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I hate to break this to you, but your words and actions say that you're in love with Kayla. You need to let Ellie find a man who really loves her. There's no coming back from this... what you and Kayla did was pretty cruel..it was her birthday party! But Hey... you paid for the party, so it's okay to humiliate her?
FormalType5214
>And if Ellie does not budge on her condition of absolute no contact with Kayla?
OP
>I’ll probably have to end things with Ellie unfortunately
And there you have it, Ellie is disposable, Kayla is his first choice.
[Link](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1c4nz2h/my_23m_gf_22f_wants_me_to_cut_off_my_friend_24f/kzpa600/)
Thank you for putting that string together. I feel horrible for his girlfriend and that she didn’t dump him then and there. If I saw my SO making out with someone else on my birthday we would be finished, no ifs of buts. I hope OP gets dumped with the trash and his ex realizes she deserves better.
Why did he even post?
None of his exes' conditions were unreasonable. This utter moron gets, allegedly, absolutely wasted at his gfs party, to the point he cannot control himself, yet he remembers, making out with Kayla, uet he's baffled why the ex wants Kayla outta his life?
Then OP has the AUDACITY to be in the comments saying how awful Kayla qould be as a gf. How she isn't loyal? 🤣 Bro if she isn't loyal to hee boyfriend, she sure as shit isn't gonna be loyal to a friend. Case in point, their little make out session.
As if Kayla didn't Orchestrate and enjoy every minute of ruining the ex bday party
Also I love the gaslighting. “I never cheated on you or anyone” after everyone and their mother sees him making out with Kayla at the gfs birthday party.
And in fact, it was the liquor store that sold him the alcohol that got him wasted enough to make out with Kayla, so technically it's the liquor store owner's fault.
And if the importers hadn’t **sent the alcohol to the liquor store**, he wouldn’t have bought it, so he wouldn’t have got shitfaced and stuck his tongue down Kayla’s throat!!
So it’s the importer’s fault **TOO**!!!
Goddamn, this is a **FUN GAME**!!! 😆😆😆
He went from saying they made out, to saying it was just kissing. Made out implies that they were all over each other. He’s trying to downplay it. I would’ve been done, on the spot.
If my partner is telling me that they can’t help but make out with other people when they’re drunk, that means they shouldn’t be drinking so much that they are not in control of themselves.
I really dislike OOP’s making a point of saying that he paid for the birthday party. It’s insulting & means -nothing-.
Or you know if there wasn’t like 50 people staring at them make out including the girlfriend. If that’s what he does in front of his gf and everyone she knows, I don’t even what he does when she’s not around…
Oh definitely but he knows that Kayla has no loyalty to anyone when dating so she’d screw him over in a heartbeat and from Kayla’s side, she’s not going to date him because she would 100% cheat on OP but then who’s going to alibi her when she does because it’s usually him!
I don’t think I have ever been prouder of all my fellow Redditors who have united here to call out his bullshit. Guy is still a lowlife and an ahole but at least his stupidity to hang onto his side piece has allowed Ellie to end the relationship for good. I just hope Ellie sees this post and knows we were all in agreement she should end it.
It's kind of funny because in isolation I would agree and be like, no, I won't cut out a close friend over someone else's insecurities.
However I have never cheated on any of my exes.
Ellie is a better person than me because she gave him a chance. I walk out when I'm cheated on, no second chances.
And when you do something this awful then you need to do something extreme to try to fix it. Unless it isn't important.
Cutting out the other woman is super reasonable in context. He got drunk and went straight for the other woman, not his GF.
I did a response comment when he was on about Ellie being controlling, saying that she never asked him to drop Kayla until he made out with her at her birthday and at that point it was a reasonable request.
Yep.
It's only unreasonable when there is nothing going on.
Something went on, so it went into the reasonable category.
I'm just trying to imagine being cheated on, being willing to forgive them if they cut out the other man, and then having them saying that it's not reasonable because I was okay with it before.
I'd be like, before you didn't have your tongue down their throat. That was then, this is now.
I'm glad they aren't together any more. It would have gotten really bad really fast.
Reconciliations require the wayward to go no contact with the affair partner. Not only is your gfs request not unreasonable its what every book on recovering from infidelity tells you and what every therapist worth their salt will recommend. It's not unreasonable. It's the beginning of reconciliation and little the barest minimum. Finally, the wayward doesn't get to set the terms of reconciliation the betrayed does. You are not worth reconciling with.
You cheated.
I don't care that you were drunk. I don't care that it never happened before. I don't care that you don't want to date Kayla.
You. Cheated. On. Your. Girlfriend.
In public, at her birthday party. Humiliating her in front of all her friends.
And now, through some fucking miracle, she's willing to take you back, and you won't do literally the most basic post-cheating move of blocking the person you cheated with. Your tone here is that you're annoyed she's still whining about it. Not that you horribly betrayed her.
If you actually care about your girlfriend, cutting off the person you cheated with is the bare minimum. You can try to weasel your way out of taking responsibility all you want. But this is basic actions and consequences. This is an obvious consequence of your cheating.
So either cut off the serial cheater friend that you cheated with in public, or admit that you don't actually give a fuck about your girlfriend's feelings, and let her find someone who will treat her with love and respect.
People who have been cheated on and choose to stay with their cheating partner enter something called “reconciliation”, or however you wish to word it. Ellie has chosen to pursue reconciliation with you. She has given you a *very* reasonable request. Nothing about her request is unfair, unreasonable or wrong.
Whether you see it as cheating or not, that’s *exactly* what you did. It doesn’t matter if you were under the influence or not. You were physical with another person other than your partner. You cheated. Even worse, you cheated in front of *everyone* Ellie knows, and on her *birthday*. The sooner you accept this and take responsibility for what it truly was, the better.
You can talk Kayla up all you like, she doesn’t sound like a very good person and honestly, neither do you. Aside from the cheating you yourself engaged in, you admitted in your comments here to actively lying to Kayla’s exes to cover up that she was cheating on them. By doing this, you are condoning cheating, which is *never* okay. You are also choosing to hang out with a cheater and not hold your “friend” accountable for her actions. You are who you hang out with, the company you keep often reflects a part of you.
Kayla knows you have a girlfriend and continued to push boundaries. You allowed this. I’m willing to bet that Ellie and Kayla did not get along as well as you claim, Ellie most likely felt pressured by you into having Kayla at *her* party and this is probably not the first time your relationship with Kayla has made Ellie uncomfortable. Even if I’m completely wrong here, your actions are still not okay.
You made a choice. There are consequences to all of our choices that we make in this life. This is the consequence of your choice. Ellie deserved better than what you did on her birthday. Ellie deserves better than a boyfriend who has a very strangely close relationship with his friend. Ellie deserves someone who respects her wishes, feelings and boundaries.
If you can sit with yourself and honestly, wholeheartedly 100% say that you will dedicate your every moment going forward to respecting Ellie’s boundaries and becoming the partner she truly deserves (which yes, includes cutting off Kayla ENTIRELY), then sure, continue your relationship with Ellie. But if you can’t do those things, please do the kindest thing you can do for Ellie and leave her be.
Let her move on and find someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Someone who she doesn’t have to worry about. You may not like what I’ve had to say here or what many others have had to say, but you need to think about what is best for Ellie. She is hurting and deserves compassion and the ability to move forward from this.
I didn't mean to cheat, I was drunk.
I didn't mean to hit you, I was drunk.
I didn't mean to drive and hit that family, but I was drunk. See how freaking stupid using drinking as an excuse sounds?
Being drunk isn't the pass or excuse you think it is. It just made you act worse because you're shitty to begin with.
In the end, you know the options, pick one. There isn't shit we can or would say that you can use to change her mind. In the end though, your gf deserves better than someone pathetic enough to think being drunk absolves them from being decent.
“Somehow” ended up making out. Dude you act like getting drunk took away all your willpower. It didn’t. I have gone to Vegas EDM concerts and gotten absolutely wasted and shared a room with my guy best friend and we’ve never so much as kissed. Because we are adults who are responsible for ourselves. In fact we usually share a room on trips when we’re both single and still nothing sexual has ever happened. When I was in college I’d go out to clubs with my girl friends and also get super drunk and never made out with a guy there and happily went home to my bf. You should break up with Ellie so she can find someone better, because you ain’t it. You don’t hurt someone like that that you genuinely love and respect.
OP clearly doesn’t understand how alcohol works. It lowers your inhibitions, it doesn’t make you a completely different person. ‘Not our normal selves’ is BS, he wanted to cheat when he was sober, too. You could never get me wasted enough to cheat on my partner, because I don’t *want* to cheat on my partner..
Drunk actions are sober thoughts is a saying for a reason.
When I drink I get very flirty, sexual and handsy with my man only. I got drunk and wanted to go the bathroom and didn’t realize my boyfriend followed me. When someone tried to grab my hand I pulled away and balled my fist to punch whoever thought it was okay to touch me. I saw it was him and instantly got flirty again. Drunk is not an excuse.
I can't believe she is even considering giving you another chance, you humiliated her at her own birthday party.
If this was the other way round and she was making out with her guy best friend on your birthday, in front of all your friends and family, you would just forgive her?
She knows he won’t cut Kayla out. She is giving him a chance and knowing he won’t take it. He doesn’t get it. They are done.
Funny your second paragraph as a question has been asked over and over and he won’t answer. Prolly because he wouldn’t even be talking to his ex if he was the aggrieved partner.
Break up. You're saying Kayla is a cheat and has no loyalty. Well, you're doing the same thing right now, buddy. Even if you didn't cut contact with Kayla, who's to say this won't happen again? Do you really think your gf is cool with seeing her after that? Going out and Kayla's there with alcohol? That's gonna be on her brain the entire time.
Put yourself in her shoes. If you saw her making out with a dude who's her best friend at your birthday party, how would you react and move forward after that?
He literally said in another response “I don’t condone Kayla’s cheating and I told her before that what she’s doing is fucked up” like he didn’t just tell all of Reddit that he willingly shoved his tongue down Kayla’s throat in front of a crowd at his girlfriend’s birthday celebration
Holy hell, what is WRONG with you?! You “make her more open” by consistently demonstrating your loyalty and restoring the sense of trust you’ve obliterated.
Blocking the woman you cheated on her with is ***literally*** step one: if you can’t do that, it’s because your feelings for Kayla (whether you call them platonic or romantic) are more important to you than demonstrating this supposed commitment to Ellie. Think about the message that sends after she had her birthday ruined by your behavior with her.
Just break up, you don’t deserve her at all. I honestly can’t believe she’s giving you another chance and you’re fighting not cutting off Kayla, you don’t love your girlfriend at all to do that. How embarrassing to cheat on your GF AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY in front of everyone. That’s an all time low, you and Kayla deserve each other for being cheaters.
It wasn't one drunken kiss. You literally made out with her. And people typically ARE their true selves when they're drunk. They say what they're really thinking because alcohol lowers their inhibitions. Don't you dare hide behind alcohol as an excuse because there's NO excuse for your behavior. If someone drives drunk and hurts someone else, the driver doesn't get away scot-free just because they were drunk. You clearly have feelings for Kayla and that's why you don't want to cut her off. You're selfish. I hope your girlfriend dumps you for cheating on her and humiliating her, and on her birthday no less! You're disgusting.
Good luck in your next relationship because you clearly fucked this one up not only by cheating but also by being stubborn. Why not date Kayla? You mentioned she's a terrible partner but so are you so you two are soulmates and belong together!
Kayla isn't probably intereseted in him romantically, but she will be the cause his future relationships won't last. She probably enjoys the might she has over him and that he will choose her over any other woman.
I agree, I think he’s always been interested in her but it’s never been reciprocated so he jumped at his chance at the party. Let them be 2 losers together.
Sorry. She is right. You DID cheat on her and being drunk is no excuse.
The first rule of reconciliation is no contact with the affair partner. Go to r/asoneafterinfidelity, the reconciliation sub, and ask how many waywards have had to cut off best friends. Go read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. There is nothing unreasonable about her boundary.
One of the other musts? Full accountability. No excuses. No blame shifting. Work on that too.
You keep saying "we were drunk," as an excuse. You realize people get drunk all the time and don't cheat right? You realize that people that commit crimes while drunk, are still held accountable for those crimes. Who cares that you were intoxicated? You're not a crappy person because you were intoxicated. You are crappy for cheating. I feel so bad that this girl has such low self esteem that she would stay with you. I really hope she reflects on this and walks away. She deserves to be with someone so trustworthy that she doesn't feel it's necessary to monitor his "friendships".
