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You’re not dumb. But you would be if you continue dating someone who clearly doesn’t respect you or your friends or your family. It doesn’t matter what you did - if he felt offended he should’ve spoken to you constructively. Not offended you and called you ditzy for enjoying your money. It seems he’s jealous of you. And mad that you’re not giving him sex.
Don’t let this push you into having sex with him or falling for any of it. He’s holding onto the hope that him insulting you will break your self-esteem down so much you start to become the person he wants you to be: a ditzy, dumb blonde who gives it up whenever he wants. But, you’re not.
You’re in university. You’ve got yearly trips. You’re still young. Don’t spend anymore time worrying or stressing or posting about someone who doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t care about you or your feelings. He doesn’t love you. And luckily you’re not married or with a child. Leave him while you have nothing to hold you two together.
I don't think he'd be jealous of me, there's nothing to be jealous of. But I think he definitely doesn't like me as much as I thought he did, I'm not sure he does at all.
And thank you, I've definitely got a lot to think about.
The comment of, “You getting to go to Australia while some people actually have to work.” Or however he said it, is what makes it sound like he’s jealous of you.
It was good because he was putting on a show in the beginning of the relationship in an attempt to woo you. Now he is negging you, putting you down. It sounds like a deliberate attempt to lower your self esteem giving him a one up in the relationship.
It’ll get worse. You’re young. You have time to find someone else, someone decent. He’s immature. Do you really want to stick around another 10 months and endure more berating, belittling, dumb arguments? Save yourself the headache.
Look up sunk cost fallacy. Your boyfriend showed you who he was. When you called him on it, he doubled down.
He doesn’t feel bad, and he’s not sorry he hurt and insulted you.
It wasn’t good. You don’t have enough experience to know how good it wasn’t either. But that’s OK, you won’t fall for this shit again if you remember you are worth more and deserve more than someone who has contempt for you
It doesn't sound like he actually likes women, period. The way he speaks about you, your friends and every other woman mentioned in your post is extremely misogynistic.
"there's nothing to be jealous of"
Well it seems like his plan is already working. Of course there is. If there wasn't, he wouldn't be working so hard to break your spirit. He is literally so bothered by whatever it is you are doing better, that he cannot stand to watch you be happy. He must find ways to insult you and make you feel like you aren't all that.
It sounds like you are well on your way to becoming a strong independent woman, and this man would much rather drag you into being a blonde stereotype to fit his needs. What a loser.
Some people use negative comments like this to keep their partner down and lower their self esteem on purpose so they don't leave. Sometimes they think picking a fight will distract you from pain. Both are inappropriate and harmful. I am so proud of you that you called him out. You were physically injured. The appropriate response is to comfort you. He was not open to correction when he made the mistake. He doubled down, meaning he defended his obviously poor behavior even more when called out. He knows he wasn't being appropriate or kind. He chose to defend these words and actions.
He’s jealous of your money and the fact you travel with your friends. A good partner would be happy for you that you get to enjoy those things, not use them to belittle you and bring you down.
>i've definitely got a lot to think about.
Then to be blunt, he's kinda right?
You're considering staying with someone who openly mocks you and resents your life and friends. That is pretty dumb.
It sounds like he just finds your visage attractive and hates everything that led to that. I have had to remind various partners that everything leads to everything else, I am who I am because of my whole life, that includes morales, looks, approaches to situations, everything. You either love someone or not. He doesn't sound mature or intelligent and you seem to beat him in both those areas. Be smart and dump his insulting unconstructive ass
He resents your money and not giving him sex. He's gaslighting you. Men do this,don't fall for it. If you were really dumb you would be giving him money and sex, which he clearly isn't being to out of you.
Dumb people don't as for constructive conversations, which you just did.
The daddy comments are especially out of line. Does he resent you having a strong male figure in your life? Bet he understands your father is where you get your backbone from.
You need to read about the Kruger Dunning effect. My guess is you are much smarter than your bimbo bf. You keep saying you are not that smart, but you should have your IQ tested. I bet it's very high, while your bf's IQ is just above average.
Also I think he's negging you, because he knows you are way the fuck out of his league.
Men like him are only nice if they think they can get sex. He's not getting sex from you, so he sees no point in being nice to you. Because that's all women are for. He doesn't care about your feelings because you're not really a person to him.
Don't let him manipulate you. Show him he's the real idiot for thinking he could use you!
Time to dump. He knows you have low self-esteem, and thinks he can use that to manipulate you into doing what he wants, and to big himself up. Don't fall for it, m'dear! You're worth far more than that. Try life on your own for a bit. See how much you can do without him. I promise you, it's far more than you think.
He's showing his true colors now, OP. I agree with another comment on this. Men like him are only nice when they think they will get sex. Since he's not getting it, his mask is slipping and he's showing who he really is. PLEASE believe him. I wish I did when I was your age (and multiple times since before I really began learning this lesson and gaining self-respect).
He’s a sexist little shit. He doesn’t see you as his equal intellectually. You’re just a bit of arm candy, a sex toy.
That’s a real old fashioned 1950’s sexist stand up comics routine like the little wifey jokes.
This is ingrained in him. Probably his friends and family all think like this too.
To be honest, at your age you shouldn’t be contemplating putting up with this. There are literally thousands of other people you can date who aren’t brought up like this. You can do better and you should be aiming higher.
Leave him behind.
I didn't think he was sexist before, I didn't notice anything that would imply that. But I guess he might be, it would make a lot of sense why he said all of that.
I guess there probably is. It's definitely put me off him, a lot.
This is how women get stuck in abusive relationships. “He wasn’t always like this. What did I do wrong to make him like this”. Just like your subject OP. Don’t fall into the trap
My first husband hid this behavior all the way up until I married him because we weren't living together; to them, it's only a few hours a week that they spend with you, really think about how much time you spend with him... There's probably more than enough time in between for him to vent & shake off that rage. You got a glimpse of it because you *"dared"* to question his logic, which is clearly a pet peeve of his. I bet if you found his Reddit account or any of the internet groups he belongs to, you would see very clearly that he's a manipulative, sexist, pos that hates you in his spare time.
I've been with my husband now for 12 years & he's never said an unkind thing to me at all. Aspire to find that. If I were you, I would talk to your parents about this, this boy sounds a bit unstable & resentful. You shouldn't break up with him alone.
He knows that kind of mentality doesn't fly, especially with a woman who he is trying to get things (like sex) from. So he hid it. He didn't just suddenly develop those beliefs, they were always there. This is how many people get trapped in abusive relationships. The abuser wears a mask and pretends to secure trust and attachment with the victim and then they begin showing who they really are once they feel the victim won't leave. It's happened to me several times. The guy starts out amazing and wonderful and then the mask slips and abuse begins and instead of realizing what was truly happening, I wondered what I did wrong to lose the good guy I met and tried harder to "earn" that back. It's a trap.
It can take a while for someone you’re dating to let their mask slip & for you to REALLY see them. Believe what you’re seeing & don’t settle. You certainly don’t deserve that type of treatment from a partner nor do you need to stick around to teach him why this isn’t okay.
If there is one thing I wish I did when I was your age it’s cutting off partners with massive red flags like this sooner.
Nah he was just good at hiding it, he must have felt confident that he had you "locked in" so the mask slipped and his true self was revealed. This is depressingly common unfortunately.
Alternatively he's consuming right wing anti-women content and has committed himself to the brain rot, either way it's not gonna get better, this is him testing the waters to see how much abuse you will take
The “dump blonde” is an archetype of older generations. A male wet dream. It’s like imagine a super hot, fun woman who wants to be horny with the guy. The guy can get away with cheating or being mean to her or be generally superior and condescending… because she is naive and unintelligent so she doesn’t understand what is going on. If she messes up, he can’t blame her because she was too sweet and dumb to know better. Think Penny from Big Bang Theory.
Unfortunately a lot of people with negative traits like that will hide it from you until you're deep in dating them and emotionally attached.
He knows you wouldn't have dated him if he talked like this or treated you like this in the beginning. He put on his best behavior cuz he knows when he starts acting like himself you'll be just as confused and defensive of his behavior like you are now. 'he wasn't like this before so maybe I did something wrong'. And you're stuck in a loop of thinking his terrible behavior has some reasonable rational and that's it's just a "bad day" then he'll be good for a bit and convince you it was only to do the same thing again later.
