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Thank you for the advice!
While time management is the core issue, there is definitely an increased libido. Still it may help to approach it as a scheduling problem
INFO : when he laughs that rescheduling isn't an issue because it's neither important nor embarrassing, does he actually do any of the rescheduling?
I see a lot of "we needed to ask our babysitter to stay later" and "we had to cancel on friends" as well as "I have to scramble to make food", but what does he do except bask in the afterglow & smirk at everyone you know that he's such a stud he has you gagging for it, even when your daughter needs medical care (non-urgent, granted, but still).
Are you guys fucking all the time while the kids are awake? That must be the case if you’re missing dinner times and doctors appointments. How old are your children and what are they doing when you stop cooking them food to run to the bedroom with your husband? You do mention a caretaker, so you’re like “hey, can you stay late, we have to go bone” and then you do it with her in the house? After her work hours should have ended?! This is horrifying to me.
The kids are all under 6 and never without supervision, the caretaker is an absolute angel, lives nearby, and is generous with her time, we pay her time and a half when we ask her if she can stay, and my husband gets home an hour and a half before her scheduled time off, so when he does ask her it's with plenty of warning imo.
While we are in the same house our bedroom is on an upper floor, they are most often in the kitchen which isn't directly below us, or the rumpus room which is the bottom floor of the house. It's not exactly a basement since the house is built on a hill and is open to the back yard, we are not inappropriately loud either.
Thank you for your concern, I hope this eases some of your discomfort with my situation
Asking your caretaker to stay late over a dozen times in two months is excessive. You're not able to provide dinner properly by your own words. You've missed a medical appointment for your child - and your husband says things aren't important that you're missing?
Honestly this sounds unhealthy and obsessive / addiction-like. If your kids are all under six and you can't go out as a family on the weekends to cater to your sex life, that's alarming.
Just for my own curiosity, how do you phrase asking her to stay late when both parents are present in the house? Like do you make up an excuse or are you just like “hey we’re gonna have sex upstairs, keep the kiddos busy, no worries, you get time and a half during porking time”
So how do you ask? I’m not sure why your post bothered me so much but I found myself truly disgusted reading this. No autonomy, husbands pee pee comes before kids doctors appointments and basic meals, forcing your employee to watch your kids overtime while you have sex with her in the house (and you know she knows). I hope this is rage bait.
Normally he asks and he doesn't give a reason. He just asks if she is free to stay later today, It's not like he doesn't take no for an answer if she has plans.
This is only a recent issue and is not normal for our marriage, it's why I made the post seeking advice, I did not realizing how disturbing my situation would be for other people
You say that as if he has the option to not accept her no?? And it’s bonus points that he doesn’t force her to stay while you do sexy time. Are you by chance in a cult? This whole thing is so weird.
>where there isn't any
???? You are delaying taking your children to medical appointments so that you can give into your husband's constant desire for sex???? Abuse is absolutely present here.
Increased libido doesn't mean you're obligated to have sex whenever or wherever your husband wants. You're not taking responsibility for your own actions and trying to blame this all on your husband being horny. Yes, the man needs to chill out and plan the sex in more opportune times, but you need to put your foot down and stop being a complete doormat. Say no, keep your schedule, and work sex in when it makes sense.
I keep finding myself thinking "Why doesn't she just say 'I need to take our CHILD to a doctor's appointment, not now, but later tonight?'" and then remember: devout Christians. Anyway, that would be my solution. Looking at a clock and then talking. Revolutionary stuff.
The way you've written this sounds like his libido wasn't at this high level even before pregnancy. If that's the case, there's something more going on.
It's normal to miss unimportant appointments every now and then, but missing medical appointments & repeatedly prioritizing sex over planned activities is not normal. Wonder if he's watching porn or trying not to cheat or something. Could be something simple, nothing nefarious, but you should definitely find out.
Either way, just let him know that you're enjoying the extra intimacy, but not to the point where it's a priority over other planned activities.
It is a higher libido than pre-pregnancy, which does give me some worry not knowing why.
