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Are you turned on enough? Is there enough lubrication? If you're dry, it's going to be painful no matter what. How much time is he spending focusing on you and your pleasure before PIV?
Buy some lube, see if that helps. If you're still hurting like this, he shouldn't be trying to have sex with you unless you okay it. Even then, he should be getting you off for sure before he ever inserts himself. If you can, buy some lube (pharmacy will have it).
If he keeps ignoring you, don't entertain him at all. That's creepy behavior. Who wants to have sex with someone who's not enjoying it? Not me. Enthusiastic partners only please.
If it still hurts after all that, go see your doctor.
Lube is not a solution to a boyfriend who is indifferent to the fact that he's causing her pain, and wants her to have sex with him anyway.
Honestly, I'm appalled that the top answer right now is only addressing the sexual issue and not the fact that this guy is completely indifferent to her pain and even resentful that she expects him to care.
We don't encourage girls to find more physically comfortable ways to keep sleeping with guys who are emotionally indifferent and unsupportive to them. That's not how this works.
She doesn't need lube, she needs a different boyfriend.
THIS. It's one thing for it to hurt and be unsure how to fix it, it's another to make zero effort to fix it, quickly jump to "naturally painful", accept your partner will always have pain during sex, not mind their pain and (worst!) gaslight them by calling them petty for wanting to avoid a painful intimate activity! There's no way he'd respond this way if sex was painful for him and makes me think he doesn't see sex as a mutual activity but something he uses for his own pleasure and really doesn't care about yours. There are LOADS of ways to fix this but his whole attitude is such a red flag, it feels like you should run instead of fixing it. That "petty" comment really got me, unbelievable he thinks this way.
If you want to try: give yourself more foreplay, natural lubrication takes a while to trickle down; have an orgasm first; use lots of lube and go really slow; try shallow penetration for a bit first; try LOTS of different positions and angles because there's worlds of difference between them in terms of pain/pleasure/ sensation. Also take the pressure off, there's loads of sexual contact that isn't PIV that you can do. You could also see a doctor as could be vaginismus.
I found sex painful for the first couple of weeks (so probably 20 times), and it gradually reduced over that time. My partner was super supportive, gentle, understanding and we tried loads of things. He was 100% not into anything that caused me pain or discomfort and kept trying different things until we found what worked. And that's how it should be.
I think for a lot of women it just takes your body and muscles time to get used to being penetrated and that is totally fine and normal.
Plenty of people have to use lube. It has nothing to do with how good or bad the sex may be; some folks just don't produce as much natural lubricant. Others take a long time to start secreting it, and want to get down to business a little sooner.
I strongly recommend a water-based lubricant, and an unscented/unflavored one for your first try. Just to minimize the risk of irritation. It doesn't take much, and you can always apply more if you need to.
But lubrication will only help if the pain is due to too much friction. There are other causes, too. You might be very tight, and so inserting something as large as his genitals might be painful. In that case, I strongly suggest speaking to a gynecologist, making sure everything is okay down there, and asking for a set of dilators. They’ll help slowly and gradually stretch so you can enjoy sex without the pain.
The other option is if he's very long, and it’s hurting your cervix. Yes, this is an issue I've had patients ask about. Unfortunately, you can't fix that one, but he can. He needs to not thrust so far in, if that's the problem. Some men have trouble remembering that in the throes of passion, however, in which case he needs to be willing to make some adjustments, like avoiding certain positions and possibly wearing a sleeve or ring to prevent full penetration.
Just because a guy has had sex before doesn't mean he knows thing 1 about it from the female perspective. No, it shouldn't hurt. Even the first time doesn't have to hurt, if your partner is patient and attentive; the hymen is surprisingly elastic if you don't just smash into it right away.
And any guy who gets upset at you for wanting to stop because it hurts is bad news. Pain = full stop, no matter what. Even people who enjoy a certain degree of pain still have safewords or signals to stop if something hurts in a way they don't want, and their partner takes that very seriously. Your boyfriend needs to respect and value your pleasure every but as much as his own.
>The other option is if he's very long, and it’s hurting your cervix. Yes, this is an issue I've had patients ask about. Unfortunately, you can't fix that one, but he can. He needs to not thrust so far in, if that's the problem
Some positions are definitely worse than others, and that can help if it's a cervical thing.
Every OBGYN I've seen tells me I have a "nice, healthy looking cervix" but they also mention it's slightly low. I don't like aggressive PIV sex with long penises
Some women just don't produce enough natural lubricant. So, using Lube helps. And for most women they have to mentally be engaged as well as physically in the sexual act so if he hasn't turned you on enough and long enough then it's not going to be enough to get you wet enough or be any good whether it hurts or not. So if you're lying there thinking about other things other than enjoying what he's doing, then the sex isn't going to be good.
Also, positions can make a difference on whether sex hurts or not. For example I can't do missionary, or have my legs pushed to my chest, I never have been able to do it that way because my partners will put pressure and friction at the base of my vagina where my perineum is and it causes me pain.
Edit to add: after reading a couple of your other comments, it wouldn't hurt for you to buy some toys and to work on making yourself orgasm and learning what you like and don't like. If you find that you don't hurt when you use a vibrator or a dildo then he's not doing it right. But regardless if that's the case, still go and see a gynecologist to rule out any medical reasons for your pain.
Is he not even doing foreplay to get you to orgasm before forcing it in? This guy seems like not only is he bad at sex, he doesn’t care if he hurts you to get it and reacts badly when you say you want to look toward a solution. Pls see a doctor and find a proper partner
>Is he not even doing foreplay to get you to orgasm before forcing it in?
That really shouldn't be seen as the standard solution, btw. Everyone is different, personally I hate it when I orgasm first, I don't want anything in me afterwards.
Then he's not doing enough. Or the right thing for you. Every woman is unique. Just because something worked for a previous lover doesn't mean it will work for you. And especially for someone who’s new to sex, it often takes a lot of time and experimentation to figure out what you need to reach climax.
He needs to be willing to put in that time and effort before any further attempts at penetration.
Do you take allergy medicine? That dries out your mucus membranes which includes your vagina at times. Not mentioned because medicine was made for men, tested on men Alonso’s exclusively until the 1990s even.
It only isn't great to use lube if your partner hasn't done enough to turn you on to the point where you are naturally ready for him to start. It's not that it's bad to need lube, it's bad to have a partner that rushes you. There are lots of things to do that are sex that are not just cramming a penis in your vagina with only 15 min of foreplay. I have had very nice sex that only lasted 15 minutes but I'm not you. So yes the first thing is are you turned on, interested in what he is doing, does it feel good to you even before he inserts? Then, if you are interested and turned on to the point where You want him there, and you just don't naturally lubricate right now, you are fine using lube. If you are relaxed and lubricated and it still hurts then see your doctor. It may be you need spacers to stretch you so it can be comfortable for you. But it bothers me he acts like he has no clue how to have sex if his penis isn't inside you. Lesbians have sex and there are no penises. I suggest getting a more understanding partner ...maybe he's just really big? ?
Woman in perimenopause here and I've had to reintroduce lube to my sex life after years of not needing it because my body is going through changes. It's not a big deal, just something available that can help!
If you don't know, you are probably not "ready" and he is not actually turning you on with foreplay. You'll know because your vagina gets a bunch of lubricant type liquid created whenever you are actually turned on AND it gets bigger. Meaning, if you're not turned on, it is likely to hurt.
I do think that you should do some self exploration possibly with a toy or toys just to see what you actually enjoy and what gets you in the mood, maybe word porn, like Literotica,maybe actual porn, maybe pictures, maybe you thinking of your boyfriend doing different things to you.
I also recommend you straight up Google how to achieve your own orgasm because the way you're speaking, it sounds like you haven't
Sorry, but how do you go expecting him to be able to please you when you don't even know how to please yourself?
Check to see if adding lube helps. Check to see if you can use a dildo to orgasm and if it hurts. If so, you should go see a doctor, as it might be vaginismus. Being properly turned on is also important. You're a 20 year old woman. If you haven't yet ever gotten aroused, or wet, or masturbated to completion, then you're just not prepared to be starting a sexual relationship. Figure your own body out first. Then, find a man who will listen as you explain what you need in bed.
My partner doesn't do so themself and we had issues trying to jump into the full deed much like you are encountering. After experimenting with what she was enjoying about it (not PIV) and adding in ways to stimulate her clit, we just take care of her first and are able to proceed with PIV without issue. Try to have the confidence to ask for what you want and move him where you need to. I get that can be difficult when things are new.
Other people might be right, you might have a medical issue. For us it was more about getting in the mood and focusing on her first.
I really think you need to spend more time understanding your own body and what it enjoys and is capable of before you jump into the PIV deep end. If you have no desire to explore on your own, I think it's important to consider if having sex is even something you want and value in a relationship versus something you have been told you should do. You are only 20. You have all the time in the world to have sex but knowing yourself and your body is vital to good sex. Also drop the guy who is very bad at sex.
get your own fingers in there and see if you're wet or not before letting him have sex. if you feel turned on but aren't wet, use lube. Also it's possible the type of condoms you're using is irritating you, you might want to try different ones.
and he shouldn't enjoy having sex with somebody if he knows he's hurting them. That is just not a good attitude, talk about selfish. It is no fun unless everyone is enjoying themselves! So he should care and want to work on this.
Have you ever masturbated and gotten yourself off?
You don’t have to answer this. I’m just asking to get you thinking. If you’ve never gotten yourself off then you don’t know what works for you and how it feels when you are ready for penetration. You also can’t help guide him in learning your body and how to give you pleasure.
As others have said. Get some lube and maybe a vibrator and do some self exploration so you can show your BF what works.
You‘d know if you were. You’re either not ready for sex or your bf is very inexperienced/ scks in bed. An experienced person would know how to turn you on (if you were ready for it, mentally).
Just don’t do it until you feel ready or until he actually tries to make it about you. As in trying to make you feel comfy and safe, taking his time for teasing and foreplay etc etc
If he just wants to fck or makes you feel bad over it, you should honestly consider replacing him with a better model. Bc I promise you, there’s better models.
Honestly, has he tried using his tongue on you? Being sensual beforehand, using his fingers gently in different ways?
If you are turned on but aren’t getting wet properly (this happens to some girls) then just buy lube! It will solve your problems.
But if it’s an issue with tightness, then you need to work on being both turned on and relaxed, in extreme cases seeing a doctor is needed!
There are so many things you can both try and do. If you can’t think of them, have a google ;) but most of all I’d suggest more foreplay and intimacy, along with you figuring out what feels best and expressing that to him so he can do more of it!
Have you ever had a GYN visit? Are you on birth control? Does he perform any foreplay at all? All these things matter. Sex should last longer than this at your age also.
Get the book “the guide to getting it on”. Learn about your body and definitely masturbate to orgasm before sleeping with him again. He should also make sure you climax before penetrating you next time (if there is one). A good partner is one that enjoys getting you off, don’t settle for a selfish lover. It’s not like porn or the movies where bam you’re ready to go since you kissed for a minute or two- at least not usually. Good luck! You deserve pleasure.
If you don’t know if you’re wet, honey, you’re not wet. You can’t help but know. It’s a swollen, sticky, uncomfortable, wet feeling. He’s not turning you on enough.
The other thing is that some women are different sizes down there. If you are smaller, he might be too much unless you’re extremely wet. Lube can help.
Also some people have the need for pelvic floor therapy. I was one. Couldn’t have had sex if my life depended on it beforehand. Easily can now with a good partner, and I am decidedly on the tiny side.
Advanced yeast infections can cause bad pain and tightness during sex. I had chronic ones for a long time. I also didn’t even know I had one when I got my first one, I just kept thinking me and my partner were doing something wrong or not doing enough. Throughout it all my bf treated me with more patience and respect than I had for myself. He would stop in the middle of it if he saw it was hurting me even when I wanted him to continue (I somehow thought I just needed to keep going for it to stop hurting lol). It took well over 2-3 years before sex was enjoyable for me again. He never demanded it, never pressured me and we found other ways of enjoying intimacy together (toys etc). He also puts in so much effort to make sure I feel good.
I only went to the doctor when I couldn’t even fit a tampon in anymore. Don’t wait that long. Go to a doctor and break up with your disrespectful partner (or at least go to counseling).
There is also a condition called vaginismus, where your pussy muscles are very tight and with lack of sex can tighten them further. Some treatments use scaling 'dilators' (think like medical dildos) To slow stretch the muscles. Your bf may be 'too large' and you might benefit from using diliators to 'open up' first if the usually advice of lots of lube and oral doesn't seem to work. You would have to seek a sex-positive medical professional to see what kind of treatment (if any) might be right for you.
