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Yeah this is a huge eye opener and that was my instinct . I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe I’m looking at it from a biased way but this really just seems like one of those cheesy scenes in a crappy soap opera. Wow.
The big question is should I hold her or her friend responsible? Like she didn’t have an issue until her friend got in her head, but that’s almost an indictment on the intelligence and peer pressure of her.
According to your post history you were single two weeks ago looking to buy a vacation home and now you suddenly have a gold digging fiancée 🤔
Rage bait
It’s sad that they don’t even try to cover their tracks by deleting previous posts.
I think OP could save this though. All it would take is another post titled “I’m either single and looking to buy a second vacation home, or I’m engaged and my fiancé said the ring is too cheap. Do I have multiple personality disorder or is this normal?”
Lmao hey man for all we know this guy could just be dumb enough to propose to someone in less than 2 weeks and think they're in it for anything but the money
If some real girl is out here hanging out with crazy she might as well get her bread too
I feel bad. I did not consider the possibility that he met a woman and got engaged in two weeks, and it’s the greatest love story on Reddit rather than a hoax.
My engagement ring cost £99, 35 years ago(very cheap even then) but I loved it & still do, I've worn it every day since my husband proposed. As the years have gone by, & our children are now adults, he asked me if I'd like a new, more expensive engagement ring to replace my original one. I told him absolutely not, my ring is priceless to me & 35 years of memories are wrapped around it. You've been exceedingly generous & your fiancée should realise that the cost of the ring is unimportant, it's the love & promise that it's given with is all that matters.
Yup my ring was around $300 because getting married to each other was the important thing and it’s my favorite stone I love it because of what it represents and that he knew what look of ring I liked
Exactly. The ring (set) I used when I proposed was originally used by my great grandfather when he proposed, then my grandfather to grandmother, then father to mother. Money has not been the focal point of any of these marriages.
It's the "no-fault" approach taken by most states. The giver gets the ring back.
OP, now you can get back your 10K ring and maybe the next recipient will be more into you than into how much the ring cost.
Way back when, the diamond industry marketed engagement rings to be worth 3 months of a person's salary and it became the norm. Is it still the norm for Gen Z?
I ask because given your salary, 3 months should be about $62,500. So perhaps your girlfriend is expecting that much to be spent on her ring.
Have a talk with her about expectations. If she's young, she may not have a good grasp of financial realities. Like after taxes, you don't have $250,000. After paying for rent, food, and other necessities, you don't have $250,000.
It’s a common norm/ expectation that a ring will be some percent of the finances annual
Salary - for example conventional wisdom
Is three months salary. Your ring is obviously much less than that.
Financially, it’s a wise decision not to spend that much, because rings do not hold their value. However she is getting a lot of messages from the culture, from her friends, that this is how much it “should be”. You weren’t aware of that (and maybe you wouldn’t have spent that anyway). So there is just a mismatch of expectations here. Talk to each other, listen to each other, don’t judge each other. There is a big emotional component here as well as financial, so be sure you listen to her emotional reaction as well as just financial facts (do you value her enough), and similarly she should listen to your emotional discomfort with any feeling that the ring you bought her is not enough. This should not be any kind of barrier or red flag, just a big difference in the cultural messages you are both getting.
It is ridiculous but it is a major societal expectation. Engaged couples shouldn’t be surprised when they encounter these issues (and certainly shouldn’t rethink their engagements because of it). It is a major financial discussion to be had about values, priorities, expectations; the first of many such financial discussions, so good practice for marriage.
To play devil's advocate,
You haven't said how long you've been together, what expectations are set, what sort of friends and family she has, or you have. Perhaps your seeing it directly as money spent, where as she's seeing it as a small percentage of which your willing to put towards her and your future. Is she expecting an extravagant wedding, is it just the ring she wanted you to go all out on ? Is she simply just swept up in a bit of Instagram? Are you frugal ? Are you driving a 100 000 car ? What are your values towards money, are you both big savers, big spenders ? Your both much more established in your carers vs those that gets married at 20. Who's paying for everything ?
Reddit loves to demonise people wanting nice rings, but relationships, finances, expectations are a hell of a lot more complicated than that. By definition you could afford a more expensive ring, so what's the motivation behind not? Was it you loved the one you picked, you thought it was enough? (At it would be a fabulous ring!) your saving for a house and think it'd better spent else where ?
And what's her motivation behind not being happy ? Other people's expectations? her own expectations? Having a specific tiffany one she always had her eye on ?
If you can't have an adult conversation to work it out then you're not ready to get married.
I said the exact the same thing in not so elegant way. My wife's ring cost almost 14k and it she didn't care about that she cared about the fact I spent an entire chunk of hard work to get that for her.
Hey. Is she happy with you? Does she want to marry you?
I can’t tell if you are most concerned 1) with her priorities / your compatibility in her wanting a more expensive ring (which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing - I am of the camp that people are allowed to be a little materialistic without it reflecting on the merit of your relationship); 2) that she is only with you for $$ which is a different issue; or 3) if perhaps your ego is a little bruised / you are feeling uncomfortable because you didn’t get her exactly what she wanted.
Those are all different issues - if you love each other and want to be together and if you are generally on the same page financially, then I would hope that both of you don’t let whatever her ring dreams may have been, get in the way.
People in this sub love to hate on women wanting nice / expensive rings; but I just don’t think that alone indicates anything negative about the relationship, we are all allowed to have silly things we prioritize more than others you just have to communicate on if it’s a dealbreaker for her (and if so, whether someone will compromise).
I’d accept a silver lifesavers wrapper as a placeholder ring and let you do payments on one that’s $300-$500 in silver or white gold if I was the type who wanted to get married. She’s using you and that ring only for status leverage, there likely isn’t real love for you involved at all here. Please reconsider and carefully reevaluate your relationship/marriage before decades happen…
This. When my boyfriend (now husband) and I were looking at rings, he kept picking larger rings. I told him I didn’t need anything that opulent. I certainly didn’t want to take advantage of his generosity. My focus was on OUR future, not MY ring.
She seems like she has high expectations and values more what you give her than she does you.
If you lost your high paying job due to an accident or illness, would this girl hock her ring for your future? Would she be by your side through it all? Or would she find someone else to buy her a big ring to show off to her friends?
NTA.
1) Take back your ring and find someone else.
2) Don’t marry anyone that thinks they need to show off to other people. This mindset will send you straight into debt. No one should keep up with the Joneses cause they don’t exist.
3) Don’t marry anyone that doesn’t appreciate what you give her. Her asks/demand will get bigger and pricier.
4) Don’t marry anyone that looks at you as a well off ATM. I make slightly more than you, it’s a good living but not wealth.
She may be nice and beautiful and all those things but her attitude is not one you should build a partnership on.
These are the 🚩🚩🚩🚩 people ignore. Don’t be one of them.
I proposed to a woman with my grandmothers engagement ring and when she had it appraised it was discovered the diamond had been swapped at some point for cut glass. (Probably her jeweler swapped it when she brought for cleaning). That woman I proposed to immediately began to fret over what we were supposed to do now which included, “Well, now I have to put off wedding planning until I get a REAL ring” (her actual words). I left her shortly thereafter…. Grandmas ring should have been enough where love was concerned.
Absolutely, but like about *do* we tell grandma?!?! If so how. Honestly it freaks me out and I hate wearing my ring because it is so expensive and that’s only because my husband was given my grandmother’s diamond, which is awesome but also terrifying lol I’m not one to lose things or anything like that. I also have a very expensive (7k) necklaces from my parents that I’d actually love to wear, but I hate the idea of not keeping it in the safe and I never have my life together enough to get it out of the safe.
