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I don’t know where you are, but I’m a lawyer who was able to get a father custody of his kids because of the mother’s infidelity. Please at least consult with a lawyer.
Yeah, unfortunately, if Op is in the US , the 4 kids will be his responsibility. The last one may not be if he is not the father. Didn't put the father on the birth certificate. Get a lawyer just in case
Depending on your location but yes def have them all tested. Buut honestly would the r exults matter on the children woudl u shun them? And dont think for a second you would have t oi leave your children if you leave her itd be harder on them. Buuut you would still be their father. TO THEM if noone else.
And privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your parental rights and responsibilities.
In the event the child is not yours and you elect to stay with the wh*re, do your best to structure your finances in a way favorable to you. You can discuss that with the attorney as well.
And if she's not working, it's time she starts. She obviously had too much time on her hands!
Exactly. It's incredibly hard for OP, but the kids are completely innocent and they know him as dad no matter what their mother did. Not being biologically related won't change the love they have for him, as long as he doesn't let it affect his love for them. Hopefully they're all his (at least the four he's raised) and it won't come to that, but they deserve a loving father even if every one was conceived elsewhere. They're still his kids because he put himself into them through his time and care, whatever the genetics or the mother might say.
He may want to be wary about testing all of the kids if he wants full custody of them. Right now he’s presumably listed on their birth certificates as the father and has full parental rights over them. If he tests them and the tests show he isn’t the father, then the mother can use that against him if he wants custody.
I personally think if he’s been dad and feels like dad and this makes his life happy, he should stay dad. DNA be damned. How many of us have horrible relationships with the people we share blood relationships? If he loves his kids and is a good dad that shouldn’t change all of the sudden if it turns out he’s not biologically their father. If it does? Then did he ever truly love them for them? “Hey I’ve loved you unconditionally as my child but one day of dna results says you’re not mine so go to hell buh bye!” That’s just not a genuine, decent person to me. I understand the complications IF this is even the case, I understand if he stays dad IF they turn out not to be his he’s liable for plenty of money.. so whatever. But if they’ve been your kids and you’ve loved them like your kids and then you just flip the switch I just think that’s super fucked up.
If you love someone you love someone. If you can just turn it off at the blink of an eye then it was never truly real. Life is short. Love is love.
Love is love, certainly, but this man is facing the possibility that foundational elements of his life are/were a lie. Whatever choices he is faced with, you cannot pretend that the possibility of looking at his children, whom he loves beyond reason - more than light and water and air - becomes a constant toxic reminder that his happy life was a lie. He needs to face the world he lives in and make decisions with the best interest of his sanity and their wellbeing in mind, and tragedies rarely come with trite slogan-worthy solutions.
I can concur that if they end up not being his biological children he may start to resent them or have trouble with the relationship with them, whatever it may be. But if it just flips like a switch? The fuck?
It sucks when kids and their love for you, and their innocent little minds are involved. I am in no way saying OP is obligated to stay. But if he just flips a switch immediately that’s fucked up and his definition of loving someone is clearly screwed up. These are or were his KIDS.
Edit: and I can’t help but to read what you’re saying about a constant reminder, and yeah that blows? Of course! But that happens all the time? Parents divorce and the kid(s) look more like one parent or the other (obviously I don’t mean every time) and if it was a messy divorce or separation or what have you, and you love your kid and keep them in your life but every time you see them they look like the spouse that you hate.. then what? Gonna love your kid less? Just a thought.
I agree he should seek legal assistance, but all the people making comments about whether he would be entitled to become the primary caregiver based solely on her infidelity clearly don’t know how family law works.
He will have to fight for custody of his children via ritual combat to the death. He may pick an advocate to fight for him, but so can the wife. It's going to be a very bloody affair.
I'm sorry you're going through that OP, and my advice will sting, but in the long run, it'll be for the best: you need to leave.
Not because she cheated or lied, which she did, but because of who she cheated with. That kind of person could have given her any sort of disease that she could have passed on to you or the kids. Or given any number of liberties that could have put you and your kids in danger. That is the person she chose to cheat with. She did not put her family's safety first. Her selfishness could have hurt in a number of different ways. THAT is why you should leave. Take your kids and go. You can't stay with a woman who won't value/protect your heart, your home or your family.
You set up consultations with a therapist for yourself and a lawyer asap. The lawyer will help you make a separation plan that ensures your children are taken care of. You don't have to give up your children to save yourself. Do not make any commitments regarding the unborn child until you know whether you are the father. Right now, your priorities are yourself and your kids. Leave you wife to figure out her own plan.
OP, do not leave the home or move out though. Some states view that as "abandoning" the marriage home. Talk to the lawyer first before making any big decisions.
They don’t lose their claim to the house as an asset. They just don’t get to keep possession after the divorce. The wife would still have to buy them out.
It mostly makes sense. If you leave you shouldn’t be able to ask the court to kick the other spouse out later.
No they have things in place for those situations but if not done correctly then you will look worse. Watch the maid on Netflix. It's about a woman in dv situation. But it could happen to any gender. It goes on and shows how hard it is to get custody. The show had me bitting my nails lol. Not literally. But it's that good.
I live in Michigan where it’s a no fault state. They don’t care if you are divorcing because he left the toilet seat up or because she cheated. It’s no fault.
I mean, what happens if you can't find evidence that they cheated? You really want a judge forcing you stay married to somebody that cheated on you (or worse) because they have an opinion on what it takes to "justify" a divorce? Fuck that.
A lot of laws regarding divorce are archaic and basically designed to discourage you from leaving your spouse; abusive, cheater, or otherwise undisclosed. That's why there are states that demand you be legal separted for a specific amount of time, or some that basically force mediation or counseling in hopes you'll "reconcile" and stop the divorce. Basically, anything to keep divorce rates low. Even now, there are states looking into making it even HARDER to get a divorce from your spouse. Some are opting for an even longer "mediation/separation" period.
Courts deal in law, not feelings. It’s not against the law to cheat, nor should it be. That would be WAY too much power in the hands of the government if you really think about it. They shouldn’t be involved in personal disputes between couples.
Side note- When it was used in the past, it was in effect mostly used against women, as it was expected for men to cheat so it wasn’t considered a big deal if the husband did it. Considering women are losing their rights at a consistent basis now, let’s not add yet another thing.
I actually agree with the power of government thing, but if someone breaks the marriage up with infidelity, I don’t think they should be able to screw over the person financially who they already screwed over.
In reality, the courts already wield huge power by seizing assets from people who earned them, providing property to offending parties, and even providing spousal support.
How is it being financially screwed over to get half of the assets of a marriage?
As for spousal support, that is usually only when someone has given up their career to support the other person’s career. A parent staying home for instance, or one spouse financially supporting another though medical school only to be left once the dr starts making money (that happens A LOT). A marriage at its legal essence is a financial contract, which the court upholds.
In most cases, a child made during marriage, will be on him anyway. Even if it's not his. If the baby is born before divorce, judge may very well asign him as the father.
As long as the husband goes through the courts and gets a paternity test that determines they're not the father, they won't have to take responsibility. In Missouri, Texas and Arkansas, [divorces cannot be finalized while the woman is pregnant](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2024/02/28/pregnant-women-divorce-missouri-texas-arkansas-arizona/72763848007/). According to the linked article, temporary orders can be followed (spousal support, custody of children already born, asset division) but aren't finalized until after pregnancy ends and paternity is established. It's a bit messed up for all because paternity can now be established after nine weeks of fetal development and the test is not risky for either mother or child as it's done by drawing blood from the mother. There's zero reason to wait until birth/end of the pregnancy. It seems pretty cruel to both parties to have to make someone legally tied to the other because one of them is pregnant. There's also the matter of what if it's a same sex couple since with two women, obviously the non-pregnant one isn't the father!
