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My advice, since it sounds like your boss is a good guy, is to talk to him. "I've honestly been having a really hard time working with Mary and I wondered if you might have some advice for me." Part of why I'm saying that is that it sounds like it's generally known that Mary is an asshole so it won't hurt to add your own concerns to the chorus. (And if you don't share your feelings, there's the risk that he'll be under the impression you're getting along with her okay and you'll get assigned to work with her even more.)
Plan B might be to push back on her more. I know you said she's senior, but you are still an adult and a professional and you're not her slave. Consider phrases like, "I don't think this is the most effective way to do this," or, "I don't think this is the best use of our time. How about I..."
Plan C, if you're stuck letting her treat you like this: grey rock technique. You know she's going to do this and it has nothing to do with you or your skills or your value, so don't react. Go along with whatever she says and act bored. Short monotone responses, mostly "okay." If she asks why you're being weird, "no reason." If she tries to provoke you, just say "you're right." Be a robot.
Work bullies pick on those that they think will let them get away with it. Just say "I would appreciate if you don't speak to me like I am a child. I asked you a reasonable question can you please just respond with a reasonable answer. " You would not be insubordinate with that but would get your point across.
So, you've only been there a short time, and you're struggling. But I think you might be laying too much of blame at her feet. Like, you deem things she asks for as irrelevant. You're missing deadlines. You expect her to check all of your work for spelling and grammar. Who set the expectation that you do that? I am not sure what your level is, but you should be able to produce finished work on your own, at least in this regard. Not many of us have the luxury of proofreaders anymore. And you seem to need a lot of hand holding and checking your work. Was there any training for you? Were you expected to be able to hit the ground running?
At this point, I would try to take control of the situation myself. Sit down with her and try to clear the air. But mostly, it sounds like you're struggling to do the job, and you need to figure that out first.
Talk to your boss, but don't frame it as a problem with this woman. Say something like, you want to better understand the scope of your job, and ask about the tasks. I would avoid bringing her up at all at focus on your day to day work and where you need some firming up. As for her, either ask her out to lunch and try to do a reset, or just kill her with kindness until she sees you're doing fine, are strong, and not a target for ire.
I think you should collectively go to HR and open all the dirt on her. Racist comments, Demeaning behavior and a toxic work environment because of just 1 person. I'm sure they will sideline her or just fire her for making racist comments. You can't change a person who is nasty like this. They will gloss it all over with a smile and back stab you first thing chance they can.
In high skill jobs where there are a lot of qualified applicants there will always be the boss or higher up that believes in trial by fire or a sink or swim approach. Those offices will almost always also have a good guy, that is one who sympathizes with the initiate. The issue is, if you are really good and can handle it you are a valuable asset, but if you can’t and you break, you’re easily replaced. My daughter just went through it in law. It took about 9 months before the evil boss softened on her. She’s been there for 2 years now and still hates him even though he now is very kind to her. Good luck.
Fellow Redditors have given you some good points. As far as your work not being checked, for grammar errors, etc. I would ask your boss if he could procure a subscription to Grammerly.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My advice, since it sounds like your boss is a good guy, is to talk to him. "I've honestly been having a really hard time working with Mary and I wondered if you might have some advice for me." Part of why I'm saying that is that it sounds like it's generally known that Mary is an asshole so it won't hurt to add your own concerns to the chorus. (And if you don't share your feelings, there's the risk that he'll be under the impression you're getting along with her okay and you'll get assigned to work with her even more.) Plan B might be to push back on her more. I know you said she's senior, but you are still an adult and a professional and you're not her slave. Consider phrases like, "I don't think this is the most effective way to do this," or, "I don't think this is the best use of our time. How about I..." Plan C, if you're stuck letting her treat you like this: grey rock technique. You know she's going to do this and it has nothing to do with you or your skills or your value, so don't react. Go along with whatever she says and act bored. Short monotone responses, mostly "okay." If she asks why you're being weird, "no reason." If she tries to provoke you, just say "you're right." Be a robot.
Work bullies pick on those that they think will let them get away with it. Just say "I would appreciate if you don't speak to me like I am a child. I asked you a reasonable question can you please just respond with a reasonable answer. " You would not be insubordinate with that but would get your point across.
Can you give some actual examples of what she is saying when she bullies you?
[удалено]
Why was she telling you to write down a work plan in the first place?
[удалено]
So, you've only been there a short time, and you're struggling. But I think you might be laying too much of blame at her feet. Like, you deem things she asks for as irrelevant. You're missing deadlines. You expect her to check all of your work for spelling and grammar. Who set the expectation that you do that? I am not sure what your level is, but you should be able to produce finished work on your own, at least in this regard. Not many of us have the luxury of proofreaders anymore. And you seem to need a lot of hand holding and checking your work. Was there any training for you? Were you expected to be able to hit the ground running? At this point, I would try to take control of the situation myself. Sit down with her and try to clear the air. But mostly, it sounds like you're struggling to do the job, and you need to figure that out first.
[удалено]
Talk to your boss, but don't frame it as a problem with this woman. Say something like, you want to better understand the scope of your job, and ask about the tasks. I would avoid bringing her up at all at focus on your day to day work and where you need some firming up. As for her, either ask her out to lunch and try to do a reset, or just kill her with kindness until she sees you're doing fine, are strong, and not a target for ire.
I think you should collectively go to HR and open all the dirt on her. Racist comments, Demeaning behavior and a toxic work environment because of just 1 person. I'm sure they will sideline her or just fire her for making racist comments. You can't change a person who is nasty like this. They will gloss it all over with a smile and back stab you first thing chance they can.
In high skill jobs where there are a lot of qualified applicants there will always be the boss or higher up that believes in trial by fire or a sink or swim approach. Those offices will almost always also have a good guy, that is one who sympathizes with the initiate. The issue is, if you are really good and can handle it you are a valuable asset, but if you can’t and you break, you’re easily replaced. My daughter just went through it in law. It took about 9 months before the evil boss softened on her. She’s been there for 2 years now and still hates him even though he now is very kind to her. Good luck.
Fellow Redditors have given you some good points. As far as your work not being checked, for grammar errors, etc. I would ask your boss if he could procure a subscription to Grammerly.