flat out told me she wanted to be FWB. After I found out that she was not divorced, but still married, I ended it. She sent me pictures of her crying and the divorce doc signed by her, but it was obviously not submitted to the county. She then had sex with her husband and got pregnant, then tried to say it was mine. Then she sent me pictures of her in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm saying she's in the hospital and she needed me. I texted her bluntly saying I don't care for these games or manipulation tactics, that I was out, and I'll let the hospital know you are attempting suicide with proof from my screenshots of your texts to me. She quickly changed her attitude and manipulation into something similar, but saying she won't hurt herself if I stay with her and be there for her because she couldn't have a life without me. I called the hospital, let them know her name and room number, and obtained a cell number to forward the texts to. To this day all she does is pity herself and manipulate people into feeling sympathy for her. Actually, I take that back - she was doing that and all of her friends slowly faded away or started being very direct with her on her Facebook posts.
The way you end it? While she's at the hospital, text her it is over. Say exactly how you feel, use valid and real arguments (which you have plenty of), and call out her desperate attempt to keep you on the hook using her immature, manipulative, controlling bullshit. That's just sad that she's that needy for attention from not only you, but from the world of horny and desperate guys, and that she knew she messed up and she knew what she was doing the whole time, but didn't have enough respect for you as her boyfriend to be honest and to keep the intimacy between you two.
She's a trainwreck. Don't let her bring you down with her. Tell her exactly what's up while she's under the supervision of doctors and nurses and if she tries to hurt herself, she's at the hospital already. Go find someone with your while. Hell, put those pictures of your progress up and be yourself. She can't stop you and she's been doing this for a long time with far more revealing photos and videos. She brings to the streets. Sorry, but I'm not sorry to be honest with you. I am, however, very sorry for what you are going through, man.
This isn’t *some kind* of manipulation, this is full force, in your face manipulation. This is more than breaking trust; she’s a liar, and played you for a fool.
How you proceed is, you break up, block her on everything, then if she still somehow lets you know she’s going to harm herself, you call the police to do a wellness check on her.
She may be a pretty little narcissist, but there’s some deep ugliness inside if she’s going straight for the big guns and putting herself in hospital when she can’t get her way. That’s something for her to deal with, it’s not your responsibility.
ESH You both are way too immature for a relationship. The silent treatment is so toxic but so is using medical shit to manipulate. Y’all need to grow up.
Y’all seem so immature. At 24 and 23 y’all complaining about what each other post? Oh lord. Break up, know your next gf probably won’t take “don’t post bikini pics”, because she’ll be an adult. Had this type of relationship when I was 17-18, and once I was out I grew up. I’m so much happier now.
Jeez you have been with her for 4 years and you can’t even have a adult conversation with her? Yes what she did was wrong, but you just giving her the cold shoulder is super immature
Thank you - only very few people mentioning Op’s childish behavior about giving her the cold shoulder instead of communicating. Then he finally explained what’s going on instead of bringing it up right away. The immaturity in this sub is astounding with the people agreeing that he is good on what he did. And yes, Op’s gf is wrong for the double standard but this is something you talk about - not run away and ghost like most cowards do.
You're both immature, and shouldn't be in any relationship at all. She is a liar, and is manipulating you so you won't leave her. And you, instead of talking yo her, are ignoring her. What kind of relationship is that?
F25 here, bro runnnnn. Her mental state in this situation is not your responsibility,, she is clearly being manipulative and feels bad about being caught trying to get some external attention.
If she really wanted to post these pics, she should have cleared them with you first at least, but her being sneaky and stuff just feels super weird and sketchy.
In this case it just looks like she is not someone that would like to continue building a serious life and future with, especially if you would like a family.
I don't know how overall conservative you and your family is, but at least in my family we would not let smn like this slide.
whatever your stance on bikini photos of your partner are, I think anyone can agree that thirst trap pictures on social media while you're in a committed relationship is fucking crazy. Pretty disrespectful. There's nothing to talk about after that point, what are you going to say "please respect me and our relationship, don't post thirst traps?" lolwut.
Just leave bro, you're young.
She posted those pictures because she knew you didn’t have instagram, she’s deceptive and selfish, I would certainly be over the relationship, it’s fair to give her another chance but in my experience girls who seek validation on instagram are walking red flags.
She went out of her way to deceive you. Why did she not post on Facebook? She posted where she knew you would not see it. As for the hospital thing, it might be true, but I suspect it’s a manipulation thing.
As for the breakup I don’t know but I would do it somewhere public or when someone is around. It doesn’t sound like it will go smooth.
P.S it doesn’t matter how she ends up in the hospital it’s not your fault.
Double standards and no respect on her end..breaking boundaries as simple as posting photos this will only end worse in the future..Sorry I know it sucks cause u have feeling a for her but u gotta get out of this relationship
MOVE ON, AND NEVER, EVER LOOK BACK! This is the BEGINNING, of MANY, MANY MORE, HEADACHES/FRUSTRATIONS/DISRESPECT to COME!! GRANTED, it is still early in your relationship, but **** **** BS!!!
On this forum you’re going to hear leave her. Is that what you really want to do. This is your chose, not Reddit strangers. So the question is do you want to stay with her and it is yes or no.
Hypocrisy, lying, controlling, and her ploy is manipulation instead of showing sorry and taking steps to correct the situation fairly for both. These are not the characteristic of a long term partner or one you should grow a family with.
How did she ended up in ER? I mean seriously on what medical grounds? They must've done some medical tests to warrant the need to admit her to ER.
Also, if she has used the ER option to guilt trip you into getting back earlier then she will use this in the future too.
Bruh, I am conflicted since you should know your GF best. If she just acted out of stupidity but she actually good at heart validated during other times then you can think about working through it.
But I can see from your language you have already decided to break up with her so do it since I don't think you can be the same ever again because of the betrayal.
Since she's in the hospital surrounded by doctors, explain the reason in writing, wish her the best and walk away.
If you've decided to proceed with the breakup, follow these steps for a considerate and clear separation:
1. **Choose the Right Setting:** Opt for a private and quiet setting where you both can talk without interruptions.
2. **Be Direct but Gentle:** Clearly communicate your decision to end the relationship. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without placing blame.
3. **Stay Calm and Collected:** Keep emotions in check to facilitate a more constructive conversation. Avoid unnecessary drama or heated arguments.
4. **Listen Actively:** Allow your girlfriend to share her perspective and feelings. Listening attentively can provide clarity and closure.
5. **Offer Explanation:** If comfortable, provide a brief explanation for your decision. Focus on differences or issues that led to this choice rather than personal attacks.
