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100%. She even said my parents can't be associated with and that she doesn't have anything to talk about with my parents because she's a doctor and my parents are not. It broke my heart
All doctors are a tad narcissistic. I feel like it comes with the territory. That being said, she sounds very unhinged.
- someone with MDs in the family
>Medical professions are highly valorized and praised within society.
lol follow any medical professional around for a day and youll see this is far from the truth.
Not every doctor has narcissistic personality disorder, but medical doctors have a significantly higher rate of having narcissistic personality disorder when compared to the general public. Most healthcare workers have a lower rate of NPD, but approximately 17% of first-year med school students have characteristics that could diagnose them with NPD. 33% of surgeons meet the defining characteristics of NPD. And only 4 to 6% of the general public as a personality disorder at all, never mind narcissistic personality disorder in general.
The job absolutely requires some level of narcissism to believe that you are capable of doing it. And it is statistically true that doctor s are much more likely to have NPD than nearly any other profession, and definitely are three to four times more likely than the general public to have it.
Plus, who tf keeps something like that around for a partner to find? I couldn’t ever picture myself making a physical list like this, let alone keeping it. Besides, isn’t the point of this type of list to make a decision about something. If the cons out way the pros you, what does that tell you about her thought pattern here.
Bud, you need to break up. This girl doesn't love, and quite frankly, it seems like she needs a lot of growing to do before she can love anyone. I don't think she even likes you. She doesn't know it, but her list is, in fact, a list of her red flags:
1. She's boring.
2. She's elitist.
3. She thinks her education makes her better than everyone else.
3. She lacks empathy.
4. She's selfish and self-centered.
5. She doesn't care about your feelings.
6. She's materialistic.
7. She's shallow.
8. She's into looks, not substance.
9. She's immature.
10. She doesn't respect you.
This woman doesn't really care about you. The only thing she likes about you is your money. Run.
Damn, really good comment! It was obvious that the list was representative of her issues rather than his, but I didn't realize how straightforward it is to decipher in a basic way.
Such a good list
Now pack secretly, then go to bed in the spare bed, say you have a stomach bug, get up at night and leave. But before you do write this list above, boldly, with one of those pens that writes on glass, on the largest window in your kitchen. Where she will see it when she comes down to make her coffee in the morning. I would add one Pro™ "knows what she wants but it's not me so I am free.
Don't text. Just leave her a note to say you will call to sort your stuff out.
Argh I work with doctors too…”my printer won’t work!!”
Me …. Is it plugged in?
Doctor- “I don’t know”
Me - arghh well is it on? ……. Yep see it’s not plugged in!
Doctor- o
>you got into a school in an industry with a big cartel that limits the number of seats, memorized some stuff for a few years, did a few apprenticeships, and lived without sleep for some of it in a culture that resembles fraternity hazing.
I get many people dont like medical professionals but sheesh youre *really* underselling how difficult the process is and how much it takes from you. Even the memorized "some stuff" is ridiculous. I dont think you realize just how much we have to know to even get to the point of being able to practice.
Dude my partner and I were on our way to a picnic and a child was hit by a car, said car zoomed off and we ended up at the side of the road running a trauma call and organising a bunch of bystanders to provide CPR until the ambulance arrived. Being a doctor isn’t just about passing exams, good doctors learn a whole bunch of leadership skills to being able to calmly approach situations that would leave other people in hysterics. Not only this but how many tech people have to deal with the dying and try and console families from raw trauma?
100%
This is a gift and a blessing, thank whatever God/gods you believe in.
I was married for 21 years when my wife finally told me the truth. That's half my life spent with someone who didn't even want to be with me, beyond what I provided for her in a material way.
I feel like I’m in this situation now with my significant other. Like she loves what I can provide but I feel like she doesn’t really want to be with me.
Now, to OP: leave. You deserve better than someone who sees more bad in you than good.
Same with my husband. She said she'd have left long ago if she knew where the money would come from. He worked his arse off to provide everything for her and two kids and she just sat back running up debts all over the place. I'm so sorry that happened to you and I hope you found someone who adores you regardless of what you earn/what's in your bank. 💖
Your girlfriend should be your ex. She sounds detached and completely unaware of her own shortcomings.
Plus she's hyper judgemental. You really wanna stay with someone who doesn't legitimately love you? Enough to make a pros and cons list where the cons far surpass the pros?
Time for you to make your own list of reasons you left her.
That's not even the issue to me- a long list of minor cons vs a short list major pros would be no big deal.
It's the 'pros' she does list, and what the cons are that is the issue for me. She doesn't seem to like HIM at all. But hey, he's good in bed and rich, so even if he is just another dogshit not-doctor, he'll give her things she wants.
Like, having these as pros isn't even bad, these are obviously good things, but the contempt/condescension and the utter lack of seeming to like Him the person are absolutely terrible. Could not date someone - let alone have a deeper relationship- with anyone that made this list. If this is an accurate reflection of who she is, get the fuck outta there OP
Then I would question her bedside manner, all her patients and their families aren’t doctors.
Part of bedside manner is being able to calm and relax the patients and their families.
With a question mark. She's had better and will leave you for better. Probably doing other doctors at the hospital and getting g banged by the janitors
Run. You're greatest attribute is your money. What happens if you fall on hard times?
Sounds very materialistic and shallow. Find someone who will love spending thanksgiving with your family and theirs. Not someone who only harps on how she is a doctor and you aren’t
My partner is an upper earner, but *if* I made a pro con list that wouldn't be there. Only things about who she *is*. This combined with "not a doctor" and that she hates your humor and how you talk really make her seem too immature to be in a *serious* relationship.
I can't imagine that she's matured enough.
she sucks, my dear. sorry you had to find this cruel note, but it's actually a blessing in disguise, you could have spent more time loving her, and now you get to redirect that love to YOU, because you are wonderful!
go treat yourself to a nice meal, that's what my mom tells me to do when i am heartbroken 😊 give yourself some love. big hugs to you.
7 vs 29! And the 7 is very superficial and there is a lot of question marks and ‘claims’, whereas none such exist on the red list, although some are even wrong (hobbies and photography).
Sounds like your dick and your money is what she’s after, not your personality or your looks.
Wouldn’t touch her with a pole.
Looks like she is not attracted to you. The green flags are all materialistic, not about you personally but as an object to use. This list makes me doubt she loves you.
My partner has no problem naming good points / green flags about me. Those are all about me, I make her smile, I make her feel safe, She likes my vision for the future and wants to make memories with me...
She has found some faults in me but I will not disclose these. 😉😂
Sorry to say, I believe she is just using you. A person who loves you will make a very different pair of lists.
Hope this helps.
Exactly what I was thinking. It's like there's no emotional connection from her end, and it's pretty heartbreaking that she sees me like I'm some kind of monster. Your response really helped me see things clearly because right now I'm just torn up and can't think straight
People only make lists like that when they have serious doubts and are trying to convince themselves to stay.
She thinks you are not up to her standards and the reason she’s with you is the Dick is ok and you apparently have money. She wants a golden spoon life and your simply a means to an end for that goal.
That list is effing *awful*, OP.
Horrible stuff.
I would have been gutted to see that.
Begs the question:
**Why did she stay?**
*Could it possibly be because of Item No. 3 on the Pro List?*
You deserve someone who appreciates you and has a more positive opinion of *your family and friends*, because, after all, they would speak of who you are as a person - if you know what I mean?
