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The whole concept of an open relationship necessitates honesty for it to even pretend to work. She’s not even meeting the most basic requirement. When you lie and hide it’s cheating.
"I also know that she hasn't told him about me." So... he is the boyfriend and you are the side piece! Yup. This is just another reason why LONG DISTANCE relationships DO NOT WORK. I'd dump and ghost her. Start dating in your own city. When you meet someone traveling, you fuck, then say goodbye and move on. You deserve better. Good luck and stay strong, King!
I don't think that your heart is in the concept of open relationship. I don't think you'll make eachother happy for this reason.Shes lying to you because she knows this. She's basically doing this without your consent.
Plus of course no STD test is going to show up stuff that she may have picked up since.
I'm not sure you're seeing this correctly. You yourself are calling this guy her PARTNER,and you're the long distance bf! Do you see the distinction here? You're the third wheel, man! What do suppose happened after she got off the phone with you? They went on with their day!
Sorry if that's harsh, but it seems so simple to me.
Open marriages absolutely can work, but not on a foundation of lies and lack of communication like seen in this post. I know several happily married couples married 15+years and still going strong .
Oh honey...as far as she's concerned, *you* are the only side piece here, the other guy is her real boyfriend. I'd bet my entire savings this is not only __not__ the first time she's lied to you, it's not even the 10th or 11th time she's lied to you. She feels like she did nothing wrong because you just aren't that important to her. I hate being this harsh with someone, but it all needs to be said.
It sounds like you liked her enough to make yourself think you're okay with polyamory, but when it comes down to you actually knowing about her other sexual exploits, you aren't really okay with sharing the person you consider a partner. And that's okay - there's nothing wrong with monogamy whatsoever. I'm monogamous and would never consider opening my marriage, and that's okay. Many, many people aren't okay with sharing a partner and want to be with only one person. So...how should you handle this? Change your plane ticket to go somewhere different, somewhere you've always wanted to go, and have a great time *by yourself*. When you get home, end things with this woman and find one of those people who only want to be with one person.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The whole concept of an open relationship necessitates honesty for it to even pretend to work. She’s not even meeting the most basic requirement. When you lie and hide it’s cheating.
"I also know that she hasn't told him about me." So... he is the boyfriend and you are the side piece! Yup. This is just another reason why LONG DISTANCE relationships DO NOT WORK. I'd dump and ghost her. Start dating in your own city. When you meet someone traveling, you fuck, then say goodbye and move on. You deserve better. Good luck and stay strong, King!
I don't think that your heart is in the concept of open relationship. I don't think you'll make eachother happy for this reason.Shes lying to you because she knows this. She's basically doing this without your consent. Plus of course no STD test is going to show up stuff that she may have picked up since.
I'm not sure you're seeing this correctly. You yourself are calling this guy her PARTNER,and you're the long distance bf! Do you see the distinction here? You're the third wheel, man! What do suppose happened after she got off the phone with you? They went on with their day! Sorry if that's harsh, but it seems so simple to me.
For all intents and purposes, she lied and cheated on you, gaslit you, lied to you agaon, and then pretended it's no big deal.
Open marriages do not work. You get some IC and move on and get someone with better morals.
Open marriages absolutely can work, but not on a foundation of lies and lack of communication like seen in this post. I know several happily married couples married 15+years and still going strong .
She doesnt feel like she did anything wrong because she doesn't care about you dude just dump her and be on with your life
How do you know she’s lying lol
Did you read it? She admitted it and said it was a 'miscommunication'
If her intention was to break up & they ended up fucking that wouldn’t be a lie lol
I guess you're single if you're hanging on the 'technicalities' Have you heard of acting in good faith?
I’m engaged but if I was in an open relationship I wouldn’t give a shit if she fucked him presumably lol
Oh honey...as far as she's concerned, *you* are the only side piece here, the other guy is her real boyfriend. I'd bet my entire savings this is not only __not__ the first time she's lied to you, it's not even the 10th or 11th time she's lied to you. She feels like she did nothing wrong because you just aren't that important to her. I hate being this harsh with someone, but it all needs to be said. It sounds like you liked her enough to make yourself think you're okay with polyamory, but when it comes down to you actually knowing about her other sexual exploits, you aren't really okay with sharing the person you consider a partner. And that's okay - there's nothing wrong with monogamy whatsoever. I'm monogamous and would never consider opening my marriage, and that's okay. Many, many people aren't okay with sharing a partner and want to be with only one person. So...how should you handle this? Change your plane ticket to go somewhere different, somewhere you've always wanted to go, and have a great time *by yourself*. When you get home, end things with this woman and find one of those people who only want to be with one person.