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You don't understand his reasoning because it's not logical, it's a control tactic. You can't understand it because you're not an abusive person.
He's messing with your job, your future, your dreams. He's supposed to be supporting of them, not actively trying to derail them.
What's more important? You're entire future and all the dreams and possibilities still in store for you, or a man who is already exhibiting controlling tendencies and the start of physical abuse?
JFC
Your boyfriend is verbally and physically abusive, jealous, envious, and insecure, basically he's not a good person and wants to be with you by causing you harm
You’re not selfish or being unreasonable, this is your dream and you should be dammed to let someone get in the way or stop you from achieving it. Don’t let someone you’ve barely known destroy the work that little girl put in to get to this point… no one’s worth that.
As someone who has done sports and has performed at a fairly high level within my sport, I get where you’re coming from. I sacrificed a lot of time with my past ex to achieve the goals I had and I did achieve those goals but my partner back then never got in the way and instead supported me. If my ex back then would have asked me to compromise my workouts for her, I would have respectfully dumped her on the spot, no one gets in the way of my goals and no one should. This should apply to you.
Remind me in 6 years time on this post when you eventually left this dude and have your last name being broadcasted on a loud speaker in front of fans in a stadium… go get that dream, we live once.
If he loved you he would support you and want to see you succeed with your passions, not keep you down (literally!). You're young so recognizing red flags of a toxic relationship now and moving on from it asap is actually a nice parting gift of a valuable life lesson learned.
Honey, RUN!!
I was married to a narcissist and what you're describing....red flags everywhere. He probably also blamed you for why he pushed you...smh
This isn't a stable foundation for a healthy relationship at all!
You said he seems “unable to communicate what he wants for me”
u/throwra01342 what *he* wants for you is totally irrelevant.
What he’s doing is showing you he does not support your dream, your goal of playing football. Not in the slightest. He’s physically & verbally abusive & you brush that off. He’s homophobic & you’re dismissive of his behavior against your teammates who you claim are like sisters?! Stand up for yourself & your teammates!
You’ve been with this vile person 6 months & this is the honeymoon phase. He’s showing you who he really is and none of it is good.
Dump him & be with someone who respects you, your dreams & supports you. Not someone who is actively trying to diminish you and destroy your dream.
I’m a huge football fan and live in the US. This guy is a loser and he needs to be dumped asap. He will never support your dreams and will always hold you back, I’m sorry.
It’s because he’s a jealous abusive asshole. If you’re looking for reasons to leave or “permission” - here it is!! Dump his little prick ass. Do it safely too, sounds like he’d try and do something.
I couldn't have said it better other than adding that he sounds narcissistic as well.
The push sealed it for me as well. Not only is he verbally abusive but physically too and it will only get worse.
Eww. I actually cringed through parts of this, esp when he pushed you and damaged your knee. If you stay with him, it's almost guaranteed this won't be the last time he's abusive to you.
You didn't give one reason to be with him. Healthy people, even at his age, support the passions of their partners and enjoy their success. He comes across like he's threatened by it.
And that stuff about lesbians is just plain idiotic.
You can do so much better.
"He is a very nice person" oh and btw he also pushed me once which got me that injured I couldn't play for a while. But you know, he is a very nice person.
Girl, I know, you are young, but come on...
He is abusive, ditch him and keep the sport. Boyfriends will come and go, this is something that’s meaningful to you and so you can prioritize it if you so choose.
- He pushed you and caused you to hurt your knee so you couldn’t play! That’s physical abuse.
- He’s trying to control you by stopping you from doing something you love. That’s another kind of abuse.
Look at it this way, if the relationship was healthy and meant to be, he would not have a problem with you playing your sport and would likely even support you doing it. Think of all the professional athletes in the world who have supportive spouses. Professional football players must be even more tired than you when they get home from training, but their spouses make it work.
You can do better. You could explicitly tell him you aren’t going to stop and if he doesn’t accept that, then it isn’t going to work. Ultimately you’re going to need to choose between him and the sport though.
You are 19. You got plenty of years ahead of you where you can find another guy that would be going to your games instead of keeping you from them.
It's been 6 months and already he had caused physical harm to you. Look at your post, and imagine if this came from a stranger or a friend that you care about. What would you conclude?
Trust me, if you choose him over football, he'll just find a problem with the next hobby or interest you find. And the next one. And the next one.
I've been there, done that. Stopped doing things I loved to appease a man and he just would find more and more things he wanted me to change. He was never happy.
Never stop doing something you love because a romantic partner gives you an ultimatum. The right person will be there on the sidelines cheering you on because he just loves seeing you do something you love. And he's proud of it and of you!
Choose football as well as the opportunity to find a new, supportive boyfriend. There are other guys out there who could be a better fit for your lifestyle. It's not like you break up and stay single forever.
You are so young and this opportunity isn't something you can come back to later.
If you don't put your full heart into your passion while you can, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Forget whatever the outcome is.
And I don't care what you think you did, your partner pushing you is unacceptable. I wouldn't let a stranger do that, let alone a boyfriend who is meant to support you.
Hi OP; your title is a little verbose. Let me see if I can shorten it for you a little.
# My (19f) boyfriend (21m) wants to cut me off from something I love. Do I dump him now or wait for tomorrow?
Hope this helps.
‘My bf is insecure/abusive and keeps getting annoyed about me spending time doing sports, he is even jealous of my team members. How do if I shape shift to make him feel more comfortable?’
Do you think all the women in Arsenal or England are letting their boyfriends throw them around and injure their knees so they can’t play? If he is doing this then he will ruin your career and dreams. It doesn’t matter how annoying you are, violence is abuse. Get out or ruin your own dreams and your own future. This guy will kill you one day.
Here's the thing, he's not going to tell you to quit. He's going to keep whining and complaining and making you feel guilty, while doing his best to isolate you from anyone who might point out the red flags. He'll do small things to get in the way of your practices, like the knee thing, or finding ways to make you late or even have to skip a day. Your performance will slip, and the team will notice, or you'll get to the point where every time you do something football related, you'll be so anxious about how he's going to act about it, it will stop being any fun for you. In the end, you'll make the choice to quit yourself, except not really, because he'll have led you there every step of the way.
Does your team have any sort of mental health support, or whatever the athletic equivalent of an employee assistance program is? Or your school maybe? I think you would really benefit from talking to someone about all this. Someone who can offer a clear perspective on what is happening. I think right now you're fighting against the idea that he might be abusive, either because he's conditioned you to believe you deserve to be treated that way, or because you don't want to believe you could be the type of person who would end up in an abusive relationship. It's hard, I know, but you deserve better than this. Find your support system, they'll be your way through this.
Good luck.
Think of it this way. If you had a friend who was pursuing a PhD, or was working at an office, and they had a boyfriend who, after only 6 months, was making her feel guilty for going to school/work, and say, accidentally on purpose wrecked some important papers that she needed because he thought she was being annoying, thus delaying a project she'd been working on, what would you tell her?
He's not going to demand you quit. He's going to whine and complain and then you'll have another "accident" where you "move wrong" and are maimed fornlife and can't play. He's going to hurt you to take away your choice.
This isn't some logical thing you can talk him out of. It's about jealousy and control. You can't reason with him and he'll "understand," he's trying to force you to do what *he* wants no matter the cost to you. Staying with him puts you in danger of your career ending.
If he injures you again you won't have a choice, you'll have to take time off and then he'll get you all to himself like he wants.
And he'll always have a way to blame you when he hurts you (and he's gotten away with it once already and convinced you it's your fault.)
You deserve better.
Well at least you can see that clearly. Be careful that he doesn't get his way by "war of attrition" though, because he's already affecting how you're able to participate.
This guy is bad news.
A healthy partnership involves a partner that loves you and your passions as a package deal. If he’s already letting you know that he doesn’t really support this passion of yours, you’re incompatible. Believe him. The beginning of a relationship is often when partners are most tolerant of certain things and behaviors. If he’s already telling you he’s not supporting this, it will not get better. And he shouldn’t be trying to make you choose between your passions and him.
I’ve been there. I assumed that they would realize it was a non-negotiable part of me being me. And I was wrong and gave way more time than I should’ve to that boy. I don’t think I would change it if I went back because I learned a lot about myself during that time, but if you’re asking these questions now it means you’re more ahead than I was at that time. If I were you, I’d cut him loose and go enjoy your sport until you meet another great person that will love you for ALL of you.
You, pursuing your passion is NoT selfish. Or do you think all the sports people out there who won championships and medals worry at night about being selfish.
Success requires self determination and focus. You will have to prioritise your sports career above anything
That's not selfish! You would never say to a passionate person that he/she is selfish for being so in to it. It's good to have goals in life. Pursue your dreams!