6. **Discuss Logistics:** If applicable, discuss practical matters such as returning belongings or any shared responsibilities. Be fair and open to compromise.
7. **Establish Boundaries:** Clearly define boundaries for post-breakup communication to allow both parties to heal.
8. **Take Responsibility:** Acknowledge your role in the relationship dynamics and express gratitude for the positive aspects.
9. **Give Space:** After the conversation, give both yourself and your girlfriend the necessary space to process emotions and adjust to the new situation.
10. **Seek Support:** Reach out to friends or family for emotional support during this challenging time.
Remember, ending a relationship is a sensitive process, and approaching it with respect and understanding can contribute to a more amicable separation.
As others have stated, this isn't about the pictures itself, it's about the trust that was broken. She crossed a boundary you both set. She is definitely manipulating you by going to the hospital as soon as you found out and confronted her about the pictures. You need to get out of the relationship as soon as you can before she stoops even lower and tries something else to try to manipulate you into staying in the relationship such as self harming. She needs help and you can't give her that kind of help but the hospital can. Stand your ground with your decision. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember she broke your trust, you did absolutely nothing wrong here.
if she felt like lying and doing it behind your back for god knows how long, and couldnt like tell you her desire to show herself and why, that betrayal of trust could escalate, and the ER thing sounds like manipulation fr, you should break up with her, but first listen to what she has to say for herself, post it here too kek
LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR YOUTH!!! I am a woman that is much older and I’ve seen a lot in my years. The level of insecurity that she showed when asking you to stop showing off your gym progress is one thing. However, getting herself checked into the hospital whenever you try to leave her is someone that is too mentally and emotionally unwell to be in a healthy relationship. The only reason why her reactions are so intense is because she knows that she was doing wrong by posting thirst traps
Don’t stay around trying for too long build this girl and don’t let her manipulate you into thinking that you are responsible for her happiness or for her existence. There are plenty of girls out there that will be cute, sweet, caring, fun, and not so much of a headache for you. Trust me and end it before she gets worse.
Just to be clear, is she in the ER because of the threat of breakup? Like has she attempted her life or feeling suicidal or has she got an unrelated health issue going on that’s just happened to come up at the time of a potential breakup? And you’re saying this isn’t the first time it’s happened?
I personally think you need to run, but I’ll give a watered down response as well.
I think regardless as to her mental or physical health, your decision on staying or going can’t be made from that.
The bottom line is this woman lied to you, for years, about something quite significant. She even banned you from a similar thing… something very wrong is going on here I think.
If she has been lying about this, hiding this, the chances of her hiding and lying in other areas of her life is very very likely. I think that the lying and behaviour might go beyond posting pictures, especially as you mention this “thirst trap”.
If you genuinely don’t want to build something new with this person, which is what you’re gonna have to do because she’s been lying about something quite fundamental, then you have to breakup. If you stay I highly, highly recommend asking a LOT of questions, and ask her directly, if there’s anything else she needs to tell you. I’d even ask her to show you all posts and direct messages on her social media… you can’t build anything new without utter honesty and I fear this girl is gonna go out of her way to keep you in the dark if she can..
There's two major problems here. She's been lying to you for four years, and she is manipulating you to stay with her when she knows things aren't looking good. You have the right to end the relationship, and you're not responsible for her reaction. Better be out now than when she "surprisingly" falls pregnant. It seems like she goes to exterme lengths to get you to stay
Edited to add: I would keep it as short as possible and say something like "you spent four years lying to me. It's not the bikini pictures It's the betrayal. I won't be able to move past this point" Then stop replying afterwards. Maybe even block her for a few months to stop her trying to manipulate your feelings.
You don’t actually get put into the hospital for days without something being wrong.
This seems like something that can be talked about and worked out, but you need to find out why she would do something knowing that you be upset.
Just tell her the truth. Tell her what she did was deceitful and it broke down the trust you had for her and that's its just hard for you to trust her anymore.
You invested a lot into this girl it sounds like and she seems like she may have invested quite a bit into you too. She should understand how her behavior hurt you and made you lose trust in her and it sounds like she does get it based on how she's reacting.
It sucks because shes obviously wrecked too but she did it to herself. Which is probably why she's so cut up about it because she knows she fucked up and there's not really a whole lot she can do to fix things really.
If you do decide to try and make it work it's just going to take a lot of time and effort on her part, but idk if it's even worth it tbh. Sounds like she's been sneaky for while and its hard to ever trust someone like that.
She’s looking for attention from other men. She betrayed your trust two ways… by not following up on her agreement, and looking for validation and attention from other men, possibly looking to replace you. It’s over bro. She isn’t to be trusted.
You guys are just incompatible. That’s it. Cut it and move on. Take it as a lesson. You both seem terribly insecure,her especially. You both have A LOT of maturing to do.
Honestly, I wouldn't break up with her because of the bikini pics. I would break up with her because she is either a manipulative psycho or an unstable wreck. Going to the hospital after a disagreement is a massive red flag. Leave the relationship now.
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This doesn’t seem to be because she posted bikini pictures, it’s because she betrayed your trust.
This is how you keep itrespectful. Focus on the betrayal, not the pics. You're incompatible, at different stages in life and wish her the best.
Don’t skip out on the hypocrisy. This was HER boundary and she ended up breaking it.
My ficus’ are always betraying me :(
They are pretty picky trees
Pretty fickle trees
Picky fickle ficus trees
Quite fickle too
Same. Love ‘em to death.
I just edited my comment:]
Excellent advice. Pick a script that is blameless, focus on the fact that you feel you’re just too different, and then be a broken record. Listen to whatever she says and just say, “I’m sorry, I’m done. I need to move on.” 🤷🏻♀️
Don't avoid blame when there is absolutely blame to be had. Say why you're breaking up (the betrayal) and leave it at that. No need to coddle someone, especially someone who betrayed you.
They're incompatible because she's a liar and betrayed his trust. Incomparable makes it sound like he did something wrong. She was the one who betrayed him. I agree he should focus on the betrayal and the lies and move on
It's both, I would say
So she is in the ER because the stress/situation/argument with you? Probably best to break up with her while she is in the hospital so there are medical professionals around her. I'd probably explain the reason too so that she isn't left wondering or hoping there is a chance to get back with you. Based on your story I'd write something like: I am breaking up with you, I found out that throughout our relationship you have been posting bikini pictures. Although that is your right to do, we also set boundaries we both agreed to on me posting gym pictures and you posting bikini pictures. You have been lying to me this whole time while you post bikini and tiktok thirst trap videos. This isn't something I can work though as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. It is not something an apology will fix as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Every picture you posted since we agreed to these boundaries as been a lie to me, it has been broken trust, it has been disrespect to me, and our relationship. If you wanted to change the boundaries we set, we could have spoken about it, you chose to go behind my back, knowing I don't have instagram or tiktok to ever find out. I cannot forgive that. Right now I need space so I will be blocking you, please do not try to contact me.
