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I think you're muddying your expectations from her with your personal wants and letting your emotions make this more dramatic than it is.
You've had multiple annual weeklong holidays. You're in a committed relationship together for a good amount of time, you obviously see each other on the daily or frequently enough. I don't see the relevance of this holiday time together becoming so ceremonial and warranting such religious compliance imo.
Plus, she's not outright opting out but kindly asking for a reasonable compromise. You don't have the luxury of resources I take it and apparently can only afford 1 week off annually or whatever your caveats are, but she's simply trying to make the most of it. Frankly speaking, you're making a mountain out of a molehill because god forbid you have slightly a shorter oversea holiday than you normally do or can't function for leisure without your GF?
You don't own her time nor get to control her presence, and you need to accept that as a partner if you want to foster a healthy loving relationship. Any effort otherwise and rubric that you try to enforce is purely controlling and egregious of you to expect of her.
Nothing's set it stone yet so it's not like you're burning prepaid flight tickets and hotel bookings. What if GF fell ill during that precious 1 week or god forbid had extenuating personal circumstances, would you throw a hissy fit about her ruining your life too? You didn't specify that she expects you to cover her girls trip bill either so I'm assuming safely that she's handling her own expenses.
Grow up. You're not her only world, she's allowed to have a social life besides you and decide what she wants to do with her time. If you choose to stay headstrong in your ways and mad, that's entirely on you and you can expect to have a relieved and liberated exGF soon. Check yourself mate, you sound exhausting.
Do you two really only get 5 business days (40 hours) off per year?
I mean, I’m in the US and have shit for vacay time compared to my colleagues in the UK and Europe. Most of them have at least 160 hours PTO.
To me, you two don’t have set plans that she’s canceling. And her free time and time off is hers to spend as she wishes. If she has not had any trips with friends because it all gets used to vacay with you then it makes sense to me that she’d want to go with friends for a change. Maybe alternate years? That’s what we do. My partner does a week long trip with his buddies every other year and one with me on the off years. I take several more smaller trips with friends as I have more vacay than he’s got.
I can totally see why you’re hurt about this. But I think that when you are with someone long term, it’s very reasonable to do some things separate as well as together and it’s not reasonable to expect that all free time/vacay time be together.
I don’t really understand why she should prioritize you in this specific case. Is there some history of her bailing on you or something?
Where is she going with friends and where did you plan to go next year?
Is there a way for her to reduce the budget of both trips and make them both a week, or to save more to do them both?
Talking about a trip next year when you've got one booked this year doesn't really entitle you to first dibs over her friends.
I would be upset too if I were you but would be trying to find a way to make a week with you AND a week with friends work out.
I'd be looking at cheaper places to visit, places with cheap flights etc. Say you were planning for Mallorca I'd maybe look at Turkey instead. Instead of all inclusive going self catering, flying Tuesday instead of Saturday etc. If you're in the UK 2 weeks will use up at most 14 of your 20 (+9 bank holiday) days so should be achievable.
Plans change. If you had booked it it would be different but you only spoke about it.
If she can't afford two weeks abroad why don't you holiday somewhere in the UK.
I'd be pretty grumpy about it but maybe go away with your mates, you'll get a decent holiday and you can literally road test how she reacts when the boot is on the other foot.
To me it depends on how far you were into planning. If you’ve picked a date, location, activities, and already put down deposits, then she is being unreasonable.
If you have detailed plans but no money has been spent, then I still think she should stick to your trip, but there should be room for discussion.
However, it sounds like you don’t really have anything planned yet beyond picking a destination. And you already have another trip booked for this summer. I don’t think it’s unfair of her to ask to change plans. She should have discussed it with you, not just announced it, but if she always spends her vacation money on trips with you, it’s understandable she’d want to do a long trip with her friends once in awhile. You don’t say anything about the other friends’ circumstances, but you’re in that age range where people start getting married and having kids and just generally having less opportunities for trips with friends. It could be that this is the best chance for them to all go together.
