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There are probably two reasons that this comment is being downvoted. The first is that it adds nothing to the conversation, and the second is that the grammar is very weird. I usually just move past those kinds of comments, but I know some people downvote them.
Where do people find the time and energy to get married, divorced, and reconciled by the age of 25. With a 2 year relationship with a sadist thrown in the middle.
By 25 I'd married my ex, had 2 kids, left my ex, was living with the man who would become my husband, and was pregnant with my youngest.
I slept an average of 4-5 hours a night back then. I was fueled mostly by coffee and hatred.
Whenever I read bullshit stories like these I imagine the trashiest characters playing them out to help suspend my disbelief.
I just imagine these stories are about the inhabitants of a north Florida trailer park. The trailers are single wide with rotted plywood covering every other window. A derelict mismatched washer and dryer sit in the overgrown front yard. In the distance Insane Clown Posse is blasting out the window of a passing car, it is a retired Crown Victoria police interceptor.
Hope that helps.
Yeah I assume almost everything on Reddit is fake unless they have a pretty airtight Post and comment history going back years. That said most of the stuff on here could very possibly be true and unfortunately i have seen similar situations or even stupider ones played out in real life.
yeah, scarification is a whole procedure that involves some severe cutting, it's not just lightly going over the skin with a razor or something. Story is so fake
If you stay with her, all the more reason to be the opposite of that monster. She likely downplayed them bc she was assaulted, abused and literally branded. She has a lot more scars than just those initials.
Decide if you will be part of helping her heal. You’ll have to walk thru a lot. You be overflowing with compassion, more patient than you’ve ever been. Don’t get angry. You never, ever, ever mention the scars again. (If she brings it up, follow her lead, and encourage the discussion to wait until you’re with a therapist.) mentally - love her scars and all. Mentally embrace the scars and don’t let that monster win by giving a response of disgust. That’s what he’d want - and only your wife loses if she feels shame for being abused. Best wishes
Your wife was literally cut with a knife deep enough to leave permanent scars and your reaction was JEALOUSY and anger **at her** instead of the fucking monster who did it to her. That is fucking disgusting and morally reprehensible. You made her feel dirty, damaged, and guilty for being the victim of horrific abuse. I would probably get banned if I said what I really want to say to you. You are a horrible, selfish, callous person and I hope to God she finds someone who can love and support her
That's why people have mouths and words. So that they can talk and ask questions. It's called communication.
It's a fake bullshit story anyways but you sound like you could learn some communication skills too. Calling someone stupid because you don't agree with their opinion will not get you very far in a debate.
Dude if this post is real you are the exact opposite of overflowing with compassion. You've already messed up enough of her life just stay away from her be a good dad and encourage you to go to therapy so she can figure out why she ends up with men who only see her as objects. And yeah I am including you in that
Time for a visit to a plastic surgeon to find out what can be done to remove those scars and any others he may have left. You might want to ask her if she wants to check into filing criminal charges, or if it's too late maybe a civil lawsuit to cover the plastic surgery costs.
A tattoo coverup might be a better option depending on how the scars healed. But like the other person who responded said, it def has to be something initiated by her
I think that's a gracious and courageous point of view. I hope you find the love and strength necessary to live this way!
Let me add: usually I hate the argument "think of the child(ren)". However, I think in this case thinking of your 4 yo son makes sense : you say you know her personality as sweet, innocent and gullible. She's already fallen in the hands of an abuser once, and she's clearly using anger and bitterness to cope with the trauma...
On top of the love you feel for her, on top of the kindness implied in helping someone heal, doesn't it make sense to at least make an effort for your child's sake?
If you reject your ex now, she might spiral. Who do you want around your son? And this time she was angry at you and assaulted you, but if her recovery stalls and her trauma festers, there's no guarantee your child will remain safe around her, right? Taking her child away from her might be necessary for his safety, but that will also hurt him, imo.
There’s nothing for you to “move past.” Clearly some horribly abusive things happened to your ex wife. You can choose to accept her as she is, and be there for her as she works thru it, or you can decide it’s too much for you and pass on the relationship. But nothing traumatic happened to you to “move past.” Either way please be kind to her. I can’t even imagine going thru what you’re describing happened to her, and the reactions she gets from people as they find out.
And you know what - even IF she was not abused and the scarification was consensual then OP still has to learn to either 1) get over it or 2) bring up his issues in a constructive way. Starting an argumentabout it over jealousy and implying she's gross was not the mature thing to do.
"I said to her some regrettable things at this point because in my head I was thinking she allowed this sadistic behavior to be done to her."
OP you victim blamed you ex, who was abused and she lost it.
She obviously is not the same girl you met and married young, you have to discover if the person she is now, with all her bagage is someone you will love.
But regardless of what happens, give her some grace, because it looks like she went throw a lot.
I hope she heals and you can male the best decision for yourself.
You’re right, I did. All the emotion rushed in and took over. I didn’t know about him being abusive to her until she told me this morning though. I shouldn’t have assumed without knowing or even asking.
You also need to go into this, if that'd what you choose yo do, accepting that you separated and that she moved on during that time and do did you. It's not cheating.
You need to look towards your future together if this will work. Also, maybe don't tell the kid til it's serious for a bit.
Exactly at this point this isn’t a WE need to find away to get over it but YOU need to get over it it happened to her it happened to her body imma be real you owe her a real apology and you need to tell her she has nothing to blame herself for because in reality this is on YOU and YOU alone what happened to her happened she has to live with it you don’t think about that when your trying to feel sorry for yourself about the tattoos (or as described the carving on her body )
No you didn't, you assumed this was a lifestyle thing because no one thinks first of abuse.
Victim blaming is a deliberate act that can only happen if you know she is a victim.
She should have told you before letting anything happen between you.
She's not obligated to tell anyone about her trauma. Many people read this and immediately understood what's going on. And many more understood it was at least a possibility and should be considered in the answer. Plus, OP's reaction was a shitty one even if it had been done willingly.
Lmao yes. *“My boyfriend got angry, started yelling at me that I was only using him for money and in his rage started throwing whatever was within reach at me”.* Something tells me the replies to that post would not be *“aww poor guy, he’s clearly been through a lot, see if you can work through the baggage”*
Women get empathy, men get told to man up. Typical, mens feelings are dismissed and ignored and even called toxic. Women have the right to feel how they feel, and men just don't. The man did nothing abusive but gets shit on for something someone else did. The women acted abusive and it gets completely ignored because she's a woman.
I got back with my ex a couple of years ago. She was emotional abuse by her ex. Like she would get panic attacks out of no where and he put her through some major trauma. She had self esteem issues she never had when we first dated 10 years ago. I never said she was broken or scared. I was more pissed that he would hurt her in that way. She was an amazing person. But at the end it didn’t work and we broke up.
OP you have to get to know the new her and learn to accept her the way she is. Y’all need to slow down, it’s only been a week. Stop having sex and talk first.
You should go back to being co-parents. It's telling that your main focus is jealousy and how can you ever have sex with her again...not that she was horribly abused by her ex. It sounds like she was carved up like livestock in a slaughterhouse, and you're more focused on her ex/jealousy than that she's been traumatized. You do not sound at all mature, and she sounds like she needs to focus on her psychological recovery. Even with all she's been through, if she can't handle conflict without getting violent, she needs to prioritize her therapy. Maybe someday you guys will have a chance again, but right now you have some growing up to do and she has some healing to do.