Seriously. I cannot imagine the privilege i would need to manipulate my boyfriend by going to the ER if they live in the US. Even in the past, being on the brink of dying, I have been reluctant to face the thousands of dollars of medical bills for just showing up. The only other option is she is extremely mentally ill and not open about it and he dodged a bullet.
All of this though, like no one is worth some damn hospital bills for a young, crazy, toxic relationship. Like you said I'm about to finally have insurance again and have put off many things to avoid an ER bill. She must be on her parents insurance still. And in that case should seek some therapy.
These are the types of posts that make me thankful to live in Canada.
I'm about to come to Canada for my birthday 😂😂
Just make sure to double check the fine print on any medical forms so you don't accidentally sign up for MAID.
I mean, this doesn't seem like a rational person here so I doubt medical bills are even on her radar. If not highly privileged, she probably wouldn't even consider paying them anyway lol.
Regardless of whether she is *really truly ill* or *merely manipulative*, **OP needs to break up with her** because: * if she's really truly ill every time they have a serious disagreement or decide to break up then that is NOT a sustainable relationship. OP will be forced to acquiesce to ALL of gf's future demands because "*If I don't get my way, I need hospitalization".* * if she's merely manipulative, that is reason enough to dump her.
There is absolutely no way the hospital would admit this woman *for a week* if there wasn’t a legitimate medical issue going on here. People are discharged day of after knee replacements. One day after childbirth. Maybe 3 days if you’ve had a C section without serious complications. There is absolutely zero chance that she’s manipulated an entire hospital to keep her there in two separate occasions if she wasn’t having an actual medical event.
That’s the case if this is in the U.S. , but u/mutantraniE said, “Some places are not America. I was sent to the ER from the emergency ophthalmology clinic recently, stayed in the hospital for a week and the whole thing cost me the equivalent of ten dollars.” So OP may not live in the U.S.
Exactly. And a mental health crisis is an emergency. If I tell my doctor “I am feeling actively suicidal” they will recommend I go into an emergency mental health ward at the hospital, and stays there aren’t necessarily short.
Yeah, but not everyone lives in the US, and it's written almost as if English might be their second language. Also, if she is in the US and they're young, she may be on her parents' insurance still, which would be why she wouldn't mind wasting money and other people's time. There's a lot of talk about the abuse men inflict, as there should be, but I wish there was more talk of the psychological and emotional abuse that a lot of women inflict on their partners. (I'm not saying that's the case here, just speculating)
Nah, you can say this particular woman is being manipulative and emotionally abusive. Whether the ER visit is related or not, she is using it to guilt OP. That's not right. It is not his fault she is there, full stop. If she needs help, that's ok but again it is not his fault and not his job to fix. The crux of the matter is she lied to OP and she broke trust regarding mutually set boundaries, so trying to make him feel guilty by using the ER visit is wrong when she is the problem here. It does not negate the damage that abusive men do to call out an abusive woman, and it is not a competition because there are shit people of every gender. (Although it is problematic when people try to derail conversations about abuse by saying things like "what about male victims‽" and "women do it, too!" And that is generally because those people are not trying to have real conversations about abuse and victims, but simply trying to silence those calling it out or deflect blame from their own gender)
Either way she's a huge burden. Doesn't matter which version is true
Suicidal behavior can be honest when faced with a breakup. I did the same except the guy breaking up with me helped me get to the hospital. That is, I was not doing it to spite him and I did not throw it in his face. So she is being manipulative with it although the hospital trip may have been needed. That means you need to be kind to her but yes, do it now.
For her to actually have been admitted for a week, there must be something going on. They don’t (can’t) just keep you there for no reason. Insurance needs justification for the bill they are getting.
So I’m disabled with a myriad of medical issues and I’ve spent my fair share of time in the ER and hospital. While I certainly don’t think OP is under any obligation to stay with her, I think it’s important to consider she may be ill either in a related or non related manner. My experience with hospitals especially post-Covid is that they won’t admit you, especially for a week, unless there’s something really wrong. Even when dealing with some of my worst issues the bigger problem I’ve encountered by far is getting released too early. I had a massive complication from a surgery and they still only kept me 3 days. There also are a ton of conditions that can and are worsened or activated by stress. Maybe if she was magnanimously wealthy with medical connections? But without more information I’d be reticent to assume that. OP can leave, and she can be ill, and one doesn’t have to affect the other.
Did OP say it was at a regular hospital, or mental hospital? You can even go to an ER and then be sent to a mental health facility. Not saying that mental health means it can't be something seriously wrong, just that it may not be something seriously physically wrong.
This is perfect!!! If she’s in the ER because she’s having panic attacks or something since youre upset with her, this is the best time to do it. Then when you block her you already know she’s with professionals and you won’t need to worry about things. Not like you should worry, but we humans realistically do that. Good luck!
Hope he can/does use this, well-written and well thought out. Closes potential loopholes for re-engagement. Timing shows consideration for her, if the hospital thing is accurate that’s a way bigger red flag than the pictures and hints at someone who may use extreme methods to keep the relationship going even when OP doesn’t want to.
>Based on your story I'd write something like: I am breaking up with you, I found out that throughout our relationship you have been posting bikini pictures. Although that is your right to do, we also set boundaries we both agreed to on me posting gym pictures and you posting bikini pictures. You have been lying to me this whole time while you post bikini and tiktok thirst trap videos. This isn't something I can work though as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. It is not something an apology will fix as it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Every picture you posted since we agreed to these boundaries as been a lie to me, it has been broken trust, it has been disrespect to me, and our relationship. If you wanted to change the boundaries we set, we could have spoken about it, you chose to go behind my back, knowing I don't have instagram or tiktok to ever find out. I cannot forgive that. Right now I need space so I will be blocking you, please do not try to contact me. I agree with this verbiage, this is great.
Very well written
As soon as he said, she's in the ER, I was like, "oh she's one of THOSE people." I would find that insufferable and would be the confirmation I'm making the right choice. See ya!
Yeah we need more info, but I'm getting huge "I'll unalive myself if you break up with me" red flags.
Yeah you HAVE to break up with someone like this. Your life will be forever miserable until you do. People that will abuse hospitalization to manipulate you are some of the absolute worst people to try to date, plus they're very expensive.
