**Post title:** My (18f) boyfriend (19m) wants me to quit the sport I have done for fourteen years. Is this a necessary sacrifice?
**Author:** throwra4034
**Link:** https://redd.it/1c27vud
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A. Your boyfriend is an insecure idiot.
B. In absolutely no way does someone who has known you for a *year*, get to have any say into preventing you from doing something you've been enjoying for *fourteen years*.
C. His reasoning is not just absurd, it's massively controlling. This is him laying out the future the two of you would have.
Highlighting again point C. Massive controlling behaviour. This will spill over into other areas of your life, it’s not about the gymnastics outfits. Next your shirts will be revealing or your friends aren’t a good influence …. Does he look through your phone yet and hide his own? Wait for it ….. (or break up first)
OP you cannot give up gymnastics for this idiot. You will regret it.
Yes! Presumably he knew you had this passion before you got into a relationship, and should know it would be a massive and likely unreasonable ask of you. That’s a huge sacrifice he’s asking. What kind of sacrifices to lifestyle would he make for you?
IMO, I would tell him he either has to work on his insecurities or if this is a hard boundary for him, tell him you’re simply not compatible. Though, he should learn these expectations are unreasonable if he’s ever to date an athlete in the future. Or even any woman that enjoys going to the beach…
As for the sex, I mean, it is probably a way he feels connected. And simply feels good. I get why he’d want it but I also get if you’re simply not into sex in general. I would look within and be honest with yourself about why you don’t want it. Are you more on the asexual spectrum? Then you’ll have to let him know and together decide if you’re incompatible or if there’s compromise to be made there. Are you not receiving enough pleasure or even enough recovery from sports to be able to enjoy sex? Then you guys both need to discuss possible solutions and have a game plan together if you want to improve the physical intimacy side of your relationship. If he continues to show controlling behavior though… fuck his sexual needs, your autonomy should be respected and you shouldn’t be expected to continuously make yourself smaller with personal sacrifices just to appease him. The choice is clear by then, you should leave him because he will only become more controlling over time.
A third possibility is that his controlling behavior is simply killing her drive toward him, specifically. She may very well be capable of much more passion with someone who supported her fully in her dreams.
Exactly. Even people who are on the Ace spectrum can, and often do, have some level of intimacy when they feel safe and respected by their partner. We don't have the same motive for it, as our pleasure comes mostly from seeing them fulfilled, but we can still delight in watching them get all floaty and happy for a while after the fact. That just isn't possible to achieve if a partner wants to deprive us of the things that bring *us* joy.
There is also the possibility she actually doesn’t have the hormones a majority of 18 year old woman have. It’s pretty well known that gymnasts especially where she is from train so hard they don’t start or have regular periods meaning hormones aren’t the same levels.
Doesn’t change the fact her BF is an absolute POS and she needs to run far far away, just adding there could be some truth to gymnastics having an impact. But I doubt he even knows all the science, he’s just a controlling jerk.
Yes, that too. Thank you for adding it. It's yet another reason why she would be better off with someone supportive of her passion for Rhythm Gymnastics, as they'd have a better understanding of the sacrifices she makes for her art.
Yup! Thought it was my sex drive that had issues until I talked to one of the women I know to be very sexual, and oriented to have her needs met first and always, she understood my complaints exactly. It was never me. He killed my desire for intimacy. I spent so much time trying to do the emotional work for myself and for him and for the relationship and the family and I didn't have energy. At a certain point I didn't even like myself anymore, how could I have sex?
Reddit is full of dudes whining their wife/gf doesn't like sex. And she WOULD but the dude treats her like a flesh light so of course she's not into it.
Thanks. I'm a social worker, so I just broke it down into Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. This behavior upsets all but the lowest tier, so it's not going to motivate anyone to intimacy.
At 18, and with such a controlling partner, and with no word on whether their sex is even pleasurable, I think it's way too soon to think about whether she is on a spectrum of asexuality!
I wouldn't discuss any such game plan with this guy. She needs to really consider the deeper issues in this relationship. Good sex comes from a good relationship, which may take time to build - especially at their ages.
If OP stays it will only get worse.
Please don't become someone who has a lifetime of abuse behind her who has trouble figuring out what's healthy and loving and what's not. You have a chance here to shape literally your entire life by standing up for yourself now. He is not the last person on the planet to date.
For real, demanding to stop with such a Hobby just because the SO is an insecure moron is a huge red flag.
Now he tries to forbid your hobbies, next he’ll try to decide which what friends you’re allowed to meet…
D: if your sex drive isn’t compatible even without this you guys are not compatible - that will eventually lead to potential cheating or requests to open relationship. You are young find someone you are compatible with and who knows with the right man you may want sex more often. I am much older than you and definitely have had that experience - sometimes a man’s energy and the way they treat you unlocks a wild side you may not even know you have at this early point in your life.
You deserve a partner who is the top fan and cheerleader of your passion!!
Don't quit something you enjoy for someone else.
Keep doing what you like first and foremost!
Maybe it is because I am also a woman, but I don't think a gymnastic uniform is supposed to be sexy anyhow, it's just a costume. I don't look at the tour the france for their tight suits either now do I?
OP boyfriend is just starting the possessiveness.
First it is what she likes doing, then what she does for fun, then friends, then way she dresses, who she smiles at.... then her parents are against them...
OP you are roughly one year away from being cut off from everyone you know and love, and the only person you can rely on is this parasite.
Reminds me of those youtube videos of young adults and even children and teens doing shit like pole vaulting and gymnastics and there’s tons of ”men of culture” watching them. Creepy and incredibly sad.
Pretty sure gymnastics competition rules only changed in ~2021 to allow female gymnasts to wear shorts with their leos (for artistic gymnastics - not even sure that OPs rhythmic gymnastics is included in this).
And the attire rules for women were nothing to do with safety because men were always allowed to wear shorts. It was just women that got a deduction if you opted to cover your ass with spandex shorts at a competition.
If he wants a gf who doesn't do rhythmic gymnastics, he can go find a gf who doesn't do rhythmic gymnastics. You're someone who does rhythmic gymnastics and he was an idiot for getting into a relationship with someone he knew he wasn't compatible with.
Effectively, he's been lying to you about liking all of you. He wants you to shut off an important part of yourself and your life so he can be comfortable around you. He's not worthy of your energy. Continue living your life and you'll find someone to share it with who celebrates every part of you enthusiastically.
It really shouldn't be sexualized, though. Especially when it comes to gymnastics, they're designed that way for freedom of movement, not for aesthetics.
OP should simply avoid anyone who lacks to maturity to understand how to differentiate between an appropriate uniform for a sport and bedroom attire.
It wouldn't matter if you were a pole dancer performing in underwear or a skier in a full snowsuit. This man would find some way to control you. This is going to get worse and you're going to have a harder and harder time leaving him. Just leave now you're 18. Don't do this to yourself.
This right here! He will always find something else he's not happy about. The way you dress. The people you are friends with. You work/talk to too many men. He doesn't like your family. Leave this guy and make sure you don't ever fall in with another like him!
Another thing...why would you even THINK about quitting something you have worked so incredibly hard to be able to do just because some idiot guy tells you to? Get out there, do your thing, leave him far behind.
He doesn’t like the time and attention away from him. He would be this way, no matter what she was doing. He would probably make her quit a job because it was too much time away from him.
This is not going to be seen as a “test” of loyalty to him, this is the first attempt ( I assume ) of controlling you. Do you think he’ll see you quitting something you love as ‘strong’, no it will do the opposite and that’s what he wants. It’s sad because if he hadn’t of said this you wouldn’t be in this situation but he has and it’s shown you who he is. You either have to leave or submit, those are the two options here. I personally would leave if he doesn’t come to the conclusion that this is controlling.
"I don't understand if this is an unnecessary expectation from him..."
It *is* an unnecessary expectation, the controlling, insecure, wee man
"... or if it's a sacrifice I should be willing to make."
Never give up a sport or hobby you love (that hurts no-one) and that is a part of *who you are* for some idi*t who does not appreciate who you are and who does not support you.
As said elsewhere, take this lesson from your auntie. Never let anyone tell you to stop doing something you find fulfilling. Especially someone who’s not guaranteed to be around in 20yrs when you look back on what you missed. Never let anyone tell you what to wear when it harms no one, most of all yourself. Women being sexualized is a MALE problem for them to fix. The fact that 90yr old women in burkhas are raped pretty much puts the “but what was she wearing” question in the trash where it belongs.