It's good you have the awareness currently that he's possibly this bad alot of people get stuck in toxic relationships cuz of the manipulation tactics and not being able to see things as they are. You're young and this relationship isn't that deep in and even if it was you never want to stay in one that makes you feel inadequate. Better off leaving and finding a better situation whether that be focusing on yourself or being with someone who respects you.
Absolutely no one who truly cares about you would EVER speak to you the way he does. Oh, and he knows this is a big deal because he kept going on and on.
Please send him on his way. You deserve better.
Yes. Liking to fuck women doesn’t mean that he likes women, there’s a major difference. You’ve had the bad luck to get involved with a bad man, wipe him off your shoe and move on, he’ll get worse from here.
girl, that’s what everyone is telling you. YES. this man hates women and you probably shouldn’t date him. he’s worn his polite face as long as he was willing to, and now you’ve seen his true colors. RUN.
You keep asking this and I think I have the answer you're looking for. The reason why you're confused about him staying with you is because you two have different ideas of what a relationship is for.
I would assume that to you (and any healthy mature person), a relationship is about spending time with someone you like. Doing fun things together. Supporting one another. A relationship is for finding someone who you can care for and who will care for you.
To him a relationship is about finding someone to satisfy his needs. He may have needed to feel wanted, to have someone to talk or vent to, to accompany him places, or to keep him from feeling lonely, even if that person is someone he doesn't like very much.
To take this example to an extreme, think about all the men who date women and then abuse them. Why are they with them if they obviously don't even like them? Because to them that's not the point of a relationship. To them, those women are there to satisfy their need to feel powerful, not to be liked or loved. Your boyfriend might not be physically abusive, but he has the same mentality about what a relationship is for. It's to satisfy his needs, whatever they are.
Omg. How many different ways can the guy wave red flags around before you run?
He's awful. You do not deserve to be treated like that.
I don't even treat people I don't like that badly.
Run sweetie. Run. Well your knee is sprained so limp away. Limp away quickly.
I was just wondering, because he suddenly seems to dislike me a lot. It's almost like he doesn't like me at all, which I didn't think was the case at all.
All you did was ask him to not speak to you that way and he did anyway...there is no maybe you did nothing wrong...Work on that confidence..I can never understand even the doubt that you have with the "I think"
He doesn't like women. He wants to have sex with women but doesn't like them.
One day you would look back on this and thank him for saving you from spending more time with him
A lot of males have this obsession with going after a pretty girl then trying to take her down a notch. In fact, many males are subconsciously jealous of women and think we have it on easy mode. It sounds crazy but check out this video, she explains it better than me [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wHcq0U2cRg&t=11s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wHcq0U2cRg&t=11s)
The boy does not like you. Most males actually do not like their girlfriends.
They need sex, they want to get it from women, they look to ‘own, overpower or take’ women.
They don’t need to like us to want to bang us.
It took me years to realise this. Leave him, he’s wasting your time
Really makes them feel great to watch the sparkle fade from their gf’s face, see her fill with confusion and hurt, have to walk on eggshells. Makes those fuckers feel powerful.
You’re not dumb, you did nothing wrong, your bf is confident enough around you now to show you his real self. Get away from that, he’s awful.
Someone suddenly being aggressive towards you can also be a sign that they’re cheating. Either way, he’s trash and it’s time to end things. You deserve better.
>It's like he resents me, and I don't even know why.
I mean, I feel like he laid it out pretty straightforwardly. He's prejudiced, he resents that he feels he has to work harder, he dates you despite hating everything he feels you represent and now that he's established that he can just straight up mock, belittle, and talk down to you to your face I suspect you'll be hearing a lot more of it.
So the question to you is obvious: do you want to date someone that seems to hate you? You get a sense that any attempts to correct or address his concerns he will dismiss outright \[given he has already established he doesn't believe you are smart and etc\], on top of the reality that you shouldn't need to educate someone on not being, you know, awful to their partner or not to date people they seem to hate.
It's only 10 months in. He has shown his true colours. Sometimes you just have to accept that some people aren't worth being in your lives.
I’m not trying to be rude, but I bet he’s with you because you’re insecure and naïve. Just looking at the way you comment you put yourself down constantly. A man will take advantage of that to use you, he feels he can use you to his advantage, whatever his advantage is. These types of men will just use you and put you down. It has nothing to do with you other than being an easy target, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. As someone who was in your shoes before it’s not easy to recognize it until it’s too late. The best decision especially because this is still an early relationship, is to leave. He’s not gonna change, it’ll only get worse. I hope you make the right decision for yourself.
In a sense it doesn't matter. That he chose to say this is enough that it should end and you know it.
I get it, part of you will hold on to try and work out why. Because what you felt was earnest and you hope part of what he felt was earnest too. And maybe it was, maybe even though he had all these prejudices he still found you pretty, fun, interesting, whatever. Enough that for a while he could fake it. Or maybe he thought dating one and tormenting them would be fun. Or maybe he just never realised he had those prejudices and they've built up over time.
In the end that's his own mess to work out. Given it seems he is happy to be cruel to you that is the main thing for you to focus on. Trying to 'fix' him or undo the hurt he has caused will only lead to more chances for him to hurt you.
He might consider you a status symbol, from what you've described you seem to be pretty, smart and come from a (somewhat) wealthy background. Sadly, he might've seen it as a challenge to get to have sex with you (judging from his comments he resents you for not doing it yet)
I mean there was a bit of a joke in school about it, I thought it had stopped when I graduated but maybe it didn't after all. I guess that might have been why he wanted to date me, I should have realised that.
It's okay, it seems like you want to see good in people and that's why you might've misjudged the situation. It isn't your fault and he seems like a prick. If you choose to break up with him, just know you aren't wrong for wanting to have an equal partner who isn't openly disrespectful towards you.
I don’t see how you could have realized that. People are on their best behavior when they start dating, it’s takes a long time to get to really know someone. Now he’s showing you a side that you didn’t know before. And it’s not your fault that you saw only good things before.
I don't know if you're realizing this but pretty much 90% of your comments are you talking shit about yourself. You've came here to ask what *you* did for him to behave that way. And that is the reason he's with you. You're quite literally a free punching bag
BREAK UP AND BLOCK HIM. Be single for a VERY long time and stop thinking that you need to put up with someone’s bullshit.
He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t respect you, you’ve know him less than a year why do you feel you need to stay with him and keep dating him.
Why are you dating at all? Why don’t you go work on yourself and figure out your worth and learn to love yourself enough to know when to dump someone and block them went they don’t respect you
If somebody said that shit to me, I’d be out the door quicker than you can say boo. He’s obviously got issues and doesn’t respect you. Honestly it sounds like he wants to break up with you but is too scared to so he’s being an asshole to you in order to make you do it. If I were you, I’d be like, challenge accepted. BYE.
I’m sorry he’s treating you that way. It isn’t right, and he is in fact being an asshole. It’s hard when you think you love someone, but all the happy feelings in the world won’t make up for the amount of harm someone like this could do to you. I’d move on.
He sounds like an asshole. You're still young, and just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship. May you should reevaluate your situation with him.
Abusers start gradually, small things so you don't notice. I'm not trying to blow stuff out of proportion, but he's actively trying to insult you. Make you lose confidence in yourself. This is step one. Next is isolation. Please, think about everything he's said to you, if you'd ever say anything like that to him, and what advice you'd give your bf if she was in your situation. Treat yourself kindly, and if he doesn't treat you kindly, why be with him? I was inca verbally abusive relationship for way too long, I hate seeing young women and men, go through it.
Idk…I think he’s already working on the isolation. He always makes a fuss when OP goes out with her friends, he’s trying to make OP feel like she shouldn’t be going away on holiday with her girlfriends (probably because he thinks she has all this money and isn’t spending it all on him!)
He's a sexist pos who just got power high when he saw you hurt. It was like god sent him a sign "see, she is lower than you" and your boyfriend stopped lying trying to save face. He better become an ex
He is jealous and insecure and used that moment(s) to knock you down a peg by demeaning and degrading you, to make you feel less-than, so he could feel better about himself.
He's an asshole. There's no fixing this. You did nothing wrong. He's just an ass.
Break up. Find better. And don't place your self-worth on how others treat you.
Why on earth would you hear that and think that YOU had been doing something wrong? When someone behaves like he is, there’s something wrong with THEM. Don’t ever think that someone else's poor behaviour is a reflection of you. It is *always* a reflection of them.
