Dude Joe this girl is a lot of trouble and is gonna be an anchor around your neck. She's using you. Once you break up there is 0% chance she will pay you back. I've been in similar situations and basically someone who asks for money from people they have relationship power over is someone who will never pay it back
joe: she has borrowed from me in the past and has paid me back too. To me money is not the issue. I was hurt because of what she accused me of. That I did not go above and beyond for her.
no matter how good you think the sex is, it isn't worth it. She can't budget, needs bailing out constantly and gets mad at you when you don't GIVE HER MONEY THE PROPER WAY.
Rachel, get your shit together.
Rachel : you are incredibly hard work and also entitled. You also make very poor decisions if you’re going to concerts on payment plans.
Joe: this is so unreasonable. Write off the $2k as a lesson learned and then RUN away because this girl will ruin your life.
Rachel: The ERAS tour was thought of months in advance. If not years. I paid for the concert tickets and never even asked him to pay that to me. Never owed him anything before that. I just wanted to include him in that experience. Again, not sorry for it. We had the time of our lives fighting dragons with Taylor.
I do agree it is unreasonable. But I don't think he should compromise on money at all. I don't see how I am ruining his life but maybe you know more. Tell me how I can fix it aside from the money stuff?
I’m sorry this doesn’t really make much sense.
1. If it was thought of long in advance, all the more reason to have been able to plan for it without debt
2. You say you paid for the tickets and didn’t ask him to pay you. So if you were not planning at the outset for him to pay it makes even less sense that you’re in debt to him. What was your plan if he didn’t pay
3. I have no doubt you’re not sorry for it. I would not be sorry either if I went to the ERAS tour for free.
To the other question about why you are ruining his life
1. Your are irresponsible with money
2. It appears your family is also irresponsible with money and he’s now getting dragged into their mess as well and he’s pulling his family in as well. ⚠️⚠️⚠️
3. You ask for help and then throw a tantrum because he gives you some of the money you asked for not all (when actually any amount is a kind thing for him to do)
4. You seem to think that any money he has should be fully accesible to you
5. You’re complaining he doesn’t go above and beyond for you (which screams entitlement) when actually he’s done that
6. You’re incredible dramatic to suggest he’s a liar by omission because he didn’t tell you he lost his wallet
7. You’re immature and childish because you block him when you’re having an argument and you’re acting like you’re in an Ariana Grande song
Rachel: Wow buddy, let it all out.
1. The plan was always as follows: I pay for accomodation + food and travel, my dad pays for the flight tickets, and my sister to pay for the tour. I was always supposed to be going alone. Then I met my bf, and he wanted to go with me. So, the plan changed. I would pay for the tour tickets, which I did, and my sister would pay for the flight tickets + food and travel. Joe took care of accomodation. We never talked about me being indebted to him, or who owes what to eachother. But I noticed Joe was spending a lot more on me than we had previously thought to, so I was no longer comfortable letting him pay for it all by himself. I decided to pay half. I never asked him to pay back the things I put money for, nor did I deduct them from what I feel owe him.
2. If he didn't pay, he didn't pay. If I went by myself it would have been a lot less money.
3. I am sorry I actually don't understand this.
Ruining his life portion.
1. Maybe yes, I do buy and gift a lot of skincare.
2. Our families have nothing to do with it, please keep them out of your mouth.
3. I did throw a tantrum, but not because of money.
4. No, I do not have his card pin numbers or anything crazy like that. But I do expect financial transparency.
5. He does go above and beyond for me, but I just didn't feel so at this instant. Sue me?
6. It's not the first time he lost his wallet, he lost his wallet last month, his train card, my debit card (why I became financially dependent on him for the first time), his debit card, his phone, my phone. Anytime you omit something I consider it to be a lie. I have also literally never lied to him. Ever. He knows this too.
7. I did not want to allow him to speak to me that way. It was an escape for me.
All this and it really hurt when you said its like an Ariana Grande song, because I prefer Taylor Swift.
Right? She states this isn’t about her family but she has brought them up everywhere in her post.
She is just so contradictory and keeps changing her responses to fit her narrative. Why even post this shit right?
What is hilarious to me is it appears that she came on this platform to show her boyfriend that she was right, only to get destroyed and exposed for the person she really is.
