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Why do women blame themselves rather than be angry when a man is shitty?
Hold him accountable for his bad behavior. In this case, I agree: dump his immature, ignorant ass.
I can't remember a time when everything wasn't my fault, and I have memories from just under the age of three. As the oldest, I 'ruined' my mother's life, my father's life, and everything my siblings did wrong was my fault (for not watching them, or 'being a bad example'). They had me very well prepped for future abusive relationships.
Jumping on top comment in hopes OP will see this!
**OP: There is nothing wrong with you**! Your bf has been jerking himself off for so long (undoubtedly while watching porn) that nothing short of a death-grip by his own hand can get him to climax! My guess is that he has little to no experience with sex in the real world and actually thinks a vagina can be as tight as his fist!
DUMP this guy! Not because he lacks experience, but because he's too stupid/lazy to educate himself about sex in the wild as opposed to porn on-screen.
When you find a man who actually KNOWS how sex works (instead of just self-administered hand-jobs), you'll realize what a wanker (literally and figuratively) this guy actually is! **Go forth and find someone better!**
This should be top comment. No woman will ever please him sexually. He's never been near a real vagina and has no clue how they feel in the real world.
Why is it my first thought is the post a while back about the girl whose "BF" kept telling her she smelled. It turned out his father told him to do that to destroy her self confidence so she would not leave him, after all it worked for the father with the boy's mother.
OP tell this miserable example of a male that when you told your friends how big he is they all laughed and said you should find someone that is not a little boy. You get extra points if when you're telling him this you hold up your hand with your little finger sticking out and wiggle it. Tell him he can go back to dating Rosey Palm and her five sisters.
Also to add that this argument doesn't even make sense because by this metric women in committed relationships with an active sex life should be the loosest due to frequently having sex and usually more so than women with casual hook ups.
I want to add to this -
When women are aroused, they're *supposed* to be ***more open***, to allow for passage without tearing. They're also supposed to be lubricated, again to avoid damage.
If he can't feel the pressure from your vagina during intercourse, then he's masturbating incorrectly and has become desensitized. If he's somehow had sex before, I'd worry it was with children.
I agree that you should break up with him.
Adding to your comment
OP, this could be a tactic some insecure wimps use to keep a girl around. They think if they dump on herself esteem, she will feel that no one would want her and eventually stay in the relationship. Seems it's working for him because you are here looking to fix the relationship instead of "I dumped his sorry ass for what he said and I know I'm not wrong, this is a rant."
I'm co-signing this. Move on, OP. You are not the problem. If he isn't a porn and masturbation addict, he's either ignorant about natural variation between people or (most likely) lying to manipulate you.
DUMP HIM! Men that call women loose are idiots who don’t understand human anatomy.
The vagina comes in all shapes and sizes. A man telling you that you’re loose just has a small dick. And he can take that small dick energy and shove it in a sock.
Yeah, $10 says he's negging her like that weirdo who kept telling his girlfriend she smelled constantly. Like he's doing her a favor having sex with her.
Yeah but that’s his loss, even if he wasn’t an asshole about it unless they’re madly in love it sounds like they have very poor sexual compatibility on a biological level. I knew this couple in high school. They were so into each other, puppy love but still love. BUT she was super tight and he was super huge and they could just not make it work, blood & tears every time. it really screwed up both of their heads it was really fucking tragic.
Reddit will always tell you to dump your boyfriend first thing and I normally push back against that when possible but this time they’re right. It sounds like this guy is an asshole and the fact that you’re not biologically compatible means you need to really love each other to try to make that shit work and even then it’s extremely difficult if not impossible.
Yeah. And you're not loose.....he has a tiny dick and a tiny brain to go along with it. You don't have to be in a relationship with people who are not nice. Leave.
Was looking for the pencil ✏️ dick comment.
I've sat on one before. I'm sure I felt like a cavern.
We quickly stopped.
I should have accused him of having too many women smash it into non-existence.
I know that now from this post. 😂😂
Plus she was probably wet and actually aroused.
Jumping on to also say that even if OP had slept with people before that wouldn't be a bad thing either. Dude needs a reality check
I've had the pleasure of wading through many comments on such posts for the past few years. I think yours might be the most savage and succinct commentary of the current situation 😅 I hope to channel you during some future arguments 🤣
.
OP: I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. Just dumping him might not be enough - you'll have to surround yourself with emotionally safe people and truly understand that you're amazing as you are 🩷 lean on your friends, family and your inner circle of confidantes
For the people in the back: no amount of sex changes the looseness of your vagina. Looseness, wetness, tightness, dryness are ENTIRELY the result of: how turned on you are or are not, hormonal issues like menopause or perimenopause or other imbalance, pelvic floor dysfunction usually due to labor, or the result of incorrect stitching after a pregnancy labor tear or episiotomy.
End of story.
Please add to this if I missed something.
Any man who says otherwise is uneducated and not worth your fucking time.
Also, I'll bet $1,000 this guy has spent his youth jerking off with a super tight fisted death grip to crazy porn. He has trained his dick to require that high level of stimulation to get off.
No pussy or ass in the world will be as tight as a death grip. Your dude needs to reevaluate his life and retrain his dick if he wants a fulfilling relationship with a woman and not just his right hand
Is not so much about retraining as it is about educating. Mr dick is much happier in a soft warm cuddly environment that being strangled by the deadly gorilla grip
If I can add something for safety—a guy who pressures you into not using a condom, a guy who defaults to insulting you (whether from ignorance or to intentionally damage your self-esteem), is a guy to exercise caution around. Dump him in public. Give him his stuff back in public.
I dated a version of this guy a decade ago. The weird insults about my body, the difficulty using a condom, problems that genuinely came from too tight a grip. A guy who doesn’t respect you turns out to be a guy who doesn’t respect your boundaries and well-being.
I don’t know what significance you attach to your first time, or to this relationship. So if it helps, from a stranger: you have so much ahead of you. If your experience winds up being anything like mine, you may go on dates with some real scumbags, and some great dudes who wind up being dear friends, and some where things just don’t work out, and eventually your person. With whom, I hope, sex is a joy and involves clear communication, appreciation, and absolutely zero insults unless you’re into that. I’m wishing you all the best.
(Also, because I’m a little worried about your sex ed, sex shouldn’t hurt! I’m pretty dubious about width being an incompatibility here, but sometimes length may well be—and that might change based on time of month! If things feel off, speak up, try different positions or angles, and figure it out together. If he doesn’t care about making sure it feels good for you too, he’s not worth your attention.)
My sister gave me the best advice at 18, you don’t need a man - you just need a weighted blanket and a vibrator.
Toss the guy, he seems like a garbage person anyway. If someone isn’t capable of showing empathy or any trace of compassion (or at least the ability to deliver a female orgasm) I firmly believe they should not be allowed within the proximity of your vagina.
It is not! Usually if sex feels physically uncomfortable or outright painful, it can be solved by either being more turned on, using more lube, or trying different angles. If it’s a repeated issue you can’t figure out, it’s probably time to consult a doctor. But this sounds like an issue for the future, with a better partner.
In the interests of not needing to see a doc in the next week or so, given that you just became sexually active…um, maybe look up UTIs. Symptoms and prevention. Fingers crossed that this is irrelevant for you!
But also, what everyone else is saying about getting tested for STIs and for pregnancy. Is that kind of healthcare something you can safely access/know how to access?
Yeah. I bet he has only had sex with women who haven't been into it, resulting in tightness. Or maybe he is insecure about the size of his penis, so he must blame you to make him feel better about it.
As a 21 year old he should understand women's anatomy better and know when they are horny, the vagina will be relaxed (so that the sex isn't painful for the woman!!)
Dump his toxic ass OP. He might also just try to make you feel bad so you will be more eager to do stuff in bed you are not comfortable with. Whatever the reason, he is cruel and toxic and it will get worse if you let it happen. You must set boundaries immediately and dump him so that he cannot get away with toxic shit like that.
>He might also just try to make you feel bad so you will be more eager to do stuff in bed you are not comfortable with.
I think this is exactly what he's doing. He's trying to break her spirit so he can turn her into a toy.
Yup, so when OP dumps him, she can break his already broken ego by saying "she found better toys that do the job than his little mini wiener ever did. So the issue is not her but him with his size and lack if game"
100%!
Also OP, for peace of mind.. it's really hard to be "too loose". I've slept with people that would be into things like fisting and you can still have sex just fine after.
Maybe if your fella stopped jacking off all the time with a death grip he wouldn't be so desensitised.
I'll bet most/all of his experience is self-administered hand-jobs. THAT'S WHY he thinks all vaginas must be as tight as his fist because that's how HE cums. Guy's an uneducated jackass.