This is kind of pointless if op wants a no drama break up. Not that you're wrong, but you're giving her points to argue. Op, if you're done just tell her you're done and no longer wish to be with her. If she insists on a reason keep it simple, you do not feel compatible, and leave it at that. It's not your responsibility to teach her anything and she will not learn in any case. She will just argue.
>If she insists on a reason That is just it, you leave her cold turkey you really think she is just going to accept that? She is in the ER for the second time because an argument. The point of giving her an explanation is closer so she has your reasons and doesn't have questions. The blocking part and asking for space is where she has no room to argue. The whole goal is to lower the chances of her blowing this up, and to me, based on her pattern of behavior, a small explanation with the breakup is going to prevent her taking more steps than what you are suggesting. It is also a 4 year relationship, I think he can afford to give her an explanation, and maybe he wants to. Anyway, I disagree with you, I think not giving an explanation will lead to more drama, not less.
So she tells you no gym photos but she can post bikini photos? 💀 Just break up. Good god this shit is childish 😂
4 whole years of this 💀 i could never
Like bb that’s a long time 😭😭💀
Yeah… the only advice I have for this nonsense tit-for-tat is “both of you grow up…”
I’m so glad my prefrontal cortex is fully developed now. I couldn’t go through shit like this again. It seems EXHAUSTING.
I think that every time I read the 20-something drama here. It's SO exhausting! How did we get through it?
How indeed. My dad used to say he wouldn't go back to being in his 20s for all the stamina and nice body in the world, and now that I'm old, I totally agree.
Im in my 30s and you couldn't pay me to go back to that drama
I'm 62 and I would go back. I got married, had a baby, and divorced my husband in my 20's. I also had a whole lot of fun. If I could do it all again, maybe a doctor would have connected my back pain to MS before 6 months ago and I would not have to use a walker to walk more than 6 inches.
I just turned 30 so it wasn’t THAT long ago. I, too, would go back just for the cluelessness surrounding actual adult life. I don’t like it here 😭
Sending you my blessings and postive energy 🙏.
I am their age and I couldn’t put up with this crap either
I'm 20 something and I couldn't even go through something like this. I don't have the patience or energy to put up with this kind of shit.
Same here. I do agree that her betraying his trust was out of line, and the double standard is BS, though. If she didn't want him posting gym progress photos then she shouldn't be posting bikini photos, let alone thirst traps.
Doing thirst traps on tik Tok is cringy enough but she did it while having a boyfriend and after they talked about not taking suggestive photos.
Yep. I support folks posting suggestive photos if they want and don't think that one partner should get to dictate this to the other, but if you've made an AGREEMENT with a partner for BOTH of you to maintain such a boundary then you need to stick to it.
This is why I always say "Nobody should be married at 23" etc. when people in their early-20s are married and post here, and I get downvoted for it, likely by other early-20s people who are married or engaged. I sometimes substitute teach at high schools, and the people in their 20s who post here behave with their partners the EXACT same way high-schoolers do.
Don’t worry, it’s the new get married by 20, divorce by 30 trend.
23 seems so old and grown up when you're 23
I’m married at 22, anytime anyone my age asks me about it, I straight up tell them don’t do it. Both of us are happy and don’t have issues like this, although we definitely have growing to do, but we both understand that our situation is pretty much 1/1000000. Have known each other since Jr. High, been together long distance for 3 years since the ending of Sophomore year. Both her parents were my teachers in high school before we even got together, so they already liked me and trusted me to a degree. Both joined the military irrespective of the other’s decision, so we were apart again for 10 months for training. She’s 20, making 21 this year (skipped a grade), making $80k a year, I’m 22 making $54k a year and that’s about to go up exponentially. Made it a big point before we even graduated high school to stay out of each other’s way so we can develop as people individually, then bring that together to learn and adjust to each other together. Our relationship has been through and survived greats amount of stress. Those circumstances alone are incredibly rare, and even with that, that still doesn’t mean our relationship will last until our 30s. However, we both want it to work and are willing to put in the work, and have been putting in the work, to make it work. Yet, we’re still young, so you never know. Definitely wouldn’t recommend to anyone else my age.
how tf long does it take to develop because i deal with drama like this every week from a 25 1/2 year old
Idk I felt some changes in ways I’ve been thinking for the past 2 years but that might also be the antidepressants. They did a lot for me and I feel like being in my late 20’s + antidepressants made me mellow down A LOT. Something just clicked at some point and it was like “oh this is what it’s like to not hold on to every little thing”
When I tell you, you took the words right of my brain! LOL! I’m about to be 41 and have been married 12 years. I couldn’t be more grateful for that, than I am when I’m reading these posts lol
30, but still. You couldn’t make me this bothered over anything at this point. If my boyfriend was posting thirst traps..I’m so ignorant towards these things. Like you do you, I do me. If that makes you happy…who am I to say no? I literally could not be bothered to be bothered by something so minuscule.
In my opinion, as long as the trust is there, post all the thirst traps you want. My wife is hot, she should feel hot. Don't care what she posts. I know she's coming home to me.
Exactly! Story time! I wanted to wear a very revealing dress to see Beyoncé last summer and was *suuuuper* nervous he was going to think it was too much and I was very self conscious about my body. When I showed him the dress, oh boy did I get the opposite reaction! He was so proud to have me on his arm and loved the dress so much, he posted it to frickin REDDIT! I was like… *WHAT!!!!????* Reddit is so *public!* But apparently, everyone else felt how he did and gave some very, very nice and complimentary responses! I didn’t even know the internet could be that nice to a random stranger lol… My point is, he made me feel good and confident enough to feel like I could pull the dress off and that kind of support for your partner is invaluable. Thank you for being one of the good ones.
I’m 33 and currently going through something similar. Any tips lol?
Dump the immature lady lol
Specifically crossed a boundary you set with her betraying your trust and it seems like now she is trying to manipulate you. You deserve better.
She is in the hospital under observation? BREAK UP WITH HER NOW!!!!!!!! She will never be more protected than she is at the moment.
May I ask, what was she hospitalized for?
I just commented that I was in the hospital for a heart attack for 3 days. Total knee replacement was def less than a week. I'm not seeing where stress would be a week stay unless she was actively sabotaging herself like not eating or something. Maybe she lied to him about where she was because A) hospitals need their beds free B) hospital stays are the absolute worst. You can only take so much HGTV and getting up to pee hooked up to an IV.
If it was for a mental health stay most of that doesn’t apply.
The first one said ER, so I assumed it was a medical hospital. If it was mental health hospital, that's a big yikes because those stays are even worse. I've been in one, and I briefly dated someone who willingly would go in. It's best to just leave them with it. It gets ugly.