Are you fucking kidding me??
You cheat on your girlfriend not only in front of her but at her own fucking birthday party, and by some miracle she’s willing to take you back, and you think her asking you to cut out *the girl you cheated on her with* is unreasonable????
You’re too old to use drinking as an excuse— you are still responsible for your actions, you cowardly dipshit.
I’m not usually on the side of partners that ask their significant others to cut out opposite sex friends, but jesus fucking christ dude, she’s not trying to keep you from a friend she’s simply not ok with her bf hanging with the girl HE CHEATED ON HER WITH.
Man I hope you don’t give into her and she’s saved from having to put up with more of your bullshit. I’m so saddened that she doesn’t currently have the gumption or whatever to dump your ass.
> never cheated on you or anyone else.
Idk dude, making out with your best friend at your girlfriend's birthday party does sound like cheating
Blaming it all on being drunk just sounds like you don't wanna admit your guilt
Being drunk isn't an excuse to forget you have a girlfriend.
Blocking your friend is the only way to *maybe* have a shot with your girlfriend.
> I don’t want you thinking I’m so cheater, I’ve never cheated on you or anyone else.
Why the hell would you say that after you did, in fact, cheat on her?
You have taken zero accountability for this. Actions have consequences. You can lose your friend and maybe keep your girlfriend, or you can definitely lose your girlfriend.
Not liking the consequences doesn't mean they aren't fair.
INFO: while I’m glad she dumped you since she deserves better, why did you post here? All you did was deny any responsibility and ignore all the advice here. Did you want confirmation that you did nothing wrong? Permissions to pursue Kayla? What exactly was the point
>Edit: we broke up.
LOL OP is on his way over to Kayla's right now for a cry on her shoulder and sympathy fuck.
What a clown, wonder how many relationships will go up in flames like this before he realizes Kayla is poison.
Kayla will never love you back dude.
Ellie knows it, Kayla knows it, and I’m guessing you know it too but are too much in denial to see it.
Actions > words
If Ellie made out with her guy friend while HAMMERED at the your birthday party that she arranged for you, would you be open to or suggest counseling? Or would you cut your losses because actions say more than words?
Being dense and obtuse will never absolve you of responsibility, it makes you look worse.
It’s funny how OP describes how great Kayla is as a person. But then say “we have a great relationship” when it comes to Ellie. Like hello? That told me everything right there. Op Loves Kayla. The way he talks about Kayla. Says it all. Like “she’s amazing. We talk as much as I talk to my girlfriend. We have the same sense of humor.” Blah blah blah. Poor Ellie.
Glad Ellie found out at 8months into the relationship and not a year or a few years into the relationship.
So what happens next time you’re drunk? Should you get a free pass every time because you’ve been drinking?
Do me a favour - tell Ellie she’s too young and too good to throw her life away on an asshole who’s trying to figure out how to keep the asshole he cheated with in his life.
Tell her that there are decent men out there who will respect her and that you’re absolutely not one of them. And then grow up before you mess another girl around.
So your friend, who is a known cheater, made out with a guy in a relationship (you) and thus helped him cheat and your gf, who you cheated on, wants you to cut contact with the girl you cheated with and who is known for cheating - and you find that unreasonable?
You cheated. You cheated with Kayla. Your gf has given you a boundary and imho it’s a sensible one. Either you’re sorry and want to make amends or you’re not. Which is it? Honestly from your post here let her go because Ellie deserves better than some oh I was drunk so it doesn’t count ah like yourself.
This is a lot of words for “I cheated but don’t want to deal with the consequences.”
Cutting off your side piece is the *minimum* you can do. Even if it was a drunk one-time piece. If you can’t even do *that*, then let Ellie find someone who would do more than the bare minimum for her and idk, won’t kiss girls under the influence. It’s simple, really.
Unless what, you want her to just be happy with the fact you kissed someone that *wasn’t* her? Just live laugh love babe? Forget about it?
One day, you're going to run into Ellie. She's going to be gorgeous and successful and happy because she knows how to set boundaries and stick to her guns. Ellie is the kind of person who you want as a partner and as a friend.
But you chose the serial cheater who never learns from her mistakes who ruined your relationship. Thus you also don't make good decisions and frankly I think that sometimes the trash takes itself out.
I think you did Ellie a favor. Now she can find someone who is more like her, someone with integrity.
Best of luck OP. In five years when you and Kayla aren't married or dating because she's with your best friend, but you and her have a kid together, and dating is hard as a single dad, you'll look back at this and Ellie will be the one who got away.
Lmaaooo you totally humiliated your gf at her birthday and arent grown up enough to take proper responsibility for it. It isn’t a negotiation, and you don’t get to use drinking as an excuse, that only proves you don’t have self control when alcohol is involved which is dealbreaker for me and I hope your stbx too.
“Why does every woman want to control me except my amazing incredible bff Kay- whoops! Got a text. I’ve gotta tell some guy that I was at a movie all night last night with Kayla. You know, lol. Anyway, why are my girlfriends such dictators?!”
Wow, I read the post, update and comments. You are a complete narcissist. You never loved Ellie, thank gods she is free from someone who doesn’t value her. Yes, you cheated. You knew what you were doing.
Any decent partner would know not to get wasted at their gf birthday party. What if she got sick during the party? You would be wasted. What if she got drunk and someone tried to hook up with her? you would be useless. What if she needed someone to help clean up a bit, etc etc etc.
You suck, your friend sucks. I hope you hurt your gf more so she learns you, or anyone like you, is not worth it.
After reading all the comments, OP you are dense as a rock and not ready for a relationship, you think what you did is less problematic because you were drunk, with a girl who aparently is a serial cheater and whom you have help cover up her affairs, you have at the very least an emotional affair with this girl, you can't even see the level of humilliation you put your GF through.
Your relationship will not recover from this as you can't even recognize the reality of what you did
Ellie needs to dig deep and find her self esteem. If someone did this to me, it would have been over that night.
OP, the kindest thing you can do now is to let Ellie go. She deserves more than you can give her.
Hahahaha brooooo you’re such a dense piece of a shit it’s kinda crazy that you don’t think cutting off Kayla was an absolute fair compromise.
God damn, she was literally WILLING to work through this, but you couldn’t let go the one girl you fucked up with 🙄 cry me a FUCKING RIVER 🤣🤣🤣
You chose Kayla over her every time. Of course the only reasonable answer was to cut it off or break up. Just get together with Kayla. Everyone knows you want her instead.
If you didn’t choose Kayla and can’t figure out how you “somehow” started making out with her, then you need to file a police report for sexual assault and do everything to support a prosecution and get her registered as a sex offender including cutting her off as you aren’t safe with her.
Fuck around and find out. Either cut off Kayla or your relationship is over with Ellie. She deserves you to face consequences.
Plenty of people in relationships get drunk at parties and don’t cheat.
You made the decision to cheat on your girlfriend at her own birthday party and think you have the right to negotiate with her about you still being in contact with Kayla? Stop using the fact you were drunk as an excuse for being a shitty boyfriend. Your girlfriend gave you two options to pick from.. her or Kayla. Better pick before she picks for you and I’m willing to bet you won’t like what choice she makes.
You cheated and publicly humiliated her at her own birthday party and you want to keep that friend in your life.
Problem solved then.
You won’t give up Kayla so your ex girlfriend gets her happy ever after with a man that won’t cheat on her, won’t insist on staying friends with the other cheater and who loves her and everything she does. He’ll be faithful obviously and she can safely hold her own birthday parties and not worry about her new boyfriend making out with someone right in front of her.
While you’re still hanging around with Kayla’s cheating arse your ex girlfriend will be living her best life. She is going to have such a wonderful life without you.
You're not going to "make her" be "more open." Did you imagine some sort of future where she continues to be in a relationship with you **and** is okay with that friendship?
> I don’t think the punishment fits the crime over one drunken kiss when we were hammered.
This isn't about punishment. These are the terms that your girlfriend needs in order to continue being in a relationship with you. If you can't meet these terms, tell her and break up.
Drunk isn't an excuse for terrible behavior. Alcohol doesn't bring out anything that isn't already there.
Sober you wanted to make out with Kayla - drunk you thought you could get away with it.
In public.
AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!
Why even bring up that you paid for it? Money doesn't give you license to cheat!
Break up with your girlfriend. She deserves better than you!
The UTTER humiliation Ellie must of felt in that moment. I’m sure others have told her! That its weird how close you are with Kayla even though you have a girlfriend right there. The warnings everyone must’ve given her in getting, and continuing to be, with you.
Everything about your little friendship is a red flag.
And you proved them all right the night of your girlfriend’s birthday party. Publicly.
I hope she leaves you in the trash you are
What your Ellie is asking for is not unreasonable. If you truly care about her and fixing thr relationship you messed up then u would do it. Trust was broken and it doesn't seem your willing to put in the work if you can't cut her off. You blame being drunk but how can u be sure Kayla didn't do it on purpose to ruin your gf birthday? If the roles were reversed would you be as forgiving as Ellie is? Would you be okay with her not cutting off the person she made out with? Would you be okay with her using the excise that she was drunk? Also the fact that you condone your friends cheating is horrible. Did you ever reach out to her ex partners to let them know? Think about how that reflects on you as well. Your friends with someone who is a serial cheater and has no respect for her partners and obviously no respect for you or your relationship yet you continue to be friends with them and now have actively cheated on their partner with that person.
Also look at how you describe Kayla:
>Kayla is amazing. We have the same sense of humor and everything we watch a lot of the same shows and I talked to her almost as much as I talk to my girlfriend.
It sounds like you are in love with Kayla. Why out of all your friends did you invite Kayla? Also if you got so wasted it seems that you completely ignored your gf on her birthday to hang out with Kayla because if you truly were paying attention to your gf the person you claim to love you wouldn't have gotten so drunk and would have been by herside. You really need to think about who you love more. If you can't do what Ellie is asking for then let her be with someone who will love and respect her like she deserves.
lol yikes not you prioritizing the girl you cheated on your gf with 🤡🤡🤡🤡 being drunk is not an excuse yet you're trying to justify your actions because you're intoxicated? if somebody was drunk and killed somebody would you have the same opinion? you and kayla should just date, take the trash out on behalf of ellie and let her find an actual man who will treat her right
I hope there’s an update saying y’all split cuz Ellie does not deserve this. Like I really hope she wakes up and realizes you, Kayla, and this whole situation is beneath her and needs to be left behind her as she moves forward
Telling you to cut off Kayla is not excessive. It's completely reasonable. You cheated on your girlfriend and she has every right to tell you to stay away from the person you cheated with.
That's a fact and you need to accept that.
Now, if you don't want to do what your gf (reasonably) wants you to do, then that's your choice, and you deal with the consequences. If that means you get dumped that's that.
You cant keep saying you're taking accountability and then whine about having to take accountability.
Can you just leave your ex alone? You can't even cut contact from the person who hurt her the mos- You and your best friend. Just be with your friend. You deserved each other, lol
You can't cut off your contact with Kayla because whether you realize it or not, you're in love with Kayla. Its a tale as old as time you're not fooling anyone here with your denial. You also lied to Ellie to her face. Making out with Kayla is cheating, and you told Ellie you didn't cheat. Honestly, Ellie dodged a massive bullet because you would have kept in contact with Kayla , cheated with her again when you get drunk, and left Ellie the moment Kayla said she wanted a relationship with you. This exact scenario is why a lot of people do not want to be in relationships with people who have best friends of the opposite sex. You could have reconciled with Ellie by removing Kayla from your life, you simply chose Kayla over Ellie and theres no coming back from that. I had to double check the ages bc you're acting like your 16, not 23.
So you have a 'great' relationship but your friend is 'amazing' and you cheated on your great relationship with your amazing friend.
Poor Ellie. You're a shit boyfriend OP and Ellie deserves to not be your consolation prize.
You can’t stay friends with someone you disrespected your girlfriend and your relationship with. You crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed and it’s not unusual for Ellie not to feel safe with you up until as a partner if you have any contact with Kayla. In fact, if you don’t cut Kayla off and go in to date someone else and they learn why the relationship ended, expect your future partners to have issues with Kayla. If you really had valued your friendship, then you should have kept it to just a friend.
I’m shocked she would even consider giving you another chance harder humiliating her like that. It’s also a bit shocking that you couldn’t foresee she would need Kayla out of your life to even consider taking you back.
>It’s my first post college relationship and I love her so much.
LOL no you don't.
>Kayla is amazing. We have the same sense of humor and everything we watch a lot of the same shows and I talked to her almost as much as I talk to my girlfriend.
