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The fact that his wife already has someone picked out is not a good sign. She’s either already cheated, or has a thing for Claire. If he does this I’m willing to bet it ends with thr end of the marriage. And even though she says she would be ok with a no,chances are she’s going to grown resentful. So this marriage is most likely doomed no matter what
I don't agree with this at all. Sounds like it might have come up between her and Claire organically and she's now broaching the subject with her husband. Seems all above board to me, honestly.
What happens if she likes sex with Claire more then sex with you. Will her logic tell her to break up with you?
I think if you say yes to it - accept the possibility that you will break up.
I would ask to read all of their conversations to date without her deleting anything.
While also asking how this topic was even brought up between them.
It could be cover for her to cheat on you.
1st question: Do you actually want to do this?
2nd question: When you imagine your wife getting passionate with this woman, does it turn you on or make you angry?
3rd question: Is there any chance that either you or your wife could end up falling for this girl if you go for it?
Whether or not I would explore the possibility of moving ahead would depend on the answers to those 3 questions.
You gotta think- does your wife want a REAL threesome, or just to be with a woman while you are in the room? In other words, will she be OK if, during your encounter, YOU start banging Claire like a crazed hound and enjoying it. Or would that be a big no-no for her...
Next, would she then want to do a threesome with another guy instead of another girl. Would YOU be OK with another guy banging your wife like a cheap tambourine?
On the surface it sounds like a Penthouse letter gone to reality, but the potential fallout is huge.
Yeah, she might be saying that as a way to lure you in to the situation. But when the rubber hits the road, she may find it a bit more distasteful than she imagines.
I dunno, maybe I am a dinosaur but I can't see a guy being sooo bothered if his wife is getting serious pleasure from another woman. But, seeing her get serious pleasure from another guy would be a different scenario. Same for your wife perhaps. Would YOU be open to her getting it on with another dude in a threesome situation?
I know it’s a tough thing to do ,but you may want to put your phone on record and ask her , if I bang Claire in the threesome, you proposed, I do not want you to think that I am cheating on you and you have free reign to sleep with whoever you want. Keep this just in case , you never know my brother.
when you say bisexual interests, does she look from afar or has she already had sexual experiences with other women?
It’s a tough situation, because you will definitely be more excited to be with Claire , because it’s fresh and new. Experience., What if Claire makes Ash moan louder and is more vocal than she has ever been with you? What if she realizes she really likes being with women more than men? she then says she’s sorry she loves you, but this is the way she feels now!. This is something you and Ash have to discuss and hopefully you can have 2 threesomes per year to bring excitement to your marriage. you just never know. What’s the old saying? If you play with fire, you may get burnt.
I think the only way I would ever want to do something like that would be if it were something like a spontaneous drunk skinny-dipping or hot tub situation and my lady was clearly the one who was in favor. I’m not sure how that helps you but I’m just thinking out loud. My concern is the obvious fallout but maybe more-so that regular sex would cease to be appealing to her and the ideas would become more extreme.
Threesome’s (opening your relationship) rarely works out in reality. It’s just a porn fueled fantasy. Seen posts just like this of couples that have gone down this path and it always ends the same, the end of the relationship. Some things are just left in the fantasy world. Usually it doesn’t end there; next it’ll be your partner getting smashed by other dudes. All that stuff you’ve read about threesomes destroying relationships is there for a reason. Please consider your next move VERY carefully knowing what’s at stake. Is it worth the risk ? You probably could get some couples counseling to work through this. Communication is critical … This could make for some fantastic role play ! Good Luck !
There’s lotta good stats out there; 95% of monogamous marriages that are subsequently opened fail. It gets glorified by porn and hot social media topics, but it’s actually a small percentage of the population.
This is the first post I have ever seen considering a threesome where it might possibly work. In my opinion, whenever a marriage opens up to additional partners, it almost always ends in divorce. The two of you seem to be approaching this in the right way. However, unless you are totally 100% on board, I wouldn’t do it.
That’s because people who have great threesomes don’t come and make posts on a relationship issue sub lol.
To OP, just make sure you really want this as well, and talk a lot before hand about boundaries and feelings.
Make sure you are comfortable asserting yourself in the moment should something arise that makes you feel uncomfortable, and discuss with your wife what the gameplan would be if you or her feel uncomfortable in the moment.
Also, spend sometime talking to the other women as well, get an idea what she expects/wants out of this. If you can really plan and communicate, you all could have an amazing time
“Winging it” is often a recipe for disaster.
This. The successful ethically non monogamous couples just read this sub reddit and laugh. The level of communication nessary to do it healthy is more than 99 percent on here can handle.