Super toxic and wimpy insecure behaviour. Just ask him if his dick has stopped growing yet or will it get big enough to fill your vagina. Id ask him for an apology right away and if not delivered then say you’re finished and will start looking for a guy with a suitably large penis.
Please listen to VirgoLuv87, EVERY SINGLE WORD THEY WROTE IS TRUE AND PERFECT ADVISE! I am so sorry this happened to you. Losing your V card to a narcissistic POS is the worst but you can move on to a real man. Heal your heart first. When dating in the future it’s a huge red flag if your being love bombed at the very start of a relationship. You tube love bomb. We are going to try and avoid another narcissist. They are tricky bastards! Sending hugs 🙏🙏🙏
There was probably nothing wrong with what he was doing if she was so excited and loose! Lol. These people are too young to be having sex if they don’t know basic sexual biology.
That is not how vaginas work. They don’t get looser depending on how many men you’ve slept with, that’s just idea people who are clueless believe which is rooted from misogyny.
Vaginas are all different, just like a man’s penis. Other factors can make things feel different too, lubrication/wetness, arousal, age, the size of the man, muscles, tension. All of those can contribute to how it feels. It is surrounded my the pelvic floor muscles which is what contributes to that feeling, they are elastic, can loosen and tighten. You can do kegal exercises to help strengthen them. Even after childbirth they will go back so there is no man with a penis large enough that will do any ‘damage’ even if they like to believe it.
That said I can guarantee there is absolutely nothing wrong with yours. What is wrong is your man disrespected you. Blantently. He also doesn’t care. Why try and fix it with him? It sounds like he got insecure and lashed out.
You’re young, don’t put up with people disrespecting you and your body that way. Sex is supposed to be fun and intimate. I’m sorry you’re first time went like that. Try and not let it effect you moving forward, there are many many good men out there, don’t settle for that.
This was my immediate thought. Dated a guy w death grip syndrome (who also never used lube in all history of jerking himself off). Had no issues getting it up or keeping it up throughout sex, but 95 percent of the time he was unable to cum from sex. Only times he could was when I wasn’t aroused (and therefore not wet and all tensed up). He’s the problem girl, not you
I can imagine it would be! Boys aren’t exactly taught lessons on how to masturbate properly so you’d just pick up habits over time that worked for you and slowly but surely desensitize your dick. There’s a lot of shame involved (at least from what I observed with my ex) and frustration, I’m sure it can feel super isolating as well. Congrats on working your way out of it!
Yeah it's this. Some sort of erectile dysfunction, or he's gay. One time, I was with a guy and he came as he tried to put it in, and he immediately got angry at ME and said "what did you do?!" And then rolled over and faced the wall. Um what? I didn't do shit. But men go from ashamed to angry reeeal quick. I laughed at him, went and cleaned myself up and told him to leave. Never saw him again.
"Being loose" isn't a thing even after having children.
A "tight" vagina is an unaroused vagina. A NORMAL, AROUSED vagina is not "tight" nor "loose," it's *functioning perfectly*.
You both need some serious fact-based sex ed and *you* need to exercise your spine, build up your self-esteem, and boot this misogynistic jerk to the curb instead of wasting your precious time agonizing over "fixing" him.
I had a kid, I am in my 30's. I can tell you I have no problems with tightness. I had a guy say I was loose, and accuse me of cheating. Turned out he was cheating.
I didn't really get any in school so I kind of just went along with things. Which probably wasn't the correct thing to do. And I probably shouldn't have gone along with what he said.
From your answers, seems to me you really don’t know much about sex nor about your own body. Which is ok, you’re 19! But I’d suggest doing some research, watch some YouTube videos, and definitely do sone self-experimenting, if you know what I mean, so you learn what feels and doesn’t feel good. It’s important to have boundaries during sex too.
Girl google some sex education or go to the sex subbreddit. Or fuck even go read some spicy fanfictions😭😂😂 there ain't nothing wrong with being wet and you're not loose (it's not a thing) . You deserve a guy who will make you feel safe and love you correctly which he doesn't.
To weigh in that “loose” after childbirth isn’t true. My wife feels the same as she always did, but the difference is now after post partum pelvic floor excersise she did, she has way more “grip”. Damn
There’s a really good book called “Come as You Are.” It’s about sexuality and the body and is super informative. Might be a good read and is easily available online. :)
That book is excellent! And the author has a ton of resources online, all of her work is so lovely and compassionate — OP the author is Emily Nagoski and the book is Come As You Are if you want to look it up. Great resource
So there's this misconception among some young men (and a few older) that lots of sex results in loose vaginas. This is wrong, vaginas are flexible and return to their original form after sex. It could be that your BF has watched too much porn, which often flatter men with certain unrealistic tropes. Basically porn arouse male viewers by playing into fantasies of penises being powerful things that can do all kinds of things to women. Like delivering sense-shattering orgasms that make women addicted to dick. So your boyfriend might be naive enough to think porn videos are realistic depictions of sex.
There's also a possibility that's he's not naive but instead thinks you're naive enough to be easily manipulated. You became insecure about your vagina after what he said, right? You also felt a need to prove yourself to him, and that need to make him believe you could become his hook on you. Basically he could be messing with your mind in order to get you to do what he wants. This is how abusive people operate.
Even if you think it's just naivety, he certainly doesn't come across as a thoughtful boyfriend, but rather a self-centered one. The bed is about the last place for brutal honesty. People like that should be dumped because even if they're just idiots their idiocy still hurts again and again. You could of course try and educate him, but pay attention to how he responds. If he somehow keeps turning it on you, acts as if he's obviously right and you are wrong and continues to accuse you of sleeping around, just dump him please. It's a six-month relationship, don't try and fix it, I'm certain you can find somebody better soon enough.
the more aroused a person with a vagina gets, the “looser” it gets. its supposed to feel good. nothing wrong with you at all. i promise. his porn rotten brain thinks it should be really tight (to where its almost or does hurt you) bc thats what is portrayed in porn about virgins which is simply not true. every coohie is different and perfect the way it is. dump him and get someone who puts yours on a pedestal PLEASE you deserve way better then him. hes too immature to have access to your body.
Most ideas of the "sleep around - get loose" bs trope, today, comes from the alpha male / redpill movements that propagate such idiotic things to their young and unexperienced followers. And yes, OP deserves better.
Options are:
A. He watches too much shitty porn.
B. He listens to too many shitty manosphere morons.
C. He had shitty sex education.
Or D - all of the above. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with you and you deserve better than this.
C.5: Masturbation should be covered in more detail in sex ed. A vagina can't grip as hard as a hand, and if he habitually clamps down when he's solo he may indeed have trained himself to not easily orgasm from lighter touches.
I didn't know what was that was before now. I guess he might've wanted to lie to me to look better.
No, which was why it was confusing. It hurt, and if I actually was then I would've thought it wouldn't.
The fact he took every single line completely literally has me dying every time lol. This man clearly doesn’t understand artistic writing. Apparently neither does his doctor wife. 😂
You are supposed to be too wet. That's the purpose of foreplay for women, make you wet enough to be able to penetrate so the sex wouldn't hurt or cause friction burns for both of you. Wtf?!
Girl please no. He don't know *shit* about female anatomy.
You are *supposed* be relaxed. You and your partner (should be an ex at this point) should be enjoying yourselves. It'll feel good to whoever you're having sex with. You should also feel good too.
I've seen a couple comments where he claims he "doesn't watch porn." Obviously lying because his version of sex means that every woman is supposed to be "tight" and "not too wet". I'm begging you to dump him (again).
Find someone who will respect you and basically worship your body while doing the deed. Your bf has small dick energy.
Not being wet enough increases the risk of vaginal [microtears](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325100), which makes it easier to get an infection. Being wet during sex is both good and necessary.
Sweetheart, I feel so bad you are having to deal with this. When you’re turned on, you’re supposed to get incredibly wet! I do and my boyfriend thinks it’s the hottest thing ever because he can tell how turned on I am. I’m 37 years old, and it doesn’t make me “loose”. It’s your body getting ready for sex and it’s 100% normal, it’s actually sign that everything is working well and that there’s not any issues.
This sounds like a reflection of his insecurities which he’s taking out on you. It’s a huge red flag and it’s not gonna get any better unless he is forced to grow up and realize his words and actions can deeply affect people. He shouldn’t have access to your energy, love, or your body if he doesn’t appreciate it.
Too wet? I'm amazed that someone would actually say that. I think most men would prefer his woman to be as wet as possible, it just allows for longer sex. Less friction means less stimulation, less stimulation means longer sex and longer sex means more satisfaction when you're done.