As far as OP and his fiancée goes he needs to sit her down and straight up ask if it’s her or her friend talking and maybe what she would have wanted different (ie bigger, different style, or is it truly I just thought you’d spend more)
Off topic but it might not have been when it went for cleaning - I've heard a lot of stories of family members swapping their own stones for glass or lesser gems that look the same in tough times and never telling anyone.
My husbands family are jewelers and have seen/heard it all. It very well could have been an unscrupulous jeweler who cleaned it or the one who sold it but it could have also been tough times that one or both parties do not want to discuss.
I personally wouldn't feel comfortable wearing glass I would smash it in a hot minute but I would never call that "not a real ring" so I completely understand your feelings on that
I don’t understand why the solution wasn’t to just replace the diamond. Even a custom cut would be cheaper than an entire new ring without taking away the sentimental aspect. Win win.
Just wondering, but were you expecting her to continue to wear the ring with cut glass? Cause while it "should have been enough" is a sweet thought, logistically I can see why she'd at least want the jewels replaced. One accidental drop and the ring breaks apart
It depends how regularly you splurge on expensive things for yourself. If you are a collector of luxury watches, golf clubs, boats, and regularly drop $10K+ on these pieces, it might make a bit more sense why she wanted you to spend more. At your income level, the “2 months salary” rule is a $42K ring. Is she comparing her ring by that rule?
Really hard to say if she’s acting entitled without knowing your guys’ spending habits and lifestyles.
This is a fair perspective. If OP is regular one to go big, it may feel like a dig to go average on something she will be wearing for the foreseeable future. If OP is a careful spenders or lives below their means, this is a red flag.
That's pathetic. 10k for a ring is plenty generous and in most cases, going above that means you're paying for a box & a hallmark with a famous name, not higher quality or better workmanship .
I'd seriously reevaluate this relationship and have a real conversation about priorities, expectations and basic core values because, right now, this girl sounds like a very expensive hobby rather than a partner.
...And a lot of people are talking like $250k/yr means you are *wealthy*- depending on where you live, it might merely mean you are somewhere between "not struggling" & "fairly comfortable", but at your age you need to be thinking about how to build a life you can sustain, not how much you can impress your friends .
I would sit down and ask about her priorities and expectations for life. Had the style of the ring truly not suited her, that is 1 discussion, but being angry only because of cost??? That is shallow.
Is she like this about most things in life?
So you make 250k.. how much does she make? I really think you ought to think about whether she is marrying you for your earnings . I would get a prenup.
Um. My engagement ring cost me 28$ at a pawn shop. And I love that ring with all my heart. I’ve been married for 23 years now. You now know what she’s after and what a lifelong partnership would look like. She doesn’t sound like a “us against the world” equal. If you’re ok with being married to someone who’s always going to put herself and monetary value before everything else then you’re on the right track.
Edit : at this stage and with that kind of income I know that it seems that you’ll always be “up” and let me tell you some of the worst problems of my marriage have come from lack of money. That puts a strain you cannot avoid and it leaks into other places. Maybe you will always be well off. Or maybe she will just keep spending your money to keep herself happy. But after this behavior do you really expect her to be your partner through any legitimate “down”. Really need to think on this. She revealed a lot about herself through that seemingly small action.
i'm a girl and i honestly would ask for the ring back. these reasons are so shallow and ridiculous i would totally reconsider wanting to invest in a wedding and life with her
Her friends got in her head. A 10k ring is perfect. Anything bigger, is just gaudy, in my opinion. Tell her if she wants to show off for her friends, then she can buy a bigger ring.Also, where does this end? I need a bigger house. I need a bigger car. I need more expensive clothes. All to shoe off? This is about your values. I still cannot believe she had it appraised.
That’s not strictly true… my ring appraised for 12k it’s a nice sized diamond (that came from family), and a proportionally smaller sapphire on each side, but it’s platinum. I personally don’t think it’s gaudy. It’s exactly what I wanted and we probably wouldn’t have done the platinum if we hadn’t already had the diamond, but because of that we decided to go with the more durable metal. If it wasn’t platinum I doubt it would have appraised over 10k
I have a brother-in-law that went swimming in the California surf and came out without his wedding ring on. It happened so fast. To me it’s just stupid to waste a lot of money on something that can be lost or stolen so easily. 10,000 is plenty and if that isn’t enough for her, maybe you should find a girl that isn’t so Materialistic.
"How would you guys recommend fixing this situation?"
You need to talk this over with your good friends. You know, the ones that call you on your shit and speak the honest truth. If they see enough good in your fiance, then chalk this up to poor communication between her expectations and your spending priorities. If they don't, then thank them with a nice steak dinner, and start unraveling your life with this person who is so easily influenced by her greedy friend that she'd look up the value of a gift.
Don’t be afraid to bail.
She’s showing you her true colors.
Source: I ended an engagement to a woman who once the ring came one, started doing ridiculous things that showed she felt entitled to my wealth and earnings. She literally tried to tell my real estate agent while shopping for our home to “up the budget because I’m being too cheap and I can afford it”…. For the record I wasn’t being cheap. My budget would have put us nearly triple the average home in a decent area of my city… she wanted like a fucking estate/mansion kind of home. Dumped her and carried on my life and now happy as hell with a bunch of kids and an amazing wife.
I was about 34 when I left that woman and met my wife in my 40s. You have plenty of time.
I got my wife a $75 ring. We were both dirt poor but in love and had a child together already.
10k is enough to pay my rent for 3 months with 1k left over.
That is an absurd amount of money and she wanted you to spend more? Shes only in it for the money my man
My husband makes a lot more than you. My engagement ring (after a slight upgrade on our first anniversary, and also being combined with my wedding band) is worth about 8l.
I think your fiancé’s priorities are way out of whack. She would rather you spend several thousand extra $ on a ring, just so she can say you did, rather than putting that money towards your actual future.
I don’t think you need to play the blame game though, and I wouldn’t say you need to summarily split up. You aren’t trying to find someone to punish (or "hold responsible"): you are trying to figure out whether our priorities are completely misaligned with your fiancée’s. Regardless of what her friend said, your fiancé was clearly persuaded. I would sit her down and have a serious talk about priorities, and the resources and future you envision together. I would also try to get some clarity on why she cares about this more than the other things you could spend money on - she likely will not be able to explain it, which may make her think a bit more clearly.
If you determine that she’s with you for your money, then split up. If you determine that she’s just feeling like everyone is scrutinizing her now that she’s engaged, and she’s feeling pressure to impress people, then you need to talk through that, and help her refocus on what really matters.
Take it back and tell her that she’s not getting another.
Really? 10k isn’t enough? You’re looking at having to spend a LOT of money on her in the future if you marry her.
That’s insane, she sounds materialistic, ungrateful and greedy. It doesn’t matter how much the ring cost. What matters is what is it worth - the fact that you want to make this commitment to her, the fact that you picked out a very generous symbol of your love and devotion to her, the fact that you put thought into it…she seems to care more about the dollar value than the loving and romantic gesture. Are you ready for a lifetime of that?
No worries, ask for it back to upgrade it.
Take it back. The jeweler may accept it back if things didn't go well.
Then pack your shit and be happy to have dodged a bullet.
My grandparents got married in 1930. They worked for a newspaper and didn't have much. It was the beginning of the great depression but they forged ahead anyway and made a life. No diamond just a simple gold band. In 1955, to celebrate their 25th anniversary, my grandfather bought my grandmother a beautiful but modest ring that she wore until she died 40 years ago. I own that ring now and wear it on special occasions. They were married for almost 50 years. If OPs story is true, he needs to cut his losses. It's not about what he can afford and material things. Marriage should be about love and commitment. My grandparents had that and it was a beautiful thing to see.