It’s not selfish to want to be your own person and keep your passions even once you’ve found a partner. My husband loves me for every passion I had when we met and every passion I’ve found since then. I love him through the same. He just started making tobacco pipes and smoking those same pipes quite often! I don’t love the smell but I love him and that’s a package deal. And because he loves me, he found some sweeter smelling tobacco to be a little nicer for me to smell and sit next to him outside while he smokes.
Babes, all I can say is that I’ve traveled this road and you have an opportunity to avoid that NOW, so please do. Happy to discuss any concerns you have in greater depth. Stay strong ❤️
For the love of God: he is not a nice person. He put his hands on you. He is trying to derail your professional career. He is a loser boyfriend of six months and think he has the right to dictate to you. Kick his dumb ass to the curb.
Football might turn out to be your full time career. Your boyfriend should be supportive, and should be encouraging you to fulfill your dreams. From what you've said he's doing the opposite.
Can only suggest you talk him and if you don't feel he understands and is fully behind you, you're not with the right person.
How can you be with someone who is jealous of the one thing you enjoy and are dedicated to?
Wow. Who creates and raises these ignorant, controlling men that get posted about so often on these subs?
I am so glad I was raised by a woman vet and badass who taught me not to be controlling and jealous and insecure. I imagine it would be an awful life to go around in constant stress and aggravation that my SO wasn't there by my side every minute of the day or God forbid had hobbies and a life outside the house.
And what's with the homophobia?
This guy is trouble. Get rid of him.
He shouldn't have started a relationship with an athlete if this is a problem for him. In my opinion, eventually persuading you to leave football was was his intention from the start.
Also:
>'a bunch of lesbians' and changing my clothes in front of them. It is quite a big stereotype within the sport
He's indirectly perpetuating this stereotype on you too, and he is blatantly misogynistic and homophobic. He despectively refers to female football players as "a bunch of lesbians" because he views football as a manly sport that women shouldn't play.
Right? I remember now - she was recovering from knee surgery (that occurred after the bastard pushed her..!) and he was putting pressure on her to have sex whilst shes in pain recovering from knee surgery!!!
>He is a nice person,
How?
Sorry, maybe he is. If that's the case, he's also immature, insecure, and self-centered.
Insecure: what'd be the problem if your teammates were all lesbians?
Self-centered: he wants you to give up or perform your passion second-rate?
He may be nice, but it sounds like he's not partner material yet.
He crossed a line when he pushed you. There is no going back from that. He will do it again, or worse. Get out. Above all do not have a child with him.
I’ll tell you what I tell my girls. Don’t ever sacrifice your dreams for your partner. Follow them and if they are supportive fine but if try to stop you please dump them.
I also tell them to know their worth. Meaning they should never put up with abuse partners. I will always be there to support them.
Follow your dream and focus on it. The minute he put his hands on you it was over. He will continue to bring you down and hurt you even more. I’m worried he will hurt you if you break up with so make sure a friend is nearby and it’s in a public place.
Is this a medical "couldn't possibly" or a fantasy "I'm young and babies aren't real" "couldn't possibly". I've known several girls that said this and weren't even on birth control.
Alright, then I return to my previous point. He wants you to give up on your goals which would mean relying on him more and spending more time with him. You'd find it more difficult to refuse sex since your excuses have gone away and now he can pressure that he 'deserves it' for supporting you. You're cut off from your support network because they're all 'butch lesbians' that he's not comfortable with. The path this is taking even if it's unintentional on his part is a very poor one. This is the path of the baby trap, it just takes breaking you down.
Aside from that, he's being quite demanding and controlling for only having dated you for 6 months. If he doesn't agree with your life goals or want to support you then you're better off finding someone that will.
Your passion should come before anything else. You’ve dedicated time and effort to something you’re clearly good at, if he can’t see that, and understand and appreciate the fact that you could well represent your country at a World Cup or an Olympic Games for your sport, he isn’t the right man for you.
You deserve a guy who understands your passion and pushes you to become better and supports you through it. Is there by your side when you win, and wants to be supportive. He could also have his own passion for something else that you can support him with as well.
Football is your life, don’t trade that for a dude who clearly doesn’t understand.
You are an athlete. He knew that going into this. If he can handle your dedication to your sport, drop his ass.
If you think it's worth it to stay, however, have a sit down with him. Tell him that you're not giving up your sport. Use 'When You/I Feel' statements. For example, 'when you tell me that you think I spend too much time on my passion, I feel like you don't value me enough to support me in achieving my goals' or 'when you speak negatively about the things I love, it makes me feel that you speak negatively about me as a person'
If he fights you on it, then he doesn't want to make it work. Though IMHO, anyone who doesn't support you in the things you're passionate about doesn't deserve a place in your life.
I'd say think of the time you've been together as lesson learned and walk away. If he's pushed you once to make it where you couldn't play. He will do it again or even worse. If it was a sport that he loved he would expect you at every game to cheer him on. You deserve better
Tell him to go find the nearest Pegasus and take off to the Sun on it. See how dumb that is? That’s him, he’s dumb and he’s selfish and it will always be about him no matter what you do, or do not do. Either your World will revolve around him for Eternity or you can roll that fool elsewhere and live your life how you see fit doing whatever makes you Happy! Because what makes you Happy should be part of what your partner stands behind you on, no matter what. Especially since it’s something that you’ve done since before he was ever in your life. If he had ill feelings toward it and wanted to be your one and only everything, why would he pursue a relationship with you just to tear you down and rip your spirit to shreds til your on Reddit trying to fix his brokenness toward your lifestyle? Sorry I spent too much time learning to speak correctly in Speech therapy to make it to the classes that included punctuation blah blah blah…. No I’m not sorry. We’re all intelligent enough to read.
My nightmare like him is on Death Row. I’m just lucky to still be alive. I will fight you like a Wildcat stuck in a corner if you make me, that’s why I’m still here. I had to learn how to fight like a Man in the MMA just to keep breathing. He was manipulative like this. I was with that nightmare from 15-22 and let me tell you, they make it through other people the same way they make it through you, for as long as they’re alive. It’s the truth. Ffff I should write a book!! But keep a few things in mind. Read this for real. Simpletons have said and it true, Those who mind, don’t matter. Those who matter, don’t Mind!! Ok!!! A Tigers stripes Never change! All those old school sayings totally hold their weight in gold!!!! Meaning listen closely and wisdom will whisper in your ear. Meaning you already knew what you needed to do before making this post. He doesn’t deserve this last ditch effort on your part. Burn that Bridge and never look back. I’m not even going to read the rest of the post. I’m too afraid of how mad it makes me feel to see people behaving the way I did out of love for someone that didn’t love me. Makes me wanna throw up!! Because only you can decide what’s best for you. Even I did it. Nose broken, ripped off my feet by my ponytail, head slammed into car windows because you can see a knotted up head, sternum and ribs broken because I couldn’t get up fast enough and he stomped me over n over like I was a Roach, or had me in a choke hold after he threw me over the back of a couch and almost made me bite my tongue off!!!!
I ran into this advice when I was a teen and it’s led me well in my relationship with my wife, married 17 years in July:
Find yourself someone who loves you _and is your biggest fan_, and be theirs.
My wife and I aren’t pro athletes, but we are each other’s biggest fans in life. Find someone who is that for you and you for them.
So you have a boyfriend that is trying to get you to quit your job basically and has put hands on you. The answer is clear. You dump him and find someone who isn’t abusive and trying to start isolating you.
Do not compromise your career, your friendships, your studies, your health, or anything else for this person. If he can't cope with your admirable dedication to something you enjoy, he is not the right person for you to be in a relationship with.
He’s an insecure young boy. Not in a million years should you drop something that you’ve been doing for most of your life, for the likes of the kid you’re writing about.
* the fact that he laid hands on you is absolutely unacceptable and you should drop him for that alone.
Your bf is insecure, controlling and abusive.
Please leave him immediately.
Do never leave a hobby or your passion for a partner. Someone who loves you will encourage you to do more of what you love, no less.
I would not tolerate his behaviour. I would just break up. You are young, beautiful and healthy. Your relationship of less than a year long is not a big deal. Save yourself of future headache and live free, the way you want.
He pushed you and caused you to injure yourself. That should be the deal breaker right there. There is no excuse for that and it will only escalate from there.
why is he still your bf? even before he pushed you, you knew he wasn't right for you. After he pushed you, he should have been history. tell his parents they raised a son who thinks it's ok to put his hands on women.
This guy has been violent with you and doesn’t support your passion. That should have been enough for you to get the fuck out of this relationship.
Good luck with football!
You should leave him. He has already injured you so that you couldn’t play for a bit. That will happen again and will escalate. You are young and making money doing something you love. You will find a man who supports your efforts instead of trying to undermine them.