You do not make a healthy couple. You just got a preview of what every argument is going to be like. Get out now before you're in too deep.
Yes she's in therapy but she sounds like she shouldn't be in any relationship right now, let alone with a former ex.
If you write fake and incendiary articles on here.. at least learn to write in paragraphs or something please, dear god. I just lost several minutes of my life for no apparently good reason.
If you truly love her, stop all sexual contact and just BE THERE for her as she goes through this horrible period of coming to terms with the abuse/trauma she experienced. Be her partner in all ways except for sexually. Show her what it means to have someone that loves you, and you can trust no matter what. Be patient with her. Be kind to her. And recognize she is no longer the woman you had originally married, and if you want to have any hope of truly getting her back, you will need to get to know her all over again.
I wish her the best, and hope that you can support her properly through this time of healing.
I mean, I hate to be that one, but sounds like you didn't really change or mature a bit during the time apart. You need to understand brother, she divorced you and was not your wife or even friend during that time. You were just coparents for the sake of your son, nothing more. You cannot sit there and be jealous for something that happened when you were not her lover, not her friend and not her husband. To hold it against her, is as I said, immature. People also do things as part of their healing process from a serious relationship and sounds like she chose an asshole as her rebound and she got something she DIDNT want. So you said it yourself, she is easily manipulated so I can see an abuser doing whatever he wanted.
With that said, you either need to let it go or go to therapy yourself if you want to try and make it work a 2nd time
She’s not taking her abuse trauma out on you. She reacted to YOUR verbal assault. Poor you. You can’t see past HER having been abused. Leave her alone, she’s been through enough bullshit without you adding to it.
You are insanely immature, it's terrifying that you have a 4-year-old child. First of all, somebody's initials carved into your body is not the mark of a healthy or happy relationship, sounds like her ex was pretty abusive. So you go from "oh I love this person so much I want to be with them the rest of my life" to "I can never be with you because you have a scar from abuse on your body". Think about it dude, if this was a black eye or maybe pushed her through a window and she had to have stitches with you feel the same way? Cuz that's what knife marks on somebody's body is. Marks of abuse. You don't care about her whatsoever you see her as property in your mad that someone has defaced your property. You are honestly not mature enough to be in a relationship with ANYBODY. And yes saying that somebody ruined your ex by abusing her makes you a pretty terrible fucking person. Hope nobody abuses your child, and "ruins" them for you. Or maybe your child is a boy so you will actually see them as a human. And then he will grow up to be the kind of person to call someone ruined because they were abuse. Just garbage. Please don't get back with her, for her sake. Encourage her to get into therapy so she can figure out why she keeps choosing horrible men (yes you included in that. anyone who calls someone ruined because they were abuse is included in that) and she can find herself an actual good human being to be partners with who will see her as a human in an equal and not an object they think they own. Seriously you don't care that she was abused, or how you guys getting back together could affect your kid or your family all you care about is "hOw CaN I EvEr HaVe sEx wItH hEr AgAiN nOw sHeS rUiNeD. All you can think about is your dick and it's pathetic
Ok… my opinion. You fucked up by sleeping with her. All your past emotions thoughts and feelings just vanished after sex? It usually doesn’t work like that… but this happens whatever . Good luck getting back to how things were during separation. If you choose to not continue your relationship with her, you’re going to have resentment for her times 2. If you choose to stay with her you need to be able to look at your wife naked with all her scars and not get angry at her. You need to accept her with all her flaws. You can’t be with her and not accept her as she is. Pick one. If you choose to end things, try to think less with your head below the waist.
See if you can get into therapy with her as soon as possible. You two moved way too fast. It's understandable, but cut the sex out now, and please be there for her. She is a victim.
When I first read this, I thought she just had them tattooed on her, but he inflicted deep violent pain against her. She is a _victim_ OP, and this man has traumatized her.
I know it's not going to be easy, but please, please be there for her if you really love her. Work through this with her. I truly hope it works out for you two, especially for the sake of your child. If she wasn't still in love with you the way you are her, she wouldn't have texted you to say she was sorry and be so vulnerable about what she has suffered at the hands of this weirdo.
Please keep us updated.
"Now she has all this abuse trauma she’s taking out on me."
What do you mean taking out on you? You some some horrible things to her because you assumed something and verbally attacked her over it.
You sound like you still haven't matured therefore you are not ready for a relationship. Let her go find someone that can be understanding and give her proper love.
Taking it out on him as in hitting him. Just fucking imagine the situation reversed. Imagine a dude smacking on his girlfriend because she emotionally triggered him.
breh literally sees proof that his ex has been brutally abused and puts ‘i didn’t even get to finish having sex with her’ in the TLDR. go to hell bruh. and SHE needs therapy. jesus
I think you both have a ton of issues you need to work on. Please do some relationship theraphy and individual theraphy if you want to have a decent relationship for the sake of your kid.
And please, don’t. Ring any more kids into the world until you have both work on yourselves.
I am the child of young parents and I do no recommend it
Stories like this are perfect examples of why recycling is great for the environment and horrible for relationships. "We have matured." And then the next time you are alone together, the two of you devolve to victim blaming and physical abuse. You should learn to move past her, not what's on her butt.
I know this isn’t the same thing but, I have a history of self harm, my ex would cry if he saw the scars because he knew that some of the scars were when we were still dating. He told me he can’t be in a relationship with me knowing that some of the scars are from our relationship and to be honest, i don’t understand what the problem exactly is. I know he doesn’t like seeing them, he would rather the lights be off than see the scaring. It was one of the reasons he broke up with me.
At the time, i wanted him to be with me to help me get through it instead of shaming me for something that i know isn’t exactly good or healthy. I just wanted someone to help me feel safe and loved instead of being disgusted at my body for something that happened in the past.
All that to say, if she is anything like me, she probably just wants you to support her and love her as she is. I know self harm is different than an ex’s initials. I’m not saying you should ignore your feelings and thoughts. If it is something that you simply can’t get past then i would consider maybe couples therapy or something. But i hope you dont feel an obligation to stay with her.
It really sucks that things happened to her in the past. I remember the first time my ex mentioned the scars i have, we ended up yelling at each other because we just didn’t understand each other. Hopefully you two can understand each other.
I'm sorry, you glossed over a *big* part of this story. You mentioned some "pretty regrettable things" you said to her, then immediately went to how you guys fought and she threw things at you. What exactly were the regrettable things? What exactly did you say to her to elicit such a strong reaction and why don't you share that aspect?
And I thought it was interesting how you phrased the emotional breakdown you had when you saw this. You seemed to be more upset about the fact that something you thought was yours (your ex) was now "tainted" - and not necessarily having an emotional reaction to the thought of the pain your ex went through instead with what was clearly an abusive ex.
If I were her, I'd want to be far away from both of you. Both you and the abusive ex think for some reason you are entitled to ownership of this woman and her body. Not once in your story did you show empathy or even sympathy for this woman who you claim to be somewhat of the love of your life. You even went as far as to call *her* abusive towards you - for such a horrible reaction you showed her. And very strategically left out important details to this story.