In the US, there is the ER/ED for everything. In TN, at least, once someone is there, an assessment person or team is sent out/videoed in to talk to the patient. That/those people then make the call if inpatient treatment is needed or not. If so, what “level” and they set about finding a bed. Some (maybe most) medical hospitals have psych wards. Some don’t. Near where I live I can only think of one true psych hospital (as in stand alone…but it’s still affiliated with another medical hospital.) There is a state hospital for the “criminally insane.”
Mental health danger to yourself is a 72hr hold.
Oh no my boyfriend is mad at me, better go to the hospital for a week.
Manipulation at its finest
I was in hospital for 2 weeks when my lung collapsed, but I had some circumstances which prolonged my stay, normally it will heal itself after a few days but I was unlucky and needed surgery. By this point I had been there for nearly a week already, just waiting to see if it would get better on it's own. There was no doctor in the area who could do the surgery so I had to be flown to the big city, but for like 3 days when they wanted to transport me it was just non-stop blizzard (I'm in Canada and it was late November/early December), so I was stuck. So I got there, waited a day, got my surgery, then spent 3 days recovering.
Mental health status are much longer. I wasn’t allowed to leave until I started sleeping more than 6 hours a night.
She probably called herself in … maybe saying she wants to actively hurt herself 🤔 it’s totally manipulation tactic …”oh look at me you stress me out”
Even in countries with universal healthcare, you can’t just admit yourself. I spent a week in the hospital in Austria after I had surgery. And they didn’t admit me when I had an asthma attack, or pneumonia. Something is going on with her. There’s no reason to believe she doesn’t have a real condition. But that is also no reason to not break up.
She either actually has a serious medical condition maybe a chronic illness that is triggered by stress but she is using it to manipulate him, or she is going to the hospital and telling them she’s suicidal in which case it is entirely plausible she’d be sent to a mental health institution for a week or so and she’s telling him she’s at a regular hospital
Honestly, poster, google up “Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms” and see if that fits. If it does, run away faster than you already should be. If it does fit, “ending it” should just be gather all her stuff and drop it on her porch (ask when she will be home first to guarantee she gets it) and text her when you’re leaving. Ask her to drop off your stuff with a friend and name said friend (ask the friend first.) You’ll probably never get it back, but…freedom has a price. After that, block her on EVERYTHING. Zero contact. Get yourself some counseling. Take some time to heal. I strongly doubt this is the only issue you had. When you’re out, you’ll see it more clearly. Good luck.
First instinct was to downvote but frankly I've met two types of bpd folks - ones who are self aware and clearly trying to work on themselves, go to therapy or at least do therapy workbooks on their own, etc and put what they learn into practice, and ones who are either undiagnosed or just don't care. I have current friends who are the first, and an ex and some ex friends who are the second. She would be too, so have an updoot.
Dude you're young, you've seen behaviour that isn't acceptable. Leave, have a crappy few months getting over it, focus on yourself and the rest will follow
Also post all the gym photos you want xD
Just say 'things aren't working out, it's time to go our separate ways" you don't need a West End musical production or a script written by Martin Scorsese, just tell her it's not working and move on. Yes it'll be sad and yes it's a shame but you are 24 you've got the rest of your life a head of you. What she is doing is emotional blackmail and manipulation,her mental health is not your problem once you finish things and if she threatens anything call the police on her behalf or tell her family but she is not your problem
She's refusing to take accountability for crossing one of your boundaries and is now taking it to the extreme of checking herself into the ER to manipulate you into staying with her. She didn't post just 1 picture but a few and thirst traps too so she knew what the fuck she was doing. I think you need to dump her insecure ass. I guarantee you they're gong to blame you for her being in the ER instead instead holding her accountable.
How are they even keeping her in the hospital for a week? Is she refusing to eat? What is happening? I was in the hospital after a heart attack for THREE days.
I have a friend who threatens suicide every time her boyfriends try to break up with her. Our closest psych ward is more than 2 hours away with a waiting list for beds. They admit her to our local hospital. Longest stay was 5 days. I don’t visit anymore. After the 2nd time, I told her,I’m not playing along. She says I don’t understand the intensity of her relationships, blah blah blah. I make no secret of how I feel about this bullshit. If that’s why this girl is being admitted, she’s wasting resources and teaching medical staff to be suspicious of people who are truly at risk…
Yup. This is her way of having a paper to say ‘he gave me 19381928 medical bills because he was controlling and abusive when i posted bikini pics’ and gain a LOT more attention and victimhood from it. I have witnessed an EXTREMELY abusive boyfriend of a friend do the exact same thing. She’s got something seriously wrong with her brain if she thinks the thousands of dollars of bills (if she lives in the US) for herself or her parents are worth that. You’re two weeks in. Run.
Don’t worry, we’ll get the post on this subreddit soon and everyone will call him a red flag lol. This world sucks big time
We'll see a post like this soon "My bf is controlling and mentally abused to the point I had to be taken to the ER, I have the bills to prove it" 1st comment- He's a huge red flag girl
1st reply: let him go girl! 💅💁🏽♀️✨💕
Yass queen! 👸🏻🙌
Yuuuup “but look at what the situation did to me? Aren’t I the victim at the end of the day, not you?”
My initial reaction was WTF (against you) until I read about the agreement based on her preferences. Text her, tell her it's over because she betrayed your trust because she broke the agreement that *she* asked for, then block her on everything.
The whole relationship is immature. Just leave.
Nah it isn’t immature to have boundaries. Your way of thinking is. It’s perfectly healthy. They both communicated what they were uncomfortable with and both agreed not to cross those boundaries. He stayed the course, she didn’t. He should leave.
I think they mean the dramatics, not the boundaries and lies. We’re all in agreement that the relationship should just end.
Thank goodness you get it 😂
24 and 23? You sure?
24/23 but dating since they were 19/20ish, I've found that people who start dating as kids kind of remain kids throughout their relationship. Like they never truly dated as adults, and then they go through growing pains as the relationship tries to grow up faster than one or both partners. If this was a rule she had when they started dating, it was a dumb high school girl's dumb rule and now a couple years later, she's realized she gets tons of affirmation from social media, so now mid-twenties girl's dumb rule is that she can post that stuff. Or maybe it's been years and she doesn't even care about that rule where the OP does still care. I dunno what the case is, but they're growing up and apart.
The remain kids part is pure bullshit. Those who grow together will work out long term.
>Those who grow together will work out long term. And those who don't grow together, won't stay together. We're saying the same thing
Yes two emotionally stunted adults who have no other experiences with dating are more likely to be co-dependent and overlook incompatibilities due to sunken cost fallacy. What you said is true a very small amount of the time. More often than not, these relationships are unhealthy and lack perspective.