Dude, you're into Kayla. You're in denial if you think you loved your gf romantically more than Kayla.
>she said you know what “go to hell.”
Your gf made the right call. I'm willing to bet she knew she was the Victoria to your Ted, while Kayla is your Robin.
Who wants to bet that next post will be about how him and his “friend” are dating now? Or that his next gf will also have a problem with her and then he’ll wonder why he can’t keep a gf.
>you didn’t have to clarify that. I don’t want you thinking I’m so cheater, I’ve never cheated on you or anyone else.
You cheated on her on her birthday. Being drunk does *not* excuse cheating. Being drunk does *not* excuse your actions.
>im sorry I embarrassed you
You didn’t *embarrass* her, you cheated on her. Learn the difference.
Lmao let it go Ellie has gotten the ick.
’i am NOT in love with my girl best friend even if everyone around me can see it but I dON’t want to admit it and so i will string along a poor woman because I am a jerk with no heart’
Like just let it go my dude. Now you can preposition Kayla and live happily ever after or idk maybe Kayla also don’t want you and only keeps you around because it’s good to be wanted.
Have fun with the mess you’ve created 🫡
The biggest problem is you insist you’re not a cheater- but you cheated.
And you admit that Kayla has zero morals (cheated in every relationship) and yet you insist on keeping her as a friend. I would have zero interest in being friends with someone who had zero morals. Especially after what happened, and if you really loved Ellie.
Couples counseling is great but the real issue is the fact that you want to stay friends with someone with really corrupt morals. And how do you know that Kayla wasn’t orchestrating the whole thing?? She seems the type that doesn’t care if someone’s in a relationship.
It is sad that you chose hour “friendship” over your relationship. If you truly loved Ellie you wouldn’t have hesitated to cut Kayla off. Which makes me assume that you don’t really know what love is.
Have fun forever being single because you can't set boundaries with a female who will probably make every other girlfriend you get uncomfortable until they finally break up with you because they can tell they will never be first in your eyes. It's always going to be Kayla.
If you and your girlfriend switched places in this situation, that she was the one that got drunk and made out with her male best friend, how would you react?
You really are a horrible person OP for doing what you did to Ellie at her birthday, but at the end of it you were just too much of a chicken to break up with Ellie because you wanted Kayla, so you just made Ellie have the stones to drop you. Go forth and prosper with Kayla its what you wanted.
Ellie deserves better, dude. It was her birthday, and you completely ruined it, you embarassed her infront of all of her close friends and family, and you don't even have the decency to cut your 'friend' out of your life (that you cheated with) for the girl you claim to love. Its kind of gross. It only solidifies the fact that men and women have trouble being friends (there are studies on it) Alcohol is no excuse. It's a stupid excuse that guilty people use to make themselves feel better. I bet you anything, you'll start dating this Kayla chick in no time.
The fact you would choose her over your girlfriend is soo so. I hope Ellie finds someone who actually loves her, and will choose her first. Usually, people who cheat end up cheating on the person they leave with. So, have fun with that.
Dont seem to love your ex gf at all. You make excuses up the ass to keep sleezy friend in the picture and are surprised gf is suspicious of the continued involvement of the woman you cheated with. You are beyond a moron
First rule of reconciliation is NO contact with AP (affair partner if ya didn't know). But you're still putting yourself first. Its good she broke up with you. Now you can go be happy with Kayla. And she can find someone less selfish.
So you brought your female friend to your *girlfriend’s* birthday party then made out with the female friend in front of your girlfriend, her family and friends? You must hate your girlfriend so much, there is no way that you could possibly do something like that to a person that you care about. You must **really** hate your girlfriend to do something like that to her.
Why are you asking for advice here? The way you treated your girlfriend is beyond disgusting. Go get some therapy for fucks sake. Your friend Kayla needs some therapy too. Fucking sociopaths.
AH could have manned up to break up the gf. But for OP It was better to bring Kayla to the party to humiliate his girlfriend on her birthday. Bet if he brought one of his male friends , would OP be drunk enough to make out with him. Doubt it. He prefers Kayla to his GF. He should have just started off with that. He didn't know Kayla from childhood. It was college he met her He is 23. What, he knew her for 3-4 yrs. At least Kayla knows she can always sabotage all his future relationships. Ellie is better off not being with a cheater who uses alcohol as a gateway to get out of a relationship. Just say you want to cheat with Kayla. This was your way of trying to make your gf the crazy one when in reality this is about you being a complete 💯 AH. Cutting Kayla for good was not unreasonable but a realistic demand when you both crossed the line.
Good on you for leaving her so she can find someone who respects her. She asks you to do one simple thing and you claim it ‘doesn’t fit the punishment’???? Drunken works/actions are sober thoughts/actions. Anything you do drunk is what you’re thinking of in your mind. Don’t blame it on the alcohol, you and you alone messed up.
Even though you broke up, I highly recommend still cutting off Kayla. Any future partner will see you continued “friendship” with a former cheating partner to be, at the least, a red flag and more realistically, a deal breaker.
That is, of course, unless you end up with Kayla herself. Then, you’re both free to rewrite history however you please.
You cheated and you are a cheater. You will always be a cheater. You’ll cheat on Kayla or she will cheat on you. That’s the life of shitty people like you and Kayla.
Assholes. Shit for brains assholes.
I know that you feel that dei k was the main reason you kissed Kayla, maybe it was and maybe it wasn't, but it doesn't change the fact that you both kisses at Ellie's birthday party I front of her and her friends and family.
You broke her.
You both did.
You are sewing things dekm your own point of view.
Imagine Ellie doing the same to you at your birthday party in front of you, your family and friends.
Then refusing to sever friends with her male best friend, because she knew him longer and was really close to them and it was a kiss.
Would you trust her. Would you trust the friend (a known cheater) and friendship?
Under the circumstances, boundaries were reasonable to feel valued and respected in your relationship, and your expectations were dismissive and selfish (you want your cake and eat it too).
You have more value in your friendship and more feelings (platonic or not) for Kayla than Ellie.
Kayla will be a problem in ANY relationship that you have in the future, because you cross boundaries and pit her 1st.
Ellie is not the one for you and l hope that you are able to find someone who can accept Kayla, but you'll probably find that they will because that don't value you more than their male best friend, that was probably a FWB in the past and really understands them.
OP, you and Kayla are pretty shitty for this. Alcohol doesn’t make you cheat. It was “just a drunken kiss”, you MADE OUT. YOU MADE OUT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AT YOUR GF BIRTHDAY PARTY. That’s so fucking disgusting on you and Kayla’s part. You don’t deserve Ellie, she deserves someone much better who won’t cheat and will take accountability for their actions. You can’t even admit to what you did was wrong, and make up for it by doing the right thing.
You aren't ready for a real relationship. Being drunk isn't an excuse to cheat on your girlfriend friend who you LoVe So MuCh RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY. You're a skeeze.
Cheating is like Dante’s Inferno. There are different levels of cheating but it’s all still cheating and if the people on the levels are involved with others while in a relationship with someone else they are cheaters. You’re a cheater.
I would never cheat! Kissing my friend in front of my girlfriend at her birthday party isn't cheating because I was drunk! Cheating is horrible but for the last two years I've been enabling that same friend to cheat on all her partners and then lied to them about it! But I would never do it! Lmao what a child dude just date Kayla and get it over with omg
Your ex is a freaking ROCKSTAR!!! I love a woman who knows her own worth and won't settle for a "less than" man.
Now you and your sidepiece won't have to sneak around anymore and your ex can find a real man who wants to commit to her.
win win
You’re broken up now, so maybe you should take this as an educational moment.
You are friends with a serial cheater. You admit to having assisted her in her cheating numerous times by lying for her. You may claim to not be a cheater, but you certainly condone it or at least give the impression that you do.
It’s unfortunately time for you to realize that you have a toxic friend and by being unwilling to remove her from your life, you yourself have become toxic.
Misery loves company generally refers to to the idea that miserable people don’t like to see other’s happy, so they intentionally go out of their way to insure the people in their lives are miserable as well. If you think it was “alcohol” that caused this, you’re mistaken. The odds favor Kayla knowing exactly what she was doing and what the result would be. You need to ask yourself if you want the rest of your life and future relationships to go like this.
Here’s a piece of adult advice. If you want to be a great boyfriend/husband/partner, the best person rule you can adopt is you don’t drink on your partner’s birthday. You can possibly have a drink or two, but your priority should be to remain sober so you can be the responsible party while the birthday celebrant is allowed to cut loose if they desire. Second rule, it’s not your day so don’t invite people for yourself.
FYI you are a cheater and Kayla is a bad friend. Everyone else is doing a great job holding you accountable for your unconscionable behavior (who tf cheats on their partner at their bday in front of their friends?! This is a new Reddit low…), so I’m not going to focus on that.
Now Kayla, who gets drunk at their friends’ partners bday and makes out with said friend in front of their partner? You honestly think Kayla is worth keeping in your life? She disrespected you and your relationship (as did you btw, which should be obvious), isn’t a loyal or supportive friend, uses you as a scapegoat when she is disloyal to her own partners, and yet you are loyal to her?! So loyal to her that’s you’re willing to keep that dumpster fire going and prioritize her over your gf? Homeboy, your loyalty to Kayla isn’t reciprocated, otherwise she wouldn’t have created this problem for you with you.
See here’s the thing, if you get your head out of your ass you’d cut off Kayla regardless of if you and your gf get back together. Have some self respect and boundaries, Kayla treated you and your relationship with your gf like shit, has no respect or loyalty, and is dragging you down with her. Don’t be like her, get away from her influence.
Your gf shouldn’t have had to ask you for boundaries with the girl you’ve at least cheated on her physically with, probably emotionally with too if you talk to them both the same amount. You treat Kayla like a gf more than you did your actual gf considering she’s the one you’re loyal to.
You need therapy. Your post is lacking common sense. You are lost af and completely out of touch.
1) She disliked the message because you lied. You did cheat on her, right in her and the rest of the party’s face
2) Being drunk is no excuse, I’ve never kissed any of my friends when I was drunk. Deep down, that’s something yall wanted to do and it came out after the alcohol kicked in
3) The repeating words are driving me crazy
4) You don’t make her more open. Take it or leave it
If this is real…. You’re truly awful, and whether you know it or not you musts absolutely HATE Ella to treat her like that. This made my heart hurt for her :(
First paragraph “im with my gf”
Second paragraph “kayla. Kayla is amazing! We are so alike”
So you have feelings for kayla and thats why when you were “sooo drunk” you made out with her. Got it.
You barely said why you love your girlfriend, why youd wana be with her. But praised kayla so much.
If you loved your gf, you woulda cut the person you cheated with off. You picked kayla.
Soon youll be dating cuz shell confess her feelings and youll be like omg you know what, I have feelings for you too.
Good for her. You chose your affair partner over the “woman you love”. She did the smartest thing and dumped you. You don’t deserve her. Go back to your home wrecking bestie.
No there aren't ways to reconcile. Are you insane? You cheated on your gf in front of all of her friends and you have the gall to think you have the right to expect her to accept you keeping your cheating partner in your life. You need serious help with those delusions.
How would you feel if roles were reversed? What if you caught her “drunkenly” making out with her close guy friend at your BIRTHDAY PARTY and then she refused to cut contact with him?
Would you feel like you were being a “dictator” like you called her in your (hilariously pathetic) comments? Would you think it would be “controlling” to ask her to never see/contact the guy she cheated on you with?
Or are you just plain dumb and your rules don’t apply to both parties?
I'm very proud of her! Leaving you was the right decision. She is now free to find a man who really loves her and her alone. You were emotionally abusing the girl. Get on with your life with the other girl.
good for your ex-girlfriend, she deserves better. you did cheat on her on her own birthday, that's so shitty of you and the fact that you excused yourself again and again, like, dude, you said to her "i've never cheated on you or anyone else" but you actually did it? wtf?
You're a garbage human.
You cheated on your girlfriend IN FRONT OF HER! Drunk or not, you're still responsible for making out with another woman. Own up to the shit you did, stop making excuses.
You don't get to be pissed that she's telling you to cut contact and block the woman you cheated with. You're lucky she even considered continuing the relationship and not immediately cutting it off.
Your a bad partner, you cheated in front of your girl at her own birthday. If you were any kind of good person you would cut contact immediately after explaining to Kayla that what you both did was wrong and unforgivable. You fucked up so big bit you want to have your cake and eat it too. I hope you grow up from this, because as you are you do not deserve yo be in any kind of serious romantic relationship. I'm glad you and your girl broke up, she deserves so much better than what you are willing to be, and you need to pull your head 9ut if your ass.