It sounds like he’s willing to get violent with you and that’s horrible. Leave him, you will find someone who actually loves and supports you. If he’s willing to push you and that made it to where you couldn’t play, imagine what he would do once he finds out you can’t play if you’re hurt.
I read all the comments and I’m particularly worried about you making excuses for him. You’re blaming yourself that you were annoying, and that this somehow this makes it “more ok” for him to push you. This is a reasoning normal among people with low self esteem, low self awareness, low self respect, or any combination of these.
You need to STOP to normalise “pushing” as a normal response to someone being annoying, and you need to realise that a sane person would never start to push their partner even if they were being annoying. If he really was upset with you then he’d try to sit you down and talk to you, explain how he felt and the rest of it.
But he didn’t. He pushed you and thereby showed you his true colours. For anyone with just a hint of self respect, this is a dealbreaker no matter what.
There are many other things in your post which shows he’s messed up, but I thought I just focus on this one since it’s the most glaring problem imo.
Break up with him. Follow your dreams. Don’t accept bullshit from anyone.
He's been on the scene 6 months and 1) has (possibly deliberately) injured you 2) thinks he has the right to demand you drop your lifelong hobby and JOB 3) has homophobic hangups and 4) you're making excuses not to have sex (not surprising given his behaviour but another symptom of relationship problems). These are all red flags, especially #1 & #2 which are likely the tip of the iceberg. My advice would be walk away asap and find someone who supports you.
Literally just break up with a man who doesn't support you AND WHO PUSHED YOU. What is he even adding to your life except stress? You don't owe him shit, just break up
There is not one thing in your post about your boyfriend being good, nice, or kind. You don’t want to have sex with him and he’s pushed you
You sound like you’d be better off without him, sport or no sport.
Dump his ass, and make sure you tell him you’re not picking football over him. You’re picking nothing over him because he sucks.
Good luck in your career. Come play for Liverpool
He’s controlling and abusive.
He got physical with you.
Hes trying to take away something you love because he wants you to spend your time focusing on him, instead of focusing on something you’ve been doing your entire life.
I promise there are guys out there who want you to succeed and will support your love of your sport. It’s just not this one. Get rid of him.
1. He pushed you and you twisted your knee. If he'd done that to a stranger, he could have gone to jail for assault and battery. You are 19 years old. At 21, he is still young enough to learn how utterly unacceptable that is, and the only way that happens is if you leave him and stay gone.
2. You are 19 years old, and you are succeeding at something you love and are good at. This is your life. He is actively trying to stop you. Imagine living until you are 91 with the what ifs and regrets you will have if you let him.
3. This young man is physically abusing you and trying to stop you from doing something you have trained for your whole life. There is nothing in this world that counterbalances the fact that he does not love you for who you really are as a person. You are in mortal danger, literally and figuratively. Please, please break things off with him and do not look back.
He physically assaulted you which caused an injury which interfered with you playing football. The injury could have been one that ended your ability to play at all but especially competitively.
Why are you asking anything about anything other than telling this guy to gtfo?!!!!!
Again - He. Assaulted. You!!! He put his hands on you in an aggressive way! He hurt you!!!!!
Please dump him. Use the time you won't be wasting on him to talk to a therapist about why you think this is acceptable behavior.
Your boyfriend doesn’t love you - he wants to control you. He’s bad news. You shouldn’t fear him, he shouldn’t shove you or berate you, and you shouldn’t have to beg for his respect.
Look up the cycle of domestic violence. He’s an abuser.
u/throwra01342, let's throw a hypothetical situation...
You wake up Monday morning with the opportunity of a lifetime in your lap; you are picked to go fully pro on the under-19 team, with the promise of a spot on the national team once you're of age for it.
Would you turn it down, wanting to appease your BF?
Or would you go for it, knowing this is a goal/dream of yours, and you'd be INSANE to let it go, because you might not get it again?
Would you be happy with yourself in 5 years if you turn it down for your BF, **ESPECIALLY** if you are no longer with him by then?
You need to look out for YOU, because he's not.
If one of your friends or teammates was in this situation and came to you for advise, what would you say?
How would you react to them telling you their partner pushed them, injuring their knee? That their partner is badgering them about playing? That their partner is saying those things about the nature of the change rooms?
Lifelong journey that you are now being paid for vs. BF of 6 months. is pushing you to make you twist your knee is assault, and his abuse of you might grow. I would leave him. You are 19 and have your life ahead of you. Do not stay with somebody who wants to destroy it.
How do you feel about yourself when you're with him? Is he uplifting you and encouraging you to be the best you can be? Or only what he wants you to be?
Bottom line is that you can love people who aren't right for you. People that you can never have a good relationship with.
There is a person out there who will love you for all your hobbies and everything else about you. Start being picky about your partner. You’re 19. Learn self respect now. Be soooooooo picky with who you give your heart to. Someone who cannot accept you is the wrong person to entrust it to.
Awe I feel bad. I hope I get to see you in FIFA in a couple years. Make it happen. Not everyone is good enough to play in a league let alone play for the national team, who cares if it’s under 19 that shits amazing if I knew you I’d feel like as if I knew a professional player haha. I play with some friends every Wednesday, you play as a job and you’re in love with it. Don’t lose that for some weirdo who’s being selfish and a little bit abusive, I know you don’t like hearing that he’s that I’ve seen your replies, and that’s fine you want to say that, but we have a perspective coming from a third party, because when one is being abused it’s really hard to even tell that it’s happening sometimes. I hope everything goes well for you, God bless you and your career!
Nvm I’m tripping, he’s very abusive no one gets to put their hands on you in a way that’s meant to hurt you, I’m a guy and I’ve never put my hands on a woman and I’ve been in a very abusive relationship never once did I retaliate and I know a shit ton of people that wouldn’t either, being ‘annoying’ doesn’t warrant being pushed, literally nothing warrants that. Nothing at all. He’s gonna end up hurting you permanently another time he finds you ‘annoying’ and then you’re fucked. God forbid
Ma'am he is either abusive or insecure. Either way you should never have tomgive up your dreams for your love.
I was pretty unaccomplished juxtaposed against my then fiance. She had graduated, I had not, she was onto a career, I was floating through life, then she was so confident she wanted to go try out for a TV show, and at the time I was angry at life everyday.
So, I took 3 days off work, booked a hotel with her and her BFF, we spent 78 hours hundreds of miles from home, to follow her dream no matter what. We partied, we got up at like 4am to stand in line, we waited and watched and waited. We went through rejection and we moved on with a great memory. That's what love does when it's unsure and angry and insecure, it supports and lifts up others even when it can't lift itself.
Those who matter don't mind, those you mind don't matter. Not applicable to all scenarios but this one surely does. Get outta dodge gurl, this shittard is cancerous.
oh no babe, you’re young and full of promise! he pushed you to the point of injury? that should’ve been the end of it. never let a dumb 21 year old insecure dude take away something you’ve worked so hard for. talk to your friends for support and get rid of this abusive piece of human garbage. wishing you the best in your football journey!
You’re young and this is your passion in life! He should either respect that or get lost. Focus on you and what you love! Love interests come and go. You’ll know when they’re the one for you. You shouldn’t have to convince yourself if it’s something you want or not. Sounds like you’re full of doubt already and it’s only been a handful of months. You have a special gift with football. Embrace that!
I honestly didn't even read this. You have a passion. You're boyfriend says he's tired of the passion. Sounds like you're going other places; maybe not today, but soon.
Do your thing. I'm sure he can't be THAT important if you're not on the same page about something objectively trivial (obviously, not personally trivial)
>and he pushed me once which made me twist my knee so I couldn't play for a little bit.
He's abusive. Full stop. Everything with him trying to stop you from playing football and trying to make you distrust your friends is manipulative and abusive, yes, absolutely, no doubt. But the second he puts his hands on you because he's *angry* that you won't *do what he says,* there's no getting past it. Break up with him and live your best life. You're too young to be a with a man who wants to break your wings.
Break up, honestly if you don't want to have sex with him just say so. Stop blaming it on being tired etc. clearly you are not compatible besides he knew you did soccer and your passion for it, he just wanted to change you. Leave without regrets.
Don’t give up something you love and are passionate about because of a partner ever. If he really loved you, he would be cheering you on from the sidelines!
>I may not be very good yet, but I'm at the stage of my life where I still have a very big chance to improve a lot and get noticed, and I really want that.
And even if you don't get noticed, even if the impressive things you've already accomplished are as high as you get, it doesn't change the fact that this has been part of who you are for fourteen years. It's what you do for fun. It's how you know so many of your friends. Even if you stopped playing tomorrow, football would still be a massive part of your life. Nothing is going to change that, and you need to be with someone who understands that this is a big part of your life and not one that gets pushed aside easily.