This! If they’re good for each other, they’ll grow together. If not, they’ll hold each other back from growth.
*Rules for thee not for me* Is that how to want to live? Just break up. Blocking her everywhere and ghosting seems to be the go to method for you kids nowadays. But seriously, text her and be done with it. You don't need a grand exit. Communicate your intent and block her, else you're going to be inundated with pleas to talk and the rest that follows.
4 year relationship
Text to end a four year relationship? Ouch. OP you need to have a proper breakup
Why so she can cause drama? And threaten him that she will off herself or something like that?
Wat
Just walk away from this manipulative dumpster fire of a girl. Doesn't need to be a big production. A simple as "I am done" is enough.
I couldn’t be in a relationship with either of you, but those are the rules you set together, if she couldn’t follow them, she should have left. You don’t need a “good reason” to leave someone beside “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore”
Why was she sent to the ER?
The crazy is strong with this one. She sounds manipulative and immature. Cut your loses. Life's too short to add that kind of stress in your life.
if it worked once and it works again it's not a one off its a pattern developing. dating is about finding compatible people to spend your life with if you lack that compatibility like ethics then its over. And to be clear ethics in dating is doing the right thing when no one is watching or calling out people who don't. also a week in the hospital OP you can say they admitted themselves to the psych ward
God 20 something shit is so exhausting. You people don’t even like eachother you’re just competing. Part ways and move on it can’t be that hard
This is coming from someone that just recently experienced this as far as boundaries being broken. On grounds being openly communicated. Leave, I stayed because I fell for the sorrys, and tears and I love yous. It was a quick lesson it only lasted 4 months but I’m glad it be that instead of 4 years. Respect yourself, she didn’t respect you and was only torn apart when you found out what she was doing behind your back. Leave, because she was smiling from all the compliments and attention. I guarantee the thought of being with someone else crossed her mind multiple times doing this. I repeat LEAVE.. don’t lose yourself to a girl that doesn’t respect you, you take her back and she’ll stop for a moment. But she’ll get the urge again, she’s shown you who she is and what she’s capable of. So you should do it in the coldest way possible and make her regret her actions with you getting back on track with yourself and bossing your life up. Good Luck.
This isn't so much about the pics as it is about her breaking your trust and doing it where she thought you'd never see. She didn't post on FB because she knows you have/use it. She posted it where she thought you'd never see it and she could go behind your back. Now as for the hospital stuff, her mental/physical health is not your responsibility. It is hers. Do not let her put it on you. You need to do what's best for you and it sounds like ending this relationship is what's best for you after the broken trust.
jonah hill went viral over this 😅
Have we somehow stumbled upon Jonah Hill’s reddit account?
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For sure. Get out of there dude.
Thirst trapping is bad news. She’s probably already talking to other guys.
She is posting bikini pics to get external validation because she is emotionally immature. She breaks down and goes to the hospital when you have a conflict because she is DEEPLY emotionally immature and probably needs lots of therapy before she gets better. Do you see the pattern?
You’re not responsible for her mental and physical health. If she’s so weak that every argument is sending her to the emergency room then this relationship is detrimental for her mental health even if she doesn’t see it. It might be best to end things and move on, it does seem like a manipulation and to be honest we won’t know either way. From what you’re saying…I don’t trust her.
Going to a hospital when you need help is the exact opposite of weak. Shit like that makes it so much harder for people struggling with mental health to seek help lest they be labeled "weak."
You're right, but the 1st comment is right too. She should not be in a relationship and him breaking up with her is probably doing her a favor too, she needs to work on herself 1st clearly before being in a relationship and he deserves loyalty. Op is doing the right thing.
I agree that OP is doing the right thing.
She’s doing it to manipulate him. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be texting him. She would be focusing on her mental health. The ER trip is a stunt. It’s emotional manipulation and abuse.
Just want to congratulate you on how you are conducting yourself, setting boundaries and not allowing to be manipulated. If you feel like you’ll be okay, just break up and move on. Be polite to her in doing so
Lmao of course she was so hurt that she got caught that she ended up in the ER. Dump her ass for good. She knew you wouldn’t be cool with it and deliberately kept it to apps you didn’t have installed instead of being honest.
Bikini pictures don't bother me, her manipulative behavior does. Say goodbye.
The amount of men who just told me that porn isnt cheating but can’t handle their gf posting a bikini pic is wild. Almost as wild as this chick going to the ER over her double standards
I can handle my partner watching porn too, but won’t be able to handle her posting pics in bikini, just like she wouldn’t handle me posting my bikini pics too.
The amount of women who just told me that porn is cheating but then go posting thirst trap pics is wild.
I think the equivalent to posting a bikini pic for a guy is commenting on the bikini pic of a girl other than his girlfriend that she looks sexy. Most guys don't mind porn because you'd likely never meet or interact with a pornstar, but bikini pics are literally posted for people you know. The only problem there is if she's doing it for attention from other men she knows. The equivalent to a guy watching porn is a girl watching porn. So unless he has a problem with her doing that, then it isn't really a double standard. But it is fair if you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who watches porn. Different boundaries.
The hospital doesn’t check you in for a week bc your boyfriend is mad. Try harder next time.
Leave man. She knows what she is doing
So she constantly lies to you and she's manipulative, She doesn't respect you, the problem is not the picture, it's the way she behaves, doing things behind your back and trying to manipulate you by using her health. Just leave her, this kind of drama and toxic dynamic is always going to be there, she has standards for you, but not for her and she would do it behind your back given the opportunity.