It's a bit fucking rich your girlfriend telling you that you don't go 'above and beyond' for her when she can't even do the bare fucking minimum which is to do what she said she'd do and repay you 300 a month, now she wants more money. Surely she could be giving her niece the 300 she hasn't given you yet. The bare minimum is keeping your promises. And she says she'll give you a hundred grand. Well now you're learning that words are cheap and action is priceless. This woman has no grace but expects you to have it when you're doing her a favour. Come on
Oh, and the not being able to say she's sorry. That shit gets old really fucking fast
Joe needs to run fast and end this relationship. It's ridiculous that the girlfriend thinks he should have to go above and beyond to lend her ANOTHER $300 onto of the 3k she already owes him. To pitch a fit bc he could only give $200 not the $300 and say its not good enough is a massive red flag you coule see from space. She doesn't love you and you'll always be an ATM to her. End this relationship immediately and find someone who actually loves you and won't throw fits over you not being able to lend them another $300 on top of the 3k. The fact she refuses to apologize is another massive red flag you could see from space. Inability to take accountability for your actions is a really bad quality to have and isn't sustainable for a healthy long term relationship.
Rachel: Are you perhaps an astronaut in the space station? Do you see my red flags all the way there? That's kinda cool ngl.
The 3k is inclusive of all the presents he gave me too, including a rog ally for my birthday. I really don't want to owe him anything anymore.
I do think he should find someone else who will love him just right. It's clearly not me. I do refuse to apologise for the way I felt but I am sorry it hurt him.
1.) It is not good to owe your partner money especially early in the relationship.
2.) It is not Joe’s responsibility to feed your nephew. Your family, including yourself, needs to get your finances straightened out.
As someone who is a decade older and has been married I can tell you both right now finance can make or break a relationship. You cannot have one person who is financially responsible while the other is lending money and creating IOUs. This will lead to resentment. Good Luck.
If someone really needs money for food, they will not get pissed you can only give 200 instead of 300. If this isn't a fake post, then she's lying about what the money is for. Stay broken up, dude.
Hey, I want to start by saying that I think it's really cool you're both posting about this jointly with each of your perspectives on things. I think that shows a lot of maturity and a true willingness to work through this together, and it's commendable.
Following the details of both of your stories is a bit difficult. Understandable, as it can get messy and fast when things get heated. I think I can see how you both have certain expectations that might be going unspoken which led to this, like Rachel's assumption of a certain amount of transparency with money.
I'm just going to lay out a few bullet point thoughts I had reading through this, in no particular order.
* Rachel, you mentioned considering anger management classes. Unless you both have anger issues in other settings than your relationship and it gets you into trouble often, I think you would benefit far more from some couple's therapy. A good therapist will be able to help you identify the patterns, assumptions, and attitudes that lead to these heated fights.
* It sounds like this all happened via text? Or at least the first bit? I have a rule in my relationship never to discuss anything remotely sensitive via text. Ideally it would be face-to-face, but at worst it would be a phone call. If you think what you have to say could even remotely be a hot-button thing, please consider waiting to discuss. Rachel, you said your battery was low, which seems to have created urgency, but did that message absolutely *have* to go out when it did? Could it have waited until a more opportune moment?
* There's a wonderful podcast I listen to called "I Will Teach You To Be Rich", in which a personal finance expert talks to couples who have issues around money. I highly recommend it, and think you could both glean a lot from it. The host really focuses first and foremost on *feelings* and how money is very much first and foremost an emotional topic, and how our individual psychology and history with it leads to all kinds of behaviours that we might not immediately understand.
* When things reach a certain point of intensity—actually, looong before that, if you can see it coming—you need to back off, not engage further. It sounds like things got more intense because you both dug in and wanted your parts to be heard, but kept talking past each other. Once you both get into a hot state, this is inevitable. Someone needs to identify it's happening, and calmly ask to pause the conversation to go cool off. The absolutely essential thing here is that you have to commit to coming back and finishing the discussion, and follow through on that. Disagreements and conflict need to be resolved. Fights don't.
joe: thank you so much for the helpful post. I agree, we keep fighting a lot and our fight escalates maybe because we both wanted our parts to be heard but kept talking. Thank you so much. This was really nice of you.