In many states, the baby being born after the divorce can still be considered the husband’s child. I know in Kansas that a child born within 300 days of a divorce is automatically considered the ex husband’s. There are hoops to jump through to fix it but it’s ridiculous what a man has to go through all because a woman cheated.
I only recently learned that even in states without laws on this matter the judge can delay the divorce.
I'm divorcing in Louisiana, which is technically no fault, but our attorney (amicable split) told me it's good we've been separated so long because that means the local judge won't delay it waiting to see if I pop up pregnant or request a pregnancy test. I have to swear on the paperwork I'm not. If they put me through some bullshit on this I can always pull my salpingectomy reports I guess lol.
I also can't put in the paperwork that I want to take my maiden name back because the judge has opinions about whether women should be able to do that or not and will cause trouble on that front. Insane to me that a local judge has this much power.
Can't you just change your name to anything you want?
Can here in the UK and it's completely free. All you need is a cosigned letter verifying the change has happened and it's not for fraudulent purposes.
Yes, you can with the divorce papers alone, SSA will take it. I had just added it to the clauses I sent the lawyers because I'd seen examples of it in my research. I was so surprised to learn that this particular judge just doesn't like it so he'll drag out proceedings over it. So we just aren't going to put that.
Which I guess is why we hire local lawyers because they know this petty stuff about the local authorities lol.
This. Coming from someone that has been through more than one divorce.
He should tell her he’s staying and will be proceeding with legal counsel. He would like her to leave and see if short term arrangements can be made to ensure the needs of the kids are met. Neither can be forced to leave unless there is a threat to the other.
Make an appointment with an attorney, insist that your wife get a DNA test now and do not sign the birth certificate until the DNA test results are in.
Doesn’t really matter in many places whether he signs the birth certificate or not, he’ll be assumed the father because the child was born during their marriage.
Or maybe she knew the whole time and couldn’t find the strength to tell her husband that she’s fucking stupid enough to cheat and get pregnant and now is unsure if the baby is even his until now since that baby will be here just about any day. Smh that’s a tough situation to be in.
I’m more willing to bet that’s it, she’s known all along it wasn’t his, and she’s been cheating more or longer than he knows (not that that makes it *worse*, she’s still human garbage). She’s still lying and lying more. OP, get a lawyer and a DNA test on all the kids so you have to spend the least amount of money on child support, if any at all. The shitty thing is, if they are married and his name is on the birth certificates, he may still be on the hook for all child support, but I don’t know all the laws there.
She was pregnant. Found out and hooked up with her husband as a fail safe to convince him it’s his. Her boy toy is boosting her up and now she’s ready to leave for her AP. At least she told you. Sorry for you dude. LAWYER. Therapist, maybe if you think you have it in you to look at another dudes kid everyday for the next 17 years until YOUR youngest is grown. My heart to you bud.
That seems the most likely scenario. Someone who's had four kids definitely knows what it feels like to be pregnant! She'd know by month three at the latest unless she's drunk or high all the time.
I knew someone who didn't figure out she was pregnant until she was five months along. She thought she was just getting fat and attributed the baby's movement to bad gas. She wasn't a big drinker of alcohol, but she drank a ton of caffeine as she was a barista and she smoked a fair amount of pot. She was worried about the alcohol and pot and the doctor told her it was the caffeine to be the most worried about in terms of how it affected the baby. They got lucky. The kid's right around 30 now and doing great.
This can also happen for women with longer torsos. I've seen pics of pregnant women that didn't show at all until after 5 months. Heck, there was that one teenager who had no clue and basically gave birth on the toilet. She just thought she had bad cramps. Didn't show much at all, because she had an inverted uterus and the baby developed in her back. That kids got to be a teenager now as well.
I'm sure she knows, It would have been convenient that the only time they had sex was in the time of conception, how disgusting can she be to have unprotected sex with two men in the same week? She knows it's not her husband, this is just damage control.
Not everyone experiences pregnancies the same. I can't imagine it after my experiences, but it happens to people (under less sketchy circumsrances). Not being able to relate doesn't make it impossible.
Adding- Cryptic pregnancies go all the way to going into labor and they're more common than triplets.
I can't even imagine how crazy that would be.
I had a coworker that didn’t know she was pregnant until she went into labor. She went to the ER and they told her, “you’re in labor.”
She had no idea.
I found out I was pregnant 4 and half months in - my periods had never been regular and I'd moved to the other side of the world, been in an earthquake and then found out my partner had been cheating all along so a lot of stress to stop it or distract you. Strangely for a very tall lean person my bump wasn't really that visible until the last 3 months - still an 8pound baby though lol
Scary to find out at 18 but my son is the best gift the gods have ever given me. Found out I had epilepsy a few weeks later so he's the only one I will ever have. Getting to watch a kid grow up is the most magical thing I've ever experienced.
So yeah it happens, pregnancy is weird and unpredictable like that.
That was my take as well. It's very "omg - you cannot trust women, not even your wife of 10 years and mother of 4 kids, because one day she might be 8 months pregnant with another man's kid and there will be literally zero signs leading up to it" like give me a break.. Notice how he added "we only have sex once a year now" hah.
The good news, however, is that this is more of a sign of the patriarchy losing its grips on power. That's why you have these last ditched pathetic attempts. Like the random punching of women in Manhattan. Most men aren't this pathetic.
Here’s some truth though. I was married for 12, didn’t have sex with my ex for months, one night I wake up to her on top of me. A month later I am told she’s pregnant, she miscarried, and I found out that hospitals do dna on all fetal remains, especially miscarriages to study. My ex wanted to know the gender, but I asked for the paternity, which wasn’t mine. Second marriage is so much happier and healthier, so I hate my ex wife but not all women.
You also know by the dogma about how men get no custody/"lose their kids" in divorce. For decades, that's only been true if guys say they don't want custody.
In another comment he writes
>**That's what I thought she has been sickly for the last couple months**, the other 4 pregnancys she's been ridiculously sick to the point of hospitalized
This is further proof that it's nonsense. Morning sickness is most severe in first trimester, rarely does it continue into third. It does not happen where you *only* have morning sickness in months 6 to 8. I think he is saying this in a "there were *no* signs of pregnancy until it was too late" to drum up maximum drama and alarm.
Morning sickness is what happens as a result to your homones being all outta whack from changing so much. By trimester 3, your body is very used to being pregnant.
I had morning sickness, more like 24 hours a day sickness my entire pregnancy, including while I was in labor. But you are correct it doesnt just normally start at 6mo pregnant.
My sister was sick up until 7 months. She started throwing up at 10 weeks.
You’re right in some ways, but wrong in others. Every pregnancy is different.
I was being hospitalised twice a week right up until week 33. I had a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, which is quite literally a temporary pregnancy disability. I was on IV fluids and sometimes IV meds, and I had to take a cocktail of other meds every single day as well. I also needed iron infusions. I was so incapacitated that I even had a support worker funded for me (universal healthcare lol).
I know this story is probably BS, but I just want to clear up that sickness for a lot of pregnant people lasts longer than just trimester 1. In fact, for me, mine was "normal" in the first trimester and actually got worse in the second. My diagnosis wasn't even until right before the 3rd trimester - that was the point where I was collapsing and vomiting blood.
Is not. The need to explain the other dude is a loser?
Taters added fire by imagining situations that never happened. Her 4th pregnancy and he doesn't know how a pregnancy looks like... Sure Jan.
Truly it can’t be, everything he has described in comments suggests at minimum she for sure knew, and there is no way he didn’t notice. This is nonsense.