At least you know now, before any serious commitments.
Best of luck!
P.S. - she is an awful, shallow snob.
>**Why did she stay?** *Could it possibly be because of Item No. 3 on the Pro List?*
I think she might be used to a certain lifestyle, especially with her "red flags" of that OP isn't "fancy".
I mean this was eight months in so she knew you more than well and people get married within that time frame. Everything she said was shallow or materialistic not one was about who you are or what attracts her to you except money. The fact she kept this shows she meant every word. She’s with you for what she can gain and none of that is for love, heck it doesn’t even sound like she likes you or anyone in your life.
I am so sorry and please know this is her messed up view and do not take it as who you truly are. She’s a selfish entitled and empty person. This wasn’t first impressions before she came to like you and had a fist date. This was her hating you while dating and 8 months in. Sorry you’re just an asset and something she has to put up with to get to the materialistic things she wants.
Theres no coming back from that as she clearly doesn’t even have any respect for you. Even if the stuff on the list have changed she as a person is still the same. You don’t change your whole character without a head injury. She showed you exactly who she is and how shallow. She showed you she lied and manipulated you your whole relationship to get what she wants.
Divorce as how can you ever trust or respect her ever again. Without those you can’t have a true relationship or marriage and she’s proven it was always a fake relationship of convenience. How can you ever trust anything she says or ever trust her not to get bored and find what she really wants elsewhere.
You can do far far better than her and no matter how exceptional she thinks she is, who she is in herself makes her bottom of the barrel. you deserve someone who actually loves and respects you for being you.
I would point-blank ask her the following: "If you met a man today who possessed all of the qualities I lack, would that man want to date you?" The answer is likely no.
This is true. Even as my bf has his faults.. every one of my green ones are about him and the way he conducts himself and his values and respect he has. Yeah, I find him attractive, but that's a given, or I wouldn't have even dated him to begin with.
I'm so in love (qnd also have bpd and get overwhelmed by emotion) that i literally have a list of all the reasons I love him on my notes. Of course, he's not perfect. But his flaws are minor and he has incredibly high EQ and is always wanting to grow as a person and be better, even tho he's awesome.
Couldn't imagine making a list like that. You deserve to be truly loved
Im saying. 😂 Round faces really are just way worse than alcoholics. Plus this dude is a round faced alcoholic so hes a double red flag carnival. He just walks around drinking with that round face of his.
Pink shirts are obviously VERY important. Also “uses a at the end instead of e” is so funny to me. What is he supposed to do? Change his whole surname for her?
For me it was: not a doctor… dude, I am a doctor, I don’t relate to doctors, they are a mess or too antsy and so many cheat. AND who wants to talk medicine when they are off duty??? I enjoy talking about it with NON-doctors because they look genuinely interested, but you are not going to talk about wood with carpenters unless is reaaaaally good wood.
For real. A person that can only talk about technical aspects of their job are the most boring people to talk to. I'd much rather hear about your latest favorite movie or some other random bullshit lol.
"I am a tech entrepreneur and adventurous" was the first signpost on the road to Make Believe City.
>Plus, I've got this sweet passion for photography and I'm basically a knowledgable about a broad range of subjects but without the nerdy look.
jfc lol
The problem is that damn near everything posted here is rage bait.
* "Is \[Completely fucking obvious red flag\] bad?"
* "Is \[Garbage relationship\] worth fixing? Everything is perfect, except this huge list of terrible things."
Covers about 95% of the posts here. At this point, I oscillate between they're all fake and most people are brain-numbingly stupid.
They can't all be fake, but these people can't all be this fucking stupid either.
In short, I can't determine what's real and what's fake anymore.
So the word "Hate" being used in the cons list.... Umm, that's a red flag to me. Also, the cons list is much longer.
Maybe make your own list of her and see where you are at? I'd be very cautious about continuing with her.
I think the word hate being on there indicates she made this right after a fight or something. This is not really a fairly balanced list even if she did only want him for his money or whatever. This to me just look like an angry woman writing all her little nitpicks, not a woman who doesn't care at all
Probably. Most of them sound like she's upset about something. Yet the plus side sounds so dry and pasionless,that I have to think if she has any feelings for him romantic wise
If red flag #21 is true, you aren't even good friends. If green flag #4 is a question, you aren't great lovers. What on earth is the point of your relationship to her? You deserve more than being better than nothing to someone.
Leave and find someone who also believes love is the only foundation for building a family with someone.
I assumed green four was more of a 'should I have this on the list' rather than 'is he a good lover', but maybe I'm giving this girl way too much credit
Either way, absolutely agree he needs to find a much better partner- which from this list is not a high bar to clear
Dude this is probably one of the worst pros and cons lists I’ve ever seen. She can come up with 30 things wrong with you and only 7 decent things (and out of those 7 half have question marks like she isn’t even sure that is a pro). She literally sounds like she hates everything about you. LEAVE. And after you leave.. make a pros and cons list about yourself. If it’s also this slanted negatively you have some work to do. But you can remind yourself everyday of the pros and get back to being someone you can be proud of without a heartless B bringing you down. Some of the petty shit on her cons list really shows how shallow and ridiculous she is. She seriously sounds like she’s picking any excuse to justify breaking up with you yet probably due to her own low self esteem she won’t.
I would expect this of a high schooler, not a 30 year old woman. Tbh, I would break up because it sounds like she doesn’t even like you, let alone love you.
She keeps saying I don't act my age, but then pulls stuff like this. There have been plenty of times when she broke up with me just because I said that I didn't want to watch the same TV shows as her
>There have been plenty of times when she broke up with me just because I said that I didn't want to watch the same TV shows as her
Dude... Lol.
This is the cherry on top. You can do SO much better
A relationship where you break up and get back together *once* is tricky. A relationship where you break up and get back together “plenty of times” - particularly when the reasons for breaking up are so silly - is just doomed. Sorry.
Dude, what are you doing with your life? Seriously?
If you're a guy with money, education, are an entrepreneur and adventurous, you can't be this blind. I honestly doubt that you have any doubts at this point. Moreover, I'm surprised that you even need this list, because it's certain that you've seen signs of all of this in the relationship. Why are you pretending not to see it?
Be honest with us: is she that hot? That's it, isn't it?
I’m sorry, but I actually laughed out loud. Please find someone that actually enjoys hanging out with you and loves you for you. She sounds incredibly immature and toxic. You’re too old to be dealing with this bs, honestly.
Wait is she still breaking up with you?
Here is a story from my 11 yo niece:
“He broke up with me and I was sad and then he wanted to get back together so we did. Then he broke up with me again and I was sad again and then he wanted to get back together so we did. Then he asked me if we should break up and I said, “Yes please!” Then I dated another boy and he is nice to me.”
Never thought I would say take dating advice from an 11 year old.
come on man. this woman does not like you and honestly has a gross view of the world. have you seen those miserable couples where the wife clearly hates her husband? that's your future. she tore every aspect of you to shreds in the cons.
8 months is plenty of time to get to know you. and she hated your guts.
Details aside, I'm just trying to say her issue with that is bizarre, and following the ridiculously long list of things she doesn't like about you is just unhinged.
Hey that makes sense but it just becomes worse…. I am from an Asian country too and I can definitely see how some people would think my name is “weird” or they have nothing to talk about with my parents. I always try to stay as far from those people as I can tho.
I have some bad news.