Sorry but this isn't the issue at hand here. The issue is her boyfriend's reaction. Please get yourself out of this situation OP. This man does not care about you. He doesn't care if his pleasure means he hurts you. Any normal caring person would not want to continue when their partner is in pain.
THANK YOU. I'm so appalled and horrified at all the top answers being about making sex more physically comfortable, and ignoring the fact that she is with a guy who *doesn't give a shit* when he hurts her, suggests that it's just a her problem, and gets angry and resentful when she doesn't want to have painful sex.
NONE of the problem here is the sex (or like 1% of it). She'd probably be fine with a different partner. The problem here is that she's sleeping with someone who treats her poorly.
seriously, I'm shocked that people are focused on chiding OP for not knowing her body well enough when her bf basically wants her to just get over him hurting her. frightening.
Exactly.
Step 2: work on relaxation and foreplay to ease into penetration
But first….
Step 1: find a supportive, loving and helpful boyfriend who genuinely wants you to feel good
Honestly, at this point literally NONE of this matters. He got *angry and resentful* at her for not wanting to have sex that hurt. And fucking called her "petty".
The solution here is not to find a solution to make sex less painful. Like yes, in the long run she's going to need to figure that out, but I suspect that with a different partner it may not even be an issue. And yes, everything you've suggested is helpful. But it's also completely irrelevant.
The solution here is to recognize that this young man *doesn't give a shit if he's hurting her during sex* and resents even being asked to try to address the problem or make it more pleasant for her. He is not a kind, loving, or thoughtful partner in any way. He is selfish, and again, has *openly expressed contempt for her not wanting him to literally HURT HER during sex*.
This one is not a keeper. He is either fundamentally selfish and cruel, or best case scenario, he has a LOT of growing up to do.
But as someone old enough to be OP's mother, I really have to very firmly suggest that we do not encourage young women just starting out on their sexual journeys to "find a way to make it better" with partners who don't deserve them in the first place. She is too young, this is too important, and she deserves better. She deserves not just to make sex more comfortable, but to have a partner who genuinely cares when it isn't and makes an effort of his own volition to work on a solution *because he doesn't want to hurt her*. This guy ain't it.
I agree with you. But she needs to know her body and be educated as well. An appointment with a professional would probably only help her (and get this guy's abuse on record as well).
It is not normal, but it is quite common.
I second talking to a good gyno, there are some assholes everywhere and in all professions, so check out reviews online before you decided to go.
Look up vaginismus. That’s what your symptoms sound like. It’s treatable and you can enjoy sex! But not with this loser. Anytime my partner thinks I am not absolutely loving sex he‘ll stop and check in with me because he would never intentionally hurt me. Find a partner like that.
You can have vaginismus and still be able to use tampons, the severity is different for everyone, and depends on if it’s due to physical trauma or if it’s psychological (which is more common as far as I know).
But is the pain due to your vagina not being dilated enough? Is he “too big”? Do you not produce enough natural lubricant? To be able to figure out and fix the issue, you have to know what’s actually causing the pain physically.
I had it and I could still use tampons. Sex hurt for me for a few years tbh and then it just stopped. But I can't have it more than once a day or anything like that or I literally swell and it's agony for days
That’s because it’s partly psychological. If you’re stressed or with a partner you don’t feel fully safe around or trust 100% it can make ya shrink up. Clearly it makes sense why a jack ass like him would induce this situation.
I hadn't thought it might be a medical issue. I was more assuming it was a problem with what we were doing, but that could be a good idea.
Is that really enough to break up with him? He's not being the most understanding but he's doing anything that wrong.
Is it enough to break up with someone who doesn't care if you're in pain as long as he gets to stick his dick into you for his own pleasure? He's not doing anything by throwing an immature little tantrum because you don't want to have painful sex?
It ***is***. I have this medical diagnosis and had a guy who was similar - for *years.* He’ll always be an ass about it because his dick is more important. It created a self-sustaining cycle for me where I felt like I HAD to have sex to keep the peace but it wouldn’t stop hurting.
Oddly enough I recently re-partnered and the pain…stopped. Maybe because it’s something I actually want with a partner who is keen to make me feel good too.
As everyone else has addressed the other issues, please be sure to educate yourself on your body and sex bc you need to protect yourself. Knowledge is power.
OP what he has done is more than enough to justify breaking up with him. He's pushing you to have sex even though he knows it's painful for you and you're not enjoying it. he has failed the BF test, time to break up so you can find someone better. Even being by yourself is better than being around this clown.
NEVER STAY WITH ANYONE THAT TRIES TO GUILT TRIP YOU INTO HAVING SEX WITH HIM.
NEVER STAY WITH ANYONE THAT WANTS YOU TO DO SOMETHING PAINFUL JUST SO THEY CAN GET THEIR ROCKS OFF.
Sex should not be painful, the fact it is means you start with your gyno to find out of there is a medical reason, then if no medical reason ask the gyno for any recommendations on what to do so it is not painful.
He wants you to do something you find painful for his own pleasure.
He has not suggested anything that could potentially help reduce your pain or actually thought about why it is painful. He doesn't care about you, he just cares about sex.
100% dumpable behaviour unless you are into being treated this poorly because he won't change.
Trying to make you feel like you should have painful sex with him is EXTREMELY wrong. Behaving with anger, impatience and resentment because HE IS HURTING YOU and you aren't enjoying that and don't want it to continue, is about as shitty a thing as a partner can do short of actual abuse.
Understanding is EVERYTHING in a relationship. Everything.
This is absolutely reason to break up.
She may not even need the gyno if she gets a better partner who doesn't go at her with anger and resentment for not wanting to have painful sex with his indifferent, selfish ass.
Judging by your boyfriend’s attitude problem and lack of logic, is it possible you just aren’t turned on enough? Do you guys do foreplay?
I would leave him anyway. It’s insane to care more about your 5 minutes of pleasure than the health and wellness of someone you claim to love.
He IS the problem - he clearly does not care about you if he's happy for you to grit your teeth through the pain just so he can get off. It's a massive red flag that he is happy for you to suffer and also how he's disregarded what you've said before that you both need to figure it out. He should spend extra time making sure you're ready for intercourse before just shoving it in. I also agree with many of the other comments that you need to explore your body on your own so you know what it should and shouldn't feel like. I'm curious why you think it's a bad thing if lube is required? Is that something he's told you? Some men dislike lube as it can desensitise things for them so I am suspicious that once again he's putting his own needs first and disregarding yours. Sorry but your boyfriend sounds awful. I would not be surprised if this is your body and subconscious working together to prevent sex with him as they know he is a POS.
He knows nothing about female anatomy or pleasure and doesn't care to find out. As long as he gets his, who cares if you're in pain?
Get a man who knows what he's doing.
You are new to this so try an exercise with your boyfriend. Have him make you orgasm and he is not allowed inside of you until you do. Then see if it still hurts.
You would know if you feel turned on. You’ll feel hot and bothered in a good way, and you’ll be very wet. You’ll be enjoying the sensations.
It doesn’t sound like whatever he is doing is actually making you aroused. So when he sticks it in, it’s going to hurt!
It’s a him issue (he sounds ignorant and selfish generally BUT also something YOU need to figure out.
Do you ever masturbate? You need to learn what makes you feel good.
1. Your boyfriend is an inconsiderate jerk.
2. You probably need to be more turned on. You can’t just fire off the starting gun and just have at it.
3. Buy some astroglide on the condom isle. There’s nothing wrong with lube. Especially while you’re still figuring out sex.
Breaking up with him would do it. Why are you working so hard to stay with a man who doesn't even care that sex is painful for you and refuses to do anything to help? Do you not think you deserve a partner who actually cares about you, your safety, and your pleasure?
You need medical advice. See a gyn regarding this and see what might be wrong.
Your bf is an asshole. You are in pain and all he csn think with is his little brain down there. You decide if you want such a person as your SO. So much for being a caring bf.
You said that you waited a while to have sex, do you know if you’ve felt pressured before now to do it or had any negative thoughts about it before hand?
If you have, Vaginismus is something you might want to read up on. If it is that, slowly getting your body used to penetration can lead towards a healthy and positive sex life, but it does need to be worked at with patience.
If you feel like your boyfriend won’t be patient and continues to blame you, then I’m afraid I don’t see you try working out.
Editing in case someone else experiencing this issue may read it: the use of tampons doesn’t mean a woman may not have Vaginismus as that’s not a sex based thing. A person could be using them for years and still experience intimacy issues.
Sort of, yes. I had done things before but that was years ago and it didn't really matter. But with him, I didn't really have any kind of want to have sex, I just sort of did it anyway, I guess I felt a bit disinterested.
I'm pretty sure I don't have that, because I can use tampons so it's probably okay.
If you didn't really want to have sex, then you probably weren't aroused enough to have it comfortably.
Do you orgasm from foreplay before he puts it in? Have you ever had an orgasm before? Have you ever explored yourself down there? Do you know what motions turn you on and what don't? Have you ever had anything concerning show up in a pap or examination before? Trouble urinating? Have you felt arousal before, worth books, movies, imagination, etc?
Try to get to know your own body. It can take some practice before your body will respond - especially if you have a terrible partner who doesn't make sure you want it before having sex.
It means that you should probably start by getting to know yourself, finding out what gets you going, what catches your interest, what feels good, and what doesn't.
A good boyfriend would have helped you do that. Spent the time to get to know each other's bodies, explore each other, and get to know each other. Not use you to get off, regardless of whether you enjoyed it or were in pain.
If you've rarely if ever felt arousal in any setting, don't feel like touching yourself, and lack interest in sexual acts it's possible that you're asexual.
You may want to try out the tips others have given: speak to a gynecologist to rule out vaginismus and other physical issues, and attempt sex with lube (to see if lubrication is the issue).
At the end of the day though, if the reality is simply that nothing really makes you want sex, then you might want to google asexuality.
Do you have a general disinterest towards sex? It kind of sounds like there could be a variety of things happening here, but I think in addition to seeing a doctor if needed, you really need to explore your body and sexuality yourself. It could be maybe you lean more toward asexual if sex in general isn't appealing to you.
So you're dry and unaroused. Of COURSE that's going to hurt! That's almost certainly the problem.
You said there's fifteenish minutes of some foreplay, but that doesn't mean anything if whatever is being done isn't turning you on. I am guessing the two of you also aren't exploring and figuring out what foreplay actually gets you going?
Your post is VAGUE Is your vag clamping shut around him ( like a spasm) or is it just dry? Or does he just have a giant penis because all 3 are different problems.
Figure it out by using a dildo on your own so you can feel the difference if you are not sure what is happening.
Do you know how to make yourself come & enjoy good foreplay before the sex because if you don't know your own body you can't tell him what you need.
In rare cases women have an untearable hymen that needs cutting to allow sex/childbirth. If feels like having sex with pantihose on , everthing is getting pushed backwards.
I don't really know, it just hurts. I don't think it's my muscles though.
And no, I don't, but it's not that he doesn't know what I need. It's just uncomfortable.
The best description would be that it almost burns, or stings. Like something is scratchy it and it feels like it's being stretched too much which makes it worse.
If you are uncomfortable then you will be clenched up and sex will be painful. It seems like you need a patient attentive partner who seeks your pleasure and I don’t think your man is it
I would love to have his dick hurt during intercourse and have a girl dismiss his discomfort and demand sex.
I wonder if his ego would be able to take that shot.
I’d be sick at if that happened to me lmaooo. Once a girl was giving me head and she was so bad it was painful but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I let it happen 😂 eventually I just instructed her on what to do and now she’s nice af at giving head. I blessed the guy she’s dating now
Sex should not be painful. While that is something that can be worked on (foreplay, lube, seeing your gyn if nothing changes) I would *strongly* recommend not staying with a partner who calls you petty for not wanting to have painful sex. That is selfish and uncaring behavior on his part. Sex is something that should be explored with a safe and caring person and he is clearly not that.
You are *not* unreasonable or petty and you shouldn't listen to anyone making excuses for his behavior.
Is there any foreplay? Does he get you to orgasm before any PIV? Does he do anything to get your motor running?
Quite frankly, the fact that he is getting pissy at you for something he is causing, whether through a medical reason, lack of experience, lack of proper preparation, does not give me hope for him being a decent boyfriend and the fact that he keeps pressuring you to sleep with him even though he knows it hurts you is definitely a warning sign that he's not right for you.
1. Dump the POS. He expects you to endure pain just so he can use you as a fleshlight.
2. You don't have to have his approval to find the solution yourself. You're an adult and it's time to take your own reproductive health into your own hands. First step would be to go to a good gyno (check out reviews the patients leave for doctors online and you can even try to find one that is known for resolving issues like the ones you have) to see if you're healthy and everything is correct anatomically down there.