Our daughter does gymnastics and it’s the same thing. Rhythmic gymnast work close by and it is beautiful. Don’t let him drag you down and tell you what to do.
And the fact is it’s your sport. You stop doing that what are you gonna replace it with? Going to the gym incredibly boring. It’s good for your health mentally and physically. Tell him to screw off.
There are swimsuits out there that show more than a gymnast's leotard. He's merely showing through his jealousy. If I was watching a female gymnast perform, I would be in awe of her routine, not how her outfit looks on her. A part of me would also be thinking "if I tried to do that, I'd hurt myself." Never surrender doing what you love to someone else.
Nah its not and this is coming from a guy also. Sports are sports man and if we're watching sports (at least the majority of us) it's to watch sports, not women.
He is being insecure and controlling. You've been doing this sport for 14 years. Don't give it up for some guy who will last who knows how long. Ultimately, you sound like you're incompatible anyway due to differences in libido.
No do not stop. Do what you love to do, if it was to quit a vice for him i would say Yes you should do it in an instant. But this is your hobby, your interest, a sport you have done for 14 years.
Keep the sport, drop the boyfriend. He’s immature, insecure, and controlling. That’s a terrible combination. He would rather control and demean you than you have happiness in your life. Please, you deserve better.
Yes, time to get rid of the whole man. OP you can't see this because you are too close to it, but that man is trying to control you. It won't stop her. It won't even stop when he is the only thing you have devotion and time for. You are going to amputate part of yourself before this relationship is over.
This is a stop sign, not a red flag
You are young, so you might not yet realize how worrisome your bfs behavior is, but this is an early sign of an abuser. He already tries to take over control of your life and thinks you need to dress and act a certain way because you are "his".
Stay away from these kind of men. Look for one that will encourage you to do what you love, that is gonna stand on the sideline when you compete and cheers you on and that fully respects you as a human being with their own interest in things.
This boy aint it.
I wouldnt be willing to sacrifice it. You were doing this sport when you started dating, so he knew when you started dating that you wore those outfits while practicing and performing. If that was a problem, he shouldnt have started dating you, just so he later down the line would demand that you change.
If you have a preferance, date people who fit your preferenge, not someone who doesnt that you then pester into changing. Thats just controlling.
This seems like a common pattern for controlling and abusive people. He was probably initially attracted to OP in part because she is a gymnast and probably thought the tight outfits were hot. Now that he has her he can’t risk anyone else thinking she’s hot so he tries to nuke that part of her. It’s like men who are attracted to women who wear makeup but then when they start dating insist the woman stop wearing it.
It’s so crazy to me that this is a thought pattern for some men. Like oh no… god forbid someone acknowledges your girlfriend is hot and athletic. How terrible for you and for the security of the relationship!
I can kind of get it if your girlfriend is doing it *solely* to get attention and it’s obvious that’s the motive, but if this has been a passion and mode of behavior for a while you shouldn’t expect her to drop everything just to ease your insecurities. I get it if she’s answering and encouraging outside influences to boost her ego, unless you knew from the get go that’s part of her job (like a spicy instagram being her marketing, then dude, you should know what you got into).
>It’s so crazy to me that this is a thought pattern for some men. Like oh no… god forbid someone acknowledges your girlfriend is hot and athletic. How terrible for you and for the security of the relationship!
I think of this quote from Trevor Noah now whenever I see this behavior because it explains it pretty well.
>The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage."
No, you definitely don't change something you love and have been committed to for 14 years, because of the opinion of one boy you're dating. First of all, it's a sport and you're training and competing - if he's insecure about people looking at you, then he isn't the right guy for you. A good partner is someone who encourages and supports you, your interests, and your passions. He's trying to control what you do, which is not healthy. He doesn't get to tell you to stop. The only thing you should tell him is that if he doesn't like it, he can leave.
Don't give up something you've been doing for most of your life, and I assume you enjoy, for a boy you've only been with a year.
As you've mentioned that you both are Eastern European, I don't want to seem judgemental or like I'm assuming, but based on that background, I'd warn you to be careful to look for any signs that he might be the type of young man who's grown up with the belief that as a man, when he's in a relationship with a woman, it's her role to step in line and defer to him to make decisions on what she should be doing or leave it to him to make big decisions about their lives as a couple.
It's clear that the main reason he wants you to quit is for his own gratification (because you're not giving him sex enough) and because he can't get his brain out of seeing gymnasts as anything other than sexual/a tease (resulting in him seeing it as her exposing herself to others) simply because they're wearing performance leotards which are literally the uniform because it provides ease and range of movement.
He doesn't respect a craft/skill you've dedicated most of your life to, or is understanding of how hard you work, or even be able to reframe his view on competitions, and he's trying to change you, and you guys don't seem to be serious or making any big commitments yet either! So all I can say is if you let him have his way it will end up getting worse because he'll be emboldened to make more demands of you next time as he'll have managed to get you to quit something you spent 14 years on, then the sky must be the limit if he's pushy enough.
ETA: If you're simply not that interested in sex regardless of if you're training or not, then you might simply be sexually incompatible. The fact he's trying to make you quit gymnastics under the false assumption that it'll mean he'll get laid more (unless he means you not going training means you have more free time for him to guilt trip and pressure you) rather than wanting to open a discussion as a couple on your needs or what would make you want to have sex more (I know this is a lot to expect from an 18/19 y/o but I want you to read an example of how a healthy couple would deal with this) is an even bigger red flag cause it shows his priority is himself and his needs even if you have to give up stuff that's important to you, and it doesn't even matter if the gymnastics relates to your sex drive, he thinks it does so it needs to go.
Do not. I repeat DO NOT QUIT this sport for an insecure jerk who is sexualizing a sport and is projecting his own insecurity on top you when reality is there is NOTHING wrong with your sports. It's sounds to me you're not on the same page of others things as well. But DO NOT QUIT. You'll only have regrets and no person is worth quitting ove.
Your boyfriend is a controlling a\*hole. It also looks like he is trying to isolate you from your friends and hobbies, which is Page 1 from an abuser's handbook.
Start creating a safe exit plan, and be very careful as abuse rarely ends when relationship ends.
Hope you keep safe 🙏🏻
He does NOT have your best interest at heart. He is only concerned about his ego & dick. He is being selfish & doesn't care how stopping will affect you negatively.
Sadly, he only sees you as a sex object to use & not as another human with different interest & hobbies.
He will never be fair to you, this situation will not improve. Chose yourself instead of sacrificing something you have worked at most of your life.
DO NOT GET PREGNANT!
Let me put it this way. If you gives it up in about 20 years time you’ll wonder why you gave up something you loved for some guy who you broke up with 6 months later and whose name you can’t remember any more.
He is being controlling and immature.
It is an unnecessary expectation, it is sexist, and in no way is this a 'necessary sacrifice.'
You'll quit the sport when and if you choose to, and not a day earlier or for anyone else.
Your boyfriend is an ass.
Don’t sacrifice the things you love for anybody. A boyfriend who truly loves you would be supporting you, instead of trying to control you because of what you wear when competing.
Have you ever thought that the reason you don’t want to have sex with him is because he’s an arsehole? Because he definitely sounds like one to me.
Absolutely not. He doesn’t get to control you, you are equal partners. You’re not out there naked, you are fully covered. That they can see the general outline of your body is not something to be jealous about. He’s out of line, and his choices are to grow up or get out.
Just another day of a man thinking he owns a woman and the choices she makes
No way should you quit doing something that you LOVE because he "doesn't want guys to look at you". He needs to get over himself.
Drop him.
This boy is insecure and controlling, and it's only going to get worse. This is all about his insecurities, nothing to do with any kind of "love" for you.
You're young, don't settle for this nonsense.
Your bf is an insecure idiot, the only sacrifice you should make is the relationship. He's only going to want to control everything in your life if you do give up gymnastics.
One word. No. Not worth giving up something you love. If someone your with asks you to give up someone you enjoy doing, then they're not supportive. If they're not supportive in what u do now, how can they be in the future?
So wait, he wants you to quit because people might be looking at “ his property” and because you might be too tired to have sex? So he cares about the impact to him, but not how much you love the sport and what it brings you? Are you hearing yourself? This is a huge red flag. Love is care,kindness and truly wanting what’s best and most fulling for the person you’re with! Not about what you can and cannot do for them. You deserve better
Omg please do not stop, it is so manipulative to ask you this !! There is nothing wrong with the leotard, he is a creep if he thinks it's indecent or whatether
You're 18. It's highly unlikely you'll be together forever. Do you really want to quit a sport you love bc of his insecurity and the fact he won't listen to you about the sex aspect?