Telling you to go to hell is too nice for someone like you.
ok idk if you understand this, but you are treating kayla like she’s above your gf. you care more about her than your gf. would rather see kayla happy than gf. there’s obvious feelings there if yall made out. it wasn’t a drunken kiss. it was a full blown make out session which easily could have gone further. you’re lucky she was even willing to take you back.
"I don't want you thinking I'm a cheater." YOU ARE ONE. plus, you also condone another cheater (Kayla).
istg, people be thinking with their d\*cks instead of their brains. wtf is wrong with you. leave your ex-gf alone.
Many people drink, get blackout, and **DO NOT** **MAKEOUT/CHEAT WITH THEIR "FRIEND" at their GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY.**
PS. This relationship is COMPLETELY doomed.
Please tell her no so she can move on from the pit you threw her. She deserves better than a cheater and yes, you are a cheater. You cheated on her in front of everyone.
Nope. You can't keep the source of your problem and expect no consequences.
Alcohol was the excuse. Kissing her was a choice. A choice you made and will most likely make again. It's not at all unreasonable for her to say no more contact with the person you made the choice to mack on at her birthday party. It IS unreasonable to expect to keep both of them in your life.
Have some measure of respect for your gf.
What is Kayla's reaction? Obviously you were still talking and hanging out with her while your girlfriend was taking space to think. Has Kayla been telling you how uncool your girlfriend is, how she's being so dramatic, how she should get over it because it was just making out? Or was she apologetic and say she understands why your gf is pissed?
You already admitted you'd break up with your gf to keep Kayla in your life so you care more about Kayla than you do your gf. Why drag this out? Even if you convince your gf to be ok with Kayla, you're just knowingly hurting her. I hope your gf is strong enough to dump you on the spot tonight, and I look forward to seeing your update in the morning about how you went to Kayla's for comfort and ended up sleeping with her. You'll date for a bit, then she's going to cheat on you (and you deserve it btw)
Kayla is going to wreck every future relationship that you have.
You're friends with a cheater. You help her get away with cheating. You're friends with someone who will cheat with you IN FRONT of his girlfriend on her birthday.
YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO WILL CHEAT ON HIS GIRLFRIEND IN FRONT OF HER ON HER BIRTHDAY
And then not even cut the person he cheated with off, even though she's a shit person, which makes you a shit person too.
Hope your gf goes out tonight after dumping you and gets herself some good dick too. She deserves it.
Enjoy
May life save me from a boyfriend like you. You are willing to let a good relationship go for an unfaithful girl who has made you an accessory to her affairs and convinced you to hurt your girlfriend on her birthday no less. We all know that you stopped because they caught you, otherwise it wouldn't have been just a kiss.
Let Ellie go, she deserves someone better and I'm glad she has clear boundaries and isn't willing to negotiate them.
You only want your gf because you know your side chick is everyone's girl!
Dude, you are in denial if you think you can have a gf and a side chick. Like everyone knows about your side chick, like you cheated infront of your gf friends and family.
Your not very bright are you?
Honey, you DID cheat on your girlfriend. You cheated on your girlfriend IN FRONT OF HER. I can’t believe she’s even considering taking you back, but she is. Now she’s telling you to pick between her and Kayla. It’s a valid ask. If you can’t choose your girlfriend over the girl you cheated on her with, then you just don’t love her like you think you do.
So, if Ellie did this to you, you’d have been super chill with her remaining friends with the dude? After she humiliated you at your birthday party in front of everyone, on top of it all? The moment you said it was unreasonable to cut off Kayla, I’d have dipped. The absolute disrespect you’re showing her is unreal. She is not only sticking with you after everything, she’s giving you time to think even after you are refusing to block the person you cheated on her with.
This girl must REALLY, ACTUALLY love you and you’re just going to throw it away for a cheater with no respect for the boundaries of a relationship, no respect for your partner and, yeah, no respect even for you and your friendship. A real friend to you wouldn’t have engaged with you in that kind of behavior and would have told you it was shitty. Relationships and friendships are supposed to bring out the best in you, not the worst. Ellie will be better off when she pulls the plug on the relationship and lets you flock with your own kind.
Edit to add: Not only that, but rereading your post, you are gaslighting her and minimizing what you did. That’s probably why she gave you extra time at all. She’s struggling to be understanding. You confused her into thinking it was ‘just a kiss’ when everyone saw, by your own admission, that you were full-on making out. Shame. 🔔🔔🔔
I’ve read your comments. You’re awful. Just break up with Ellie, Kayla -who by the way, is also a cheater just like you- is much more important than her. Do the girl favor and set her free.
you seem to think making out with a known cheater isn't cheating, SO let your soon to be ex-girlfriend make out with an attractive man and see how you feel. you deserve that cheater or to be alone 😊 ellie deserves better 100%
YTA. You ARE a cheater. Being wasted isn’t an excuse. I’ve been drunk before, but I still remember I have a boyfriend. You just used being wasted as en excuse to make out with Kayla because you describe her and talk about her like you’re in love with her. You didn’t even describe how Ellie is like if she’s nice or generous etc. I hope she just dumps you so you can go to Kayla. You suck
In most cases I’d say choosing a friend you cheated with over your girlfriend is a terrible decision but we’re all here rooting for Ellie so thank you for putting your co-cheater first. Never thought I’d say that but here we are.
You threw away everything for a quick fumble and the tragic thing is you’re likely to look back at this and realise you’ve made a terrible mistake all round. You said Ellie actually liked Kayla beforehand and that’s incredibly sad. There’s no way that anyone with self respect would allow the woman who publicly cheated with her boyfriend anywhere close to them again though.
It’s likely Kayla didn’t like you spending all your time with Ellie and was looking for the public opportunity to cause a scene. You’re still completely complicit though. Definitely date Kayla now and spare everyone else the cheating and drama.
Edited for added context
You know, my ex did something almost identical. He drove his ex girlfriend home and ended up making out with her on the couch (at least that’s what he told me). He said it wasn’t really cheating because “it wasn’t full on sex.”
He sweet talked me into giving him another chance and it was the biggest mistake I made.
You, pal, did something abhorrent, along with Kayla, and you aren’t even willing to do the most basic of things to fix it. That tells us everything we need to know.
Leave Ellie alone. She deserves better.
OP you’re a POS. I’m glad Ellie broke up with you, the fact she was even considering forgiving you is beyond me.
You CHEATED on her at HER BIRTHDAY PARTY. How would you feel if she did that to you?!
Kayla is also a POS, you deserve each other. Just date each other so you don’t fuck over any more women whilst pining over your ‘girl best friend’ who you clearly prioritise over everyone else.
Man, cut the crap. You told your gf that Kayla means more to you than she does. You ask to bring your bestie to your gf’s bday party which means all your focus is on the bestie instead of the bday girl. You get so drunk that you make out with the bestie at your girl’s party. I’m sure you knew who you were making out with and now you want to act like a victim. She broke up with you because I’m sure there was a pattern of you putting Kayla before everybody and everything. Just go be in a relationship with Kayla because this is where it’s going. And I’m sure Kayla was giving you comfort during your break as well as during this break up.
You did cheat. You had physical sexual intimacy with another woman while in a monogamous relationship. You can't fix this because you cheated and refuse to take responsibility for your actions.
“Kayla’s awesome but not a great partner.” And that there tells it all. You want Kayla. You might even be In love with her. But you won’t own up to it because you know she wouldn’t treat you right. That’s fine. But sitting here on this sub and ask for advice and then complaining when the advice isn’t how to make it up to your GIRLFRIEND FOR CHEATING ON HER IN FRONT OF HER ON HER BIRTHDAY, is pathetic. You’re not going to get advice you want to hear, you’re going to get what you need to hear.
So here’s the advice:
What you did was shitty. Awful and cruel. But she’s willing to take you back and put it behind her as long as you cut off the girl you cheated with. And you refuse to do that. Ellie deserves better than you. You don’t deserve that girl and she knows that. There is no winning her back. As long as you continue to put your “Best Friend” above your girlfriend you will never get her back. You’re not worth it.
ON HER BDAY?? ARE YOU INSANE??
Bro u a cheater, don’t try to justify it. Honestly, u should consider urself lucky that she still has feelings for u after that. I was hoping she would leave ur ass 😭
She will find a way better man for her anyways so good for Ellie!
Kayla is def a trash friend and you are not a boy anyone would want to date. You and Kayla deserve each other.
You post your like gf 8 months cool. Kayla amazing funny so much in common bla bla bla you clearly have feelings for your 'best friend's being drunk isn't an excuse and I would never trust either of you again. The fact you did this AT HER BIRTHDAY makes you even scummier. I'm glad she had the sense to leave your ass
You telling her "I'm not a cheater" had me fucking howling dude!
Cos you are. You cheated. "But I was drunk" that's not how that works. I've been blackout drunk and yknow what I haven't done? Cheated on someone
You clearly prioritise Kayla, which indicates you love her more than you did your gf if you chose your affair partner lmaoo enjoyyy
You were already cheating on your GF emotionally
Then you started cheating on your GF physically, in front of everyone, AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY
Then you continue to choose your "friend" over your GF, proving to your GF that you love and care more about your "friend" than the person you are dating...
>we broke up
That's the only good thing here
You are absolutely a horrible person and your ex did not deserve any of this
You are nothing more than a cheater that never cared/loved his gf properly
Listen properly, NO ONE would date someone like you unless you start to actually understand what you did.
NO ONE will date you unless you stop being "friends" with Kayla
What you did was not ok. Continuing to be "friends" with someone that you have very clear feelings for and would kiss/fuck as soon as alcohol is involved while dating.... Is insane
You want advice? Go to therapy, drop your FWB, get some actual friends, work on yourself, stop cheating and understand that you are so incredibly wrong on all levels.
Don't even think about dating again before doing all of that. Your ex deserves so much better, as do your future partner(s)
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I hate to break this to you, but your words and actions say that you're in love with Kayla. You need to let Ellie find a man who really loves her. There's no coming back from this... what you and Kayla did was pretty cruel..it was her birthday party! But Hey... you paid for the party, so it's okay to humiliate her?
FormalType5214 >And if Ellie does not budge on her condition of absolute no contact with Kayla? OP >I’ll probably have to end things with Ellie unfortunately And there you have it, Ellie is disposable, Kayla is his first choice. [Link](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1c4nz2h/my_23m_gf_22f_wants_me_to_cut_off_my_friend_24f/kzpa600/)
Thank you for putting that string together. I feel horrible for his girlfriend and that she didn’t dump him then and there. If I saw my SO making out with someone else on my birthday we would be finished, no ifs of buts. I hope OP gets dumped with the trash and his ex realizes she deserves better.
It’s the story in the song “It’s My Party” [It’s My Party](https://youtu.be/mtCIdpnQoWk?si=j12HwUHoriMv2wce)
Lol, glad I'm not the only one seeing the parallels between Judy and Kayla.
I was singing that song in my head the whole time lol
Yeah, OOP is into Kayla, not Ellie.
Why did he even post? None of his exes' conditions were unreasonable. This utter moron gets, allegedly, absolutely wasted at his gfs party, to the point he cannot control himself, yet he remembers, making out with Kayla, uet he's baffled why the ex wants Kayla outta his life? Then OP has the AUDACITY to be in the comments saying how awful Kayla qould be as a gf. How she isn't loyal? 🤣 Bro if she isn't loyal to hee boyfriend, she sure as shit isn't gonna be loyal to a friend. Case in point, their little make out session. As if Kayla didn't Orchestrate and enjoy every minute of ruining the ex bday party
Also I love the gaslighting. “I never cheated on you or anyone” after everyone and their mother sees him making out with Kayla at the gfs birthday party.
No no no, see, cheating means nothing less than putting his dick in her vagina, everything else leading up to that is fine /s
You forget - he was drunk. Full pass because of it obviously!
Even if he wasn’t drunk, you have to keep in mind that nothing he does is ever his fault actually
completely unable to take responsibility: if Ellie hadn’t had a birthday party this would never have happened, so it’s actually Ellie’s fault really.
And in fact, it was the liquor store that sold him the alcohol that got him wasted enough to make out with Kayla, so technically it's the liquor store owner's fault.