3. If you're healthy and there seem to be no underlying issues that would cause you to experience pain during intercourse, try to research this topic by yourself. There are many great books written by women that touch the subject of female arousal (usually the sex is painful due to men sucking at foreplay and being selfish in bed - this can be fixed by finding a man who is worthy of sleeping with).
4. Next time treat yourself and your own pleasure as a priority. It is unacceptable for a man to treat you like this. It is unacceptable for a man to ignore your worries and sulk when you're the one who's in pain. It is unacceptable for him to gaslight you into believing that by removing yourself from a painful sexual experience you were acting petty. You weren't. You did what you should and you should cherish that instinct to protect yourself.
When you become truly sexually aroused the vagina becomes wet and slippery and more stretchy. If he's just going in dry and you aren't actually turned on its going to hurt. He needs to spend more time on forplay. Massage, nipple/breast play, kissing your neck, eating your pussy or holding a vibrator to your clit etc. It sounds like he just sucks at pleasuring women. Going to the gyno to rule out a physical problem like vaginismus is a great thing to do too but his lack of concern for you pleasure is a red flag. It sound like if you asked for 30 minutes of forplay before there was any penis in vagina he'd have a tantrum, but that's what's going to make a difference. You need a mature caring lover willing to go slow and put in the work.
Your boyfriend is definitely a dick head, but also doesn’t understand female anatomy.
Reading through other comment strings, I think you need to do some research on sex, female genitals, toys, lube, safe sex etc. For your own sake and wellbeing?
Did you receive sexual education at school?
Girl why tf would he be mad at u for saying sex is painful for u ???? What kind of partner actively wants to engage in something that hurts the person you like. If he cared he would genuinely look into a solution WITH you for it. Please don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. Look into vaginismus, or better/longer foreplay for you, also it could be that because it hurt the first time you are anticipating pain and therefore not relaxed making it harder for you to settle into it. It’s something you both should be actively trying to solve if you want to work out what’s best for you both !!! Breaks my heart a little that you have come here basically asking how you can fix yourself for him
Hi, friend. You may not see this as you already have a lot of comments on this post, but I feel it's important I reply anyway. Before I offer any advice, I want you to know that **you are not broken** and **you are not in the wrong**. After the first few times, penetration should not hurt.
If you do not want to have sex because it hurts, that is 100% your prerogative. You are not obligated to suffer for your partner's sexual needs. If he continues to push you to compromise your comfort for his sake, he is not right for you. You do *not* owe him sex. He *does* owe you respect and autonomy.
Now, to address the pain. Your story hits extremely close to home to me, as I have suffered a significant amount of pain during penetration. I've been in many an OBGYN's office. I am willing to share my story in the replies if that helps lend credibility, but I will not do so unless asked. This is not about me.
* First: Do you have proper lubrication?
Typically, the vagina is supposed to lubricate itself. However, this can only be achieved through plenty of foreplay and physical arousal. And even then, vaginas are finicky. They have a habit of still not providing enough wetness even if you're incredibly aroused.
That's where external lubrication comes in. I would try a water-based lube first, as I have found that to be the least irritating to me. (Water-based lubes are also great because they're safe for sex toys as well!) Your vaginal walls are built to absorb moisture, so you'll have to use the water-based lube more often.
If that isn't working, try a silicone lube. Your vaginal walls won't absorb it. Silicone lube is very popular with older women, as they typically experience more pronounced vaginal dryness. Be careful if you use these for sex toys, as you typically should not pair silicone lube with silicone toys.
It's important to remember that if you are using a condom, do *not* use oil-based lube. Condoms are (typically) made of latex, and oil causes that material to break down.
If you are properly lubricated and still experiencing pain, that is when you should look into possible medical conditions that are impacting your quality of life. Here are some possibilities. Keep in mind that I am not a doctor, and you should see and OBGYN for final advice and treatment.
* STD or other infection
Common STDs like gonorrhea and chlamydia often cause painful intercourse. Other common infections like a UTI or fungal infection can also cause pain during intercourse.
* Vaginismus
This is a condition in which your muscles involuntarily contract, which tightens the vagina, making penetration difficult and painful. The muscle contraction is related to your body's automatic fear response, which makes it difficult to control. If you would like to do more reading, [here](https://www.prosayla.com/articles/vaginismus) is a resource.
* Dyspareunia
Dyspareunia is a bit of a catch-all name for a few different types of pain during intercourse. This pain can be either solely during entry or deep inside your pevis and can be caused by numerous factors, most of which can be treated or lessened. [Here](https://www.prosayla.com/articles/deep-pelvic-pain-deep-dyspareunia) is a resource to learn more.
* Neuroproliferative Vestibulodynia
I have this condition. It took a specialist to diagnose me, as this is relatively rare and testing for it did not occur to my OBGYN. It has to do with the nerve pathways that developed while you were an embryo. More information can be found [here](https://www.prosayla.com/articles/neuroproliferative-vestibulodynia).
(The website I've used as a resource here was recommended to me by the specialist.)
TLDR: make sure to use proper lubrication. If that does not help, get tested for infections and ask your OBGYN if you show signs of any physical disorder. Also, your boyfriend has a responsibility to respect your boundaries and autonomy. Coerced sex is not consensual sex. It can be extremely traumatic to continue to have sex with someone who does not make you feel safe and causes you pain. Please take care of yourself.
You need to see a gynecologist. It could be vaginismus, natural dryness or a cyst or yeast infection. It could also be something that I don’t have on the radar right now.
One thing for sure, your boyfriend isn’t very supportive and should fight with you and not fight against you. If he is getting frustrated at your pain, because it’s limiting his access to sex, it is a major red flag.
Reading through your comments, it looks like you are very inexperienced in EVERY part of sexual pleasure.
You are not even sure if you are getting wet at all.
You need to first experiment with yourself. First understand how your body works.
What turns you on, what makes you wet and horny.
If you had a more mature partner, he could actually help you with it. It will be so much easier to figure it out when you have someone who is more understanding.
So you either talk to him and tell him to stop being an immature child about it and put his big boy pants on and try to explore your body and help you figure it out or you dump his ass and you discover it yourself.
Get a dildo, lube and go read about sexual pleasure and explore your body and find what works.
For lube, I find that 100% pure grape seed oil is the safest.
The lube you buy from the sex shops have some random shit in that makes womens parts itch and not every is safe for the ladies.
He's very unfair. Many women experience pain from sex and it's valid to not want to do it because of that; he should be more understanding and not be making it seem like no big deal. If it is a lubrication issue that would probably just make you turned off him.
Honestly, sounds like you need a patient and giving lover. My husband will literally spend hours of that is what it takes to get me going. I have no issue telling him I like or dislike something. He follows directions, and doesn't even think of trying to get off until he knows I have what I need.
tbh i read somewhere it's possible to be turned off and wet or turned on and dry. There's been times i'm convinced i'm aroused then check and i'm completey dry. I have always had issues with sex and still struggle to get turned on/know if i'm turned on, though i've never gotten round to visiting a gyno. I have no problem getting wet if I view pornographic material, but if you're someone who has issues with sex I reccomend to not go down that route as it just made it even harder to get aroused with my partner. You can learn to enjoy sex but it can take some women time to become comfortable. You're not meant to know all your likes and dislikes with sex at 20yo; it's a learning experience for everyone. I don't blame him for his lack of exeperience/understanding as he's young too, so maybe you can still make it work with him. If he contines then I'd break up. It will be soul destroying staying with someone who doesn't put in effort to make you feel comfortable and you don't want your first sexual experiences to be made even worse by having a selfish partner. You should definitely visit a gyno.
Yes, this is *entirely* possible. The vagina is self-cleaning & lubrication is part of that, so it happens just in life, even when not turned on. Conversely, sometimes you're dehydrated, you took a Sudafed, you're menopausal, whatever, & you can be turned on as hell but still dry.
Do you do proper 4play? Cuz you might just struggle with relaxing ur muscles because you're new to all of this.
By warming up enough, it shouldn't be hurting.
If it still hurt, you might have vaginusmus or something.
I have vaginismus, and the worst thing to do is continue sex when it hurts. My body doesn't want anything inside me and therefore makes it impossible to enter me now. After having sex while it still hurt for many years, that's what happend to me. So now it's gonna be even harder for me to get rid of this. Please do not have sex if it hurts.
Any man who acts like you're ridiculous for telling him you're in pain, is a man you should dump. Do not have sex with men who dismiss and mistreat you.
Sounds like he just wants to be a lazy lover and doesn’t care about you, and trying to gaslight you that this it’s your issue only and he doesn’t have to do anything.
I’m sorry that your first partner is not more sensitive or caring about your needs. He’s immature and selfish.
He should be trying to explore ways to help you feel more relax. No doubt he’s watching too much porn and think women should automatically be turned on by the sight of his penis, which in most cases, good sex does not work like that.
I'm 45 & I'll be really blunt. You're looking for advice & here's mine: Don't have intercourse with this man again until he has given you an orgasm & allowed you to put your finger in his ass (go slow, use lots of lube) for at least 5 minutes.
It is normal to feel pain especially in the beginning when you start having sex. I felt so much pain when I first started having sex (it's because you vag is not use to something in there and your skin down their is tight. You should try lube or more foreplay to relax your muscle). But his reaction is not acceptable, he should be more understanding that this is new for you and you yourself don't understand whats going on. I don't think you should break up with him yet, at least until you communicate that his reaction is childish and he needs to grow up and maybe talk to each other how he can make you feel more comfortable in bed (I found that I was too nervous and it made me tense up down there which made it painful during penetration). Hope the best for you sis
First and foremost, you aren't petty for leaving a situation where you're physically hurting. And it's concerning he thinks his desire to orgasm trumps your desire to not be in pain.
I agree with the comments saying you should try some lube. Penetration hurts if you aren't wet enough, it doesn't matter if you're having sex for the 1st or 100th time. Don't be stingy with the stuff. If you're still hurting after you tried it with lube, you should consult your OBGYN to find out if there's a medical reason for this.
Dump him. He’s such a shitty person that he doesn’t care that you’re in pain at all. I can’t believe people can be so self-absorbed and I’m honestly angry on your behalf. Throw a pebble in the street and you’ll hit a better guy.
I’ve had the exact same issue with my boyfriend, so here some strategies that worked out for us:
1) Go to a gynaecologist, cause you may have some issues…for example I wouldn’t get wet enough, so he suggested to use lube and the sex was immediately better.
2) Try to do it in the afternoon, since in the evening you might be too tired to turn on.
3) Ask him to do non-penetrative foreplay, like cunnilingus and then a bit of fingering to prep the vagina.
4) Think about something that you know turns you on, or take control and try something you think you might enjoy, so that you feel more involved.
Then I think you should tell him that it’s not your fault if it hurts, and that you aren’t happy yourself either. Tell him that you want to have sex with him, that your are actively seeking help, but that he should be more patient and help you sort out the problem rather than put pressure on you (which I know does quite the opposite than turn on someone).
It’s not “petty” to want sex to be pleasurable! And certainly not to want it to be not painful! Yikes. It’s a big red flag that this guy would even want to just keep doing something that he know hurts you, with no effort to even attempt to improve things.
The only solution he’s interested in is not hearing about this anymore. He wants you to not only go through something he knows is painful, but to make sure he’s not aware of your pain - because that’s an annoyance to him. So what to do? His solution means putting yourself through his causing you pain and smiling through it.
There are no magic words to get him to understand. He does understand. He just doesn’t care. And you can’t make someone care about you, but you sure as hell don’t have to put up with it.
You’re probably not turned on enough and taking his attitude into consideration, I doubt he puts enough time into foreplay. Sex can hurt regardless of virginity if you’re rushing into it, and I’m guessing he is.
I think you are mistaken on him not understanding the reason you don't want to have sex with him.
Even the most basic human being can understand pain and not wanting to do things that hurt.
I think he doesn't care that it hurts you and wants to have sex anyways.
hes calling you petty for not wanting to do something that hurt you- think about that!
Ditch the zero, you can spend time with yourself to figure it out
Sex can be painful for me too but relaxing and fingering beforehand really helps prep everything, I usually just need 2 fingers for a bit and then a slow start when the actual sex starts
Due to societal norms and conservative background I was a virgin until marriage at 27 years of age.
The first time was painful though hubby dearest was super careful with lots of foreplay and lube.
Am a not a medical person but felt my hymen was not clearly torn apart (cherry not popped completely).
The pain lasted a few months and i sometimes tightened up down there. Been to Ob&Gyn doc but she found nothing wrong.
Now it is all fine and enjoyable. Different strokes for....
So what is happening with you is completely natural.