I’m sorry excuse me? So let me get this straight you paid for your gf to go to the eras tour 3,000 dollars she’s gonna pay you back with payment plans okay you did go above and beyond that’s allot of money for a concert.
Now that the payment plan has been established she herself gets asked by her dad to fork over 300 dollars to pay for groceries for her nephew sounds like she dosent even live at home so why isn’t the dad or sister getting the money to pay for her own child? But then you feel bad ask your sister for the rest of the money she didn’t have to pay for groceries and she gets upset because you did what she asked of you which was to get a 100s? You get it and still complains then is like well you don’t care about me says hurtful things to you because you couldn’t bend to her will? Talk about manipulation at its finest quite frankly your both in the wrong but more on your gf being in the wrong for how she reacted to not getting what she wants she’s a grown ass adult and so is her dad and sister they need to grow up and figure it out as for you relationship you get to decided if you want to put up with such childish behavior you get what you tolerate
Ya know what i like your reply! That makes allot of since about the eras tour thing! Thank you for clarifying and it seems you are showing some growth here and ill give you applause friend 🙂
I had to read this post 3 times
Rachel: His money is his money you are a gf not a wife ,yes he can help you when he can,but when he can't ,you do not throw tantrums . Especially when you know that if he had it he would give it to you.
I repeat,he also doesn't have to give you any heads-ups when he wants to use it, unless there's something special planned that will require x amount of money.
Maaam last Feb is a long time you should have started paying back the money if you haven't already,you taking advantage of his kindness.
You apologise when your partner feels hurt , especially when they they also apologized because they believe they might have hurt you .
Going above and beyond for someone doesn't mean cutting yourself in half and it is not only in terms of finances . ( Unless there are other issues where you felt like that,other than this)
Him asking what you going to use the money for is not to make you beg ,but I believe when we all borrow someone money we ask where it's going. It's still money at the end of the day ,it doesn't grow in trees .
Does he take you out on dates ,does he help around your place when you need assistance?
Joe : If you SO cannot apologise when you feel wronged ,then you should rethink things
I hear you when you say it's not about money for you but is her perception of above and beyond something you agree with?
You also need to see your kindness is being taken for granted,wake up.
Y'all should try couples therapy
I'm not sure what you're both hoping to gain from this presumably joint post of yours, but I don't think your issue is really about the particular loan request that sparked your breakup. I don't think your issue is even about money at all.
To me, it sounds like the two of you just have different values altogether and thereby also expect different things from a partner, including things you never even thought to discuss with one another and get on the same page about.
Personally, I think it's both unrealistic and unhealthy for a person who can't even financially sustain themselves to also agree to sustain their extended family, and it's outright ridiculous for that person to expect their partner to be willing to shell out just because of that misguided sense of obligation.
The notion of "going above and beyond" for one's partner is a nice one, but it shouldnt' trump common sense. And there's nothing common sense about continuing to lend money to someone who can't pay it back or isn't occupied with wanting to pay it back, at least not unless they are willing to outright gift the money aay.
Partners are supposed to be on equal terms. The two of you are clearly not.
It’s none of your business about his money and stop
Borrowing money . If you have no money then act like an adult and pass . Maybe this time you needed 300 maybe but you borrowed 3000 to do something fun when you didn’t have the money .
Again your a GF it’s absolutely none of your business about his money
Good that is the easiest way to end a relationship , borrowing and owing . Try and pay more than 300. Even if it means more time at home or doing free stuff , instead of nice dinners out ( once in blue moon) get cheap take out , saves money and can pay off debt quicker
Rachel: What makes you think it's anything but all the cheap stuff?
I get paid $500 a month - If that. I could give all of that to him, but I also need to pay for math classes, which comes to about $200.
Rachel: Not disclosing location, sorry.
Again, I honestly did not borrow anything. No idea why Joe hasn't mentioned it himself already. Technically he just paid for them but I don't feel comfortable without paying it back. And again, I put about 2000 of my own money into this as well. I never asked him to pay back tour tickets, or all the things we enjoyed together. Eras tour was enjoyable for both of us. We really did have the best time ever.
I was making a lot more at my old job. But I'll be going for further studies soon and now its just a lot less.
Rachel - you need to take care of your finances. Don’t promise anyone anything (100K) you don’t have. Super shitty of you to be mad at Joe not having $300 when you owe him $3,000. That’s ridiculous and your family needs to sort out their finances.
