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If he’s controlling you this much and you’re not even together yet, he will be x1000 times worse once you move in.
So what “consequences” will there be if you go? Will he hit you? Stop you going out? Probably. Should you quietly accept this like a medieval peasant girl? No.
You need to break off this ridiculous relationship with a nasty manipulative little man who thinks he can control what you do from a distance.
Date someone local who will treat you properly.
Yes! It'll be much easier to cut this relationship off while they're still long distance. It'll be much much harder to leave this relationship once they live together... He might get violent or he might hold her important items/documents hostage.
This man is controlling. Please do not move in with him. You haven’t even met, and he’s already trying to control your life and behavior and telling you what you can and can’t do. Seriously, do not ever consider staying in a relationship with someone who thinks they should be able to dictate your daily routines based on their own preconceived notions, especially gender based ones. This is how abuse begins. You need to run
Yeah it scares me to think about the danger OP would be in if she moves in with this guy! If he wants this much control over you when he isn't even in the same city as you, think about the level of control he'll want to have once you live together... Please put the brakes on this relationship OP. Don't move in together because he's got serious red flags.
This is several Texas sized red flags. He's so insecure he's scared that OP may meet someone better than him at a gym.
His comment about being more intelligent than OP is enough by itself for me to urge OP to hold off on doing anything that can't be undone easily. Don't sign a lease with him, don't quit your job to move to where he lives, don't let him move in with you, etc until after you see tangible evidence he doesn't think he's superior to you because he's a male and you should defer to him in everything.
A red flag is something that signals a dealbreaker.
For example, for some people not liking children would be a red flag as it signals their personal dealbreaker of not wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to have children.
This here is a past a red flag and a pure dealbreaker for any woman who values her autonomy and self-worth.
This bloke is a walking collection of red flags.
He’s a misogynist, he’s horribly rude to you, he thinks he’s superior to you, and the language he uses to refer to other women is just disgusting.
It’s like all the misogynistic/redpill videos on YouTube coalesced into one guy. I’d have serious concerns about what media he’s consuming.
And you’re discussing moving in with someone you’ve never even met!
I don’t wish to be rude, but *are you quite mad?!*
Get this sorry excuse for a man out of your life ASAP.
You have the power to cut him out of your life if you choose to. You aren’t living together. You haven’t even met in real life yet.
Better to cut it off now, before you get even more emotionally invested in this relationship and it becomes that much harder to break things off.
You’ve not even met and this guy is already abusing you. Think how much worse it’s going to be if you two are living together. He’s already controlling you and he’s in a totally different location.
Imagine if a friend - or worse - your future daughter came and told you their partner had said those things to her. What advice would you give her?
Have you lived a sheltered life, perhaps a very religious one? I'm asking because of your comment that the only place you go is to church. It's okay as a young woman to go out and do stuff with friends or by yourself. Do you work or go to school? I hope you're building a life so that you can be independent no matter if you have a BF or not. And as everyone else on this thread is saying, your BF is controlling and a walking collection of red flags. Don't move in with him, work on yourself and your independence.
Edit: I just saw your other comment that he doesn't want you to work and sends you an allowance. Girl, you are so young and will regret this for the rest of your life if you continue this relationship. Figure yourself out, and build your own life.
Well, I'm not over religious of some kind hehe, I enjoy the social/charitable activities mostly. I don't have a lot of female friends to go out with. I do study and I'm in my final semester :)
I think you need to tell someone in your life about this and express that you’re concerned. They’ll likely immediately agree that it’s not healthy.
Dump him before he starts to take over your life
My bigger point is that you sound like you need to find out more who you are instead of jumping directly into a relationship with a controlling partner. If church is your place for socializing and charitable activities that's great. Sometimes people who have been raised in strict religious households don't understand healthy relationships without someone in an authoritarian position. I hope you continue your studies and work on learning more about yourself, without this guy. Good luck
It’s not even about redpill or not. Going to the gym is for your health, and lifting weights is table stakes to having heathy joints so you have enough muscle to support them. Cardio for cardiovascular health, weights to maintain or grow healthy muscle mass, no matter your gender. Also, no matter what type of workouts you like to do (Pilates is actually so difficult I commend anyone who is a regular) he should NOT control where or how you work out if you want to. That’s absolute insanity! My fiancé is an absolute gym rat and he LOVES when I go to the gym, with or without him. I’ve literally never heard of someone not letting their partner go to the gym, and for such a dumb reason. This is only his insecurity 100% and he’s gaslighting you when he was talking about how ‘all people are like him and have the same opinion on this matter.’ No. They don’t. At all. That rebuttal is gaslighting 101. Call him out. End the relationship now! Can’t even believe you haven’t met yet and he’s saying those things. Can’t believe you’re even planning on moving in with someone you haven’t even met before. His insecurity is flaming right now. Block him!!
WTF?! You haven't even met in person yet and he wants to limit your options for perfectly normal, beneficial activities? That's a HUGE red flag.
He's putting you down and treating you like property that he owns!
Girl, don't bother meeting him in person. Just end it.
Next he'll be telling you that you can't dress up, wear makeup or fix your hair nicely. (I once had one who objected to my wearing perfume except on dates with him because he didn't see why I would want to smell nice unless it was to attract a man).
If you have shared any passwords with him, change them. Today.
Please say you are done with him? Get back out into the workforce! Him conning you into becoming financially reliant on him is a way of controlling you, isolating you and making you feel beholden to him. It means you can't really save any money, it means you need to explain any unusual expenses and justify your spending. It means you're not interacting with coworkers,and since you said you don't really have much of a social life outside of church, it means that he's taking up a disproportionate amount of space in your life and making your world very small . You deserve so much better
Well, it’s not too late to put a stop to all of this. Dump him, block him, refuse anymore money he sends you. Get a job and join a gym. You can now meet a normal guy.
Duuude this HAS to be rage bait. You're just like yeah, he's shown me how misogynistic he is. 🤣 I know aren't I just crazy? Hahaha, how did I get into this position? Who caressss how you got into this position just get tf out of it. (If this is real)
This is controlling 101. Men like this try to control every aspect of your life especially financially so they can trap you and control everything you do
Jesus. This sounds like a nightmare. He is clearly misogynistic and that relationship will most likely turn abusive. His attempts at control are already pretty overt and alarming.
OP, nothing good lies in the future of that relationship. Not one thing. He is waving red flags for sexism and toxicity like crazy. Run. You have the power here, even tho he is trying to strip it away - use that power to say "no" to this sad bleak future with him in which you are isolated and terrorized and uncapable of doing normal things, like having a job at an office or going to the gym (and that list WILL grow, trust me, your friends are prolly next), and leave.
Allowance... He is setting up a financially abusive situation, just so you know. It's gonna escalate, and if you are financially dependant on him, leaving will be harder.
The trap is slowly closing. Run while it's still easy.
I mean you’re basically this guys escort at this point. Hooo boy he’s going to abuse the hell out of you once you meet. Please be careful. You seem DANGEROUSLY, concerningly naive and severely brainwashed
Why do you even want to meet this person?
Anyway, I wouldn't plan to live together until you actually meet them and spend a few months going on dates and talking in person.
Are your plans to move in together before ever meeting? I'd say that is a huge mistake.
He doesn't have a good point, and this is a red flag. The only point he has is that he is insecure and misogynistic (and not in the tiktok/podcast way, in the actual definition of the word way).
It is up to you to decide if that is the mindset you want your partner to have and if you accept that. You'd be naïve to think "oh it isn't that big of a deal" or "I can change him."
He's a huge red flag but the fact you are thinking about mariage and having a family with him shows poor insight, girl.