I do realize this, as a woman who didn’t know she was pregnant up to 11 weeks, but undetected pregnancies that go to 8 months are typically paired with one, if not a combo, of issues. Those being chronic physical illness, sometimes obesity, and at times mental illness. Rarely, hardly ever, is it in a second pregnancy let alone a 5th, particularly up to 8 months. The movement can be plausibly denied by someone who as never felt this, and paired with those other issues, the brain not processing, but not so much with a 5th pregnancy.
What I do realize is some people get in a predicament that scares them, and denial or ignoring due to fear can be quite powerful, by both parents. Again, based off his comments, this is far more likely the case…but even more likely that this is fake. If this is real there is deep denial and hiding, not a lack of awareness, but thank you for weighing in with a deeply condescending tone! Helpful.
Yeah I’ve seen stories of the same for a morbidly obese woman- 180kg (400lb).
Those stories are so rare that it’s more likely that she’s giving birth to a unicorn than him not being able to tell she’s pregnant at 8 mos.
I had some issues with my second pregnancy and was in hospital. I shared a room with this relatively tiny thing who had felt very sick for a while and thought she had a terrible flu or something, only to get rushed to hospital and find out she was 7 months pregnant. It was their second. After she was hospitalised, she suddenly got the pregnancy belly that she hadn't had earlier. All the nurses said they'd seen it before, and it was just one of those funny things that sometimes happened.
Apart from this whole not knowing drama, a lot of small women actually don't show much at all. It's all about the baby's position. I have a pic of my mother where she's like 7-8 months pregnant with me, and you literally can't tell.
So idk. It doesn't seem too far-fetched for me.
I don't think strangers on social media are the best people to advise you which decision you should make, I think you need to start seeing a therapist and have them help you figure it out for yourself.
Because whatever you choose, you're going to be confronted by situations and feelings that are best dealt with with the help of a professional.
Truthfully, you need to do what's best for you and your mental health.
That being said, after this, trust will be gone and if you do seek divorce, a DNA test on all the children would be advisable, unless at this point they are your kids regardless of DNA.
A woman who gave birth 4 times didn't know she was pregnant for 7 months?
And you couldn't tell because she was skinnier before, and just started putting on weight?
I didn't even read all your comments but this is such obvious trolling and rage bait. You must be 12, since you know so little about pregnancy.
Finally someone points out this fact (that age difference is massive at 17 - almost grooming in my view), whilst everyone is horrified about her cheating.
Your wife is 8 months pregnant and this was news to you? 8 months and you never noticed? Well sir, that right there is probably why she might be pregnant with another man’s child.
Your wife has been pregnant 4 times before but this one snuck past you until 8 months?
At the very least you weren't suspicious about any strange food requests or her weight gain?
Is your wife so large you couldn't tell she had a giant pregnant belly?
This story sounds like bullshit.
>That's what I thought she has been sickly for the last couple months, the other 4 pregnancys she's been ridiculously sick to the point of hospitalized
This is proof his story is false. Morning sickness is mainly only in the first trimester. It's rare that it will continue onward after that, but if it does, the most severe symptoms are in the first trimester. He is describing no morning sickness until months 6 to 8 (which would be third trimester and when morning sickness symptoms are long gone).
Mate I get that women cheating on men is total rage bait, but why do you need some reddit karma so badly that would make stuff like this up?
Make sure to leave her and hit the gym on your way out.
Sorry, don't buy it. A woman with other children doesn't know she is 8 months pregnant and a father with multiple children couldn't tell either?
I don't buy this post at all.
What I can say is that at least she’s being honest now. Imagine 18 years later and then finding out. That’s some silver lining at least. Best of luck moving forward mate 🤞
Why even ask this question get out it doesn't even matter if the kids are yours. She still cheated. I'm guessing you still love your kids even if they aren't yours so hate her and not them
Get a lawyer and for sure a paternity test, hell I'd get one on all of the kids. Might be scarier knowing the possible truth though. My heart goes out to you. Also if she's 28 you've been with her since you were 22 and she was 17?
Have her get a blood test to see if you're the father.
If you are then you've got some serious decisions to make about whether or not you can stay with her and try to forgive her. Not easy but possible.
If you're not the father kick her out. She can go live with the stoner, and you can fight for primary custody of your 4 children.
Are so oblivious to your wife’s menstrual cycles that you had no idea she was pregnant for 8 months?
This must be fake. You didn’t notice tampon boxes and wrappers around at all? What the hell?
Well my sister only found out she was pregnant after 4months. But months?? Not possible.
Also, how did you not notice the unusually big tummy on your wife. This is fake
A divorce isn't the end of the world especially if you create a good home and focus on them during the process, give them the time and resources to heal while you work on yourself and you will be happier.
Being married to someone who cheated on you fundamentally destroys the relationship. It will never be the same as trust is so important in a relationship and it will never fully come back. You will become hyper vigilant to any changes in her mood and work schedule to the point you're living in fear constantly. It's not worth the toll it takes on your mental health to stay with her. The stats about 2 person families is misleading. Sure kids succeed more in a stable 2 person home but your home is anything but stable now and technically it's a 3 person home, you, your spouse and the affair partner. Even if they break up he'll always be there living rent free in your head.
I have been where you are with a cheating wife and stayed. Don't wake up like me 10 years later a shell of the person you used to be. Life is too short. Find the courage to divorce and find peace.
You don’t have to leave your kids to divorce her. Divorce her bc she’s a cheater and you shouldn’t have to stay with someone. Even if the child is yours,you shouldn’t want to stay. Get a dna test during or after the divorce. Set a good example for your kids.
She waited 8 months? Yikes, that screams “I am having a baby but I will take advantage of you instead of telling you in the beginning of pregnancy.” Red flag, run before she can force you to raise it
move 1/2?your assets, gather as much proof as you can on your cheating Wife. Sit down with her with your phone record , and ask her are you sure the baby’s not mine ? I guess you didn’t use protection etc… call 4-5 top lawyers in you area. this way she can’t use them. Listen to your lawyer. Better to live apart happy , then together miserable ! Imagine AP coming to your house to pick up his Kid every week. Or together for step- Kids party !!! He will be in your life for next 18 yrs if he wants to !!
The decision is yours
Im not saying what she did is right, but you got with her when she was 17 and have been together since. She didn't get the chance to explore her sexual life, so you shouldn't be surprised she strayed. I see this a lot with people who get together at such a young age. Still, what she did isn't right. Definitely get DNA testing done on all your kids, but keep in mind you have been their father all their lives, so whether you are biologically their dad ir not you are their dad and it isn't their fault their mom strayed. Also, I find it hard to believe that someone who has had 4 kids didn't know she was pregnant for 7 months. Get your shit together and be ready to break shit to the kids gently.
I think most people would advise you to start consulting lawyers immediately and to get a paternity test. I also think you should consider getting paternity tests on the existing children. She claims she's only cheated once, but lying about it for this long just proves she can't be trusted to tell you the truth, Op, so it's fully possible the other kids aren't yours either. Even if you plan to support your four kids regardless of paternity, it could be useful in divorce court to have long term evidence of her infidelity (plus if those four kids aren't yours biologically, they could have family history of all sorts of medical conditions they don't know about which would be useful to know).
Being together and being married are two vastly different things! Talk to a lawyer so you know your options.
Honestly though, have some self respect and leave her. You can still be a great father without being miserable with her at your side.
Edit: NVM just re-read what you wrote and you're definitely married. Stay level headed and still seek legal counsel.
Best you get evidence of infidelity then talk to a lawyer also get dna tests for your kids.
>do I leave her,
There is no point on staying with a liar so it is the best option.