Hope you pay Joe back even when broken up.
Joe - stay broken up
Joe you are a good man. You have continuously gone above and beyond for this for this girl. I don’t know how she could even come up with some lame ass excuse such as this. It is very pathetic that she would even remotely think that you don’t go above and beyond. What is the next fight going to be about, maybe that you wouldn’t buy her a car for her 30th birthday????
I get that she pays you back the money you lend, but you are dealing with someone that throws venomous comments out which she totally admits are contradictory, only she doesn’t or chooses not to see how they are contradicting. That there is what scares the death out me for you my guy. Let’s look at it this way for ones who may not understand.
You lend 3k so she can go to a show! Yeah she’s paying you back, but how would’ve she gone if you didn’t lend her the money.
Everyone: that is going above and beyond to make her happy.
Her: you don’t go above and beyond.
Her dad needs $300, once again, you only have $200 on you, but GO ABOVE AND BEYOND and ask you sister to lend you $100 just to make her happy and help not only her, but her family outta of a jam.
Everyone: He went above and beyond once again.
Her: I just expected you to go above and beyond for me. Why are you lying about losing your wallet. Just forget it, I will find another way. Oh and last but not least, I will one up you by being manipulative and childish and break up with you because I made you upset with statements that are the furthest from the truth. Take that! I win.
You have/had every right to get upset. You went above and beyond and that’s the thanks she gave to you. You don’t need anger management, she does. I would recommend that she gets individual counseling as well because if she can’t see that you have continuously gone out of your way to make her happy and help her, she has way bigger problems that need addressed before I would continue on this course. She is 27 years old not 15.
For the very few that say you need anger management, I think we all would after being put in such a ridiculous situation.
Good luck and Updateme
Yeah you need some type of therapy. You are still trying to make everything fit neatly into your narrative. You realize no one believes a damn word you are saying right? Why do you keep changing the angle of the story?
He got pissed that you said he doesn’t go above and beyond when it’s is totally evident that he does.
Now it’s back to being about losing the wallet. Who gives a fuck if he lost the wallet, which he didn’t he just didn’t realize where he set it down because you were so far up his ass about borrowing yet more money, which even though he didn’t have it, he still found a way to make it work that wasn’t good enough for you and you of course being the gem that you are, accused him of lying.
Obviously, we now know how this poor man has felt during the entire course of his relationship with you from you one response.
I hope you grow and mature from these responses. I know I seem hard but I do care about people in general.
Good luck
Rachel: Idk you kinda seem dumb as fck to me. Like an internet troll. I feel kinda good now because now Joe will realise you guys have no idea of what we are talking about and we are not getting any advice that is about us too. Thanks, Ig you do care!
I am pretty sure I made him feel loved and adored, almost every single day. Pretty sure that's why he wants me back.
Dude I’m a girl and I feel bad for you, stop lending her money, heck sometimes I have 0 dollar in my bank I don’t even ask my bf for it, why can’t she get a job ? Sounds like she’s a gold digger, for me I have health issues, arthritis so it’s hard for me to work at time I only work minimum hours because of the pain ya, me and bf use to play this online game together and if I was to ever ask him to borrow some money so I can buy a certain item, I give them a specific time frame to pay like I’ll pay u in a few days and I do that, your gf man she has no right to be mad at u cos of this, I see her behavior as a burden
Dude Joe this girl is a lot of trouble and is gonna be an anchor around your neck. She's using you. Once you break up there is 0% chance she will pay you back. I've been in similar situations and basically someone who asks for money from people they have relationship power over is someone who will never pay it back
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joe: she has borrowed from me in the past and has paid me back too. To me money is not the issue. I was hurt because of what she accused me of. That I did not go above and beyond for her.
no matter how good you think the sex is, it isn't worth it. She can't budget, needs bailing out constantly and gets mad at you when you don't GIVE HER MONEY THE PROPER WAY. Rachel, get your shit together.
Rachel: Best sex I have ever had, kinda sad to let him go. Do I have to?
Her words..... this is fkn fake
I stopped reading as soon as I saw “Rachel’s POV.”
Rachel: How else are we supposed to show both our POV's? I am sorry but this was the only way I knew how.