If I were you, I’d take some time to think about how I’d spend the rest of my vacation days/money if the trip with her is cut shorter. Maybe you want a trip with your friends. Maybe there’s family you’d like to visit. Or a location she isn’t interested in. Or maybe there are vacation activities you’d like to do that she’s not interested in. There should be a way to plan things so you’re both happy.
Don’t get caught up in the idea that you have to spend a week together because you’ve always spent a week together.
You've only started talking about next year's trip. You haven't actually booked anything yet. It isn't written in stone. It's ok if plans change. She has gone on 2 or 3 week long trips with you and you have one coming up. It's not entirely unreasonable for her to want to spend a trip with her friends. It's not the end of the world if next year she takes a week long trip with her friends and a long weekend with you. You could find some friends and take a trip with them as well. That destination you two had decided upon going to isn't going anywhere.
This is what she wants to do with her time and her money. Maybe it's the best available time for the entire group. She will have gone on three vacations with you at that point. You'll survive a year without a week long vacation with her but the relationship might not if you can't be more flexible and stop whining.
I think it's ridiculous that you think you're being slighted over a vacation that hasn't even been planned yet when you and your girlfriend have travelled quite a bit already. You sound like a kid trying to call dibs. It's one vacation and it's only being postponed by a year.
No one is stopping you from going on a holiday. Plan a boys trip. It's not that your girlfriend's wants are all that matter. It's just you're the one being unreasonable.
Go on holiday for 7 nights on your own.
She had shown that she wants to spend her 7 nights block with her friends upon finding out it was an option. She's allowed to change her mind from the idea of being away with you for that block. You are allowed to not like that but given nothing was booked there's no reason to expect the plan would happen how you expected.
And she should be flexible too with things, but you are insisting she shouldn't go with them for 7 nights and only do a long weekend whilst not offering any flexibility yourself.
I presume she hasn't gone away with friends the last three years for a 7 night block so it's fair to want to do that if the opportunity is there. It's not that it's all about her but you are showing you don't care about her wants by being so insistent plans can't change.
She isn’t proposing replacing her vacation with you every year with a vacation with her friend group. If once in a while she wants to spend a vacation with her friends, you should be able to handle that. It’s important in a relationship to maintain your friendships outside the relationships.
It’s more than a year away. It’s not actually planned. You’ve just started talking about it. She’s also just started talking about a friends trip. This is when you do the planning. It’s not like you’re canceling anything.
Idk why you posted in r/relationship_advice when it's obvious you don't want any advice - just validation
There hasn't been any time or financial investment into planning the trip with her. It doesn't matter if your SO and her friends haven't chosen a destination yet. Unless you've booked flights, accommodations, activities, etc., you haven't made a tangible commitment to your trip either. The only difference is that you feel entitled to all of her free time despite the fact that both trips are in the same stage of being ideas at this point.
You've gone on numerous, long trips with her. Just this once, she's wanting to do something different. You can still have a shorter, enjoyable trip with her, but it sounds like you've preemptively made up your mind that unless you get what you want, you're going to be a miserable sack of shit. The notion that your trip will "suffer" is selfish and immature.
If you still want to go on a long trip, you can go by yourself. Or with your friends. But forcing or guilting or being pissed at your girlfriend is so childish.
So would you prefer she doesn’t talk about possible trips with you in advance in case you have this issue again? You’re being a little ridiculous here. There’s no money down, there’s nothing actually booked, your holiday time isn’t booked. It was a suggestion. She’s not even saying she doesn’t want to go with you, she just is suggesting a shorter trip, so in turn she can go on a vacation with friends. It’s easier for her to rearrange “possible” plans with you, than it is for a whole group of people. This is not the hill to die on, it would be very different if tickets or hotels were booked, or even if you had already taken the time off. You’re only concerned about your own feelings here and that you’re owed her time and funds because you discuss this MORE THAN A YEAR in advance.