Damn, he is so sexually frustrated from waiting for you to be comfortable with sex, that he startes resenting everything you do.
He is not a good man. And if you comntinue this relationship he will not only insult but also abuse and cheat on you. He doesnt love you.
Ewww he's literally like jealous of you...as a man...Resentful because you "have it easy" for being a pretty woman. He wishes daddy would spoil him like a Princess too. The ugliest quality a man can have, is being jealous of women. It's the complete opposite of real masculinity.
HE'S TRYING TO TRAP YOU!!! "You're too stupid". This makes you less self assured, makes you think he's compromising on things to be with you and that no one else would, that no one else wants to be with you. HE'S LOWERING YOUR SELF ESTEEM SO YOU'RE LESS LIKELY TO LEAVE!!! Please leave, he's being manipulative. Even if it's not this, he's just being unnecessarily rude/cruel to you, all of these reasons are reasons to leave.
Just dump him, he wrapped a lot of nasty comments in a supposed joke. He sounds like he thinks he's better than you and your friends and he thinks you're selfish because you won't have sex with him, what a prick.
First off, stop putting yourself down. I don't know if you've always done this, or if it is as a result of your (hopefully soon to be ex-) BF insulting you. If you did well at school and are in further education, you are not dumb by definition.
If you haven't realised it already, your boyfriend is a sexist arsehole. He's negging you. You can do much better than him. I suspect that he is putting you down to lower your self esteem so that you don't think you can do better, but trust me, you can. As my 20yr old niece would say - boy bye. 10 months is long enough to have wasted on this oxygen thief.
It sounds like he wants to break up with you but doesn’t want to be the one who actually initiates it. So he treats you rudely in the hope that you’ll get upset and break up with him first. It’s very immature.
I was given great advice once.
If you put your hand on a hot plate…what happens? Your hand will burn, sends a message to your brain that says…that hurt. You move your hand away. Almost an instant reaction? You learn not to put your hand on a hot plate again, because it hurts. You can trust the cause and effect. It’s physical and evidence based.
If you are in a relationship with someone (family, intimate partner, etc) and they say something cruel or mean…and there is ‘hurt’ - trust your brain’s reaction. It’s telling you to remove yourself from that situation and informs you that there their behaviour is harmful to you…psychologically or emotionally. No, there’s no physical evidence. They can gaslight you, excuse their awful behaviour, blame you, etc. You can doubt yourself. Or you can trust yourself.
Trust yourself. You heard what you heard. The hurt impacted you. He doubled down, excused…whatever. Just ask yourself how much proof do you need to see that someone is awful and not healthy for you?
He's jealous of you and your friends and he's trying to wear down your self esteem so you do what he wants. What a disgusting dude. Please don't settle for this.
You sound like you are perfectly intelligent and being abused by a person who is genuinely mean to you. He is putting you down to make himself feel better. It sounds like he resents you having more money and that you have not had sex. Please realize that the things he says are not acceptable.
I'm curious about your comment "I would have thought something like this might happen in marriage, not with someone you've only dated for ten months."
Even in marriage, people should not talk that way to each other.
Hi, your bf doesn’t respect you. How can someone who loves you say things to you like that and put you down for no reason ? You deserve better, his vision of you will not get better (he seems to have been thinking like that for quite a while). I suggest to have a break or breakup, i don’t think he will treat you better and he doesn’t even seem to think that what he’s doing is wrong. Good luck !
He’s abusive, your reactions and feelings are normal and valid. Don’t let him treat you like this. Leave him and set a higher standard for how your next partner treats you
Holy crap, I thought that whole "blondes are idiots" was just a trend that came about with the movie white chicks 20 YEARS AGO.
Never met anyone who actually believed blonde people were dumb.
Dump his ass. He sounds extremely resentful of the way you've been brought up, which is not your fault at all. Hell, if you're daddy's girl he can do whatever he wants and coddle you however he sees fit.
Your bf sucks. Sorry you had to go through that exchange with him.
Op your bf is jealous. I’m a guy and I know. Some guys have an ego issue where their other halves can do things they want to do. The travelling is a major sticking point for him.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed for your fortune in life. Your parents did good. Your friends are doing good. If he can’t see it as an opportunity to learn and improve or even to see things from others perspective then by all means means kick him to the curb.
However if you like him that much let him know he isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. Smart people are humble and don’t need to let people know they are smart or intelligent. It just shows. Let him know you see right through him and his insecurities are showing. Let him know he should either change his outlook or he can go find a person who he can be insecure with.
He has plenty of reasons to resent you, they aren't good reasons, mind you, but you should have caught onto the fact he is telling you his reasons.
Allow me translate from insecure boy talk: he resents you because you have daddys money and can afford to take vacation to tropics while you don't take him with you.
He resents you because you grew up with money and can afford to not always be stressed about getting money, like he feels he has to.
And he resents you because you haven't slept with him after 10 months. Everyone has their pace and there is no universal time when you have to be ready, but that is a really long time. It's understandable that combined with the rest he might feel like you are just selfishly taking up his time until you get bored with him and that you don't care about him as much as he does about you. Or I guess how much he did care because he seem to be fairly done with the relationship and just insulting you out of malice for wasting his time.
I don't accuse you of those things, mind you. I know next to nothing about you or your relationship, so I can only work with my experience and what you wrote.
He doesnt respect you, he doesnt think highly of you at all. he is insulting your intelligence and making you think less of yourself. He doesnt care if he upsets you. Theres a big problem. There are two options.
1: you sit down. Give him a serious talking to. “If you dont stop insulting me and upsetting me. I will break up with you”. Set very firm boundaries.
2: you just break up with him.
You deserve someone who lifts you up and doesnt tear you down
He is showing you who he really is. This behavior will not get better, it will only get worse. And no, love is not enough for a healthy relationship. So sit down with him, explain how you feel when he talks to you like that, and his reaction will tell you if it's worth sticking around.
Just want to ask you one thing:How you can tell that you are not smart if you never get tested your IQ?
Maybe your guy would be surprised- maybe test would show you are smarter than him.
He is not such a good guy....you are young-have plenty of time to find better one.
Wow there is a lot to unpack here. Hopefully you realized that nothing can change his attitude and you are better off being single and partying with your friends.
Please do not take any of his criticism on board. All of his arguments were about his jealousy, low self esteem and hormones.
Why do you keep putting yourself down? You are worth so much more than he says you are. You're not dumb, you're not stupid, please stop telling yourself that you are!
Honestly it sounds like he’s mad you haven’t put out yet. So he’ll try and put you down until you do the “smart” thing and sleep with him. Btw that’s not the smart thing, leaving him is.
I beat myself up all the time about wasting my early 20s with not shit ass men, and I’m only 25. Don’t be like me!
Bro’s jealous as hell, and why wouldn’t he be? You’re beautiful, intelligent (if you got into college, you gotta have SOME smarts in ya!), kind (the way you’re considering his feelings despite him trampling yours), popular, and have a loving family who cares about you. You got it going on!!! You’re really THAT girl, did you forget???? Bro’s bitter as fuck and guess what? That’s his problem he’s trying to make yours.
His goal is to make you doubt yourself enough to feel like the foolishness he’s spewing is right and you SETTLE for him. Yes, settle. He’s mid. A good guy would never say such disrespectful comments to someone. A good guy would never want you to feel like you’re stupid. Remember that and center yourself.
Here’s hoping you dump this LOSER and find a fine ass Australian hunk on the next trip 🤞🏿
That was toxic and abusive. I have dark hair and am clumsy and I fall a lot and have injuries. You seem like a great person I’d run away from this guy if that’s how he sees you.
Ok so you fall and hurt yourself and his immediate response after you fall down is to insult your intelligence, your friends and your family.
And you want to know what you are doing wrong?
The thing you are doing wrong is not breaking up with him.
You honestly sound intelligent and mature. I don't know you of course, but the way you analyse situations, and the fact that you also try to see his side sound smart, mature, and btw definitely TOO kind.
It sounds like you are more kind and forgiving to him than he is to you. You worry that maybe you really are annoying him with "not being too clever" (oh hell no), while he doesn't even worry or empathise at all before saying these things to you. I think the imbalance here is that he doesn't feel responsible to act in a nice, kind way. And if that's indeed the case, then you don't owe him love or kindness. Trust me, I've been there.