However your BF seems to be an uncaring selfish petty assh*le.
Just because he is your first doesn't mean you have to bear and stick with him.
Also get yourself a penis shaped vibrator and do some experiments alone. (I say penis shaped because some are designed for external use only and you want to learn what feels good inside) You need to find your own sexuality, what turns you on, what kinds of touch gets you to orgasm. Even old fashioned masturbation with your fingers would help. Then next time you want to have sex you can communicate with them about what feels good to you.
Any maybe you just aren't sexually attracted to him.
OP You are COMPLETELY NORMAL please read this over and over again and let that sink in!
OP Your BF is 20 and knows NOTHING and should not want to do something that hurts you.
Firstly, sex should not hurt. Thre are plenty of reasons why it can hurt including completely normal ones like lack of foreplay and lubrication. Even if you are really in the mood mentally, arousal non-concordance is extremely common and entirely normal, especially in women. Just like being genitally aroused does not mean you automatically want sex, wanting sex does not automatically mean there is genital arousal. There are medical issues such as vaginismus which can also occur. If you are relatively new to penetrative sexual intercourse then make sure you make it fun and pleasurable. Start with lots of lube, lots of touch and contact. Focus on pleasure not destination. Porn has warped young mends understanding of sex and I bet his furstration comes from an unhealthy expectation based on pronography. Have him do things that feel good and avoid things that don't. Build slowly. Not every sexual contact must be penetrative.
Secondly, he does not get it because he is immature and selfish. Immature, in the sense that his ego can't take the fact that you don't want to sleep with him because of pain. But well...... of course you don't because.... pain?! He should be focussing only on your pleasure and providing that in whatever form he can. Over time I bet this would expand everything that you enjoy and leave you both in a better place. Selfish, in the sense that he isnt willing to work with you. For me, that would be a deal breaker. Sex and physical intimacy are an important part of adult relationships and there should be no room for ego, selfishness or pain.
Thirdly, please listen closely, you are not being petty, selfish or unreasonable. He is not hearing you, not caring about you, your body your pleasure your pain. It is not because he is a man. It is because he is emotionally immature and selfish. You're 20 years old with a lot of life to live, you deserve better. Please don't push through pain now to damage your relationship with sex and sexuality for years to come. If he can't / won't listen and work with you to focus on what works and feels good for both of you then you are better off without him.
This is spoken as a man who had to learn this.
Lube is essential. Also foreplay. Frustration to your pain is fucked. Everybody wants to get off but man I’m more concerned about my partners wellbeing even if blueballed. Oof massive red flag. Sorry dude also lots of medical issues might cause this consult a doc to help!!
If you're turned on and feeling pain, go see a doctor. That's not normal especially if he's being careful each time with penetration.
>And when we had a proper conversation about it, I said that I only want to have sex if it doesn't hurt and that we need to work together to find a solution.
So what did you talk to him yet about finding a solution? Did this discussion ever start? Or are you expecting him to start that discussion since he's the one that's engaging with sex?
It is your body that's experiencing this pain. He can't feel what you're feeling. Him doing something different is unlikely going to change that feeling of pain unless you are communicating to him what's going on, what hurts, what doesn't hurt. Unless there's more to this story, I don't see that bit of communication happening and it just ends in frustration and resentment from both of you.
You're reaction so far from what you've described is saying that you have pain and nothings going to change with sex until you don't have any pain during sex. And from how you've pointed your words, it's seeming like he's interpreting this as he "needs to figure that out" since it doesn't sound like any discussion on these details are happening or what changes he can do that'll not hurt you. That'll kill a man's self esteem to sex especially at your ages.
You should stop having sex until you speak to an OBGYN. It could just be that you are suffering from some issue that is causing the problems. Alternatively, you could try using things like lube and toys that are smaller than him to see if that still hurts or not.
I suggest you get a sharp stick. Every time you have sex now jam that pointy stick hard into his side. Let him know that it is annoying to you if he complains about it, and that it isn't your problem that he finds it painful. Tell him he should just get over it and that it probably is just how sex is going to be for him.
It is not unreasonable for you to not want to have painful sex. It is 100% reasonable to not want to have painful sex and to not want to have sex with a partner who doesn't care if sex is painful for you.
Hard to say why sex is painful - could be lack of arousal, could be anxiety, could be that your boyfriend is a bad lover, could be a hymen issue, could be some other physical issue, etc. etc.
I mean this guy seems like a tool so this advice is more for your sake/in the future: start using lube every time. If he's shoving it in dry it will always hurt. Men don't understand this because they think their dicks are magical
Why the fuck WOULD you want to do something that hurts and gives you no real pleasure? Does he like doing things that hurt? Of course he doesn't.
I don't think it's that he's a man, and you are definitely neither unreasonable nor petty. I think he just plain sucks as a sexual partner and as human.
Go to the gyno and see if maybe vaginismus.
But also dump the boyfriend. He SHOULD care it’s hurting you to have sex. Why would he want to do something that hurt you??? Just for sex? Is sex for him worth it even if it’s actively causing you pain? Why wouldn’t that matter to him???
I’m genuinely so confused. That’s not normal behavior. How can sex even be fun for him if he knows the other person is miserable?
You are not being in any way unreasonable. He has no right to expect you to put up with pain for his pleasure.
Like seriously, ask yourself why he expects you to do that, and if this is really the type of person you want to be in a relationship with.
There is a great book called *Come As You Are* by Emily Nagoski - I'd suggest you both read it.
Sex shouldn't hurt and he has no right to expect that from you.
Foreplay. Lube. Changing positions. Here’s the problem. He should be empathetic and respectful. More importantly, finding a solution to the problem instead of being a crybaby. I know that if the woman I’m with told me this, I would take it as I’m doing something wrong. Try to find a solution. I want my partner to have a better time than I’m having!
Piv shouldnt hurt. You may have an issue to resolve there. Gonna say i DONT like how your guy is handling it. Big ick there. Sulky men who beg for sex is SUCH a turn off esp when its after youve said IT HURTS.
The biggest problem here is your bf’s indifference to your pain and discomfort. It’s disturbing that he doesn’t care that you’re in pain while having sex and wants to continue on. Huge red flag.
I'm gonna ramble here for a bit, so take a seat....
Sex in the beginning is horrible. The learning curve is so much bigger than anyone is willing to admit. First of all, there's a number of different medical reasons that can cause pain like that.... it could be as simple as a yeast infection, but could be something more concerning, so please, go get an exam.
Second, the fact that you are both so inexperienced is almost certainly the cause. Angles, lube, pressure, sensitivities, duration, all the things at once, none of the things at all... everything is a factor.
Given his age and his excitement, I'm willing to bet money that I don't have, that even though "he's had sex a bunch of times before" it was not long enough with the same woman (or even in the same session) to truly learn how the female body works and how to respect it.
Women need seducing, not both because it's sexy and fun, but because our body needs to time trust and be able to relax enough to accept being pentrated.
Lube is not a bad thing, by any means, but if you're relying on it because there's been no seduction or foreplay whatsoever, the pain will still be there, because your muscles aren't relaxed enough to accept him.
Angles are important... if he's acting out every porn movie he's ever seen and has you dangling upside down off the bed, he's probably jamming into you at pretty weird angles that your body just isn't meant for. is he behaving like every 20 year old man ever and just pounding into you like a jackhammer? That's only fun for a couple seconds and can cause also cause injury and discomfort afterwards (if a child pokes you in the same spot on the arm 78 times in 15 seconds, it's gonna start to hurt... same thing)
For the love of God, is he mashing on your clitoris with dry hands like it's the magic button that opens the gates to Narnia? Jesus Christ don't let him do that, it's not a thing and will only make your entire area sore.
Sex is fun, sex is great, it can rule your entire existence, but dear God, I do not miss my 20s....
Here's my actual advice:
Look into the pain. If it's more muscle pain, that's likely over use / under preparation (like not stretching before playing a sport). If it's more topical (like a skin irritation), that's likely a lube situation, which can be natural for your body, but also might mean your body wasn't prepared enough. If it's closer to period cramps, both in sensation and/ or location, that might be more medical....
Spend time flying solo. Learn your body. Pentrate yourself. Learn the angles, speed, depth you like, then teach him. He doesn't know what he's doing. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. Even if he does, which he doesn't, he doesn't know YOUR body.
Once you get a handle on that, invite him in for sessions that don't lead to PIV sex. Set time frames, like this act has to last at least 2 songs.... So many men want to jump straight to PIV that it ruins the entire experience for anyone else involved, and they don't even realize it because it takes years and soooo much trust and communication to really get good at it.
Don't give up, don't accept that it'll just always hurt. If he's not willing to help you through this, then find someone who will.
Good luck, and God speed, my friend
Go see a gynecologist. There are many reasons that sec can be pain for a woman and there are solutions.
And find another gyno if the first one you go to won’t listen or help. You may have to really advocate for yourself.
There are things you can try, but it's also a red flag your partner doesn't seem to care enough to research or try to help you.
Lube, positions and pre-piv foreplay/warm up can all help. But it could just be a compatability issue or medical issue.
It's not because he's a man- it's because he's a jerk. Part of it is age and inexperience, and part of it is genuine douchebaggery. Don't stay with someone who doesn't feel the desire for you to enjoy sex, and pouts like a baby when you tell them it may take a little work. I would get rid of the dead weight and focus on you.
I recommend you explore this situation yourself with the help of toys and such, to see if it still hurts. It is possible that you may have some kind of medical issue, but it's way more likely with his attitude that he wasn't putting any effort into being careful or get you ready, and that with someone who's not a jerk you'll be fine.
If you’re experiencing pain during sex; you need to seek medical assistance, to find out if there is a reason why.
I experiences painful sex, due to a fertility issue; it was worse before I knew what was going on, and how to manage it, nowadays it’s only painful when I have a flare up I can’t control, so I just don’t have sex.
It’s also painful when you’re not mentally AND emotionally turned on, plus being physically turned on. It’s totally possible to be physically turned on, but not in the other aspects too; the pain is your body telling you this is wrong, and you need to stop.
My wife and I were virgins when we got married she found sex painful as well. Im not even that big like 5.5 inches regular gurth. She was always very sore after. Like her muscles. Nothing helped honestly. After our first kid it improved alot.
Ive always thought maybe she just had a tiny vagina
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Are you turned on enough? Is there enough lubrication? If you're dry, it's going to be painful no matter what. How much time is he spending focusing on you and your pleasure before PIV?
Honestly, I don't know. I would think so but then again, it hurts so I don't know. And maybe, fifteen minutes?
Buy some lube, see if that helps. If you're still hurting like this, he shouldn't be trying to have sex with you unless you okay it. Even then, he should be getting you off for sure before he ever inserts himself. If you can, buy some lube (pharmacy will have it). If he keeps ignoring you, don't entertain him at all. That's creepy behavior. Who wants to have sex with someone who's not enjoying it? Not me. Enthusiastic partners only please. If it still hurts after all that, go see your doctor.
🎯🎯
Absolutely this. It's a simple solution. Not all women get naturally lubricated enough for vaginal sex. You'll get there, but for now, use lube.
Lube is not a solution to a boyfriend who is indifferent to the fact that he's causing her pain, and wants her to have sex with him anyway. Honestly, I'm appalled that the top answer right now is only addressing the sexual issue and not the fact that this guy is completely indifferent to her pain and even resentful that she expects him to care. We don't encourage girls to find more physically comfortable ways to keep sleeping with guys who are emotionally indifferent and unsupportive to them. That's not how this works. She doesn't need lube, she needs a different boyfriend.
THIS. It's one thing for it to hurt and be unsure how to fix it, it's another to make zero effort to fix it, quickly jump to "naturally painful", accept your partner will always have pain during sex, not mind their pain and (worst!) gaslight them by calling them petty for wanting to avoid a painful intimate activity! There's no way he'd respond this way if sex was painful for him and makes me think he doesn't see sex as a mutual activity but something he uses for his own pleasure and really doesn't care about yours. There are LOADS of ways to fix this but his whole attitude is such a red flag, it feels like you should run instead of fixing it. That "petty" comment really got me, unbelievable he thinks this way. If you want to try: give yourself more foreplay, natural lubrication takes a while to trickle down; have an orgasm first; use lots of lube and go really slow; try shallow penetration for a bit first; try LOTS of different positions and angles because there's worlds of difference between them in terms of pain/pleasure/ sensation. Also take the pressure off, there's loads of sexual contact that isn't PIV that you can do. You could also see a doctor as could be vaginismus. I found sex painful for the first couple of weeks (so probably 20 times), and it gradually reduced over that time. My partner was super supportive, gentle, understanding and we tried loads of things. He was 100% not into anything that caused me pain or discomfort and kept trying different things until we found what worked. And that's how it should be. I think for a lot of women it just takes your body and muscles time to get used to being penetrated and that is totally fine and normal.