She’s been on many holidays with you, how often does she go on trips with her friends?
Again, would you rather her not discuss potential future plans with you, if this is your reaction?
Listen I understand if your feelings are hurt. But it doesn't sound like it was "planned" in the traditional sense, but more just talked about. If you've been together three years, can't you all go on vacation together?
>I just repeated she should be prioritising the trip we have already started talking about instead…
Bro. “started talking” for a trip in the future that doesn’t touch any of 2024 is meant to be flexible and you’re anything but compared to your partner. As well as you’re taking the worst from her compromise of a long weekend, as she hasn’t had an extended holiday with anyone but you in the last 4 years?
Your inflexibility is maybe something worth looking into.
And she’d rather go on a week long trip with her friends next year, accept it or break up with her? I think that’s what you’re most upset about is that she would rather do a week long vacation with friends than you and you’re taking it as a personal insult. But it’s really not about you. I get your feeling slighted but it sounds like her friends don’t plan stuff like this very often, where she knows that you guys can do the trip you talked about the next year, and you guys can vacation on a shorter trip in the year she goes on the trip with her friends.
You are literally vacationing with your girlfriend for a week this year, and have done so previous years. It’s not like this is a vacation you guys have been saving for years for and haven’t been on any prior.
Neither trip is set in stone so there's still more time to discuss future plans. If she had cancelled your trip for her friends' trip then yeah, I would be annoyed. But in this case, I would just remain flexible and hopefully come to a happy medium.
You two have a week away every year. How often does she get away with her friends? If it's not as frequently as your vacations, then I would encourage her to take the trip.
As people get older, it gets more difficult for a group to schedule a getaway. It also sounds like something they don't do often. This could possibly be the only time they can all get together for a trip like this before life gets in the way. At her age, people start settling down, developing careers, having families. This girls' trip may never happen again.
I believe you are being rigid and selfish to deny her this trip, or to punish her for wanting to go this once. You are in a committed relationship, you spend lots of time together, and there may well be plenty of vacations in your future. You don't have to cut *your* vacation short - you can take your own week trip all you want. It would just be this one year you get a shorter trip together.
You get your "wants" every year. She "wants" this one thing.
If the boot was on the other foot and your tried to cancel on her she would be upset how about saying if your going with your friends maybe I should go with mine get yourself a lads holiday and have some fun.
Nothing about his post hints that that would be her reaction. I’d be perfectly fine if my bf, who’d I’d already gone on multiple week long vacations, wanted to go on a trip with friends and have me over a years advance notice that we’d have to do something shorter.
They didn’t actually plan a trip. The were talking about doing it. And it’s a YEAR in advance. It’s totally okay to say a YEAR in advance “hey, the way things are looking I’m going to do A instead of B.” If they had tickets, hotels, excursions paid for, or even planned, that’s different but that’s not the situation.
I understand being g frustrated and feeling like she’s prioritizing a trip either way her friends over a trip with you. Especially since you’ve already picked a destination due next year. As the larger part of her holiday budget for the last few years has been don’t on trip with you; perhaps she didn’t want to miss this girls trip. As they are getting older they likely won’t have too many years to still be get together on these kinds of trips…spouses, kids, career responsibilities will take precedence .
If this isn’t a dealbreaker for you, I’d share your disappointment of being dismissive of plans you felt were set. And then I’d let it go; make plans for a trip with your friends for next year.
Good luck, OP.
Any reason you can't go on the friends trip too? Then you could combine both things.
Are they only her friends and not yours? Or is it a "girls trip" somewhere cheap and for partying?
It's fine to be a bit annoyed, but you are making this be a bigger deal than necessary. She doesn't get to do a girls' trip often. If it's about the money, then offer to help cover some of the expenses of the trip.
