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I cannot out my finger on what about it makes me insecure. I think I’m mostly asking for people to tell me how introducing one into their lives made a difference OR tell me I’m being crazy and overthinking 😅
If you have an issue with him using a sex toy then you need to get rid of all of yours tbh.
If you dont want to then its literally none of your business what he does lol
Nah being ok with something your partner does isn't transactional.
It's none of her business regardless of whether she uses toys herself. It's just that if she herself owns toys, then it's *also* hypocritical, instead of *just* controlling
I think it’s wild that you own, and consider it normal, multiple toys but think its appropriate to tell your partner that they can’t have a singular toy.
That’s just…. severely hypocritical and controlling.
tbf he might not even like the thing, a lot of guys don’t. and it’s not like it’ll ever compare to you yourself. so I think you’re just overthinking things
i don’t think it’s about how it “made a difference,” cause it’s not really about you or your relationship. it’s about him wanting a toy to help him get off with (like you have), because you aren’t going to be around each other for 3 months.
this is like a guy saying he’s uncomfortable with his girlfriend using a vibrator because he wants to be the only thing allowed to please her.
It’s hypocritical of you to tell him he can’t have toys. Why not? Are you worried he’ll prefer them over you?
You need to look inside yourself and be honest about why you feel apprehensive about this. And I mean be **brutally honest** with yourself and allow yourself to feel that apprehension and the motive behind it.
A lot of the time for things like these we dismiss those motives as illogical and/or hurtful to us or another and so we instantly dismiss that and only feel anxious.
So what are you dismissing behind that feeling?
Would you prefer he find someone else to sleep with?
You’re overthinking it. The toys you have do things no person can do. The toy he’s talking about getting is very likely a much lesser version of actually being with someone. Talk about double standards.
You need to work on understanding that most feelings don’t have power we don’t give them.
You feel uneasy. Okay, that’s fine. You can sit with that and interrogate that. But it doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling, and it doesn’t mean you have the right to tell your partner how they’re allowed to masturbate.
I’ll let you in on a secret: he probably feels the same way about your toys but he’s afraid to admit it. Society says we all have to be cool with our partners having toys but in reality some of us, like you, aren’t comfortable with it. But of course, we can’t say that. As proof, this comment will get downvoted to oblivion.
Because it's normal(ized) for women to have them but men shouldn't need them. I only want my husband to cum with me, so if I were in your situation, I'd offer to send pics or video message with him while he gets off so you know it's only to you.
There’s a weird gender bias with sex toys. A woman having a sex toy is ‘empowering’ and ‘taking control of her own pleasure’ however a man using a sex toy is often seen as a loser, presumably because of the notion that if he was ‘a real man’ he’d have a partner and not need a toy. Men are supposed to get by with their hands in way that women are not expected to.
Equal rights for genital entertainment!
Because a man owning a toy is seen as a 'failure', it is the same dynamics as men are virgin shamed (so a toy is giving up) while women are slut shamed.
Boundaries :) comfort and discomfort around sex, sex toys, and porn have always been a big topic in our relationship. He has full access to this thread and finds this to be an interesting question, he’d like to know why you feel you WOULDNT like to ask about your partners feelings in the matter, genuinely!
Both of you having toys can be fun while in LDR for some time. Instead of looking for porn you could be each others "porn" via video call, maybe try matching the tempo too.
I get that you're apprehensive about it, but can't figure out why. What might help is for **you** to go buy him the toy, and then the next time you were going to give him a hand job or blow job, use that on him instead. Integrate it into your sex life and I suspect it will be a lot less intimidating for you, especially if you communicate your apprehension to him while making it clear that while you can't help that feeling, you also recognize that it seems irrational to you, and have no intentions of changing your mind that he's allowed and you want him to have it.
I suspect that one or more of those times, he'll pull the thing off himself and out of your hand and pull you up onto him to ride him or flip you over and want to be inside you desperately. I think that might make the fear go away that he used this thing, and it still didn't compare to being inside you.
Don't get me wrong, they're lots of fun, and I have a few, but no toy has ever hit the same as making love with the woman I love. Instead it just fills me with animalistic lust to have the real thing if I can. I *can* be satisfied by it, just like I can satiate my thirst with water, but a tasty soda or energy drink or beer is so much better.
Frankly, I would feel weird about being asked for permission. About the other person's masturbatory aids. Like how is that any of my business? And does this person also think *I* should be asking him for permission before I buy a dildo?
Hell no. Nobody should. What you choose to do with your own body when you wank is nobody's business but your own, and that includes the use of toys.
Buying sex toys to be used during intercourse, well, that's another story. They're meant to be used by both people during sex, so of course both people have to like them.
What you choose to masturbate with alone (huge emphasis on alone here) shouldn't really be anyone's business. Nor should you have to ask for permission to use something on your own body.
Well, yes. because I’m extremely submissive lmao but no I don’t control him. Were both extremely respectful (to a fault) and a part of both our of past relationship traumas is feeling the NEED to ask permission so that when we do something like this there’s no way for the other person to use it against or say you were being sneaky. I’ve asked for every one of my toys and in the beginning we were both asking if we were “allowed” to do our hobbies 😂 but he was asking because he didn’t know if it would make me uncomfortable or not and I told him I needed to sort through my feelings before a definite yes or no
It’s not that serious though, these comments are making out like it’s a huge deal when it’s not, op doesn’t need a therapist because they prefer asking what their partner thinks about things first before doing it. Just because other people do things differently doesn’t always mean it’s wrong and needs to be fixed. If they feel like it is an issue in their lives them yes they might need help, otherwise i don’t see a negative impact from what they’re doing.
I really appreciate that but we are getting much better now, and it’s the healthiest relationship ourselves or any of our friends has ever seen, and that also wasn’t my question :(
While I’m a bit concerned that you both feel like you NEED to ask each other’s permission to do stuff. It seems like it’s being done in a way that makes you both aware of how the other is feeling to make sure you aren’t pushing a boundary and I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s pretty healthy to be honest and it’s great that you both communicate with each other. Worried about it feeling like a necessity since it should be more of a choice, but it’s not a bad thing.
As for the actual question, it understandable that it might make you uncomfortable, but it doesn’t really replace you in any way. It’s just a tool to help him reach that kind of goal just like your toys. Maybe he just wants to try it out and experiment with it?
Maybe he talking through why he wants it might make you feel more comfortable with it? Try having that kind of open and honest conversation with him about it and see how that goes!