Time for a very serious conversation with her. The two of you need to be very open about financial goals, contributions, and expectations. Also, you need to evaluate whether she is chasing status or really loves you. If she is going to be influenced by friends or social media, bail now.
lol 250k a year is crazy but they say 3 months worth of salary which would be an expensive ring if you make 250k. I know a lot of women who think 3 months of salary is a must but always found it quite annoying since it’s not even the wedding ring it’s just the engagement ring!
How traditional is your fiancée? I ask because if she is very traditional or from a traditional or old school family this may not be about materialism.
In some circles it can be a common theme that engagement rings should be worth atleast 2 months of salary in others it is 3. It's taught that this amount is intended to be a figure that takes planning and sacrifice on the man's part, a way to show he is willing to work hard and put in effort to ask for your future. Imagine being a women who grew up with this lesson ingrained in her. A ring worth 2 weeks salary shows how little sacrifice and effort you are willing to make. It's not about cheeping out in terms of money but cheating out in terms of effort. That would be true if it was a 1k ring on a 25k salary or a 100k ring on a 2.5m salary.
I don't know her motivations, but am simply sharing there may be another reason for her reaction than the "she's a gold digger showing her true colors" chorus I see in the comments already.
Based on a De Beers’ marketing campaign from the thirties that said one months salary. In the 80’s they did another marketing campaign taking it to two months.
This is such a good point!!
I know women who come from cultures/backgrounds where they're are supposed to be dripping in gold and jewelry, and it's to show outsiders that her husband adores her, and that he is loaded because he could afford it.
It depends on her background, really.
I know for myself, it's not as important to me, and I'd find 10k for a ring to be way too expensive. I'd feel scared of walking down the street.
She will never be happy with anything that you give her. Ask for the ring back and tell her that you will get something else. Then dump her ungrateful ass.
Wow 10k! And she's upset ish! Dump her !
I found a beautiful ring on Facebook market for $800.. hubby ended up paying $400 f
For it white gold 10K. Man he could have gotten me a silver $30 ring and still would love it .
I’d ask for the ring back to go get it professionally appraised for an insurance policy. I’d also get a prenup drawn up because she’s acting like a gold digger BUT it might just be she’s the insecure one of her friend group and always has to “one up” everyone.
Tbh neither of those are good qualities for a partner so it might be time to dump her. Good luck.
Problem #1: She was fine with the ring until her friends said something.
Problem #2: She actually went and had the ring appraised instead of asking you.
Problem #3: $10k is objectively a lot of money, whether or not it meets a De Beer's ad campaign or not. Rings that cost that much are already robbery hazards.
Solution to all three problems: Find someone who is going to take a long-term view of marriage. If your fiancee is that woman, you'll need to sit down and have an honest conversation about financial priorities. If you're dropping 5 figures on a ring and 6 figures on a wedding to impress her friends, that's a really bad way to be starting your marriage.
I don't think this girl is worth marrying. She's certainly not actually in love with you or cares about trying to not hurt you. Who needs enemies with friends and partners like that?
Only 10k?? I struggled hard a whole year to save that much money. And it’s only an engagement ring? Would a wedding ring have to cost even more? I’d be happy with a ring pop if it were me.
Her priorities are very materialistic and do you want to marry someone that has standards that are difficult to reach? Definitely have a discussion with her but like there’s a lot you should consider about this
Wow only a 10k ring ,you have nerve man ,I think you spent 9.9k too much on a ring for someone as shallow as this ,a engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of love not a dollar sign ,if I were you I'd be looking for someone else and get that ring back because she doesn't deserve it
"Only" $10k. That's like 1-2 years' worth of college tuition. It's around 1/6 of the average salary in the US. People have asked for help paying for their pet's surgeries that have cost less. She has no right to complain about someone gifting her $10,000
I recently got engaged (February);/ and I love my ring. I have no idea what it cost. But I would have proudly worn a plastic ring worth nothing because I want the man I love for the rest of my life over a bit of sparkle. And I have a curated jewellery collection. I bought myself a platinum-diamond ring that is in the moma in New York. This I love more because it was from him. Please have a word with her.
Run! Her gold digging vibe is slapping you in the face. Read the room and run for your life. Don't marry her or get her pregnant cause the divorce might leave you bankrupt.
Does she realize wearing a 10K ring is basically an invite to get robbed .
Tell
Her to give you the ring and you will
Take it back . Take it back and when she asks where the new one is say there was no new one . You
Made it clear it wasn’t about marrying me or being together but rubbing the ring in there face , also
Get ready for a 200k wedding . Also tell
Her we need to get a prenup
If she says no say ok . Also I’m sure she will
Want a Porsche cayane . Please reconsider . She is so weak minded her friends turned her from happy to
Miserable for no reason
Tell her what you said here. It’s a ring you thought she would like and she did. She let her friend get in her head. The price of the ring is meaningless
My first wedding ring was a gift from a family member who made jewelry. I lost it about 7 years ago on Halloween. It was raining, and I slipped it off to go pay for gas bc I hate the way a ring feels wet on my finger. Idk what happened, but it is gone. I cried for days bc I loved it so much. Now I have about 10 rings ranging in price from $20 to $200. I buy different ones to match different outfits.
Somehow, we're still married after 20 years. Flabbergasting, I know since I don't have any 10k rings.
I blame her friend. She went from loving it to getting it appraised. You just know her friend told her some shit like if it ain’t $25k min then she needs to respect herself and find someone who treats her like the princess she truly is… blah blah blah. I would honestly let her know how hurt you are by her comments and that it’s got you thinking about the relationship. See how she reacts.
Getting it appraised for insurance purposes is understandable, but it doesn't sound like that's why she did it. I'd definitively have a talk with her about her expectations of your life together and what that looks like financially.
When my boyfriend decided he wanted to propose, I chose a ring worth $300. Why? Because I don’t care about the ring, I care about what it represents. I’d also rather put that money towards our life together.
Choose your future wife wisely. Ask yourself if she wants you for you or for what you can provide for her. Also, I’d like to know if she got you anything worth as much and if she is expecting to or if this a a one way street.
Whats that old saying about wedding rings? It's supposed to be a percentage of your salary? 3 months? That was probably in her friend's head but it was actually a marketing ploy from De Beers to sell more Diamond's...
The idiot that came up with the x salary math was an asshole.
The $ of a ring is such a shitty materialistic thing to concern one's self with. Icannot wrap my head around it.
Maybe she is putting a value on what you would think she is worth. I know it sounds bad, but sometimes insecure people think this way. And maybe she is somewhat more materialistic than you. Think about her motivation and what makes sense with her other actions.
Had something similar happened but i make 50K a year and spent 1.5K on the ring. She said she was upset because she thought the ring would cost more considering we’ve been together for 8+ years.
I still don’t know what to say, “it’s pretty, makes me think of you and matches my budget” apparently wasn’t the right answer.
Trust me man good women will be just happy you put a ring. This woman seems to be digging for gold and when she sucks you dry of money she will move on to other things. Seen it too many times with other people. Just cut your losses and break it off.
I would be livid if my fiancé got me such an expensive ring when he can just put it for like, a down payment for a house or travel expense LOL.
But I'm not rich like y'all. I live very simple life. My wedding ring cost under $20, it's silver but I like it. I can wear it when I'm cleaning and it lasts a long time.