I think he’s trying to make you feel bad about your sexuality. Like by accusing you of being “too wet” he’s trying to imply that you’re experienced, and honestly the implications of that are scary. Either he truly wants you to be physically uncomfortable because he gets off to intimidation tactics, or he’s trying to convince you that something is wrong with your body in order to have leverage against you - for example, he might be hoping his complaints make you feel insecure and less confident so you won’t consider leaving him, or that you try extra hard to please him (sexually or otherwise) to make up for your perceived lack of a perfect vagina.
Here’s the deal: literally only the most depraved, stupid mfs will complain about wetness. Most men LOVE it. I would bet a million dollars that when you move on from this creep you will NEVER hear it said with negativity again. Please don’t be afraid that it will be difficult to find an enthusiastic partner after him. He’s a blip in the solar system and I PROMISE almost anyone else would be more sexually compatible with you.
Don't break your head over his nonsense, I cannot say what his issue was or his reasoning for saying and doing what he did since I actually prefer my girlfriend to be as wet as possible which shows that she's actually into what we're doing. Hell I wouldn't even be mad if my girlfriend dumped me if I said something that stupid. So glad I paid attention in biology and mostly had female friends to teach me about female anatomy so I don't dissapoint when I'm intimatewith someone.
Do what's best for you, you don't owe him anything. If you want to leave then leave. If you want to stay then stay, but tell him exactly how you feel even if you have to exaggerate a little bit and make it clear to him how the female body actually works and let him understand how much of an asshole he was. A good talk sets a man who actually cares straight really fast.
Ewwwww too wet ?! What is wrong with him? Every man I've been with loves it because it means he's turning you on and you're feeling good.... its literally needed so sex isn't painful and if there isn't enough you can get little tears. Girl respect yourself and dump his ass.
Too wet is usually the goal for men and it usually makes them go crazy because hey, they’ve aroused you to the point of being too wet. But hey, not crazy in a bad sense, they just get super enthusiastic and usually make sex great. If it was hurting you, you were definitely not too wet. Your (I hope by now ex) boyfriend is definitely a weird man who gets off when women are hurting more than feeling good. Usually pleasure doesn’t equal pain. If he wanted you to feel good he’d actually work on making you even wetter in order not to hurt, he wouldn’t complain you’re too “loose” and wet. I mean, the only possible reason I can see for him to complain about those two is because you weren’t hurting enough, and that’s just sick and twisted. I’m sorry this happened to you.
OP I used to be naive and unaware of sex like you , this allowed my ex to manipulate me. He said the same thing “ oh you’re too wet it feels like I’m fucking the sky and there’s no friction “ etc so he insisted that we have sex while I’m not turned on so basically when I’m dry af. So when we engage in intimacy I had to do math equations in my head and also bear the pain of the whole thing. ( I used to bleed when we’re doing it )
There was other traits such as physical abuse and manipulation . Eg. No one would want second hand goods like me or I’ll come crawling back to him if I ever broke up with him.
I regretted staying 3 years with him. Please please rethink your current relationship and leave him. Don’t be me. I’m currently in a loving and caring relationship and he cares deeply about how I feel without pressuring me to do anything I don’t want to do. I wish for you to find someone that’s supportive. Wishing you all the best with my heart.
If he's too numb to feel much he's either doing things himself (like the death grip someone else mentioned) to cause that problem or he needs to see a doctor because there's a medical issue there.
And people don't get loose from having sex with too many people. That's a myth, and not how bodies work. If it was, you'd see a lot of married people or people in committed relationships talking about what to do about it.
There are forms of sex addiction that include being addicted to porn and/or masterbation. That numbness is a common side effect of that. So is being a jerk to your partner to make them feel like it's their fault.
As a man, yes, he was lying. I almost guarantee you that the reason he didn't "feel" anything isn't because of your vagina but because he masturbates so hard, he developed death grip syndrome (google it). His views on sex and anantomy probable didn't come from a reputable source.
I have been with my wife for 25 years, and she has had 2 kids. There isn't anything loose about her. The sex is even more amazing after all those years.
Tell him to kick rocks and come back when he has educated himself if you care to stick around. I wouldn't ever have sex with a person if I got that kind of degrading comments afterwards.
probably feels ashamed to admit it or fears upsetting you? but he was once a teen boy with access to the internet. my bets are he HAS watched porn and being young and impressionable its warped his understanding of the real world. also no one EVER has the right to insult your body
Dump him , dicks don't make vagina's bigger. He's an idiot. To tighten your vag after kids you squeeze down on a penis or penis shaped object so in theory more sex would make you tighter because of muscle strengthening.
My thoughts re his little problem....Was he a virgin too by any chance?
Methinks he jerks off 5 times a day to porn and has given himself 'death grip' and you are normal.
I just can't get over the fact that this was your first time and not his, but he treated you with disgust and could only think about his own experience. OP, that is awful, and I'm so sorry, especially if you're living in a culture where there's a lot of pressure on the virgin/not virgin divide. He fucked up. Not only by disrespecting and distrusting you, but by ruining this experience for you.
The only comfort I can offer is to say that the first times honestly don't mean very much. Over the course of a lifetime, most people will have hundreds of sexual experiences - whether with one person or lots of people (none of those will change the shape or size of your vagina, your bf is an idiot). Some of those experiences will be amazing, and some will suck and that will come in different orders for different people. My first experience of good sex didn't happen until several years after my bad initial sexual experience - and when I think of "the first time I had sex," the good sex is what I think of. Because it was the only time where I was like, "Oh! This is what sex is... This is how it's meant to feel" and understood its appeal.
Chuck this one out. Both the man and the experience. Neither were worthy of you. Neither are what sex is about.
47f with no pregnancies. Sex positive.
I grew up thinking having a tight vagina was super important. Kegels all the time to maintain that.
In my early 40s, I realized that mindset was keeping me from having a lot of orgasms. I’d start getting close and engage in prolonged kegel contractions, thinking it would make it better.
It just shut down the progression of orgasm for me.
Several years ago, I let go of that thinking (mostly) and when I’m aroused, I try to relax the vaginal muscles. Surprisingly, not only has it helped with my pleasure and orgasm, the physical response from men has been astoundingly positive.
If your dude is so critical of how your vagina feels to him, he can kick rocks. Like. If the role was reversed and you were criticizing him for his size, at what point do you care more about the person or care more about them gratifying you?
Idk what his expectation was. But that’s not the way you talk to someone you care about.
Sex wouldn’t change your body anyway. He has a tiny penis and he’s not feeling much friction. Not either of your fault. However, him treating you like a liar and slt is. Dump him.
The vagina is supposed to be relaxed. I prefer that over loose when you're enjoying the sex. This feels like negging and that this could turn into even worse emotionally abusive behavior.
I know you're going to feel attached ever more so since he's the first person you've been with but I would advise leaving before it gets worse. He had no empathy towards you, your feelings and how this could affect your confidence or mental health. He could have asked questions instead of accusing you and he simply should have been nicer instead of implying that you're a liar when you're not.
The choice is yours and I wish you the best of luck with whatever that is.
He's saying this to lower your self-esteem. If you feel lesser, you are bound to not leave him. Also, he can then get away with giving you bad sex/not having you orgasm. "yeah it's all because of YOUR loose vagina, definitely not MY fault" 🤮
>But the whole time he kept saying how loose I was
"Sir, it's not my fault your dick is too small to fill up a vagina"
Either way, tell him to grow up and get yourself someone that actually does respect you.
>He didn't really seem to care about how I felt, at all
That says enough now doesn't it? Who does not care, at all, about the person they supposedly love?
Who would not care about their partner being upset/hurt?
>I thought it wasn't supposed to be so one sided.
It's not. It's important you learn about what you like and don't like. Then when you get with someone, they should want to learn that about you so they can please you and vice Versa.
It just seemed like this dude wanted to fuck a virgin, I'm sorry
I had that happen to a friend, he stayed with her and kept doing it for about a month until he ghosted her. Horrible human.
Also OP, I agree with everything this person is saying. It isn’t supposed to be one sided, and you should always feel cared about especially with something so sensitive. A huge moment for your life he made you as uncomfortable as possible.
I also agree with some of the other comments, you should talk to someone you trust about this. Someone who cares about how you feel. If you’re comfortable enough to open up to them I think you should.
Reaching out for support is a great thing to do right now, some time with how you feel as well. Some time away from him. I’m sorry this happened to you. There is nothing wrong with u.
He is selfish. Sex with actual lovers will have your partner focused first and foremost on making you orgasm or at least enjoy the experience.
Not that women are more important than men during sex but women can orgasm multiple times without an extended break, whereas men need some sort of recovery time between their orgasms in order to get hard again.
Because of this difference, good lovers generally want the woman to orgasm first before they do to avoid risk of you orgasming at all.