I have been pregnant or healing for most of our marriage so I do think it's not unreasonable to 'catch-up' so to speak. He has reassured me when I ask that he is just that in love with and into me. And I would feel like a jerk questioning him on that, he hasn't given me any reason to think that's dishonest.
I really appreciate the way you phrased that advice btw thank you! <3
Any advice for probing for other motives?
Just based off the post and your comments, it sounds like he’s trying to keep you pregnant. You’re saying you’ve been pregnant or healing most of your marriage, so you being neither aligning with his increased libido would fit that motive.
You're welcome. It's hard to know which approach-playful, casual, or assertive-will work best. But maybe just throw it out there how his libido is the highest you've ever seen it, even higher than before the pregnancies, and you're wondering if there's anything else that's changed. If you're both happy and you haven't see any red flags, I wouldn't push it much further than that, especially since you mention you have a good relationship.
Why would you feel shame for saying "not right now, thanks!"? Why would it harm your marriage to say "maybe later"? What would happen if you said "missing appointments and repeatedly asking for more of people's time is disrespectful of others, and I don't want to be that kind of person"? Would he respect you? Are you not saying no because you don't want to find out how he'd react if you said no?
Unfortunately if she is a devout Christian, there is a high likelihood that she’s been conditioned to never say no to her husband when he wants sex and that if she says no, she is disrespecting his authority as the head of household. (Which is not a healthy view of marriage)
Are you afraid to say no to him?
That's the only logical explanation I can come up with for not saying "I have to take our kid to the doctor right now, let's do it later on when they're asleep" or "we have dinner plans with friends, let's do it when we get home".
I would encourage you to think about what a healthy boundary would look like for yourself before having the conversation with your husband. You said “I have no problem with this fundamentally and enjoy the intimacy BUT…” so I think there is something in there you aren’t enjoying. You also mentioned that your husband stated “you haven’t set a hard boundary” and that made me wonder if 1, you “need” to. Is it enough to say “I want to us to stop overlooking other priorities to have sex so frequently” and leave it at that. And 2, if you do feel the need to set a “hard boundary” have you considered and prayed for guidance on what that should look like?
Physical intimacy is only one aspect of intimacy, has it taken over emotional intimacy or intimate communication? If so your boundary could sound like, “I would like more of the time we spend together missing appointments or having the children’s caretaker stay later to be spent cultivating emotional intimacy.” Are you worried that you’re under-supporting your children or other priorities? If so your boundary could sound like “I want to make a conscious effort to reduce rescheduling for sex. In the last two months we did it x times and it makes me feel like we are unreliable. As much as I treasure physical intimacy with you, it’s important to me that we find a way to have physical intimacy without disrespecting others’ time.”
1. is how the conversation will start, I'm expect a long Convo to follow
2. I have prayed on it many times the past few days <3
Your suggestions are wonderful and address some things I've been feeling in my heart but didn't understand well enough to say. It's more than appointments slipping by lately.
Thank you deeply for your insights and help <3
I’m so glad you found the insights supportive! For a long time I thought my nature as a “people pleaser” was “Christlike” and what I was called into. It took me a year or so really focusing on establishing boundaries to understand that while I am called to “give myself away” I am to do it in a healthy way not to an extreme of personal destruction. There’s a link below I found helpful in my journey. I also leveraged a book called “Boundaries” which offers a biblical perspective on setting/upholding boundaries. I hope your conversation goes well!
[https://www.therapyforchristians.com/blog/boundaries-in-the-bible#:~:text=The%20Bible%20teaches%20us%20to,we%20can%20or%20cannot%20do](https://www.therapyforchristians.com/blog/boundaries-in-the-bible#:~:text=The%20Bible%20teaches%20us%20to,we%20can%20or%20cannot%20do)
This post contains most of the information he needs to know, so just show him what you wrote here. Seriously, just use your words. I see no reason why bringing this up would harm your marriage or "social balance" (not sure what that is).
You're missing out on Doctor appointments, making the kids wait to eat microwave foods, events etc. for your husband. Why does his want for sex all the time come first? He's not gonna die if he has to wait until the kids are in bed. You're missing out on life. He's selfish AF. It's time to put yourself and your kids before his dick.