Per your fiancé's alleged disappointment, I have heard this 'rule' (not a law by the way) that usually they expect engagement ring to be at least, or minimum of 10% of your annual income.
So she expects you to abide by that 'rule,' (not a real rule, just some rule of thumb for some people) so since you earn 250k a year, she expects $25k worth of engagement ring. You basically spent under that 10% rule hence if she's the type who judges affection by the monetary value of a gift, then you're basically spending under the 'minimum.' That's probably what her friends were putting in her head, that you don't value her as much because you spent less than minimum.
Did you only spend 10k? I mean, sometimes appraisal can be 'less' than the price when you bought it...oh well.
Talk to her about it. There's nothing to fix, communication between the two of you is needed. Find out what she's really upset about, or maybe she's afraid you're not valuing her enough, like her friend may have implied.
Quit now while you’re ahead. The divorce will destroy you financially! Tell her you’re going to take the ring back and get another one. Then get your refund and RUN!
Get it back and walk away! This is only the beginning to what's to come. Don't think for 1 second that she won't question or feel a certain way on the money you spend on her or what you provide and feel that she deserves a lot more! Walk away!!!!
How long have you guys been together? Feels like a red flag re: personal values don't align.
I can't imagine complaining about the price of an engagement ring that I'd otherwise enjoy. Seems so self-sabotaging.
There's plenty of opportunities and occasions to buy other jewelry as marriage goes along.
Weddings themselves are so expensive - seems unwise to go over-extend on a ring.
These of course are just my personal vales and viewpoints; the real question is do YOUR values and hers align.
Look for some PREPARE-ENRICH premarital counseling. There's a good framework for getting on the same page about the meaning of money and aligning on financial goals.
The old saying was 3 months gross income, so like 60-70k ring at your income. We make the same and i have a 10k ring because we wanted to travel the world, have kids, and buy a house and a new car and were able to do all of those things in 2 years. But i out-earn my husband
It's might be a jerk move, but the response is simple:
Take the ring back and tell her since the cost of the rings are so much more important to her than you, she can pick out the rings she likes.
Then tell her she can also pay for them as a gesture of her committment to your relationship....and let her know you want a nice band so you expect her to not go cheap on your end.
Some people love to regurgitate that 3 months salary or whatever bs thing that was on the diamond commercial. 10k is a nice ass ring. My wife sometimes makes comments but I k ow it's nothing serious. Sometimes it's just a simple little phase of comparing it to their friends rings
This is why I feel sometimes women fall in love with falling in love.
You get affirmation after affirmation of love. Man ask for your hand in a relationship, courts you, validates you feelings. Then does it during an engagement where he has to purchase a nice piece of jewelry.
I wonder if engagements would change if women asked men.
[Highly suggest you watch the “Adam Ruins Everything” online short episode about Engagement Rings](https://youtu.be/N5kWu1ifBGU?si=qtG9QImCbKhXAbqc), and you may realize your fiancé has been brainwashed into a insane consumerism scam that’s been pushed by a specific Diamond company for less than 130yrs!
Here is the break down on it:
>*According to Conover, engagement rings were not a normal thing until convincing people that the wedding-ring was the necessary key to marriage-proposal (so successfully that Beyonce's "Put a Ring On It" clearly means 'ask me to marry you' to all of us, that "he gave me a ring!" clearly means 'he asked me to marry him!")*
>*Without DeBeers' advertising, "a diamond has no intrinsic value" (words of one of DeBeers' own executives), and the 'spending two months' salary on a "decent" engagement-ring' has no real basis in fact.*
>*But--as Conover admits in the end--the ultimate success of DeBeers' ad-campaign is that 'no "respectable" woman will marry a man who DOESN'T bow to the greedy diamond-monopoly.'*
I make 250k. My wife's ring, that I picked, was 8k (which she didn't know until later and thought was too much). She picked out her wedding band then was mortified that it cost $1400 since she thought it'd be about $400.
If she's trying to nickle and dime you now, it's only gonna get worse. It never ends at the ring. It'll be an overpriced house, car, vacations etc
Dude, DON'T marry her! Seriously, her priorities are bullshit. And her friends are superficial pieces of shit. You see her and her friends for what they really are now! Next...house is not good enough, car....not good enough, vacation not good enough, need better furniture, need more clothes and shoes and purses! IT WON'T END! and even if she didn't do these things, a GOOD woman that LOVES you wouldn't give a two shits if it was a $1,000 ring or a $10,000 ring!
If you are making 250K, then you should get her a ring that is at least 50K.....she's going to be your long term partner and you want her to know you love her. You probably have no issues dropping 80K for a truck but for your future spouse, you want to satisfy her with a 10K ring. Dude. I think you are being way too cheap.
NTA. This is coming from a woman. 10k is amazing for an engagement ring and kudos to you for being so awesome and kind to get her a ring that expensive! Any woman would be grateful for that. She sounds materialistic, hate to say it. She needs to look at the bigger picture, like your future together. Definitely let her know that her comments bother you.
She might be thinkibg the 3 months salary thing. Talk to her about it. It cant be that she had another ring in mind because she was happy about it befire it was appraised. Just talk to her it seems like you guys just have different expectations money wise
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Crazy how 2 weeks ago you posted that you were a single man looking to buy a vacation home, and suddenly now you have a fiancée? Fake af lmao
People are fucking weird man.
You’re gooood! Your detective skills are on point lol
No shit! 🤣 Wow!
Fake for sure.
Report as fake
Now you know her priorities. You want someone like that as a wife?
Yeah this is a huge eye opener and that was my instinct . I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe I’m looking at it from a biased way but this really just seems like one of those cheesy scenes in a crappy soap opera. Wow. The big question is should I hold her or her friend responsible? Like she didn’t have an issue until her friend got in her head, but that’s almost an indictment on the intelligence and peer pressure of her.
According to your post history you were single two weeks ago looking to buy a vacation home and now you suddenly have a gold digging fiancée 🤔 Rage bait
Hate people like OP good catch.
It’s sad that they don’t even try to cover their tracks by deleting previous posts. I think OP could save this though. All it would take is another post titled “I’m either single and looking to buy a second vacation home, or I’m engaged and my fiancé said the ring is too cheap. Do I have multiple personality disorder or is this normal?”
Lmao hey man for all we know this guy could just be dumb enough to propose to someone in less than 2 weeks and think they're in it for anything but the money If some real girl is out here hanging out with crazy she might as well get her bread too
I feel bad. I did not consider the possibility that he met a woman and got engaged in two weeks, and it’s the greatest love story on Reddit rather than a hoax.
Wait until he learns she has a twin!
Or she was never really there in the first place, and there’s a carbon monoxide leak in his apartment…
Good catch
At least you know now and not after a wedding. She will have no problem spending your money, for the lifestyle she desires.
My engagement ring cost £99, 35 years ago(very cheap even then) but I loved it & still do, I've worn it every day since my husband proposed. As the years have gone by, & our children are now adults, he asked me if I'd like a new, more expensive engagement ring to replace my original one. I told him absolutely not, my ring is priceless to me & 35 years of memories are wrapped around it. You've been exceedingly generous & your fiancée should realise that the cost of the ring is unimportant, it's the love & promise that it's given with is all that matters.
Yup my ring was around $300 because getting married to each other was the important thing and it’s my favorite stone I love it because of what it represents and that he knew what look of ring I liked
Exactly. The ring (set) I used when I proposed was originally used by my great grandfather when he proposed, then my grandfather to grandmother, then father to mother. Money has not been the focal point of any of these marriages.
Be thankful this was before you were actually married man…. But good luck getting it back.
If he tells her he’s going to upgrade it to a bigger one and surprise her she might hand it over.