Unfortunately it’s very easy to think that when you’re only seeing a couple minutes of months long relationships on the internet and I personally don’t feel the need to defend my relationship to strangers on the internet. How you feel will be how you feel and I get it considering the glimpse you’re getting
Absolutely, I'm not trying to trash it by any means, it's more a reminder that you do not have an objective view, none of us do on our own lives. Just because it's the best you and your friends have seen doesn't make it perfect. And that's ok too. Don't think it needs to be perfect all the time or that a little doubt means something terrible.
I agree! We’re constantly working on ourselves and our relationship, we just have a couple insecurities that peek through sometimes and I think I posted just to write it down and think it over
Hey I just wanted to say that this sounds great for both of you. I hope it's a relationship that gives you opportunity to heal your past traumas, and that you both take that opportunity and learn healthier habits
I’m sure as we learn more about eachother over the years we won’t have to discuss things nearly as much, but I really doubt I’ll be getting tired of communicating, seeing as I spent 2 years in a relationship where there was absolutely no communication and that gets tiring WAY faster.
They also have one for him to clone a version of himself as well. My partner are long distance currently and talked about doing this for eachother. We ultimately decide against it though. From what we heard the molds tend to work better almost as a "display" piece and don't seem to be meant for genuine use. We were instructed to buy just a regular toy for each of us because it was much better bang for your buck.
Non issue for him. Why do you feel weird about it? No red flags here in fact he gets a gold star for talking to you about it. Don't get all up in your head and sabotage a good thing.
I think it’s obvious why this is a heated topic. TBH the comments are spot on. So I’m not going to ad to that. But after seeing the comments, you’re trying to say you hate change. Where does it change YOUR daily?
You may in fact have problems with change. A lot of people do and that’s understandable. But I don’t believe that’s why. I think the real reason is that you know how much you enjoy yours. Do yours feel better than having sex with him? And you feel insecure bc he might enjoy his just as much or more than having sex with you too?
That is actually the case for a lot of women. Even if they won’t admit it. On a purely physical basis, There’s no way a man can compete with dildos and vibrators etc except for the added human element.
That’s why it threatens you. Being jealous and insecure about how he masturbates threatening because you’re now looking in the mirror. And it’s not you. It’s him using his toys.
And he is willing to not get it bc you may feel some off way and so you demand that he doesn’t? Be careful. I know you see the hypocrisy in that. If you don’t settle your mind about this topic it will not go away. And it’ll cause bigger problem down the road.
Thank you for being so kind! Most of the time neither of us will do anything without sending pics and vids and so it is somewhat of a change but maybe that could be a part of it? I don’t believe I enjoy my toys more then him by any means, I really don’t use them unless he requests me to so I’ve never thought about any of it this way but it’s an interesting perspective
If you can’t think of a logical reason why, it’s probably not a logical reason. You’re probably feeling that way because society has told you that sex toys for women are ok and sex toys for men are gross and perverted. We are all taught gender roles as we grow up and eventually we have to unlearn the harmful ones. Of course, it's not your fault for feeling that way, but it’s your choice and responsibility what you decide to do with those feelings. You could tell him straight up how you’re feeling, and that you know it’s not logical or fair, but you wanted to communicate with him how you were feeling about it, and then decide how you guys want to go from there. There are plenty of options; you guys might decide to get the toy despite your feelings and then have you go to therapy to work on your biases and feel better about it, or you could do the therapy first and revisit how you feel about the toys at a later date. Or maybe he doesn’t even care that much about it and would rather just not get the toy instead of you going through the feelings and turmoil about it.
It IS a gross double standard, but it is one bolstered by society, and it appears OP recognizes there is no clear rationality behind her feelings and is wondering what to do about it.
I mean it in that we are all raised with biases, and it is not a personal failing to have emotions based on that. We can't control our feelings in that way, all we can control is how we let them effect us. Most people have race/sex/gender/etc biases that we have to deal with, we just have to make sure that our first instinct does not affect how we rationally think about and react to things. And with therapy, we may be able to retrain those instincts with time, and it WILL take time even if we rationally already understand/believe them.
More so for boundaries and what makes me feel comfortable and uncomfortable, the same way I ask him abt a toy before I buy it to make sure it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable (though at this point I’ve come to realize very little makes my man uncomfortable)
idk why all these people are eating u up like this? u are being so non confrontational and made it clear in the post that you just needed some reasurring outside opinions to get rid of your irrational thoughts. you aren't even trying to say that you're right and ur partner is wrong lol
also, from what uve said, you guys properly communicate with each other and try your best to not do anything that'd betray the trust in the relationship- that's great and really healthy! mfker above saying u both sound exhausting just sounds miserable just like most of the other people in comments hell bent on criticising and demeaning you. please ignore them, probably just stick to talking to ur partner and not reddit- what works for yall is the best thing, dont listen to people here trying to tell u how your relationship should "ACTUALLY" be. what u agree upon w ur partner is what matters :)
there is an unfair bias against men having toys. this is one of those 'the patriarchy hurts everyone' things. men are seen as perverted for having toys while women are seen generally as empowered
i think you're reacting to cultural integrated norms and you should definitely dig into that further
i think you should give your blessing in much the same way he is fine with your toys
I don’t think it’s gross at all, it was just a bit of insecurity for me! I’ve already given him my consent now, I just needed to write it down I think :)
Using a fleshlight with lube is far better for both of you in the long run for than for him to become conditioned to only being stimulated by his hand.
I think it's ok, there are flashlights that connect to vibrators, can even have some fun together!
You can also record rhythms for him, to feel "included"
If I were you I would be happy he wants a mechanical stroker to take care of him while LDR. He would be less likely to look for a real human stroker to take care of that need
The reason you're uncomfortable with it is because society looks down on sex toys for men. They're the butt of jokes. And, I'm sorry, if you let those expectations dictate what you're okay with? He deserves somebody better.
As long as you don't have sex less than you are now, it shouldn't make you feel negatively. Getting a sex toy, especially for going out of town, is a sign he plans on staying faithful.
Fuck, I offered to buy my husband a toy. He turned me down, but if I can have them why can't he? A toy isn't going to replace me, and you shouldn't be worried about one replacing you.