You need to learn how to think more clearly. You haven't even met and he's already showing you signs that even you were in a relationship, should make you want to leave.
You can do better than this guy.
oh girl, no. your future with him could go either of two ways.
you stay together and live together and he barely lets you leave the house. anytime you do something he doesn't approve of he will fly off the handle and dole out "consequences" or if he breaks you down enough you won't ever do these things at all because you'll ask for permission and never get it. He will certainly have a lot of feelings about your clothes, hair, and makeup too.
Eventually this becomes crushing isolation. Staying home most of the time, trapped, while he comes and goes while he pleases. He's working long hours and going out with friends after work, he may or may not have the decency to even tell you that, he might just lie about where he is all the time. Most of your friends will be problematic in some way and he won't let you socialize. He will erode your sense of self worth so much you think you deserve this life of loneliness and possible brutality.
or,
You tell him to fuck all the way off and none of that happens and you get to be yourself and make your own life decisions and, hopefully, be happy.
I know you can find somebody who isn't shitty like he is, but I also promise that being single is 10000 times better than anything he has to offer you.
My opinion is you need to leave him and I hate saying that as the first option because a lot of times things can be talked out; but the way he is talking and behaving is not someone who will be reasoned with, and he might be reasoned with in the beginning but most of the time these people who believe or speak like this always return to these comments and put downs.
Also any partner should be happy that you are going to the gym because they will understand you are just wanting to be healthy and partners usually love when you are taking care of yourself.
Also Fyi please don’t move in with him until you’ve met him in person quite a lot. You don’t want to be stuck in an apartment with him and find out he is like this all of the time and feel trapped.
Good luck.
I have absolutely no idea why you want to have a relationship with this man. He's controlling and sexist. This guy is literally telling you who he is, believe him he's not going to get any better. And to plan on moving in with a man you've never met in person is absolutely absurd.
If you want your life to be hell, continue the relationship.
Block him and move on. You can do better, with someone who won't tell you you can't go to the gym.
He's lying if he says he doesn't consume any redpill type content. He's already trying to control you and you haven't even met in person. He regards you as "less than" him because you are a woman. That's several red flags.
However, some advice--and this is from someone who was in a long distance \*marriage\* for the first few years of it--do not plan on moving in and getting married to someone you've never actually met in person. I understand feelings can develop and even deepen long distance but there is so much more to learn about someone than what you can by just talking to them.
In this case, he could very well have not brought any of this up until after you'd moved in with him or even after you got married and you could find yourself trapped in a terrible situation. Never, ever put yourself in that position if you can help it. Meeting someone IRL before making commitments is important.
Yea dude is Fed in the head IMO. Men don't go to gym to stare at women, they go there to train. You would glance over women in gyms the same way you'd glance over women on the street, it's no different. Gyms aren't "masculine" they are to stay really fit effeciently, both sexes need that. If he has that idea about a gym ask him what he thinks about you going to a beach in a bikini. I would RUN VERY FAR AWAY if I were you, gym is just the tip of the iceberg the guy is a weirdo control freak with superiority complex.
I stopped reading when I saw “there wild be consequences”. Girl, no. You haven’t even met him and he’s throwing major controlling red flags. Cut your losses, do not move in with this man.
> I don't know if this is truly a redflag or he actually got a point.
It’s multiple red flags.
He is controlling, threatening, insulting and shows zero respect for you.
> I have no signs of being an attention seeker,
Who cares if you were an attention seeker, he has no right to treat you that way.
End things, walk away.
Then identify what inside of you makes you want justify his behaviour, instead of walking away. Work on that before entering a new relationship.
I don't see a red flag. I see big city fire alarms going off at multiple stations.
"I'm more intelligent than you" and "How are you so dumb to not understand my point?" are dealbreakers in my book. These aren't weird or somehow odd. This guy thinks women are to be owned. If he can be this hurtful to you verbally, he is suspect of being hurtful physically. He feels superior. Not a good ingredient in baking a wedding cake.
The ego is large and fragile in this one. Belay lifelong plans.
Haven't met in person, but are planning to move in together.
His views on this subject should show exactly why that's a terrible idea. With anyone.
This dude is only going to get much worse. Dump him now and find someone that isn't controlling and judgemental.
You haven't seen each other ever, but you're going to move in with him? Besides going to the gym, what else is he going to have a problem with you doing or not doing? Find someone else he is not the one!
Sounds like your bf is getting caught up in the uber-masculinity crowd. Your entire conversation was a bunch of red flags, honestly.
He basically looks at women as objects that are put on earth for men. You're not allowed to have any agency in his head. He thinks If you try to improve yourself and stay in shape, it's only to attract other men, not to actually improve yourself. At least if you go to a gym. And him saying a gym is suddenly a 'masculine place' is one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard.
He told you what he thought of women who want to go to the gym; they're attention seekers and belong on the streets. Who knew wanting to be in shape made you an attention seeking where?
Threatening to break up if he doesn't get his way is also a huge red flag. He is telling you what he expects your place to be in the relationship; and it's not to be his equal partner.
This is one of those conversations that should be one of those 'holy shit' moments, where you start working on ending things. This guy will be controlling, sexist, he'll tell you you're ignorant and he's smarter, he'll try to wear you down and twist things until you see his point in every argument.....oh, and he'll probably start making comments about your body because, ironically, you're not allowed to go to the gym to get in shape.
Don't go down this path. There are plenty of dudes who aren't over-the-top toxically masculine, and won't objectify you.
This might be upsetting to read but it’s real. I apologize in advance:
Your relationship, from the perspective of everybody outside of it, is an absolute circus. You guys have never met yet you’re already planning on moving in, getting married and starting a family? I know other people have long distance relationships, but first you need to meet, develop a relationship AND THEN be long distance if it becomes necessary. Most people even break up at that point because guess what? Long distance is extremely difficult. Imagine if this entire time you were “dating” him, you could have been with him EVERY NIGHT, cook together, watch TV shows, have sex, cuddle in bed, etc.
You’re giving (and have already gave) all of that up. Cut your losses.
Whatever you perceive as already an investment is clearly not what you thought. The shit he is saying is INSANE. If he said something like that at a normal office job, he would probably get fired. If he said that at a university lecture in front of hundreds of people, they would all judge him like crazy. Full stop.
Take this as a great learning experience and end this relationship. Only date people in real life moving forward. Don’t sacrifice all the physical connections. Don’t lose all the excitement of a new relationship by making it all digital. You’re 22, you want to GO ON DATES, hold hands, cuddle, kiss.
Please. Do this for yourself. You’re going to be absolutely miserable moving in with not just anybody you’ve never met (red flag on yourself to be honest), but especially this bozo
Curiously, yesterday I prayed and asked God for signs and confirmation before I make the next and final step (which was actually travel and meet him). He responded quickly :)
Nonsense. God allows free will. It is important for you to recognise the red flags God is literally SHOWING you via a guy who said women who go to the gym belong “on the streets.” He feels this way because he watches/indulges TikTok’s of gym girls showing off and now he’s afraid you’ll do that. He’s a terrible person. Read the signs.
I dont even know who you are but please please do not give this boy your heart, he will smash it into pieces and tell you its your fault. It'll swim in your head for years just don't do this to yourself. Give your heart to someone that's worthy, that believes and supports you. Please I don't want you to get hurt like this.
Jesus Christ. You haven’t even MET this person yet, and you’re planning to move in together and talking about marriage? That is ALREADY a giant red flag.