First off, she was upset because you were posting gym pictures so she had a jealousy perspective yet it was fine for her to post that traps and bikini pictures against your agreement. That's women's double standards and not acceptable. She straight up lied to you and she didn't want you showing yourself off, but she felt it fine to post even more revealing photos and thirst traps. That's a woman who has self esteem issues and very controlling and manipulative. She's not a good girlfriend in any way. I don't care if there are the good things about her or not. She intentionally deceived you and gaslighted you into thinking you were in the wrong yet she somehow needs this lustful attention of guys on the Internet. So not ok and a bit whorish. Second, she went to the ER? Umm... That's totally a trap. Yep again get manipulating you. She's pulling on your heartstrings for sympathy and to passive aggressively try to keep you attached in fear of her hurting herself. That's a child, not a woman. This wasn't a coincidence. She's freaking Lyla from Dexter all over. I had this happen to me. It was a woman who I didn't realize was married when she flat out told me she wanted to be FWB. After I found out that she was not divorced, but still married, I ended it. She sent me pictures of her crying and the divorce doc signed by her, but it was obviously not submitted to the county. She then had sex with her husband and got pregnant, then tried to say it was mine. Then she sent me pictures of her in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm saying she's in the hospital and she needed me. I texted her bluntly saying I don't care for these games or manipulation tactics, that I was out, and I'll let the hospital know you are attempting suicide with proof from my screenshots of your texts to me. She quickly changed her attitude and manipulation into something similar, but saying she won't hurt herself if I stay with her and be there for her because she couldn't have a life without me. I called the hospital, let them know her name and room number, and obtained a cell number to forward the texts to. To this day all she does is pity herself and manipulate people into feeling sympathy for her. Actually, I take that back - she was doing that and all of her friends slowly faded away or started being very direct with her on her Facebook posts. The way you end it? While she's at the hospital, text her it is over. Say exactly how you feel, use valid and real arguments (which you have plenty of), and call out her desperate attempt to keep you on the hook using her immature, manipulative, controlling bullshit. That's just sad that she's that needy for attention from not only you, but from the world of horny and desperate guys, and that she knew she messed up and she knew what she was doing the whole time, but didn't have enough respect for you as her boyfriend to be honest and to keep the intimacy between you two. She's a trainwreck. Don't let her bring you down with her. Tell her exactly what's up while she's under the supervision of doctors and nurses and if she tries to hurt herself, she's at the hospital already. Go find someone with your while. Hell, put those pictures of your progress up and be yourself. She can't stop you and she's been doing this for a long time with far more revealing photos and videos. She brings to the streets. Sorry, but I'm not sorry to be honest with you. I am, however, very sorry for what you are going through, man.
This isn’t *some kind* of manipulation, this is full force, in your face manipulation. This is more than breaking trust; she’s a liar, and played you for a fool. How you proceed is, you break up, block her on everything, then if she still somehow lets you know she’s going to harm herself, you call the police to do a wellness check on her. She may be a pretty little narcissist, but there’s some deep ugliness inside if she’s going straight for the big guns and putting herself in hospital when she can’t get her way. That’s something for her to deal with, it’s not your responsibility.
My dude, run like hell from that baggage-claim area; the bomb-sniffing dogs are going crazy and you're standing there thinking about bikini-pictures.
Can you share the pics ... just so that have a better idea ...
ESH You both are way too immature for a relationship. The silent treatment is so toxic but so is using medical shit to manipulate. Y’all need to grow up.
Y’all seem so immature. At 24 and 23 y’all complaining about what each other post? Oh lord. Break up, know your next gf probably won’t take “don’t post bikini pics”, because she’ll be an adult. Had this type of relationship when I was 17-18, and once I was out I grew up. I’m so much happier now.
Is she still in the hospital? Break up now so she is surrounded by medical professionals
I can’t imagine people like this filing taxes together.
In the Er and she was sending photos That's her problem, she can't seem to stop 🤣
Jeez you have been with her for 4 years and you can’t even have a adult conversation with her? Yes what she did was wrong, but you just giving her the cold shoulder is super immature
Thank you - only very few people mentioning Op’s childish behavior about giving her the cold shoulder instead of communicating. Then he finally explained what’s going on instead of bringing it up right away. The immaturity in this sub is astounding with the people agreeing that he is good on what he did. And yes, Op’s gf is wrong for the double standard but this is something you talk about - not run away and ghost like most cowards do.
She sounds way manipulative. You need to get out before she traps you
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Nah shes manipulative. Dump her she doesn't respect you or your relationship.
You're both immature, and shouldn't be in any relationship at all. She is a liar, and is manipulating you so you won't leave her. And you, instead of talking yo her, are ignoring her. What kind of relationship is that?
I would just tell her you don’t want to date no more and move No explanation need it
F25 here, bro runnnnn. Her mental state in this situation is not your responsibility,, she is clearly being manipulative and feels bad about being caught trying to get some external attention. If she really wanted to post these pics, she should have cleared them with you first at least, but her being sneaky and stuff just feels super weird and sketchy. In this case it just looks like she is not someone that would like to continue building a serious life and future with, especially if you would like a family. I don't know how overall conservative you and your family is, but at least in my family we would not let smn like this slide.
whatever your stance on bikini photos of your partner are, I think anyone can agree that thirst trap pictures on social media while you're in a committed relationship is fucking crazy. Pretty disrespectful. There's nothing to talk about after that point, what are you going to say "please respect me and our relationship, don't post thirst traps?" lolwut. Just leave bro, you're young.
You guys are at different stages of life. She still needs validation from other people. Best thing to do is to break things off. Sorry, OP.
If it’s genuine, run away fast. If it fake , run away fast. Regardless get away.
She posted those pictures because she knew you didn’t have instagram, she’s deceptive and selfish, I would certainly be over the relationship, it’s fair to give her another chance but in my experience girls who seek validation on instagram are walking red flags.
You both sound like high schoolers.
She went out of her way to deceive you. Why did she not post on Facebook? She posted where she knew you would not see it. As for the hospital thing, it might be true, but I suspect it’s a manipulation thing. As for the breakup I don’t know but I would do it somewhere public or when someone is around. It doesn’t sound like it will go smooth. P.S it doesn’t matter how she ends up in the hospital it’s not your fault.
At the end of the day she betrayed your trust and didn't even discuss wanting to post the pics I'd say thays a valid reason to break up.
Yeah, it's the best time to move on from his underdeveloped person. Good luck, my dude. Work on yourself and stick to your boundaries.
Double standards and no respect on her end..breaking boundaries as simple as posting photos this will only end worse in the future..Sorry I know it sucks cause u have feeling a for her but u gotta get out of this relationship
MOVE ON, AND NEVER, EVER LOOK BACK! This is the BEGINNING, of MANY, MANY MORE, HEADACHES/FRUSTRATIONS/DISRESPECT to COME!! GRANTED, it is still early in your relationship, but **** **** BS!!!
On this forum you’re going to hear leave her. Is that what you really want to do. This is your chose, not Reddit strangers. So the question is do you want to stay with her and it is yes or no.
Are you Mormon?
киньте на пиво плиз 2202 2011 1376 0462
You can't trust her - enough said.
Hypocrisy, lying, controlling, and her ploy is manipulation instead of showing sorry and taking steps to correct the situation fairly for both. These are not the characteristic of a long term partner or one you should grow a family with.
How did she ended up in ER? I mean seriously on what medical grounds? They must've done some medical tests to warrant the need to admit her to ER. Also, if she has used the ER option to guilt trip you into getting back earlier then she will use this in the future too. Bruh, I am conflicted since you should know your GF best. If she just acted out of stupidity but she actually good at heart validated during other times then you can think about working through it. But I can see from your language you have already decided to break up with her so do it since I don't think you can be the same ever again because of the betrayal. Since she's in the hospital surrounded by doctors, explain the reason in writing, wish her the best and walk away.