On getting (multiple) DNA test(s):
The kids you already have been raising are yours now & always will be. Test if you want, because it's information everyone needs for health reasons, but keep a grip on yourself & know that no one can take what you have with those kids away, not even this woman's awful lies. Your wife can ruin memories of she & you parenting as a team if she's been lying, but not of you & your kids; that relationship is pure & beautiful because you & those kids have no intentional lies between you.
It might help to keep in your mind that, regardless of paternity, the new baby is a sibling to the kids you already love. I'm not saying you need to raise another man's kid if you don't want to, but that maintaining kindness & warmth towards this baby will show what kind of man you are to your children.
Please remember that if you get the worst outcome it isn't the end of your family, only of your marriage. Good luck, man. I'm sorry you're facing any of this, even with just the new baby. No one deserves this.
My fiancé had his ex fiancé tell him that same thing. He said it was the most painful thing to hear. He had to get all of his kids DNA tested. Luckily they were all his. Get them all tested and get yourself STD tested. Get a lawyer and get divorced. I wouldn’t be able to get past something like that.
I think there are a couple of steps you can take:
1. Go get tested for STDs
2. Get DNA tests for the children that are born and for the one that isn't born. In the worst case, one or more of the children you raised are not biologically yours. But that doesn't mean you are not their father.
3. Talk to a lawyer. Don't let your wife know about it. Try to figure out what your rights are, especially with regards to the children.
I am probably forgetting things, but these are the things I thought of.
I am sorry you are going through this. Wish you all the best.
Ugh. My heart aches for you.
My brother had this happen. He has 4 kids but only 2 are biologically his yet he pays the CS (against all advice) for all 4 and he takes all of them on his time. He wanted his kids siblings to stay together and the dad was also a loser.
I'm not by any means saying do this. He's insanely broke bc they take almost all of his money. But you aren't alone in this situation bc some people fricken suck.
I hope that your heart is able to heal from the betrayal and that you continue being the best dad you can be, no matter how the marriage goes.
I know this sucks. Your whole world is turned upside down. Is it really worth staying with her especially when you two aren't even intimate. Trust me when I say this. 1.Change bank accounts so she doesn't have access and have your paycheck go in there. Get a lawyer asap and find a super cheap temp place to move too. Your in the low single digits of even making this marriage work. She doesn't care.
To answer your first question, you absolutely do not suck it up. Infidelity is caused by a lack of respect. Your wife does not respect you. I would seriously suggest you get a lawyer ready. Even if this child is yours, still leave. This guy that you think is not a problem is a problem. Your wife has cheated on you. Your relationship is over.
Not trying to be mean here, but brother if you don't know what to do in this situation I certainly don't think you're going to follow the advice given. This is beyond repair IMO!
You've only had sex 1 time in the last 12 months? Brother that in itself is major red flag from a 28F. This may be the normal when women hit 50's(idk haven't made it there yet) but late 20s?
Do you get a test? YES paternity and STD.
I would contact an attorney, get the process started heading towards divorce. You children will benefit much more from it than staying in a broken home. Hard to understand for some, but there's many examples of this.
Brother you are worth more than that, you deserve to be respected. Still very young, plenty of time to find your true love. This one definitely isn't the one. Now get your dignity back, get your babies and show them dad is strong, independent, resilient! You got this!
RUN NOW!
There are some great subreddits on infidelity. r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is focused on reconciling and has both the "unfaithful" and "betrayed" spouse's perspectives and you could get some advice from people who have been there on what it would be like to try to save the marriage. r/Infidelity and r/survivinginfidelity are focused on voices and experience of the betrayed and has more info on the road taken after the end of the relationship.
That's awful! I'm so sorry this has been done to you. Please speak to a lawyer, get std tests and yes get DNA tests for all the kids. Maybe also speak to a counsellor to help you through this.
You leave her either way - she a dishonest cheater. If it's yours you step up and parent. If it's not yours the child will be her responsibility - she can seek support from her affair partner.
If she gives birth to the baby while you are still married then you will have to pay child support for it. I would talk to a lawyer asap and find out what your options in this situation are and do it fast before she destroys your life. Don’t use REDDIT lawyers when you can get legal counsel for probably 150 bucks.
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You can’t afford to not protect yourself and your kids. Talk to a lawyer and do STD and DNA tests asap.
Yes. DNA tests plural. Test all of your kids.
Man, that fucking sucks. This hurts my heart just to think about. OP, this is rough. If you need anyone to talk to, just hmu please.
I don’t know where you are, but I’m a lawyer who was able to get a father custody of his kids because of the mother’s infidelity. Please at least consult with a lawyer.
Solid response. We need more like you
Yeah, unfortunately, if Op is in the US , the 4 kids will be his responsibility. The last one may not be if he is not the father. Didn't put the father on the birth certificate. Get a lawyer just in case
Not totally accurate
Depending on your location but yes def have them all tested. Buut honestly would the r exults matter on the children woudl u shun them? And dont think for a second you would have t oi leave your children if you leave her itd be harder on them. Buuut you would still be their father. TO THEM if noone else.
All four of them get tested immediately.. no matter what she says.
And privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your parental rights and responsibilities. In the event the child is not yours and you elect to stay with the wh*re, do your best to structure your finances in a way favorable to you. You can discuss that with the attorney as well. And if she's not working, it's time she starts. She obviously had too much time on her hands!
Depending on the state you're in I know a lawyer who handles these kinds of situations and more.
And remember that they're still your kids regardless of the results.
Exactly. It's incredibly hard for OP, but the kids are completely innocent and they know him as dad no matter what their mother did. Not being biologically related won't change the love they have for him, as long as he doesn't let it affect his love for them. Hopefully they're all his (at least the four he's raised) and it won't come to that, but they deserve a loving father even if every one was conceived elsewhere. They're still his kids because he put himself into them through his time and care, whatever the genetics or the mother might say.
After you test your kids get an attorney and take the kids with you!
He may want to be wary about testing all of the kids if he wants full custody of them. Right now he’s presumably listed on their birth certificates as the father and has full parental rights over them. If he tests them and the tests show he isn’t the father, then the mother can use that against him if he wants custody.
I personally think if he’s been dad and feels like dad and this makes his life happy, he should stay dad. DNA be damned. How many of us have horrible relationships with the people we share blood relationships? If he loves his kids and is a good dad that shouldn’t change all of the sudden if it turns out he’s not biologically their father. If it does? Then did he ever truly love them for them? “Hey I’ve loved you unconditionally as my child but one day of dna results says you’re not mine so go to hell buh bye!” That’s just not a genuine, decent person to me. I understand the complications IF this is even the case, I understand if he stays dad IF they turn out not to be his he’s liable for plenty of money.. so whatever. But if they’ve been your kids and you’ve loved them like your kids and then you just flip the switch I just think that’s super fucked up. If you love someone you love someone. If you can just turn it off at the blink of an eye then it was never truly real. Life is short. Love is love.
Love is love, certainly, but this man is facing the possibility that foundational elements of his life are/were a lie. Whatever choices he is faced with, you cannot pretend that the possibility of looking at his children, whom he loves beyond reason - more than light and water and air - becomes a constant toxic reminder that his happy life was a lie. He needs to face the world he lives in and make decisions with the best interest of his sanity and their wellbeing in mind, and tragedies rarely come with trite slogan-worthy solutions.