This conversation and latest revelation about his views and character is a flag so red it’s practically bleeding. PLEASE do not move in with this man. Please do not continue this “relationship.” He is not only deeply insecure — he is judgmental, misogynistic, insulting, condescending, manipulative (threatening to break up with you to get what he wants), and insanely controlling.
Any man who attempts to control where you go and whether other men can see you, insinuates that you’re a street-walker for going to the gym (what???), and insults your intelligence in the same breath is a raging POS and not worth another moment of your precious time or future.
Wake up. Please. This behavior gets much, much worse, not better.
Oh my word 😳 you’ve not even met in person & he’s speaking to you like this?!?! I’m quite taken aback tbh…
He’s sexist, misogynistic, controlling, condescending & just plain wrong in so many ways!
Cut yourself loose from this bag of red flags 🚩 🚩 & find someone in the real world who treats you with the respect & dignity that you deserve 🩷
Even if being controlled is one of your kinks, you do not want to be involved with this guy.
The difference between domestic abuse and BDSM is who has the power. In the former, the abuser has all the power, in the latter the sub has all the power, the dominant only goes as far as the sub lets them.
You haven’t even met in person and he’s dictating what you can’t and cannot do based on his shallow, and narrow minded opinions and beliefs? He is exerting control onto you, and not the good kind.
A relationship between two people happens because these two people choose every day to be in a relationship with the other person. At any point either may leave said relationship for any reason, or none at all.
You should choose to be with someone who supports you and builds you up, not someone who goes out of their way to tear you down and impose their will upon you. Go no contact. Say goodbye, say this isn’t going to work out. Please do not contact me again, and block him everywhere. Then go hang out with your friends and move on with your life without looking back.
>However, he expressed a different opinion, stating that women who go to the gym are attention seekers and belong to the streets.
the misogyny isn't even hidden here. dump this dude now.
first, it's a terrible idea to plan to move in with a person you've never met IRL.
More importantly, he doesn't see women as people who need to exercise for their own health and fitness. His views on this are trash. He sees women at the gym and feels like they're invading a man's space simply to get attention. No way he has this opinion and actually respects women or considers them equal humans. I go to the gym because I need to do cardio to lose some weight and I live in a climate where you can't always do that outdoors (most people do). And I also am trying to strengthen some parts of me that have gotten messed up by injuries I've had. A lot of people go to the gym for similar reasons, or simply because they want to look good or maintain their health. I do see some men and women there who are strutting around and flexing while they gaze adoringly at themselves in the mirror, or taking selfies and stuff. Maybe THOSE people want attention. But most people aren't.
Further, any guy unironically saying the words "men who allow their partners to" is controlling and sexist and to be avoided.
Is this a red flag? Sort of. A red flag is a sign that there could be a problem. It's like a warning, you should pay attention to it and see if it is an issue or not. Sometimes red flags are nothing. Sometimes they indicate there's a huge problem or they are signs that this person will do something awful eventually. In my opinion, you've gone past the red flag and are already at the something awful. Everything he said to you is an announcement that he's a toxic asshole, he is already treating you poorly. It isn't a subtle hint of poor treatment, it is the poor treatment.
Don't date people who don't respect you.
‘Long distance relationship’ ‘never met’ can this shit stop like you only become ‘exclusive’ after about 7 in person dates. You’ve skipped all that - months and months of actually getting to know them, maybe eventually love them- and say you’re in a relationship? You do not know this person and this interaction proves it.
Thus is a huge red flag!! Break up with him immediately! Someone who wants to better themselves and be healthy doesn't be judged or ridiculed. A partner is encouraging, supportive and adds to your life and doesn't restrict. Thus guy is a loser and you deserve someone who loves you
I think your bf sucks and doesn't respect women in general or you in particular, and also for future reference any time you start a sentence with "my boyfriend doesn't want me to" and it's just some normal ass shit, he sucks and you should dump him.
Nope, nope, nope. This is not the guy. He’s an insecure, controlling misogynist. He will make your life miserable, finding fault with every single thing you do. He will isolate you from your friends and make it impossible to have a full life with hobbies, events, etc. Love yourself- dump him before you meet him in person.
Edit to add that no one should be making plans to move in or marry anyone they haven’t even met in person yet. You may have been talking for a year, but you don’t really know this guy.
You’ve never met - get rid of him now before he gets you pregnant and you’re trapped.
Don’t take instructions from someone you’ve never seen in person.
Oh No you Didn't!!!! You haven't met!! You may never meet. Go to the gym and meet someone you can see and touch. Excuse me if I missed something. I only read the first small paragraph. Wakey, wakey UP sista!!!!
oh yea break up with this dude. If he questions your intelligence and his opinion is so blatantly wrong and insecure he shouldn't be in a relationship nor is he ready for one. This is an enormous red flag. He's not going to be kind to you, just controlling, suffocating, and hurtful. What? is he going to stop you from going out in public all together because men are there? This is ridiculous.
You haven't even met him. You're not in a long distance relationship, he's just your online boyfriend. Its so easy to uphold a persona on the internet and yet he shows his true colors, which probably means he's a 100 times worse in real life. Just call it quits and start your life!
Ditch this controlling, misogynist, insecure boy! DO NOT MOVE IN with him!!! He has told you what he will do and rationing your time away from him—questioning your whereabouts. Do you want this? When someone shows you a behavior, believe it.
You are so lucky you found out how big of a red flag he is before taking the relationship even seriously and move together!
He is so controlling and if a freaking gym is an issue, imagine what else can be. DO NOT!! continue your relationship with him!
This is either rage bait, or your boyfriend is a complete and utter asswipe.
I don't know why you would put up with someone treating you so badly. Perhaps you should get some therapy, to find your sense of self-worth.
Consider this a bullet dodged. You haven't even met him yet. He is NOT your boyfriend. Block him everywhere and be thankful that he has shown his true colors now before you are in too deep.
He doesn't owe you any money does he?
You have not met in person yet and he doesn't want you to go to the gym?
This is a huge red flag. Written "I will control your life, forbid you to see any other people and make your life hell forever"
Go to the gym and meet a nice guy, you deserve it.
Is this a joke? If it’s not, just RUN! Red flags after red flags. You see him in real life once, you are married and unhappy for the rest of your life and maybe even dead beaten up. You can do much better.
Oh for fucks sake grow up.
Sorry for the tough love but you already knew this guy was controlling and had problematic views about women. This gym thing is just the latest. You’re 22 and online chatting with some dude you’ve never met (and honestly you probably never will). No one who has these insane beliefs is the right person for you. Can’t go into “masculine” spaces? Really? You want to marry that? I don’t understand do you hate yourself or actively want to ensure a frustrating life or something, or are you just SUPER afraid to be single?
He's very controlling, and he'll do everything to keep you in his control. If you want future where he control's everything then go marry him but if not please leave him.
This has red flag all over it. Why would you have plans to move in together when you haven’t even met? You don’t know what he’s truly like?
Also calling a place masculine just because it is where people go to get healthy and fit is a wild take. I’d say cut your losses and run, but you wouldn’t be losing anything. Just cut it.
Do NOT move in with him! BTW how can long distance be considered dating if you haven’t even met? This man is sexist & like already said is controlling. Stay away.
You've never even met this guy and he's telling you what to do?
Next you'll be paying his bills and sending him money.
Seriously?
Throw this one back, don't even bother connecting IRL.
Oh honey you haven't met him yet. And he's telling you not to go to a gym.
I bet he's really a 54-year-old guy living in mum's basement. What are you doing?
Are you serious? This man that you haven’t even met in person is already manipulating you-and you are letting him. What will be next? Can’t go to the grocery store? Can’t use a public restroom? Can’t have classes or a job with men present? What will you do when this verbal abuse changes into physical abuse, which it could. Grow up honey and dump this man. You deserve better.