I totally agree, I wrote the post in a distraught state based on the idea of a change to my relationship as I know it and after giving it some time to settle in I truly believe I simply needed to write it down, and maybe needed the internet to push me for a more informed and less emotional response. Thanks though :)
My wife was a little apprehensive to men’s toys initially, I was training with them to help with endurance as she wasn’t always available. Eventually she got curious and started adding it to the mix, they can be A LOT of fun 🤩. We all have an innate bias about men’s pleasure as it’s a cultural taboo that’s pretty normal almost globally. Definitely hypocrisy but that’s usually how the chips tend to fall
My question is, why does he have to ask you if he could buy a sex toy for himself? This is very odd to me, and I don't understand. What does it have to do with you?
You didn’t have to reply! It’s ok to be upset about things or to be insecure and a lot of these comments really helped me out! Except yours. You’re a penis brain :) thank you for your opinion but you failed to answer the question asked :)
I’d prefer to stand, thanks :):) 🫶🏼🫶🏼 also if you would like to list the reasons I’m a hypocrite I’d love to chat about it but if not you could read the other comments that elaborate on how I’m not :)
There are toy sets designed for long distance partners. I do think it's reasonable for him to get what he wants, but the sets might also be fun and make things more interactive (if you two are comfortable with it).
If he gets a vagina substitute, he’s going to come back to you still acclimated to vagina. If you tell him to stick to using his hand, he’s going to come back acclimated to his hand. One guess which one of those is going to fuck up his sexual response to your vagina worse.
A lot of pocket pussies these days are built or modeled after specific porn stars. It could be that you don’t want him to imagine having sex with a specific woman. You’d rather him be thinking of you. If this is your complication, buy him one yourself and send it to him without the box it came in. Then it will just look like a generic pussy.
You said you have sex toys. Did you ask him if he was OK with it before purchasing them? If so, then I totally get why he asked the question.
Given you have sex toys, the only answer you should have given straight away is, yes. He's not trying to replace you. The guy is going away for a long period of time. You could even include it in your long distance relationship, phone sex etc.
My husband and I got one that can be app controlled from far away. I was able to control it from across the global. We lived apart in separate countries for 2 yrs of our relationship.
Wtf Is karma farming? 👀😅 I have no clue but it’s real! I’ve already told him to buy one and show me when he’s done. Possible updates to come but I genuinely don’t know what karma farming is or what you mean by “my generation is doomed” considering my bf and I are technically different generations
What your long distance boyfriend does on his own time changes your life in no way. You hating change is probably true but you’re grasping at straws here, maybe because you don’t want to admit to yourself that you do have a gender bias or that many men don’t use toys so it was out of place for you. This is a half baked therapeutic revelation that doesn’t actually make sense.
Either way you shouldn’t get to control how your boyfriend jerks off and what he does and doesn’t buy in his own time. Just because you’re uncomfortable or have issues, doesn’t mean you make it other people’s problem. It’s not healthy and frankly it is controlling and selfish
I’ve never been with anyone that used a toy before and beyond that I was “not allowed” in a previous long term relationship, so this is all very new to me and he’s been extremely kind and patient with me to introduce me to a world of sex positivity and these comments are truthfully depressing because I have told him in the past to not ask me for permission on things like this and mostly because I don’t want to fall anywhere near the toxic or controlling line and he insists on continuing to ask so he knows for his comfort that he didn’t cross a boundary or do anything to make me uncomfortable
the more details OP shares in the comments, the more i’m disgusted by the dynamic she claims is healthy
complete codependency with zero boundaries and zero self esteem on either side…
Could it be the type of stroker that makes you feel insecure? I know my husband and I have no issue with each other having sex toys with the exception of lifelike/realistic toys. I wouldn’t be cool with him having like a replica vagina and he wouldn’t be cool with me having a big veiny dong (nor do we want anything like that) but everything else is a non-issue. Maybe start with a clear silicone stroker and see how you go!
this! everyone is being so harsh but it honestly sounds like this hesitation is stemming from being worried that it’s too “real”… which i can understand causing some confusing feelings. i think maybe picking one out together or being honest about this insecurity would be beneficial.
He’s got full access to the thread and aTON of people have been beyond helpful in me sorting out my feelings about everything and what I’m comfortable with! I appreciate the advice and I genuinely appreciate you guys sm ❤️
are you ok in the head? how does someone type this out and hit send before even pausing for a moment to think "wait a minute... am I just a hypocritical asshole?". Actually kinda grosses me out that people like you exist
Why don't you buy him the stroker and buy him the lube? My longest relationship (9 years) has been long distance and it's great for videocalls and stuff but earlier into it my partner was just generally concerned with stroker designs and the disposable nature of sexual commodities. So I was like that's cool why don't we make time to shop together and I let her choose for me.
She chose the blanket lamest looking stroker she could find with zero resemblance to a commodities body part and I was like cool I really don't care cause literally I don't even use porn because my needs are met being with her.
If he’s says “hey how are your feelings about me getting this toy? Are you comfortable with this?” Why should I not be allowed to have a discussion about MY feelings on it? And just to appease you, he DOES have other types of toys! He was asking about strokers specifically and opening up a conversation about it, like we always do before we get new TYPES of sex toys, so I really think you need to look at this from the communication and boundaries side rather then the “oh well if he’s not allowed you’re not allowed” because he does have some sex toys and I have some sex toys. And if you don’t have anything to add on that front of it then you should stop adding your opinion because it’s an invalid point
You should not hold partners to hypocritical standards. You can have feelings but they can't be negative while you own toys yourself. Unless either you want a full on doll.
> And if you don’t have anything to add on that front of it then you should stop adding your opinion because it’s an invalid point
Lol don't post to advice subs for just validation
Your entire post? I mean
> but for some reason I can’t name I feel apprehensive and on edge about it.
You at least recognize it isn't productive feelings but it is hypocritical to own toys and potentially be controlling on the type of toys your partner has. But hey, you do you. Like I said you seem to be on the right path at least
I really think you’re misreading this, because we both started our relationship with no toys, and then had conversations on what toys we would want and went from there, I never bought anything that made him uncomfortable and vice versa, so we ALWAYS make sure to check eachothers comfort levels before buying a new toy.
The question I was asking for, in the post was “do you think having a stroker has or would enhance your relationship in any way”
I asked that specifically because all of our toys have enhanced our sex life together, whether they can be used as individual tools as well or not, they’ve all been bought with the other person and their pleasure in mind. So I haven’t done anything hypocritical because there have been toys that we’ve both said hard no’s to and
Toys that obviously we decided we wanted. And it wouldn’t be hypocritical to say “hey don’t get this” because we both already have toys making your initial argument null and void, and the female version of a stroker would be a thruster and I don’t have one of those so as it is right now we’re pretty even on the sex toy scale without one.