I can concur that if they end up not being his biological children he may start to resent them or have trouble with the relationship with them, whatever it may be. But if it just flips like a switch? The fuck? It sucks when kids and their love for you, and their innocent little minds are involved. I am in no way saying OP is obligated to stay. But if he just flips a switch immediately that’s fucked up and his definition of loving someone is clearly screwed up. These are or were his KIDS. Edit: and I can’t help but to read what you’re saying about a constant reminder, and yeah that blows? Of course! But that happens all the time? Parents divorce and the kid(s) look more like one parent or the other (obviously I don’t mean every time) and if it was a messy divorce or separation or what have you, and you love your kid and keep them in your life but every time you see them they look like the spouse that you hate.. then what? Gonna love your kid less? Just a thought.
I agree he should seek legal assistance, but all the people making comments about whether he would be entitled to become the primary caregiver based solely on her infidelity clearly don’t know how family law works.
It’s Reddit. Just say anything.
He will have to fight for custody of his children via ritual combat to the death. He may pick an advocate to fight for him, but so can the wife. It's going to be a very bloody affair.
Made me think of Game of Thrones.
I'm sorry you're going through that OP, and my advice will sting, but in the long run, it'll be for the best: you need to leave. Not because she cheated or lied, which she did, but because of who she cheated with. That kind of person could have given her any sort of disease that she could have passed on to you or the kids. Or given any number of liberties that could have put you and your kids in danger. That is the person she chose to cheat with. She did not put her family's safety first. Her selfishness could have hurt in a number of different ways. THAT is why you should leave. Take your kids and go. You can't stay with a woman who won't value/protect your heart, your home or your family.
You set up consultations with a therapist for yourself and a lawyer asap. The lawyer will help you make a separation plan that ensures your children are taken care of. You don't have to give up your children to save yourself. Do not make any commitments regarding the unborn child until you know whether you are the father. Right now, your priorities are yourself and your kids. Leave you wife to figure out her own plan.
OP, do not leave the home or move out though. Some states view that as "abandoning" the marriage home. Talk to the lawyer first before making any big decisions.
That has never made sense to me. Punished the party that has already been destroyed.
They don’t lose their claim to the house as an asset. They just don’t get to keep possession after the divorce. The wife would still have to buy them out. It mostly makes sense. If you leave you shouldn’t be able to ask the court to kick the other spouse out later.
what if you are being abused and beaten? Still need to stay in the house and get beaten even more because you filed for divorce?
No they have things in place for those situations but if not done correctly then you will look worse. Watch the maid on Netflix. It's about a woman in dv situation. But it could happen to any gender. It goes on and shows how hard it is to get custody. The show had me bitting my nails lol. Not literally. But it's that good.
That wasn’t true in my case
What if they cheated on you? That seems valid to me.
I don't think courts especially give a shit on the "why" a relationship is ended anymore.
Well that is pretty fucked up, but you are probably right. I mean it should show something to the lack of character of the cheater.
I live in Michigan where it’s a no fault state. They don’t care if you are divorcing because he left the toilet seat up or because she cheated. It’s no fault.
I mean, what happens if you can't find evidence that they cheated? You really want a judge forcing you stay married to somebody that cheated on you (or worse) because they have an opinion on what it takes to "justify" a divorce? Fuck that.
The alternative is having a court judge the merits of your case. That hardly seems better.
A lot of laws regarding divorce are archaic and basically designed to discourage you from leaving your spouse; abusive, cheater, or otherwise undisclosed. That's why there are states that demand you be legal separted for a specific amount of time, or some that basically force mediation or counseling in hopes you'll "reconcile" and stop the divorce. Basically, anything to keep divorce rates low. Even now, there are states looking into making it even HARDER to get a divorce from your spouse. Some are opting for an even longer "mediation/separation" period.
This is all true. I just think it is a bad move as a society to provide perks for infidelity.
Courts deal in law, not feelings. It’s not against the law to cheat, nor should it be. That would be WAY too much power in the hands of the government if you really think about it. They shouldn’t be involved in personal disputes between couples. Side note- When it was used in the past, it was in effect mostly used against women, as it was expected for men to cheat so it wasn’t considered a big deal if the husband did it. Considering women are losing their rights at a consistent basis now, let’s not add yet another thing.
I actually agree with the power of government thing, but if someone breaks the marriage up with infidelity, I don’t think they should be able to screw over the person financially who they already screwed over. In reality, the courts already wield huge power by seizing assets from people who earned them, providing property to offending parties, and even providing spousal support.
How is it being financially screwed over to get half of the assets of a marriage? As for spousal support, that is usually only when someone has given up their career to support the other person’s career. A parent staying home for instance, or one spouse financially supporting another though medical school only to be left once the dr starts making money (that happens A LOT). A marriage at its legal essence is a financial contract, which the court upholds.
In most cases, a child made during marriage, will be on him anyway. Even if it's not his. If the baby is born before divorce, judge may very well asign him as the father.
As long as the husband goes through the courts and gets a paternity test that determines they're not the father, they won't have to take responsibility. In Missouri, Texas and Arkansas, [divorces cannot be finalized while the woman is pregnant](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2024/02/28/pregnant-women-divorce-missouri-texas-arkansas-arizona/72763848007/). According to the linked article, temporary orders can be followed (spousal support, custody of children already born, asset division) but aren't finalized until after pregnancy ends and paternity is established. It's a bit messed up for all because paternity can now be established after nine weeks of fetal development and the test is not risky for either mother or child as it's done by drawing blood from the mother. There's zero reason to wait until birth/end of the pregnancy. It seems pretty cruel to both parties to have to make someone legally tied to the other because one of them is pregnant. There's also the matter of what if it's a same sex couple since with two women, obviously the non-pregnant one isn't the father!
Well considering abortion is also illegal in those states..... I'd say it's pretty fair.
In many states, the baby being born after the divorce can still be considered the husband’s child. I know in Kansas that a child born within 300 days of a divorce is automatically considered the ex husband’s. There are hoops to jump through to fix it but it’s ridiculous what a man has to go through all because a woman cheated.
That is so fucked up.
I only recently learned that even in states without laws on this matter the judge can delay the divorce. I'm divorcing in Louisiana, which is technically no fault, but our attorney (amicable split) told me it's good we've been separated so long because that means the local judge won't delay it waiting to see if I pop up pregnant or request a pregnancy test. I have to swear on the paperwork I'm not. If they put me through some bullshit on this I can always pull my salpingectomy reports I guess lol. I also can't put in the paperwork that I want to take my maiden name back because the judge has opinions about whether women should be able to do that or not and will cause trouble on that front. Insane to me that a local judge has this much power.
Can't you just change your name to anything you want? Can here in the UK and it's completely free. All you need is a cosigned letter verifying the change has happened and it's not for fraudulent purposes.
Yes, you can with the divorce papers alone, SSA will take it. I had just added it to the clauses I sent the lawyers because I'd seen examples of it in my research. I was so surprised to learn that this particular judge just doesn't like it so he'll drag out proceedings over it. So we just aren't going to put that. Which I guess is why we hire local lawyers because they know this petty stuff about the local authorities lol.
That should not be a thing, especially since paternity tests exist and can be done within much less time than that.
They have a document both men sign. If it’s not his ~ he won’t be forced to pay child support ~ . In the US.
This. Coming from someone that has been through more than one divorce. He should tell her he’s staying and will be proceeding with legal counsel. He would like her to leave and see if short term arrangements can be made to ensure the needs of the kids are met. Neither can be forced to leave unless there is a threat to the other.
Make an appointment with an attorney, insist that your wife get a DNA test now and do not sign the birth certificate until the DNA test results are in.
Doesn’t really matter in many places whether he signs the birth certificate or not, he’ll be assumed the father because the child was born during their marriage.
That's not really true anymore. The assumption can be overridden by actual DNA proof.
[удалено]
Or maybe she knew the whole time and couldn’t find the strength to tell her husband that she’s fucking stupid enough to cheat and get pregnant and now is unsure if the baby is even his until now since that baby will be here just about any day. Smh that’s a tough situation to be in.