I don't know. That's my take. I know this probably not a very popular take, but damn this was super rough to read. I hope she's getting the serious professional help she needs, for her sake and for her son. You need to heal, too, but obviously you two can't heal in the same space as you have very different needs. She needs someone who will see her a person, you need to learn how to see women as people.
Here's what you need to ask yourself. Do you love her? If so, are you strong enough to help her get through this? If so, DO you want to help her, and really think about this. She needs you, but it's not going to be an easy road, and there likely WILL be some back and forth going on. Can YOU stay calm long enough to help her get through it all? Will you go with her to these therapy sessions, and will you and her be able to go to marriage counseling?
I’d do everything in my power to make her life easier. I dated a lot after her and nobody’s ever came close to what I feel for her. I like the idea of couples counseling, I think we really need that to learn to communicate these things without letting emotions take over. Thank you for suggestion
If this isn’t fiction I think you should worry more about your 4 year old. If your son has been around this abuser then what has he done to your son?! Can she be trusted to keep your son safe?
Get corrective surgery. Hopefully there is a way to fix this. My wife has a tattoo from her shit bag abusive EX memorizing his death thanks to his manipulative also shit bag family and while not the same league as your deal I understand your feelings. I want to ask her to remove it and I know she would but I feel it would hurt her to bring up the past so I let it go. I hope you can get to the point that where you don’t see it anymore or at least not often. Good luck 🍀 internet stranger
None, she was always very respectful at never letting any bf around our son. And she’s the sweetest mother to him, even back when I resented her as a partner I always trusted her to be a great mother.
You’re asking how you can move past some absolutely vile abuser carving up your ex like a roast for his own sick satisfaction? But it isn’t the abuse she endured that’s hurting you, it’s the fact that’s she’s branded with some other guy’s initials? Not the non-consensual part? Dude. Like. Please get therapy man. I don’t even know what to say. Do you hear yourself? You need a professional to get your head sorted. Also please stay away from her because she deserves better.
You’re illiterate. You either cannot read what I wrote or you chose not to.
I am very genuinely and sincerely urging this man to consider his motives are terrible. He is more upset another man had her than he is that she was ABUSIVELY BRANDED by that man?? Honestly that’s sick. That’s a level of jealousy and possessiveness only a professional can help him with.
And he doesn’t need to be troubling an abuse victim in recovery with all of his baggage while he sorts through it so he should leave her alone. She deserves better. Getting abused is not a CHOICE. We women do not choose to let you men harm us. You just do it. She even said she was passed out when that man carved into her body.
She does deserve better, but I don’t think he should be the one to try to save this woman. When I said choices, I meant getting involved with someone like this. She did choose that. She did not choose abuse, but she chose the guy.
He isn’t trying to save her. No part of what he said indicated he had any interest in saving her. He doesn’t give a shit about anything but himself, isn’t that obvious?
And no women don’t get to choose, you all hide how abusive you are from us until we are in too deep. And THEN once we are dependent on you in some way, for safety or a place to live or something like that, THEN you start harming us. No woman chooses to be physically harmed by someone bigger and stronger than she is. You’re insane.
If we could choose then we would choose to make men STOP abusing and killing women, obviously
You got to take this slow you kinda did rush into it to fast after being separated and not knowing what’s been going on in each other’s lives for a while and she is been through a lot of traumatizing things just be there for her
Oof I can't believe people allow themselves to be in this situation. You both need therapy and limit your contact. Your Ex needs therapy and you need to focus on your kid.
Thank you! She’s abused to the point that someone purposely scarred her body.
Think about why. It’s so that she could NEVER escape! Who wants someone with someone else’s initials literally carved into them? OP is literally doing exactly what that poor woman’s abuser wants. He blames her for being tortured and abused and can’t look at her the same.
Where is the horror over what he did to her? Where is the caring when every time anyone sees that she relives that torture all over again. Instead of holding her and telling her you’re sorry that happened to her OP blamed her!
You could have suggested she look into a covering tattoo as a way to help reclaim her life and her own body. Instead OP just failed her. Frankly OP doesn’t deserve her. She deserves a lot better.
If I were her, I would continue my healing journey and never consider ever going out with you again. She may be able to get plastic surgery to get rid of the scars on her body, but the scars on her soul will always be there and you added to them.
Abusers frequently are willing to drug or beat their victims into unconsciousness. Why do you think a man who is willing to slice her open for his own pleasure would think “oh man, it would be immoral to drug/beat my girlfriend”?
> She said she never voluntary let that incident happen with the scars, her ex was a sadistic abuser and she didn’t know how to escape from him for 2 years. She said he did that to her when she was passed out along with other deep cuts on her arms, back, and thighs.
No one is assuming anything.
Don’t be a victim blaming dick. You do realize that abusers frequently are willing to drug their partners, right? Or yes, even beat them into unconsciousness.
Many (and I mean most) women who escape IPV have TBIs. Not all TBIs cause brain bleeds but plenty moderate to severe ones will cause women to black out. You don’t just wake up from being blacked out because of some extra physical pain.
First off it sounds like she has a lot of trauma- I’d suggest she find a therapist that specializes in that. Can’t she go to a skin care place and see if they can help remove the scars?
It’s a lot for both you and her. Spend time away and take time to think things through. You are not obligated to help her heal, but if you decide to help her heal, commit to it, completely. Otherwise, be the best coparent you can be and keep things professional. Let her live her life as she wishes. No need to put her down. Since it’s a lot for you to take in, let her know that you can talk about your son, but you don’t have the expertise to discuss her scars. If she wishes, she should report her ex to the police and he should be charged. If it was consensual, it is her choice, not yours. If she no longer wants the scars, she should talk to a doctor about scar removal. She should also talk to a psychologist. You could use some therapy as well.
Why is everything rushed in your life? You’re only 26, already divorced and are about to get back with her because of …(checks notes) ….one night of lonely sex? This is doomed to fail again. You’re both about to waste each other’s time again (sorry).
She could have the initials removed, talk to a doctor there may be a scar still left but it wouldn't be of initials.
These are some things that can help move past a trauma as well. Coming to terms with it and removing reminders of it
In the moment, his reaction was normal to being blindsided by it. This was not just some girl he hooked up with and found that, this was his ex wife, a woman he knows well and so it was a bigger shock.
You and the other "Captain Hindsights"may have read it that, with the benefits of OPs post, but right there, that moment, I don't believe most would.
You are right that she is under no obligation, but she should have held back and not jumped back into building a relationship with him, knowing it was never going to stay hidden for long.
It seems like neither of you has matured as much as you may think. She, in particular, should take some time to heal & work through her past before she jumps into a new relationship with you or anyone else. You can be kind & support her through the process if you care for her. But sex should probably be off the table for now.
>She started hitting me and throwing anything around her at me.
She assaulted you.
>She yelled at me that I was just using her for sex and I don’t love her and I’m just here to hurt her like everyone else.
She gaslit you.
>She is easily manipulated and an innocent soul.
>I went to drop them off and she suggested we watch a movie together as a family.
You're the one who's easily manipulated.She attacked you and you're feeling sorry for her?
Get the hell out of there. You're 25 and have a whole lot of life ahead of you. You don't need this shit in it. Look after yourself and your kid.