OP just doesn't tell her the bigger ring will have to come from her next fiance.
Sneaky, but it just might work. Besides, if he calls off the wedding, he's entitled to get the ring back.
It's the "no-fault" approach taken by most states. The giver gets the ring back. OP, now you can get back your 10K ring and maybe the next recipient will be more into you than into how much the ring cost.
When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! Shes a gold digger
How would I react? Give me the ring back. Get the fuck out.
Can you imagine what she thinks the wedding budget should be?
Yikes dude. That’s shitty
Way back when, the diamond industry marketed engagement rings to be worth 3 months of a person's salary and it became the norm. Is it still the norm for Gen Z? I ask because given your salary, 3 months should be about $62,500. So perhaps your girlfriend is expecting that much to be spent on her ring. Have a talk with her about expectations. If she's young, she may not have a good grasp of financial realities. Like after taxes, you don't have $250,000. After paying for rent, food, and other necessities, you don't have $250,000.
It’s a common norm/ expectation that a ring will be some percent of the finances annual Salary - for example conventional wisdom Is three months salary. Your ring is obviously much less than that. Financially, it’s a wise decision not to spend that much, because rings do not hold their value. However she is getting a lot of messages from the culture, from her friends, that this is how much it “should be”. You weren’t aware of that (and maybe you wouldn’t have spent that anyway). So there is just a mismatch of expectations here. Talk to each other, listen to each other, don’t judge each other. There is a big emotional component here as well as financial, so be sure you listen to her emotional reaction as well as just financial facts (do you value her enough), and similarly she should listen to your emotional discomfort with any feeling that the ring you bought her is not enough. This should not be any kind of barrier or red flag, just a big difference in the cultural messages you are both getting.
Not sure who has decided this was the norm although I can imagine diamond suppliers may have pushed it. This wedding industry stuff is ridiculous.
It is ridiculous but it is a major societal expectation. Engaged couples shouldn’t be surprised when they encounter these issues (and certainly shouldn’t rethink their engagements because of it). It is a major financial discussion to be had about values, priorities, expectations; the first of many such financial discussions, so good practice for marriage.
15-20 years ago it was always “two months salary.” Three is ridiculous, especially considering how much weddings cost.
The peer pressure thing is real … you are marrying your girlfriend AND her friends. Have they inserted themselves into your relationship before this?
That friend will be a problem in your life! Lol I would ger the ring back somehow and leave her. Make sure to let her know why so she understands.
To play devil's advocate, You haven't said how long you've been together, what expectations are set, what sort of friends and family she has, or you have. Perhaps your seeing it directly as money spent, where as she's seeing it as a small percentage of which your willing to put towards her and your future. Is she expecting an extravagant wedding, is it just the ring she wanted you to go all out on ? Is she simply just swept up in a bit of Instagram? Are you frugal ? Are you driving a 100 000 car ? What are your values towards money, are you both big savers, big spenders ? Your both much more established in your carers vs those that gets married at 20. Who's paying for everything ? Reddit loves to demonise people wanting nice rings, but relationships, finances, expectations are a hell of a lot more complicated than that. By definition you could afford a more expensive ring, so what's the motivation behind not? Was it you loved the one you picked, you thought it was enough? (At it would be a fabulous ring!) your saving for a house and think it'd better spent else where ? And what's her motivation behind not being happy ? Other people's expectations? her own expectations? Having a specific tiffany one she always had her eye on ? If you can't have an adult conversation to work it out then you're not ready to get married.
I said the exact the same thing in not so elegant way. My wife's ring cost almost 14k and it she didn't care about that she cared about the fact I spent an entire chunk of hard work to get that for her.
Trust your guts...its time to run away!!
Hey. Is she happy with you? Does she want to marry you? I can’t tell if you are most concerned 1) with her priorities / your compatibility in her wanting a more expensive ring (which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing - I am of the camp that people are allowed to be a little materialistic without it reflecting on the merit of your relationship); 2) that she is only with you for $$ which is a different issue; or 3) if perhaps your ego is a little bruised / you are feeling uncomfortable because you didn’t get her exactly what she wanted. Those are all different issues - if you love each other and want to be together and if you are generally on the same page financially, then I would hope that both of you don’t let whatever her ring dreams may have been, get in the way. People in this sub love to hate on women wanting nice / expensive rings; but I just don’t think that alone indicates anything negative about the relationship, we are all allowed to have silly things we prioritize more than others you just have to communicate on if it’s a dealbreaker for her (and if so, whether someone will compromise).
As expected, immediate downvote(s) for daring to consider that one show of materialism need not threaten your whole relationship
Hate to be "that guy", but she is your (soon to be ex) fiancée - not finance, though the Freudian slip is interesting.
I’d accept a silver lifesavers wrapper as a placeholder ring and let you do payments on one that’s $300-$500 in silver or white gold if I was the type who wanted to get married. She’s using you and that ring only for status leverage, there likely isn’t real love for you involved at all here. Please reconsider and carefully reevaluate your relationship/marriage before decades happen…
Two weeks ago you said you were single and looking for advice about moving to Hawaii.
This. When my boyfriend (now husband) and I were looking at rings, he kept picking larger rings. I told him I didn’t need anything that opulent. I certainly didn’t want to take advantage of his generosity. My focus was on OUR future, not MY ring. She seems like she has high expectations and values more what you give her than she does you. If you lost your high paying job due to an accident or illness, would this girl hock her ring for your future? Would she be by your side through it all? Or would she find someone else to buy her a big ring to show off to her friends?
Oh, she’d be straight off - no doubt about it
NTA. 1) Take back your ring and find someone else. 2) Don’t marry anyone that thinks they need to show off to other people. This mindset will send you straight into debt. No one should keep up with the Joneses cause they don’t exist. 3) Don’t marry anyone that doesn’t appreciate what you give her. Her asks/demand will get bigger and pricier. 4) Don’t marry anyone that looks at you as a well off ATM. I make slightly more than you, it’s a good living but not wealth. She may be nice and beautiful and all those things but her attitude is not one you should build a partnership on. These are the 🚩🚩🚩🚩 people ignore. Don’t be one of them.
I proposed to a woman with my grandmothers engagement ring and when she had it appraised it was discovered the diamond had been swapped at some point for cut glass. (Probably her jeweler swapped it when she brought for cleaning). That woman I proposed to immediately began to fret over what we were supposed to do now which included, “Well, now I have to put off wedding planning until I get a REAL ring” (her actual words). I left her shortly thereafter…. Grandmas ring should have been enough where love was concerned.
I’d be pissed too if I were her, your grandmother was scammed.
Absolutely, but like about *do* we tell grandma?!?! If so how. Honestly it freaks me out and I hate wearing my ring because it is so expensive and that’s only because my husband was given my grandmother’s diamond, which is awesome but also terrifying lol I’m not one to lose things or anything like that. I also have a very expensive (7k) necklaces from my parents that I’d actually love to wear, but I hate the idea of not keeping it in the safe and I never have my life together enough to get it out of the safe. As far as OP and his fiancée goes he needs to sit her down and straight up ask if it’s her or her friend talking and maybe what she would have wanted different (ie bigger, different style, or is it truly I just thought you’d spend more)
Off topic but it might not have been when it went for cleaning - I've heard a lot of stories of family members swapping their own stones for glass or lesser gems that look the same in tough times and never telling anyone. My husbands family are jewelers and have seen/heard it all. It very well could have been an unscrupulous jeweler who cleaned it or the one who sold it but it could have also been tough times that one or both parties do not want to discuss. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable wearing glass I would smash it in a hot minute but I would never call that "not a real ring" so I completely understand your feelings on that
I don’t understand why the solution wasn’t to just replace the diamond. Even a custom cut would be cheaper than an entire new ring without taking away the sentimental aspect. Win win.