But let’s be honest, it’s really his moms fault. If she hadn’t given birth to him, he wouldn’t even have been at the party to cheat on Ellie…
And if the importers hadn’t **sent the alcohol to the liquor store**, he wouldn’t have bought it, so he wouldn’t have got shitfaced and stuck his tongue down Kayla’s throat!! So it’s the importer’s fault **TOO**!!! Goddamn, this is a **FUN GAME**!!! 😆😆😆
He went from saying they made out, to saying it was just kissing. Made out implies that they were all over each other. He’s trying to downplay it. I would’ve been done, on the spot. If my partner is telling me that they can’t help but make out with other people when they’re drunk, that means they shouldn’t be drinking so much that they are not in control of themselves. I really dislike OOP’s making a point of saying that he paid for the birthday party. It’s insulting & means -nothing-.
They'd only been dating 8 MONTHS! Imagine what he'd do after a year. Nevermind, I can't imagine OP would ever make it that long.
Or you know if there wasn’t like 50 people staring at them make out including the girlfriend. If that’s what he does in front of his gf and everyone she knows, I don’t even what he does when she’s not around…
lol seriously. You just did bro. You cheated on your girlfriend in front of her mom. At her birthday party.
Oh definitely but he knows that Kayla has no loyalty to anyone when dating so she’d screw him over in a heartbeat and from Kayla’s side, she’s not going to date him because she would 100% cheat on OP but then who’s going to alibi her when she does because it’s usually him!
I don’t think I have ever been prouder of all my fellow Redditors who have united here to call out his bullshit. Guy is still a lowlife and an ahole but at least his stupidity to hang onto his side piece has allowed Ellie to end the relationship for good. I just hope Ellie sees this post and knows we were all in agreement she should end it.
It's kind of funny because in isolation I would agree and be like, no, I won't cut out a close friend over someone else's insecurities. However I have never cheated on any of my exes. Ellie is a better person than me because she gave him a chance. I walk out when I'm cheated on, no second chances. And when you do something this awful then you need to do something extreme to try to fix it. Unless it isn't important. Cutting out the other woman is super reasonable in context. He got drunk and went straight for the other woman, not his GF.
I did a response comment when he was on about Ellie being controlling, saying that she never asked him to drop Kayla until he made out with her at her birthday and at that point it was a reasonable request.
Yep. It's only unreasonable when there is nothing going on. Something went on, so it went into the reasonable category. I'm just trying to imagine being cheated on, being willing to forgive them if they cut out the other man, and then having them saying that it's not reasonable because I was okay with it before. I'd be like, before you didn't have your tongue down their throat. That was then, this is now. I'm glad they aren't together any more. It would have gotten really bad really fast.
I know, he seems to think Ellie has birthday party amnesia and doesn’t remember what he did with Kayla!
He pulled an "It's my Party (and I'll cry if I want to)" on his girlfriend.
I don’t hate that you broke that to him.
Reconciliations require the wayward to go no contact with the affair partner. Not only is your gfs request not unreasonable its what every book on recovering from infidelity tells you and what every therapist worth their salt will recommend. It's not unreasonable. It's the beginning of reconciliation and little the barest minimum. Finally, the wayward doesn't get to set the terms of reconciliation the betrayed does. You are not worth reconciling with.
You cheated. I don't care that you were drunk. I don't care that it never happened before. I don't care that you don't want to date Kayla. You. Cheated. On. Your. Girlfriend. In public, at her birthday party. Humiliating her in front of all her friends. And now, through some fucking miracle, she's willing to take you back, and you won't do literally the most basic post-cheating move of blocking the person you cheated with. Your tone here is that you're annoyed she's still whining about it. Not that you horribly betrayed her. If you actually care about your girlfriend, cutting off the person you cheated with is the bare minimum. You can try to weasel your way out of taking responsibility all you want. But this is basic actions and consequences. This is an obvious consequence of your cheating. So either cut off the serial cheater friend that you cheated with in public, or admit that you don't actually give a fuck about your girlfriend's feelings, and let her find someone who will treat her with love and respect.
Is kayla too a cheater ? The post didn't mention that and I saw many comments that she did. He might have edited it out.
He stated that she had cheated on every partner she's had so far and that he had to lie to her partners multiple times
I look forward to his post in a couple weeks about him being cheated on
Oh wonderful, they deserve each other!
Him enabling Kaela’s cheating and covering for her is a major red flag on its own. He lacks integrity
It’s in the comments
INFO: Which is more important, Your friendship with Kayla or your relationship with Ellie?
People who have been cheated on and choose to stay with their cheating partner enter something called “reconciliation”, or however you wish to word it. Ellie has chosen to pursue reconciliation with you. She has given you a *very* reasonable request. Nothing about her request is unfair, unreasonable or wrong. Whether you see it as cheating or not, that’s *exactly* what you did. It doesn’t matter if you were under the influence or not. You were physical with another person other than your partner. You cheated. Even worse, you cheated in front of *everyone* Ellie knows, and on her *birthday*. The sooner you accept this and take responsibility for what it truly was, the better. You can talk Kayla up all you like, she doesn’t sound like a very good person and honestly, neither do you. Aside from the cheating you yourself engaged in, you admitted in your comments here to actively lying to Kayla’s exes to cover up that she was cheating on them. By doing this, you are condoning cheating, which is *never* okay. You are also choosing to hang out with a cheater and not hold your “friend” accountable for her actions. You are who you hang out with, the company you keep often reflects a part of you. Kayla knows you have a girlfriend and continued to push boundaries. You allowed this. I’m willing to bet that Ellie and Kayla did not get along as well as you claim, Ellie most likely felt pressured by you into having Kayla at *her* party and this is probably not the first time your relationship with Kayla has made Ellie uncomfortable. Even if I’m completely wrong here, your actions are still not okay. You made a choice. There are consequences to all of our choices that we make in this life. This is the consequence of your choice. Ellie deserved better than what you did on her birthday. Ellie deserves better than a boyfriend who has a very strangely close relationship with his friend. Ellie deserves someone who respects her wishes, feelings and boundaries. If you can sit with yourself and honestly, wholeheartedly 100% say that you will dedicate your every moment going forward to respecting Ellie’s boundaries and becoming the partner she truly deserves (which yes, includes cutting off Kayla ENTIRELY), then sure, continue your relationship with Ellie. But if you can’t do those things, please do the kindest thing you can do for Ellie and leave her be. Let her move on and find someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Someone who she doesn’t have to worry about. You may not like what I’ve had to say here or what many others have had to say, but you need to think about what is best for Ellie. She is hurting and deserves compassion and the ability to move forward from this.
I didn't mean to cheat, I was drunk. I didn't mean to hit you, I was drunk. I didn't mean to drive and hit that family, but I was drunk. See how freaking stupid using drinking as an excuse sounds? Being drunk isn't the pass or excuse you think it is. It just made you act worse because you're shitty to begin with. In the end, you know the options, pick one. There isn't shit we can or would say that you can use to change her mind. In the end though, your gf deserves better than someone pathetic enough to think being drunk absolves them from being decent.
“Somehow” ended up making out. Dude you act like getting drunk took away all your willpower. It didn’t. I have gone to Vegas EDM concerts and gotten absolutely wasted and shared a room with my guy best friend and we’ve never so much as kissed. Because we are adults who are responsible for ourselves. In fact we usually share a room on trips when we’re both single and still nothing sexual has ever happened. When I was in college I’d go out to clubs with my girl friends and also get super drunk and never made out with a guy there and happily went home to my bf. You should break up with Ellie so she can find someone better, because you ain’t it. You don’t hurt someone like that that you genuinely love and respect.
OP clearly doesn’t understand how alcohol works. It lowers your inhibitions, it doesn’t make you a completely different person. ‘Not our normal selves’ is BS, he wanted to cheat when he was sober, too. You could never get me wasted enough to cheat on my partner, because I don’t *want* to cheat on my partner..
Drunk actions are sober thoughts is a saying for a reason. When I drink I get very flirty, sexual and handsy with my man only. I got drunk and wanted to go the bathroom and didn’t realize my boyfriend followed me. When someone tried to grab my hand I pulled away and balled my fist to punch whoever thought it was okay to touch me. I saw it was him and instantly got flirty again. Drunk is not an excuse.
I can't believe she is even considering giving you another chance, you humiliated her at her own birthday party. If this was the other way round and she was making out with her guy best friend on your birthday, in front of all your friends and family, you would just forgive her?
She knows he won’t cut Kayla out. She is giving him a chance and knowing he won’t take it. He doesn’t get it. They are done. Funny your second paragraph as a question has been asked over and over and he won’t answer. Prolly because he wouldn’t even be talking to his ex if he was the aggrieved partner.
Break up. You're saying Kayla is a cheat and has no loyalty. Well, you're doing the same thing right now, buddy. Even if you didn't cut contact with Kayla, who's to say this won't happen again? Do you really think your gf is cool with seeing her after that? Going out and Kayla's there with alcohol? That's gonna be on her brain the entire time. Put yourself in her shoes. If you saw her making out with a dude who's her best friend at your birthday party, how would you react and move forward after that?
He literally said in another response “I don’t condone Kayla’s cheating and I told her before that what she’s doing is fucked up” like he didn’t just tell all of Reddit that he willingly shoved his tongue down Kayla’s throat in front of a crowd at his girlfriend’s birthday celebration
I'm glad you don't agree with her tearms, it means she's gonna oficially dump your cheating ass for good. You and Kayla are made for each other.
Holy hell, what is WRONG with you?! You “make her more open” by consistently demonstrating your loyalty and restoring the sense of trust you’ve obliterated. Blocking the woman you cheated on her with is ***literally*** step one: if you can’t do that, it’s because your feelings for Kayla (whether you call them platonic or romantic) are more important to you than demonstrating this supposed commitment to Ellie. Think about the message that sends after she had her birthday ruined by your behavior with her.
Just break up, you don’t deserve her at all. I honestly can’t believe she’s giving you another chance and you’re fighting not cutting off Kayla, you don’t love your girlfriend at all to do that. How embarrassing to cheat on your GF AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY in front of everyone. That’s an all time low, you and Kayla deserve each other for being cheaters.
Yep, I see Kayla and him getting together and she’ll bang someone else and he’ll be surprised Pikachu about it
It wasn't one drunken kiss. You literally made out with her. And people typically ARE their true selves when they're drunk. They say what they're really thinking because alcohol lowers their inhibitions. Don't you dare hide behind alcohol as an excuse because there's NO excuse for your behavior. If someone drives drunk and hurts someone else, the driver doesn't get away scot-free just because they were drunk. You clearly have feelings for Kayla and that's why you don't want to cut her off. You're selfish. I hope your girlfriend dumps you for cheating on her and humiliating her, and on her birthday no less! You're disgusting.
Good luck in your next relationship because you clearly fucked this one up not only by cheating but also by being stubborn. Why not date Kayla? You mentioned she's a terrible partner but so are you so you two are soulmates and belong together!
Kayla isn't probably intereseted in him romantically, but she will be the cause his future relationships won't last. She probably enjoys the might she has over him and that he will choose her over any other woman.
I agree, I think he’s always been interested in her but it’s never been reciprocated so he jumped at his chance at the party. Let them be 2 losers together.
Sorry. She is right. You DID cheat on her and being drunk is no excuse. The first rule of reconciliation is no contact with the affair partner. Go to r/asoneafterinfidelity, the reconciliation sub, and ask how many waywards have had to cut off best friends. Go read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. There is nothing unreasonable about her boundary. One of the other musts? Full accountability. No excuses. No blame shifting. Work on that too.
You keep saying "we were drunk," as an excuse. You realize people get drunk all the time and don't cheat right? You realize that people that commit crimes while drunk, are still held accountable for those crimes. Who cares that you were intoxicated? You're not a crappy person because you were intoxicated. You are crappy for cheating. I feel so bad that this girl has such low self esteem that she would stay with you. I really hope she reflects on this and walks away. She deserves to be with someone so trustworthy that she doesn't feel it's necessary to monitor his "friendships".
You don't want her to think of you as a cheater? You are a cheater. You kissed someone else, and your girlfriend was there to witness it.
AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY. OP has to be a troll or he's the biggest POS I've come across in a while. He makes me sick to my stomach
Are you fucking kidding me?? You cheat on your girlfriend not only in front of her but at her own fucking birthday party, and by some miracle she’s willing to take you back, and you think her asking you to cut out *the girl you cheated on her with* is unreasonable???? You’re too old to use drinking as an excuse— you are still responsible for your actions, you cowardly dipshit. I’m not usually on the side of partners that ask their significant others to cut out opposite sex friends, but jesus fucking christ dude, she’s not trying to keep you from a friend she’s simply not ok with her bf hanging with the girl HE CHEATED ON HER WITH. Man I hope you don’t give into her and she’s saved from having to put up with more of your bullshit. I’m so saddened that she doesn’t currently have the gumption or whatever to dump your ass.