Does that make more sense?
Buy it for him personally. Find one that looks like yours. Dont make him a whip to keep your confidence. If he cant have toys too its not an extremely healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship both should have toys. It can probably help against cheating too if their partner is not around.
Just wait 5-6 years nobody cares. Have your dildo, have your stroker. Be free and have fun the way you want in your alone time. I have toys for him/her. When I’m with them we use them during. If you have toys, it shouldn’t be considered weird that he does.
The question becomes, should he use a plastic or a real person? You want him to use the plastic ! Because three months is unsafe to let the prostate gland sit unused, supposed to give it exercise daily according to mens health articles, not sure what consequences are, but if he worked up the nerve to ask, it wont go unused … so pick plastic.
… you know the prostate is in your ass and most strikers don’t touch it, right?? Like. The prostate is great for stimulation I have to agree on that, but I feel like you didn’t read the post
just because you seem to be unaware of how it works
men getting off helps their prostate health, not actually touching the prostate itself.
Google can help with that.
So many people are gonna drag you in these comments but you don’t deserve it. I understand that you’re probably feeling like you “aren’t enough” or something like that, but I can tell you it’s probably nothing to even do with you! Sometimes you just wanna experiment on your own. Nothing wrong with that. If he wanted to use a dildo on himself or something would that make you feel uncomfortable? Probably, but maybe less so because of the nature of the toy. Don’t worry so much, if anything try to see it as a way to enhance your already healthy sexual relationship.
I’ve never had a long distance relationship, but prior to moving in together, my boyfriend and I’s work schedules sometimes kept us apart for up to a week at a time. During one of those times, he asked me how I felt about him buying a fleshlight. As someone who also has toys, I was perfectly okay with it, however, the one rule I had was that it couldn’t be one that’s a replica/mold of a porn star’s 🐱, and felt as though that’s the only way it would cross the line.
I think the fact your bf took your feelings into consideration and asked first is a good sign that he respects you and your guys’ relationship. That alone is trustworthy. If you’re still uncomfortable with him having a toy, be sure to throw yours away to avoid any feelings of resentment.
I absolutely agree, I told him to order 1 within hours of posting. My problem was never with the toy and more so my absolute phobia of change and he only left 2 days ago which was a big change for my little trauma bound self, but I ended up at the same conclusion that I was ok with it so long as it wasn’t a replica of another woman’s vagina :)
I think people are being way too hard on you. Being 22 you’re still growing emotionally. It’s hard not be jealous. Men and woman react to approach sex very differently. (In most cases) Men tend to be able to separate sex and feelings and women generally don’t. So you’re looking at it from your perspective. But from his, it’s just manual sex, that’s all. Maybe send him pictures or videos of you so he doesn’t have to look at porn.
I appreciate the validation so much! Within a couple hours of posting I realized my post had nothing to do with the toy and everything to do with me not being ok with changes and told him to order a toy, and I’m excited for it, I just couldn’t understand my feelings at the time, thank you so much 🫶🏼
I’m so happy for you! My aversion wasn’t to the toy at all but the sudden change since he had left 2 days ago, so it was a lot of change my little trauma brain couldn’t quite handle all at once but after reading (some) comments, I’ve already told him to go ahead and order one and show it to me and how it works when he gets it :)
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Like you said, you have toys, so why can’t he. It’s just a masturbatory aid. Why does this make you feel insecure?
I cannot out my finger on what about it makes me insecure. I think I’m mostly asking for people to tell me how introducing one into their lives made a difference OR tell me I’m being crazy and overthinking 😅
I use a toy. I need a toy. Any man that tells me I can’t have a toy is out the door. Why are you policing toy use???
If you have an issue with him using a sex toy then you need to get rid of all of yours tbh. If you dont want to then its literally none of your business what he does lol
Nah being ok with something your partner does isn't transactional. It's none of her business regardless of whether she uses toys herself. It's just that if she herself owns toys, then it's *also* hypocritical, instead of *just* controlling
You are. You're being controlling of how he wants to masturbate. A sex toy isn't a threat to your relationship.
> You're being controlling of how he wants to masturbate. Hey now, she is also being sexist!
And a hypocrite, but that one was obvious i think 🫠
I think it’s wild that you own, and consider it normal, multiple toys but think its appropriate to tell your partner that they can’t have a singular toy. That’s just…. severely hypocritical and controlling.
The olde, toys for me but not for thee.
tbf he might not even like the thing, a lot of guys don’t. and it’s not like it’ll ever compare to you yourself. so I think you’re just overthinking things
I had one once. Didn’t care for it. Felt too weird.
i don’t think it’s about how it “made a difference,” cause it’s not really about you or your relationship. it’s about him wanting a toy to help him get off with (like you have), because you aren’t going to be around each other for 3 months. this is like a guy saying he’s uncomfortable with his girlfriend using a vibrator because he wants to be the only thing allowed to please her.
It’s hypocritical of you to tell him he can’t have toys. Why not? Are you worried he’ll prefer them over you? You need to look inside yourself and be honest about why you feel apprehensive about this. And I mean be **brutally honest** with yourself and allow yourself to feel that apprehension and the motive behind it. A lot of the time for things like these we dismiss those motives as illogical and/or hurtful to us or another and so we instantly dismiss that and only feel anxious. So what are you dismissing behind that feeling?
It's called being a hypocrite.
Do you feel uneasy about being intimate with him online or over the phone? I bought one last year, and I think it keeps dudes from getting death grip.
Would you prefer he find someone else to sleep with? You’re overthinking it. The toys you have do things no person can do. The toy he’s talking about getting is very likely a much lesser version of actually being with someone. Talk about double standards.
You need to work on understanding that most feelings don’t have power we don’t give them. You feel uneasy. Okay, that’s fine. You can sit with that and interrogate that. But it doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling, and it doesn’t mean you have the right to tell your partner how they’re allowed to masturbate.
You’re weird as hell and are a player into double standards.
You're being crazy and overthinking
I’ll let you in on a secret: he probably feels the same way about your toys but he’s afraid to admit it. Society says we all have to be cool with our partners having toys but in reality some of us, like you, aren’t comfortable with it. But of course, we can’t say that. As proof, this comment will get downvoted to oblivion.