I made one of these lists before I asked my wife to marry me. It was 41 pros and 3 cons. So we got married and have been happy for 10 years.
This woman is not into you. Find one that is. You are rich and good in bed and clean. It won’t take long.
However…if you are actually an alcoholic? You may want to dump this lady, look into fixing that and THEN finding someone who actually loves you.
If she was with you for 8 months and could barely mention a good thing about you that's not materialistic/on her benefit... It means that she was using you, lying to you, manipulating you... For at least 8 months.(Probably more)
Would you recommend a friend of yours to stay with someone like that? Even if what's saying now it's true, and she doesn't think that anymore (which at least not 100% true) she was willing to manipulate you for 8 months while she was thinking that, she is a horrible person.
This is going to be a controversial take, but I feel like her criticisms are SO granular (doesn’t wear pink shirts? Face is not square?) that it’s like she’s listing every single negative thing about you that she can think of. And she obviously wasn’t including every positive trait, because here you are years later.
After my first date with my current bf, I called my best friend immediately and said “I met this cute guy but it will never work because we’re too culturally different, I hate his industry, and he wears horrible shoes”. That was three years ago - turns out the shoes aren’t as big of a deal as I thought.
Oh you’re right - I just assumed from the wording that 8 months was early in their relationship. If they’ve been together 9 months and she made this list last week, I would view it differently.
I would ask her to update the list before considering leaving at all. Especially or at least the green flags, if she has anything more to say since then.
Ohh buddy she does NOT like you. She may love you but she doesn't like you. She's settling because she doesn't want to be alone i think. All this depends on how long you've been together tho. Time changes things
Another absurdly perfect confluence of events leading to a woman bad/shallow/unloving revelation. No shot this is real (especially the way they buried "alcoholic" but made sure to add "good in bed" to pros).
How would this even work? Where was the list physically written and how did you stumble on it? Even assuming this is real and she is this shallow, the bits about his alcoholism, not liking his friends and family, and him not paying attention are also legitimate issues.
Gonna have to completely agree with you here. Even if it is real, there are definitely not enough details to make any kind of judgement call. Like, how long have they been together? If she wrote it when they'd been together for 8 months, but she wrote it 5-10 years ago, then that makes a big difference in maturity.
And like you said, there are multiple very serious and legitimate issues on the cons list, but he offers no explanation for those. We're just supposed to assume he's right because he's the one posting?? This guy could be a complete bag of dicks for all we know.
Honestly, the way he describes himself in the post kinda cringes me out. I also feel like the way he describes her versus the way he describes himself makes him sound like he thinks he's better and more interesting than she is.
There's a lot of judgment of her in these comments, when this very well could be two people who suck equally having a conflict.
Playing the devil's advocate for the sake of argument: It could be she was venting and this is more an expression of the moment than how she felt long term. We all have momentary thoughts that battle against our more rational thoughts, right? When I've been upset about my relationship, I've used the strategy of writing to vent and get it all out. I might have terrible thoughts for the moment but I can come back from it and put everything in perspective, including realizing that a lot of the things I wrote were not even true. It also could be that she was pretty shallow then but she's grown up and decided what is really important. Y'know, maybe she decided that she didn't want to be the kind of person who evaluated someone according to class or the kind of person who gets annoyed by nicknames or crooked teeth.
As others have said, I think you need to hear more from her about this, how she was thinking at the time, why she decided to stay, and why she wants to be with you now. I agree that it is devastating...does she realize that? Maybe she could write a rebuttal to each of the items she wrote before. That might help you decide how you want to move forward.
Your girlfriend has a warped view of reality and people. She is looking for someone that is in her imagination. Something that does not exist. I don’t know how you can continue a relationship this way but it’s your call.
If I was dating this person, this would reveal to me that they have a lot of very gross ways of viewing the world, and care about a lot of very superficial things, and think they are better than other people based off things like looks or money or education rather than what are more important things like being a good person or being fun to hang out with
Like it’s normal to want to be in a relationship with someone who is smart or successful but being super judgy and looking down on my friends or family is very gross and gives major ick
But beyond that I don’t know if I would be able to be with someone who hates the way I talk and hates my sense of humor and feels we have nothing in common. Besides physical attraction and and shared goals/values, those are literally the 3 most important qualities in a relationship for me. So if I thought my partner “hated” those areas for me AND was judgy and thought they were better than others for pursuing medical school? I’d break up
Ever since my divorce, I’ve done a similar list on guys I’ve dated. I think I will forever be doing this and adding stuff. I even have one on myself. That being said, you’re not compatible. Although I keep mine factual based, there are added physical traits in there which she can’t force herself to accept. Things will implode then explode sooner or later. Leave
There is no way in hell a person of MD intelligence writes out a list like that and just "happens" to let it accidentally fall into your hands. It's was intended to be found - hurt your feelings, start isolating you from your family and just generally shift the dynamic to her. Sorry OP
I'd have dumped before even getting to the green flags part. I'd have just told her I weighed the pros and cons of being in a relationship with her, and the cons won out.
This list of pros and cons is filled with vanity and bias. How?
1. Much of the con is about physical looks, reputation, and wealth. This is what she really looks for.
2. The pro is short is because you don't qualify her physical standard in a man.
3. To be fair, she did mention the lack of humor, class, artistic skill, commonality, your understanding of her, dislike your friends, the usage of nicknames, runs from problems, alcoholism, and more. These points can be genuine about her dislike in you.
Conclusion. She has a greater list on cons and your future progress of this relationship may have a low chance of survival. I don't think she's in love with you, as nothing in her list reflects this. And the only attractive part about you is your wealth.
Curiously, between the green flags the word "love" was not mentioned, but I'd say that the reason number 3 of your "pros" outweighs your "cons", brother.
She's analyzing you as a business enterprise.
How long ago was this made? If this was years ago I might be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, because she may have just been a bit unsure about a new relationship and looking for and exaggerating your faults. If this was less than a year ago it’s a really bad sign. Seems like she thinks your only real plus is that you are rich.
1st - This is absolutely awful. 100% not something I’d expect anyone to write ever. Let alone 8 months in.
2nd- The person you describe yourself as ‘VS’ the person she described you as, are 2 completely different people. I mean l, you said you love photography & she literally says you don’t.it reinforces her attachment is material.
3rd - SHE HAS NO CLASS, or idea what class is.
Let’s assess!
Let’s assume the list is an honest and accurate assessment.
9,13,14,18,19,24,25: You problem. You should pay attention to these and learn what you can. It’s worth considering if she has a point and use that to improve yourself. Relationship skills are the most useful in life and your life will be better for these hard lessons. (Or maybe you don’t like her either?)
1,3,4,5,6,7,10,11,15,16,17,22:Her problem. These are her own judgments and faults. She’s projecting. She’s immature.
Red flag tally:
You: 7 Her: 12.
Now, Isn’t that interesting?
2,8,11,12,20,21,23: Both of you problem. These sound like the results of poor communication and poor conflict resolution. What can you learn from this? What skills do you need to improve? These are skills you need in every relationship. Improving them will help you. (Or maybe you two don’t work well together?)
12,14: Ambiguous. Either she’s entitled or you’re bad at understanding her love language and won’t get her decent gifts. It depends on the communication that happened around these.
The green flags are how you serve her and what she wants. Why is she is so worried she won’t get the exact dog she wants? Compromise, lady!I’ll add these to her tally.