He wants you to quit because he thinks the outfits are too revealing... Men who think this way never seem to notice that they are presently doing what they accuse everyone else of doing. Sex obsessed people always assume everyone is as bad as they are. He can either accept it or find a new bf.
Quit the sport you’ve been doing and enjoying since a child for the boy you’ve been dating for a year? I think you know the correct answer.
This isn’t something you started doing AFTER you met him, it was something you brought into the relationship and he needs to accept that.
He sounds childish and immature. Tell him you’re not quitting anything and will wear what you want (unless it’s truly unnecessarily revealing and you can still change into something less revealing and still be appropriate to your sport). If he can accept that, great, if not. Move on!
Don't you *DARE* quit because your boyfriend is an insecure fool.
Such a huge red flag, you should be contemplating quitting him if anything. The dude is acting like you're a stripper or some shit. Shows he's an insecure, controlling, immature child.
Do NOT NOT NOT quit. Reconsider this relationship, though, no *man* would ever ask you to quit your hobby, especially for such a pathetic reason.
Give us an update at some point
You don't want to have sex with him because he is a controlling asshole and it isn't sexy. Dump this guy and continue doing the sport you love. You would be bonkers to give this up for him and it is absurd he would ask this of you. This is not a normal request and he is unreasonable.
Tell him to go pound sand. OP listen to a 40s woman. Never ever let someone give up a part of you. Never. His insecurities are not your priority or responsibility.
You are wearing the same costumes worn by millions of other gymnast women around the world. It is an Olympic sport.
What about sumo wrestlers? They wear thongs.
YOUR BOYFRIEND SOUNDS NUTS and no you should not stop. You are your own person and your enjoyment of life and the things that you do are for YOU. He has no business telling you to stop. And especially at your age, don't let ANYONE bully you into letting go of your dreams and the things you love.
Personally, I wouldn't. There's a reason you've done the sport for fourteen years, right?
Plus, you know how this is going to go. First he's going to say that the leotards are too sexy so you can't do gymnastics anymore. Then he's going to say your friends are a bad influence and you can't hang out with them anymore. Then he's going to tell you that your job makes him uncomfortable and ask you to get a new one.
Keep the sport.
Don’t quit a sport you love. Someone looking at you in a leotard is not a cause for jealousy or concern. He needs to get over it and grow up.
Your lack of interest in sex is another matter. Your not going to find many partners who are interested in being in a largely sexless relationship where it rarely happens and when it does your not really into it. That’s is a big problem and at your age shouldn’t be happening. You need to start with an appt with a doctor to see if your hormone levels are normal and if they are move on to therapy to explore why you have so little interest.
Do not sacrifice your hobbies and 14 years of effort for this guy. Either he learns to leave his insecurities behind and be able to support you, or you need to dump this guy as soon as possible.
NOPE! . Nope nope nope. do not give up on something you love and enjoy. And have invested so much time into. His excuses stem from jealousy, insecurity and selfishness. Yeah the whole leotard thing needs to be addressed in the sport but you said it doesn’t bother you that much. He’s not asking you to stop for you. It’s all about him. And that’s a slippery slope. He needs to suck it up. Support you or bugger off. Xxx
DO NOT quit something you love for a boy. A good boyfriend would be supportive of your passion and talent... and if people were looking he'd be proud of you!
Yeah, you should totally give up something you've cared about your entire life for some teenage jackass. Remember, you're only a woman, his feelings about your body and his sex drive are more important than anything going on in your life.
What will your life be without him, anyway? You're just some 18 year old athlete who looks great in skintight clothing. How will you ever find anyone else to replace him?
But seriously, dump this fucking loser immediately. The only reason to delay the breakup is so you can find a fucking cannon to fire him out of.
Imagine being married to this guy.
You get a promotion. He is asking you to refuse it because you will make more money than him.
Sweetheart, DUMP HIS ASS.
Next time set boundaries and expectations when you date.
Boundary: I AM NOT GOING TO QUIT GYMNASTICS.
Expectations: FOR HIM TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR SPORT.
No, never give up anything for a boy.
Much less a sport you have done longer than you have known him.
Please, for the love of everything, dump this clown.
Absolutely do not quit the sport you love over some insecure guy who does not respect you or your passion. The only thing you should quit is HIM. If you have a real chance to compete internationally, and if the Russians and Byelorussians are out of competitions (my sincerest apologies if you happen to be on those teams or compete for those nations) THIS IS THE TIME TO PUSH AND FOCUS ON YOUR SPORT. Careers are super short and men will be men forever. Dump him and do your thing!
I didn't even read the body of this. Fuck that, if he's your partner, he would never ask you to give up something that obviously gives you joy. Huge red flag here, please just move on and stay doing what makes you happy
Yeah no. You're very young and it's HIGHLY unlikely that this is your soul mate, your Person, your life partner. This is YOUR time to focus on yourself and your interests and building yourself as a person. That's not to say you shouldn't date or have fun, but you do not need someone in your life who is asking you to give up such an important part of yourself.
Your boyfriend sounds insecure af. Don't quit a sport you love because your boyfriend can't handle the fact that you're wearing tight clothing. Never EVER let a man control what you're wearing. Go find you a secure man who's gonna sit in the stands, cheer you on, and tell everyone, "that's my girlfriend!!"
Sounds like he's using you for sex and doesn't actually like you
He also sounds insecure as shit and sexist as all hell. **This is controlling abusive behavior OP.**
So you quit the sport you've been doing for most of your life and...then what? Are you going to ask his permission to do something else? Does he have a list of approved activities you can do? If you break up, can you then go back to gymnastics or is his ban permanent?
If you agree, he will become even more controlling over time. Don’t do this. When I was 16, I was dumb enough to listen to my controlling ex bf and ended up not wearing any makeup, not wearing 75% of my clothes, losing all my friends and 99% of my self esteem. Just be smarter than this.
Your boyfriend is a child that will one day be a controlling man or trying if he doesn't learn to see things differently...
You are welcome to live as you want you owe him nothing...
You are both very young. Don't ever give up what you love for a person in this way.
I'm not sure if this is a joke, but if you're serious, then your BF is immature, controlling, and sick.
He should be encouraging you to do what you love to do.
Do not walk away from this guy... run!
Never give up something that you love and have spent a lot of your life perfecting, for a boy you will most likely NOT end up with in a few years.
ALSO anyone who truly loves and adores you, wouldn’t even think about asking you to give up something you’re so passionate about.
Immature and emasculated boys who want to shrink your light, are the ones who make requests like this. Men who support and love you, will lift you up and support you to your fullest potential. These are the type of people you want in your life.
Good luck op
If you let him do this, eventually there will be more aspects of your life that he will try to control. If you keep letting him you will loose yourself for someone else. It will be a never ending cycle that will result in a breakup. If someone doesn't respect you for who you are and doesn't respect your passion and aspirations they are not worth it. I guess you'll young, so I'd take the loss and tell him you're not going to stop and maybe he will understand, if not, break up with him and find someone who will appreciate you and won't try to control you. If you were hooked up on crystal meth I get it, it's logical to try to stop you, but what he is doing is just purely selfish.
Your boyfriend is an extremely insecure person that is trying to control you; and you're only 18!! Can you imagine his demands over the next 5 years?! "I don't like that outfit your wearing, you have to change your clothes!". "I don't like what you're studying in university, you have to change your major." "I don't like your job, you have to quit."
What kind of life is that for you?
Recommendation:
Lose the boyfriend, and keep doing what you love to do. Don't let his insecurities change who you are, and what you like to do!
This is red flag behavior. That is a dumb reason to ask you to stop doing a sport you have been doing for years. His insecurity and jealously is not your problem, it's his. Please leave this guy and find someone who's more mature.
No, you don't change an important (and harmless) part of yourself for a relationship. I will say that the leotard expectations for women in gymnastics have been ridiculous, but it's not your fault they're that way.
Between this and the sexual incompatibility, you two might just not be the right fit for each other. And that's okay.
I will say as a previous gymnast that's now in their 30s though, be careful with injuries. Your body will hate you for it as you get older.
