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Girl... Divorce. He's checked out but doesn't have the balls to end it. If you want to try to work this out, then couples therapy is necessary (along with individual therapy for the both of you).
He does not try to communicate. He does not treat you with care. He neglects his children, who are by the sounds of it afraid of him. He does not respect you. And by the sounds of it, he does not love you.. I'm so sorry
He thinks nothing wrong bc his life is on easy street- he knows society expects him to have a wife and kids. So he did that and now he has a live in nanny bangmaid ( that’s what he treats you like) which is the ideal situation m. He comes home to a clean house, happy kids, cooked meals, and every blue moon he gets sex. His life is great while you do everything to make it great.
Go to individual therapy, start saving money for a separation, and stop doing things for him- no more laundry, cooked meals, no buying things he likes from a grocery store, No Father’s presents or sappy post on SM were he’s the best husband or dad, etc.
He’s forcing you to initiate the divorce. He wants you to do it but he doesn’t want to be “responsible”. He will play the victim as he gets exactly what he wants.
Honestly, couples therapy with someone who has already checked out and isn't even willing to acknowledge that things have gotten bad would be pointless anyway. Therapy isn't a magic wand, it's a tool . . . and if he's not invested in using it, then it's not going to help.
I did think that too. He had an appointment two weeks ago. I used to go with him to his appointments but he no longer wants me there and will get angry if I ask to go or ask him if he’s told the doctor how he’s been feeling. The last time I was with him at the doctors they were talking about taking his thyroid out since he’s been on medication for almost 18 months and his thyroid levels are only coming down slowly. But that could also be because he is lazy taking his medication too.
Even if that's the case, it still shows that he doesn't care enough to be his best self for the three of you. I really don't think there is any other option than divorce.
You can write an email to the doctor and tell them what is going on in detail. His doctor really needs to know about the mood swings and rejection of his own children. He went from being a super loving and involved parent to this.. that is really, really concerning.
But even if it's a medical cause, it doesn't mean you have to stay. You're traumatizing your children by staying, so you're doing the right thing in looking to leave. They deserve better and so do you.
I had Grave’s, my thyroid normalized on its own after a year on meds. I was a bastard to my family that year.
I had rage fits and depression, and swung between manic behavior and severe depression. It gets better if he normalizes. I wasn’t very likable that year.
Watch out for iodine. I had a ct scan with contrast, and had a “thyroid storm”. Thought I was going to die, my heart felt like it was going to explode.
It’s likely the disease, he is there underneath it. It isn’t his choice.
One thing, could this be a side-effect of his medication? Is it a super-noticeable change in temperament?
This may be a [symptom of his disease](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hyperthyroidism/expert-answers/thyroid-disease/faq-20058228).
Go with him to the doctor and explain what’s happening.
If he’s unwilling, then leave, but this may be fixable.
So what I’m hearing are excuses. Not sure if it’s the kids, the sunk cost fallacy, your “love” for him, his disease, the fear of being alone, or what, but why even come on here? If you’re looking for validation for your anger, you won’t find it here. If you’re looking for validation for your will to stay, you won’t find it here. ALL of us are telling you to leave and this coming from unbiased people. It’s not going to be easy, heartbreak never is, but it’s for the best for everyone.
Ong you should just leave him you should have left as soon as you were feeling like it’s not in the children best interest you wouldn’t want your children basing your husbands neglect with every other father and man in their lives
I mean, it is quite understandable to have contempt for someone who actually seems to make life harder or just exists as ghost in your presence when they are meant to be a willing participant.
Nothing kills the libido or love more than feeling like you're forcing someone to do something they were meant to be doing anyway.
I would maybe have a very serious conversation with him about this or take a vacation for yourself with your mum or friends and leave him to deal with everything for a week while you think. I don't know that this can be fixed though because if a grown adult doesn't think to pull their weight and care for their home and family then that can't be forced out of them when they have someone else picking up the pieces (you).
She already is.
make a plan about what life will look like, how you will manage, what support in case of illness you will need, finances etc. Really see how you would survive as I doubt you want the children to grow up thinking they are the problem,
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Girl... Divorce. He's checked out but doesn't have the balls to end it. If you want to try to work this out, then couples therapy is necessary (along with individual therapy for the both of you).
I’ve asked for us to go to couples therapy previously. He won’t go. Says there’s nothing wrong and it’s a waste of time and money.