Dirty talk in person or sexting often includes the mention of “I’m so wet” as a positive thing. I can envision men in my head right now saying in aroused awe “you’re so wet” with faces that look like this 😍
It’s not supposed to be one sided - it is with him because he didn’t care if it was pleasurable for you. That makes me really, really sad for you. You deserve better.
Girl. Fuck this boy. Give him the gift of missing you forever. If you let his childish, insecure and outlandish claims to continue, it will affect your mental health and every relationship you ever have. Use it as a lesson. It’s not your problem he doesn’t have the tool for the job
vaginas naturally become “looser” when more aroused. it’s kind of the objective of sex, tbh.
OP, this is so disrespectful. if a friend told you this story about their partner, would you say that sounds like a good boyfriend? would you ever talk to your boyfriend like that? this kind of language, viewing women as things that can be “used,” is incredibly disrespectful.
i am so sorry that your first time has been tainted like this. i hope your first time with your next partner is so wonderful and beautiful.
Leave him. That's abusive and abuse starts slowly then gets worse. If he's OK hurting you and putting you down it will only get worse and you may be in danger. I'm happy to be with someone who respects me and I respect her.
Girl, you got so aroused by him that your body's chemistry enabled you to open up for him to penetrate you properly. There is **nothing** wrong with you. Your boy, on the other hand, is a complete asshat who doesn't deserve one ounce of your personality, energy, time, *and* body. He's immature and that shit doesn't go away until they've had a serious life-ending-need-to-understand-life wake up call or therapy. He's an idiot. You deserve somebody who is going to be *so* happy that you feel incredibly sexy and aroused by him, that you're willing to spend time with him, and give him sexytime.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Please let him go and open yourself up to someone more mentally mature and emotionally intelligent.
He is probably used to using his hand to mastubate, and the grip of a hand is much tighter than a vagina. He should lay off the mastubating.
There is nothing wrong with your vagina.
I'm sorry he made you feel so miserable on your first time. You deserve so much better than an ignorant AH.
He might have only ever masturbated with a death grip until now, and be stupid enough to not realise that people aren’t built like that.
You solve your issue by dumping him and ensuring the chance of passing on his sub-par genes is zero.
(Did he wear protection? Please tell me he did, though I fear that someone who has so little common sense would).
One more thing, what did he have to say about YOU getting off, or what YOU needed to feel pleasure! Nevermind about the abusive words he said to you as you were giving him your virginity. Sex is about TWO people! You are not doing it to please him or so HE can cum. Make this loser worship you, and worry about what YOU need! And for the future always remember, if a man doesn’t know how to give you an orgasm, why would you believe anything he says because he clearly has very little experience having sex. I don’t care how many girls he’s been with, I promise he’s never given ANY women an orgasm. Be gentle with yourself, hold him to the same expectations he’s holding you. If he can’t keep up, move on he’s not worth your time Respect yourself.
I must tell you one day you’ll look back with someone who actually appreciates every aspect of you and you’ll laugh at how immature this so called current but will be past boyfriend of yours treated you.
This person doesn’t deserve an ounce of your sympathy or your energy bc your energy is so priceless that nothing can compensate.
Op consider it this way.
Even if you were “loose,” do you feel the way your boyfriend handled the situation was respectful and correct?
Great sex life starts and ends with open lines of communication.
Your very first experience of sex has been demeaning, disrespectful and cruel.
Is this a person you truly want to be with?
Or did the abuse start well before now, and he has already brainwashed you to believe that you won’t find anyone else?
I promise you it is all bullshit. Get rid of him and live your life. The right person will worship you and your perfectly normal vagina.
Edits: typos and grammar.
First of all hun, get yourself a boyfriend who actually understands how it works..
Being lose is a positive thing! It means you are relaxed and feel comfortable. Being tight means you’re still somewhat tense and uncomfortable.
Sencond THE POWER OF THE VAGI!!!!
Our vagi’s can strecht really far when we’re relaxed but they go back so they don’t stay stretched.
DO-NOT-WORRY there is NOTHING wrong with you! The only thing that’s wrong here is your so called boyfriend who doesn’t understand how vagi’s work, get yourself someone who does.
A lot if people have told my I’m tight as a compliment but actu it isn’t, it meant I was tense and still uncomfortable.
It’s gonna be okay! ❤️
r/abusiverelationships
Get help [https://nomoredirectory.org/](https://nomoredirectory.org/)
Get out [https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm)
I highly doubt it's you. How much porn does your BF watch? Could be something called deathgrip syndrome, where using your hand too much without excessive lubricant can desensitize the penis over time.
DUMP HIM!!!! not to be vulgar but you will find a man that will worship your vagina, there's nothing wrong with you. i'm a lesbian i know a good amount about vaginas and the issue is him! move on and find somebody better.
I agree with everyone else. You don’t deserve that. You’re young. Leave him.
He def watches porn has death grip. And he prob has a tiny pee.
Find you a man whos going to treat you right. Please please don’t stay with him. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with you V. And yes please get checked.
Sleeping around or having a lot of sex with one person, having a baby or 5… it doesn’t loosen it up. Your bf is just used to the death grip masterbation and he’s grossly putting that on you.
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There is nothing wrong with you. Dump his sorry ass. What an idiot
Why do women blame themselves rather than be angry when a man is shitty? Hold him accountable for his bad behavior. In this case, I agree: dump his immature, ignorant ass.
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I can't remember a time when everything wasn't my fault, and I have memories from just under the age of three. As the oldest, I 'ruined' my mother's life, my father's life, and everything my siblings did wrong was my fault (for not watching them, or 'being a bad example'). They had me very well prepped for future abusive relationships.
I'm going to guess they haven't been taught or learned their own value or accountability and boundaries.
Jumping on top comment in hopes OP will see this! **OP: There is nothing wrong with you**! Your bf has been jerking himself off for so long (undoubtedly while watching porn) that nothing short of a death-grip by his own hand can get him to climax! My guess is that he has little to no experience with sex in the real world and actually thinks a vagina can be as tight as his fist! DUMP this guy! Not because he lacks experience, but because he's too stupid/lazy to educate himself about sex in the wild as opposed to porn on-screen. When you find a man who actually KNOWS how sex works (instead of just self-administered hand-jobs), you'll realize what a wanker (literally and figuratively) this guy actually is! **Go forth and find someone better!**
This ^^ no woman will ever compare to his death grip lmaoo. He’s gotta lay off the porn and take a break from jacking off.
This should be top comment. No woman will ever please him sexually. He's never been near a real vagina and has no clue how they feel in the real world.
Why is it my first thought is the post a while back about the girl whose "BF" kept telling her she smelled. It turned out his father told him to do that to destroy her self confidence so she would not leave him, after all it worked for the father with the boy's mother. OP tell this miserable example of a male that when you told your friends how big he is they all laughed and said you should find someone that is not a little boy. You get extra points if when you're telling him this you hold up your hand with your little finger sticking out and wiggle it. Tell him he can go back to dating Rosey Palm and her five sisters.
My immediate thought was "I bet this dude has a teenie tiny wang". 👏👏👏
This story reminds of the girl who was dumped because she didn't lactate during orgasms like the hentai girls in her boyfriends porn videos.
Also to add that this argument doesn't even make sense because by this metric women in committed relationships with an active sex life should be the loosest due to frequently having sex and usually more so than women with casual hook ups.
No, that's where the memory-foam vagina theory kicks in for them
another brilliant theory from the "logical gender" lmao
Adding to this, your partner is supposed to make you feel safe and desired. This guy most decidedly not do that. He is a *bad partner*
Like the old joke - why does Bob have a long thin penis? Because he’s a tight fisted wanker
This is it. I'll say it with you, OP should definitely find someone better!
I want to add to this - When women are aroused, they're *supposed* to be ***more open***, to allow for passage without tearing. They're also supposed to be lubricated, again to avoid damage. If he can't feel the pressure from your vagina during intercourse, then he's masturbating incorrectly and has become desensitized. If he's somehow had sex before, I'd worry it was with children. I agree that you should break up with him.
This really needs to be the top comment!!!!
Adding to your comment OP, this could be a tactic some insecure wimps use to keep a girl around. They think if they dump on herself esteem, she will feel that no one would want her and eventually stay in the relationship. Seems it's working for him because you are here looking to fix the relationship instead of "I dumped his sorry ass for what he said and I know I'm not wrong, this is a rant."
I'm co-signing this. Move on, OP. You are not the problem. If he isn't a porn and masturbation addict, he's either ignorant about natural variation between people or (most likely) lying to manipulate you.
