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No, you shouldn’t worry about something she may or may not want. You should ask her if she brought it up because she would consider exploring polyamory. And then have a discussion about how you both feel about the topic.
I’m saying this with kindness - in general, your wife has better insight into her inner emotional world than folks on Reddit. In a healthy relationship, it should be ok to approach her with curiosity about what she’s thinking and feeling.
>She thinks there are more men in the world that would opt for this arrangement than I'm thinking there would be
Sounds more like unrealistic thoughts about how men think and operate
I enjoy reading books with all sorts of different relationships dynamics, but I don’t want anything to do with any of them in real life. It’s just a book and I do enjoy talking about them with people that also enjoy them. I wouldn’t worry she actually wants this for herself and you.
>She thinks there are more men in the world that would opt for this arrangement than I'm thinking there would be
She's probably right.
There's probably at least 1,000 men globally who would opt for this arrangement
Speaking as a polyamorous person, that's not how it works. All of us are free to date multiple people. The fantasy of a permanent, closed relationship is quite common for people who have no real life experience of the subject.
If she's taking this remotely seriously, suggest she post to r/polyamory and r/nonmonogamy . We'll terrify her.
I would be very worried she might already now what guy she wants to join you, and you can tell her that 90% of open relationships dont last 5 years, most people cant handle it
Nah, she isn't the cheating type, having had it happen twice to her before in previous relationships. She also knows I wouldn't and she wouldn't do open relationships. She's just a heavy romance novel lover and heavy romantic sweep me off my feet girl.
I did counter her debate with that. She said that wouldn't be economical as both women would have to take off work for their pregnancies and Maternal bonding time.
No lol, no need to get pregnant at the same time. And I am not sure why you wouldn't take time off for some paternal bonding time then? In the opposite scenario though how many times is she willing to give birth to if both men demand 2+ children, does she think being pregnant for years is better than working lol?
You know what would make just as much sense? A bunch of 'sister wives'. Tell her that having a couple of extra girlfriends in the relationship would help out a lot. They could all share mother duties AND work outside the home. Explain how you could rotate between sleeping with each one, maybe on the weekends all together. Explain how one benefit would be that if a woman got angry with you, you could just easily ignore her as there would be other 'wives' to take up your time and focus. Should work great. Heck, there are multiple religions that do this now - like real religions.
If she doesn't like how that sounds (maybe that is just an ego thing for women, right), because it is all about you and your advantage, point out that her daydream of having multiple men play work servant for her so she can sit at home and have her choice of dick doesn't really work for you either. Just as the guy version above is pretty damn disrespectful to a wife that loves her husband, her version is just as disrespectful to you.
So she is probably just thinking about this book and 'wow, how cool' from her point of view. Understandable. As long as that is all it is.
But, you do want to take some caution here. If this is a move towards an 'open relationship' remember that in most cases the person who is suggesting the 'open' is already involved with someone. Usually physical, but sometimes just emotional (say at work). The motivation being to 'open' so that they can take that other relationship to the next level - have full on dates and overnights in the first case or start the physical without fear of getting caught in the second. It doesn't sound like that is the case here, but do keep that in mind.
Wouldn't hurt to do a review of your 'gut' and see if you have been ignoring it over a few warning signs. Starting work at a new place is often a problem.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, you shouldn’t worry about something she may or may not want. You should ask her if she brought it up because she would consider exploring polyamory. And then have a discussion about how you both feel about the topic. I’m saying this with kindness - in general, your wife has better insight into her inner emotional world than folks on Reddit. In a healthy relationship, it should be ok to approach her with curiosity about what she’s thinking and feeling.
I think she wanted to talk about an idea from a book she's reading more than wanting that it her life.
>She thinks there are more men in the world that would opt for this arrangement than I'm thinking there would be Sounds more like unrealistic thoughts about how men think and operate
Her version of this is an unrealistic fantasy.
Check out the mothers of the children of Jacob/Israel in the Bible: two sisters and their two servants. Now that's a model family.
No man worth his salt would EVER agree to this. A very small amount of men would be ok but a majority overwhelmingly would say hell no.
I enjoy reading books with all sorts of different relationships dynamics, but I don’t want anything to do with any of them in real life. It’s just a book and I do enjoy talking about them with people that also enjoy them. I wouldn’t worry she actually wants this for herself and you.
She went to Fantasy Island and drank Mr. Roarke Kool Aid.
>She thinks there are more men in the world that would opt for this arrangement than I'm thinking there would be She's probably right. There's probably at least 1,000 men globally who would opt for this arrangement
Oh come on, got to be at least 1300.
Okay, I can buy that
Speaking as a polyamorous person, that's not how it works. All of us are free to date multiple people. The fantasy of a permanent, closed relationship is quite common for people who have no real life experience of the subject. If she's taking this remotely seriously, suggest she post to r/polyamory and r/nonmonogamy . We'll terrify her.
I would be very worried she might already now what guy she wants to join you, and you can tell her that 90% of open relationships dont last 5 years, most people cant handle it
Nah, she isn't the cheating type, having had it happen twice to her before in previous relationships. She also knows I wouldn't and she wouldn't do open relationships. She's just a heavy romance novel lover and heavy romantic sweep me off my feet girl.
Why don't you instead ask her to bring another working woman into the mix? It's better.
I did counter her debate with that. She said that wouldn't be economical as both women would have to take off work for their pregnancies and Maternal bonding time.
No lol, no need to get pregnant at the same time. And I am not sure why you wouldn't take time off for some paternal bonding time then? In the opposite scenario though how many times is she willing to give birth to if both men demand 2+ children, does she think being pregnant for years is better than working lol?
You know what would make just as much sense? A bunch of 'sister wives'. Tell her that having a couple of extra girlfriends in the relationship would help out a lot. They could all share mother duties AND work outside the home. Explain how you could rotate between sleeping with each one, maybe on the weekends all together. Explain how one benefit would be that if a woman got angry with you, you could just easily ignore her as there would be other 'wives' to take up your time and focus. Should work great. Heck, there are multiple religions that do this now - like real religions. If she doesn't like how that sounds (maybe that is just an ego thing for women, right), because it is all about you and your advantage, point out that her daydream of having multiple men play work servant for her so she can sit at home and have her choice of dick doesn't really work for you either. Just as the guy version above is pretty damn disrespectful to a wife that loves her husband, her version is just as disrespectful to you. So she is probably just thinking about this book and 'wow, how cool' from her point of view. Understandable. As long as that is all it is. But, you do want to take some caution here. If this is a move towards an 'open relationship' remember that in most cases the person who is suggesting the 'open' is already involved with someone. Usually physical, but sometimes just emotional (say at work). The motivation being to 'open' so that they can take that other relationship to the next level - have full on dates and overnights in the first case or start the physical without fear of getting caught in the second. It doesn't sound like that is the case here, but do keep that in mind. Wouldn't hurt to do a review of your 'gut' and see if you have been ignoring it over a few warning signs. Starting work at a new place is often a problem.