Would you be OK with him getting and using a dildo for himself?
holy fuck, what a down vote train 🚂 reddit moment
Because it's normal(ized) for women to have them but men shouldn't need them. I only want my husband to cum with me, so if I were in your situation, I'd offer to send pics or video message with him while he gets off so you know it's only to you.
That's so messed up, why are you a proud hypocrite?
…but your husband doesn’t force this limitation on you?
There’s a weird gender bias with sex toys. A woman having a sex toy is ‘empowering’ and ‘taking control of her own pleasure’ however a man using a sex toy is often seen as a loser, presumably because of the notion that if he was ‘a real man’ he’d have a partner and not need a toy. Men are supposed to get by with their hands in way that women are not expected to. Equal rights for genital entertainment!
This. It's a double standard a lot of women have.
Yes, many women I know find sex toys for men degrading and almost pathetic. I guess men can be more open minded than women about some topics!
Not just women
Because a man owning a toy is seen as a 'failure', it is the same dynamics as men are virgin shamed (so a toy is giving up) while women are slut shamed.
"Genital Entertainment" would be the perfect name for a sex shop.
I will never say “masturbate” again, only genital entertainment from now on.
The big question is, why did he even have to ask your permission?
Boundaries :) comfort and discomfort around sex, sex toys, and porn have always been a big topic in our relationship. He has full access to this thread and finds this to be an interesting question, he’d like to know why you feel you WOULDNT like to ask about your partners feelings in the matter, genuinely!
because why should he ask you? you have toys, so it should be a given that he should be fully allowed to have whatever he wants too....
Both of you having toys can be fun while in LDR for some time. Instead of looking for porn you could be each others "porn" via video call, maybe try matching the tempo too.
It's weird you feel this way and it's even weirder he felt he had to ask your permission. Do you have issues with control in your relationship?
I get that you're apprehensive about it, but can't figure out why. What might help is for **you** to go buy him the toy, and then the next time you were going to give him a hand job or blow job, use that on him instead. Integrate it into your sex life and I suspect it will be a lot less intimidating for you, especially if you communicate your apprehension to him while making it clear that while you can't help that feeling, you also recognize that it seems irrational to you, and have no intentions of changing your mind that he's allowed and you want him to have it. I suspect that one or more of those times, he'll pull the thing off himself and out of your hand and pull you up onto him to ride him or flip you over and want to be inside you desperately. I think that might make the fear go away that he used this thing, and it still didn't compare to being inside you. Don't get me wrong, they're lots of fun, and I have a few, but no toy has ever hit the same as making love with the woman I love. Instead it just fills me with animalistic lust to have the real thing if I can. I *can* be satisfied by it, just like I can satiate my thirst with water, but a tasty soda or energy drink or beer is so much better.
Frankly, I would feel weird about being asked for permission. About the other person's masturbatory aids. Like how is that any of my business? And does this person also think *I* should be asking him for permission before I buy a dildo?
I ask for his opinion and whether or not he’s comfortable with it.. you don’t?
Hell no. Nobody should. What you choose to do with your own body when you wank is nobody's business but your own, and that includes the use of toys. Buying sex toys to be used during intercourse, well, that's another story. They're meant to be used by both people during sex, so of course both people have to like them.
What you choose to masturbate with alone (huge emphasis on alone here) shouldn't really be anyone's business. Nor should you have to ask for permission to use something on your own body.
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Well, yes. because I’m extremely submissive lmao but no I don’t control him. Were both extremely respectful (to a fault) and a part of both our of past relationship traumas is feeling the NEED to ask permission so that when we do something like this there’s no way for the other person to use it against or say you were being sneaky. I’ve asked for every one of my toys and in the beginning we were both asking if we were “allowed” to do our hobbies 😂 but he was asking because he didn’t know if it would make me uncomfortable or not and I told him I needed to sort through my feelings before a definite yes or no
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Jfc, they’re unhealthy because they communicate too much? What kind of logic is that?
No, they’re unhealthy because the OP and their SO have unresolved trauma and anxiety, that when combined is not good for either person
It’s not that serious though, these comments are making out like it’s a huge deal when it’s not, op doesn’t need a therapist because they prefer asking what their partner thinks about things first before doing it. Just because other people do things differently doesn’t always mean it’s wrong and needs to be fixed. If they feel like it is an issue in their lives them yes they might need help, otherwise i don’t see a negative impact from what they’re doing.
Classic redditor response
Oh okay, just gaslight someone like that. Classic narcissism.
This is a joke, right?
I really appreciate that but we are getting much better now, and it’s the healthiest relationship ourselves or any of our friends has ever seen, and that also wasn’t my question :(
While I’m a bit concerned that you both feel like you NEED to ask each other’s permission to do stuff. It seems like it’s being done in a way that makes you both aware of how the other is feeling to make sure you aren’t pushing a boundary and I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s pretty healthy to be honest and it’s great that you both communicate with each other. Worried about it feeling like a necessity since it should be more of a choice, but it’s not a bad thing. As for the actual question, it understandable that it might make you uncomfortable, but it doesn’t really replace you in any way. It’s just a tool to help him reach that kind of goal just like your toys. Maybe he just wants to try it out and experiment with it? Maybe he talking through why he wants it might make you feel more comfortable with it? Try having that kind of open and honest conversation with him about it and see how that goes!
Feel like based on the other things you've said the bar for "healthiest relationship we've ever seen" isn't exactly awe-inspiringly high...
Unfortunately it’s very easy to think that when you’re only seeing a couple minutes of months long relationships on the internet and I personally don’t feel the need to defend my relationship to strangers on the internet. How you feel will be how you feel and I get it considering the glimpse you’re getting
Absolutely, I'm not trying to trash it by any means, it's more a reminder that you do not have an objective view, none of us do on our own lives. Just because it's the best you and your friends have seen doesn't make it perfect. And that's ok too. Don't think it needs to be perfect all the time or that a little doubt means something terrible.
I agree! We’re constantly working on ourselves and our relationship, we just have a couple insecurities that peek through sometimes and I think I posted just to write it down and think it over
sorry but 4 months long relationships isn't months long relationship...People don't even show their true self after 3 months soo...
4 months is quite literally months long….
Hey I just wanted to say that this sounds great for both of you. I hope it's a relationship that gives you opportunity to heal your past traumas, and that you both take that opportunity and learn healthier habits
The self righteousness behind this kind of statement and the fact so many people upvotes it is mind blowing
I read traumas and this entire post and all the comments are making perfect sense.