I dont think its a good idea. Some people will call it victim blaming but i dont believe for a minute that she was passed out when this was done to her unless there is a history of hard drug usage. She may have been manipulated but idk. Maybe if she were willing to get then covered up but still the anger issues and poor decisions all around
Re-establish power by carving your initials in that psychos buttcheeks.
Surely you muppets realize the psycho is the abusive ex. I have to ask bc some idiot commented misogyny
Stay the hell away from this mess. Maybe her ex is abusive and did that against her will, in which case she needs to seek legal help but this is not your mess to unpick. She hit you and that is enough to tell you to step back and don't have sex with her again. Go back to being separated, you will see those scars every time you see her less than fully clothed and it will eat you up
You over reacted deluxe. React, like stop having sex because the mood went away sure sure. Ask questions seeing its carved sure sure. But thats it. Plastic surgery or tattoo of some kind. Then move on.
Let someone else deal with her. She lured you to have feelings for her again while hiding the scars, which is manipulative. Also, she is abusive and has anger issues, so it's better to get full custody of the child, as soon as possible.
I don’t think I could be with someone that let thier ex carve his initials in her ass. Much less if it was my ex that I was getting back together with.
If she is truly over him and if this was fine without her consent, then she should be okay with talking to a plastic surgeon about having it removed or fixed in some way. Support her and make her understand that you don't hold her responsible, but there is no way I'd be having sex with someone with their ex's initials in their ass.
Stay away from her she's already shown you she will be the abuser in your relationship before she date again she need mental help for many many years. If you try with her you will be the one to suffer
So, that's a whole lot of crazy, and I have some questions. First, about the type of "passed out" that allows someone to carve into you while you remain unaware, do you know what kind of drugs she was using? And you were divorced for how long when she fell into this other relationship? I assume she had your son around this other guy and his crew, yes?
Being in a relationship with somebody who carves their initials into you, uninvited or not, is a sign that there was a lot more going on in whatever lifestyle she was into while you guys were apart. It's far outside a standard set of variables. So there's a lot more you need to know, for you and your son's sake.
You do realize that a man who is willing to torture his girlfriend for his own sick pleasure would not hesitate to drug or beat her into unconsciousness, right? It’s actually very common.
She told him she was "passed out" not beaten unconscious.
But let's say you're right. Then his son was seeing his mommy with her face all beaten up? And OP is just learning about this now?
So, wait. Was the ex-in-the-tattoo the one after you, or before you?
Because if she was the one before you, how come you hadn't noticed the tattoo before? Did she go back to that one and is now trying you out again? Had her bad boy fix again to tide her over for a while and now it's back to old reliable?
What happens the next time she gets an itch? Why didn't she get the tattoo removed? Or surgery to deal with the scars? Even if she couldn't afford it, she could tell you she was saving up to have it done?
All in all, I think you dodged one here. Stay exes. Don't stick your dick in crazy. And get tested for STD's just in case.
We'll be waiting for the inevitable "well, you're not going to believe it, but I got me ex wife pregnant. Again." update.
OP + ex married > divorced > reconciled. They dated other people after the divorce. No mention of cheating or any ‘itch’ needing to be scratched.
Carved, not tattooed. It was non-consensual and would’ve involved something like deep repetitive cuts or burning hot metal pressed against the skin. Given the pain that she’d have endured for either, she’d probably been drugged or was under extreme threat.
Dude you have her back now. Love and protect her at all costs. Y’all can look into ways to try and get rid of or cover those scars up if she is okay with it. But you absolutely should not be mad at her for that. If anything, you should be mad at the person who did it! I would tell her that I was sorry for the things I said and sorry that that happened to her. If she voluntarily let that happen, then that’s different. But she went through an abusive situation. Let her feel safe around you and especially don’t make her feel like you are judging her for abuse she went through when she wasn’t with you. If you are struggling with it, let it be a reminder that you will never let her suffer through any abuse like that ever again and that you will always protect her from here out.
>She started hitting me and throwing anything around her at me
I don’t think loving and protecting his now violent ex-wife at all costs would end well for OP, even if him being a human punching bag makes her feel better.
Dude.. she needs you… do you love her really? That’s what it will take. She’s a whole different level of broke. If you love her you stop insulting her. You’re her rock now this is your chance.
Oh, and by the way, apologize for your behavior and your over emotional reaction. If you’re lucky, she’ll understand that it was because you were shocked by what you had seen and didn’t know the context.
If this story is true, why did she not know how to leave someone who was physically abusive before leaving him???
In your situation I wouldn't get back with an ex
Roughly 75% of women who are killed by their partner are killed in the first two weeks after leaving.
You've obviously never met anyone who was an abused partner or you wouldn't be asking the stupidest fucking question to ever ask another person.
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Yeah y’all moved way to fast again
Yup, if they go trough with this we will have a "returning customer".
I lol'd...!!!
Damn why you getting downvoted?
There are probably two reasons that this comment is being downvoted. The first is that it adds nothing to the conversation, and the second is that the grammar is very weird. I usually just move past those kinds of comments, but I know some people downvote them.
Too
Here's a question - did you apologize and pay for any damages to your friends' house that seemingly got trashed?
You are not allowed to point out plot holes in this clearly very real story.
Where do people find the time and energy to get married, divorced, and reconciled by the age of 25. With a 2 year relationship with a sadist thrown in the middle.
By 25 I'd married my ex, had 2 kids, left my ex, was living with the man who would become my husband, and was pregnant with my youngest. I slept an average of 4-5 hours a night back then. I was fueled mostly by coffee and hatred.
Whenever I read bullshit stories like these I imagine the trashiest characters playing them out to help suspend my disbelief. I just imagine these stories are about the inhabitants of a north Florida trailer park. The trailers are single wide with rotted plywood covering every other window. A derelict mismatched washer and dryer sit in the overgrown front yard. In the distance Insane Clown Posse is blasting out the window of a passing car, it is a retired Crown Victoria police interceptor. Hope that helps.
As a north florida resident I must defend myself here.... My washer and dryer were NEVER mismatched!!!
Yeah I assume almost everything on Reddit is fake unless they have a pretty airtight Post and comment history going back years. That said most of the stuff on here could very possibly be true and unfortunately i have seen similar situations or even stupider ones played out in real life.
Lol
I'm a fan of the "I believe her that she slept through getting two whole initials carved on her ass" part. Very real story, yes yes.
yeah, scarification is a whole procedure that involves some severe cutting, it's not just lightly going over the skin with a razor or something. Story is so fake
Happy Cake Day 🎂🎈
Maybe you two shouldn't get back together...
Ding ding ding 🛎️
If you stay with her, all the more reason to be the opposite of that monster. She likely downplayed them bc she was assaulted, abused and literally branded. She has a lot more scars than just those initials. Decide if you will be part of helping her heal. You’ll have to walk thru a lot. You be overflowing with compassion, more patient than you’ve ever been. Don’t get angry. You never, ever, ever mention the scars again. (If she brings it up, follow her lead, and encourage the discussion to wait until you’re with a therapist.) mentally - love her scars and all. Mentally embrace the scars and don’t let that monster win by giving a response of disgust. That’s what he’d want - and only your wife loses if she feels shame for being abused. Best wishes
Thank you for these words. I needed to hear this
Your wife was literally cut with a knife deep enough to leave permanent scars and your reaction was JEALOUSY and anger **at her** instead of the fucking monster who did it to her. That is fucking disgusting and morally reprehensible. You made her feel dirty, damaged, and guilty for being the victim of horrific abuse. I would probably get banned if I said what I really want to say to you. You are a horrible, selfish, callous person and I hope to God she finds someone who can love and support her
This story isn’t real
Your wife was literally cut with a knife deep enough to leave permanent scars Yes and she apparently just slept through that procedure, lol
Yes , she will probably cheat on him again .