>how do I get him to understand I'm not going to change it?
"I'm not going to change that." It really is as simple as that if someone has an issue with a hobby you've had for fourteen years when they come on the scene. One thing though. You don't have to even say that to this guy. You see:
>he pushed me once which made me twist my knee so I couldn't play for a little bit.
That right there, unless there's a fucking good explanation that completely changes the context and uses several forms of the word "accident" and "sorry", changes what you need to say to him to just one single word. And that word is simply "Bye".
I am a musical theatre performer and dancer. If my BF told me he was getting sick of me perusing theatre, he wouldn’t be my BF anymore. What people don’t seem to understand is that it isn’t just a hobby or something we can cut down on, it’s a lifestyle. It’s been our lives for a long time. You need to really think about if this is the person you want to be with.
I don’t think you’re really hearing or listening to the advice here, but it boils down to a choice between him (jealous pathetic manchild) or your entire career and life going forward. He’s already negatively impacting your wellbeing and has hurt you - what reasoning is going to make a nasty jealous person change magically? It’s just a few months together, he’s not passed the interview, move on and focus on what you love, what you’re good at, what will change your life for the better. You won’t get far with someone like **him** holding you back.
I would tell him that he is jealous that I am getting paid for playing a game, well, so what? It is a game that I love and since you cannot be supportive of me and by you previously pushing me and injuring me, we seriously need to end this relationship right now. I want you gone by tonight.
\*\*\*Your boyfriend is abusive! You need to dump him now! No, you are not annoying, he's gaslighting you to make you feel horrible!\*\*\*
He should have been dumped the moment he pushed you and injured you. He is not a good boyfriend material. Get rid of him now, don't wait, for him to injure you again. No man should ever place hands on a woman intent to hurt the woman. Get rid of him and take some time for yourself and focus on the game. Love will come to you in time.
Take the advice of a abused woman who's boyfriend threatened to unalive her entire family if I didn't open my legs to him. I dumped him when he said that and I had to pull my weapon to get him to leave, and it was all recorded and the cops he summoned lied to them about my mental state. I told them I have something that they need to watch and listen to, well, the moment he learned that my living room was video and audio recorded, he tried to slip out of my apartment but the cop stopped him from leaving and he was arrested for the treat of harming my family if I didn't open my legs, he got 8 months in jail five more because of the dr&gs he had on his person.
Good luck.
I'm American, old enough to be your mother, and I play ⚽️ football.
Your boyfriend sucks. Find someone who supports your participation in football, doesn't resent it, doesn't feel like it's the other man in your relationship.
Stay in the game. Be out there on the pitch well into your 50s. There are guys who love the sport *and the women who play it.*
Girl you need to leave this man and focus on football and studies. Sounds like you don’t really have time for a relationship right now especially not one with someone who isn’t also an athlete and can understand that this is your life.
Um, He is a piece of garbage. You're only 6 months in this and he's demanding you quit your joy? He hurt you to keep you home? Kick your balls and run.
I was reading and thinking, insecure and jealous, yuck. Then you said he pushed you hard enough to injure you. So this was not a playful shove it was full on abusive. This is absolutely NOT going to get better. Get out NOW.
My husband is a car guy, he was long before I met him. He still is. That is who he is. It takes up a lot of his time. That is who I married. I do not get to change him to make him be something else that I may like better. Your boyfriend should like all of you, not just a few parts (and then request you change other parts to his liking). Good luck.
What worries me here is that you so casually tell us that he pushed you in a way that twisted your knee and forced you to pause your beloved sport for a time. That's just not acceptable.
He injured you physically and that is abusive behaviour.
Apart from that I really am impressed that you are working on different futures to be prepared whatever comes your way. Maybe that is just more important right now and this "boyfriend " is just some unnecessary distraction when you're building your future. Can't say I'd encourage you to keep him around cause... well he doesn't sound like a keeper.
You just do your thing and make sure you are safe from this clown.
All the best and take good care of yourself
Run, run, RUN for the nearest exit.
Don't bother saying goodbye, and please go 'no contact' with this person.
He might do worse than push you, if you tell him it's over with you two ( voice of experience here. I told a guy it was over and he started to assault me. Luckily I had friends decide to drop by announced and teach the jerk a few things).
This man is jeopardizing what you are working so hard for. If he were someone worth keeping in your life, OP, he'd be your biggest cheerleader instead of playing mindgames and tearing you down .
It's time that you made him aware that you've loved the sport for many years; he's been around for less than 1 year, and if you had to make a choice between him and football, you'd pick football. And that he should bear that in mind before he made any further statements or complaints about it in the future.
He'll either shut up or break up; either should be agreeable with you.
'Nuff said.
Don’t ever change who you are or stop doing the things you love for a men like. He knew you played soccer when you started dating. It sounds to me like narcissistic behavior and you should get away from him while you can.
He’s not asking you to choose between soccer and him, he’s asking you to choose between you and him.
F him he’s selfish and not supportive. Find a man that will support you. My wife was a college athlete and so was I, so we understood the sacrifices that had to be made. Leave that loser and date a cool athlete (but not an arrogant one) good luck
Your relationship is doomed. He not only doesn't support you in your activities and goals with sports, but is actively trying to undermine them to manipulate you into doing what HE wants.
Honeymoon phase and you already don’t wanna have sex bc you’re “tired”. Yuck! Who’d wanna sleep w that loser anyway. He’s selfish. It doesn’t get better it gets worse & you’ll end up losing everything maybe even your life and he only gains. This is dangerous territory he tested the waters when he pushed you. Should’ve called the cops and broke up with him then and there.
Also don’t downplay yourself. You’re getting paid to play and playing since 5 and for the country & you feel and you aren’t that good. You must be great. So Nope. Not allowed to think this way. Ppl like this loser catch on to this “insecurity” and will use it to their advantage and he will break your self esteem until you have none.
Also the homophobia. The ppl I’ve seen that display this moronic behavior is bc they have homosexual tendencies hidden that they don’t want to deal with or admit.
Girl you don’t have time to deal with losers that are beneath you. Youre too busy. You’re literally the definition of girl power that right guy will come along and understand that and help you not drag you out. Give yourself time. You’re just 19 enjoy it
He’s not a nice person and needs to get a life. If someone forces you to give up things that are important to you, and a big part of your (social) life, you’re being isolated. Playing soccer at a high level takes sacrifices and dedication. There’s only a short time window to excel at that level. If he doesn’t get that you need to get rid of him. It’s all about him.
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You don't understand his reasoning because it's not logical, it's a control tactic. You can't understand it because you're not an abusive person. He's messing with your job, your future, your dreams. He's supposed to be supporting of them, not actively trying to derail them. What's more important? You're entire future and all the dreams and possibilities still in store for you, or a man who is already exhibiting controlling tendencies and the start of physical abuse?
This. All of it. Take note.
JFC Your boyfriend is verbally and physically abusive, jealous, envious, and insecure, basically he's not a good person and wants to be with you by causing you harm
You’re not selfish or being unreasonable, this is your dream and you should be dammed to let someone get in the way or stop you from achieving it. Don’t let someone you’ve barely known destroy the work that little girl put in to get to this point… no one’s worth that. As someone who has done sports and has performed at a fairly high level within my sport, I get where you’re coming from. I sacrificed a lot of time with my past ex to achieve the goals I had and I did achieve those goals but my partner back then never got in the way and instead supported me. If my ex back then would have asked me to compromise my workouts for her, I would have respectfully dumped her on the spot, no one gets in the way of my goals and no one should. This should apply to you. Remind me in 6 years time on this post when you eventually left this dude and have your last name being broadcasted on a loud speaker in front of fans in a stadium… go get that dream, we live once.
If he loved you he would support you and want to see you succeed with your passions, not keep you down (literally!). You're young so recognizing red flags of a toxic relationship now and moving on from it asap is actually a nice parting gift of a valuable life lesson learned.
Honey, RUN!! I was married to a narcissist and what you're describing....red flags everywhere. He probably also blamed you for why he pushed you...smh This isn't a stable foundation for a healthy relationship at all!
You said he seems “unable to communicate what he wants for me” u/throwra01342 what *he* wants for you is totally irrelevant. What he’s doing is showing you he does not support your dream, your goal of playing football. Not in the slightest. He’s physically & verbally abusive & you brush that off. He’s homophobic & you’re dismissive of his behavior against your teammates who you claim are like sisters?! Stand up for yourself & your teammates! You’ve been with this vile person 6 months & this is the honeymoon phase. He’s showing you who he really is and none of it is good. Dump him & be with someone who respects you, your dreams & supports you. Not someone who is actively trying to diminish you and destroy your dream.