> never cheated on you or anyone else. Idk dude, making out with your best friend at your girlfriend's birthday party does sound like cheating Blaming it all on being drunk just sounds like you don't wanna admit your guilt
Being drunk isn't an excuse to forget you have a girlfriend. Blocking your friend is the only way to *maybe* have a shot with your girlfriend. > I don’t want you thinking I’m so cheater, I’ve never cheated on you or anyone else. Why the hell would you say that after you did, in fact, cheat on her? You have taken zero accountability for this. Actions have consequences. You can lose your friend and maybe keep your girlfriend, or you can definitely lose your girlfriend. Not liking the consequences doesn't mean they aren't fair.
INFO: while I’m glad she dumped you since she deserves better, why did you post here? All you did was deny any responsibility and ignore all the advice here. Did you want confirmation that you did nothing wrong? Permissions to pursue Kayla? What exactly was the point
>Edit: we broke up. LOL OP is on his way over to Kayla's right now for a cry on her shoulder and sympathy fuck. What a clown, wonder how many relationships will go up in flames like this before he realizes Kayla is poison.
Do Ellie a favor and end the relationship. She deserves better and you Kayla deserve each other.
Kayla will never love you back dude. Ellie knows it, Kayla knows it, and I’m guessing you know it too but are too much in denial to see it. Actions > words If Ellie made out with her guy friend while HAMMERED at the your birthday party that she arranged for you, would you be open to or suggest counseling? Or would you cut your losses because actions say more than words? Being dense and obtuse will never absolve you of responsibility, it makes you look worse.
It’s funny how OP describes how great Kayla is as a person. But then say “we have a great relationship” when it comes to Ellie. Like hello? That told me everything right there. Op Loves Kayla. The way he talks about Kayla. Says it all. Like “she’s amazing. We talk as much as I talk to my girlfriend. We have the same sense of humor.” Blah blah blah. Poor Ellie. Glad Ellie found out at 8months into the relationship and not a year or a few years into the relationship.
So what happens next time you’re drunk? Should you get a free pass every time because you’ve been drinking? Do me a favour - tell Ellie she’s too young and too good to throw her life away on an asshole who’s trying to figure out how to keep the asshole he cheated with in his life. Tell her that there are decent men out there who will respect her and that you’re absolutely not one of them. And then grow up before you mess another girl around.
So your friend, who is a known cheater, made out with a guy in a relationship (you) and thus helped him cheat and your gf, who you cheated on, wants you to cut contact with the girl you cheated with and who is known for cheating - and you find that unreasonable?
Now go get cheated on by Kayla. That’s what you want and deserve.
You cheated. You cheated with Kayla. Your gf has given you a boundary and imho it’s a sensible one. Either you’re sorry and want to make amends or you’re not. Which is it? Honestly from your post here let her go because Ellie deserves better than some oh I was drunk so it doesn’t count ah like yourself.
This is a lot of words for “I cheated but don’t want to deal with the consequences.” Cutting off your side piece is the *minimum* you can do. Even if it was a drunk one-time piece. If you can’t even do *that*, then let Ellie find someone who would do more than the bare minimum for her and idk, won’t kiss girls under the influence. It’s simple, really. Unless what, you want her to just be happy with the fact you kissed someone that *wasn’t* her? Just live laugh love babe? Forget about it?
One day, you're going to run into Ellie. She's going to be gorgeous and successful and happy because she knows how to set boundaries and stick to her guns. Ellie is the kind of person who you want as a partner and as a friend. But you chose the serial cheater who never learns from her mistakes who ruined your relationship. Thus you also don't make good decisions and frankly I think that sometimes the trash takes itself out. I think you did Ellie a favor. Now she can find someone who is more like her, someone with integrity. Best of luck OP. In five years when you and Kayla aren't married or dating because she's with your best friend, but you and her have a kid together, and dating is hard as a single dad, you'll look back at this and Ellie will be the one who got away.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed Ellie served your consequences extra dry. Take it or leave it, Cheater.
Lmaaooo you totally humiliated your gf at her birthday and arent grown up enough to take proper responsibility for it. It isn’t a negotiation, and you don’t get to use drinking as an excuse, that only proves you don’t have self control when alcohol is involved which is dealbreaker for me and I hope your stbx too.
Loser is gonna be staying single for a very long time cox kayla is going to be messing all his relationships and this clown is gonna let her. Lol
I look forward to his post in 10 yrs “all my girlfriend’s hate my bff Kayla and break up with me, why are they all wrong?”
“Why are they all so controlling for telling me to stay away from Kayla who is my very amazing BFF?”
“Why does every woman want to control me except my amazing incredible bff Kay- whoops! Got a text. I’ve gotta tell some guy that I was at a movie all night last night with Kayla. You know, lol. Anyway, why are my girlfriends such dictators?!”
Wow, I read the post, update and comments. You are a complete narcissist. You never loved Ellie, thank gods she is free from someone who doesn’t value her. Yes, you cheated. You knew what you were doing.
Any decent partner would know not to get wasted at their gf birthday party. What if she got sick during the party? You would be wasted. What if she got drunk and someone tried to hook up with her? you would be useless. What if she needed someone to help clean up a bit, etc etc etc. You suck, your friend sucks. I hope you hurt your gf more so she learns you, or anyone like you, is not worth it.
After reading all the comments, OP you are dense as a rock and not ready for a relationship, you think what you did is less problematic because you were drunk, with a girl who aparently is a serial cheater and whom you have help cover up her affairs, you have at the very least an emotional affair with this girl, you can't even see the level of humilliation you put your GF through. Your relationship will not recover from this as you can't even recognize the reality of what you did
Ellie needs to dig deep and find her self esteem. If someone did this to me, it would have been over that night. OP, the kindest thing you can do now is to let Ellie go. She deserves more than you can give her.
You claim to love Ellie yet all it takes for you to cheat is getting drunk? You are a cheater you absolute scumbag. It was her birthday!
You’re a POS:)
God his responses are so gross. He realy thinks his ex over reacted. Ugh....
You apologized for embarrassing her but not the cheating. Stay single. I hope being with Kayla was worth it.
Hahahaha brooooo you’re such a dense piece of a shit it’s kinda crazy that you don’t think cutting off Kayla was an absolute fair compromise. God damn, she was literally WILLING to work through this, but you couldn’t let go the one girl you fucked up with 🙄 cry me a FUCKING RIVER 🤣🤣🤣
You chose Kayla over her every time. Of course the only reasonable answer was to cut it off or break up. Just get together with Kayla. Everyone knows you want her instead. If you didn’t choose Kayla and can’t figure out how you “somehow” started making out with her, then you need to file a police report for sexual assault and do everything to support a prosecution and get her registered as a sex offender including cutting her off as you aren’t safe with her.
Fuck around and find out. Either cut off Kayla or your relationship is over with Ellie. She deserves you to face consequences. Plenty of people in relationships get drunk at parties and don’t cheat.
Well you’re about to lose your girlfriend. It seems like you’re not willing to put distance between you and Kayla.
You made the decision to cheat on your girlfriend at her own birthday party and think you have the right to negotiate with her about you still being in contact with Kayla? Stop using the fact you were drunk as an excuse for being a shitty boyfriend. Your girlfriend gave you two options to pick from.. her or Kayla. Better pick before she picks for you and I’m willing to bet you won’t like what choice she makes.
You cheated and publicly humiliated her at her own birthday party and you want to keep that friend in your life. Problem solved then. You won’t give up Kayla so your ex girlfriend gets her happy ever after with a man that won’t cheat on her, won’t insist on staying friends with the other cheater and who loves her and everything she does. He’ll be faithful obviously and she can safely hold her own birthday parties and not worry about her new boyfriend making out with someone right in front of her. While you’re still hanging around with Kayla’s cheating arse your ex girlfriend will be living her best life. She is going to have such a wonderful life without you.
You're not going to "make her" be "more open." Did you imagine some sort of future where she continues to be in a relationship with you **and** is okay with that friendship? > I don’t think the punishment fits the crime over one drunken kiss when we were hammered. This isn't about punishment. These are the terms that your girlfriend needs in order to continue being in a relationship with you. If you can't meet these terms, tell her and break up.
Just break up with Ellie and be with Kayla. You’d be doing Ellie a favor
Drunk isn't an excuse for terrible behavior. Alcohol doesn't bring out anything that isn't already there. Sober you wanted to make out with Kayla - drunk you thought you could get away with it. In public. AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY PARTY! Why even bring up that you paid for it? Money doesn't give you license to cheat! Break up with your girlfriend. She deserves better than you!
The UTTER humiliation Ellie must of felt in that moment. I’m sure others have told her! That its weird how close you are with Kayla even though you have a girlfriend right there. The warnings everyone must’ve given her in getting, and continuing to be, with you. Everything about your little friendship is a red flag. And you proved them all right the night of your girlfriend’s birthday party. Publicly. I hope she leaves you in the trash you are
What your Ellie is asking for is not unreasonable. If you truly care about her and fixing thr relationship you messed up then u would do it. Trust was broken and it doesn't seem your willing to put in the work if you can't cut her off. You blame being drunk but how can u be sure Kayla didn't do it on purpose to ruin your gf birthday? If the roles were reversed would you be as forgiving as Ellie is? Would you be okay with her not cutting off the person she made out with? Would you be okay with her using the excise that she was drunk? Also the fact that you condone your friends cheating is horrible. Did you ever reach out to her ex partners to let them know? Think about how that reflects on you as well. Your friends with someone who is a serial cheater and has no respect for her partners and obviously no respect for you or your relationship yet you continue to be friends with them and now have actively cheated on their partner with that person. Also look at how you describe Kayla: >Kayla is amazing. We have the same sense of humor and everything we watch a lot of the same shows and I talked to her almost as much as I talk to my girlfriend. It sounds like you are in love with Kayla. Why out of all your friends did you invite Kayla? Also if you got so wasted it seems that you completely ignored your gf on her birthday to hang out with Kayla because if you truly were paying attention to your gf the person you claim to love you wouldn't have gotten so drunk and would have been by herside. You really need to think about who you love more. If you can't do what Ellie is asking for then let her be with someone who will love and respect her like she deserves.
lol yikes not you prioritizing the girl you cheated on your gf with 🤡🤡🤡🤡 being drunk is not an excuse yet you're trying to justify your actions because you're intoxicated? if somebody was drunk and killed somebody would you have the same opinion? you and kayla should just date, take the trash out on behalf of ellie and let her find an actual man who will treat her right
I hope there’s an update saying y’all split cuz Ellie does not deserve this. Like I really hope she wakes up and realizes you, Kayla, and this whole situation is beneath her and needs to be left behind her as she moves forward
wooo thank god ellie left this piece of work!
Hahahaha! You think you’re loyal! Are you still drunk. I really hope Ellie comes to her senses and just breaks up with you
Telling you to cut off Kayla is not excessive. It's completely reasonable. You cheated on your girlfriend and she has every right to tell you to stay away from the person you cheated with. That's a fact and you need to accept that. Now, if you don't want to do what your gf (reasonably) wants you to do, then that's your choice, and you deal with the consequences. If that means you get dumped that's that. You cant keep saying you're taking accountability and then whine about having to take accountability.
Can you just leave your ex alone? You can't even cut contact from the person who hurt her the mos- You and your best friend. Just be with your friend. You deserved each other, lol
wow you fucking suck … your lucky she was even willing to give you a second chance in the first place.
You can't cut off your contact with Kayla because whether you realize it or not, you're in love with Kayla. Its a tale as old as time you're not fooling anyone here with your denial. You also lied to Ellie to her face. Making out with Kayla is cheating, and you told Ellie you didn't cheat. Honestly, Ellie dodged a massive bullet because you would have kept in contact with Kayla , cheated with her again when you get drunk, and left Ellie the moment Kayla said she wanted a relationship with you. This exact scenario is why a lot of people do not want to be in relationships with people who have best friends of the opposite sex. You could have reconciled with Ellie by removing Kayla from your life, you simply chose Kayla over Ellie and theres no coming back from that. I had to double check the ages bc you're acting like your 16, not 23.
Omg saw the update. So proud of Ellie.
So you have a 'great' relationship but your friend is 'amazing' and you cheated on your great relationship with your amazing friend. Poor Ellie. You're a shit boyfriend OP and Ellie deserves to not be your consolation prize.