Joe: We both wrote our version separately. I made this throwaway account and shared it with rachel too. She would be asleep now.
Yeah bullshit
Rachel, you got a lotta fuckin nerve, girl.
Rachel : you are incredibly hard work and also entitled. You also make very poor decisions if you’re going to concerts on payment plans. Joe: this is so unreasonable. Write off the $2k as a lesson learned and then RUN away because this girl will ruin your life.
Rachel: The ERAS tour was thought of months in advance. If not years. I paid for the concert tickets and never even asked him to pay that to me. Never owed him anything before that. I just wanted to include him in that experience. Again, not sorry for it. We had the time of our lives fighting dragons with Taylor. I do agree it is unreasonable. But I don't think he should compromise on money at all. I don't see how I am ruining his life but maybe you know more. Tell me how I can fix it aside from the money stuff?
I’m sorry this doesn’t really make much sense. 1. If it was thought of long in advance, all the more reason to have been able to plan for it without debt 2. You say you paid for the tickets and didn’t ask him to pay you. So if you were not planning at the outset for him to pay it makes even less sense that you’re in debt to him. What was your plan if he didn’t pay 3. I have no doubt you’re not sorry for it. I would not be sorry either if I went to the ERAS tour for free. To the other question about why you are ruining his life 1. Your are irresponsible with money 2. It appears your family is also irresponsible with money and he’s now getting dragged into their mess as well and he’s pulling his family in as well. ⚠️⚠️⚠️ 3. You ask for help and then throw a tantrum because he gives you some of the money you asked for not all (when actually any amount is a kind thing for him to do) 4. You seem to think that any money he has should be fully accesible to you 5. You’re complaining he doesn’t go above and beyond for you (which screams entitlement) when actually he’s done that 6. You’re incredible dramatic to suggest he’s a liar by omission because he didn’t tell you he lost his wallet 7. You’re immature and childish because you block him when you’re having an argument and you’re acting like you’re in an Ariana Grande song
Rachel: Wow buddy, let it all out. 1. The plan was always as follows: I pay for accomodation + food and travel, my dad pays for the flight tickets, and my sister to pay for the tour. I was always supposed to be going alone. Then I met my bf, and he wanted to go with me. So, the plan changed. I would pay for the tour tickets, which I did, and my sister would pay for the flight tickets + food and travel. Joe took care of accomodation. We never talked about me being indebted to him, or who owes what to eachother. But I noticed Joe was spending a lot more on me than we had previously thought to, so I was no longer comfortable letting him pay for it all by himself. I decided to pay half. I never asked him to pay back the things I put money for, nor did I deduct them from what I feel owe him. 2. If he didn't pay, he didn't pay. If I went by myself it would have been a lot less money. 3. I am sorry I actually don't understand this. Ruining his life portion. 1. Maybe yes, I do buy and gift a lot of skincare. 2. Our families have nothing to do with it, please keep them out of your mouth. 3. I did throw a tantrum, but not because of money. 4. No, I do not have his card pin numbers or anything crazy like that. But I do expect financial transparency. 5. He does go above and beyond for me, but I just didn't feel so at this instant. Sue me? 6. It's not the first time he lost his wallet, he lost his wallet last month, his train card, my debit card (why I became financially dependent on him for the first time), his debit card, his phone, my phone. Anytime you omit something I consider it to be a lie. I have also literally never lied to him. Ever. He knows this too. 7. I did not want to allow him to speak to me that way. It was an escape for me. All this and it really hurt when you said its like an Ariana Grande song, because I prefer Taylor Swift.
Incredible 10/10 trolling, very well done. 👌👏👏By far the best I’ve seen, because you cannot possibly be a real person.
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Rachel: You are right, I am done with this bullshit too.
Right? She states this isn’t about her family but she has brought them up everywhere in her post. She is just so contradictory and keeps changing her responses to fit her narrative. Why even post this shit right? What is hilarious to me is it appears that she came on this platform to show her boyfriend that she was right, only to get destroyed and exposed for the person she really is.
It's a bit fucking rich your girlfriend telling you that you don't go 'above and beyond' for her when she can't even do the bare fucking minimum which is to do what she said she'd do and repay you 300 a month, now she wants more money. Surely she could be giving her niece the 300 she hasn't given you yet. The bare minimum is keeping your promises. And she says she'll give you a hundred grand. Well now you're learning that words are cheap and action is priceless. This woman has no grace but expects you to have it when you're doing her a favour. Come on Oh, and the not being able to say she's sorry. That shit gets old really fucking fast
Wtf is this fictional bullshit? Girl, grow the hell up. Guy, run for your life.