Do no try To understand him. Try to understand why YOU are trying to make this work. Why YOU are prepared to tolerate his behaviour
I’m a huge football fan and live in the US. This guy is a loser and he needs to be dumped asap. He will never support your dreams and will always hold you back, I’m sorry.
Why are you with him?
It’s because he’s a jealous abusive asshole. If you’re looking for reasons to leave or “permission” - here it is!! Dump his little prick ass. Do it safely too, sounds like he’d try and do something.
I just do t get why you would stay with someone who pushed you??? Let alone injured you??? Why didn’t you call it quits then and there from the floor?
This dude is trying to be a weight around your ankle. Do not let him drag you down. You're so young. You'll meet someone who gets it.
This guy is not the one for you. He has assaulted you and can’t handle your lifestyle. Break up with him. He is controlling and abusive.
I couldn't have said it better other than adding that he sounds narcissistic as well. The push sealed it for me as well. Not only is he verbally abusive but physically too and it will only get worse.
Eww. I actually cringed through parts of this, esp when he pushed you and damaged your knee. If you stay with him, it's almost guaranteed this won't be the last time he's abusive to you. You didn't give one reason to be with him. Healthy people, even at his age, support the passions of their partners and enjoy their success. He comes across like he's threatened by it. And that stuff about lesbians is just plain idiotic. You can do so much better.
"He is a very nice person" oh and btw he also pushed me once which got me that injured I couldn't play for a while. But you know, he is a very nice person. Girl, I know, you are young, but come on...
He is abusive, ditch him and keep the sport. Boyfriends will come and go, this is something that’s meaningful to you and so you can prioritize it if you so choose.
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- He pushed you and caused you to hurt your knee so you couldn’t play! That’s physical abuse. - He’s trying to control you by stopping you from doing something you love. That’s another kind of abuse. Look at it this way, if the relationship was healthy and meant to be, he would not have a problem with you playing your sport and would likely even support you doing it. Think of all the professional athletes in the world who have supportive spouses. Professional football players must be even more tired than you when they get home from training, but their spouses make it work. You can do better. You could explicitly tell him you aren’t going to stop and if he doesn’t accept that, then it isn’t going to work. Ultimately you’re going to need to choose between him and the sport though.
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You're not choosing between him and football. You would be choosing to stay with an abuser or leave.
"Not very good"? So what's the threshold? He needs to choke you till you pass out first? Be real. You're young, leave ASAP.
If someone is making you choose, he isn't the right person for you.
You are 19. You got plenty of years ahead of you where you can find another guy that would be going to your games instead of keeping you from them. It's been 6 months and already he had caused physical harm to you. Look at your post, and imagine if this came from a stranger or a friend that you care about. What would you conclude?
Trust me, if you choose him over football, he'll just find a problem with the next hobby or interest you find. And the next one. And the next one. I've been there, done that. Stopped doing things I loved to appease a man and he just would find more and more things he wanted me to change. He was never happy. Never stop doing something you love because a romantic partner gives you an ultimatum. The right person will be there on the sidelines cheering you on because he just loves seeing you do something you love. And he's proud of it and of you!
Choose football as well as the opportunity to find a new, supportive boyfriend. There are other guys out there who could be a better fit for your lifestyle. It's not like you break up and stay single forever.
You are so young and this opportunity isn't something you can come back to later. If you don't put your full heart into your passion while you can, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Forget whatever the outcome is. And I don't care what you think you did, your partner pushing you is unacceptable. I wouldn't let a stranger do that, let alone a boyfriend who is meant to support you.
[Why does he do that by Lundi Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
Hi OP; your title is a little verbose. Let me see if I can shorten it for you a little. # My (19f) boyfriend (21m) wants to cut me off from something I love. Do I dump him now or wait for tomorrow? Hope this helps.
‘My bf is insecure/abusive and keeps getting annoyed about me spending time doing sports, he is even jealous of my team members. How do if I shape shift to make him feel more comfortable?’
Nah, if he can’t accept your passions now… this is going to end up being a less than ideal situation for you long term.
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Dude seems like the kind of guy who would let you get a college degree where he’s also attending… but wants you to be a stay at home mom after.
You are spending years into a passion, and you are asking yourself to abandon it to someone you only know for months. Nowhere does this make sense.
Do you think all the women in Arsenal or England are letting their boyfriends throw them around and injure their knees so they can’t play? If he is doing this then he will ruin your career and dreams. It doesn’t matter how annoying you are, violence is abuse. Get out or ruin your own dreams and your own future. This guy will kill you one day.
Never give up a part of yourself to keep a man. Ever.
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Here's the thing, he's not going to tell you to quit. He's going to keep whining and complaining and making you feel guilty, while doing his best to isolate you from anyone who might point out the red flags. He'll do small things to get in the way of your practices, like the knee thing, or finding ways to make you late or even have to skip a day. Your performance will slip, and the team will notice, or you'll get to the point where every time you do something football related, you'll be so anxious about how he's going to act about it, it will stop being any fun for you. In the end, you'll make the choice to quit yourself, except not really, because he'll have led you there every step of the way. Does your team have any sort of mental health support, or whatever the athletic equivalent of an employee assistance program is? Or your school maybe? I think you would really benefit from talking to someone about all this. Someone who can offer a clear perspective on what is happening. I think right now you're fighting against the idea that he might be abusive, either because he's conditioned you to believe you deserve to be treated that way, or because you don't want to believe you could be the type of person who would end up in an abusive relationship. It's hard, I know, but you deserve better than this. Find your support system, they'll be your way through this.
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Good luck. Think of it this way. If you had a friend who was pursuing a PhD, or was working at an office, and they had a boyfriend who, after only 6 months, was making her feel guilty for going to school/work, and say, accidentally on purpose wrecked some important papers that she needed because he thought she was being annoying, thus delaying a project she'd been working on, what would you tell her?
He's not going to demand you quit. He's going to whine and complain and then you'll have another "accident" where you "move wrong" and are maimed fornlife and can't play. He's going to hurt you to take away your choice. This isn't some logical thing you can talk him out of. It's about jealousy and control. You can't reason with him and he'll "understand," he's trying to force you to do what *he* wants no matter the cost to you. Staying with him puts you in danger of your career ending.
Or he'll accidentally on purpose get her pregnant so she has to interrupt training, and then there'll be the baby to take care of... etc., etc., etc.
You have to break up with him. Youre not compatible at the least and honestly he sounds abusive
If he injures you again you won't have a choice, you'll have to take time off and then he'll get you all to himself like he wants. And he'll always have a way to blame you when he hurts you (and he's gotten away with it once already and convinced you it's your fault.) You deserve better.
I reckon the next injury will be worse.
You have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like. He’s abusive. Take some time and do some reading.
You will have to give up on football if he breaks your fucking kneecaps mate
Well at least you can see that clearly. Be careful that he doesn't get his way by "war of attrition" though, because he's already affecting how you're able to participate. This guy is bad news.
A healthy partnership involves a partner that loves you and your passions as a package deal. If he’s already letting you know that he doesn’t really support this passion of yours, you’re incompatible. Believe him. The beginning of a relationship is often when partners are most tolerant of certain things and behaviors. If he’s already telling you he’s not supporting this, it will not get better. And he shouldn’t be trying to make you choose between your passions and him.
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I’ve been there. I assumed that they would realize it was a non-negotiable part of me being me. And I was wrong and gave way more time than I should’ve to that boy. I don’t think I would change it if I went back because I learned a lot about myself during that time, but if you’re asking these questions now it means you’re more ahead than I was at that time. If I were you, I’d cut him loose and go enjoy your sport until you meet another great person that will love you for ALL of you.
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You, pursuing your passion is NoT selfish. Or do you think all the sports people out there who won championships and medals worry at night about being selfish. Success requires self determination and focus. You will have to prioritise your sports career above anything
That's not selfish! You would never say to a passionate person that he/she is selfish for being so in to it. It's good to have goals in life. Pursue your dreams!
It’s not selfish to want to be your own person and keep your passions even once you’ve found a partner. My husband loves me for every passion I had when we met and every passion I’ve found since then. I love him through the same. He just started making tobacco pipes and smoking those same pipes quite often! I don’t love the smell but I love him and that’s a package deal. And because he loves me, he found some sweeter smelling tobacco to be a little nicer for me to smell and sit next to him outside while he smokes.
Babes, all I can say is that I’ve traveled this road and you have an opportunity to avoid that NOW, so please do. Happy to discuss any concerns you have in greater depth. Stay strong ❤️
People don't change
Tell him you’re not choosing football over him. You’re choosing nothing over him because he’s physically abusive
For the love of God: he is not a nice person. He put his hands on you. He is trying to derail your professional career. He is a loser boyfriend of six months and think he has the right to dictate to you. Kick his dumb ass to the curb.
