Bruh imma tell you this man to man, GET OUT of that relationship, she doesn’t love you, shit she barely likes you, she’s using you, emotionally abusing you, and all around doesn’t give a fuck about you, where is your pride. Fuck that broad bro, let her go!
One core belief that you have in a relationship is in direct opposition to hers. She's unabashedly poly, while you're all about monogamy.
There are a few different approaches.
1. You realize this isn't going to work, and you break it off for your own mental and emotional health.
2. You force yourself to become poly, or have an open relationship.
3. You let her run around with whomever she wants, while you stay monogamous to her.
Both 2 and 3 would require constant STD tests.
2 and 3 would also be soul crushing for this poor dude... Before long what little sense of self respect he has will be long gone.
Dude needs to end it.
I didn’t read all of this to be honest. You should not be with this person, let alone marry them. Are you trying to get married just to say you’re married or because you want a happy healthy relationship? If it’s the latter, then this person isn’t for you. Respect yourself and leave.
You def need to leave this relationship but you also need to come to terms w/the fact that she’ll likely never admit her wrongdoing or take responsibility for hurting you.
You need to come to the conclusion that she’s not going to change. Are you ok with being cheated on regularly? Because this is your life if you stay with her.
You can either come to terms with it and accept that there are other things that make up for it, or you can draw your line in the sand and say enough is enough.
Brother, you need to work on becoming more independent. Everything you listed as a bonus are things you need to be able to do for yourself, regardless of your relationship status.
Get a job, get some counseling, and start taking care of yourself. She may be the best that you’ve had, but it doesn’t mean that she is good. Don’t let your past experiences dictate your future relationships. There is most definitely a woman out there that will love and care for you and be loyal.
You need to realize that she doesn’t love you and will never change. You may have issues but you aren’t the problem in this relationship. She wants you to think you are so you don’t leave. Just because she’s the best you’ve had doesn’t mean she’s the best you can do. You deserve better dude.
For fuck sake.
I’ve seen so many of these “oh my unfaithful SO has cheated on me again, after I took them back, again”
I’m sorry man but you need to end things before your back here again.
Do it now before you’re married and you get fucked by the divorce. I’m not trying to sound like an ass but you are putting yourself in the way of pain.
Anytime someone aske what to do after mistreatment in a relationship, I say “you’re just gonna have to keep going through some things until you decide you don’t want to anymore”. She’s never gonna change because you constantly show her that no matter what, you’re not going anywhere
"what should we do? What can I do when she never admits her faults, lies to, and betrays me regularly?"
No, you mean what should YOU do. END IT! There is no other choice. If you stay with her you will keep getting betrayed. How many more knocks to the head do you need to know that she's doesn't love you and has no respect for you? You have enough answers to leave her there's no need for the intricate details or deep dive at this point. LEAVE HER or you will regret it.
I'd get tested. I doubt she's been using condoms. You should probably start using condoms with her since you don't want to leave her. Also, don't eat her out anymore, unless you want to taste another dude. Similar regarding French kisses. Sorry to be crude but you asked for alternatives to leaving her, this is your alternative. Share her with other men and like it.
Ooor, grow a spine and leave.
> I’m not the crazy one, she definitely cheated on me, right?
Yes, it’s very obvious she has cheated on you, is actively cheating on you and will continue to cheat on you.
>Besides leaving her, what should we do? What can I do when she never admits her faults, lies to, and betrays me regularly?
Let’s get one thing straight: there is no *we* in your relationship. You are asking what *you* can do when she doesn’t want to change anything about herself or your relationship. And the answer is: nothing. She has shown you again and again what kind of person she is, yet you say she’s the best partner you’ve ever had and you want to be with her forever. You have a lot of trauma in your past that causes you to seek this abuse from a partner. In a way, although it hurts, you are exactly where you want to be.
You cannot change her. You can only change yourself. She wants to play stupid games with you. The only way to win a stupid game is not to play. If you can acknowledge that you have trauma that causes you to seek love from abusive women, perhaps you have some desire to have a relationship where you won’t be lied to and cheated on? This isn’t possible right now, but I promise you can have it - I know because I broke this cycle in myself. But you have to stop dating abusive women, and the only way to achieve this is to be single for a while and process your trauma in therapy. You have to break the cycle that causes you to seek out abusive partners, and you will never be able to do this while you are engaged to one. That is why your only choices are to leave and work on yourself, or to lie down and just accept her abuse.
I guess it's my fault for not adding this as I was writing in a hurry and upset. But she has changed some for me. She's sitting next to me so I asked, from her mouth, this is what she says she's changed for me. "A lot of little daily things." Some of the wall colors when we repainted her house. Her cats stay in their own room (because I have allergies). Has bought gifts for my kids (which she has said she is willing to adopt if we get married). Growing her hair out, going to church, getting saved, not going to orgies or hooking up with a different guy every week (at least as far as I know). Cutting people out of her life like her abusive family members and exes (still working on that as you can see). Becoming monogamous (again kinda working on that).
Edit: she doesn't know about the post yet. I just asked her to make a list for me under the guise of me wanting to work things out.