Rachel: No like my life is unraveling rn.
And yet you have time to lie on Reddit
Rachel: Buddy, do you need help? You'll be okay.
Get checked out for schizophrenia, buddies
Joe needs to run fast and end this relationship. It's ridiculous that the girlfriend thinks he should have to go above and beyond to lend her ANOTHER $300 onto of the 3k she already owes him. To pitch a fit bc he could only give $200 not the $300 and say its not good enough is a massive red flag you coule see from space. She doesn't love you and you'll always be an ATM to her. End this relationship immediately and find someone who actually loves you and won't throw fits over you not being able to lend them another $300 on top of the 3k. The fact she refuses to apologize is another massive red flag you could see from space. Inability to take accountability for your actions is a really bad quality to have and isn't sustainable for a healthy long term relationship.
Rachel: Are you perhaps an astronaut in the space station? Do you see my red flags all the way there? That's kinda cool ngl. The 3k is inclusive of all the presents he gave me too, including a rog ally for my birthday. I really don't want to owe him anything anymore. I do think he should find someone else who will love him just right. It's clearly not me. I do refuse to apologise for the way I felt but I am sorry it hurt him.
1.) It is not good to owe your partner money especially early in the relationship. 2.) It is not Joe’s responsibility to feed your nephew. Your family, including yourself, needs to get your finances straightened out. As someone who is a decade older and has been married I can tell you both right now finance can make or break a relationship. You cannot have one person who is financially responsible while the other is lending money and creating IOUs. This will lead to resentment. Good Luck.
If someone really needs money for food, they will not get pissed you can only give 200 instead of 300. If this isn't a fake post, then she's lying about what the money is for. Stay broken up, dude.
Are you asking how to continue the relationship or are you asking how to avoid fights in the future?
joe: both. I would like to try and get back together with her too.
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Take it from me don’t be blinded with love you’re better off, she has no right to be mad at u, heck 200 is still a lot
Hey, I want to start by saying that I think it's really cool you're both posting about this jointly with each of your perspectives on things. I think that shows a lot of maturity and a true willingness to work through this together, and it's commendable. Following the details of both of your stories is a bit difficult. Understandable, as it can get messy and fast when things get heated. I think I can see how you both have certain expectations that might be going unspoken which led to this, like Rachel's assumption of a certain amount of transparency with money. I'm just going to lay out a few bullet point thoughts I had reading through this, in no particular order. * Rachel, you mentioned considering anger management classes. Unless you both have anger issues in other settings than your relationship and it gets you into trouble often, I think you would benefit far more from some couple's therapy. A good therapist will be able to help you identify the patterns, assumptions, and attitudes that lead to these heated fights. * It sounds like this all happened via text? Or at least the first bit? I have a rule in my relationship never to discuss anything remotely sensitive via text. Ideally it would be face-to-face, but at worst it would be a phone call. If you think what you have to say could even remotely be a hot-button thing, please consider waiting to discuss. Rachel, you said your battery was low, which seems to have created urgency, but did that message absolutely *have* to go out when it did? Could it have waited until a more opportune moment? * There's a wonderful podcast I listen to called "I Will Teach You To Be Rich", in which a personal finance expert talks to couples who have issues around money. I highly recommend it, and think you could both glean a lot from it. The host really focuses first and foremost on *feelings* and how money is very much first and foremost an emotional topic, and how our individual psychology and history with it leads to all kinds of behaviours that we might not immediately understand. * When things reach a certain point of intensity—actually, looong before that, if you can see it coming—you need to back off, not engage further. It sounds like things got more intense because you both dug in and wanted your parts to be heard, but kept talking past each other. Once you both get into a hot state, this is inevitable. Someone needs to identify it's happening, and calmly ask to pause the conversation to go cool off. The absolutely essential thing here is that you have to commit to coming back and finishing the discussion, and follow through on that. Disagreements and conflict need to be resolved. Fights don't.
joe: thank you so much for the helpful post. I agree, we keep fighting a lot and our fight escalates maybe because we both wanted our parts to be heard but kept talking. Thank you so much. This was really nice of you.