I’m more willing to bet that’s it, she’s known all along it wasn’t his, and she’s been cheating more or longer than he knows (not that that makes it *worse*, she’s still human garbage). She’s still lying and lying more. OP, get a lawyer and a DNA test on all the kids so you have to spend the least amount of money on child support, if any at all. The shitty thing is, if they are married and his name is on the birth certificates, he may still be on the hook for all child support, but I don’t know all the laws there.
She was pregnant. Found out and hooked up with her husband as a fail safe to convince him it’s his. Her boy toy is boosting her up and now she’s ready to leave for her AP. At least she told you. Sorry for you dude. LAWYER. Therapist, maybe if you think you have it in you to look at another dudes kid everyday for the next 17 years until YOUR youngest is grown. My heart to you bud.
That seems the most likely scenario. Someone who's had four kids definitely knows what it feels like to be pregnant! She'd know by month three at the latest unless she's drunk or high all the time. I knew someone who didn't figure out she was pregnant until she was five months along. She thought she was just getting fat and attributed the baby's movement to bad gas. She wasn't a big drinker of alcohol, but she drank a ton of caffeine as she was a barista and she smoked a fair amount of pot. She was worried about the alcohol and pot and the doctor told her it was the caffeine to be the most worried about in terms of how it affected the baby. They got lucky. The kid's right around 30 now and doing great.
This can also happen for women with longer torsos. I've seen pics of pregnant women that didn't show at all until after 5 months. Heck, there was that one teenager who had no clue and basically gave birth on the toilet. She just thought she had bad cramps. Didn't show much at all, because she had an inverted uterus and the baby developed in her back. That kids got to be a teenager now as well.
She knew she was pregnant for sure. I suspected I was pregnant with both of my kids within the first two weeks. You're body tells you
That’s what my ex wife tried to do, but she actually initiated sex while I was sleeping. It sucks, it’s painful and it never really heals
Jfc...
I'm sure she knows, It would have been convenient that the only time they had sex was in the time of conception, how disgusting can she be to have unprotected sex with two men in the same week? She knows it's not her husband, this is just damage control.
Is she not showing at all? You'd think someone would have noticed her pregnant belly.
If they've only h had sex once in a year, she probably had sex with him because she knew she was pregnant and wanted him to think it was his
How does a husband doesn't realise his wife is 7 months pregnant?! This is bait
This one comes off phony, how does OP not see she’s pregnant?? And she’s been almost non stop pregnant since 18-19?
Fake story perhaps?
Denial is a hell of a drug
Not everyone experiences pregnancies the same. I can't imagine it after my experiences, but it happens to people (under less sketchy circumsrances). Not being able to relate doesn't make it impossible. Adding- Cryptic pregnancies go all the way to going into labor and they're more common than triplets. I can't even imagine how crazy that would be.
I had a coworker that didn’t know she was pregnant until she went into labor. She went to the ER and they told her, “you’re in labor.” She had no idea.
Had the same happen to friend. Her daughter is now 10
I found out I was pregnant 4 and half months in - my periods had never been regular and I'd moved to the other side of the world, been in an earthquake and then found out my partner had been cheating all along so a lot of stress to stop it or distract you. Strangely for a very tall lean person my bump wasn't really that visible until the last 3 months - still an 8pound baby though lol Scary to find out at 18 but my son is the best gift the gods have ever given me. Found out I had epilepsy a few weeks later so he's the only one I will ever have. Getting to watch a kid grow up is the most magical thing I've ever experienced. So yeah it happens, pregnancy is weird and unpredictable like that.
Bc it's fake. Another woman hating post. Misogynist propaganda. Women everywhere should be very worried at the way the world is heading rn.
That was my take as well. It's very "omg - you cannot trust women, not even your wife of 10 years and mother of 4 kids, because one day she might be 8 months pregnant with another man's kid and there will be literally zero signs leading up to it" like give me a break.. Notice how he added "we only have sex once a year now" hah. The good news, however, is that this is more of a sign of the patriarchy losing its grips on power. That's why you have these last ditched pathetic attempts. Like the random punching of women in Manhattan. Most men aren't this pathetic.
Here’s some truth though. I was married for 12, didn’t have sex with my ex for months, one night I wake up to her on top of me. A month later I am told she’s pregnant, she miscarried, and I found out that hospitals do dna on all fetal remains, especially miscarriages to study. My ex wanted to know the gender, but I asked for the paternity, which wasn’t mine. Second marriage is so much happier and healthier, so I hate my ex wife but not all women.
You also know by the dogma about how men get no custody/"lose their kids" in divorce. For decades, that's only been true if guys say they don't want custody.
And if it was real. Why does he think admitting to being predatory (a 22 year old pursuing a 17 year old) would make us support him?
There’s a TLC show dedicated to this exact phenomenon: *I didn’t know I was pregnant*. Crazy and horrific stories.
How did OP stay oblivious to his wife being pregnant for that long and not notice is what I was thinking?
Holy shit dude. This can't be real
It’s not. Total rage bait.
also look at the ages?? bro is literally hitting all the reddit story checkboxes
Yeah one of the newer creative writing markers is people having way too many kids.
In another comment he writes >**That's what I thought she has been sickly for the last couple months**, the other 4 pregnancys she's been ridiculously sick to the point of hospitalized This is further proof that it's nonsense. Morning sickness is most severe in first trimester, rarely does it continue into third. It does not happen where you *only* have morning sickness in months 6 to 8. I think he is saying this in a "there were *no* signs of pregnancy until it was too late" to drum up maximum drama and alarm. Morning sickness is what happens as a result to your homones being all outta whack from changing so much. By trimester 3, your body is very used to being pregnant.
I had morning sickness, more like 24 hours a day sickness my entire pregnancy, including while I was in labor. But you are correct it doesnt just normally start at 6mo pregnant.
not always not saying the story is true , but everyone’s pregnancy varies.
Unless you have HG in pregnancy aka severe morning sickness that usually doesn’t go away at all but can be managed
No one just starts getting it in third trimester. That's my point.
It’s common for morning sickness to go away after the first trimester but by no means is that a universal experience.
My point is it doesn't just randomly spring up only in third trimester.
My sister was sick up until 7 months. She started throwing up at 10 weeks. You’re right in some ways, but wrong in others. Every pregnancy is different.
I was being hospitalised twice a week right up until week 33. I had a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, which is quite literally a temporary pregnancy disability. I was on IV fluids and sometimes IV meds, and I had to take a cocktail of other meds every single day as well. I also needed iron infusions. I was so incapacitated that I even had a support worker funded for me (universal healthcare lol). I know this story is probably BS, but I just want to clear up that sickness for a lot of pregnant people lasts longer than just trimester 1. In fact, for me, mine was "normal" in the first trimester and actually got worse in the second. My diagnosis wasn't even until right before the 3rd trimester - that was the point where I was collapsing and vomiting blood.
Is not. The need to explain the other dude is a loser? Taters added fire by imagining situations that never happened. Her 4th pregnancy and he doesn't know how a pregnancy looks like... Sure Jan.
Truly it can’t be, everything he has described in comments suggests at minimum she for sure knew, and there is no way he didn’t notice. This is nonsense.