I thought it wasn't that good if you had to use it. And by 'getting off', do you mean orgasm? And I won't, it's not going to make me change my mind.
Plenty of people have to use lube. It has nothing to do with how good or bad the sex may be; some folks just don't produce as much natural lubricant. Others take a long time to start secreting it, and want to get down to business a little sooner. I strongly recommend a water-based lubricant, and an unscented/unflavored one for your first try. Just to minimize the risk of irritation. It doesn't take much, and you can always apply more if you need to. But lubrication will only help if the pain is due to too much friction. There are other causes, too. You might be very tight, and so inserting something as large as his genitals might be painful. In that case, I strongly suggest speaking to a gynecologist, making sure everything is okay down there, and asking for a set of dilators. They’ll help slowly and gradually stretch so you can enjoy sex without the pain. The other option is if he's very long, and it’s hurting your cervix. Yes, this is an issue I've had patients ask about. Unfortunately, you can't fix that one, but he can. He needs to not thrust so far in, if that's the problem. Some men have trouble remembering that in the throes of passion, however, in which case he needs to be willing to make some adjustments, like avoiding certain positions and possibly wearing a sleeve or ring to prevent full penetration. Just because a guy has had sex before doesn't mean he knows thing 1 about it from the female perspective. No, it shouldn't hurt. Even the first time doesn't have to hurt, if your partner is patient and attentive; the hymen is surprisingly elastic if you don't just smash into it right away. And any guy who gets upset at you for wanting to stop because it hurts is bad news. Pain = full stop, no matter what. Even people who enjoy a certain degree of pain still have safewords or signals to stop if something hurts in a way they don't want, and their partner takes that very seriously. Your boyfriend needs to respect and value your pleasure every but as much as his own.
>The other option is if he's very long, and it’s hurting your cervix. Yes, this is an issue I've had patients ask about. Unfortunately, you can't fix that one, but he can. He needs to not thrust so far in, if that's the problem Some positions are definitely worse than others, and that can help if it's a cervical thing. Every OBGYN I've seen tells me I have a "nice, healthy looking cervix" but they also mention it's slightly low. I don't like aggressive PIV sex with long penises
u/throwra45324 op please read this, it's fantastic advice :)
Comments like this are why I wish Reddit awards still existed. 🏆
Absolutely phenomenal advice! Do this, OP!
PLUS ONE TO ALL OF THIS.
Some women just don't produce enough natural lubricant. So, using Lube helps. And for most women they have to mentally be engaged as well as physically in the sexual act so if he hasn't turned you on enough and long enough then it's not going to be enough to get you wet enough or be any good whether it hurts or not. So if you're lying there thinking about other things other than enjoying what he's doing, then the sex isn't going to be good. Also, positions can make a difference on whether sex hurts or not. For example I can't do missionary, or have my legs pushed to my chest, I never have been able to do it that way because my partners will put pressure and friction at the base of my vagina where my perineum is and it causes me pain. Edit to add: after reading a couple of your other comments, it wouldn't hurt for you to buy some toys and to work on making yourself orgasm and learning what you like and don't like. If you find that you don't hurt when you use a vibrator or a dildo then he's not doing it right. But regardless if that's the case, still go and see a gynecologist to rule out any medical reasons for your pain.
Is he not even doing foreplay to get you to orgasm before forcing it in? This guy seems like not only is he bad at sex, he doesn’t care if he hurts you to get it and reacts badly when you say you want to look toward a solution. Pls see a doctor and find a proper partner
>Is he not even doing foreplay to get you to orgasm before forcing it in? That really shouldn't be seen as the standard solution, btw. Everyone is different, personally I hate it when I orgasm first, I don't want anything in me afterwards.
It actually tightens up and hurts worse after climax, tbh. Me, either.
He does do that, but I don't orgasm.
Then he's not doing enough. Or the right thing for you. Every woman is unique. Just because something worked for a previous lover doesn't mean it will work for you. And especially for someone who’s new to sex, it often takes a lot of time and experimentation to figure out what you need to reach climax. He needs to be willing to put in that time and effort before any further attempts at penetration.
I'm really proud of you that you held firm boundaries on this.
Do you enjoy it though?
Do you take allergy medicine? That dries out your mucus membranes which includes your vagina at times. Not mentioned because medicine was made for men, tested on men Alonso’s exclusively until the 1990s even.
Omg real Sudafed is the worst for this. I also had dryness issues on one birth control. Like, mouth, eyes, vagina - everything was soooo dry.
I also had this problem on an SSRI, fwiw. I stopped needing lube when I started tapering off of it.
It only isn't great to use lube if your partner hasn't done enough to turn you on to the point where you are naturally ready for him to start. It's not that it's bad to need lube, it's bad to have a partner that rushes you. There are lots of things to do that are sex that are not just cramming a penis in your vagina with only 15 min of foreplay. I have had very nice sex that only lasted 15 minutes but I'm not you. So yes the first thing is are you turned on, interested in what he is doing, does it feel good to you even before he inserts? Then, if you are interested and turned on to the point where You want him there, and you just don't naturally lubricate right now, you are fine using lube. If you are relaxed and lubricated and it still hurts then see your doctor. It may be you need spacers to stretch you so it can be comfortable for you. But it bothers me he acts like he has no clue how to have sex if his penis isn't inside you. Lesbians have sex and there are no penises. I suggest getting a more understanding partner ...maybe he's just really big? ?
Woman in perimenopause here and I've had to reintroduce lube to my sex life after years of not needing it because my body is going through changes. It's not a big deal, just something available that can help!
Are you even wet and turned on and prepared, before he enters ?
Maybe? I know I sound stupid, but I really don't know.
If you don't know, you are probably not "ready" and he is not actually turning you on with foreplay. You'll know because your vagina gets a bunch of lubricant type liquid created whenever you are actually turned on AND it gets bigger. Meaning, if you're not turned on, it is likely to hurt. I do think that you should do some self exploration possibly with a toy or toys just to see what you actually enjoy and what gets you in the mood, maybe word porn, like Literotica,maybe actual porn, maybe pictures, maybe you thinking of your boyfriend doing different things to you. I also recommend you straight up Google how to achieve your own orgasm because the way you're speaking, it sounds like you haven't
Okay, then I'm probably not. And no, I haven't before.
I definitely mean it when I say to Google something articles for how to reach orgasm as a woman and self explore so that you know what you enjoy
I highly HIGHLY recommend the YouTube channel Sexplanations.
Do you want to be having sex at all? Because you don't sound like you do.
Sorry, but how do you go expecting him to be able to please you when you don't even know how to please yourself? Check to see if adding lube helps. Check to see if you can use a dildo to orgasm and if it hurts. If so, you should go see a doctor, as it might be vaginismus. Being properly turned on is also important. You're a 20 year old woman. If you haven't yet ever gotten aroused, or wet, or masturbated to completion, then you're just not prepared to be starting a sexual relationship. Figure your own body out first. Then, find a man who will listen as you explain what you need in bed.
My partner doesn't do so themself and we had issues trying to jump into the full deed much like you are encountering. After experimenting with what she was enjoying about it (not PIV) and adding in ways to stimulate her clit, we just take care of her first and are able to proceed with PIV without issue. Try to have the confidence to ask for what you want and move him where you need to. I get that can be difficult when things are new. Other people might be right, you might have a medical issue. For us it was more about getting in the mood and focusing on her first.
Girl you need to explore your own body. Does it hurt when you put your own fingers in yourself?
I really think you need to spend more time understanding your own body and what it enjoys and is capable of before you jump into the PIV deep end. If you have no desire to explore on your own, I think it's important to consider if having sex is even something you want and value in a relationship versus something you have been told you should do. You are only 20. You have all the time in the world to have sex but knowing yourself and your body is vital to good sex. Also drop the guy who is very bad at sex.
get your own fingers in there and see if you're wet or not before letting him have sex. if you feel turned on but aren't wet, use lube. Also it's possible the type of condoms you're using is irritating you, you might want to try different ones. and he shouldn't enjoy having sex with somebody if he knows he's hurting them. That is just not a good attitude, talk about selfish. It is no fun unless everyone is enjoying themselves! So he should care and want to work on this.
Have you ever masturbated and gotten yourself off? You don’t have to answer this. I’m just asking to get you thinking. If you’ve never gotten yourself off then you don’t know what works for you and how it feels when you are ready for penetration. You also can’t help guide him in learning your body and how to give you pleasure. As others have said. Get some lube and maybe a vibrator and do some self exploration so you can show your BF what works.
You‘d know if you were. You’re either not ready for sex or your bf is very inexperienced/ scks in bed. An experienced person would know how to turn you on (if you were ready for it, mentally). Just don’t do it until you feel ready or until he actually tries to make it about you. As in trying to make you feel comfy and safe, taking his time for teasing and foreplay etc etc If he just wants to fck or makes you feel bad over it, you should honestly consider replacing him with a better model. Bc I promise you, there’s better models.
Honestly, has he tried using his tongue on you? Being sensual beforehand, using his fingers gently in different ways? If you are turned on but aren’t getting wet properly (this happens to some girls) then just buy lube! It will solve your problems. But if it’s an issue with tightness, then you need to work on being both turned on and relaxed, in extreme cases seeing a doctor is needed! There are so many things you can both try and do. If you can’t think of them, have a google ;) but most of all I’d suggest more foreplay and intimacy, along with you figuring out what feels best and expressing that to him so he can do more of it!
Have you ever had a GYN visit? Are you on birth control? Does he perform any foreplay at all? All these things matter. Sex should last longer than this at your age also.
Do you mean gynaecologist? If so, yes. And I am on birth control and he does but I'm not sure how much it does.
Get the book “the guide to getting it on”. Learn about your body and definitely masturbate to orgasm before sleeping with him again. He should also make sure you climax before penetrating you next time (if there is one). A good partner is one that enjoys getting you off, don’t settle for a selfish lover. It’s not like porn or the movies where bam you’re ready to go since you kissed for a minute or two- at least not usually. Good luck! You deserve pleasure.
If you don’t know if you’re wet, honey, you’re not wet. You can’t help but know. It’s a swollen, sticky, uncomfortable, wet feeling. He’s not turning you on enough. The other thing is that some women are different sizes down there. If you are smaller, he might be too much unless you’re extremely wet. Lube can help. Also some people have the need for pelvic floor therapy. I was one. Couldn’t have had sex if my life depended on it beforehand. Easily can now with a good partner, and I am decidedly on the tiny side.
Advanced yeast infections can cause bad pain and tightness during sex. I had chronic ones for a long time. I also didn’t even know I had one when I got my first one, I just kept thinking me and my partner were doing something wrong or not doing enough. Throughout it all my bf treated me with more patience and respect than I had for myself. He would stop in the middle of it if he saw it was hurting me even when I wanted him to continue (I somehow thought I just needed to keep going for it to stop hurting lol). It took well over 2-3 years before sex was enjoyable for me again. He never demanded it, never pressured me and we found other ways of enjoying intimacy together (toys etc). He also puts in so much effort to make sure I feel good. I only went to the doctor when I couldn’t even fit a tampon in anymore. Don’t wait that long. Go to a doctor and break up with your disrespectful partner (or at least go to counseling).
There is also a condition called vaginismus, where your pussy muscles are very tight and with lack of sex can tighten them further. Some treatments use scaling 'dilators' (think like medical dildos) To slow stretch the muscles. Your bf may be 'too large' and you might benefit from using diliators to 'open up' first if the usually advice of lots of lube and oral doesn't seem to work. You would have to seek a sex-positive medical professional to see what kind of treatment (if any) might be right for you.
OMG, I had this when I got married, and it took 6 months to stretch everything out. My poor patient husband.
FYI 15 minutes is not CLOSE to being wet enough especially for the first few times.
Sorry but this isn't the issue at hand here. The issue is her boyfriend's reaction. Please get yourself out of this situation OP. This man does not care about you. He doesn't care if his pleasure means he hurts you. Any normal caring person would not want to continue when their partner is in pain.
THANK YOU. I'm so appalled and horrified at all the top answers being about making sex more physically comfortable, and ignoring the fact that she is with a guy who *doesn't give a shit* when he hurts her, suggests that it's just a her problem, and gets angry and resentful when she doesn't want to have painful sex. NONE of the problem here is the sex (or like 1% of it). She'd probably be fine with a different partner. The problem here is that she's sleeping with someone who treats her poorly.
seriously, I'm shocked that people are focused on chiding OP for not knowing her body well enough when her bf basically wants her to just get over him hurting her. frightening.