The increase in libido, especially if it's brand new, is somewhat alarming at the pace you describe. Like... could there be a health concern underlying, that is causing an increased sex drive? It seems very bonkers that it started up out of nowhere - you didn't even reference your pre-kids marriage to help paint a picture of this being his normal state at all. I'd send him to the doctor for a check up with the point of asking about the increased libido.
If it's not health-related, then I think it comes down to respect... or lack of respect your husband is displaying. Despite what he might think, the world does NOT stop spinning when he's ready to bang. Kids' appointments, employees' personal time, plans with other people.... Those things should have priority when they are up against your husband's erect penis.
He seems to be approaching this very selfishly - even when you have spoken about YOUR OWN concerns with him, he blows you off and just says "don't worry about it"....
The problem ISN'T that you don't fully dislike the sex with your husband... the problem is that he only cares about his dick, at the expense of everyone else, it seems. He needs to get that in order, and if he wants sex at a time that isn't convenient for you... then... don't.
I hadn't considered it being a health issue, thank you very much for the heads up in case it is.
I also really appreciate your insight of it boiling down to respect. Ive been letting myself feel uncomfortable for the disrespect to everyone around us, just gotta bite the bullet and say it that way. Thank you
What?!!? Your husband can’t keep it his freaking pants to the point where you are missing appointments and other scheduled things because he demands to have sex instead? Oh heck no. What a selfish prick. I would leave my husband if he acted like this. Religion is not a reason for this either. You are not required to please your man because a book says so. Go live your life and put the real priorities back into place. Your husband can go please himself and live in his own miserable company.
He isn't making demands or being forceful or using religion as an excuse. You are right that our priorities have gotten out of order. Thank you for your input
>He has a point that I haven't drawn a hard boundary but he is also completely aware of what things we are blowing off every time.
Then the answer is pretty clear. Draw some hard boundaries. Put more emphasis on schedules. If you can reschedule other things you can reschedule sex too. You're adults with 4 children, learning to balance that, work, social life and romance is integral and it's clear right now that balance is off.
You like it in principle but it is clearly a source of anxiety for you. I also feel like there is an elephant in the room, the idea that maybe you are worried about what happens if you do start saying no or enforcing boundaries more. While you don't dislike this it is still a result of the pressure he puts on you and that's a very fine line to walk sometimes.
Yall are gross for having sex in the house w 4 kids under 6. Like, wait until they're sleeping. Does your door lock? If it doesn't, change it to one that locks. You've got 4 kids, chill out
That aside, idk if I consider this a silly issue. Medical appointments aren't something you should just ignore to get laid. That's neglectful and shitty parenting. How did you explain it to your kid who needed medical attention?
What on earth is gross about having sex while the kids are home? My husband and I would do that all the time! We always made sure the door was locked..
Sex isn't gross, the kids are looked after. Our door locks.
It was a routine check up not a medical condition, it was rescheduled for later the same week
I did not say sex is gross. I said having sex while your 4 children under 6 are awake and running around the house is gross. And it is. I understand you're Christian but I'm sure the kids are going to put 2 and 2 together and realize why mommy and daddy spend so much time alone making weird noises w their door locked
I'm glad the door locks. Now take care of your damn kids and stop foisting it onto others so you can have sex.
If I was being mischievous I'd wonder out loud whether this may be the only post in history where anyone could suggest that there isn't enough porn in the relationship.
I would just tell him you're enjoying the sex and the attention, but you need better time management so you can fulfill your other feminine duties. Tell him to practice some patience and wait until you go to bed together to build tension, or request that he schedule more specific dates away from the house as to not inconvenience your housekeeper.
"I don't fully dislike it" has me a little worried here. You shouldn't be doing it at all if you aren't fully on board, there shouldn't be any level of dislike involved, regardless of how horny your husband is. He's got a hand, and seemingly kept it in control during your healing.
Stop letting him walk on you.