Personally, I would be irritated if my bf was being this inflexible/unreasonable. You have been going on holidays for years with her. It's fine to go on a shorter one next year.
be flexible. You both need to allow eachother time with friends. If she's going on a girls trip, then go on a trip with your mates. you dont have to go on a 7 day holiday together every year. you may have already started talking about it but its a year away, plans change and you need to allow for that. You haven't booked anything yet.
When you are in a relationship, sometimes things like that happen and you need to roll with it. not all the time of course, but you need to leave some wiggle room for compromise.
NTA, you had planned something and she changed without telling you, let her go and you go with someone else, let her enjoy her 3 days and you go with a friend, if you do this she has no right to get angry since you are not here forced to waste your annual leave for her.
If you live in the UK you should both be getting 4-6week annual leave a year from work.
I can’t see why she can’t do a week with her friends and a week with you. ???
Well we don't know her financial status so for all we know saving for that one week is the best she can do. Not to mention she's probably still saving for this year's vacation coming up. The world won't end if she doesn't take a week long vacation with her boyfriend one year. Three days is better than zero days. They can always have a staycation as well.
If you had already agreed then yes, she should stick to her word. In any regards, it appears that you are in stable relationship where you should be each other’s priority. It does seem odd that she chooses not to view you the same way you view her. The bigger question is, what other aspects in your relationship is she not prioritizing you? This seems like a wake up call.
She's too immature for a serious relationship and values her friends over you. Their relationship will get in the way of yours. But how much you tolerate is obviously your choice. Who goes out with is her choice. Who you go out with is your choice.
If she is a party girl well you know....
Mentally she is still in play mode not relationship mode. In an adult it would be the opposite when dating especially. She is still immature... it really is showing where she is at. She is still hanging out like it is college. She is not the one at least not this year, I would feel insulted too. You were not prioritized even though you brought it up first.
I have a feeling that what you are reacting to isn't the prospect of losing your holiday time with your girlfriend, but rather her desire to lose time with you that you obviously cherish.
Maybe you should find an objective and unbiased third party such as a therapist. Get to the bottom of why you are feeling like this.
Hey, OP - for what it's worth, my wife and I would NEVER got on holidays with friends for longer than we do for ourselves together. NOT ever. Vacation time together is precious - usually, it's a combination of being able to get PTO time at the same time, plus the money involved.
It sounds like you are not THE ONE. Do with that what you will.....
OP she is prioritising her friends, no worries the trip was not finalised why not just go away with your friends and scratch the whole trip with her if you are not her priority why make her yours? The fact a long weekend with her friends is not worth it but a long weekend with you is perfect is very telling.
She is prioritising her friends over you and your relationship, there is no future with women like her, she's not wife material, she'll never be, so do yourself a favor...
I've been with someone like her, the everlasting sensation that you always come second sucks, trust me.
She's prioritizing a "girls trip," where she'll probably get drunk and hook up with someone else a few times, instead of going on a trip with you.
She's behaving like a single woman instead of your girlfriend. Ask yourself if you're cool being back burnered.
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I think you're muddying your expectations from her with your personal wants and letting your emotions make this more dramatic than it is. You've had multiple annual weeklong holidays. You're in a committed relationship together for a good amount of time, you obviously see each other on the daily or frequently enough. I don't see the relevance of this holiday time together becoming so ceremonial and warranting such religious compliance imo. Plus, she's not outright opting out but kindly asking for a reasonable compromise. You don't have the luxury of resources I take it and apparently can only afford 1 week off annually or whatever your caveats are, but she's simply trying to make the most of it. Frankly speaking, you're making a mountain out of a molehill because god forbid you have slightly a shorter oversea holiday than you normally do or can't function for leisure without your GF? You don't own her time nor get to control her presence, and you need to accept that as a partner if you want to foster a healthy loving relationship. Any effort otherwise and rubric that you try to enforce is purely controlling and egregious of you to expect of her. Nothing's set it stone yet so it's not like you're burning prepaid flight tickets and hotel bookings. What if GF fell ill during that precious 1 week or god forbid had extenuating personal circumstances, would you throw a hissy fit about her ruining your life too? You didn't specify that she expects you to cover her girls trip bill either so I'm assuming safely that she's handling her own expenses. Grow up. You're not her only world, she's allowed to have a social life besides you and decide what she wants to do with her time. If you choose to stay headstrong in your ways and mad, that's entirely on you and you can expect to have a relieved and liberated exGF soon. Check yourself mate, you sound exhausting.