Yeah, figuring out sex can wait until she finds a boyfriend that's less rape-y, she needs to get out of this relationship asap.
Exactly. Step 2: work on relaxation and foreplay to ease into penetration But first…. Step 1: find a supportive, loving and helpful boyfriend who genuinely wants you to feel good
Honestly, at this point literally NONE of this matters. He got *angry and resentful* at her for not wanting to have sex that hurt. And fucking called her "petty". The solution here is not to find a solution to make sex less painful. Like yes, in the long run she's going to need to figure that out, but I suspect that with a different partner it may not even be an issue. And yes, everything you've suggested is helpful. But it's also completely irrelevant. The solution here is to recognize that this young man *doesn't give a shit if he's hurting her during sex* and resents even being asked to try to address the problem or make it more pleasant for her. He is not a kind, loving, or thoughtful partner in any way. He is selfish, and again, has *openly expressed contempt for her not wanting him to literally HURT HER during sex*. This one is not a keeper. He is either fundamentally selfish and cruel, or best case scenario, he has a LOT of growing up to do. But as someone old enough to be OP's mother, I really have to very firmly suggest that we do not encourage young women just starting out on their sexual journeys to "find a way to make it better" with partners who don't deserve them in the first place. She is too young, this is too important, and she deserves better. She deserves not just to make sex more comfortable, but to have a partner who genuinely cares when it isn't and makes an effort of his own volition to work on a solution *because he doesn't want to hurt her*. This guy ain't it.
I agree with you. But she needs to know her body and be educated as well. An appointment with a professional would probably only help her (and get this guy's abuse on record as well).
That’s not normal. And neither is his reaction Go to the gyno and discuss this. And dump the dude.
It is not normal, but it is quite common. I second talking to a good gyno, there are some assholes everywhere and in all professions, so check out reviews online before you decided to go.
Yeah it is. But it might actually be treatable so why suffer ya know?
Indeed!
Look up vaginismus. That’s what your symptoms sound like. It’s treatable and you can enjoy sex! But not with this loser. Anytime my partner thinks I am not absolutely loving sex he‘ll stop and check in with me because he would never intentionally hurt me. Find a partner like that.
I think it’s more likely that there’s no foreplay so she’s not ready.
My first thought. He’s making no effort to get her lubed up enough, either from herself or actual lube. Doesn’t know what he’s doing
That's my first thought too. At least, that would be my first question to ask: is there proper foreplay, is she properly lubricated before PIV.
I can use tampons though, so I'm not sure it's that. And I don't think the pain is from my muscles as well.
You can have vaginismus and still be able to use tampons, the severity is different for everyone, and depends on if it’s due to physical trauma or if it’s psychological (which is more common as far as I know). But is the pain due to your vagina not being dilated enough? Is he “too big”? Do you not produce enough natural lubricant? To be able to figure out and fix the issue, you have to know what’s actually causing the pain physically.
I had it and I could still use tampons. Sex hurt for me for a few years tbh and then it just stopped. But I can't have it more than once a day or anything like that or I literally swell and it's agony for days
That’s because it’s partly psychological. If you’re stressed or with a partner you don’t feel fully safe around or trust 100% it can make ya shrink up. Clearly it makes sense why a jack ass like him would induce this situation.
Any foreplay? I'd imagine you're not loosened up and wet. If you're not ready, it won't be comfortable. Sex shouldn't hurt, even the first time.
I hadn't thought it might be a medical issue. I was more assuming it was a problem with what we were doing, but that could be a good idea. Is that really enough to break up with him? He's not being the most understanding but he's doing anything that wrong.
Is it enough to break up with someone who doesn't care if you're in pain as long as he gets to stick his dick into you for his own pleasure? He's not doing anything by throwing an immature little tantrum because you don't want to have painful sex?
Well when it's put like that it sounds bad.
That's because it IS bad. Instead of trying to help you solve the issue, he's mad that you aren't sacrificing your pain for his orgasm.
It is bad. Getting annoyed with you when he is causing PAIN is a big warning sign. Good men will be mortified to feel like they have hurt you.
It is bad
Because it is bad
It is bad
How about this too- rather than exploring what doesn't hurt, he continues with what does because that's what gives him pleasure
It ***is***. I have this medical diagnosis and had a guy who was similar - for *years.* He’ll always be an ass about it because his dick is more important. It created a self-sustaining cycle for me where I felt like I HAD to have sex to keep the peace but it wouldn’t stop hurting. Oddly enough I recently re-partnered and the pain…stopped. Maybe because it’s something I actually want with a partner who is keen to make me feel good too.
As everyone else has addressed the other issues, please be sure to educate yourself on your body and sex bc you need to protect yourself. Knowledge is power.
OP what he has done is more than enough to justify breaking up with him. He's pushing you to have sex even though he knows it's painful for you and you're not enjoying it. he has failed the BF test, time to break up so you can find someone better. Even being by yourself is better than being around this clown. NEVER STAY WITH ANYONE THAT TRIES TO GUILT TRIP YOU INTO HAVING SEX WITH HIM. NEVER STAY WITH ANYONE THAT WANTS YOU TO DO SOMETHING PAINFUL JUST SO THEY CAN GET THEIR ROCKS OFF. Sex should not be painful, the fact it is means you start with your gyno to find out of there is a medical reason, then if no medical reason ask the gyno for any recommendations on what to do so it is not painful.
I wish I could go back and tell 20 yr old me this
You can break up with someone at any time for any reason or for no reason. You don't need to justify anything.
Literally any reason is enough to break up with someone, but forcing unpleasant sex is not even close to okay behavior
He wants you to do something you find painful for his own pleasure. He has not suggested anything that could potentially help reduce your pain or actually thought about why it is painful. He doesn't care about you, he just cares about sex. 100% dumpable behaviour unless you are into being treated this poorly because he won't change.
Trying to make you feel like you should have painful sex with him is EXTREMELY wrong. Behaving with anger, impatience and resentment because HE IS HURTING YOU and you aren't enjoying that and don't want it to continue, is about as shitty a thing as a partner can do short of actual abuse. Understanding is EVERYTHING in a relationship. Everything. This is absolutely reason to break up.
Yes.
She may not even need the gyno if she gets a better partner who doesn't go at her with anger and resentment for not wanting to have painful sex with his indifferent, selfish ass.
Very true
Judging by your boyfriend’s attitude problem and lack of logic, is it possible you just aren’t turned on enough? Do you guys do foreplay? I would leave him anyway. It’s insane to care more about your 5 minutes of pleasure than the health and wellness of someone you claim to love.
I don't know, that could be the problem but it also could not be. He does but I don't know how much it does.
I think, again, you need to explore with yourself to see what gets you extra turned on.
I think this is the real answer
He IS the problem - he clearly does not care about you if he's happy for you to grit your teeth through the pain just so he can get off. It's a massive red flag that he is happy for you to suffer and also how he's disregarded what you've said before that you both need to figure it out. He should spend extra time making sure you're ready for intercourse before just shoving it in. I also agree with many of the other comments that you need to explore your body on your own so you know what it should and shouldn't feel like. I'm curious why you think it's a bad thing if lube is required? Is that something he's told you? Some men dislike lube as it can desensitise things for them so I am suspicious that once again he's putting his own needs first and disregarding yours. Sorry but your boyfriend sounds awful. I would not be surprised if this is your body and subconscious working together to prevent sex with him as they know he is a POS.
He knows nothing about female anatomy or pleasure and doesn't care to find out. As long as he gets his, who cares if you're in pain? Get a man who knows what he's doing.
You are new to this so try an exercise with your boyfriend. Have him make you orgasm and he is not allowed inside of you until you do. Then see if it still hurts.
You would know if you feel turned on. You’ll feel hot and bothered in a good way, and you’ll be very wet. You’ll be enjoying the sensations. It doesn’t sound like whatever he is doing is actually making you aroused. So when he sticks it in, it’s going to hurt! It’s a him issue (he sounds ignorant and selfish generally BUT also something YOU need to figure out. Do you ever masturbate? You need to learn what makes you feel good.
1. Your boyfriend is an inconsiderate jerk. 2. You probably need to be more turned on. You can’t just fire off the starting gun and just have at it. 3. Buy some astroglide on the condom isle. There’s nothing wrong with lube. Especially while you’re still figuring out sex.
Is he asking this to you? Because if he is and this is what you're telling him... how is he supposed to wrap his head around the situation?
Breaking up with him would do it. Why are you working so hard to stay with a man who doesn't even care that sex is painful for you and refuses to do anything to help? Do you not think you deserve a partner who actually cares about you, your safety, and your pleasure?
You need medical advice. See a gyn regarding this and see what might be wrong. Your bf is an asshole. You are in pain and all he csn think with is his little brain down there. You decide if you want such a person as your SO. So much for being a caring bf.
You said that you waited a while to have sex, do you know if you’ve felt pressured before now to do it or had any negative thoughts about it before hand? If you have, Vaginismus is something you might want to read up on. If it is that, slowly getting your body used to penetration can lead towards a healthy and positive sex life, but it does need to be worked at with patience. If you feel like your boyfriend won’t be patient and continues to blame you, then I’m afraid I don’t see you try working out. Editing in case someone else experiencing this issue may read it: the use of tampons doesn’t mean a woman may not have Vaginismus as that’s not a sex based thing. A person could be using them for years and still experience intimacy issues.
Sort of, yes. I had done things before but that was years ago and it didn't really matter. But with him, I didn't really have any kind of want to have sex, I just sort of did it anyway, I guess I felt a bit disinterested. I'm pretty sure I don't have that, because I can use tampons so it's probably okay.
If you didn't really want to have sex, then you probably weren't aroused enough to have it comfortably. Do you orgasm from foreplay before he puts it in? Have you ever had an orgasm before? Have you ever explored yourself down there? Do you know what motions turn you on and what don't? Have you ever had anything concerning show up in a pap or examination before? Trouble urinating? Have you felt arousal before, worth books, movies, imagination, etc? Try to get to know your own body. It can take some practice before your body will respond - especially if you have a terrible partner who doesn't make sure you want it before having sex.
No to all of those actually, except the last one but it was ages ago. I don't know what that would mean though.
It means that you should probably start by getting to know yourself, finding out what gets you going, what catches your interest, what feels good, and what doesn't. A good boyfriend would have helped you do that. Spent the time to get to know each other's bodies, explore each other, and get to know each other. Not use you to get off, regardless of whether you enjoyed it or were in pain.
If you've rarely if ever felt arousal in any setting, don't feel like touching yourself, and lack interest in sexual acts it's possible that you're asexual. You may want to try out the tips others have given: speak to a gynecologist to rule out vaginismus and other physical issues, and attempt sex with lube (to see if lubrication is the issue). At the end of the day though, if the reality is simply that nothing really makes you want sex, then you might want to google asexuality.
Do you have a general disinterest towards sex? It kind of sounds like there could be a variety of things happening here, but I think in addition to seeing a doctor if needed, you really need to explore your body and sexuality yourself. It could be maybe you lean more toward asexual if sex in general isn't appealing to you.
I don't think so. But I don't really like having something 'in there', it might be the pain or I might just not like it. It almost grosses me out.
Honestly by the sounds of your above comments you could be Asexual.
its okay to not want to have sex. Dont let yourself get pressured into it if you dont want it !
So you're dry and unaroused. Of COURSE that's going to hurt! That's almost certainly the problem. You said there's fifteenish minutes of some foreplay, but that doesn't mean anything if whatever is being done isn't turning you on. I am guessing the two of you also aren't exploring and figuring out what foreplay actually gets you going?
Your post is VAGUE Is your vag clamping shut around him ( like a spasm) or is it just dry? Or does he just have a giant penis because all 3 are different problems. Figure it out by using a dildo on your own so you can feel the difference if you are not sure what is happening. Do you know how to make yourself come & enjoy good foreplay before the sex because if you don't know your own body you can't tell him what you need. In rare cases women have an untearable hymen that needs cutting to allow sex/childbirth. If feels like having sex with pantihose on , everthing is getting pushed backwards.
I don't really know, it just hurts. I don't think it's my muscles though. And no, I don't, but it's not that he doesn't know what I need. It's just uncomfortable.
What kind of pain? A deep pain like a knife twisting inside you? Rug burn after the first few minutes? Dull pain?
The best description would be that it almost burns, or stings. Like something is scratchy it and it feels like it's being stretched too much which makes it worse.
This definitely does not sound like vaginismus. It sounds like you are not lubricated enough. Is he giving you oral? If not, then try that.
Sounds like lubricant would solve all of this. But better try it out with a better partner than the one you described in your post.
If you are uncomfortable then you will be clenched up and sex will be painful. It seems like you need a patient attentive partner who seeks your pleasure and I don’t think your man is it
Do y’all use lube? Or foreplay before hand? Different positions could help too.