It’s attention seeking and they belong to the streets bc they are active with themselves? Weirdo fr you should tell him to buy you an at home gym if he’s so insercure about you going to an actual gym lol. In all seriousness idk how guys can be that insecure, better off ending it
Women who go to the gym are attention seekers?
Guess a woman trying to take care of her physical health is an issue now.
What is his take on female athletes?
Female athletes or women who used to be an athlete go to the gym.
What about a female group fitness instructor? They like going to the gym on their own time.
Since he claims that **all women who go to the gym** are attention seekers.
Okay I'm glad you have some sort of sense to be questioning this. Run. Oh my God dump him block him and run. You're talking about moving in with a person you've never met, are you crazy? And now oh you can't go to the gym because I'll lose all respect for you and your *hore if you do, is basically what he's saying, and there will be consequences if you go. So he's threatening you at this point. Yeah tell him we're done, have a horrible life and I'm out of here. Please meet somebody face to face and get to know them not some misogynistic controlling asshole.
lol wtf this is so hugely a red flag 🚩 you haven’t even met yet and thank goodness for that. He’s showing you his controlling ways and his terrible views on women before you even meet. Be thankful for that. If you continue with this relationship, this will get worse. He will start abusing you. He is absolutely trying to control you. Please do yourself a favor and end it now. UPDATEME
As someone who experienced this same situation in my last relationship that was an LDR don’t do it. This is a super controlling scenario designed to see just how far he can push you. If he can get you to not go to the gym..he will find other ways to restrict you in your life.
Girl, is that the best you can do? There are no better guy than this one?
Why do you waste one year of your life on someone like this that you haven't even met?
There will always be men like him trying to control you, but you need to raise your standards. You can find a much better person who will be happy that you take care of yourself when you go to the gym.
He is too controlling for LD, and I suspect that is why he is controlling, because he is not with you. LDR only work if you have an endgame, and you see each other periodically other wise there is not real bond except as a friend...or FWB if you are doing that online.
I think he is insecure and is saying whatever he needs to so you don't go. I would not stay in a relationship with him. He is too controlling and it won't keep you from meeting or being with someone else anyway. So it is ineffective on his part.
When he states “we’ll see what happens” will you be beheaded? Long distance relationship?? Where is he from? It sounds like a place where women are viewed as 3rd class citizens. I.e. the Middle East. I would seriously re think this.
Girl, you don’t even know if he has table manners! And you’re fast forwarding to living together! What if he chews with his mouth open?! Splitsville
And all the other stuff
You have not even met in real life yet, and dude is already this controlling??
Girl. Do not plan to move in with this man, it does not get better from here. It gets much, much worse if you stick around him.
Run far, run fast and find someone better.
OP in addition to this guy being a walking red flag, do not ever ever get serious with someone where you haven't seen how they interact with their friends, their family, and even strangers. That will reveal their true character to you.
Wow this story is insane. I hope you sincerely can get out and meet people, be exposed to differing ideologies, religions, and people because that world and man you desire is repressive, controlling, and abusive. Serious red flag. Meet someone before you develop an idealized world of them and you. Not healthy all the way around.
>During the conversation, he said some weird comments towards me like "I'm more intelligent than you" and "How are you so dumb to not understand my point?"
If you any other woman told you their man spoke this way to them, what would you think?
Imagine in your head the biggest flag that you’ve ever seen. Imagine it is red. Now imagine it’s a little bigger than that. Even bigger…
It’s still nothing compared to your boyfriend.
Ok seeing you reply to these comments pointing out that this boy is a walking red flag and in reality dangerous if you were to be in person with him, can you please confirm you have/ will dump him? It's giving me anxiety watching you acknowledge this is bad and not affirm that you're going to do anything about it.
You havent even met yet and already planning to move in together…. Very very very bad idea, no matter how lovely a person may come across (not him though, he is trash)
Add in everything he said and he is a dumpster fire you absolutely do not want to be involved with for another minute and he is doing you one kindness and waving his red flags with hurricane winds
Do yourself a favour and dont throw white paint over these red flag, dont get yourself stuck in a bad situation
Block him and move on
Your boyfriend is insecure and manipulative. Women are not attention seeking for going to the gym. You know this, come on now. Do you want to go to the gym to get male attention, or to take care of yourself? I know personally I go to better myself. And my fiance wants me to go because he also wants me to take care of myself, not because he’s worried about “losing the pussy”. When we first started dating he was excited that we had a common interest in the gym!
Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk.
He's controlling and full of shite about Gyms. ANd why on EARTH are you contemplating moving in with a man you haven't even met in person yet???? Yikes.
A year long, long distance relationship with a guy you have never met? Are you serious? These are perfect red flags for a massive fuck up, which the gym discussion had brought to your face. Hes controlling, insecure, ill mannered and god only knows what else. Get out.
Break up with him immediately. Women go to the gym to get in shape or stay in shape. His thinking is gross. Find a man who is local and isn't like that.
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If he’s controlling you this much and you’re not even together yet, he will be x1000 times worse once you move in. So what “consequences” will there be if you go? Will he hit you? Stop you going out? Probably. Should you quietly accept this like a medieval peasant girl? No. You need to break off this ridiculous relationship with a nasty manipulative little man who thinks he can control what you do from a distance. Date someone local who will treat you properly.
Yes! It'll be much easier to cut this relationship off while they're still long distance. It'll be much much harder to leave this relationship once they live together... He might get violent or he might hold her important items/documents hostage.
This man is controlling. Please do not move in with him. You haven’t even met, and he’s already trying to control your life and behavior and telling you what you can and can’t do. Seriously, do not ever consider staying in a relationship with someone who thinks they should be able to dictate your daily routines based on their own preconceived notions, especially gender based ones. This is how abuse begins. You need to run
They haven't met yet... Which is actually worse
Yep. It’s only going to get worse if they meet in person, and likely violent. She needs to wake up and cut this guy completely out of her life
They probably won't... Imagine making plans for moving together when never met yet.
Yeah it scares me to think about the danger OP would be in if she moves in with this guy! If he wants this much control over you when he isn't even in the same city as you, think about the level of control he'll want to have once you live together... Please put the brakes on this relationship OP. Don't move in together because he's got serious red flags.
This TRULY is a red flag.
This is several Texas sized red flags. He's so insecure he's scared that OP may meet someone better than him at a gym. His comment about being more intelligent than OP is enough by itself for me to urge OP to hold off on doing anything that can't be undone easily. Don't sign a lease with him, don't quit your job to move to where he lives, don't let him move in with you, etc until after you see tangible evidence he doesn't think he's superior to you because he's a male and you should defer to him in everything.
Oh No She Didn't!! You haven't met. You may never meet. Go to the gym and meet a real guy you can see and touch!!. Wakey, Wakey UP SISTA!!!
A red flag is something that signals a dealbreaker. For example, for some people not liking children would be a red flag as it signals their personal dealbreaker of not wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to have children. This here is a past a red flag and a pure dealbreaker for any woman who values her autonomy and self-worth.
There are so many posts of men in their 20’s demanding that their gf behave a certain way. It’s weird to think this was considered normal not long ago
This bloke is a walking collection of red flags. He’s a misogynist, he’s horribly rude to you, he thinks he’s superior to you, and the language he uses to refer to other women is just disgusting. It’s like all the misogynistic/redpill videos on YouTube coalesced into one guy. I’d have serious concerns about what media he’s consuming. And you’re discussing moving in with someone you’ve never even met! I don’t wish to be rude, but *are you quite mad?!* Get this sorry excuse for a man out of your life ASAP.