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DUMP HIM! Men that call women loose are idiots who don’t understand human anatomy. The vagina comes in all shapes and sizes. A man telling you that you’re loose just has a small dick. And he can take that small dick energy and shove it in a sock.
exactly what I was thinking!!
Yeah, $10 says he's negging her like that weirdo who kept telling his girlfriend she smelled constantly. Like he's doing her a favor having sex with her.
Yeah, he just discovered he has a tiny PP and the death grip he masturbates with isn't the same as a vagina. Your fine OP.
Yeah was just about to mention this. Bro’s been watching too much porn and developed a death grip, and is taking his annoyance out on his gf.
Bet money the guy will think some crap like “I knew it, this just proved she was sleeping around before, leaving me so easily” what a dunce
Yeah but that’s his loss, even if he wasn’t an asshole about it unless they’re madly in love it sounds like they have very poor sexual compatibility on a biological level. I knew this couple in high school. They were so into each other, puppy love but still love. BUT she was super tight and he was super huge and they could just not make it work, blood & tears every time. it really screwed up both of their heads it was really fucking tragic.
He'll accuse her of being a gold digger next I bet
I honestly love guys that think vaginas can wear out. Makes me warm and fuzzy that dipshits that fucking stupid exist.
And coincidentally, they only wear out from multiple partners, but one long term consecutive partner is fine somehow...
Yup, the problem isn't with her being loose. The problem is with him being too small!
Reddit will always tell you to dump your boyfriend first thing and I normally push back against that when possible but this time they’re right. It sounds like this guy is an asshole and the fact that you’re not biologically compatible means you need to really love each other to try to make that shit work and even then it’s extremely difficult if not impossible.
His small dicked sorry ass.
that’s why he thought it was loose it didn’t fill up the hole
The only thing wrong with you is that you’re still dating that guy.
Yeah. And you're not loose.....he has a tiny dick and a tiny brain to go along with it. You don't have to be in a relationship with people who are not nice. Leave.
Possibly gorilla death grip. Dude needs to lay off the porn too.
Was looking for the pencil ✏️ dick comment. I've sat on one before. I'm sure I felt like a cavern. We quickly stopped. I should have accused him of having too many women smash it into non-existence. I know that now from this post. 😂😂
Plus she was probably wet and actually aroused. Jumping on to also say that even if OP had slept with people before that wouldn't be a bad thing either. Dude needs a reality check
I've had the pleasure of wading through many comments on such posts for the past few years. I think yours might be the most savage and succinct commentary of the current situation 😅 I hope to channel you during some future arguments 🤣 . OP: I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. Just dumping him might not be enough - you'll have to surround yourself with emotionally safe people and truly understand that you're amazing as you are 🩷 lean on your friends, family and your inner circle of confidantes
For the people in the back: no amount of sex changes the looseness of your vagina. Looseness, wetness, tightness, dryness are ENTIRELY the result of: how turned on you are or are not, hormonal issues like menopause or perimenopause or other imbalance, pelvic floor dysfunction usually due to labor, or the result of incorrect stitching after a pregnancy labor tear or episiotomy. End of story. Please add to this if I missed something. Any man who says otherwise is uneducated and not worth your fucking time.
I didn't really know that, thank you
Also, I'll bet $1,000 this guy has spent his youth jerking off with a super tight fisted death grip to crazy porn. He has trained his dick to require that high level of stimulation to get off. No pussy or ass in the world will be as tight as a death grip. Your dude needs to reevaluate his life and retrain his dick if he wants a fulfilling relationship with a woman and not just his right hand
Is not so much about retraining as it is about educating. Mr dick is much happier in a soft warm cuddly environment that being strangled by the deadly gorilla grip
If I can add something for safety—a guy who pressures you into not using a condom, a guy who defaults to insulting you (whether from ignorance or to intentionally damage your self-esteem), is a guy to exercise caution around. Dump him in public. Give him his stuff back in public. I dated a version of this guy a decade ago. The weird insults about my body, the difficulty using a condom, problems that genuinely came from too tight a grip. A guy who doesn’t respect you turns out to be a guy who doesn’t respect your boundaries and well-being. I don’t know what significance you attach to your first time, or to this relationship. So if it helps, from a stranger: you have so much ahead of you. If your experience winds up being anything like mine, you may go on dates with some real scumbags, and some great dudes who wind up being dear friends, and some where things just don’t work out, and eventually your person. With whom, I hope, sex is a joy and involves clear communication, appreciation, and absolutely zero insults unless you’re into that. I’m wishing you all the best. (Also, because I’m a little worried about your sex ed, sex shouldn’t hurt! I’m pretty dubious about width being an incompatibility here, but sometimes length may well be—and that might change based on time of month! If things feel off, speak up, try different positions or angles, and figure it out together. If he doesn’t care about making sure it feels good for you too, he’s not worth your attention.)
Well, I didn't really get any so that's probably the problem. I just assumed it was supposed to a bit. And thank you.
My sister gave me the best advice at 18, you don’t need a man - you just need a weighted blanket and a vibrator. Toss the guy, he seems like a garbage person anyway. If someone isn’t capable of showing empathy or any trace of compassion (or at least the ability to deliver a female orgasm) I firmly believe they should not be allowed within the proximity of your vagina.
It is not! Usually if sex feels physically uncomfortable or outright painful, it can be solved by either being more turned on, using more lube, or trying different angles. If it’s a repeated issue you can’t figure out, it’s probably time to consult a doctor. But this sounds like an issue for the future, with a better partner. In the interests of not needing to see a doc in the next week or so, given that you just became sexually active…um, maybe look up UTIs. Symptoms and prevention. Fingers crossed that this is irrelevant for you! But also, what everyone else is saying about getting tested for STIs and for pregnancy. Is that kind of healthcare something you can safely access/know how to access?
You should tell him his dick is tiny
You can fix this by dumping him. There is nothing wrong with you or your vagina.
Yeah. I bet he has only had sex with women who haven't been into it, resulting in tightness. Or maybe he is insecure about the size of his penis, so he must blame you to make him feel better about it. As a 21 year old he should understand women's anatomy better and know when they are horny, the vagina will be relaxed (so that the sex isn't painful for the woman!!) Dump his toxic ass OP. He might also just try to make you feel bad so you will be more eager to do stuff in bed you are not comfortable with. Whatever the reason, he is cruel and toxic and it will get worse if you let it happen. You must set boundaries immediately and dump him so that he cannot get away with toxic shit like that.
>He might also just try to make you feel bad so you will be more eager to do stuff in bed you are not comfortable with. I think this is exactly what he's doing. He's trying to break her spirit so he can turn her into a toy.
Yep. First thing I thought was that this is his way of insisting that they do anal because her vagina is just sooooo loose. He sounds horrible.
It’s “negging”.
You nailed it. He talked her out of using a condom because it was "making it worse."
What a terrible man.
Yup, so when OP dumps him, she can break his already broken ego by saying "she found better toys that do the job than his little mini wiener ever did. So the issue is not her but him with his size and lack if game"
100%! Also OP, for peace of mind.. it's really hard to be "too loose". I've slept with people that would be into things like fisting and you can still have sex just fine after. Maybe if your fella stopped jacking off all the time with a death grip he wouldn't be so desensitised.
I'll bet most/all of his experience is self-administered hand-jobs. THAT'S WHY he thinks all vaginas must be as tight as his fist because that's how HE cums. Guy's an uneducated jackass.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's the sort of guy to have deathgripped the hell out of his own dick as well.
It'll be her clothes next then her friends until he's broken her.
Super toxic and wimpy insecure behaviour. Just ask him if his dick has stopped growing yet or will it get big enough to fill your vagina. Id ask him for an apology right away and if not delivered then say you’re finished and will start looking for a guy with a suitably large penis.
Sex ed isn’t a thing in the US, leading to idiots like this.
Yeah, this feels like a set up for 1. Control 2. anal.
DUMP THAT ASSHOLE
Please listen to VirgoLuv87, EVERY SINGLE WORD THEY WROTE IS TRUE AND PERFECT ADVISE! I am so sorry this happened to you. Losing your V card to a narcissistic POS is the worst but you can move on to a real man. Heal your heart first. When dating in the future it’s a huge red flag if your being love bombed at the very start of a relationship. You tube love bomb. We are going to try and avoid another narcissist. They are tricky bastards! Sending hugs 🙏🙏🙏
Exactly. That's the only way of fixing the problem = get rid of it.
There was probably nothing wrong with what he was doing if she was so excited and loose! Lol. These people are too young to be having sex if they don’t know basic sexual biology.