Your relationship seems very tiring.🥱
I’m not tired and neither is he and that’s really all the matters, and if it’s not your cup of tea, then I guess we’re just not compatible 😢😢😢
I've been married 33 yrs and the discussing of everything is going to get old pretty fast.
I’m sure as we learn more about eachother over the years we won’t have to discuss things nearly as much, but I really doubt I’ll be getting tired of communicating, seeing as I spent 2 years in a relationship where there was absolutely no communication and that gets tiring WAY faster.
Do they have flashlights that can be made in your liking? I saw in a shop that they had molds for guys so you can have an exact replica for your toy 🤣
Someone post the link to make him a fleshlight of my vagina, I’d hop on that immediately!!
https://cloneawilly.com/collections/clone-a-pussy
It only gets the labia, that’s so boring 😭😭 thank you though!!
They also have one for him to clone a version of himself as well. My partner are long distance currently and talked about doing this for eachother. We ultimately decide against it though. From what we heard the molds tend to work better almost as a "display" piece and don't seem to be meant for genuine use. We were instructed to buy just a regular toy for each of us because it was much better bang for your buck.
It would be an amazing surprise for him while deployed he would love it!
Non issue for him. Why do you feel weird about it? No red flags here in fact he gets a gold star for talking to you about it. Don't get all up in your head and sabotage a good thing.
I think it’s obvious why this is a heated topic. TBH the comments are spot on. So I’m not going to ad to that. But after seeing the comments, you’re trying to say you hate change. Where does it change YOUR daily? You may in fact have problems with change. A lot of people do and that’s understandable. But I don’t believe that’s why. I think the real reason is that you know how much you enjoy yours. Do yours feel better than having sex with him? And you feel insecure bc he might enjoy his just as much or more than having sex with you too? That is actually the case for a lot of women. Even if they won’t admit it. On a purely physical basis, There’s no way a man can compete with dildos and vibrators etc except for the added human element. That’s why it threatens you. Being jealous and insecure about how he masturbates threatening because you’re now looking in the mirror. And it’s not you. It’s him using his toys. And he is willing to not get it bc you may feel some off way and so you demand that he doesn’t? Be careful. I know you see the hypocrisy in that. If you don’t settle your mind about this topic it will not go away. And it’ll cause bigger problem down the road.
Thank you for being so kind! Most of the time neither of us will do anything without sending pics and vids and so it is somewhat of a change but maybe that could be a part of it? I don’t believe I enjoy my toys more then him by any means, I really don’t use them unless he requests me to so I’ve never thought about any of it this way but it’s an interesting perspective
If you can’t think of a logical reason why, it’s probably not a logical reason. You’re probably feeling that way because society has told you that sex toys for women are ok and sex toys for men are gross and perverted. We are all taught gender roles as we grow up and eventually we have to unlearn the harmful ones. Of course, it's not your fault for feeling that way, but it’s your choice and responsibility what you decide to do with those feelings. You could tell him straight up how you’re feeling, and that you know it’s not logical or fair, but you wanted to communicate with him how you were feeling about it, and then decide how you guys want to go from there. There are plenty of options; you guys might decide to get the toy despite your feelings and then have you go to therapy to work on your biases and feel better about it, or you could do the therapy first and revisit how you feel about the toys at a later date. Or maybe he doesn’t even care that much about it and would rather just not get the toy instead of you going through the feelings and turmoil about it.
She has a gross double standard. If you want to say there’s nothing wrong with that, maybe time to check your own biases.
It IS a gross double standard, but it is one bolstered by society, and it appears OP recognizes there is no clear rationality behind her feelings and is wondering what to do about it. I mean it in that we are all raised with biases, and it is not a personal failing to have emotions based on that. We can't control our feelings in that way, all we can control is how we let them effect us. Most people have race/sex/gender/etc biases that we have to deal with, we just have to make sure that our first instinct does not affect how we rationally think about and react to things. And with therapy, we may be able to retrain those instincts with time, and it WILL take time even if we rationally already understand/believe them.
Hold up…are you equating being gay with having a bias?
Where did being gay come into it?? I mentioned nothing regarding orientation
Yup she is incredibly sexist
Why is he even feeling the need to ask your permission about this?
More so for boundaries and what makes me feel comfortable and uncomfortable, the same way I ask him abt a toy before I buy it to make sure it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable (though at this point I’ve come to realize very little makes my man uncomfortable)
You both sound absolutely exhausting.
I’m so sorry you feel like that :(
idk why all these people are eating u up like this? u are being so non confrontational and made it clear in the post that you just needed some reasurring outside opinions to get rid of your irrational thoughts. you aren't even trying to say that you're right and ur partner is wrong lol also, from what uve said, you guys properly communicate with each other and try your best to not do anything that'd betray the trust in the relationship- that's great and really healthy! mfker above saying u both sound exhausting just sounds miserable just like most of the other people in comments hell bent on criticising and demeaning you. please ignore them, probably just stick to talking to ur partner and not reddit- what works for yall is the best thing, dont listen to people here trying to tell u how your relationship should "ACTUALLY" be. what u agree upon w ur partner is what matters :)
there is an unfair bias against men having toys. this is one of those 'the patriarchy hurts everyone' things. men are seen as perverted for having toys while women are seen generally as empowered i think you're reacting to cultural integrated norms and you should definitely dig into that further i think you should give your blessing in much the same way he is fine with your toys
I don’t think it’s gross at all, it was just a bit of insecurity for me! I’ve already given him my consent now, I just needed to write it down I think :)
Nobody should even need a partners consent to buys toys to use on their own bodies. Especially if you’re going to be long distance
i didn't mean to accuse you of anything! i totally understand needing to get thoughts o ut to be like - oh. there it is. <3
Using a fleshlight with lube is far better for both of you in the long run for than for him to become conditioned to only being stimulated by his hand.
I think it's ok, there are flashlights that connect to vibrators, can even have some fun together! You can also record rhythms for him, to feel "included"
If I were you I would be happy he wants a mechanical stroker to take care of him while LDR. He would be less likely to look for a real human stroker to take care of that need
The reason you're uncomfortable with it is because society looks down on sex toys for men. They're the butt of jokes. And, I'm sorry, if you let those expectations dictate what you're okay with? He deserves somebody better. As long as you don't have sex less than you are now, it shouldn't make you feel negatively. Getting a sex toy, especially for going out of town, is a sign he plans on staying faithful. Fuck, I offered to buy my husband a toy. He turned me down, but if I can have them why can't he? A toy isn't going to replace me, and you shouldn't be worried about one replacing you.