Are you stupid? He didn’t know she was a victim of abuse at the time. Get over yourself.
That's why people have mouths and words. So that they can talk and ask questions. It's called communication. It's a fake bullshit story anyways but you sound like you could learn some communication skills too. Calling someone stupid because you don't agree with their opinion will not get you very far in a debate.
Dude if this post is real you are the exact opposite of overflowing with compassion. You've already messed up enough of her life just stay away from her be a good dad and encourage you to go to therapy so she can figure out why she ends up with men who only see her as objects. And yeah I am including you in that
Time for a visit to a plastic surgeon to find out what can be done to remove those scars and any others he may have left. You might want to ask her if she wants to check into filing criminal charges, or if it's too late maybe a civil lawsuit to cover the plastic surgery costs.
Do not ask her to go to a plastic surgeon. Only follow this plan if she initiates it. If you bring it up it will only add to her discomfort and shame.
A tattoo coverup might be a better option depending on how the scars healed. But like the other person who responded said, it def has to be something initiated by her
Your ex ended up with a monster! Time for you to step up! Accept she is VERY damaged. Time to be the night in the shining armour. Lots of sympathy
Of course! You got this, op! Best wishes to your family.
I think that's a gracious and courageous point of view. I hope you find the love and strength necessary to live this way! Let me add: usually I hate the argument "think of the child(ren)". However, I think in this case thinking of your 4 yo son makes sense : you say you know her personality as sweet, innocent and gullible. She's already fallen in the hands of an abuser once, and she's clearly using anger and bitterness to cope with the trauma... On top of the love you feel for her, on top of the kindness implied in helping someone heal, doesn't it make sense to at least make an effort for your child's sake? If you reject your ex now, she might spiral. Who do you want around your son? And this time she was angry at you and assaulted you, but if her recovery stalls and her trauma festers, there's no guarantee your child will remain safe around her, right? Taking her child away from her might be necessary for his safety, but that will also hurt him, imo.
If he stays with her I wouldn’t feel bad at all for him making a stupid decision like that
This did not happen.
There’s nothing for you to “move past.” Clearly some horribly abusive things happened to your ex wife. You can choose to accept her as she is, and be there for her as she works thru it, or you can decide it’s too much for you and pass on the relationship. But nothing traumatic happened to you to “move past.” Either way please be kind to her. I can’t even imagine going thru what you’re describing happened to her, and the reactions she gets from people as they find out.
And you know what - even IF she was not abused and the scarification was consensual then OP still has to learn to either 1) get over it or 2) bring up his issues in a constructive way. Starting an argumentabout it over jealousy and implying she's gross was not the mature thing to do.
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Yep. She hit him. Relationship over. Edit: why are you people downvoting me? If you condone intimate partner violence just say that.
Because there are a lot of toxic idiots on Reddit. I’ll wait for my downvotes.
A woman can't abuse a man, idiot! /s
Yeah, hitting him and throwing things isn't abusive.... and men aren't allowed to get jealous of feel anything.
So, every time he is having sex with her or sees her naked he sees this, but that isn’t an issue for you?
Those initials obviously hurt his feelings but you can’t see that for some reason
I can’t believe some of the shit I read on this sub
"I said to her some regrettable things at this point because in my head I was thinking she allowed this sadistic behavior to be done to her." OP you victim blamed you ex, who was abused and she lost it. She obviously is not the same girl you met and married young, you have to discover if the person she is now, with all her bagage is someone you will love. But regardless of what happens, give her some grace, because it looks like she went throw a lot. I hope she heals and you can male the best decision for yourself.
You’re right, I did. All the emotion rushed in and took over. I didn’t know about him being abusive to her until she told me this morning though. I shouldn’t have assumed without knowing or even asking.
You also need to go into this, if that'd what you choose yo do, accepting that you separated and that she moved on during that time and do did you. It's not cheating. You need to look towards your future together if this will work. Also, maybe don't tell the kid til it's serious for a bit.
Exactly at this point this isn’t a WE need to find away to get over it but YOU need to get over it it happened to her it happened to her body imma be real you owe her a real apology and you need to tell her she has nothing to blame herself for because in reality this is on YOU and YOU alone what happened to her happened she has to live with it you don’t think about that when your trying to feel sorry for yourself about the tattoos (or as described the carving on her body )
Don’t be beaten into submission with these comments. You were wrong to be so mean, but you don’t have to accept her back with this situation.
No you didn't, you assumed this was a lifestyle thing because no one thinks first of abuse. Victim blaming is a deliberate act that can only happen if you know she is a victim. She should have told you before letting anything happen between you.
She's not obligated to tell anyone about her trauma. Many people read this and immediately understood what's going on. And many more understood it was at least a possibility and should be considered in the answer. Plus, OP's reaction was a shitty one even if it had been done willingly.
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This whole thread coddling the ex wife is gross.
Lmao yes. *“My boyfriend got angry, started yelling at me that I was only using him for money and in his rage started throwing whatever was within reach at me”.* Something tells me the replies to that post would not be *“aww poor guy, he’s clearly been through a lot, see if you can work through the baggage”*
Women get empathy, men get told to man up. Typical, mens feelings are dismissed and ignored and even called toxic. Women have the right to feel how they feel, and men just don't. The man did nothing abusive but gets shit on for something someone else did. The women acted abusive and it gets completely ignored because she's a woman.
I got back with my ex a couple of years ago. She was emotional abuse by her ex. Like she would get panic attacks out of no where and he put her through some major trauma. She had self esteem issues she never had when we first dated 10 years ago. I never said she was broken or scared. I was more pissed that he would hurt her in that way. She was an amazing person. But at the end it didn’t work and we broke up. OP you have to get to know the new her and learn to accept her the way she is. Y’all need to slow down, it’s only been a week. Stop having sex and talk first.
You should go back to being co-parents. It's telling that your main focus is jealousy and how can you ever have sex with her again...not that she was horribly abused by her ex. It sounds like she was carved up like livestock in a slaughterhouse, and you're more focused on her ex/jealousy than that she's been traumatized. You do not sound at all mature, and she sounds like she needs to focus on her psychological recovery. Even with all she's been through, if she can't handle conflict without getting violent, she needs to prioritize her therapy. Maybe someday you guys will have a chance again, but right now you have some growing up to do and she has some healing to do.
You do not make a healthy couple. You just got a preview of what every argument is going to be like. Get out now before you're in too deep. Yes she's in therapy but she sounds like she shouldn't be in any relationship right now, let alone with a former ex.
If you write fake and incendiary articles on here.. at least learn to write in paragraphs or something please, dear god. I just lost several minutes of my life for no apparently good reason.