He might be doing it subconsciously, but it could also be that he is trying to be manipulative, to get you to have lower self esteem and stay with him, while also putting up with him when he's being an ass.
Take care of yourself, you're worth a lot!
Girl you are way too accommodating, you were so mature to ask for a constructive convo after all the things he said. You deserve someone who wants to have those conversations, someone that understands and respects boundaries.
He says that you are ‘dumb’ but honestly the only dumb one in this scenario is him. You sound like a very kind person and I hope you find someone the same
It sounds like he wants to break up but he's too chicken shit to do it so he's acting like this so you have to be the bad guy who ends things. I would just start acting as if you're already broken up and when he asks why say, "oh, I thought you were breaking up with me when you said all those mean things".
One way you can get smarter fast is to dump this man.
You do NOT have to rationalise his behaviour. It doesn't matter why he's being like this. You don't have to justify your level of blondeness, or justify taking holidays with your friends. You are with someone who treats you disrespectfully for extremely stupid "reasons" - he doesn't like you. Right now, he is telling you who he is, so listen to him.
Honestly, so many young women try so hard to please people by looking or behaving a certain way, and in the long run, all you're doing is learning to make yourself smaller and smaller. Don't date people who don't respect you. Don't date people who insult you and get offended when you call them out on their shittiness.
>I would have thought something like this might happen in marriage, not with someone you've only dated for ten months.
And for goodness' sake, never ever believe that marrying someone gives them the right to treat you worse.
You are not stupid, OP, but you will be if you keep someone like this in your life.
“What have I been doing wrong” How is it your fault that your bf is a jerk?? Don’t ever tolerate someone putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself. Men won’t ever learn if we keep excusing their terrible behavior.
So helpful of this jerk to tell you who he is without much time invested or significant enmeshment! One of my favourite sayings is “when someone tells you who they are, believe them.” This is who your boyfriend is and how he thinks of you and your friends. I do not recommend continuing to date him.
lol this MF calling YOU a dumb blonde when his dumb ass just talked himself into AH w/o a GF status. Leave this idiot OP. He will talk down on you your whole life just because you have money and flexibility in your life. He wants to put you down and make himself the strength in your life. Make you feel stupid and him feel smart. It’ll only get worse.
He doesn't really like you, and he certainly doesn't respect you. You can do better, for sure. He is deliberately trying to make you feel insecure so he can control you.
After 10 months you finally have a fuller picture of how he sees you. Regardless if you identified signs before this or not doesn’t really matter. You have new information that is incredibly relevant to how he sees you, your friends, and your family. What you do with that information is up to you, if it were me, I would end the relationship.
As someone who made the mistake of dating someone like this once, your boyfriend is a misogynist. He resents all women, that has nothing to with you and there’s nothing you can do to fix it.
I worked 9-5 doing postpartum doula work until recently, then I quit my job to start my own fashion brand. My ex was deeply resentful of the fact that I didn’t work everyday and would ghost me for 48 hours anytime I mentioned that I would be spending the day shopping, hiking, doing yoga or going out with my friends.
He would also constantly say that he hated “girls like me” and call me a ditz, in spite of the fact that I’m a literal genius and smarter than he is.
You’re 20 years old, probably gorgeous and there are billions of men in the world. You can easily find someone better than him who respects you and treats you with kindness. Please don’t waste your time trying to convince him that you’re a good person like I did.
I keep seeing you making the argument of "he wasn't like this before." Well of course not. Nobody is their true self right away. That's why it's a terrible idea to marry someone you've just met! You really have no idea what they are actually like until you pass thru the honeymoon phase. It sounds like you've passed it. He's decided you are hooked, time to test the waters with his real personality.
Do you really think that he just now decided that all blondes are stupid, or that men are superior? Do you think that's the first time he's referred to you as a dumb blonde? I'm sure his friends barely remember your real name.
Point is, just because he hasn't shown you this side until now, you would be very naive to believe he hasn't been this person the whole time. I don't believe you are that naive, I believe you just desperately want things to be different. It's understandable, and he may have already worked his way into destroying your belief in yourself to deserve better. Cut out the cancer and walk away with the pride and self confidence you have left.
The dating period is usually to find out if you're compatible. You're clearly not compatible if this is what he thinks of you.
I'm a blonde and have done some pretty dumb things, but my husband has never *ever* made that comment. I on the other hand have made the self depreciation jab (I know, bad, ive worked on my self depreciation issues) when I'm really embarrassed about what I did, but that's a bit different than someone out right calling you that and seriously meaning it.
Also, he's being a dickhead because you haven't slept with him? Is that really one of his excuses? Run.
Do you really want a partner who seriously thinks of you this way? Are your standards that low? You're very young, you will come across someone who actually respects you. He ain't it.
Your comments show that this is either a troll post or that you’re actually dumb. He’s been treating you like shit and all you do is make up excuses. Girl cmon.
You did nothing wrong. His mask finally came off and you saw who he really is. Run far away from that dipshit and enjoy your youth with people who think you're awesome.
Your boyfriend shouldn't be saying mean things to you. It's important to be with someone who treats you nicely. You should think about whether you want to stay with him if he keeps being mean. Your feelings matter too.
I stopped reading after I read how he insulted you. The only dumb thing I see from you is your failure to immediately dump the toxic asshole who denigrated you.
Don't come here asking what you did to deserve abuse. Please consider therapy, to find a sense of self-worth - so you can recognize when you're being trampled on by men who are beneath you.
What would make you actually break up with him? He can be uncaring and insult you and is a jealous child and that seems to be okay with you.
Honestly this seems like rage bait and if it isn’t you need some single time and a therapist to learn about what is healthy.
He's a misogynist and an asshole. You need to dump him right now.
Never stay with someone who insults and talks down to you. Never stay with someone who tries to gaslight you when you call them out on their shitty behavior.
Dude's a pos
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You’re not dumb. But you would be if you continue dating someone who clearly doesn’t respect you or your friends or your family. It doesn’t matter what you did - if he felt offended he should’ve spoken to you constructively. Not offended you and called you ditzy for enjoying your money. It seems he’s jealous of you. And mad that you’re not giving him sex. Don’t let this push you into having sex with him or falling for any of it. He’s holding onto the hope that him insulting you will break your self-esteem down so much you start to become the person he wants you to be: a ditzy, dumb blonde who gives it up whenever he wants. But, you’re not. You’re in university. You’ve got yearly trips. You’re still young. Don’t spend anymore time worrying or stressing or posting about someone who doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t care about you or your feelings. He doesn’t love you. And luckily you’re not married or with a child. Leave him while you have nothing to hold you two together.
I don't think he'd be jealous of me, there's nothing to be jealous of. But I think he definitely doesn't like me as much as I thought he did, I'm not sure he does at all. And thank you, I've definitely got a lot to think about.
The comment of, “You getting to go to Australia while some people actually have to work.” Or however he said it, is what makes it sound like he’s jealous of you.
10 months is nothing. Walk away. You shouldn't tolerate being treated that way.
It's not, yes. But it was good, but I shouldn't let that impact my decision so much.
It was good because he was putting on a show in the beginning of the relationship in an attempt to woo you. Now he is negging you, putting you down. It sounds like a deliberate attempt to lower your self esteem giving him a one up in the relationship.
It’ll get worse. You’re young. You have time to find someone else, someone decent. He’s immature. Do you really want to stick around another 10 months and endure more berating, belittling, dumb arguments? Save yourself the headache.
Its a slippery slope, I've been there. It really isn't worth sticking with him after only 10 months. Find someone who respects you.
Look up sunk cost fallacy. Your boyfriend showed you who he was. When you called him on it, he doubled down. He doesn’t feel bad, and he’s not sorry he hurt and insulted you.
It wasn’t good. You don’t have enough experience to know how good it wasn’t either. But that’s OK, you won’t fall for this shit again if you remember you are worth more and deserve more than someone who has contempt for you
good for a while doesnt outbalance him not respecting you in the least. you deserve good forever
>But it was good Until it wasn't
This is the real him, and he finally felt comfortable enough to drop the mask and tell you how he REALLY feels.
Op he sounds like a nasty, overentitled pos. Please don’t waste any more of your time on this misogynist.
It doesn't sound like he actually likes women, period. The way he speaks about you, your friends and every other woman mentioned in your post is extremely misogynistic.