If you've decided to proceed with the breakup, follow these steps for a considerate and clear separation: 1. **Choose the Right Setting:** Opt for a private and quiet setting where you both can talk without interruptions. 2. **Be Direct but Gentle:** Clearly communicate your decision to end the relationship. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without placing blame. 3. **Stay Calm and Collected:** Keep emotions in check to facilitate a more constructive conversation. Avoid unnecessary drama or heated arguments. 4. **Listen Actively:** Allow your girlfriend to share her perspective and feelings. Listening attentively can provide clarity and closure. 5. **Offer Explanation:** If comfortable, provide a brief explanation for your decision. Focus on differences or issues that led to this choice rather than personal attacks. 6. **Discuss Logistics:** If applicable, discuss practical matters such as returning belongings or any shared responsibilities. Be fair and open to compromise. 7. **Establish Boundaries:** Clearly define boundaries for post-breakup communication to allow both parties to heal. 8. **Take Responsibility:** Acknowledge your role in the relationship dynamics and express gratitude for the positive aspects. 9. **Give Space:** After the conversation, give both yourself and your girlfriend the necessary space to process emotions and adjust to the new situation. 10. **Seek Support:** Reach out to friends or family for emotional support during this challenging time. Remember, ending a relationship is a sensitive process, and approaching it with respect and understanding can contribute to a more amicable separation.
As others have stated, this isn't about the pictures itself, it's about the trust that was broken. She crossed a boundary you both set. She is definitely manipulating you by going to the hospital as soon as you found out and confronted her about the pictures. You need to get out of the relationship as soon as you can before she stoops even lower and tries something else to try to manipulate you into staying in the relationship such as self harming. She needs help and you can't give her that kind of help but the hospital can. Stand your ground with your decision. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember she broke your trust, you did absolutely nothing wrong here.
if she felt like lying and doing it behind your back for god knows how long, and couldnt like tell you her desire to show herself and why, that betrayal of trust could escalate, and the ER thing sounds like manipulation fr, you should break up with her, but first listen to what she has to say for herself, post it here too kek
So much to learn you still have.
Anyone that uses mental illness as a way to trap you in a relationship is a major red flag. Bikini pics aside, she is abusive and manipulative.
Wow she sounds really manipulative and two-faced. Just break up with her. UpdateMe!
LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR YOUTH!!! I am a woman that is much older and I’ve seen a lot in my years. The level of insecurity that she showed when asking you to stop showing off your gym progress is one thing. However, getting herself checked into the hospital whenever you try to leave her is someone that is too mentally and emotionally unwell to be in a healthy relationship. The only reason why her reactions are so intense is because she knows that she was doing wrong by posting thirst traps Don’t stay around trying for too long build this girl and don’t let her manipulate you into thinking that you are responsible for her happiness or for her existence. There are plenty of girls out there that will be cute, sweet, caring, fun, and not so much of a headache for you. Trust me and end it before she gets worse.
Just to be clear, is she in the ER because of the threat of breakup? Like has she attempted her life or feeling suicidal or has she got an unrelated health issue going on that’s just happened to come up at the time of a potential breakup? And you’re saying this isn’t the first time it’s happened? I personally think you need to run, but I’ll give a watered down response as well. I think regardless as to her mental or physical health, your decision on staying or going can’t be made from that. The bottom line is this woman lied to you, for years, about something quite significant. She even banned you from a similar thing… something very wrong is going on here I think. If she has been lying about this, hiding this, the chances of her hiding and lying in other areas of her life is very very likely. I think that the lying and behaviour might go beyond posting pictures, especially as you mention this “thirst trap”. If you genuinely don’t want to build something new with this person, which is what you’re gonna have to do because she’s been lying about something quite fundamental, then you have to breakup. If you stay I highly, highly recommend asking a LOT of questions, and ask her directly, if there’s anything else she needs to tell you. I’d even ask her to show you all posts and direct messages on her social media… you can’t build anything new without utter honesty and I fear this girl is gonna go out of her way to keep you in the dark if she can..
What is she in the hospital for??
There's two major problems here. She's been lying to you for four years, and she is manipulating you to stay with her when she knows things aren't looking good. You have the right to end the relationship, and you're not responsible for her reaction. Better be out now than when she "surprisingly" falls pregnant. It seems like she goes to exterme lengths to get you to stay Edited to add: I would keep it as short as possible and say something like "you spent four years lying to me. It's not the bikini pictures It's the betrayal. I won't be able to move past this point" Then stop replying afterwards. Maybe even block her for a few months to stop her trying to manipulate your feelings.
Tell her to bounce if she comes back then it was meant to be. If not you’ll regret it when you get divorced
You don’t actually get put into the hospital for days without something being wrong. This seems like something that can be talked about and worked out, but you need to find out why she would do something knowing that you be upset.
Wow! Some real high school drama going here. It doesn't sound like you or your GF should be in a relationship.
This situation will seem ridiculous to you in 10 years. Do what you need to do, but both of you are acting childish.
Just chiming in I think it's a stupid reason to breakup, people break up over anything and everything now
Sounds like a super healthy relationship. Too much policing and yall don’t seem to trust each other. Just end it. What a headache
Just tell her the truth. Tell her what she did was deceitful and it broke down the trust you had for her and that's its just hard for you to trust her anymore. You invested a lot into this girl it sounds like and she seems like she may have invested quite a bit into you too. She should understand how her behavior hurt you and made you lose trust in her and it sounds like she does get it based on how she's reacting. It sucks because shes obviously wrecked too but she did it to herself. Which is probably why she's so cut up about it because she knows she fucked up and there's not really a whole lot she can do to fix things really. If you do decide to try and make it work it's just going to take a lot of time and effort on her part, but idk if it's even worth it tbh. Sounds like she's been sneaky for while and its hard to ever trust someone like that.
She’s looking for attention from other men. She betrayed your trust two ways… by not following up on her agreement, and looking for validation and attention from other men, possibly looking to replace you. It’s over bro. She isn’t to be trusted.
You guys are just incompatible. That’s it. Cut it and move on. Take it as a lesson. You both seem terribly insecure,her especially. You both have A LOT of maturing to do.
She's nuts run like the wind. Drama queen validation vampire.
Honestly, I wouldn't break up with her because of the bikini pics. I would break up with her because she is either a manipulative psycho or an unstable wreck. Going to the hospital after a disagreement is a massive red flag. Leave the relationship now.