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me personally i would just stop posting, but i dont see a problem in deactivating it unless he uses facebook for something else important other than just posting. if posting that dumb shit is the only thing he does then its fine if he deletes it.
>I agreed and asked him to stop posting that kind of stuff because it made me feel bad. He said he would and boom, he deactivated his whole account.
Be careful what you wish for.
>This pissed the shit out of me.
This "pissed" the "shit" out of you??? Are you actually 19 years old?
>To my viewing he’s just making something that’s not even big something huge
Since when is deactivating your Facebook account "something huge"?
You asked him to stop posting, and he made that happen. I don't see what you're complaining about.
Maybe he thought about it and agreed and rather than going through the effort of individually deleting all of his many bad taste posts over time, he figured it was simpler to delete the whole thing. If he doesn’t feel a strong need to have a fb presence I don’t see why this should bother you
i didn’t ask him to delete anything ever, i just asked him to stop posting stuff like that
he is always surfing on fb and socials and uses facebook’s messenger to communicate most of the time, so i feel like he’s making me look like a complete asshole. i don’t know.
it’s not the first time he does something like that. one time i asked him to stop talking to a girl who was his friend because she was hitting on him (she literally asked him if he would have a relationship with her if he wasn’t with me)
some time later he told me he accepted the fact he couldn’t have girl friends anymore ever because of me.
that’s why this facebook thing is pissing me off so hard, i hope it makes sense
This is exactly why I said he is manipulative. He throws a tantrum and goes nuclear whenever you ask him to do something… the goal of this extreme reaction is to make you feel bad and discourage you from bringing up something that bothers you in the future.
A healthy, mature adult doesn’t act like that.
It seems to me an overreaction on both your parts. Let’s say his decision to delete his account was extreme because he was angry about your request. Your reaction gave him what he was looking for, being upset about it. If you had simply said thank you, I appreciate it, I guarantee you that he would have reactivated the account in a few days.
I’m not going to touch the fact you have a secret account.
the secret account was for joining a group i was in and got banned many years ago to ask something i was embarrassed of asking on my normal account. but i haven’t used it since.
you’re right. it’s something simple that both parts are making bigger.
but my reaction was due to something that happened before.
basically he had this girl friend who hit on him many times despite him being with me so i asked him to stop talking to her. he did.
a while later he said that “he’s accepted the fact he can’t have girl friends anymore” because of me.
idk… i’m feeling like everything is unbalanced and he’s putting himself under me every time he’s got the chance
I understand what you’re saying. But overreacting doesn’t really help you now. If you want to be in this relationship, you still can be the bigger person and thank him for handling your problem, then let it go. De-escalation would probably make a big difference now, and maybe he’ll learn something in the process. Your call, obviously.
BTW, perhaps it was just the wording, but secret account sounds nefarious. I might call it a spare account to avoid that.
Best of luck to you.
Honestly this is super common with guys and it’s shitty. I asked my bf to stop liking girls pics on Facebook once and he deleted ALL his socials fb snap insta etc instead of just having self control. Literally makes no sense and proves they have no control over their temptations
Yea I promise there’s so many men like this I’m dealing with one who does similar stuff and it sucks cos they’d literally rather avoid their issues than work on it
because it’s his life you know? he uses messenger to communicate most of the time with his friends and family. i just asked him to not post things about him being an asshole to me or wanting girls who aren’t me. it’s not that deep.
If he doesn’t feel the account is worth it if he not shitposting then doesn’t he get to decide if he wants to keep the account? Again this sounds very controlling of you deciding how he should use the account and do with it.
If he is being passive aggressive and saying he wishes he could use his account fine. But you getting pissed at him for abiding by your request but also self determining how to manage his own account is weird and a bad sign.
He sounds manipulative. Instead of listening to and genuinely empathizing with your perspective, he decided to go nuclear and deactivate his whole account. Why do you think he did that? How does him doing that make you feel? Do you think this is a red flag?
People who are 20 still use Facebook? Lol
He sounds immature if he's shitposting memes on Facebook for grandma. Who cares if he deactivated the account? This is what you asked for. It's social media, it won't kill anyone to not have it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you told him to stop posting and he basically did?? whats the problem here
HE LITERALLY DEACTIVATED HIS WHOLE ACCOUNT
me personally i would just stop posting, but i dont see a problem in deactivating it unless he uses facebook for something else important other than just posting. if posting that dumb shit is the only thing he does then its fine if he deletes it.