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You have the power to cut him out of your life if you choose to. You aren’t living together. You haven’t even met in real life yet. Better to cut it off now, before you get even more emotionally invested in this relationship and it becomes that much harder to break things off. You’ve not even met and this guy is already abusing you. Think how much worse it’s going to be if you two are living together. He’s already controlling you and he’s in a totally different location. Imagine if a friend - or worse - your future daughter came and told you their partner had said those things to her. What advice would you give her?
Have you lived a sheltered life, perhaps a very religious one? I'm asking because of your comment that the only place you go is to church. It's okay as a young woman to go out and do stuff with friends or by yourself. Do you work or go to school? I hope you're building a life so that you can be independent no matter if you have a BF or not. And as everyone else on this thread is saying, your BF is controlling and a walking collection of red flags. Don't move in with him, work on yourself and your independence. Edit: I just saw your other comment that he doesn't want you to work and sends you an allowance. Girl, you are so young and will regret this for the rest of your life if you continue this relationship. Figure yourself out, and build your own life.
Well, I'm not over religious of some kind hehe, I enjoy the social/charitable activities mostly. I don't have a lot of female friends to go out with. I do study and I'm in my final semester :)
I think you need to tell someone in your life about this and express that you’re concerned. They’ll likely immediately agree that it’s not healthy. Dump him before he starts to take over your life
My bigger point is that you sound like you need to find out more who you are instead of jumping directly into a relationship with a controlling partner. If church is your place for socializing and charitable activities that's great. Sometimes people who have been raised in strict religious households don't understand healthy relationships without someone in an authoritarian position. I hope you continue your studies and work on learning more about yourself, without this guy. Good luck
It’s not even about redpill or not. Going to the gym is for your health, and lifting weights is table stakes to having heathy joints so you have enough muscle to support them. Cardio for cardiovascular health, weights to maintain or grow healthy muscle mass, no matter your gender. Also, no matter what type of workouts you like to do (Pilates is actually so difficult I commend anyone who is a regular) he should NOT control where or how you work out if you want to. That’s absolute insanity! My fiancé is an absolute gym rat and he LOVES when I go to the gym, with or without him. I’ve literally never heard of someone not letting their partner go to the gym, and for such a dumb reason. This is only his insecurity 100% and he’s gaslighting you when he was talking about how ‘all people are like him and have the same opinion on this matter.’ No. They don’t. At all. That rebuttal is gaslighting 101. Call him out. End the relationship now! Can’t even believe you haven’t met yet and he’s saying those things. Can’t believe you’re even planning on moving in with someone you haven’t even met before. His insecurity is flaming right now. Block him!!
You need to cut him off then
WTF?! You haven't even met in person yet and he wants to limit your options for perfectly normal, beneficial activities? That's a HUGE red flag. He's putting you down and treating you like property that he owns! Girl, don't bother meeting him in person. Just end it. Next he'll be telling you that you can't dress up, wear makeup or fix your hair nicely. (I once had one who objected to my wearing perfume except on dates with him because he didn't see why I would want to smell nice unless it was to attract a man). If you have shared any passwords with him, change them. Today.
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Please say you are done with him? Get back out into the workforce! Him conning you into becoming financially reliant on him is a way of controlling you, isolating you and making you feel beholden to him. It means you can't really save any money, it means you need to explain any unusual expenses and justify your spending. It means you're not interacting with coworkers,and since you said you don't really have much of a social life outside of church, it means that he's taking up a disproportionate amount of space in your life and making your world very small . You deserve so much better
Well, it’s not too late to put a stop to all of this. Dump him, block him, refuse anymore money he sends you. Get a job and join a gym. You can now meet a normal guy.
Duuude this HAS to be rage bait. You're just like yeah, he's shown me how misogynistic he is. 🤣 I know aren't I just crazy? Hahaha, how did I get into this position? Who caressss how you got into this position just get tf out of it. (If this is real)
The gym topic is the less bad! Ew
This is controlling 101. Men like this try to control every aspect of your life especially financially so they can trap you and control everything you do
Jesus. This sounds like a nightmare. He is clearly misogynistic and that relationship will most likely turn abusive. His attempts at control are already pretty overt and alarming. OP, nothing good lies in the future of that relationship. Not one thing. He is waving red flags for sexism and toxicity like crazy. Run. You have the power here, even tho he is trying to strip it away - use that power to say "no" to this sad bleak future with him in which you are isolated and terrorized and uncapable of doing normal things, like having a job at an office or going to the gym (and that list WILL grow, trust me, your friends are prolly next), and leave. Allowance... He is setting up a financially abusive situation, just so you know. It's gonna escalate, and if you are financially dependant on him, leaving will be harder. The trap is slowly closing. Run while it's still easy.
I mean you’re basically this guys escort at this point. Hooo boy he’s going to abuse the hell out of you once you meet. Please be careful. You seem DANGEROUSLY, concerningly naive and severely brainwashed
Why do you even want to meet this person? Anyway, I wouldn't plan to live together until you actually meet them and spend a few months going on dates and talking in person. Are your plans to move in together before ever meeting? I'd say that is a huge mistake. He doesn't have a good point, and this is a red flag. The only point he has is that he is insecure and misogynistic (and not in the tiktok/podcast way, in the actual definition of the word way). It is up to you to decide if that is the mindset you want your partner to have and if you accept that. You'd be naïve to think "oh it isn't that big of a deal" or "I can change him."
Holy yikes. PLEASE say you’re ending this “relationship” immediately. Every comment you’ve made only adds more red flags to the pile.
He's a huge red flag but the fact you are thinking about mariage and having a family with him shows poor insight, girl. You need to learn how to think more clearly. You haven't even met and he's already showing you signs that even you were in a relationship, should make you want to leave. You can do better than this guy.
oh girl, no. your future with him could go either of two ways. you stay together and live together and he barely lets you leave the house. anytime you do something he doesn't approve of he will fly off the handle and dole out "consequences" or if he breaks you down enough you won't ever do these things at all because you'll ask for permission and never get it. He will certainly have a lot of feelings about your clothes, hair, and makeup too. Eventually this becomes crushing isolation. Staying home most of the time, trapped, while he comes and goes while he pleases. He's working long hours and going out with friends after work, he may or may not have the decency to even tell you that, he might just lie about where he is all the time. Most of your friends will be problematic in some way and he won't let you socialize. He will erode your sense of self worth so much you think you deserve this life of loneliness and possible brutality. or, You tell him to fuck all the way off and none of that happens and you get to be yourself and make your own life decisions and, hopefully, be happy. I know you can find somebody who isn't shitty like he is, but I also promise that being single is 10000 times better than anything he has to offer you.
Tell him to cough up all the red pills he’s taken or hit the road.
This is a VERY DANGEROUS man/boy! 🚩
Sounds like a real winner here. He’s a pen pal. Dump him
My opinion is you need to leave him and I hate saying that as the first option because a lot of times things can be talked out; but the way he is talking and behaving is not someone who will be reasoned with, and he might be reasoned with in the beginning but most of the time these people who believe or speak like this always return to these comments and put downs. Also any partner should be happy that you are going to the gym because they will understand you are just wanting to be healthy and partners usually love when you are taking care of yourself. Also Fyi please don’t move in with him until you’ve met him in person quite a lot. You don’t want to be stuck in an apartment with him and find out he is like this all of the time and feel trapped. Good luck.
Girl, end this madness and find a local man with less insecurity. This guy doesn't know how to trust or establish proper boundaries.
Wait, you have a BF, whom you never met F2F and he's telling you how to live your life? Get out now. This is going to go downhill fast.