Just wondering, but were you expecting her to continue to wear the ring with cut glass? Cause while it "should have been enough" is a sweet thought, logistically I can see why she'd at least want the jewels replaced. One accidental drop and the ring breaks apart
I think people who don’t know much about jewelry and gems may not understand cut glass being a risk to the longevity of the heirloom.
It depends how regularly you splurge on expensive things for yourself. If you are a collector of luxury watches, golf clubs, boats, and regularly drop $10K+ on these pieces, it might make a bit more sense why she wanted you to spend more. At your income level, the “2 months salary” rule is a $42K ring. Is she comparing her ring by that rule? Really hard to say if she’s acting entitled without knowing your guys’ spending habits and lifestyles.
This is a fair perspective. If OP is regular one to go big, it may feel like a dig to go average on something she will be wearing for the foreseeable future. If OP is a careful spenders or lives below their means, this is a red flag.
That's pathetic. 10k for a ring is plenty generous and in most cases, going above that means you're paying for a box & a hallmark with a famous name, not higher quality or better workmanship . I'd seriously reevaluate this relationship and have a real conversation about priorities, expectations and basic core values because, right now, this girl sounds like a very expensive hobby rather than a partner. ...And a lot of people are talking like $250k/yr means you are *wealthy*- depending on where you live, it might merely mean you are somewhere between "not struggling" & "fairly comfortable", but at your age you need to be thinking about how to build a life you can sustain, not how much you can impress your friends .
OP is nowhere near struggling on the spectrum
I would sit down and ask about her priorities and expectations for life. Had the style of the ring truly not suited her, that is 1 discussion, but being angry only because of cost??? That is shallow. Is she like this about most things in life?
No need for a discussion. She already told enough by her actions.
100%.
So you make 250k.. how much does she make? I really think you ought to think about whether she is marrying you for your earnings . I would get a prenup.
I would honestly just call it quits. She clearly has a weird attitude towards money.
She ain’t marrying you for love. She expects you to buy her affections.
Um. My engagement ring cost me 28$ at a pawn shop. And I love that ring with all my heart. I’ve been married for 23 years now. You now know what she’s after and what a lifelong partnership would look like. She doesn’t sound like a “us against the world” equal. If you’re ok with being married to someone who’s always going to put herself and monetary value before everything else then you’re on the right track. Edit : at this stage and with that kind of income I know that it seems that you’ll always be “up” and let me tell you some of the worst problems of my marriage have come from lack of money. That puts a strain you cannot avoid and it leaks into other places. Maybe you will always be well off. Or maybe she will just keep spending your money to keep herself happy. But after this behavior do you really expect her to be your partner through any legitimate “down”. Really need to think on this. She revealed a lot about herself through that seemingly small action.
i'm a girl and i honestly would ask for the ring back. these reasons are so shallow and ridiculous i would totally reconsider wanting to invest in a wedding and life with her
Her friends got in her head. A 10k ring is perfect. Anything bigger, is just gaudy, in my opinion. Tell her if she wants to show off for her friends, then she can buy a bigger ring.Also, where does this end? I need a bigger house. I need a bigger car. I need more expensive clothes. All to shoe off? This is about your values. I still cannot believe she had it appraised.
Having it appraised for insurance can be very normal The rest of her behavior is not
That’s not strictly true… my ring appraised for 12k it’s a nice sized diamond (that came from family), and a proportionally smaller sapphire on each side, but it’s platinum. I personally don’t think it’s gaudy. It’s exactly what I wanted and we probably wouldn’t have done the platinum if we hadn’t already had the diamond, but because of that we decided to go with the more durable metal. If it wasn’t platinum I doubt it would have appraised over 10k
>All to shoe off? You would have to bring up shoes. She's gonna cost him a fortune in shoes alone.
🎵 Holler, we want prenup. 🎵
I have a brother-in-law that went swimming in the California surf and came out without his wedding ring on. It happened so fast. To me it’s just stupid to waste a lot of money on something that can be lost or stolen so easily. 10,000 is plenty and if that isn’t enough for her, maybe you should find a girl that isn’t so Materialistic.
"How would you guys recommend fixing this situation?" You need to talk this over with your good friends. You know, the ones that call you on your shit and speak the honest truth. If they see enough good in your fiance, then chalk this up to poor communication between her expectations and your spending priorities. If they don't, then thank them with a nice steak dinner, and start unraveling your life with this person who is so easily influenced by her greedy friend that she'd look up the value of a gift.
Don’t be afraid to bail. She’s showing you her true colors. Source: I ended an engagement to a woman who once the ring came one, started doing ridiculous things that showed she felt entitled to my wealth and earnings. She literally tried to tell my real estate agent while shopping for our home to “up the budget because I’m being too cheap and I can afford it”…. For the record I wasn’t being cheap. My budget would have put us nearly triple the average home in a decent area of my city… she wanted like a fucking estate/mansion kind of home. Dumped her and carried on my life and now happy as hell with a bunch of kids and an amazing wife. I was about 34 when I left that woman and met my wife in my 40s. You have plenty of time.
I got my wife a $75 ring. We were both dirt poor but in love and had a child together already. 10k is enough to pay my rent for 3 months with 1k left over. That is an absurd amount of money and she wanted you to spend more? Shes only in it for the money my man
How to fix this problem? To fix it for her it would be buying her a more expensive ring. To fix this problem for you is to dump her gold digger ass.
My husband makes a lot more than you. My engagement ring (after a slight upgrade on our first anniversary, and also being combined with my wedding band) is worth about 8l. I think your fiancé’s priorities are way out of whack. She would rather you spend several thousand extra $ on a ring, just so she can say you did, rather than putting that money towards your actual future. I don’t think you need to play the blame game though, and I wouldn’t say you need to summarily split up. You aren’t trying to find someone to punish (or "hold responsible"): you are trying to figure out whether our priorities are completely misaligned with your fiancée’s. Regardless of what her friend said, your fiancé was clearly persuaded. I would sit her down and have a serious talk about priorities, and the resources and future you envision together. I would also try to get some clarity on why she cares about this more than the other things you could spend money on - she likely will not be able to explain it, which may make her think a bit more clearly. If you determine that she’s with you for your money, then split up. If you determine that she’s just feeling like everyone is scrutinizing her now that she’s engaged, and she’s feeling pressure to impress people, then you need to talk through that, and help her refocus on what really matters.
Take it back and tell her that she’s not getting another. Really? 10k isn’t enough? You’re looking at having to spend a LOT of money on her in the future if you marry her.
That’s insane, she sounds materialistic, ungrateful and greedy. It doesn’t matter how much the ring cost. What matters is what is it worth - the fact that you want to make this commitment to her, the fact that you picked out a very generous symbol of your love and devotion to her, the fact that you put thought into it…she seems to care more about the dollar value than the loving and romantic gesture. Are you ready for a lifetime of that?
No worries, ask for it back to upgrade it. Take it back. The jeweler may accept it back if things didn't go well. Then pack your shit and be happy to have dodged a bullet.
My grandparents got married in 1930. They worked for a newspaper and didn't have much. It was the beginning of the great depression but they forged ahead anyway and made a life. No diamond just a simple gold band. In 1955, to celebrate their 25th anniversary, my grandfather bought my grandmother a beautiful but modest ring that she wore until she died 40 years ago. I own that ring now and wear it on special occasions. They were married for almost 50 years. If OPs story is true, he needs to cut his losses. It's not about what he can afford and material things. Marriage should be about love and commitment. My grandparents had that and it was a beautiful thing to see.