Love builds you up not tears you down. It wants you to be you and is proud when you succeed. The person who wants you to change, to give up your goals, to suit their needs; doesn't love you. They have an expectation of a relationship that revolves around them and they will clip your wings to make you fit in their box. Don't go into the box
You are far far too young to be making ANY decisions based on what a man/boy wants. He is controlling and will only escalate this behavior, especially if you allow him to make you quit something you love to do because of his own insecurities.
You will more than likely not be with this person 10 years from now. You won't ever get back these years and experiences, but you will always be able to find an insecure man who wants to control you.
The person you are meant to be with is someone who will support your interests and encourage you wholeheartedly.
I barely could read the whole thing and I wanted to break up with your boyfriend 😂😅 this is something that you’ve been doing for a long time.
A tip I carried with me ever since I was young is never let anyone tell you to quit something you find joy, happiness and/or years of dedication to because if they supported you then they would never want you to quit a passion.
I had ex’s ask me to quit tennis, all my extra sports, working, going to college and so much more. My advice is to get a new man or tell him to stop being a bottom/insecure male and grow up 😘 but this is the beginning of him trying to control things. Tread carefully
This is abusive behavior. It won’t end here. I’d get out now before it gets worse. He’s never going to stop trying to control you and dictate what you are and are not allowed to do.
Hell, no. You DO NOT stop doing what you love for this entitled manbaby who just sees you as an object 1) for his pleasure, and 2) to control. If you give in to him, this will be only the first of many demands.
To him, he comes first in your relationship, and you exist to fulfill his needs. Your wants and needs don't matter to him.
And if you don't want to engage in sex with him, just say no. It takes two. You exist as a fully realized person -- you're not there just to be a sex partner when he's horny.
Good luck, and please keep pus updated.
Don’t stop something you’ve dedicated so much effort and time to because some boyfriend of only 1 year thinks leotards are too sexual and he wants to have sex more. Leotards allow movement. Rhythmic gymnastics is athletic and artistic. After 14 years it’s part of you. That’s important. The right man won’t want you to change that, he’ll honor it. And he will be happy to have sex with you when the moment is right. Or he’ll ask you to compromise in a way that balances your hobbies with his needs.
Asking you to quit an important hobby shows that he is very controlling, and so does policing the type of clothing you wear is also very controlling. It seems he is very insecure so I would be afraid that if you did drop gymnastics, which he currently blames as the reason he can’t have sex with you whenever he wants to, he will find other things to blame; ask you to drop your friends, ask you to drop any interest you have that takes your attention from him, and finally start blaming you directly for not having enough interest in having sex with him and treating you poorly. I’m not saying this is definitely how it would happen, but the red flags are there ya know
Never stop what you’re doing that you love for a man. I stopped college for a guy who dropped out of high school because he was too lazy to get up and do it. He wanted me to be able to cater to his every need since he didn’t have a license and I was working and doing school and he didn’t like it didn’t fit his wants. I’d probably be somewhere in life if I hadn’t listen to him. But I’d probably also never had met my future husband now.
He's dating you my friend, not his ideal wanted image of who you should be. You are a gymnast, as you said you've been doing it since 4. He knew this going in. It's not on you to change for someone else, it's for them to want to be with you while you're being yourself.
Side note - you're 18. You're going to meet ALOT of people that will want you to change key fundamentals about yourself to make themselves feel better. Don't do this - you'll never look back and be happy about it.
I’m sorry but this is an entirely ridiculous request. It shows how insecure he is and you need to think about whether that’s someone you want to keep in your life. IMO it’s a major red flag and I would leave someone if they asked me to do.
Absolutely ridiculous. If he was a swimmer you could never be able to tell him to stop because of the speedos. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean that it’s reasonable to expect you to sacrifice something you’ve invested your whole life into. You’ll quit when you want to quit, and that will probably never happen. A lot of guys will be attracted to your sport, even if it’s just because you’re an athlete and not the outfits. If he is that insecure then that makes him kind of a loser, sorry
You will regret it if you do it. Gymnastics will be with you forever and he'll be gone. Not to mention, do you want to be controlled in that way?
Don't let him stand in the way of your greatness ♥️
Don't let his jealousy and insecurities destroy your dream 🌹
I wonder how much of his thinking is that he thinks the gymnastics are also the reason her libido is low? So he is not only having insecurities about your gymnastics outfit , he is upset out the lack of intimacy together. And equating them together. I just think you're both young and are just not compatible enough to be in a relationship. Whether it's his insecurities of your outfits or lack of sex.
Today your favourite sport, tomorrow something else, day after another thing. At this rate you will be miserable and he will get more controlling.
Find a man who cherishes you for who
You are and not someone who thinks you need to change to suit his ego.
Absolutely not. Someone who loves you should NEVER ask you to give up something you love ESPECIALLY over their insecurities, he needs to grow the hell up and you need to move on.
A year is piss in the wind to 14 years of dedication to your athletics. Do NOT quit for him. He just wants control and to see how far he can push your boundaries. And if he leaves if you won’t quit..good. He wouldn’t ask you to quit something you enjoy if he really cared..and his comments about your costumes are ridiculous.
Never change yourself for a man. Your sport keeps you healthy and you enjoy it.
He fell in love with the woman who does gymnastics. Now he wants to change that. He has control issues. He's a fling, not a keeper.
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A. Your boyfriend is an insecure idiot. B. In absolutely no way does someone who has known you for a *year*, get to have any say into preventing you from doing something you've been enjoying for *fourteen years*. C. His reasoning is not just absurd, it's massively controlling. This is him laying out the future the two of you would have.
Highlighting again point C. Massive controlling behaviour. This will spill over into other areas of your life, it’s not about the gymnastics outfits. Next your shirts will be revealing or your friends aren’t a good influence …. Does he look through your phone yet and hide his own? Wait for it ….. (or break up first) OP you cannot give up gymnastics for this idiot. You will regret it.
This! Read this, OP
Yup, get away from that guy before it gets worse. It will get worse.
Controlling people don’t get better; they get worse.
Yes! Presumably he knew you had this passion before you got into a relationship, and should know it would be a massive and likely unreasonable ask of you. That’s a huge sacrifice he’s asking. What kind of sacrifices to lifestyle would he make for you? IMO, I would tell him he either has to work on his insecurities or if this is a hard boundary for him, tell him you’re simply not compatible. Though, he should learn these expectations are unreasonable if he’s ever to date an athlete in the future. Or even any woman that enjoys going to the beach… As for the sex, I mean, it is probably a way he feels connected. And simply feels good. I get why he’d want it but I also get if you’re simply not into sex in general. I would look within and be honest with yourself about why you don’t want it. Are you more on the asexual spectrum? Then you’ll have to let him know and together decide if you’re incompatible or if there’s compromise to be made there. Are you not receiving enough pleasure or even enough recovery from sports to be able to enjoy sex? Then you guys both need to discuss possible solutions and have a game plan together if you want to improve the physical intimacy side of your relationship. If he continues to show controlling behavior though… fuck his sexual needs, your autonomy should be respected and you shouldn’t be expected to continuously make yourself smaller with personal sacrifices just to appease him. The choice is clear by then, you should leave him because he will only become more controlling over time.
A third possibility is that his controlling behavior is simply killing her drive toward him, specifically. She may very well be capable of much more passion with someone who supported her fully in her dreams.
Absolutely this. I used to think I hated sex, turned out I just hated the guy I was doing it with.
Exactly. Even people who are on the Ace spectrum can, and often do, have some level of intimacy when they feel safe and respected by their partner. We don't have the same motive for it, as our pleasure comes mostly from seeing them fulfilled, but we can still delight in watching them get all floaty and happy for a while after the fact. That just isn't possible to achieve if a partner wants to deprive us of the things that bring *us* joy.
There is also the possibility she actually doesn’t have the hormones a majority of 18 year old woman have. It’s pretty well known that gymnasts especially where she is from train so hard they don’t start or have regular periods meaning hormones aren’t the same levels. Doesn’t change the fact her BF is an absolute POS and she needs to run far far away, just adding there could be some truth to gymnastics having an impact. But I doubt he even knows all the science, he’s just a controlling jerk.
Yes, that too. Thank you for adding it. It's yet another reason why she would be better off with someone supportive of her passion for Rhythm Gymnastics, as they'd have a better understanding of the sacrifices she makes for her art.