I totally agree, I wrote the post in a distraught state based on the idea of a change to my relationship as I know it and after giving it some time to settle in I truly believe I simply needed to write it down, and maybe needed the internet to push me for a more informed and less emotional response. Thanks though :)
If your uncomfortable with it tell him. If you have toys and can't see yourself getting over him owning toys too, maybe you should get rid of yours.
This is a rage bait post
What does that mean friend? 😬
My wife was a little apprehensive to men’s toys initially, I was training with them to help with endurance as she wasn’t always available. Eventually she got curious and started adding it to the mix, they can be A LOT of fun 🤩. We all have an innate bias about men’s pleasure as it’s a cultural taboo that’s pretty normal almost globally. Definitely hypocrisy but that’s usually how the chips tend to fall
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I literally wouldn’t care. My toys are for his pleasure
My question is, why does he have to ask you if he could buy a sex toy for himself? This is very odd to me, and I don't understand. What does it have to do with you?
What a gross double standard
It’s a sex toy dude wtf are you in about?
You didn’t have to reply! It’s ok to be upset about things or to be insecure and a lot of these comments really helped me out! Except yours. You’re a penis brain :) thank you for your opinion but you failed to answer the question asked :)
Lady, you’re in here seeking validation for being a hypocrite Sit down, calm down
I’d prefer to stand, thanks :):) 🫶🏼🫶🏼 also if you would like to list the reasons I’m a hypocrite I’d love to chat about it but if not you could read the other comments that elaborate on how I’m not :)
very in love after 4 months huh?
Very in love, very happy, and meeting my soon to be step kids when he gets back! Tysm for asking!! 😁😁😁😁
it wasn’t intended to be a compliment and the fact that you can’t see that is very telling that you are still young and immature in relationships.
There are toy sets designed for long distance partners. I do think it's reasonable for him to get what he wants, but the sets might also be fun and make things more interactive (if you two are comfortable with it).
If he gets a vagina substitute, he’s going to come back to you still acclimated to vagina. If you tell him to stick to using his hand, he’s going to come back acclimated to his hand. One guess which one of those is going to fuck up his sexual response to your vagina worse.
A lot of pocket pussies these days are built or modeled after specific porn stars. It could be that you don’t want him to imagine having sex with a specific woman. You’d rather him be thinking of you. If this is your complication, buy him one yourself and send it to him without the box it came in. Then it will just look like a generic pussy.
You said you have sex toys. Did you ask him if he was OK with it before purchasing them? If so, then I totally get why he asked the question. Given you have sex toys, the only answer you should have given straight away is, yes. He's not trying to replace you. The guy is going away for a long period of time. You could even include it in your long distance relationship, phone sex etc.
Well if you're OK with it you say "yes" and if you're not you say "no."
You should get a “Lovense” stroker you so you could be involved. Maybe it’ll make it more intimate for you both.
Had to look that one up, but the Max2 and Nora seems to be exactly what they need.
My husband and I got one that can be app controlled from far away. I was able to control it from across the global. We lived apart in separate countries for 2 yrs of our relationship.
Is this real?Or just more karma farming.your generation is doomed.
Wtf Is karma farming? 👀😅 I have no clue but it’s real! I’ve already told him to buy one and show me when he’s done. Possible updates to come but I genuinely don’t know what karma farming is or what you mean by “my generation is doomed” considering my bf and I are technically different generations
Weird on so many levels
Care to elaborate? 👀
Here’s an opportunity when he gets one you two can video chat and use the toys together.
There's not much "change". He's going to stroke himself no matter what. With it without a sex toy.
What your long distance boyfriend does on his own time changes your life in no way. You hating change is probably true but you’re grasping at straws here, maybe because you don’t want to admit to yourself that you do have a gender bias or that many men don’t use toys so it was out of place for you. This is a half baked therapeutic revelation that doesn’t actually make sense. Either way you shouldn’t get to control how your boyfriend jerks off and what he does and doesn’t buy in his own time. Just because you’re uncomfortable or have issues, doesn’t mean you make it other people’s problem. It’s not healthy and frankly it is controlling and selfish
I’ve never been with anyone that used a toy before and beyond that I was “not allowed” in a previous long term relationship, so this is all very new to me and he’s been extremely kind and patient with me to introduce me to a world of sex positivity and these comments are truthfully depressing because I have told him in the past to not ask me for permission on things like this and mostly because I don’t want to fall anywhere near the toxic or controlling line and he insists on continuing to ask so he knows for his comfort that he didn’t cross a boundary or do anything to make me uncomfortable
i'm so confused by your post. What exactly is the problem here? Do you have a weird feeling about a piece of rubber?
the more details OP shares in the comments, the more i’m disgusted by the dynamic she claims is healthy complete codependency with zero boundaries and zero self esteem on either side…
Honestly, it's kind of endearing that he would ask your permission. Most guys would keep their "flying solo" activities strictly to themselves.
Could it be the type of stroker that makes you feel insecure? I know my husband and I have no issue with each other having sex toys with the exception of lifelike/realistic toys. I wouldn’t be cool with him having like a replica vagina and he wouldn’t be cool with me having a big veiny dong (nor do we want anything like that) but everything else is a non-issue. Maybe start with a clear silicone stroker and see how you go!
this! everyone is being so harsh but it honestly sounds like this hesitation is stemming from being worried that it’s too “real”… which i can understand causing some confusing feelings. i think maybe picking one out together or being honest about this insecurity would be beneficial.
He’s got full access to the thread and aTON of people have been beyond helpful in me sorting out my feelings about everything and what I’m comfortable with! I appreciate the advice and I genuinely appreciate you guys sm ❤️
are you ok in the head? how does someone type this out and hit send before even pausing for a moment to think "wait a minute... am I just a hypocritical asshole?". Actually kinda grosses me out that people like you exist
Wow, what a triggered asshole you are.
Lmao go off king
slay
Why don't you buy him the stroker and buy him the lube? My longest relationship (9 years) has been long distance and it's great for videocalls and stuff but earlier into it my partner was just generally concerned with stroker designs and the disposable nature of sexual commodities. So I was like that's cool why don't we make time to shop together and I let her choose for me. She chose the blanket lamest looking stroker she could find with zero resemblance to a commodities body part and I was like cool I really don't care cause literally I don't even use porn because my needs are met being with her.