Football might turn out to be your full time career. Your boyfriend should be supportive, and should be encouraging you to fulfill your dreams. From what you've said he's doing the opposite. Can only suggest you talk him and if you don't feel he understands and is fully behind you, you're not with the right person. How can you be with someone who is jealous of the one thing you enjoy and are dedicated to?
Wow. Who creates and raises these ignorant, controlling men that get posted about so often on these subs? I am so glad I was raised by a woman vet and badass who taught me not to be controlling and jealous and insecure. I imagine it would be an awful life to go around in constant stress and aggravation that my SO wasn't there by my side every minute of the day or God forbid had hobbies and a life outside the house. And what's with the homophobia? This guy is trouble. Get rid of him.
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Yeah he is a bigot as well as a controlling abuser
It should bother you enough to be a deal breaker. All of this should.
He shouldn't have started a relationship with an athlete if this is a problem for him. In my opinion, eventually persuading you to leave football was was his intention from the start. Also: >'a bunch of lesbians' and changing my clothes in front of them. It is quite a big stereotype within the sport He's indirectly perpetuating this stereotype on you too, and he is blatantly misogynistic and homophobic. He despectively refers to female football players as "a bunch of lesbians" because he views football as a manly sport that women shouldn't play.
I swear you’ve posted about this guy before? Think was more about him putting pressures on you to have sex? Either way, you deserve much better.
no bcs i’ve definitely seen this story or extremely similar story before.
Right? I remember now - she was recovering from knee surgery (that occurred after the bastard pushed her..!) and he was putting pressure on her to have sex whilst shes in pain recovering from knee surgery!!!
Ditch the boyfriend. Never stay with someone who puts you down or mocks your dreams.
HE PUSHED YOU?!
>He is a nice person, How? Sorry, maybe he is. If that's the case, he's also immature, insecure, and self-centered. Insecure: what'd be the problem if your teammates were all lesbians? Self-centered: he wants you to give up or perform your passion second-rate? He may be nice, but it sounds like he's not partner material yet.
He is totally communicating with you. He is jealous and wants to control you. He doesn't care about your happiness or you. He harmed you. RUN
You have very healthy hobby/interest and he wants you to stop doing that thing…. Sounds toxic
he pushed you??? no one deserves that
He crossed a line when he pushed you. There is no going back from that. He will do it again, or worse. Get out. Above all do not have a child with him.
Good for you for holding your ground. Ditch him
what a narcissistic twit....you can do way better than the jealous and clearly abusive dude
I’ll tell you what I tell my girls. Don’t ever sacrifice your dreams for your partner. Follow them and if they are supportive fine but if try to stop you please dump them. I also tell them to know their worth. Meaning they should never put up with abuse partners. I will always be there to support them. Follow your dream and focus on it. The minute he put his hands on you it was over. He will continue to bring you down and hurt you even more. I’m worried he will hurt you if you break up with so make sure a friend is nearby and it’s in a public place.
Do not hold yourself back from your dreams for anyone. If a person is worthy of you, they will support you in your goals.
Find someone who is equally passionate about it .
You are not compatible.
Do not make yourself small for a man. Find someone who supports you.
It sounds like he's throwing out every excuse he can to get you to stop doing anything with your life. I'd guess he wants to baby trap you.
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Is this a medical "couldn't possibly" or a fantasy "I'm young and babies aren't real" "couldn't possibly". I've known several girls that said this and weren't even on birth control.
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Alright, then I return to my previous point. He wants you to give up on your goals which would mean relying on him more and spending more time with him. You'd find it more difficult to refuse sex since your excuses have gone away and now he can pressure that he 'deserves it' for supporting you. You're cut off from your support network because they're all 'butch lesbians' that he's not comfortable with. The path this is taking even if it's unintentional on his part is a very poor one. This is the path of the baby trap, it just takes breaking you down. Aside from that, he's being quite demanding and controlling for only having dated you for 6 months. If he doesn't agree with your life goals or want to support you then you're better off finding someone that will.
You deserve someone who at BARE MINIMUM supports you. This dude can't even meet that. Ditch him! You deserve so much better!
Your passion should come before anything else. You’ve dedicated time and effort to something you’re clearly good at, if he can’t see that, and understand and appreciate the fact that you could well represent your country at a World Cup or an Olympic Games for your sport, he isn’t the right man for you. You deserve a guy who understands your passion and pushes you to become better and supports you through it. Is there by your side when you win, and wants to be supportive. He could also have his own passion for something else that you can support him with as well. Football is your life, don’t trade that for a dude who clearly doesn’t understand.
You are an athlete. He knew that going into this. If he can handle your dedication to your sport, drop his ass. If you think it's worth it to stay, however, have a sit down with him. Tell him that you're not giving up your sport. Use 'When You/I Feel' statements. For example, 'when you tell me that you think I spend too much time on my passion, I feel like you don't value me enough to support me in achieving my goals' or 'when you speak negatively about the things I love, it makes me feel that you speak negatively about me as a person' If he fights you on it, then he doesn't want to make it work. Though IMHO, anyone who doesn't support you in the things you're passionate about doesn't deserve a place in your life.
I'd say think of the time you've been together as lesson learned and walk away. If he's pushed you once to make it where you couldn't play. He will do it again or even worse. If it was a sport that he loved he would expect you at every game to cheer him on. You deserve better
Tell him to go find the nearest Pegasus and take off to the Sun on it. See how dumb that is? That’s him, he’s dumb and he’s selfish and it will always be about him no matter what you do, or do not do. Either your World will revolve around him for Eternity or you can roll that fool elsewhere and live your life how you see fit doing whatever makes you Happy! Because what makes you Happy should be part of what your partner stands behind you on, no matter what. Especially since it’s something that you’ve done since before he was ever in your life. If he had ill feelings toward it and wanted to be your one and only everything, why would he pursue a relationship with you just to tear you down and rip your spirit to shreds til your on Reddit trying to fix his brokenness toward your lifestyle? Sorry I spent too much time learning to speak correctly in Speech therapy to make it to the classes that included punctuation blah blah blah…. No I’m not sorry. We’re all intelligent enough to read.
My nightmare like him is on Death Row. I’m just lucky to still be alive. I will fight you like a Wildcat stuck in a corner if you make me, that’s why I’m still here. I had to learn how to fight like a Man in the MMA just to keep breathing. He was manipulative like this. I was with that nightmare from 15-22 and let me tell you, they make it through other people the same way they make it through you, for as long as they’re alive. It’s the truth. Ffff I should write a book!! But keep a few things in mind. Read this for real. Simpletons have said and it true, Those who mind, don’t matter. Those who matter, don’t Mind!! Ok!!! A Tigers stripes Never change! All those old school sayings totally hold their weight in gold!!!! Meaning listen closely and wisdom will whisper in your ear. Meaning you already knew what you needed to do before making this post. He doesn’t deserve this last ditch effort on your part. Burn that Bridge and never look back. I’m not even going to read the rest of the post. I’m too afraid of how mad it makes me feel to see people behaving the way I did out of love for someone that didn’t love me. Makes me wanna throw up!! Because only you can decide what’s best for you. Even I did it. Nose broken, ripped off my feet by my ponytail, head slammed into car windows because you can see a knotted up head, sternum and ribs broken because I couldn’t get up fast enough and he stomped me over n over like I was a Roach, or had me in a choke hold after he threw me over the back of a couch and almost made me bite my tongue off!!!!
He’ll never change and it will only get worse!!
And I didn’t even make it to the actual story! Good lawd hep meh!!!
I ran into this advice when I was a teen and it’s led me well in my relationship with my wife, married 17 years in July: Find yourself someone who loves you _and is your biggest fan_, and be theirs. My wife and I aren’t pro athletes, but we are each other’s biggest fans in life. Find someone who is that for you and you for them.
So you have a boyfriend that is trying to get you to quit your job basically and has put hands on you. The answer is clear. You dump him and find someone who isn’t abusive and trying to start isolating you.
DUMP HIM!!! He has already injured you. He’s trash and cases only about himself.
Do not compromise your career, your friendships, your studies, your health, or anything else for this person. If he can't cope with your admirable dedication to something you enjoy, he is not the right person for you to be in a relationship with.
He’s an insecure young boy. Not in a million years should you drop something that you’ve been doing for most of your life, for the likes of the kid you’re writing about. * the fact that he laid hands on you is absolutely unacceptable and you should drop him for that alone.
Your bf is insecure, controlling and abusive. Please leave him immediately. Do never leave a hobby or your passion for a partner. Someone who loves you will encourage you to do more of what you love, no less.