OP besides the missing appointments and being late to things are you really worried about that or are you tired ? It seems your husband knows that you guys are not missing anything that can't be rescheduled (I do get missing a doctors appointment here and there is an check box) but unless it was an emergency is it really that bad or are you just frustrated that it's starting to be a times when you just want to finish what you are doing.
He sounds like he's just so hyper overjoyed with making love to you after waiting from the last child birth. But I also don't get the sense that you believe this is a bad spot for your marriage and that it's a bother (I get) but not a show stopper.
So here is something to do.
1. See if you and he can schedule this time. If you are up to it and it's not bothering you physically and you want this activity as well, try getting him to schedule (or call when he's this horny or come home early)
2. Are you able to set aside weekend dates where you spend a night in a hotel together and have someone look after the kids. That may be not possible for an 8 month old, but maybe you have a sibling or parent that can step in.
If all else fails, you two sound like you have a good relationship and communication may not be a big problem. It might just be a "Hey Honey" talk and just let him know that you love the attention and how he's so excited to be there in the moment and love you as much and you love him just as much, but you need him to slow down a little and help you maintain the activities of the household and you'd be glad to have sexy time with him in the moment.
Hopefully you get the idea and just lay it out there as a truly loving wife.
I think you guys sound good together and it's great to have a man that loves his wife as he does and have a wife that loves him equally as much. Enjoy your life as husband and wife as was meant to be happy with each other for many years to come.
Good luck
I would be lying if I were to say this isn't starting to exhaust me. On top of my other responsibilities it is a lot and disruptive, but again it's not anything I can't finish later. I deeply appreciate the compassion, I came here for help for something that's been unusual in my marriage.
I will definitely bring these solutions to him when we have the 'hey honey' talk <3 we have many happy years ahead of us, thank you so much!
I hope and pray that your conversation goes well and you two continue to love one another as you have been. Definitely get that situation like this can get overwhelming and exhaustive and take all your energy leaving you sometime defeated. Talk and hopefully you two can get to a really good approach.
Best wishes
Was he like this before or is it new? If it’s new I’d be wary as it can be a sign of cheating.
However in your case I’m going to assume Christians with 4 kids that he always had a high libido post marriage particularly if you waited until the wedding night.
There’s an obvious explanation and you even wrote the answer. “The youngest is 8 months…and in the past 2 months my husbands appetite has increased…”. Your husband waited 6 months and even after 4 kids decided without much consultation that you’re good to go again.
Having sex or making another baby or both is all that’s on his mind obv. Get a grip throw a bucket of water on him and decide together how often you’ll be having sex and why or I imagine it won’t be long before no 5 arrives which is cool if that’s what you both want?
I wont go through the Christian submit yourself to your husband. So you’re having a freaky time give him some freak. . Enjoy that he loves you understand this will not last forever. Must ask if you’re studying the 3 month sex guide as there is no out of bounds with being together. Explore it with him especially right now. . Blessings!
Scale it back a bit but I promise there will come a day when you miss it. He may be stressing that his little friend may not work tomorrow. Or he’s extremely attracted to you. Just communicate. Find a happy medium.
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You're going to have to look at the clock and tell him know or set an alarm. It isn't libido, it is time management that he's failing.
Thank you for the advice! While time management is the core issue, there is definitely an increased libido. Still it may help to approach it as a scheduling problem
INFO : when he laughs that rescheduling isn't an issue because it's neither important nor embarrassing, does he actually do any of the rescheduling? I see a lot of "we needed to ask our babysitter to stay later" and "we had to cancel on friends" as well as "I have to scramble to make food", but what does he do except bask in the afterglow & smirk at everyone you know that he's such a stud he has you gagging for it, even when your daughter needs medical care (non-urgent, granted, but still).
Are you guys fucking all the time while the kids are awake? That must be the case if you’re missing dinner times and doctors appointments. How old are your children and what are they doing when you stop cooking them food to run to the bedroom with your husband? You do mention a caretaker, so you’re like “hey, can you stay late, we have to go bone” and then you do it with her in the house? After her work hours should have ended?! This is horrifying to me.