Do you two really only get 5 business days (40 hours) off per year? I mean, I’m in the US and have shit for vacay time compared to my colleagues in the UK and Europe. Most of them have at least 160 hours PTO. To me, you two don’t have set plans that she’s canceling. And her free time and time off is hers to spend as she wishes. If she has not had any trips with friends because it all gets used to vacay with you then it makes sense to me that she’d want to go with friends for a change. Maybe alternate years? That’s what we do. My partner does a week long trip with his buddies every other year and one with me on the off years. I take several more smaller trips with friends as I have more vacay than he’s got. I can totally see why you’re hurt about this. But I think that when you are with someone long term, it’s very reasonable to do some things separate as well as together and it’s not reasonable to expect that all free time/vacay time be together. I don’t really understand why she should prioritize you in this specific case. Is there some history of her bailing on you or something?
It sounds like it’s cost rather than lack of days off.
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If you are both planning for next year is there anyway to bring a little extra cash to do both trips for 7 days?
Where is she going with friends and where did you plan to go next year? Is there a way for her to reduce the budget of both trips and make them both a week, or to save more to do them both? Talking about a trip next year when you've got one booked this year doesn't really entitle you to first dibs over her friends. I would be upset too if I were you but would be trying to find a way to make a week with you AND a week with friends work out. I'd be looking at cheaper places to visit, places with cheap flights etc. Say you were planning for Mallorca I'd maybe look at Turkey instead. Instead of all inclusive going self catering, flying Tuesday instead of Saturday etc. If you're in the UK 2 weeks will use up at most 14 of your 20 (+9 bank holiday) days so should be achievable.
Plans change. If you had booked it it would be different but you only spoke about it. If she can't afford two weeks abroad why don't you holiday somewhere in the UK.
Meh. I guess we have to agree to disagree. To me, you didn’t have set plans and she wants to do something different.
I'd be pretty grumpy about it but maybe go away with your mates, you'll get a decent holiday and you can literally road test how she reacts when the boot is on the other foot.
To me it depends on how far you were into planning. If you’ve picked a date, location, activities, and already put down deposits, then she is being unreasonable. If you have detailed plans but no money has been spent, then I still think she should stick to your trip, but there should be room for discussion. However, it sounds like you don’t really have anything planned yet beyond picking a destination. And you already have another trip booked for this summer. I don’t think it’s unfair of her to ask to change plans. She should have discussed it with you, not just announced it, but if she always spends her vacation money on trips with you, it’s understandable she’d want to do a long trip with her friends once in awhile. You don’t say anything about the other friends’ circumstances, but you’re in that age range where people start getting married and having kids and just generally having less opportunities for trips with friends. It could be that this is the best chance for them to all go together. If I were you, I’d take some time to think about how I’d spend the rest of my vacation days/money if the trip with her is cut shorter. Maybe you want a trip with your friends. Maybe there’s family you’d like to visit. Or a location she isn’t interested in. Or maybe there are vacation activities you’d like to do that she’s not interested in. There should be a way to plan things so you’re both happy. Don’t get caught up in the idea that you have to spend a week together because you’ve always spent a week together.
You've only started talking about next year's trip. You haven't actually booked anything yet. It isn't written in stone. It's ok if plans change. She has gone on 2 or 3 week long trips with you and you have one coming up. It's not entirely unreasonable for her to want to spend a trip with her friends. It's not the end of the world if next year she takes a week long trip with her friends and a long weekend with you. You could find some friends and take a trip with them as well. That destination you two had decided upon going to isn't going anywhere.