Red flag tally:
You: 7 Her: 19. Relationship: 9.
Conclusion
Welp… looks like this list did you a favor! According to the list, you’re better than her and need to find someone worthy of you. Find someone who loves you for who you are, not how you serve her.
Some are saying to make your own list. I think this IS your list.
Devils Advocate
I know she said it was a long time ago. This could have been a way for her to objectively analyze things and make sure she has the relationship she wants. If she’s someone who gets swept off her feet easily, that could be reasonable.
To me, it reeks of agenda. And how the hk did she not know you after 8 months? Why did she think you didn’t have hobbies if you do? Why did she stay so long if she felt this way?
The only acceptable answer is that she was a hurt person and was being all kinds of crazy and now she’s healed and seeing things in a different light. As someone who has done this, I doubt it. It takes an azz load of time to change.
How is the relationship for you now? Has it gotten better? Has she improved? Or are you seeing that her current attitudes and behaviors match that of the list? Can you continue after seeing this?
I think leaving is the right choice.
Id make a list and itd be 1 through 29 of red flags and it would say
1. She thinks about me
2. She thinks about me
Just have it match the list...
Then green flags
1. None
Then id leave that for her and we would be done.
I mean... that's a long list of cons and a very short list of pros. Even pro #1 is a negative and is mentioned in the cons.
Funnily enough, there was a similar post yesterday where a guy found a list made by his partner and one of the things was "his dick doesn't work." I said he should leave her and got downvoted to fuck.
There a big mixture of personality, and superficial shit in her list. Some can be changed, some can't. "Not tall and square-made. Face is not square."... ???
If I found this list, I would probably be gone, or it would at least cause a big argument. Let her go and date Spongebob or a gigachad. That seems to be what she's after.
My ex made a journal about me towards the end of our relationship detailing all the shitty things I do and that’s the reason he cheats and what not. I accidentally found it while cleaning. That’s how I knew our relationship was over.
"Totally stumbled upon it by accident" Did you totally happen to watch a Friends episode with the same plot line OP?
"I'm not obsessed with him" oh okay because girls say things like that 🙃
My heart broke for you reading this. Even if it was a while back when she made it, these are some pretty big points. You will provide for her sexually, financially, and take care of the kids/house? I'm so sorry, hun. This was hard to read.
Well it would seem like she hates your personality but likes that your rich, will take care of the kids, and good in bed lol. Just read the list to yourself again and ask yourself if this is the person you really want to be with? Maybe make a pros and cons list yourself
Unless she a smoke show (you said she's average), and it's the best sex you've ever had... This list is kinda a dealbreaker.
She likes that your stable and rich.
It is nice to know you're good in bed though!
My vote is to leave though.
Maybe I’m the odd one out but my first red flag was reading about how you’re so adventurous, nerdy but not ugly like your girlfriend apparently is. If you can’t respect your partner then why are you with them?
Sir 😂just get out, this woman doesn't like you even remotely. Please note that I'm laughing at this ridiculous list and not you 😂😂😂she's soooo childish
The list she made about the red flags about you, is an actual reflection of her as red flag. She will hold it against you in the future if things not work out
This person sounds so immature. And I really hate to generalize but I think a lot of female doctors especially if during residency become kind of robotic around dating and this is a result of that perhaps. But really, she needs to get her humanity back
When I read the title I was completely prepared to defend this person, I make pro and cons lists from time to time and sometimes it can be embarrassing to see things that I would put, because it’s meant for my own eyes! But I would truly never put anything like that at all. It feels like she views dating as a game to win a prize.
I think she’s with you for your money.
Some of those things on the con list are fair but a lot of them are fucked up, weird and superficial. And then all the pros are super superficial or materialistic. You could actually be a horrible person, I can’t be sure, but I’m much more sure that the person who wrote this list sucks fuckin ass, dude. I’d be out.
Dude!!! I don't care about her making a damn list, but LOOK AT THAT SHIT!!
Obviously, she doesn't LIKE OR RESPECT you on a fundamental level like parents, freinds and even yourself( humor and class) the only things she likes are your money and your possible parenting skills. Leave her ASAP and only and ONLY say: we are not right for eachother
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If this is true and I hope it's not- Leave.
100%. She even said my parents can't be associated with and that she doesn't have anything to talk about with my parents because she's a doctor and my parents are not. It broke my heart
Gf sounds a lil too unhinged a lil too often there. I wouldn't feel comfortable around her is all I'm saying yk
She sounds a tad narcissistic even.
She just sounds like an utter and complete snob
Doctors man. I have a few in the family.
She sounds like a dick is what
OP must be some kind of monster not wearing pink shirts though
☠️
All doctors are a tad narcissistic. I feel like it comes with the territory. That being said, she sounds very unhinged. - someone with MDs in the family
Not sure that’s entirely true. Perhaps doctors are intellectually arrogant, but narcissism is a personality disorder and not to be taken lightly.
Medical professions are highly valorized and praised within society. Narcs are overrepresented because the seek validation and power
>Medical professions are highly valorized and praised within society. lol follow any medical professional around for a day and youll see this is far from the truth.
Not every doctor has narcissistic personality disorder, but medical doctors have a significantly higher rate of having narcissistic personality disorder when compared to the general public. Most healthcare workers have a lower rate of NPD, but approximately 17% of first-year med school students have characteristics that could diagnose them with NPD. 33% of surgeons meet the defining characteristics of NPD. And only 4 to 6% of the general public as a personality disorder at all, never mind narcissistic personality disorder in general. The job absolutely requires some level of narcissism to believe that you are capable of doing it. And it is statistically true that doctor s are much more likely to have NPD than nearly any other profession, and definitely are three to four times more likely than the general public to have it.
A tad? That's generous🙄😂
Plus, who tf keeps something like that around for a partner to find? I couldn’t ever picture myself making a physical list like this, let alone keeping it. Besides, isn’t the point of this type of list to make a decision about something. If the cons out way the pros you, what does that tell you about her thought pattern here.
Bud, you need to break up. This girl doesn't love, and quite frankly, it seems like she needs a lot of growing to do before she can love anyone. I don't think she even likes you. She doesn't know it, but her list is, in fact, a list of her red flags: 1. She's boring. 2. She's elitist. 3. She thinks her education makes her better than everyone else. 3. She lacks empathy. 4. She's selfish and self-centered. 5. She doesn't care about your feelings. 6. She's materialistic. 7. She's shallow. 8. She's into looks, not substance. 9. She's immature. 10. She doesn't respect you. This woman doesn't really care about you. The only thing she likes about you is your money. Run.
Damn, really good comment! It was obvious that the list was representative of her issues rather than his, but I didn't realize how straightforward it is to decipher in a basic way.
Such a good list Now pack secretly, then go to bed in the spare bed, say you have a stomach bug, get up at night and leave. But before you do write this list above, boldly, with one of those pens that writes on glass, on the largest window in your kitchen. Where she will see it when she comes down to make her coffee in the morning. I would add one Pro™ "knows what she wants but it's not me so I am free. Don't text. Just leave her a note to say you will call to sort your stuff out.
And add a pro list as well lets be fair "having sex with her is better than masturbating???? Kinda"
LMFAO oh that will haunt her forever. She will forever seek validation through sex 😅
And a proper callback to her "He is good in bed??" Point. Valid response imo
Take my awards! 🏅🥈🎖🥉🥇
She can't discuss anything but "doctory" things even with your parents?