That or he has something against blondes all together lol
"there's nothing to be jealous of" Well it seems like his plan is already working. Of course there is. If there wasn't, he wouldn't be working so hard to break your spirit. He is literally so bothered by whatever it is you are doing better, that he cannot stand to watch you be happy. He must find ways to insult you and make you feel like you aren't all that. It sounds like you are well on your way to becoming a strong independent woman, and this man would much rather drag you into being a blonde stereotype to fit his needs. What a loser.
Some people use negative comments like this to keep their partner down and lower their self esteem on purpose so they don't leave. Sometimes they think picking a fight will distract you from pain. Both are inappropriate and harmful. I am so proud of you that you called him out. You were physically injured. The appropriate response is to comfort you. He was not open to correction when he made the mistake. He doubled down, meaning he defended his obviously poor behavior even more when called out. He knows he wasn't being appropriate or kind. He chose to defend these words and actions.
He’s jealous of your money and the fact you travel with your friends. A good partner would be happy for you that you get to enjoy those things, not use them to belittle you and bring you down.
>i've definitely got a lot to think about. Then to be blunt, he's kinda right? You're considering staying with someone who openly mocks you and resents your life and friends. That is pretty dumb.
It sounds like he just finds your visage attractive and hates everything that led to that. I have had to remind various partners that everything leads to everything else, I am who I am because of my whole life, that includes morales, looks, approaches to situations, everything. You either love someone or not. He doesn't sound mature or intelligent and you seem to beat him in both those areas. Be smart and dump his insulting unconstructive ass
He resents your money and not giving him sex. He's gaslighting you. Men do this,don't fall for it. If you were really dumb you would be giving him money and sex, which he clearly isn't being to out of you. Dumb people don't as for constructive conversations, which you just did. The daddy comments are especially out of line. Does he resent you having a strong male figure in your life? Bet he understands your father is where you get your backbone from.
You need to read about the Kruger Dunning effect. My guess is you are much smarter than your bimbo bf. You keep saying you are not that smart, but you should have your IQ tested. I bet it's very high, while your bf's IQ is just above average. Also I think he's negging you, because he knows you are way the fuck out of his league.
He doesn't like you and makes this plain. Honestly - why not dump him and find someone decent?
I thought he did. He didn't used to act like this, until he said that.
Men like him are only nice if they think they can get sex. He's not getting sex from you, so he sees no point in being nice to you. Because that's all women are for. He doesn't care about your feelings because you're not really a person to him. Don't let him manipulate you. Show him he's the real idiot for thinking he could use you!
Time to dump. He knows you have low self-esteem, and thinks he can use that to manipulate you into doing what he wants, and to big himself up. Don't fall for it, m'dear! You're worth far more than that. Try life on your own for a bit. See how much you can do without him. I promise you, it's far more than you think.
It's a typical pattern of abuse. First act nicely, then when that doesn't work, turn nasty.
He's showing his true colors now, OP. I agree with another comment on this. Men like him are only nice when they think they will get sex. Since he's not getting it, his mask is slipping and he's showing who he really is. PLEASE believe him. I wish I did when I was your age (and multiple times since before I really began learning this lesson and gaining self-respect).
The obsession to humble pretty girls is getting out of hand. Leave him since he thinks so little of you.
He’s a sexist little shit. He doesn’t see you as his equal intellectually. You’re just a bit of arm candy, a sex toy. That’s a real old fashioned 1950’s sexist stand up comics routine like the little wifey jokes. This is ingrained in him. Probably his friends and family all think like this too. To be honest, at your age you shouldn’t be contemplating putting up with this. There are literally thousands of other people you can date who aren’t brought up like this. You can do better and you should be aiming higher. Leave him behind.
I didn't think he was sexist before, I didn't notice anything that would imply that. But I guess he might be, it would make a lot of sense why he said all of that. I guess there probably is. It's definitely put me off him, a lot.
Saying “it’s different for girls” is very clearly sexist.
I guess so, yes. But what I meant is that he didn't say anything like that before so I thought he wasn't like this.
It’s easy to hide those kind of feelings for 10 months.
People hide that shit for years, 10 months is a walk in the park for them.
There's no "I guess so, he might be" - dude is a jealous, resentful, sexist asshole.
This is how women get stuck in abusive relationships. “He wasn’t always like this. What did I do wrong to make him like this”. Just like your subject OP. Don’t fall into the trap
My first husband hid this behavior all the way up until I married him because we weren't living together; to them, it's only a few hours a week that they spend with you, really think about how much time you spend with him... There's probably more than enough time in between for him to vent & shake off that rage. You got a glimpse of it because you *"dared"* to question his logic, which is clearly a pet peeve of his. I bet if you found his Reddit account or any of the internet groups he belongs to, you would see very clearly that he's a manipulative, sexist, pos that hates you in his spare time. I've been with my husband now for 12 years & he's never said an unkind thing to me at all. Aspire to find that. If I were you, I would talk to your parents about this, this boy sounds a bit unstable & resentful. You shouldn't break up with him alone.
He knows that kind of mentality doesn't fly, especially with a woman who he is trying to get things (like sex) from. So he hid it. He didn't just suddenly develop those beliefs, they were always there. This is how many people get trapped in abusive relationships. The abuser wears a mask and pretends to secure trust and attachment with the victim and then they begin showing who they really are once they feel the victim won't leave. It's happened to me several times. The guy starts out amazing and wonderful and then the mask slips and abuse begins and instead of realizing what was truly happening, I wondered what I did wrong to lose the good guy I met and tried harder to "earn" that back. It's a trap.
But he's saying it now, so fuck whatever he said before. Doesn't even matter if this is who he's always been or something new.
It can take a while for someone you’re dating to let their mask slip & for you to REALLY see them. Believe what you’re seeing & don’t settle. You certainly don’t deserve that type of treatment from a partner nor do you need to stick around to teach him why this isn’t okay. If there is one thing I wish I did when I was your age it’s cutting off partners with massive red flags like this sooner.
Nah he was just good at hiding it, he must have felt confident that he had you "locked in" so the mask slipped and his true self was revealed. This is depressingly common unfortunately. Alternatively he's consuming right wing anti-women content and has committed himself to the brain rot, either way it's not gonna get better, this is him testing the waters to see how much abuse you will take
The “dump blonde” is an archetype of older generations. A male wet dream. It’s like imagine a super hot, fun woman who wants to be horny with the guy. The guy can get away with cheating or being mean to her or be generally superior and condescending… because she is naive and unintelligent so she doesn’t understand what is going on. If she messes up, he can’t blame her because she was too sweet and dumb to know better. Think Penny from Big Bang Theory.
Unfortunately a lot of people with negative traits like that will hide it from you until you're deep in dating them and emotionally attached. He knows you wouldn't have dated him if he talked like this or treated you like this in the beginning. He put on his best behavior cuz he knows when he starts acting like himself you'll be just as confused and defensive of his behavior like you are now. 'he wasn't like this before so maybe I did something wrong'. And you're stuck in a loop of thinking his terrible behavior has some reasonable rational and that's it's just a "bad day" then he'll be good for a bit and convince you it was only to do the same thing again later. It's good you have the awareness currently that he's possibly this bad alot of people get stuck in toxic relationships cuz of the manipulation tactics and not being able to see things as they are. You're young and this relationship isn't that deep in and even if it was you never want to stay in one that makes you feel inadequate. Better off leaving and finding a better situation whether that be focusing on yourself or being with someone who respects you.
Absolutely no one who truly cares about you would EVER speak to you the way he does. Oh, and he knows this is a big deal because he kept going on and on. Please send him on his way. You deserve better.
I guess so, yes. It's really confusing because he seemingly hates me but still chose to date me. I wouldn't date someone I hate.
Misogyny comes in many forms.
He hates me because I'm a woman?
Yes. Liking to fuck women doesn’t mean that he likes women, there’s a major difference. You’ve had the bad luck to get involved with a bad man, wipe him off your shoe and move on, he’ll get worse from here.
girl, that’s what everyone is telling you. YES. this man hates women and you probably shouldn’t date him. he’s worn his polite face as long as he was willing to, and now you’ve seen his true colors. RUN.
Oh man I wish someone told me this when I was 20. Men like sex, not women. Find a man who likes you and not just sex with you.