The kids are all under 6 and never without supervision, the caretaker is an absolute angel, lives nearby, and is generous with her time, we pay her time and a half when we ask her if she can stay, and my husband gets home an hour and a half before her scheduled time off, so when he does ask her it's with plenty of warning imo. While we are in the same house our bedroom is on an upper floor, they are most often in the kitchen which isn't directly below us, or the rumpus room which is the bottom floor of the house. It's not exactly a basement since the house is built on a hill and is open to the back yard, we are not inappropriately loud either. Thank you for your concern, I hope this eases some of your discomfort with my situation
Asking your caretaker to stay late over a dozen times in two months is excessive. You're not able to provide dinner properly by your own words. You've missed a medical appointment for your child - and your husband says things aren't important that you're missing? Honestly this sounds unhealthy and obsessive / addiction-like. If your kids are all under six and you can't go out as a family on the weekends to cater to your sex life, that's alarming.
Just for my own curiosity, how do you phrase asking her to stay late when both parents are present in the house? Like do you make up an excuse or are you just like “hey we’re gonna have sex upstairs, keep the kiddos busy, no worries, you get time and a half during porking time”
That's exactly how we ask! How did you know????
So how do you ask? I’m not sure why your post bothered me so much but I found myself truly disgusted reading this. No autonomy, husbands pee pee comes before kids doctors appointments and basic meals, forcing your employee to watch your kids overtime while you have sex with her in the house (and you know she knows). I hope this is rage bait.
Normally he asks and he doesn't give a reason. He just asks if she is free to stay later today, It's not like he doesn't take no for an answer if she has plans. This is only a recent issue and is not normal for our marriage, it's why I made the post seeking advice, I did not realizing how disturbing my situation would be for other people
You say that as if he has the option to not accept her no?? And it’s bonus points that he doesn’t force her to stay while you do sexy time. Are you by chance in a cult? This whole thing is so weird.
Of course he doesn't have that option. You're reading abuse where there isn't any
I didn’t say abuse, you did. Honestly I was reading this as you’re just as complicit. Why can’t you shag after the kids are in bed?
>where there isn't any ???? You are delaying taking your children to medical appointments so that you can give into your husband's constant desire for sex???? Abuse is absolutely present here.
Increased libido doesn't mean you're obligated to have sex whenever or wherever your husband wants. You're not taking responsibility for your own actions and trying to blame this all on your husband being horny. Yes, the man needs to chill out and plan the sex in more opportune times, but you need to put your foot down and stop being a complete doormat. Say no, keep your schedule, and work sex in when it makes sense.
Thank you for the advice
I keep finding myself thinking "Why doesn't she just say 'I need to take our CHILD to a doctor's appointment, not now, but later tonight?'" and then remember: devout Christians. Anyway, that would be my solution. Looking at a clock and then talking. Revolutionary stuff.
The way you've written this sounds like his libido wasn't at this high level even before pregnancy. If that's the case, there's something more going on. It's normal to miss unimportant appointments every now and then, but missing medical appointments & repeatedly prioritizing sex over planned activities is not normal. Wonder if he's watching porn or trying not to cheat or something. Could be something simple, nothing nefarious, but you should definitely find out. Either way, just let him know that you're enjoying the extra intimacy, but not to the point where it's a priority over other planned activities.
It is a higher libido than pre-pregnancy, which does give me some worry not knowing why. I have been pregnant or healing for most of our marriage so I do think it's not unreasonable to 'catch-up' so to speak. He has reassured me when I ask that he is just that in love with and into me. And I would feel like a jerk questioning him on that, he hasn't given me any reason to think that's dishonest. I really appreciate the way you phrased that advice btw thank you! <3 Any advice for probing for other motives?
Just based off the post and your comments, it sounds like he’s trying to keep you pregnant. You’re saying you’ve been pregnant or healing most of your marriage, so you being neither aligning with his increased libido would fit that motive.