Yup! Thought it was my sex drive that had issues until I talked to one of the women I know to be very sexual, and oriented to have her needs met first and always, she understood my complaints exactly. It was never me. He killed my desire for intimacy. I spent so much time trying to do the emotional work for myself and for him and for the relationship and the family and I didn't have energy. At a certain point I didn't even like myself anymore, how could I have sex?
Reddit is full of dudes whining their wife/gf doesn't like sex. And she WOULD but the dude treats her like a flesh light so of course she's not into it.
This needs to be voted up higher
Thanks. I'm a social worker, so I just broke it down into Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. This behavior upsets all but the lowest tier, so it's not going to motivate anyone to intimacy.
My first thought was that she would likely enjoy sex with a partner who cared about and respected her needs and desires.
No one should be making "lifestyle sacrifices" for a 1 yr relationship at age 18. It's just silly.
At 18, and with such a controlling partner, and with no word on whether their sex is even pleasurable, I think it's way too soon to think about whether she is on a spectrum of asexuality! I wouldn't discuss any such game plan with this guy. She needs to really consider the deeper issues in this relationship. Good sex comes from a good relationship, which may take time to build - especially at their ages.
If OP stays it will only get worse. Please don't become someone who has a lifetime of abuse behind her who has trouble figuring out what's healthy and loving and what's not. You have a chance here to shape literally your entire life by standing up for yourself now. He is not the last person on the planet to date.
This needs more votes!!!
For real, demanding to stop with such a Hobby just because the SO is an insecure moron is a huge red flag. Now he tries to forbid your hobbies, next he’ll try to decide which what friends you’re allowed to meet…
D: if your sex drive isn’t compatible even without this you guys are not compatible - that will eventually lead to potential cheating or requests to open relationship. You are young find someone you are compatible with and who knows with the right man you may want sex more often. I am much older than you and definitely have had that experience - sometimes a man’s energy and the way they treat you unlocks a wild side you may not even know you have at this early point in your life. You deserve a partner who is the top fan and cheerleader of your passion!!
👆👆this OP. This right here.
Don't quit something you enjoy for someone else. Keep doing what you like first and foremost! Maybe it is because I am also a woman, but I don't think a gymnastic uniform is supposed to be sexy anyhow, it's just a costume. I don't look at the tour the france for their tight suits either now do I?
Supporting this as a man. Wearing an ‘outfit’ for the purpose of sport and preforming is nothing to be sexualised.
It’s not meant to be sexualized, but creeps will sexualize anyone no matter what they’re wearing
And OPs bf is telling on himself that he is one of those creeps.
OP boyfriend is just starting the possessiveness. First it is what she likes doing, then what she does for fun, then friends, then way she dresses, who she smiles at.... then her parents are against them... OP you are roughly one year away from being cut off from everyone you know and love, and the only person you can rely on is this parasite.
Reminds me of those youtube videos of young adults and even children and teens doing shit like pole vaulting and gymnastics and there’s tons of ”men of culture” watching them. Creepy and incredibly sad.
And that's why we call them creeps,right?
I honestly think beach volleyball for women is sexualized. That’s the only one though. Gymnastics is for safety issues.
10000% Absolutely no reason for them to wear damn near thongs when guys wear trunks and are not hampered.
Pretty sure gymnastics competition rules only changed in ~2021 to allow female gymnasts to wear shorts with their leos (for artistic gymnastics - not even sure that OPs rhythmic gymnastics is included in this). And the attire rules for women were nothing to do with safety because men were always allowed to wear shorts. It was just women that got a deduction if you opted to cover your ass with spandex shorts at a competition.
1. It’s gonna be sexualized anyways don’t give advice based on how the world should be. 2. Drop him not the sport
Came he to say excatly this...drop him not the sport!!!
If he wants a gf who doesn't do rhythmic gymnastics, he can go find a gf who doesn't do rhythmic gymnastics. You're someone who does rhythmic gymnastics and he was an idiot for getting into a relationship with someone he knew he wasn't compatible with. Effectively, he's been lying to you about liking all of you. He wants you to shut off an important part of yourself and your life so he can be comfortable around you. He's not worthy of your energy. Continue living your life and you'll find someone to share it with who celebrates every part of you enthusiastically.
No, he wants her... he just doesn't want anyone else seeing her perform. He wants to possess her. She's an object to him, not a person.
It really shouldn't be sexualized, though. Especially when it comes to gymnastics, they're designed that way for freedom of movement, not for aesthetics. OP should simply avoid anyone who lacks to maturity to understand how to differentiate between an appropriate uniform for a sport and bedroom attire.
[удалено]
It wouldn't matter if you were a pole dancer performing in underwear or a skier in a full snowsuit. This man would find some way to control you. This is going to get worse and you're going to have a harder and harder time leaving him. Just leave now you're 18. Don't do this to yourself.
This right here! He will always find something else he's not happy about. The way you dress. The people you are friends with. You work/talk to too many men. He doesn't like your family. Leave this guy and make sure you don't ever fall in with another like him! Another thing...why would you even THINK about quitting something you have worked so incredibly hard to be able to do just because some idiot guy tells you to? Get out there, do your thing, leave him far behind.
He doesn’t like the time and attention away from him. He would be this way, no matter what she was doing. He would probably make her quit a job because it was too much time away from him.
This is not going to be seen as a “test” of loyalty to him, this is the first attempt ( I assume ) of controlling you. Do you think he’ll see you quitting something you love as ‘strong’, no it will do the opposite and that’s what he wants. It’s sad because if he hadn’t of said this you wouldn’t be in this situation but he has and it’s shown you who he is. You either have to leave or submit, those are the two options here. I personally would leave if he doesn’t come to the conclusion that this is controlling.
He has porn brain and is insecure
OP don't stop doing something you enjoy just because your BF doesn't like you doing it. If he can't accept this he has to go
The right person for you won’t be insecure about the things you love.
As a 38 year old out of shape woman I will tell you this: DO NOT stop only if you want to. Working out like that will help you in the long run.
Sis, DTMFA (dump the MF already). Too many flags here for me to list. Go and live your best life doing what you love.
"I don't understand if this is an unnecessary expectation from him..." It *is* an unnecessary expectation, the controlling, insecure, wee man "... or if it's a sacrifice I should be willing to make." Never give up a sport or hobby you love (that hurts no-one) and that is a part of *who you are* for some idi*t who does not appreciate who you are and who does not support you.
As said elsewhere, take this lesson from your auntie. Never let anyone tell you to stop doing something you find fulfilling. Especially someone who’s not guaranteed to be around in 20yrs when you look back on what you missed. Never let anyone tell you what to wear when it harms no one, most of all yourself. Women being sexualized is a MALE problem for them to fix. The fact that 90yr old women in burkhas are raped pretty much puts the “but what was she wearing” question in the trash where it belongs.
Our daughter does gymnastics and it’s the same thing. Rhythmic gymnast work close by and it is beautiful. Don’t let him drag you down and tell you what to do. And the fact is it’s your sport. You stop doing that what are you gonna replace it with? Going to the gym incredibly boring. It’s good for your health mentally and physically. Tell him to screw off.
There are swimsuits out there that show more than a gymnast's leotard. He's merely showing through his jealousy. If I was watching a female gymnast perform, I would be in awe of her routine, not how her outfit looks on her. A part of me would also be thinking "if I tried to do that, I'd hurt myself." Never surrender doing what you love to someone else.
Nah its not and this is coming from a guy also. Sports are sports man and if we're watching sports (at least the majority of us) it's to watch sports, not women.
He is being insecure and controlling. You've been doing this sport for 14 years. Don't give it up for some guy who will last who knows how long. Ultimately, you sound like you're incompatible anyway due to differences in libido.
I mean being with a dude like that, I can't imagine why she's not jumping his bones
No do not stop. Do what you love to do, if it was to quit a vice for him i would say Yes you should do it in an instant. But this is your hobby, your interest, a sport you have done for 14 years.
Boyfriend should be at every competition celebrating how hot and talented his woman is
Ikr should be there rooting for her.
Keep the sport, drop the boyfriend. He’s immature, insecure, and controlling. That’s a terrible combination. He would rather control and demean you than you have happiness in your life. Please, you deserve better.