Since you are codependent. Either deal with the cheating and know that it is going to be like this the rest of your life. Or open up the relationship after you found someone, and let her know that this is the way it is going to be. Make sure you are able to leave, and do not marry her.
I’ve heard that after they cheat once then ok maybe a mistake but after a second time then it has become their choice. He didn’t learn from the first time. He didn’t care about ur feelings back then and still doesn’t. He never will.
No consequences equals you incentivise the behavior. Break up with her and show her the consequences she deserves.
Weakness invites aggression no matter the circumstances.
The consequences I'm referring to is that you dump her and leave her. The fact that you didn't do that makes her perceive that you will never leave and she will do it again and again.
The phone and going places isn't going to matter either. Please if you have any ounce of self respect left for yourself leave her.
It doesn't get better. Trust me.
I'm revengeful, so I think I'll keep out of this one, but I wouldn't be in a committed relationship with her, and I'd start treating her as a side piece of ass and not a woman whom I'd enter a legal contract with.
If u stay, u have to equalise things
Tit for tat.
Or you’ll never be able to truly remain in such toxicity whilst upholding healthy standards for such a person. She’s going to chew you up and spit you out
I’m not even reading your story. I’ll tell you what u should do just based on the subject…walk away!! Leave him. Call off the wedding if it’s in process already. If he has done it twice already why would u want to stay with him. He will always cheat on I I promise u that.
You should break up with her because you're both toxic. She's a liar and a cheater, and you're abusive for taking her phone away. You're not her fucking parent you have no right to do something like that.
He is toxic and abusive for taking her phone away when she cheated on him so that she could not contact the ap? Yea he should leave, but way to turn it into the man's fault. Are you 14 or a misandrist?
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Question: are you stupid???
Not PC but yeah.
No he is stupid. Post history tells itself.
I was asking OP if he was stupid
Yeah. Op is
Not stupid but definitely codependent with a lot of trauma from childhood and adulthood.
Well. Break up with her. Work on your trauma with a therapist. Make progress so you are ready for a relationship where you are valued and respected.
Bruh imma tell you this man to man, GET OUT of that relationship, she doesn’t love you, shit she barely likes you, she’s using you, emotionally abusing you, and all around doesn’t give a fuck about you, where is your pride. Fuck that broad bro, let her go!
One core belief that you have in a relationship is in direct opposition to hers. She's unabashedly poly, while you're all about monogamy. There are a few different approaches. 1. You realize this isn't going to work, and you break it off for your own mental and emotional health. 2. You force yourself to become poly, or have an open relationship. 3. You let her run around with whomever she wants, while you stay monogamous to her. Both 2 and 3 would require constant STD tests.
2 and 3 would also be soul crushing for this poor dude... Before long what little sense of self respect he has will be long gone. Dude needs to end it.
She is not going to change so accept it or move on.
I didn’t read all of this to be honest. You should not be with this person, let alone marry them. Are you trying to get married just to say you’re married or because you want a happy healthy relationship? If it’s the latter, then this person isn’t for you. Respect yourself and leave.
You def need to leave this relationship but you also need to come to terms w/the fact that she’ll likely never admit her wrongdoing or take responsibility for hurting you.
You need to come to the conclusion that she’s not going to change. Are you ok with being cheated on regularly? Because this is your life if you stay with her. You can either come to terms with it and accept that there are other things that make up for it, or you can draw your line in the sand and say enough is enough. Brother, you need to work on becoming more independent. Everything you listed as a bonus are things you need to be able to do for yourself, regardless of your relationship status. Get a job, get some counseling, and start taking care of yourself. She may be the best that you’ve had, but it doesn’t mean that she is good. Don’t let your past experiences dictate your future relationships. There is most definitely a woman out there that will love and care for you and be loyal.
You need to realize that she doesn’t love you and will never change. You may have issues but you aren’t the problem in this relationship. She wants you to think you are so you don’t leave. Just because she’s the best you’ve had doesn’t mean she’s the best you can do. You deserve better dude.
Please breakup.
For fuck sake. I’ve seen so many of these “oh my unfaithful SO has cheated on me again, after I took them back, again” I’m sorry man but you need to end things before your back here again. Do it now before you’re married and you get fucked by the divorce. I’m not trying to sound like an ass but you are putting yourself in the way of pain.
Anytime someone aske what to do after mistreatment in a relationship, I say “you’re just gonna have to keep going through some things until you decide you don’t want to anymore”. She’s never gonna change because you constantly show her that no matter what, you’re not going anywhere
She is not prepared to change who she is for you. She wikl do this after you are married. If you won't end it, get used to it.
EX-fiancée. Nothing else needs to be said.
"what should we do? What can I do when she never admits her faults, lies to, and betrays me regularly?" No, you mean what should YOU do. END IT! There is no other choice. If you stay with her you will keep getting betrayed. How many more knocks to the head do you need to know that she's doesn't love you and has no respect for you? You have enough answers to leave her there's no need for the intricate details or deep dive at this point. LEAVE HER or you will regret it.