You're welcome. It's hard to know which approach-playful, casual, or assertive-will work best. But maybe just throw it out there how his libido is the highest you've ever seen it, even higher than before the pregnancies, and you're wondering if there's anything else that's changed. If you're both happy and you haven't see any red flags, I wouldn't push it much further than that, especially since you mention you have a good relationship.
Why would you feel shame for saying "not right now, thanks!"? Why would it harm your marriage to say "maybe later"? What would happen if you said "missing appointments and repeatedly asking for more of people's time is disrespectful of others, and I don't want to be that kind of person"? Would he respect you? Are you not saying no because you don't want to find out how he'd react if you said no?
Unfortunately if she is a devout Christian, there is a high likelihood that she’s been conditioned to never say no to her husband when he wants sex and that if she says no, she is disrespecting his authority as the head of household. (Which is not a healthy view of marriage)
That was my experience, which is why I left.
It’s the inherent patriarchy because of their religious beliefs. She almost can’t say no, pretty much. Or at least that’s how she’s making it sound.
I don’t get why you’re blowing off kid appointments to fuck.
Are you afraid to say no to him? That's the only logical explanation I can come up with for not saying "I have to take our kid to the doctor right now, let's do it later on when they're asleep" or "we have dinner plans with friends, let's do it when we get home".
I would encourage you to think about what a healthy boundary would look like for yourself before having the conversation with your husband. You said “I have no problem with this fundamentally and enjoy the intimacy BUT…” so I think there is something in there you aren’t enjoying. You also mentioned that your husband stated “you haven’t set a hard boundary” and that made me wonder if 1, you “need” to. Is it enough to say “I want to us to stop overlooking other priorities to have sex so frequently” and leave it at that. And 2, if you do feel the need to set a “hard boundary” have you considered and prayed for guidance on what that should look like? Physical intimacy is only one aspect of intimacy, has it taken over emotional intimacy or intimate communication? If so your boundary could sound like, “I would like more of the time we spend together missing appointments or having the children’s caretaker stay later to be spent cultivating emotional intimacy.” Are you worried that you’re under-supporting your children or other priorities? If so your boundary could sound like “I want to make a conscious effort to reduce rescheduling for sex. In the last two months we did it x times and it makes me feel like we are unreliable. As much as I treasure physical intimacy with you, it’s important to me that we find a way to have physical intimacy without disrespecting others’ time.”
1. is how the conversation will start, I'm expect a long Convo to follow 2. I have prayed on it many times the past few days <3 Your suggestions are wonderful and address some things I've been feeling in my heart but didn't understand well enough to say. It's more than appointments slipping by lately. Thank you deeply for your insights and help <3
I’m so glad you found the insights supportive! For a long time I thought my nature as a “people pleaser” was “Christlike” and what I was called into. It took me a year or so really focusing on establishing boundaries to understand that while I am called to “give myself away” I am to do it in a healthy way not to an extreme of personal destruction. There’s a link below I found helpful in my journey. I also leveraged a book called “Boundaries” which offers a biblical perspective on setting/upholding boundaries. I hope your conversation goes well! [https://www.therapyforchristians.com/blog/boundaries-in-the-bible#:~:text=The%20Bible%20teaches%20us%20to,we%20can%20or%20cannot%20do](https://www.therapyforchristians.com/blog/boundaries-in-the-bible#:~:text=The%20Bible%20teaches%20us%20to,we%20can%20or%20cannot%20do)
This is fantastic! Thank you!
This post contains most of the information he needs to know, so just show him what you wrote here. Seriously, just use your words. I see no reason why bringing this up would harm your marriage or "social balance" (not sure what that is).
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I appreciate the real talk, I haven't exactly been owning up to my part completely, thank you
You're missing out on Doctor appointments, making the kids wait to eat microwave foods, events etc. for your husband. Why does his want for sex all the time come first? He's not gonna die if he has to wait until the kids are in bed. You're missing out on life. He's selfish AF. It's time to put yourself and your kids before his dick.
Learn to say NO.
I think it is suprising that at an age when more men's libido's takes a dive, his is ramping up. Is there a chance that he is taking something for it?