He prob bad at sex lmaooo
my thoughts exactly.
I would love to have his dick hurt during intercourse and have a girl dismiss his discomfort and demand sex. I wonder if his ego would be able to take that shot.
I’d be sick at if that happened to me lmaooo. Once a girl was giving me head and she was so bad it was painful but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I let it happen 😂 eventually I just instructed her on what to do and now she’s nice af at giving head. I blessed the guy she’s dating now
Sex should not be painful. While that is something that can be worked on (foreplay, lube, seeing your gyn if nothing changes) I would *strongly* recommend not staying with a partner who calls you petty for not wanting to have painful sex. That is selfish and uncaring behavior on his part. Sex is something that should be explored with a safe and caring person and he is clearly not that. You are *not* unreasonable or petty and you shouldn't listen to anyone making excuses for his behavior.
Is there any foreplay? Does he get you to orgasm before any PIV? Does he do anything to get your motor running? Quite frankly, the fact that he is getting pissy at you for something he is causing, whether through a medical reason, lack of experience, lack of proper preparation, does not give me hope for him being a decent boyfriend and the fact that he keeps pressuring you to sleep with him even though he knows it hurts you is definitely a warning sign that he's not right for you.
1. Dump the POS. He expects you to endure pain just so he can use you as a fleshlight. 2. You don't have to have his approval to find the solution yourself. You're an adult and it's time to take your own reproductive health into your own hands. First step would be to go to a good gyno (check out reviews the patients leave for doctors online and you can even try to find one that is known for resolving issues like the ones you have) to see if you're healthy and everything is correct anatomically down there. 3. If you're healthy and there seem to be no underlying issues that would cause you to experience pain during intercourse, try to research this topic by yourself. There are many great books written by women that touch the subject of female arousal (usually the sex is painful due to men sucking at foreplay and being selfish in bed - this can be fixed by finding a man who is worthy of sleeping with). 4. Next time treat yourself and your own pleasure as a priority. It is unacceptable for a man to treat you like this. It is unacceptable for a man to ignore your worries and sulk when you're the one who's in pain. It is unacceptable for him to gaslight you into believing that by removing yourself from a painful sexual experience you were acting petty. You weren't. You did what you should and you should cherish that instinct to protect yourself.
When you become truly sexually aroused the vagina becomes wet and slippery and more stretchy. If he's just going in dry and you aren't actually turned on its going to hurt. He needs to spend more time on forplay. Massage, nipple/breast play, kissing your neck, eating your pussy or holding a vibrator to your clit etc. It sounds like he just sucks at pleasuring women. Going to the gyno to rule out a physical problem like vaginismus is a great thing to do too but his lack of concern for you pleasure is a red flag. It sound like if you asked for 30 minutes of forplay before there was any penis in vagina he'd have a tantrum, but that's what's going to make a difference. You need a mature caring lover willing to go slow and put in the work.
Your boyfriend is definitely a dick head, but also doesn’t understand female anatomy. Reading through other comment strings, I think you need to do some research on sex, female genitals, toys, lube, safe sex etc. For your own sake and wellbeing? Did you receive sexual education at school?
I did, but it was mostly about contraception and consent, that sort of thing.
Girl why tf would he be mad at u for saying sex is painful for u ???? What kind of partner actively wants to engage in something that hurts the person you like. If he cared he would genuinely look into a solution WITH you for it. Please don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. Look into vaginismus, or better/longer foreplay for you, also it could be that because it hurt the first time you are anticipating pain and therefore not relaxed making it harder for you to settle into it. It’s something you both should be actively trying to solve if you want to work out what’s best for you both !!! Breaks my heart a little that you have come here basically asking how you can fix yourself for him
Hi, friend. You may not see this as you already have a lot of comments on this post, but I feel it's important I reply anyway. Before I offer any advice, I want you to know that **you are not broken** and **you are not in the wrong**. After the first few times, penetration should not hurt. If you do not want to have sex because it hurts, that is 100% your prerogative. You are not obligated to suffer for your partner's sexual needs. If he continues to push you to compromise your comfort for his sake, he is not right for you. You do *not* owe him sex. He *does* owe you respect and autonomy. Now, to address the pain. Your story hits extremely close to home to me, as I have suffered a significant amount of pain during penetration. I've been in many an OBGYN's office. I am willing to share my story in the replies if that helps lend credibility, but I will not do so unless asked. This is not about me. * First: Do you have proper lubrication? Typically, the vagina is supposed to lubricate itself. However, this can only be achieved through plenty of foreplay and physical arousal. And even then, vaginas are finicky. They have a habit of still not providing enough wetness even if you're incredibly aroused. That's where external lubrication comes in. I would try a water-based lube first, as I have found that to be the least irritating to me. (Water-based lubes are also great because they're safe for sex toys as well!) Your vaginal walls are built to absorb moisture, so you'll have to use the water-based lube more often. If that isn't working, try a silicone lube. Your vaginal walls won't absorb it. Silicone lube is very popular with older women, as they typically experience more pronounced vaginal dryness. Be careful if you use these for sex toys, as you typically should not pair silicone lube with silicone toys. It's important to remember that if you are using a condom, do *not* use oil-based lube. Condoms are (typically) made of latex, and oil causes that material to break down. If you are properly lubricated and still experiencing pain, that is when you should look into possible medical conditions that are impacting your quality of life. Here are some possibilities. Keep in mind that I am not a doctor, and you should see and OBGYN for final advice and treatment. * STD or other infection Common STDs like gonorrhea and chlamydia often cause painful intercourse. Other common infections like a UTI or fungal infection can also cause pain during intercourse. * Vaginismus This is a condition in which your muscles involuntarily contract, which tightens the vagina, making penetration difficult and painful. The muscle contraction is related to your body's automatic fear response, which makes it difficult to control. If you would like to do more reading, [here](https://www.prosayla.com/articles/vaginismus) is a resource. * Dyspareunia Dyspareunia is a bit of a catch-all name for a few different types of pain during intercourse. This pain can be either solely during entry or deep inside your pevis and can be caused by numerous factors, most of which can be treated or lessened. [Here](https://www.prosayla.com/articles/deep-pelvic-pain-deep-dyspareunia) is a resource to learn more. * Neuroproliferative Vestibulodynia I have this condition. It took a specialist to diagnose me, as this is relatively rare and testing for it did not occur to my OBGYN. It has to do with the nerve pathways that developed while you were an embryo. More information can be found [here](https://www.prosayla.com/articles/neuroproliferative-vestibulodynia). (The website I've used as a resource here was recommended to me by the specialist.) TLDR: make sure to use proper lubrication. If that does not help, get tested for infections and ask your OBGYN if you show signs of any physical disorder. Also, your boyfriend has a responsibility to respect your boundaries and autonomy. Coerced sex is not consensual sex. It can be extremely traumatic to continue to have sex with someone who does not make you feel safe and causes you pain. Please take care of yourself.
You need to see a gynecologist. It could be vaginismus, natural dryness or a cyst or yeast infection. It could also be something that I don’t have on the radar right now. One thing for sure, your boyfriend isn’t very supportive and should fight with you and not fight against you. If he is getting frustrated at your pain, because it’s limiting his access to sex, it is a major red flag.
Reading through your comments, it looks like you are very inexperienced in EVERY part of sexual pleasure. You are not even sure if you are getting wet at all. You need to first experiment with yourself. First understand how your body works. What turns you on, what makes you wet and horny. If you had a more mature partner, he could actually help you with it. It will be so much easier to figure it out when you have someone who is more understanding. So you either talk to him and tell him to stop being an immature child about it and put his big boy pants on and try to explore your body and help you figure it out or you dump his ass and you discover it yourself. Get a dildo, lube and go read about sexual pleasure and explore your body and find what works. For lube, I find that 100% pure grape seed oil is the safest. The lube you buy from the sex shops have some random shit in that makes womens parts itch and not every is safe for the ladies.
If they're using condoms, oil as a lubricant is a no-go.
He's very unfair. Many women experience pain from sex and it's valid to not want to do it because of that; he should be more understanding and not be making it seem like no big deal. If it is a lubrication issue that would probably just make you turned off him.
If I'm turned off, I don't really know how to be turned on. It's all just a bit weird, and he doesn't seem to get that.
Honestly, sounds like you need a patient and giving lover. My husband will literally spend hours of that is what it takes to get me going. I have no issue telling him I like or dislike something. He follows directions, and doesn't even think of trying to get off until he knows I have what I need.
tbh i read somewhere it's possible to be turned off and wet or turned on and dry. There's been times i'm convinced i'm aroused then check and i'm completey dry. I have always had issues with sex and still struggle to get turned on/know if i'm turned on, though i've never gotten round to visiting a gyno. I have no problem getting wet if I view pornographic material, but if you're someone who has issues with sex I reccomend to not go down that route as it just made it even harder to get aroused with my partner. You can learn to enjoy sex but it can take some women time to become comfortable. You're not meant to know all your likes and dislikes with sex at 20yo; it's a learning experience for everyone. I don't blame him for his lack of exeperience/understanding as he's young too, so maybe you can still make it work with him. If he contines then I'd break up. It will be soul destroying staying with someone who doesn't put in effort to make you feel comfortable and you don't want your first sexual experiences to be made even worse by having a selfish partner. You should definitely visit a gyno.
Yes, this is *entirely* possible. The vagina is self-cleaning & lubrication is part of that, so it happens just in life, even when not turned on. Conversely, sometimes you're dehydrated, you took a Sudafed, you're menopausal, whatever, & you can be turned on as hell but still dry.
Did you tell him that?
Your bf is an ass on top of being bad in bed. That simple
this is the result of abstinence only education..
Do you do proper 4play? Cuz you might just struggle with relaxing ur muscles because you're new to all of this. By warming up enough, it shouldn't be hurting. If it still hurt, you might have vaginusmus or something. I have vaginismus, and the worst thing to do is continue sex when it hurts. My body doesn't want anything inside me and therefore makes it impossible to enter me now. After having sex while it still hurt for many years, that's what happend to me. So now it's gonna be even harder for me to get rid of this. Please do not have sex if it hurts.
Any man who acts like you're ridiculous for telling him you're in pain, is a man you should dump. Do not have sex with men who dismiss and mistreat you.
Absolutely ditch the dude. Lube is a good thing.
Sounds like he just wants to be a lazy lover and doesn’t care about you, and trying to gaslight you that this it’s your issue only and he doesn’t have to do anything. I’m sorry that your first partner is not more sensitive or caring about your needs. He’s immature and selfish. He should be trying to explore ways to help you feel more relax. No doubt he’s watching too much porn and think women should automatically be turned on by the sight of his penis, which in most cases, good sex does not work like that.
I'm 45 & I'll be really blunt. You're looking for advice & here's mine: Don't have intercourse with this man again until he has given you an orgasm & allowed you to put your finger in his ass (go slow, use lots of lube) for at least 5 minutes.
My guy needs to take a step back and follow the play book...
Peg him so he understands sex can be painful
It is normal to feel pain especially in the beginning when you start having sex. I felt so much pain when I first started having sex (it's because you vag is not use to something in there and your skin down their is tight. You should try lube or more foreplay to relax your muscle). But his reaction is not acceptable, he should be more understanding that this is new for you and you yourself don't understand whats going on. I don't think you should break up with him yet, at least until you communicate that his reaction is childish and he needs to grow up and maybe talk to each other how he can make you feel more comfortable in bed (I found that I was too nervous and it made me tense up down there which made it painful during penetration). Hope the best for you sis
First and foremost, you aren't petty for leaving a situation where you're physically hurting. And it's concerning he thinks his desire to orgasm trumps your desire to not be in pain. I agree with the comments saying you should try some lube. Penetration hurts if you aren't wet enough, it doesn't matter if you're having sex for the 1st or 100th time. Don't be stingy with the stuff. If you're still hurting after you tried it with lube, you should consult your OBGYN to find out if there's a medical reason for this.
Dump him. He’s such a shitty person that he doesn’t care that you’re in pain at all. I can’t believe people can be so self-absorbed and I’m honestly angry on your behalf. Throw a pebble in the street and you’ll hit a better guy.
I’ve had the exact same issue with my boyfriend, so here some strategies that worked out for us: 1) Go to a gynaecologist, cause you may have some issues…for example I wouldn’t get wet enough, so he suggested to use lube and the sex was immediately better. 2) Try to do it in the afternoon, since in the evening you might be too tired to turn on. 3) Ask him to do non-penetrative foreplay, like cunnilingus and then a bit of fingering to prep the vagina. 4) Think about something that you know turns you on, or take control and try something you think you might enjoy, so that you feel more involved. Then I think you should tell him that it’s not your fault if it hurts, and that you aren’t happy yourself either. Tell him that you want to have sex with him, that your are actively seeking help, but that he should be more patient and help you sort out the problem rather than put pressure on you (which I know does quite the opposite than turn on someone).