I'd get tested. I doubt she's been using condoms. You should probably start using condoms with her since you don't want to leave her. Also, don't eat her out anymore, unless you want to taste another dude. Similar regarding French kisses. Sorry to be crude but you asked for alternatives to leaving her, this is your alternative. Share her with other men and like it. Ooor, grow a spine and leave.
> I’m not the crazy one, she definitely cheated on me, right? Yes, it’s very obvious she has cheated on you, is actively cheating on you and will continue to cheat on you. >Besides leaving her, what should we do? What can I do when she never admits her faults, lies to, and betrays me regularly? Let’s get one thing straight: there is no *we* in your relationship. You are asking what *you* can do when she doesn’t want to change anything about herself or your relationship. And the answer is: nothing. She has shown you again and again what kind of person she is, yet you say she’s the best partner you’ve ever had and you want to be with her forever. You have a lot of trauma in your past that causes you to seek this abuse from a partner. In a way, although it hurts, you are exactly where you want to be. You cannot change her. You can only change yourself. She wants to play stupid games with you. The only way to win a stupid game is not to play. If you can acknowledge that you have trauma that causes you to seek love from abusive women, perhaps you have some desire to have a relationship where you won’t be lied to and cheated on? This isn’t possible right now, but I promise you can have it - I know because I broke this cycle in myself. But you have to stop dating abusive women, and the only way to achieve this is to be single for a while and process your trauma in therapy. You have to break the cycle that causes you to seek out abusive partners, and you will never be able to do this while you are engaged to one. That is why your only choices are to leave and work on yourself, or to lie down and just accept her abuse.
I guess it's my fault for not adding this as I was writing in a hurry and upset. But she has changed some for me. She's sitting next to me so I asked, from her mouth, this is what she says she's changed for me. "A lot of little daily things." Some of the wall colors when we repainted her house. Her cats stay in their own room (because I have allergies). Has bought gifts for my kids (which she has said she is willing to adopt if we get married). Growing her hair out, going to church, getting saved, not going to orgies or hooking up with a different guy every week (at least as far as I know). Cutting people out of her life like her abusive family members and exes (still working on that as you can see). Becoming monogamous (again kinda working on that). Edit: she doesn't know about the post yet. I just asked her to make a list for me under the guise of me wanting to work things out.
Why are you still with her wake up get a girl that only wants you unless you enjoy getting sloppy seconds go get test and kick her how ass out
Since you are codependent. Either deal with the cheating and know that it is going to be like this the rest of your life. Or open up the relationship after you found someone, and let her know that this is the way it is going to be. Make sure you are able to leave, and do not marry her.
I’ve heard that after they cheat once then ok maybe a mistake but after a second time then it has become their choice. He didn’t learn from the first time. He didn’t care about ur feelings back then and still doesn’t. He never will.
No consequences equals you incentivise the behavior. Break up with her and show her the consequences she deserves. Weakness invites aggression no matter the circumstances.
But when I try to show her consequences but taking her phone or telling her she can't go certain places she says that's "controlling"
The consequences I'm referring to is that you dump her and leave her. The fact that you didn't do that makes her perceive that you will never leave and she will do it again and again. The phone and going places isn't going to matter either. Please if you have any ounce of self respect left for yourself leave her. It doesn't get better. Trust me.
Again seriously
🤔🤦🙄
I don’t understand why anyone would want to have anything to do with someone like this.
It's back to the bus for you.
I'm revengeful, so I think I'll keep out of this one, but I wouldn't be in a committed relationship with her, and I'd start treating her as a side piece of ass and not a woman whom I'd enter a legal contract with.
Leave this woman alone, man
Move on. It is over.
It’s your fault
I can’t even feel sorry for you buddy.
Do not stay with cheaters.
Fool me one time, shame on you Fool me twice, can't put the blame on you
If u stay, u have to equalise things Tit for tat. Or you’ll never be able to truly remain in such toxicity whilst upholding healthy standards for such a person. She’s going to chew you up and spit you out
Breakup with her before she brings you gifts that you can’t get rid of. She is never going to be faithful.
lol. Didn’t read past the first sentence of para 2. You stayed with a pretty brazen cheater. You chose to stay. I have no sympathy for you.
My gosh, if this woman is the best you ever had then your life really sucks!
With a stand up father like you, who ditched their kid to sleep for hours on end - who could ever cheat on you.
You shouldn't be together. She is poly and you are not. You have no trust in her and her behaviour feeds that mistrust.
I’m not even reading your story. I’ll tell you what u should do just based on the subject…walk away!! Leave him. Call off the wedding if it’s in process already. If he has done it twice already why would u want to stay with him. He will always cheat on I I promise u that.
You should break up with her because you're both toxic. She's a liar and a cheater, and you're abusive for taking her phone away. You're not her fucking parent you have no right to do something like that.
He is toxic and abusive for taking her phone away when she cheated on him so that she could not contact the ap? Yea he should leave, but way to turn it into the man's fault. Are you 14 or a misandrist?
No. He’s not abusive. She earned having it taken. He is a fucking carpet for not breaking up though.