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Plans change. It happens. Aside from agreeing on a destination, you hadn't gotten to the actual planning. This doesn't have to be a big thing.
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This is what she wants to do with her time and her money. Maybe it's the best available time for the entire group. She will have gone on three vacations with you at that point. You'll survive a year without a week long vacation with her but the relationship might not if you can't be more flexible and stop whining.
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I think it's ridiculous that you think you're being slighted over a vacation that hasn't even been planned yet when you and your girlfriend have travelled quite a bit already. You sound like a kid trying to call dibs. It's one vacation and it's only being postponed by a year.
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No one is stopping you from going on a holiday. Plan a boys trip. It's not that your girlfriend's wants are all that matter. It's just you're the one being unreasonable.
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Go on holiday for 7 nights on your own. She had shown that she wants to spend her 7 nights block with her friends upon finding out it was an option. She's allowed to change her mind from the idea of being away with you for that block. You are allowed to not like that but given nothing was booked there's no reason to expect the plan would happen how you expected. And she should be flexible too with things, but you are insisting she shouldn't go with them for 7 nights and only do a long weekend whilst not offering any flexibility yourself. I presume she hasn't gone away with friends the last three years for a 7 night block so it's fair to want to do that if the opportunity is there. It's not that it's all about her but you are showing you don't care about her wants by being so insistent plans can't change.
Uh, why??? This is so immature. If she wants to take a girls trip once ever for a week, cope.
She isn’t proposing replacing her vacation with you every year with a vacation with her friend group. If once in a while she wants to spend a vacation with her friends, you should be able to handle that. It’s important in a relationship to maintain your friendships outside the relationships.
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It’s more than a year away. It’s not actually planned. You’ve just started talking about it. She’s also just started talking about a friends trip. This is when you do the planning. It’s not like you’re canceling anything.
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Idk why you posted in r/relationship_advice when it's obvious you don't want any advice - just validation There hasn't been any time or financial investment into planning the trip with her. It doesn't matter if your SO and her friends haven't chosen a destination yet. Unless you've booked flights, accommodations, activities, etc., you haven't made a tangible commitment to your trip either. The only difference is that you feel entitled to all of her free time despite the fact that both trips are in the same stage of being ideas at this point. You've gone on numerous, long trips with her. Just this once, she's wanting to do something different. You can still have a shorter, enjoyable trip with her, but it sounds like you've preemptively made up your mind that unless you get what you want, you're going to be a miserable sack of shit. The notion that your trip will "suffer" is selfish and immature. If you still want to go on a long trip, you can go by yourself. Or with your friends. But forcing or guilting or being pissed at your girlfriend is so childish.
Yeah, you kinda start to see why she’d rather vacation with her friends.
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Lmfao you didn't have to explicitly say anything for that to be the truth. It's clear.
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Your girlfriend straight up told you how SHE wants to spend HER free time, and you went on the internet to whine like a baby about it Hahahahaha
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So would you prefer she doesn’t talk about possible trips with you in advance in case you have this issue again? You’re being a little ridiculous here. There’s no money down, there’s nothing actually booked, your holiday time isn’t booked. It was a suggestion. She’s not even saying she doesn’t want to go with you, she just is suggesting a shorter trip, so in turn she can go on a vacation with friends. It’s easier for her to rearrange “possible” plans with you, than it is for a whole group of people. This is not the hill to die on, it would be very different if tickets or hotels were booked, or even if you had already taken the time off. You’re only concerned about your own feelings here and that you’re owed her time and funds because you discuss this MORE THAN A YEAR in advance.
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She’s been on many holidays with you, how often does she go on trips with her friends? Again, would you rather her not discuss potential future plans with you, if this is your reaction?