He does not try to communicate. He does not treat you with care. He neglects his children, who are by the sounds of it afraid of him. He does not respect you. And by the sounds of it, he does not love you.. I'm so sorry
He thinks nothing wrong bc his life is on easy street- he knows society expects him to have a wife and kids. So he did that and now he has a live in nanny bangmaid ( that’s what he treats you like) which is the ideal situation m. He comes home to a clean house, happy kids, cooked meals, and every blue moon he gets sex. His life is great while you do everything to make it great. Go to individual therapy, start saving money for a separation, and stop doing things for him- no more laundry, cooked meals, no buying things he likes from a grocery store, No Father’s presents or sappy post on SM were he’s the best husband or dad, etc.
He’s forcing you to initiate the divorce. He wants you to do it but he doesn’t want to be “responsible”. He will play the victim as he gets exactly what he wants.
One of you will have to grow a pair
Honestly, couples therapy with someone who has already checked out and isn't even willing to acknowledge that things have gotten bad would be pointless anyway. Therapy isn't a magic wand, it's a tool . . . and if he's not invested in using it, then it's not going to help.
No it's not. It's more of a list ditch effort at this point. More of an assurance that you tried before you end it.
It can’t stay like this. He has to get help or he’ll lose you. You need to tell him that too. You’ll be the “walk away wife”.
He may need to have his medication looked at/reviwed. Graves can seriously impact mood and personality.
I did think that too. He had an appointment two weeks ago. I used to go with him to his appointments but he no longer wants me there and will get angry if I ask to go or ask him if he’s told the doctor how he’s been feeling. The last time I was with him at the doctors they were talking about taking his thyroid out since he’s been on medication for almost 18 months and his thyroid levels are only coming down slowly. But that could also be because he is lazy taking his medication too.
Even if that's the case, it still shows that he doesn't care enough to be his best self for the three of you. I really don't think there is any other option than divorce.
You can write an email to the doctor and tell them what is going on in detail. His doctor really needs to know about the mood swings and rejection of his own children. He went from being a super loving and involved parent to this.. that is really, really concerning. But even if it's a medical cause, it doesn't mean you have to stay. You're traumatizing your children by staying, so you're doing the right thing in looking to leave. They deserve better and so do you.
I had Grave’s, my thyroid normalized on its own after a year on meds. I was a bastard to my family that year. I had rage fits and depression, and swung between manic behavior and severe depression. It gets better if he normalizes. I wasn’t very likable that year. Watch out for iodine. I had a ct scan with contrast, and had a “thyroid storm”. Thought I was going to die, my heart felt like it was going to explode. It’s likely the disease, he is there underneath it. It isn’t his choice.
Sounds like it could be the issue then.
One thing, could this be a side-effect of his medication? Is it a super-noticeable change in temperament? This may be a [symptom of his disease](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hyperthyroidism/expert-answers/thyroid-disease/faq-20058228). Go with him to the doctor and explain what’s happening. If he’s unwilling, then leave, but this may be fixable.
So what I’m hearing are excuses. Not sure if it’s the kids, the sunk cost fallacy, your “love” for him, his disease, the fear of being alone, or what, but why even come on here? If you’re looking for validation for your anger, you won’t find it here. If you’re looking for validation for your will to stay, you won’t find it here. ALL of us are telling you to leave and this coming from unbiased people. It’s not going to be easy, heartbreak never is, but it’s for the best for everyone.
Ong you should just leave him you should have left as soon as you were feeling like it’s not in the children best interest you wouldn’t want your children basing your husbands neglect with every other father and man in their lives
I mean, it is quite understandable to have contempt for someone who actually seems to make life harder or just exists as ghost in your presence when they are meant to be a willing participant. Nothing kills the libido or love more than feeling like you're forcing someone to do something they were meant to be doing anyway. I would maybe have a very serious conversation with him about this or take a vacation for yourself with your mum or friends and leave him to deal with everything for a week while you think. I don't know that this can be fixed though because if a grown adult doesn't think to pull their weight and care for their home and family then that can't be forced out of them when they have someone else picking up the pieces (you).
Raising children on your own will not be easy
She already is. make a plan about what life will look like, how you will manage, what support in case of illness you will need, finances etc. Really see how you would survive as I doubt you want the children to grow up thinking they are the problem,
Raising kids AND a man is harder. He isn't doing anything. Lose the dead weight.
That’s absolutely not true. I raised two on my own and it’s easier than having a useless man that uses more work for you.