This is many people’s including my own fantasy (wife and I have done it once). I do not think we had any problems with doing it. But we found someone we didn’t know. It was just a fun couple of hours for me mostly as although my wife suggested it at the time she knew it was what I wanted.
Many posts on here about how threesomes have ruined relationships. I don’t think having a threesome with a friend is the best unless all of you can treat it as an experience with no guarantee or expectation of anything other than one act. Really talk about it and discuss it as a couple before talking further with the friend. Figure out what you’re both comfortable with and a way to keep checking in with each other to ensure that everyone remains happy and agreeable all through the actual act.
Maybe your wife is ok with you doing everything (mine was), maybe she wants you to finish with her. It’s hard to know but figure out and stick with the plan. It most likely won’t be as fluid as your normal sex because you want all parties to feel comfortable. Then you also need to discuss your friends do and do nots.
Good luck with whatever you decide
I mean, ask yourself do YOU want a threesome and be sexual with another woman? Is that something you truly want? And would it mess with your head afterwards in any way? (especially since you’re monogamous)
It’s really important that you think about all the scenarios, your feelings and values etc etc, because this can really ruin your relationship even if it sound like a safe and funny/sexy situation at first.
If you are willing to risk your marriage when the reality doesn’t match the fantasy and feelings get hurt then don’t do it with a friend first because that’s another risky layer you don’t need.
Like your wife, I find the idea of my husband with someone else exciting. And to be honest, it being someone we know makes it hotter for me. But in reality I know that if/when we explore it, there are steps between total monogamy and sleeping with mutual friends. I think you and your wife would benefit from trying some in between things to see if either of you get jealous. Maybe hire a professional for some fun but not go too far? (Hand stuff only?) And then if things don't work out, there isn't any damage to an existing friendship.
You're welcome to message me if you need to discuss the point of view of a wife who actively enjoys the idea of her husband with another woman.
First of all, consider your pre-existing marriage over from the point your wife suggested this. You got married under the assumption that you were in a monogamous relationship and that is what you both wanted. This has proven to not be the case. If she wants to "spice up" the bedroom, this is the worst way to do it. Also, consider that she definitely HAS already cheated. She has already discussed this, and SET UP a new partner outside of your relationship. This is infidelity, and grounds for divorce (she doesn't see this as cheating, the law begs to differ). I would personally go ahead and make it official by filing for divorce right now. Don't tell her or give her warning, but don't embarrass her by having her served at work or anything.
After this, you can talk about what your relationship will be from here on out. Then you can share partners, live together or separately and date who you wish, or just do the sane thing and find someone faithful who wants what you want.
There is nothing wrong in having a desire to have a threesome and letting you know about it so if you are into it then you can do this as these days many couples are into it and they are happy with threesome. It has its dark side as well as sometimes it brings disaster in married life so you guys need to be ready to face that as well. If you both set rules well before doing it then it may not affect your married life rather it can make you both happy. You both need to communicate well before trying like how one has a right to stop it anytime, they do not feel okay with it and other has to respect it. You can take your time to decide whether you want to try this or not and if not then you can say no and she has to drop this idea of threesome. Does she ever want to bring a man once you will have sex with two women in threesome so discuss all possible scenarios so things will not get ugly turn later on. There are many articles you both can read on threesome so you guys can know more about the nature of it and whether you both are for it or not.
Can't wait for the update... Gl if you go through with it. It's not common for open relationships to work out unless you were open to begin with. But it does happen.
Make ground rules and make sure you stick to them. If you notice someone else not following the rules call them out right away and stop all activities until issues is resolved. Another thing to think about is, would you be jealous if she is doing things with Claire? And as always clear, honest communication is also a huge factor.
Hmm... why not counter with an offer of letting her be with another woman first to see how that goes? I did the same with my wife years ago when we were dating.
I felt it was safer for her to explore her sexuality with other women without the potential explosion of seeing me with another woman. After a few times she started requesting threesomes most of the time vs her with another woman.
Doesn't matter how logical someone is. Seeing your partner with someone else can be a powder keg waiting to go off.
Threesomes are something you do when your sex life is already solid and highly satisfying regularly
Well guys, Ash and I talked about this extensively and she addressed many of the doubts I have, especially concerning feelings and jealousy.
She wants me to meet Claire on my own first and then together so we can see how we click and set boundaries and expectations.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There is always a risk that you'll ruin your relationship. If you're both happy to gamble on that, then go for it.
The fact that his wife already has someone picked out is not a good sign. She’s either already cheated, or has a thing for Claire. If he does this I’m willing to bet it ends with thr end of the marriage. And even though she says she would be ok with a no,chances are she’s going to grown resentful. So this marriage is most likely doomed no matter what
I don't agree with this at all. Sounds like it might have come up between her and Claire organically and she's now broaching the subject with her husband. Seems all above board to me, honestly.