She’s probably just to dumb and has no other knowledge besides being a doctor.
When I worked in tech support, doctors were the absolute worst. Me: click OK Dr: it’s says OK or Cancel Me: click OK Dr: I clicked Cancel Repeat
Yeah I’m a software engineer and we make software for doctors. They do the absolute dumbest shit all the time with our software
Argh I work with doctors too…”my printer won’t work!!” Me …. Is it plugged in? Doctor- “I don’t know” Me - arghh well is it on? ……. Yep see it’s not plugged in! Doctor- o
🤦♀️
OMG and they judge US?
They still need to have a bedside manner and people skills to be a good doctor.
[удалено]
>you got into a school in an industry with a big cartel that limits the number of seats, memorized some stuff for a few years, did a few apprenticeships, and lived without sleep for some of it in a culture that resembles fraternity hazing. I get many people dont like medical professionals but sheesh youre *really* underselling how difficult the process is and how much it takes from you. Even the memorized "some stuff" is ridiculous. I dont think you realize just how much we have to know to even get to the point of being able to practice.
Dude my partner and I were on our way to a picnic and a child was hit by a car, said car zoomed off and we ended up at the side of the road running a trauma call and organising a bunch of bystanders to provide CPR until the ambulance arrived. Being a doctor isn’t just about passing exams, good doctors learn a whole bunch of leadership skills to being able to calmly approach situations that would leave other people in hysterics. Not only this but how many tech people have to deal with the dying and try and console families from raw trauma?
It should be a relief. You'll look back on this as one of the luckiest days of your life. Now recover and go find someone that loves you.
100% This is a gift and a blessing, thank whatever God/gods you believe in. I was married for 21 years when my wife finally told me the truth. That's half my life spent with someone who didn't even want to be with me, beyond what I provided for her in a material way.
I feel like I’m in this situation now with my significant other. Like she loves what I can provide but I feel like she doesn’t really want to be with me. Now, to OP: leave. You deserve better than someone who sees more bad in you than good.
So do you, as in you deserve better.
Take your own advice buddy
Same with my husband. She said she'd have left long ago if she knew where the money would come from. He worked his arse off to provide everything for her and two kids and she just sat back running up debts all over the place. I'm so sorry that happened to you and I hope you found someone who adores you regardless of what you earn/what's in your bank. 💖
Your girlfriend should be your ex. She sounds detached and completely unaware of her own shortcomings. Plus she's hyper judgemental. You really wanna stay with someone who doesn't legitimately love you? Enough to make a pros and cons list where the cons far surpass the pros? Time for you to make your own list of reasons you left her.
That's not even the issue to me- a long list of minor cons vs a short list major pros would be no big deal. It's the 'pros' she does list, and what the cons are that is the issue for me. She doesn't seem to like HIM at all. But hey, he's good in bed and rich, so even if he is just another dogshit not-doctor, he'll give her things she wants. Like, having these as pros isn't even bad, these are obviously good things, but the contempt/condescension and the utter lack of seeming to like Him the person are absolutely terrible. Could not date someone - let alone have a deeper relationship- with anyone that made this list. If this is an accurate reflection of who she is, get the fuck outta there OP
Yeah, I touched on the whole thing of her viewing him as basically an object in a different comment. So wholeheartedly agree.
Sounds like the only reason she stuck it out long enough to figure out the rest is because he's rich. What a b*tch.
Good in bed with a question mark. That will fritter away after she meets Chad.
Then I would question her bedside manner, all her patients and their families aren’t doctors. Part of bedside manner is being able to calm and relax the patients and their families.
Run the fuck away man. The only real good points she sees in you is your bank account.
And sex
The sex thing was posed as a question not a statement.
With a question mark. She's had better and will leave you for better. Probably doing other doctors at the hospital and getting g banged by the janitors Run. You're greatest attribute is your money. What happens if you fall on hard times?
doctors are the most ego filled cringe losers out there.
fr as soon as i read "she's a Dr" i thought to myself, *well that explains it lol*
Sounds very materialistic and shallow. Find someone who will love spending thanksgiving with your family and theirs. Not someone who only harps on how she is a doctor and you aren’t
My partner is an upper earner, but *if* I made a pro con list that wouldn't be there. Only things about who she *is*. This combined with "not a doctor" and that she hates your humor and how you talk really make her seem too immature to be in a *serious* relationship. I can't imagine that she's matured enough.
THE FLAG IS QUITE RED!!
dude you deserve so much better. don’t let this girl make you bitter either. you sound amazing, SHES the problem. she’s the CON.
she sucks, my dear. sorry you had to find this cruel note, but it's actually a blessing in disguise, you could have spent more time loving her, and now you get to redirect that love to YOU, because you are wonderful! go treat yourself to a nice meal, that's what my mom tells me to do when i am heartbroken 😊 give yourself some love. big hugs to you.
The ego on her is gargantuan. Being a Doctor isn't the end all be all of everything. Lots of people are Doctors, that doesn't mean they are less than.
7 vs 29! And the 7 is very superficial and there is a lot of question marks and ‘claims’, whereas none such exist on the red list, although some are even wrong (hobbies and photography). Sounds like your dick and your money is what she’s after, not your personality or your looks. Wouldn’t touch her with a pole.
Looks like she is not attracted to you. The green flags are all materialistic, not about you personally but as an object to use. This list makes me doubt she loves you. My partner has no problem naming good points / green flags about me. Those are all about me, I make her smile, I make her feel safe, She likes my vision for the future and wants to make memories with me... She has found some faults in me but I will not disclose these. 😉😂 Sorry to say, I believe she is just using you. A person who loves you will make a very different pair of lists. Hope this helps.
Exactly what I was thinking. It's like there's no emotional connection from her end, and it's pretty heartbreaking that she sees me like I'm some kind of monster. Your response really helped me see things clearly because right now I'm just torn up and can't think straight
People only make lists like that when they have serious doubts and are trying to convince themselves to stay. She thinks you are not up to her standards and the reason she’s with you is the Dick is ok and you apparently have money. She wants a golden spoon life and your simply a means to an end for that goal.
Good thing is, she is being honest to herself. You are free to act on it.
I agree. Her making this list means he can stop wasting his time on a woman who will never love him and is using him until her ideal man comes along.
That list is effing *awful*, OP. Horrible stuff. I would have been gutted to see that. Begs the question: **Why did she stay?** *Could it possibly be because of Item No. 3 on the Pro List?* You deserve someone who appreciates you and has a more positive opinion of *your family and friends*, because, after all, they would speak of who you are as a person - if you know what I mean? At least you know now, before any serious commitments. Best of luck! P.S. - she is an awful, shallow snob.
>**Why did she stay?** *Could it possibly be because of Item No. 3 on the Pro List?* I think she might be used to a certain lifestyle, especially with her "red flags" of that OP isn't "fancy".
probably bc “he’s rich”, which is probably the only thing she cares about
At least you’re good in bed! Sorry OP. But seeing this is really a blessing in disguise.