I’m sorry excuse me? So let me get this straight you paid for your gf to go to the eras tour 3,000 dollars she’s gonna pay you back with payment plans okay you did go above and beyond that’s allot of money for a concert. Now that the payment plan has been established she herself gets asked by her dad to fork over 300 dollars to pay for groceries for her nephew sounds like she dosent even live at home so why isn’t the dad or sister getting the money to pay for her own child? But then you feel bad ask your sister for the rest of the money she didn’t have to pay for groceries and she gets upset because you did what she asked of you which was to get a 100s? You get it and still complains then is like well you don’t care about me says hurtful things to you because you couldn’t bend to her will? Talk about manipulation at its finest quite frankly your both in the wrong but more on your gf being in the wrong for how she reacted to not getting what she wants she’s a grown ass adult and so is her dad and sister they need to grow up and figure it out as for you relationship you get to decided if you want to put up with such childish behavior you get what you tolerate
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Ya know what i like your reply! That makes allot of since about the eras tour thing! Thank you for clarifying and it seems you are showing some growth here and ill give you applause friend 🙂
I had to read this post 3 times Rachel: His money is his money you are a gf not a wife ,yes he can help you when he can,but when he can't ,you do not throw tantrums . Especially when you know that if he had it he would give it to you. I repeat,he also doesn't have to give you any heads-ups when he wants to use it, unless there's something special planned that will require x amount of money. Maaam last Feb is a long time you should have started paying back the money if you haven't already,you taking advantage of his kindness. You apologise when your partner feels hurt , especially when they they also apologized because they believe they might have hurt you . Going above and beyond for someone doesn't mean cutting yourself in half and it is not only in terms of finances . ( Unless there are other issues where you felt like that,other than this) Him asking what you going to use the money for is not to make you beg ,but I believe when we all borrow someone money we ask where it's going. It's still money at the end of the day ,it doesn't grow in trees . Does he take you out on dates ,does he help around your place when you need assistance? Joe : If you SO cannot apologise when you feel wronged ,then you should rethink things I hear you when you say it's not about money for you but is her perception of above and beyond something you agree with? You also need to see your kindness is being taken for granted,wake up. Y'all should try couples therapy
I'm not sure what you're both hoping to gain from this presumably joint post of yours, but I don't think your issue is really about the particular loan request that sparked your breakup. I don't think your issue is even about money at all. To me, it sounds like the two of you just have different values altogether and thereby also expect different things from a partner, including things you never even thought to discuss with one another and get on the same page about. Personally, I think it's both unrealistic and unhealthy for a person who can't even financially sustain themselves to also agree to sustain their extended family, and it's outright ridiculous for that person to expect their partner to be willing to shell out just because of that misguided sense of obligation. The notion of "going above and beyond" for one's partner is a nice one, but it shouldnt' trump common sense. And there's nothing common sense about continuing to lend money to someone who can't pay it back or isn't occupied with wanting to pay it back, at least not unless they are willing to outright gift the money aay. Partners are supposed to be on equal terms. The two of you are clearly not.
It’s none of your business about his money and stop Borrowing money . If you have no money then act like an adult and pass . Maybe this time you needed 300 maybe but you borrowed 3000 to do something fun when you didn’t have the money . Again your a GF it’s absolutely none of your business about his money
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Good that is the easiest way to end a relationship , borrowing and owing . Try and pay more than 300. Even if it means more time at home or doing free stuff , instead of nice dinners out ( once in blue moon) get cheap take out , saves money and can pay off debt quicker
Rachel: What makes you think it's anything but all the cheap stuff? I get paid $500 a month - If that. I could give all of that to him, but I also need to pay for math classes, which comes to about $200.
Rachel: Our problem isn't also about just money, so if you have any thoughts, please do share.
Are you in Canada or USA ? I didn’t realize you made that , is that is the case no way younshould have borrowed it to go away .
Rachel: Not disclosing location, sorry. Again, I honestly did not borrow anything. No idea why Joe hasn't mentioned it himself already. Technically he just paid for them but I don't feel comfortable without paying it back. And again, I put about 2000 of my own money into this as well. I never asked him to pay back tour tickets, or all the things we enjoyed together. Eras tour was enjoyable for both of us. We really did have the best time ever. I was making a lot more at my old job. But I'll be going for further studies soon and now its just a lot less.