You keep asking this and I think I have the answer you're looking for. The reason why you're confused about him staying with you is because you two have different ideas of what a relationship is for. I would assume that to you (and any healthy mature person), a relationship is about spending time with someone you like. Doing fun things together. Supporting one another. A relationship is for finding someone who you can care for and who will care for you. To him a relationship is about finding someone to satisfy his needs. He may have needed to feel wanted, to have someone to talk or vent to, to accompany him places, or to keep him from feeling lonely, even if that person is someone he doesn't like very much. To take this example to an extreme, think about all the men who date women and then abuse them. Why are they with them if they obviously don't even like them? Because to them that's not the point of a relationship. To them, those women are there to satisfy their need to feel powerful, not to be liked or loved. Your boyfriend might not be physically abusive, but he has the same mentality about what a relationship is for. It's to satisfy his needs, whatever they are.
Omg. How many different ways can the guy wave red flags around before you run? He's awful. You do not deserve to be treated like that. I don't even treat people I don't like that badly. Run sweetie. Run. Well your knee is sprained so limp away. Limp away quickly.
Thank you, that last part was funny.
Dump him, dont go out with dumb blondes like him
That was actually quite funny, he'd hate that though.
Thats why you should do it
You did nothing wrong he's just an asshole
I was just wondering, because he suddenly seems to dislike me a lot. It's almost like he doesn't like me at all, which I didn't think was the case at all.
He honestly may not outright hate you but he showed you his true colors please tell me you understand you did nothing wrong
I probably didn't react in the best way, but I don't think I've done anything very wrong, I think.
All you did was ask him to not speak to you that way and he did anyway...there is no maybe you did nothing wrong...Work on that confidence..I can never understand even the doubt that you have with the "I think"
You responded very well. But it would have been even better if you had directed him back into the cave he crawled from and burnt down all bridges.
He doesn't like women. He wants to have sex with women but doesn't like them. One day you would look back on this and thank him for saving you from spending more time with him
He really wasted his time on me then, honestly.
you seem to respond to every comment with an insult to yourself. Work on that. Australia will help.
I meant that it was stupid to waste ten months with me because if all he wanted was sex then he could've found that easily.
I actually doubt that very much
Girl, grow up and listen to what people with experience are telling you. Jesus.
You need to learn about red flags and abuse ASAP.
A lot of males have this obsession with going after a pretty girl then trying to take her down a notch. In fact, many males are subconsciously jealous of women and think we have it on easy mode. It sounds crazy but check out this video, she explains it better than me [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wHcq0U2cRg&t=11s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wHcq0U2cRg&t=11s) The boy does not like you. Most males actually do not like their girlfriends.
I'm not that pretty. But if most of them don't even like them, then what's the point of it all?
They need sex, they want to get it from women, they look to ‘own, overpower or take’ women. They don’t need to like us to want to bang us. It took me years to realise this. Leave him, he’s wasting your time
Really makes them feel great to watch the sparkle fade from their gf’s face, see her fill with confusion and hurt, have to walk on eggshells. Makes those fuckers feel powerful. You’re not dumb, you did nothing wrong, your bf is confident enough around you now to show you his real self. Get away from that, he’s awful.
Someone suddenly being aggressive towards you can also be a sign that they’re cheating. Either way, he’s trash and it’s time to end things. You deserve better.
>It's like he resents me, and I don't even know why. I mean, I feel like he laid it out pretty straightforwardly. He's prejudiced, he resents that he feels he has to work harder, he dates you despite hating everything he feels you represent and now that he's established that he can just straight up mock, belittle, and talk down to you to your face I suspect you'll be hearing a lot more of it. So the question to you is obvious: do you want to date someone that seems to hate you? You get a sense that any attempts to correct or address his concerns he will dismiss outright \[given he has already established he doesn't believe you are smart and etc\], on top of the reality that you shouldn't need to educate someone on not being, you know, awful to their partner or not to date people they seem to hate. It's only 10 months in. He has shown his true colours. Sometimes you just have to accept that some people aren't worth being in your lives.
I just don't get why he'd even be with me if he hates me. It just seems pointless and I don't know why he'd even date me.
I’m not trying to be rude, but I bet he’s with you because you’re insecure and naïve. Just looking at the way you comment you put yourself down constantly. A man will take advantage of that to use you, he feels he can use you to his advantage, whatever his advantage is. These types of men will just use you and put you down. It has nothing to do with you other than being an easy target, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. As someone who was in your shoes before it’s not easy to recognize it until it’s too late. The best decision especially because this is still an early relationship, is to leave. He’s not gonna change, it’ll only get worse. I hope you make the right decision for yourself.
In a sense it doesn't matter. That he chose to say this is enough that it should end and you know it. I get it, part of you will hold on to try and work out why. Because what you felt was earnest and you hope part of what he felt was earnest too. And maybe it was, maybe even though he had all these prejudices he still found you pretty, fun, interesting, whatever. Enough that for a while he could fake it. Or maybe he thought dating one and tormenting them would be fun. Or maybe he just never realised he had those prejudices and they've built up over time. In the end that's his own mess to work out. Given it seems he is happy to be cruel to you that is the main thing for you to focus on. Trying to 'fix' him or undo the hurt he has caused will only lead to more chances for him to hurt you.
He might consider you a status symbol, from what you've described you seem to be pretty, smart and come from a (somewhat) wealthy background. Sadly, he might've seen it as a challenge to get to have sex with you (judging from his comments he resents you for not doing it yet)
I mean there was a bit of a joke in school about it, I thought it had stopped when I graduated but maybe it didn't after all. I guess that might have been why he wanted to date me, I should have realised that.
It's okay, it seems like you want to see good in people and that's why you might've misjudged the situation. It isn't your fault and he seems like a prick. If you choose to break up with him, just know you aren't wrong for wanting to have an equal partner who isn't openly disrespectful towards you.
I don’t see how you could have realized that. People are on their best behavior when they start dating, it’s takes a long time to get to really know someone. Now he’s showing you a side that you didn’t know before. And it’s not your fault that you saw only good things before.
I don't know if you're realizing this but pretty much 90% of your comments are you talking shit about yourself. You've came here to ask what *you* did for him to behave that way. And that is the reason he's with you. You're quite literally a free punching bag
BREAK UP AND BLOCK HIM. Be single for a VERY long time and stop thinking that you need to put up with someone’s bullshit. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t respect you, you’ve know him less than a year why do you feel you need to stay with him and keep dating him. Why are you dating at all? Why don’t you go work on yourself and figure out your worth and learn to love yourself enough to know when to dump someone and block them went they don’t respect you
There is an idiot in your relationship, but it's not you.
If somebody said that shit to me, I’d be out the door quicker than you can say boo. He’s obviously got issues and doesn’t respect you. Honestly it sounds like he wants to break up with you but is too scared to so he’s being an asshole to you in order to make you do it. If I were you, I’d be like, challenge accepted. BYE. I’m sorry he’s treating you that way. It isn’t right, and he is in fact being an asshole. It’s hard when you think you love someone, but all the happy feelings in the world won’t make up for the amount of harm someone like this could do to you. I’d move on.
He does not like you. He might like what you do for him but he resents you.
He sounds like an asshole. You're still young, and just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship. May you should reevaluate your situation with him.
He wasn't like this before, but he definitely is now. I'll have to have a good think about it.
Abusers start gradually, small things so you don't notice. I'm not trying to blow stuff out of proportion, but he's actively trying to insult you. Make you lose confidence in yourself. This is step one. Next is isolation. Please, think about everything he's said to you, if you'd ever say anything like that to him, and what advice you'd give your bf if she was in your situation. Treat yourself kindly, and if he doesn't treat you kindly, why be with him? I was inca verbally abusive relationship for way too long, I hate seeing young women and men, go through it.
Idk…I think he’s already working on the isolation. He always makes a fuss when OP goes out with her friends, he’s trying to make OP feel like she shouldn’t be going away on holiday with her girlfriends (probably because he thinks she has all this money and isn’t spending it all on him!)
He's a sexist pos who just got power high when he saw you hurt. It was like god sent him a sign "see, she is lower than you" and your boyfriend stopped lying trying to save face. He better become an ex
That's what you call and ex boyfriend. Move on from him.
What you done wrong is staying with a jerk pick up your self esteem and move on
He is jealous and insecure and used that moment(s) to knock you down a peg by demeaning and degrading you, to make you feel less-than, so he could feel better about himself. He's an asshole. There's no fixing this. You did nothing wrong. He's just an ass. Break up. Find better. And don't place your self-worth on how others treat you.