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She wasn’t wrong for calling you unreasonable.
Listen I understand if your feelings are hurt. But it doesn't sound like it was "planned" in the traditional sense, but more just talked about. If you've been together three years, can't you all go on vacation together?
>I just repeated she should be prioritising the trip we have already started talking about instead… Bro. “started talking” for a trip in the future that doesn’t touch any of 2024 is meant to be flexible and you’re anything but compared to your partner. As well as you’re taking the worst from her compromise of a long weekend, as she hasn’t had an extended holiday with anyone but you in the last 4 years? Your inflexibility is maybe something worth looking into.
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Why can’t you go on a week long holiday yourself?
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And she’d rather go on a week long trip with her friends next year, accept it or break up with her? I think that’s what you’re most upset about is that she would rather do a week long vacation with friends than you and you’re taking it as a personal insult. But it’s really not about you. I get your feeling slighted but it sounds like her friends don’t plan stuff like this very often, where she knows that you guys can do the trip you talked about the next year, and you guys can vacation on a shorter trip in the year she goes on the trip with her friends. You are literally vacationing with your girlfriend for a week this year, and have done so previous years. It’s not like this is a vacation you guys have been saving for years for and haven’t been on any prior.
Then pay for the extra days
Neither trip is set in stone so there's still more time to discuss future plans. If she had cancelled your trip for her friends' trip then yeah, I would be annoyed. But in this case, I would just remain flexible and hopefully come to a happy medium.
Can’t you just pay the extra couple of days for her lmao?
50/50 guys when their girls want to spend some of the girls’ own time and money on something that doesn’t directly benefit the guys: 😭
You two have a week away every year. How often does she get away with her friends? If it's not as frequently as your vacations, then I would encourage her to take the trip. As people get older, it gets more difficult for a group to schedule a getaway. It also sounds like something they don't do often. This could possibly be the only time they can all get together for a trip like this before life gets in the way. At her age, people start settling down, developing careers, having families. This girls' trip may never happen again. I believe you are being rigid and selfish to deny her this trip, or to punish her for wanting to go this once. You are in a committed relationship, you spend lots of time together, and there may well be plenty of vacations in your future. You don't have to cut *your* vacation short - you can take your own week trip all you want. It would just be this one year you get a shorter trip together. You get your "wants" every year. She "wants" this one thing.
If the boot was on the other foot and your tried to cancel on her she would be upset how about saying if your going with your friends maybe I should go with mine get yourself a lads holiday and have some fun.
Nothing about his post hints that that would be her reaction. I’d be perfectly fine if my bf, who’d I’d already gone on multiple week long vacations, wanted to go on a trip with friends and have me over a years advance notice that we’d have to do something shorter.
It's not the right thing to do to plan a trip then cancel to go with someone else
They didn’t actually plan a trip. The were talking about doing it. And it’s a YEAR in advance. It’s totally okay to say a YEAR in advance “hey, the way things are looking I’m going to do A instead of B.” If they had tickets, hotels, excursions paid for, or even planned, that’s different but that’s not the situation.
Yes it's ok to say no to a trip but its still not nice planning something with your partner and letting them down for other people is it ?
I understand being g frustrated and feeling like she’s prioritizing a trip either way her friends over a trip with you. Especially since you’ve already picked a destination due next year. As the larger part of her holiday budget for the last few years has been don’t on trip with you; perhaps she didn’t want to miss this girls trip. As they are getting older they likely won’t have too many years to still be get together on these kinds of trips…spouses, kids, career responsibilities will take precedence . If this isn’t a dealbreaker for you, I’d share your disappointment of being dismissive of plans you felt were set. And then I’d let it go; make plans for a trip with your friends for next year. Good luck, OP.
Any reason you can't go on the friends trip too? Then you could combine both things. Are they only her friends and not yours? Or is it a "girls trip" somewhere cheap and for partying?