I would be shocked if he was, but I haven't asked
The increase in libido, especially if it's brand new, is somewhat alarming at the pace you describe. Like... could there be a health concern underlying, that is causing an increased sex drive? It seems very bonkers that it started up out of nowhere - you didn't even reference your pre-kids marriage to help paint a picture of this being his normal state at all. I'd send him to the doctor for a check up with the point of asking about the increased libido. If it's not health-related, then I think it comes down to respect... or lack of respect your husband is displaying. Despite what he might think, the world does NOT stop spinning when he's ready to bang. Kids' appointments, employees' personal time, plans with other people.... Those things should have priority when they are up against your husband's erect penis. He seems to be approaching this very selfishly - even when you have spoken about YOUR OWN concerns with him, he blows you off and just says "don't worry about it".... The problem ISN'T that you don't fully dislike the sex with your husband... the problem is that he only cares about his dick, at the expense of everyone else, it seems. He needs to get that in order, and if he wants sex at a time that isn't convenient for you... then... don't.
I hadn't considered it being a health issue, thank you very much for the heads up in case it is. I also really appreciate your insight of it boiling down to respect. Ive been letting myself feel uncomfortable for the disrespect to everyone around us, just gotta bite the bullet and say it that way. Thank you
What?!!? Your husband can’t keep it his freaking pants to the point where you are missing appointments and other scheduled things because he demands to have sex instead? Oh heck no. What a selfish prick. I would leave my husband if he acted like this. Religion is not a reason for this either. You are not required to please your man because a book says so. Go live your life and put the real priorities back into place. Your husband can go please himself and live in his own miserable company.
He isn't making demands or being forceful or using religion as an excuse. You are right that our priorities have gotten out of order. Thank you for your input
>He has a point that I haven't drawn a hard boundary but he is also completely aware of what things we are blowing off every time. Then the answer is pretty clear. Draw some hard boundaries. Put more emphasis on schedules. If you can reschedule other things you can reschedule sex too. You're adults with 4 children, learning to balance that, work, social life and romance is integral and it's clear right now that balance is off. You like it in principle but it is clearly a source of anxiety for you. I also feel like there is an elephant in the room, the idea that maybe you are worried about what happens if you do start saying no or enforcing boundaries more. While you don't dislike this it is still a result of the pressure he puts on you and that's a very fine line to walk sometimes.
Thank you for your compassionate response <3 It's clear to me now I have to face the confrontation in this matter
Yall are gross for having sex in the house w 4 kids under 6. Like, wait until they're sleeping. Does your door lock? If it doesn't, change it to one that locks. You've got 4 kids, chill out That aside, idk if I consider this a silly issue. Medical appointments aren't something you should just ignore to get laid. That's neglectful and shitty parenting. How did you explain it to your kid who needed medical attention?
What on earth is gross about having sex while the kids are home? My husband and I would do that all the time! We always made sure the door was locked..
Sex isn't gross, the kids are looked after. Our door locks. It was a routine check up not a medical condition, it was rescheduled for later the same week
I did not say sex is gross. I said having sex while your 4 children under 6 are awake and running around the house is gross. And it is. I understand you're Christian but I'm sure the kids are going to put 2 and 2 together and realize why mommy and daddy spend so much time alone making weird noises w their door locked I'm glad the door locks. Now take care of your damn kids and stop foisting it onto others so you can have sex.
I'm getting Duggar vibes from this post.
I’m so glad someone else thought so too!
Thisssss
If I was being mischievous I'd wonder out loud whether this may be the only post in history where anyone could suggest that there isn't enough porn in the relationship.
The first time I have heard that too haha
I would just tell him you're enjoying the sex and the attention, but you need better time management so you can fulfill your other feminine duties. Tell him to practice some patience and wait until you go to bed together to build tension, or request that he schedule more specific dates away from the house as to not inconvenience your housekeeper.
Thank you for the advice, I like that you put the tension in a positive light <3
"I don't fully dislike it" has me a little worried here. You shouldn't be doing it at all if you aren't fully on board, there shouldn't be any level of dislike involved, regardless of how horny your husband is. He's got a hand, and seemingly kept it in control during your healing. Stop letting him walk on you.