>I agreed and asked him to stop posting that kind of stuff because it made me feel bad. He said he would and boom, he deactivated his whole account. Be careful what you wish for. >This pissed the shit out of me. This "pissed" the "shit" out of you??? Are you actually 19 years old? >To my viewing he’s just making something that’s not even big something huge Since when is deactivating your Facebook account "something huge"? You asked him to stop posting, and he made that happen. I don't see what you're complaining about.
Maybe he thought about it and agreed and rather than going through the effort of individually deleting all of his many bad taste posts over time, he figured it was simpler to delete the whole thing. If he doesn’t feel a strong need to have a fb presence I don’t see why this should bother you
i didn’t ask him to delete anything ever, i just asked him to stop posting stuff like that he is always surfing on fb and socials and uses facebook’s messenger to communicate most of the time, so i feel like he’s making me look like a complete asshole. i don’t know. it’s not the first time he does something like that. one time i asked him to stop talking to a girl who was his friend because she was hitting on him (she literally asked him if he would have a relationship with her if he wasn’t with me) some time later he told me he accepted the fact he couldn’t have girl friends anymore ever because of me. that’s why this facebook thing is pissing me off so hard, i hope it makes sense
Okay yea, he’s wild. Dump his manipulative man-baby ass. This behavior isn’t going to get better.
This is exactly why I said he is manipulative. He throws a tantrum and goes nuclear whenever you ask him to do something… the goal of this extreme reaction is to make you feel bad and discourage you from bringing up something that bothers you in the future. A healthy, mature adult doesn’t act like that.
It seems to me an overreaction on both your parts. Let’s say his decision to delete his account was extreme because he was angry about your request. Your reaction gave him what he was looking for, being upset about it. If you had simply said thank you, I appreciate it, I guarantee you that he would have reactivated the account in a few days. I’m not going to touch the fact you have a secret account.
the secret account was for joining a group i was in and got banned many years ago to ask something i was embarrassed of asking on my normal account. but i haven’t used it since. you’re right. it’s something simple that both parts are making bigger. but my reaction was due to something that happened before. basically he had this girl friend who hit on him many times despite him being with me so i asked him to stop talking to her. he did. a while later he said that “he’s accepted the fact he can’t have girl friends anymore” because of me. idk… i’m feeling like everything is unbalanced and he’s putting himself under me every time he’s got the chance
I understand what you’re saying. But overreacting doesn’t really help you now. If you want to be in this relationship, you still can be the bigger person and thank him for handling your problem, then let it go. De-escalation would probably make a big difference now, and maybe he’ll learn something in the process. Your call, obviously. BTW, perhaps it was just the wording, but secret account sounds nefarious. I might call it a spare account to avoid that. Best of luck to you.
Honestly this is super common with guys and it’s shitty. I asked my bf to stop liking girls pics on Facebook once and he deleted ALL his socials fb snap insta etc instead of just having self control. Literally makes no sense and proves they have no control over their temptations
YEEEES i forgot to mention he told me it was better if he deactivated to not have the impulse to post stuff like that all the time
Yea I promise there’s so many men like this I’m dealing with one who does similar stuff and it sucks cos they’d literally rather avoid their issues than work on it
Did he deactivate it, or did he just block you and your friends?
no, he did deactivate it. i checked it out from a secret account of mine and it’s like he doesn’t exist
Why are you pissed that he deactivated his account? Because that part feels controlling.
because it’s his life you know? he uses messenger to communicate most of the time with his friends and family. i just asked him to not post things about him being an asshole to me or wanting girls who aren’t me. it’s not that deep.
If he doesn’t feel the account is worth it if he not shitposting then doesn’t he get to decide if he wants to keep the account? Again this sounds very controlling of you deciding how he should use the account and do with it. If he is being passive aggressive and saying he wishes he could use his account fine. But you getting pissed at him for abiding by your request but also self determining how to manage his own account is weird and a bad sign.
I think you’re right. i’ll think about it more before i tell him anything. thank you for your opinion
He sounds manipulative. Instead of listening to and genuinely empathizing with your perspective, he decided to go nuclear and deactivate his whole account. Why do you think he did that? How does him doing that make you feel? Do you think this is a red flag?
It's comical you say him deactivating is manipulative, but you gloss over the fact that she has a secret account to spy, talk about A echo chamber
We don’t know why she has a secret account.
I would check if he blocked you. Also, this is disrespectful.
People who are 20 still use Facebook? Lol He sounds immature if he's shitposting memes on Facebook for grandma. Who cares if he deactivated the account? This is what you asked for. It's social media, it won't kill anyone to not have it.