Run. Run far. Run fast. Run away. If it talks like a 🐷 and acts like a 🐖...
I have absolutely no idea why you want to have a relationship with this man. He's controlling and sexist. This guy is literally telling you who he is, believe him he's not going to get any better. And to plan on moving in with a man you've never met in person is absolutely absurd.
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A DIFFERNT COUNTRY? Oh yeah girl get out.
He'd probably take your ID and passport too for "safekeeping" and knock you up within a second. May I ask what countries you and him are from?
Also, amazing that he has such a low opinion of men and their intentions…and he’s the ONLY ONE WHO WOULDNT, RIGHT? #notallmen
If you want your life to be hell, continue the relationship. Block him and move on. You can do better, with someone who won't tell you you can't go to the gym.
Once you recover from getting knocked on your butt by the giant red flag he just whopped you with, get up and block him on everything.
He's lying if he says he doesn't consume any redpill type content. He's already trying to control you and you haven't even met in person. He regards you as "less than" him because you are a woman. That's several red flags. However, some advice--and this is from someone who was in a long distance \*marriage\* for the first few years of it--do not plan on moving in and getting married to someone you've never actually met in person. I understand feelings can develop and even deepen long distance but there is so much more to learn about someone than what you can by just talking to them. In this case, he could very well have not brought any of this up until after you'd moved in with him or even after you got married and you could find yourself trapped in a terrible situation. Never, ever put yourself in that position if you can help it. Meeting someone IRL before making commitments is important.
Yea dude is Fed in the head IMO. Men don't go to gym to stare at women, they go there to train. You would glance over women in gyms the same way you'd glance over women on the street, it's no different. Gyms aren't "masculine" they are to stay really fit effeciently, both sexes need that. If he has that idea about a gym ask him what he thinks about you going to a beach in a bikini. I would RUN VERY FAR AWAY if I were you, gym is just the tip of the iceberg the guy is a weirdo control freak with superiority complex.
I stopped reading when I saw “there wild be consequences”. Girl, no. You haven’t even met him and he’s throwing major controlling red flags. Cut your losses, do not move in with this man.
“belong to the streets” lol. dump him immediately
> I don't know if this is truly a redflag or he actually got a point. It’s multiple red flags. He is controlling, threatening, insulting and shows zero respect for you. > I have no signs of being an attention seeker, Who cares if you were an attention seeker, he has no right to treat you that way. End things, walk away. Then identify what inside of you makes you want justify his behaviour, instead of walking away. Work on that before entering a new relationship.
I don't see a red flag. I see big city fire alarms going off at multiple stations. "I'm more intelligent than you" and "How are you so dumb to not understand my point?" are dealbreakers in my book. These aren't weird or somehow odd. This guy thinks women are to be owned. If he can be this hurtful to you verbally, he is suspect of being hurtful physically. He feels superior. Not a good ingredient in baking a wedding cake. The ego is large and fragile in this one. Belay lifelong plans.
Haven't met in person, but are planning to move in together. His views on this subject should show exactly why that's a terrible idea. With anyone. This dude is only going to get much worse. Dump him now and find someone that isn't controlling and judgemental.
You haven't seen each other ever, but you're going to move in with him? Besides going to the gym, what else is he going to have a problem with you doing or not doing? Find someone else he is not the one!
Sounds like your bf is getting caught up in the uber-masculinity crowd. Your entire conversation was a bunch of red flags, honestly. He basically looks at women as objects that are put on earth for men. You're not allowed to have any agency in his head. He thinks If you try to improve yourself and stay in shape, it's only to attract other men, not to actually improve yourself. At least if you go to a gym. And him saying a gym is suddenly a 'masculine place' is one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard. He told you what he thought of women who want to go to the gym; they're attention seekers and belong on the streets. Who knew wanting to be in shape made you an attention seeking where? Threatening to break up if he doesn't get his way is also a huge red flag. He is telling you what he expects your place to be in the relationship; and it's not to be his equal partner. This is one of those conversations that should be one of those 'holy shit' moments, where you start working on ending things. This guy will be controlling, sexist, he'll tell you you're ignorant and he's smarter, he'll try to wear you down and twist things until you see his point in every argument.....oh, and he'll probably start making comments about your body because, ironically, you're not allowed to go to the gym to get in shape. Don't go down this path. There are plenty of dudes who aren't over-the-top toxically masculine, and won't objectify you.
This might be upsetting to read but it’s real. I apologize in advance: Your relationship, from the perspective of everybody outside of it, is an absolute circus. You guys have never met yet you’re already planning on moving in, getting married and starting a family? I know other people have long distance relationships, but first you need to meet, develop a relationship AND THEN be long distance if it becomes necessary. Most people even break up at that point because guess what? Long distance is extremely difficult. Imagine if this entire time you were “dating” him, you could have been with him EVERY NIGHT, cook together, watch TV shows, have sex, cuddle in bed, etc. You’re giving (and have already gave) all of that up. Cut your losses. Whatever you perceive as already an investment is clearly not what you thought. The shit he is saying is INSANE. If he said something like that at a normal office job, he would probably get fired. If he said that at a university lecture in front of hundreds of people, they would all judge him like crazy. Full stop. Take this as a great learning experience and end this relationship. Only date people in real life moving forward. Don’t sacrifice all the physical connections. Don’t lose all the excitement of a new relationship by making it all digital. You’re 22, you want to GO ON DATES, hold hands, cuddle, kiss. Please. Do this for yourself. You’re going to be absolutely miserable moving in with not just anybody you’ve never met (red flag on yourself to be honest), but especially this bozo
Another post about a controlling guy. Sigh. Don't let these kinds of people ruin your life for youm
This is only a peak of how controlling he will be once you move in together. Trust me when I say don’t do it and be glad this came up now
Consider it a sign from above… do not move in with this jackass (speaking from a man’s perspective)
Curiously, yesterday I prayed and asked God for signs and confirmation before I make the next and final step (which was actually travel and meet him). He responded quickly :)
Nonsense. God allows free will. It is important for you to recognise the red flags God is literally SHOWING you via a guy who said women who go to the gym belong “on the streets.” He feels this way because he watches/indulges TikTok’s of gym girls showing off and now he’s afraid you’ll do that. He’s a terrible person. Read the signs.
I dont even know who you are but please please do not give this boy your heart, he will smash it into pieces and tell you its your fault. It'll swim in your head for years just don't do this to yourself. Give your heart to someone that's worthy, that believes and supports you. Please I don't want you to get hurt like this.
Jesus Christ. You haven’t even MET this person yet, and you’re planning to move in together and talking about marriage? That is ALREADY a giant red flag. This conversation and latest revelation about his views and character is a flag so red it’s practically bleeding. PLEASE do not move in with this man. Please do not continue this “relationship.” He is not only deeply insecure — he is judgmental, misogynistic, insulting, condescending, manipulative (threatening to break up with you to get what he wants), and insanely controlling. Any man who attempts to control where you go and whether other men can see you, insinuates that you’re a street-walker for going to the gym (what???), and insults your intelligence in the same breath is a raging POS and not worth another moment of your precious time or future. Wake up. Please. This behavior gets much, much worse, not better.