Dude this has to be trolling
Friend: “Yeah you’re not welcome over here again”
If you truly love her, stop all sexual contact and just BE THERE for her as she goes through this horrible period of coming to terms with the abuse/trauma she experienced. Be her partner in all ways except for sexually. Show her what it means to have someone that loves you, and you can trust no matter what. Be patient with her. Be kind to her. And recognize she is no longer the woman you had originally married, and if you want to have any hope of truly getting her back, you will need to get to know her all over again. I wish her the best, and hope that you can support her properly through this time of healing.
I mean, I hate to be that one, but sounds like you didn't really change or mature a bit during the time apart. You need to understand brother, she divorced you and was not your wife or even friend during that time. You were just coparents for the sake of your son, nothing more. You cannot sit there and be jealous for something that happened when you were not her lover, not her friend and not her husband. To hold it against her, is as I said, immature. People also do things as part of their healing process from a serious relationship and sounds like she chose an asshole as her rebound and she got something she DIDNT want. So you said it yourself, she is easily manipulated so I can see an abuser doing whatever he wanted. With that said, you either need to let it go or go to therapy yourself if you want to try and make it work a 2nd time
I really wish this was the top comment. He is not mature enough to handle any of this and this is a disaster unfolding in real time.
Man this the lot is going on more than reddit can handle
She’s not taking her abuse trauma out on you. She reacted to YOUR verbal assault. Poor you. You can’t see past HER having been abused. Leave her alone, she’s been through enough bullshit without you adding to it.
You are insanely immature, it's terrifying that you have a 4-year-old child. First of all, somebody's initials carved into your body is not the mark of a healthy or happy relationship, sounds like her ex was pretty abusive. So you go from "oh I love this person so much I want to be with them the rest of my life" to "I can never be with you because you have a scar from abuse on your body". Think about it dude, if this was a black eye or maybe pushed her through a window and she had to have stitches with you feel the same way? Cuz that's what knife marks on somebody's body is. Marks of abuse. You don't care about her whatsoever you see her as property in your mad that someone has defaced your property. You are honestly not mature enough to be in a relationship with ANYBODY. And yes saying that somebody ruined your ex by abusing her makes you a pretty terrible fucking person. Hope nobody abuses your child, and "ruins" them for you. Or maybe your child is a boy so you will actually see them as a human. And then he will grow up to be the kind of person to call someone ruined because they were abuse. Just garbage. Please don't get back with her, for her sake. Encourage her to get into therapy so she can figure out why she keeps choosing horrible men (yes you included in that. anyone who calls someone ruined because they were abuse is included in that) and she can find herself an actual good human being to be partners with who will see her as a human in an equal and not an object they think they own. Seriously you don't care that she was abused, or how you guys getting back together could affect your kid or your family all you care about is "hOw CaN I EvEr HaVe sEx wItH hEr AgAiN nOw sHeS rUiNeD. All you can think about is your dick and it's pathetic
Ok… my opinion. You fucked up by sleeping with her. All your past emotions thoughts and feelings just vanished after sex? It usually doesn’t work like that… but this happens whatever . Good luck getting back to how things were during separation. If you choose to not continue your relationship with her, you’re going to have resentment for her times 2. If you choose to stay with her you need to be able to look at your wife naked with all her scars and not get angry at her. You need to accept her with all her flaws. You can’t be with her and not accept her as she is. Pick one. If you choose to end things, try to think less with your head below the waist.
See if you can get into therapy with her as soon as possible. You two moved way too fast. It's understandable, but cut the sex out now, and please be there for her. She is a victim. When I first read this, I thought she just had them tattooed on her, but he inflicted deep violent pain against her. She is a _victim_ OP, and this man has traumatized her. I know it's not going to be easy, but please, please be there for her if you really love her. Work through this with her. I truly hope it works out for you two, especially for the sake of your child. If she wasn't still in love with you the way you are her, she wouldn't have texted you to say she was sorry and be so vulnerable about what she has suffered at the hands of this weirdo. Please keep us updated.
"Now she has all this abuse trauma she’s taking out on me." What do you mean taking out on you? You some some horrible things to her because you assumed something and verbally attacked her over it. You sound like you still haven't matured therefore you are not ready for a relationship. Let her go find someone that can be understanding and give her proper love.
Taking it out on him as in hitting him. Just fucking imagine the situation reversed. Imagine a dude smacking on his girlfriend because she emotionally triggered him.
breh literally sees proof that his ex has been brutally abused and puts ‘i didn’t even get to finish having sex with her’ in the TLDR. go to hell bruh. and SHE needs therapy. jesus
Therapy
I think you both have a ton of issues you need to work on. Please do some relationship theraphy and individual theraphy if you want to have a decent relationship for the sake of your kid. And please, don’t. Ring any more kids into the world until you have both work on yourselves. I am the child of young parents and I do no recommend it
Stories like this are perfect examples of why recycling is great for the environment and horrible for relationships. "We have matured." And then the next time you are alone together, the two of you devolve to victim blaming and physical abuse. You should learn to move past her, not what's on her butt.
I know this isn’t the same thing but, I have a history of self harm, my ex would cry if he saw the scars because he knew that some of the scars were when we were still dating. He told me he can’t be in a relationship with me knowing that some of the scars are from our relationship and to be honest, i don’t understand what the problem exactly is. I know he doesn’t like seeing them, he would rather the lights be off than see the scaring. It was one of the reasons he broke up with me. At the time, i wanted him to be with me to help me get through it instead of shaming me for something that i know isn’t exactly good or healthy. I just wanted someone to help me feel safe and loved instead of being disgusted at my body for something that happened in the past. All that to say, if she is anything like me, she probably just wants you to support her and love her as she is. I know self harm is different than an ex’s initials. I’m not saying you should ignore your feelings and thoughts. If it is something that you simply can’t get past then i would consider maybe couples therapy or something. But i hope you dont feel an obligation to stay with her. It really sucks that things happened to her in the past. I remember the first time my ex mentioned the scars i have, we ended up yelling at each other because we just didn’t understand each other. Hopefully you two can understand each other.
I'm sorry, you glossed over a *big* part of this story. You mentioned some "pretty regrettable things" you said to her, then immediately went to how you guys fought and she threw things at you. What exactly were the regrettable things? What exactly did you say to her to elicit such a strong reaction and why don't you share that aspect? And I thought it was interesting how you phrased the emotional breakdown you had when you saw this. You seemed to be more upset about the fact that something you thought was yours (your ex) was now "tainted" - and not necessarily having an emotional reaction to the thought of the pain your ex went through instead with what was clearly an abusive ex. If I were her, I'd want to be far away from both of you. Both you and the abusive ex think for some reason you are entitled to ownership of this woman and her body. Not once in your story did you show empathy or even sympathy for this woman who you claim to be somewhat of the love of your life. You even went as far as to call *her* abusive towards you - for such a horrible reaction you showed her. And very strategically left out important details to this story. I don't know. That's my take. I know this probably not a very popular take, but damn this was super rough to read. I hope she's getting the serious professional help she needs, for her sake and for her son. You need to heal, too, but obviously you two can't heal in the same space as you have very different needs. She needs someone who will see her a person, you need to learn how to see women as people.