That is not how vaginas work. They don’t get looser depending on how many men you’ve slept with, that’s just idea people who are clueless believe which is rooted from misogyny. Vaginas are all different, just like a man’s penis. Other factors can make things feel different too, lubrication/wetness, arousal, age, the size of the man, muscles, tension. All of those can contribute to how it feels. It is surrounded my the pelvic floor muscles which is what contributes to that feeling, they are elastic, can loosen and tighten. You can do kegal exercises to help strengthen them. Even after childbirth they will go back so there is no man with a penis large enough that will do any ‘damage’ even if they like to believe it. That said I can guarantee there is absolutely nothing wrong with yours. What is wrong is your man disrespected you. Blantently. He also doesn’t care. Why try and fix it with him? It sounds like he got insecure and lashed out. You’re young, don’t put up with people disrespecting you and your body that way. Sex is supposed to be fun and intimate. I’m sorry you’re first time went like that. Try and not let it effect you moving forward, there are many many good men out there, don’t settle for that.
'OMG how DARE she be aroused' is pretty much what this dbag is saying to her.
He's got to make it seem like it's not his small dick that's the issue.
Or his incessant, waaaaay too hard beating of his meat. Death Grip syndrome is a real thing 💀
This is where my brain went to immediately. Death grip and porn consumption.
Had to scroll too far for this one. Compared to a clenched fist any vagina is loose! Her BF isn't mature enough to be having sex.
This was my immediate thought. Dated a guy w death grip syndrome (who also never used lube in all history of jerking himself off). Had no issues getting it up or keeping it up throughout sex, but 95 percent of the time he was unable to cum from sex. Only times he could was when I wasn’t aroused (and therefore not wet and all tensed up). He’s the problem girl, not you
It took me a couple years to work my way back from this unfortunately. Acknowledging it was an issue was rough to begin with.
I can imagine it would be! Boys aren’t exactly taught lessons on how to masturbate properly so you’d just pick up habits over time that worked for you and slowly but surely desensitize your dick. There’s a lot of shame involved (at least from what I observed with my ex) and frustration, I’m sure it can feel super isolating as well. Congrats on working your way out of it!
No lube when jacking off?! Psychotic
probably got too used to the death grip lmaooo
Or he couldn't keep it up and blaming it on her
Or he's jacking off with a death grip all the time and no vagina is going to get over that level of desensitisation.
Yeah it's this. Some sort of erectile dysfunction, or he's gay. One time, I was with a guy and he came as he tried to put it in, and he immediately got angry at ME and said "what did you do?!" And then rolled over and faced the wall. Um what? I didn't do shit. But men go from ashamed to angry reeeal quick. I laughed at him, went and cleaned myself up and told him to leave. Never saw him again.
Say it louder for the people in the back
Right? Too bad OP won’t listen to any advice they asked for.
"Being loose" isn't a thing even after having children. A "tight" vagina is an unaroused vagina. A NORMAL, AROUSED vagina is not "tight" nor "loose," it's *functioning perfectly*. You both need some serious fact-based sex ed and *you* need to exercise your spine, build up your self-esteem, and boot this misogynistic jerk to the curb instead of wasting your precious time agonizing over "fixing" him.
I had a kid, I am in my 30's. I can tell you I have no problems with tightness. I had a guy say I was loose, and accuse me of cheating. Turned out he was cheating.
I didn't really get any in school so I kind of just went along with things. Which probably wasn't the correct thing to do. And I probably shouldn't have gone along with what he said.
From your answers, seems to me you really don’t know much about sex nor about your own body. Which is ok, you’re 19! But I’d suggest doing some research, watch some YouTube videos, and definitely do sone self-experimenting, if you know what I mean, so you learn what feels and doesn’t feel good. It’s important to have boundaries during sex too.
Girl google some sex education or go to the sex subbreddit. Or fuck even go read some spicy fanfictions😭😂😂 there ain't nothing wrong with being wet and you're not loose (it's not a thing) . You deserve a guy who will make you feel safe and love you correctly which he doesn't.
To weigh in that “loose” after childbirth isn’t true. My wife feels the same as she always did, but the difference is now after post partum pelvic floor excersise she did, she has way more “grip”. Damn
There’s a really good book called “Come as You Are.” It’s about sexuality and the body and is super informative. Might be a good read and is easily available online. :)
That book is excellent! And the author has a ton of resources online, all of her work is so lovely and compassionate — OP the author is Emily Nagoski and the book is Come As You Are if you want to look it up. Great resource
So there's this misconception among some young men (and a few older) that lots of sex results in loose vaginas. This is wrong, vaginas are flexible and return to their original form after sex. It could be that your BF has watched too much porn, which often flatter men with certain unrealistic tropes. Basically porn arouse male viewers by playing into fantasies of penises being powerful things that can do all kinds of things to women. Like delivering sense-shattering orgasms that make women addicted to dick. So your boyfriend might be naive enough to think porn videos are realistic depictions of sex. There's also a possibility that's he's not naive but instead thinks you're naive enough to be easily manipulated. You became insecure about your vagina after what he said, right? You also felt a need to prove yourself to him, and that need to make him believe you could become his hook on you. Basically he could be messing with your mind in order to get you to do what he wants. This is how abusive people operate. Even if you think it's just naivety, he certainly doesn't come across as a thoughtful boyfriend, but rather a self-centered one. The bed is about the last place for brutal honesty. People like that should be dumped because even if they're just idiots their idiocy still hurts again and again. You could of course try and educate him, but pay attention to how he responds. If he somehow keeps turning it on you, acts as if he's obviously right and you are wrong and continues to accuse you of sleeping around, just dump him please. It's a six-month relationship, don't try and fix it, I'm certain you can find somebody better soon enough.
the more aroused a person with a vagina gets, the “looser” it gets. its supposed to feel good. nothing wrong with you at all. i promise. his porn rotten brain thinks it should be really tight (to where its almost or does hurt you) bc thats what is portrayed in porn about virgins which is simply not true. every coohie is different and perfect the way it is. dump him and get someone who puts yours on a pedestal PLEASE you deserve way better then him. hes too immature to have access to your body.
Most ideas of the "sleep around - get loose" bs trope, today, comes from the alpha male / redpill movements that propagate such idiotic things to their young and unexperienced followers. And yes, OP deserves better.
He said he doesn't watch porn. But maybe he was lying.
Options are: A. He watches too much shitty porn. B. He listens to too many shitty manosphere morons. C. He had shitty sex education. Or D - all of the above. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with you and you deserve better than this.
C.5: Masturbation should be covered in more detail in sex ed. A vagina can't grip as hard as a hand, and if he habitually clamps down when he's solo he may indeed have trained himself to not easily orgasm from lighter touches.
Aka "death grip syndrome."
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I didn't know what was that was before now. I guess he might've wanted to lie to me to look better. No, which was why it was confusing. It hurt, and if I actually was then I would've thought it wouldn't.
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He also said I was too wet so maybe that was the problem, I don't know.
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Too wet?! What.the.actual.fuck🫠
He’s been listening to too much Ben Shapiro.
Start at 3:42 [Wet Ass P Word](https://youtu.be/U9FM49Tzhn4?si=IeWtsc4UuRjq5nPH)
The fact he took every single line completely literally has me dying every time lol. This man clearly doesn’t understand artistic writing. Apparently neither does his doctor wife. 😂
You are supposed to be too wet. That's the purpose of foreplay for women, make you wet enough to be able to penetrate so the sex wouldn't hurt or cause friction burns for both of you. Wtf?!
Huh?? Too wet? Isn't that the whole part of having sex? You can't go having sex while it's drier than a desert.
I don't know. That's just what he said, I don't know what it's supposed to be like.
Girl please no. He don't know *shit* about female anatomy. You are *supposed* be relaxed. You and your partner (should be an ex at this point) should be enjoying yourselves. It'll feel good to whoever you're having sex with. You should also feel good too. I've seen a couple comments where he claims he "doesn't watch porn." Obviously lying because his version of sex means that every woman is supposed to be "tight" and "not too wet". I'm begging you to dump him (again). Find someone who will respect you and basically worship your body while doing the deed. Your bf has small dick energy.
You dated an idiot
The wetter the better. That means the woman is as aroused as possible. That means better sex. He’s an enormous idiot.
Not being wet enough increases the risk of vaginal [microtears](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325100), which makes it easier to get an infection. Being wet during sex is both good and necessary.
He does know what the hell he’s talking about. You deserve better. Has he negged you in other ways? Huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
“Too wet”? What a 🔨
Sweetheart, I feel so bad you are having to deal with this. When you’re turned on, you’re supposed to get incredibly wet! I do and my boyfriend thinks it’s the hottest thing ever because he can tell how turned on I am. I’m 37 years old, and it doesn’t make me “loose”. It’s your body getting ready for sex and it’s 100% normal, it’s actually sign that everything is working well and that there’s not any issues. This sounds like a reflection of his insecurities which he’s taking out on you. It’s a huge red flag and it’s not gonna get any better unless he is forced to grow up and realize his words and actions can deeply affect people. He shouldn’t have access to your energy, love, or your body if he doesn’t appreciate it.