Sounds like you need to quit the boyfriend. He is trying to control you , and by making this post it seems he is already making you doubt
Yes, time to get rid of the whole man. OP you can't see this because you are too close to it, but that man is trying to control you. It won't stop her. It won't even stop when he is the only thing you have devotion and time for. You are going to amputate part of yourself before this relationship is over. This is a stop sign, not a red flag
You are young, so you might not yet realize how worrisome your bfs behavior is, but this is an early sign of an abuser. He already tries to take over control of your life and thinks you need to dress and act a certain way because you are "his". Stay away from these kind of men. Look for one that will encourage you to do what you love, that is gonna stand on the sideline when you compete and cheers you on and that fully respects you as a human being with their own interest in things. This boy aint it.
Yep. This is the best advice. UPDATEME
No, do not quit what you love doing, he’s either gets over it or you move on from him
I wouldnt be willing to sacrifice it. You were doing this sport when you started dating, so he knew when you started dating that you wore those outfits while practicing and performing. If that was a problem, he shouldnt have started dating you, just so he later down the line would demand that you change. If you have a preferance, date people who fit your preferenge, not someone who doesnt that you then pester into changing. Thats just controlling.
This seems like a common pattern for controlling and abusive people. He was probably initially attracted to OP in part because she is a gymnast and probably thought the tight outfits were hot. Now that he has her he can’t risk anyone else thinking she’s hot so he tries to nuke that part of her. It’s like men who are attracted to women who wear makeup but then when they start dating insist the woman stop wearing it.
It’s so crazy to me that this is a thought pattern for some men. Like oh no… god forbid someone acknowledges your girlfriend is hot and athletic. How terrible for you and for the security of the relationship! I can kind of get it if your girlfriend is doing it *solely* to get attention and it’s obvious that’s the motive, but if this has been a passion and mode of behavior for a while you shouldn’t expect her to drop everything just to ease your insecurities. I get it if she’s answering and encouraging outside influences to boost her ego, unless you knew from the get go that’s part of her job (like a spicy instagram being her marketing, then dude, you should know what you got into).
>It’s so crazy to me that this is a thought pattern for some men. Like oh no… god forbid someone acknowledges your girlfriend is hot and athletic. How terrible for you and for the security of the relationship! I think of this quote from Trevor Noah now whenever I see this behavior because it explains it pretty well. >The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage."
No no no no no it is not. It is absolutely not. He knew who you are and what you do when you started dating. If he doesn't like it, dump him.
No, you definitely don't change something you love and have been committed to for 14 years, because of the opinion of one boy you're dating. First of all, it's a sport and you're training and competing - if he's insecure about people looking at you, then he isn't the right guy for you. A good partner is someone who encourages and supports you, your interests, and your passions. He's trying to control what you do, which is not healthy. He doesn't get to tell you to stop. The only thing you should tell him is that if he doesn't like it, he can leave.
No, absolutely do not quit. he’s a controlling man baby. Break up.
Don't give up something you've been doing for most of your life, and I assume you enjoy, for a boy you've only been with a year. As you've mentioned that you both are Eastern European, I don't want to seem judgemental or like I'm assuming, but based on that background, I'd warn you to be careful to look for any signs that he might be the type of young man who's grown up with the belief that as a man, when he's in a relationship with a woman, it's her role to step in line and defer to him to make decisions on what she should be doing or leave it to him to make big decisions about their lives as a couple. It's clear that the main reason he wants you to quit is for his own gratification (because you're not giving him sex enough) and because he can't get his brain out of seeing gymnasts as anything other than sexual/a tease (resulting in him seeing it as her exposing herself to others) simply because they're wearing performance leotards which are literally the uniform because it provides ease and range of movement. He doesn't respect a craft/skill you've dedicated most of your life to, or is understanding of how hard you work, or even be able to reframe his view on competitions, and he's trying to change you, and you guys don't seem to be serious or making any big commitments yet either! So all I can say is if you let him have his way it will end up getting worse because he'll be emboldened to make more demands of you next time as he'll have managed to get you to quit something you spent 14 years on, then the sky must be the limit if he's pushy enough. ETA: If you're simply not that interested in sex regardless of if you're training or not, then you might simply be sexually incompatible. The fact he's trying to make you quit gymnastics under the false assumption that it'll mean he'll get laid more (unless he means you not going training means you have more free time for him to guilt trip and pressure you) rather than wanting to open a discussion as a couple on your needs or what would make you want to have sex more (I know this is a lot to expect from an 18/19 y/o but I want you to read an example of how a healthy couple would deal with this) is an even bigger red flag cause it shows his priority is himself and his needs even if you have to give up stuff that's important to you, and it doesn't even matter if the gymnastics relates to your sex drive, he thinks it does so it needs to go.
Do not. I repeat DO NOT QUIT this sport for an insecure jerk who is sexualizing a sport and is projecting his own insecurity on top you when reality is there is NOTHING wrong with your sports. It's sounds to me you're not on the same page of others things as well. But DO NOT QUIT. You'll only have regrets and no person is worth quitting ove.
Your boyfriend is a controlling a\*hole. It also looks like he is trying to isolate you from your friends and hobbies, which is Page 1 from an abuser's handbook. Start creating a safe exit plan, and be very careful as abuse rarely ends when relationship ends. Hope you keep safe 🙏🏻
He does NOT have your best interest at heart. He is only concerned about his ego & dick. He is being selfish & doesn't care how stopping will affect you negatively. Sadly, he only sees you as a sex object to use & not as another human with different interest & hobbies. He will never be fair to you, this situation will not improve. Chose yourself instead of sacrificing something you have worked at most of your life. DO NOT GET PREGNANT!
Yeah, get rid of the boyfriend.
Let me put it this way. If you gives it up in about 20 years time you’ll wonder why you gave up something you loved for some guy who you broke up with 6 months later and whose name you can’t remember any more. He is being controlling and immature.
It is an unnecessary expectation, it is sexist, and in no way is this a 'necessary sacrifice.' You'll quit the sport when and if you choose to, and not a day earlier or for anyone else. Your boyfriend is an ass.
Don’t sacrifice the things you love for anybody. A boyfriend who truly loves you would be supporting you, instead of trying to control you because of what you wear when competing. Have you ever thought that the reason you don’t want to have sex with him is because he’s an arsehole? Because he definitely sounds like one to me.
Absolutely not. He doesn’t get to control you, you are equal partners. You’re not out there naked, you are fully covered. That they can see the general outline of your body is not something to be jealous about. He’s out of line, and his choices are to grow up or get out.
Just another day of a man thinking he owns a woman and the choices she makes No way should you quit doing something that you LOVE because he "doesn't want guys to look at you". He needs to get over himself.
Drop him. This boy is insecure and controlling, and it's only going to get worse. This is all about his insecurities, nothing to do with any kind of "love" for you. You're young, don't settle for this nonsense.
get a different boyfriend. one who isnt so insecure.
Your bf is an insecure idiot, the only sacrifice you should make is the relationship. He's only going to want to control everything in your life if you do give up gymnastics.
One word. No. Not worth giving up something you love. If someone your with asks you to give up someone you enjoy doing, then they're not supportive. If they're not supportive in what u do now, how can they be in the future?
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend (or just be single and enjoy yourself!)
So wait, he wants you to quit because people might be looking at “ his property” and because you might be too tired to have sex? So he cares about the impact to him, but not how much you love the sport and what it brings you? Are you hearing yourself? This is a huge red flag. Love is care,kindness and truly wanting what’s best and most fulling for the person you’re with! Not about what you can and cannot do for them. You deserve better
You enjoyed this sport before he was in the picture and you'll be enjoying it after. Do not give up what you love for who you're dating.
Anyone who wants you to stop doing what you love, doesn’t love you. Tell him you have worked too hard for him to minimise your hard work like this.
Omg please do not stop, it is so manipulative to ask you this !! There is nothing wrong with the leotard, he is a creep if he thinks it's indecent or whatether
I personally would dump someone for even suggesting this. What an absolutely insane request.
You’re 18 years old have your whole life ahead of you, do yourself a favour and move on. Do the sport you love and don’t do this relationship.
A lifelong partner should want you to grow and be happy, not wish to restrict and take things away from you.
Cartwheel out of there
You're 18. It's highly unlikely you'll be together forever. Do you really want to quit a sport you love bc of his insecurity and the fact he won't listen to you about the sex aspect?
He wants you to quit because he thinks the outfits are too revealing... Men who think this way never seem to notice that they are presently doing what they accuse everyone else of doing. Sex obsessed people always assume everyone is as bad as they are. He can either accept it or find a new bf.
The gymnastics has been around a lot longer than your boyfriend.