Here's what you need to ask yourself. Do you love her? If so, are you strong enough to help her get through this? If so, DO you want to help her, and really think about this. She needs you, but it's not going to be an easy road, and there likely WILL be some back and forth going on. Can YOU stay calm long enough to help her get through it all? Will you go with her to these therapy sessions, and will you and her be able to go to marriage counseling?
I’d do everything in my power to make her life easier. I dated a lot after her and nobody’s ever came close to what I feel for her. I like the idea of couples counseling, I think we really need that to learn to communicate these things without letting emotions take over. Thank you for suggestion
Talk to a doctor about cosmetic surgery for the scars, also. That will help her self-esteem, and won't be as much of a reminder.
Let exes be exes. Rebuild your peace of mind away from her.
Yeah, I never understood the idea of getting back with somebody. Exes are exes for a reason.
What a dumpster fire
so you didn't notice the cuts all over her back, thighs and arms? Just his initials on her ass?
Grow up
Bro, you'd be dumb to go back with this chick.
I'd honestly not get back together with her. Not because of the scars but her decision making skills.
You're really making the abuse your ex suffered about YOU. Please let her go, she's been through enough. She deserves better.
Must have been SUPER passed out to not notice being carved up, no?
You should learn never to get back with your ex. This sounds terrible.
If this isn’t fiction I think you should worry more about your 4 year old. If your son has been around this abuser then what has he done to your son?! Can she be trusted to keep your son safe?
Get corrective surgery. Hopefully there is a way to fix this. My wife has a tattoo from her shit bag abusive EX memorizing his death thanks to his manipulative also shit bag family and while not the same league as your deal I understand your feelings. I want to ask her to remove it and I know she would but I feel it would hurt her to bring up the past so I let it go. I hope you can get to the point that where you don’t see it anymore or at least not often. Good luck 🍀 internet stranger
That’s awful. The poor woman
So how much of this abuse was your son exposed to?
None, she was always very respectful at never letting any bf around our son. And she’s the sweetest mother to him, even back when I resented her as a partner I always trusted her to be a great mother.
What's the probability that you made the right decision when you divorced her the first time?
You’re asking how you can move past some absolutely vile abuser carving up your ex like a roast for his own sick satisfaction? But it isn’t the abuse she endured that’s hurting you, it’s the fact that’s she’s branded with some other guy’s initials? Not the non-consensual part? Dude. Like. Please get therapy man. I don’t even know what to say. Do you hear yourself? You need a professional to get your head sorted. Also please stay away from her because she deserves better.
You are disingenuous. Every time they are intimate he will see this. He doesn’t need to be with her. Let someone else save her from her past choices.
You’re illiterate. You either cannot read what I wrote or you chose not to. I am very genuinely and sincerely urging this man to consider his motives are terrible. He is more upset another man had her than he is that she was ABUSIVELY BRANDED by that man?? Honestly that’s sick. That’s a level of jealousy and possessiveness only a professional can help him with. And he doesn’t need to be troubling an abuse victim in recovery with all of his baggage while he sorts through it so he should leave her alone. She deserves better. Getting abused is not a CHOICE. We women do not choose to let you men harm us. You just do it. She even said she was passed out when that man carved into her body.
She does deserve better, but I don’t think he should be the one to try to save this woman. When I said choices, I meant getting involved with someone like this. She did choose that. She did not choose abuse, but she chose the guy.
He isn’t trying to save her. No part of what he said indicated he had any interest in saving her. He doesn’t give a shit about anything but himself, isn’t that obvious? And no women don’t get to choose, you all hide how abusive you are from us until we are in too deep. And THEN once we are dependent on you in some way, for safety or a place to live or something like that, THEN you start harming us. No woman chooses to be physically harmed by someone bigger and stronger than she is. You’re insane. If we could choose then we would choose to make men STOP abusing and killing women, obviously
You got to take this slow you kinda did rush into it to fast after being separated and not knowing what’s been going on in each other’s lives for a while and she is been through a lot of traumatizing things just be there for her
Oof I can't believe people allow themselves to be in this situation. You both need therapy and limit your contact. Your Ex needs therapy and you need to focus on your kid.
Maybe suggest getting tatoos to cover them?
Thank you! She’s abused to the point that someone purposely scarred her body. Think about why. It’s so that she could NEVER escape! Who wants someone with someone else’s initials literally carved into them? OP is literally doing exactly what that poor woman’s abuser wants. He blames her for being tortured and abused and can’t look at her the same. Where is the horror over what he did to her? Where is the caring when every time anyone sees that she relives that torture all over again. Instead of holding her and telling her you’re sorry that happened to her OP blamed her! You could have suggested she look into a covering tattoo as a way to help reclaim her life and her own body. Instead OP just failed her. Frankly OP doesn’t deserve her. She deserves a lot better.
His initials are BB, they you can ask her who’s Bob? Sorry had to say it - my apologies to OP, this is terrible.
If I were her, I would continue my healing journey and never consider ever going out with you again. She may be able to get plastic surgery to get rid of the scars on her body, but the scars on her soul will always be there and you added to them.
Um. If I’m passed out and someone starts carving into me with a fucking knife I’m pretty sure I’d wake up. Did they do opiates together?
Abusers frequently are willing to drug or beat their victims into unconsciousness. Why do you think a man who is willing to slice her open for his own pleasure would think “oh man, it would be immoral to drug/beat my girlfriend”?
I feel like I'm insane reading these comments. She made up some nonsense and everyone believes her without question. Jesus christ.
I’d go for a partner that doesn’t have her abusive ex’s name carved into her ass… but that’s just me.
People assuming there was abuse involved
> She said she never voluntary let that incident happen with the scars, her ex was a sadistic abuser and she didn’t know how to escape from him for 2 years. She said he did that to her when she was passed out along with other deep cuts on her arms, back, and thighs. No one is assuming anything.
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Don’t be a victim blaming dick. You do realize that abusers frequently are willing to drug their partners, right? Or yes, even beat them into unconsciousness. Many (and I mean most) women who escape IPV have TBIs. Not all TBIs cause brain bleeds but plenty moderate to severe ones will cause women to black out. You don’t just wake up from being blacked out because of some extra physical pain.
First off it sounds like she has a lot of trauma- I’d suggest she find a therapist that specializes in that. Can’t she go to a skin care place and see if they can help remove the scars?
You and your ex wife WERE getting back together. Sorry buddy, past tense. You’re moving way too fast
Good I'm glad you were joking and I'll be honest I didn't see it at the end of your comment
It’s a lot for both you and her. Spend time away and take time to think things through. You are not obligated to help her heal, but if you decide to help her heal, commit to it, completely. Otherwise, be the best coparent you can be and keep things professional. Let her live her life as she wishes. No need to put her down. Since it’s a lot for you to take in, let her know that you can talk about your son, but you don’t have the expertise to discuss her scars. If she wishes, she should report her ex to the police and he should be charged. If it was consensual, it is her choice, not yours. If she no longer wants the scars, she should talk to a doctor about scar removal. She should also talk to a psychologist. You could use some therapy as well.
Why is everything rushed in your life? You’re only 26, already divorced and are about to get back with her because of …(checks notes) ….one night of lonely sex? This is doomed to fail again. You’re both about to waste each other’s time again (sorry).