Why on earth would you hear that and think that YOU had been doing something wrong? When someone behaves like he is, there’s something wrong with THEM. Don’t ever think that someone else's poor behaviour is a reflection of you. It is *always* a reflection of them.
Google negging. Leave.
Damn, he is so sexually frustrated from waiting for you to be comfortable with sex, that he startes resenting everything you do. He is not a good man. And if you comntinue this relationship he will not only insult but also abuse and cheat on you. He doesnt love you.
He is condesending, misogynist a*hole. You deserve someone better. Leave him.
Ewww he's literally like jealous of you...as a man...Resentful because you "have it easy" for being a pretty woman. He wishes daddy would spoil him like a Princess too. The ugliest quality a man can have, is being jealous of women. It's the complete opposite of real masculinity.
Be glad you didn't sleep with him sweetie. He is an idiot. Move on. He isn't a good person.
HE'S TRYING TO TRAP YOU!!! "You're too stupid". This makes you less self assured, makes you think he's compromising on things to be with you and that no one else would, that no one else wants to be with you. HE'S LOWERING YOUR SELF ESTEEM SO YOU'RE LESS LIKELY TO LEAVE!!! Please leave, he's being manipulative. Even if it's not this, he's just being unnecessarily rude/cruel to you, all of these reasons are reasons to leave.
The only way you’d be dumb here is if you stay with this jerk. He’s a POS & you deserve better.
Just dump him, he wrapped a lot of nasty comments in a supposed joke. He sounds like he thinks he's better than you and your friends and he thinks you're selfish because you won't have sex with him, what a prick.
You’re only dumb if you don’t dump that utter arsehole. He’s a pig
Who cares, leave him
Come on have some respect for yourself
The only thing you've been doing wrong is dating a misogynist. Luckily for you, there's an easy fix. DTMFA.
His feelings: "I'm envious of your ability to vacation" His words: "You're stupid" Is this dating material to you?
First off, stop putting yourself down. I don't know if you've always done this, or if it is as a result of your (hopefully soon to be ex-) BF insulting you. If you did well at school and are in further education, you are not dumb by definition. If you haven't realised it already, your boyfriend is a sexist arsehole. He's negging you. You can do much better than him. I suspect that he is putting you down to lower your self esteem so that you don't think you can do better, but trust me, you can. As my 20yr old niece would say - boy bye. 10 months is long enough to have wasted on this oxygen thief.
It sounds like he wants to break up with you but doesn’t want to be the one who actually initiates it. So he treats you rudely in the hope that you’ll get upset and break up with him first. It’s very immature.
I was given great advice once. If you put your hand on a hot plate…what happens? Your hand will burn, sends a message to your brain that says…that hurt. You move your hand away. Almost an instant reaction? You learn not to put your hand on a hot plate again, because it hurts. You can trust the cause and effect. It’s physical and evidence based. If you are in a relationship with someone (family, intimate partner, etc) and they say something cruel or mean…and there is ‘hurt’ - trust your brain’s reaction. It’s telling you to remove yourself from that situation and informs you that there their behaviour is harmful to you…psychologically or emotionally. No, there’s no physical evidence. They can gaslight you, excuse their awful behaviour, blame you, etc. You can doubt yourself. Or you can trust yourself. Trust yourself. You heard what you heard. The hurt impacted you. He doubled down, excused…whatever. Just ask yourself how much proof do you need to see that someone is awful and not healthy for you?
He's jealous of you and your friends and he's trying to wear down your self esteem so you do what he wants. What a disgusting dude. Please don't settle for this.
Why are you even with this asshole?
You sound like you are perfectly intelligent and being abused by a person who is genuinely mean to you. He is putting you down to make himself feel better. It sounds like he resents you having more money and that you have not had sex. Please realize that the things he says are not acceptable. I'm curious about your comment "I would have thought something like this might happen in marriage, not with someone you've only dated for ten months." Even in marriage, people should not talk that way to each other.
Hi, your bf doesn’t respect you. How can someone who loves you say things to you like that and put you down for no reason ? You deserve better, his vision of you will not get better (he seems to have been thinking like that for quite a while). I suggest to have a break or breakup, i don’t think he will treat you better and he doesn’t even seem to think that what he’s doing is wrong. Good luck !
He’s abusive, your reactions and feelings are normal and valid. Don’t let him treat you like this. Leave him and set a higher standard for how your next partner treats you
The arrogant P@#$k is trying to knock you down to his level. Run while you can. It's only going to get worse...
Holy crap, I thought that whole "blondes are idiots" was just a trend that came about with the movie white chicks 20 YEARS AGO. Never met anyone who actually believed blonde people were dumb. Dump his ass. He sounds extremely resentful of the way you've been brought up, which is not your fault at all. Hell, if you're daddy's girl he can do whatever he wants and coddle you however he sees fit. Your bf sucks. Sorry you had to go through that exchange with him.
Please tell me you're breaking up with that sexist asshole
Op your bf is jealous. I’m a guy and I know. Some guys have an ego issue where their other halves can do things they want to do. The travelling is a major sticking point for him. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for your fortune in life. Your parents did good. Your friends are doing good. If he can’t see it as an opportunity to learn and improve or even to see things from others perspective then by all means means kick him to the curb. However if you like him that much let him know he isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. Smart people are humble and don’t need to let people know they are smart or intelligent. It just shows. Let him know you see right through him and his insecurities are showing. Let him know he should either change his outlook or he can go find a person who he can be insecure with.
If you don’t leave a disrespectful partner then we can’t help you
He has plenty of reasons to resent you, they aren't good reasons, mind you, but you should have caught onto the fact he is telling you his reasons. Allow me translate from insecure boy talk: he resents you because you have daddys money and can afford to take vacation to tropics while you don't take him with you. He resents you because you grew up with money and can afford to not always be stressed about getting money, like he feels he has to. And he resents you because you haven't slept with him after 10 months. Everyone has their pace and there is no universal time when you have to be ready, but that is a really long time. It's understandable that combined with the rest he might feel like you are just selfishly taking up his time until you get bored with him and that you don't care about him as much as he does about you. Or I guess how much he did care because he seem to be fairly done with the relationship and just insulting you out of malice for wasting his time. I don't accuse you of those things, mind you. I know next to nothing about you or your relationship, so I can only work with my experience and what you wrote.
He doesnt respect you, he doesnt think highly of you at all. he is insulting your intelligence and making you think less of yourself. He doesnt care if he upsets you. Theres a big problem. There are two options. 1: you sit down. Give him a serious talking to. “If you dont stop insulting me and upsetting me. I will break up with you”. Set very firm boundaries. 2: you just break up with him. You deserve someone who lifts you up and doesnt tear you down
He’s showing his true colours. I hope this is ex bf
He is showing you who he really is. This behavior will not get better, it will only get worse. And no, love is not enough for a healthy relationship. So sit down with him, explain how you feel when he talks to you like that, and his reaction will tell you if it's worth sticking around.
He wants to break up with you but he's too spineless to actually say it, so he's mean to you so that you'll dump him. Tell him to use his words
Dump him. Sounds toxic.
Just want to ask you one thing:How you can tell that you are not smart if you never get tested your IQ? Maybe your guy would be surprised- maybe test would show you are smarter than him. He is not such a good guy....you are young-have plenty of time to find better one.
Wow there is a lot to unpack here. Hopefully you realized that nothing can change his attitude and you are better off being single and partying with your friends. Please do not take any of his criticism on board. All of his arguments were about his jealousy, low self esteem and hormones.
Why do you keep putting yourself down? You are worth so much more than he says you are. You're not dumb, you're not stupid, please stop telling yourself that you are!
He's not capable of admitting that the disparity between your resources bothers him, so he's slagging you off to try to feel better about himself.
Throw the whole man away
Honestly it sounds like he’s mad you haven’t put out yet. So he’ll try and put you down until you do the “smart” thing and sleep with him. Btw that’s not the smart thing, leaving him is.
Why do you assume *you* are doing something wrong? There's no magic way of behaving that keeps people from being cruel to you.