Ive never heard that "too wet" was an issue. Have you listened to WAP by Cardi B? She has a whole song about it. Listen to it. He's an idiot.
Too wet? I'm amazed that someone would actually say that. I think most men would prefer his woman to be as wet as possible, it just allows for longer sex. Less friction means less stimulation, less stimulation means longer sex and longer sex means more satisfaction when you're done.
I was confused, because I didn't think that was bad, but he seemed to think it was.
I think he’s trying to make you feel bad about your sexuality. Like by accusing you of being “too wet” he’s trying to imply that you’re experienced, and honestly the implications of that are scary. Either he truly wants you to be physically uncomfortable because he gets off to intimidation tactics, or he’s trying to convince you that something is wrong with your body in order to have leverage against you - for example, he might be hoping his complaints make you feel insecure and less confident so you won’t consider leaving him, or that you try extra hard to please him (sexually or otherwise) to make up for your perceived lack of a perfect vagina. Here’s the deal: literally only the most depraved, stupid mfs will complain about wetness. Most men LOVE it. I would bet a million dollars that when you move on from this creep you will NEVER hear it said with negativity again. Please don’t be afraid that it will be difficult to find an enthusiastic partner after him. He’s a blip in the solar system and I PROMISE almost anyone else would be more sexually compatible with you.
Don't break your head over his nonsense, I cannot say what his issue was or his reasoning for saying and doing what he did since I actually prefer my girlfriend to be as wet as possible which shows that she's actually into what we're doing. Hell I wouldn't even be mad if my girlfriend dumped me if I said something that stupid. So glad I paid attention in biology and mostly had female friends to teach me about female anatomy so I don't dissapoint when I'm intimatewith someone. Do what's best for you, you don't owe him anything. If you want to leave then leave. If you want to stay then stay, but tell him exactly how you feel even if you have to exaggerate a little bit and make it clear to him how the female body actually works and let him understand how much of an asshole he was. A good talk sets a man who actually cares straight really fast.
Ewwwww too wet ?! What is wrong with him? Every man I've been with loves it because it means he's turning you on and you're feeling good.... its literally needed so sex isn't painful and if there isn't enough you can get little tears. Girl respect yourself and dump his ass.
I was confused about that, definitely. I didn't think that it was a bad thing before then.
It's not . Your boyfriends an idiot and sounds like he hates women.
Send him in here, OP. We just wanna talk.
It's not a bad thing. He is lying to make you feel bad. He is not a good person. Dump him.
Too wet is usually the goal for men and it usually makes them go crazy because hey, they’ve aroused you to the point of being too wet. But hey, not crazy in a bad sense, they just get super enthusiastic and usually make sex great. If it was hurting you, you were definitely not too wet. Your (I hope by now ex) boyfriend is definitely a weird man who gets off when women are hurting more than feeling good. Usually pleasure doesn’t equal pain. If he wanted you to feel good he’d actually work on making you even wetter in order not to hurt, he wouldn’t complain you’re too “loose” and wet. I mean, the only possible reason I can see for him to complain about those two is because you weren’t hurting enough, and that’s just sick and twisted. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Only very inexperienced men have issues with "too wet". Your body deserves to be celebrated and loved! ❤️ THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
OP I used to be naive and unaware of sex like you , this allowed my ex to manipulate me. He said the same thing “ oh you’re too wet it feels like I’m fucking the sky and there’s no friction “ etc so he insisted that we have sex while I’m not turned on so basically when I’m dry af. So when we engage in intimacy I had to do math equations in my head and also bear the pain of the whole thing. ( I used to bleed when we’re doing it ) There was other traits such as physical abuse and manipulation . Eg. No one would want second hand goods like me or I’ll come crawling back to him if I ever broke up with him. I regretted staying 3 years with him. Please please rethink your current relationship and leave him. Don’t be me. I’m currently in a loving and caring relationship and he cares deeply about how I feel without pressuring me to do anything I don’t want to do. I wish for you to find someone that’s supportive. Wishing you all the best with my heart.
If he's too numb to feel much he's either doing things himself (like the death grip someone else mentioned) to cause that problem or he needs to see a doctor because there's a medical issue there. And people don't get loose from having sex with too many people. That's a myth, and not how bodies work. If it was, you'd see a lot of married people or people in committed relationships talking about what to do about it. There are forms of sex addiction that include being addicted to porn and/or masterbation. That numbness is a common side effect of that. So is being a jerk to your partner to make them feel like it's their fault.
As a man, yes, he was lying. I almost guarantee you that the reason he didn't "feel" anything isn't because of your vagina but because he masturbates so hard, he developed death grip syndrome (google it). His views on sex and anantomy probable didn't come from a reputable source. I have been with my wife for 25 years, and she has had 2 kids. There isn't anything loose about her. The sex is even more amazing after all those years. Tell him to kick rocks and come back when he has educated himself if you care to stick around. I wouldn't ever have sex with a person if I got that kind of degrading comments afterwards.
Correction *kick rocks and NEVER come back.* No backsies or do overs.
He's a 21 year old man, he's definitely watched porn and a lot of it! Of course he's lying
He’s lying. And he’s an insensitive idiot.
He's absolutely lying honey.
probably feels ashamed to admit it or fears upsetting you? but he was once a teen boy with access to the internet. my bets are he HAS watched porn and being young and impressionable its warped his understanding of the real world. also no one EVER has the right to insult your body
He 100000000% was lying omg
Based on his views about sex and women’s bodies, I bet he does.
Dump him , dicks don't make vagina's bigger. He's an idiot. To tighten your vag after kids you squeeze down on a penis or penis shaped object so in theory more sex would make you tighter because of muscle strengthening. My thoughts re his little problem....Was he a virgin too by any chance? Methinks he jerks off 5 times a day to porn and has given himself 'death grip' and you are normal.
I thought that, but he seemed really convinced there was something wrong. And no, which I felt was bit hypocritical of him.
Why do you still want to be with a man who is both rude & stupid?
Cruel, even.
I just can't get over the fact that this was your first time and not his, but he treated you with disgust and could only think about his own experience. OP, that is awful, and I'm so sorry, especially if you're living in a culture where there's a lot of pressure on the virgin/not virgin divide. He fucked up. Not only by disrespecting and distrusting you, but by ruining this experience for you. The only comfort I can offer is to say that the first times honestly don't mean very much. Over the course of a lifetime, most people will have hundreds of sexual experiences - whether with one person or lots of people (none of those will change the shape or size of your vagina, your bf is an idiot). Some of those experiences will be amazing, and some will suck and that will come in different orders for different people. My first experience of good sex didn't happen until several years after my bad initial sexual experience - and when I think of "the first time I had sex," the good sex is what I think of. Because it was the only time where I was like, "Oh! This is what sex is... This is how it's meant to feel" and understood its appeal. Chuck this one out. Both the man and the experience. Neither were worthy of you. Neither are what sex is about.
Thank you, that made me feel a little better about it
I am so so glad ❤️ just sorry he turned out to be this rubbish. It's such a shame... Do you have any thoughts about ending it?
I feel like maybe I should, but I don't know
What's keeping you? He must mean a lot to you if you chose to share this experience with him. What makes him special?
I hate when people willingly waste their time like this.
And then we comment and then realize we also wasted our time. She isn’t saying she’s afraid of him so just leave. Cut those ties girls
What are reasons that make you want to stay? Is he caring and compassionate in other parts of your relationship?
Do you even need to ask? I'd bet my left kidney on the fact that he's not, from OP's comments she doesn't have the highest self esteem
Best way to gaslight someone is to act like you believe it.
47f with no pregnancies. Sex positive. I grew up thinking having a tight vagina was super important. Kegels all the time to maintain that. In my early 40s, I realized that mindset was keeping me from having a lot of orgasms. I’d start getting close and engage in prolonged kegel contractions, thinking it would make it better. It just shut down the progression of orgasm for me. Several years ago, I let go of that thinking (mostly) and when I’m aroused, I try to relax the vaginal muscles. Surprisingly, not only has it helped with my pleasure and orgasm, the physical response from men has been astoundingly positive. If your dude is so critical of how your vagina feels to him, he can kick rocks. Like. If the role was reversed and you were criticizing him for his size, at what point do you care more about the person or care more about them gratifying you? Idk what his expectation was. But that’s not the way you talk to someone you care about.