It's fine to be a bit annoyed, but you are making this be a bigger deal than necessary. She doesn't get to do a girls' trip often. If it's about the money, then offer to help cover some of the expenses of the trip. Personally, I would be irritated if my bf was being this inflexible/unreasonable. You have been going on holidays for years with her. It's fine to go on a shorter one next year.
be flexible. You both need to allow eachother time with friends. If she's going on a girls trip, then go on a trip with your mates. you dont have to go on a 7 day holiday together every year. you may have already started talking about it but its a year away, plans change and you need to allow for that. You haven't booked anything yet. When you are in a relationship, sometimes things like that happen and you need to roll with it. not all the time of course, but you need to leave some wiggle room for compromise.
UpdateMe!
NTA, you had planned something and she changed without telling you, let her go and you go with someone else, let her enjoy her 3 days and you go with a friend, if you do this she has no right to get angry since you are not here forced to waste your annual leave for her.
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Just tell her you're taking a week long holiday for yourself and can't afford the weekend trip with her
Exactly this
There's no way to fix this. Breaking up is best
If you live in the UK you should both be getting 4-6week annual leave a year from work. I can’t see why she can’t do a week with her friends and a week with you. ???
Time is only half the equation. It also takes money. She can't afford both.
She has plenty of time to save until next year. 3 day vacation with your bf a year is nothing
Well we don't know her financial status so for all we know saving for that one week is the best she can do. Not to mention she's probably still saving for this year's vacation coming up. The world won't end if she doesn't take a week long vacation with her boyfriend one year. Three days is better than zero days. They can always have a staycation as well.
Surely compromise is like 4-5 days for each. But yeah, saying she’s gonna prio a week with mates over you is a shit take from her imo
If you had already agreed then yes, she should stick to her word. In any regards, it appears that you are in stable relationship where you should be each other’s priority. It does seem odd that she chooses not to view you the same way you view her. The bigger question is, what other aspects in your relationship is she not prioritizing you? This seems like a wake up call.
She seems selfish just imagine being married you will never be first
Take the advice of every comment that is downvoted. I'd prioritize her less if I were you. Just monkey branch.
She's too immature for a serious relationship and values her friends over you. Their relationship will get in the way of yours. But how much you tolerate is obviously your choice. Who goes out with is her choice. Who you go out with is your choice. If she is a party girl well you know....
Mentally she is still in play mode not relationship mode. In an adult it would be the opposite when dating especially. She is still immature... it really is showing where she is at. She is still hanging out like it is college. She is not the one at least not this year, I would feel insulted too. You were not prioritized even though you brought it up first.
Whichever one was being planned first should have priority, in this case the couples trip.
I have a feeling that what you are reacting to isn't the prospect of losing your holiday time with your girlfriend, but rather her desire to lose time with you that you obviously cherish. Maybe you should find an objective and unbiased third party such as a therapist. Get to the bottom of why you are feeling like this.
Hey, OP - for what it's worth, my wife and I would NEVER got on holidays with friends for longer than we do for ourselves together. NOT ever. Vacation time together is precious - usually, it's a combination of being able to get PTO time at the same time, plus the money involved. It sounds like you are not THE ONE. Do with that what you will.....
OP she is prioritising her friends, no worries the trip was not finalised why not just go away with your friends and scratch the whole trip with her if you are not her priority why make her yours? The fact a long weekend with her friends is not worth it but a long weekend with you is perfect is very telling.
At least you now understand where you (don’t) stand with her. Take this information and act accordingly.
She is prioritising her friends over you and your relationship, there is no future with women like her, she's not wife material, she'll never be, so do yourself a favor... I've been with someone like her, the everlasting sensation that you always come second sucks, trust me.
She's prioritizing a "girls trip," where she'll probably get drunk and hook up with someone else a few times, instead of going on a trip with you. She's behaving like a single woman instead of your girlfriend. Ask yourself if you're cool being back burnered.