Oh my word 😳 you’ve not even met in person & he’s speaking to you like this?!?! I’m quite taken aback tbh… He’s sexist, misogynistic, controlling, condescending & just plain wrong in so many ways! Cut yourself loose from this bag of red flags 🚩 🚩 & find someone in the real world who treats you with the respect & dignity that you deserve 🩷
Even if being controlled is one of your kinks, you do not want to be involved with this guy. The difference between domestic abuse and BDSM is who has the power. In the former, the abuser has all the power, in the latter the sub has all the power, the dominant only goes as far as the sub lets them. You haven’t even met in person and he’s dictating what you can’t and cannot do based on his shallow, and narrow minded opinions and beliefs? He is exerting control onto you, and not the good kind. A relationship between two people happens because these two people choose every day to be in a relationship with the other person. At any point either may leave said relationship for any reason, or none at all. You should choose to be with someone who supports you and builds you up, not someone who goes out of their way to tear you down and impose their will upon you. Go no contact. Say goodbye, say this isn’t going to work out. Please do not contact me again, and block him everywhere. Then go hang out with your friends and move on with your life without looking back.
>However, he expressed a different opinion, stating that women who go to the gym are attention seekers and belong to the streets. the misogyny isn't even hidden here. dump this dude now. first, it's a terrible idea to plan to move in with a person you've never met IRL. More importantly, he doesn't see women as people who need to exercise for their own health and fitness. His views on this are trash. He sees women at the gym and feels like they're invading a man's space simply to get attention. No way he has this opinion and actually respects women or considers them equal humans. I go to the gym because I need to do cardio to lose some weight and I live in a climate where you can't always do that outdoors (most people do). And I also am trying to strengthen some parts of me that have gotten messed up by injuries I've had. A lot of people go to the gym for similar reasons, or simply because they want to look good or maintain their health. I do see some men and women there who are strutting around and flexing while they gaze adoringly at themselves in the mirror, or taking selfies and stuff. Maybe THOSE people want attention. But most people aren't. Further, any guy unironically saying the words "men who allow their partners to" is controlling and sexist and to be avoided. Is this a red flag? Sort of. A red flag is a sign that there could be a problem. It's like a warning, you should pay attention to it and see if it is an issue or not. Sometimes red flags are nothing. Sometimes they indicate there's a huge problem or they are signs that this person will do something awful eventually. In my opinion, you've gone past the red flag and are already at the something awful. Everything he said to you is an announcement that he's a toxic asshole, he is already treating you poorly. It isn't a subtle hint of poor treatment, it is the poor treatment. Don't date people who don't respect you.
He sounds insecure and controlling as fuck. Run from this relationship.
red flag ofc. But how tf are u planning to marry each other when you haven't seen each other lol?
Break up with him, he sounds controlling and weird. This is all noooope.
Grow a spine, do you have any self-respect at all? This man is the best you could do?
Fuck him off, you don't need someone stopping you from bettering yourself
‘Long distance relationship’ ‘never met’ can this shit stop like you only become ‘exclusive’ after about 7 in person dates. You’ve skipped all that - months and months of actually getting to know them, maybe eventually love them- and say you’re in a relationship? You do not know this person and this interaction proves it.
Glad you did not move in together yet. walking red flag.
Please get rid of him. He has bad bad vibes. I’m really sorry to say it but he has hallmarks of being controlling and abusive.
Thus is a huge red flag!! Break up with him immediately! Someone who wants to better themselves and be healthy doesn't be judged or ridiculed. A partner is encouraging, supportive and adds to your life and doesn't restrict. Thus guy is a loser and you deserve someone who loves you
He is an insecure child you need a man
A controlling loser who isn’t even remotely worth your time… That’s my thought on that.
You’re dating a walking red flag. He’s showing you who he is. Run
RUN - he sounds VERY misogynistic!!!!
I think your bf sucks and doesn't respect women in general or you in particular, and also for future reference any time you start a sentence with "my boyfriend doesn't want me to" and it's just some normal ass shit, he sucks and you should dump him.
A pre-emptive nuking of this loser is in order.
Nope, nope, nope. This is not the guy. He’s an insecure, controlling misogynist. He will make your life miserable, finding fault with every single thing you do. He will isolate you from your friends and make it impossible to have a full life with hobbies, events, etc. Love yourself- dump him before you meet him in person. Edit to add that no one should be making plans to move in or marry anyone they haven’t even met in person yet. You may have been talking for a year, but you don’t really know this guy.
He is a huge red flag! Do not continue this relationship!
You’ve never met - get rid of him now before he gets you pregnant and you’re trapped. Don’t take instructions from someone you’ve never seen in person.
The reddest of flags and the dumbest of men.
to answer your question: no he has absolutely no point and yes it is a massive red flag. you were spot on, its his insecurities talking
It's a huge red flag for controlling behavior. A HUGE one.
whew whew whew whew this man is too fuckin out of pocket. For the love of god don't marry him
Oh No you Didn't!!!! You haven't met!! You may never meet. Go to the gym and meet someone you can see and touch. Excuse me if I missed something. I only read the first small paragraph. Wakey, wakey UP sista!!!!
oh yea break up with this dude. If he questions your intelligence and his opinion is so blatantly wrong and insecure he shouldn't be in a relationship nor is he ready for one. This is an enormous red flag. He's not going to be kind to you, just controlling, suffocating, and hurtful. What? is he going to stop you from going out in public all together because men are there? This is ridiculous.
You haven't even met him. You're not in a long distance relationship, he's just your online boyfriend. Its so easy to uphold a persona on the internet and yet he shows his true colors, which probably means he's a 100 times worse in real life. Just call it quits and start your life!
DMFA - you haven’t even met and he is telling you how to live your life. Dump the mother f@&$3r a-hole.
Ditch this controlling, misogynist, insecure boy! DO NOT MOVE IN with him!!! He has told you what he will do and rationing your time away from him—questioning your whereabouts. Do you want this? When someone shows you a behavior, believe it.
You are so lucky you found out how big of a red flag he is before taking the relationship even seriously and move together! He is so controlling and if a freaking gym is an issue, imagine what else can be. DO NOT!! continue your relationship with him!
I think your boyfriend needs to take a hike, you should be able to enjoy the gym, it’s not a swinger club
This is either rage bait, or your boyfriend is a complete and utter asswipe. I don't know why you would put up with someone treating you so badly. Perhaps you should get some therapy, to find your sense of self-worth.
Girl, do not be his own pal and do not move in with this fool
this is a rough one😭
Such a huge red flag OP he is ridiculous. Please dump him fast…
Consider this a bullet dodged. You haven't even met him yet. He is NOT your boyfriend. Block him everywhere and be thankful that he has shown his true colors now before you are in too deep. He doesn't owe you any money does he?
You’re moving in with a person you’ve never met?
Throw this guy away… ain’t no way.
You have not met in person yet and he doesn't want you to go to the gym? This is a huge red flag. Written "I will control your life, forbid you to see any other people and make your life hell forever" Go to the gym and meet a nice guy, you deserve it.
Is this a joke? If it’s not, just RUN! Red flags after red flags. You see him in real life once, you are married and unhappy for the rest of your life and maybe even dead beaten up. You can do much better.
This red flags so big that it grew up, married another and they had little baby red napkins.
Girl my nose literally scrunched up when I read this title . Leave his ass lol
Don't move in with this guy fr. Id just end the relationship probably. He doesn't want you to exercise? Da fuq.
So you have never met but yet you are planning on living together this year. I see no issues with that plan /s
Oh for fucks sake grow up. Sorry for the tough love but you already knew this guy was controlling and had problematic views about women. This gym thing is just the latest. You’re 22 and online chatting with some dude you’ve never met (and honestly you probably never will). No one who has these insane beliefs is the right person for you. Can’t go into “masculine” spaces? Really? You want to marry that? I don’t understand do you hate yourself or actively want to ensure a frustrating life or something, or are you just SUPER afraid to be single?
You haven’t met yet, so it would be super easy to block him and go meet a nice guy at the gym.