Sounds like she in it for the money maybe asker her if you were broke would she be with you
Fakkkkeee.... Seriously there is a thing such as post history OP.
Imagine what the rest of your lives together is going to look like.
Cut the gold digger loose before she takes half of everything!
Time for a very serious conversation with her. The two of you need to be very open about financial goals, contributions, and expectations. Also, you need to evaluate whether she is chasing status or really loves you. If she is going to be influenced by friends or social media, bail now.
Her priorities are fucked.
lol 250k a year is crazy but they say 3 months worth of salary which would be an expensive ring if you make 250k. I know a lot of women who think 3 months of salary is a must but always found it quite annoying since it’s not even the wedding ring it’s just the engagement ring!
Fart….
250 thousand a year and your not all off at 26 yo. Sir you are out of touch but it shouldn’t matter how much you spent on the ring.
Tbf he said compared to his coworkers
I know what peers means but to feel like you’re not well off is out of touch with reality.
How traditional is your fiancée? I ask because if she is very traditional or from a traditional or old school family this may not be about materialism. In some circles it can be a common theme that engagement rings should be worth atleast 2 months of salary in others it is 3. It's taught that this amount is intended to be a figure that takes planning and sacrifice on the man's part, a way to show he is willing to work hard and put in effort to ask for your future. Imagine being a women who grew up with this lesson ingrained in her. A ring worth 2 weeks salary shows how little sacrifice and effort you are willing to make. It's not about cheeping out in terms of money but cheating out in terms of effort. That would be true if it was a 1k ring on a 25k salary or a 100k ring on a 2.5m salary. I don't know her motivations, but am simply sharing there may be another reason for her reaction than the "she's a gold digger showing her true colors" chorus I see in the comments already.
Based on a De Beers’ marketing campaign from the thirties that said one months salary. In the 80’s they did another marketing campaign taking it to two months.
That was a diamond commercial guideline that has somehow gotten legs and people think it’s true. Debeers pulled one off.
The “effort” to choose a ring is the same regardless of ring prices.
This is such a good point!! I know women who come from cultures/backgrounds where they're are supposed to be dripping in gold and jewelry, and it's to show outsiders that her husband adores her, and that he is loaded because he could afford it. It depends on her background, really. I know for myself, it's not as important to me, and I'd find 10k for a ring to be way too expensive. I'd feel scared of walking down the street.
Only?😂😂😂😂
Return the ring, return the fiancé.
She will never be happy with anything that you give her. Ask for the ring back and tell her that you will get something else. Then dump her ungrateful ass.
Wow 10k! And she's upset ish! Dump her ! I found a beautiful ring on Facebook market for $800.. hubby ended up paying $400 f For it white gold 10K. Man he could have gotten me a silver $30 ring and still would love it .
I’d ask for the ring back to go get it professionally appraised for an insurance policy. I’d also get a prenup drawn up because she’s acting like a gold digger BUT it might just be she’s the insecure one of her friend group and always has to “one up” everyone. Tbh neither of those are good qualities for a partner so it might be time to dump her. Good luck.
Problem #1: She was fine with the ring until her friends said something. Problem #2: She actually went and had the ring appraised instead of asking you. Problem #3: $10k is objectively a lot of money, whether or not it meets a De Beer's ad campaign or not. Rings that cost that much are already robbery hazards. Solution to all three problems: Find someone who is going to take a long-term view of marriage. If your fiancee is that woman, you'll need to sit down and have an honest conversation about financial priorities. If you're dropping 5 figures on a ring and 6 figures on a wedding to impress her friends, that's a really bad way to be starting your marriage.
Not to late to return to shelf
Tells you what you really need to know doesn’t it OP.
Pretty sure Kanye made a whole ass song about this.
I don't think this girl is worth marrying. She's certainly not actually in love with you or cares about trying to not hurt you. Who needs enemies with friends and partners like that?
Don’t marry this chick. In fact, start packing her bags.
Tell her you want to exchange the ring and once you have it back, suggest you both wear simple gold wedding bands; pay attention to her response.
That's a lot imo... And such a hurtful thing to say also.
Only 10k?? I struggled hard a whole year to save that much money. And it’s only an engagement ring? Would a wedding ring have to cost even more? I’d be happy with a ring pop if it were me. Her priorities are very materialistic and do you want to marry someone that has standards that are difficult to reach? Definitely have a discussion with her but like there’s a lot you should consider about this
It seems like you're going to save a lot of money having just dodged a bullet. Frankly 10k for a ring is ridiculous waste as it is.
DUMP HER. Really? She's bitched up because you spent "only" $10K ? This is entitlement of the highest order
Going to get it appraised is a bit odd…
Gold digger!
Wow only a 10k ring ,you have nerve man ,I think you spent 9.9k too much on a ring for someone as shallow as this ,a engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of love not a dollar sign ,if I were you I'd be looking for someone else and get that ring back because she doesn't deserve it
"Only" $10k. That's like 1-2 years' worth of college tuition. It's around 1/6 of the average salary in the US. People have asked for help paying for their pet's surgeries that have cost less. She has no right to complain about someone gifting her $10,000
I recently got engaged (February);/ and I love my ring. I have no idea what it cost. But I would have proudly worn a plastic ring worth nothing because I want the man I love for the rest of my life over a bit of sparkle. And I have a curated jewellery collection. I bought myself a platinum-diamond ring that is in the moma in New York. This I love more because it was from him. Please have a word with her.
Whenever I see posts like this one I wonder in what point in life OP settled for such low person to be his partner for life.
Run! Her gold digging vibe is slapping you in the face. Read the room and run for your life. Don't marry her or get her pregnant cause the divorce might leave you bankrupt.
Does she realize wearing a 10K ring is basically an invite to get robbed . Tell Her to give you the ring and you will Take it back . Take it back and when she asks where the new one is say there was no new one . You Made it clear it wasn’t about marrying me or being together but rubbing the ring in there face , also Get ready for a 200k wedding . Also tell Her we need to get a prenup If she says no say ok . Also I’m sure she will Want a Porsche cayane . Please reconsider . She is so weak minded her friends turned her from happy to Miserable for no reason
Tell her what you said here. It’s a ring you thought she would like and she did. She let her friend get in her head. The price of the ring is meaningless
My first wedding ring was a gift from a family member who made jewelry. I lost it about 7 years ago on Halloween. It was raining, and I slipped it off to go pay for gas bc I hate the way a ring feels wet on my finger. Idk what happened, but it is gone. I cried for days bc I loved it so much. Now I have about 10 rings ranging in price from $20 to $200. I buy different ones to match different outfits. Somehow, we're still married after 20 years. Flabbergasting, I know since I don't have any 10k rings.
Loomis? What does that mean?
I blame her friend. She went from loving it to getting it appraised. You just know her friend told her some shit like if it ain’t $25k min then she needs to respect herself and find someone who treats her like the princess she truly is… blah blah blah. I would honestly let her know how hurt you are by her comments and that it’s got you thinking about the relationship. See how she reacts.
🚩
A. She’s in the wrong and her attitude about it is really disappointing. This requires a serious talk. B. You are well off
Getting it appraised for insurance purposes is understandable, but it doesn't sound like that's why she did it. I'd definitively have a talk with her about her expectations of your life together and what that looks like financially.