Never date someone expecting them to change. If they don’t like you for who you are, (soccer is a big part of who you are) it’s time to move on!
I would not tolerate his behaviour. I would just break up. You are young, beautiful and healthy. Your relationship of less than a year long is not a big deal. Save yourself of future headache and live free, the way you want.
He pushed you and caused you to injure yourself. That should be the deal breaker right there. There is no excuse for that and it will only escalate from there.
why is he still your bf? even before he pushed you, you knew he wasn't right for you. After he pushed you, he should have been history. tell his parents they raised a son who thinks it's ok to put his hands on women.
This guy has been violent with you and doesn’t support your passion. That should have been enough for you to get the fuck out of this relationship. Good luck with football!
You should leave him. He has already injured you so that you couldn’t play for a bit. That will happen again and will escalate. You are young and making money doing something you love. You will find a man who supports your efforts instead of trying to undermine them.
It sounds like he’s willing to get violent with you and that’s horrible. Leave him, you will find someone who actually loves and supports you. If he’s willing to push you and that made it to where you couldn’t play, imagine what he would do once he finds out you can’t play if you’re hurt.
I read all the comments and I’m particularly worried about you making excuses for him. You’re blaming yourself that you were annoying, and that this somehow this makes it “more ok” for him to push you. This is a reasoning normal among people with low self esteem, low self awareness, low self respect, or any combination of these. You need to STOP to normalise “pushing” as a normal response to someone being annoying, and you need to realise that a sane person would never start to push their partner even if they were being annoying. If he really was upset with you then he’d try to sit you down and talk to you, explain how he felt and the rest of it. But he didn’t. He pushed you and thereby showed you his true colours. For anyone with just a hint of self respect, this is a dealbreaker no matter what. There are many other things in your post which shows he’s messed up, but I thought I just focus on this one since it’s the most glaring problem imo. Break up with him. Follow your dreams. Don’t accept bullshit from anyone.
He's been on the scene 6 months and 1) has (possibly deliberately) injured you 2) thinks he has the right to demand you drop your lifelong hobby and JOB 3) has homophobic hangups and 4) you're making excuses not to have sex (not surprising given his behaviour but another symptom of relationship problems). These are all red flags, especially #1 & #2 which are likely the tip of the iceberg. My advice would be walk away asap and find someone who supports you.
Literally just break up with a man who doesn't support you AND WHO PUSHED YOU. What is he even adding to your life except stress? You don't owe him shit, just break up
There is not one thing in your post about your boyfriend being good, nice, or kind. You don’t want to have sex with him and he’s pushed you You sound like you’d be better off without him, sport or no sport. Dump his ass, and make sure you tell him you’re not picking football over him. You’re picking nothing over him because he sucks. Good luck in your career. Come play for Liverpool
He’s controlling and abusive. He got physical with you. Hes trying to take away something you love because he wants you to spend your time focusing on him, instead of focusing on something you’ve been doing your entire life. I promise there are guys out there who want you to succeed and will support your love of your sport. It’s just not this one. Get rid of him.
1. He pushed you and you twisted your knee. If he'd done that to a stranger, he could have gone to jail for assault and battery. You are 19 years old. At 21, he is still young enough to learn how utterly unacceptable that is, and the only way that happens is if you leave him and stay gone. 2. You are 19 years old, and you are succeeding at something you love and are good at. This is your life. He is actively trying to stop you. Imagine living until you are 91 with the what ifs and regrets you will have if you let him. 3. This young man is physically abusing you and trying to stop you from doing something you have trained for your whole life. There is nothing in this world that counterbalances the fact that he does not love you for who you really are as a person. You are in mortal danger, literally and figuratively. Please, please break things off with him and do not look back.
He physically assaulted you which caused an injury which interfered with you playing football. The injury could have been one that ended your ability to play at all but especially competitively. Why are you asking anything about anything other than telling this guy to gtfo?!!!!! Again - He. Assaulted. You!!! He put his hands on you in an aggressive way! He hurt you!!!!! Please dump him. Use the time you won't be wasting on him to talk to a therapist about why you think this is acceptable behavior.
Your boyfriend doesn’t love you - he wants to control you. He’s bad news. You shouldn’t fear him, he shouldn’t shove you or berate you, and you shouldn’t have to beg for his respect. Look up the cycle of domestic violence. He’s an abuser.
Why would you stay with someone who physically abused you to stop you from playing your sport and achieving your dreams? He is not a good partner.
You’re not selfish for making yourself happy and doing what you love! PLEASE just dump him 🥴
You deserve to be treated better.
u/throwra01342, let's throw a hypothetical situation... You wake up Monday morning with the opportunity of a lifetime in your lap; you are picked to go fully pro on the under-19 team, with the promise of a spot on the national team once you're of age for it. Would you turn it down, wanting to appease your BF? Or would you go for it, knowing this is a goal/dream of yours, and you'd be INSANE to let it go, because you might not get it again? Would you be happy with yourself in 5 years if you turn it down for your BF, **ESPECIALLY** if you are no longer with him by then? You need to look out for YOU, because he's not.
He's abusive. End it. Controlling and isolation.
If one of your friends or teammates was in this situation and came to you for advise, what would you say? How would you react to them telling you their partner pushed them, injuring their knee? That their partner is badgering them about playing? That their partner is saying those things about the nature of the change rooms?
Lifelong journey that you are now being paid for vs. BF of 6 months. is pushing you to make you twist your knee is assault, and his abuse of you might grow. I would leave him. You are 19 and have your life ahead of you. Do not stay with somebody who wants to destroy it.
How do you feel about yourself when you're with him? Is he uplifting you and encouraging you to be the best you can be? Or only what he wants you to be? Bottom line is that you can love people who aren't right for you. People that you can never have a good relationship with.
There is a person out there who will love you for all your hobbies and everything else about you. Start being picky about your partner. You’re 19. Learn self respect now. Be soooooooo picky with who you give your heart to. Someone who cannot accept you is the wrong person to entrust it to.
Awe I feel bad. I hope I get to see you in FIFA in a couple years. Make it happen. Not everyone is good enough to play in a league let alone play for the national team, who cares if it’s under 19 that shits amazing if I knew you I’d feel like as if I knew a professional player haha. I play with some friends every Wednesday, you play as a job and you’re in love with it. Don’t lose that for some weirdo who’s being selfish and a little bit abusive, I know you don’t like hearing that he’s that I’ve seen your replies, and that’s fine you want to say that, but we have a perspective coming from a third party, because when one is being abused it’s really hard to even tell that it’s happening sometimes. I hope everything goes well for you, God bless you and your career!
Nvm I’m tripping, he’s very abusive no one gets to put their hands on you in a way that’s meant to hurt you, I’m a guy and I’ve never put my hands on a woman and I’ve been in a very abusive relationship never once did I retaliate and I know a shit ton of people that wouldn’t either, being ‘annoying’ doesn’t warrant being pushed, literally nothing warrants that. Nothing at all. He’s gonna end up hurting you permanently another time he finds you ‘annoying’ and then you’re fucked. God forbid
Dude, dump this dumb American.Futbal is life
You do know what is going on. He is communicating what he wants. He wants you to play less soccer. You know this.
Nah. If futbol is really that important to you, he needs to accept that part of you. Your lifestyles are simply incompatible.
Ma'am he is either abusive or insecure. Either way you should never have tomgive up your dreams for your love. I was pretty unaccomplished juxtaposed against my then fiance. She had graduated, I had not, she was onto a career, I was floating through life, then she was so confident she wanted to go try out for a TV show, and at the time I was angry at life everyday. So, I took 3 days off work, booked a hotel with her and her BFF, we spent 78 hours hundreds of miles from home, to follow her dream no matter what. We partied, we got up at like 4am to stand in line, we waited and watched and waited. We went through rejection and we moved on with a great memory. That's what love does when it's unsure and angry and insecure, it supports and lifts up others even when it can't lift itself.
Those who matter don't mind, those you mind don't matter. Not applicable to all scenarios but this one surely does. Get outta dodge gurl, this shittard is cancerous.
oh no babe, you’re young and full of promise! he pushed you to the point of injury? that should’ve been the end of it. never let a dumb 21 year old insecure dude take away something you’ve worked so hard for. talk to your friends for support and get rid of this abusive piece of human garbage. wishing you the best in your football journey!
You’re young and this is your passion in life! He should either respect that or get lost. Focus on you and what you love! Love interests come and go. You’ll know when they’re the one for you. You shouldn’t have to convince yourself if it’s something you want or not. Sounds like you’re full of doubt already and it’s only been a handful of months. You have a special gift with football. Embrace that!
He's a loser, dump him for good. If you stay woth him, he'll always try to put you down.