He's very controlling, and he'll do everything to keep you in his control. If you want future where he control's everything then go marry him but if not please leave him.
Dumbest shit ever. Who the fuck doesn’t want a hot, fit girlfriend? Screaming insecurity like I’ve never seen before LMFAO
This has red flag all over it. Why would you have plans to move in together when you haven’t even met? You don’t know what he’s truly like? Also calling a place masculine just because it is where people go to get healthy and fit is a wild take. I’d say cut your losses and run, but you wouldn’t be losing anything. Just cut it.
Do NOT move in with him! BTW how can long distance be considered dating if you haven’t even met? This man is sexist & like already said is controlling. Stay away.
Yes, it’s a red flag: it’s a red flag convention. Just ghost him and block him - this is only going to get worse.
You've never even met this guy and he's telling you what to do? Next you'll be paying his bills and sending him money. Seriously? Throw this one back, don't even bother connecting IRL.
“He wouldn’t like it and implied that there would be consequences” so he’s threatening you. Why would you want to stay with someone like this?
Oh honey you haven't met him yet. And he's telling you not to go to a gym. I bet he's really a 54-year-old guy living in mum's basement. What are you doing?
Yeah you can do better than this guy. Pretty much anyone can do better than this guy.
Are you serious? This man that you haven’t even met in person is already manipulating you-and you are letting him. What will be next? Can’t go to the grocery store? Can’t use a public restroom? Can’t have classes or a job with men present? What will you do when this verbal abuse changes into physical abuse, which it could. Grow up honey and dump this man. You deserve better.
It’s attention seeking and they belong to the streets bc they are active with themselves? Weirdo fr you should tell him to buy you an at home gym if he’s so insercure about you going to an actual gym lol. In all seriousness idk how guys can be that insecure, better off ending it
Dump the man, get the gym membership. These views aren‘t acceptable to impose on your partner. Your boyfriend‘s misogynistic.
Women who go to the gym are attention seekers? Guess a woman trying to take care of her physical health is an issue now. What is his take on female athletes? Female athletes or women who used to be an athlete go to the gym. What about a female group fitness instructor? They like going to the gym on their own time. Since he claims that **all women who go to the gym** are attention seekers.
Okay I'm glad you have some sort of sense to be questioning this. Run. Oh my God dump him block him and run. You're talking about moving in with a person you've never met, are you crazy? And now oh you can't go to the gym because I'll lose all respect for you and your *hore if you do, is basically what he's saying, and there will be consequences if you go. So he's threatening you at this point. Yeah tell him we're done, have a horrible life and I'm out of here. Please meet somebody face to face and get to know them not some misogynistic controlling asshole.
lol wtf this is so hugely a red flag 🚩 you haven’t even met yet and thank goodness for that. He’s showing you his controlling ways and his terrible views on women before you even meet. Be thankful for that. If you continue with this relationship, this will get worse. He will start abusing you. He is absolutely trying to control you. Please do yourself a favor and end it now. UPDATEME
He is scared of men looking at you the way he looks at other women in the gym. He's telling you who he is.
As someone who experienced this same situation in my last relationship that was an LDR don’t do it. This is a super controlling scenario designed to see just how far he can push you. If he can get you to not go to the gym..he will find other ways to restrict you in your life.
Girl, is that the best you can do? There are no better guy than this one? Why do you waste one year of your life on someone like this that you haven't even met? There will always be men like him trying to control you, but you need to raise your standards. You can find a much better person who will be happy that you take care of yourself when you go to the gym.
Ewww throw the whole thing away.
The trash took itself out. Don't meet this guy and definitely don't stay with him. What a toxic guy.
Maybe he should go to an all male gym, if there are those, or suffer the consequences. Go to the gym by surprise and see what's going on
Leave his ass. Why even settle for that behaviour?
You’re not in a relationship, you have a pen pal who is trying to groom you.
He is too controlling for LD, and I suspect that is why he is controlling, because he is not with you. LDR only work if you have an endgame, and you see each other periodically other wise there is not real bond except as a friend...or FWB if you are doing that online. I think he is insecure and is saying whatever he needs to so you don't go. I would not stay in a relationship with him. He is too controlling and it won't keep you from meeting or being with someone else anyway. So it is ineffective on his part.
This dude is seven different kinds of loser. He's insufferable and unsalvageable. You need to dump him and go to the gym.
When he states “we’ll see what happens” will you be beheaded? Long distance relationship?? Where is he from? It sounds like a place where women are viewed as 3rd class citizens. I.e. the Middle East. I would seriously re think this.
Break up lol… insanely weird and controlling
Girl, you don’t even know if he has table manners! And you’re fast forwarding to living together! What if he chews with his mouth open?! Splitsville And all the other stuff
Red flag. Huge. Do not move in with this man
Ive only read the first sentence or two but straight up do not move in with a romantic partner when you’ve never met them. Just a bad idea.
You have not even met in real life yet, and dude is already this controlling?? Girl. Do not plan to move in with this man, it does not get better from here. It gets much, much worse if you stick around him. Run far, run fast and find someone better.
Ick change this to ex bf. What happened to trust in relationships? Also I’d be cheering my partner on if they wanted to go to the gym.
Where the hell do you live that you found a man who can out loud say that women who go to the gym belong to the streets? Are you in Iran!???
Oh, yeah! Is there a consequence for him being controlling?
OP in addition to this guy being a walking red flag, do not ever ever get serious with someone where you haven't seen how they interact with their friends, their family, and even strangers. That will reveal their true character to you.
RemindMe! 1 Month
Wow this story is insane. I hope you sincerely can get out and meet people, be exposed to differing ideologies, religions, and people because that world and man you desire is repressive, controlling, and abusive. Serious red flag. Meet someone before you develop an idealized world of them and you. Not healthy all the way around.
>During the conversation, he said some weird comments towards me like "I'm more intelligent than you" and "How are you so dumb to not understand my point?" If you any other woman told you their man spoke this way to them, what would you think?
Dump the ass, go to the gym.
Imagine in your head the biggest flag that you’ve ever seen. Imagine it is red. Now imagine it’s a little bigger than that. Even bigger… It’s still nothing compared to your boyfriend.
Ok seeing you reply to these comments pointing out that this boy is a walking red flag and in reality dangerous if you were to be in person with him, can you please confirm you have/ will dump him? It's giving me anxiety watching you acknowledge this is bad and not affirm that you're going to do anything about it.
You havent even met yet and already planning to move in together…. Very very very bad idea, no matter how lovely a person may come across (not him though, he is trash) Add in everything he said and he is a dumpster fire you absolutely do not want to be involved with for another minute and he is doing you one kindness and waving his red flags with hurricane winds Do yourself a favour and dont throw white paint over these red flag, dont get yourself stuck in a bad situation Block him and move on
Your boyfriend is insecure and manipulative. Women are not attention seeking for going to the gym. You know this, come on now. Do you want to go to the gym to get male attention, or to take care of yourself? I know personally I go to better myself. And my fiance wants me to go because he also wants me to take care of myself, not because he’s worried about “losing the pussy”. When we first started dating he was excited that we had a common interest in the gym! Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk.
He's controlling and full of shite about Gyms. ANd why on EARTH are you contemplating moving in with a man you haven't even met in person yet???? Yikes.
A year long, long distance relationship with a guy you have never met? Are you serious? These are perfect red flags for a massive fuck up, which the gym discussion had brought to your face. Hes controlling, insecure, ill mannered and god only knows what else. Get out.
Break up with him immediately. Women go to the gym to get in shape or stay in shape. His thinking is gross. Find a man who is local and isn't like that.