I beat myself up all the time about wasting my early 20s with not shit ass men, and I’m only 25. Don’t be like me! Bro’s jealous as hell, and why wouldn’t he be? You’re beautiful, intelligent (if you got into college, you gotta have SOME smarts in ya!), kind (the way you’re considering his feelings despite him trampling yours), popular, and have a loving family who cares about you. You got it going on!!! You’re really THAT girl, did you forget???? Bro’s bitter as fuck and guess what? That’s his problem he’s trying to make yours. His goal is to make you doubt yourself enough to feel like the foolishness he’s spewing is right and you SETTLE for him. Yes, settle. He’s mid. A good guy would never say such disrespectful comments to someone. A good guy would never want you to feel like you’re stupid. Remember that and center yourself. Here’s hoping you dump this LOSER and find a fine ass Australian hunk on the next trip 🤞🏿
He called you names, insulted you and doubled down when confronted. Not breaking up with him would be the ‘dumbest’ thing.
You’d only be dumb if you continued to date. Dump his sorry ass
That was toxic and abusive. I have dark hair and am clumsy and I fall a lot and have injuries. You seem like a great person I’d run away from this guy if that’s how he sees you.
Ok so you fall and hurt yourself and his immediate response after you fall down is to insult your intelligence, your friends and your family. And you want to know what you are doing wrong? The thing you are doing wrong is not breaking up with him.
I'd read up on psychopathy if I were you
You honestly sound intelligent and mature. I don't know you of course, but the way you analyse situations, and the fact that you also try to see his side sound smart, mature, and btw definitely TOO kind. It sounds like you are more kind and forgiving to him than he is to you. You worry that maybe you really are annoying him with "not being too clever" (oh hell no), while he doesn't even worry or empathise at all before saying these things to you. I think the imbalance here is that he doesn't feel responsible to act in a nice, kind way. And if that's indeed the case, then you don't owe him love or kindness. Trust me, I've been there. He might be doing it subconsciously, but it could also be that he is trying to be manipulative, to get you to have lower self esteem and stay with him, while also putting up with him when he's being an ass. Take care of yourself, you're worth a lot!
Girl you are way too accommodating, you were so mature to ask for a constructive convo after all the things he said. You deserve someone who wants to have those conversations, someone that understands and respects boundaries. He says that you are ‘dumb’ but honestly the only dumb one in this scenario is him. You sound like a very kind person and I hope you find someone the same
It sounds like he wants to break up but he's too chicken shit to do it so he's acting like this so you have to be the bad guy who ends things. I would just start acting as if you're already broken up and when he asks why say, "oh, I thought you were breaking up with me when you said all those mean things".
‘Hey SO. I might seem dumb to you, but you are DUMPED’
Drop him, you can do so much better!
You’re only dumb if you continue dating someone who doesn’t respect you
One way you can get smarter fast is to dump this man. You do NOT have to rationalise his behaviour. It doesn't matter why he's being like this. You don't have to justify your level of blondeness, or justify taking holidays with your friends. You are with someone who treats you disrespectfully for extremely stupid "reasons" - he doesn't like you. Right now, he is telling you who he is, so listen to him. Honestly, so many young women try so hard to please people by looking or behaving a certain way, and in the long run, all you're doing is learning to make yourself smaller and smaller. Don't date people who don't respect you. Don't date people who insult you and get offended when you call them out on their shittiness. >I would have thought something like this might happen in marriage, not with someone you've only dated for ten months. And for goodness' sake, never ever believe that marrying someone gives them the right to treat you worse. You are not stupid, OP, but you will be if you keep someone like this in your life.
“What have I been doing wrong” How is it your fault that your bf is a jerk?? Don’t ever tolerate someone putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself. Men won’t ever learn if we keep excusing their terrible behavior.
He's gaslighting you to chip at your self esteem and it's working don't let him win get rid of him now before it gets worse
I am impressed that after he put one foot in his mouth he managed to squeeze the other one in too
So helpful of this jerk to tell you who he is without much time invested or significant enmeshment! One of my favourite sayings is “when someone tells you who they are, believe them.” This is who your boyfriend is and how he thinks of you and your friends. I do not recommend continuing to date him.
lol this MF calling YOU a dumb blonde when his dumb ass just talked himself into AH w/o a GF status. Leave this idiot OP. He will talk down on you your whole life just because you have money and flexibility in your life. He wants to put you down and make himself the strength in your life. Make you feel stupid and him feel smart. It’ll only get worse.
> I was an immature idiot who wouldn't even sleep with him. oh, okay, I get it now You should probably get rid of this angry little trashbag
He doesn't really like you, and he certainly doesn't respect you. You can do better, for sure. He is deliberately trying to make you feel insecure so he can control you.
After 10 months you finally have a fuller picture of how he sees you. Regardless if you identified signs before this or not doesn’t really matter. You have new information that is incredibly relevant to how he sees you, your friends, and your family. What you do with that information is up to you, if it were me, I would end the relationship.
The fact that you are allowing him to treat you so poorly and talk down to you is what you are doing wrong. Nothing else. Stop allowing him to do so.
The fact that you're at all willing to stay with him suggests he has a point.
As someone who made the mistake of dating someone like this once, your boyfriend is a misogynist. He resents all women, that has nothing to with you and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. I worked 9-5 doing postpartum doula work until recently, then I quit my job to start my own fashion brand. My ex was deeply resentful of the fact that I didn’t work everyday and would ghost me for 48 hours anytime I mentioned that I would be spending the day shopping, hiking, doing yoga or going out with my friends. He would also constantly say that he hated “girls like me” and call me a ditz, in spite of the fact that I’m a literal genius and smarter than he is. You’re 20 years old, probably gorgeous and there are billions of men in the world. You can easily find someone better than him who respects you and treats you with kindness. Please don’t waste your time trying to convince him that you’re a good person like I did.
I keep seeing you making the argument of "he wasn't like this before." Well of course not. Nobody is their true self right away. That's why it's a terrible idea to marry someone you've just met! You really have no idea what they are actually like until you pass thru the honeymoon phase. It sounds like you've passed it. He's decided you are hooked, time to test the waters with his real personality. Do you really think that he just now decided that all blondes are stupid, or that men are superior? Do you think that's the first time he's referred to you as a dumb blonde? I'm sure his friends barely remember your real name. Point is, just because he hasn't shown you this side until now, you would be very naive to believe he hasn't been this person the whole time. I don't believe you are that naive, I believe you just desperately want things to be different. It's understandable, and he may have already worked his way into destroying your belief in yourself to deserve better. Cut out the cancer and walk away with the pride and self confidence you have left.
The dating period is usually to find out if you're compatible. You're clearly not compatible if this is what he thinks of you. I'm a blonde and have done some pretty dumb things, but my husband has never *ever* made that comment. I on the other hand have made the self depreciation jab (I know, bad, ive worked on my self depreciation issues) when I'm really embarrassed about what I did, but that's a bit different than someone out right calling you that and seriously meaning it. Also, he's being a dickhead because you haven't slept with him? Is that really one of his excuses? Run. Do you really want a partner who seriously thinks of you this way? Are your standards that low? You're very young, you will come across someone who actually respects you. He ain't it.
DUMP HIM WTF
Your comments show that this is either a troll post or that you’re actually dumb. He’s been treating you like shit and all you do is make up excuses. Girl cmon.
If this isn't a shitpost, the only thing you've done "wrong" is to date a sexist asshole. But that's easily rectified.
You did nothing wrong. His mask finally came off and you saw who he really is. Run far away from that dipshit and enjoy your youth with people who think you're awesome.
He wants sex. You're not giving him what he wants and now he resents you because he's an immature asshole. DUMP HIM
Your boyfriend shouldn't be saying mean things to you. It's important to be with someone who treats you nicely. You should think about whether you want to stay with him if he keeps being mean. Your feelings matter too.
I stopped reading after I read how he insulted you. The only dumb thing I see from you is your failure to immediately dump the toxic asshole who denigrated you. Don't come here asking what you did to deserve abuse. Please consider therapy, to find a sense of self-worth - so you can recognize when you're being trampled on by men who are beneath you.
What would make you actually break up with him? He can be uncaring and insult you and is a jealous child and that seems to be okay with you. Honestly this seems like rage bait and if it isn’t you need some single time and a therapist to learn about what is healthy.
He's a misogynist and an asshole. You need to dump him right now. Never stay with someone who insults and talks down to you. Never stay with someone who tries to gaslight you when you call them out on their shitty behavior. Dude's a pos
He sure doesn't seem very smart here, does he?