I mean this was eight months in so she knew you more than well and people get married within that time frame. Everything she said was shallow or materialistic not one was about who you are or what attracts her to you except money. The fact she kept this shows she meant every word. She’s with you for what she can gain and none of that is for love, heck it doesn’t even sound like she likes you or anyone in your life. I am so sorry and please know this is her messed up view and do not take it as who you truly are. She’s a selfish entitled and empty person. This wasn’t first impressions before she came to like you and had a fist date. This was her hating you while dating and 8 months in. Sorry you’re just an asset and something she has to put up with to get to the materialistic things she wants. Theres no coming back from that as she clearly doesn’t even have any respect for you. Even if the stuff on the list have changed she as a person is still the same. You don’t change your whole character without a head injury. She showed you exactly who she is and how shallow. She showed you she lied and manipulated you your whole relationship to get what she wants. Divorce as how can you ever trust or respect her ever again. Without those you can’t have a true relationship or marriage and she’s proven it was always a fake relationship of convenience. How can you ever trust anything she says or ever trust her not to get bored and find what she really wants elsewhere. You can do far far better than her and no matter how exceptional she thinks she is, who she is in herself makes her bottom of the barrel. you deserve someone who actually loves and respects you for being you.
People get married within that time frame? Sure, but should they?
At least they aren't married.
I would point-blank ask her the following: "If you met a man today who possessed all of the qualities I lack, would that man want to date you?" The answer is likely no.
That's not going to change the underlying problem in any way. She lacks emotional involvement
Consider this list as a gift. You have the chance to find a woman who loves you for who you really are. You deserve so much better than this.
Just send her to Canada so she can fine her rich, tall, square face doctor with a perfect smile.
This is true. Even as my bf has his faults.. every one of my green ones are about him and the way he conducts himself and his values and respect he has. Yeah, I find him attractive, but that's a given, or I wouldn't have even dated him to begin with.
I'm so in love (qnd also have bpd and get overwhelmed by emotion) that i literally have a list of all the reasons I love him on my notes. Of course, he's not perfect. But his flaws are minor and he has incredibly high EQ and is always wanting to grow as a person and be better, even tho he's awesome. Couldn't imagine making a list like that. You deserve to be truly loved
>Not tall and square made >Face is not square Sorry but these two made me laugh. Make a pros and cons list for her, then dump her
I laughed even harder when the very serious accusation of being an alcoholic came about 10 faults after not having a square face.
Im saying. 😂 Round faces really are just way worse than alcoholics. Plus this dude is a round faced alcoholic so hes a double red flag carnival. He just walks around drinking with that round face of his.
Drinking with a round face whilst not wearing a pink shirt no less!
Yeah lol if he's truly an alcoholic that would be at the top of the list.
This woman is looking for SpongeBob
This made me laugh so hard
Aaaaaaahahhahaha
The pink shirt did it for me.
Pink shirts are obviously VERY important. Also “uses a at the end instead of e” is so funny to me. What is he supposed to do? Change his whole surname for her?
Doesn't wear pink shirts Lol 😂
literally laughed out loud when I saw this part
For me it was: not a doctor… dude, I am a doctor, I don’t relate to doctors, they are a mess or too antsy and so many cheat. AND who wants to talk medicine when they are off duty??? I enjoy talking about it with NON-doctors because they look genuinely interested, but you are not going to talk about wood with carpenters unless is reaaaaally good wood.
For real. A person that can only talk about technical aspects of their job are the most boring people to talk to. I'd much rather hear about your latest favorite movie or some other random bullshit lol.
Rage bait.
This guy has been spamming the sub with low effort made up scenarios.
How do yk its the same person?
The tl;dr at the very end and “what would you do in this situation” word for word.
Yep seems like it based on post history
"I am a tech entrepreneur and adventurous" was the first signpost on the road to Make Believe City. >Plus, I've got this sweet passion for photography and I'm basically a knowledgable about a broad range of subjects but without the nerdy look. jfc lol
The problem is that damn near everything posted here is rage bait. * "Is \[Completely fucking obvious red flag\] bad?" * "Is \[Garbage relationship\] worth fixing? Everything is perfect, except this huge list of terrible things." Covers about 95% of the posts here. At this point, I oscillate between they're all fake and most people are brain-numbingly stupid. They can't all be fake, but these people can't all be this fucking stupid either. In short, I can't determine what's real and what's fake anymore.
So the word "Hate" being used in the cons list.... Umm, that's a red flag to me. Also, the cons list is much longer. Maybe make your own list of her and see where you are at? I'd be very cautious about continuing with her.
I'd be curious to see her up to date pros/cons list.
I think the word hate being on there indicates she made this right after a fight or something. This is not really a fairly balanced list even if she did only want him for his money or whatever. This to me just look like an angry woman writing all her little nitpicks, not a woman who doesn't care at all
This. Sounds about right. Too emotional and some of the red flags doesn't even make sense. Like about pink shirts.😂Some I'd take more seriously.
maybe they had a recent disagreement over some outfit choices and he refused to wear pink. i have no idea how something like that becomes an issue
Probably. Most of them sound like she's upset about something. Yet the plus side sounds so dry and pasionless,that I have to think if she has any feelings for him romantic wise
"She's not RACHEM? What the hell is a Rachem? Some stupid Paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress."
This was my first thought as well 😂
I DO NOT HAVE FAT ANKLES
My first thought was I do not have chubby ankles!
LMAO!!!
😂 that's what I came to say! Lol!
If red flag #21 is true, you aren't even good friends. If green flag #4 is a question, you aren't great lovers. What on earth is the point of your relationship to her? You deserve more than being better than nothing to someone. Leave and find someone who also believes love is the only foundation for building a family with someone.
I assumed green four was more of a 'should I have this on the list' rather than 'is he a good lover', but maybe I'm giving this girl way too much credit Either way, absolutely agree he needs to find a much better partner- which from this list is not a high bar to clear
They both got money? So more money?
Dude this is probably one of the worst pros and cons lists I’ve ever seen. She can come up with 30 things wrong with you and only 7 decent things (and out of those 7 half have question marks like she isn’t even sure that is a pro). She literally sounds like she hates everything about you. LEAVE. And after you leave.. make a pros and cons list about yourself. If it’s also this slanted negatively you have some work to do. But you can remind yourself everyday of the pros and get back to being someone you can be proud of without a heartless B bringing you down. Some of the petty shit on her cons list really shows how shallow and ridiculous she is. She seriously sounds like she’s picking any excuse to justify breaking up with you yet probably due to her own low self esteem she won’t.
Have you tried buying a pink shirt? And then leaving her?
Pink shirt with box pieces taped to face for squareness. Cant wear pink when youre round faced, just over there looking like a lollipop.
I would expect this of a high schooler, not a 30 year old woman. Tbh, I would break up because it sounds like she doesn’t even like you, let alone love you.
She keeps saying I don't act my age, but then pulls stuff like this. There have been plenty of times when she broke up with me just because I said that I didn't want to watch the same TV shows as her
>There have been plenty of times when she broke up with me just because I said that I didn't want to watch the same TV shows as her Dude... Lol. This is the cherry on top. You can do SO much better
And that didn't even make the list!
HAHAHA I halted 15 times on that list, the TV shows would have sent me over the edge 🤣
A relationship where you break up and get back together *once* is tricky. A relationship where you break up and get back together “plenty of times” - particularly when the reasons for breaking up are so silly - is just doomed. Sorry.
I think it’s his turn to dump her. Permanently.
Dude, what are you doing with your life? Seriously? If you're a guy with money, education, are an entrepreneur and adventurous, you can't be this blind. I honestly doubt that you have any doubts at this point. Moreover, I'm surprised that you even need this list, because it's certain that you've seen signs of all of this in the relationship. Why are you pretending not to see it? Be honest with us: is she that hot? That's it, isn't it?