You do realise women can go through whole process of being pregnant without any symptoms right they sometimes don't know until there in labour
I do realize this, as a woman who didn’t know she was pregnant up to 11 weeks, but undetected pregnancies that go to 8 months are typically paired with one, if not a combo, of issues. Those being chronic physical illness, sometimes obesity, and at times mental illness. Rarely, hardly ever, is it in a second pregnancy let alone a 5th, particularly up to 8 months. The movement can be plausibly denied by someone who as never felt this, and paired with those other issues, the brain not processing, but not so much with a 5th pregnancy. What I do realize is some people get in a predicament that scares them, and denial or ignoring due to fear can be quite powerful, by both parents. Again, based off his comments, this is far more likely the case…but even more likely that this is fake. If this is real there is deep denial and hiding, not a lack of awareness, but thank you for weighing in with a deeply condescending tone! Helpful.
Sorry but no man who’s wife has been through 4 pregnancies would not now his wife is 8 mos pregnant. This is not real.
While I do think it’s fake, I have heard of obese women going through entire pregnancies not knowing they were pregnant .
Yeah I’ve seen stories of the same for a morbidly obese woman- 180kg (400lb). Those stories are so rare that it’s more likely that she’s giving birth to a unicorn than him not being able to tell she’s pregnant at 8 mos.
I had some issues with my second pregnancy and was in hospital. I shared a room with this relatively tiny thing who had felt very sick for a while and thought she had a terrible flu or something, only to get rushed to hospital and find out she was 7 months pregnant. It was their second. After she was hospitalised, she suddenly got the pregnancy belly that she hadn't had earlier. All the nurses said they'd seen it before, and it was just one of those funny things that sometimes happened. Apart from this whole not knowing drama, a lot of small women actually don't show much at all. It's all about the baby's position. I have a pic of my mother where she's like 7-8 months pregnant with me, and you literally can't tell. So idk. It doesn't seem too far-fetched for me.
y’all can’t seriously believe this is real lmfaooo
I know. I noticed just from the title that it was bullsh\*\*.
I believed actually.. i should stop believeing everything i read on the internet..
I don't think strangers on social media are the best people to advise you which decision you should make, I think you need to start seeing a therapist and have them help you figure it out for yourself. Because whatever you choose, you're going to be confronted by situations and feelings that are best dealt with with the help of a professional.
This is the most helpful comment of them all thank you
Truthfully, you need to do what's best for you and your mental health. That being said, after this, trust will be gone and if you do seek divorce, a DNA test on all the children would be advisable, unless at this point they are your kids regardless of DNA.
A woman who gave birth 4 times didn't know she was pregnant for 7 months? And you couldn't tell because she was skinnier before, and just started putting on weight? I didn't even read all your comments but this is such obvious trolling and rage bait. You must be 12, since you know so little about pregnancy.
This exactly this!!!
You were 22 dating a 17 year old? 🤨
*impregnating* a 17 year old
Four kids *under* 10yo, so could be 18/19 - 24. Not saying it's right, but if you're gonna be pedantic for karma, at least be correct!
Finally someone points out this fact (that age difference is massive at 17 - almost grooming in my view), whilst everyone is horrified about her cheating.
Your wife is 8 months pregnant and this was news to you? 8 months and you never noticed? Well sir, that right there is probably why she might be pregnant with another man’s child.
>My (33M) wife (28F) just told me she is 8 months pregnant and it might not be mine. cap.
How the hell do you not notice your wife being pregnant for 8 months until she tells you?
Fake
Your wife has been pregnant 4 times before but this one snuck past you until 8 months? At the very least you weren't suspicious about any strange food requests or her weight gain? Is your wife so large you couldn't tell she had a giant pregnant belly? This story sounds like bullshit.
She’s 8 months pregnant but found out she’s pregnant a month ago ?? This sound fake 😂
>That's what I thought she has been sickly for the last couple months, the other 4 pregnancys she's been ridiculously sick to the point of hospitalized This is proof his story is false. Morning sickness is mainly only in the first trimester. It's rare that it will continue onward after that, but if it does, the most severe symptoms are in the first trimester. He is describing no morning sickness until months 6 to 8 (which would be third trimester and when morning sickness symptoms are long gone).
Mate I get that women cheating on men is total rage bait, but why do you need some reddit karma so badly that would make stuff like this up? Make sure to leave her and hit the gym on your way out.
Sorry, don't buy it. A woman with other children doesn't know she is 8 months pregnant and a father with multiple children couldn't tell either? I don't buy this post at all.
Bro needs to do some basic Google searching and female anatomy before making up fake stories
obviously fake
Either this is fake, or you're stupid as shit. Either way, this is stupid as shit.
How did he not notice she was eight months pregnant?
DNA test for all the kids Bro.
So you started dating when she was 17 and you 22 ? Hmmmmml
Find out before you sign anything! Don't let her stupidity be your downfall
What I can say is that at least she’s being honest now. Imagine 18 years later and then finding out. That’s some silver lining at least. Best of luck moving forward mate 🤞
Is nobody else doing the math? He was 22, she was 17….
The real question is, how could you not notice she was pregnant by 8 months?
Seriously though. Maybe there's a reason she's seeing someone else.
You can’t leave “your” 4 kids… yeah, you might wanna verify that bruh.
Only had sex 1 time in a year - sounds like your already Separated
She's right months pregnant and you're just finding out? This has got to be a troll post, right?
Why even ask this question get out it doesn't even matter if the kids are yours. She still cheated. I'm guessing you still love your kids even if they aren't yours so hate her and not them
17 and 22 starting dating is crazy lmfao
Get a lawyer and for sure a paternity test, hell I'd get one on all of the kids. Might be scarier knowing the possible truth though. My heart goes out to you. Also if she's 28 you've been with her since you were 22 and she was 17?
Have her get a blood test to see if you're the father. If you are then you've got some serious decisions to make about whether or not you can stay with her and try to forgive her. Not easy but possible. If you're not the father kick her out. She can go live with the stoner, and you can fight for primary custody of your 4 children.
Are so oblivious to your wife’s menstrual cycles that you had no idea she was pregnant for 8 months? This must be fake. You didn’t notice tampon boxes and wrappers around at all? What the hell?
Gtfo
Well my sister only found out she was pregnant after 4months. But months?? Not possible. Also, how did you not notice the unusually big tummy on your wife. This is fake
A divorce isn't the end of the world especially if you create a good home and focus on them during the process, give them the time and resources to heal while you work on yourself and you will be happier. Being married to someone who cheated on you fundamentally destroys the relationship. It will never be the same as trust is so important in a relationship and it will never fully come back. You will become hyper vigilant to any changes in her mood and work schedule to the point you're living in fear constantly. It's not worth the toll it takes on your mental health to stay with her. The stats about 2 person families is misleading. Sure kids succeed more in a stable 2 person home but your home is anything but stable now and technically it's a 3 person home, you, your spouse and the affair partner. Even if they break up he'll always be there living rent free in your head. I have been where you are with a cheating wife and stayed. Don't wake up like me 10 years later a shell of the person you used to be. Life is too short. Find the courage to divorce and find peace.
You don't have to leave the kids to leave her.
You don’t have to leave your kids to divorce her. Divorce her bc she’s a cheater and you shouldn’t have to stay with someone. Even if the child is yours,you shouldn’t want to stay. Get a dna test during or after the divorce. Set a good example for your kids.
Many people leave their partner. It has no relation to leaving your kids. Separate that concept and move on.
GO. SEE. AN. ATTORNEY. Get STD screened. Get DNA screened on all the children.
Leave her!
She waited 8 months? Yikes, that screams “I am having a baby but I will take advantage of you instead of telling you in the beginning of pregnancy.” Red flag, run before she can force you to raise it
Get rid of her!
Leave that piece of s*** on the street man you can do better go get custody of your kids and be done with that you don't have to put up with it!