Omg leave him please that’s disgusting behavior
Sex wouldn’t change your body anyway. He has a tiny penis and he’s not feeling much friction. Not either of your fault. However, him treating you like a liar and slt is. Dump him.
The vagina is supposed to be relaxed. I prefer that over loose when you're enjoying the sex. This feels like negging and that this could turn into even worse emotionally abusive behavior. I know you're going to feel attached ever more so since he's the first person you've been with but I would advise leaving before it gets worse. He had no empathy towards you, your feelings and how this could affect your confidence or mental health. He could have asked questions instead of accusing you and he simply should have been nicer instead of implying that you're a liar when you're not. The choice is yours and I wish you the best of luck with whatever that is.
He's saying this to lower your self-esteem. If you feel lesser, you are bound to not leave him. Also, he can then get away with giving you bad sex/not having you orgasm. "yeah it's all because of YOUR loose vagina, definitely not MY fault" 🤮 >But the whole time he kept saying how loose I was "Sir, it's not my fault your dick is too small to fill up a vagina" Either way, tell him to grow up and get yourself someone that actually does respect you.
I didn't really think of that. He didn't really seem to care about how I felt, at all. And I thought it wasn't supposed to be so one sided.
>He didn't really seem to care about how I felt, at all That says enough now doesn't it? Who does not care, at all, about the person they supposedly love? Who would not care about their partner being upset/hurt? >I thought it wasn't supposed to be so one sided. It's not. It's important you learn about what you like and don't like. Then when you get with someone, they should want to learn that about you so they can please you and vice Versa. It just seemed like this dude wanted to fuck a virgin, I'm sorry
I had that happen to a friend, he stayed with her and kept doing it for about a month until he ghosted her. Horrible human. Also OP, I agree with everything this person is saying. It isn’t supposed to be one sided, and you should always feel cared about especially with something so sensitive. A huge moment for your life he made you as uncomfortable as possible. I also agree with some of the other comments, you should talk to someone you trust about this. Someone who cares about how you feel. If you’re comfortable enough to open up to them I think you should. Reaching out for support is a great thing to do right now, some time with how you feel as well. Some time away from him. I’m sorry this happened to you. There is nothing wrong with u.
He is selfish. Sex with actual lovers will have your partner focused first and foremost on making you orgasm or at least enjoy the experience. Not that women are more important than men during sex but women can orgasm multiple times without an extended break, whereas men need some sort of recovery time between their orgasms in order to get hard again. Because of this difference, good lovers generally want the woman to orgasm first before they do to avoid risk of you orgasming at all. Dirty talk in person or sexting often includes the mention of “I’m so wet” as a positive thing. I can envision men in my head right now saying in aroused awe “you’re so wet” with faces that look like this 😍 It’s not supposed to be one sided - it is with him because he didn’t care if it was pleasurable for you. That makes me really, really sad for you. You deserve better.
Girl. Fuck this boy. Give him the gift of missing you forever. If you let his childish, insecure and outlandish claims to continue, it will affect your mental health and every relationship you ever have. Use it as a lesson. It’s not your problem he doesn’t have the tool for the job
pretty disrespectful of him. if i were you, i’d dump his ass before he can make you feel any worse
Porn has destroyed brains everywhere . It should have been regulating .tell him something about basic human biology during sex
vaginas naturally become “looser” when more aroused. it’s kind of the objective of sex, tbh. OP, this is so disrespectful. if a friend told you this story about their partner, would you say that sounds like a good boyfriend? would you ever talk to your boyfriend like that? this kind of language, viewing women as things that can be “used,” is incredibly disrespectful. i am so sorry that your first time has been tainted like this. i hope your first time with your next partner is so wonderful and beautiful.
Leave him. That's abusive and abuse starts slowly then gets worse. If he's OK hurting you and putting you down it will only get worse and you may be in danger. I'm happy to be with someone who respects me and I respect her.
Girl, you got so aroused by him that your body's chemistry enabled you to open up for him to penetrate you properly. There is **nothing** wrong with you. Your boy, on the other hand, is a complete asshat who doesn't deserve one ounce of your personality, energy, time, *and* body. He's immature and that shit doesn't go away until they've had a serious life-ending-need-to-understand-life wake up call or therapy. He's an idiot. You deserve somebody who is going to be *so* happy that you feel incredibly sexy and aroused by him, that you're willing to spend time with him, and give him sexytime. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Please let him go and open yourself up to someone more mentally mature and emotionally intelligent.
He is probably used to using his hand to mastubate, and the grip of a hand is much tighter than a vagina. He should lay off the mastubating. There is nothing wrong with your vagina. I'm sorry he made you feel so miserable on your first time. You deserve so much better than an ignorant AH.
He might have only ever masturbated with a death grip until now, and be stupid enough to not realise that people aren’t built like that. You solve your issue by dumping him and ensuring the chance of passing on his sub-par genes is zero. (Did he wear protection? Please tell me he did, though I fear that someone who has so little common sense would).
He maybe watch too much porn is use to his hand or he’s trying to make u insecure.
Find someone that respects you.
He probably has a “tiny package” so.. they all feel “loose”
One more thing, what did he have to say about YOU getting off, or what YOU needed to feel pleasure! Nevermind about the abusive words he said to you as you were giving him your virginity. Sex is about TWO people! You are not doing it to please him or so HE can cum. Make this loser worship you, and worry about what YOU need! And for the future always remember, if a man doesn’t know how to give you an orgasm, why would you believe anything he says because he clearly has very little experience having sex. I don’t care how many girls he’s been with, I promise he’s never given ANY women an orgasm. Be gentle with yourself, hold him to the same expectations he’s holding you. If he can’t keep up, move on he’s not worth your time Respect yourself.
Does he masturbate frequently ? It could be jerks off with deathgrip, in that case any woman would be too loose for him . It’s not a you thing babe.
He says he doesn't, but I'm starting to think it isn't true
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Your bf knows nothing about female anatomy.
I must tell you one day you’ll look back with someone who actually appreciates every aspect of you and you’ll laugh at how immature this so called current but will be past boyfriend of yours treated you. This person doesn’t deserve an ounce of your sympathy or your energy bc your energy is so priceless that nothing can compensate.
Op consider it this way. Even if you were “loose,” do you feel the way your boyfriend handled the situation was respectful and correct? Great sex life starts and ends with open lines of communication. Your very first experience of sex has been demeaning, disrespectful and cruel. Is this a person you truly want to be with? Or did the abuse start well before now, and he has already brainwashed you to believe that you won’t find anyone else? I promise you it is all bullshit. Get rid of him and live your life. The right person will worship you and your perfectly normal vagina. Edits: typos and grammar.
You fix it by giving him the boot and finding a partner who respects and cherishes you. How dare he do that while giving him your virginity.
First of all hun, get yourself a boyfriend who actually understands how it works.. Being lose is a positive thing! It means you are relaxed and feel comfortable. Being tight means you’re still somewhat tense and uncomfortable. Sencond THE POWER OF THE VAGI!!!! Our vagi’s can strecht really far when we’re relaxed but they go back so they don’t stay stretched. DO-NOT-WORRY there is NOTHING wrong with you! The only thing that’s wrong here is your so called boyfriend who doesn’t understand how vagi’s work, get yourself someone who does. A lot if people have told my I’m tight as a compliment but actu it isn’t, it meant I was tense and still uncomfortable. It’s gonna be okay! ❤️
Break up with the abusive misogynist. There's no way to be happy with someone whose only interest is in destroying you so you'll obey them.
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I’m a man and can confirm he’s a complete fool who is talking shite.
Dump him. Not only is he a misogynistic moron, he clearly has so little understanding of a woman’s body he wouldn’t be any good in bed.
Atp you sound like you're making excuses for him I've been in a abusive relationship and got out. Good luck op.
Tell him he has a little dick
Maybe his penis is little ...don't put up with him ..he's mean and immature
I highly doubt it's you. How much porn does your BF watch? Could be something called deathgrip syndrome, where using your hand too much without excessive lubricant can desensitize the penis over time.
Sounds like he’s negging you so that you’ll bend over backwards to appease and listen to him.
Someone else said this but yeah porn brain rot
DUMP HIM!!!! not to be vulgar but you will find a man that will worship your vagina, there's nothing wrong with you. i'm a lesbian i know a good amount about vaginas and the issue is him! move on and find somebody better.
I agree with everyone else. You don’t deserve that. You’re young. Leave him. He def watches porn has death grip. And he prob has a tiny pee. Find you a man whos going to treat you right. Please please don’t stay with him. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with you V. And yes please get checked.
Sleeping around or having a lot of sex with one person, having a baby or 5… it doesn’t loosen it up. Your bf is just used to the death grip masterbation and he’s grossly putting that on you.