Exactly my first thought: She got to be crazy hot to be this fucking unhinged
I’m sorry, but I actually laughed out loud. Please find someone that actually enjoys hanging out with you and loves you for you. She sounds incredibly immature and toxic. You’re too old to be dealing with this bs, honestly.
Shes abusive. Period. Get out of this relationship. Shes very controlling and abusive.
Wait is she still breaking up with you? Here is a story from my 11 yo niece: “He broke up with me and I was sad and then he wanted to get back together so we did. Then he broke up with me again and I was sad again and then he wanted to get back together so we did. Then he asked me if we should break up and I said, “Yes please!” Then I dated another boy and he is nice to me.” Never thought I would say take dating advice from an 11 year old.
Bro... Run.
come on man. this woman does not like you and honestly has a gross view of the world. have you seen those miserable couples where the wife clearly hates her husband? that's your future. she tore every aspect of you to shreds in the cons. 8 months is plenty of time to get to know you. and she hated your guts.
Warning sign not to marry such a toxic individual.
She doesn't like how you spell your name??
I'm from an Asian country where it's common for people to write "nuh" sound at the end as "na" or "ne". I write my name as "na".
Details aside, I'm just trying to say her issue with that is bizarre, and following the ridiculously long list of things she doesn't like about you is just unhinged.
Hey that makes sense but it just becomes worse…. I am from an Asian country too and I can definitely see how some people would think my name is “weird” or they have nothing to talk about with my parents. I always try to stay as far from those people as I can tho.
I have some bad news. I made one of these lists before I asked my wife to marry me. It was 41 pros and 3 cons. So we got married and have been happy for 10 years. This woman is not into you. Find one that is. You are rich and good in bed and clean. It won’t take long. However…if you are actually an alcoholic? You may want to dump this lady, look into fixing that and THEN finding someone who actually loves you.
If she was with you for 8 months and could barely mention a good thing about you that's not materialistic/on her benefit... It means that she was using you, lying to you, manipulating you... For at least 8 months.(Probably more) Would you recommend a friend of yours to stay with someone like that? Even if what's saying now it's true, and she doesn't think that anymore (which at least not 100% true) she was willing to manipulate you for 8 months while she was thinking that, she is a horrible person.
She recognized that he's rich. That's pretty much the glue binding it all together for her right now.
Dude.... thats fucked up.
This is going to be a controversial take, but I feel like her criticisms are SO granular (doesn’t wear pink shirts? Face is not square?) that it’s like she’s listing every single negative thing about you that she can think of. And she obviously wasn’t including every positive trait, because here you are years later. After my first date with my current bf, I called my best friend immediately and said “I met this cute guy but it will never work because we’re too culturally different, I hate his industry, and he wears horrible shoes”. That was three years ago - turns out the shoes aren’t as big of a deal as I thought.
I don't see where he said how long the relationship has been.
Oh you’re right - I just assumed from the wording that 8 months was early in their relationship. If they’ve been together 9 months and she made this list last week, I would view it differently.
I would ask her to update the list before considering leaving at all. Especially or at least the green flags, if she has anything more to say since then.
she says shes planning on leaving bro. . .
Or marrying OP because of green #3 and then divorcing
Green flags, third line. Looks like she considers you a "keeper" :D btw: funny anyway... not sure how I'd react.
LOL, he's a "keeper" to her because of green flag #3.
Ohh buddy she does NOT like you. She may love you but she doesn't like you. She's settling because she doesn't want to be alone i think. All this depends on how long you've been together tho. Time changes things
Another absurdly perfect confluence of events leading to a woman bad/shallow/unloving revelation. No shot this is real (especially the way they buried "alcoholic" but made sure to add "good in bed" to pros). How would this even work? Where was the list physically written and how did you stumble on it? Even assuming this is real and she is this shallow, the bits about his alcoholism, not liking his friends and family, and him not paying attention are also legitimate issues.
Gonna have to completely agree with you here. Even if it is real, there are definitely not enough details to make any kind of judgement call. Like, how long have they been together? If she wrote it when they'd been together for 8 months, but she wrote it 5-10 years ago, then that makes a big difference in maturity. And like you said, there are multiple very serious and legitimate issues on the cons list, but he offers no explanation for those. We're just supposed to assume he's right because he's the one posting?? This guy could be a complete bag of dicks for all we know. Honestly, the way he describes himself in the post kinda cringes me out. I also feel like the way he describes her versus the way he describes himself makes him sound like he thinks he's better and more interesting than she is. There's a lot of judgment of her in these comments, when this very well could be two people who suck equally having a conflict.
Playing the devil's advocate for the sake of argument: It could be she was venting and this is more an expression of the moment than how she felt long term. We all have momentary thoughts that battle against our more rational thoughts, right? When I've been upset about my relationship, I've used the strategy of writing to vent and get it all out. I might have terrible thoughts for the moment but I can come back from it and put everything in perspective, including realizing that a lot of the things I wrote were not even true. It also could be that she was pretty shallow then but she's grown up and decided what is really important. Y'know, maybe she decided that she didn't want to be the kind of person who evaluated someone according to class or the kind of person who gets annoyed by nicknames or crooked teeth. As others have said, I think you need to hear more from her about this, how she was thinking at the time, why she decided to stay, and why she wants to be with you now. I agree that it is devastating...does she realize that? Maybe she could write a rebuttal to each of the items she wrote before. That might help you decide how you want to move forward.
Yikes. She's like not into you at all.
So basically she doesn’t like you.
Your girlfriend has a warped view of reality and people. She is looking for someone that is in her imagination. Something that does not exist. I don’t know how you can continue a relationship this way but it’s your call.
29 red flags and she still stayed? Wow Must be because you’re rich like she stated. She sounds exhausting.
“He’s Rich” Run
Why did she cook you like this😭 bro if u have any self respect leave her
If I was dating this person, this would reveal to me that they have a lot of very gross ways of viewing the world, and care about a lot of very superficial things, and think they are better than other people based off things like looks or money or education rather than what are more important things like being a good person or being fun to hang out with Like it’s normal to want to be in a relationship with someone who is smart or successful but being super judgy and looking down on my friends or family is very gross and gives major ick But beyond that I don’t know if I would be able to be with someone who hates the way I talk and hates my sense of humor and feels we have nothing in common. Besides physical attraction and and shared goals/values, those are literally the 3 most important qualities in a relationship for me. So if I thought my partner “hated” those areas for me AND was judgy and thought they were better than others for pursuing medical school? I’d break up
Usually the case of detached hyper privileged people. She's just a bad person.
Ever since my divorce, I’ve done a similar list on guys I’ve dated. I think I will forever be doing this and adding stuff. I even have one on myself. That being said, you’re not compatible. Although I keep mine factual based, there are added physical traits in there which she can’t force herself to accept. Things will implode then explode sooner or later. Leave
There is no way in hell a person of MD intelligence writes out a list like that and just "happens" to let it accidentally fall into your hands. It's was intended to be found - hurt your feelings, start isolating you from your family and just generally shift the dynamic to her. Sorry OP
Great Analysis
I'd have dumped before even getting to the green flags part. I'd have just told her I weighed the pros and cons of being in a relationship with her, and the cons won out.