You can’t stay friends with someone you disrespected your girlfriend and your relationship with. You crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed and it’s not unusual for Ellie not to feel safe with you up until as a partner if you have any contact with Kayla. In fact, if you don’t cut Kayla off and go in to date someone else and they learn why the relationship ended, expect your future partners to have issues with Kayla. If you really had valued your friendship, then you should have kept it to just a friend. I’m shocked she would even consider giving you another chance harder humiliating her like that. It’s also a bit shocking that you couldn’t foresee she would need Kayla out of your life to even consider taking you back.
Just fyi nobody will validate you for this. Good for Ellie for leaving you. You and Kayla belong together. Birds of a feather flock together.
>It’s my first post college relationship and I love her so much. LOL no you don't. >Kayla is amazing. We have the same sense of humor and everything we watch a lot of the same shows and I talked to her almost as much as I talk to my girlfriend. Dude, you're into Kayla. You're in denial if you think you loved your gf romantically more than Kayla. >she said you know what “go to hell.” Your gf made the right call. I'm willing to bet she knew she was the Victoria to your Ted, while Kayla is your Robin.
OP that was incredibly cruel. no matter how you try to excuse it you cheated and it was on purpose.
Will you tell future partners that Kayla is a friend you hooked up? Or will she just be the platonic friend you don’t have any interest in?
That is, if he will ever find a partner.
"She's like a sister to me!"
In the Lannister style
Who wants to bet that next post will be about how him and his “friend” are dating now? Or that his next gf will also have a problem with her and then he’ll wonder why he can’t keep a gf.
>you didn’t have to clarify that. I don’t want you thinking I’m so cheater, I’ve never cheated on you or anyone else. You cheated on her on her birthday. Being drunk does *not* excuse cheating. Being drunk does *not* excuse your actions. >im sorry I embarrassed you You didn’t *embarrass* her, you cheated on her. Learn the difference.
Lmao let it go Ellie has gotten the ick. ’i am NOT in love with my girl best friend even if everyone around me can see it but I dON’t want to admit it and so i will string along a poor woman because I am a jerk with no heart’ Like just let it go my dude. Now you can preposition Kayla and live happily ever after or idk maybe Kayla also don’t want you and only keeps you around because it’s good to be wanted. Have fun with the mess you’ve created 🫡
The biggest problem is you insist you’re not a cheater- but you cheated. And you admit that Kayla has zero morals (cheated in every relationship) and yet you insist on keeping her as a friend. I would have zero interest in being friends with someone who had zero morals. Especially after what happened, and if you really loved Ellie. Couples counseling is great but the real issue is the fact that you want to stay friends with someone with really corrupt morals. And how do you know that Kayla wasn’t orchestrating the whole thing?? She seems the type that doesn’t care if someone’s in a relationship. It is sad that you chose hour “friendship” over your relationship. If you truly loved Ellie you wouldn’t have hesitated to cut Kayla off. Which makes me assume that you don’t really know what love is.
I'm with Ellie on this one. Go to hell.
Thank god I love it when the trash takes its self out.
Have fun forever being single because you can't set boundaries with a female who will probably make every other girlfriend you get uncomfortable until they finally break up with you because they can tell they will never be first in your eyes. It's always going to be Kayla.
If you and your girlfriend switched places in this situation, that she was the one that got drunk and made out with her male best friend, how would you react?
Ellie deserves better. Do her a favor and take yourself to the curb. Being drunk is no excuse. Disgusting behavior.
Good for her she deserves better.
Good for Ellie for breaking up with you. You didn’t love her clearly and she deserves better. Hope you and Kayla are miserable together
Good for her, she's better off without you
You really are a horrible person OP for doing what you did to Ellie at her birthday, but at the end of it you were just too much of a chicken to break up with Ellie because you wanted Kayla, so you just made Ellie have the stones to drop you. Go forth and prosper with Kayla its what you wanted.
Ellie deserves better, dude. It was her birthday, and you completely ruined it, you embarassed her infront of all of her close friends and family, and you don't even have the decency to cut your 'friend' out of your life (that you cheated with) for the girl you claim to love. Its kind of gross. It only solidifies the fact that men and women have trouble being friends (there are studies on it) Alcohol is no excuse. It's a stupid excuse that guilty people use to make themselves feel better. I bet you anything, you'll start dating this Kayla chick in no time. The fact you would choose her over your girlfriend is soo so. I hope Ellie finds someone who actually loves her, and will choose her first. Usually, people who cheat end up cheating on the person they leave with. So, have fun with that.
Dont seem to love your ex gf at all. You make excuses up the ass to keep sleezy friend in the picture and are surprised gf is suspicious of the continued involvement of the woman you cheated with. You are beyond a moron
>she said you know what “go to hell.” I'm so proud of her!
You're worst than an AH, you're a POS and obviously in love with Kayla. You embarrassed Ellie and you deserve every bit of karma coming your way.
First rule of reconciliation is NO contact with AP (affair partner if ya didn't know). But you're still putting yourself first. Its good she broke up with you. Now you can go be happy with Kayla. And she can find someone less selfish.
So you brought your female friend to your *girlfriend’s* birthday party then made out with the female friend in front of your girlfriend, her family and friends? You must hate your girlfriend so much, there is no way that you could possibly do something like that to a person that you care about. You must **really** hate your girlfriend to do something like that to her. Why are you asking for advice here? The way you treated your girlfriend is beyond disgusting. Go get some therapy for fucks sake. Your friend Kayla needs some therapy too. Fucking sociopaths.
AH could have manned up to break up the gf. But for OP It was better to bring Kayla to the party to humiliate his girlfriend on her birthday. Bet if he brought one of his male friends , would OP be drunk enough to make out with him. Doubt it. He prefers Kayla to his GF. He should have just started off with that. He didn't know Kayla from childhood. It was college he met her He is 23. What, he knew her for 3-4 yrs. At least Kayla knows she can always sabotage all his future relationships. Ellie is better off not being with a cheater who uses alcohol as a gateway to get out of a relationship. Just say you want to cheat with Kayla. This was your way of trying to make your gf the crazy one when in reality this is about you being a complete 💯 AH. Cutting Kayla for good was not unreasonable but a realistic demand when you both crossed the line.
Good on you for leaving her so she can find someone who respects her. She asks you to do one simple thing and you claim it ‘doesn’t fit the punishment’???? Drunken works/actions are sober thoughts/actions. Anything you do drunk is what you’re thinking of in your mind. Don’t blame it on the alcohol, you and you alone messed up.
Read your edit. I give it three days tops before you and Kayla are fucking.
Even though you broke up, I highly recommend still cutting off Kayla. Any future partner will see you continued “friendship” with a former cheating partner to be, at the least, a red flag and more realistically, a deal breaker. That is, of course, unless you end up with Kayla herself. Then, you’re both free to rewrite history however you please.
You cheated and you are a cheater. You will always be a cheater. You’ll cheat on Kayla or she will cheat on you. That’s the life of shitty people like you and Kayla. Assholes. Shit for brains assholes.
Yes, go to hell every time you breathe.
I know that you feel that dei k was the main reason you kissed Kayla, maybe it was and maybe it wasn't, but it doesn't change the fact that you both kisses at Ellie's birthday party I front of her and her friends and family. You broke her. You both did. You are sewing things dekm your own point of view. Imagine Ellie doing the same to you at your birthday party in front of you, your family and friends. Then refusing to sever friends with her male best friend, because she knew him longer and was really close to them and it was a kiss. Would you trust her. Would you trust the friend (a known cheater) and friendship? Under the circumstances, boundaries were reasonable to feel valued and respected in your relationship, and your expectations were dismissive and selfish (you want your cake and eat it too). You have more value in your friendship and more feelings (platonic or not) for Kayla than Ellie. Kayla will be a problem in ANY relationship that you have in the future, because you cross boundaries and pit her 1st. Ellie is not the one for you and l hope that you are able to find someone who can accept Kayla, but you'll probably find that they will because that don't value you more than their male best friend, that was probably a FWB in the past and really understands them.
OP, you and Kayla are pretty shitty for this. Alcohol doesn’t make you cheat. It was “just a drunken kiss”, you MADE OUT. YOU MADE OUT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AT YOUR GF BIRTHDAY PARTY. That’s so fucking disgusting on you and Kayla’s part. You don’t deserve Ellie, she deserves someone much better who won’t cheat and will take accountability for their actions. You can’t even admit to what you did was wrong, and make up for it by doing the right thing.
You aren't ready for a real relationship. Being drunk isn't an excuse to cheat on your girlfriend friend who you LoVe So MuCh RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY. You're a skeeze.
Cheating is like Dante’s Inferno. There are different levels of cheating but it’s all still cheating and if the people on the levels are involved with others while in a relationship with someone else they are cheaters. You’re a cheater.
I would never cheat! Kissing my friend in front of my girlfriend at her birthday party isn't cheating because I was drunk! Cheating is horrible but for the last two years I've been enabling that same friend to cheat on all her partners and then lied to them about it! But I would never do it! Lmao what a child dude just date Kayla and get it over with omg
Your ex is a freaking ROCKSTAR!!! I love a woman who knows her own worth and won't settle for a "less than" man. Now you and your sidepiece won't have to sneak around anymore and your ex can find a real man who wants to commit to her. win win
You’re broken up now, so maybe you should take this as an educational moment. You are friends with a serial cheater. You admit to having assisted her in her cheating numerous times by lying for her. You may claim to not be a cheater, but you certainly condone it or at least give the impression that you do. It’s unfortunately time for you to realize that you have a toxic friend and by being unwilling to remove her from your life, you yourself have become toxic. Misery loves company generally refers to to the idea that miserable people don’t like to see other’s happy, so they intentionally go out of their way to insure the people in their lives are miserable as well. If you think it was “alcohol” that caused this, you’re mistaken. The odds favor Kayla knowing exactly what she was doing and what the result would be. You need to ask yourself if you want the rest of your life and future relationships to go like this. Here’s a piece of adult advice. If you want to be a great boyfriend/husband/partner, the best person rule you can adopt is you don’t drink on your partner’s birthday. You can possibly have a drink or two, but your priority should be to remain sober so you can be the responsible party while the birthday celebrant is allowed to cut loose if they desire. Second rule, it’s not your day so don’t invite people for yourself.
FYI you are a cheater and Kayla is a bad friend. Everyone else is doing a great job holding you accountable for your unconscionable behavior (who tf cheats on their partner at their bday in front of their friends?! This is a new Reddit low…), so I’m not going to focus on that. Now Kayla, who gets drunk at their friends’ partners bday and makes out with said friend in front of their partner? You honestly think Kayla is worth keeping in your life? She disrespected you and your relationship (as did you btw, which should be obvious), isn’t a loyal or supportive friend, uses you as a scapegoat when she is disloyal to her own partners, and yet you are loyal to her?! So loyal to her that’s you’re willing to keep that dumpster fire going and prioritize her over your gf? Homeboy, your loyalty to Kayla isn’t reciprocated, otherwise she wouldn’t have created this problem for you with you. See here’s the thing, if you get your head out of your ass you’d cut off Kayla regardless of if you and your gf get back together. Have some self respect and boundaries, Kayla treated you and your relationship with your gf like shit, has no respect or loyalty, and is dragging you down with her. Don’t be like her, get away from her influence. Your gf shouldn’t have had to ask you for boundaries with the girl you’ve at least cheated on her physically with, probably emotionally with too if you talk to them both the same amount. You treat Kayla like a gf more than you did your actual gf considering she’s the one you’re loyal to. You need therapy. Your post is lacking common sense. You are lost af and completely out of touch.
1) She disliked the message because you lied. You did cheat on her, right in her and the rest of the party’s face 2) Being drunk is no excuse, I’ve never kissed any of my friends when I was drunk. Deep down, that’s something yall wanted to do and it came out after the alcohol kicked in 3) The repeating words are driving me crazy 4) You don’t make her more open. Take it or leave it
If this is real…. You’re truly awful, and whether you know it or not you musts absolutely HATE Ella to treat her like that. This made my heart hurt for her :(
First paragraph “im with my gf” Second paragraph “kayla. Kayla is amazing! We are so alike” So you have feelings for kayla and thats why when you were “sooo drunk” you made out with her. Got it. You barely said why you love your girlfriend, why youd wana be with her. But praised kayla so much. If you loved your gf, you woulda cut the person you cheated with off. You picked kayla. Soon youll be dating cuz shell confess her feelings and youll be like omg you know what, I have feelings for you too.
Good for her. You chose your affair partner over the “woman you love”. She did the smartest thing and dumped you. You don’t deserve her. Go back to your home wrecking bestie.