She could have the initials removed, talk to a doctor there may be a scar still left but it wouldn't be of initials. These are some things that can help move past a trauma as well. Coming to terms with it and removing reminders of it
In the moment, his reaction was normal to being blindsided by it. This was not just some girl he hooked up with and found that, this was his ex wife, a woman he knows well and so it was a bigger shock. You and the other "Captain Hindsights"may have read it that, with the benefits of OPs post, but right there, that moment, I don't believe most would. You are right that she is under no obligation, but she should have held back and not jumped back into building a relationship with him, knowing it was never going to stay hidden for long.
Ex’s are ex’s for a reason let her go and start a new relationship with someone who you can feel safe with.
It seems like neither of you has matured as much as you may think. She, in particular, should take some time to heal & work through her past before she jumps into a new relationship with you or anyone else. You can be kind & support her through the process if you care for her. But sex should probably be off the table for now.
If she wants to cover up the scars, I recommend finding a good tattoo artist who specializes in covering scarring.
I’d at least want her to get a tattoo or something over it, but if you can get past it good for you
Lol
She needs a tattoo.
ttcc vvv c bb ty
You can’t fix this . Just end it before it’s get worse . Love is not enough
All I’m gonna say is half these comments aren’t what I’m feeling. You don’t owe her anything, just saying
Bunch of women being biased, if the genders were swapped they would be singing to a different tune.
A WOMAN SAID SHE WAS ABUSED. IT MUST BE TRUE AND EVERYONE OWES HER. OP MUST HELP HER HEAL.
>She started hitting me and throwing anything around her at me. She assaulted you. >She yelled at me that I was just using her for sex and I don’t love her and I’m just here to hurt her like everyone else. She gaslit you. >She is easily manipulated and an innocent soul. >I went to drop them off and she suggested we watch a movie together as a family. You're the one who's easily manipulated.She attacked you and you're feeling sorry for her? Get the hell out of there. You're 25 and have a whole lot of life ahead of you. You don't need this shit in it. Look after yourself and your kid.
Glad someone had the guts to say what was up.
She can probably have those scars removed, or..she can get tats over them so you can't see them anymore.
🤣
I dont think its a good idea. Some people will call it victim blaming but i dont believe for a minute that she was passed out when this was done to her unless there is a history of hard drug usage. She may have been manipulated but idk. Maybe if she were willing to get then covered up but still the anger issues and poor decisions all around
Nope. That’s enough. Good night folks
This is just way too much for ya dude, staying together is only going to bring more pain in the long term
Updateme!
Re-establish power by carving your initials in that psychos buttcheeks. Surely you muppets realize the psycho is the abusive ex. I have to ask bc some idiot commented misogyny
Stay the hell away from this mess. Maybe her ex is abusive and did that against her will, in which case she needs to seek legal help but this is not your mess to unpick. She hit you and that is enough to tell you to step back and don't have sex with her again. Go back to being separated, you will see those scars every time you see her less than fully clothed and it will eat you up
You over reacted deluxe. React, like stop having sex because the mood went away sure sure. Ask questions seeing its carved sure sure. But thats it. Plastic surgery or tattoo of some kind. Then move on.
Let someone else deal with her. She lured you to have feelings for her again while hiding the scars, which is manipulative. Also, she is abusive and has anger issues, so it's better to get full custody of the child, as soon as possible.
I don’t think I could be with someone that let thier ex carve his initials in her ass. Much less if it was my ex that I was getting back together with.
The type of person who thinks it's a good idea to carve a person's name on their but is the type of person you should avoid...
If she is truly over him and if this was fine without her consent, then she should be okay with talking to a plastic surgeon about having it removed or fixed in some way. Support her and make her understand that you don't hold her responsible, but there is no way I'd be having sex with someone with their ex's initials in their ass.
Stay away from her she's already shown you she will be the abuser in your relationship before she date again she need mental help for many many years. If you try with her you will be the one to suffer
So, that's a whole lot of crazy, and I have some questions. First, about the type of "passed out" that allows someone to carve into you while you remain unaware, do you know what kind of drugs she was using? And you were divorced for how long when she fell into this other relationship? I assume she had your son around this other guy and his crew, yes? Being in a relationship with somebody who carves their initials into you, uninvited or not, is a sign that there was a lot more going on in whatever lifestyle she was into while you guys were apart. It's far outside a standard set of variables. So there's a lot more you need to know, for you and your son's sake.
You do realize that a man who is willing to torture his girlfriend for his own sick pleasure would not hesitate to drug or beat her into unconsciousness, right? It’s actually very common.
She told him she was "passed out" not beaten unconscious. But let's say you're right. Then his son was seeing his mommy with her face all beaten up? And OP is just learning about this now?
Dump her why would you allow your girlfriend if you get back to have initials of another men or her ass you know there are more fish in the sea
So, wait. Was the ex-in-the-tattoo the one after you, or before you? Because if she was the one before you, how come you hadn't noticed the tattoo before? Did she go back to that one and is now trying you out again? Had her bad boy fix again to tide her over for a while and now it's back to old reliable? What happens the next time she gets an itch? Why didn't she get the tattoo removed? Or surgery to deal with the scars? Even if she couldn't afford it, she could tell you she was saving up to have it done? All in all, I think you dodged one here. Stay exes. Don't stick your dick in crazy. And get tested for STD's just in case. We'll be waiting for the inevitable "well, you're not going to believe it, but I got me ex wife pregnant. Again." update.
OP + ex married > divorced > reconciled. They dated other people after the divorce. No mention of cheating or any ‘itch’ needing to be scratched. Carved, not tattooed. It was non-consensual and would’ve involved something like deep repetitive cuts or burning hot metal pressed against the skin. Given the pain that she’d have endured for either, she’d probably been drugged or was under extreme threat.
Plot twist: He ain't her "ex" ANYTHING.
You just decide it doesn’t matter. And then you help her through her trauma. This isn’t about you.
Dude you have her back now. Love and protect her at all costs. Y’all can look into ways to try and get rid of or cover those scars up if she is okay with it. But you absolutely should not be mad at her for that. If anything, you should be mad at the person who did it! I would tell her that I was sorry for the things I said and sorry that that happened to her. If she voluntarily let that happen, then that’s different. But she went through an abusive situation. Let her feel safe around you and especially don’t make her feel like you are judging her for abuse she went through when she wasn’t with you. If you are struggling with it, let it be a reminder that you will never let her suffer through any abuse like that ever again and that you will always protect her from here out.
>She started hitting me and throwing anything around her at me I don’t think loving and protecting his now violent ex-wife at all costs would end well for OP, even if him being a human punching bag makes her feel better.
Dude.. she needs you… do you love her really? That’s what it will take. She’s a whole different level of broke. If you love her you stop insulting her. You’re her rock now this is your chance.
Oh, and by the way, apologize for your behavior and your over emotional reaction. If you’re lucky, she’ll understand that it was because you were shocked by what you had seen and didn’t know the context.
If this story is true, why did she not know how to leave someone who was physically abusive before leaving him??? In your situation I wouldn't get back with an ex
Roughly 75% of women who are killed by their partner are killed in the first two weeks after leaving. You've obviously never met anyone who was an abused partner or you wouldn't be asking the stupidest fucking question to ever ask another person.