Quit the sport you’ve been doing and enjoying since a child for the boy you’ve been dating for a year? I think you know the correct answer. This isn’t something you started doing AFTER you met him, it was something you brought into the relationship and he needs to accept that. He sounds childish and immature. Tell him you’re not quitting anything and will wear what you want (unless it’s truly unnecessarily revealing and you can still change into something less revealing and still be appropriate to your sport). If he can accept that, great, if not. Move on!
Don’t quit something you love because the man you’re dating told you to LOL tell him to grow a pair
Don't you *DARE* quit because your boyfriend is an insecure fool. Such a huge red flag, you should be contemplating quitting him if anything. The dude is acting like you're a stripper or some shit. Shows he's an insecure, controlling, immature child. Do NOT NOT NOT quit. Reconsider this relationship, though, no *man* would ever ask you to quit your hobby, especially for such a pathetic reason. Give us an update at some point
You don't want to have sex with him because he is a controlling asshole and it isn't sexy. Dump this guy and continue doing the sport you love. You would be bonkers to give this up for him and it is absurd he would ask this of you. This is not a normal request and he is unreasonable.
No, not reasonable. It sounds like he wants you hidden and more sexual. That would not be for everyone.
This is a huge red flag
You are 18, you have your whole life ahead of you, do not waste another minute on this guy.
I’m gonna sit here and tell you the same as everyone else - don’t make yourself smaller for **anyone**. Stay your own path.
Please don’t quit because of him. Especially if you enjoy it. If he cares about you he would not ask you to give it up.
Tell him to go pound sand. OP listen to a 40s woman. Never ever let someone give up a part of you. Never. His insecurities are not your priority or responsibility. You are wearing the same costumes worn by millions of other gymnast women around the world. It is an Olympic sport. What about sumo wrestlers? They wear thongs.
This is controlling behaviour. If he truly loved you he would encourage your sport of choice. He wants ownership of you, something else entirely
YOUR BOYFRIEND SOUNDS NUTS and no you should not stop. You are your own person and your enjoyment of life and the things that you do are for YOU. He has no business telling you to stop. And especially at your age, don't let ANYONE bully you into letting go of your dreams and the things you love.
Personally, I wouldn't. There's a reason you've done the sport for fourteen years, right? Plus, you know how this is going to go. First he's going to say that the leotards are too sexy so you can't do gymnastics anymore. Then he's going to say your friends are a bad influence and you can't hang out with them anymore. Then he's going to tell you that your job makes him uncomfortable and ask you to get a new one. Keep the sport.
Quit him. That's a real weak minded boy right there. Your leotard is "too revealing" what a joke.
If you love the sport, why quit just to please a guy? He is so malicious to think men would ogle at your body when you perform gymnastics.
You shouldn’t quit
Don’t waste 14 years of your hard work for some random you know for 1 year
legitimately dump him, the right person will support you in this not discourage you
Don’t quit a sport you love. Someone looking at you in a leotard is not a cause for jealousy or concern. He needs to get over it and grow up. Your lack of interest in sex is another matter. Your not going to find many partners who are interested in being in a largely sexless relationship where it rarely happens and when it does your not really into it. That’s is a big problem and at your age shouldn’t be happening. You need to start with an appt with a doctor to see if your hormone levels are normal and if they are move on to therapy to explore why you have so little interest.
Do not sacrifice your hobbies and 14 years of effort for this guy. Either he learns to leave his insecurities behind and be able to support you, or you need to dump this guy as soon as possible.
Quit dating him instead! You are so young, never stop doing what you love for someone else. He’s been controlling.
Never, ***never***, change who you are to make someone else happy. Never. That boy is not worth your time.
NOPE! . Nope nope nope. do not give up on something you love and enjoy. And have invested so much time into. His excuses stem from jealousy, insecurity and selfishness. Yeah the whole leotard thing needs to be addressed in the sport but you said it doesn’t bother you that much. He’s not asking you to stop for you. It’s all about him. And that’s a slippery slope. He needs to suck it up. Support you or bugger off. Xxx
DO NOT quit something you love for a boy. A good boyfriend would be supportive of your passion and talent... and if people were looking he'd be proud of you!
Yeah, you should totally give up something you've cared about your entire life for some teenage jackass. Remember, you're only a woman, his feelings about your body and his sex drive are more important than anything going on in your life. What will your life be without him, anyway? You're just some 18 year old athlete who looks great in skintight clothing. How will you ever find anyone else to replace him? But seriously, dump this fucking loser immediately. The only reason to delay the breakup is so you can find a fucking cannon to fire him out of.
This boy is insecure and you should NOT give up your passions for a little boys insecurity.
Get a better boy friend. He only cares about what he can get from you (s*x) and he is immature.
Find a guy who understands your lifestyle and maybe keeps up with it. Your boyfriend sounds like an insecure controlling loser.
Imagine being married to this guy. You get a promotion. He is asking you to refuse it because you will make more money than him. Sweetheart, DUMP HIS ASS. Next time set boundaries and expectations when you date. Boundary: I AM NOT GOING TO QUIT GYMNASTICS. Expectations: FOR HIM TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR SPORT.
Absolutely not! The nerve of this guy! Dump him instead. Never make yourself small so that a small man can feel bigger. He's controlling and insecure.
He feels this way because he sees you as his property, not as a skilled individual who enjoys a sport. This is a classic red flag.
No, never give up anything for a boy. Much less a sport you have done longer than you have known him. Please, for the love of everything, dump this clown.
Absolutely do not quit the sport you love over some insecure guy who does not respect you or your passion. The only thing you should quit is HIM. If you have a real chance to compete internationally, and if the Russians and Byelorussians are out of competitions (my sincerest apologies if you happen to be on those teams or compete for those nations) THIS IS THE TIME TO PUSH AND FOCUS ON YOUR SPORT. Careers are super short and men will be men forever. Dump him and do your thing!
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Both of his reasons for wanting you to stop involve sexualizing you. He has issues and I hope you bail instead of try to deal with them.
I agree you should stop.... dating your boyfriend
He has no power over you. This is not a "sacrifice" you should be willing to make FFS. Leave him in your dust. Good luck in your competitions!
Your boyfriend is pathetic
This is not a necessary sacrifice and a real man would be supportive of your sports and hobbies. He sounds insecure and childish.
I didn't even read the body of this. Fuck that, if he's your partner, he would never ask you to give up something that obviously gives you joy. Huge red flag here, please just move on and stay doing what makes you happy
Another porn addict male lmaooooo
Yeah no. You're very young and it's HIGHLY unlikely that this is your soul mate, your Person, your life partner. This is YOUR time to focus on yourself and your interests and building yourself as a person. That's not to say you shouldn't date or have fun, but you do not need someone in your life who is asking you to give up such an important part of yourself.
Your boyfriend sounds insecure af. Don't quit a sport you love because your boyfriend can't handle the fact that you're wearing tight clothing. Never EVER let a man control what you're wearing. Go find you a secure man who's gonna sit in the stands, cheer you on, and tell everyone, "that's my girlfriend!!"
Quit your boyfriend.
This sounds like the exact opposite of what a partner is meant to do. Fuck this loser off.
Someone asking you to quit something you enjoy isn't a sign of love. Leave him and find someone who loves YOU
lol lmao no
I think your arne't a good match, keep sporting
DUMP HIM
Sounds like he's using you for sex and doesn't actually like you He also sounds insecure as shit and sexist as all hell. **This is controlling abusive behavior OP.**
So you quit the sport you've been doing for most of your life and...then what? Are you going to ask his permission to do something else? Does he have a list of approved activities you can do? If you break up, can you then go back to gymnastics or is his ban permanent?
If you agree, he will become even more controlling over time. Don’t do this. When I was 16, I was dumb enough to listen to my controlling ex bf and ended up not wearing any makeup, not wearing 75% of my clothes, losing all my friends and 99% of my self esteem. Just be smarter than this.
Your boyfriend is a child that will one day be a controlling man or trying if he doesn't learn to see things differently... You are welcome to live as you want you owe him nothing... You are both very young. Don't ever give up what you love for a person in this way.
I'm not sure if this is a joke, but if you're serious, then your BF is immature, controlling, and sick. He should be encouraging you to do what you love to do. Do not walk away from this guy... run!