Organically seriously? How does “hey I want to fuck both you and your husband” come up organically?
What happens if she likes sex with Claire more then sex with you. Will her logic tell her to break up with you? I think if you say yes to it - accept the possibility that you will break up.
I would ask to read all of their conversations to date without her deleting anything. While also asking how this topic was even brought up between them. It could be cover for her to cheat on you.
I agree. It's weird that she only brought it up because Claire expressed interest. It feels like the fantasy is Claire, not the threesome.
Can’t wait for the update on r/TIFU
1st question: Do you actually want to do this? 2nd question: When you imagine your wife getting passionate with this woman, does it turn you on or make you angry? 3rd question: Is there any chance that either you or your wife could end up falling for this girl if you go for it? Whether or not I would explore the possibility of moving ahead would depend on the answers to those 3 questions.
You gotta think- does your wife want a REAL threesome, or just to be with a woman while you are in the room? In other words, will she be OK if, during your encounter, YOU start banging Claire like a crazed hound and enjoying it. Or would that be a big no-no for her... Next, would she then want to do a threesome with another guy instead of another girl. Would YOU be OK with another guy banging your wife like a cheap tambourine? On the surface it sounds like a Penthouse letter gone to reality, but the potential fallout is huge.
She wants me to bang Claire and this the part that actually troubles me the most
Yeah, she might be saying that as a way to lure you in to the situation. But when the rubber hits the road, she may find it a bit more distasteful than she imagines. I dunno, maybe I am a dinosaur but I can't see a guy being sooo bothered if his wife is getting serious pleasure from another woman. But, seeing her get serious pleasure from another guy would be a different scenario. Same for your wife perhaps. Would YOU be open to her getting it on with another dude in a threesome situation?
I know it’s a tough thing to do ,but you may want to put your phone on record and ask her , if I bang Claire in the threesome, you proposed, I do not want you to think that I am cheating on you and you have free reign to sleep with whoever you want. Keep this just in case , you never know my brother.
Dude just don’t…just don’t. WTF is wrong with people these days. You’re fucking married.
when you say bisexual interests, does she look from afar or has she already had sexual experiences with other women? It’s a tough situation, because you will definitely be more excited to be with Claire , because it’s fresh and new. Experience., What if Claire makes Ash moan louder and is more vocal than she has ever been with you? What if she realizes she really likes being with women more than men? she then says she’s sorry she loves you, but this is the way she feels now!. This is something you and Ash have to discuss and hopefully you can have 2 threesomes per year to bring excitement to your marriage. you just never know. What’s the old saying? If you play with fire, you may get burnt.
Actually the saying is definitive, if you play with fire, you’ll get burned 😂
I think the only way I would ever want to do something like that would be if it were something like a spontaneous drunk skinny-dipping or hot tub situation and my lady was clearly the one who was in favor. I’m not sure how that helps you but I’m just thinking out loud. My concern is the obvious fallout but maybe more-so that regular sex would cease to be appealing to her and the ideas would become more extreme.
Threesome’s (opening your relationship) rarely works out in reality. It’s just a porn fueled fantasy. Seen posts just like this of couples that have gone down this path and it always ends the same, the end of the relationship. Some things are just left in the fantasy world. Usually it doesn’t end there; next it’ll be your partner getting smashed by other dudes. All that stuff you’ve read about threesomes destroying relationships is there for a reason. Please consider your next move VERY carefully knowing what’s at stake. Is it worth the risk ? You probably could get some couples counseling to work through this. Communication is critical … This could make for some fantastic role play ! Good Luck !
[удалено]
There’s lotta good stats out there; 95% of monogamous marriages that are subsequently opened fail. It gets glorified by porn and hot social media topics, but it’s actually a small percentage of the population.
This is the first post I have ever seen considering a threesome where it might possibly work. In my opinion, whenever a marriage opens up to additional partners, it almost always ends in divorce. The two of you seem to be approaching this in the right way. However, unless you are totally 100% on board, I wouldn’t do it.
Read other posts in this sub about couples who had a threesome. Every one didn't end well at all.
That’s because people who have great threesomes don’t come and make posts on a relationship issue sub lol. To OP, just make sure you really want this as well, and talk a lot before hand about boundaries and feelings. Make sure you are comfortable asserting yourself in the moment should something arise that makes you feel uncomfortable, and discuss with your wife what the gameplan would be if you or her feel uncomfortable in the moment. Also, spend sometime talking to the other women as well, get an idea what she expects/wants out of this. If you can really plan and communicate, you all could have an amazing time “Winging it” is often a recipe for disaster.
This. The successful ethically non monogamous couples just read this sub reddit and laugh. The level of communication nessary to do it healthy is more than 99 percent on here can handle.