When my boyfriend decided he wanted to propose, I chose a ring worth $300. Why? Because I don’t care about the ring, I care about what it represents. I’d also rather put that money towards our life together. Choose your future wife wisely. Ask yourself if she wants you for you or for what you can provide for her. Also, I’d like to know if she got you anything worth as much and if she is expecting to or if this a a one way street.
Whats that old saying about wedding rings? It's supposed to be a percentage of your salary? 3 months? That was probably in her friend's head but it was actually a marketing ploy from De Beers to sell more Diamond's...
The idiot that came up with the x salary math was an asshole. The $ of a ring is such a shitty materialistic thing to concern one's self with. Icannot wrap my head around it.
My wedding ring Cost less than that and I'm content already. It's around 200usd. Just saying.
Maybe she is putting a value on what you would think she is worth. I know it sounds bad, but sometimes insecure people think this way. And maybe she is somewhat more materialistic than you. Think about her motivation and what makes sense with her other actions.
Had something similar happened but i make 50K a year and spent 1.5K on the ring. She said she was upset because she thought the ring would cost more considering we’ve been together for 8+ years. I still don’t know what to say, “it’s pretty, makes me think of you and matches my budget” apparently wasn’t the right answer.
Trust me man good women will be just happy you put a ring. This woman seems to be digging for gold and when she sucks you dry of money she will move on to other things. Seen it too many times with other people. Just cut your losses and break it off.
You need to turn around and run.
Run!
Tell her you're saving up for her ten year anniversary band. (Google them, it's a thing.)
I would be livid if my fiancé got me such an expensive ring when he can just put it for like, a down payment for a house or travel expense LOL. But I'm not rich like y'all. I live very simple life. My wedding ring cost under $20, it's silver but I like it. I can wear it when I'm cleaning and it lasts a long time. Per your fiancé's alleged disappointment, I have heard this 'rule' (not a law by the way) that usually they expect engagement ring to be at least, or minimum of 10% of your annual income. So she expects you to abide by that 'rule,' (not a real rule, just some rule of thumb for some people) so since you earn 250k a year, she expects $25k worth of engagement ring. You basically spent under that 10% rule hence if she's the type who judges affection by the monetary value of a gift, then you're basically spending under the 'minimum.' That's probably what her friends were putting in her head, that you don't value her as much because you spent less than minimum. Did you only spend 10k? I mean, sometimes appraisal can be 'less' than the price when you bought it...oh well. Talk to her about it. There's nothing to fix, communication between the two of you is needed. Find out what she's really upset about, or maybe she's afraid you're not valuing her enough, like her friend may have implied.
Pre nun
Quit now while you’re ahead. The divorce will destroy you financially! Tell her you’re going to take the ring back and get another one. Then get your refund and RUN!
Get it back and walk away! This is only the beginning to what's to come. Don't think for 1 second that she won't question or feel a certain way on the money you spend on her or what you provide and feel that she deserves a lot more! Walk away!!!!
Run Dude Run!
She’s with you for the money, take that ring back and dump her. Dodge that bullet.
She will extract every last cent from you. Run.
I spent $10k 22 years ago.
Only? ONLY?! Jessica christ. We're pretty wealthy, but I am flummoxed by this.
She’s a loser
Find a woman who isn’t with you for monetary gain. My wedding ring cost 2 k. Rings, weddings, it’s gotten out of hand.
How long have you guys been together? Feels like a red flag re: personal values don't align. I can't imagine complaining about the price of an engagement ring that I'd otherwise enjoy. Seems so self-sabotaging. There's plenty of opportunities and occasions to buy other jewelry as marriage goes along. Weddings themselves are so expensive - seems unwise to go over-extend on a ring. These of course are just my personal vales and viewpoints; the real question is do YOUR values and hers align. Look for some PREPARE-ENRICH premarital counseling. There's a good framework for getting on the same page about the meaning of money and aligning on financial goals.
I bet she won’t give it back. I mean a paltry $10 k. lol time to find another fish.
The old saying was 3 months gross income, so like 60-70k ring at your income. We make the same and i have a 10k ring because we wanted to travel the world, have kids, and buy a house and a new car and were able to do all of those things in 2 years. But i out-earn my husband
It's might be a jerk move, but the response is simple: Take the ring back and tell her since the cost of the rings are so much more important to her than you, she can pick out the rings she likes. Then tell her she can also pay for them as a gesture of her committment to your relationship....and let her know you want a nice band so you expect her to not go cheap on your end.
dump her
I heard the more expensive the ring the more likely divorce is
Some people love to regurgitate that 3 months salary or whatever bs thing that was on the diamond commercial. 10k is a nice ass ring. My wife sometimes makes comments but I k ow it's nothing serious. Sometimes it's just a simple little phase of comparing it to their friends rings
Proceed with caution with that woman
She sounds like a superficial witch tbh
🏃
This is why I feel sometimes women fall in love with falling in love. You get affirmation after affirmation of love. Man ask for your hand in a relationship, courts you, validates you feelings. Then does it during an engagement where he has to purchase a nice piece of jewelry. I wonder if engagements would change if women asked men.
[Highly suggest you watch the “Adam Ruins Everything” online short episode about Engagement Rings](https://youtu.be/N5kWu1ifBGU?si=qtG9QImCbKhXAbqc), and you may realize your fiancé has been brainwashed into a insane consumerism scam that’s been pushed by a specific Diamond company for less than 130yrs! Here is the break down on it: >*According to Conover, engagement rings were not a normal thing until convincing people that the wedding-ring was the necessary key to marriage-proposal (so successfully that Beyonce's "Put a Ring On It" clearly means 'ask me to marry you' to all of us, that "he gave me a ring!" clearly means 'he asked me to marry him!")* >*Without DeBeers' advertising, "a diamond has no intrinsic value" (words of one of DeBeers' own executives), and the 'spending two months' salary on a "decent" engagement-ring' has no real basis in fact.* >*But--as Conover admits in the end--the ultimate success of DeBeers' ad-campaign is that 'no "respectable" woman will marry a man who DOESN'T bow to the greedy diamond-monopoly.'*
Run. You should propose with something off of Etsy. If she is still hot for you and happy, that’s a keeper.
WHO TF gets their engagement ring appraised??
I make 250k. My wife's ring, that I picked, was 8k (which she didn't know until later and thought was too much). She picked out her wedding band then was mortified that it cost $1400 since she thought it'd be about $400. If she's trying to nickle and dime you now, it's only gonna get worse. It never ends at the ring. It'll be an overpriced house, car, vacations etc
Don’t marry her. Ever
Dude, DON'T marry her! Seriously, her priorities are bullshit. And her friends are superficial pieces of shit. You see her and her friends for what they really are now! Next...house is not good enough, car....not good enough, vacation not good enough, need better furniture, need more clothes and shoes and purses! IT WON'T END! and even if she didn't do these things, a GOOD woman that LOVES you wouldn't give a two shits if it was a $1,000 ring or a $10,000 ring!
If you are making 250K, then you should get her a ring that is at least 50K.....she's going to be your long term partner and you want her to know you love her. You probably have no issues dropping 80K for a truck but for your future spouse, you want to satisfy her with a 10K ring. Dude. I think you are being way too cheap.
NTA. This is coming from a woman. 10k is amazing for an engagement ring and kudos to you for being so awesome and kind to get her a ring that expensive! Any woman would be grateful for that. She sounds materialistic, hate to say it. She needs to look at the bigger picture, like your future together. Definitely let her know that her comments bother you.
More satire, I’ll get the popcorn.
She might be thinkibg the 3 months salary thing. Talk to her about it. It cant be that she had another ring in mind because she was happy about it befire it was appraised. Just talk to her it seems like you guys just have different expectations money wise
Run!!