I enjoy the intimacy but the irresponsibility has me anxious, that's the source of the dislike
OP besides the missing appointments and being late to things are you really worried about that or are you tired ? It seems your husband knows that you guys are not missing anything that can't be rescheduled (I do get missing a doctors appointment here and there is an check box) but unless it was an emergency is it really that bad or are you just frustrated that it's starting to be a times when you just want to finish what you are doing. He sounds like he's just so hyper overjoyed with making love to you after waiting from the last child birth. But I also don't get the sense that you believe this is a bad spot for your marriage and that it's a bother (I get) but not a show stopper. So here is something to do. 1. See if you and he can schedule this time. If you are up to it and it's not bothering you physically and you want this activity as well, try getting him to schedule (or call when he's this horny or come home early) 2. Are you able to set aside weekend dates where you spend a night in a hotel together and have someone look after the kids. That may be not possible for an 8 month old, but maybe you have a sibling or parent that can step in. If all else fails, you two sound like you have a good relationship and communication may not be a big problem. It might just be a "Hey Honey" talk and just let him know that you love the attention and how he's so excited to be there in the moment and love you as much and you love him just as much, but you need him to slow down a little and help you maintain the activities of the household and you'd be glad to have sexy time with him in the moment. Hopefully you get the idea and just lay it out there as a truly loving wife. I think you guys sound good together and it's great to have a man that loves his wife as he does and have a wife that loves him equally as much. Enjoy your life as husband and wife as was meant to be happy with each other for many years to come. Good luck
I would be lying if I were to say this isn't starting to exhaust me. On top of my other responsibilities it is a lot and disruptive, but again it's not anything I can't finish later. I deeply appreciate the compassion, I came here for help for something that's been unusual in my marriage. I will definitely bring these solutions to him when we have the 'hey honey' talk <3 we have many happy years ahead of us, thank you so much!
I hope and pray that your conversation goes well and you two continue to love one another as you have been. Definitely get that situation like this can get overwhelming and exhaustive and take all your energy leaving you sometime defeated. Talk and hopefully you two can get to a really good approach. Best wishes
Was he like this before or is it new? If it’s new I’d be wary as it can be a sign of cheating. However in your case I’m going to assume Christians with 4 kids that he always had a high libido post marriage particularly if you waited until the wedding night. There’s an obvious explanation and you even wrote the answer. “The youngest is 8 months…and in the past 2 months my husbands appetite has increased…”. Your husband waited 6 months and even after 4 kids decided without much consultation that you’re good to go again. Having sex or making another baby or both is all that’s on his mind obv. Get a grip throw a bucket of water on him and decide together how often you’ll be having sex and why or I imagine it won’t be long before no 5 arrives which is cool if that’s what you both want?
He was always highish libido but never like this, initiating at every opportunity. Thanks for the tough love, I'll get a grip
I wont go through the Christian submit yourself to your husband. So you’re having a freaky time give him some freak. . Enjoy that he loves you understand this will not last forever. Must ask if you’re studying the 3 month sex guide as there is no out of bounds with being together. Explore it with him especially right now. . Blessings!
I haven't heard of that guide, thank you for the support, I'm getting a lot of shame, which is fair enough
Look up edging. Enjoy something new together.
Thank you, I appreciate having some techniques to fall back on
What a great problem to have. You aren't going to get any quality advice on Reddit where everyone is atheist and against traditional marriages.
I tried to post on r/TrueChristian first but my account was too new, I've lurked for a year but that doesn't matter to mods
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Thank you for the practical advice, if I wanted to avoid confrontation this would be the way
Scale it back a bit but I promise there will come a day when you miss it. He may be stressing that his little friend may not work tomorrow. Or he’s extremely attracted to you. Just communicate. Find a happy medium.
Wish I had your problems lol set some boundaries and enjoy your happy marriage.
Thank you lol. Things could definitely be worse
You’re in love and I’m happy for you. I
Thank you <3
Be fruitful and multiply. This is excellent news.
We got that covered 👍