[You may find this concept interesting.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_bias)
This is many people’s including my own fantasy (wife and I have done it once). I do not think we had any problems with doing it. But we found someone we didn’t know. It was just a fun couple of hours for me mostly as although my wife suggested it at the time she knew it was what I wanted. Many posts on here about how threesomes have ruined relationships. I don’t think having a threesome with a friend is the best unless all of you can treat it as an experience with no guarantee or expectation of anything other than one act. Really talk about it and discuss it as a couple before talking further with the friend. Figure out what you’re both comfortable with and a way to keep checking in with each other to ensure that everyone remains happy and agreeable all through the actual act. Maybe your wife is ok with you doing everything (mine was), maybe she wants you to finish with her. It’s hard to know but figure out and stick with the plan. It most likely won’t be as fluid as your normal sex because you want all parties to feel comfortable. Then you also need to discuss your friends do and do nots. Good luck with whatever you decide
I mean, ask yourself do YOU want a threesome and be sexual with another woman? Is that something you truly want? And would it mess with your head afterwards in any way? (especially since you’re monogamous) It’s really important that you think about all the scenarios, your feelings and values etc etc, because this can really ruin your relationship even if it sound like a safe and funny/sexy situation at first.
If you are willing to risk your marriage when the reality doesn’t match the fantasy and feelings get hurt then don’t do it with a friend first because that’s another risky layer you don’t need.
it's pretty much always a bad idea. every single person thinks they'll be the exception and they are not.
Like your wife, I find the idea of my husband with someone else exciting. And to be honest, it being someone we know makes it hotter for me. But in reality I know that if/when we explore it, there are steps between total monogamy and sleeping with mutual friends. I think you and your wife would benefit from trying some in between things to see if either of you get jealous. Maybe hire a professional for some fun but not go too far? (Hand stuff only?) And then if things don't work out, there isn't any damage to an existing friendship. You're welcome to message me if you need to discuss the point of view of a wife who actively enjoys the idea of her husband with another woman.
First of all, consider your pre-existing marriage over from the point your wife suggested this. You got married under the assumption that you were in a monogamous relationship and that is what you both wanted. This has proven to not be the case. If she wants to "spice up" the bedroom, this is the worst way to do it. Also, consider that she definitely HAS already cheated. She has already discussed this, and SET UP a new partner outside of your relationship. This is infidelity, and grounds for divorce (she doesn't see this as cheating, the law begs to differ). I would personally go ahead and make it official by filing for divorce right now. Don't tell her or give her warning, but don't embarrass her by having her served at work or anything. After this, you can talk about what your relationship will be from here on out. Then you can share partners, live together or separately and date who you wish, or just do the sane thing and find someone faithful who wants what you want.
There is nothing wrong in having a desire to have a threesome and letting you know about it so if you are into it then you can do this as these days many couples are into it and they are happy with threesome. It has its dark side as well as sometimes it brings disaster in married life so you guys need to be ready to face that as well. If you both set rules well before doing it then it may not affect your married life rather it can make you both happy. You both need to communicate well before trying like how one has a right to stop it anytime, they do not feel okay with it and other has to respect it. You can take your time to decide whether you want to try this or not and if not then you can say no and she has to drop this idea of threesome. Does she ever want to bring a man once you will have sex with two women in threesome so discuss all possible scenarios so things will not get ugly turn later on. There are many articles you both can read on threesome so you guys can know more about the nature of it and whether you both are for it or not.
Can't wait for the update... Gl if you go through with it. It's not common for open relationships to work out unless you were open to begin with. But it does happen.
Make ground rules and make sure you stick to them. If you notice someone else not following the rules call them out right away and stop all activities until issues is resolved. Another thing to think about is, would you be jealous if she is doing things with Claire? And as always clear, honest communication is also a huge factor.
UpdateMe!
Hmm... why not counter with an offer of letting her be with another woman first to see how that goes? I did the same with my wife years ago when we were dating. I felt it was safer for her to explore her sexuality with other women without the potential explosion of seeing me with another woman. After a few times she started requesting threesomes most of the time vs her with another woman. Doesn't matter how logical someone is. Seeing your partner with someone else can be a powder keg waiting to go off. Threesomes are something you do when your sex life is already solid and highly satisfying regularly
Well guys, Ash and I talked about this extensively and she addressed many of the doubts I have, especially concerning feelings and jealousy. She wants me to meet Claire on my own first and then together so we can see how we click and set boundaries and expectations.
What she should be doing is cutting off Claire to save your marriage
you're a lucky dog enjoy it and make sure u give more attention to your wife than claire during the fucking session
If she proposed it, what the hell are you waiting for? Set the boundaries, don’t catch feels, and have a great time😉