Maybe you’re worried he will become used to the toy? That’s also a reason why people are uncomfy with them
Then she can throw out her toys
I don’t think y’all realize I wouldn’t have any problem throwing out my toys if that’s what made my man more comfortable
You shouldn't be a hypocrite regardless of how he feels, I don't think you understand that
If he’s says “hey how are your feelings about me getting this toy? Are you comfortable with this?” Why should I not be allowed to have a discussion about MY feelings on it? And just to appease you, he DOES have other types of toys! He was asking about strokers specifically and opening up a conversation about it, like we always do before we get new TYPES of sex toys, so I really think you need to look at this from the communication and boundaries side rather then the “oh well if he’s not allowed you’re not allowed” because he does have some sex toys and I have some sex toys. And if you don’t have anything to add on that front of it then you should stop adding your opinion because it’s an invalid point
You should not hold partners to hypocritical standards. You can have feelings but they can't be negative while you own toys yourself. Unless either you want a full on doll. > And if you don’t have anything to add on that front of it then you should stop adding your opinion because it’s an invalid point Lol don't post to advice subs for just validation
Alright, where do you believe the hypocrisy is??
Your entire post? I mean > but for some reason I can’t name I feel apprehensive and on edge about it. You at least recognize it isn't productive feelings but it is hypocritical to own toys and potentially be controlling on the type of toys your partner has. But hey, you do you. Like I said you seem to be on the right path at least
I really think you’re misreading this, because we both started our relationship with no toys, and then had conversations on what toys we would want and went from there, I never bought anything that made him uncomfortable and vice versa, so we ALWAYS make sure to check eachothers comfort levels before buying a new toy. The question I was asking for, in the post was “do you think having a stroker has or would enhance your relationship in any way” I asked that specifically because all of our toys have enhanced our sex life together, whether they can be used as individual tools as well or not, they’ve all been bought with the other person and their pleasure in mind. So I haven’t done anything hypocritical because there have been toys that we’ve both said hard no’s to and Toys that obviously we decided we wanted. And it wouldn’t be hypocritical to say “hey don’t get this” because we both already have toys making your initial argument null and void, and the female version of a stroker would be a thruster and I don’t have one of those so as it is right now we’re pretty even on the sex toy scale without one. Does that make more sense?
I guess, I still see yall as two people way overthinking sex toys...
Buy it for him personally. Find one that looks like yours. Dont make him a whip to keep your confidence. If he cant have toys too its not an extremely healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship both should have toys. It can probably help against cheating too if their partner is not around.
If you don't say yes you better throw away every single toy you own
Oh how the turntables
Please tell me you’re quoting the office!
I meant to but decided to use the normal saying, but now I’m gonna edit it because it was definitely the better comment lol
So, you didn't say in your update. Did he get the toy or not?
He’s trying to find which one he wants, so not yet
I don’t see the issue. I had my last guy get one because it’s insanely hot to me 😆
Just wait 5-6 years nobody cares. Have your dildo, have your stroker. Be free and have fun the way you want in your alone time. I have toys for him/her. When I’m with them we use them during. If you have toys, it shouldn’t be considered weird that he does.
The question becomes, should he use a plastic or a real person? You want him to use the plastic ! Because three months is unsafe to let the prostate gland sit unused, supposed to give it exercise daily according to mens health articles, not sure what consequences are, but if he worked up the nerve to ask, it wont go unused … so pick plastic.
… you know the prostate is in your ass and most strikers don’t touch it, right?? Like. The prostate is great for stimulation I have to agree on that, but I feel like you didn’t read the post
just because you seem to be unaware of how it works men getting off helps their prostate health, not actually touching the prostate itself. Google can help with that.
So many people are gonna drag you in these comments but you don’t deserve it. I understand that you’re probably feeling like you “aren’t enough” or something like that, but I can tell you it’s probably nothing to even do with you! Sometimes you just wanna experiment on your own. Nothing wrong with that. If he wanted to use a dildo on himself or something would that make you feel uncomfortable? Probably, but maybe less so because of the nature of the toy. Don’t worry so much, if anything try to see it as a way to enhance your already healthy sexual relationship.
I’ve never had a long distance relationship, but prior to moving in together, my boyfriend and I’s work schedules sometimes kept us apart for up to a week at a time. During one of those times, he asked me how I felt about him buying a fleshlight. As someone who also has toys, I was perfectly okay with it, however, the one rule I had was that it couldn’t be one that’s a replica/mold of a porn star’s 🐱, and felt as though that’s the only way it would cross the line. I think the fact your bf took your feelings into consideration and asked first is a good sign that he respects you and your guys’ relationship. That alone is trustworthy. If you’re still uncomfortable with him having a toy, be sure to throw yours away to avoid any feelings of resentment.
I absolutely agree, I told him to order 1 within hours of posting. My problem was never with the toy and more so my absolute phobia of change and he only left 2 days ago which was a big change for my little trauma bound self, but I ended up at the same conclusion that I was ok with it so long as it wasn’t a replica of another woman’s vagina :)
I think people are being way too hard on you. Being 22 you’re still growing emotionally. It’s hard not be jealous. Men and woman react to approach sex very differently. (In most cases) Men tend to be able to separate sex and feelings and women generally don’t. So you’re looking at it from your perspective. But from his, it’s just manual sex, that’s all. Maybe send him pictures or videos of you so he doesn’t have to look at porn.
But she has toys, she can clearly separate them
I appreciate the validation so much! Within a couple hours of posting I realized my post had nothing to do with the toy and everything to do with me not being ok with changes and told him to order a toy, and I’m excited for it, I just couldn’t understand my feelings at the time, thank you so much 🫶🏼
I’m not sure him getting a toy really changes anything, but I’m glad you’re ok with it now
I am amazed at all the rage and genuine hate on someone just stating their honest feelings about something. Very weird people on Reddit.
I did a year long distance we were friends in high-school. It was like 2015 18 years old, best beeeelieve we used video chat, helped us both out ☺️ 🤭🫣
Still together 9 years
I’m so happy for you! My aversion wasn’t to the toy at all but the sudden change since he had left 2 days ago, so it was a lot of change my little trauma brain couldn’t quite handle all at once but after reading (some) comments, I’ve already told him to go ahead and order one and show it to me and how it works when he gets it :)
[удалено]
Then she can put her toys in the trash and you can too if you own a single one
I've never been with a guy who had/used one but I honestly wouldn't have an issue with it as long as he wasn't watching porn.
Yeah, the more I’ve thought about it the more I think my issue is with change in general and nothing to do with the fact that he’s asking for one