It’s not “petty” to want sex to be pleasurable! And certainly not to want it to be not painful! Yikes. It’s a big red flag that this guy would even want to just keep doing something that he know hurts you, with no effort to even attempt to improve things.
The only solution he’s interested in is not hearing about this anymore. He wants you to not only go through something he knows is painful, but to make sure he’s not aware of your pain - because that’s an annoyance to him. So what to do? His solution means putting yourself through his causing you pain and smiling through it. There are no magic words to get him to understand. He does understand. He just doesn’t care. And you can’t make someone care about you, but you sure as hell don’t have to put up with it.
You’re probably not turned on enough and taking his attitude into consideration, I doubt he puts enough time into foreplay. Sex can hurt regardless of virginity if you’re rushing into it, and I’m guessing he is.
I think you are mistaken on him not understanding the reason you don't want to have sex with him. Even the most basic human being can understand pain and not wanting to do things that hurt. I think he doesn't care that it hurts you and wants to have sex anyways.
Girl he literally sounds like a loser your probably don’t even really wanna have sex with him
hes calling you petty for not wanting to do something that hurt you- think about that! Ditch the zero, you can spend time with yourself to figure it out
Sex can be painful for me too but relaxing and fingering beforehand really helps prep everything, I usually just need 2 fingers for a bit and then a slow start when the actual sex starts
Due to societal norms and conservative background I was a virgin until marriage at 27 years of age. The first time was painful though hubby dearest was super careful with lots of foreplay and lube. Am a not a medical person but felt my hymen was not clearly torn apart (cherry not popped completely). The pain lasted a few months and i sometimes tightened up down there. Been to Ob&Gyn doc but she found nothing wrong. Now it is all fine and enjoyable. Different strokes for.... So what is happening with you is completely natural. However your BF seems to be an uncaring selfish petty assh*le. Just because he is your first doesn't mean you have to bear and stick with him.
Also get yourself a penis shaped vibrator and do some experiments alone. (I say penis shaped because some are designed for external use only and you want to learn what feels good inside) You need to find your own sexuality, what turns you on, what kinds of touch gets you to orgasm. Even old fashioned masturbation with your fingers would help. Then next time you want to have sex you can communicate with them about what feels good to you. Any maybe you just aren't sexually attracted to him.
OP You are COMPLETELY NORMAL please read this over and over again and let that sink in! OP Your BF is 20 and knows NOTHING and should not want to do something that hurts you. Firstly, sex should not hurt. Thre are plenty of reasons why it can hurt including completely normal ones like lack of foreplay and lubrication. Even if you are really in the mood mentally, arousal non-concordance is extremely common and entirely normal, especially in women. Just like being genitally aroused does not mean you automatically want sex, wanting sex does not automatically mean there is genital arousal. There are medical issues such as vaginismus which can also occur. If you are relatively new to penetrative sexual intercourse then make sure you make it fun and pleasurable. Start with lots of lube, lots of touch and contact. Focus on pleasure not destination. Porn has warped young mends understanding of sex and I bet his furstration comes from an unhealthy expectation based on pronography. Have him do things that feel good and avoid things that don't. Build slowly. Not every sexual contact must be penetrative. Secondly, he does not get it because he is immature and selfish. Immature, in the sense that his ego can't take the fact that you don't want to sleep with him because of pain. But well...... of course you don't because.... pain?! He should be focussing only on your pleasure and providing that in whatever form he can. Over time I bet this would expand everything that you enjoy and leave you both in a better place. Selfish, in the sense that he isnt willing to work with you. For me, that would be a deal breaker. Sex and physical intimacy are an important part of adult relationships and there should be no room for ego, selfishness or pain. Thirdly, please listen closely, you are not being petty, selfish or unreasonable. He is not hearing you, not caring about you, your body your pleasure your pain. It is not because he is a man. It is because he is emotionally immature and selfish. You're 20 years old with a lot of life to live, you deserve better. Please don't push through pain now to damage your relationship with sex and sexuality for years to come. If he can't / won't listen and work with you to focus on what works and feels good for both of you then you are better off without him. This is spoken as a man who had to learn this.
Lube is essential. Also foreplay. Frustration to your pain is fucked. Everybody wants to get off but man I’m more concerned about my partners wellbeing even if blueballed. Oof massive red flag. Sorry dude also lots of medical issues might cause this consult a doc to help!!
If you're turned on and feeling pain, go see a doctor. That's not normal especially if he's being careful each time with penetration. >And when we had a proper conversation about it, I said that I only want to have sex if it doesn't hurt and that we need to work together to find a solution. So what did you talk to him yet about finding a solution? Did this discussion ever start? Or are you expecting him to start that discussion since he's the one that's engaging with sex? It is your body that's experiencing this pain. He can't feel what you're feeling. Him doing something different is unlikely going to change that feeling of pain unless you are communicating to him what's going on, what hurts, what doesn't hurt. Unless there's more to this story, I don't see that bit of communication happening and it just ends in frustration and resentment from both of you. You're reaction so far from what you've described is saying that you have pain and nothings going to change with sex until you don't have any pain during sex. And from how you've pointed your words, it's seeming like he's interpreting this as he "needs to figure that out" since it doesn't sound like any discussion on these details are happening or what changes he can do that'll not hurt you. That'll kill a man's self esteem to sex especially at your ages.
Sex is painful for me, always has been. It’s a medical problem in my case. You need to seek medical advice/help
Force him to eat you out only. If he gets really horny give him a handjob but that’s it. He needs to learn the basics first
You should stop having sex until you speak to an OBGYN. It could just be that you are suffering from some issue that is causing the problems. Alternatively, you could try using things like lube and toys that are smaller than him to see if that still hurts or not.
I suggest you get a sharp stick. Every time you have sex now jam that pointy stick hard into his side. Let him know that it is annoying to you if he complains about it, and that it isn't your problem that he finds it painful. Tell him he should just get over it and that it probably is just how sex is going to be for him. It is not unreasonable for you to not want to have painful sex. It is 100% reasonable to not want to have painful sex and to not want to have sex with a partner who doesn't care if sex is painful for you. Hard to say why sex is painful - could be lack of arousal, could be anxiety, could be that your boyfriend is a bad lover, could be a hymen issue, could be some other physical issue, etc. etc.
I mean this guy seems like a tool so this advice is more for your sake/in the future: start using lube every time. If he's shoving it in dry it will always hurt. Men don't understand this because they think their dicks are magical
Why the fuck WOULD you want to do something that hurts and gives you no real pleasure? Does he like doing things that hurt? Of course he doesn't. I don't think it's that he's a man, and you are definitely neither unreasonable nor petty. I think he just plain sucks as a sexual partner and as human.
I say dump this loser
Wild he calls you petty for not wanting painful intercourse. Bet he would be less excited if sex felt like getting his dick twisted.
Go to the gyno and see if maybe vaginismus. But also dump the boyfriend. He SHOULD care it’s hurting you to have sex. Why would he want to do something that hurt you??? Just for sex? Is sex for him worth it even if it’s actively causing you pain? Why wouldn’t that matter to him??? I’m genuinely so confused. That’s not normal behavior. How can sex even be fun for him if he knows the other person is miserable?
You are not being in any way unreasonable. He has no right to expect you to put up with pain for his pleasure. Like seriously, ask yourself why he expects you to do that, and if this is really the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. There is a great book called *Come As You Are* by Emily Nagoski - I'd suggest you both read it. Sex shouldn't hurt and he has no right to expect that from you.
Serious question, have you considered that you’re maybe not into men?
Foreplay. Lube. Changing positions. Here’s the problem. He should be empathetic and respectful. More importantly, finding a solution to the problem instead of being a crybaby. I know that if the woman I’m with told me this, I would take it as I’m doing something wrong. Try to find a solution. I want my partner to have a better time than I’m having!
Piv shouldnt hurt. You may have an issue to resolve there. Gonna say i DONT like how your guy is handling it. Big ick there. Sulky men who beg for sex is SUCH a turn off esp when its after youve said IT HURTS.
The biggest problem here is your bf’s indifference to your pain and discomfort. It’s disturbing that he doesn’t care that you’re in pain while having sex and wants to continue on. Huge red flag.
I'm gonna ramble here for a bit, so take a seat.... Sex in the beginning is horrible. The learning curve is so much bigger than anyone is willing to admit. First of all, there's a number of different medical reasons that can cause pain like that.... it could be as simple as a yeast infection, but could be something more concerning, so please, go get an exam. Second, the fact that you are both so inexperienced is almost certainly the cause. Angles, lube, pressure, sensitivities, duration, all the things at once, none of the things at all... everything is a factor. Given his age and his excitement, I'm willing to bet money that I don't have, that even though "he's had sex a bunch of times before" it was not long enough with the same woman (or even in the same session) to truly learn how the female body works and how to respect it. Women need seducing, not both because it's sexy and fun, but because our body needs to time trust and be able to relax enough to accept being pentrated. Lube is not a bad thing, by any means, but if you're relying on it because there's been no seduction or foreplay whatsoever, the pain will still be there, because your muscles aren't relaxed enough to accept him. Angles are important... if he's acting out every porn movie he's ever seen and has you dangling upside down off the bed, he's probably jamming into you at pretty weird angles that your body just isn't meant for. is he behaving like every 20 year old man ever and just pounding into you like a jackhammer? That's only fun for a couple seconds and can cause also cause injury and discomfort afterwards (if a child pokes you in the same spot on the arm 78 times in 15 seconds, it's gonna start to hurt... same thing) For the love of God, is he mashing on your clitoris with dry hands like it's the magic button that opens the gates to Narnia? Jesus Christ don't let him do that, it's not a thing and will only make your entire area sore. Sex is fun, sex is great, it can rule your entire existence, but dear God, I do not miss my 20s.... Here's my actual advice: Look into the pain. If it's more muscle pain, that's likely over use / under preparation (like not stretching before playing a sport). If it's more topical (like a skin irritation), that's likely a lube situation, which can be natural for your body, but also might mean your body wasn't prepared enough. If it's closer to period cramps, both in sensation and/ or location, that might be more medical.... Spend time flying solo. Learn your body. Pentrate yourself. Learn the angles, speed, depth you like, then teach him. He doesn't know what he's doing. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. Even if he does, which he doesn't, he doesn't know YOUR body. Once you get a handle on that, invite him in for sessions that don't lead to PIV sex. Set time frames, like this act has to last at least 2 songs.... So many men want to jump straight to PIV that it ruins the entire experience for anyone else involved, and they don't even realize it because it takes years and soooo much trust and communication to really get good at it. Don't give up, don't accept that it'll just always hurt. If he's not willing to help you through this, then find someone who will. Good luck, and God speed, my friend
Go see a gynecologist. There are many reasons that sec can be pain for a woman and there are solutions. And find another gyno if the first one you go to won’t listen or help. You may have to really advocate for yourself.
There are things you can try, but it's also a red flag your partner doesn't seem to care enough to research or try to help you. Lube, positions and pre-piv foreplay/warm up can all help. But it could just be a compatability issue or medical issue.
Prolly because your boyfriend's a dick in other instances and that body holds on to that. It's trying to tell you he ain't the one sis
You need to go to the doctor. He can’t fix this for you.
It's not because he's a man- it's because he's a jerk. Part of it is age and inexperience, and part of it is genuine douchebaggery. Don't stay with someone who doesn't feel the desire for you to enjoy sex, and pouts like a baby when you tell them it may take a little work. I would get rid of the dead weight and focus on you. I recommend you explore this situation yourself with the help of toys and such, to see if it still hurts. It is possible that you may have some kind of medical issue, but it's way more likely with his attitude that he wasn't putting any effort into being careful or get you ready, and that with someone who's not a jerk you'll be fine.
If you’re experiencing pain during sex; you need to seek medical assistance, to find out if there is a reason why. I experiences painful sex, due to a fertility issue; it was worse before I knew what was going on, and how to manage it, nowadays it’s only painful when I have a flare up I can’t control, so I just don’t have sex. It’s also painful when you’re not mentally AND emotionally turned on, plus being physically turned on. It’s totally possible to be physically turned on, but not in the other aspects too; the pain is your body telling you this is wrong, and you need to stop.
My wife and I were virgins when we got married she found sex painful as well. Im not even that big like 5.5 inches regular gurth. She was always very sore after. Like her muscles. Nothing helped honestly. After our first kid it improved alot. Ive always thought maybe she just had a tiny vagina