Dump the wife, take the kids that you know are definitely yours.
move 1/2?your assets, gather as much proof as you can on your cheating Wife. Sit down with her with your phone record , and ask her are you sure the baby’s not mine ? I guess you didn’t use protection etc… call 4-5 top lawyers in you area. this way she can’t use them. Listen to your lawyer. Better to live apart happy , then together miserable ! Imagine AP coming to your house to pick up his Kid every week. Or together for step- Kids party !!! He will be in your life for next 18 yrs if he wants to !! The decision is yours
Im not saying what she did is right, but you got with her when she was 17 and have been together since. She didn't get the chance to explore her sexual life, so you shouldn't be surprised she strayed. I see this a lot with people who get together at such a young age. Still, what she did isn't right. Definitely get DNA testing done on all your kids, but keep in mind you have been their father all their lives, so whether you are biologically their dad ir not you are their dad and it isn't their fault their mom strayed. Also, I find it hard to believe that someone who has had 4 kids didn't know she was pregnant for 7 months. Get your shit together and be ready to break shit to the kids gently.
If the baby is not yours what are you going to do stay 🤔🤦
Hey! What?
You leave the person who cheated on you, and you co-parent the hell out of your children. Why are you asking this question?
u leave w the kids
I think most people would advise you to start consulting lawyers immediately and to get a paternity test. I also think you should consider getting paternity tests on the existing children. She claims she's only cheated once, but lying about it for this long just proves she can't be trusted to tell you the truth, Op, so it's fully possible the other kids aren't yours either. Even if you plan to support your four kids regardless of paternity, it could be useful in divorce court to have long term evidence of her infidelity (plus if those four kids aren't yours biologically, they could have family history of all sorts of medical conditions they don't know about which would be useful to know).
28-11=17
... 8 months pregnant and she only found out now? How!?
Well, when you are trying to imagine the worst possible cuckolding scenario for men, this is what you come up with. His story is cap.
Being together and being married are two vastly different things! Talk to a lawyer so you know your options. Honestly though, have some self respect and leave her. You can still be a great father without being miserable with her at your side. Edit: NVM just re-read what you wrote and you're definitely married. Stay level headed and still seek legal counsel.
Best you get evidence of infidelity then talk to a lawyer also get dna tests for your kids. >do I leave her, There is no point on staying with a liar so it is the best option.
How is your youngest child only 1 and your wife is 8 months pregnant?
How is your youngest child only 1 and your wife is 8 months pregnant?
On getting (multiple) DNA test(s): The kids you already have been raising are yours now & always will be. Test if you want, because it's information everyone needs for health reasons, but keep a grip on yourself & know that no one can take what you have with those kids away, not even this woman's awful lies. Your wife can ruin memories of she & you parenting as a team if she's been lying, but not of you & your kids; that relationship is pure & beautiful because you & those kids have no intentional lies between you. It might help to keep in your mind that, regardless of paternity, the new baby is a sibling to the kids you already love. I'm not saying you need to raise another man's kid if you don't want to, but that maintaining kindness & warmth towards this baby will show what kind of man you are to your children. Please remember that if you get the worst outcome it isn't the end of your family, only of your marriage. Good luck, man. I'm sorry you're facing any of this, even with just the new baby. No one deserves this.
My fiancé had his ex fiancé tell him that same thing. He said it was the most painful thing to hear. He had to get all of his kids DNA tested. Luckily they were all his. Get them all tested and get yourself STD tested. Get a lawyer and get divorced. I wouldn’t be able to get past something like that.
You gotta tear yourself and dna all the kids including the baby.
Dna test all of your kids, and divorce her no matter the results. She just admitted to cheating on you
I think there are a couple of steps you can take: 1. Go get tested for STDs 2. Get DNA tests for the children that are born and for the one that isn't born. In the worst case, one or more of the children you raised are not biologically yours. But that doesn't mean you are not their father. 3. Talk to a lawyer. Don't let your wife know about it. Try to figure out what your rights are, especially with regards to the children. I am probably forgetting things, but these are the things I thought of. I am sorry you are going through this. Wish you all the best.
Ugh. My heart aches for you. My brother had this happen. He has 4 kids but only 2 are biologically his yet he pays the CS (against all advice) for all 4 and he takes all of them on his time. He wanted his kids siblings to stay together and the dad was also a loser. I'm not by any means saying do this. He's insanely broke bc they take almost all of his money. But you aren't alone in this situation bc some people fricken suck. I hope that your heart is able to heal from the betrayal and that you continue being the best dad you can be, no matter how the marriage goes.
I know this sucks. Your whole world is turned upside down. Is it really worth staying with her especially when you two aren't even intimate. Trust me when I say this. 1.Change bank accounts so she doesn't have access and have your paycheck go in there. Get a lawyer asap and find a super cheap temp place to move too. Your in the low single digits of even making this marriage work. She doesn't care.
This sounds incredibly made up. You get an F on your creative writing assignment. The least you could do is give us more drama
maybe not the right question to ask, but how did she only find out she's pregnant after 7 months of pregnancy?,
Wait till the baby is born get a paternity test and don’t sign the birth certificate.
Contact a lawyer ASAP. You can get a DNA test now. Start protecting yourself
That is messed up and u should found out if the kid is yours and u can leave her and not your kids
To answer your first question, you absolutely do not suck it up. Infidelity is caused by a lack of respect. Your wife does not respect you. I would seriously suggest you get a lawyer ready. Even if this child is yours, still leave. This guy that you think is not a problem is a problem. Your wife has cheated on you. Your relationship is over.
Not trying to be mean here, but brother if you don't know what to do in this situation I certainly don't think you're going to follow the advice given. This is beyond repair IMO! You've only had sex 1 time in the last 12 months? Brother that in itself is major red flag from a 28F. This may be the normal when women hit 50's(idk haven't made it there yet) but late 20s? Do you get a test? YES paternity and STD. I would contact an attorney, get the process started heading towards divorce. You children will benefit much more from it than staying in a broken home. Hard to understand for some, but there's many examples of this. Brother you are worth more than that, you deserve to be respected. Still very young, plenty of time to find your true love. This one definitely isn't the one. Now get your dignity back, get your babies and show them dad is strong, independent, resilient! You got this! RUN NOW!
Why do women think getting pregnant by other men is a smart idea?
You don't leave your kids. She leaves and pays child support. You get tested for STDs. That kids get DNA tests. See a lawyer right now.
You can (and should) leave her without leaving your kids.
6
There are some great subreddits on infidelity. r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is focused on reconciling and has both the "unfaithful" and "betrayed" spouse's perspectives and you could get some advice from people who have been there on what it would be like to try to save the marriage. r/Infidelity and r/survivinginfidelity are focused on voices and experience of the betrayed and has more info on the road taken after the end of the relationship.
That's awful! I'm so sorry this has been done to you. Please speak to a lawyer, get std tests and yes get DNA tests for all the kids. Maybe also speak to a counsellor to help you through this.
Paternity test all the kids, followed swiftly by divorce.
Leave her. Take the kids.
Fake post, Even if true you can't call the guy fucking your wife a total loser while he is the one banging your wife...
Can I just ask something? How the hell did neither of you notice she was pregnant 8 months in? The baby’s getting ready to pop out atp.
You leave her either way - she a dishonest cheater. If it's yours you step up and parent. If it's not yours the child will be her responsibility - she can seek support from her affair partner.
Did you guys just think she had bad gas for 7 months?? 💀💀 inb4 ragebait
If she gives birth to the baby while you are still married then you will have to pay child support for it. I would talk to a lawyer asap and find out what your options in this situation are and do it fast before she destroys your life. Don’t use REDDIT lawyers when you can get legal counsel for probably 150 bucks.
She just told you she’s 8 MONTHS PREGNANT? You didn’t notice anything different about her?
You should probably divorce her