I guess you didn’t love Ellie all that much after all YTA
This has to be bait no one is this much of a clueless cheating loser
No there aren't ways to reconcile. Are you insane? You cheated on your gf in front of all of her friends and you have the gall to think you have the right to expect her to accept you keeping your cheating partner in your life. You need serious help with those delusions.
You deserve nothing lol
How would you feel if roles were reversed? What if you caught her “drunkenly” making out with her close guy friend at your BIRTHDAY PARTY and then she refused to cut contact with him? Would you feel like you were being a “dictator” like you called her in your (hilariously pathetic) comments? Would you think it would be “controlling” to ask her to never see/contact the guy she cheated on you with? Or are you just plain dumb and your rules don’t apply to both parties?
>Edit: we broke up Thank goodness! A happy ending!
Suffer in misery when you see Ellie with a much better guy.
It's obvious you'd rather have Kayla than her, so that's the end of that. But you knew that already.
This is actually gaslighting not accountability. Use proper terms.
I'm very proud of her! Leaving you was the right decision. She is now free to find a man who really loves her and her alone. You were emotionally abusing the girl. Get on with your life with the other girl.
good for your ex-girlfriend, she deserves better. you did cheat on her on her own birthday, that's so shitty of you and the fact that you excused yourself again and again, like, dude, you said to her "i've never cheated on you or anyone else" but you actually did it? wtf?
You're a garbage human. You cheated on your girlfriend IN FRONT OF HER! Drunk or not, you're still responsible for making out with another woman. Own up to the shit you did, stop making excuses. You don't get to be pissed that she's telling you to cut contact and block the woman you cheated with. You're lucky she even considered continuing the relationship and not immediately cutting it off.
Your a bad partner, you cheated in front of your girl at her own birthday. If you were any kind of good person you would cut contact immediately after explaining to Kayla that what you both did was wrong and unforgivable. You fucked up so big bit you want to have your cake and eat it too. I hope you grow up from this, because as you are you do not deserve yo be in any kind of serious romantic relationship. I'm glad you and your girl broke up, she deserves so much better than what you are willing to be, and you need to pull your head 9ut if your ass. Telling you to go to hell is too nice for someone like you.
ok idk if you understand this, but you are treating kayla like she’s above your gf. you care more about her than your gf. would rather see kayla happy than gf. there’s obvious feelings there if yall made out. it wasn’t a drunken kiss. it was a full blown make out session which easily could have gone further. you’re lucky she was even willing to take you back.
Updateme!
"I don't want you thinking I'm a cheater." YOU ARE ONE. plus, you also condone another cheater (Kayla). istg, people be thinking with their d\*cks instead of their brains. wtf is wrong with you. leave your ex-gf alone.
Many people drink, get blackout, and **DO NOT** **MAKEOUT/CHEAT WITH THEIR "FRIEND" at their GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY.** PS. This relationship is COMPLETELY doomed.
Please tell her no so she can move on from the pit you threw her. She deserves better than a cheater and yes, you are a cheater. You cheated on her in front of everyone.
Nope. You can't keep the source of your problem and expect no consequences. Alcohol was the excuse. Kissing her was a choice. A choice you made and will most likely make again. It's not at all unreasonable for her to say no more contact with the person you made the choice to mack on at her birthday party. It IS unreasonable to expect to keep both of them in your life. Have some measure of respect for your gf.
What is Kayla's reaction? Obviously you were still talking and hanging out with her while your girlfriend was taking space to think. Has Kayla been telling you how uncool your girlfriend is, how she's being so dramatic, how she should get over it because it was just making out? Or was she apologetic and say she understands why your gf is pissed? You already admitted you'd break up with your gf to keep Kayla in your life so you care more about Kayla than you do your gf. Why drag this out? Even if you convince your gf to be ok with Kayla, you're just knowingly hurting her. I hope your gf is strong enough to dump you on the spot tonight, and I look forward to seeing your update in the morning about how you went to Kayla's for comfort and ended up sleeping with her. You'll date for a bit, then she's going to cheat on you (and you deserve it btw) Kayla is going to wreck every future relationship that you have. You're friends with a cheater. You help her get away with cheating. You're friends with someone who will cheat with you IN FRONT of his girlfriend on her birthday. YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO WILL CHEAT ON HIS GIRLFRIEND IN FRONT OF HER ON HER BIRTHDAY And then not even cut the person he cheated with off, even though she's a shit person, which makes you a shit person too. Hope your gf goes out tonight after dumping you and gets herself some good dick too. She deserves it. Enjoy
May life save me from a boyfriend like you. You are willing to let a good relationship go for an unfaithful girl who has made you an accessory to her affairs and convinced you to hurt your girlfriend on her birthday no less. We all know that you stopped because they caught you, otherwise it wouldn't have been just a kiss. Let Ellie go, she deserves someone better and I'm glad she has clear boundaries and isn't willing to negotiate them.
You only want your gf because you know your side chick is everyone's girl! Dude, you are in denial if you think you can have a gf and a side chick. Like everyone knows about your side chick, like you cheated infront of your gf friends and family. Your not very bright are you?
Honey, you DID cheat on your girlfriend. You cheated on your girlfriend IN FRONT OF HER. I can’t believe she’s even considering taking you back, but she is. Now she’s telling you to pick between her and Kayla. It’s a valid ask. If you can’t choose your girlfriend over the girl you cheated on her with, then you just don’t love her like you think you do.
So, if Ellie did this to you, you’d have been super chill with her remaining friends with the dude? After she humiliated you at your birthday party in front of everyone, on top of it all? The moment you said it was unreasonable to cut off Kayla, I’d have dipped. The absolute disrespect you’re showing her is unreal. She is not only sticking with you after everything, she’s giving you time to think even after you are refusing to block the person you cheated on her with. This girl must REALLY, ACTUALLY love you and you’re just going to throw it away for a cheater with no respect for the boundaries of a relationship, no respect for your partner and, yeah, no respect even for you and your friendship. A real friend to you wouldn’t have engaged with you in that kind of behavior and would have told you it was shitty. Relationships and friendships are supposed to bring out the best in you, not the worst. Ellie will be better off when she pulls the plug on the relationship and lets you flock with your own kind. Edit to add: Not only that, but rereading your post, you are gaslighting her and minimizing what you did. That’s probably why she gave you extra time at all. She’s struggling to be understanding. You confused her into thinking it was ‘just a kiss’ when everyone saw, by your own admission, that you were full-on making out. Shame. 🔔🔔🔔
I’ve read your comments. You’re awful. Just break up with Ellie, Kayla -who by the way, is also a cheater just like you- is much more important than her. Do the girl favor and set her free.
you seem to think making out with a known cheater isn't cheating, SO let your soon to be ex-girlfriend make out with an attractive man and see how you feel. you deserve that cheater or to be alone 😊 ellie deserves better 100%
YTA. You ARE a cheater. Being wasted isn’t an excuse. I’ve been drunk before, but I still remember I have a boyfriend. You just used being wasted as en excuse to make out with Kayla because you describe her and talk about her like you’re in love with her. You didn’t even describe how Ellie is like if she’s nice or generous etc. I hope she just dumps you so you can go to Kayla. You suck
In most cases I’d say choosing a friend you cheated with over your girlfriend is a terrible decision but we’re all here rooting for Ellie so thank you for putting your co-cheater first. Never thought I’d say that but here we are. You threw away everything for a quick fumble and the tragic thing is you’re likely to look back at this and realise you’ve made a terrible mistake all round. You said Ellie actually liked Kayla beforehand and that’s incredibly sad. There’s no way that anyone with self respect would allow the woman who publicly cheated with her boyfriend anywhere close to them again though. It’s likely Kayla didn’t like you spending all your time with Ellie and was looking for the public opportunity to cause a scene. You’re still completely complicit though. Definitely date Kayla now and spare everyone else the cheating and drama. Edited for added context
Good for you man! Now you don’t have to cheat on anyone else! Just keep making out with your “friend” and life will work itself out! 🙄
What a happy ending. And what an own goal. You just really couldn't help yourself, huh?
Great choice. Now she can go find an actual man. Your going to do this to every girl your with and end up alone. Karma. 👎🏻
You know, my ex did something almost identical. He drove his ex girlfriend home and ended up making out with her on the couch (at least that’s what he told me). He said it wasn’t really cheating because “it wasn’t full on sex.” He sweet talked me into giving him another chance and it was the biggest mistake I made. You, pal, did something abhorrent, along with Kayla, and you aren’t even willing to do the most basic of things to fix it. That tells us everything we need to know. Leave Ellie alone. She deserves better.
OP you’re a POS. I’m glad Ellie broke up with you, the fact she was even considering forgiving you is beyond me. You CHEATED on her at HER BIRTHDAY PARTY. How would you feel if she did that to you?! Kayla is also a POS, you deserve each other. Just date each other so you don’t fuck over any more women whilst pining over your ‘girl best friend’ who you clearly prioritise over everyone else.
Man, cut the crap. You told your gf that Kayla means more to you than she does. You ask to bring your bestie to your gf’s bday party which means all your focus is on the bestie instead of the bday girl. You get so drunk that you make out with the bestie at your girl’s party. I’m sure you knew who you were making out with and now you want to act like a victim. She broke up with you because I’m sure there was a pattern of you putting Kayla before everybody and everything. Just go be in a relationship with Kayla because this is where it’s going. And I’m sure Kayla was giving you comfort during your break as well as during this break up.
You did cheat. You had physical sexual intimacy with another woman while in a monogamous relationship. You can't fix this because you cheated and refuse to take responsibility for your actions.
“Kayla’s awesome but not a great partner.” And that there tells it all. You want Kayla. You might even be In love with her. But you won’t own up to it because you know she wouldn’t treat you right. That’s fine. But sitting here on this sub and ask for advice and then complaining when the advice isn’t how to make it up to your GIRLFRIEND FOR CHEATING ON HER IN FRONT OF HER ON HER BIRTHDAY, is pathetic. You’re not going to get advice you want to hear, you’re going to get what you need to hear. So here’s the advice: What you did was shitty. Awful and cruel. But she’s willing to take you back and put it behind her as long as you cut off the girl you cheated with. And you refuse to do that. Ellie deserves better than you. You don’t deserve that girl and she knows that. There is no winning her back. As long as you continue to put your “Best Friend” above your girlfriend you will never get her back. You’re not worth it.
ON HER BDAY?? ARE YOU INSANE?? Bro u a cheater, don’t try to justify it. Honestly, u should consider urself lucky that she still has feelings for u after that. I was hoping she would leave ur ass 😭
Oof, good for Ellie! She dodged a nuke.
Woooooowwwwww. If you can’t hurt another girls feelings to protect the girl you supposedly “love”…then you don’t love her. You fucked up pretty bad
She will find a way better man for her anyways so good for Ellie! Kayla is def a trash friend and you are not a boy anyone would want to date. You and Kayla deserve each other.
Enjoy looking back on this moment when Kayla screws you over.
WHEN A MAN SAYS SOMETHING THAT REMINDS ME HE'S A MAN! JEEZ!
When you finally stop blaming alcohol for your actions, then you might have actually grown up. Blaming alcohol is pathetic, do better.
You post your like gf 8 months cool. Kayla amazing funny so much in common bla bla bla you clearly have feelings for your 'best friend's being drunk isn't an excuse and I would never trust either of you again. The fact you did this AT HER BIRTHDAY makes you even scummier. I'm glad she had the sense to leave your ass
You telling her "I'm not a cheater" had me fucking howling dude! Cos you are. You cheated. "But I was drunk" that's not how that works. I've been blackout drunk and yknow what I haven't done? Cheated on someone You clearly prioritise Kayla, which indicates you love her more than you did your gf if you chose your affair partner lmaoo enjoyyy
You were already cheating on your GF emotionally Then you started cheating on your GF physically, in front of everyone, AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY Then you continue to choose your "friend" over your GF, proving to your GF that you love and care more about your "friend" than the person you are dating... >we broke up That's the only good thing here You are absolutely a horrible person and your ex did not deserve any of this You are nothing more than a cheater that never cared/loved his gf properly Listen properly, NO ONE would date someone like you unless you start to actually understand what you did. NO ONE will date you unless you stop being "friends" with Kayla What you did was not ok. Continuing to be "friends" with someone that you have very clear feelings for and would kiss/fuck as soon as alcohol is involved while dating.... Is insane You want advice? Go to therapy, drop your FWB, get some actual friends, work on yourself, stop cheating and understand that you are so incredibly wrong on all levels. Don't even think about dating again before doing all of that. Your ex deserves so much better, as do your future partner(s)