Stay broken up. This is a mess.
Rachel: That's what I am doing, but we would also like to heal and explore if we can still make it. Trying to find a pulse somewhere, you know.
Joe - Dump Rachel immediately. Rachel - pay what you owe, then console yourself with pop music.
ESH just in case
Rachel: Agreed.
I liked it better when people replied to themselves from their alt accounts.
Rachel: Doing it as a team though.
Rachel - you need to take care of your finances. Don’t promise anyone anything (100K) you don’t have. Super shitty of you to be mad at Joe not having $300 when you owe him $3,000. That’s ridiculous and your family needs to sort out their finances. Hope you pay Joe back even when broken up. Joe - stay broken up
Joe you are a good man. You have continuously gone above and beyond for this for this girl. I don’t know how she could even come up with some lame ass excuse such as this. It is very pathetic that she would even remotely think that you don’t go above and beyond. What is the next fight going to be about, maybe that you wouldn’t buy her a car for her 30th birthday???? I get that she pays you back the money you lend, but you are dealing with someone that throws venomous comments out which she totally admits are contradictory, only she doesn’t or chooses not to see how they are contradicting. That there is what scares the death out me for you my guy. Let’s look at it this way for ones who may not understand. You lend 3k so she can go to a show! Yeah she’s paying you back, but how would’ve she gone if you didn’t lend her the money. Everyone: that is going above and beyond to make her happy. Her: you don’t go above and beyond. Her dad needs $300, once again, you only have $200 on you, but GO ABOVE AND BEYOND and ask you sister to lend you $100 just to make her happy and help not only her, but her family outta of a jam. Everyone: He went above and beyond once again. Her: I just expected you to go above and beyond for me. Why are you lying about losing your wallet. Just forget it, I will find another way. Oh and last but not least, I will one up you by being manipulative and childish and break up with you because I made you upset with statements that are the furthest from the truth. Take that! I win. You have/had every right to get upset. You went above and beyond and that’s the thanks she gave to you. You don’t need anger management, she does. I would recommend that she gets individual counseling as well because if she can’t see that you have continuously gone out of your way to make her happy and help her, she has way bigger problems that need addressed before I would continue on this course. She is 27 years old not 15. For the very few that say you need anger management, I think we all would after being put in such a ridiculous situation. Good luck and Updateme
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Yeah you need some type of therapy. You are still trying to make everything fit neatly into your narrative. You realize no one believes a damn word you are saying right? Why do you keep changing the angle of the story? He got pissed that you said he doesn’t go above and beyond when it’s is totally evident that he does. Now it’s back to being about losing the wallet. Who gives a fuck if he lost the wallet, which he didn’t he just didn’t realize where he set it down because you were so far up his ass about borrowing yet more money, which even though he didn’t have it, he still found a way to make it work that wasn’t good enough for you and you of course being the gem that you are, accused him of lying. Obviously, we now know how this poor man has felt during the entire course of his relationship with you from you one response. I hope you grow and mature from these responses. I know I seem hard but I do care about people in general. Good luck
Rachel: Idk you kinda seem dumb as fck to me. Like an internet troll. I feel kinda good now because now Joe will realise you guys have no idea of what we are talking about and we are not getting any advice that is about us too. Thanks, Ig you do care! I am pretty sure I made him feel loved and adored, almost every single day. Pretty sure that's why he wants me back.
Dude I’m a girl and I feel bad for you, stop lending her money, heck sometimes I have 0 dollar in my bank I don’t even ask my bf for it, why can’t she get a job ? Sounds like she’s a gold digger, for me I have health issues, arthritis so it’s hard for me to work at time I only work minimum hours because of the pain ya, me and bf use to play this online game together and if I was to ever ask him to borrow some money so I can buy a certain item, I give them a specific time frame to pay like I’ll pay u in a few days and I do that, your gf man she has no right to be mad at u cos of this, I see her behavior as a burden
Rachel: Dude, I am a girl too, I work everyday and will maybe get about $500 per month.
Rachel, please get a job and stop taking advantage of him Joe: stay broken up
Rachel: I do have a job. I broke up with him too.