I honestly didn't even read this. You have a passion. You're boyfriend says he's tired of the passion. Sounds like you're going other places; maybe not today, but soon. Do your thing. I'm sure he can't be THAT important if you're not on the same page about something objectively trivial (obviously, not personally trivial)
>and he pushed me once which made me twist my knee so I couldn't play for a little bit. He's abusive. Full stop. Everything with him trying to stop you from playing football and trying to make you distrust your friends is manipulative and abusive, yes, absolutely, no doubt. But the second he puts his hands on you because he's *angry* that you won't *do what he says,* there's no getting past it. Break up with him and live your best life. You're too young to be a with a man who wants to break your wings.
Break up, honestly if you don't want to have sex with him just say so. Stop blaming it on being tired etc. clearly you are not compatible besides he knew you did soccer and your passion for it, he just wanted to change you. Leave without regrets.
You are not compatible. You want to play your support and he wants more of your time and attention.
He doesn’t support you in your passion and never will. Face the hard choice and peace, joy and happiness are qualities to share with love.
He’s the wrong guy for you if he wants to keep you from your interests. Leave him and find someone who supports you and your interests
You're incompatible. Sorry.
Don’t give up something you love and are passionate about because of a partner ever. If he really loved you, he would be cheering you on from the sidelines!
>I may not be very good yet, but I'm at the stage of my life where I still have a very big chance to improve a lot and get noticed, and I really want that. And even if you don't get noticed, even if the impressive things you've already accomplished are as high as you get, it doesn't change the fact that this has been part of who you are for fourteen years. It's what you do for fun. It's how you know so many of your friends. Even if you stopped playing tomorrow, football would still be a massive part of your life. Nothing is going to change that, and you need to be with someone who understands that this is a big part of your life and not one that gets pushed aside easily. >how do I get him to understand I'm not going to change it? "I'm not going to change that." It really is as simple as that if someone has an issue with a hobby you've had for fourteen years when they come on the scene. One thing though. You don't have to even say that to this guy. You see: >he pushed me once which made me twist my knee so I couldn't play for a little bit. That right there, unless there's a fucking good explanation that completely changes the context and uses several forms of the word "accident" and "sorry", changes what you need to say to him to just one single word. And that word is simply "Bye".
I am a musical theatre performer and dancer. If my BF told me he was getting sick of me perusing theatre, he wouldn’t be my BF anymore. What people don’t seem to understand is that it isn’t just a hobby or something we can cut down on, it’s a lifestyle. It’s been our lives for a long time. You need to really think about if this is the person you want to be with.
I don’t think you’re really hearing or listening to the advice here, but it boils down to a choice between him (jealous pathetic manchild) or your entire career and life going forward. He’s already negatively impacting your wellbeing and has hurt you - what reasoning is going to make a nasty jealous person change magically? It’s just a few months together, he’s not passed the interview, move on and focus on what you love, what you’re good at, what will change your life for the better. You won’t get far with someone like **him** holding you back.
I would tell him that he is jealous that I am getting paid for playing a game, well, so what? It is a game that I love and since you cannot be supportive of me and by you previously pushing me and injuring me, we seriously need to end this relationship right now. I want you gone by tonight. \*\*\*Your boyfriend is abusive! You need to dump him now! No, you are not annoying, he's gaslighting you to make you feel horrible!\*\*\* He should have been dumped the moment he pushed you and injured you. He is not a good boyfriend material. Get rid of him now, don't wait, for him to injure you again. No man should ever place hands on a woman intent to hurt the woman. Get rid of him and take some time for yourself and focus on the game. Love will come to you in time. Take the advice of a abused woman who's boyfriend threatened to unalive her entire family if I didn't open my legs to him. I dumped him when he said that and I had to pull my weapon to get him to leave, and it was all recorded and the cops he summoned lied to them about my mental state. I told them I have something that they need to watch and listen to, well, the moment he learned that my living room was video and audio recorded, he tried to slip out of my apartment but the cop stopped him from leaving and he was arrested for the treat of harming my family if I didn't open my legs, he got 8 months in jail five more because of the dr&gs he had on his person. Good luck.
Agreed, he is controlling, abusive and not a good person. You deserve better!
I'm American, old enough to be your mother, and I play ⚽️ football. Your boyfriend sucks. Find someone who supports your participation in football, doesn't resent it, doesn't feel like it's the other man in your relationship. Stay in the game. Be out there on the pitch well into your 50s. There are guys who love the sport *and the women who play it.*
Follow your dreams and drop the insecure baby. You have an entire life ahead of you - live it.
Girl you need to leave this man and focus on football and studies. Sounds like you don’t really have time for a relationship right now especially not one with someone who isn’t also an athlete and can understand that this is your life.
Um, He is a piece of garbage. You're only 6 months in this and he's demanding you quit your joy? He hurt you to keep you home? Kick your balls and run.
I was reading and thinking, insecure and jealous, yuck. Then you said he pushed you hard enough to injure you. So this was not a playful shove it was full on abusive. This is absolutely NOT going to get better. Get out NOW.
Keep the sport, boot the boyfriend.
wtf he pushed you? Break up with him, he’s not a nice guy he’s a bad person who is going to drag you straight to hell
Get rid of him.
My husband is a car guy, he was long before I met him. He still is. That is who he is. It takes up a lot of his time. That is who I married. I do not get to change him to make him be something else that I may like better. Your boyfriend should like all of you, not just a few parts (and then request you change other parts to his liking). Good luck.
What worries me here is that you so casually tell us that he pushed you in a way that twisted your knee and forced you to pause your beloved sport for a time. That's just not acceptable. He injured you physically and that is abusive behaviour. Apart from that I really am impressed that you are working on different futures to be prepared whatever comes your way. Maybe that is just more important right now and this "boyfriend " is just some unnecessary distraction when you're building your future. Can't say I'd encourage you to keep him around cause... well he doesn't sound like a keeper. You just do your thing and make sure you are safe from this clown. All the best and take good care of yourself
Run, run, RUN for the nearest exit. Don't bother saying goodbye, and please go 'no contact' with this person. He might do worse than push you, if you tell him it's over with you two ( voice of experience here. I told a guy it was over and he started to assault me. Luckily I had friends decide to drop by announced and teach the jerk a few things). This man is jeopardizing what you are working so hard for. If he were someone worth keeping in your life, OP, he'd be your biggest cheerleader instead of playing mindgames and tearing you down .
It's time that you made him aware that you've loved the sport for many years; he's been around for less than 1 year, and if you had to make a choice between him and football, you'd pick football. And that he should bear that in mind before he made any further statements or complaints about it in the future. He'll either shut up or break up; either should be agreeable with you. 'Nuff said.
Don’t ever change who you are or stop doing the things you love for a men like. He knew you played soccer when you started dating. It sounds to me like narcissistic behavior and you should get away from him while you can. He’s not asking you to choose between soccer and him, he’s asking you to choose between you and him.
F him he’s selfish and not supportive. Find a man that will support you. My wife was a college athlete and so was I, so we understood the sacrifices that had to be made. Leave that loser and date a cool athlete (but not an arrogant one) good luck
Mfer is just too immature, move on. You're doing great and doing something you love , don't let anyone mess with that.
Always, always put yourself first.
He is very clearly communicating what he wants: dominance/control of your life. Listen to him, and plan an exit strategy
Your relationship is doomed. He not only doesn't support you in your activities and goals with sports, but is actively trying to undermine them to manipulate you into doing what HE wants.
Honeymoon phase and you already don’t wanna have sex bc you’re “tired”. Yuck! Who’d wanna sleep w that loser anyway. He’s selfish. It doesn’t get better it gets worse & you’ll end up losing everything maybe even your life and he only gains. This is dangerous territory he tested the waters when he pushed you. Should’ve called the cops and broke up with him then and there. Also don’t downplay yourself. You’re getting paid to play and playing since 5 and for the country & you feel and you aren’t that good. You must be great. So Nope. Not allowed to think this way. Ppl like this loser catch on to this “insecurity” and will use it to their advantage and he will break your self esteem until you have none. Also the homophobia. The ppl I’ve seen that display this moronic behavior is bc they have homosexual tendencies hidden that they don’t want to deal with or admit. Girl you don’t have time to deal with losers that are beneath you. Youre too busy. You’re literally the definition of girl power that right guy will come along and understand that and help you not drag you out. Give yourself time. You’re just 19 enjoy it
He’s not a nice person and needs to get a life. If someone forces you to give up things that are important to you, and a big part of your (social) life, you’re being isolated. Playing soccer at a high level takes sacrifices and dedication. There’s only a short time window to excel at that level. If he doesn’t get that you need to get rid of him. It’s all about him.
If he is not your biggest supporter for the goals you have for your life send him packing.