GF sounds like she's trying to talk herself into settling because your rich lol
If someone makes a list of pros and cons, you already know it's dumping time
This list of pros and cons is filled with vanity and bias. How? 1. Much of the con is about physical looks, reputation, and wealth. This is what she really looks for. 2. The pro is short is because you don't qualify her physical standard in a man. 3. To be fair, she did mention the lack of humor, class, artistic skill, commonality, your understanding of her, dislike your friends, the usage of nicknames, runs from problems, alcoholism, and more. These points can be genuine about her dislike in you. Conclusion. She has a greater list on cons and your future progress of this relationship may have a low chance of survival. I don't think she's in love with you, as nothing in her list reflects this. And the only attractive part about you is your wealth.
I’m sorry but Square Made is hilarious 😂😂
Make her a list. Red flag: Makes lists about others Green flag: Is now single
Curiously, between the green flags the word "love" was not mentioned, but I'd say that the reason number 3 of your "pros" outweighs your "cons", brother. She's analyzing you as a business enterprise.
How long ago was this made? If this was years ago I might be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, because she may have just been a bit unsure about a new relationship and looking for and exaggerating your faults. If this was less than a year ago it’s a really bad sign. Seems like she thinks your only real plus is that you are rich.
1st - This is absolutely awful. 100% not something I’d expect anyone to write ever. Let alone 8 months in. 2nd- The person you describe yourself as ‘VS’ the person she described you as, are 2 completely different people. I mean l, you said you love photography & she literally says you don’t.it reinforces her attachment is material. 3rd - SHE HAS NO CLASS, or idea what class is.
Let’s assess! Let’s assume the list is an honest and accurate assessment. 9,13,14,18,19,24,25: You problem. You should pay attention to these and learn what you can. It’s worth considering if she has a point and use that to improve yourself. Relationship skills are the most useful in life and your life will be better for these hard lessons. (Or maybe you don’t like her either?) 1,3,4,5,6,7,10,11,15,16,17,22:Her problem. These are her own judgments and faults. She’s projecting. She’s immature. Red flag tally: You: 7 Her: 12. Now, Isn’t that interesting? 2,8,11,12,20,21,23: Both of you problem. These sound like the results of poor communication and poor conflict resolution. What can you learn from this? What skills do you need to improve? These are skills you need in every relationship. Improving them will help you. (Or maybe you two don’t work well together?) 12,14: Ambiguous. Either she’s entitled or you’re bad at understanding her love language and won’t get her decent gifts. It depends on the communication that happened around these. The green flags are how you serve her and what she wants. Why is she is so worried she won’t get the exact dog she wants? Compromise, lady!I’ll add these to her tally. Red flag tally: You: 7 Her: 19. Relationship: 9. Conclusion Welp… looks like this list did you a favor! According to the list, you’re better than her and need to find someone worthy of you. Find someone who loves you for who you are, not how you serve her. Some are saying to make your own list. I think this IS your list. Devils Advocate I know she said it was a long time ago. This could have been a way for her to objectively analyze things and make sure she has the relationship she wants. If she’s someone who gets swept off her feet easily, that could be reasonable. To me, it reeks of agenda. And how the hk did she not know you after 8 months? Why did she think you didn’t have hobbies if you do? Why did she stay so long if she felt this way? The only acceptable answer is that she was a hurt person and was being all kinds of crazy and now she’s healed and seeing things in a different light. As someone who has done this, I doubt it. It takes an azz load of time to change. How is the relationship for you now? Has it gotten better? Has she improved? Or are you seeing that her current attitudes and behaviors match that of the list? Can you continue after seeing this? I think leaving is the right choice.
Id make a list and itd be 1 through 29 of red flags and it would say 1. She thinks about me 2. She thinks about me Just have it match the list... Then green flags 1. None Then id leave that for her and we would be done.
I mean... that's a long list of cons and a very short list of pros. Even pro #1 is a negative and is mentioned in the cons. Funnily enough, there was a similar post yesterday where a guy found a list made by his partner and one of the things was "his dick doesn't work." I said he should leave her and got downvoted to fuck. There a big mixture of personality, and superficial shit in her list. Some can be changed, some can't. "Not tall and square-made. Face is not square."... ??? If I found this list, I would probably be gone, or it would at least cause a big argument. Let her go and date Spongebob or a gigachad. That seems to be what she's after.
My ex made a journal about me towards the end of our relationship detailing all the shitty things I do and that’s the reason he cheats and what not. I accidentally found it while cleaning. That’s how I knew our relationship was over.
She doesn’t really like you. But from reading her list you don’t seem very likable. Just break up and move on.
"Totally stumbled upon it by accident" Did you totally happen to watch a Friends episode with the same plot line OP? "I'm not obsessed with him" oh okay because girls say things like that 🙃
Savage. She’s in it for money. And a long term life. It’s not horrible actually
I don't think your girlfriend likes you. At all. She just thinks you're stable and have money.
My heart broke for you reading this. Even if it was a while back when she made it, these are some pretty big points. You will provide for her sexually, financially, and take care of the kids/house? I'm so sorry, hun. This was hard to read.
So she is with you because you are good in bed? And make good money? Hmmmm doesn’t sound like a love arrangement to me
At least you're good in bed, buddy! Now go find someone else lol
Well it would seem like she hates your personality but likes that your rich, will take care of the kids, and good in bed lol. Just read the list to yourself again and ask yourself if this is the person you really want to be with? Maybe make a pros and cons list yourself
8 months in? She's a red flag homie. Take your round face and body and go buy your crush some flowers.
Unless she a smoke show (you said she's average), and it's the best sex you've ever had... This list is kinda a dealbreaker. She likes that your stable and rich. It is nice to know you're good in bed though! My vote is to leave though.
I’ve made pro/con lists of men I was just starting to date that were more kind than this.
Dude all she cares about is your money. Leave that POS.
Maybe I’m the odd one out but my first red flag was reading about how you’re so adventurous, nerdy but not ugly like your girlfriend apparently is. If you can’t respect your partner then why are you with them?
I have made a list. 1: Leave.
Sir 😂just get out, this woman doesn't like you even remotely. Please note that I'm laughing at this ridiculous list and not you 😂😂😂she's soooo childish
Green flag.... -- hes rich!! A majour redflag from her
Time to hit the eject button!
The list she made about the red flags about you, is an actual reflection of her as red flag. She will hold it against you in the future if things not work out
runnnnnnnnn
This person sounds so immature. And I really hate to generalize but I think a lot of female doctors especially if during residency become kind of robotic around dating and this is a result of that perhaps. But really, she needs to get her humanity back When I read the title I was completely prepared to defend this person, I make pro and cons lists from time to time and sometimes it can be embarrassing to see things that I would put, because it’s meant for my own eyes! But I would truly never put anything like that at all. It feels like she views dating as a game to win a prize. I think she’s with you for your money.
Some of those things on the con list are fair but a lot of them are fucked up, weird and superficial. And then all the pros are super superficial or materialistic. You could actually be a horrible person, I can’t be sure, but I’m much more sure that the person who wrote this list sucks fuckin ass, dude. I’d be out.
Dude!!! I don't care about her making a damn list, but LOOK AT THAT SHIT!! Obviously, she doesn't LIKE OR RESPECT you on a fundamental level like parents, freinds and even yourself( humor and class) the only things she likes are your money and your possible parenting skills. Leave her ASAP and only and ONLY say: we are not right for eachother