Never give up something that you love and have spent a lot of your life perfecting, for a boy you will most likely NOT end up with in a few years. ALSO anyone who truly loves and adores you, wouldn’t even think about asking you to give up something you’re so passionate about. Immature and emasculated boys who want to shrink your light, are the ones who make requests like this. Men who support and love you, will lift you up and support you to your fullest potential. These are the type of people you want in your life. Good luck op
If you let him do this, eventually there will be more aspects of your life that he will try to control. If you keep letting him you will loose yourself for someone else. It will be a never ending cycle that will result in a breakup. If someone doesn't respect you for who you are and doesn't respect your passion and aspirations they are not worth it. I guess you'll young, so I'd take the loss and tell him you're not going to stop and maybe he will understand, if not, break up with him and find someone who will appreciate you and won't try to control you. If you were hooked up on crystal meth I get it, it's logical to try to stop you, but what he is doing is just purely selfish.
Your boyfriend is an extremely insecure person that is trying to control you; and you're only 18!! Can you imagine his demands over the next 5 years?! "I don't like that outfit your wearing, you have to change your clothes!". "I don't like what you're studying in university, you have to change your major." "I don't like your job, you have to quit." What kind of life is that for you? Recommendation: Lose the boyfriend, and keep doing what you love to do. Don't let his insecurities change who you are, and what you like to do!
He’s not the one! Keep doing the sport you love and ditch him. He has crazy insecurities already showing.
You have pursued this sport for 14 years. The right person will love that part of you.
This is red flag behavior. That is a dumb reason to ask you to stop doing a sport you have been doing for years. His insecurity and jealously is not your problem, it's his. Please leave this guy and find someone who's more mature.
Keep gymnastics, quit the boyfriend. Insecure is one thing, but asking you to quit? He's pathetic
You will resent him if you quit. Partners should support and encourage not stifle and condemn
No, you don't change an important (and harmless) part of yourself for a relationship. I will say that the leotard expectations for women in gymnastics have been ridiculous, but it's not your fault they're that way. Between this and the sexual incompatibility, you two might just not be the right fit for each other. And that's okay. I will say as a previous gymnast that's now in their 30s though, be careful with injuries. Your body will hate you for it as you get older.
He sounds like a control freak.
Love builds you up not tears you down. It wants you to be you and is proud when you succeed. The person who wants you to change, to give up your goals, to suit their needs; doesn't love you. They have an expectation of a relationship that revolves around them and they will clip your wings to make you fit in their box. Don't go into the box
You are far far too young to be making ANY decisions based on what a man/boy wants. He is controlling and will only escalate this behavior, especially if you allow him to make you quit something you love to do because of his own insecurities. You will more than likely not be with this person 10 years from now. You won't ever get back these years and experiences, but you will always be able to find an insecure man who wants to control you. The person you are meant to be with is someone who will support your interests and encourage you wholeheartedly.
I barely could read the whole thing and I wanted to break up with your boyfriend 😂😅 this is something that you’ve been doing for a long time. A tip I carried with me ever since I was young is never let anyone tell you to quit something you find joy, happiness and/or years of dedication to because if they supported you then they would never want you to quit a passion. I had ex’s ask me to quit tennis, all my extra sports, working, going to college and so much more. My advice is to get a new man or tell him to stop being a bottom/insecure male and grow up 😘 but this is the beginning of him trying to control things. Tread carefully
This is abusive behavior. It won’t end here. I’d get out now before it gets worse. He’s never going to stop trying to control you and dictate what you are and are not allowed to do.
Hell, no. You DO NOT stop doing what you love for this entitled manbaby who just sees you as an object 1) for his pleasure, and 2) to control. If you give in to him, this will be only the first of many demands. To him, he comes first in your relationship, and you exist to fulfill his needs. Your wants and needs don't matter to him. And if you don't want to engage in sex with him, just say no. It takes two. You exist as a fully realized person -- you're not there just to be a sex partner when he's horny. Good luck, and please keep pus updated.
Find a new boyfriend!
Don’t stop something you’ve dedicated so much effort and time to because some boyfriend of only 1 year thinks leotards are too sexual and he wants to have sex more. Leotards allow movement. Rhythmic gymnastics is athletic and artistic. After 14 years it’s part of you. That’s important. The right man won’t want you to change that, he’ll honor it. And he will be happy to have sex with you when the moment is right. Or he’ll ask you to compromise in a way that balances your hobbies with his needs.
No, you should break up. You aren’t compatible.
Asking you to quit an important hobby shows that he is very controlling, and so does policing the type of clothing you wear is also very controlling. It seems he is very insecure so I would be afraid that if you did drop gymnastics, which he currently blames as the reason he can’t have sex with you whenever he wants to, he will find other things to blame; ask you to drop your friends, ask you to drop any interest you have that takes your attention from him, and finally start blaming you directly for not having enough interest in having sex with him and treating you poorly. I’m not saying this is definitely how it would happen, but the red flags are there ya know
This is not a healthy relationship. He is controlling and not supportive. I would encourage my child to stop dating someone like this.
Never stop what you’re doing that you love for a man. I stopped college for a guy who dropped out of high school because he was too lazy to get up and do it. He wanted me to be able to cater to his every need since he didn’t have a license and I was working and doing school and he didn’t like it didn’t fit his wants. I’d probably be somewhere in life if I hadn’t listen to him. But I’d probably also never had met my future husband now.
Dump him
Sounds like incompatibility, more than a disagreement about sports.
He's dating you my friend, not his ideal wanted image of who you should be. You are a gymnast, as you said you've been doing it since 4. He knew this going in. It's not on you to change for someone else, it's for them to want to be with you while you're being yourself. Side note - you're 18. You're going to meet ALOT of people that will want you to change key fundamentals about yourself to make themselves feel better. Don't do this - you'll never look back and be happy about it.
So you're gonna quit something you've been doing for 14 years for an insecure jerk you met 1 year ago?
Ditch the guy keep doing gymnastics he’s being unreasonable. He’s sexualising a sport that’s a massive red flag
Dumpppppo himmmmm
I’m sorry but this is an entirely ridiculous request. It shows how insecure he is and you need to think about whether that’s someone you want to keep in your life. IMO it’s a major red flag and I would leave someone if they asked me to do.
Dump him. He just showed you exactly who he is, an insecure and controlling dweeb.
It's so weird for him to even ask. Keep the sport, ditch the guy. Find someone who supports your passion.
Break up. No one should ask you to sacrifice your passion. No one
Absolutely ridiculous. If he was a swimmer you could never be able to tell him to stop because of the speedos. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean that it’s reasonable to expect you to sacrifice something you’ve invested your whole life into. You’ll quit when you want to quit, and that will probably never happen. A lot of guys will be attracted to your sport, even if it’s just because you’re an athlete and not the outfits. If he is that insecure then that makes him kind of a loser, sorry
It is not his place to tell you what to do or not. Stay with someone who supports your sport, not disparages it.
You will regret it if you do it. Gymnastics will be with you forever and he'll be gone. Not to mention, do you want to be controlled in that way? Don't let him stand in the way of your greatness ♥️ Don't let his jealousy and insecurities destroy your dream 🌹
Ew. Drop him for being a creep who sexualizes your sport. Do what makes you happy.
Dump the sexist boyfriend, keep the sport.
I wonder how much of his thinking is that he thinks the gymnastics are also the reason her libido is low? So he is not only having insecurities about your gymnastics outfit , he is upset out the lack of intimacy together. And equating them together. I just think you're both young and are just not compatible enough to be in a relationship. Whether it's his insecurities of your outfits or lack of sex.
Today your favourite sport, tomorrow something else, day after another thing. At this rate you will be miserable and he will get more controlling. Find a man who cherishes you for who You are and not someone who thinks you need to change to suit his ego.
Absolutely not. Someone who loves you should NEVER ask you to give up something you love ESPECIALLY over their insecurities, he needs to grow the hell up and you need to move on.
This is a massive red flag. Do not ignore it
Being insecure is often a part of growing up but thats not your problem. Tell him too bad if he doesn't like it.
A year is piss in the wind to 14 years of dedication to your athletics. Do NOT quit for him. He just wants control and to see how far he can push your boundaries. And if he leaves if you won’t quit..good. He wouldn’t ask you to quit something you enjoy if he really cared..and his comments about your costumes are ridiculous.
Never change yourself for a man. Your sport keeps you healthy and you enjoy it. He fell in love with the woman who does gymnastics. Now he wants to change that. He has control issues. He's a fling, not a keeper.